1
00:00:02,984 --> 00:00:07,944
And reverse the spin
on the antiproton...
2
00:00:07,945 --> 00:00:11,864
and gamma becomes alpha...
3
00:00:11,866 --> 00:00:17,036
Multiplied by a matrix
of negative I comma zero...
4
00:00:17,038 --> 00:00:18,320
And there we have it.
5
00:00:18,322 --> 00:00:22,074
Conclusive proof that I am
absolutely worthless
6
00:00:22,076 --> 00:00:23,826
after 9:00.
7
00:00:26,379 --> 00:00:29,665
CREEPY VOICE:
Sheldon...
8
00:00:31,301 --> 00:00:33,869
Sheldon...
9
00:00:40,894 --> 00:00:43,879
Hmm.
10
00:00:43,881 --> 00:00:46,348
(electrical crackling, popping)
11
00:00:49,652 --> 00:00:53,489
All right, all right.
12
00:00:53,491 --> 00:00:55,240
I see what's going on.
13
00:00:55,242 --> 00:00:59,078
A little pre-Halloween
hijinkery.
14
00:01:01,865 --> 00:01:05,617
(moaning, chains rattling,
cackling)
15
00:01:05,619 --> 00:01:08,203
A ghostly moan,
16
00:01:08,205 --> 00:01:10,255
a rattling of chains,
17
00:01:10,257 --> 00:01:12,207
a witch's cackle.
18
00:01:12,209 --> 00:01:15,911
The trifecta
of haunted house clichés.
19
00:01:15,913 --> 00:01:19,298
Instead of "Eek,"
I say, "Yawn."
20
00:01:21,384 --> 00:01:25,304
CREEPY VOICE:
Sheldon...
21
00:01:27,924 --> 00:01:30,609
Oh, the walls
are dripping blood,
22
00:01:30,611 --> 00:01:34,279
which looks nothing like
a phenolphthalein indicator
23
00:01:34,281 --> 00:01:37,533
exposed to a sodium carbonate
solution.
24
00:01:40,904 --> 00:01:43,272
"See you in hell Sheldon."
25
00:01:43,274 --> 00:01:47,826
The most frightening thing about
that is the missing comma.
26
00:01:49,496 --> 00:01:52,331
Ah.
27
00:01:52,333 --> 00:01:55,000
Okay, all right.
28
00:01:55,002 --> 00:01:57,302
That one was clever.
29
00:01:57,304 --> 00:02:00,839
Skeleton with phosphorous
on a zip line.
30
00:02:00,841 --> 00:02:03,625
Come on out,
merry pranksters.
31
00:02:03,627 --> 00:02:05,794
Take a bow.
32
00:02:07,897 --> 00:02:09,765
(laughing)
33
00:02:09,767 --> 00:02:11,433
You should've seen your face.
34
00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:13,735
Yes, there's
nothing quite like
35
00:02:13,737 --> 00:02:17,806
the slightly widened eyes
of mildly startled.
36
00:02:17,808 --> 00:02:19,825
Come on, admit it.
We got you, Sheldon.
37
00:02:19,827 --> 00:02:23,979
Please, fright depends
on an element of surprise.
38
00:02:23,981 --> 00:02:25,030
The simple fact is,
39
00:02:25,032 --> 00:02:27,282
because I am much smarter
than you,
40
00:02:27,284 --> 00:02:31,086
and able to anticipate your
actions, it is highly unlikely
41
00:02:31,088 --> 00:02:34,957
that you two rubes
could ever surprise me.
44
00:02:38,379 --> 00:02:40,379
Gentlemen.
45
00:02:40,381 --> 00:02:42,381
(screams)
46
00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,834
(laughing)
47
00:02:45,836 --> 00:02:48,003
Who had money
on "faints"?
48
00:02:48,005 --> 00:02:49,271
I had "pee his pants."
49
00:02:49,273 --> 00:02:50,806
Hang on.
50
00:02:50,808 --> 00:02:52,524
Looks like everyone's a winner.
51
00:02:53,610 --> 00:02:57,196
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
52
00:02:57,198 --> 00:03:00,532
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
53
00:03:00,534 --> 00:03:02,184
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
54
00:03:02,186 --> 00:03:04,736
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
55
00:03:04,738 --> 00:03:07,372
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
56
00:03:07,374 --> 00:03:10,058
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
57
00:03:10,060 --> 00:03:11,960
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
58
00:03:11,962 --> 00:03:12,710
♪ Bang! ♪
59
00:03:12,711 --> 00:03:15,811
The Big Bang Theory 5x07
The Good Guy Fluctuation
Original Air Date on October 27, 2011
60
00:03:15,812 --> 00:03:18,912
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
61
00:03:20,277 --> 00:03:21,792
Oh. Watch out, Sheldon.
62
00:03:21,793 --> 00:03:25,045
This little boy Casper
is a g-g-g-ghost!
63
00:03:25,047 --> 00:03:27,263
Droll.
64
00:03:27,265 --> 00:03:29,599
Not as droll as a grown man
65
00:03:29,601 --> 00:03:31,851
passed out in a puddle
of his own urine.
66
00:03:31,853 --> 00:03:34,354
That was pretty droll.
67
00:03:34,356 --> 00:03:35,889
With a hint of ammonia.
68
00:03:38,392 --> 00:03:40,226
Yes, enjoy your japes,
gentlemen.
69
00:03:40,228 --> 00:03:43,029
You think you've poked fun
at a milquetoast academic.
70
00:03:43,031 --> 00:03:44,631
Well, you've forgotten
one thing:
71
00:03:44,633 --> 00:03:47,534
I am also a son
of the Lone Star state.
72
00:03:47,536 --> 00:03:48,985
I'm Texas through and through.
73
00:03:48,987 --> 00:03:52,405
And we know how to settle
scores down there.
74
00:03:52,407 --> 00:03:56,059
If you doubt me, ask Mexico.
75
00:03:58,829 --> 00:04:01,364
(quietly):
Hot girl, nine o'clock.
76
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:04,317
Don't everybody look at once!
77
00:04:06,036 --> 00:04:07,921
What is she doing
in a comic book store?
78
00:04:07,923 --> 00:04:11,224
I don't know, she might be lost.
79
00:04:12,393 --> 00:04:16,262
Doesn't matter. Watch and learn.
80
00:04:20,518 --> 00:04:22,986
- Hi.
- Hi.
81
00:04:25,740 --> 00:04:28,575
Um... it-it-it...
82
00:04:34,932 --> 00:04:36,833
Shut up.
83
00:04:38,919 --> 00:04:40,286
Are you getting
this Next Men?
84
00:04:40,288 --> 00:04:42,255
Uh, yeah. It's
issue number 21.
85
00:04:42,257 --> 00:04:43,423
First appearance of Hellboy.
86
00:04:43,425 --> 00:04:46,092
I know. I've been
looking for it for years.
87
00:04:46,094 --> 00:04:47,249
Sorry.
88
00:04:47,274 --> 00:04:49,221
Hey, if I pretended
to hit on you,
89
00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:51,881
could I distract you
enough to sneak it away?
90
00:04:53,350 --> 00:04:56,719
Yes, but you'd be using
your superpowers for evil.
91
00:04:56,721 --> 00:05:01,024
Damn, I'm forbidden by my
Kryptonian father to do so.
92
00:05:01,725 --> 00:05:02,976
I'm Alice.
93
00:05:02,978 --> 00:05:04,360
Leonard.
94
00:05:04,362 --> 00:05:05,979
You're very cute, Leonard.
95
00:05:05,981 --> 00:05:08,448
Thanks. You, too. You know,
go ahead and take it.
96
00:05:09,617 --> 00:05:12,569
No, no. No, no,
I-I did evil.
97
00:05:13,220 --> 00:05:14,621
Would you be open
to a trade?
98
00:05:14,623 --> 00:05:16,489
Uh, yeah, yeah,
sure, I guess.
99
00:05:16,491 --> 00:05:18,658
Okay. Here.
100
00:05:18,660 --> 00:05:19,876
This is my number.
101
00:05:19,878 --> 00:05:21,294
Call me.
102
00:05:21,296 --> 00:05:23,779
Sorry, palm's a little sweaty.
103
00:05:23,781 --> 00:05:24,964
What's that word?
104
00:05:24,966 --> 00:05:27,950
- Alice.
- Oh, right, your name.
105
00:05:27,952 --> 00:05:30,453
That makes more
sense than "penis."
106
00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:32,622
Later.
107
00:05:35,976 --> 00:05:38,895
Did we just see you pick up
a girl in a comic book store?
108
00:05:38,897 --> 00:05:41,014
'Cause if you did, you get
your picture up there
109
00:05:41,016 --> 00:05:42,816
on the Wall of Heroes.
110
00:05:42,818 --> 00:05:44,967
No, I don't think
I picked her up.
111
00:05:44,969 --> 00:05:46,352
Besides, I have a girlfriend.
112
00:05:46,354 --> 00:05:48,738
Doesn't matter. This is the
closest anyone's ever come.
113
00:05:48,740 --> 00:05:50,824
You're going on
the wall, my friend.
114
00:05:54,695 --> 00:05:56,946
Be sure to check the mail.
115
00:05:56,948 --> 00:05:59,499
How many times are you gonna
tell me? What's with you?
116
00:05:59,501 --> 00:06:02,535
Nothing. It's not suspicious
that I'm fixating.
117
00:06:02,537 --> 00:06:04,120
It's consistent with
my personality.
118
00:06:04,122 --> 00:06:06,039
Right.
119
00:06:06,041 --> 00:06:07,090
Hey, guys.
120
00:06:07,092 --> 00:06:08,258
More Halloween candy?
121
00:06:08,260 --> 00:06:10,376
Didn't you just buy
a bunch of it yesterday?
122
00:06:10,378 --> 00:06:12,262
Oh. Yeah.
That's gone.
123
00:06:13,848 --> 00:06:16,216
It's a rough month when
Halloween and PMS
124
00:06:16,218 --> 00:06:18,218
hit at the same time.
125
00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:21,387
Leonard doesn't have time
to chat, he has to get the mail.
126
00:06:21,389 --> 00:06:24,340
Will you relax?
I'll get it in a minute.
127
00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:26,559
- How was work?
- Open the mail!
128
00:06:27,361 --> 00:06:28,811
Excuse me.
129
00:06:36,019 --> 00:06:39,405
A couple of circulars,
nothing important.
130
00:06:39,407 --> 00:06:42,041
- What's with him?
- Hang on.
131
00:06:45,462 --> 00:06:47,413
(air horn blares,
screams)
132
00:06:52,052 --> 00:06:55,088
You might be from Texas,
but I'm from New Jersey.
133
00:06:56,840 --> 00:06:58,391
(air horn blares)
134
00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:00,927
Check it out.
135
00:07:00,929 --> 00:07:02,878
Jim Lee drew this
of me two years ago
136
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:05,181
at Comic Con.
137
00:07:05,183 --> 00:07:06,432
What are you wearing?
138
00:07:06,434 --> 00:07:08,184
Well, you know,
it's Comic Con.
139
00:07:10,404 --> 00:07:13,590
I'm Lion-O from
ThunderCats.
140
00:07:13,592 --> 00:07:16,442
Wow, you must have
gotten so laid.
141
00:07:16,444 --> 00:07:20,062
No. But Jessica Alba
did rub my furry belly.
142
00:07:20,064 --> 00:07:21,897
(laughs)
143
00:07:21,899 --> 00:07:25,067
Want to see a comic I draw?
144
00:07:25,069 --> 00:07:27,003
You're kidding.
You have your own book?
145
00:07:27,005 --> 00:07:29,539
Yeah. It's kinda
based on my life.
146
00:07:29,541 --> 00:07:30,757
Cool.
147
00:07:32,376 --> 00:07:33,626
Oh, look.
148
00:07:33,628 --> 00:07:35,795
That's you having
sex with a guy
149
00:07:35,797 --> 00:07:38,047
in the top half of
a Chewbacca costume.
150
00:07:40,134 --> 00:07:41,384
Comic Con?
151
00:07:41,386 --> 00:07:43,686
You'd think, but no.
152
00:07:45,689 --> 00:07:47,724
You're very talented.
This is really good.
153
00:07:47,726 --> 00:07:49,058
Did you do...
154
00:07:54,114 --> 00:07:57,900
So, can I trade you
my comic for the Hellboy?
155
00:07:57,902 --> 00:08:00,203
You can have my car.
156
00:08:15,502 --> 00:08:17,720
Oh, dear.
157
00:08:19,289 --> 00:08:21,674
Oh, dear...
158
00:08:21,676 --> 00:08:24,677
Oh, dear, oh, dear.
159
00:08:24,679 --> 00:08:26,479
Oh, dear... oh, dear.
160
00:08:26,481 --> 00:08:28,297
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
161
00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:31,567
Purell, Purell,
Purell, Purell.
162
00:08:46,834 --> 00:08:49,085
Good morning, Sheldon.
163
00:08:49,087 --> 00:08:51,337
It is, isn't it?
164
00:08:56,593 --> 00:08:58,661
(gasps)
165
00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,013
Oh, bother.
166
00:09:00,015 --> 00:09:02,498
Isn't that just
always the way?
167
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:05,268
You go to staple something,
and you're out of staples.
168
00:09:05,270 --> 00:09:07,670
Gosh, I wish I'd known
that earlier today
169
00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:09,939
when I was at Staples.
170
00:09:09,941 --> 00:09:12,725
You have a thing of paper clips
right there.
171
00:09:12,727 --> 00:09:17,613
No, no, I need something more
permanent to join these papers.
172
00:09:17,615 --> 00:09:22,151
Say, don't you keep staples
in your top desk drawer?
173
00:09:22,153 --> 00:09:24,287
I don't know. Maybe.
174
00:09:25,005 --> 00:09:27,156
Be a lamb and check.
175
00:09:27,158 --> 00:09:29,492
All right.
176
00:09:30,744 --> 00:09:32,245
(gasps)
177
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:35,248
Who do we have here?
178
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:39,719
It's a snake.
A terrifying snake.
179
00:09:39,721 --> 00:09:44,657
Oh, did some bad man
put us in a drawer?
180
00:09:44,659 --> 00:09:46,476
Stop talking like that.
181
00:09:46,478 --> 00:09:48,978
You've been rendered
speechless by fear.
182
00:09:48,980 --> 00:09:54,567
Let's go to the biology lab and
find you some nice yummy mice.
183
00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:59,572
I tried to scare an Indian
with a snake.
184
00:10:00,724 --> 00:10:02,909
Come on, Cooper.
You're better than this.
185
00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:10,109
(knocking)
It's open.
186
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:12,445
Hey, you got a minute?
187
00:10:12,447 --> 00:10:13,763
Yeah, sure, come on in.
188
00:10:13,765 --> 00:10:15,648
Thanks.
189
00:10:15,650 --> 00:10:17,033
Want some mac and cheese?
190
00:10:17,035 --> 00:10:20,153
No. Lactose. Gas.
191
00:10:20,155 --> 00:10:23,957
- Glass of wine?
- No. Sulfites. Migraines.
192
00:10:23,959 --> 00:10:25,875
Okay, well, I'd offer
you Halloween candy,
193
00:10:25,877 --> 00:10:27,660
but that's gone.
194
00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:29,746
So, what's up?
195
00:10:29,748 --> 00:10:31,915
Okay, we used to go out, right?
196
00:10:31,917 --> 00:10:35,101
Oh, my God, that's
where I know you from.
197
00:10:36,536 --> 00:10:40,373
I'm dealing with a situation and
it's kind of about my love life,
198
00:10:40,375 --> 00:10:43,059
so I know that might be weird
for us to talk about,
199
00:10:43,061 --> 00:10:45,544
but in this area, as you know,
all my other friends
200
00:10:45,546 --> 00:10:48,097
are just so stupid.
201
00:10:48,099 --> 00:10:50,099
All right, what's going on?
202
00:10:50,101 --> 00:10:51,734
So, you're okay
talking about this?
203
00:10:51,736 --> 00:10:53,269
- Yes.
- You're sure it's not weird.
204
00:10:53,271 --> 00:10:54,654
It's okay.
205
00:10:54,656 --> 00:10:57,156
You know what, if you ever want
to talk to me about a problem
206
00:10:57,158 --> 00:10:59,692
in your life with a guy,
then I would be fine with that.
207
00:10:59,694 --> 00:11:01,828
Okay, good, because there's
this one guy I used to date
208
00:11:01,830 --> 00:11:03,496
who's about to be force-fed
wine and cheese
209
00:11:03,498 --> 00:11:05,164
if he doesn't get to the point.
210
00:11:05,166 --> 00:11:07,867
Okay, uh...
211
00:11:07,869 --> 00:11:09,586
here it is.
212
00:11:09,588 --> 00:11:12,071
Is it cheating
if a guy has a girlfriend...
213
00:11:12,073 --> 00:11:14,040
Yeah, probably.
214
00:11:15,376 --> 00:11:16,526
Come on.
215
00:11:16,528 --> 00:11:17,677
I'm sorry, go ahead.
216
00:11:17,679 --> 00:11:19,545
I met this girl,
and she's great.
217
00:11:19,547 --> 00:11:21,047
we have a lot in common.
218
00:11:21,049 --> 00:11:22,348
Did you guys do it?
219
00:11:22,350 --> 00:11:24,434
No. We just made out a little.
220
00:11:24,436 --> 00:11:27,387
Oh, look at you, you bad boy.
221
00:11:27,389 --> 00:11:29,472
Did you tell her
about Priya?
222
00:11:29,474 --> 00:11:31,585
Well, I was gonna, but
there were too many
223
00:11:31,610 --> 00:11:32,810
tongues in my mouth.
224
00:11:33,778 --> 00:11:36,946
That's gross.
225
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:40,900
Here's the thing,
I-I'm not one of those guys
226
00:11:40,902 --> 00:11:44,070
who sneaks around and sleeps
with more than one woman.
227
00:11:44,072 --> 00:11:45,321
Well, good for you.
228
00:11:45,323 --> 00:11:48,408
The problem is, I want
to be one of those guys.
229
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,995
So sleep with the new girl
and lie to Priya.
230
00:11:51,997 --> 00:11:53,496
Oh, that's not who I am.
231
00:11:53,498 --> 00:11:55,915
All right, then break it off
with the new girl.
232
00:11:55,917 --> 00:11:57,383
Now, let's not do anything rash.
233
00:11:57,385 --> 00:11:59,469
She's really hot.
234
00:11:59,471 --> 00:12:01,004
If you like this girl so much,
235
00:12:01,006 --> 00:12:02,922
why don't you just
end things with Priya?
236
00:12:02,924 --> 00:12:04,390
Priya and I are in love.
237
00:12:04,392 --> 00:12:06,175
I think we could
get married someday.
238
00:12:06,177 --> 00:12:09,062
Leonard, you're looking for
a way to sleep with both women
239
00:12:09,064 --> 00:12:10,930
and have everybody
be happy about it.
240
00:12:10,932 --> 00:12:14,017
Now we're getting somewhere.
241
00:12:15,486 --> 00:12:17,570
What does your gut tell you?
242
00:12:17,572 --> 00:12:20,239
"Go ask Penny;
she'll know what to do."
243
00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:30,533
Hello, Howard.
244
00:12:30,535 --> 00:12:34,620
I've realized that you
scaring me was all in jest.
245
00:12:34,622 --> 00:12:37,790
Allow me to say, job well done.
246
00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:41,344
(buzzing, grunting)
247
00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:45,431
(buzzing, grunting continue)
248
00:12:45,433 --> 00:12:47,583
(buzzing stops)
249
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,303
(panting)
250
00:12:50,305 --> 00:12:53,106
Perfect.
251
00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:56,042
What are you doing?
252
00:12:56,044 --> 00:12:58,227
Science. You
wouldn't understand.
253
00:12:59,663 --> 00:13:02,281
Hey, well, see you.
I'm going out.
254
00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:07,987
(exhales)
255
00:13:09,707 --> 00:13:12,191
I thought you were
leaving the apartment.
256
00:13:12,193 --> 00:13:14,911
Yeah, me, too.
I can't make up my mind.
257
00:13:14,913 --> 00:13:17,714
Are you concerned
because the world is filled
258
00:13:17,716 --> 00:13:20,666
with big dogs and bullies?
259
00:13:20,668 --> 00:13:23,920
No. I'm having a moral crisis.
260
00:13:23,922 --> 00:13:27,673
Well, if it's of
any help, I've read
261
00:13:27,675 --> 00:13:29,726
all the great
moral philosophers,
262
00:13:29,728 --> 00:13:32,261
including Dr. Seuss.
263
00:13:33,664 --> 00:13:35,314
Oh, what the hell.
264
00:13:35,316 --> 00:13:37,650
I'm supposed
to go see that girl
265
00:13:37,652 --> 00:13:40,052
from the comic book store,
Alice, but I don't know
266
00:13:40,054 --> 00:13:42,321
if I should, because
I'm going out with Priya,
267
00:13:42,323 --> 00:13:43,940
but she's in India.
268
00:13:43,942 --> 00:13:48,161
All right. So the topic at hand
is sexual fidelity.
269
00:13:48,163 --> 00:13:50,780
Probably won't be relying
on Seuss here.
270
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,834
Although One Fish, Two Fish,
Red Fish, Blue Fish
271
00:13:54,836 --> 00:13:56,919
might be
surprisingly applicable.
272
00:13:58,338 --> 00:13:59,122
Go on.
273
00:13:59,124 --> 00:14:00,089
Well...
274
00:14:00,091 --> 00:14:02,008
they say
at the end of your life,
275
00:14:02,010 --> 00:14:03,760
you regret the stuff
you didn't do
276
00:14:03,762 --> 00:14:05,678
more than the stuff
that you did,
277
00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:09,649
and I'm pretty sure Alice
is the stuff I want to do.
278
00:14:09,651 --> 00:14:12,935
You know,
the German philosopher,
279
00:14:12,937 --> 00:14:16,689
Friedrich Nietzsche,
believed that morality
280
00:14:16,691 --> 00:14:20,560
is just a fiction used by the
herd of inferior human beings
281
00:14:20,562 --> 00:14:24,113
to hold back
the few superior men.
282
00:14:24,115 --> 00:14:26,432
That actually does help.
283
00:14:26,434 --> 00:14:30,219
It's worth noting that
he died of syphilis.
284
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:35,158
Screw it,
285
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:37,076
I'm going.
On your way home,
286
00:14:37,078 --> 00:14:38,494
will you pick up
some orange juice?
287
00:14:38,496 --> 00:14:39,545
Do you mind?
I'm questioning
288
00:14:39,547 --> 00:14:41,214
a lot of things
in my life right now.
289
00:14:41,216 --> 00:14:44,283
Is one of those things
your fondness for orange juice?
290
00:14:44,285 --> 00:14:45,668
No.
291
00:14:45,670 --> 00:14:47,170
Great. Tropicana, no pulp.
292
00:14:56,463 --> 00:14:57,630
Hey, Sheldon.
293
00:14:57,632 --> 00:14:59,065
Who is it!
294
00:14:59,067 --> 00:15:01,734
It's me, Sheldon, Mrs. Wolowitz.
295
00:15:01,736 --> 00:15:05,571
That's not my mom,
it's Bernadette.
296
00:15:06,423 --> 00:15:09,475
Really?
That's very unsettling.
297
00:15:09,477 --> 00:15:10,943
Hi, Sheldon.
298
00:15:10,945 --> 00:15:13,112
- Hi.
- What's up?
299
00:15:13,114 --> 00:15:17,250
It just occurred to me that I
never formally congratulated you
300
00:15:17,252 --> 00:15:18,918
on your pending nuptials.
301
00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:20,286
So I hopped on
302
00:15:20,288 --> 00:15:23,172
the first bus and hightailed it
down here to shake your hand.
303
00:15:23,174 --> 00:15:26,459
Put 'er there,
you old so-and-so.
304
00:15:26,461 --> 00:15:29,095
Well, I-I'm gonna
see you at work in...
305
00:15:29,097 --> 00:15:32,498
12 hours-- don't you think it
could have waited until then?
306
00:15:33,383 --> 00:15:35,885
Holy smoke,
why didn't I think of that?
307
00:15:35,887 --> 00:15:38,471
You're a better man
than I, Howard Wolowitz.
308
00:15:38,473 --> 00:15:41,974
You put 'er there,
you son of a gun!
309
00:15:41,976 --> 00:15:43,559
Whatever.
(chuckles)
310
00:15:43,561 --> 00:15:45,010
(buzzing)
311
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:46,479
My... oh...
312
00:15:46,481 --> 00:15:48,013
it's...
313
00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:51,784
Oh, my God, Howard!
314
00:15:51,786 --> 00:15:52,902
What did you do?
315
00:15:52,904 --> 00:15:55,521
It was a harmless
Halloween prank. Look.
316
00:15:55,523 --> 00:15:58,357
Howard has a heart condition!
You know that!
317
00:15:58,359 --> 00:16:00,192
Well, I thought
he made that up.
318
00:16:00,194 --> 00:16:04,413
I-Isn't hypochondria a common
idiosyncrasy of Jewish people?
319
00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:09,385
This is adrenaline--
we're gonna have
320
00:16:09,387 --> 00:16:10,753
to inject it into his heart.
321
00:16:10,755 --> 00:16:13,222
- We are?
- You are. I'm not strong enough
322
00:16:13,224 --> 00:16:14,540
to get it through
his chest plate,
323
00:16:14,542 --> 00:16:16,008
and we've only got one shot.
324
00:16:16,876 --> 00:16:19,545
Oh, no! I can't!
325
00:16:19,547 --> 00:16:20,596
Hurry!
326
00:16:20,598 --> 00:16:22,348
We're running out of time!
327
00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:25,017
- Okay.
- Just do it!
328
00:16:25,019 --> 00:16:26,051
Oh, God!
329
00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:27,937
One... two...
330
00:16:27,939 --> 00:16:29,272
three!
331
00:16:29,274 --> 00:16:31,657
Trick or treat, bubbeleh.
332
00:16:31,659 --> 00:16:33,192
What?
333
00:16:33,194 --> 00:16:34,827
(laughing)
334
00:16:34,829 --> 00:16:37,997
No. You mean
this was all a ruse?
335
00:16:37,999 --> 00:16:39,865
Oh, how could I be so stu...
336
00:16:39,867 --> 00:16:42,034
(buzzing)
(yelling) uuu....
337
00:16:44,454 --> 00:16:47,540
Mmm...
338
00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:50,426
Damn it, I can't.
339
00:16:50,428 --> 00:16:51,711
I can't do this.
340
00:16:51,713 --> 00:16:53,129
Uh, is it my tongue stud?
341
00:16:53,131 --> 00:16:54,580
'Cause if that
freaks you out,
342
00:16:54,582 --> 00:16:55,738
you're in for a real
surprise later on.
343
00:16:55,763 --> 00:16:56,963
No, no, no.
344
00:16:57,468 --> 00:16:59,268
I-I can't do this.
345
00:16:59,270 --> 00:17:01,470
Believe me,
I really want to.
346
00:17:01,472 --> 00:17:02,377
But...?
347
00:17:02,402 --> 00:17:04,038
But I kind of
have a girlfriend.
348
00:17:04,192 --> 00:17:05,524
Are you kidding?
349
00:17:05,526 --> 00:17:08,311
You're cool with you and me
just being friends, right?
350
00:17:08,313 --> 00:17:09,695
(laughs)
I don't believe this.
351
00:17:09,697 --> 00:17:12,898
Wait, I don't...
Which part?
352
00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:14,033
I'm so stupid.
353
00:17:14,035 --> 00:17:16,035
I thought for once
I'd met a good guy,
354
00:17:16,037 --> 00:17:17,536
but you're just another jackass.
355
00:17:17,538 --> 00:17:19,705
Oh, no, no, you
have it wrong.
356
00:17:19,707 --> 00:17:21,907
No. I-I was going
357
00:17:21,909 --> 00:17:25,244
to be a jackass, but
I stopped myself.
358
00:17:25,246 --> 00:17:26,996
I stayed
359
00:17:26,998 --> 00:17:28,130
a good guy, so...
360
00:17:28,132 --> 00:17:29,799
I'm gonna pass on the sex.
361
00:17:29,801 --> 00:17:31,500
But you should
know, that's not
362
00:17:31,502 --> 00:17:35,721
a comment on your hotness
but on my goodness.
363
00:17:35,723 --> 00:17:37,640
That's kind of my superpower.
364
00:17:37,642 --> 00:17:41,293
I'm, like, Captain Good Guy.
365
00:17:42,112 --> 00:17:44,430
(exhales)
366
00:17:44,432 --> 00:17:45,481
It's okay.
367
00:17:45,483 --> 00:17:48,100
Did the right thing.
368
00:17:48,102 --> 00:17:50,302
You idiot!
369
00:17:56,061 --> 00:17:57,282
Hey, Priya.
370
00:17:57,283 --> 00:17:58,783
Hey, sweetheart.
How's it going?
371
00:17:58,785 --> 00:17:59,951
Uh, not so good.
372
00:17:59,953 --> 00:18:01,068
We have to talk.
373
00:18:01,070 --> 00:18:02,737
Oh, sounds serious.
374
00:18:02,739 --> 00:18:03,905
What's up?
375
00:18:03,907 --> 00:18:05,973
Okay, uh...
376
00:18:05,975 --> 00:18:07,775
here it is.
377
00:18:07,777 --> 00:18:09,860
I met this girl
and I kissed her,
378
00:18:09,862 --> 00:18:11,212
and I feel
terrible about it.
379
00:18:11,214 --> 00:18:13,114
But it's done, it's never
gonna happen again.
380
00:18:13,116 --> 00:18:15,616
And I am so, so sorry.
381
00:18:15,618 --> 00:18:17,118
Leonard, relax.
382
00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:18,269
It's okay.
383
00:18:18,271 --> 00:18:19,203
It is?
384
00:18:19,205 --> 00:18:21,005
Yeah, these things happen.
385
00:18:21,007 --> 00:18:22,540
They happen to everybody.
386
00:18:22,542 --> 00:18:26,494
Oh, my God, you are amazing.
387
00:18:26,496 --> 00:18:28,512
I mean, I don't deserve you.
388
00:18:28,514 --> 00:18:31,549
Wh-what do you mean "everybody"?
389
00:18:33,001 --> 00:18:35,469
Leonard, I didn't know
if I should tell you,
390
00:18:35,471 --> 00:18:38,889
but I kind of cheated
on you, too.
391
00:18:38,891 --> 00:18:41,392
Kind of?
392
00:18:41,394 --> 00:18:43,861
A couple of weeks ago,
393
00:18:43,863 --> 00:18:45,863
I slept with my ex-boyfriend.
394
00:18:45,865 --> 00:18:50,901
So, I guess we both messed up
a little.
395
00:18:50,903 --> 00:18:53,020
No, no, I messed up a little.
396
00:18:53,022 --> 00:18:55,740
You messed up a lot.
397
00:18:55,742 --> 00:18:57,491
Well, it's not a competition.
398
00:18:57,493 --> 00:19:00,828
Oh... yeah, it is,
and you won.
399
00:19:02,631 --> 00:19:05,833
I-I-I'm sorry, I have to go.
400
00:19:07,336 --> 00:19:09,420
I don't believe this.
401
00:19:09,422 --> 00:19:11,472
(sighs)
402
00:19:11,474 --> 00:19:13,658
(yelling)
403
00:19:21,602 --> 00:19:23,886
Bazinga, punk.
Now we're even.
404
00:19:23,888 --> 00:19:27,888
== sync, corrected by elderman ==