1
00:00:00,420 --> 00:00:01,678
Didn't they say 304?

2
00:00:01,815 --> 00:00:03,315
No, 303.
I wrote it twice.

3
00:00:04,966 --> 00:00:07,468
♪Troy and Abed's new apartment! ♪

4
00:00:07,502 --> 00:00:10,839
Hiiii!

5
00:00:10,873 --> 00:00:11,957
- Come on in.
- Come on.

6
00:00:11,991 --> 00:00:13,675
Wow.

7
00:00:13,710 --> 00:00:15,611
What a great place.

8
00:00:15,646 --> 00:00:18,331
You guys--you guys
look so fancy.

9
00:00:18,365 --> 00:00:20,583
Thanks. We read a book on how
to be the perfect party hosts.

10
00:00:20,618 --> 00:00:21,618
Rule number one--
dress to impress.

11
00:00:21,653 --> 00:00:22,853
Rule number two--

12
00:00:22,887 --> 00:00:25,856
avoid touchy topics
like the negro problem.

13
00:00:25,890 --> 00:00:27,292
The book was written
in the '40s. - Yeah.

14
00:00:27,326 --> 00:00:29,294
Oh, good, you guys
are finally here.

15
00:00:29,328 --> 00:00:30,295
Finally?

16
00:00:30,329 --> 00:00:31,963
Shirley showed up
at 3:00.

17
00:00:31,997 --> 00:00:33,449
Time flies when I'm baking.

18
00:00:33,483 --> 00:00:35,000
No, it doesn't.

19
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,470
Oh, the door downstairs
was propped open with this.

20
00:00:37,504 --> 00:00:38,771
This is really unsafe.

21
00:00:38,805 --> 00:00:40,540
Anyone could have just
wandered into your building.

22
00:00:41,576 --> 00:00:42,743
Like one of our guests?

23
00:00:42,777 --> 00:00:44,311
- I'll be right back.
- Thank you, Troy.

24
00:00:44,345 --> 00:00:45,847
Let me give you ladies
the grand tour.

25
00:00:45,881 --> 00:00:48,499
Bathroom, kitchen, who cares,
and this is my scale model

26
00:00:48,550 --> 00:00:49,834
of the rolling Boulder scene
from raiders...

27
00:00:49,885 --> 00:00:51,652
With actual rolling Boulder.

28
00:00:51,687 --> 00:00:52,838
Ooh.

29
00:00:52,889 --> 00:00:53,839
Adiós, Sapito.

30
00:00:53,890 --> 00:00:56,508
Annie & Britta: Ahh.

31
00:00:56,559 --> 00:00:57,659
Pretty cool, huh?

32
00:00:57,694 --> 00:00:59,662
Super cool.
And sexy.

33
00:00:59,697 --> 00:01:00,897
Super sexy cool.

34
00:01:00,931 --> 00:01:02,315
Overselling it.

35
00:01:02,349 --> 00:01:03,850
I made pizza.

36
00:01:03,901 --> 00:01:05,069
But we ordered real pizza.

37
00:01:05,103 --> 00:01:06,837
Well, there's nothing
more real than homemade.

38
00:01:06,872 --> 00:01:08,205
You didn't have
some of the ingredients,

39
00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:10,641
so I used ketchup
and cream cheese.

40
00:01:10,676 --> 00:01:12,027
We ordered real pizza.

41
00:01:15,581 --> 00:01:18,868
Okay.
Hey, got you that.

42
00:01:20,838 --> 00:01:23,690
Bienvenido de la Casa
Chez Trobed.

43
00:01:23,725 --> 00:01:24,825
Very nice.

44
00:01:24,843 --> 00:01:27,060
Oh, look, Indiana Jones

45
00:01:27,095 --> 00:01:29,162
and the apartment
of perpetual virginity.

46
00:01:30,850 --> 00:01:33,668
Chop busted, fellow adult,
chop busted.

47
00:01:33,702 --> 00:01:36,272
It's nice. Not mansion-nice,
but it's nice.

48
00:01:36,306 --> 00:01:39,007
Didn't you used to live
in a mansion with me?

49
00:01:39,025 --> 00:01:41,610
Yeah, but this is more
my speed and century.

50
00:01:41,645 --> 00:01:43,713
Doesn't bother me.
I've hardly missed you at all

51
00:01:43,748 --> 00:01:45,215
since I had you removed
from my portraits.

52
00:01:45,249 --> 00:01:46,449
Jeff!

53
00:01:46,484 --> 00:01:47,951
Check it out.
Serbian rum.

54
00:01:47,985 --> 00:01:51,355
So strong it is banned there.

55
00:01:51,373 --> 00:01:53,658
Banned in Serbia, Jeff.

56
00:01:53,692 --> 00:01:56,295
Let that concept sink in.

57
00:01:56,329 --> 00:01:58,130
Yeah, well, you enjoy.
I have to leave early.

58
00:01:58,164 --> 00:01:59,798
- Oh?
- Yeah, sorry.

59
00:01:59,833 --> 00:02:01,901
I've got an invite to
the opening of a new club.

60
00:02:01,936 --> 00:02:04,103
Look at this place. It's like
it was designed for me.

61
00:02:04,138 --> 00:02:06,205
It was. I made that in
Photoshop and mailed it to you

62
00:02:06,223 --> 00:02:07,942
a month ago so that you'd keep
tonight open on your calendar.

63
00:02:07,976 --> 00:02:09,176
There's no such thing as

64
00:02:09,211 --> 00:02:12,279
single malt platinum
boobs and billiards club?

65
00:02:13,683 --> 00:02:15,717
I guess I never
said it out loud.

66
00:02:15,751 --> 00:02:17,886
Tonight we offer something far
more than boobs and billiards.

67
00:02:17,904 --> 00:02:20,656
- What?
- One word, two syllables.

68
00:02:20,691 --> 00:02:23,459
Don't say charades.
Troy & Abed: Yahtzee!

69
00:02:23,493 --> 00:02:26,163
Is charades off the table?

70
00:02:26,197 --> 00:02:29,197
Sync by mczolly, corrected by susanaLC
www.Addic7ed.Com

71
00:02:53,028 --> 00:02:56,781
Come on.
And...

72
00:02:56,815 --> 00:02:59,301
Okay.

73
00:02:59,335 --> 00:03:02,471
Now...
"How to play Yahtzee."

74
00:03:02,505 --> 00:03:04,908
Is there nothing from our youth

75
00:03:04,942 --> 00:03:07,327
that these companies won't
repackage for a buck?

76
00:03:07,378 --> 00:03:09,212
Call it Yahtzee all you want.

77
00:03:09,246 --> 00:03:11,715
Everybody knows
it's Puerto Rican chess.

78
00:03:13,618 --> 00:03:14,785
Annie, it's just the pizza.

79
00:03:14,819 --> 00:03:17,138
We can't buzz him up.
Someone has to go down.

80
00:03:20,059 --> 00:03:21,476
Okay.

81
00:03:21,510 --> 00:03:24,130
Starting on my left with one,
your number comes up, you go.

82
00:03:24,164 --> 00:03:25,197
Just so you know, Jeff,
you are now creating

83
00:03:25,232 --> 00:03:26,182
six different timelines.

84
00:03:26,233 --> 00:03:28,133
Of course I am, Abed.

85
00:03:32,156 --> 00:03:33,974
Two. One, two-- Annie.

86
00:03:34,008 --> 00:03:36,244
Okay, fine.
I guess I'm going down.

87
00:03:37,279 --> 00:03:38,446
All this talk of going down...

88
00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:39,480
Did you guys know I had sex

89
00:03:39,515 --> 00:03:41,450
with Eartha Kitt
in an airplane bathroom?

90
00:03:41,484 --> 00:03:43,252
We're about to eat.

91
00:03:43,286 --> 00:03:45,454
It's not namedropping
if it comes up organically.

92
00:03:45,488 --> 00:03:46,989
I'm gonna check in on my pies.

93
00:03:47,007 --> 00:03:49,592
- ♪Roxa-- ♪
- No.

94
00:03:49,627 --> 00:03:51,127
Bathroom?

95
00:03:51,161 --> 00:03:53,431
Over here.

96
00:03:53,465 --> 00:03:55,666
Uh, guys?

97
00:03:55,701 --> 00:03:57,167
What does a pregnancy test
look like?

98
00:03:57,185 --> 00:03:59,270
Like a thin piece of plastic
with a thing on the end of it.

99
00:03:59,304 --> 00:04:01,073
Okay, so this is
definitely a gun.

100
00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:02,941
Whoa!
Yeah, put that away.

101
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:05,176
Oh, my-- Why does
Annie have a gun?

102
00:04:05,194 --> 00:04:07,080
That's not a gun,
that's a girl's peashooter.

103
00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:08,281
Here, Troy.

104
00:04:08,315 --> 00:04:09,849
Happy housewarming.

105
00:04:09,867 --> 00:04:12,419
Jeff, what are
we gonna do about this?

106
00:04:12,454 --> 00:04:14,121
I'm gonna get a drink.
Ow!

107
00:04:14,155 --> 00:04:17,041
What's so funny?

108
00:04:17,075 --> 00:04:18,576
I don't know, people
hitting their heads.

109
00:04:18,627 --> 00:04:22,797
Don't fight over them.

110
00:04:22,832 --> 00:04:24,717
Well, y-you can fight
a little.

111
00:04:24,751 --> 00:04:27,069
Smells weird.

112
00:04:27,104 --> 00:04:28,571
I beg your pardon?

113
00:04:28,605 --> 00:04:30,206
Smells weird.
What did you do?

114
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,409
Abed, you don't ask someone
a question like that.

115
00:04:32,443 --> 00:04:34,711
It's not dignified.

116
00:04:34,746 --> 00:04:36,146
Pizza!

117
00:04:36,180 --> 00:04:37,565
♪Pizza, pizza, go in tummy ♪

118
00:04:37,599 --> 00:04:40,234
♪me so hung-ee
me so hung-ee ♪

119
00:04:40,269 --> 00:04:42,453
That pizza guy
was super creepy.

120
00:04:42,488 --> 00:04:46,525
So you're saying
he was a pizza guy?

121
00:04:46,559 --> 00:04:48,027
I wonder what happened
in those other timelines.

122
00:04:48,061 --> 00:04:51,464
Abed, there are
no other timelines.

123
00:04:53,868 --> 00:04:55,285
Okay.

124
00:04:55,336 --> 00:04:58,238
Starting on my left with one,
your number comes up, you go.

125
00:04:58,256 --> 00:04:59,306
Just so you know, Jeff,
you are now creating

126
00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:00,291
six different timelines.

127
00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:02,109
Of course I am, Abed.

128
00:05:06,132 --> 00:05:08,684
Four. One, two,
three, four-- Shirley.

129
00:05:08,719 --> 00:05:10,803
Okay, just don't
let my pies burn.

130
00:05:13,107 --> 00:05:15,626
Remember, no one eats
those pies.

131
00:05:15,660 --> 00:05:17,144
Come on, let's just
talk to her.

132
00:05:17,195 --> 00:05:19,229
We tried that, Annie,
but she ignored us.

133
00:05:19,264 --> 00:05:20,949
The woman has a baking problem.

134
00:05:20,983 --> 00:05:22,567
Now, I-I don't like
being the bad guy

135
00:05:22,601 --> 00:05:23,768
anymore than anybody else--

136
00:05:23,803 --> 00:05:25,970
- ♪Roxa-- ♪
- No.

137
00:05:26,005 --> 00:05:27,373
Bathroom?

138
00:05:27,407 --> 00:05:29,542
Yeah, over here.

139
00:05:29,576 --> 00:05:33,680
We have a pact.
We do not enable her baking.

140
00:05:33,714 --> 00:05:35,048
It's gonna be better
for her in the long run.

141
00:05:35,083 --> 00:05:37,117
Heh, you know who got it
in the long run.

142
00:05:37,151 --> 00:05:40,321
Eartha Kitt, when I nailed her
in the airplane bathroom.

143
00:05:40,355 --> 00:05:41,389
Ew, Pierce.

144
00:05:41,423 --> 00:05:43,524
What? Came up organically.

145
00:05:43,559 --> 00:05:45,978
Here, Troy.
Happy housewarming.

146
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:49,014
Oh, cool.

147
00:05:49,065 --> 00:05:51,100
Thanks, Pierce.

148
00:05:52,236 --> 00:05:53,403
What is it?

149
00:05:53,437 --> 00:05:56,573
What? It's a traditional
Norwegian troll.

150
00:05:56,607 --> 00:05:57,907
When Troy and I were
living together,

151
00:05:57,942 --> 00:05:59,410
I had it on display
in the hall.

152
00:05:59,444 --> 00:06:01,712
You know, outside his bedroom.

153
00:06:01,746 --> 00:06:03,330
He seemed very taken with it.

154
00:06:05,201 --> 00:06:06,218
It used to watch me sleep!

155
00:06:06,252 --> 00:06:07,719
Pierce, shame on you.

156
00:06:07,753 --> 00:06:09,221
Jeff, what are you
gonna do about this?

157
00:06:09,255 --> 00:06:10,655
I'm gonna get a drink.

158
00:06:10,690 --> 00:06:12,225
Ow!

159
00:06:12,259 --> 00:06:13,209
Oh, my God!
Are you okay?

160
00:06:13,260 --> 00:06:14,326
Barely felt it.

161
00:06:14,344 --> 00:06:15,595
I'm gonna look at it
in the bathroom.

162
00:06:15,629 --> 00:06:17,931
It's not dignified.

163
00:06:17,966 --> 00:06:19,333
Pizza!

164
00:06:19,367 --> 00:06:21,401
♪Pizza, pizza in my tummy ♪

165
00:06:21,436 --> 00:06:23,336
♪me so hung-ee
me so hung-ee ♪

166
00:06:23,354 --> 00:06:27,542
Did someone remember
to take out my pies?

167
00:06:27,576 --> 00:06:28,776
Seriously?

168
00:06:28,811 --> 00:06:31,230
Oh!

169
00:06:31,281 --> 00:06:33,182
Oh! Oh, no.

170
00:06:33,216 --> 00:06:36,953
Seriously?

171
00:06:36,988 --> 00:06:38,655
Shirley, it doesn't matter.

172
00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:40,157
We weren't gonna eat them.

173
00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:42,693
You're not allowed to have
"baking things" as an identity.

174
00:06:42,728 --> 00:06:45,129
Excuse me for being
the only married woman

175
00:06:45,164 --> 00:06:47,915
in a group full of horny toads
who sit around all night

176
00:06:47,966 --> 00:06:49,301
just making googly eyes
at each other.

177
00:06:49,335 --> 00:06:54,306
Googly eyes?

178
00:06:56,110 --> 00:06:57,644
Shirley, it's okay.

179
00:06:57,678 --> 00:06:59,979
Nobody makes googly eyes
at me either. We're the same.

180
00:07:04,402 --> 00:07:06,787
♪Roxanne ♪

181
00:07:06,821 --> 00:07:08,740
Adiós, Sapito.

182
00:07:08,774 --> 00:07:11,793
I don't know why
she's so upset.

183
00:07:11,827 --> 00:07:13,796
Her pies probably didn't burn
in the other timelines.

184
00:07:13,830 --> 00:07:15,781
Abed, Shirley just had
a nervous breakdown.

185
00:07:15,832 --> 00:07:17,783
- More like a nervous--
- Bakedown! I know!

186
00:07:17,834 --> 00:07:19,068
I didn't say it on purpose.

187
00:07:19,086 --> 00:07:21,404
And Abed, there are
no other timelines.

188
00:07:23,341 --> 00:07:25,042
Okay.

189
00:07:25,076 --> 00:07:27,845
Starting on my left with one,
your number comes up, you go.

190
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,097
Just so you know, Jeff,
you are now creating

191
00:07:29,131 --> 00:07:31,482
- six different timelines.
- Of course I am, Abed.

192
00:07:37,751 --> 00:07:40,333
Three. One, two,
three-- Pierce.

193
00:07:40,384 --> 00:07:41,967
Crap.

194
00:07:42,002 --> 00:07:45,134
Speaking of crap, I was taking
one in an airplane bathroom

195
00:07:45,168 --> 00:07:47,167
when Eartha Kitt
decided to bang me.

196
00:07:47,219 --> 00:07:49,550
What? It's where my mind went.

197
00:07:49,585 --> 00:07:51,284
Your mind went years ago.

198
00:07:54,219 --> 00:07:55,251
Ugh.

199
00:07:55,285 --> 00:07:56,884
I'm gonna check on my pies.

200
00:07:56,918 --> 00:07:59,950
- ♪Roxa-- ♪
- No.

201
00:07:59,968 --> 00:08:01,117
Bathroom?

202
00:08:01,152 --> 00:08:02,134
Yeah, over here.

203
00:08:02,168 --> 00:08:04,184
I love your place, Troy.

204
00:08:04,219 --> 00:08:06,451
You're all... grown up now.

205
00:08:06,485 --> 00:08:09,685
I can't believe those are real
mahogany bunk beds in there.

206
00:08:09,718 --> 00:08:11,451
I bet that cost you
a few allowances.

207
00:08:12,636 --> 00:08:14,001
Okay.

208
00:08:14,052 --> 00:08:15,184
Aww! Troy.

209
00:08:15,219 --> 00:08:17,384
Now we done it.

210
00:08:17,419 --> 00:08:18,484
Britta's in the bath--

211
00:08:18,519 --> 00:08:23,685
Adiós, Sapito.

212
00:08:24,719 --> 00:08:25,918
- Who is it?
- Troy.

213
00:08:25,952 --> 00:08:28,084
Um, I'm washing my hands.

214
00:08:28,118 --> 00:08:29,651
Good, then I can come in.

215
00:08:29,686 --> 00:08:32,218
Oh, hi!

216
00:08:32,252 --> 00:08:35,618
Um, I was smoking a cigarette.

217
00:08:35,652 --> 00:08:38,451
I know what you were doing.
I'm 21 years old.

218
00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:41,484
I'm a man.

219
00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:48,185
I know that.

220
00:08:48,220 --> 00:08:49,551
We all know that.

221
00:08:49,586 --> 00:08:52,685
Then why is Jeff
always picking on me?

222
00:08:52,719 --> 00:08:54,785
You seem to be a little hard
on Troy lately.

223
00:08:54,819 --> 00:08:57,002
I'm gonna get a drink.
Ow!

224
00:08:57,053 --> 00:08:58,518
Oh, my God, are you okay?

225
00:08:58,552 --> 00:08:59,618
I barely felt it.

226
00:08:59,636 --> 00:09:00,685
Well, let me look at it
in the bathroom.

227
00:09:00,719 --> 00:09:01,718
Britta's in the bathroom.

228
00:09:01,752 --> 00:09:04,618
Oh, um...

229
00:09:04,636 --> 00:09:07,751
Oh, no, what happened?

230
00:09:07,785 --> 00:09:09,651
Minor head wound.
If there's an abrasion,

231
00:09:09,686 --> 00:09:11,002
we'll clean it with iodine
and apply ice.

232
00:09:11,036 --> 00:09:12,152
You make a good nurse.

233
00:09:12,186 --> 00:09:13,552
Thanks.

234
00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:15,618
Dr. Shirley says mini
pies are the best medicine.

235
00:09:15,652 --> 00:09:18,452
Then I'd like
to see her degree.

236
00:09:18,486 --> 00:09:20,868
He's butting antlers with you
because you're a threat now.

237
00:09:20,919 --> 00:09:23,535
You've got your own place,
you've got a future,

238
00:09:23,587 --> 00:09:26,818
you've got a... bowl full
of olives next to the toilet.

239
00:09:26,836 --> 00:09:28,385
It's a fancy party, Britta.

240
00:09:28,420 --> 00:09:31,252
You know what Jeff has
in his bathroom?

241
00:09:31,286 --> 00:09:32,918
Neither do I.

242
00:09:32,953 --> 00:09:36,052
He keeps his toiletries
in a safe under the sink.

243
00:09:36,086 --> 00:09:39,786
His whole personality is based
around guarding himself.

244
00:09:39,820 --> 00:09:44,652
You don't have to be like that
to be a man.

245
00:09:44,687 --> 00:09:47,452
You're really cool, Britta.

246
00:09:47,486 --> 00:09:49,986
Man, pizza guys are getting
worse and worse-looking.

247
00:09:50,020 --> 00:09:52,485
Guess all the good ones
went into porn.

248
00:09:52,503 --> 00:09:54,819
- Ceiling fan.
- I miss all the fun.

249
00:09:54,837 --> 00:09:56,519
I wonder what happened
in all those other timelines.

250
00:09:56,553 --> 00:10:00,385
Troy & Britta: Who cares?

251
00:10:05,353 --> 00:10:06,786
Okay.

252
00:10:06,820 --> 00:10:09,452
Starting on my left with one,
your number comes up, you go.

253
00:10:09,486 --> 00:10:10,452
Just so you know, Jeff,
you are now creating

254
00:10:10,486 --> 00:10:11,452
six different timelines.

255
00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:13,169
Of course I am, Abed.

256
00:10:17,204 --> 00:10:20,036
Six. One, two, three,
four, five, six-- Britta.

257
00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:22,019
- Great.
- Great.

258
00:10:22,054 --> 00:10:24,019
You know what's great?
Air travel.

259
00:10:24,054 --> 00:10:27,186
I've flown a lot, a lot
of airplane stories.

260
00:10:27,221 --> 00:10:28,553
I once had sex
with Eartha Kitt--

261
00:10:28,588 --> 00:10:30,587
Okay, I'm gonna check
on my pies.

262
00:10:37,254 --> 00:10:38,386
You guys are my best--

263
00:10:38,421 --> 00:10:40,536
I'm gonna get a drink.
Ow!

264
00:10:41,588 --> 00:10:42,836
Oh, my God, are you okay?

265
00:10:42,870 --> 00:10:43,869
Barely felt it.

266
00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:47,186
Let me look at it
in the bathroom.

267
00:10:47,221 --> 00:10:49,353
Do I need to refill
the toilet olives?

268
00:10:49,387 --> 00:10:51,119
- We're good. I checked.
- You're the best.

269
00:10:51,154 --> 00:10:52,386
Want to stay up all night
talking in our bunk beds?

270
00:10:52,421 --> 00:10:54,169
Duh-doy.

271
00:10:54,204 --> 00:10:56,870
Here, Troy.
Happy housewarming.

272
00:10:56,921 --> 00:10:59,820
Oh, cool.
Thanks, Pierce.

273
00:10:59,854 --> 00:11:01,386
You make a good nurse, Annie.

274
00:11:01,421 --> 00:11:03,004
Thank you.

275
00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:05,536
I actually had to apply
a tourniquet the other day.

276
00:11:05,588 --> 00:11:07,987
A guy got stabbed
outside my building--

277
00:11:08,005 --> 00:11:10,887
What? Annie, you've got to get
the hell out of that apartment.

278
00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:13,386
You don't have to treat me
like a kid anymore, remember?

279
00:11:13,421 --> 00:11:16,221
Yeah, but adults
still need to be protected.

280
00:11:16,255 --> 00:11:19,221
I-I can't help but
worry about you, Annie.

281
00:11:19,255 --> 00:11:22,254
You're important to me.

282
00:11:26,055 --> 00:11:28,354
Feel the terror!
Stop the tantrum!

283
00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:31,204
Feel the terror
of the Norwegian troll!

284
00:11:31,255 --> 00:11:32,670
What's going on in here?

285
00:11:32,704 --> 00:11:34,054
Pierce is terrorizing Troy
because he's jealous

286
00:11:34,088 --> 00:11:35,153
we moved in together.

287
00:11:35,171 --> 00:11:36,387
You're the one who's jealous.

288
00:11:36,422 --> 00:11:37,454
Why would I be jealous?

289
00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:39,787
Because you're lonely
and crazy.

290
00:11:45,322 --> 00:11:48,654
Hey, guys, this is Toby,
our pizza delivery guy.

291
00:11:48,672 --> 00:11:50,187
And I know this
is gonna sound nuts,

292
00:11:50,222 --> 00:11:53,954
but we're in love
and we're getting married.

293
00:11:59,921 --> 00:12:03,321
I wonder what happened
in all those other timelines.

294
00:12:03,355 --> 00:12:05,821
Wait, there are
other timelines?

295
00:12:07,922 --> 00:12:09,354
Okay.

296
00:12:09,388 --> 00:12:11,821
Starting on my left with one,
your number comes up, you go.

297
00:12:11,855 --> 00:12:12,921
Just you know, Jeff,
you are now creating

298
00:12:12,956 --> 00:12:13,955
six different timelines.

299
00:12:13,989 --> 00:12:15,854
Of course I am, Abed.

300
00:12:19,855 --> 00:12:21,038
One. Troy.

301
00:12:21,089 --> 00:12:22,588
Damn it.

302
00:12:22,622 --> 00:12:25,155
I'm gonna go as fast as I can
so I don't miss anything.

303
00:12:27,522 --> 00:12:28,688
Adiós, Sapito.

304
00:12:28,722 --> 00:12:30,171
You know who I used
to call miss anything?

305
00:12:30,206 --> 00:12:31,387
Eartha Kitt.

306
00:12:31,422 --> 00:12:34,487
What? He totally set me up.

307
00:12:34,505 --> 00:12:36,788
I'm gonna check in on my pies.

308
00:12:36,822 --> 00:12:38,955
- ♪Roxa-- ♪
- No.

309
00:12:38,989 --> 00:12:42,188
- Bathroom?
- Yeah, over here.

310
00:12:42,223 --> 00:12:43,554
Jeff, tell us
about your father.

311
00:12:43,589 --> 00:12:46,121
I'm gonna get a drink.
Ow!

312
00:12:46,156 --> 00:12:47,255
Oh, my God, are you okay?

313
00:12:47,289 --> 00:12:48,338
Barely felt it.

314
00:12:48,373 --> 00:12:50,688
Well, let me look at it
in the bathroom.

315
00:12:58,506 --> 00:13:00,038
What the hell?

316
00:13:02,223 --> 00:13:04,021
No!

317
00:13:04,056 --> 00:13:05,821
Call 911!

318
00:13:05,839 --> 00:13:09,955
Abed, help me
stop the bleeding!

319
00:13:09,989 --> 00:13:10,988
I'm dying!

320
00:13:11,006 --> 00:13:15,155
- Pierce.
- I am dying.

321
00:13:16,656 --> 00:13:18,488
♪You don't have to
put on the red light ♪

322
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:20,222
Water. Water! Water!

323
00:13:20,256 --> 00:13:24,188
Breathe, breathe.

324
00:13:24,223 --> 00:13:28,056
♪Put on the red light ♪

325
00:13:28,090 --> 00:13:30,789
♪put on the red light ♪

326
00:13:30,823 --> 00:13:31,989
You.

327
00:13:32,023 --> 00:13:33,655
♪Put on the red light ♪

328
00:13:33,673 --> 00:13:37,705
Nooooooo!

329
00:13:39,856 --> 00:13:41,321
Okay.

330
00:13:41,339 --> 00:13:43,855
Starting on my left with one,
your number comes up, you go.

331
00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:44,855
Just so you know, Jeff
you are now creating

332
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:45,839
six different timelines.

333
00:13:45,873 --> 00:13:47,488
Of course I am, Abed.

334
00:13:53,705 --> 00:13:56,404
Five. One, two, three,
four, five-- Abed.

335
00:13:56,439 --> 00:13:57,672
I'm on it.

336
00:13:57,690 --> 00:13:58,773
You know who else was on it?

337
00:13:58,807 --> 00:14:00,406
And do you know what "it" is?

338
00:14:00,441 --> 00:14:02,174
Everybody give me money.

339
00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:05,225
Wow, that ascot really
softens your personality.

340
00:14:05,276 --> 00:14:06,542
Thanks.

341
00:14:06,576 --> 00:14:09,377
I banged Eartha Kitt.

342
00:14:09,411 --> 00:14:11,994
- ♪Roxa-- ♪
- No.

343
00:14:12,029 --> 00:14:13,028
Bathroom?

344
00:14:13,062 --> 00:14:17,213
Down the hall.

345
00:14:17,248 --> 00:14:20,231
I'm getting a drink.
Ow!

346
00:14:20,282 --> 00:14:21,865
Oh, my God, are you okay?

347
00:14:21,899 --> 00:14:23,015
Barely felt it.

348
00:14:23,033 --> 00:14:24,316
Well, let me look at it
in the bathroom.

349
00:14:24,351 --> 00:14:26,316
Britta's in the bathroom.

350
00:14:28,786 --> 00:14:30,735
Oh, no, what happened?

351
00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:33,987
Minor head wound.

352
00:14:34,021 --> 00:14:36,254
Oh, my God.
What smells amazing?

353
00:14:36,288 --> 00:14:38,572
Oh! Someone wants pie!

354
00:14:38,623 --> 00:14:40,189
You make a good nurse.

355
00:14:42,408 --> 00:14:47,825
Oh, my God. They taste
just like regular-size pies.

356
00:14:47,859 --> 00:14:48,909
Oh, yay!

357
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:50,860
Happy housewarming.

358
00:14:50,895 --> 00:14:54,195
Oh, cool.
Thanks, Pierce.

359
00:14:54,229 --> 00:14:56,195
Hey, while we're alone,
I just wanted to say,

360
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,696
thanks for letting me
live with you.

361
00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,030
Sometimes I feel
like making desserts

362
00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:01,898
is the only thing I'm good
for in the group.

363
00:15:01,932 --> 00:15:04,865
But now it's time for me
to try and make it on my own.

364
00:15:04,883 --> 00:15:07,400
Just like you did.

365
00:15:07,434 --> 00:15:08,667
I can't help but
worry about you, Annie.

366
00:15:08,701 --> 00:15:09,734
Hey, I don't think
you should open this.

367
00:15:09,768 --> 00:15:11,334
No, what-- what are you
talking about?

368
00:15:11,369 --> 00:15:13,836
You're very important to me.

369
00:15:13,870 --> 00:15:15,904
Crap. I was not supposed
to eat your stuff.

370
00:15:15,938 --> 00:15:17,070
We all made an agreement.

371
00:15:17,105 --> 00:15:19,405
Crap, I was not supposed
to say that out loud!

372
00:15:19,439 --> 00:15:22,089
Crap, okay, cards on the table,
I'm really high right now.

373
00:15:24,540 --> 00:15:25,741
- Seriously!
- Would you stop and give me--

374
00:15:25,775 --> 00:15:26,808
No, I wanna give you
something else.

375
00:15:26,842 --> 00:15:27,841
A waterpik!

376
00:15:27,875 --> 00:15:29,875
A speedboat!
Two waterpiks.

377
00:15:29,893 --> 00:15:31,843
I can't believe
I'm feeding my pies

378
00:15:31,877 --> 00:15:33,010
to a drug addict!

379
00:15:33,044 --> 00:15:35,378
Drug addict?
You're a pie pusher!

380
00:15:35,412 --> 00:15:37,712
You push pies to get love.

381
00:15:37,730 --> 00:15:39,246
Give it, Pierce!

382
00:15:39,281 --> 00:15:40,897
It feels fun!

383
00:15:40,931 --> 00:15:45,715
I'm sorry, I just...
had a weird déjà vu.

384
00:15:45,750 --> 00:15:47,099
You're bad at gift-giving!

385
00:15:47,150 --> 00:15:49,217
That thing you said
about worrying about me...

386
00:15:49,251 --> 00:15:51,350
It's something
my dad always said.

387
00:15:51,385 --> 00:15:52,767
I demand to be housewarmed!

388
00:15:52,819 --> 00:15:55,119
Shouldn't have brought it up.

389
00:15:55,153 --> 00:15:57,553
Just reminded me of my dad.
Anyway...

390
00:15:57,571 --> 00:15:59,887
Stop. A little Make Out 101.

391
00:15:59,905 --> 00:16:01,321
Less dad talk.

392
00:16:01,355 --> 00:16:03,889
And, uh, you could ease up
on the bubblegum lip gloss.

393
00:16:03,924 --> 00:16:05,523
No, I really--

394
00:16:05,557 --> 00:16:07,557
No, you--!

395
00:16:10,226 --> 00:16:11,358
Pizza time.

396
00:16:11,393 --> 00:16:13,893
Give me this,
you godless hippie skank!

397
00:16:13,911 --> 00:16:16,527
You're a sick, sad,
twisted old man.

398
00:16:16,561 --> 00:16:18,562
And I hope you die alone.

399
00:16:22,164 --> 00:16:24,931
I wonder what happened
in all those other timelines.

400
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:30,433
I gotta say, I hope
this is the real one,

401
00:16:30,467 --> 00:16:31,900
because I just found
a nickel in the hallway.

402
00:16:37,803 --> 00:16:39,254
Okay.

403
00:16:39,288 --> 00:16:41,904
Starting on my left with one,
your number comes up, you go.

404
00:16:41,939 --> 00:16:43,088
Just so you know, Jeff,
you are now creating

405
00:16:43,122 --> 00:16:45,739
- six different timelines.
- Of course I am, Abed.

406
00:16:49,775 --> 00:16:52,275
I don't think you should.

407
00:16:52,310 --> 00:16:55,610
Chaos already dominates
enough of our lives.

408
00:16:55,644 --> 00:16:58,911
The universe is an endless
raging sea of randomness.

409
00:16:58,946 --> 00:17:00,245
Our job isn't to fight it,
but to weather it--together.

410
00:17:00,279 --> 00:17:01,712
On the raft of life.

411
00:17:01,746 --> 00:17:03,213
A raft held together by

412
00:17:03,247 --> 00:17:05,614
those few rare, beautiful things
that we know to be predictable.

413
00:17:05,648 --> 00:17:07,081
Ropes?

414
00:17:07,115 --> 00:17:08,515
Vines. Vines?

415
00:17:08,549 --> 00:17:09,648
Let him finish!

416
00:17:09,683 --> 00:17:11,749
Us.

417
00:17:11,784 --> 00:17:13,050
It won't matter
what happens to us

418
00:17:13,084 --> 00:17:14,218
as long as we stay
honest and accepting

419
00:17:14,252 --> 00:17:15,985
of each ether's
flaws and virtues.

420
00:17:16,018 --> 00:17:17,985
Annie will always be driven.
Shirley will always be giving.

421
00:17:18,019 --> 00:17:19,352
Pierce will never apologize.

422
00:17:19,386 --> 00:17:21,220
Britta's sort of a wild card
from my perspective.

423
00:17:21,254 --> 00:17:24,155
And Jeff will forever remain
a conniving son-of-a-bitch.

424
00:17:24,189 --> 00:17:25,555
Abed!

425
00:17:25,590 --> 00:17:27,323
There are six sides to
this die and seven of us.

426
00:17:27,357 --> 00:17:29,456
He devised a system by which
he never has to get the pizza.

427
00:17:29,490 --> 00:17:30,791
Jeff!

428
00:17:30,825 --> 00:17:33,325
- Really? Dang, man.
- You crafty jackrabbit.

429
00:17:33,359 --> 00:17:34,825
- Asshole.
- Pretty low, dude.

430
00:17:34,860 --> 00:17:37,594
It's called friendship,
look it up. Encarta it.

431
00:17:37,628 --> 00:17:40,828
I think we just found
our pizza-getter.

432
00:17:40,863 --> 00:17:42,445
Yes, we did!

433
00:17:43,697 --> 00:17:44,646
Oh, like it matters who goes.

434
00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:46,647
Ow!

435
00:17:46,698 --> 00:17:47,897
What's so funny?

436
00:17:47,931 --> 00:17:50,599
Karma.

437
00:17:50,633 --> 00:17:51,799
That guy sucks harder

438
00:17:51,833 --> 00:17:53,466
than the toilet
in an airplane bathroom.

439
00:17:53,500 --> 00:17:54,900
Airplane bathroom...

440
00:17:54,934 --> 00:17:56,484
Oh, my pies!

441
00:17:56,535 --> 00:17:58,235
♪Roxanne ♪

442
00:17:58,269 --> 00:17:59,902
Oh!

443
00:17:59,936 --> 00:18:03,170
♪you don't have
to put on the red light ♪

444
00:18:03,204 --> 00:18:05,437
Ooh!

445
00:18:05,455 --> 00:18:07,505
♪those days are over ♪

446
00:18:07,540 --> 00:18:10,940
♪you don't have to
sell your body to the night ♪

447
00:18:10,974 --> 00:18:12,124
Sing, Britta!

448
00:18:12,158 --> 00:18:14,341
I really love your place.

449
00:18:14,375 --> 00:18:15,609
You should move here.

450
00:18:19,911 --> 00:18:22,311
♪walk the streets for money ♪

451
00:18:22,346 --> 00:18:24,444
♪you don't care
if it's wrong... ♪

452
00:18:24,462 --> 00:18:26,129
♪or if it is right ♪

453
00:18:26,163 --> 00:18:29,463
♪Roxanne ♪

454
00:18:29,498 --> 00:18:32,631
♪you don't have
to put on the red light ♪

455
00:18:32,666 --> 00:18:36,800
You guys see what happens
when I leave you alone, huh?

456
00:18:36,834 --> 00:18:41,051
♪You don't have
to put on the red light ♪

457
00:18:41,086 --> 00:18:44,469
♪put on the red light ♪

458
00:18:44,504 --> 00:18:46,387
♪put on the red light ♪

459
00:18:46,421 --> 00:18:48,121
Go, Abed!

460
00:18:48,139 --> 00:18:51,723
♪put on the red light ♪

461
00:18:51,757 --> 00:18:53,090
♪put on the red light ♪

462
00:18:55,379 --> 00:18:57,941
To Pierce. May he rest in Pierce.

463
00:18:59,998 --> 00:19:01,750
Shirley, don't you think
you've had enough?

464
00:19:01,785 --> 00:19:03,908
Of you.

465
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:05,611
Guys, I've been thinking about
that night over and over.

466
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,381
One thing has become clear.

467
00:19:07,416 --> 00:19:08,966
This is the darkest,
most terrible timeline.

468
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:12,068
Enough with
the timeline crap, Abed!

469
00:19:12,102 --> 00:19:14,327
Pierce got shot
in the leg and died!

470
00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:15,507
Shirley's a drunk.

471
00:19:15,541 --> 00:19:17,597
Annie's locked in a mental ward

472
00:19:17,632 --> 00:19:19,519
because her guilt
drove her insane.

473
00:19:19,554 --> 00:19:21,744
Jeff lost an arm in the fire.

474
00:19:21,779 --> 00:19:25,319
Troy lost his larynx because,
for some dumb reason,

475
00:19:25,353 --> 00:19:28,386
he tried to destroy a flaming
troll doll by eating it.

476
00:19:28,422 --> 00:19:29,634
Clearly you don't understand

477
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,590
anything about
defeating trolls.

478
00:19:31,624 --> 00:19:34,490
Life has gone to hell, Abed.

479
00:19:34,524 --> 00:19:35,770
This is real!

480
00:19:35,805 --> 00:19:38,299
Look at us.
Look at me!

481
00:19:38,334 --> 00:19:40,726
Britta, you put one wash-away
blue streak in your hair.

482
00:19:40,762 --> 00:19:42,648
And I lost an arm.

483
00:19:42,684 --> 00:19:44,891
Exactly.
Life got dark.

484
00:19:44,925 --> 00:19:46,020
And all because
Jeff rolled a one.

485
00:19:46,055 --> 00:19:48,043
Oh, I love how this is
my fault somehow.

486
00:19:48,078 --> 00:19:49,358
It's mine.

487
00:19:49,393 --> 00:19:50,791
I've run over that night
over and over in my head,

488
00:19:50,826 --> 00:19:52,140
and I keep coming back
to one thought.

489
00:19:52,174 --> 00:19:54,180
I should've caught the die
and not let you roll it.

490
00:19:54,214 --> 00:19:56,978
I failed to do that
and we all suffered for it.

491
00:19:57,012 --> 00:20:00,181
But I'm gonna
make it up to you.

492
00:20:00,216 --> 00:20:01,564
What is this?

493
00:20:01,598 --> 00:20:03,620
Of all the timelines,
this is clearly the darkest,

494
00:20:03,655 --> 00:20:05,441
which is why I propose
we commit to being evil.

495
00:20:05,475 --> 00:20:07,228
I made us all black goatees
out of felt.

496
00:20:07,263 --> 00:20:10,498
I suggest you put them on until
you're able to grow your own.

497
00:20:10,516 --> 00:20:13,128
From now on, I am evil Abed.

498
00:20:13,163 --> 00:20:16,129
We're the evil study group,
and we have but one evil goal.

499
00:20:16,164 --> 00:20:18,355
Return somehow
to the prime timeline,

500
00:20:18,389 --> 00:20:19,905
the one that I stopped you
from rolling that die,

501
00:20:19,940 --> 00:20:21,557
then we destroy
the good versions of ourselves,

502
00:20:21,592 --> 00:20:23,985
and reclaim our proper lives.

503
00:20:24,019 --> 00:20:25,839
- Evil Abed.
- Mm-hm?

504
00:20:25,874 --> 00:20:29,043
As evil Jeff, am I allowed
to pull fewer punches with you?

505
00:20:29,077 --> 00:20:31,116
- Certainly.
- I hate you!

506
00:20:31,168 --> 00:20:32,718
Shut up
with your Sci-Fi crap!

507
00:20:32,752 --> 00:20:35,145
I lost my damn arm,

508
00:20:35,180 --> 00:20:36,932
and you're making fake beards!

509
00:20:36,967 --> 00:20:38,651
Goatees.

510
00:20:49,509 --> 00:20:53,251
♪evil Troy
and evil Abed ♪

511
00:21:00,029 --> 00:21:01,747
What's wrong?

512
00:21:01,782 --> 00:21:04,816
I don't know.

513
00:21:06,974 --> 00:21:08,592
I guess nothing.

514
00:21:09,002 --> 00:21:16,672
Sync by mczolly, corrected by susanaLC
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