1
00:00:03,419 --> 00:00:06,048
I'm just saying,
if it's your favorite shirt,
2
00:00:06,214 --> 00:00:08,842
treat it right, and give it a bath.
3
00:00:09,174 --> 00:00:10,584
But, yeah, it's an outer shirt.
4
00:00:10,709 --> 00:00:12,846
I only have to wash it,
like, once every five wearings.
5
00:00:14,313 --> 00:00:15,599
What is an outer shirt?
6
00:00:15,831 --> 00:00:16,891
I wear a shirt under it
7
00:00:17,016 --> 00:00:18,158
so the outer shirt doesn't get dirty.
8
00:00:18,283 --> 00:00:19,193
It's like how you wear underwear
9
00:00:19,318 --> 00:00:21,521
so you don't have to wash your jeans.
10
00:00:21,770 --> 00:00:24,650
You never wash your jeans?
11
00:00:24,890 --> 00:00:26,360
No.
12
00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:29,670
[Laughs] Oh, my God,
get off the couch right now.
13
00:00:29,795 --> 00:00:31,573
Your brother is sleeping here
this weekend,
14
00:00:31,830 --> 00:00:35,702
and you just gave him hepatitis
"a," "b," and "c."
15
00:00:36,035 --> 00:00:38,330
Now, washing jeans changes
the shape and fit.
16
00:00:38,496 --> 00:00:40,514
Uh, you know what else changes
the shape and the fit?
17
00:00:40,639 --> 00:00:43,919
Losing your leg to a staph infection.
18
00:00:44,309 --> 00:00:47,121
Whitney, I'm a grown man.
19
00:00:47,246 --> 00:00:49,675
I can deal with my own jeans, okay?
20
00:00:49,982 --> 00:00:51,968
There it is.
The tone.
21
00:00:53,010 --> 00:00:54,346
- What tone?
- That tone.
22
00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:58,225
The now-Whitney
I-know-everything tone.
23
00:00:58,391 --> 00:00:59,433
Well, all I said is
that I was a grown man,
24
00:00:59,558 --> 00:01:00,501
I can deal with my own jeans.
25
00:01:00,626 --> 00:01:02,136
What, I don't get it.
26
00:01:02,261 --> 00:01:04,398
My God, that is not at all
how you said it.
27
00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:06,733
[Mocking tone]
Whitney, I didn't sound like that, okay?
28
00:01:07,032 --> 00:01:08,325
[Laughs] Oh, my God.
29
00:01:08,450 --> 00:01:10,744
No, you use that condescending tone.
30
00:01:10,869 --> 00:01:13,297
You sound like Al Gore.
31
00:01:13,422 --> 00:01:14,882
What, wait, I don't know what
you're talking about.
32
00:01:15,007 --> 00:01:16,284
I did not use a tone.
33
00:01:16,450 --> 00:01:17,452
Yeah, you did.
34
00:01:17,618 --> 00:01:18,537
No, I didn't.
35
00:01:18,777 --> 00:01:21,206
Yes, you did.
I wish you could hear yourself.
36
00:01:21,372 --> 00:01:22,958
I did not use a tone, okay?
37
00:01:23,124 --> 00:01:24,418
Okay, why would I make that up?
38
00:01:24,650 --> 00:01:25,559
Well, I don't even know what
we're talking about.
39
00:01:25,684 --> 00:01:26,837
What are we fighting about anyway?
40
00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:28,596
I don't know.
Yes, I do.
41
00:01:28,721 --> 00:01:29,813
Your jeans, okay?
44
00:01:35,978 --> 00:01:37,187
Let me be the reasonable one
45
00:01:37,312 --> 00:01:39,573
and, uh, deal with this.
46
00:01:39,698 --> 00:01:42,269
I'm an adult.
[Clears throat]
47
00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:47,848
[Shrieks]
48
00:01:47,973 --> 00:01:50,736
Is that better?
49
00:01:52,978 --> 00:01:57,576
Whitney is taped in front
of a live studio audience.
50
00:01:58,007 --> 00:01:59,226
And then we start fighting,
51
00:01:59,351 --> 00:02:01,128
and he starts taking this
condescending tone with me
52
00:02:01,253 --> 00:02:02,914
that is so annoying.
53
00:02:03,188 --> 00:02:06,066
Oh, I know the tone.
I hate the tone.
54
00:02:06,191 --> 00:02:07,518
[Mocking tone]
"Mark...
55
00:02:07,643 --> 00:02:12,507
Jordan would be nothing
without pippen, okay?"
56
00:02:12,673 --> 00:02:14,634
See, that's it.
I'm not crazy.
57
00:02:14,933 --> 00:02:16,677
And then we never get
to actually finish a fight
58
00:02:16,802 --> 00:02:18,395
because we start fighting
about the tone,
59
00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:20,030
which is not healthy
60
00:02:20,155 --> 00:02:21,415
because we're fighting about
the way we're fighting,
61
00:02:21,540 --> 00:02:23,017
and then we get stuck
in fighting infinity.
62
00:02:23,142 --> 00:02:25,228
It's like Inception.
63
00:02:25,394 --> 00:02:27,738
When we fight,
Lily quotes Adele lyrics.
64
00:02:27,863 --> 00:02:29,089
And then denies it.
65
00:02:29,214 --> 00:02:30,991
She tries to pass them off
as her own thoughts.
66
00:02:31,116 --> 00:02:34,780
Uh, I think the real problem
is that you know Adele lyrics.
67
00:02:35,654 --> 00:02:37,214
Sorry, I was caught up at the office.
68
00:02:37,339 --> 00:02:38,992
I got to fire somebody.
69
00:02:39,158 --> 00:02:43,170
Uh, I mean, I had to fire somebody.
70
00:02:43,295 --> 00:02:45,123
What was weird.
[Laughs]
71
00:02:45,289 --> 00:02:47,207
Roxanne, what was
that thing when you were married
72
00:02:47,332 --> 00:02:49,085
that Lance used to do during fights?
73
00:02:49,251 --> 00:02:51,078
You mean, when he'd get
quieter and quieter?
74
00:02:51,203 --> 00:02:53,113
And then accuse me
of raising my voice?
75
00:02:53,238 --> 00:02:56,009
[As lance]
"Babe, why are you yelling?"
76
00:02:56,175 --> 00:02:59,253
See, this is the kind of thing
that if it keeps happening,
77
00:02:59,378 --> 00:03:00,430
it will fester.
78
00:03:00,596 --> 00:03:02,389
Yeah, until eventually
you wind up paying him
79
00:03:02,514 --> 00:03:04,184
to not be married to you.
80
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:07,494
I just wish I had it on tape
so I could prove to him
81
00:03:07,619 --> 00:03:09,105
that he does it.
82
00:03:09,271 --> 00:03:10,230
You know, I am a police officer.
83
00:03:10,355 --> 00:03:12,666
There is a way to make this happen.
84
00:03:12,791 --> 00:03:13,610
What do you mean?
85
00:03:13,859 --> 00:03:15,402
A surveillance camera in your place
86
00:03:15,527 --> 00:03:16,954
to bust Alex using the tone.
87
00:03:17,079 --> 00:03:19,950
A renegade cop
who plays by his own rules?
88
00:03:20,299 --> 00:03:21,326
Oh, my God, Whit...
89
00:03:21,492 --> 00:03:23,243
You would be living out
a fantasy shared by
90
00:03:23,368 --> 00:03:26,706
every person who's ever been
in a serious relationship.
91
00:03:27,005 --> 00:03:28,248
And it couldn't be easier.
92
00:03:28,373 --> 00:03:30,884
It's a tiny camera.
He will never know.
93
00:03:31,009 --> 00:03:32,085
I've done this 100 times for work
94
00:03:32,210 --> 00:03:34,339
and twice for fun.
95
00:03:34,505 --> 00:03:37,758
I'm sorry, isn't this
completely illegal, immoral,
96
00:03:37,883 --> 00:03:39,860
and insane?
97
00:03:39,985 --> 00:03:41,429
This is perfect for you.
98
00:03:41,653 --> 00:03:44,998
I can't.
I can't do that.
99
00:03:45,123 --> 00:03:45,999
[Mocking tone]
Whitney?
100
00:03:46,124 --> 00:03:48,192
Ugh, fine.
I'm in.
101
00:03:53,479 --> 00:03:56,190
This time the camera's gonna record
everything that happens, so don't block it.
102
00:03:56,315 --> 00:03:57,070
Okay, I got this.
103
00:03:57,236 --> 00:04:00,073
I watch To Catch a Predator.
104
00:04:00,336 --> 00:04:01,379
Now he is not going to do the tone
105
00:04:01,504 --> 00:04:02,780
unless he's annoyed with you.
106
00:04:02,905 --> 00:04:04,327
Are you sure you're going
to get into a fight?
107
00:04:04,493 --> 00:04:05,232
Mark, I only have two skills:
108
00:04:05,357 --> 00:04:06,617
Starting fights with him,
109
00:04:06,742 --> 00:04:09,220
and that thing I do to get out
of fights with him.
110
00:04:09,345 --> 00:04:10,584
Okay, what time
is Alex going to be back?
111
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:11,956
Uh, not for a while.
112
00:04:12,081 --> 00:04:13,190
He's out shopping for
his brother's big visit.
113
00:04:13,315 --> 00:04:15,543
Brian can be kind of judgmental,
so Alex spent all morning
114
00:04:15,668 --> 00:04:17,361
hiding his hair products.
115
00:04:17,486 --> 00:04:19,342
The feed is hooked up
to my television.
116
00:04:19,508 --> 00:04:21,365
So I'm going to be downstairs,
looking out for the tone.
117
00:04:21,490 --> 00:04:23,067
Now don't let the camera affect you.
118
00:04:23,192 --> 00:04:24,251
Just act natural.
119
00:04:24,376 --> 00:04:28,072
If you wna take your shift
off, take your shirt off.
120
00:04:28,197 --> 00:04:30,854
Please leave.
121
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:33,565
Fine.
122
00:04:33,731 --> 00:04:35,780
Oh, remember.
You gotta do this tonight.
123
00:04:35,905 --> 00:04:37,648
They don't even know
that I have this equipment.
124
00:04:37,773 --> 00:04:39,654
It has to be back
by tomorrow morning.
125
00:04:39,820 --> 00:04:41,364
I thought you said it
was no big deal.
126
00:04:41,530 --> 00:04:42,386
It's not.
127
00:04:42,511 --> 00:04:47,996
If I get it back by tomorrow morning.
128
00:04:48,250 --> 00:04:51,195
Go get him.
129
00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:55,499
[Laughs]
130
00:04:55,624 --> 00:04:56,700
You don't need to be here.
131
00:04:56,825 --> 00:05:00,842
This is an official
police investigation.
132
00:05:01,008 --> 00:05:02,039
Hey, if I ever have
to call the police,
133
00:05:02,164 --> 00:05:06,077
am I allowed to request not you?
134
00:05:06,202 --> 00:05:08,600
Yeah, that happens all the time.
135
00:05:08,766 --> 00:05:12,083
Mark, uh, we're here because,
as you can imagine,
136
00:05:12,208 --> 00:05:15,086
Whitney started to feel mildly...
137
00:05:15,211 --> 00:05:16,253
Both: Skeeved...
138
00:05:16,378 --> 00:05:19,090
That you were
watching her all the time
139
00:05:19,215 --> 00:05:22,860
so she's hiding in the bedroom
until we got here.
140
00:05:22,985 --> 00:05:24,199
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
141
00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:27,744
Those are for the trick-or-treaters.
142
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:30,038
Check it out.
Full sized candy bars.
143
00:05:30,326 --> 00:05:32,499
I'm going to be a hero.
144
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:37,408
If only there was another way
for a cop to be a hero.
145
00:05:37,533 --> 00:05:39,047
I just texted her.
146
00:05:39,335 --> 00:05:40,644
There she is!
147
00:05:40,769 --> 00:05:43,301
Hi, Whitney.
You look pretty.
148
00:05:43,467 --> 00:05:46,300
She's fluffing the pillows.
I'm loving the show already.
149
00:05:46,425 --> 00:05:47,389
So real.
150
00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:49,140
I'm not buying it.
151
00:05:49,306 --> 00:05:54,062
There's no way those two people
could afford that apartment.
152
00:05:54,316 --> 00:05:56,477
- Hey.
- Hi, honey.
153
00:05:56,602 --> 00:05:57,661
What's up?
Uh...
154
00:05:57,786 --> 00:05:59,067
I got that ointment for you
at the pharmacy,
155
00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:00,664
but can you call the pharmacy
ahead of time next time
156
00:06:00,789 --> 00:06:01,945
because they think
that I'm this weirdo...
157
00:06:02,191 --> 00:06:03,655
Oh, you know what, uh...
[Laughs]
158
00:06:03,821 --> 00:06:05,486
Thank you for getting me
that ointment
159
00:06:05,611 --> 00:06:09,285
for that totally normal thing
in that regular place.
160
00:06:09,451 --> 00:06:14,862
Oh, uh, hey, I also got...
Check it out.
161
00:06:14,987 --> 00:06:16,501
♪ New tennies ♪
162
00:06:16,667 --> 00:06:20,505
♪ everybody loves
brand new tennies ♪
163
00:06:20,671 --> 00:06:22,424
♪ shiny new tennies ♪
164
00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:24,788
♪ Mr. Left says to Mrs. Right ♪
165
00:06:24,913 --> 00:06:25,856
Oh.
166
00:06:25,981 --> 00:06:27,558
What?
167
00:06:27,683 --> 00:06:29,009
- What are you doing?
- What do you mean?
168
00:06:29,134 --> 00:06:34,098
Do your part.
♪ Mr. Left says to Mrs. Right? ♪
169
00:06:34,223 --> 00:06:37,701
Uh, I do not know what this song is.
170
00:06:37,826 --> 00:06:39,637
I got new tennis shoes.
171
00:06:39,762 --> 00:06:42,022
Why are you acting weird?
172
00:06:43,710 --> 00:06:46,567
♪ I'm so happy that
we share the same feet ♪
173
00:06:48,570 --> 00:06:50,326
Mwah.
[Chuckles]
174
00:06:50,492 --> 00:06:53,150
That is intense.
175
00:06:53,275 --> 00:06:55,586
She has to play along.
That's it, Whitney.
176
00:06:55,711 --> 00:06:56,750
Don't raise suspicions.
177
00:06:56,916 --> 00:07:00,191
♪ New tennies,
everybody loves them ♪
178
00:07:00,316 --> 00:07:02,630
♪ new tennies ♪
179
00:07:02,796 --> 00:07:04,995
Okay, now see, if Glee was real,
180
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:07,177
this is how uncomfortable
it would be.
181
00:07:07,343 --> 00:07:09,971
Babe, did you notice?
I did some laundry.
182
00:07:23,238 --> 00:07:26,362
Did you... did you wash my jeans?
183
00:07:26,528 --> 00:07:32,289
I did, and I dried them
on high for, like, 80 minutes.
184
00:07:32,414 --> 00:07:37,061
No, no, no, no.
185
00:07:37,186 --> 00:07:39,747
Now, I can't do my stuff.
186
00:07:39,872 --> 00:07:41,699
What are you...
187
00:07:41,824 --> 00:07:42,700
What are you doing?
188
00:07:42,825 --> 00:07:44,618
This is terrible.
This is...
189
00:07:44,743 --> 00:07:47,467
Ah...
190
00:08:01,021 --> 00:08:04,609
Does it look weird?
Because...
191
00:08:04,775 --> 00:08:07,487
I'm, like... this is touching me
in all the wrong areas.
192
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:09,280
[Silently]
I'm sorry.
193
00:08:09,446 --> 00:08:14,722
It's, like, chaffing.
194
00:08:15,744 --> 00:08:18,206
Take it easy, black swan.
195
00:08:18,372 --> 00:08:20,250
Had to wash them
because they were dirty.
196
00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:21,292
[Mocking tone]
Whitney...
197
00:08:21,458 --> 00:08:22,710
Yes?
198
00:08:22,876 --> 00:08:24,408
[Knocking on door]
199
00:08:24,533 --> 00:08:25,826
No!
No, no, no!
200
00:08:25,951 --> 00:08:27,077
Don't get that!
201
00:08:27,202 --> 00:08:28,550
Please, baby, you were saying...
The way you were saying it!
202
00:08:28,716 --> 00:08:31,081
Oh!
She almost had it.
203
00:08:31,206 --> 00:08:32,249
- Hmm.
- Brian.
204
00:08:32,374 --> 00:08:35,306
Virgin.
205
00:08:35,472 --> 00:08:38,122
Oh, the brother.
Unexpected twist.
206
00:08:38,247 --> 00:08:39,122
No, no, no, no, no.
207
00:08:39,247 --> 00:08:40,624
This would jeopardize
the whole operation.
208
00:08:40,749 --> 00:08:42,730
Get him out of there!
Get him out!
209
00:08:42,968 --> 00:08:45,525
God, you look more
and more like dad every day.
210
00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:46,764
Yeah, you look more
and more like mom.
211
00:08:46,889 --> 00:08:50,401
Is that a perm?
212
00:08:50,526 --> 00:08:52,282
Yeah, well, here's my brother.
213
00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:53,470
- Hi, Brian.
- Give me a hug.
214
00:08:53,595 --> 00:08:56,373
Oh, thank you.
You are three hours early.
215
00:08:56,498 --> 00:08:58,288
That's so convenient for me.
216
00:08:58,454 --> 00:09:00,861
Wow, so this is what an
Internet mogul's apartment
217
00:09:00,986 --> 00:09:01,912
looks like.
218
00:09:02,037 --> 00:09:03,543
This place is a palace.
219
00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:06,004
Seems awful big for two people.
220
00:09:06,275 --> 00:09:08,218
Well, it's just a...
You know, a one bedroom.
221
00:09:08,343 --> 00:09:10,216
But anyway, so how's the family?
222
00:09:10,382 --> 00:09:11,755
Kids are kids, wife is wife,
223
00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:13,190
you know, they're all back
in New Jersey
224
00:09:13,315 --> 00:09:15,096
so they are good.
225
00:09:15,517 --> 00:09:16,593
What about you guys?
226
00:09:16,718 --> 00:09:17,594
When are you going
to make an honest man
227
00:09:17,719 --> 00:09:18,558
out of this guy right here?
228
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:20,164
Ah, oh, Brian.
229
00:09:20,289 --> 00:09:22,199
Always on the marriage train.
230
00:09:22,324 --> 00:09:24,981
Choo-choo.
231
00:09:25,227 --> 00:09:27,104
Hey, so, uh, what happened
to that big convention thing
232
00:09:27,229 --> 00:09:29,206
that you were supposed to go to?
233
00:09:29,331 --> 00:09:31,696
Are you making fun of me?
234
00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:33,740
Well, no.
That's why you're here.
235
00:09:33,969 --> 00:09:37,619
Oh, yeah, I decided
to blow off the cocktail party.
236
00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:39,366
There's nothing more boring
than small talk
237
00:09:39,491 --> 00:09:42,453
about office furniture.
238
00:09:42,578 --> 00:09:43,854
You know what?
239
00:09:43,979 --> 00:09:45,706
You should probably
go to that cocktail party.
240
00:09:45,831 --> 00:09:48,058
I mean, networking is a really
big part of getting ahead
241
00:09:48,183 --> 00:09:50,924
in the office supply biz... game.
242
00:09:51,220 --> 00:09:53,134
I don't know, it's all
the way up at the radisson.
243
00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:54,364
Oh, the radisson.
244
00:09:54,489 --> 00:09:57,555
That place is off the chain and hook.
245
00:09:57,721 --> 00:09:58,932
They do have free booze.
246
00:09:59,211 --> 00:10:01,138
Aw, man.
What are you still doing here?
247
00:10:01,263 --> 00:10:03,757
I mean, you can head up there,
and you know,
248
00:10:03,882 --> 00:10:05,021
just get busy.
249
00:10:05,333 --> 00:10:06,210
Oh, and you know,
you only get once chance
250
00:10:06,335 --> 00:10:07,428
to make a first impression.
251
00:10:07,553 --> 00:10:08,816
[Laughs]
You're not wrong about that.
252
00:10:08,982 --> 00:10:10,114
I know.
You should go.
253
00:10:10,239 --> 00:10:11,098
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You should go.
254
00:10:11,223 --> 00:10:12,099
Ah, well, I'll drive you there.
255
00:10:12,224 --> 00:10:13,734
No! N-n-no.
No, no, no.
256
00:10:13,859 --> 00:10:15,152
You sh... you should stay.
257
00:10:15,277 --> 00:10:16,153
I'll take him over there.
258
00:10:16,278 --> 00:10:18,034
[Groans]
259
00:10:18,347 --> 00:10:19,369
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
260
00:10:19,535 --> 00:10:21,158
He can take a cab, you know,
261
00:10:21,283 --> 00:10:22,413
the traffic is really bad right now.
262
00:10:22,579 --> 00:10:24,795
[Mocking tone]
Whitney, I know how to deal
263
00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:27,998
with traffic, okay?
264
00:10:28,123 --> 00:10:29,666
No, I didn't hear what you just said.
265
00:10:29,791 --> 00:10:32,002
Could you come say it
in the living room?
266
00:10:32,127 --> 00:10:36,594
[Groans]
267
00:10:36,865 --> 00:10:38,125
Oh, you almost had it with the jeans.
268
00:10:38,250 --> 00:10:40,294
I know.
Brian is killing my game.
269
00:10:40,419 --> 00:10:41,762
Right, we wanted to let you know
270
00:10:41,887 --> 00:10:43,263
we're running out to get food
because all mark had
271
00:10:43,388 --> 00:10:46,100
in his fridge are runts and icy hot.
272
00:10:46,225 --> 00:10:48,251
Whit, you were doing a great job.
273
00:10:48,376 --> 00:10:49,607
I would have killed you by now.
274
00:10:49,773 --> 00:10:52,356
Aw, thank you.
275
00:10:52,481 --> 00:10:53,724
I know exactly what I'm going to do.
276
00:10:53,849 --> 00:10:56,276
Alex hates it when I leave notes
asking him to do things.
277
00:10:56,401 --> 00:10:59,367
Last time I did this,
he did the tone all weekend.
278
00:10:59,533 --> 00:11:00,785
- Oh.
- Oh.
279
00:11:01,056 --> 00:11:01,911
Sorry.
280
00:11:02,190 --> 00:11:04,368
You know what?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
281
00:11:04,493 --> 00:11:06,374
Alex has got this.
282
00:11:06,540 --> 00:11:10,431
"Clean up almonds."
283
00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:21,285
[Knocking on door]
284
00:11:21,410 --> 00:11:22,419
It's open.
285
00:11:22,544 --> 00:11:24,638
You took long enough with the food.
286
00:11:24,763 --> 00:11:25,639
Hey, dude.
287
00:11:25,764 --> 00:11:27,103
Dude!
288
00:11:27,269 --> 00:11:30,418
I just dropped my brother off,
and I want to know...
289
00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:45,538
No, no, no, no, no, man.
290
00:11:45,767 --> 00:11:47,978
Uh...
291
00:11:48,103 --> 00:11:49,246
Is that my apartment?
292
00:11:49,371 --> 00:11:53,450
How... what?
293
00:11:53,575 --> 00:11:58,355
You know, I think that is.
294
00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:00,845
Well, that's weird.
295
00:12:01,416 --> 00:12:02,430
Mark?
296
00:12:02,596 --> 00:12:03,961
It was Whitney, she made me do it!
297
00:12:04,086 --> 00:12:06,184
She's a monster!
298
00:12:06,350 --> 00:12:08,978
What are you doing?
Are you spying on me?
299
00:12:09,257 --> 00:12:10,267
No...
Kind of.
300
00:12:10,392 --> 00:12:11,702
Listen.
301
00:12:11,827 --> 00:12:13,103
Listen, let me explain.
302
00:12:13,228 --> 00:12:16,240
Whitney said you use this
condescending tone
303
00:12:16,365 --> 00:12:17,445
when you guys fight.
304
00:12:17,611 --> 00:12:18,642
What?
No, I don't.
305
00:12:18,767 --> 00:12:20,244
- That's...
- Yeah, that's what I said.
306
00:12:20,369 --> 00:12:21,324
Yeah.
307
00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:23,113
You don't use a tone.
308
00:12:23,238 --> 00:12:25,482
But she forced me to go down
to the police station
309
00:12:25,607 --> 00:12:27,150
and check out surveillance equipment
310
00:12:27,275 --> 00:12:28,318
and install it in your apartment.
311
00:12:28,443 --> 00:12:31,955
Man, I was so scared.
312
00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:34,324
So she had you check out cameras
313
00:12:34,449 --> 00:12:36,426
and put them in my apartment
to make some kind of point
314
00:12:36,551 --> 00:12:37,465
about the way I fight?
315
00:12:37,686 --> 00:12:41,302
Yes, she's a point-proving monster!
316
00:12:41,468 --> 00:12:42,666
No, no, no.
Those are...
317
00:12:42,791 --> 00:12:44,051
You know what?
You can have one.
318
00:12:44,176 --> 00:12:45,056
Yeah, go ahead.
319
00:12:45,222 --> 00:12:46,336
Well, obviously, man.
320
00:12:46,461 --> 00:12:48,088
I'm going to shut
this whole thing down.
321
00:12:48,213 --> 00:12:50,603
[Sighs]
Wait, hold on.
322
00:12:50,769 --> 00:12:53,147
What if you don't shut it down?
323
00:12:53,313 --> 00:12:55,229
Exactly.
324
00:12:55,354 --> 00:12:58,272
What if I don't shut it down?
325
00:12:58,397 --> 00:13:00,141
Wait, what are you talking about?
326
00:13:05,469 --> 00:13:06,828
Hi, honey
327
00:13:06,994 --> 00:13:07,787
hey.
328
00:13:08,272 --> 00:13:10,216
Did you notice the note
I left you on the door?
329
00:13:10,341 --> 00:13:12,318
Uh, yeah.
It says, "tighten doorknob."
330
00:13:12,443 --> 00:13:14,404
That's a... that's a good idea,
you know.
331
00:13:14,529 --> 00:13:15,755
It's kind of loose.
Yeah, okay.
332
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:17,223
I'll get right on that.
333
00:13:17,348 --> 00:13:19,993
Uh, I also took the liberty
of pointing out
334
00:13:20,118 --> 00:13:21,759
some other jobs that I'd love
for you to do.
335
00:13:22,036 --> 00:13:24,747
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
336
00:13:24,872 --> 00:13:27,390
"Polish bike, add bell."
337
00:13:27,625 --> 00:13:29,426
Okay, cool.
338
00:13:29,933 --> 00:13:33,506
I'm into that.
"Less rocks, more shells."
339
00:13:33,631 --> 00:13:36,190
That's a weird one, but I'll do it.
340
00:13:36,356 --> 00:13:39,235
- And this one just says, "more."
- Mm-hmm.
341
00:13:39,771 --> 00:13:42,321
I feel like you can try harder,
just, like, in general.
342
00:13:42,487 --> 00:13:43,383
Hmm.
343
00:13:43,508 --> 00:13:44,450
Yeah.
Hey.
344
00:13:44,575 --> 00:13:45,718
You know what?
I have an idea.
345
00:13:45,843 --> 00:13:47,437
Remember that birthday coupon
you gave me
346
00:13:47,562 --> 00:13:49,155
and said that I could redeem
for a free lap dance
347
00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:50,538
any time I wanted?
348
00:13:50,782 --> 00:13:53,916
I want to kind of want to do
that right know.
349
00:13:54,252 --> 00:13:55,194
Oh, you know what?
350
00:13:55,319 --> 00:13:56,562
Um, that expired.
351
00:13:56,687 --> 00:14:00,667
Oh, but everybody knows
birthday coupons don't expire.
352
00:14:00,792 --> 00:14:01,834
Why don't you, uh...
353
00:14:01,959 --> 00:14:04,137
Why don't you dance for me, Whitney?
354
00:14:04,262 --> 00:14:07,140
[Club music]
355
00:14:07,265 --> 00:14:10,843
♪ ♪
356
00:14:10,968 --> 00:14:11,878
You know what?
357
00:14:12,003 --> 00:14:13,012
I'm good.
358
00:14:13,137 --> 00:14:14,147
Oh, hey, look.
359
00:14:14,272 --> 00:14:18,134
Don't even think.
Just dance.
360
00:14:18,259 --> 00:14:20,803
You know what?
Bad back.
361
00:14:20,928 --> 00:14:22,088
- Should not do that.
- Oh?
362
00:14:22,213 --> 00:14:23,089
Yeah, is that right?
363
00:14:23,214 --> 00:14:24,090
Oh, hey, Whit.
364
00:14:24,215 --> 00:14:25,091
Why do you keep looking over there?
365
00:14:25,216 --> 00:14:26,259
What's the deal?
366
00:14:26,384 --> 00:14:29,744
Uh, it's just I saw a ghost.
367
00:14:30,054 --> 00:14:31,814
Well, is something going on?
I don't understand.
368
00:14:31,939 --> 00:14:32,899
What?
Are you embarrassed?
369
00:14:33,024 --> 00:14:34,033
I mean, it's just us.
370
00:14:34,158 --> 00:14:35,833
It makes me feel, like, suspicious.
371
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:37,236
No, there's nothing suspicious.
372
00:14:37,361 --> 00:14:39,138
- I'll dance for you.
- Oh, okay.
373
00:14:39,263 --> 00:14:40,156
For sure.
374
00:14:40,281 --> 00:14:44,477
Cool.
375
00:14:44,602 --> 00:14:48,105
Could you maybe
do it sexier than that?
376
00:14:54,095 --> 00:14:58,014
Put your hips into it.
377
00:15:03,020 --> 00:15:08,317
Drop it like it's hot.
378
00:15:08,442 --> 00:15:11,035
Ah!
379
00:15:11,362 --> 00:15:13,204
Make it clap.
380
00:15:28,813 --> 00:15:31,174
Look, uh...
Come over here.
381
00:15:31,299 --> 00:15:32,341
Closer.
Come on.
382
00:15:32,466 --> 00:15:35,726
It's called a lap dance for a reason.
383
00:15:36,020 --> 00:15:39,265
Go ahead.
384
00:15:39,390 --> 00:15:42,001
Come on, let your body rock.
385
00:15:42,126 --> 00:15:43,776
Come... come closer.
Lower.
386
00:15:44,061 --> 00:15:45,337
Let it down more.
Let...
387
00:15:45,462 --> 00:15:48,207
Less like you're working out.
388
00:15:48,332 --> 00:15:50,943
Down, go down.
Yeah, there you go.
389
00:15:51,068 --> 00:15:54,337
All right, cool.
390
00:16:00,344 --> 00:16:01,721
Okay.
391
00:16:01,846 --> 00:16:03,629
No, no, no.
Don't... don't...
392
00:16:03,948 --> 00:16:08,061
We should turn this off.
393
00:16:08,186 --> 00:16:10,963
Yeah, we should.
394
00:16:11,088 --> 00:16:12,722
This is humiliating.
395
00:16:13,090 --> 00:16:15,850
At least give her a dollar.
396
00:16:16,177 --> 00:16:18,678
[Groans]
397
00:16:30,708 --> 00:16:34,277
Hey...
398
00:16:38,282 --> 00:16:40,326
Whit, Whit, uh...
399
00:16:40,451 --> 00:16:43,196
I know about the camera.
400
00:16:43,321 --> 00:16:44,697
- What?
- Oh, my God.
401
00:16:44,822 --> 00:16:46,332
- No!
- Shocking.
402
00:16:46,457 --> 00:16:47,366
How could he find out
there was a camera?
403
00:16:47,491 --> 00:16:48,799
[Whispering]
Shocking.
404
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,469
I can't believe you put
a camera in our apartment.
405
00:16:51,635 --> 00:16:54,006
Oh, I can't believe you know
I put a camera in our apartment.
406
00:16:54,131 --> 00:16:55,208
I know because you were stupid enough
407
00:16:55,333 --> 00:16:57,308
to team up with mark.
408
00:16:57,474 --> 00:16:59,178
I just wanted to catch the tone.
409
00:16:59,303 --> 00:17:00,394
There is no tone!
410
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:01,062
Yes, there is.
411
00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:02,281
I can't believe...
412
00:17:02,406 --> 00:17:03,439
You know, this is even crazy for you.
413
00:17:03,605 --> 00:17:04,467
- Okay?
- Okay, I'm sorry.
414
00:17:04,592 --> 00:17:05,468
- I can do the tone!
- There's no tone.
415
00:17:05,593 --> 00:17:06,519
Is anybody naked?
416
00:17:06,644 --> 00:17:08,061
Ah, ah!
417
00:17:08,652 --> 00:17:10,571
Brian, yay.
Oh, come on in.
418
00:17:10,831 --> 00:17:13,109
We probably shouldn't talk
about this until Brian leaves.
419
00:17:13,234 --> 00:17:16,462
So how long are you staying?
What, like a week or two?
420
00:17:16,587 --> 00:17:19,198
I'm a little drunk.
421
00:17:19,323 --> 00:17:20,800
You guys are
in the middle of something.
422
00:17:20,925 --> 00:17:22,208
- No, we're not.
- Yeah, no, we kind of are.
423
00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:23,202
We're not at all.
424
00:17:23,327 --> 00:17:24,670
You know what, I'm not even here.
425
00:17:24,795 --> 00:17:27,073
I'm just going to shoot off
an email on your computer...
426
00:17:27,198 --> 00:17:28,157
There's a little
cocktail party follow-up
427
00:17:28,282 --> 00:17:31,127
you know, "networking."
428
00:17:31,252 --> 00:17:32,411
All right, what...
You know, can I just...
429
00:17:32,536 --> 00:17:33,446
Let me set you up, first.
430
00:17:33,571 --> 00:17:34,679
Oh, la, la.
431
00:17:35,039 --> 00:17:37,431
Looks like this business
center has a concierge.
432
00:17:37,959 --> 00:17:39,502
No, I... I just want it to make
sure it was saved before
433
00:17:39,627 --> 00:17:41,153
it was closed, that's all.
434
00:17:41,278 --> 00:17:42,522
[Mocking tone]
Ah, Alex, believe it or not,
435
00:17:42,647 --> 00:17:45,124
I've used a computer before.
436
00:17:45,249 --> 00:17:48,377
Even a really expensive one
like this one, okay?
437
00:17:48,502 --> 00:17:49,846
[Mocking tone]
Yeah, okay, buddy.
438
00:17:49,971 --> 00:17:51,831
I just... I want to make sure
that's everything saved
439
00:17:51,956 --> 00:17:53,349
before I close it, okay?
440
00:17:53,474 --> 00:17:55,074
[Mocking tone]
I could not care less
441
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,260
about your files, okay?
442
00:17:57,534 --> 00:17:58,371
Great.
443
00:17:58,496 --> 00:18:00,373
Oh, my God.
You guys both do the tone.
444
00:18:00,498 --> 00:18:01,674
That is the tone.
445
00:18:01,799 --> 00:18:03,374
No, I didn't do a tone,
he did a tone.
446
00:18:03,634 --> 00:18:04,694
[Laughs]
I didn't do a tone.
447
00:18:04,819 --> 00:18:06,345
I said I could care
less about your files.
448
00:18:06,470 --> 00:18:07,680
You're the guy with the tone.
449
00:18:07,805 --> 00:18:09,255
All I said was I wanted
to close some files.
450
00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:10,149
That's it, man.
451
00:18:10,274 --> 00:18:11,298
Yeah, but you said it like a jackass.
452
00:18:11,464 --> 00:18:13,551
Okay, well, you said it
like a condescending jerk.
453
00:18:13,844 --> 00:18:15,720
Okay, golden boy.
454
00:18:16,030 --> 00:18:17,657
Man, would you let up for one second?
455
00:18:17,782 --> 00:18:19,325
Hey, hey, hey.
456
00:18:19,450 --> 00:18:21,561
Oh, my God!
457
00:18:21,686 --> 00:18:22,476
All: Oh.
458
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:23,663
Knock it off!
What are you doing?
459
00:18:23,788 --> 00:18:25,081
Ow... hurts!
What are you doing?
460
00:18:25,206 --> 00:18:26,332
You're hitting yourself,
you're hitting yourself.
461
00:18:26,457 --> 00:18:28,190
Oh!
462
00:18:28,356 --> 00:18:33,923
I'm not!
You're manipulating my hands!
463
00:18:34,048 --> 00:18:35,174
Name ten candy bars!
464
00:18:35,299 --> 00:18:36,907
Okay, uh, snickers...
465
00:18:37,368 --> 00:18:38,244
Snickers!
466
00:18:38,369 --> 00:18:40,279
S-n-I-c-k-e-r-s!
467
00:18:40,404 --> 00:18:43,164
Okay, name nine candy bars!
Name nine candy bars!
468
00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:44,350
Three musketeers!
469
00:18:44,475 --> 00:18:45,651
No! It has to be short.
470
00:18:45,776 --> 00:18:47,653
Twix, mounds, heath!
471
00:18:47,778 --> 00:18:49,522
Should we go up there?
472
00:18:49,647 --> 00:18:51,123
We can't.
473
00:18:51,248 --> 00:18:54,717
If I know anything as a cop,
it's do not get involved.
474
00:18:55,019 --> 00:18:55,995
Okay, you guys.
475
00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:57,029
You're both wrong, okay?
476
00:18:57,154 --> 00:19:00,014
I have it all on tape.
477
00:19:00,358 --> 00:19:02,034
[Mocking tone]
I couldn't care less about
478
00:19:02,159 --> 00:19:05,936
your files, okay?
479
00:19:06,297 --> 00:19:08,074
Oh, dude.
That sucks, I'm sorry.
480
00:19:08,199 --> 00:19:10,191
I didn't realize I sounded like that.
481
00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:14,304
Well, you do, and now you know.
482
00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:17,216
Actually, it appears
to run in the family.
483
00:19:17,341 --> 00:19:18,851
[Mocking tone]
Brian, I just had some files
484
00:19:18,976 --> 00:19:20,219
open that I wanted to close.
485
00:19:20,344 --> 00:19:21,327
Okay?
486
00:19:21,545 --> 00:19:24,156
Yeah, that sounds really bad.
487
00:19:24,281 --> 00:19:24,997
Sorry.
488
00:19:25,516 --> 00:19:26,976
You know what,
I'm going to call my wife.
489
00:19:27,101 --> 00:19:29,262
She's been accusing me
of doing this for 20 years.
490
00:19:29,387 --> 00:19:31,264
But first, I'm going to get a beer
491
00:19:31,389 --> 00:19:33,881
because I am losing my buzz.
492
00:19:34,225 --> 00:19:36,102
So now you admit that
you do the tone,
493
00:19:36,227 --> 00:19:38,469
and your apology is accepted.
494
00:19:38,696 --> 00:19:40,206
And I bet you think
that I'm the only one
495
00:19:40,331 --> 00:19:42,908
in this relationship
that has an annoying habit
496
00:19:43,033 --> 00:19:44,176
when we argue.
497
00:19:44,301 --> 00:19:45,434
Yeah, pretty much, I mean...
498
00:19:45,703 --> 00:19:47,770
Wow.
499
00:19:48,139 --> 00:19:50,016
Okay, I'll admit
I definitely do the tone,
500
00:19:50,141 --> 00:19:52,001
but you do have
an annoying habit when we argue.
501
00:19:52,126 --> 00:19:53,286
No, I don't.
What?
502
00:19:53,411 --> 00:19:57,023
Uh, you go to crazy, invasive,
potentially illegal extremes
503
00:19:57,148 --> 00:19:58,007
just to prove a point.
504
00:19:58,132 --> 00:19:59,698
Name one time.
505
00:20:01,741 --> 00:20:03,077
Name two times.
506
00:20:08,205 --> 00:20:10,543
Alex, come on.
It's starting.
507
00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:12,599
So you told them
you turned off the camera,
508
00:20:12,724 --> 00:20:13,600
but you didn't?
509
00:20:13,725 --> 00:20:14,755
Exactly.
510
00:20:14,921 --> 00:20:16,469
That is horrible.
511
00:20:16,594 --> 00:20:18,634
And thank you.
512
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:23,510
Alex, seriously.
Come on.
513
00:20:23,635 --> 00:20:25,057
Who's that?
What is this?
514
00:20:25,223 --> 00:20:26,279
Oh, my God.
Whitney?
515
00:20:26,404 --> 00:20:27,981
Whitney, behind you!
Oh, my God!
516
00:20:28,106 --> 00:20:29,048
Whitney!
517
00:20:29,173 --> 00:20:30,816
[Screaming]
518
00:20:30,941 --> 00:20:32,147
Wait a minute.
519
00:20:32,313 --> 00:20:35,655
That's Alex.
They're messing with us.
520
00:20:35,780 --> 00:20:36,890
[Knocking on door]
521
00:20:37,015 --> 00:20:38,391
- [Laughs]
- I can't believe it.
522
00:20:38,516 --> 00:20:41,928
Hey, guys.
What's up?
523
00:20:42,053 --> 00:20:45,398
Oh, my God!
524
00:20:45,523 --> 00:20:48,122
Both: Happy Halloween!
525
00:20:48,288 --> 00:20:51,604
- What?
- Oh, my...
526
00:20:51,729 --> 00:20:52,772
Is there something wrong with you?
527
00:20:52,897 --> 00:20:54,231
That's your idea of funny?
528
00:20:55,003 --> 00:21:00,843
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com