1 00:00:00,920 --> 00:00:02,178 Didn't they say 304? 2 00:00:02,315 --> 00:00:03,815 No, 303. I wrote it twice. 3 00:00:05,466 --> 00:00:07,968 Troy & Abed: ♪ Troy and Abed's new apartment! ♪ 4 00:00:08,002 --> 00:00:11,339 Annie & Britta: Hiiii! 5 00:00:11,373 --> 00:00:12,457 - Come on in. - Come on. 6 00:00:12,491 --> 00:00:14,175 Girls: Wow. 7 00:00:14,210 --> 00:00:16,111 What a great place. 8 00:00:16,146 --> 00:00:18,831 You guys--you guys look so fancy. 9 00:00:18,865 --> 00:00:21,083 Thanks. We read a book on how to be the perfect party hosts. 10 00:00:21,118 --> 00:00:22,118 Rule number one-- dress to impress. 11 00:00:22,153 --> 00:00:23,353 Rule number two-- 12 00:00:23,387 --> 00:00:26,356 avoid touchy topics like the negro problem. 13 00:00:26,390 --> 00:00:27,792 - The book was written in the '40s. - Yeah. 14 00:00:27,826 --> 00:00:29,794 Oh, good, you guys are finally here. 15 00:00:29,828 --> 00:00:30,795 Finally? 16 00:00:30,829 --> 00:00:32,463 Shirley showed up at 3:00. 17 00:00:32,497 --> 00:00:33,949 Time flies when I'm baking. 18 00:00:33,983 --> 00:00:35,500 No, it doesn't. 19 00:00:35,535 --> 00:00:37,970 Oh, the door downstairs was propped open with this. 20 00:00:38,004 --> 00:00:39,271 This is really unsafe. 21 00:00:39,305 --> 00:00:41,040 Anyone could have just wandered into your building. 22 00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:42,041 [Buzzer sounds] 23 00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:43,243 Like one of our guests? 24 00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:44,811 - I'll be right back. - Thank you, Troy. 25 00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:46,347 Let me give you ladies the grand tour. 26 00:00:46,381 --> 00:00:48,999 Bathroom, kitchen, who cares, and this is my scale model 27 00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:50,334 of the rolling Boulder scene from raiders... 28 00:00:50,385 --> 00:00:52,152 With actual rolling Boulder. 29 00:00:52,187 --> 00:00:53,338 Ooh. 30 00:00:53,389 --> 00:00:54,339 [Voice recording] Adiós, Sapito. 31 00:00:54,390 --> 00:00:57,008 Annie & Britta: Ahh. 32 00:00:57,059 --> 00:00:58,159 Pretty cool, huh? 33 00:00:58,194 --> 00:01:00,162 Super cool. And sexy. 34 00:01:00,197 --> 00:01:01,397 Super sexy cool. 35 00:01:01,431 --> 00:01:02,815 Overselling it. 36 00:01:02,849 --> 00:01:04,350 I made pizza. 37 00:01:04,401 --> 00:01:05,569 But we ordered real pizza. 38 00:01:05,603 --> 00:01:07,337 Well, there's nothing more real than homemade. 39 00:01:07,372 --> 00:01:08,705 You didn't have some of the ingredients, 40 00:01:08,740 --> 00:01:11,141 so I used ketchup and cream cheese. 41 00:01:11,176 --> 00:01:12,527 We ordered real pizza. 42 00:01:16,081 --> 00:01:19,368 Okay. Hey, got you that. 43 00:01:19,419 --> 00:01:21,320 [Nervous laughter] 44 00:01:21,338 --> 00:01:24,190 Bienvenido de la Casa Chez Trobed. 45 00:01:24,225 --> 00:01:25,325 Very nice. 46 00:01:25,343 --> 00:01:27,560 Oh, look, Indiana Jones 47 00:01:27,595 --> 00:01:29,662 and the apartment of perpetual virginity. 48 00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:31,332 [Laughs] 49 00:01:31,350 --> 00:01:34,168 Chop busted, fellow adult, chop busted. 50 00:01:34,202 --> 00:01:36,772 It's nice. Not mansion-nice, but it's nice. 51 00:01:36,806 --> 00:01:39,507 Didn't you used to live in a mansion with me? 52 00:01:39,525 --> 00:01:42,110 Yeah, but this is more my speed and century. 53 00:01:42,145 --> 00:01:44,213 Doesn't bother me. I've hardly missed you at all 54 00:01:44,248 --> 00:01:45,715 since I had you removed from my portraits. 55 00:01:45,749 --> 00:01:46,949 Jeff! 56 00:01:46,984 --> 00:01:48,451 Check it out. Serbian rum. 57 00:01:48,485 --> 00:01:51,855 So strong it is banned there. 58 00:01:51,873 --> 00:01:54,158 Banned in Serbia, Jeff. 59 00:01:54,192 --> 00:01:56,795 [Chuckling] Let that concept sink in. 60 00:01:56,829 --> 00:01:58,630 Yeah, well, you enjoy. I have to leave early. 61 00:01:58,664 --> 00:02:00,298 - Oh? - Yeah, sorry. 62 00:02:00,333 --> 00:02:02,401 I've got an invite to the opening of a new club. 63 00:02:02,436 --> 00:02:04,603 Look at this place. It's like it was designed for me. 64 00:02:04,638 --> 00:02:06,705 It was. I made that in Photoshop and mailed it to you 65 00:02:06,723 --> 00:02:08,442 a month ago so that you'd keep tonight open on your calendar. 66 00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:09,676 There's no such thing as 67 00:02:09,711 --> 00:02:12,779 single malt platinum boobs and billiards club? 68 00:02:12,814 --> 00:02:14,148 [Sighs] 69 00:02:14,183 --> 00:02:16,217 I guess I never said it out loud. 70 00:02:16,251 --> 00:02:18,386 Tonight we offer something far more than boobs and billiards. 71 00:02:18,404 --> 00:02:21,156 - What? - One word, two syllables. 72 00:02:21,191 --> 00:02:23,959 Don't say charades. Troy & Abed: Yahtzee! 73 00:02:23,993 --> 00:02:26,663 Is charades off the table? 74 00:02:26,697 --> 00:02:29,697 Sync by mczolly, corrected by susanaLC www.Addic7ed.Com 75 00:02:53,528 --> 00:02:57,281 Come on. And... 76 00:02:57,315 --> 00:02:59,801 Okay. 77 00:02:59,835 --> 00:03:02,971 Now... "How to play Yahtzee." 78 00:03:03,005 --> 00:03:05,408 Is there nothing from our youth 79 00:03:05,442 --> 00:03:07,827 that these companies won't repackage for a buck? 80 00:03:07,878 --> 00:03:09,712 Call it Yahtzee all you want. 81 00:03:09,746 --> 00:03:12,215 Everybody knows it's Puerto Rican chess. 82 00:03:12,250 --> 00:03:14,084 [Doorbell buzzes] [Gasps] 83 00:03:14,118 --> 00:03:15,285 Annie, it's just the pizza. 84 00:03:15,319 --> 00:03:17,638 We can't buzz him up. Someone has to go down. 85 00:03:20,559 --> 00:03:21,976 [Groans] Okay. 86 00:03:22,010 --> 00:03:24,630 Starting on my left with one, your number comes up, you go. 87 00:03:24,664 --> 00:03:25,697 Just so you know, Jeff, you are now creating 88 00:03:25,732 --> 00:03:26,682 six different timelines. 89 00:03:26,733 --> 00:03:28,633 Of course I am, Abed. 90 00:03:28,651 --> 00:03:29,969 [Dramatic orchestral music] 91 00:03:29,987 --> 00:03:32,638 ♪ ♪ 92 00:03:32,656 --> 00:03:34,474 Two. One, two-- Annie. 93 00:03:34,508 --> 00:03:36,744 Okay, fine. I guess I'm going down. 94 00:03:36,778 --> 00:03:37,745 [Roxanne by the police] 95 00:03:37,779 --> 00:03:38,946 All this talk of going down... 96 00:03:38,980 --> 00:03:39,980 Did you guys know I had sex 97 00:03:40,015 --> 00:03:41,950 with Eartha Kitt in an airplane bathroom? 98 00:03:41,984 --> 00:03:43,752 [All groaning] We're about to eat. 99 00:03:43,786 --> 00:03:45,954 It's not namedropping if it comes up organically. 100 00:03:45,988 --> 00:03:47,489 I'm gonna check in on my pies. 101 00:03:47,507 --> 00:03:50,092 - ♪ Roxa-- ♪ - No. 102 00:03:50,127 --> 00:03:51,627 Bathroom? 103 00:03:51,661 --> 00:03:53,931 Over here. 104 00:03:53,965 --> 00:03:56,166 Uh, guys? 105 00:03:56,201 --> 00:03:57,667 What does a pregnancy test look like? 106 00:03:57,685 --> 00:03:59,770 Like a thin piece of plastic with a thing on the end of it. 107 00:03:59,804 --> 00:04:01,573 Okay, so this is definitely a gun. 108 00:04:01,607 --> 00:04:03,441 Whoa! Yeah, put that away. 109 00:04:03,476 --> 00:04:05,676 Oh, my-- Why does Annie have a gun? 110 00:04:05,694 --> 00:04:07,580 That's not a gun, that's a girl's peashooter. 111 00:04:07,614 --> 00:04:08,781 Here, Troy. 112 00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,349 Happy housewarming. 113 00:04:10,367 --> 00:04:12,919 Jeff, what are we gonna do about this? 114 00:04:12,954 --> 00:04:14,621 I'm gonna get a drink. Ow! 115 00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:17,541 - [Laughs] - What's so funny? 116 00:04:17,575 --> 00:04:19,076 I don't know, people hitting their heads. 117 00:04:19,127 --> 00:04:23,297 Don't fight over them. 118 00:04:23,332 --> 00:04:25,217 Well, y-you can fight a little. 119 00:04:25,251 --> 00:04:27,569 Smells weird. 120 00:04:27,604 --> 00:04:29,071 I beg your pardon? 121 00:04:29,105 --> 00:04:30,706 Smells weird. What did you do? 122 00:04:30,740 --> 00:04:32,909 Abed, you don't ask someone a question like that. 123 00:04:32,943 --> 00:04:35,211 It's not dignified. 124 00:04:35,246 --> 00:04:36,646 Pizza! 125 00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:38,065 ♪ Pizza, pizza, go in tummy ♪ 126 00:04:38,099 --> 00:04:40,734 ♪ me so hung-ee me so hung-ee ♪ 127 00:04:40,769 --> 00:04:42,953 That pizza guy was super creepy. 128 00:04:42,988 --> 00:04:47,025 So you're saying he was a pizza guy? 129 00:04:47,059 --> 00:04:48,527 I wonder what happened in those other timelines. 130 00:04:48,561 --> 00:04:51,964 Abed, there are no other timelines. 131 00:04:51,999 --> 00:04:54,333 [Doorbell buzzes] 132 00:04:54,368 --> 00:04:55,785 [Groans] Okay. 133 00:04:55,836 --> 00:04:58,738 Starting on my left with one, your number comes up, you go. 134 00:04:58,756 --> 00:04:59,806 Just so you know, Jeff, you are now creating 135 00:04:59,841 --> 00:05:00,791 six different timelines. 136 00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:02,609 Of course I am, Abed. 137 00:05:02,645 --> 00:05:03,928 [Dramatic orchestral music] 138 00:05:03,963 --> 00:05:06,598 ♪ ♪ 139 00:05:06,632 --> 00:05:09,184 Four. One, two, three, four-- Shirley. 140 00:05:09,219 --> 00:05:11,303 Okay, just don't let my pies burn. 141 00:05:11,354 --> 00:05:13,589 [Roxanne by the police] 142 00:05:13,607 --> 00:05:16,126 Remember, no one eats those pies. 143 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:17,644 Come on, let's just talk to her. 144 00:05:17,695 --> 00:05:19,729 We tried that, Annie, but she ignored us. 145 00:05:19,764 --> 00:05:21,449 The woman has a baking problem. 146 00:05:21,483 --> 00:05:23,067 Now, I-I don't like being the bad guy 147 00:05:23,101 --> 00:05:24,268 anymore than anybody else-- 148 00:05:24,303 --> 00:05:26,470 - ♪ Roxa-- ♪ - No. 149 00:05:26,505 --> 00:05:27,873 Bathroom? 150 00:05:27,907 --> 00:05:30,042 Yeah, over here. 151 00:05:30,076 --> 00:05:34,180 We have a pact. We do not enable her baking. 152 00:05:34,214 --> 00:05:35,548 It's gonna be better for her in the long run. 153 00:05:35,583 --> 00:05:37,617 Heh, you know who got it in the long run. 154 00:05:37,651 --> 00:05:40,821 Eartha Kitt, when I nailed her in the airplane bathroom. 155 00:05:40,855 --> 00:05:41,889 [Groaning] Ew, Pierce. 156 00:05:41,923 --> 00:05:44,024 What? Came up organically. 157 00:05:44,059 --> 00:05:46,478 Here, Troy. Happy housewarming. 158 00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:49,514 Oh, cool. 159 00:05:49,565 --> 00:05:51,600 Thanks, Pierce. 160 00:05:51,634 --> 00:05:52,702 [Yells] 161 00:05:52,736 --> 00:05:53,903 What is it? 162 00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:57,073 What? It's a traditional Norwegian troll. 163 00:05:57,107 --> 00:05:58,407 When Troy and I were living together, 164 00:05:58,442 --> 00:05:59,910 I had it on display in the hall. 165 00:05:59,944 --> 00:06:02,212 You know, outside his bedroom. 166 00:06:02,246 --> 00:06:03,830 He seemed very taken with it. 167 00:06:03,865 --> 00:06:05,667 [Laughs] 168 00:06:05,701 --> 00:06:06,718 It used to watch me sleep! 169 00:06:06,752 --> 00:06:08,219 Pierce, shame on you. 170 00:06:08,253 --> 00:06:09,721 Jeff, what are you gonna do about this? 171 00:06:09,755 --> 00:06:11,155 I'm gonna get a drink. 172 00:06:11,190 --> 00:06:12,725 Ow! [Laughs] 173 00:06:12,759 --> 00:06:13,709 Oh, my God! Are you okay? 174 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:14,826 Barely felt it. 175 00:06:14,844 --> 00:06:16,095 I'm gonna look at it in the bathroom. 176 00:06:16,129 --> 00:06:18,431 It's not dignified. 177 00:06:18,466 --> 00:06:19,833 Pizza! 178 00:06:19,867 --> 00:06:21,901 ♪ Pizza, pizza in my tummy ♪ 179 00:06:21,936 --> 00:06:23,836 ♪ me so hung-ee me so hung-ee ♪ 180 00:06:23,854 --> 00:06:28,042 Did someone remember to take out my pies? 181 00:06:28,076 --> 00:06:29,276 Seriously? 182 00:06:29,311 --> 00:06:31,730 Oh! 183 00:06:31,781 --> 00:06:33,682 Oh! Oh, no. 184 00:06:33,716 --> 00:06:37,453 [Whimpers] Seriously? 185 00:06:37,488 --> 00:06:39,155 Shirley, it doesn't matter. 186 00:06:39,189 --> 00:06:40,657 We weren't gonna eat them. 187 00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:43,193 You're not allowed to have "baking things" as an identity. 188 00:06:43,228 --> 00:06:45,629 Excuse me for being the only married woman 189 00:06:45,664 --> 00:06:48,415 in a group full of horny toads who sit around all night 190 00:06:48,466 --> 00:06:49,801 just making googly eyes at each other. 191 00:06:49,835 --> 00:06:54,806 Both: Googly eyes? 192 00:06:54,840 --> 00:06:56,575 [Yelps] 193 00:06:56,610 --> 00:06:58,144 Shirley, it's okay. 194 00:06:58,178 --> 00:07:00,479 Nobody makes googly eyes at me either. We're the same. 195 00:07:00,514 --> 00:07:04,884 [Whimpers and cries] 196 00:07:04,902 --> 00:07:07,287 ♪ Roxanne ♪ 197 00:07:07,321 --> 00:07:09,240 Adiós, Sapito. 198 00:07:09,274 --> 00:07:12,293 I don't know why she's so upset. 199 00:07:12,327 --> 00:07:14,296 Her pies probably didn't burn in the other timelines. 200 00:07:14,330 --> 00:07:16,281 Abed, Shirley just had a nervous breakdown. 201 00:07:16,332 --> 00:07:18,283 - More like a nervous-- - Bakedown! I know! 202 00:07:18,334 --> 00:07:19,568 I didn't say it on purpose. 203 00:07:19,586 --> 00:07:21,904 And Abed, there are no other timelines. 204 00:07:21,922 --> 00:07:23,807 [Doorbell buzzes] 205 00:07:23,841 --> 00:07:25,542 [Groans] Okay. 206 00:07:25,576 --> 00:07:28,345 Starting on my left with one, your number comes up, you go. 207 00:07:28,380 --> 00:07:29,597 Just so you know, Jeff, you are now creating 208 00:07:29,631 --> 00:07:31,982 - six different timelines. - Of course I am, Abed. 209 00:07:35,189 --> 00:07:38,036 [Dramatic orchestral music] 210 00:07:39,151 --> 00:07:41,733 Three. One, two, three-- Pierce. 211 00:07:41,784 --> 00:07:43,367 Crap. [Roxanne by the police] 212 00:07:43,402 --> 00:07:46,534 Speaking of crap, I was taking one in an airplane bathroom 213 00:07:46,568 --> 00:07:48,567 when Eartha Kitt decided to bang me. 214 00:07:48,619 --> 00:07:50,950 [All groaning] What? It's where my mind went. 215 00:07:50,985 --> 00:07:52,684 Your mind went years ago. 216 00:07:52,719 --> 00:07:55,584 [Laughs] 217 00:07:55,619 --> 00:07:56,651 Ugh. 218 00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:58,284 I'm gonna check on my pies. 219 00:07:58,318 --> 00:08:01,350 - ♪ Roxa-- ♪ - No. 220 00:08:01,368 --> 00:08:02,517 Bathroom? 221 00:08:02,552 --> 00:08:03,534 Yeah, over here. 222 00:08:03,568 --> 00:08:05,584 I love your place, Troy. 223 00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:07,851 You're all... grown up now. 224 00:08:07,885 --> 00:08:11,085 I can't believe those are real mahogany bunk beds in there. 225 00:08:11,118 --> 00:08:12,851 I bet that cost you a few allowances. 226 00:08:12,885 --> 00:08:14,018 [Laughs] 227 00:08:14,036 --> 00:08:15,401 Okay. 228 00:08:15,452 --> 00:08:16,584 Aww! Troy. 229 00:08:16,619 --> 00:08:18,784 Now we done it. 230 00:08:18,819 --> 00:08:19,884 Britta's in the bath-- 231 00:08:19,919 --> 00:08:25,085 Adiós, Sapito. 232 00:08:25,119 --> 00:08:26,068 [Knock at door] 233 00:08:26,119 --> 00:08:27,318 - Who is it? - Troy. 234 00:08:27,352 --> 00:08:29,484 [Coughing] Um, I'm washing my hands. 235 00:08:29,518 --> 00:08:31,051 Good, then I can come in. 236 00:08:31,086 --> 00:08:33,618 Oh, hi! 237 00:08:33,652 --> 00:08:37,018 Um, I was smoking a cigarette. 238 00:08:37,052 --> 00:08:39,851 I know what you were doing. I'm 21 years old. 239 00:08:39,885 --> 00:08:42,884 I'm a man. 240 00:08:47,885 --> 00:08:49,585 I know that. 241 00:08:49,620 --> 00:08:50,951 We all know that. 242 00:08:50,986 --> 00:08:54,085 Then why is Jeff always picking on me? 243 00:08:54,119 --> 00:08:56,185 You seem to be a little hard on Troy lately. 244 00:08:56,219 --> 00:08:58,402 I'm gonna get a drink. Ow! 245 00:08:58,453 --> 00:08:59,918 Oh, my God, are you okay? 246 00:08:59,952 --> 00:09:01,018 I barely felt it. 247 00:09:01,036 --> 00:09:02,085 Well, let me look at it in the bathroom. 248 00:09:02,119 --> 00:09:03,118 Britta's in the bathroom. 249 00:09:03,152 --> 00:09:06,018 Oh, um... 250 00:09:06,036 --> 00:09:09,151 Oh, no, what happened? 251 00:09:09,185 --> 00:09:11,051 Minor head wound. If there's an abrasion, 252 00:09:11,086 --> 00:09:12,402 we'll clean it with iodine and apply ice. 253 00:09:12,436 --> 00:09:13,552 You make a good nurse. 254 00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:14,952 Thanks. 255 00:09:14,986 --> 00:09:17,018 Dr. Shirley says mini pies are the best medicine. 256 00:09:17,052 --> 00:09:19,852 Then I'd like to see her degree. 257 00:09:19,886 --> 00:09:22,268 He's butting antlers with you because you're a threat now. 258 00:09:22,319 --> 00:09:24,935 You've got your own place, you've got a future, 259 00:09:24,987 --> 00:09:28,218 you've got a... bowl full of olives next to the toilet. 260 00:09:28,236 --> 00:09:29,785 It's a fancy party, Britta. 261 00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:32,652 You know what Jeff has in his bathroom? 262 00:09:32,686 --> 00:09:34,318 Neither do I. 263 00:09:34,353 --> 00:09:37,452 He keeps his toiletries in a safe under the sink. 264 00:09:37,486 --> 00:09:41,186 His whole personality is based around guarding himself. 265 00:09:41,220 --> 00:09:46,052 You don't have to be like that to be a man. 266 00:09:46,087 --> 00:09:48,852 You're really cool, Britta. 267 00:09:48,886 --> 00:09:51,386 Man, pizza guys are getting worse and worse-looking. 268 00:09:51,420 --> 00:09:53,885 Guess all the good ones went into porn. 269 00:09:53,903 --> 00:09:56,219 - Ceiling fan. - I miss all the fun. 270 00:09:56,237 --> 00:09:57,919 I wonder what happened in all those other timelines. 271 00:09:57,953 --> 00:10:01,785 Troy & Britta: Who cares? 272 00:10:01,820 --> 00:10:04,552 [Growls, laughs] 273 00:10:04,570 --> 00:10:06,719 [Doorbell buzzes] 274 00:10:06,753 --> 00:10:08,186 [Groans] Okay. 275 00:10:08,220 --> 00:10:10,852 Starting on my left with one, your number comes up, you go. 276 00:10:10,886 --> 00:10:11,852 Just so you know, Jeff, you are now creating 277 00:10:11,886 --> 00:10:12,852 six different timelines. 278 00:10:12,886 --> 00:10:14,569 Of course I am, Abed. 279 00:10:14,604 --> 00:10:15,902 [Dramatic orchestral music] 280 00:10:15,936 --> 00:10:18,569 ♪ ♪ 281 00:10:18,604 --> 00:10:21,436 Six. One, two, three, four, five, six-- Britta. 282 00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:23,419 - Great. - Great. 283 00:10:23,454 --> 00:10:25,419 You know what's great? Air travel. 284 00:10:25,454 --> 00:10:28,586 I've flown a lot, a lot of airplane stories. 285 00:10:28,621 --> 00:10:29,953 I once had sex with Eartha Kitt-- 286 00:10:29,988 --> 00:10:31,987 Okay, I'm gonna check on my pies. 287 00:10:38,654 --> 00:10:39,786 You guys are my best-- 288 00:10:39,821 --> 00:10:41,936 I'm gonna get a drink. Ow! 289 00:10:41,988 --> 00:10:42,936 [Laughter] 290 00:10:42,988 --> 00:10:44,236 Oh, my God, are you okay? 291 00:10:44,270 --> 00:10:45,269 Barely felt it. 292 00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:48,586 Let me look at it in the bathroom. 293 00:10:48,621 --> 00:10:50,753 Do I need to refill the toilet olives? 294 00:10:50,787 --> 00:10:52,519 - We're good. I checked. - You're the best. 295 00:10:52,554 --> 00:10:53,786 Want to stay up all night talking in our bunk beds? 296 00:10:53,821 --> 00:10:55,569 Duh-doy. 297 00:10:55,604 --> 00:10:58,270 Here, Troy. Happy housewarming. 298 00:10:58,321 --> 00:11:01,220 Oh, cool. Thanks, Pierce. 299 00:11:01,254 --> 00:11:02,786 You make a good nurse, Annie. 300 00:11:02,821 --> 00:11:04,404 Thank you. 301 00:11:04,438 --> 00:11:06,936 I actually had to apply a tourniquet the other day. 302 00:11:06,988 --> 00:11:09,387 A guy got stabbed outside my building-- 303 00:11:09,405 --> 00:11:12,287 What? Annie, you've got to get the hell out of that apartment. 304 00:11:12,321 --> 00:11:14,786 You don't have to treat me like a kid anymore, remember? 305 00:11:14,821 --> 00:11:17,621 Yeah, but adults still need to be protected. 306 00:11:17,655 --> 00:11:20,621 I-I can't help but worry about you, Annie. 307 00:11:20,655 --> 00:11:23,654 You're important to me. 308 00:11:26,288 --> 00:11:27,420 [Screams] 309 00:11:27,455 --> 00:11:29,754 Feel the terror! Stop the tantrum! 310 00:11:29,788 --> 00:11:32,604 Feel the terror of the Norwegian troll! 311 00:11:32,655 --> 00:11:34,070 What's going on in here? 312 00:11:34,104 --> 00:11:35,454 Pierce is terrorizing Troy because he's jealous 313 00:11:35,488 --> 00:11:36,553 we moved in together. 314 00:11:36,571 --> 00:11:37,787 You're the one who's jealous. 315 00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:38,854 Why would I be jealous? 316 00:11:38,888 --> 00:11:41,187 Because you're lonely and crazy. 317 00:11:46,722 --> 00:11:50,054 Hey, guys, this is Toby, our pizza delivery guy. 318 00:11:50,072 --> 00:11:51,587 And I know this is gonna sound nuts, 319 00:11:51,622 --> 00:11:55,354 but we're in love and we're getting married. 320 00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:04,721 I wonder what happened in all those other timelines. 321 00:12:04,755 --> 00:12:07,221 Wait, there are other timelines? 322 00:12:07,255 --> 00:12:09,288 [Doorbell buzzes] 323 00:12:09,322 --> 00:12:10,754 [Groans] Okay. 324 00:12:10,788 --> 00:12:13,221 Starting on my left with one, your number comes up, you go. 325 00:12:13,255 --> 00:12:14,321 Just you know, Jeff, you are now creating 326 00:12:14,356 --> 00:12:15,355 six different timelines. 327 00:12:15,389 --> 00:12:17,254 Of course I am, Abed. 328 00:12:17,289 --> 00:12:18,570 [Dramatic orchestral music] 329 00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:21,221 ♪ ♪ 330 00:12:21,255 --> 00:12:22,438 One. Troy. 331 00:12:22,489 --> 00:12:23,988 [Sighs] Damn it. 332 00:12:24,022 --> 00:12:26,555 I'm gonna go as fast as I can so I don't miss anything. 333 00:12:26,589 --> 00:12:28,887 [Roxanne by the police] 334 00:12:28,922 --> 00:12:30,088 Adiós, Sapito. 335 00:12:30,122 --> 00:12:31,571 You know who I used to call miss anything? 336 00:12:31,606 --> 00:12:32,787 Eartha Kitt. 337 00:12:32,822 --> 00:12:35,887 [Groaning] What? He totally set me up. 338 00:12:35,905 --> 00:12:38,188 I'm gonna check in on my pies. 339 00:12:38,222 --> 00:12:40,355 - ♪ Roxa-- ♪ - No. 340 00:12:40,389 --> 00:12:43,588 - Bathroom? - Yeah, over here. 341 00:12:43,623 --> 00:12:44,954 Jeff, tell us about your father. 342 00:12:44,989 --> 00:12:47,521 I'm gonna get a drink. Ow! 343 00:12:47,556 --> 00:12:48,655 - [Laughs] - Oh, my God, are you okay? 344 00:12:48,689 --> 00:12:49,738 Barely felt it. 345 00:12:49,773 --> 00:12:52,088 Well, let me look at it in the bathroom. 346 00:12:55,072 --> 00:12:56,555 [Glass shattering] 347 00:12:56,589 --> 00:12:57,555 [Gunshot] 348 00:12:57,589 --> 00:12:59,888 [Yelling] 349 00:12:59,906 --> 00:13:01,438 What the hell? 350 00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:03,588 [Groaning] 351 00:13:03,623 --> 00:13:05,421 No! [Shrieks] 352 00:13:05,456 --> 00:13:07,221 Call 911! 353 00:13:07,239 --> 00:13:11,355 Abed, help me stop the bleeding! 354 00:13:11,389 --> 00:13:12,388 I'm dying! 355 00:13:12,406 --> 00:13:16,555 - Pierce. - I am dying. 356 00:13:16,589 --> 00:13:18,022 [Screams] 357 00:13:18,056 --> 00:13:19,888 ♪ You don't have to put on the red light ♪ 358 00:13:19,906 --> 00:13:21,622 Water. Water! Water! 359 00:13:21,656 --> 00:13:25,588 Breathe, breathe. [indistinct, panicked chatter] 360 00:13:25,623 --> 00:13:29,456 ♪ Put on the red light ♪ 361 00:13:29,490 --> 00:13:32,189 ♪ put on the red light ♪ 362 00:13:32,223 --> 00:13:33,389 You. 363 00:13:33,423 --> 00:13:35,055 ♪ Put on the red light ♪ 364 00:13:35,073 --> 00:13:39,105 Nooooooo! 365 00:13:39,156 --> 00:13:41,222 [Doorbell buzzes] 366 00:13:41,256 --> 00:13:42,721 [Groans] Okay. 367 00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:45,255 Starting on my left with one, your number comes up, you go. 368 00:13:45,290 --> 00:13:46,255 Just so you know, Jeff you are now creating 369 00:13:46,290 --> 00:13:47,239 six different timelines. 370 00:13:47,273 --> 00:13:48,888 Of course I am, Abed. 371 00:13:52,216 --> 00:13:54,136 [Dramatic orchestral music] 372 00:13:56,005 --> 00:13:58,704 Five. One, two, three, four, five-- Abed. 373 00:13:58,739 --> 00:13:59,972 I'm on it. 374 00:13:59,990 --> 00:14:01,073 You know who else was on it? 375 00:14:01,107 --> 00:14:02,706 And do you know what "it" is? 376 00:14:02,741 --> 00:14:04,474 Everybody give me money. 377 00:14:04,508 --> 00:14:07,525 Wow, that ascot really softens your personality. 378 00:14:07,576 --> 00:14:08,842 Thanks. 379 00:14:08,876 --> 00:14:11,677 I banged Eartha Kitt. 380 00:14:11,711 --> 00:14:14,294 - ♪ Roxa-- ♪ - No. 381 00:14:14,329 --> 00:14:15,328 Bathroom? 382 00:14:15,362 --> 00:14:19,513 Down the hall. 383 00:14:19,548 --> 00:14:22,531 I'm getting a drink. Ow! 384 00:14:22,582 --> 00:14:24,165 [Laughter] Oh, my God, are you okay? 385 00:14:24,199 --> 00:14:25,315 Barely felt it. 386 00:14:25,333 --> 00:14:26,616 Well, let me look at it in the bathroom. 387 00:14:26,651 --> 00:14:28,616 Britta's in the bathroom. 388 00:14:31,086 --> 00:14:33,035 Oh, no, what happened? 389 00:14:33,087 --> 00:14:36,287 Minor head wound. 390 00:14:36,321 --> 00:14:38,554 Oh, my God. What smells amazing? 391 00:14:38,588 --> 00:14:40,872 Oh! Someone wants pie! 392 00:14:40,923 --> 00:14:42,489 You make a good nurse. 393 00:14:42,523 --> 00:14:44,673 [Giggles] 394 00:14:44,708 --> 00:14:50,125 Oh, my God. They taste just like regular-size pies. 395 00:14:50,159 --> 00:14:51,209 Oh, yay! 396 00:14:51,260 --> 00:14:53,160 Happy housewarming. 397 00:14:53,195 --> 00:14:56,495 Oh, cool. Thanks, Pierce. 398 00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:58,495 Hey, while we're alone, I just wanted to say, 399 00:14:58,529 --> 00:14:59,996 thanks for letting me live with you. 400 00:15:00,031 --> 00:15:01,330 Sometimes I feel like making desserts 401 00:15:01,364 --> 00:15:04,198 is the only thing I'm good for in the group. 402 00:15:04,232 --> 00:15:07,165 But now it's time for me to try and make it on my own. 403 00:15:07,183 --> 00:15:09,700 Just like you did. 404 00:15:09,734 --> 00:15:10,967 I can't help but worry about you, Annie. 405 00:15:11,001 --> 00:15:12,034 Hey, I don't think you should open this. 406 00:15:12,068 --> 00:15:13,634 No, what-- what are you talking about? 407 00:15:13,669 --> 00:15:16,136 You're very important to me. 408 00:15:16,170 --> 00:15:18,204 Crap. I was not supposed to eat your stuff. 409 00:15:18,238 --> 00:15:19,370 We all made an agreement. 410 00:15:19,405 --> 00:15:21,705 Crap, I was not supposed to say that out loud! 411 00:15:21,739 --> 00:15:24,389 Crap, okay, cards on the table, I'm really high right now. 412 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,041 - Seriously! - Would you stop and give me-- 413 00:15:28,075 --> 00:15:29,108 No, I wanna give you something else. 414 00:15:29,142 --> 00:15:30,141 A waterpik! 415 00:15:30,175 --> 00:15:32,175 A speedboat! Two waterpiks. 416 00:15:32,193 --> 00:15:34,143 I can't believe I'm feeding my pies 417 00:15:34,177 --> 00:15:35,310 to a drug addict! 418 00:15:35,344 --> 00:15:37,678 Drug addict? You're a pie pusher! 419 00:15:37,712 --> 00:15:40,012 You push pies to get love. 420 00:15:40,030 --> 00:15:41,546 Give it, Pierce! 421 00:15:41,581 --> 00:15:43,197 It feels fun! 422 00:15:43,231 --> 00:15:48,015 I'm sorry, I just... had a weird déjà vu. 423 00:15:48,050 --> 00:15:49,399 You're bad at gift-giving! 424 00:15:49,450 --> 00:15:51,517 That thing you said about worrying about me... 425 00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:53,650 It's something my dad always said. 426 00:15:53,685 --> 00:15:55,067 I demand to be housewarmed! 427 00:15:55,119 --> 00:15:57,419 Shouldn't have brought it up. 428 00:15:57,453 --> 00:15:59,853 Just reminded me of my dad. Anyway... 429 00:15:59,871 --> 00:16:02,187 Stop. A little Make Out 101. 430 00:16:02,205 --> 00:16:03,621 Less dad talk. 431 00:16:03,655 --> 00:16:06,189 And, uh, you could ease up on the bubblegum lip gloss. 432 00:16:06,224 --> 00:16:07,823 No, I really-- 433 00:16:07,857 --> 00:16:09,857 No, you--! 434 00:16:12,526 --> 00:16:13,658 Pizza time. 435 00:16:13,693 --> 00:16:16,193 Give me this, you godless hippie skank! 436 00:16:16,211 --> 00:16:18,827 You're a sick, sad, twisted old man. 437 00:16:18,861 --> 00:16:20,862 And I hope you die alone. 438 00:16:24,464 --> 00:16:27,231 I wonder what happened in all those other timelines. 439 00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:32,733 I gotta say, I hope this is the real one, 440 00:16:32,767 --> 00:16:34,200 because I just found a nickel in the hallway. 441 00:16:37,903 --> 00:16:40,069 [Doorbell buzzes] 442 00:16:40,103 --> 00:16:41,554 [Groans] Okay. 443 00:16:41,588 --> 00:16:44,204 Starting on my left with one, your number comes up, you go. 444 00:16:44,239 --> 00:16:45,388 Just so you know, Jeff, you are now creating 445 00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:48,039 - six different timelines. - Of course I am, Abed. 446 00:16:48,074 --> 00:16:49,373 [Dramatic orchestral music] 447 00:16:49,407 --> 00:16:52,040 ♪ ♪ 448 00:16:52,075 --> 00:16:54,575 I don't think you should. 449 00:16:54,610 --> 00:16:57,910 Chaos already dominates enough of our lives. 450 00:16:57,944 --> 00:17:01,211 The universe is an endless raging sea of randomness. 451 00:17:01,246 --> 00:17:02,545 Our job isn't to fight it, but to weather it--together. 452 00:17:02,579 --> 00:17:04,012 On the raft of life. 453 00:17:04,046 --> 00:17:05,513 A raft held together by 454 00:17:05,547 --> 00:17:07,914 those few rare, beautiful things that we know to be predictable. 455 00:17:07,948 --> 00:17:09,381 Ropes? 456 00:17:09,415 --> 00:17:10,815 Vines. Vines? 457 00:17:10,849 --> 00:17:11,948 Let him finish! 458 00:17:11,983 --> 00:17:14,049 Us. 459 00:17:14,084 --> 00:17:15,350 It won't matter what happens to us 460 00:17:15,384 --> 00:17:16,518 as long as we stay honest and accepting 461 00:17:16,552 --> 00:17:18,285 of each ether's flaws and virtues. 462 00:17:18,318 --> 00:17:20,285 Annie will always be driven. Shirley will always be giving. 463 00:17:20,319 --> 00:17:21,652 Pierce will never apologize. 464 00:17:21,686 --> 00:17:23,520 Britta's sort of a wild card from my perspective. 465 00:17:23,554 --> 00:17:26,455 And Jeff will forever remain a conniving son-of-a-bitch. 466 00:17:26,489 --> 00:17:27,855 Abed! 467 00:17:27,890 --> 00:17:29,623 There are six sides to this die and seven of us. 468 00:17:29,657 --> 00:17:31,756 He devised a system by which he never has to get the pizza. 469 00:17:31,790 --> 00:17:33,091 - [Laughs] - Jeff! 470 00:17:33,125 --> 00:17:35,625 - Really? Dang, man. - You crafty jackrabbit. 471 00:17:35,659 --> 00:17:37,125 - Asshole. - Pretty low, dude. 472 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:39,894 It's called friendship, look it up. Encarta it. 473 00:17:39,928 --> 00:17:43,128 I think we just found our pizza-getter. 474 00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,745 Yes, we did! [General agreement] 475 00:17:44,780 --> 00:17:45,946 [Roxanne by the police] 476 00:17:45,997 --> 00:17:46,946 Oh, like it matters who goes. 477 00:17:46,997 --> 00:17:48,947 Ow! [Laughter] 478 00:17:48,998 --> 00:17:50,197 What's so funny? 479 00:17:50,231 --> 00:17:52,899 Karma. 480 00:17:52,933 --> 00:17:54,099 That guy sucks harder 481 00:17:54,133 --> 00:17:55,766 than the toilet in an airplane bathroom. 482 00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:57,200 Airplane bathroom... 483 00:17:57,234 --> 00:17:58,784 Oh, my pies! 484 00:17:58,835 --> 00:18:00,535 ♪ Roxanne ♪ 485 00:18:00,569 --> 00:18:02,202 Oh! 486 00:18:02,236 --> 00:18:05,470 Both: ♪ you don't have to put on the red light ♪ 487 00:18:05,504 --> 00:18:07,737 Ooh! 488 00:18:07,755 --> 00:18:09,805 Both: ♪ those days are over ♪ 489 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:13,240 Together: ♪ you don't have to sell your body to the night ♪ 490 00:18:13,274 --> 00:18:14,424 Sing, Britta! [Laughter] 491 00:18:14,458 --> 00:18:16,641 I really love your place. 492 00:18:16,675 --> 00:18:17,909 You should move here. 493 00:18:17,943 --> 00:18:22,177 ♪ ♪ 494 00:18:22,211 --> 00:18:24,611 ♪ walk the streets for money ♪ 495 00:18:24,646 --> 00:18:26,744 ♪ you don't care if it's wrong... ♪ 496 00:18:26,762 --> 00:18:28,429 All: ♪ or if it is right ♪ 497 00:18:28,463 --> 00:18:31,763 ♪ Roxanne ♪ 498 00:18:31,798 --> 00:18:34,931 ♪ you don't have to put on the red light ♪ 499 00:18:34,966 --> 00:18:39,100 You guys see what happens when I leave you alone, huh? 500 00:18:39,134 --> 00:18:43,351 ♪ You don't have to put on the red light ♪ 501 00:18:43,386 --> 00:18:46,769 All: ♪ put on the red light ♪ 502 00:18:46,804 --> 00:18:48,687 ♪ put on the red light ♪ 503 00:18:48,721 --> 00:18:50,421 Go, Abed! 504 00:18:50,439 --> 00:18:54,023 All: ♪ put on the red light ♪ 505 00:18:54,057 --> 00:18:55,390 ♪ put on the red light ♪ 506 00:18:58,979 --> 00:19:01,541 To Pierce. May he rest in Pierce. 507 00:19:01,575 --> 00:19:03,564 [Laughs] 508 00:19:03,598 --> 00:19:05,350 Shirley, don't you think you've had enough? 509 00:19:05,385 --> 00:19:07,508 - Of you. - [Gasps] 510 00:19:07,543 --> 00:19:09,211 Guys, I've been thinking about that night over and over. 511 00:19:09,245 --> 00:19:10,981 One thing has become clear. 512 00:19:11,016 --> 00:19:12,566 This is the darkest, most terrible timeline. 513 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:15,668 Enough with the timeline crap, Abed! 514 00:19:15,702 --> 00:19:17,927 Pierce got shot in the leg and died! 515 00:19:17,962 --> 00:19:19,107 Shirley's a drunk. 516 00:19:19,141 --> 00:19:21,197 Annie's locked in a mental ward 517 00:19:21,232 --> 00:19:23,119 because her guilt drove her insane. 518 00:19:23,154 --> 00:19:25,344 Jeff lost an arm in the fire. 519 00:19:25,379 --> 00:19:28,919 Troy lost his larynx because, for some dumb reason, 520 00:19:28,953 --> 00:19:31,986 he tried to destroy a flaming troll doll by eating it. 521 00:19:32,022 --> 00:19:33,234 [Computerized voice] Clearly you don't understand 522 00:19:33,269 --> 00:19:35,190 anything about defeating trolls. 523 00:19:35,224 --> 00:19:38,090 Life has gone to hell, Abed. 524 00:19:38,124 --> 00:19:39,370 This is real! 525 00:19:39,405 --> 00:19:41,899 Look at us. Look at me! 526 00:19:41,934 --> 00:19:44,326 Britta, you put one wash-away blue streak in your hair. 527 00:19:44,362 --> 00:19:46,248 And I lost an arm. 528 00:19:46,284 --> 00:19:48,491 Exactly. Life got dark. 529 00:19:48,525 --> 00:19:49,620 And all because Jeff rolled a one. 530 00:19:49,655 --> 00:19:51,643 Oh, I love how this is my fault somehow. 531 00:19:51,678 --> 00:19:52,958 It's mine. 532 00:19:52,993 --> 00:19:54,391 I've run over that night over and over in my head, 533 00:19:54,426 --> 00:19:55,740 and I keep coming back to one thought. 534 00:19:55,774 --> 00:19:57,780 I should've caught the die and not let you roll it. 535 00:19:57,814 --> 00:20:00,578 I failed to do that and we all suffered for it. 536 00:20:00,612 --> 00:20:03,781 But I'm gonna make it up to you. 537 00:20:03,816 --> 00:20:05,164 What is this? 538 00:20:05,198 --> 00:20:07,220 Of all the timelines, this is clearly the darkest, 539 00:20:07,255 --> 00:20:09,041 which is why I propose we commit to being evil. 540 00:20:09,075 --> 00:20:10,828 I made us all black goatees out of felt. 541 00:20:10,863 --> 00:20:14,098 I suggest you put them on until you're able to grow your own. 542 00:20:14,116 --> 00:20:16,728 From now on, I am evil Abed. 543 00:20:16,763 --> 00:20:19,729 We're the evil study group, and we have but one evil goal. 544 00:20:19,764 --> 00:20:21,955 Return somehow to the prime timeline, 545 00:20:21,989 --> 00:20:23,505 the one that I stopped you from rolling that die, 546 00:20:23,540 --> 00:20:25,157 then we destroy the good versions of ourselves, 547 00:20:25,192 --> 00:20:27,585 and reclaim our proper lives. 548 00:20:27,619 --> 00:20:29,439 - Evil Abed. - Mm-hm? 549 00:20:29,474 --> 00:20:32,643 As evil Jeff, am I allowed to pull fewer punches with you? 550 00:20:32,677 --> 00:20:34,716 - Certainly. - I hate you! 551 00:20:34,768 --> 00:20:36,318 Shut up with your Sci-Fi crap! 552 00:20:36,352 --> 00:20:38,745 I lost my damn arm, 553 00:20:38,780 --> 00:20:40,532 and you're making fake beards! 554 00:20:40,567 --> 00:20:42,251 Goatees. 555 00:20:47,748 --> 00:20:50,984 [Dramatic orchestral music] 556 00:20:51,019 --> 00:20:53,074 ♪ ♪ 557 00:20:53,109 --> 00:20:56,851 Both: ♪ evil Troy and evil Abed ♪ 558 00:20:56,885 --> 00:20:59,885 ♪ ♪ 559 00:20:59,919 --> 00:21:03,594 [Mysterious music on television] 560 00:21:03,629 --> 00:21:05,347 What's wrong? 561 00:21:05,382 --> 00:21:08,416 I don't know. 562 00:21:10,574 --> 00:21:12,192 I guess nothing. 563 00:21:12,602 --> 00:21:20,272 Sync by mczolly, corrected by susanaLC www.Addic7ed.Com