1 00:00:03,316 --> 00:00:05,740 I really made my bones with that last collar, babe. 2 00:00:06,055 --> 00:00:07,160 Today's the day. 3 00:00:07,194 --> 00:00:09,228 You woke up with a guard this morning. 4 00:00:09,263 --> 00:00:13,483 But tonight, you're going to bed with a detective. 5 00:00:13,517 --> 00:00:18,070 Shh...Okay, you get some rest, 'kay? 6 00:00:18,105 --> 00:00:20,640 Probably need it. 7 00:00:30,183 --> 00:00:32,017 Here's Ben dressed like a dragon. 8 00:00:32,035 --> 00:00:33,536 Aww. 9 00:00:33,570 --> 00:00:36,322 Here's me and Abed dressed as Nick Nolte and Eddie Murphy. 10 00:00:36,356 --> 00:00:37,723 Aww. 11 00:00:37,758 --> 00:00:39,024 Who's Nick Nolte? 12 00:00:39,042 --> 00:00:40,827 Aww. 13 00:00:40,861 --> 00:00:42,862 Hey, Abed, can I borrow some change for the water fountain? 14 00:00:42,896 --> 00:00:44,080 Yeah. Here you go. 15 00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:47,834 - Thank you. - Wait. Change? 16 00:00:47,868 --> 00:00:49,702 - Hey, Dean. - Hmm? 17 00:00:49,736 --> 00:00:50,887 What are you doing? 18 00:00:50,921 --> 00:00:52,221 Nothing after lunch. 19 00:00:52,256 --> 00:00:55,708 And I can skip lunch if you want-- Oh. That. 20 00:00:55,742 --> 00:00:58,427 Keeps tuition down and it saves on water, too. 21 00:00:58,478 --> 00:00:59,912 That's because nobody's gonna pay to drink water. 22 00:00:59,947 --> 00:01:01,681 Actually it's a two drink-minimum. 23 00:01:01,715 --> 00:01:03,566 It'll be reflected in your tuition. 24 00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:05,601 Hey, Dean. Thanks for the new digs. 25 00:01:05,652 --> 00:01:08,387 Ah, eh, remember what we talked about? 26 00:01:08,405 --> 00:01:11,240 We have to keep this whole living situation kind of quiet. 27 00:01:11,275 --> 00:01:13,192 You know, on the d-low. 28 00:01:13,226 --> 00:01:14,861 Sure, you know, I'm barely there. 29 00:01:14,895 --> 00:01:16,746 I'm married to the job. 30 00:01:16,780 --> 00:01:19,115 And to a mannequin leg I found in the boiler room. 31 00:01:19,166 --> 00:01:21,066 Homewrecker. 32 00:01:21,084 --> 00:01:22,468 Your first major lab assignment 33 00:01:22,502 --> 00:01:23,803 is to construct a terrarium. 34 00:01:23,837 --> 00:01:26,906 Sort of like a diorama. 35 00:01:26,940 --> 00:01:30,776 You guys have weird reactions to stuff. 36 00:01:30,811 --> 00:01:32,578 Hey, can I ask you something? 37 00:01:32,613 --> 00:01:34,647 This is unrelated. 38 00:01:34,681 --> 00:01:36,382 As someone who just finished spending the majority 39 00:01:36,416 --> 00:01:37,650 of his life in prison, 40 00:01:37,684 --> 00:01:41,554 what happened with legos? They used to be simple. 41 00:01:41,588 --> 00:01:43,556 Oh, come on, I know you know what I'm talking about. 44 00:01:50,731 --> 00:01:53,933 Harry Potter legos, Star Wars legos. 45 00:01:53,967 --> 00:01:55,735 Complicated kits, 46 00:01:55,769 --> 00:01:58,871 tiny little blocks. 47 00:01:58,906 --> 00:02:02,842 I mean, I'm not saying it's bad, I just wanna know what happened. 48 00:02:02,876 --> 00:02:04,243 All right, fine. 49 00:02:04,278 --> 00:02:06,329 Your terrariums are due tomorrow. 50 00:02:06,380 --> 00:02:08,214 And everyone look across the table 51 00:02:08,248 --> 00:02:10,016 at the person in front of you. 52 00:02:10,050 --> 00:02:13,002 That's your lab partner for the rest of the semester. 53 00:02:13,053 --> 00:02:15,287 Saddle up. 54 00:02:15,305 --> 00:02:18,124 Who are these people? 55 00:02:18,130 --> 00:02:19,030 Sync by honneybunny, corrected by susanaLC www.addic7ed.com 56 00:02:19,330 --> 00:02:21,452 ♪ Give me some rope, tie me to a tree ♪ 57 00:02:21,452 --> 00:02:25,031 ♪ give me the hope to run out of steam ♪ 58 00:02:25,031 --> 00:02:28,358 ♪ somebody said we could be here ♪ 59 00:02:28,635 --> 00:02:32,738 ♪ We could be roped up, tied up, dead in a year ♪ 60 00:02:32,773 --> 00:02:37,710 ♪ I can't count the reasons I should stay ♪ 61 00:02:37,744 --> 00:02:42,782 ♪ one by one they all just fade away ♪ 62 00:02:44,985 --> 00:02:48,287 Um, hello, please, Professor Kane? 63 00:02:48,321 --> 00:02:49,689 Yes? 64 00:02:49,723 --> 00:02:51,724 I know you haven't been here at Greendale very long, 65 00:02:51,758 --> 00:02:54,293 but, um...We're a study group. 66 00:02:54,328 --> 00:02:55,728 It's kind of a thing. We've been through a lot. 67 00:02:55,762 --> 00:02:56,963 You probably heard of the space bus. 68 00:02:56,997 --> 00:02:58,397 Paintball. 69 00:02:58,432 --> 00:03:00,599 I had sex with Eartha Kitt in an airplane bathroom, 70 00:03:00,634 --> 00:03:02,501 and these are the only guys I've ever told. 71 00:03:02,519 --> 00:03:03,886 Yeah, we're like a family. 72 00:03:03,937 --> 00:03:05,304 We love each other. Second paintball. 73 00:03:05,339 --> 00:03:07,506 What is happening at this school? 74 00:03:07,541 --> 00:03:09,809 I have so many conversations that make no sense. 75 00:03:09,843 --> 00:03:12,845 Uh, we'd really prefer to partner up amongst ourselves. 76 00:03:12,863 --> 00:03:15,197 I don't care. Go ahead. 77 00:03:17,851 --> 00:03:19,719 It's not you, it's me. 78 00:03:19,753 --> 00:03:20,853 I'm just trying to protect us both 79 00:03:20,871 --> 00:03:22,621 from more pain down the road. 80 00:03:22,656 --> 00:03:24,040 I may have a developmental disorder. 81 00:03:24,074 --> 00:03:26,876 I need to catch up on Breaking Bad, so... 82 00:03:26,910 --> 00:03:28,461 I'm so sorry. 83 00:03:28,495 --> 00:03:30,046 I have a developmental disorder. 84 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:31,497 Star Wars, Star Wars. Cool, cool, cool. Hmm. 85 00:03:31,531 --> 00:03:32,965 You understand. 86 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:35,701 You're also, quite frankly, a very weird-looking man. 87 00:03:35,736 --> 00:03:39,105 I don't know you, but I just don't trust you. 88 00:03:39,139 --> 00:03:40,706 And I don't think I could grow to like you. 89 00:03:40,741 --> 00:03:42,408 The point of what I'm trying to tell you, Todd, 90 00:03:42,442 --> 00:03:43,876 is that I don't want to be your lab partner. 91 00:03:43,910 --> 00:03:44,894 No offense. 92 00:03:44,928 --> 00:03:46,112 None taken. 93 00:03:46,146 --> 00:03:48,014 I understand, you wanna be with your friends. 94 00:03:48,048 --> 00:03:50,149 Don't tell me what I'm feeling or thinking. It's petty. 95 00:03:50,183 --> 00:03:52,935 Good-bye, Todd. 96 00:03:52,986 --> 00:03:57,990 Okay, how are we gonna divide the-- 97 00:03:58,025 --> 00:04:01,110 Hey, Todd! Todd, buddy! You passed the test. 98 00:04:03,730 --> 00:04:05,765 I've been walking my beat a long time, sir. 99 00:04:05,799 --> 00:04:07,266 A long time. 100 00:04:07,300 --> 00:04:09,468 I've kept my head down, paid my dues. 101 00:04:09,503 --> 00:04:11,737 And, well, I think I'm ready to make detective. 102 00:04:11,772 --> 00:04:13,572 You've only been here a month. 103 00:04:13,607 --> 00:04:15,441 You really haven't done much of anything. 104 00:04:15,475 --> 00:04:18,444 And there's no such thing as security guard detective. 105 00:04:18,478 --> 00:04:20,763 We don't solve crimes. 106 00:04:20,797 --> 00:04:22,348 We barely prevent them. 107 00:04:22,382 --> 00:04:25,084 You wanna detect something? 108 00:04:25,102 --> 00:04:29,922 Do it on your own time. 109 00:04:29,956 --> 00:04:32,224 Maybe I will. 110 00:04:32,259 --> 00:04:34,977 "Maybe I will." 111 00:04:35,028 --> 00:04:39,315 My own words rang in my head like a bell inside a head. 112 00:04:39,366 --> 00:04:40,866 Maybe I was crazy. 113 00:04:40,901 --> 00:04:45,938 Or maybe, just maybe, I was a detective. 114 00:04:45,956 --> 00:04:48,941 - Hey. - What? 115 00:04:48,959 --> 00:04:51,210 - Looking for something? - No. 116 00:04:51,244 --> 00:04:52,344 She said she wasn't, 117 00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:54,046 but her eyes said otherwise. 118 00:04:54,081 --> 00:04:56,348 She was all dame, legs that went all the way 119 00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:57,683 to the bottom of her torso. 120 00:04:57,717 --> 00:04:59,885 The kind of arms that had elbows. 121 00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:03,155 Um...Did you just call me in here to stare at me? 122 00:05:09,963 --> 00:05:12,665 The way she left, I could tell that somebody-- 123 00:05:12,699 --> 00:05:15,501 or something--had really put the scare on her. 124 00:05:15,535 --> 00:05:17,570 But what? Why? 125 00:05:17,604 --> 00:05:19,038 Stapler. 126 00:05:19,072 --> 00:05:20,539 Was I crazy? 127 00:05:20,574 --> 00:05:23,042 Or were they somehow connected? 128 00:05:23,076 --> 00:05:24,577 I can't believe it. 129 00:05:24,611 --> 00:05:27,196 This is the first time there hasn't been a beetle in here. 130 00:05:27,247 --> 00:05:29,381 - Should we move outside? - Uh-huh. 131 00:05:29,416 --> 00:05:30,950 Did you even hear what I said? 132 00:05:30,984 --> 00:05:33,586 - Uh-huh. - Seriously? 133 00:05:33,620 --> 00:05:35,287 Is this what it's gonna be like working together? 134 00:05:35,322 --> 00:05:36,355 What? 135 00:05:36,389 --> 00:05:38,724 I lost three followers? 136 00:05:38,758 --> 00:05:40,192 Man, people just can't handle the truth 137 00:05:40,227 --> 00:05:42,962 about Ben Sherman's winter collection. 138 00:05:45,899 --> 00:05:47,516 Roommates, study group, lab partners. 139 00:05:47,551 --> 00:05:49,135 We really are gonna spend all our time together. 140 00:05:49,169 --> 00:05:50,202 How awesome is that? 141 00:05:50,237 --> 00:05:52,271 Very. You know what else is awesome? 142 00:05:52,305 --> 00:05:53,772 Last night I saw the Hong Kong movie. 143 00:05:53,807 --> 00:05:55,040 That Kickpuncher is based on. 144 00:05:55,075 --> 00:05:56,475 Yeah, I know, I was there. 145 00:05:56,510 --> 00:05:57,509 Did you see the scene where Kickpuncher kick-punches 146 00:05:57,527 --> 00:05:59,178 200 guys with one kick-punch? 147 00:05:59,212 --> 00:06:01,914 Yeah. Both of them. 148 00:06:01,948 --> 00:06:03,749 Oh. 149 00:06:03,783 --> 00:06:07,453 We spend too much time together. 150 00:06:07,487 --> 00:06:08,554 Jinx. 151 00:06:08,588 --> 00:06:10,156 Here's Ben with his cupcake. 152 00:06:11,241 --> 00:06:12,558 And here he is a few seconds later 153 00:06:12,592 --> 00:06:14,460 when he was crying because he dropped his cupcake. 154 00:06:14,494 --> 00:06:15,494 Mm-hmm. 155 00:06:15,528 --> 00:06:17,246 And here he is with another cupcake. 156 00:06:17,297 --> 00:06:18,330 Oh, oh, wait, these pictures are out of order. 157 00:06:18,364 --> 00:06:19,532 That's the same cupcake. 158 00:06:19,566 --> 00:06:22,718 Oh, Shirley, these pictures are adorable. 159 00:06:22,752 --> 00:06:23,903 And comprehensive. 160 00:06:23,937 --> 00:06:26,772 But did you know that sugar is like baby meth? 161 00:06:26,806 --> 00:06:28,340 That's what my homeopath said. 162 00:06:28,375 --> 00:06:32,094 Well, maybe your gay friend should mind his own business. 163 00:06:32,145 --> 00:06:35,848 "Forget about the girl," I told myself. 164 00:06:35,882 --> 00:06:39,185 "Let her go, like a lobster claw letting go 165 00:06:39,219 --> 00:06:41,854 of a small balloon for lobsters." 166 00:06:41,888 --> 00:06:44,490 Still, I had a hunch. 167 00:06:44,524 --> 00:06:47,559 Hmm. A matchbook. 168 00:06:47,577 --> 00:06:49,561 Something about it seemed clue-y. 169 00:06:49,579 --> 00:06:52,448 "Arizona matchbook company." 170 00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:54,066 Arizona. 171 00:06:54,084 --> 00:06:56,769 Arizona backwards is still Arizona! 172 00:06:56,803 --> 00:06:58,971 It's a palomino! 173 00:06:59,005 --> 00:07:00,072 Maybe I was crazy... 174 00:07:00,106 --> 00:07:03,209 Or maybe I was finally sane. 175 00:07:05,779 --> 00:07:09,215 Why does this guy keep staring at me? 176 00:07:13,286 --> 00:07:15,621 Britta. What are you doing here? 177 00:07:15,655 --> 00:07:17,256 Oh, I was just getting some air. 178 00:07:17,290 --> 00:07:20,442 Me too. And wondering something. 179 00:07:20,477 --> 00:07:21,777 I was wondering something, too. 180 00:07:21,811 --> 00:07:23,395 - Tell me. - No, you first. 181 00:07:23,430 --> 00:07:24,897 I was wondering, what would it be like 182 00:07:24,931 --> 00:07:27,399 - if we were partners? - What's going on here? 183 00:07:27,433 --> 00:07:28,734 Were you thinking of changing partners? 184 00:07:28,768 --> 00:07:30,736 Who's thinking of changing partners? 185 00:07:30,770 --> 00:07:32,771 Were you gonna bail on me? 186 00:07:32,806 --> 00:07:36,075 No. No one here is thinking of changing partners. No, sir. 187 00:07:36,109 --> 00:07:37,276 I am! 188 00:07:37,294 --> 00:07:39,612 While he was spying, I found a turtle. 189 00:07:39,646 --> 00:07:41,463 It's not fair that I should be the only one here 190 00:07:41,498 --> 00:07:44,750 saddled with a total waste of space loser. 191 00:07:44,784 --> 00:07:46,819 - No offense, Todd. - None taken. 192 00:07:46,853 --> 00:07:49,088 Why should you all get the exact partner you wanted? 193 00:07:49,122 --> 00:07:50,556 That's right. 194 00:07:50,590 --> 00:07:53,959 It's totally not fair that we saddled Pierce with Todd. 195 00:07:53,977 --> 00:07:55,561 We should probably choose partners again. 196 00:07:55,595 --> 00:07:56,895 I mean, just to be fair. 197 00:07:56,930 --> 00:07:58,664 So it's agreed. Let's go to the study room 198 00:07:58,698 --> 00:08:01,066 and deal with this Todd problem once and for all. 199 00:08:01,101 --> 00:08:02,351 Okay. 200 00:08:02,402 --> 00:08:04,603 Um, did you want me to come? 201 00:08:04,638 --> 00:08:07,413 Um, it's called "the Todd problem." 202 00:08:16,410 --> 00:08:19,772 Okay, we just have to come up with a fair way 203 00:08:19,892 --> 00:08:23,364 to decide who is gonna be stuck for an entire semester 204 00:08:23,399 --> 00:08:26,653 with this... Random. 205 00:08:26,749 --> 00:08:29,250 This, uh... Non-grouper. 206 00:08:29,285 --> 00:08:30,485 No offense, Todd. 207 00:08:30,519 --> 00:08:33,288 None taken. I'm happy to work with whoever. 208 00:08:33,322 --> 00:08:35,357 There's only one way to decide this fairly. 209 00:08:35,391 --> 00:08:37,258 We go boy-girl, boy-girl. 210 00:08:37,293 --> 00:08:39,561 But everyone has to have a different hair color. 211 00:08:39,595 --> 00:08:41,062 And be from a different high school. 212 00:08:41,097 --> 00:08:43,264 And be a different race. 213 00:08:43,299 --> 00:08:45,300 I guess I'd be with... Britta. 214 00:08:45,334 --> 00:08:48,269 I guess my--my hands are tied. 215 00:08:48,304 --> 00:08:49,471 The hair color concept intrigues me 216 00:08:49,505 --> 00:08:50,839 because it's how I distinguish you anyway. 217 00:08:50,873 --> 00:08:52,390 But what if we arrange by age, so that way 218 00:08:52,425 --> 00:08:53,708 the young people can work while the old people sleep 219 00:08:53,726 --> 00:08:55,143 and vice versa. 220 00:08:55,177 --> 00:08:56,511 Um, I-I was just wondering who you considered old, 221 00:08:56,545 --> 00:08:59,014 because I'd like to remind you again 222 00:08:59,048 --> 00:09:00,915 that I'm just about the same age as Jeff. 223 00:09:00,950 --> 00:09:02,100 Oh, I was counting Jeff as old, too. 224 00:09:02,151 --> 00:09:03,218 Hey! 225 00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:04,719 Oh, well, that's all right then. 226 00:09:04,737 --> 00:09:06,888 I just don't understand how my age has anything to-- 227 00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:09,357 Oh, for heaven's sake, Pierce! 228 00:09:09,391 --> 00:09:11,159 I was thinking the thing that would be most beneficial-- 229 00:09:11,193 --> 00:09:12,927 you know, for the group-- would be 230 00:09:12,962 --> 00:09:15,797 to pair the people with the lowest GPAs with the highest. 231 00:09:15,831 --> 00:09:17,432 Hmm. Interesting. 232 00:09:17,466 --> 00:09:19,467 The highest carrying the lowest? 233 00:09:19,502 --> 00:09:21,202 I can see how you might want that. 234 00:09:21,237 --> 00:09:22,253 You know what, Annie? 235 00:09:22,288 --> 00:09:24,606 Pew, pew, pew, pew, p-- 236 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:28,376 Wait, no. Pew, pew, pew, pew. 237 00:09:28,411 --> 00:09:30,311 Does anyone else have kids? 238 00:09:30,346 --> 00:09:32,947 Because I have a gorgeous little newborn that I'd like to get-- 239 00:09:32,982 --> 00:09:34,132 Oh, perfect! 240 00:09:34,183 --> 00:09:36,084 You'll enjoy talking to Shirley about her kids. 241 00:09:36,118 --> 00:09:38,620 Uh-uh, don't go trying to pawn Todd off on me. 242 00:09:38,654 --> 00:09:40,121 Again, none taken. 243 00:09:40,156 --> 00:09:42,991 Guys, our terrariums are due tomorrow and it's already nine. 244 00:09:43,025 --> 00:09:45,393 Okay, let's make this simple and do it like student housing. 245 00:09:45,428 --> 00:09:47,696 Everyone write down their lab partner preferences 246 00:09:47,730 --> 00:09:48,730 from one to eight. 247 00:09:48,764 --> 00:09:50,465 Abed, you're a computer. 248 00:09:50,499 --> 00:09:52,434 You figure out a way to put us in our optimal pairings. 249 00:09:52,468 --> 00:09:55,837 And before you all go putting Todd down last, 250 00:09:55,871 --> 00:09:57,972 don't forget he comes with a turtle. 251 00:09:58,007 --> 00:09:59,507 You're halfway done. 252 00:09:59,542 --> 00:10:01,042 How does that sound? 253 00:10:02,678 --> 00:10:04,112 Somebody wake up Pierce. 254 00:10:04,146 --> 00:10:06,047 Hello, Arizona matchbook company. 255 00:10:06,082 --> 00:10:07,515 I had to get some answers. 256 00:10:07,550 --> 00:10:10,652 And I needed answers like a fish needs a bicycle-- A lot. 257 00:10:10,686 --> 00:10:12,320 Hello? Hello? 258 00:10:12,354 --> 00:10:14,723 Yeah, I am, uh, interested in your matchbooks. 259 00:10:14,757 --> 00:10:16,091 Yes, would you like to place an order? 260 00:10:16,125 --> 00:10:18,526 I had to think fast. 261 00:10:18,561 --> 00:10:20,595 - Yes. - Get away from my desk. 262 00:10:20,629 --> 00:10:21,730 I'll call you back. 263 00:10:21,764 --> 00:10:23,031 You've been walking around campus 264 00:10:23,065 --> 00:10:25,300 asking people weird questions and then staring at them 265 00:10:25,334 --> 00:10:26,668 while slightly moving your lips? 266 00:10:26,702 --> 00:10:28,069 I had to think fast. 267 00:10:28,104 --> 00:10:29,204 No. 268 00:10:29,238 --> 00:10:33,842 Ben... I think this job might be getting to you. 269 00:10:33,876 --> 00:10:35,477 I think you need to take some time off. 270 00:10:35,511 --> 00:10:37,545 Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? 271 00:10:37,580 --> 00:10:41,316 Very much so. Yes. 272 00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:43,051 All right, yep. 273 00:10:43,085 --> 00:10:45,319 According to my system, Annie's gonna be with Shirley. 274 00:10:45,337 --> 00:10:46,671 Pierce is with me. Troy is with Britta. 275 00:10:46,705 --> 00:10:47,756 And Jeff is with Todd. 276 00:10:47,790 --> 00:10:49,724 Okay, let's get to work. 277 00:10:49,759 --> 00:10:52,927 Uh, wait. Um, how did I end up with Todd? 278 00:10:52,962 --> 00:10:54,262 I mean, no offense, 279 00:10:54,296 --> 00:10:55,764 but he wasn't exactly at the top of my list. 280 00:10:55,798 --> 00:10:56,898 None taken. 281 00:10:56,932 --> 00:10:58,199 It's what the algorithm dictated. 282 00:10:58,234 --> 00:10:59,300 And we're just supposed to trust your algorithm? 283 00:10:59,335 --> 00:11:00,668 You're questioning my algorithm? 284 00:11:00,686 --> 00:11:02,387 Not necessarily. Is your algorithm above questioning? 285 00:11:02,438 --> 00:11:03,438 Not necessarily. 286 00:11:03,472 --> 00:11:04,706 Will you just tell us how you chose? 287 00:11:04,740 --> 00:11:06,341 I used the ballots to rank everyone by popularity. 288 00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:08,042 And I put the most popular with the least popular. 289 00:11:08,077 --> 00:11:10,145 I figured it would maximize each partnership's audience appeal. 290 00:11:10,179 --> 00:11:11,479 Oh, I-I see. 291 00:11:11,514 --> 00:11:12,814 So I was number one, and he was obviously number eight. 292 00:11:12,848 --> 00:11:14,032 No offense, Todd. 293 00:11:14,066 --> 00:11:15,033 You and Todd were four and five. 294 00:11:15,067 --> 00:11:17,185 I was four? 295 00:11:17,219 --> 00:11:18,753 - Todd was four. - I was five? 296 00:11:18,788 --> 00:11:19,921 Well, that's insane! 297 00:11:19,955 --> 00:11:21,355 We don't even know him. 298 00:11:21,373 --> 00:11:22,407 He's a stranger. 299 00:11:22,458 --> 00:11:24,926 Please, Jeff. It has feelings. 300 00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:26,528 Wait, so we all know Annie was number one, 301 00:11:26,562 --> 00:11:29,697 because she'd do all the work. 302 00:11:29,715 --> 00:11:32,750 And Shirley was her partner, so... 303 00:11:32,802 --> 00:11:34,919 But that means-- so you all put-- 304 00:11:34,970 --> 00:11:37,605 I just worked it out. 305 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:41,276 I'm more popular than someone! 306 00:11:41,310 --> 00:11:46,064 Getting the matchbooks shipped to me the same day wasn't easy. 307 00:11:46,098 --> 00:11:47,882 I had to pay the company money. 308 00:11:47,917 --> 00:11:50,018 I used Nunez's card. 309 00:11:50,052 --> 00:11:52,553 He'd thank me at the Detective Awards. 310 00:11:52,571 --> 00:11:56,557 Somewhere, somehow, I was gonna find what I was looking for. 311 00:12:09,872 --> 00:12:12,407 Holy Mary, mother of God. 312 00:12:12,441 --> 00:12:14,409 Was I crazy? 313 00:12:14,443 --> 00:12:16,110 Or was I on the verge of something? 314 00:12:16,145 --> 00:12:18,263 My mind reeled with thoughts. 315 00:12:18,297 --> 00:12:20,248 Voices. Stand-up premises. 316 00:12:20,282 --> 00:12:22,150 Why don't they just make tires out of pavement 317 00:12:22,184 --> 00:12:24,018 so you can drive on anything? What's up with buttons? 318 00:12:24,053 --> 00:12:26,421 What would happen if Nicholson was a gynecologist? 319 00:12:26,455 --> 00:12:28,556 There was something there. 320 00:12:28,591 --> 00:12:30,225 I need a notepad. 321 00:12:30,259 --> 00:12:32,694 Maybe a blazer. 322 00:12:34,947 --> 00:12:37,832 Honey, I-I-I don't know when I'll be home. 323 00:12:37,867 --> 00:12:40,835 How could you guys hate me more than Pierce? 324 00:12:40,870 --> 00:12:42,403 Or anything more than Pierce? 325 00:12:42,437 --> 00:12:43,771 Thin ice, Shirley. 326 00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:45,506 My friends and I are not gonna let you 327 00:12:45,541 --> 00:12:47,175 drive a wedge between us. 328 00:12:47,209 --> 00:12:48,626 Shirley has a point. 329 00:12:48,661 --> 00:12:51,246 This list stinks like a butt convention. 330 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:54,148 How else could you explain Troy being so unpopular? 331 00:12:54,183 --> 00:12:57,018 Uh, I think I was the popular one in our pairing. 332 00:12:57,052 --> 00:12:59,053 Oh, Troy. 333 00:13:02,057 --> 00:13:04,592 Fine, why don't I just go work with Todd? 334 00:13:04,627 --> 00:13:08,029 Hey, that's cool, whatever gets this project done. 335 00:13:08,063 --> 00:13:10,498 Oh, wow, what a great guy. 336 00:13:10,532 --> 00:13:12,934 I can see why all of you like him so much more than me. 337 00:13:12,968 --> 00:13:16,604 Jeff, maybe it's just that no one wants to carry you all year. 338 00:13:16,638 --> 00:13:19,707 Gee, you're right, Annie, it's not personal. 339 00:13:19,742 --> 00:13:21,509 I mean, it's not like people really like you. 340 00:13:21,543 --> 00:13:23,378 You're just a good grade in a tight sweater. 341 00:13:23,412 --> 00:13:25,847 You're just a bad grade in a tight sweater. 342 00:13:25,881 --> 00:13:27,115 And who the hell are you always texting? 343 00:13:27,149 --> 00:13:29,350 Everyone you know is here. 344 00:13:29,385 --> 00:13:30,668 Okay, let's all just take a breath-- 345 00:13:30,703 --> 00:13:32,537 Don't get your number four stink on this, Todd. 346 00:13:32,588 --> 00:13:34,222 Okay, let's focus. 347 00:13:34,256 --> 00:13:38,927 We're all the same people we were 12 hours ago. 348 00:13:38,961 --> 00:13:40,678 Maybe we should just revert to our original pairings. 349 00:13:40,713 --> 00:13:42,330 But I thought you didn't want to carry Jeff. 350 00:13:42,348 --> 00:13:43,381 Oh, you just don't want to work with Shirley. 351 00:13:45,334 --> 00:13:47,018 You too, brute? 352 00:13:47,052 --> 00:13:49,170 It's just... You're a creationist! 353 00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:51,439 - What? - You're so religious. 354 00:13:51,473 --> 00:13:53,274 How are you gonna do science experiments 355 00:13:53,309 --> 00:13:54,709 if you don't even believe in science? 356 00:13:54,743 --> 00:13:56,611 Just because someone's religious doesn't mean 357 00:13:56,645 --> 00:13:58,179 they have a problem with science. 358 00:13:58,213 --> 00:13:59,814 And certainly, 359 00:13:59,848 --> 00:14:02,150 if an introductory biology course at a community college 360 00:14:02,184 --> 00:14:04,569 can refute 2,000 years of miracles-- 361 00:14:05,754 --> 00:14:06,871 And what about Britta? 362 00:14:06,905 --> 00:14:08,489 She's not gonna dissect anything. 363 00:14:08,524 --> 00:14:11,359 Fine, you got me, I won't dissect anything with a face. 364 00:14:11,377 --> 00:14:12,860 What about worms? 365 00:14:12,878 --> 00:14:14,495 Do they have tiny little faces? 366 00:14:14,530 --> 00:14:15,913 This is why you're the stupidest! 367 00:14:15,965 --> 00:14:18,866 If loving worms is stupid, I don't wanna be smart. 368 00:14:18,901 --> 00:14:21,052 It is, and you can't be. 369 00:14:21,086 --> 00:14:23,538 Guys, I just figured it all out. 370 00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:26,574 Pierce, wake up, Jeff is gonna heal us. 371 00:14:26,608 --> 00:14:28,109 We have been looking at this totally wrong. 372 00:14:28,143 --> 00:14:30,878 There's no way I'm unpopular. 373 00:14:30,896 --> 00:14:32,814 One of you monsters just put me last 374 00:14:32,848 --> 00:14:35,016 in a petty attempt to humble me. 375 00:14:35,050 --> 00:14:36,651 Oh! 376 00:14:36,685 --> 00:14:40,254 I just had a terrible nightmare that Jeff was a pompous ass. 377 00:14:40,289 --> 00:14:41,906 Also Todd was there. 378 00:14:41,940 --> 00:14:45,226 Uh, no offense, Todd. 379 00:14:52,618 --> 00:14:54,802 I'd poked my nose where it didn't belong. 380 00:14:54,837 --> 00:14:58,406 Someone--or something-- had sent me a message. 381 00:15:00,175 --> 00:15:02,126 Veronica. 382 00:15:02,177 --> 00:15:05,780 It was my fault she had gotten mixed up in all this. 383 00:15:08,851 --> 00:15:10,084 Uh-uh, Todd. 384 00:15:10,119 --> 00:15:11,819 Pretty sure I heard a fire alarm. 385 00:15:11,854 --> 00:15:13,554 Nobody's going home until we see those ballots. 386 00:15:13,588 --> 00:15:15,356 See the ballots? Are you crazy? 387 00:15:15,391 --> 00:15:17,425 I say let's lay our cards on the table 388 00:15:17,443 --> 00:15:19,593 and see what everyone really thinks of each other. 389 00:15:19,611 --> 00:15:21,562 Get behind me, Abed. 390 00:15:23,265 --> 00:15:24,699 Jeff, stop it! 391 00:15:24,733 --> 00:15:25,933 Pass! 392 00:15:25,968 --> 00:15:27,652 Give it to me! No, get back, get back! 393 00:15:27,703 --> 00:15:29,404 I am doing this for all of us. 394 00:15:29,438 --> 00:15:31,289 Oh, no, she's got her marijuana lighter. 395 00:15:31,323 --> 00:15:33,741 Don't! 396 00:15:33,776 --> 00:15:37,211 Noooo! The turtle is in there! 397 00:15:37,246 --> 00:15:38,946 Oh, my God, I am so sorry! 398 00:15:38,964 --> 00:15:43,251 What is wrong with you people? 399 00:15:43,285 --> 00:15:46,254 Huh? 400 00:15:46,288 --> 00:15:49,257 I thought you were supposed to be friends! 401 00:15:49,291 --> 00:15:53,478 I thought you were supposed to love each other! 402 00:15:53,512 --> 00:15:56,297 Your love is weird. 403 00:15:56,315 --> 00:15:58,466 And toxic! 404 00:15:58,484 --> 00:16:01,669 And it destroys everything it touches! 405 00:16:01,703 --> 00:16:04,939 I no longer care about grades. 406 00:16:04,973 --> 00:16:09,026 Or biology. Or finally graduating from college, 407 00:16:09,078 --> 00:16:13,081 like I promised my dying father. 408 00:16:13,115 --> 00:16:15,783 I'm going home. 409 00:16:15,817 --> 00:16:18,503 I'm gonna hold my wife and my child close. 410 00:16:18,537 --> 00:16:23,825 And I am gonna finally take my Insulin shot! 411 00:16:23,859 --> 00:16:29,097 Offense taken. 412 00:16:29,131 --> 00:16:32,633 Offense taken. 413 00:16:36,105 --> 00:16:37,905 Well, he is right about one thing. 414 00:16:37,940 --> 00:16:39,507 You're all terrible people. 415 00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:41,776 And I don't care about this stupid assignment. 416 00:16:41,810 --> 00:16:45,546 I'm going home. 417 00:16:45,581 --> 00:16:47,448 No, I'm not, I'm going to biology class. 418 00:16:47,483 --> 00:16:50,067 It starts in 15 minutes. 419 00:16:53,003 --> 00:16:55,351 And eventually, this caterpillar 420 00:16:55,591 --> 00:16:58,392 will come out of its cocoon. And then-- 421 00:16:58,427 --> 00:17:00,011 Pop, pop! 422 00:17:02,717 --> 00:17:05,032 Nice work, you two. 423 00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:07,246 You know they're laughing at you, right? 424 00:17:07,538 --> 00:17:08,950 I mean, that's my theory. 425 00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:12,405 Now, super group. 426 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:15,471 I can't help but notice a sorry lack of terrariums. 427 00:17:15,591 --> 00:17:16,924 We didn't have time to finish. 428 00:17:16,942 --> 00:17:18,827 Here's mine. 429 00:17:18,861 --> 00:17:20,747 When did you even have time to do that? 430 00:17:20,867 --> 00:17:22,068 You're pathological. 431 00:17:22,102 --> 00:17:23,836 It's too late for flattery. 432 00:17:23,870 --> 00:17:26,705 Professor, obviously this isn't working out. 433 00:17:26,740 --> 00:17:28,741 You're just gonna have to put us with our original lab partners. 434 00:17:28,775 --> 00:17:31,544 - All right? - I don't have to do anything. 435 00:17:31,578 --> 00:17:33,379 Not after you broke my boy Todd. 436 00:17:33,413 --> 00:17:35,314 That man called me crying this morning. 437 00:17:35,348 --> 00:17:37,183 You know he fought in Iraq, right? 438 00:17:37,217 --> 00:17:40,186 We had a name for people like you in prison. 439 00:17:40,220 --> 00:17:42,488 We called you "the mean clique." 440 00:17:43,523 --> 00:17:44,924 But I have a solution. 441 00:17:44,958 --> 00:17:47,593 All seven of you will share a microscope, 442 00:17:47,627 --> 00:17:49,762 one bench, and one grade that I will average. 443 00:17:49,796 --> 00:17:51,330 Everyone else gets their own stuff. 444 00:17:51,364 --> 00:17:53,599 So can we get an extension on the first assignment? 445 00:17:53,633 --> 00:17:57,369 No. You all fail. 446 00:17:59,573 --> 00:18:01,941 Oh, my God. 447 00:18:01,975 --> 00:18:03,275 How did this happen? 448 00:18:03,309 --> 00:18:04,994 And did I miss the firemen? 449 00:18:05,028 --> 00:18:07,246 Dean, the explanation is simple. 450 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:09,665 It's all connected. 451 00:18:09,699 --> 00:18:11,667 A web of conspiracy that goes 452 00:18:11,701 --> 00:18:14,520 all the way to the top of Arizona. 453 00:18:14,554 --> 00:18:17,123 All... Right. 454 00:18:17,157 --> 00:18:20,209 Hey, somebody's been squatting in the utility closet. 455 00:18:20,260 --> 00:18:23,462 There's a hot plate back there, thousands of matches. 456 00:18:23,497 --> 00:18:25,531 I mean, we're looking at dozens 457 00:18:25,565 --> 00:18:30,019 of major health and fire code violations. 458 00:18:30,053 --> 00:18:32,338 I think we're gonna have to get the police involved. 459 00:18:32,372 --> 00:18:34,740 And that's when it hit me. 460 00:18:34,774 --> 00:18:36,375 I was in really big trouble. 461 00:18:36,409 --> 00:18:39,061 Dean. 462 00:18:39,112 --> 00:18:40,112 Dean? 463 00:18:40,147 --> 00:18:43,115 Oh, uh...No. 464 00:18:43,150 --> 00:18:44,583 No need to get the cops. 465 00:18:44,618 --> 00:18:49,021 With a conspiracy this big, they're probably involved. 466 00:18:49,039 --> 00:18:51,190 - What? - What Chang says 467 00:18:51,208 --> 00:18:53,259 makes a lot of sense, and, um... 468 00:18:53,293 --> 00:18:56,061 Okay, you know what? I quit. 469 00:18:56,096 --> 00:18:58,430 I mean, I can deal with the not getting paid, 470 00:18:58,465 --> 00:19:02,067 but I draw the line at you enabling this man. 471 00:19:02,102 --> 00:19:05,538 I mean, I'm seriously concerned that he's mentally ill. 472 00:19:05,572 --> 00:19:08,274 And--and it's not funny at all. It's scary. 473 00:19:08,308 --> 00:19:10,276 - The top of Arizona... - I needed to know more. 474 00:19:10,310 --> 00:19:11,710 - Was it a very high mesa? - About those firemen. 475 00:19:11,745 --> 00:19:13,345 - Or was it a state of mind? - Were they ethnically diverse? 476 00:19:13,380 --> 00:19:14,980 - Either way, I was going... - Did they bring a dalmatian? 477 00:19:15,015 --> 00:19:16,382 - To have to climb it. - Could I buy a calendar? 478 00:19:16,416 --> 00:19:21,754 Okay, screw this. I-I quit. 479 00:19:21,788 --> 00:19:23,989 Hmm? 480 00:19:24,024 --> 00:19:27,059 Well, it seems that Greendale owes you a debt of gratitude. 481 00:19:27,093 --> 00:19:30,196 How would you like to be the new head of security? 482 00:19:30,230 --> 00:19:31,664 I had to think fast. 483 00:19:31,698 --> 00:19:32,731 Yes. 484 00:19:32,766 --> 00:19:35,918 I don't know, was I crazy? 485 00:19:35,952 --> 00:19:38,237 Or was I just doing right by the school? 486 00:19:50,750 --> 00:19:52,751 - This is awkward, isn't it? - Yeah. 487 00:19:52,786 --> 00:19:54,586 You know, I think it's pretty clear 488 00:19:54,604 --> 00:19:56,922 what destroyed the balance in our study group's ecosystem. 489 00:19:56,957 --> 00:19:58,857 Ranking one person above another. 490 00:19:58,892 --> 00:20:00,776 Letting our differences get the bets of us. 491 00:20:00,810 --> 00:20:02,928 - Racism? - No. 492 00:20:02,963 --> 00:20:04,230 Todd. 493 00:20:04,264 --> 00:20:07,233 Todd! 494 00:20:07,267 --> 00:20:08,701 Did you see the head on that guy? 495 00:20:08,735 --> 00:20:09,702 "None taken." 496 00:20:09,736 --> 00:20:11,337 What was wrong with him? 497 00:20:11,371 --> 00:20:13,439 Not to be unchristian, but that boy sucked. 498 00:20:13,473 --> 00:20:14,974 I missed this. 499 00:20:15,008 --> 00:20:16,008 Aww! 500 00:20:16,042 --> 00:20:17,376 And his dumb baby! 501 00:20:17,410 --> 00:20:18,510 - I know! - On and on. 502 00:20:18,545 --> 00:20:20,512 He wouldn't shut up. 503 00:20:38,885 --> 00:20:40,926 These questions are really personal. 504 00:20:41,046 --> 00:20:42,227 Are you sure this is anonymous? 505 00:20:42,262 --> 00:20:44,210 Yeah, they're just practice evaluations 506 00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:45,637 for my psych class. 507 00:20:47,016 --> 00:20:48,767 All right. Who did a butt? 508 00:20:48,801 --> 00:20:51,570 They're boobs. And I don't know. 509 00:20:51,604 --> 00:20:52,721 Take it again. 510 00:20:52,772 --> 00:20:53,889 All right. 511 00:20:53,940 --> 00:20:55,274 Somebody drew a penis. 512 00:20:55,308 --> 00:20:57,476 Oh! And another penis. 513 00:20:57,510 --> 00:21:00,896 Penis, penis, penis. Very mature, guys. 514 00:21:00,947 --> 00:21:05,284 - I didn't draw a penis. - Me neither. 515 00:21:05,318 --> 00:21:07,903 Yeah, these are all normally filled out tests. 516 00:21:07,954 --> 00:21:10,372 Ha ha! Gotcha! 517 00:21:10,406 --> 00:21:13,742 This was also a test, and you all penised. 518 00:21:13,793 --> 00:21:15,394 Passed. 519 00:21:15,428 --> 00:21:17,362 Maybe I need to take one. 520 00:21:17,397 --> 00:21:19,431 A test. Not a penis. 521 00:21:20,192 --> 00:21:22,492 Sync by honneybunny,corrected by susanaLC www.addic7ed.com