1
00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:07,560
And reverse the spin
on the antiproton...
2
00:00:07,561 --> 00:00:11,480
and gamma becomes alpha...
3
00:00:11,482 --> 00:00:16,652
Multiplied by a matrix
of negative I comma zero...
4
00:00:16,654 --> 00:00:17,936
And there we have it.
5
00:00:17,938 --> 00:00:21,690
Conclusive proof that I am
absolutely worthless
6
00:00:21,692 --> 00:00:23,442
after 9:00.
7
00:00:25,995 --> 00:00:29,281
CREEPY VOICE:
Sheldon...
8
00:00:30,917 --> 00:00:33,485
Sheldon...
9
00:00:40,510 --> 00:00:43,495
Hmm.
10
00:00:43,497 --> 00:00:45,964
(electrical crackling, popping)
11
00:00:49,268 --> 00:00:53,105
All right, all right.
12
00:00:53,107 --> 00:00:54,856
I see what's going on.
13
00:00:54,858 --> 00:00:58,694
A little pre-Halloween
hijinkery.
14
00:01:01,481 --> 00:01:05,233
(moaning, chains rattling,
cackling)
15
00:01:05,235 --> 00:01:07,819
A ghostly moan,
16
00:01:07,821 --> 00:01:09,871
a rattling of chains,
17
00:01:09,873 --> 00:01:11,823
a witch's cackle.
18
00:01:11,825 --> 00:01:15,527
The trifecta
of haunted house clichés.
19
00:01:15,529 --> 00:01:18,914
Instead of "Eek,"
I say, "Yawn."
20
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:24,920
CREEPY VOICE:
Sheldon...
21
00:01:27,540 --> 00:01:30,225
Oh, the walls
are dripping blood,
22
00:01:30,227 --> 00:01:33,895
which looks nothing like
a phenolphthalein indicator
23
00:01:33,897 --> 00:01:37,149
exposed to a sodium carbonate
solution.
24
00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:42,888
"See you in hell Sheldon."
25
00:01:42,890 --> 00:01:47,442
The most frightening thing about
that is the missing comma.
26
00:01:49,112 --> 00:01:51,947
Ah.
27
00:01:51,949 --> 00:01:54,616
Okay, all right.
28
00:01:54,618 --> 00:01:56,918
That one was clever.
29
00:01:56,920 --> 00:02:00,455
Skeleton with phosphorous
on a zip line.
30
00:02:00,457 --> 00:02:03,241
Come on out,
merry pranksters.
31
00:02:03,243 --> 00:02:05,410
Take a bow.
32
00:02:07,513 --> 00:02:09,381
(laughing)
33
00:02:09,383 --> 00:02:11,049
You should've seen your face.
34
00:02:11,051 --> 00:02:13,351
Yes, there's
nothing quite like
35
00:02:13,353 --> 00:02:17,422
the slightly widened eyes
of mildly startled.
36
00:02:17,424 --> 00:02:19,441
Come on, admit it.
We got you, Sheldon.
37
00:02:19,443 --> 00:02:23,595
Please, fright depends
on an element of surprise.
38
00:02:23,597 --> 00:02:24,646
The simple fact is,
39
00:02:24,648 --> 00:02:26,898
because I am much smarter
than you,
40
00:02:26,900 --> 00:02:30,702
and able to anticipate your
actions, it is highly unlikely
41
00:02:30,704 --> 00:02:34,573
that you two rubes
could ever surprise me.
44
00:02:37,995 --> 00:02:39,995
Gentlemen.
45
00:02:39,997 --> 00:02:41,997
(screams)
46
00:02:43,416 --> 00:02:45,450
(laughing)
47
00:02:45,452 --> 00:02:47,619
Who had money
on "faints"?
48
00:02:47,621 --> 00:02:48,887
I had "pee his pants."
49
00:02:48,889 --> 00:02:50,422
Hang on.
50
00:02:50,424 --> 00:02:52,140
Looks like everyone's a winner.
51
00:02:53,226 --> 00:02:56,812
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
52
00:02:56,814 --> 00:03:00,148
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
53
00:03:00,150 --> 00:03:01,800
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
54
00:03:01,802 --> 00:03:04,352
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
55
00:03:04,354 --> 00:03:06,988
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
56
00:03:06,990 --> 00:03:09,674
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
57
00:03:09,676 --> 00:03:11,576
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
58
00:03:11,578 --> 00:03:12,326
♪ Bang! ♪
59
00:03:12,327 --> 00:03:14,827
The Big Bang Theory 5x07
The Good Guy Fluctuation
Original Air Date on October 27, 2011
60
00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:17,418
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
61
00:03:17,423 --> 00:03:18,938
Oh. Watch out, Sheldon.
62
00:03:18,939 --> 00:03:22,191
This little boy Casper
is a g-g-g-ghost!
63
00:03:22,193 --> 00:03:24,409
Droll.
64
00:03:24,411 --> 00:03:26,745
Not as droll as a grown man
65
00:03:26,747 --> 00:03:28,997
passed out in a puddle
of his own urine.
66
00:03:28,999 --> 00:03:31,500
That was pretty droll.
67
00:03:31,502 --> 00:03:33,035
With a hint of ammonia.
68
00:03:35,538 --> 00:03:37,372
Yes, enjoy your japes,
gentlemen.
69
00:03:37,374 --> 00:03:40,175
You think you've poked fun
at a milquetoast academic.
70
00:03:40,177 --> 00:03:41,777
Well, you've forgotten
one thing:
71
00:03:41,779 --> 00:03:44,680
I am also a son
of the Lone Star state.
72
00:03:44,682 --> 00:03:46,131
I'm Texas through and through.
73
00:03:46,133 --> 00:03:49,551
And we know how to settle
scores down there.
74
00:03:49,553 --> 00:03:53,205
If you doubt me, ask Mexico.
75
00:03:55,975 --> 00:03:58,510
(quietly):
Hot girl, nine o'clock.
76
00:03:58,512 --> 00:04:01,463
Don't everybody look at once!
77
00:04:03,182 --> 00:04:05,067
What is she doing
in a comic book store?
78
00:04:05,069 --> 00:04:08,370
I don't know, she might be lost.
79
00:04:09,539 --> 00:04:13,408
Doesn't matter. Watch and learn.
80
00:04:17,664 --> 00:04:20,132
- Hi.
- Hi.
81
00:04:22,886 --> 00:04:25,721
Um... it-it-it...
82
00:04:32,078 --> 00:04:33,979
Shut up.
83
00:04:36,065 --> 00:04:37,432
Are you getting
this Next Men?
84
00:04:37,434 --> 00:04:39,401
Uh, yeah. It's
issue number 21.
85
00:04:39,403 --> 00:04:40,569
First appearance of Hellboy.
86
00:04:40,571 --> 00:04:43,238
I know. I've been
looking for it for years.
87
00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:44,395
Sorry.
88
00:04:44,420 --> 00:04:46,367
Hey, if I pretended
to hit on you,
89
00:04:46,393 --> 00:04:49,027
could I distract you
enough to sneak it away?
90
00:04:50,496 --> 00:04:53,865
Yes, but you'd be using
your superpowers for evil.
91
00:04:53,867 --> 00:04:58,170
Damn, I'm forbidden by my
Kryptonian father to do so.
92
00:04:58,871 --> 00:05:00,122
I'm Alice.
93
00:05:00,124 --> 00:05:01,506
Leonard.
94
00:05:01,508 --> 00:05:03,125
You're very cute, Leonard.
95
00:05:03,127 --> 00:05:05,594
Thanks. You, too. You know,
go ahead and take it.
96
00:05:06,763 --> 00:05:09,715
No, no. No, no,
I-I did evil.
97
00:05:10,366 --> 00:05:11,767
Would you be open
to a trade?
98
00:05:11,769 --> 00:05:13,635
Uh, yeah, yeah,
sure, I guess.
99
00:05:13,637 --> 00:05:15,804
Okay. Here.
100
00:05:15,806 --> 00:05:17,022
This is my number.
101
00:05:17,024 --> 00:05:18,440
Call me.
102
00:05:18,442 --> 00:05:20,925
Sorry, palm's a little sweaty.
103
00:05:20,927 --> 00:05:22,110
What's that word?
104
00:05:22,112 --> 00:05:25,096
- Alice.
- Oh, right, your name.
105
00:05:25,098 --> 00:05:27,599
That makes more
sense than "penis."
106
00:05:27,601 --> 00:05:29,768
Later.
107
00:05:33,122 --> 00:05:36,041
Did we just see you pick up
a girl in a comic book store?
108
00:05:36,043 --> 00:05:38,160
'Cause if you did, you get
your picture up there
109
00:05:38,162 --> 00:05:39,962
on the Wall of Heroes.
110
00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:42,113
No, I don't think
I picked her up.
111
00:05:42,115 --> 00:05:43,498
Besides, I have a girlfriend.
112
00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:45,884
Doesn't matter. This is the
closest anyone's ever come.
113
00:05:45,886 --> 00:05:47,970
You're going on
the wall, my friend.
114
00:05:51,841 --> 00:05:54,092
Be sure to check the mail.
115
00:05:54,094 --> 00:05:56,645
How many times are you gonna
tell me? What's with you?
116
00:05:56,647 --> 00:05:59,681
Nothing. It's not suspicious
that I'm fixating.
117
00:05:59,683 --> 00:06:01,266
It's consistent with
my personality.
118
00:06:01,268 --> 00:06:03,185
Right.
119
00:06:03,187 --> 00:06:04,236
Hey, guys.
120
00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:05,404
More Halloween candy?
121
00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:07,522
Didn't you just buy
a bunch of it yesterday?
122
00:06:07,524 --> 00:06:09,408
Oh. Yeah.
That's gone.
123
00:06:10,994 --> 00:06:13,362
It's a rough month when
Halloween and PMS
124
00:06:13,364 --> 00:06:15,364
hit at the same time.
125
00:06:16,666 --> 00:06:18,533
Leonard doesn't have time
to chat, he has to get the mail.
126
00:06:18,535 --> 00:06:21,486
Will you relax?
I'll get it in a minute.
127
00:06:21,488 --> 00:06:23,705
- How was work?
- Open the mail!
128
00:06:24,507 --> 00:06:25,957
Excuse me.
129
00:06:33,165 --> 00:06:36,551
A couple of circulars,
nothing important.
130
00:06:36,553 --> 00:06:39,187
- What's with him?
- Hang on.
131
00:06:42,608 --> 00:06:44,559
(air horn blares,
screams)
132
00:06:49,198 --> 00:06:52,234
You might be from Texas,
but I'm from New Jersey.
133
00:06:53,986 --> 00:06:55,537
(air horn blares)
134
00:06:56,706 --> 00:06:58,073
Check it out.
135
00:06:58,075 --> 00:07:00,024
Jim Lee drew this
of me two years ago
136
00:07:00,026 --> 00:07:02,327
at Comic Con.
137
00:07:02,329 --> 00:07:03,578
What are you wearing?
138
00:07:03,580 --> 00:07:05,330
Well, you know,
it's Comic Con.
139
00:07:07,550 --> 00:07:10,736
I'm Lion-O from
ThunderCats.
140
00:07:10,738 --> 00:07:13,588
Wow, you must have
gotten so laid.
141
00:07:13,590 --> 00:07:17,208
No. But Jessica Alba
did rub my furry belly.
142
00:07:17,210 --> 00:07:19,043
(laughs)
143
00:07:19,045 --> 00:07:22,213
Want to see a comic I draw?
144
00:07:22,215 --> 00:07:24,149
You're kidding.
You have your own book?
145
00:07:24,151 --> 00:07:26,685
Yeah. It's kinda
based on my life.
146
00:07:26,687 --> 00:07:27,903
Cool.
147
00:07:29,522 --> 00:07:30,772
Oh, look.
148
00:07:30,774 --> 00:07:32,941
That's you having
sex with a guy
149
00:07:32,943 --> 00:07:35,193
in the top half of
a Chewbacca costume.
150
00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:38,530
Comic Con?
151
00:07:38,532 --> 00:07:40,832
You'd think, but no.
152
00:07:42,835 --> 00:07:44,870
You're very talented.
This is really good.
153
00:07:44,872 --> 00:07:46,204
Did you do...
154
00:07:51,260 --> 00:07:55,046
So, can I trade you
my comic for the Hellboy?
155
00:07:55,048 --> 00:07:57,349
You can have my car.
156
00:08:12,648 --> 00:08:14,866
Oh, dear.
157
00:08:16,435 --> 00:08:18,820
Oh, dear...
158
00:08:18,822 --> 00:08:21,823
Oh, dear, oh, dear.
159
00:08:21,825 --> 00:08:23,625
Oh, dear... oh, dear.
160
00:08:23,627 --> 00:08:25,443
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
161
00:08:25,445 --> 00:08:28,713
Purell, Purell,
Purell, Purell.
162
00:08:43,980 --> 00:08:46,231
Good morning, Sheldon.
163
00:08:46,233 --> 00:08:48,483
It is, isn't it?
164
00:08:53,739 --> 00:08:55,807
(gasps)
165
00:08:55,809 --> 00:08:57,159
Oh, bother.
166
00:08:57,161 --> 00:08:59,644
Isn't that just
always the way?
167
00:08:59,646 --> 00:09:02,414
You go to staple something,
and you're out of staples.
168
00:09:02,416 --> 00:09:04,816
Gosh, I wish I'd known
that earlier today
169
00:09:04,818 --> 00:09:07,085
when I was at Staples.
170
00:09:07,087 --> 00:09:09,871
You have a thing of paper clips
right there.
171
00:09:09,873 --> 00:09:14,759
No, no, I need something more
permanent to join these papers.
172
00:09:14,761 --> 00:09:19,297
Say, don't you keep staples
in your top desk drawer?
173
00:09:19,299 --> 00:09:21,433
I don't know. Maybe.
174
00:09:22,151 --> 00:09:24,302
Be a lamb and check.
175
00:09:24,304 --> 00:09:26,638
All right.
176
00:09:27,890 --> 00:09:29,391
(gasps)
177
00:09:30,226 --> 00:09:32,394
Who do we have here?
178
00:09:34,146 --> 00:09:36,865
It's a snake.
A terrifying snake.
179
00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:41,803
Oh, did some bad man
put us in a drawer?
180
00:09:41,805 --> 00:09:43,622
Stop talking like that.
181
00:09:43,624 --> 00:09:46,124
You've been rendered
speechless by fear.
182
00:09:46,126 --> 00:09:51,713
Let's go to the biology lab and
find you some nice yummy mice.
183
00:09:53,466 --> 00:09:56,718
I tried to scare an Indian
with a snake.
184
00:09:57,870 --> 00:10:00,055
Come on, Cooper.
You're better than this.
185
00:10:03,339 --> 00:10:05,757
(knocking)
It's open.
186
00:10:06,926 --> 00:10:08,093
Hey, you got a minute?
187
00:10:08,095 --> 00:10:09,411
Yeah, sure, come on in.
188
00:10:09,413 --> 00:10:11,296
Thanks.
189
00:10:11,298 --> 00:10:12,681
Want some mac and cheese?
190
00:10:12,683 --> 00:10:15,801
No. Lactose. Gas.
191
00:10:15,803 --> 00:10:19,605
- Glass of wine?
- No. Sulfites. Migraines.
192
00:10:19,607 --> 00:10:21,523
Okay, well, I'd offer
you Halloween candy,
193
00:10:21,525 --> 00:10:23,308
but that's gone.
194
00:10:24,110 --> 00:10:25,394
So, what's up?
195
00:10:25,396 --> 00:10:27,563
Okay, we used to go out, right?
196
00:10:27,565 --> 00:10:30,749
Oh, my God, that's
where I know you from.
197
00:10:32,184 --> 00:10:36,021
I'm dealing with a situation and
it's kind of about my love life,
198
00:10:36,023 --> 00:10:38,707
so I know that might be weird
for us to talk about,
199
00:10:38,709 --> 00:10:41,192
but in this area, as you know,
all my other friends
200
00:10:41,194 --> 00:10:43,745
are just so stupid.
201
00:10:43,747 --> 00:10:45,747
All right, what's going on?
202
00:10:45,749 --> 00:10:47,382
So, you're okay
talking about this?
203
00:10:47,384 --> 00:10:48,917
- Yes.
- You're sure it's not weird.
204
00:10:48,919 --> 00:10:50,302
It's okay.
205
00:10:50,304 --> 00:10:52,804
You know what, if you ever want
to talk to me about a problem
206
00:10:52,806 --> 00:10:55,340
in your life with a guy,
then I would be fine with that.
207
00:10:55,342 --> 00:10:57,476
Okay, good, because there's
this one guy I used to date
208
00:10:57,478 --> 00:10:59,144
who's about to be force-fed
wine and cheese
209
00:10:59,146 --> 00:11:00,812
if he doesn't get to the point.
210
00:11:00,814 --> 00:11:03,515
Okay, uh...
211
00:11:03,517 --> 00:11:05,234
here it is.
212
00:11:05,236 --> 00:11:07,719
Is it cheating
if a guy has a girlfriend...
213
00:11:07,721 --> 00:11:09,688
Yeah, probably.
214
00:11:11,024 --> 00:11:12,174
Come on.
215
00:11:12,176 --> 00:11:13,325
I'm sorry, go ahead.
216
00:11:13,327 --> 00:11:15,193
I met this girl,
and she's great.
217
00:11:15,195 --> 00:11:16,695
we have a lot in common.
218
00:11:16,697 --> 00:11:17,996
Did you guys do it?
219
00:11:17,998 --> 00:11:20,082
No. We just made out a little.
220
00:11:20,084 --> 00:11:23,035
Oh, look at you, you bad boy.
221
00:11:23,037 --> 00:11:25,120
Did you tell her
about Priya?
222
00:11:25,122 --> 00:11:27,233
Well, I was gonna, but
there were too many
223
00:11:27,258 --> 00:11:28,458
tongues in my mouth.
224
00:11:29,426 --> 00:11:32,594
That's gross.
225
00:11:33,746 --> 00:11:36,548
Here's the thing,
I-I'm not one of those guys
226
00:11:36,550 --> 00:11:39,718
who sneaks around and sleeps
with more than one woman.
227
00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:40,969
Well, good for you.
228
00:11:40,971 --> 00:11:44,056
The problem is, I want
to be one of those guys.
229
00:11:45,024 --> 00:11:47,643
So sleep with the new girl
and lie to Priya.
230
00:11:47,645 --> 00:11:49,144
Oh, that's not who I am.
231
00:11:49,146 --> 00:11:51,563
All right, then break it off
with the new girl.
232
00:11:51,565 --> 00:11:53,031
Now, let's not do anything rash.
233
00:11:53,033 --> 00:11:55,117
She's really hot.
234
00:11:55,119 --> 00:11:56,652
If you like this girl so much,
235
00:11:56,654 --> 00:11:58,570
why don't you just
end things with Priya?
236
00:11:58,572 --> 00:12:00,038
Priya and I are in love.
237
00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:01,823
I think we could
get married someday.
238
00:12:01,825 --> 00:12:04,710
Leonard, you're looking for
a way to sleep with both women
239
00:12:04,712 --> 00:12:06,578
and have everybody
be happy about it.
240
00:12:06,580 --> 00:12:09,665
Now we're getting somewhere.
241
00:12:11,134 --> 00:12:13,218
What does your gut tell you?
242
00:12:13,220 --> 00:12:15,887
"Go ask Penny;
she'll know what to do."
243
00:12:24,630 --> 00:12:26,181
Hello, Howard.
244
00:12:26,183 --> 00:12:30,268
I've realized that you
scaring me was all in jest.
245
00:12:30,270 --> 00:12:33,438
Allow me to say, job well done.
246
00:12:34,407 --> 00:12:36,992
(buzzing, grunting)
247
00:12:38,328 --> 00:12:41,079
(buzzing, grunting continue)
248
00:12:41,081 --> 00:12:43,231
(buzzing stops)
249
00:12:43,916 --> 00:12:45,951
(panting)
250
00:12:45,953 --> 00:12:48,754
Perfect.
251
00:12:49,789 --> 00:12:51,690
What are you doing?
252
00:12:51,692 --> 00:12:53,875
Science. You
wouldn't understand.
253
00:12:55,311 --> 00:12:57,929
Hey, well, see you.
I'm going out.
254
00:13:01,434 --> 00:13:03,635
(exhales)
255
00:13:05,355 --> 00:13:07,839
I thought you were
leaving the apartment.
256
00:13:07,841 --> 00:13:10,559
Yeah, me, too.
I can't make up my mind.
257
00:13:10,561 --> 00:13:13,362
Are you concerned
because the world is filled
258
00:13:13,364 --> 00:13:16,314
with big dogs and bullies?
259
00:13:16,316 --> 00:13:19,568
No. I'm having a moral crisis.
260
00:13:19,570 --> 00:13:23,321
Well, if it's of
any help, I've read
261
00:13:23,323 --> 00:13:25,374
all the great
moral philosophers,
262
00:13:25,376 --> 00:13:27,909
including Dr. Seuss.
263
00:13:29,312 --> 00:13:30,962
Oh, what the hell.
264
00:13:30,964 --> 00:13:33,298
I'm supposed
to go see that girl
265
00:13:33,300 --> 00:13:35,700
from the comic book store,
Alice, but I don't know
266
00:13:35,702 --> 00:13:37,969
if I should, because
I'm going out with Priya,
267
00:13:37,971 --> 00:13:39,588
but she's in India.
268
00:13:39,590 --> 00:13:43,809
All right. So the topic at hand
is sexual fidelity.
269
00:13:43,811 --> 00:13:46,428
Probably won't be relying
on Seuss here.
270
00:13:48,147 --> 00:13:50,482
Although One Fish, Two Fish,
Red Fish, Blue Fish
271
00:13:50,484 --> 00:13:52,567
might be
surprisingly applicable.
272
00:13:53,986 --> 00:13:54,770
Go on.
273
00:13:54,772 --> 00:13:55,737
Well...
274
00:13:55,739 --> 00:13:57,656
they say
at the end of your life,
275
00:13:57,658 --> 00:13:59,408
you regret the stuff
you didn't do
276
00:13:59,410 --> 00:14:01,326
more than the stuff
that you did,
277
00:14:01,328 --> 00:14:05,297
and I'm pretty sure Alice
is the stuff I want to do.
278
00:14:05,299 --> 00:14:08,583
You know,
the German philosopher,
279
00:14:08,585 --> 00:14:12,337
Friedrich Nietzsche,
believed that morality
280
00:14:12,339 --> 00:14:16,208
is just a fiction used by the
herd of inferior human beings
281
00:14:16,210 --> 00:14:19,761
to hold back
the few superior men.
282
00:14:19,763 --> 00:14:22,080
That actually does help.
283
00:14:22,082 --> 00:14:25,867
It's worth noting that
he died of syphilis.
284
00:14:29,388 --> 00:14:30,806
Screw it,
285
00:14:30,808 --> 00:14:32,724
I'm going.
On your way home,
286
00:14:32,726 --> 00:14:34,142
will you pick up
some orange juice?
287
00:14:34,144 --> 00:14:35,193
Do you mind?
I'm questioning
288
00:14:35,195 --> 00:14:36,862
a lot of things
in my life right now.
289
00:14:36,864 --> 00:14:39,931
Is one of those things
your fondness for orange juice?
290
00:14:39,933 --> 00:14:41,316
No.
291
00:14:41,318 --> 00:14:42,818
Great. Tropicana, no pulp.
292
00:14:52,111 --> 00:14:53,278
Hey, Sheldon.
293
00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:54,713
Who is it!
294
00:14:54,715 --> 00:14:57,382
It's me, Sheldon, Mrs. Wolowitz.
295
00:14:57,384 --> 00:15:01,219
That's not my mom,
it's Bernadette.
296
00:15:02,071 --> 00:15:05,123
Really?
That's very unsettling.
297
00:15:05,125 --> 00:15:06,591
Hi, Sheldon.
298
00:15:06,593 --> 00:15:08,760
- Hi.
- What's up?
299
00:15:08,762 --> 00:15:12,898
It just occurred to me that I
never formally congratulated you
300
00:15:12,900 --> 00:15:14,566
on your pending nuptials.
301
00:15:14,568 --> 00:15:15,934
So I hopped on
302
00:15:15,936 --> 00:15:18,820
the first bus and hightailed it
down here to shake your hand.
303
00:15:18,822 --> 00:15:22,107
Put 'er there,
you old so-and-so.
304
00:15:22,109 --> 00:15:24,743
Well, I-I'm gonna
see you at work in...
305
00:15:24,745 --> 00:15:28,146
12 hours-- don't you think it
could have waited until then?
306
00:15:29,031 --> 00:15:31,533
Holy smoke,
why didn't I think of that?
307
00:15:31,535 --> 00:15:34,119
You're a better man
than I, Howard Wolowitz.
308
00:15:34,121 --> 00:15:37,622
You put 'er there,
you son of a gun!
309
00:15:37,624 --> 00:15:39,207
Whatever.
(chuckles)
310
00:15:39,209 --> 00:15:40,658
(buzzing)
311
00:15:40,660 --> 00:15:42,127
My... oh...
312
00:15:42,129 --> 00:15:43,661
it's...
313
00:15:45,348 --> 00:15:47,432
Oh, my God, Howard!
314
00:15:47,434 --> 00:15:48,550
What did you do?
315
00:15:48,552 --> 00:15:51,169
It was a harmless
Halloween prank. Look.
316
00:15:51,171 --> 00:15:54,005
Howard has a heart condition!
You know that!
317
00:15:54,007 --> 00:15:55,840
Well, I thought
he made that up.
318
00:15:55,842 --> 00:16:00,061
I-Isn't hypochondria a common
idiosyncrasy of Jewish people?
319
00:16:03,699 --> 00:16:05,033
This is adrenaline--
we're gonna have
320
00:16:05,035 --> 00:16:06,401
to inject it into his heart.
321
00:16:06,403 --> 00:16:08,870
- We are?
- You are. I'm not strong enough
322
00:16:08,872 --> 00:16:10,188
to get it through
his chest plate,
323
00:16:10,190 --> 00:16:11,656
and we've only got one shot.
324
00:16:12,524 --> 00:16:15,193
Oh, no! I can't!
325
00:16:15,195 --> 00:16:16,244
Hurry!
326
00:16:16,246 --> 00:16:17,996
We're running out of time!
327
00:16:18,748 --> 00:16:20,665
- Okay.
- Just do it!
328
00:16:20,667 --> 00:16:21,699
Oh, God!
329
00:16:21,701 --> 00:16:23,585
One... two...
330
00:16:23,587 --> 00:16:24,920
three!
331
00:16:24,922 --> 00:16:27,305
Trick or treat, bubbeleh.
332
00:16:27,307 --> 00:16:28,840
What?
333
00:16:28,842 --> 00:16:30,475
(laughing)
334
00:16:30,477 --> 00:16:33,645
No. You mean
this was all a ruse?
335
00:16:33,647 --> 00:16:35,513
Oh, how could I be so stu...
336
00:16:35,515 --> 00:16:37,682
(buzzing)
(yelling) uuu....
337
00:16:40,102 --> 00:16:43,188
Mmm...
338
00:16:44,907 --> 00:16:46,074
Damn it, I can't.
339
00:16:46,076 --> 00:16:47,359
I can't do this.
340
00:16:47,361 --> 00:16:48,777
Uh, is it my tongue stud?
341
00:16:48,779 --> 00:16:50,228
'Cause if that
freaks you out,
342
00:16:50,230 --> 00:16:51,386
you're in for a real
surprise later on.
343
00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:52,611
No, no, no.
344
00:16:53,116 --> 00:16:54,916
I-I can't do this.
345
00:16:54,918 --> 00:16:57,118
Believe me,
I really want to.
346
00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:58,025
But...?
347
00:16:58,050 --> 00:16:59,686
But I kind of
have a girlfriend.
348
00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:01,172
Are you kidding?
349
00:17:01,174 --> 00:17:03,959
You're cool with you and me
just being friends, right?
350
00:17:03,961 --> 00:17:05,343
(laughs)
I don't believe this.
351
00:17:05,345 --> 00:17:08,546
Wait, I don't...
Which part?
352
00:17:08,548 --> 00:17:09,681
I'm so stupid.
353
00:17:09,683 --> 00:17:11,683
I thought for once
I'd met a good guy,
354
00:17:11,685 --> 00:17:13,184
but you're just another jackass.
355
00:17:13,186 --> 00:17:15,353
Oh, no, no, you
have it wrong.
356
00:17:15,355 --> 00:17:17,555
No. I-I was going
357
00:17:17,557 --> 00:17:20,892
to be a jackass, but
I stopped myself.
358
00:17:20,894 --> 00:17:22,644
I stayed
359
00:17:22,646 --> 00:17:23,778
a good guy, so...
360
00:17:23,780 --> 00:17:25,447
I'm gonna pass on the sex.
361
00:17:25,449 --> 00:17:27,148
But you should
know, that's not
362
00:17:27,150 --> 00:17:31,369
a comment on your hotness
but on my goodness.
363
00:17:31,371 --> 00:17:33,288
That's kind of my superpower.
364
00:17:33,290 --> 00:17:36,941
I'm, like, Captain Good Guy.
365
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:40,078
(exhales)
366
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:41,129
It's okay.
367
00:17:41,131 --> 00:17:43,748
Did the right thing.
368
00:17:43,750 --> 00:17:45,950
You idiot!
369
00:17:49,660 --> 00:17:50,881
Hey, Priya.
370
00:17:50,882 --> 00:17:52,382
Hey, sweetheart.
How's it going?
371
00:17:52,384 --> 00:17:53,550
Uh, not so good.
372
00:17:53,552 --> 00:17:54,667
We have to talk.
373
00:17:54,669 --> 00:17:56,336
Oh, sounds serious.
374
00:17:56,338 --> 00:17:57,504
What's up?
375
00:17:57,506 --> 00:17:59,572
Okay, uh...
376
00:17:59,574 --> 00:18:01,374
here it is.
377
00:18:01,376 --> 00:18:03,459
I met this girl
and I kissed her,
378
00:18:03,461 --> 00:18:04,811
and I feel
terrible about it.
379
00:18:04,813 --> 00:18:06,713
But it's done, it's never
gonna happen again.
380
00:18:06,715 --> 00:18:09,215
And I am so, so sorry.
381
00:18:09,217 --> 00:18:10,717
Leonard, relax.
382
00:18:10,719 --> 00:18:11,868
It's okay.
383
00:18:11,870 --> 00:18:12,802
It is?
384
00:18:12,804 --> 00:18:14,604
Yeah, these things happen.
385
00:18:14,606 --> 00:18:16,139
They happen to everybody.
386
00:18:16,141 --> 00:18:20,093
Oh, my God, you are amazing.
387
00:18:20,095 --> 00:18:22,111
I mean, I don't deserve you.
388
00:18:22,113 --> 00:18:25,148
Wh-what do you mean "everybody"?
389
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,068
Leonard, I didn't know
if I should tell you,
390
00:18:29,070 --> 00:18:32,488
but I kind of cheated
on you, too.
391
00:18:32,490 --> 00:18:34,991
Kind of?
392
00:18:34,993 --> 00:18:37,460
A couple of weeks ago,
393
00:18:37,462 --> 00:18:39,462
I slept with my ex-boyfriend.
394
00:18:39,464 --> 00:18:44,500
So, I guess we both messed up
a little.
395
00:18:44,502 --> 00:18:46,619
No, no, I messed up a little.
396
00:18:46,621 --> 00:18:49,339
You messed up a lot.
397
00:18:49,341 --> 00:18:51,090
Well, it's not a competition.
398
00:18:51,092 --> 00:18:54,427
Oh... yeah, it is,
and you won.
399
00:18:56,230 --> 00:18:59,432
I-I-I'm sorry, I have to go.
400
00:19:00,935 --> 00:19:03,019
I don't believe this.
401
00:19:03,021 --> 00:19:05,071
(sighs)
402
00:19:05,073 --> 00:19:07,257
(yelling)
403
00:19:15,201 --> 00:19:17,485
Bazinga, punk.
Now we're even.
404
00:19:17,487 --> 00:19:21,487
== sync, corrected by elderman ==