1
00:00:02,177 --> 00:00:04,645
So what kind of cruise
is this you're going on?
2
00:00:04,647 --> 00:00:07,515
It's called
the Born Again Boat Ride.
3
00:00:07,517 --> 00:00:10,901
Christian Quarterly gave
it their highest rating--
4
00:00:10,903 --> 00:00:13,321
five thorny crowns.
5
00:00:13,323 --> 00:00:15,656
I do wish you'd
come with me, Sheldon.
6
00:00:15,658 --> 00:00:19,527
Well, Mom, if I did, it
would be conclusive proof
7
00:00:19,529 --> 00:00:21,746
that your God
can work miracles.
8
00:00:22,831 --> 00:00:23,848
You're missing out.
9
00:00:23,850 --> 00:00:25,282
It's gonna
be wall-to-wall fun.
10
00:00:25,284 --> 00:00:26,334
It's all themed.
11
00:00:26,336 --> 00:00:28,318
There's Jonah
and the Whale Watching.
12
00:00:29,888 --> 00:00:32,840
All-you-can-eat
Last Supper Buffet.
13
00:00:32,842 --> 00:00:35,209
And my personal favorite,
Gunning with God.
14
00:00:35,211 --> 00:00:38,763
What's Gunning with God?
I'm afraid to ask.
15
00:00:38,765 --> 00:00:41,465
Oh, it is a hoot
and a half.
16
00:00:41,467 --> 00:00:44,168
You write your sins
on a clay pigeon,
17
00:00:44,170 --> 00:00:46,303
they fire 'em up in the air,
and you pulverize them
18
00:00:46,305 --> 00:00:48,055
with a 12-gauge shotgun
19
00:00:48,057 --> 00:00:52,109
full of our Lord's
forgiveness.
20
00:00:52,111 --> 00:00:54,862
Frankly, Mom, I'm encouraged
to see how advanced
21
00:00:54,864 --> 00:00:56,864
your group has become--
willing to sail out
22
00:00:56,866 --> 00:01:00,451
into the ocean without fear
of falling off the edge.
23
00:01:00,453 --> 00:01:02,236
MARY:
For example,
24
00:01:02,238 --> 00:01:04,121
if Shelly was aboard,
he'd write,
25
00:01:04,123 --> 00:01:06,290
"Smart mouth"
on his pigeon,
26
00:01:06,292 --> 00:01:10,127
and then bam!
27
00:01:10,129 --> 00:01:12,630
The Lord giveth and
the Lord bloweth away.
28
00:01:12,632 --> 00:01:13,914
Well, Mom,
29
00:01:13,916 --> 00:01:16,801
according to my itinerary
for our weekend together,
30
00:01:16,803 --> 00:01:18,617
the fun begins with
fried chicken.
31
00:01:22,141 --> 00:01:24,658
You are in for a treat.
32
00:01:24,660 --> 00:01:26,010
My mother's fried chicken
33
00:01:26,012 --> 00:01:29,847
is why we had to buy my dad
the extra large coffin.
34
00:01:29,849 --> 00:01:31,882
Sheldon, she just
got off the plane.
35
00:01:31,884 --> 00:01:33,317
She doesn't want to cook.
36
00:01:33,319 --> 00:01:34,769
Of course she does.
37
00:01:34,771 --> 00:01:37,488
Making me food is her way
of saying "I love you""
38
00:01:37,490 --> 00:01:39,690
Making me food when
she's too tired to cook
39
00:01:39,692 --> 00:01:41,826
is her way of saying
"I really love you."
40
00:01:41,828 --> 00:01:44,412
Actually, I wouldn't mind going
out for a bite, Sheldon.
41
00:01:44,414 --> 00:01:45,863
Won't that spoil our appetites
44
00:01:49,702 --> 00:01:52,336
There's a great little
place down the street.
45
00:01:52,338 --> 00:01:53,979
I've never had it,
but there's no harm in
46
00:01:54,004 --> 00:01:55,222
trying something new.
47
00:01:56,075 --> 00:01:58,575
There's a lot of harm
in trying something new.
48
00:01:58,577 --> 00:02:00,338
That's why we test out
drugs and cosmetics
49
00:02:00,363 --> 00:02:01,563
on bunny rabbits.
50
00:02:01,881 --> 00:02:05,132
Sheldon, you're talking
like a crazy person.
51
00:02:05,134 --> 00:02:08,519
Actually, I had him
tested as a child.
52
00:02:08,521 --> 00:02:10,271
Doctor says he's fine.
53
00:02:10,273 --> 00:02:11,856
Told you.
54
00:02:11,858 --> 00:02:13,858
Although, I do regret
not following up
55
00:02:13,860 --> 00:02:15,476
with that specialist in Houston.
56
00:02:18,196 --> 00:02:21,816
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
57
00:02:21,818 --> 00:02:25,152
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
58
00:02:25,154 --> 00:02:26,787
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
59
00:02:26,789 --> 00:02:29,323
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
60
00:02:29,325 --> 00:02:32,009
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
61
00:02:32,011 --> 00:02:34,662
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
62
00:02:34,664 --> 00:02:36,580
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
63
00:02:36,582 --> 00:02:38,532
♪ Bang! ♪
64
00:02:38,557 --> 00:02:42,357
The Big Bang Theory 5x06
The Rhinitis Revelation
Original Air Date on October 20, 2011
65
00:02:42,358 --> 00:02:46,058
== ReSync by jacobian ==
== for 720p Web-DL @hdbits.org ==
66
00:02:45,133 --> 00:02:46,335
Irasshaimase!
67
00:02:46,405 --> 00:02:48,856
Stop yelling!
68
00:02:49,220 --> 00:02:51,336
I'm not happy about this.
69
00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:53,355
What's the last thing
you were ever happy about?
70
00:02:53,357 --> 00:02:56,108
The prospect
of fried chicken.
71
00:02:57,977 --> 00:02:59,511
This is exciting.
72
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,897
Back home, the diner on
Route Four serves sushi,
73
00:03:01,899 --> 00:03:05,400
but it's just cut up fish sticks
and a side of Uncle Ben's.
74
00:03:05,402 --> 00:03:07,018
They put it on the menu
75
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:11,573
in those kung fu letters,
but that don't make it sushi.
76
00:03:11,575 --> 00:03:16,211
Uh, kung fu letters might
not be politically correct.
77
00:03:16,213 --> 00:03:19,831
Oh, I thought the one we
couldn't say was "ching chong""
78
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:23,252
Yeah, yeah, that, too.
79
00:03:23,254 --> 00:03:25,053
So, Shelly, what's up
80
00:03:25,055 --> 00:03:26,922
with you and your friend Amy,
81
00:03:26,924 --> 00:03:29,141
if you don't mind
a mother prying a bit?
82
00:03:29,143 --> 00:03:32,678
Well, there's actually
big news on the Amy front.
83
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,134
She's been studying the
84
00:03:34,159 --> 00:03:36,805
neurobiology of addiction
in lower animals.
85
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:40,269
She's this close to getting
a starfish hooked on cocaine.
86
00:03:40,271 --> 00:03:43,822
Do you have any idea what's
going on with those two?
87
00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:46,074
It's kind of like
the Loch Ness monster.
88
00:03:46,076 --> 00:03:47,497
Maybe there's something
there, maybe there isn't.
89
00:03:47,522 --> 00:03:48,722
We'll probably never know.
90
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:54,666
But sometimes it's fun to creep
yourself out thinking about it.
91
00:03:57,120 --> 00:04:00,589
How are you doing on
the young lady front?
92
00:04:00,591 --> 00:04:03,458
I hear you're in some sort
of a long distance situation?
93
00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:05,744
Yeah, it's Raj's sister.
94
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,045
It's kind of tough.
95
00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:08,580
She's in India.
96
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,432
Also, her parents aren't happy
she's dating someone white.
97
00:04:10,434 --> 00:04:12,417
Oh, that's funny
turn, isn't it?
98
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:16,888
You never think about it
going the other way.
99
00:04:18,975 --> 00:04:22,110
Well, you can't force things.
100
00:04:22,112 --> 00:04:24,262
You need to figure out if
you're in a relationship
101
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,897
or if you're just
calling it one.
102
00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:27,733
It's like they say--
a cat can have kittens
103
00:04:27,735 --> 00:04:31,320
in the oven but that
don't make 'em biscuits.
104
00:04:31,322 --> 00:04:33,438
And that reminds me
of another saying.
105
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,567
You can lead a chicken
to Crisco, but you can't
106
00:04:35,592 --> 00:04:36,871
make your mother fry it.
107
00:04:38,944 --> 00:04:42,414
Sheldon, you pester me one
more time about chicken,
108
00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:45,717
I will put you over my knee
right here in this restaurant.
109
00:04:46,970 --> 00:04:49,588
Please pester her.
Please, for me.
110
00:04:53,142 --> 00:04:55,477
So, Mrs. Cooper, what did
you think of the sushi?
111
00:04:55,479 --> 00:04:56,728
It was good.
112
00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:59,147
The only thing that would
have made it better
113
00:04:59,149 --> 00:05:01,183
is if it was cooked
114
00:05:01,185 --> 00:05:04,519
and if it was beef.
115
00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:07,656
Sheldon, when is your landlord
going to fix the elevator?
116
00:05:07,658 --> 00:05:09,441
I don't know.
117
00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:11,159
Lately we've been talking about
118
00:05:11,161 --> 00:05:14,613
converting it
into a missile silo.
119
00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:16,748
Your son seems to think
120
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:20,252
we need to launch
a preemptive strike on Burbank.
121
00:05:20,254 --> 00:05:23,205
Get them before
they get us.
122
00:05:29,345 --> 00:05:32,881
Hey, look who decided
to show up.
123
00:05:32,883 --> 00:05:34,883
Raj, what are you doing?
124
00:05:34,885 --> 00:05:39,221
I couldn't find you guys
so I bought six new friends.
125
00:05:40,156 --> 00:05:43,709
Three, sadly, are dead.
126
00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:45,944
Mom, you
remember Rajesh?
127
00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:48,063
- Rajesh, my mother.
- Of course.
128
00:05:48,065 --> 00:05:50,282
Mrs. Cooper.
So nice to see you again.
129
00:05:50,284 --> 00:05:52,818
Well, it's so nice
to see you, too.
130
00:05:55,121 --> 00:05:57,021
I thought it was
our Indians
131
00:05:57,023 --> 00:06:00,358
that had the occasional
alcohol problem.
132
00:06:02,128 --> 00:06:04,379
We don't say that, either.
133
00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:08,417
I'll make you a list.
134
00:06:08,419 --> 00:06:10,469
Oh, that would be mighty
white of you.
135
00:06:12,371 --> 00:06:16,174
So, Raj, what pain
are you trying
136
00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:18,427
to cover up with alcohol?
137
00:06:18,429 --> 00:06:20,178
- Nothing, I'm fine.
- Are ya?
138
00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:22,314
(sobbing)
No.
139
00:06:22,316 --> 00:06:23,432
That's better.
140
00:06:23,434 --> 00:06:24,866
Now tell me what's
bothering you.
141
00:06:24,868 --> 00:06:27,185
I'm so lonely.
142
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:29,738
Oh, yes, born alone,
die alone.
143
00:06:29,740 --> 00:06:32,023
It's a tragic
human condition.
144
00:06:32,025 --> 00:06:33,075
Now, Raj,
145
00:06:33,077 --> 00:06:34,392
if you'll excuse my mother,
146
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,194
she's about to make a pecan pie
147
00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:38,080
that'll be so good
I'll almost forget
148
00:06:38,082 --> 00:06:40,248
how she blew it
with the fried chicken.
149
00:06:40,250 --> 00:06:42,284
Sheldon, your
friend is hurtin'.
150
00:06:42,286 --> 00:06:44,252
What do we do when
someone's hurtin'?
151
00:06:44,254 --> 00:06:47,405
Offer them a hot beverage.
152
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,907
And when they're
drunk as a skunk,
153
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:50,342
what beverage
do we offer?
154
00:06:50,344 --> 00:06:52,427
Coffee.
155
00:06:52,429 --> 00:06:54,763
And what do we do it with?
156
00:07:01,037 --> 00:07:04,255
Now you listen to me.
157
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:07,275
I know you feel like
you can't find someone,
158
00:07:07,277 --> 00:07:08,977
but there's a
lock for every key.
159
00:07:08,979 --> 00:07:10,362
Back home, there's a girl
160
00:07:10,364 --> 00:07:13,782
works at the Wal-Mart.
Tall, tall girl.
161
00:07:13,784 --> 00:07:16,535
Woman could hunt
geese with a rake.
162
00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:18,069
Thought she'd never
163
00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:21,289
find a man, then one day,
wouldn't ya know,
164
00:07:21,291 --> 00:07:23,959
Harlem Globetrotters
come to town.
165
00:07:23,961 --> 00:07:26,945
Long story short,
166
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,131
today that woman
travels the world
167
00:07:29,133 --> 00:07:30,999
with a semi-professional
basketball player
168
00:07:31,001 --> 00:07:34,252
and two beautiful
mixed-race babies.
169
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:38,557
I didn't get a lot of that
because of your accent,
170
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:40,392
but the general tone
was soothing
171
00:07:40,394 --> 00:07:42,293
and somehow I feel better.
172
00:07:43,763 --> 00:07:47,732
I'm not going to get
my pecan pie, am I?
173
00:07:47,734 --> 00:07:49,467
You want some Oreos?
174
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,102
- Double Stuf?
- No, regular.
175
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:53,855
Nice. Kick a man when he's down.
176
00:07:54,991 --> 00:07:57,943
I'm glad we're finally getting
to do something together,
177
00:07:57,945 --> 00:07:59,578
just the two of us.
178
00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:00,841
Sure. One thing you really
miss when you're on
179
00:08:00,866 --> 00:08:02,585
vacation is laundry.
180
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:05,784
Careful, you're using
too much Downey.
181
00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:08,537
You know if my clothes get
too soft it makes me sleepy.
182
00:08:08,539 --> 00:08:10,655
Well, this takes me back.
183
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:13,758
Me doing your laundry, you
next to me criticizing.
184
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,710
It is nice, isn't it?
185
00:08:15,712 --> 00:08:18,380
Mrs. Cooper.
186
00:08:18,382 --> 00:08:22,000
- Hi!
- Oh, hello, darlin'.
187
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,852
Sheldon, you didn't tell
me your mom was coming.
188
00:08:23,854 --> 00:08:26,388
It was in my weekly
e-mail blast.
189
00:08:26,390 --> 00:08:27,289
Right between
190
00:08:27,291 --> 00:08:29,357
"Beet season is finally here"
191
00:08:29,359 --> 00:08:33,562
and "Uh-oh, red stool from
beets leads to cancer scare."
192
00:08:36,532 --> 00:08:38,533
So, how've you been?
193
00:08:38,535 --> 00:08:39,651
Good, good.
194
00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:41,236
I hear that Leonard
has a new girlfriend.
195
00:08:41,238 --> 00:08:42,704
How are you doing
with all that?
196
00:08:42,706 --> 00:08:44,706
Oh, fine. You know,
it's been a while.
197
00:08:44,708 --> 00:08:46,324
I'm getting
back out there.
198
00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:48,827
Let me ask you, when
you get back out there,
199
00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:51,413
are you wearing this?
200
00:08:52,331 --> 00:08:55,033
Well, it's super cute on.
201
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,972
That top has paid for itself
in free drinks like ten
202
00:08:56,997 --> 00:08:58,471
times what it cost.
203
00:08:59,473 --> 00:09:02,040
Yes, Penny has a lot
of her money tied up
204
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,207
in promiscuity futures.
205
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:05,510
Hon, you think
206
00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:08,263
maybe the reason why
you're having trouble
207
00:09:08,265 --> 00:09:10,098
finding a guy
to settle down with
208
00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:12,434
is because you're letting them
ride the roller coaster
209
00:09:12,436 --> 00:09:14,552
without buying a ticket?
210
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:18,406
Oh, they don't always get
to ride the roller coaster.
211
00:09:18,408 --> 00:09:22,444
Sometimes they only get
to spin the teacups.
212
00:09:25,214 --> 00:09:26,998
Now I'm going out tonight.
Would it be crazy
213
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,334
to ask you to look at the
outfit I'm going to wear?
214
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,235
Oh, not crazy at all.
215
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:32,537
And don't beat yourself up.
216
00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:35,290
When I was your age, you could
have me for a car ride
217
00:09:35,292 --> 00:09:37,075
and a bottle
of strawberry wine.
218
00:09:41,564 --> 00:09:45,383
That will not be
in this week's e-mail blast.
219
00:09:46,502 --> 00:09:48,219
So, this spring,
I get to go
220
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:51,089
to the International
Space Station.
221
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:55,143
Oh, my word,
a trip to the heavens.
222
00:09:56,279 --> 00:09:58,480
If you ever want
to live there eternally,
223
00:09:58,482 --> 00:10:00,782
I've got a good book
you could read.
224
00:10:00,784 --> 00:10:03,702
Thanks, but I watch the
Charlie Brown Christmas special
225
00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:05,620
every year, so I get the gist.
226
00:10:05,622 --> 00:10:07,989
I bet your mom
is really proud of you.
227
00:10:07,991 --> 00:10:09,291
Nope.
228
00:10:09,293 --> 00:10:10,875
She says if I don't back out
229
00:10:10,877 --> 00:10:12,827
she's going to go
on a hunger strike.
230
00:10:12,829 --> 00:10:14,329
It would take years before
231
00:10:14,331 --> 00:10:16,998
she'd be in any kind of danger,
but still.
232
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,884
I've got a treat
for us tomorrow, Mom.
233
00:10:19,886 --> 00:10:21,136
I'm taking you
234
00:10:21,138 --> 00:10:23,888
to see Saul Perlmutter
give a lecture
235
00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:25,924
about his Nobel Prize-winning
work in cosmology.
236
00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:27,258
And the best part is,
237
00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:29,144
at the Q and A afterward,
238
00:10:29,146 --> 00:10:30,679
I've worked up
a couple of "Q's"
239
00:10:30,681 --> 00:10:33,565
that will stump
his sorry "A."
240
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:36,234
I don't know, Shelly.
241
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:38,353
I thought we could do
a little sightseeing.
242
00:10:38,355 --> 00:10:40,972
What sight is better
than your little boy
243
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,375
embarrassing a Nobel laureate?
244
00:10:43,377 --> 00:10:45,476
Come on, Sheldon,
we'll take your mom
245
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,162
to see the Hollywood sign,
246
00:10:47,164 --> 00:10:48,980
the wax museum,
the Walk of Fame.
247
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,116
Ooh, maybe
a little Rodeo Drive.
248
00:10:51,118 --> 00:10:54,285
Well, I can't spend
$12,000 on a handbag,
249
00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:56,154
but it's free
to look upon those
250
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,657
who do with righteous
condemnation.
251
00:11:00,292 --> 00:11:01,593
What do you say?
252
00:11:01,595 --> 00:11:03,678
What do I say?
253
00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:06,464
I say you people need
to stop ruining my mom's visit
254
00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:10,435
with your sushi, and your
sadness and your slutty shirts.
255
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:12,604
Stop it.
256
00:11:15,858 --> 00:11:19,144
He's not talking about your
shirt. Your shirt is fine.
257
00:11:25,407 --> 00:11:27,156
These are delicious.
258
00:11:27,157 --> 00:11:29,441
The trick to pancakes
is bacon grease.
259
00:11:29,443 --> 00:11:31,693
I cook everything in it.
260
00:11:31,695 --> 00:11:34,496
Everything? Aren't you
worried about your health?
261
00:11:34,498 --> 00:11:36,831
Oh, doctors are always
changing their mind.
262
00:11:36,833 --> 00:11:38,533
One week bacon grease
is bad for you.
263
00:11:38,535 --> 00:11:41,419
The next week we're not
getting enough of it.
264
00:11:42,455 --> 00:11:44,706
Good morning, Shelly.
265
00:11:44,708 --> 00:11:48,676
Mom, I want to apologize
for my behavior last night.
266
00:11:48,678 --> 00:11:51,045
- Apology accepted.
- Great.
267
00:11:51,047 --> 00:11:52,997
Now, you're going to love
the Perlmutter lecture.
268
00:11:52,999 --> 00:11:56,017
Look, he will be stating
that the universe is older
269
00:11:56,019 --> 00:11:57,635
than 6,000 years,
but I thought
270
00:11:57,637 --> 00:11:59,304
you could stick your
fingers in your ears
271
00:11:59,306 --> 00:12:02,107
and hum "Amazing Grace"
during those parts.
272
00:12:02,109 --> 00:12:04,859
I am still going out
with your friends.
273
00:12:04,861 --> 00:12:07,112
But I apologized.
274
00:12:07,114 --> 00:12:10,865
And that was hard for me because
I didn't do anything wrong.
275
00:12:12,067 --> 00:12:16,571
Shelly, I hung out with you
in enough dusty lecture halls
276
00:12:16,573 --> 00:12:18,490
while you were growing up.
277
00:12:18,492 --> 00:12:19,707
I want to go sightseeing.
278
00:12:19,709 --> 00:12:21,192
So why don't you
have some pancakes,
279
00:12:21,194 --> 00:12:22,360
get dressed and come with us.
280
00:12:22,362 --> 00:12:25,914
I'm not going,
and you can't make me.
281
00:12:25,916 --> 00:12:29,634
You're right, I can't.
Have a nice day.
282
00:12:29,636 --> 00:12:32,554
Well, I'm going to stand here
until you change your mind.
283
00:12:32,556 --> 00:12:34,806
Well, then you are going
to stand there all day.
284
00:12:37,059 --> 00:12:41,729
I'm just gonna take my bacon
grease and slide over there.
285
00:12:41,731 --> 00:12:44,849
I can't believe my own
mother is abandoning me.
286
00:12:44,851 --> 00:12:47,018
I am not abandoning you.
287
00:12:47,020 --> 00:12:49,270
Sheldon, abandoning you
is leaving you in a basket
288
00:12:49,272 --> 00:12:50,572
on a church doorstep.
289
00:12:50,574 --> 00:12:55,243
I am going to Hollywood and
thank a wax Ronald Reagan
290
00:12:55,245 --> 00:12:57,562
for his service
to our country.
291
00:12:59,731 --> 00:13:02,367
We appear to be at a crossroads
in our relationship, Mother.
292
00:13:02,369 --> 00:13:04,002
Well, I guess we are.
293
00:13:04,004 --> 00:13:06,204
Sorry.
Syrup.
294
00:13:07,006 --> 00:13:08,540
All right, Mom.
295
00:13:08,542 --> 00:13:11,509
When you're at the Ripley's
Believe It Or Not Museum,
296
00:13:11,511 --> 00:13:14,912
if they have an exhibit about a
mother who threw away a chance
297
00:13:14,914 --> 00:13:17,081
to spend the day with the
world's most wonderful son,
298
00:13:17,083 --> 00:13:18,800
believe it,
because it's true.
299
00:13:21,387 --> 00:13:23,855
I hadn't...
300
00:13:25,007 --> 00:13:27,725
That lecture was
a waste of time.
301
00:13:27,727 --> 00:13:29,644
I made more accurate diagrams
302
00:13:29,646 --> 00:13:32,230
of the expansion of the early
universe on the nursery wall
303
00:13:32,232 --> 00:13:34,265
with the contents
of my diaper.
304
00:13:34,267 --> 00:13:36,234
(sneezes)
305
00:13:36,236 --> 00:13:37,902
Are you getting sick?
306
00:13:37,904 --> 00:13:40,154
No, I'm just allergic to people
307
00:13:40,156 --> 00:13:43,074
who get Nobel Prizes
for no good reason.
308
00:13:43,076 --> 00:13:46,160
Sheldon, is it possible
that your foul mood--
309
00:13:46,162 --> 00:13:50,465
or, to use the clinical
term, bitchiness--
310
00:13:50,467 --> 00:13:53,218
is because your mother
isn't making you a priority?
311
00:13:53,220 --> 00:13:58,423
No. Or to use the
clinical term, "nuh-uh""
312
00:13:59,341 --> 00:14:01,309
Are you sure?
The infant-mother pair-bond
313
00:14:01,311 --> 00:14:02,694
is the building block
of primate psychology.
314
00:14:02,696 --> 00:14:03,811
Oh, there it is.
315
00:14:03,813 --> 00:14:05,763
It always comes back
to monkeys with you.
316
00:14:05,765 --> 00:14:08,799
Just monkeys,
monkeys, monkeys.
317
00:14:08,801 --> 00:14:11,019
Sheldon, we're all animals.
318
00:14:11,021 --> 00:14:13,571
And granted, there are aspects
of you that are extraordinary,
319
00:14:13,573 --> 00:14:15,973
but when it comes to
emotions and relationships,
320
00:14:15,975 --> 00:14:17,275
you're just like everybody else.
321
00:14:17,277 --> 00:14:20,361
Are you trying to suggest
that my emotional problems
322
00:14:20,363 --> 00:14:24,165
are no different than
those of a stupid person?
323
00:14:24,167 --> 00:14:26,251
Actually, some research
indicates
324
00:14:26,253 --> 00:14:27,535
that by not overthinking,
325
00:14:27,537 --> 00:14:29,671
the less intelligent
handle emotions better.
326
00:14:29,673 --> 00:14:31,506
(sneezes)
327
00:14:32,591 --> 00:14:34,259
Sure you're not coming
down with a cold?
328
00:14:34,261 --> 00:14:36,344
Oh, yes, the common cold.
329
00:14:36,346 --> 00:14:37,462
Just like everyone else.
330
00:14:37,464 --> 00:14:38,846
You'd love that,
wouldn't you?
331
00:14:41,267 --> 00:14:44,135
Oh, this one's sweet.
332
00:14:44,137 --> 00:14:47,472
You know,
for your rosary rattlers.
333
00:14:47,474 --> 00:14:53,194
Mrs. Cooper, we say "Catholics""
not "rosary rattlers."
334
00:14:53,196 --> 00:14:55,146
My goodness, it's a wonder
you people in California
335
00:14:55,148 --> 00:14:56,481
can talk at all.
336
00:14:58,033 --> 00:14:59,901
This is like the
worst Hollywood tour ever.
337
00:14:59,903 --> 00:15:01,986
What are we gonna do?
She wanted to see churches.
338
00:15:01,988 --> 00:15:04,906
Hey, they have wine
here, don't they?
339
00:15:07,359 --> 00:15:11,028
None of our gods
have abs like that.
340
00:15:11,030 --> 00:15:13,898
Yep, that's the last
Jew who did sit-ups.
341
00:15:15,033 --> 00:15:17,635
And look where it got him.
342
00:15:18,954 --> 00:15:21,973
Hey, while we're here, why
don't we all do some praying?
343
00:15:21,975 --> 00:15:24,108
Let's put a little
church in this church.
344
00:15:24,110 --> 00:15:25,543
Oh, I'm not sure we should...
345
00:15:25,545 --> 00:15:27,712
It's easy.
I'll show you how.
346
00:15:27,714 --> 00:15:29,314
Lord, Mary Cooper here.
347
00:15:29,316 --> 00:15:32,767
Coming to you from
Gomorrah, California.
348
00:15:32,769 --> 00:15:34,435
I want to thank you
349
00:15:34,437 --> 00:15:37,188
for the blessing that
is my little Shelly.
350
00:15:37,190 --> 00:15:40,074
I also want to thank you
for the continued strength
351
00:15:40,076 --> 00:15:43,244
not to coldcock him
with my Bible.
352
00:15:44,530 --> 00:15:46,897
All right, Penny, your turn.
353
00:15:46,899 --> 00:15:48,666
Okay, um...
354
00:15:48,668 --> 00:15:49,667
Hey, God.
355
00:15:49,669 --> 00:15:52,337
What's up?
356
00:15:52,339 --> 00:15:55,757
Um, I'm good, but, uh, it would
be a big help to my family
357
00:15:55,759 --> 00:15:57,959
if you could get my brother
to stop cooking meth.
358
00:16:00,663 --> 00:16:03,514
But no cops. Be cool.
359
00:16:05,017 --> 00:16:08,753
She also goes a little overboard
on the "love thy neighbor."
360
00:16:08,755 --> 00:16:12,357
Could probably use that chat
you had with Mary Magdalene.
361
00:16:12,359 --> 00:16:14,359
Leonard, you're up.
362
00:16:14,361 --> 00:16:16,227
Wasserman, you're on deck.
363
00:16:16,229 --> 00:16:17,945
Okay. I don't know...
364
00:16:17,947 --> 00:16:23,034
it's probably a little late
to ask you to make me taller.
365
00:16:26,622 --> 00:16:29,624
Oh, um... if you could help
out with me and my girlfriend.
366
00:16:29,626 --> 00:16:31,876
She's all the way in India.
That would be great.
367
00:16:31,878 --> 00:16:33,127
Hear that? Girl trouble.
368
00:16:33,129 --> 00:16:35,913
Turns out we were both wrong
on that front.
369
00:16:39,301 --> 00:16:40,802
How about you?
370
00:16:40,804 --> 00:16:42,170
Oh, me? No.
Thanks, I'm good.
371
00:16:42,172 --> 00:16:45,956
I'm really just trying not
to burst into flames.
372
00:16:48,227 --> 00:16:49,677
Rajesh?
373
00:16:52,181 --> 00:16:56,067
He says he's having trouble
dropping those last five pounds.
374
00:16:56,069 --> 00:17:00,071
Huh, I might have gone with
the talking-to-girls thing.
375
00:17:01,657 --> 00:17:03,658
No, you only get one wish.
376
00:17:21,343 --> 00:17:24,312
Look at the two of us.
377
00:17:24,314 --> 00:17:27,331
Me, a highly
regarded physicist.
378
00:17:27,333 --> 00:17:29,517
The kind of mind that
comes along once,
379
00:17:29,519 --> 00:17:31,602
maybe twice in a generation.
380
00:17:31,604 --> 00:17:34,004
You, the common man,
381
00:17:34,006 --> 00:17:37,642
tired from your labors
as a stockbroker,
382
00:17:37,644 --> 00:17:41,846
or vacuum cleaner salesman,
or bootblack.
383
00:17:43,348 --> 00:17:46,016
But deep down inside...
384
00:17:46,018 --> 00:17:48,653
apparently we're just
two peas in a pod.
385
00:17:48,655 --> 00:17:51,706
A regular pea,
386
00:17:51,708 --> 00:17:54,375
and the kind of pea
that comes along once,
387
00:17:54,377 --> 00:17:56,744
maybe twice in a generation.
388
00:17:58,363 --> 00:18:00,998
(thunder booms)
389
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,199
Rain.
390
00:18:02,201 --> 00:18:04,635
Another great equalizer.
391
00:18:04,637 --> 00:18:06,504
Falling on the head
of the brilliant
392
00:18:06,506 --> 00:18:08,639
and the unremarkable alike.
393
00:18:15,681 --> 00:18:17,882
Smarty-pants.
394
00:18:21,353 --> 00:18:23,721
Oh, Mrs. Cooper,
it smells so good.
395
00:18:23,723 --> 00:18:24,939
You take notes, darlin'.
396
00:18:24,941 --> 00:18:27,358
The real way to get a man
is with melted cheese
397
00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:29,160
and cream of mushroom soup.
398
00:18:29,162 --> 00:18:32,830
He'll die at 50 but
his love will be true.
399
00:18:37,503 --> 00:18:39,737
I need a tissue.
This one got wet.
400
00:18:42,908 --> 00:18:44,125
Here.
401
00:18:44,127 --> 00:18:47,678
Thank you. Yeah, I've
learned something today.
402
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:51,549
You and I, in so many ways,
403
00:18:51,551 --> 00:18:54,852
other than intelligence and
what counts, we're the same.
404
00:18:54,854 --> 00:18:57,087
(sneezes)
405
00:18:57,089 --> 00:18:59,690
Sweetheart, are you sick?
406
00:18:59,692 --> 00:19:02,593
I hope so, because if this is
well, life isn't worth living.
407
00:19:02,595 --> 00:19:05,897
Oh, sugarpie,
you are burning up.
408
00:19:05,899 --> 00:19:08,149
- We've got to get you to bed.
- Okay.
409
00:19:08,151 --> 00:19:10,601
Don't worry. Mama's here
to take care of her baby.
410
00:19:10,603 --> 00:19:14,705
And just to be clear,
only her baby
411
00:19:14,707 --> 00:19:15,990
and not these other people.
412
00:19:15,992 --> 00:19:17,942
Of course.
413
00:19:17,944 --> 00:19:21,379
Can I have tea with honey and
toast with the crust cut off?
414
00:19:21,381 --> 00:19:23,998
You can have
whatever you want.
415
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,884
Thanks, Mom.
You're the best.
416
00:19:36,241 --> 00:19:38,154
Boy, last time I put
VapoRub on you,
417
00:19:38,155 --> 00:19:41,106
you didn't have hair
on your chest.
418
00:19:41,108 --> 00:19:44,410
I know, it filled in last year.
419
00:19:46,463 --> 00:19:49,381
I didn't get to spend a lot of
time with you on this visit.
420
00:19:49,383 --> 00:19:51,467
And whose fault was that?
421
00:19:52,285 --> 00:19:54,453
Yours.
422
00:19:55,638 --> 00:19:57,806
Shelly, you're not eight
years old anymore.
423
00:19:57,808 --> 00:19:59,725
We have to have
a different relationship.
424
00:19:59,727 --> 00:20:01,643
No, we don't.
425
00:20:01,645 --> 00:20:03,145
The one we have
works great.
426
00:20:03,147 --> 00:20:04,847
Sweetheart, you are a grown man.
427
00:20:04,849 --> 00:20:07,299
Or maybe I'm part of
a new species,
428
00:20:07,301 --> 00:20:09,184
that lives for
hundreds of years,
429
00:20:09,186 --> 00:20:12,271
which means I'm still
basically a toddler.
430
00:20:12,273 --> 00:20:15,474
Oh, I so should have
taken you to Houston.
431
00:20:19,079 --> 00:20:21,497
Does this mean you're not
going to sing "Soft Kitty"?
432
00:20:21,499 --> 00:20:25,117
No, I will always
sing you "Soft Kitty."
433
00:20:26,169 --> 00:20:29,488
♪ Soft kitty, warm kitty ♪
434
00:20:29,490 --> 00:20:31,757
♪ Little ball of fur... ♪
435
00:20:31,759 --> 00:20:33,658
Mrs. Cooper, were we supposed to
take that pie out of the oven?
436
00:20:33,660 --> 00:20:36,462
Get out!
437
00:20:37,597 --> 00:20:38,597
Well, that was rude.
438
00:20:38,599 --> 00:20:41,833
Well, I know,
but he means well.
439
00:20:42,835 --> 00:20:44,136
Sing.
440
00:20:44,138 --> 00:20:47,689
♪ Happy kitty, sleepy kitty... ♪
441
00:20:47,691 --> 00:20:49,408
What are you trying
to pull, Mom?
442
00:20:49,410 --> 00:20:51,977
From the top.
443
00:20:51,979 --> 00:20:55,647
This is what I'm talking about.
444
00:20:55,649 --> 00:20:58,450
♪ Soft kitty, warm kitty,
little ball of fur... ♪
445
00:20:58,452 --> 00:21:02,452
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== for 720p Web-DL @hdbits.org ==