1 00:00:04,604 --> 00:00:07,038 (LAUGHlNG) I'm just saying, if it's your favorite shirt, 2 00:00:07,107 --> 00:00:09,541 treat it right and give it a bath. 3 00:00:10,477 --> 00:00:11,603 Okay, it's an outer shirt. 4 00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:13,703 I only have to wash it, like, once every five wearings. 5 00:00:15,448 --> 00:00:16,540 What is an outer shirt? 6 00:00:16,716 --> 00:00:18,980 I wear a shirt under it, so the outer shirt doesn't get dirty. 7 00:00:19,052 --> 00:00:20,246 It's like how you wear underwear 8 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:22,379 so you don't have to wash your jeans. 9 00:00:22,722 --> 00:00:24,417 You never wash your jeans? 10 00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:27,318 (CHUCKLES) No. 11 00:00:28,128 --> 00:00:29,186 (LAUGHS) Oh, my God! 12 00:00:29,262 --> 00:00:30,889 Get off the couch right now. 13 00:00:30,964 --> 00:00:32,556 Your brother is sleeping here this weekend, 14 00:00:32,632 --> 00:00:35,829 and you just gave him hepatitis A, B, and C. 15 00:00:36,903 --> 00:00:39,337 No, washing jeans changes the shape and fit. 16 00:00:39,406 --> 00:00:41,567 Uh, you know what else changes the shape and the fit? 17 00:00:41,641 --> 00:00:44,201 Losing your leg to a staph infection. 18 00:00:46,513 --> 00:00:48,037 (lN CONDESCENDlNG TONE) Whitney, I'm a grown man. 19 00:00:48,114 --> 00:00:50,639 I can deal with my own jeans, okay? 20 00:00:51,418 --> 00:00:53,443 There it is. The tone. 21 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:55,319 What tone? That tone. 22 00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:59,222 (lMlTATlNG ALEX) The, "Now, Whitney, I know everything," tone. 23 00:00:59,426 --> 00:01:00,484 Well, all I said is, (lN NORMAL TONE) "I'm a grown man. 24 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,824 "l can deal with my own jeans." What? I don't get it. 25 00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,387 Oh, my God! That is not at all how you said it. 26 00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:07,692 (lN CONDESCENDlNG TONE) Whitney, I didn't sound like that. Okay? 27 00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:11,762 Oh, my God! No, you use that condescending tone. 28 00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:13,237 You sound like Al Gore. 29 00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:17,266 What? Whit, I don't know what you're talking about. I did not use a tone. 30 00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:19,544 Yeah, you did. No, I didn't. 31 00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:22,180 Yes, you did. I wish you could hear yourself. 32 00:01:22,315 --> 00:01:23,577 I did not use a tone, okay. 33 00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:25,447 Okay, why would I make that up? 34 00:01:25,518 --> 00:01:26,610 Well, I don't even know what we're talking about. 35 00:01:26,686 --> 00:01:27,880 What are we fighting about, anyway? 36 00:01:27,954 --> 00:01:30,718 I don't know. Yes, I do. Your jeans, okay? 37 00:01:30,790 --> 00:01:33,623 Your funky-ass, maggoty jeans. 38 00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:36,886 Okay. Well, then, you know what? 39 00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:38,021 Let me be the reasonable one 40 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:41,761 and, uh, deal with this like an adult. 41 00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:43,166 (CLEARS THROAT) 44 00:01:54,414 --> 00:01:57,212 WHlTNEY: Whitney is taped in front of a live studio audience. 45 00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:58,477 You heard me. 46 00:01:58,718 --> 00:02:00,083 And then, we start fighting 47 00:02:00,153 --> 00:02:03,316 and he takes this condescending tone with me that is so annoying. 48 00:02:03,389 --> 00:02:06,620 (LAUGHS) Oh. I know the tone. I hate the tone. 49 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:12,757 (lMlTATES ALEX) Mark, Jordan would be nothing without Pippen, okay? 50 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,659 See? That's it. I'm not crazy. 51 00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,702 And then, we never get to actually finish a fight 52 00:02:17,770 --> 00:02:20,671 because we start fighting about the tone, which is not healthy. 53 00:02:20,740 --> 00:02:22,401 Because then, we're fighting about the way we're fighting 54 00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:25,137 and then we get stuck in fighting infinity. It's like Inception. 55 00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:26,269 Mmm. 56 00:02:26,446 --> 00:02:29,779 When we fight, Lily quotes Adele lyrics and then denies it. 57 00:02:29,849 --> 00:02:32,181 She tries to pass them off as her own thoughts. 58 00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:35,619 Um, I think the real problem is that you know Adele lyrics. 59 00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:38,590 Sorry. I was caught at the office. 60 00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:40,455 I got to fire somebody. (CHUCKLES) 61 00:02:40,527 --> 00:02:42,893 I mean, I had to fire somebody. 62 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:46,124 That was weird. (LAUGHlNG) 63 00:02:46,432 --> 00:02:48,161 Roxanne, what was that thing when you were married 64 00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:49,895 that Lance used to do during fights? 65 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,001 You mean, when he'd get quieter and quieter, 66 00:02:52,071 --> 00:02:54,005 and then accuse me of raising my voice? 67 00:02:54,073 --> 00:02:56,633 (CALMLY) "Babe, why are you yelling?" 68 00:02:57,377 --> 00:02:59,106 See? This is the kind of thing 69 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,443 that, if it keeps happening, it will fester. 70 00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:05,006 Yeah, until eventually, you wind up paying him to not be married to you. 71 00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:07,448 I just wish I had it on tape 72 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,613 so I could prove to him that he does it. 73 00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:11,350 You know, I am a police officer. 74 00:03:11,424 --> 00:03:12,652 There is a way to make this happen. 75 00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:14,619 What do you mean? 76 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:18,122 A surveillance camera in your place to bust Alex using the tone. 77 00:03:18,231 --> 00:03:20,927 A renegade cop who plays by his own rules. 78 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,992 Oh, my God. Whit, you would be living out a fantasy 79 00:03:24,070 --> 00:03:26,766 shared by every person who's ever been in a serious relationship. 80 00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:29,035 And it couldn't be easier. 81 00:03:29,108 --> 00:03:31,668 It's a tiny camera. He will never know. 82 00:03:31,744 --> 00:03:33,268 I've done this a hundred times for work. 83 00:03:33,346 --> 00:03:35,314 And twice for fun. 84 00:03:35,748 --> 00:03:39,912 I'm sorry, uh, isn't this completely illegal, immoral, and insane? 85 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:42,410 This is perfect for you. 86 00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:46,258 I can't. I can't do that. 87 00:03:46,459 --> 00:03:47,619 (lMlTATES ALEX) Whitney. 88 00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:49,355 Ugh. Fine, I'm in. 89 00:03:54,867 --> 00:03:56,664 All right. So, this tiny camera 90 00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:58,670 is going to record everything that happens here. So, don't block it. 91 00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:01,764 Okay, I got this. I watch To Catch a Predator. 92 00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:04,040 Now, he is not going to do the tone 93 00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:05,168 unless he's annoyed with you. 94 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,337 Are you sure you can get him in a fight? 95 00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:07,845 Mark, I only have two skills. 96 00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:10,348 Starting fights with him, and that thing I do to get out of fights with him. 97 00:04:11,784 --> 00:04:12,944 Okay. What time is Alex going to be back? 98 00:04:13,119 --> 00:04:15,644 Oh, not for a while. He's out shopping for his brother's big visit. 99 00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:16,848 Brian can be kind ofjudgmental, 100 00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:19,153 so Alex spent all morning hiding his hair products. 101 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,685 The feed is hooked up to my television. 102 00:04:21,828 --> 00:04:24,126 So, I'm going to be downstairs, looking out for the tone. 103 00:04:24,197 --> 00:04:26,461 Now, don't let the camera affect you. Just act natural. 104 00:04:26,532 --> 00:04:29,023 If you want to take your shirt off, take your shirt off. 105 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,738 Please leave. 106 00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:35,070 All right. 107 00:04:35,642 --> 00:04:38,406 Oh, remember, you've got to do this tonight. 108 00:04:38,478 --> 00:04:40,036 They don't even know that I have this equipment. 109 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:42,013 It has to be back by tomorrow morning. 110 00:04:42,081 --> 00:04:43,673 I thought you said it was no big deal. 111 00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:46,480 It's not. If I get it back by tomorrow morning. 112 00:04:50,523 --> 00:04:51,615 Go get him. 113 00:04:58,197 --> 00:04:59,221 You don't need to be here. 114 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:02,029 This is an official police investigation. 115 00:05:03,069 --> 00:05:04,559 Hey, if I ever have to call the police, 116 00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:06,969 am I allowed to request not you? 117 00:05:08,741 --> 00:05:09,935 Yeah, that happens all the time. 118 00:05:11,210 --> 00:05:14,543 Mark, uh, we're here because, as you can imagine, 119 00:05:14,614 --> 00:05:19,347 Whitney started to feel mildly skeeved... Skeeved. 120 00:05:19,419 --> 00:05:21,512 ...that you were watching her all the time. 121 00:05:21,587 --> 00:05:23,578 So, she's hiding in the bedroom until we got here. 122 00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:26,619 Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. 123 00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,818 Those are for the trick-or-treaters. 124 00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:33,926 Check it out. Full-size candy bars. I'm going to be a hero. 125 00:05:35,401 --> 00:05:38,529 If only there was another way for a cop to be a hero. 126 00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,371 I just texted her. 127 00:05:42,375 --> 00:05:45,742 LlLY: There she is. Hi, Whitney! You look pretty. 128 00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:47,107 She's fluffing the pillows. 129 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,647 I'm loving this show already. 130 00:05:48,715 --> 00:05:49,773 So real. 131 00:05:50,883 --> 00:05:51,941 I'm not buying it. 132 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:54,646 There's no way those two people could afford that apartment. 133 00:05:57,857 --> 00:05:59,051 ALEX: Hey. WHlTNEY: Hi, honey. 134 00:05:59,125 --> 00:06:00,752 What's up? I got that ointment for you 135 00:06:00,827 --> 00:06:02,419 at the pharmacy. But can you call the pharmacy 136 00:06:02,495 --> 00:06:03,553 ahead of time, though, next time? Because l... 137 00:06:03,629 --> 00:06:04,687 They think I'm, like, this weirdo. 138 00:06:04,764 --> 00:06:06,595 Oh! You know what? (LAUGHS) 139 00:06:06,666 --> 00:06:09,226 Thank you for getting me that ointment for that totally normal thing 140 00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:11,270 in that regular place. 141 00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:16,632 Oh, uh, hey, I also got, check it out. 142 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:18,810 (SlNGlNG) New tennies 143 00:06:19,078 --> 00:06:22,570 Everybody loves brand new tennies 144 00:06:22,648 --> 00:06:24,809 Shiny new tennies 145 00:06:24,984 --> 00:06:28,112 Mr. Left says to Mrs. Right Whoa! 146 00:06:28,187 --> 00:06:29,654 (SCATTlNG) 147 00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:31,383 (SCOFFS) What are you doing? 148 00:06:31,457 --> 00:06:33,391 What do you mean? Do your... Do your part. 149 00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:36,622 (SlNGlNG) Mr. Left says to Mrs. Right... 150 00:06:36,696 --> 00:06:40,223 Uh, I do not know what this song is that you're doing. 151 00:06:40,299 --> 00:06:43,757 Whit, I got new tennis shoes. Why are you acting weird? 152 00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:49,302 (SlNGlNG) I'm so happy that we share the same feet. 153 00:06:50,943 --> 00:06:52,467 (KlSSlNG) 154 00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:54,571 That is intense. 155 00:06:55,848 --> 00:06:59,079 She has to play along. That's it, Whitney. Don't raise suspicions. 156 00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:01,077 (SlNGlNG) New tennies. 157 00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:04,681 Everybody loves them Delish new tennies 158 00:07:05,224 --> 00:07:07,658 Okay, see, now, if Glee was real, 159 00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:09,519 this is how uncomfortable it would be. 160 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:12,295 Babe, did you notice I did some laundry? 161 00:07:25,845 --> 00:07:28,177 Did you... Did you wash my jeans? 162 00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:32,913 I did and I dried them on high for, like, 80 minutes. 163 00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:37,684 No, no, no. No. 164 00:07:39,525 --> 00:07:42,221 I can't, like, I can't do my stuff. 165 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:45,128 What are you... What are you doing? 166 00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:48,099 This is terrible. This is... Ah. 167 00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:05,551 Does it look weird? Because... 168 00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:09,854 I'm like, this is touching me in all the wrong areas. 169 00:08:10,022 --> 00:08:11,387 I'm sorry. 170 00:08:12,091 --> 00:08:13,888 It's, like, chafing. 171 00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:16,624 I can't really do... 172 00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:19,461 Take it easy, Black Swan. 173 00:08:20,633 --> 00:08:22,624 I had to wash them because they were dirty. 174 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,034 (lN CONDESCENDlNG TONE) Whitney. Yes? 175 00:08:25,371 --> 00:08:26,963 (KNOCKlNG ON DOOR) 176 00:08:27,039 --> 00:08:28,768 No! Don't, no, no, no. Do not get that. 177 00:08:28,841 --> 00:08:29,865 Please say what you were saying 178 00:08:29,942 --> 00:08:30,966 the way you were saying it. 179 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:32,610 Ah! She almost had it. 180 00:08:33,813 --> 00:08:34,939 WHlTNEY: Mmm. ALEX: Bri. 181 00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:36,948 Virgin! Hey. 182 00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:40,683 Ooh, the brother. Unexpected twist. 183 00:08:40,753 --> 00:08:43,017 No, no, no, no, no. This will jeopardize the whole operation. 184 00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:45,057 Get him out of there! Get him out! 185 00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:47,624 God, you look more and more like Dad every day. 186 00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:49,285 Yeah, and you look more and more like Mom. 187 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:50,886 Is that a perm? 188 00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:54,566 Yeah, well, here's my brother. 189 00:08:54,634 --> 00:08:55,931 Hey, Whitney. Get on over here. Oh, Brian. 190 00:08:56,002 --> 00:08:57,060 Give me a hug. Oh! 191 00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:58,899 Thank you. You are three hours early. 192 00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:00,598 That's so convenient for me. 193 00:09:01,073 --> 00:09:04,167 Wow! So, this is what an lnternet mogul's apartment looks like. 194 00:09:04,243 --> 00:09:05,904 This place is a palace. 195 00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:08,344 It seems awful big for two people. 196 00:09:08,648 --> 00:09:10,775 Well, it's just a, you know, one bedroom. 197 00:09:10,850 --> 00:09:12,181 But anyway, so, how's the family? 198 00:09:12,251 --> 00:09:14,116 Oh, kids are kids. Wife is wife. 199 00:09:14,186 --> 00:09:17,246 You know, they're all back in New Jersey, so they are good. 200 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:19,415 What about you guys? 201 00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:20,982 When are you going to make an honest man out of this guy right here? 202 00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:22,921 (LAUGHS) Oh, Brian. 203 00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:25,122 Always on the marriage train. 204 00:09:25,197 --> 00:09:26,528 Choo-choo! 205 00:09:27,533 --> 00:09:29,967 Hey, so, uh, what happened to that big convention thingy 206 00:09:30,036 --> 00:09:31,628 that you were supposed to go to? 207 00:09:31,704 --> 00:09:33,695 Are you making fun of me? 208 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,166 Well, no, that's why you're here. 209 00:09:36,442 --> 00:09:39,900 Oh, yeah, l... I decided to blow off the cocktail party. 210 00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:43,608 There's nothing more boring than small talk about office furniture. 211 00:09:44,216 --> 00:09:45,581 Uh, you know what? 212 00:09:45,651 --> 00:09:48,051 You should probably go to that cocktail party. 213 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:49,951 I mean, networking is a really big part 214 00:09:50,022 --> 00:09:53,287 of getting ahead in the whole office supply biz game. 215 00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:55,517 Yeah, I don't know. It's all the way up at the Radisson. 216 00:09:55,628 --> 00:09:56,788 Oh! The Radisson. 217 00:09:56,862 --> 00:09:59,524 That place is off the chain. And hook. 218 00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,458 Well, they do have free booze. Ah, man! 219 00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:03,729 What are you still doing here? 220 00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:05,703 I mean, you can head up there 221 00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:07,329 and, you know, just get busy. 222 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,871 And you know, you only get one chance to make a first impression. 223 00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:11,102 BRlAN: (CHUCKLlNG) You're not wrong about that. 224 00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:12,508 WHlTNEY: I know. 225 00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:13,636 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should go. 226 00:10:13,713 --> 00:10:14,771 All right, well, I'll drive you there. 227 00:10:14,847 --> 00:10:16,405 No. No, no, no. No, no, no. 228 00:10:16,482 --> 00:10:17,847 You should, no. You should stay. 229 00:10:17,917 --> 00:10:19,043 I want to take him over there. 230 00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:20,380 (SlGHS lN FRUSTRATlON) 231 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:21,778 WHlTNEY: No, no, no, no, no, no. 232 00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:24,789 He can take a cab. You know, the traffic is really bad right now. 233 00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:28,389 (lN CONDESCENDlNG TONE) Whitney, I know how to deal with traffic, okay? 234 00:10:30,663 --> 00:10:32,130 No. I didn't, I didn't hear what you just said. 235 00:10:32,198 --> 00:10:34,826 Can you come say it in the living room? 236 00:10:38,671 --> 00:10:40,263 Oh, you almost had it with the jeans. 237 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,767 I know. Brian is killing my game. 238 00:10:42,842 --> 00:10:43,866 Hey, we wanted to let you know 239 00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:46,207 we're running out to get food 'cause all Mark has in his fridge 240 00:10:46,278 --> 00:10:48,178 are Runts and lcy Hot. 241 00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:50,611 Whit, you were doing a great job. 242 00:10:50,683 --> 00:10:51,980 I would have killed you by now. 243 00:10:52,051 --> 00:10:53,951 Aw. Thank you. 244 00:10:54,787 --> 00:10:56,220 I know exactly what I'm going to do. 245 00:10:56,288 --> 00:10:58,779 Alex hates it when I leave notes asking him to do things. 246 00:10:58,858 --> 00:11:01,759 Last time I did this, he did the tone all weekend. 247 00:11:01,961 --> 00:11:03,394 Oh! Oh. 248 00:11:03,462 --> 00:11:04,486 Sorry. 249 00:11:04,563 --> 00:11:06,861 You know what? No, no, no, no, no, no. 250 00:11:06,932 --> 00:11:08,593 Alex has got this. 251 00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:12,194 "Clean up almonds." 252 00:11:14,907 --> 00:11:16,397 (SlGHS) 253 00:11:22,748 --> 00:11:23,772 (KNOCKlNG ON DOOR) 254 00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:26,818 It's open. You took long enough with the food. 255 00:11:27,119 --> 00:11:29,280 Hey, dude. Dude! 256 00:11:29,655 --> 00:11:33,147 Uh, I just dropped my brother off, and I want to know... 257 00:11:46,906 --> 00:11:47,895 No, no, no, no, no, man... 258 00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:51,368 Is that my apartment? 259 00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:52,973 Huh? Is it what? 260 00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:58,882 You know, I think that... I think that is. 261 00:12:01,787 --> 00:12:03,186 Well, that's weird. 262 00:12:03,823 --> 00:12:04,847 Mark... 263 00:12:05,191 --> 00:12:08,422 It was Whitney! She made me do it! She's a monster! 264 00:12:08,828 --> 00:12:11,353 What are you doing? Are you spying on me? 265 00:12:11,530 --> 00:12:15,557 No. Kind of. Listen, listen. Let me explain. 266 00:12:16,001 --> 00:12:19,835 Whitney said that you used this condescending tone when you guys fight. 267 00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:21,202 What? No, I don't. That's... 268 00:12:21,273 --> 00:12:23,571 Yeah, that's what I said. Yeah. 269 00:12:24,009 --> 00:12:26,637 You don't use a tone. But she forced me 270 00:12:26,712 --> 00:12:27,940 to go down to the police station 271 00:12:28,013 --> 00:12:29,571 and check out surveillance equipment 272 00:12:29,648 --> 00:12:31,013 and install it in your apartment, man. 273 00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:32,675 I was so scared. 274 00:12:34,653 --> 00:12:36,177 So, she had you check out cameras 275 00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:37,586 and put them in my apartment 276 00:12:37,656 --> 00:12:39,886 to make some kind of point about the way I fight. 277 00:12:39,992 --> 00:12:42,483 Yeah, she's a point-proving monster. 278 00:12:43,996 --> 00:12:45,054 No, no, no. Those are... 279 00:12:45,131 --> 00:12:47,361 You know what? You can have one. Yeah, go ahead. 280 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,194 Well, obviously, man, I'm going to shut this whole thing down. 281 00:12:51,470 --> 00:12:52,994 Wait, hold on. 282 00:12:54,406 --> 00:12:55,566 What if you don't shut it down? 283 00:12:55,841 --> 00:12:57,069 Exactly. 284 00:12:58,043 --> 00:13:00,204 What if I don't shut it down? 285 00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:01,738 Wait, what are you talking about? 286 00:13:10,089 --> 00:13:11,613 Hi, honey. Hey. 287 00:13:12,224 --> 00:13:13,816 Did you notice the note I left you on the door? 288 00:13:14,026 --> 00:13:16,119 Yeah. It says, "Tighten doorknob." 289 00:13:16,195 --> 00:13:18,095 That's, uh... That's a good idea. 290 00:13:18,164 --> 00:13:19,188 You know, it's kind of loose. 291 00:13:19,265 --> 00:13:21,290 Yeah, okay. I'll get right on that. 292 00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:24,461 Uh, I also took the liberty of pointing out some other jobs 293 00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:25,561 that I'd love for you to do. 294 00:13:25,771 --> 00:13:27,932 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 295 00:13:28,507 --> 00:13:31,101 "Polish bike. Add bell." 296 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:34,044 Okay, cool. I'm into that one. 297 00:13:34,113 --> 00:13:36,638 "Less rocks, more shells." 298 00:13:37,583 --> 00:13:39,813 That's a weird one, but I'll do it. 299 00:13:40,286 --> 00:13:42,083 And then, this one just says, "More." 300 00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:43,382 Mmm-mmm. 301 00:13:43,789 --> 00:13:46,053 I feel like you can try harder. Just, like, in general. 302 00:13:46,358 --> 00:13:49,418 Mmm. Yeah. Hey, you know what? I have an idea. 303 00:13:49,628 --> 00:13:51,425 Remember that birthday coupon you gave me and said 304 00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:54,398 that I could redeem for a free lap dance anytime I wanted? 305 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:57,728 ALEX ON TV: I want to, kind of, do that right now. 306 00:13:57,937 --> 00:14:00,405 Oh, you know what? Um, that expired. 307 00:14:00,472 --> 00:14:03,873 Oh. No, everybody knows birthday coupons don't expire. 308 00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:07,876 Why don't you, uh... Why don't you dance for me, Whitney? 309 00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:10,273 (DANCE MUSlC PLAYlNG) 310 00:14:14,553 --> 00:14:16,783 You know what? I'm good. 311 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,619 Oh, hey, look, don't even think. 312 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,056 Just dance. 313 00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:25,221 You know what? Uh, bad back. Should not do that. 314 00:14:25,297 --> 00:14:27,458 Oh, yeah? Is that right? Hey, uh, Whit, 315 00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:29,125 why do you keep looking over there? What's the deal? 316 00:14:29,401 --> 00:14:31,926 (CHUCKLES) I just... I saw a ghost. 317 00:14:33,572 --> 00:14:34,630 Wow. 318 00:14:35,107 --> 00:14:36,972 Is something going on? I don't understand. What, are you embarrassed? 319 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:39,704 I mean, it's just us. It makes me feel, like, suspicious. 320 00:14:39,778 --> 00:14:42,440 No, no, there's nothing suspicious. I'll dance for you. 321 00:14:42,514 --> 00:14:44,505 Oh, okay. Cool. For sure. 322 00:14:48,587 --> 00:14:49,952 Could you maybe do it sexier than that? 323 00:14:58,097 --> 00:14:59,394 Put your hips into it. 324 00:15:08,173 --> 00:15:09,367 Drop it like it's hot. 325 00:15:12,211 --> 00:15:13,473 Psst. Ha. 326 00:15:15,714 --> 00:15:16,908 Make it clap. 327 00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:35,197 Look, uh, come over here. 328 00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:38,801 Closer, come on. It's called a lap dance for a reason. 329 00:15:39,338 --> 00:15:40,430 Go ahead. 330 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,934 Just, come on. Let your body rock. 331 00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:47,444 Come, come, come closer. Come lower. 332 00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:48,946 No, don't... Get down more. 333 00:15:49,014 --> 00:15:51,175 Less like you're working out. 334 00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:55,917 Down. Go down. Yeah, there you go. All right, cool. 335 00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:05,524 Okay. 336 00:16:06,265 --> 00:16:07,698 No, no, no. Don't, don't... 337 00:16:07,766 --> 00:16:09,734 We should turn this off. 338 00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:13,496 Yeah, we should. 339 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,603 This is humiliating. 340 00:16:17,009 --> 00:16:19,102 At least, give her a dollar. 341 00:16:20,112 --> 00:16:21,443 (GRUNTS) 342 00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:35,654 Hey. 343 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:45,634 Whit... Whit... I know about the camera. 344 00:16:47,306 --> 00:16:48,739 What? Oh, my God! 345 00:16:48,807 --> 00:16:49,796 No. Shocking. 346 00:16:49,875 --> 00:16:52,605 How could he have found out there's a camera? Shocking. 347 00:16:52,811 --> 00:16:54,938 I can't believe you put a camera in our apartment. 348 00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,574 Oh, I can't believe you know I put a camera in our apartment. 349 00:16:57,750 --> 00:17:01,049 I know because you were stupid enough to team up with Mark. 350 00:17:01,286 --> 00:17:02,719 I just wanted to catch the tone. 351 00:17:03,222 --> 00:17:04,314 There is no tone. 352 00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:05,789 Yes, there is. I can't believe... 353 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,348 You know, this is even crazier for you, okay. 354 00:17:07,426 --> 00:17:08,791 Okay, I'm sorry. You just do this... 355 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:09,885 Anybody naked? 356 00:17:10,162 --> 00:17:13,154 Ah. Ah! Brian! Yay! 357 00:17:13,232 --> 00:17:14,460 Oh, come on in. 358 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:16,865 We probably shouldn't talk about this until Brian leaves. 359 00:17:16,935 --> 00:17:17,993 So, how long are you staying? 360 00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:19,367 Like, a week or two? 361 00:17:20,305 --> 00:17:22,034 I'm a little drunk. 362 00:17:23,308 --> 00:17:24,536 You guys are in the middle of something. 363 00:17:24,610 --> 00:17:26,168 No, we're not. No, we're not. Yeah, no, we kind of are. 364 00:17:26,245 --> 00:17:27,872 We're not at all. You know what? I'm not even here. 365 00:17:27,946 --> 00:17:29,937 I'm just going to shoot off an email on your computer. 366 00:17:30,015 --> 00:17:31,676 There's a little cocktail party follow-up. 367 00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:34,116 You know, "Networking." 368 00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:36,346 All right. Well, you know, can I just... 369 00:17:36,422 --> 00:17:37,411 Let me set you up first. 370 00:17:37,489 --> 00:17:38,513 (CHUCKLES) Ooh, la, la. 371 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,223 Looks like this business center has a concierge. 372 00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,259 No, I just wanted to make sure 373 00:17:43,328 --> 00:17:44,454 it was saved before it was closed. That's all. 374 00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:48,694 (lN CONDESCENDlNG TONE) Ah! Alex, believe it or not, I've used a computer before 375 00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:52,328 even a really expensive one like this one. Okay? 376 00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:53,428 (lN CONDESCENDlNG TONE) Yeah. Okay, buddy. 377 00:17:53,505 --> 00:17:57,305 I just, I want to make sure everything's saved before I close it, okay? 378 00:17:57,376 --> 00:18:00,971 I could not care less about your files, okay? 379 00:18:01,046 --> 00:18:02,411 Great. Oh, my God! 380 00:18:02,481 --> 00:18:04,881 That... You guys both do the tone. That is the tone. 381 00:18:05,117 --> 00:18:07,210 No, I didn't do a tone. He did a tone. 382 00:18:07,286 --> 00:18:08,514 (CHUCKLES) I didn't do a tone. 383 00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:10,248 (lN NORMAL TONE) I said I could care less about your files. 384 00:18:10,322 --> 00:18:11,346 You're the guy with a tone. 385 00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:13,220 All I said was I wanted to close some files. That's it, man. 386 00:18:13,292 --> 00:18:14,725 Yeah, but you said it like a jackass. 387 00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:17,387 Okay, well, you know what? You said it like a condescending jerk. 388 00:18:17,463 --> 00:18:19,522 Okay, golden boy. 389 00:18:19,631 --> 00:18:21,326 Man, will you let up for one second? 390 00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:22,827 Hey, hey, hey. 391 00:18:22,901 --> 00:18:24,163 Oh. 392 00:18:24,236 --> 00:18:25,430 Oh, my God! (GRUNTS) 393 00:18:25,504 --> 00:18:26,664 Oh. Oh. 394 00:18:26,738 --> 00:18:28,000 (lNDlSTlNCT YELLlNG) 395 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:29,907 You're hitting yourself. You're hitting yourself. 396 00:18:29,975 --> 00:18:32,000 All right! (SLAPPlNG CONTlNUES) 397 00:18:32,077 --> 00:18:33,806 BRlAN: (YELLlNG) I'm not! You're manipulating my hands! 398 00:18:33,879 --> 00:18:35,744 ALEX ON TV: No! Ah! You're manipulating my hands. 399 00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:36,940 (ALEX AND BRlAN GRUNTlNG) 400 00:18:37,015 --> 00:18:38,107 (SLAPPlNG) 401 00:18:38,183 --> 00:18:39,241 BRlAN: Name 10 candy bars. 402 00:18:39,318 --> 00:18:40,785 ALEX: Okay, Snickers. 403 00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:43,845 BRlAN: Snickers. S-N-I-C-K-E-R-S. (SCREAMS) 404 00:18:43,922 --> 00:18:45,355 (YELLlNG) Okay, name nine candy bars. 405 00:18:45,557 --> 00:18:46,990 Name nine candy bars! 406 00:18:47,392 --> 00:18:49,383 3 Musketeers! No, it has to be short! 407 00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:51,361 Twix! Mounds! Heath! 408 00:18:52,231 --> 00:18:53,425 Should we go up there? 409 00:18:53,499 --> 00:18:55,126 We can't. If I know anything as a cop, 410 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,998 it's do not get involved. 411 00:18:58,904 --> 00:19:00,496 Okay, you guys, you're both wrong. 412 00:19:00,572 --> 00:19:01,869 Okay, I have it all on tape. 413 00:19:04,276 --> 00:19:08,474 BRlAN ON TAPE: I couldn't care less about your files, okay? 414 00:19:10,382 --> 00:19:11,849 Oh, dude, that sucks. 415 00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:14,010 I'm sorry. I didn't realize I sounded like that. 416 00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:16,849 Well, you do. And now, you know. 417 00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:21,025 Actually, it appears to run in the family. 418 00:19:21,193 --> 00:19:22,217 ALEX ON TAPE: Brian, I just had 419 00:19:22,294 --> 00:19:25,195 some files open that I wanted to close, okay? 420 00:19:26,365 --> 00:19:28,765 Yeah, that sounds really bad. Sorry. 421 00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:30,900 You know what? I'm going to call my wife. 422 00:19:30,969 --> 00:19:32,834 She's been accusing me of doing this for 20 years. 423 00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:34,236 But first, I'm going to get a beer 424 00:19:34,306 --> 00:19:36,035 because I am losing my buzz. 425 00:19:38,544 --> 00:19:40,535 So, now, you admit that you do the tone, 426 00:19:40,612 --> 00:19:42,273 and your apology is accepted. 427 00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:44,941 And I bet you think that I'm the only one in this relationship 428 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,713 that has an annoying habit when we argue. 429 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,753 Yeah, pretty much. I mean, wow. (CHUCKLES) 430 00:19:51,390 --> 00:19:53,722 Okay, I'll admit I definitely do the tone, 431 00:19:53,792 --> 00:19:55,623 but you do have an annoying habit when we argue. 432 00:19:55,827 --> 00:19:57,021 No, I don't. What? 433 00:19:57,196 --> 00:20:00,529 You go to crazy, invasive, potentially illegal extremes 434 00:20:00,599 --> 00:20:01,623 just to prove a point. 435 00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:03,463 (SCOFFS) Name one time. 436 00:20:05,637 --> 00:20:06,899 Name two times. 437 00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:16,074 WHlTNEY: Alex, come on, it's starting. 438 00:20:16,515 --> 00:20:18,745 So, you told them you turned off the camera. 439 00:20:18,817 --> 00:20:20,250 But you didn't. Exactly. 440 00:20:20,619 --> 00:20:23,053 That is horrible. And thank you. 441 00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:27,016 Alex, seriously. Come on. 442 00:20:28,827 --> 00:20:30,624 MARK: What's that? Who is that? What is this? 443 00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:32,121 Oh, my God! Whitney. 444 00:20:32,197 --> 00:20:33,528 Did you tell them? Whitney, behind you! 445 00:20:33,599 --> 00:20:34,998 Oh, my God! Whitney! 446 00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:36,625 (WHlTNEY SCREAMS) 447 00:20:36,702 --> 00:20:38,932 Just a minute. That's Alex. 448 00:20:39,004 --> 00:20:40,335 They're messing with us. 449 00:20:41,039 --> 00:20:42,404 (KNOCKlNG ON DOOR) (SlGHS) 450 00:20:42,474 --> 00:20:43,736 (LAUGHlNG) 451 00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:44,901 Oh! 452 00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:46,444 So, they know. Hey, guys, what's up? 453 00:20:46,511 --> 00:20:47,944 Alex! He's right here! 454 00:20:48,013 --> 00:20:49,446 (ALL SCREAMlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY) 455 00:20:51,717 --> 00:20:53,708 BOTH: Happy Halloween! 456 00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:56,284 What? MARK: Oh, my God! 457 00:20:57,122 --> 00:20:58,248 Is there something wrong with you? 458 00:20:58,323 --> 00:20:59,347 (ALL YELLlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY) 459 00:20:59,424 --> 00:21:00,448 That's your idea of funny?