1 00:00:00,420 --> 00:00:01,678 Didn't they say 304? 2 00:00:01,815 --> 00:00:03,315 No, 303. I wrote it down twice. 3 00:00:04,966 --> 00:00:07,468 Troy & Abed: ♪ Troy and Abed's new apartment! ♪ 4 00:00:07,502 --> 00:00:10,839 Annie & Britta: Hiiii! 5 00:00:10,873 --> 00:00:11,957 - Come on in. - Come on. 6 00:00:11,991 --> 00:00:13,675 Girls: Wow. 7 00:00:13,710 --> 00:00:15,611 What a great place. 8 00:00:15,646 --> 00:00:18,331 You guys--you guys look so fancy. 9 00:00:18,365 --> 00:00:20,583 Thanks. We read a book on how to be the perfect party hosts. 10 00:00:20,618 --> 00:00:21,618 Rule number one-- dress to impress. 11 00:00:21,653 --> 00:00:22,853 Rule number two-- 12 00:00:22,887 --> 00:00:25,856 avoid touchy topics like the negro problem. 13 00:00:25,890 --> 00:00:27,292 - The book was written in the '40s. - Yeah. 14 00:00:27,326 --> 00:00:29,294 Oh, good, you guys are finally here. 15 00:00:29,328 --> 00:00:30,295 Finally? 16 00:00:30,329 --> 00:00:31,963 Shirley showed up at 3:00. 17 00:00:31,997 --> 00:00:33,449 Time flies when I'm baking. 18 00:00:33,483 --> 00:00:35,000 No, it doesn't. 19 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,470 Oh, the door downstairs was propped open with this. 20 00:00:37,504 --> 00:00:38,771 This is really unsafe. 21 00:00:38,805 --> 00:00:40,540 Anyone could have just wandered into your building. 22 00:00:40,575 --> 00:00:41,541 [Buzzer sounds] 23 00:00:41,576 --> 00:00:42,743 Like one of our guests? 24 00:00:42,777 --> 00:00:44,311 - I'll be right back. - Thank you, Troy. 25 00:00:44,345 --> 00:00:45,847 Let me give you ladies the grand tour. 26 00:00:45,881 --> 00:00:48,499 Bathroom, kitchen, who cares, and this is my scale model 27 00:00:48,550 --> 00:00:49,834 of the rolling Boulder scene from raiders... 28 00:00:49,885 --> 00:00:51,652 With actual rolling Boulder. 29 00:00:51,687 --> 00:00:52,838 Ooh. 30 00:00:52,889 --> 00:00:53,839 [Voice recording] Adiós, Sapito. 31 00:00:53,890 --> 00:00:56,508 Annie & Britta: Ahh. 32 00:00:56,559 --> 00:00:57,659 Pretty cool, huh? 33 00:00:57,694 --> 00:00:59,662 Super cool. And sexy. 34 00:00:59,697 --> 00:01:00,897 Super sexy cool. 35 00:01:00,931 --> 00:01:02,315 Overselling it. 36 00:01:02,349 --> 00:01:03,850 I made pizza. 37 00:01:03,901 --> 00:01:05,069 But we ordered real pizza. 38 00:01:05,103 --> 00:01:06,837 Well, there's nothing more real than homemade. 39 00:01:06,872 --> 00:01:08,205 You didn't have some of the ingredients, 40 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:10,641 so I used ketchup and cream cheese. 41 00:01:10,676 --> 00:01:12,027 We ordered real pizza. 42 00:01:15,581 --> 00:01:18,868 Okay. Hey, got you that. 43 00:01:18,919 --> 00:01:20,820 [Nervous laughter] 44 00:01:20,838 --> 00:01:23,690 Bienvenido de la Casa Chez Trobed. 45 00:01:23,725 --> 00:01:24,825 Very nice. 46 00:01:24,843 --> 00:01:27,060 Oh, look, Indiana Jones 47 00:01:27,095 --> 00:01:29,162 and the apartment of perpetual virginity. 48 00:01:29,180 --> 00:01:30,832 [Laughs] 49 00:01:30,850 --> 00:01:33,668 Chop busted, fellow adult, chop busted. 50 00:01:33,702 --> 00:01:36,272 It's nice. Not mansion-nice, but it's nice. 51 00:01:36,306 --> 00:01:39,007 Didn't you used to live in a mansion with me? 52 00:01:39,025 --> 00:01:41,610 Yeah, but this is more my speed and century. 53 00:01:41,645 --> 00:01:43,713 Doesn't bother me. I've hardly missed you at all 54 00:01:43,748 --> 00:01:45,215 since I had you removed from my portraits. 55 00:01:45,249 --> 00:01:46,449 Jeff! 56 00:01:46,484 --> 00:01:47,951 Check it out. Serbian rum. 57 00:01:47,985 --> 00:01:51,355 So strong it is banned there. 58 00:01:51,373 --> 00:01:53,658 Banned in Serbia, Jeff. 59 00:01:53,692 --> 00:01:56,295 [Chuckling] Let that concept sink in. 60 00:01:56,329 --> 00:01:58,130 Yeah, well, you enjoy. I have to leave early. 61 00:01:58,164 --> 00:01:59,798 - Oh? - Yeah, sorry. 62 00:01:59,833 --> 00:02:01,901 I've got an invite to the opening of a new club. 63 00:02:01,936 --> 00:02:04,103 Look at this place. It's like it was designed for me. 64 00:02:04,138 --> 00:02:06,205 It was. I made that in Photoshop and mailed it to you 65 00:02:06,223 --> 00:02:07,942 a month ago so that you'd keep tonight open on your calendar. 66 00:02:07,976 --> 00:02:09,176 There's no such thing as 67 00:02:09,211 --> 00:02:12,279 single malt platinum boobs and billiards club? 68 00:02:12,314 --> 00:02:13,648 [Sighs] 69 00:02:13,683 --> 00:02:15,717 I guess I never said it out loud. 70 00:02:15,751 --> 00:02:17,886 Tonight we offer something far more than boobs and billiards. 71 00:02:17,904 --> 00:02:20,656 - What? - One word, two syllables. 72 00:02:20,691 --> 00:02:23,459 Don't say charades. Troy & Abed: Yahtzee! 73 00:02:23,493 --> 00:02:26,163 Is charades off the table? 74 00:02:26,197 --> 00:02:29,197 Sync by mczolly, corrected by susanaLC www.Addic7ed.Com 75 00:02:53,028 --> 00:02:56,781 Come on. And... 76 00:02:56,815 --> 00:02:59,301 Okay. 77 00:02:59,335 --> 00:03:02,471 Now... "How to play Yahtzee." 78 00:03:02,505 --> 00:03:04,908 Is there nothing from our youth 79 00:03:04,942 --> 00:03:07,327 that these companies won't repackage for a buck? 80 00:03:07,378 --> 00:03:09,212 Call it Yahtzee all you want. 81 00:03:09,246 --> 00:03:11,715 Everybody knows it's Puerto Rican chess. 82 00:03:11,750 --> 00:03:13,584 [Doorbell buzzes] [Gasps] 83 00:03:13,618 --> 00:03:14,785 Annie, it's just the pizza. 84 00:03:14,819 --> 00:03:17,138 We can't buzz him up. Someone has to go down. 85 00:03:20,059 --> 00:03:21,476 [Groans] Okay. 86 00:03:21,510 --> 00:03:24,130 Starting on my left with one, your number comes up, you go. 87 00:03:24,164 --> 00:03:25,197 Just so you know, Jeff, you are now creating 88 00:03:25,232 --> 00:03:26,182 six different timelines. 89 00:03:26,233 --> 00:03:28,133 Of course I am, Abed. 90 00:03:28,151 --> 00:03:29,469 [Dramatic orchestral music] 91 00:03:29,487 --> 00:03:32,138 ♪ ♪ 92 00:03:32,156 --> 00:03:33,974 Two. One, two-- Annie. 93 00:03:34,008 --> 00:03:36,244 Okay, fine. I guess I'm going down. 94 00:03:36,278 --> 00:03:37,245 [Roxanne by the police] 95 00:03:37,279 --> 00:03:38,446 All this talk of going down... 96 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:39,480 Did you guys know I had sex 97 00:03:39,515 --> 00:03:41,450 with Eartha Kitt in an airplane bathroom? 98 00:03:41,484 --> 00:03:43,252 [All groaning] We're about to eat. 99 00:03:43,286 --> 00:03:45,454 It's not namedropping if it comes up organically. 100 00:03:45,488 --> 00:03:46,989 I'm gonna check in on my pies. 101 00:03:47,007 --> 00:03:49,592 - ♪ Roxa-- ♪ - No. 102 00:03:49,627 --> 00:03:51,127 Bathroom? 103 00:03:51,161 --> 00:03:53,431 Over here. 104 00:03:53,465 --> 00:03:55,666 Uh, guys? 105 00:03:55,701 --> 00:03:57,167 What does a pregnancy test look like? 106 00:03:57,185 --> 00:03:59,270 Like a thin piece of plastic with a thing on the end of it. 107 00:03:59,304 --> 00:04:01,073 Okay, so this is definitely a gun. 108 00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:02,941 Whoa! Yeah, put that away. 109 00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:05,176 Oh, my-- Why does Annie have a gun? 110 00:04:05,194 --> 00:04:07,080 That's not a gun, that's a girl's peashooter. 111 00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:08,281 Here, Troy. 112 00:04:08,315 --> 00:04:09,849 Happy housewarming. 113 00:04:09,867 --> 00:04:12,419 Jeff, what are we gonna do about this? 114 00:04:12,454 --> 00:04:14,121 I'm gonna get a drink. Ow! 115 00:04:14,155 --> 00:04:17,041 - [Laughs] - What's so funny? 116 00:04:17,075 --> 00:04:18,576 I don't know, people hitting their heads. 117 00:04:18,627 --> 00:04:22,797 Don't fight over them. 118 00:04:22,832 --> 00:04:24,717 Well, y-you can fight a little. 119 00:04:24,751 --> 00:04:27,069 Smells weird. 120 00:04:27,104 --> 00:04:28,571 I beg your pardon? 121 00:04:28,605 --> 00:04:30,206 Smells weird. What did you do? 122 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,409 Abed, you don't ask someone a question like that. 123 00:04:32,443 --> 00:04:34,711 It's not dignified. 124 00:04:34,746 --> 00:04:36,146 Pizza! 125 00:04:36,180 --> 00:04:37,565 ♪ Pizza, pizza, go in tummy ♪ 126 00:04:37,599 --> 00:04:40,234 ♪ me so hung-ee me so hung-ee ♪ 127 00:04:40,269 --> 00:04:42,453 That pizza guy was super creepy. 128 00:04:42,488 --> 00:04:46,525 So you're saying he was a pizza guy? 129 00:04:46,559 --> 00:04:48,027 I wonder what happened in those other timelines. 130 00:04:48,061 --> 00:04:51,464 Abed, there are no other timelines. 131 00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:53,833 [Doorbell buzzes] 132 00:04:53,868 --> 00:04:55,285 [Groans] Okay. 133 00:04:55,336 --> 00:04:58,238 Starting on my left with one, your number comes up, you go. 134 00:04:58,256 --> 00:04:59,306 Just so you know, Jeff, you are now creating 135 00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:00,291 six different timelines. 136 00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:02,109 Of course I am, Abed. 137 00:05:02,145 --> 00:05:03,428 [Dramatic orchestral music] 138 00:05:03,463 --> 00:05:06,098 ♪ ♪ 139 00:05:06,132 --> 00:05:08,684 Four. One, two, three, four-- Shirley. 140 00:05:08,719 --> 00:05:10,803 Okay, just don't let my pies burn. 141 00:05:10,854 --> 00:05:13,089 [Roxanne by the police] 142 00:05:13,107 --> 00:05:15,626 Remember, no one eats those pies. 143 00:05:15,660 --> 00:05:17,144 Come on, let's just talk to her. 144 00:05:17,195 --> 00:05:19,229 We tried that, Annie, but she ignored us. 145 00:05:19,264 --> 00:05:20,949 The woman has a baking problem. 146 00:05:20,983 --> 00:05:22,567 Now, I-I don't like being the bad guy 147 00:05:22,601 --> 00:05:23,768 anymore than anybody else-- 148 00:05:23,803 --> 00:05:25,970 - ♪ Roxa-- ♪ - No. 149 00:05:26,005 --> 00:05:27,373 Bathroom? 150 00:05:27,407 --> 00:05:29,542 Yeah, over here. 151 00:05:29,576 --> 00:05:33,680 We have a pact. We do not enable her baking. 152 00:05:33,714 --> 00:05:35,048 It's gonna be better for her in the long run. 153 00:05:35,083 --> 00:05:37,117 Heh, you know who got it in the long run. 154 00:05:37,151 --> 00:05:40,321 Eartha Kitt, when I nailed her in the airplane bathroom. 155 00:05:40,355 --> 00:05:41,389 [Groaning] Ew, Pierce. 156 00:05:41,423 --> 00:05:43,524 What? Came up organically. 157 00:05:43,559 --> 00:05:45,978 Here, Troy. Happy housewarming. 158 00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:49,014 Oh, cool. 159 00:05:49,065 --> 00:05:51,100 Thanks, Pierce. 160 00:05:51,134 --> 00:05:52,202 [Yells] 161 00:05:52,236 --> 00:05:53,403 What is it? 162 00:05:53,437 --> 00:05:56,573 What? It's a traditional Norwegian troll. 163 00:05:56,607 --> 00:05:57,907 When Troy and I were living together, 164 00:05:57,942 --> 00:05:59,410 I had it on display in the hall. 165 00:05:59,444 --> 00:06:01,712 You know, outside his bedroom. 166 00:06:01,746 --> 00:06:03,330 He seemed very taken with it. 167 00:06:03,365 --> 00:06:05,167 [Laughs] 168 00:06:05,201 --> 00:06:06,218 It used to watch me sleep! 169 00:06:06,252 --> 00:06:07,719 Pierce, shame on you. 170 00:06:07,753 --> 00:06:09,221 Jeff, what are you gonna do about this? 171 00:06:09,255 --> 00:06:10,655 I'm gonna get a drink. 172 00:06:10,690 --> 00:06:12,225 Ow! [Laughs] 173 00:06:12,259 --> 00:06:13,209 Oh, my God! Are you okay? 174 00:06:13,260 --> 00:06:14,326 Barely felt it. 175 00:06:14,344 --> 00:06:15,595 I'm gonna look at it in the bathroom. 176 00:06:15,629 --> 00:06:17,931 It's not dignified. 177 00:06:17,966 --> 00:06:19,333 Pizza! 178 00:06:19,367 --> 00:06:21,401 ♪ Pizza, pizza in my tummy ♪ 179 00:06:21,436 --> 00:06:23,336 ♪ me so hung-ee me so hung-ee ♪ 180 00:06:23,354 --> 00:06:27,542 Did someone remember to take out my pies? 181 00:06:27,576 --> 00:06:28,776 Seriously? 182 00:06:28,811 --> 00:06:31,230 Oh! 183 00:06:31,281 --> 00:06:33,182 Oh! Oh, no. 184 00:06:33,216 --> 00:06:36,953 [Whimpers] Seriously? 185 00:06:36,988 --> 00:06:38,655 Shirley, it doesn't matter. 186 00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:40,157 We weren't gonna eat them. 187 00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:42,693 You're not allowed to have "baking things" as an identity. 188 00:06:42,728 --> 00:06:45,129 Excuse me for being the only married woman 189 00:06:45,164 --> 00:06:47,915 in a group full of horny toads who sit around all night 190 00:06:47,966 --> 00:06:49,301 just making googly eyes at each other. 191 00:06:49,335 --> 00:06:54,306 Both: Googly eyes? 192 00:06:54,340 --> 00:06:56,075 [Yelps] 193 00:06:56,110 --> 00:06:57,644 Shirley, it's okay. 194 00:06:57,678 --> 00:06:59,979 Nobody makes googly eyes at me either. We're the same. 195 00:07:00,014 --> 00:07:04,384 [Whimpers and cries] 196 00:07:04,402 --> 00:07:06,787 ♪ Roxanne ♪ 197 00:07:06,821 --> 00:07:08,740 Adiós, Sapito. 198 00:07:08,774 --> 00:07:11,793 I don't know why she's so upset. 199 00:07:11,827 --> 00:07:13,796 Her pies probably didn't burn in the other timelines. 200 00:07:13,830 --> 00:07:15,781 Abed, Shirley just had a nervous breakdown. 201 00:07:15,832 --> 00:07:17,783 - More like a nervous-- - Bakedown! I know! 202 00:07:17,834 --> 00:07:19,068 I didn't say it on purpose. 203 00:07:19,086 --> 00:07:21,404 And Abed, there are no other timelines. 204 00:07:21,422 --> 00:07:23,307 [Doorbell buzzes] 205 00:07:23,341 --> 00:07:25,042 [Groans] Okay. 206 00:07:25,076 --> 00:07:27,845 Starting on my left with one, your number comes up, you go. 207 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,097 Just so you know, Jeff, you are now creating 208 00:07:29,131 --> 00:07:31,482 - six different timelines. - Of course I am, Abed. 209 00:07:33,789 --> 00:07:36,636 [Dramatic orchestral music] 210 00:07:37,751 --> 00:07:40,333 Three. One, two, three-- Pierce. 211 00:07:40,384 --> 00:07:41,967 Crap. [Roxanne by the police] 212 00:07:42,002 --> 00:07:45,134 Speaking of crap, I was taking one in an airplane bathroom 213 00:07:45,168 --> 00:07:47,167 when Eartha Kitt decided to bang me. 214 00:07:47,219 --> 00:07:49,550 [All groaning] What? It's where my mind went. 215 00:07:49,585 --> 00:07:51,284 Your mind went years ago. 216 00:07:51,319 --> 00:07:54,184 [Laughs] 217 00:07:54,219 --> 00:07:55,251 Ugh. 218 00:07:55,285 --> 00:07:56,884 I'm gonna check on my pies. 219 00:07:56,918 --> 00:07:59,950 - ♪ Roxa-- ♪ - No. 220 00:07:59,968 --> 00:08:01,117 Bathroom? 221 00:08:01,152 --> 00:08:02,134 Yeah, over here. 222 00:08:02,168 --> 00:08:04,184 I love your place, Troy. 223 00:08:04,219 --> 00:08:06,451 You're all... grown up now. 224 00:08:06,485 --> 00:08:09,685 I can't believe those are real mahogany bunk beds in there. 225 00:08:09,718 --> 00:08:11,451 I bet that cost you a few allowances. 226 00:08:11,485 --> 00:08:12,618 [Laughs] 227 00:08:12,636 --> 00:08:14,001 Okay. 228 00:08:14,052 --> 00:08:15,184 Aww! Troy. 229 00:08:15,219 --> 00:08:17,384 Now we done it. 230 00:08:17,419 --> 00:08:18,484 Britta's in the bath-- 231 00:08:18,519 --> 00:08:23,685 Adiós, Sapito. 232 00:08:23,719 --> 00:08:24,668 [Knock at door] 233 00:08:24,719 --> 00:08:25,918 - Who is it? - Troy. 234 00:08:25,952 --> 00:08:28,084 [Coughing] Um, I'm washing my hands. 235 00:08:28,118 --> 00:08:29,651 Good, then I can come in. 236 00:08:29,686 --> 00:08:32,218 Oh, hi! 237 00:08:32,252 --> 00:08:35,618 Um, I was smoking a cigarette. 238 00:08:35,652 --> 00:08:38,451 I know what you were doing. I'm 21 years old. 239 00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:41,484 I'm a man. 240 00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:48,185 I know that. 241 00:08:48,220 --> 00:08:49,551 We all know that. 242 00:08:49,586 --> 00:08:52,685 Then why is Jeff always picking on me? 243 00:08:52,719 --> 00:08:54,785 You seem to be a little hard on Troy lately. 244 00:08:54,819 --> 00:08:57,002 I'm gonna get a drink. Ow! 245 00:08:57,053 --> 00:08:58,518 Oh, my God, are you okay? 246 00:08:58,552 --> 00:08:59,618 I barely felt it. 247 00:08:59,636 --> 00:09:00,685 Well, let me look at it in the bathroom. 248 00:09:00,719 --> 00:09:01,718 Britta's in the bathroom. 249 00:09:01,752 --> 00:09:04,618 Oh, um... 250 00:09:04,636 --> 00:09:07,751 Oh, no, what happened? 251 00:09:07,785 --> 00:09:09,651 Minor head wound. If there's an abrasion, 252 00:09:09,686 --> 00:09:11,002 we'll clean it with iodine and apply ice. 253 00:09:11,036 --> 00:09:12,152 You make a good nurse. 254 00:09:12,186 --> 00:09:13,552 Thanks. 255 00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:15,618 Dr. Shirley says mini pies are the best medicine. 256 00:09:15,652 --> 00:09:18,452 Then I'd like to see her degree. 257 00:09:18,486 --> 00:09:20,868 He's butting antlers with you because you're a threat now. 258 00:09:20,919 --> 00:09:23,535 You've got your own place, you've got a future, 259 00:09:23,587 --> 00:09:26,818 you've got a... bowl full of olives next to the toilet. 260 00:09:26,836 --> 00:09:28,385 It's a fancy party, Britta. 261 00:09:28,420 --> 00:09:31,252 You know what Jeff has in his bathroom? 262 00:09:31,286 --> 00:09:32,918 Neither do I. 263 00:09:32,953 --> 00:09:36,052 He keeps his toiletries in a safe under the sink. 264 00:09:36,086 --> 00:09:39,786 His whole personality is based around guarding himself. 265 00:09:39,820 --> 00:09:44,652 You don't have to be like that to be a man. 266 00:09:44,687 --> 00:09:47,452 You're really cool, Britta. 267 00:09:47,486 --> 00:09:49,986 Man, pizza guys are getting worse and worse-looking. 268 00:09:50,020 --> 00:09:52,485 Guess all the good ones went into porn. 269 00:09:52,503 --> 00:09:54,819 - Ceiling fan. - I miss all the fun. 270 00:09:54,837 --> 00:09:56,519 I wonder what happened in all those other timelines. 271 00:09:56,553 --> 00:10:00,385 Troy & Britta: Who cares? 272 00:10:00,420 --> 00:10:03,152 [Growls, laughs] 273 00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:05,319 [Doorbell buzzes] 274 00:10:05,353 --> 00:10:06,786 [Groans] Okay. 275 00:10:06,820 --> 00:10:09,452 Starting on my left with one, your number comes up, you go. 276 00:10:09,486 --> 00:10:10,452 Just so you know, Jeff, you are now creating 277 00:10:10,486 --> 00:10:11,452 six different timelines. 278 00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:13,169 Of course I am, Abed. 279 00:10:13,204 --> 00:10:14,502 [Dramatic orchestral music] 280 00:10:14,536 --> 00:10:17,169 ♪ ♪ 281 00:10:17,204 --> 00:10:20,036 Six. One, two, three, four, five, six-- Britta. 282 00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:22,019 - Great. - Great. 283 00:10:22,054 --> 00:10:24,019 You know what's great? Air travel. 284 00:10:24,054 --> 00:10:27,186 I've flown a lot, a lot of airplane stories. 285 00:10:27,221 --> 00:10:28,553 I once had sex with Eartha Kitt-- 286 00:10:28,588 --> 00:10:30,587 Okay, I'm gonna check on my pies. 287 00:10:37,254 --> 00:10:38,386 You guys are my best-- 288 00:10:38,421 --> 00:10:40,536 I'm gonna get a drink. Ow! 289 00:10:40,588 --> 00:10:41,536 [Laughter] 290 00:10:41,588 --> 00:10:42,836 Oh, my God, are you okay? 291 00:10:42,870 --> 00:10:43,869 Barely felt it. 292 00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:47,186 Let me look at it in the bathroom. 293 00:10:47,221 --> 00:10:49,353 Do I need to refill the toilet olives? 294 00:10:49,387 --> 00:10:51,119 - We're good. I checked. - You're the best. 295 00:10:51,154 --> 00:10:52,386 Want to stay up all night talking in our bunk beds? 296 00:10:52,421 --> 00:10:54,169 Duh-doy. 297 00:10:54,204 --> 00:10:56,870 Here, Troy. Happy housewarming. 298 00:10:56,921 --> 00:10:59,820 Oh, cool. Thanks, Pierce. 299 00:10:59,854 --> 00:11:01,386 You make a good nurse, Annie. 300 00:11:01,421 --> 00:11:03,004 Thank you. 301 00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:05,536 I actually had to apply a tourniquet the other day. 302 00:11:05,588 --> 00:11:07,987 A guy got stabbed outside my building-- 303 00:11:08,005 --> 00:11:10,887 What? Annie, you've got to get the hell out of that apartment. 304 00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:13,386 You don't have to treat me like a kid anymore, remember? 305 00:11:13,421 --> 00:11:16,221 Yeah, but adults still need to be protected. 306 00:11:16,255 --> 00:11:19,221 I-I can't help but worry about you, Annie. 307 00:11:19,255 --> 00:11:22,254 You're important to me. 308 00:11:24,888 --> 00:11:26,020 [Screams] 309 00:11:26,055 --> 00:11:28,354 Feel the terror! Stop the tantrum! 310 00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:31,204 Feel the terror of the Norwegian troll! 311 00:11:31,255 --> 00:11:32,670 What's going on in here? 312 00:11:32,704 --> 00:11:34,054 Pierce is terrorizing Troy because he's jealous 313 00:11:34,088 --> 00:11:35,153 we moved in together. 314 00:11:35,171 --> 00:11:36,387 You're the one who's jealous. 315 00:11:36,422 --> 00:11:37,454 Why would I be jealous? 316 00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:39,787 Because you're lonely and crazy. 317 00:11:45,322 --> 00:11:48,654 Hey, guys, this is Toby, our pizza delivery guy. 318 00:11:48,672 --> 00:11:50,187 And I know this is gonna sound nuts, 319 00:11:50,222 --> 00:11:53,954 but we're in love and we're getting married. 320 00:11:59,921 --> 00:12:03,321 I wonder what happened in all those other timelines. 321 00:12:03,355 --> 00:12:05,821 Wait, there are other timelines? 322 00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:07,888 [Doorbell buzzes] 323 00:12:07,922 --> 00:12:09,354 [Groans] Okay. 324 00:12:09,388 --> 00:12:11,821 Starting on my left with one, your number comes up, you go. 325 00:12:11,855 --> 00:12:12,921 Just you know, Jeff, you are now creating 326 00:12:12,956 --> 00:12:13,955 six different timelines. 327 00:12:13,989 --> 00:12:15,854 Of course I am, Abed. 328 00:12:15,889 --> 00:12:17,170 [Dramatic orchestral music] 329 00:12:17,205 --> 00:12:19,821 ♪ ♪ 330 00:12:19,855 --> 00:12:21,038 One. Troy. 331 00:12:21,089 --> 00:12:22,588 [Sighs] Damn it. 332 00:12:22,622 --> 00:12:25,155 I'm gonna go as fast as I can so I don't miss anything. 333 00:12:25,189 --> 00:12:27,487 [Roxanne by the police] 334 00:12:27,522 --> 00:12:28,688 Adiós, Sapito. 335 00:12:28,722 --> 00:12:30,171 You know who I used to call miss anything? 336 00:12:30,206 --> 00:12:31,387 Eartha Kitt. 337 00:12:31,422 --> 00:12:34,487 [Groaning] What? He totally set me up. 338 00:12:34,505 --> 00:12:36,788 I'm gonna check in on my pies. 339 00:12:36,822 --> 00:12:38,955 - ♪ Roxa-- ♪ - No. 340 00:12:38,989 --> 00:12:42,188 - Bathroom? - Yeah, over here. 341 00:12:42,223 --> 00:12:43,554 Jeff, tell us about your father. 342 00:12:43,589 --> 00:12:46,121 I'm gonna get a drink. Ow! 343 00:12:46,156 --> 00:12:47,255 - [Laughs] - Oh, my God, are you okay? 344 00:12:47,289 --> 00:12:48,338 Barely felt it. 345 00:12:48,373 --> 00:12:50,688 Well, let me look at it in the bathroom. 346 00:12:53,672 --> 00:12:55,155 [Glass shattering] 347 00:12:55,189 --> 00:12:56,155 [Gunshot] 348 00:12:56,189 --> 00:12:58,488 [Yelling] 349 00:12:58,506 --> 00:13:00,038 What the hell? 350 00:13:00,089 --> 00:13:02,188 [Groaning] 351 00:13:02,223 --> 00:13:04,021 No! [Shrieks] 352 00:13:04,056 --> 00:13:05,821 Call 911! 353 00:13:05,839 --> 00:13:09,955 Abed, help me stop the bleeding! 354 00:13:09,989 --> 00:13:10,988 I'm dying! 355 00:13:11,006 --> 00:13:15,155 - Pierce. - I am dying. 356 00:13:15,189 --> 00:13:16,622 [Screams] 357 00:13:16,656 --> 00:13:18,488 ♪ You don't have to put on the red light ♪ 358 00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:20,222 Water. Water! Water! 359 00:13:20,256 --> 00:13:24,188 Breathe, breathe. [indistinct, panicked chatter] 360 00:13:24,223 --> 00:13:28,056 ♪ Put on the red light ♪ 361 00:13:28,090 --> 00:13:30,789 ♪ put on the red light ♪ 362 00:13:30,823 --> 00:13:31,989 You. 363 00:13:32,023 --> 00:13:33,655 ♪ Put on the red light ♪ 364 00:13:33,673 --> 00:13:37,705 Nooooooo! 365 00:13:37,756 --> 00:13:39,822 [Doorbell buzzes] 366 00:13:39,856 --> 00:13:41,321 [Groans] Okay. 367 00:13:41,339 --> 00:13:43,855 Starting on my left with one, your number comes up, you go. 368 00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:44,855 Just so you know, Jeff you are now creating 369 00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:45,839 six different timelines. 370 00:13:45,873 --> 00:13:47,488 Of course I am, Abed. 371 00:13:49,916 --> 00:13:51,836 [Dramatic orchestral music] 372 00:13:53,705 --> 00:13:56,404 Five. One, two, three, four, five-- Abed. 373 00:13:56,439 --> 00:13:57,672 I'm on it. 374 00:13:57,690 --> 00:13:58,773 You know who else was on it? 375 00:13:58,807 --> 00:14:00,406 And do you know what "it" is? 376 00:14:00,441 --> 00:14:02,174 Everybody give me money. 377 00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:05,225 Wow, that ascot really softens your personality. 378 00:14:05,276 --> 00:14:06,542 Thanks. 379 00:14:06,576 --> 00:14:09,377 I banged Eartha Kitt. 380 00:14:09,411 --> 00:14:11,994 - ♪ Roxa-- ♪ - No. 381 00:14:12,029 --> 00:14:13,028 Bathroom? 382 00:14:13,062 --> 00:14:17,213 Down the hall. 383 00:14:17,248 --> 00:14:20,231 I'm getting a drink. Ow! 384 00:14:20,282 --> 00:14:21,865 [Laughter] Oh, my God, are you okay? 385 00:14:21,899 --> 00:14:23,015 Barely felt it. 386 00:14:23,033 --> 00:14:24,316 Well, let me look at it in the bathroom. 387 00:14:24,351 --> 00:14:26,316 Britta's in the bathroom. 388 00:14:28,786 --> 00:14:30,735 Oh, no, what happened? 389 00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:33,987 Minor head wound. 390 00:14:34,021 --> 00:14:36,254 Oh, my God. What smells amazing? 391 00:14:36,288 --> 00:14:38,572 Oh! Someone wants pie! 392 00:14:38,623 --> 00:14:40,189 You make a good nurse. 393 00:14:40,223 --> 00:14:42,373 [Giggles] 394 00:14:42,408 --> 00:14:47,825 Oh, my God. They taste just like regular-size pies. 395 00:14:47,859 --> 00:14:48,909 Oh, yay! 396 00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:50,860 Happy housewarming. 397 00:14:50,895 --> 00:14:54,195 Oh, cool. Thanks, Pierce. 398 00:14:54,229 --> 00:14:56,195 Hey, while we're alone, I just wanted to say, 399 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,696 thanks for letting me live with you. 400 00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,030 Sometimes I feel like making desserts 401 00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:01,898 is the only thing I'm good for in the group. 402 00:15:01,932 --> 00:15:04,865 But now it's time for me to try and make it on my own. 403 00:15:04,883 --> 00:15:07,400 Just like you did. 404 00:15:07,434 --> 00:15:08,667 I can't help but worry about you, Annie. 405 00:15:08,701 --> 00:15:09,734 Hey, I don't think you should open this. 406 00:15:09,768 --> 00:15:11,334 No, what-- what are you talking about? 407 00:15:11,369 --> 00:15:13,836 You're very important to me. 408 00:15:13,870 --> 00:15:15,904 Crap. I was not supposed to eat your stuff. 409 00:15:15,938 --> 00:15:17,070 We all made an agreement. 410 00:15:17,105 --> 00:15:19,405 Crap, I was not supposed to say that out loud! 411 00:15:19,439 --> 00:15:22,089 Crap, okay, cards on the table, I'm really high right now. 412 00:15:24,540 --> 00:15:25,741 - Seriously! - Would you stop and give me-- 413 00:15:25,775 --> 00:15:26,808 No, I wanna give you something else. 414 00:15:26,842 --> 00:15:27,841 A waterpik! 415 00:15:27,875 --> 00:15:29,875 A speedboat! Two waterpiks. 416 00:15:29,893 --> 00:15:31,843 I can't believe I'm feeding my pies 417 00:15:31,877 --> 00:15:33,010 to a drug addict! 418 00:15:33,044 --> 00:15:35,378 Drug addict? You're a pie pusher! 419 00:15:35,412 --> 00:15:37,712 You push pies to get love. 420 00:15:37,730 --> 00:15:39,246 Give it, Pierce! 421 00:15:39,281 --> 00:15:40,897 It feels fun! 422 00:15:40,931 --> 00:15:45,715 I'm sorry, I just... had a weird déjà vu. 423 00:15:45,750 --> 00:15:47,099 You're bad at gift-giving! 424 00:15:47,150 --> 00:15:49,217 That thing you said about worrying about me... 425 00:15:49,251 --> 00:15:51,350 It's something my dad always said. 426 00:15:51,385 --> 00:15:52,767 I demand to be housewarmed! 427 00:15:52,819 --> 00:15:55,119 Shouldn't have brought it up. 428 00:15:55,153 --> 00:15:57,553 Just reminded me of my dad. Anyway... 429 00:15:57,571 --> 00:15:59,887 Stop. A little Make Out 101. 430 00:15:59,905 --> 00:16:01,321 Less dad talk. 431 00:16:01,355 --> 00:16:03,889 And, uh, you could ease up on the bubblegum lip gloss. 432 00:16:03,924 --> 00:16:05,523 No, I really-- 433 00:16:05,557 --> 00:16:07,557 No, you--! 434 00:16:10,226 --> 00:16:11,358 Pizza time. 435 00:16:11,393 --> 00:16:13,893 Give me this, you godless hippie skank! 436 00:16:13,911 --> 00:16:16,527 You're a sick, sad, twisted old man. 437 00:16:16,561 --> 00:16:18,562 And I hope you die alone. 438 00:16:22,164 --> 00:16:24,931 I wonder what happened in all those other timelines. 439 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:30,433 I gotta say, I hope this is the real one, 440 00:16:30,467 --> 00:16:31,900 because I just found a nickel in the hallway. 441 00:16:35,603 --> 00:16:37,769 [Doorbell buzzes] 442 00:16:37,803 --> 00:16:39,254 [Groans] Okay. 443 00:16:39,288 --> 00:16:41,904 Starting on my left with one, your number comes up, you go. 444 00:16:41,939 --> 00:16:43,088 Just so you know, Jeff, you are now creating 445 00:16:43,122 --> 00:16:45,739 - six different timelines. - Of course I am, Abed. 446 00:16:45,774 --> 00:16:47,073 [Dramatic orchestral music] 447 00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:49,740 ♪ ♪ 448 00:16:49,775 --> 00:16:52,275 I don't think you should. 449 00:16:52,310 --> 00:16:55,610 Chaos already dominates enough of our lives. 450 00:16:55,644 --> 00:16:58,911 The universe is an endless raging sea of randomness. 451 00:16:58,946 --> 00:17:00,245 Our job isn't to fight it, but to weather it--together. 452 00:17:00,279 --> 00:17:01,712 On the raft of life. 453 00:17:01,746 --> 00:17:03,213 A raft held together by 454 00:17:03,247 --> 00:17:05,614 those few rare, beautiful things that we know to be predictable. 455 00:17:05,648 --> 00:17:07,081 Ropes? 456 00:17:07,115 --> 00:17:08,515 Vines. Vines? 457 00:17:08,549 --> 00:17:09,648 Let him finish! 458 00:17:09,683 --> 00:17:11,749 Us. 459 00:17:11,784 --> 00:17:13,050 It won't matter what happens to us 460 00:17:13,084 --> 00:17:14,218 as long as we stay honest and accepting 461 00:17:14,252 --> 00:17:15,985 of each ether's flaws and virtues. 462 00:17:16,018 --> 00:17:17,985 Annie will always be driven. Shirley will always be giving. 463 00:17:18,019 --> 00:17:19,352 Pierce will never apologize. 464 00:17:19,386 --> 00:17:21,220 Britta's sort of a wild card from my perspective. 465 00:17:21,254 --> 00:17:24,155 And Jeff will forever remain a conniving son-of-a-bitch. 466 00:17:24,189 --> 00:17:25,555 Abed! 467 00:17:25,590 --> 00:17:27,323 There are six sides to this die and seven of us. 468 00:17:27,357 --> 00:17:29,456 He devised a system by which he never has to get the pizza. 469 00:17:29,490 --> 00:17:30,791 - [Laughs] - Jeff! 470 00:17:30,825 --> 00:17:33,325 - Really? Dang, man. - You crafty jackrabbit. 471 00:17:33,359 --> 00:17:34,825 - Asshole. - Pretty low, dude. 472 00:17:34,860 --> 00:17:37,594 It's called friendship, look it up. Encarta it. 473 00:17:37,628 --> 00:17:40,828 I think we just found our pizza-getter. 474 00:17:40,863 --> 00:17:42,445 Yes, we did! [General agreement] 475 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:43,646 [Roxanne by the police] 476 00:17:43,697 --> 00:17:44,646 Oh, like it matters who goes. 477 00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:46,647 Ow! [Laughter] 478 00:17:46,698 --> 00:17:47,897 What's so funny? 479 00:17:47,931 --> 00:17:50,599 Karma. 480 00:17:50,633 --> 00:17:51,799 That guy sucks harder 481 00:17:51,833 --> 00:17:53,466 than the toilet in an airplane bathroom. 482 00:17:53,500 --> 00:17:54,900 Airplane bathroom... 483 00:17:54,934 --> 00:17:56,484 Oh, my pies! 484 00:17:56,535 --> 00:17:58,235 ♪ Roxanne ♪ 485 00:17:58,269 --> 00:17:59,902 Oh! 486 00:17:59,936 --> 00:18:03,170 Both: ♪ you don't have to put on the red light ♪ 487 00:18:03,204 --> 00:18:05,437 Ooh! 488 00:18:05,455 --> 00:18:07,505 Both: ♪ those days are over ♪ 489 00:18:07,540 --> 00:18:10,940 Together: ♪ you don't have to sell your body to the night ♪ 490 00:18:10,974 --> 00:18:12,124 Sing, Britta! [Laughter] 491 00:18:12,158 --> 00:18:14,341 I really love your place. 492 00:18:14,375 --> 00:18:15,609 You should move here. 493 00:18:15,643 --> 00:18:19,877 ♪ ♪ 494 00:18:19,911 --> 00:18:22,311 ♪ walk the streets for money ♪ 495 00:18:22,346 --> 00:18:24,444 ♪ you don't care if it's wrong... ♪ 496 00:18:24,462 --> 00:18:26,129 All: ♪ or if it is right ♪ 497 00:18:26,163 --> 00:18:29,463 ♪ Roxanne ♪ 498 00:18:29,498 --> 00:18:32,631 ♪ you don't have to put on the red light ♪ 499 00:18:32,666 --> 00:18:36,800 You guys see what happens when I leave you alone, huh? 500 00:18:36,834 --> 00:18:41,051 ♪ You don't have to put on the red light ♪ 501 00:18:41,086 --> 00:18:44,469 All: ♪ put on the red light ♪ 502 00:18:44,504 --> 00:18:46,387 ♪ put on the red light ♪ 503 00:18:46,421 --> 00:18:48,121 Go, Abed! 504 00:18:48,139 --> 00:18:51,723 All: ♪ put on the red light ♪ 505 00:18:51,757 --> 00:18:53,090 ♪ put on the red light ♪ 506 00:18:55,379 --> 00:18:57,941 To Pierce. May he rest in Pierce. 507 00:18:57,975 --> 00:18:59,964 [Laughs] 508 00:18:59,998 --> 00:19:01,750 Shirley, don't you think you've had enough? 509 00:19:01,785 --> 00:19:03,908 - Of you. - [Gasps] 510 00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:05,611 Guys, I've been thinking about that night over and over. 511 00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,381 One thing has become clear. 512 00:19:07,416 --> 00:19:08,966 This is the darkest, most terrible timeline. 513 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:12,068 Enough with the timeline crap, Abed! 514 00:19:12,102 --> 00:19:14,327 Pierce got shot in the leg and died! 515 00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:15,507 Shirley's a drunk. 516 00:19:15,541 --> 00:19:17,597 Annie's locked in a mental ward 517 00:19:17,632 --> 00:19:19,519 because her guilt drove her insane. 518 00:19:19,554 --> 00:19:21,744 Jeff lost an arm in the fire. 519 00:19:21,779 --> 00:19:25,319 Troy lost his larynx because, for some dumb reason, 520 00:19:25,353 --> 00:19:28,386 he tried to destroy a flaming troll doll by eating it. 521 00:19:28,422 --> 00:19:29,634 [Computerized voice] Clearly you don't understand 522 00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,590 anything about defeating trolls. 523 00:19:31,624 --> 00:19:34,490 Life has gone to hell, Abed. 524 00:19:34,524 --> 00:19:35,770 This is real! 525 00:19:35,805 --> 00:19:38,299 Look at us. Look at me! 526 00:19:38,334 --> 00:19:40,726 Britta, you put one wash-away blue streak in your hair. 527 00:19:40,762 --> 00:19:42,648 And I lost an arm. 528 00:19:42,684 --> 00:19:44,891 Exactly. Life got dark. 529 00:19:44,925 --> 00:19:46,020 And all because Jeff rolled a one. 530 00:19:46,055 --> 00:19:48,043 Oh, I love how this is my fault somehow. 531 00:19:48,078 --> 00:19:49,358 It's mine. 532 00:19:49,393 --> 00:19:50,791 I've run over that night over and over in my head, 533 00:19:50,826 --> 00:19:52,140 and I keep coming back to one thought. 534 00:19:52,174 --> 00:19:54,180 I should've caught the die and not let you roll it. 535 00:19:54,214 --> 00:19:56,978 I failed to do that and we all suffered for it. 536 00:19:57,012 --> 00:20:00,181 But I'm gonna make it up to you. 537 00:20:00,216 --> 00:20:01,564 What is this? 538 00:20:01,598 --> 00:20:03,620 Of all the timelines, this is clearly the darkest, 539 00:20:03,655 --> 00:20:05,441 which is why I propose we commit to being evil. 540 00:20:05,475 --> 00:20:07,228 I made us all black goatees out of felt. 541 00:20:07,263 --> 00:20:10,498 I suggest you put them on until you're able to grow your own. 542 00:20:10,516 --> 00:20:13,128 From now on, I am evil Abed. 543 00:20:13,163 --> 00:20:16,129 We're the evil study group, and we have but one evil goal. 544 00:20:16,164 --> 00:20:18,355 Return somehow to the prime timeline, 545 00:20:18,389 --> 00:20:19,905 the one that I stopped you from rolling that die, 546 00:20:19,940 --> 00:20:21,557 then we destroy the good versions of ourselves, 547 00:20:21,592 --> 00:20:23,985 and reclaim our proper lives. 548 00:20:24,019 --> 00:20:25,839 - Evil Abed. - Mm-hm? 549 00:20:25,874 --> 00:20:29,043 As evil Jeff, am I allowed to pull fewer punches with you? 550 00:20:29,077 --> 00:20:31,116 - Certainly. - I hate you! 551 00:20:31,168 --> 00:20:32,718 Shut up with your Sci-Fi crap! 552 00:20:32,752 --> 00:20:35,145 I lost my damn arm, 553 00:20:35,180 --> 00:20:36,932 and you're making fake beards! 554 00:20:36,967 --> 00:20:38,651 Goatees. 555 00:20:44,148 --> 00:20:47,384 [Dramatic orchestral music] 556 00:20:47,419 --> 00:20:49,474 ♪ ♪ 557 00:20:49,509 --> 00:20:53,251 Both: ♪ evil Troy and evil Abed ♪ 558 00:20:53,285 --> 00:20:56,285 ♪ ♪ 559 00:20:56,319 --> 00:20:59,994 [Mysterious music on television] 560 00:21:00,029 --> 00:21:01,747 What's wrong? 561 00:21:01,782 --> 00:21:04,816 I don't know. 562 00:21:06,974 --> 00:21:08,592 I guess nothing. 563 00:21:09,002 --> 00:21:16,672 Sync by mczolly, corrected by susanaLC www.Addic7ed.Com