1 00:00:00,967 --> 00:00:02,935 Alex, I got to level 35! 2 00:00:03,803 --> 00:00:06,169 (lN GERMAN ACCENT) Zere is no Alex. Hi. I am Hans, 3 00:00:06,239 --> 00:00:08,366 your favorite foreign exchange student. 4 00:00:08,441 --> 00:00:09,601 (CHUCKLES) 5 00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,109 (CHUCKLES) 6 00:00:11,177 --> 00:00:13,611 Well, hello, Hans. It's been a while. 7 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:17,116 We've missed you at our high school. 8 00:00:17,317 --> 00:00:19,182 Yes, how has the cheerleading been going? 9 00:00:19,452 --> 00:00:21,010 Have you been telling ze football team 10 00:00:21,087 --> 00:00:23,180 to play defense und be aggressive? 11 00:00:23,256 --> 00:00:25,417 Be, be, be aggressive? 12 00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:28,425 Well, uh, I was actually made the captain 13 00:00:28,495 --> 00:00:30,986 of the cheerleading team after Sally had a baby 14 00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:32,462 in the bathroom. 15 00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:33,791 (SlGHS) 16 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:37,268 Uh, how were your travels? 17 00:00:37,337 --> 00:00:39,669 Oh, zey were magnificent und comprehensive. 18 00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:42,836 I have circled ze globe to try and find someone 19 00:00:42,909 --> 00:00:45,969 as beautiful as you, und I have failed. 20 00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:48,805 Oh! Well, 21 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:51,544 maybe we should go do it 22 00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:55,076 on the gutachten flauder. 23 00:00:55,755 --> 00:00:58,986 Oh, what the heck is a gutachten flauder? You're silly. 24 00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:01,587 (GlGGLlNG) It's a German word for table. 25 00:01:01,661 --> 00:01:02,787 Oh. Yeah, I know German. 26 00:01:02,862 --> 00:01:04,124 Uh... (SHUSHlNG) 27 00:01:04,197 --> 00:01:05,221 Yeah, oh! 28 00:01:05,498 --> 00:01:06,692 Somebody needs more 29 00:01:06,766 --> 00:01:08,859 tutoring, it seems like. Oh. 30 00:01:08,935 --> 00:01:10,766 Come viss me over to ze gutachten flauder. 31 00:01:10,837 --> 00:01:12,168 Okay. (YELPS) 32 00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:13,330 (BOTH LAUGHlNG) 33 00:01:14,441 --> 00:01:17,137 WHlTNEY: Whitney is taped in front of a live studio audience. 34 00:01:17,210 --> 00:01:18,336 You heard me. 35 00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:21,041 Maybe I'll get a smoothie. 36 00:01:21,114 --> 00:01:22,308 Or maybe I'll get a super smoothie. 37 00:01:22,382 --> 00:01:24,475 I feel like my body probably needs all that crap. 38 00:01:24,551 --> 00:01:26,109 Yeah, but what is that? 39 00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:27,846 Acai berry? What is that? 40 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,320 Is that going to stick around, 41 00:01:29,389 --> 00:01:30,913 because I feel like I got into goji berry, 44 00:01:38,865 --> 00:01:40,059 What? 45 00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:43,434 You just totally checked her out. 46 00:01:45,338 --> 00:01:46,430 Who? 47 00:01:46,506 --> 00:01:47,666 Who? 48 00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:50,071 Spongeboob Sweatpants. 49 00:01:57,417 --> 00:01:59,248 I... I didn't see who you're talking about. 50 00:01:59,319 --> 00:02:00,343 Sorry, I don't know. 51 00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,588 (SCOFFS) You ogled her. 52 00:02:02,655 --> 00:02:04,816 And while I was sharing my feelings with you. 53 00:02:04,891 --> 00:02:07,018 That's... That's pretty rude. 54 00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:09,687 I didn't ogle anyone, Whit. 55 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:10,820 Alex... 56 00:02:10,897 --> 00:02:12,023 (lMlTATlNG WHlTNEY) Whitney. 57 00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:17,398 I was looking to see if he was refilling that half-and-half. 58 00:02:18,104 --> 00:02:19,435 No, you weren't. 59 00:02:19,506 --> 00:02:21,303 Just admit that you checked her out. 60 00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:23,699 No, I don't even know who you're talking about. Honestly. 61 00:02:24,110 --> 00:02:25,634 So, you're sticking with that story. 62 00:02:25,745 --> 00:02:26,871 I'm sticking with the truth! 63 00:02:26,946 --> 00:02:27,935 Okay, okay. 64 00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:30,845 Hi, I'll have a vanilla latte, two pumps. 65 00:02:31,017 --> 00:02:33,417 I'm going to be outside, finding us a table. 66 00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:35,147 Bring sugars, please. 67 00:02:39,559 --> 00:02:42,323 Why is he lying about it? I know what I saw. 68 00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:43,857 He doesn't even use half-and-half. 69 00:02:43,930 --> 00:02:46,626 He's like a girl with his 2%. 70 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,734 Well, it's better than my ex-husband's move 71 00:02:49,802 --> 00:02:54,398 of checking out hot chicks and then having intercourse with them in my Saab. 72 00:02:54,707 --> 00:02:56,971 It's so weird. Neal doesn't check out other women. 73 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:58,166 That is so weird. 74 00:02:58,244 --> 00:02:59,268 And so not true. Okay. 75 00:03:01,281 --> 00:03:02,339 Yeah. 76 00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,373 Love the top, hate the jeans. 77 00:03:04,450 --> 00:03:05,508 The jeans are mine. 78 00:03:06,786 --> 00:03:08,447 What happened to the black miniskirt I gave you? 79 00:03:08,555 --> 00:03:11,080 Oh, I took that back to the children's department, 80 00:03:11,157 --> 00:03:12,624 where it belongs. 81 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:15,318 Roxanne, you're single again. 82 00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:17,090 Okay? You need to recalibrate your thinking. 83 00:03:17,163 --> 00:03:19,324 Like, your Facebook page 84 00:03:19,432 --> 00:03:20,490 is just sad. 85 00:03:21,434 --> 00:03:22,992 The only two pictures you have on there 86 00:03:23,069 --> 00:03:25,435 are ofyour niece and Michelle Obama. 87 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,135 It's true. Guys look at your page, 88 00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:32,736 and your last update was frowny-face, "l just paid $3 for gas." 89 00:03:34,614 --> 00:03:37,105 I only go on Facebook to play Scrabble. 90 00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:38,875 It takes my mind off 91 00:03:39,285 --> 00:03:40,479 my mind. 92 00:03:41,821 --> 00:03:43,311 Trust me, okay? 93 00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:46,222 Facebook is, like, the most important part of dating. 94 00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:49,725 You need new pictures that show how funny and smart you are. 95 00:03:50,129 --> 00:03:51,756 So, put this on. 96 00:03:52,498 --> 00:03:54,193 That shirt is like catnip, 97 00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:56,497 and the cats are douche bags. 98 00:04:02,842 --> 00:04:04,309 You know, I'm not even mad 99 00:04:04,377 --> 00:04:05,844 that Alex checked out that girl. 100 00:04:06,012 --> 00:04:07,877 I'm just annoyed that he lied to me about it. 101 00:04:08,047 --> 00:04:10,641 If you wear something like this, he'll admit to anything. 102 00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:14,350 My mom always says, "When in need, 103 00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:15,747 "show your cleave." 104 00:04:18,958 --> 00:04:20,585 Is that supposed to rhyme? 105 00:04:21,394 --> 00:04:22,793 Why do you always focus on the wrong thing? 106 00:04:22,862 --> 00:04:24,625 No, it's just because your mom is an actual poet. 107 00:04:24,697 --> 00:04:26,255 Like, as a career. Okay. 108 00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:27,390 Okay. 109 00:04:29,902 --> 00:04:31,301 So, you did check her out, right? 110 00:04:31,371 --> 00:04:33,032 Of course! Yeah. She was hot. 111 00:04:33,139 --> 00:04:35,130 And her cleavage was aggressive. 112 00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:37,540 And she was wearing those sweatpants with the words on the butt. 113 00:04:37,677 --> 00:04:39,508 What words? I don't know. 114 00:04:39,579 --> 00:04:40,705 I'll never know. 115 00:04:42,415 --> 00:04:44,645 She sounds awesome, man. 116 00:04:44,717 --> 00:04:45,979 Wheels up. 117 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,450 What the hell is that supposed to mean? 118 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,051 I'm trying out new catchphrases. 119 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:54,025 Stupid new guy down at the station said, "Let's do this thing." 120 00:04:54,093 --> 00:04:55,788 And it really took off. 121 00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:58,891 Yeah, that still doesn't really explain it. 122 00:04:59,198 --> 00:05:00,529 Well, thank you for the heads-up. 123 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:02,727 Fights tend to bleed from one girlfriend to another, 124 00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:05,168 so I'm ordering Lily something. 125 00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:07,103 Just putting out the fire before it starts. 126 00:05:07,874 --> 00:05:09,739 Wheels up, wheels up. 127 00:05:11,010 --> 00:05:12,341 Flowers? 128 00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:14,446 Nah. Edible arrangement. 129 00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:17,415 Lily's got a thing for fruit that comes in cute shapes. 130 00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:19,575 What is she, a gay grandpa? 131 00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:20,914 (CHUCKLES) 132 00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,716 I don't know. I thought about telling Whitney the truth. 133 00:05:22,922 --> 00:05:24,651 You should. You did nothing wrong. 134 00:05:24,724 --> 00:05:27,386 We're men. We have needs. We look at boobs. 135 00:05:27,593 --> 00:05:29,493 Deal with it, ladies of America! 136 00:05:29,562 --> 00:05:30,859 Boobs! 137 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,021 No! 138 00:05:32,098 --> 00:05:34,566 Admitting that you looked at another woman is an open invitation 139 00:05:34,634 --> 00:05:37,228 to exploring your girlfriend's insecurities. 140 00:05:37,303 --> 00:05:39,669 "Was she prettier than me? Is she skinnier than me? 141 00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:41,434 "Do you think I have man hands?" 142 00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:44,566 Yeah, it's trickier with Whitney, too, 143 00:05:44,644 --> 00:05:46,168 because she has three times the daddy issues 144 00:05:46,245 --> 00:05:48,145 because she has three times the dads. 145 00:05:48,247 --> 00:05:49,874 Whatever you do, deny. 146 00:05:49,949 --> 00:05:51,007 Yeah, you're right. 147 00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:53,018 Why is his opinion always more important than mine? 148 00:05:53,152 --> 00:05:54,449 Uh, because he invests my money 149 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:56,545 and doesn't yell out "Boobs" in public. 150 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:01,988 Hey, Whit. Hi. 151 00:06:02,061 --> 00:06:03,119 What are you eating? 152 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,959 It's Lily's edible bouquet. 153 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:07,829 I don't understand why people send these things. Aren't they kind of offensive? 154 00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:09,231 It's like, "I'd send you chocolate, 155 00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:12,135 "but you should probably lose a couple of pounds." 156 00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:14,930 Yeah. Take that, adorable snack. 157 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:21,339 (SlGHS) Look, 158 00:06:21,981 --> 00:06:23,209 about that girl earlier, 159 00:06:23,282 --> 00:06:26,115 I don't want you to feel like you have to lie to me about these kind of things, 160 00:06:26,185 --> 00:06:28,346 so ifyou just admit that you checked her out, 161 00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:29,752 I'll just drop this whole thing. 162 00:06:29,922 --> 00:06:32,288 Whit, it's been, like, five hours since I've seen you last. 163 00:06:32,358 --> 00:06:34,758 Nothing new has annoyed you yet? 164 00:06:35,862 --> 00:06:38,330 Nothing that knocked you out of first. 165 00:06:38,831 --> 00:06:40,264 Are we really still talking about this? 166 00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:41,857 Yeah, I just want you to be honest with me. 167 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:45,697 I thought he was putting 2% in the half-and-half. 168 00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:49,264 Seriously. You think I am an idiot. 169 00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:50,832 No, I don't think you're being an idiot. Yes, you do. 170 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,400 I just think you're taking this a little bit too far. 171 00:06:52,478 --> 00:06:53,740 No. I just want you to be honest with me. 172 00:06:53,813 --> 00:06:55,246 Look, please. I know I'm not a complete moron. 173 00:06:55,314 --> 00:06:56,542 Just... I am not. It's really just... 174 00:06:56,616 --> 00:06:57,776 (SHUSHlNG) It's... 175 00:07:03,656 --> 00:07:04,850 Okay. 176 00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:06,152 You just shushed me. 177 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:08,520 Great! 178 00:07:08,628 --> 00:07:09,652 I'll shh. 179 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,991 You're about to be knee-deep in shh. 180 00:07:15,701 --> 00:07:18,033 I can shh like nobody else. 181 00:07:19,338 --> 00:07:20,498 Really? Mmm-hmm. 182 00:07:20,573 --> 00:07:22,302 Because you know it means the exact opposite 183 00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:24,673 of what you're doing right now. 184 00:07:30,049 --> 00:07:33,143 (LAUGHS) Come on, Whit. Let's just order in some dinner, okay? 185 00:07:33,252 --> 00:07:35,447 What do you feel like having? We can get whatever you want. 186 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:39,656 Whitney. 187 00:07:40,593 --> 00:07:41,685 Whit. 188 00:07:42,328 --> 00:07:43,955 (BLEATlNG) Whit. 189 00:07:45,565 --> 00:07:47,760 Am I actually getting the silent treatment? 190 00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:48,994 Is that what this is? 191 00:07:49,802 --> 00:07:52,430 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what's happening, huh? 192 00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:54,200 All right. Well, I definitely know how this goes. 193 00:07:54,273 --> 00:07:55,570 (CLEARS THROAT) 194 00:07:56,375 --> 00:07:58,605 Uh, hey, Whitney. What do you want for dinner? 195 00:07:59,345 --> 00:08:00,539 (MOCKlNGLY) I don't care, Alex. 196 00:08:00,613 --> 00:08:02,513 I'm such an easy-going girlfriend. 197 00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:06,018 Okay, Whit. What about Chinese food? 198 00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:08,914 Well, can we all just agree that there is no such thing 199 00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:10,853 as good Chinese food? 200 00:08:11,457 --> 00:08:13,482 MSG? Seriously? 201 00:08:14,293 --> 00:08:16,158 Like restaurants actually have to advertise 202 00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:18,595 not putting poison in their food? 203 00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:20,827 Oh, yeah, Whit. I forgot. 204 00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:23,198 You have such strong opinions about Chinese food. 205 00:08:23,269 --> 00:08:24,258 What about sushi? 206 00:08:24,871 --> 00:08:27,931 (MOCKlNGLY) Well, just wait a god darn minute. 207 00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:33,438 Why, so I can overdose on mercury and grow another neck? 208 00:08:35,314 --> 00:08:37,077 All right, let's just skip the whole idea 209 00:08:37,149 --> 00:08:38,946 and go into the bedroom and have sex. 210 00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:41,919 (MOCKlNGLY) Oh, my gosh. That's such a good idea, Alex. 211 00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:43,888 (LAUGHS) I love having sex with you. 212 00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:47,122 But you make it last so long. 213 00:08:48,828 --> 00:08:51,319 Just for once, can you focus on yourself? 214 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:09,943 Why aren't pictures of me in my apartment enough for my Facebook page? 215 00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:12,211 Why do we have to photoshop me in Prague? 216 00:09:13,185 --> 00:09:15,380 So you look worldly and cosmopolitan. 217 00:09:15,454 --> 00:09:17,479 And we're not in Prague. We're in Rome. 218 00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:22,825 My bad. LlLY: Yeah. 219 00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:25,998 Neal says he's going to take me to Rome someday. 220 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:29,057 He says the lifestyle is so relaxed, you know? 221 00:09:29,135 --> 00:09:31,160 People drink wine for breakfast, 222 00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:33,102 and children smoke. 223 00:09:35,274 --> 00:09:36,764 (SlGHS) Okay. 224 00:09:36,976 --> 00:09:39,035 Roxanne, give me a look that says, you know, like, 225 00:09:39,111 --> 00:09:41,102 "I'm fun. Date me." 226 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,578 Whatever. 227 00:09:49,388 --> 00:09:52,482 That look says, "I'm out of heroin and I'm cold." 228 00:09:55,628 --> 00:09:56,652 Hey, guys. 229 00:09:56,896 --> 00:09:57,920 Hi. Hi. 230 00:09:58,464 --> 00:09:59,590 Whitney? 231 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,859 Still nothing, huh? This is still, uh, 232 00:10:03,035 --> 00:10:04,502 the thing we're doing, yeah? 233 00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:05,862 (CAMERA CLlCKlNG) 234 00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:07,738 All right. 235 00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:11,407 Lily, this was outside foryou. Really? 236 00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:15,974 "l thought you ladies might be thirsty from your photo shoot. 237 00:10:16,148 --> 00:10:19,242 "Love, Neal. P.S. You all look beautiful." 238 00:10:19,852 --> 00:10:21,319 Aw! Aw! 239 00:10:21,387 --> 00:10:22,911 That is so sweet. I know! 240 00:10:22,989 --> 00:10:24,752 Neal is the best. 241 00:10:25,324 --> 00:10:26,882 He can't even see you. 242 00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:35,630 You know, I would have taken the trash out if you told me it was full. 243 00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:37,234 You just need to use your words, babe. 244 00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:39,328 (CHUCKLlNG) 245 00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:46,874 (KNOCKlNG ON DOOR) 246 00:10:47,513 --> 00:10:48,946 Tell me who it is and I'll let you in. 247 00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:57,246 Safety is off. 248 00:10:59,959 --> 00:11:01,449 What is that supposed to mean? Hello? 249 00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:03,619 It means hello, goodbye, thank you. 250 00:11:03,696 --> 00:11:05,254 It's, uh... It's my aloha. 251 00:11:07,533 --> 00:11:10,024 Is Whitney out there? I locked her out of the apartment. 252 00:11:10,236 --> 00:11:12,670 You could probably end this whole thing by telling her the truth. 253 00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:14,465 But what do I know? I'm no Neal the Wonder Kid. 254 00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:15,837 I didn't go to girlfriend college. 255 00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:17,498 I'm not an lndian wizard. 256 00:11:18,711 --> 00:11:19,973 Well, look, I'm not letting her in 257 00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:21,638 until she starts talking to me again. 258 00:11:21,714 --> 00:11:23,272 It's done. Game over. 259 00:11:30,456 --> 00:11:31,684 Hello, Mark. 260 00:11:36,262 --> 00:11:38,287 (CROWD CHEERlNG ON TV) 261 00:11:40,566 --> 00:11:41,931 Hey, dude. Hey, dude. 262 00:11:43,469 --> 00:11:45,437 Hey, Whit. How are you? 263 00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:49,474 Mark, thank you so much for helping me, Mark. 264 00:11:50,142 --> 00:11:52,576 You still not talking to me? Really? 265 00:11:52,978 --> 00:11:54,206 You know, I kind of miss your voice. 266 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:55,674 Not really the volume of it, 267 00:11:55,748 --> 00:11:56,976 but more the sentiment behind it. 268 00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:00,545 Dude, are you okay? 269 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:03,878 I am awesome! 270 00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:06,919 At first, I thought that this whole silent treatment thing 271 00:12:06,992 --> 00:12:08,084 was kind of a bummer. 272 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:10,321 But now, I'm realizing it's kind of great. 273 00:12:11,831 --> 00:12:13,298 I ate a Pop-Tart. 274 00:12:13,365 --> 00:12:15,424 The wrapper, I just threw it on the floor. 275 00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:20,102 And I was able to finish the whole first season of Dexter. 276 00:12:20,172 --> 00:12:22,766 And guess what? I didn't have to explain anything to anybody. 277 00:12:23,976 --> 00:12:25,204 That is beautiful. 278 00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:29,006 Hey, did you know that baseball games have commentators? 279 00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:30,774 You're a genius. 280 00:12:31,016 --> 00:12:32,278 When life gives you lemons, 281 00:12:32,351 --> 00:12:34,319 you tell the lemons to, "Shh!" 282 00:12:38,858 --> 00:12:41,326 Whoops. Okay. It's all right. 283 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:42,894 (MOUTHlNG) 284 00:12:45,331 --> 00:12:46,389 (DOOR CLOSES) 285 00:12:51,804 --> 00:12:52,930 These photos are great. 286 00:12:53,139 --> 00:12:55,607 I look good in Rome. I think it's all the walking. 287 00:12:57,977 --> 00:13:01,174 Yeah, you look great. But it's just you in all these pictures. 288 00:13:01,247 --> 00:13:03,681 It looks a little Eat, Pray, Lonely. 289 00:13:05,050 --> 00:13:06,312 You need to look popular. 290 00:13:06,385 --> 00:13:07,409 I am popular. 291 00:13:07,486 --> 00:13:09,420 No. Being popular doesn't count anymore 292 00:13:09,488 --> 00:13:11,012 unless you have the pictures to prove it. 293 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,092 I know. 294 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:17,357 We'll have drinks tonight. I'll invite some people. We'll post the photos. 295 00:13:17,429 --> 00:13:19,693 I'm going to call Neal, see if he can bring some ethnicity. 296 00:13:21,267 --> 00:13:23,030 White people aren't cool anymore. 297 00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:25,798 Hi. Hi. 298 00:13:25,871 --> 00:13:27,998 Sorry I'm late. I had to have Mark help me move some stuff 299 00:13:28,073 --> 00:13:29,938 because I'm still giving Alex the silent treatment. 300 00:13:30,009 --> 00:13:32,443 You should see him. He is such a mess. 301 00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:34,239 (CHUCKLES) And I know I should feel bad about it, 302 00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:35,541 and a small part of me does. 303 00:13:35,614 --> 00:13:37,980 But it's just such a small part. 304 00:13:38,918 --> 00:13:40,943 Nice. Tell me, how is he such a mess? 305 00:13:41,086 --> 00:13:43,520 Oh, he's got Pop-Tart wrappers everywhere. 306 00:13:43,622 --> 00:13:44,919 He's lounging around in his sweats, 307 00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,787 staring at the TV all day. 308 00:13:46,859 --> 00:13:48,224 I think he's going to come clean soon. 309 00:13:49,395 --> 00:13:50,862 Or is he? Yeah. 310 00:13:50,930 --> 00:13:54,764 Because isn't all that stuff the stuff that guys love? 311 00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:56,162 He's miserable! 312 00:13:56,235 --> 00:13:57,725 Okay? He's... He's lying around. 313 00:13:57,803 --> 00:13:59,464 He was so bored that he read a book. 314 00:13:59,538 --> 00:14:01,369 And he's watching TV all day, and... 315 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:04,136 Oh, my God, that little bitch. 316 00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:09,879 Hey, Neal thinks he can get us two Koreans and an Egyptian. 317 00:14:12,952 --> 00:14:18,754 (RAUCOUS LAUGHTER) 318 00:14:18,891 --> 00:14:20,188 (DOORKNOB CLlCKS) 319 00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:26,030 Hey, Whit. 320 00:14:27,266 --> 00:14:28,426 Hi, honey. 321 00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:30,558 You're talking to me now? 322 00:14:30,669 --> 00:14:32,159 Oh, yes, I am. 323 00:14:32,238 --> 00:14:34,638 And I have more to say than ever. 324 00:14:35,407 --> 00:14:37,500 You know, I was doing such a childish thing, 325 00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:39,110 giving you the silent treatment, 326 00:14:39,178 --> 00:14:40,770 waiting for you to admit to checking out that girl. 327 00:14:40,846 --> 00:14:42,074 But, of course, you didn't, 328 00:14:42,147 --> 00:14:43,546 or you would have admitted it. Right? 329 00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:46,084 Right. Right! 330 00:14:46,151 --> 00:14:49,086 In that case, I want to catch up on everything that's been happening. 331 00:14:49,154 --> 00:14:50,416 First, I had this dream last night, 332 00:14:50,489 --> 00:14:52,354 and we were in this apartment, and it wasn't our apartment, 333 00:14:52,424 --> 00:14:53,948 but it looked exactly like our apartment. 334 00:14:54,026 --> 00:14:55,516 And there were lamps everywhere. 335 00:14:55,594 --> 00:14:57,084 And then, I read my horoscope, 336 00:14:57,162 --> 00:14:58,823 and it said that I would be on a winding road 337 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,160 and that everything would be illuminated. 338 00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:02,427 It also said that my power color is blue. 339 00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:05,128 So, let's go to my closet and talk about my prettiest blue things. 340 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:07,763 (SlGHS) 341 00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:13,169 Um, this is more of a royal blue and this is more of a cornflower. 342 00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:14,439 Wait, is this room the right color? 343 00:15:14,513 --> 00:15:16,037 I feel like we should talk about repainting. 344 00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:18,083 I know. We should sit down 345 00:15:18,150 --> 00:15:20,880 and we should go through magazines page by page 346 00:15:20,953 --> 00:15:23,319 and talk about inspiration for redecorating 347 00:15:23,389 --> 00:15:26,153 for, I don't know, like, four or five hours? 348 00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:27,317 Thoughts? 349 00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:28,983 I didn't check her out. 350 00:15:29,161 --> 00:15:30,822 Oh, I know you didn't. 351 00:15:30,896 --> 00:15:32,523 You know what's a really good color? Periwinkle. 352 00:15:32,798 --> 00:15:34,459 That would be perfect in here. 353 00:15:34,533 --> 00:15:36,023 I once had a periwinkle tank top, 354 00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:37,329 but I left it at a guy's house named Chet 355 00:15:37,403 --> 00:15:38,893 who I met at a Y2K party. 356 00:15:38,971 --> 00:15:40,996 You know what? It was not a Y2K party. 357 00:15:41,073 --> 00:15:42,904 It was Flag Day. I remember now... 358 00:15:48,814 --> 00:15:50,543 His name was not Chet. 359 00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:55,349 No, no, I am getting all of my ex-boyfriends confused. 360 00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:58,584 I think I need to list all of my ex-boyfriends alphabetically, 361 00:15:58,657 --> 00:16:00,420 because I keep getting them confused. 362 00:16:00,492 --> 00:16:03,017 What comes first, Aron with one A or Aaron with two A's? 363 00:16:03,095 --> 00:16:04,528 I didn't check her out! 364 00:16:04,596 --> 00:16:06,621 Of course you didn't. 365 00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:10,191 You know what's weird? The Aron with one A was in AA 366 00:16:10,269 --> 00:16:11,793 because he was an alcoholic. 367 00:16:11,870 --> 00:16:14,065 So weird. Anyway. Aron, Aaron, Bryan... 368 00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:16,164 But I didn't call him that. I called him Peanut. 369 00:16:16,241 --> 00:16:17,299 Um... 370 00:16:20,846 --> 00:16:22,780 Hey, Roxanne. Go stand with those hot guys 371 00:16:22,848 --> 00:16:24,406 and pretend like they said something funny. 372 00:16:27,586 --> 00:16:28,883 (CLlCKS) 373 00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:31,284 Good. Now, pretend like you like his fedora. 374 00:16:32,958 --> 00:16:34,186 I can't do that. 375 00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:37,089 And that's why I feel like I learned 376 00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:40,620 everything I know about being a woman from Mr. Belvedere. 377 00:16:40,699 --> 00:16:42,564 You know? I mean, I used to write about him in my journal 378 00:16:42,634 --> 00:16:43,896 every day after school. 379 00:16:43,969 --> 00:16:45,129 You know what? I have low blood sugar. 380 00:16:45,204 --> 00:16:46,398 We should probably order some food. 381 00:16:46,472 --> 00:16:47,769 Or maybe I'll just get some wine. I'll get it. 382 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:48,864 Because wine... 383 00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:49,930 (SlGHS) 384 00:16:50,075 --> 00:16:52,305 You guys, I think I need to tell Whitney the truth, all right? 385 00:16:52,378 --> 00:16:55,006 If she doesn't stop talking, I'm going to suffocate myself. 386 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,741 With her dead body. 387 00:16:57,349 --> 00:17:01,786 You sure you don't want to run that by the, uh, relationship president? 388 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:04,184 Please end this. I am running out of things to get Lily. 389 00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:06,720 I mean, I bought her a star. 390 00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:12,353 MARK: Oh, hey, my buddies are here. No. 391 00:17:12,664 --> 00:17:14,359 They brought stupid new guy. 392 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:17,093 Yo! Mark! Let's do this thing. 393 00:17:18,804 --> 00:17:20,203 How about let's not do this thing? 394 00:17:20,806 --> 00:17:22,239 (LAUGHlNG) 395 00:17:23,842 --> 00:17:24,900 Yeah! 396 00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:27,639 Let's, uh... Let's not do this thing! 397 00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:29,144 (LAUGHlNG) 398 00:17:30,115 --> 00:17:31,446 Good one. Yeah! 399 00:17:33,485 --> 00:17:34,975 (SlGHS) I can't do this anymore. 400 00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:37,779 I just talked about capri pants for 45 minutes. 401 00:17:37,856 --> 00:17:39,653 I feel like I'm hosting The View. 402 00:17:40,292 --> 00:17:42,021 All right. Well, you only have one card left to play. 403 00:17:42,094 --> 00:17:43,356 It's time to go nuclear. 404 00:17:44,163 --> 00:17:45,653 Full-female assault. 405 00:17:45,964 --> 00:17:49,991 (SOBBlNG) I just... I really don't feel like you think I'm pretty. 406 00:17:50,369 --> 00:17:53,133 And... And I know I'm kind of emotional right now, 407 00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:55,070 but I just got my period... Huh. 408 00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:57,267 ...and it's just kind of a weird one. 409 00:17:57,409 --> 00:17:58,569 Ugh! You know? 410 00:17:58,777 --> 00:18:00,904 And just, right here... Okay. Oh! God! 411 00:18:00,979 --> 00:18:03,539 Okay! Whit, fine. I checked her out. 412 00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,512 Ah! I knew you did! 413 00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:07,279 Yeah. I did. All right? You happy? 414 00:18:07,352 --> 00:18:08,376 Yeah! Okay? 415 00:18:08,454 --> 00:18:10,388 Because I'm a man, and this is what men do. 416 00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:11,787 It's not even my fault. All right? 417 00:18:11,857 --> 00:18:13,916 When a man sees an attractive woman, he notices. 418 00:18:13,992 --> 00:18:16,290 You really want to know? You want me to tell you every time it happens? 419 00:18:16,361 --> 00:18:17,851 I just want you to be honest with me. 420 00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:19,622 Okay, cool. Well, guess what? 421 00:18:19,698 --> 00:18:21,461 There's four hot chicks in this bar right now. 422 00:18:21,533 --> 00:18:23,023 Red dress over there by the bar, 423 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,330 her friend, yellow skirt, 424 00:18:24,403 --> 00:18:25,665 pink stripe is getting food, 425 00:18:25,737 --> 00:18:29,195 and Roxanne, who I clocked before I realized it was her. 426 00:18:29,541 --> 00:18:31,509 Aw! Thank you. 427 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,741 They weren't nice thoughts at all. 428 00:18:36,348 --> 00:18:37,576 Great! 429 00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:39,773 Great. 430 00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:41,747 I'm going to go get a beer. 431 00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:43,515 Yellow skirt? Really? That's the... 432 00:18:43,589 --> 00:18:45,989 See? You don't really want to know the truth. Of course I don't! 433 00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:47,320 Because women are not animals. 434 00:18:47,392 --> 00:18:49,189 Okay? We don't run around gawking at dudes like, 435 00:18:49,261 --> 00:18:52,230 "Oh, hey, Roxanne. Check out the bulge on that guy. Ah! 436 00:18:52,431 --> 00:18:54,126 "I'm going to tear that up. Ah!" 437 00:18:58,770 --> 00:19:01,671 No, you just pretend like you don't like Ryan Gosling 438 00:19:01,740 --> 00:19:03,731 because he's hot. You say it's because he... 439 00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:05,709 He rescues dogs and he hates being famous. 440 00:19:05,844 --> 00:19:07,744 That's what he told Jimmy Fallon. 441 00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:10,043 And I'm sorry that I'm so shallow 442 00:19:10,115 --> 00:19:11,878 for liking a man for his mind. 443 00:19:12,050 --> 00:19:14,041 Oh, really? So, it's okay if I just 444 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:17,254 Iet all this go? (SCOFFS) 445 00:19:17,456 --> 00:19:19,651 Because you haven't already? 446 00:19:23,929 --> 00:19:26,227 Look, I'm sorry, okay? 447 00:19:26,932 --> 00:19:28,524 I handled all this really stupidly 448 00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:31,034 because I didn't want you to take it as a sign 449 00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:32,695 that something was wrong with our relationship. 450 00:19:32,771 --> 00:19:35,069 All right? I know your dad cheated on your mom 451 00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:37,005 and your mom cheated on your stepdad... 452 00:19:37,075 --> 00:19:38,542 No, my dad cheated on my mom 453 00:19:38,610 --> 00:19:39,872 and my stepmom cheated on my dad. 454 00:19:39,945 --> 00:19:41,674 Right. Right. Everybody kind of cheated on everybody. 455 00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:43,112 I'm just saying. 456 00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:45,673 The point is, is that we're not them. 457 00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:48,679 Okay? 458 00:19:49,221 --> 00:19:50,449 (WHlSPERS) Okay. 459 00:19:50,656 --> 00:19:52,055 Come here. 460 00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:56,054 I'm so glad they made up. 461 00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:59,063 I feel like whenever they fight, it kind of affects us. 462 00:20:00,232 --> 00:20:01,358 Neal. 463 00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:02,558 What? 464 00:20:02,634 --> 00:20:04,602 Just people-watching. 465 00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:06,101 Want to go to Rome? 466 00:20:07,239 --> 00:20:08,365 Yes. 467 00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:17,605 That dude just checked you out. 468 00:20:17,683 --> 00:20:19,173 Who? Blue shirt. 469 00:20:19,585 --> 00:20:21,450 Oh. The fighter pilot? 470 00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:23,584 How do you know he's a fighter pilot? 471 00:20:23,655 --> 00:20:25,213 Oh, I just thought that when I saw him. 472 00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:27,758 I also imagine that he has good credit, no cavities 473 00:20:27,826 --> 00:20:29,623 and builds houses for poor people. 474 00:20:31,296 --> 00:20:33,526 Oh, what? Are we done being honest? 475 00:20:34,466 --> 00:20:37,401 Oh, what? Ah. Am I getting the silent treatment? 476 00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:39,161 That's okay. I know how this goes. 477 00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:40,227 (LAUGHlNG) 478 00:20:40,339 --> 00:20:41,829 (MOCKlNGLY) Oh, look at me! 479 00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:43,932 Oh, I'm Alex. Look at me and my beer. 480 00:20:44,009 --> 00:20:45,636 I think I'm... (LAUGHlNG) You're a jerk. 481 00:20:45,711 --> 00:20:47,008 That's a terrible impression. 482 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,444 I think I'm in a '90s grunge band. 483 00:20:48,513 --> 00:20:49,878 (LAUGHlNG) Nah, nah! 484 00:20:49,948 --> 00:20:51,472 Look at me! I'm Alex! 485 00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:53,415 My eyebrow moves all over my face. 486 00:20:53,485 --> 00:20:55,043 Blah, blah! Look at me!