1 00:00:04,693 --> 00:00:07,222 Mandy, you're getting glitter on my soccer ball. 2 00:00:07,222 --> 00:00:09,585 Oh, well, now it's a disco ball. You're welcome! 3 00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:13,439 Oh, look. Boyd drew a rocket... 4 00:00:13,439 --> 00:00:16,656 Or a... wiener. You know what? Let's go with rocket. 5 00:00:18,868 --> 00:00:20,426 Oh! Your dad's home! 6 00:00:20,426 --> 00:00:23,693 Oh, finally. I've been cooped up with you hens long enough. 7 00:00:23,693 --> 00:00:25,754 Oh, Eve, honey, it's not cute when your dad says it, 8 00:00:25,754 --> 00:00:29,357 and it's just... confusing when you do it. 9 00:00:29,357 --> 00:00:31,133 Where was his catalog shoot this time? 10 00:00:31,133 --> 00:00:33,579 Peru? Portugal? Something with a "p." 11 00:00:33,579 --> 00:00:35,690 Yeah, Alaska, with a "p." 12 00:00:37,283 --> 00:00:39,461 He said he was bringing dinner home. 13 00:00:39,461 --> 00:00:40,952 Oh, good. We're starving. 14 00:00:40,952 --> 00:00:43,733 I'm back! 15 00:00:43,733 --> 00:00:45,074 Ah. 16 00:00:45,074 --> 00:00:47,420 All right, dinner. 17 00:00:47,420 --> 00:00:48,174 Oh! 18 00:00:49,834 --> 00:00:52,279 What am I supposed to do with this? 19 00:00:52,279 --> 00:00:54,122 You slice it, mouth to anus. 20 00:00:54,122 --> 00:00:56,837 You pull everything out. Pretty self-explanatory. 21 00:01:00,557 --> 00:01:02,584 I gotta grab a shower. Mmm. Yeah. 22 00:01:02,584 --> 00:01:06,555 It is great to be back home. 23 00:01:12,085 --> 00:01:14,732 Wow. You're heading to work kinda early. 24 00:01:14,732 --> 00:01:16,474 By the sun's position, I'd have it at-- 25 00:01:16,474 --> 00:01:18,452 yeah. You wanna just look at a clock? 26 00:01:20,832 --> 00:01:23,647 Ugh, the boss wants to see me. I'm worried. 27 00:01:23,647 --> 00:01:25,372 Even though I've been there almost a year, 28 00:01:25,372 --> 00:01:27,333 I'm still the new chick. 29 00:01:27,333 --> 00:01:29,376 That's good. New chick's always hot. 30 00:01:29,376 --> 00:01:31,070 Look, I could use some help. 31 00:01:31,070 --> 00:01:33,164 How long are you home for this time? 32 00:01:33,164 --> 00:01:35,275 Oh, probably seven days, 33 00:01:35,275 --> 00:01:37,855 then we're off to Costa Rica shooting our spring catalog. 34 00:01:37,855 --> 00:01:40,034 What do you need? Can you drive Eve to soccer? 35 00:01:40,034 --> 00:01:42,882 Soccer. That's just Europe's covert war 36 00:01:42,882 --> 00:01:46,434 for the hearts and minds of America's kids. 37 00:01:46,434 --> 00:01:48,277 We're scrimmaging the boys to make us tougher. 38 00:01:48,277 --> 00:01:50,624 Well, the boys aren't that tough. I've seen them play. 39 00:01:50,624 --> 00:01:52,517 Running around, getting hair gel in their eyes, 40 00:01:52,517 --> 00:01:55,483 run in the goalpost, and they cry. 41 00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:59,135 Why are you watching the young boys play soccer? 42 00:01:59,135 --> 00:02:02,051 I'm pretty sure I just explained why. 43 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:04,783 Morning. Morning. 44 00:02:04,783 --> 00:02:07,581 Hey. Hey, mom, can you take Boyd to day care? 45 00:02:07,581 --> 00:02:10,395 I can't be late to the diner. 46 00:02:10,395 --> 00:02:11,937 It's our "salute to bacon" week, and I'm the only person 47 00:02:11,937 --> 00:02:14,048 who knows how to work the defibrillator. 48 00:02:14,048 --> 00:02:16,126 I'm running late. Ask your dad. 49 00:02:16,126 --> 00:02:18,070 Oh, not dad. Boyd only knows, like, six words, 50 00:02:18,070 --> 00:02:19,159 and half of them are... 51 00:02:19,159 --> 00:02:21,321 "I blame Obamacare!" 52 00:02:22,713 --> 00:02:24,671 He's a bad influence. 53 00:02:24,671 --> 00:02:26,180 You know, he's standing right here. 54 00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:27,822 He does his best. 55 00:02:27,822 --> 00:02:30,637 Literally, I'm standing right here. 56 00:02:30,637 --> 00:02:32,748 You know who should take Boyd to day care? 57 00:02:32,748 --> 00:02:35,278 Is that deadbeat, no-good father of his. 58 00:02:35,278 --> 00:02:37,424 Yeah, dad. We've been over this, really. 59 00:02:37,424 --> 00:02:38,848 I'm doing fine. 60 00:02:38,848 --> 00:02:40,255 I know this might be hard for you to believe 61 00:02:40,255 --> 00:02:42,466 because you're so old school, but I do not need a man. 62 00:02:42,466 --> 00:02:45,081 Well, you got a baby, so you needed a man once. 63 00:02:47,629 --> 00:02:48,382 Ew! 64 00:02:49,941 --> 00:02:52,705 All right, I will take Boyd to day care, 65 00:02:52,705 --> 00:02:54,162 but I just hope my being late 66 00:02:54,162 --> 00:02:56,676 does not cause the great bacon riot of 2011. 67 00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:59,324 I like bacon. 68 00:03:00,631 --> 00:03:02,641 You need to lay off Kristin. She won't admit it, 69 00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:04,350 but she's having a tough time. 70 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:05,657 People have been having a tough time 71 00:03:05,657 --> 00:03:07,366 since the beginning of time. 72 00:03:07,366 --> 00:03:09,176 You know what's the matter with the world these days? 73 00:03:09,176 --> 00:03:12,158 Sure. Let's discuss that. 74 00:03:13,734 --> 00:03:15,208 Love you. 75 00:03:15,208 --> 00:03:16,884 Have a good day at work. I love you. 76 00:03:16,884 --> 00:03:18,391 Bye. 77 00:03:23,386 --> 00:03:24,491 Now what's wrong? 78 00:03:24,491 --> 00:03:27,607 Dad, no. It's gonna be boring. 79 00:03:27,607 --> 00:03:29,869 I just... I really needed mom's advice. 80 00:03:29,869 --> 00:03:32,249 Well, I'm here. You can have dad's advice. 81 00:03:32,249 --> 00:03:34,008 No, I need good advice. 82 00:03:35,350 --> 00:03:36,605 I gave your older sister plenty of advice 83 00:03:36,605 --> 00:03:38,164 when she was a teenager. What's up? 84 00:03:38,164 --> 00:03:39,403 Oh, yeah, is that when she got the tattoo 85 00:03:39,403 --> 00:03:41,448 or when she came home from her prom pregnant? 86 00:03:41,448 --> 00:03:44,297 She has a tattoo? 87 00:03:44,297 --> 00:03:46,475 I think it's called a tramp stamp. 88 00:03:46,475 --> 00:03:48,720 Yeah, thank God. She doesn't have a tattoo. 89 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,982 She has a-a tramp stamp. 90 00:03:52,609 --> 00:03:53,831 What's the matter? I'm saying-- 91 00:03:53,831 --> 00:03:55,037 no! You're just gonna say it's stupid. 92 00:03:55,037 --> 00:03:57,266 Come on. Give me a break. I'm your dad. 93 00:03:57,266 --> 00:03:58,707 What's--what's going on? 94 00:04:00,719 --> 00:04:03,130 Travis said that "Glee" is dumb. 95 00:04:03,130 --> 00:04:05,477 For crap's sake. Is that what's worrying you? 96 00:04:05,477 --> 00:04:07,772 Is that why you're crying? 97 00:04:12,934 --> 00:04:14,423 What's "Glee"? 98 00:04:16,117 --> 00:04:19,116 Hey, guys, great to be back in the sanctuary. 99 00:04:19,116 --> 00:04:23,606 Yeah. No hair dryers, no tears, no citrus body wash. 100 00:04:23,606 --> 00:04:26,924 It smells like balls in here. 101 00:04:30,075 --> 00:04:32,118 Who are you? 102 00:04:32,118 --> 00:04:33,878 I'm Kyle. 103 00:04:33,878 --> 00:04:35,888 You hired me a couple of months ago. 104 00:04:35,888 --> 00:04:38,217 I parked in your spot, and you broke my windshield. 105 00:04:38,217 --> 00:04:40,412 It's Kyle. How's it going, buddy? 106 00:04:40,412 --> 00:04:41,502 Hi. 107 00:04:41,502 --> 00:04:43,243 Kyle. I like the name "Kyle." 108 00:04:43,243 --> 00:04:46,025 That's a man's name, guys-- Kyle. "K." Kyle. 109 00:04:46,025 --> 00:04:48,036 "I'm-here-to-kick- some-crap-Kyle." 110 00:04:48,036 --> 00:04:50,114 Actually, Kyle's my mother's maiden name. 111 00:04:50,114 --> 00:04:52,058 Didn't need to know that, Kyle. 112 00:04:53,701 --> 00:04:54,454 Oh. 113 00:04:55,142 --> 00:04:56,783 Welcome home, Mikey. 114 00:04:56,783 --> 00:04:58,995 Hey, buddy. 115 00:04:58,995 --> 00:05:00,218 How are you? Good. 116 00:05:00,218 --> 00:05:02,145 Did you bring me back something from Alaska? 117 00:05:02,145 --> 00:05:04,122 Hmm? What are you, 3? 118 00:05:09,384 --> 00:05:10,908 Oh, good. 119 00:05:10,908 --> 00:05:13,539 I didn't have one of these guys. Ah, yeah, yeah. 120 00:05:13,539 --> 00:05:15,818 All right, look, I'm, uh, 121 00:05:15,818 --> 00:05:17,761 I'm not gonna beat around the bush here. 122 00:05:17,761 --> 00:05:20,811 Just got a call from corporate today. 123 00:05:20,811 --> 00:05:22,755 They wanna shut down the catalog. 124 00:05:22,755 --> 00:05:25,402 Corporate? You own the company. 125 00:05:25,402 --> 00:05:27,245 It was worth a shot. What the hell. 126 00:05:27,245 --> 00:05:28,922 What are you talking about? 127 00:05:28,922 --> 00:05:30,865 Our catalog was voted "best catalog" 128 00:05:30,865 --> 00:05:33,194 by "catalogs magazine." 129 00:05:33,194 --> 00:05:34,651 Catalog is done. 130 00:05:34,651 --> 00:05:35,690 What, are you gonna phase it out? 131 00:05:35,690 --> 00:05:37,031 Consider it phased. 132 00:05:37,031 --> 00:05:38,572 After Costa Rica, we're done? 133 00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:40,583 No Costa, no Rica. You're grounded. 134 00:05:40,583 --> 00:05:44,002 But I need your expertise on the web site. 135 00:05:44,002 --> 00:05:45,275 The web site's terrible. 136 00:05:45,275 --> 00:05:46,783 Oh, that's why I want you in charge of it. 137 00:05:46,783 --> 00:05:48,726 For us to have any future at all, 138 00:05:48,726 --> 00:05:51,140 we have to lure young men to our stuff. 139 00:05:51,140 --> 00:05:54,591 Now you talk like my sisters talking. 140 00:05:54,591 --> 00:05:58,446 Young people don't read catalogs anymore. 141 00:05:58,446 --> 00:06:01,679 They're online, so your job now is you gotta go get 'em. 142 00:06:01,679 --> 00:06:03,891 I need this company to be viable a hundred years from now 143 00:06:03,891 --> 00:06:05,684 so I'll have a place to come back to 144 00:06:05,684 --> 00:06:08,029 when they unfreeze my head. 145 00:06:08,029 --> 00:06:11,247 Why don't we just hire a young Internet geek 146 00:06:11,247 --> 00:06:12,587 to improve the web site? 147 00:06:12,587 --> 00:06:15,168 Well, I could do that, then what would you do? 148 00:06:15,168 --> 00:06:17,044 I can't believe you're grounding me. 149 00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:18,184 I'll make a deal. 150 00:06:18,184 --> 00:06:20,195 You find a way to increase our web sales, 151 00:06:20,195 --> 00:06:21,803 I'll find a way of putting you back on the road. 152 00:06:21,803 --> 00:06:23,814 Is that a deal? 153 00:06:23,814 --> 00:06:25,892 It's a deal. Now scram. 154 00:06:27,668 --> 00:06:29,344 What, you have time to go to the range today? 155 00:06:29,344 --> 00:06:33,163 No, some jack-wang is parked in my spot. 156 00:06:37,936 --> 00:06:39,041 Guess what? 157 00:06:39,041 --> 00:06:42,023 I was offered a huge promotion at work. 158 00:06:42,023 --> 00:06:43,715 Congratulations. Yeah. 159 00:06:43,715 --> 00:06:46,078 But if I take it, it would be longer hours, 160 00:06:46,078 --> 00:06:47,385 and that would mean 161 00:06:47,385 --> 00:06:49,295 you'd have to step up around here with the girls. 162 00:06:49,295 --> 00:06:51,105 That's great. 163 00:06:51,105 --> 00:06:53,518 But how can I work longer hours 164 00:06:53,518 --> 00:06:55,193 if you're always gone? 165 00:06:55,193 --> 00:06:57,170 M-maybe I-I won't go so much. 166 00:06:57,170 --> 00:06:58,511 Oh, well, that's sweet. 167 00:06:58,511 --> 00:06:59,517 Yeah. 168 00:06:59,517 --> 00:07:01,360 - What happened? - Nothing. 169 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:04,509 You know, just maybe I wanna spend more time with the girls. 170 00:07:04,509 --> 00:07:05,883 What happened? 171 00:07:05,883 --> 00:07:08,062 Ohh. Ed's grounding me 172 00:07:08,062 --> 00:07:11,195 until I can increase our company's web presence. 173 00:07:11,195 --> 00:07:14,395 Well, you should talk to Mandy about her Vlog. 174 00:07:14,395 --> 00:07:15,635 Vlog? Yeah. 175 00:07:15,635 --> 00:07:17,144 Is that slang for something bad? 176 00:07:17,144 --> 00:07:18,349 Like what? 177 00:07:20,630 --> 00:07:21,969 I don't know. I have a-- when I move, 178 00:07:21,969 --> 00:07:23,796 sometimes my Vlog hits... 179 00:07:23,796 --> 00:07:24,640 Hits... 180 00:07:26,126 --> 00:07:29,242 Sorry I'm late for dinner! Travis and I got a flat tire, 181 00:07:29,242 --> 00:07:31,805 and it took forever for triple "a" to get there. 182 00:07:31,805 --> 00:07:33,798 Wait. Don't tell me 183 00:07:33,798 --> 00:07:36,814 you called a strange person to change your tire. 184 00:07:36,814 --> 00:07:40,100 Then why did you give me an auto club card? 185 00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:41,708 That's for a real emergency, 186 00:07:41,708 --> 00:07:44,959 like a meteor hitting the car or something. 187 00:07:44,959 --> 00:07:46,634 Wh-where is Travis? 188 00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:47,673 Uh, he went to the tanning salon. 189 00:07:47,673 --> 00:07:48,758 Ohh! Ugh! 190 00:07:50,691 --> 00:07:55,263 Ow! That actually hurts to hear that. 191 00:07:55,263 --> 00:07:57,492 Honey, I-I don't think you're ever gonna be able 192 00:07:57,492 --> 00:08:00,676 to rely on this guy Travis, and I'm also gonna ground you 193 00:08:00,676 --> 00:08:02,552 till you can figure out how to change a tire. 194 00:08:02,552 --> 00:08:03,959 That's so unfair! 195 00:08:03,959 --> 00:08:06,909 Who ever said life was supposed to be fair? 196 00:08:06,909 --> 00:08:09,590 I'm just doing this so you don't have to depend on a man. 197 00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:10,662 Um, I thought your argument with me 198 00:08:10,662 --> 00:08:12,773 was that I needed a man. 199 00:08:12,773 --> 00:08:18,705 Just concern yourself with this area over here. 200 00:08:22,191 --> 00:08:23,363 - How's work? - Yeah. 201 00:08:23,363 --> 00:08:25,240 Oh, they're adding all-you-can-eat sausage 202 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:26,514 to the mix tomorrow. 203 00:08:26,514 --> 00:08:29,161 It's gonna be mayhem. 204 00:08:29,161 --> 00:08:31,339 Mm. I love sausage. 205 00:08:33,485 --> 00:08:35,931 Your dad can drive Boyd to day care. 206 00:08:35,931 --> 00:08:38,158 There's no car seat in the truck. There's no car seat in the truck. 207 00:08:38,158 --> 00:08:40,320 Well, I will take the truck. You can take the minivan. 208 00:08:42,701 --> 00:08:45,649 You'll take the truck. I'll drive the minivan. 209 00:08:45,649 --> 00:08:47,224 You're not kidding right now, are you? 210 00:08:47,224 --> 00:08:49,385 No, I'm not. 211 00:08:50,978 --> 00:08:53,222 Well, aloha. 212 00:08:53,222 --> 00:08:55,166 Sure. All right. 213 00:08:55,166 --> 00:08:56,507 All right, champ. 214 00:08:56,507 --> 00:08:58,433 You have a great day at day care, all right? 215 00:08:58,433 --> 00:09:00,259 Oh, we don't--we don't use terms like that here. 216 00:09:00,259 --> 00:09:03,444 See, "champ" implies victory over another person. 217 00:09:03,444 --> 00:09:05,756 Right, and you're all winners here. 218 00:09:05,756 --> 00:09:08,018 Now you're getting it. Hey, come on in. 219 00:09:08,018 --> 00:09:10,414 Ruby's two dads are here, and they're making muffins-- 220 00:09:10,414 --> 00:09:12,392 flax and pumpkin. 221 00:09:12,392 --> 00:09:15,038 Please tell me that's not their names. 222 00:09:15,038 --> 00:09:17,116 That's a good one. Take the shoes off. 223 00:09:17,116 --> 00:09:19,295 We're building a mosque out of pillows. 224 00:09:19,295 --> 00:09:21,071 Give me the kid back. 225 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:25,059 Everything you need to know about life 226 00:09:25,059 --> 00:09:26,282 you can learn from hanging with grandpa. 227 00:09:26,282 --> 00:09:27,740 You just stick with me, all right? 228 00:09:27,740 --> 00:09:29,968 Kyle, take the baby, will ya? 229 00:09:29,968 --> 00:09:31,141 Yeah. 230 00:09:31,141 --> 00:09:33,202 Here you go. Whew. You'll need this. 231 00:09:33,202 --> 00:09:35,414 Dropped a bomb. 232 00:09:44,765 --> 00:09:46,205 So as you know, I normally broadcast from Mandyland. 233 00:09:46,205 --> 00:09:48,752 But tonight I'm transmitting from cell block "c" 234 00:09:48,752 --> 00:09:50,762 of dad-ica prison. 235 00:09:50,762 --> 00:09:52,237 Da-dica? 236 00:09:52,237 --> 00:09:55,320 ♪ Dad, oh, da-a-a-a-ad ♪ 237 00:09:55,320 --> 00:10:00,013 ♪ Travis went to gaga, can't you see I'm sad? ♪ 238 00:10:00,013 --> 00:10:02,475 Ugh! Ahh! 239 00:10:02,475 --> 00:10:06,011 5,000 followers? People got a lot of time on their hands. 240 00:10:06,011 --> 00:10:09,061 Hey, Kyle! Didn't I ask you to take care of the kid? 241 00:10:09,061 --> 00:10:11,708 Yeah, Ed's pulling him around the parking lot. He's what? 242 00:10:11,708 --> 00:10:14,656 In a kayak. Oh. 243 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,455 Kyle. 244 00:10:19,367 --> 00:10:21,762 - Do you know how to change a tire? - Sure. You need me to change your tire? 245 00:10:21,762 --> 00:10:25,950 - Do I look like the kind of guy that can't change his own tire? - Why are you yelling at me? 246 00:10:25,950 --> 00:10:27,241 I don't know what we're talking about. 247 00:10:27,241 --> 00:10:29,335 Why don't you come over to my house? 248 00:10:29,335 --> 00:10:30,793 I want you to meet my daughter Mandy. 249 00:10:30,793 --> 00:10:32,754 If you like her, maybe take her out on a date. 250 00:10:32,754 --> 00:10:36,658 If you don't like her, take her out on a date. 251 00:10:36,658 --> 00:10:38,182 But no funny business. 252 00:10:38,182 --> 00:10:39,489 You mean like sex? 253 00:10:39,489 --> 00:10:40,242 Oh. 254 00:10:42,372 --> 00:10:43,778 You know, it troubles me, Kyle, 255 00:10:43,778 --> 00:10:45,387 that you're so handy with that word. 256 00:10:47,231 --> 00:10:49,174 Just try to remember something. 257 00:10:49,174 --> 00:10:50,347 I could fire you... 258 00:10:55,006 --> 00:10:57,569 Or worse. 259 00:10:57,569 --> 00:10:58,993 Huh? 260 00:11:01,902 --> 00:11:04,566 Dad, where's Boyd? 261 00:11:04,566 --> 00:11:07,263 Uh, he's napping. He got into the energy bars at work. 262 00:11:07,263 --> 00:11:10,782 He ran around until he passed out. 263 00:11:10,782 --> 00:11:13,429 So... instead of taking him to day care, 264 00:11:13,429 --> 00:11:16,964 you took him to the blow dart and shotgun emporium? 265 00:11:16,964 --> 00:11:19,763 He wasn't around anything dangerous, okay? 266 00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:20,936 And I can't say the same 267 00:11:20,936 --> 00:11:23,282 had I left him at hippie hippie rainbow. 268 00:11:24,522 --> 00:11:26,298 Bruce teaches sensitivity and tolerance. 269 00:11:26,298 --> 00:11:28,141 I just don't think your kid should go to that school. 270 00:11:28,141 --> 00:11:29,565 You know how that ends up. Hmm? 271 00:11:29,565 --> 00:11:32,162 Boyd dancing on a float. 272 00:11:35,380 --> 00:11:37,290 And what would be so wrong with that? 273 00:11:37,290 --> 00:11:38,798 The only time men should be dancin' 274 00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:42,752 is when other other men are shootin' at their feet. 275 00:11:42,752 --> 00:11:45,149 Are you gonna meddle up until the day you die? 276 00:11:45,149 --> 00:11:47,963 And beyond. 277 00:11:47,963 --> 00:11:51,297 I have a very specific will. 278 00:11:53,862 --> 00:11:57,800 Mandy keeps telling me soccer's making my legs thick. 279 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:01,988 Listen, Eve, boys like a gal with a sturdy foundation. 280 00:12:03,530 --> 00:12:05,876 That's what attracted me to your mom in the first place. 281 00:12:07,150 --> 00:12:09,947 Don't ever tell her I said that. 282 00:12:09,947 --> 00:12:12,963 I've never played against the boys before. 283 00:12:12,963 --> 00:12:14,723 Are there any cute ones? 284 00:12:14,723 --> 00:12:17,907 No. Who said anything about Victor Blake? 285 00:12:20,588 --> 00:12:23,017 Let me give you some advice. 286 00:12:23,017 --> 00:12:24,995 You wanna impress the boys, you play hard, 287 00:12:24,995 --> 00:12:26,317 take the game to them, 288 00:12:26,317 --> 00:12:29,200 prove that you belong on that field. 289 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:30,942 Trust me. 290 00:12:32,703 --> 00:12:34,998 Well, we have to move! 291 00:12:36,372 --> 00:12:37,511 What happened? 292 00:12:37,511 --> 00:12:39,757 Dad! He told me that boys would like me more 293 00:12:39,757 --> 00:12:42,337 if I played aggressive. I sprained Victor Blake's ankle, 294 00:12:42,337 --> 00:12:44,448 and now they call me "Queen Kong." 295 00:12:46,292 --> 00:12:47,866 I'm going to pack! 296 00:12:47,866 --> 00:12:48,870 Ugh! 297 00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:53,965 I can explain. 298 00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:57,853 We might have to move. 299 00:12:57,853 --> 00:13:00,332 Why are you giving girl advice? 300 00:13:00,332 --> 00:13:01,556 Why don't you just stick to what you know-- 301 00:13:01,556 --> 00:13:04,538 chasing raccoons out of the yard? 302 00:13:04,538 --> 00:13:06,934 They're a herding animal. 303 00:13:06,934 --> 00:13:08,509 If you don't nip that in the bud-- 304 00:13:08,509 --> 00:13:10,385 oh, I... 305 00:13:10,385 --> 00:13:14,709 I just hate to disappoint her. 306 00:13:14,709 --> 00:13:16,418 Kristin never listens to me anymore, 307 00:13:16,418 --> 00:13:18,932 and Mandy's got her new family, the Kardashians. 308 00:13:20,659 --> 00:13:23,422 Queen Kong's my little buddy. 309 00:13:23,422 --> 00:13:25,266 Just go up and talk to her. 310 00:13:25,266 --> 00:13:27,511 She's not talking to me. 311 00:13:27,511 --> 00:13:29,321 None of my girls are talking to me. 312 00:13:29,321 --> 00:13:32,304 Usually I think that's a great idea. 313 00:13:32,304 --> 00:13:34,900 Right now it just hurts. 314 00:13:34,900 --> 00:13:38,369 Mike, your girls are talking to you. 315 00:13:38,369 --> 00:13:40,815 You just need to listen to them. 316 00:13:43,497 --> 00:13:44,837 Huh? 317 00:13:47,719 --> 00:13:49,092 Hi. Mike Baxter here, 318 00:13:49,092 --> 00:13:51,170 asking the question that men have been asking 319 00:13:51,170 --> 00:13:52,745 since medieval times. 320 00:13:52,745 --> 00:13:55,644 Gosh darn it. Where can I get 321 00:13:55,644 --> 00:13:59,246 a crossbow online? 322 00:13:59,246 --> 00:14:02,330 This is the new Excalibur super saber series. 323 00:14:02,330 --> 00:14:04,374 Composite handle, so when you're huntin'... 324 00:14:04,374 --> 00:14:06,016 When you're huntin'... 325 00:14:06,016 --> 00:14:08,429 God. Who am I kidding? 326 00:14:08,429 --> 00:14:10,473 If you're watching this... 327 00:14:10,473 --> 00:14:11,948 You don't hunt. 328 00:14:11,948 --> 00:14:13,925 You're probably hunting for a tissue right about now, 329 00:14:13,925 --> 00:14:15,232 aren't you? 330 00:14:15,232 --> 00:14:17,745 And some girl at a soccer game 331 00:14:17,745 --> 00:14:21,566 where nobody can lose sprained your ankle! 332 00:14:21,566 --> 00:14:23,174 There's a guy named Jack Youngblood-- 333 00:14:23,174 --> 00:14:26,793 played the super bowl with a broken leg! 334 00:14:26,793 --> 00:14:28,134 That's not fantasy! 335 00:14:28,134 --> 00:14:30,179 What the heck is fantasy football? 336 00:14:30,179 --> 00:14:31,787 I got a fantasy. 337 00:14:31,787 --> 00:14:33,529 Why don't you get off the frickin' couch, you morons? 338 00:14:33,529 --> 00:14:36,647 What happened to men? 339 00:14:36,647 --> 00:14:39,997 Men used to build cities just so we could burn 'em down. 340 00:14:39,997 --> 00:14:43,281 We got our hair cut by a guy named Hank. 341 00:14:43,281 --> 00:14:44,890 But modern man--what do you do? 342 00:14:44,890 --> 00:14:47,806 You run from stuff-- responsibility, fatherhood. 343 00:14:47,806 --> 00:14:51,492 You can't even change a tire. A tire! 344 00:14:51,492 --> 00:14:53,536 Why don't you get off the couch, you moron, 345 00:14:53,536 --> 00:14:56,301 and go outside?! 346 00:14:56,301 --> 00:14:58,982 You'll see something bright. It's called the sun. 347 00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:01,278 It's like a tanning bed, but it's free! 348 00:15:03,322 --> 00:15:06,941 How is Mike pretending to be angry, scary, and unstable 349 00:15:06,941 --> 00:15:10,242 good for our web site? 350 00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:13,593 We've gotten tons of hits. Hits are good. 351 00:15:13,593 --> 00:15:14,749 I know hits are good, you jack-wang. 352 00:15:14,749 --> 00:15:18,369 I'm not a thousand years old. 353 00:15:18,369 --> 00:15:19,776 It's gone viral. 354 00:15:19,776 --> 00:15:21,485 Our web traffic is way up. 355 00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:23,965 Well... Looks like this company 356 00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:26,311 has finally entered the 20th century, huh? 357 00:15:26,311 --> 00:15:30,199 But it's the 21st century, sir. 358 00:15:30,199 --> 00:15:32,477 One step at a time, Kyle. 359 00:15:36,333 --> 00:15:38,308 Hey, Eve, would you give me the ketchup-- 360 00:15:38,308 --> 00:15:39,682 not talking to you. 361 00:15:39,682 --> 00:15:41,040 Kristin, does Boyd want a hot dog, 362 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:44,039 or do you have some soy thing on a stick in your purse? 363 00:15:45,649 --> 00:15:47,742 Okay, I get it. 364 00:15:47,742 --> 00:15:48,999 Nobody's talking to me. 365 00:15:48,999 --> 00:15:51,210 I'm talking to you, dad. That makes me nervous. 366 00:15:51,210 --> 00:15:53,992 Yeah. Will you go pick up Travis, please? 367 00:15:53,992 --> 00:15:55,282 You can pick him up. Really? 368 00:15:55,282 --> 00:15:57,242 Yeah, if you can just figure out how to change a tire. 369 00:15:58,299 --> 00:15:59,789 So sad. 370 00:15:59,789 --> 00:16:03,274 I'm living with Lord Voldemort! 371 00:16:03,274 --> 00:16:05,688 I don't know who that is, 372 00:16:05,688 --> 00:16:09,860 but he sounds like a very caring father. 373 00:16:09,860 --> 00:16:13,664 Hi. You must be Mr. B's daughter. 374 00:16:13,664 --> 00:16:14,919 Okay. 375 00:16:16,144 --> 00:16:17,283 And who are you? 376 00:16:17,283 --> 00:16:20,265 I'm Kyle. Your dad wanted us to meet? 377 00:16:20,265 --> 00:16:22,779 Oh, God. Did he tell you that I needed a man? 378 00:16:22,779 --> 00:16:25,392 Pretty much. 379 00:16:25,392 --> 00:16:27,621 Great. Well, did he also tell you 380 00:16:27,621 --> 00:16:30,788 that I need help because I'm a single mom? Um... 381 00:16:30,788 --> 00:16:33,636 I'm guessing not by that dumbfounded look on your face. 382 00:16:33,636 --> 00:16:36,870 Oh, no, this is just my face. 383 00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:38,462 Okay, why are you hanging out with my dad? 384 00:16:38,462 --> 00:16:40,222 That's just weird. I work for him. 385 00:16:40,222 --> 00:16:43,255 Oh, God. Is he paying you to date me? 386 00:16:43,255 --> 00:16:45,081 Am I that pathetic? 387 00:16:45,081 --> 00:16:46,840 You wanna go to a movie? 388 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:50,727 Um, a-a movie. Well, I have not been to a movie 389 00:16:50,727 --> 00:16:53,878 since my water broke during "Avatar." 390 00:16:53,878 --> 00:16:56,559 Hello, Boyd. 391 00:16:56,559 --> 00:16:58,804 Boyd, right. That little dude's awesome. 392 00:16:58,804 --> 00:17:00,078 He really loves your dad. 393 00:17:00,078 --> 00:17:02,591 Yeah, well, Boyd loves everybody. 394 00:17:02,591 --> 00:17:03,798 No, he fell and tripped, 395 00:17:03,798 --> 00:17:05,373 and your dad came over and hugged him and said, 396 00:17:05,373 --> 00:17:08,322 "hey, it's okay to cry. Just let it out." 397 00:17:08,322 --> 00:17:10,836 Wait. Mr. Outdoor Man said that? 398 00:17:10,836 --> 00:17:12,561 Later on, when a heat lamp fell on my foot, 399 00:17:12,561 --> 00:17:15,627 was it okay for me to cry? No, it was not. 400 00:17:18,309 --> 00:17:20,185 Oh, o-okay. Um... 401 00:17:20,185 --> 00:17:22,464 I'm--I'm gonna go and check on Boyd, 402 00:17:22,464 --> 00:17:24,961 and, um... And you go say hi to my dad, 403 00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:27,138 and then, um, we'll go. 404 00:17:27,138 --> 00:17:28,429 Okay. Okay. 405 00:17:33,658 --> 00:17:35,735 - Hey, Mr. B. - Hey, Kyle. 406 00:17:35,735 --> 00:17:37,276 Thanks for having me over. You bet, buddy. 407 00:17:37,276 --> 00:17:38,784 Mandy is awesome. 408 00:17:38,784 --> 00:17:40,678 Well, that's great. 409 00:17:40,678 --> 00:17:43,224 Yeah, that is great. Who are you? 410 00:17:43,224 --> 00:17:44,682 I'm Kyle. 411 00:17:44,682 --> 00:17:46,559 I'm sort of Mike's right-hand man. 412 00:17:46,559 --> 00:17:48,837 No, you're not, Kyle. 413 00:17:48,837 --> 00:17:52,054 Hey, dad, thank you for telling Kyle about me. 414 00:17:53,497 --> 00:17:57,451 It's o-okay, daughter. 415 00:17:57,451 --> 00:17:59,478 Wait, wait. Didn't--didn't you just say you were here 416 00:17:59,478 --> 00:18:01,438 to see man-- and man. 417 00:18:01,438 --> 00:18:06,146 Man, am I hungry. That's a man. 418 00:18:06,146 --> 00:18:09,197 O-okay. Well, um, we're gonna go see a movie 419 00:18:09,197 --> 00:18:11,173 - if you could watch Boyd. - Yeah, sure. 420 00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:14,340 Actually, I was asking dad. 421 00:18:14,340 --> 00:18:17,826 Actually, she was asking me. Okay. 422 00:18:17,826 --> 00:18:20,372 Thank you, dad. 423 00:18:20,372 --> 00:18:21,412 Okay. 424 00:18:25,116 --> 00:18:27,880 Come on, Kyle. 425 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,761 What the hell did you do? 426 00:18:32,605 --> 00:18:33,945 I-I don't know. 427 00:18:33,945 --> 00:18:36,257 Oh, Mr. B. I almost forgot to tell you. Yeah. 428 00:18:36,257 --> 00:18:37,631 Ed says he's proud of you 429 00:18:37,631 --> 00:18:39,323 and that you're back on for Costa Rica. 430 00:18:39,323 --> 00:18:42,172 Great, great, great. That-- good. 431 00:18:42,172 --> 00:18:44,669 Let me give you a little hint about Mandy. 432 00:18:44,669 --> 00:18:47,199 She likes to be called "Kristin." 433 00:18:47,199 --> 00:18:49,159 It's a nickname. 434 00:18:49,159 --> 00:18:50,550 Thanks, Mr. B. 435 00:18:50,550 --> 00:18:52,762 You bet. 436 00:18:52,762 --> 00:18:56,063 You know that's not gonna end well. 437 00:18:56,063 --> 00:18:57,705 Yes, I do. 438 00:18:57,705 --> 00:19:00,386 Well, I hope you're happy! 439 00:19:00,386 --> 00:19:02,062 Well, I was for a couple seconds. 440 00:19:03,503 --> 00:19:04,658 What's happening? 441 00:19:04,658 --> 00:19:05,916 I changed a tire. What? 442 00:19:05,916 --> 00:19:07,674 I broke three nails and I ruined a sweater. 443 00:19:07,674 --> 00:19:11,043 Oh, and you know the--the-- the pumpy, pumpy thing? 444 00:19:11,043 --> 00:19:12,483 - Uh, jack. - Yeah, jack. 445 00:19:12,483 --> 00:19:14,629 You need a new one. 446 00:19:14,629 --> 00:19:17,527 Uh... I'm proud of you, Mandy. 447 00:19:17,527 --> 00:19:18,567 Thanks, dad. Keys? 448 00:19:18,567 --> 00:19:20,225 Yeah, sure. 449 00:19:20,225 --> 00:19:21,884 I gotta go to Travis. 450 00:19:21,884 --> 00:19:24,431 We still have time to get our mani-pedis! 451 00:19:26,275 --> 00:19:27,119 Travis. 452 00:19:29,308 --> 00:19:31,652 If no one's coming to dinner, and you're watching Boyd, 453 00:19:31,652 --> 00:19:33,295 then I'm gonna have three glasses of wine, 454 00:19:33,295 --> 00:19:35,741 take a bath, and go to bed. 455 00:19:36,798 --> 00:19:38,389 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hi, dad. 456 00:19:38,389 --> 00:19:40,433 What? What? What? Victor Blake. 457 00:19:40,433 --> 00:19:42,644 Uh, uh, uh, sprained ankle Victor Blake? 458 00:19:42,644 --> 00:19:44,823 Yeah. He called me, and he liked the way I played. 459 00:19:44,823 --> 00:19:46,717 I told you that was gonna work out. 460 00:19:46,717 --> 00:19:49,531 He asked me out, dad. My first real date! 461 00:19:49,531 --> 00:19:52,665 I'll be aggressive just like you taught me. 462 00:19:52,665 --> 00:19:56,083 No, no, no, no. Aggressive is bad! It... 463 00:19:57,492 --> 00:19:58,864 Nice going, coach. 464 00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:01,429 I did not see that coming. 465 00:20:01,429 --> 00:20:06,622 Boy, I bet you're happy to be hitting the road again, huh? 466 00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:07,795 I'm not going anywhere. 467 00:20:07,795 --> 00:20:10,795 What if Victor Blake can't change a tire? 468 00:20:10,795 --> 00:20:12,973 What are you saying? 469 00:20:14,784 --> 00:20:16,878 I'm saying... with your new promotion, 470 00:20:16,878 --> 00:20:19,005 you're gonna need a lot of help around here. 471 00:20:19,005 --> 00:20:21,519 And that's you? 472 00:20:21,519 --> 00:20:25,423 Then I will definitely need three glasses of wine. 473 00:20:25,423 --> 00:20:28,238 What's a man's number one responsibility? 474 00:20:28,238 --> 00:20:32,125 Mm, terrorizing his daughter's boyfriends? 475 00:20:32,125 --> 00:20:33,550 You get me. 476 00:20:33,550 --> 00:20:34,555 Mm. 477 00:20:34,555 --> 00:20:36,566 Which is why I married you. 478 00:20:36,566 --> 00:20:39,632 I thought it was for my sturdy foundation. 479 00:20:42,397 --> 00:20:43,241 Snitch! 480 00:20:50,161 --> 00:20:52,358 The manly arts are vanishing. That's a fact. 481 00:20:52,358 --> 00:20:55,006 What do we do when the aliens invade 482 00:20:55,006 --> 00:20:57,120 or the zombies come out of their graves 483 00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:58,688 and the machines rise up? 484 00:20:58,688 --> 00:21:00,302 Who's gonna lead us? 485 00:21:00,302 --> 00:21:01,306 You. 486 00:21:02,230 --> 00:21:05,195 I have all this knowledge. It's my duty... 487 00:21:05,195 --> 00:21:09,686 To pass it on for the future of mankind. 488 00:21:10,630 --> 00:21:12,193 And very important lesson tonight. 489 00:21:12,193 --> 00:21:14,309 This one here. Right here. Put 'em up here. 490 00:21:14,309 --> 00:21:16,706 How do we get this little piggy 491 00:21:16,706 --> 00:21:20,158 all the way over to market? 492 00:21:24,505 --> 00:21:25,984 Mandy?!