1
00:00:03,097 --> 00:00:05,522
Remember, you guys
can have a dip too!

2
00:00:05,642 --> 00:00:07,443
And don't be afraid
to play with the...

3
00:00:07,477 --> 00:00:10,296
Ruuubber spiiider!

4
00:00:10,330 --> 00:00:12,414
I'll ask again...

5
00:00:12,449 --> 00:00:14,149
Are you sure
I can't bring anything?

6
00:00:14,184 --> 00:00:15,284
I don't understand.

7
00:00:15,318 --> 00:00:16,752
We're having a party,

8
00:00:16,786 --> 00:00:18,537
before we're going
to the real party?

9
00:00:18,571 --> 00:00:19,655
Sometimes, I think
you young people

10
00:00:19,689 --> 00:00:20,706
are just making this crap up.

11
00:00:20,740 --> 00:00:22,257
It's a pre-party!

12
00:00:22,292 --> 00:00:23,542
It's informal, intimate,

13
00:00:23,593 --> 00:00:24,977
and just for us.

14
00:00:25,011 --> 00:00:27,262
And I told you guys
you didn't have to dress up.

15
00:00:27,297 --> 00:00:28,564
Oh, we were wearing this
when you called.

16
00:00:28,598 --> 00:00:31,233
Yeah, when we dress up,
you'll know it.

17
00:00:31,267 --> 00:00:33,602
There's nothing in your
playlist but spooky party,

18
00:00:33,636 --> 00:00:36,438
the Beetlejuice soundtrack,
and NPR podcasts.

19
00:00:36,473 --> 00:00:37,890
Ooh! We could listen
to one of those!

20
00:00:37,941 --> 00:00:39,641
I have Michele Norris

21
00:00:39,676 --> 00:00:41,977
interviewing Errol Morris.

22
00:00:42,011 --> 00:00:43,579
Don't worry, they address it.

23
00:00:43,613 --> 00:00:45,114
Okay, let's make this quick.

24
00:00:45,148 --> 00:00:49,451
I got three more polite
appearances to make tonight.

25
00:00:49,486 --> 00:00:50,986
What? I'm one of the
Fast and Furious guys.

26
00:00:51,021 --> 00:00:52,488
Which one?

27
00:00:52,522 --> 00:00:53,689
Oh, I don't know.
I don't watch that shallow crap.

28
00:00:53,723 --> 00:00:56,625
I just pick
a costume girls will like.

29
00:00:56,659 --> 00:00:59,194
Jeff, can I have
a quick conversation with you?

30
00:00:59,229 --> 00:01:01,263
Doubtful,
but I support the dream.

31
00:01:03,733 --> 00:01:05,601
Remember last week,
when I made you guys fill out

32
00:01:05,635 --> 00:01:07,870
those anonymous personality
tests for my psych class?

33
00:01:07,904 --> 00:01:09,772
Listen, if you dropped them
in another puddle--

34
00:01:09,806 --> 00:01:12,708
No, I processed the results,
as per my assignment.

35
00:01:12,742 --> 00:01:16,078
And, Jeff,
one of our friends is...

36
00:01:16,112 --> 00:01:17,713
Deeply disturbed.

37
00:01:18,581 --> 00:01:20,649
Trick or Dean!

38
00:01:20,683 --> 00:01:23,719
Don't forget to come by our
Halloween scare-tacular dance,

39
00:01:23,753 --> 00:01:25,404
starting in
the cafeteria at 9:30.

40
00:01:25,438 --> 00:01:27,790
Also, I had the lights
rigged to flicker

41
00:01:27,824 --> 00:01:29,391
because it's Halloween!

44
00:01:32,495 --> 00:01:33,762
So the lights will work
on November 1st?

45
00:01:33,797 --> 00:01:36,765
All Saint's day...

46
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:38,734
Month!

47
00:01:38,768 --> 00:01:40,069
I'm sorry, you were
about to get ridiculous?

48
00:01:40,103 --> 00:01:41,503
Look!

49
00:01:41,538 --> 00:01:42,604
One of the tests came back

50
00:01:42,639 --> 00:01:44,740
with 70 out of 75 red flags

51
00:01:44,774 --> 00:01:47,409
for an extreme
personality disorder.

52
00:01:47,444 --> 00:01:48,610
Extreme, Jeff!

53
00:01:48,645 --> 00:01:49,778
Like a dorito?

54
00:01:49,813 --> 00:01:51,780
A sociopathic dorito.

55
00:01:51,815 --> 00:01:53,615
A cool ranch lunatic.

56
00:01:53,650 --> 00:01:56,251
Only instead of Zest, Jeff,

57
00:01:56,269 --> 00:01:58,987
one member
of our study group has...

58
00:01:59,022 --> 00:02:01,640
Homicidal tendencies.

59
00:02:05,761 --> 00:02:07,596
I think one member
of our study group

60
00:02:07,630 --> 00:02:09,398
is an overzealous psych major.

61
00:02:09,432 --> 00:02:11,133
You probably just Britta'd
the test results somehow.

62
00:02:11,167 --> 00:02:12,767
No. I double-checked them.

63
00:02:12,786 --> 00:02:13,769
Wait.

64
00:02:13,803 --> 00:02:15,037
Are people using my name

65
00:02:15,071 --> 00:02:18,307
to mean "make a small mistake"?

66
00:02:18,341 --> 00:02:20,325
Yes.

67
00:02:21,578 --> 00:02:25,414
♪ Give me some rope,
time in a tree ♪

68
00:02:25,448 --> 00:02:28,250
♪ give me the hope
to run out of steam ♪

69
00:02:28,284 --> 00:02:31,553
♪ somebody said
we could be here ♪

70
00:02:31,588 --> 00:02:35,924
♪ we could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year ♪

71
00:02:35,958 --> 00:02:40,729
♪ I can't count the reasons
I should stay ♪

72
00:02:40,763 --> 00:02:45,984
♪ one by one they all
just fade away ♪

73
00:02:46,301 --> 00:02:48,601
sync by honeybunny, corrected by susanaLC
www.addic7ed.com

74
00:02:48,938 --> 00:02:50,823
Let's make this party
fast and furious,

75
00:02:50,857 --> 00:02:52,107
in that order.

76
00:02:52,141 --> 00:02:53,642
Yeah, I want to go
to the dance.

77
00:02:53,676 --> 00:02:55,611
I heard the Dean's got
free taco meat from the army.

78
00:02:55,645 --> 00:02:56,978
We can go
to the dance in a bit.

79
00:02:56,996 --> 00:03:01,617
But first, why don't
we tell some scaaary stories?

80
00:03:02,818 --> 00:03:04,369
Good!

81
00:03:04,420 --> 00:03:06,855
I'll start with a story
about a horrible fate

82
00:03:06,890 --> 00:03:08,290
befalling innocent people,

83
00:03:08,324 --> 00:03:11,560
and then I'm curious
to get individual reactions.

84
00:03:11,594 --> 00:03:13,212
Once upon a time,

85
00:03:13,263 --> 00:03:14,596
there was a couple
in a car in the woods

86
00:03:14,631 --> 00:03:17,633
making out or something.

87
00:03:17,667 --> 00:03:19,968
I think I heard something.

88
00:03:20,003 --> 00:03:21,603
It's just the sound
of my heart, baby.

89
00:03:21,638 --> 00:03:23,605
Mmm.

90
00:03:25,391 --> 00:03:27,910
An escaped convict
from the asylum has escaped,

91
00:03:27,944 --> 00:03:29,745
and he's mental
and he's on the loose and stuff.

92
00:03:29,779 --> 00:03:31,980
Oh, my God.
That sounds dangerous.

93
00:03:32,015 --> 00:03:33,115
Oh, I'm sure it's no biggie,

94
00:03:33,149 --> 00:03:34,416
but I am a horny man.

95
00:03:34,450 --> 00:03:35,651
I'm only half-present.

96
00:03:35,685 --> 00:03:38,053
He was last seen in the woods
and has a thingy for a hand,

97
00:03:38,087 --> 00:03:39,788
a hook thing
where his hand should be.

98
00:03:39,822 --> 00:03:42,591
- You know what I mean.
- That sounds dangerous.

99
00:03:42,625 --> 00:03:44,626
Fine, I'll get out and look.

100
00:03:46,829 --> 00:03:48,830
But then I'm entitled to sex.

101
00:03:53,419 --> 00:03:55,571
I'm getting stabbed
with his hook hand thing.

102
00:03:55,605 --> 00:03:57,556
Oh, my God! No!

103
00:03:57,590 --> 00:03:59,141
I was right!

104
00:03:59,175 --> 00:04:00,709
And the woman
was screaming and screaming

105
00:04:00,727 --> 00:04:01,710
and the man got killed.

106
00:04:01,744 --> 00:04:03,111
- Abed?
- Yep?

107
00:04:03,146 --> 00:04:04,513
How did that story
make you feel?

108
00:04:04,547 --> 00:04:06,548
- Embarrassed.
- That's an odd reaction.

109
00:04:06,583 --> 00:04:08,584
Seems fair.

110
00:04:08,618 --> 00:04:09,585
What embarrassed you about it?

111
00:04:09,619 --> 00:04:10,686
I didn't care
about the characters.

112
00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:12,588
Didn't care about them?

113
00:04:12,622 --> 00:04:13,855
They were stupid.

114
00:04:13,890 --> 00:04:15,056
They deliberately
put themselves in danger,

115
00:04:15,074 --> 00:04:16,058
and, when they
were warned about it,

116
00:04:16,092 --> 00:04:17,075
the guy got out of the car.

117
00:04:17,110 --> 00:04:18,393
Do you believe
because he was stupid

118
00:04:18,428 --> 00:04:19,528
he deserved to die?

119
00:04:19,562 --> 00:04:21,196
What the hell
kind of party is this?

120
00:04:21,231 --> 00:04:22,614
I suppose,
from a creative standpoint,

121
00:04:22,665 --> 00:04:24,116
some characters deserve to die.

122
00:04:24,167 --> 00:04:26,451
Ones that lack common sense
or even basic survival instinct.

123
00:04:26,502 --> 00:04:27,603
Your story's not scary
because the characters

124
00:04:27,637 --> 00:04:29,538
are making choices
the audience wouldn't make.

125
00:04:29,572 --> 00:04:31,640
Plus, you need a smarter lead.
Here, like this.

126
00:04:31,674 --> 00:04:33,241
It's a dark, cold night
in the woods.

127
00:04:33,259 --> 00:04:34,743
We establish
a traditional log cabin,

128
00:04:34,761 --> 00:04:36,044
then cut to--

129
00:04:36,078 --> 00:04:37,713
Here we are, a log cabin
I rented so we could be

130
00:04:37,747 --> 00:04:39,431
intimate in safety,
because it's not the 50s,

131
00:04:39,465 --> 00:04:40,915
so we don't have to park a car
and neck at inspiration point.

132
00:04:40,934 --> 00:04:42,050
That makes sense.

133
00:04:42,085 --> 00:04:43,652
I'm turned on
by how logical you are.

134
00:04:43,686 --> 00:04:46,488
I'm comforted by your
shiny hair and facial symmetry.

135
00:04:46,522 --> 00:04:47,589
Well, I just brushed my teeth,

136
00:04:47,624 --> 00:04:49,608
so this would be
the optimal time to kiss.

137
00:04:51,945 --> 00:04:53,061
Enjoyable. Soft lips.

138
00:04:53,095 --> 00:04:54,146
Just the right
level of moisture.

139
00:04:54,197 --> 00:04:55,731
- Would you like to do it again?
- No.

140
00:04:55,765 --> 00:04:58,066
We should listen
to the news on this radio.

141
00:04:58,100 --> 00:04:59,401
I brought it
as a cautionary measure,

142
00:04:59,435 --> 00:05:01,069
because this cabin
is within walking distance

143
00:05:01,103 --> 00:05:02,537
of the local insane asylum.

144
00:05:02,572 --> 00:05:04,373
Oh, is that why
you were able to rent it

145
00:05:04,407 --> 00:05:05,741
- at such a reasonable rate?
- Yes.

146
00:05:05,775 --> 00:05:07,442
I hope you're as fertile
as I am tonight.

147
00:05:07,477 --> 00:05:09,011
- More.
- Ahh.

148
00:05:29,565 --> 00:05:30,599
Abed!

149
00:05:30,633 --> 00:05:32,267
Why are you doing
the whole song?

150
00:05:32,302 --> 00:05:33,635
They wouldn't turn
the radio on at the exact moment

151
00:05:33,670 --> 00:05:34,970
of the most pertinent
news broadcast.

152
00:05:35,004 --> 00:05:36,705
It's too coincidental.

153
00:05:36,739 --> 00:05:37,706
But I'll jump forward in time.

154
00:05:37,740 --> 00:05:38,807
What was that noise?

155
00:05:38,841 --> 00:05:40,042
Based on the news report
we just heard,

156
00:05:40,076 --> 00:05:41,610
but not just just heard,

157
00:05:41,644 --> 00:05:43,412
I assume it's the deranged,
hook-handed killer, who escaped

158
00:05:43,446 --> 00:05:44,880
when the asylum's antiquated
security system failed.

159
00:05:44,914 --> 00:05:46,531
I guess they
shouldn't have cut corners,

160
00:05:46,582 --> 00:05:48,050
although it is understandable,

161
00:05:48,084 --> 00:05:50,819
given the recent
economic downturn.

162
00:05:50,853 --> 00:05:52,220
Should we go check it out?

163
00:05:52,255 --> 00:05:53,755
No. We should call 911

164
00:05:53,790 --> 00:05:55,257
on my fully-charged cell phone,

165
00:05:55,291 --> 00:05:56,625
lock the doors,
and then stand back to back

166
00:05:56,659 --> 00:05:57,959
in the middle of the room
holding knives.

167
00:06:04,183 --> 00:06:06,184
- I love you--
- Shh.

168
00:06:10,573 --> 00:06:12,074
Ugh.

169
00:06:12,108 --> 00:06:13,859
Did these people
ever die or what?

170
00:06:13,893 --> 00:06:17,029
Eventually, once it had been...

171
00:06:17,063 --> 00:06:19,581
Eaaarned.

172
00:06:19,615 --> 00:06:20,949
Well, Britta...

173
00:06:20,983 --> 00:06:23,118
It looks like you're
barking up the wrong tree.

174
00:06:23,152 --> 00:06:24,870
Yeah.
You want to hear a scary story?

175
00:06:24,904 --> 00:06:26,388
I've got a scary story.

176
00:06:30,293 --> 00:06:32,794
Thank you for pulling me
from that carriage.

177
00:06:32,829 --> 00:06:34,930
I don't know what could have
frightened my horses so.

178
00:06:34,964 --> 00:06:38,133
Many vile creatures
make these woods their home.

179
00:06:38,167 --> 00:06:40,569
Some even warn of...
Monsters.

180
00:06:40,603 --> 00:06:42,971
I don't believe in monsters.

181
00:06:43,005 --> 00:06:46,308
I believe every man
has good within.

182
00:06:46,342 --> 00:06:48,977
I must retrieve my books
from the debris tomorrow.

183
00:06:49,011 --> 00:06:50,379
I am a schoolteacher,

184
00:06:50,413 --> 00:06:52,380
and many children rely
on me to educate them.

185
00:06:52,398 --> 00:06:54,549
Be gone, innocent one!

186
00:06:54,584 --> 00:06:55,550
What's wrong?

187
00:06:55,585 --> 00:06:58,320
You may choose
not to believe in them,

188
00:06:58,354 --> 00:07:01,823
but I am a monster.

189
00:07:01,858 --> 00:07:03,859
And I must feed.

190
00:07:06,112 --> 00:07:07,496
Do not judge me
for my weakness.

191
00:07:07,530 --> 00:07:09,197
Stifle your slackened maw,

192
00:07:09,232 --> 00:07:12,667
you drained
and tainted bitch dog.

193
00:07:12,702 --> 00:07:14,035
I'm fine with this.

194
00:07:14,070 --> 00:07:15,504
Ahh!

195
00:07:15,538 --> 00:07:18,507
Wait!

196
00:07:18,541 --> 00:07:20,342
Teach me to read.

197
00:07:20,376 --> 00:07:21,910
Aww.

198
00:07:21,944 --> 00:07:24,546
Wo...

199
00:07:24,580 --> 00:07:25,680
Sound it out.

200
00:07:25,715 --> 00:07:29,217
Wo...Rd dog

201
00:07:29,252 --> 00:07:31,686
hates... Cats.

202
00:07:31,721 --> 00:07:33,688
"Oh reason not the need!

203
00:07:33,723 --> 00:07:36,525
Our basest beggars are in the
poorest things superfluous."

204
00:07:36,559 --> 00:07:40,362
Yes! Yes! Yes!

205
00:07:40,396 --> 00:07:43,365
You should be proud of
how much I've changed you.

206
00:07:43,399 --> 00:07:44,950
Thank you for helping me,

207
00:07:44,984 --> 00:07:47,903
but I'm afraid some monsters

208
00:07:47,937 --> 00:07:48,904
cannot change.

209
00:07:48,938 --> 00:07:51,272
No...

210
00:07:51,290 --> 00:07:53,575
Resist your craving!

211
00:07:53,609 --> 00:07:55,293
Just pick up a good book

212
00:07:55,328 --> 00:07:56,444
and read!

213
00:07:56,462 --> 00:07:57,612
Your porcelain neck,

214
00:07:57,647 --> 00:08:00,982
in the light of the full moon,

215
00:08:01,017 --> 00:08:02,551
too appetizing.

216
00:08:02,585 --> 00:08:04,820
Unfortunate...

217
00:08:04,854 --> 00:08:06,688
For you.

218
00:08:06,722 --> 00:08:09,841
You see,
some monsters cannot change.

219
00:08:09,892 --> 00:08:11,560
But others can.

220
00:08:11,594 --> 00:08:13,261
What is this?

221
00:08:13,296 --> 00:08:14,896
I'm a werewolf

222
00:08:14,931 --> 00:08:18,033
that feeds on selfish vampires.

223
00:08:22,638 --> 00:08:24,689
And she ripped into his torso,

224
00:08:24,740 --> 00:08:27,709
like a gerbil shredding
a quaker oats box,

225
00:08:27,743 --> 00:08:29,511
sending chunks of viscera

226
00:08:29,545 --> 00:08:33,515
and an aerosol mist of blood
all over the skanky concubine.

227
00:08:33,549 --> 00:08:36,451
Then, she flossed her teeth
with his tendons.

228
00:08:36,486 --> 00:08:37,619
And, because he was a vampire,

229
00:08:37,653 --> 00:08:39,688
he lived through all of it.

230
00:08:39,722 --> 00:08:42,757
He had to watch
her swallow his last eyeball.

231
00:08:42,792 --> 00:08:44,726
She kept it attached
to the optic nerve,

232
00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:46,695
so he could see
down her throat,

233
00:08:46,729 --> 00:08:49,731
to his own
partially digested flesh

234
00:08:49,765 --> 00:08:51,733
in...Her...Stomach.

235
00:08:59,609 --> 00:09:01,543
See? There was a twist.

236
00:09:12,161 --> 00:09:13,626
Wow, Annie.

237
00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:17,410
I didn't know you were
such a fan of... Gore.

238
00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:18,182
It's Halloween.

239
00:09:18,217 --> 00:09:19,851
If you're gonna
tell a scary story,

240
00:09:19,885 --> 00:09:22,320
- give it some texture.
- Wasn't that great.

241
00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:24,005
Well, your texture was so

242
00:09:24,039 --> 00:09:26,624
discompassionately macabre,

243
00:09:26,659 --> 00:09:29,360
as if without the slightest
regard for human life.

244
00:09:29,395 --> 00:09:31,562
That's enough.
Stop pinning ribbons to her.

245
00:09:31,597 --> 00:09:32,864
Why does Annie get
to be good at everything?

246
00:09:32,898 --> 00:09:37,068
You guys wanna hear
a real, legit scary story?

247
00:09:38,854 --> 00:09:40,138
Hello?

248
00:09:40,172 --> 00:09:41,339
Is there anyone here?

249
00:09:41,357 --> 00:09:42,807
I need help.

250
00:09:42,841 --> 00:09:44,058
Oh, thank God.
An old doctor.

251
00:09:44,109 --> 00:09:46,010
Me and my partner
are top gun fighter pilots,

252
00:09:46,028 --> 00:09:47,011
the best of the best.

253
00:09:47,029 --> 00:09:48,062
Pew pew pew.

254
00:09:48,113 --> 00:09:49,380
Our F-15 went down
in the woods.

255
00:09:49,415 --> 00:09:53,318
I thought I heard
something awesome out there.

256
00:09:53,352 --> 00:09:54,319
Please, come in,

257
00:09:54,353 --> 00:09:57,989
for first aids
and what have you.

258
00:09:58,023 --> 00:09:59,690
Mmm, drinks from a stranger.

259
00:09:59,708 --> 00:10:02,710
So medical.
Thank you.

260
00:10:05,130 --> 00:10:06,130
Ahh.

261
00:10:13,105 --> 00:10:15,106
Wakey-wakey.

262
00:10:15,140 --> 00:10:16,107
What's going on?

263
00:10:16,141 --> 00:10:17,375
This cabin is my lab,

264
00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:20,545
where I do
weird experiments on people.

265
00:10:20,579 --> 00:10:21,546
Look!

266
00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:23,348
Noo!

267
00:10:23,382 --> 00:10:25,249
Forced to be together forever!

268
00:10:25,284 --> 00:10:27,185
I sewed you together.

269
00:10:27,219 --> 00:10:29,387
I totally sewed you together!

270
00:10:33,392 --> 00:10:34,292
Abed!

271
00:10:34,326 --> 00:10:35,293
Now that we're sewn together,

272
00:10:35,327 --> 00:10:36,461
do we have E.S.P.?

273
00:10:36,495 --> 00:10:38,096
Yes! We're psychic now.

274
00:10:38,130 --> 00:10:40,114
We can destroy him
with mind powers.

275
00:10:44,236 --> 00:10:45,236
Oh!

276
00:10:56,915 --> 00:10:58,883
You tried to destroy us...

277
00:10:58,917 --> 00:11:00,134
But you only made us...

278
00:11:00,185 --> 00:11:01,585
More awesome!

279
00:11:01,603 --> 00:11:03,600
No! I'm a j-jealous.

280
00:11:09,428 --> 00:11:11,195
Now you are the subject.

281
00:11:11,230 --> 00:11:13,231
What? What?
Tell me more.

282
00:11:13,265 --> 00:11:14,332
We sewed your butt

283
00:11:14,366 --> 00:11:16,434
to your chest! Ha!

284
00:11:16,452 --> 00:11:18,653
Noo!

285
00:11:18,704 --> 00:11:20,505
Wait.

286
00:11:20,539 --> 00:11:22,340
Ha! You fools!

287
00:11:22,374 --> 00:11:24,342
By sewing my butt to my chest,

288
00:11:24,376 --> 00:11:27,512
you've given me boobs
I can touch all day.

289
00:11:27,546 --> 00:11:29,547
With what?

290
00:11:31,216 --> 00:11:33,351
Noo!

291
00:11:33,385 --> 00:11:35,219
No!

292
00:11:35,254 --> 00:11:38,389
Noo!

293
00:11:38,424 --> 00:11:40,391
Nooo!

294
00:11:40,426 --> 00:11:42,427
Nooo!

295
00:11:45,264 --> 00:11:46,230
Feet hands.

296
00:11:46,265 --> 00:11:47,682
What did I do to deserve that?

297
00:11:47,733 --> 00:11:49,367
Keep me out of
your stupid stories.

298
00:11:49,401 --> 00:11:50,334
I didn't say it was you.

299
00:11:50,369 --> 00:11:52,770
I said he was
a crazy, old, racist doctor.

300
00:11:52,805 --> 00:11:56,174
Yeah, and I'm your
crazy, old, racist friend.

301
00:11:56,208 --> 00:11:58,009
I was, anyway.
Now I'm not so sure.

302
00:11:58,043 --> 00:11:59,343
It's just a story, Pierce.

303
00:11:59,378 --> 00:12:01,579
Yeah? Well so is this.

304
00:12:04,917 --> 00:12:06,317
Come back to bed, Magnum.

305
00:12:06,351 --> 00:12:07,752
In a moment, girls.

306
00:12:07,786 --> 00:12:10,321
I'm just enjoying an
expensive, post-coital Brandy.

307
00:12:13,959 --> 00:12:15,176
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.

308
00:12:15,210 --> 00:12:17,495
Whats we gots heres?

309
00:12:17,513 --> 00:12:19,180
This is a home invasion,
you jive mother.

310
00:12:19,214 --> 00:12:21,849
Easy, easy, easy.

311
00:12:21,884 --> 00:12:23,034
Nobody has to get hurt here.

312
00:12:23,068 --> 00:12:24,669
Yeah, that's right, honky.

313
00:12:24,703 --> 00:12:26,337
You take it real easy

314
00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:28,406
and give us all your
expensive Brandy and hubcaps.

315
00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:31,776
Okay, but...

316
00:12:31,810 --> 00:12:33,211
Whoa.

317
00:12:33,245 --> 00:12:34,228
Oh, man.

318
00:12:37,149 --> 00:12:38,282
You...Are...

319
00:12:38,317 --> 00:12:39,567
Still...Relevant!

320
00:12:40,819 --> 00:12:43,354
Oh, my God!
Unh!

321
00:12:44,723 --> 00:12:47,742
Okay, I'm ready
for my birthday spanking.

322
00:12:47,793 --> 00:12:49,594
Which of you girls
knows how to count to 30?

323
00:12:53,232 --> 00:12:56,300
What... in the hell...

324
00:12:56,335 --> 00:12:58,202
Was that?

325
00:12:58,237 --> 00:12:59,971
That wasn't even a ghost story.

326
00:13:00,005 --> 00:13:01,706
It was like
an episode of some show

327
00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:03,140
we're all too young
to have heard of.

328
00:13:03,175 --> 00:13:05,059
Fine! Then I chopped up
both your bodies.

329
00:13:05,093 --> 00:13:06,344
So that was us,
and you were Magnum?

330
00:13:06,378 --> 00:13:08,346
Still am, Pakistan.
Wanna try me?

331
00:13:08,380 --> 00:13:11,349
Guys, I think these stories
are starting to get personal.

332
00:13:11,383 --> 00:13:13,401
And so needlessly violent.

333
00:13:13,435 --> 00:13:15,069
What happened to the days
when ghost stories

334
00:13:15,103 --> 00:13:17,388
were about good versus evil?

335
00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:18,722
Once upon a time...

336
00:13:23,362 --> 00:13:25,496
Aw, man.
My drugs are wearing off.

337
00:13:25,531 --> 00:13:27,231
- Who's got more?
- Ha ha!

338
00:13:27,249 --> 00:13:30,201
Here you go, baby.

339
00:13:30,235 --> 00:13:32,253
All right, all right.

340
00:13:32,287 --> 00:13:35,172
That is my kind of pot bong.

341
00:13:40,145 --> 00:13:41,279
Yo, Jango, check it out.

342
00:13:41,313 --> 00:13:42,947
Swarms of locusts

343
00:13:42,981 --> 00:13:45,383
and tornadoes of frogs.

344
00:13:45,417 --> 00:13:47,418
I don't care.
I lived in New York.

345
00:13:55,994 --> 00:13:57,528
Ugh!
It's like New York out there.

346
00:13:57,563 --> 00:13:59,030
We interrupt your death metal

347
00:13:59,064 --> 00:14:00,364
to bring you some heavy news.

348
00:14:00,399 --> 00:14:02,733
All the good christians
got raptured up to heaven,

349
00:14:02,768 --> 00:14:04,285
so if you're hearing this,

350
00:14:04,319 --> 00:14:06,571
the good news is you're
the coolest people in the world.

351
00:14:06,605 --> 00:14:07,655
Yes!

352
00:14:07,706 --> 00:14:09,540
The bad news is
the world is over.

353
00:14:09,575 --> 00:14:10,541
This is NPR.

354
00:14:10,576 --> 00:14:12,677
Aw, man. End of days?

355
00:14:12,711 --> 00:14:16,080
Could anything suck
harder than this?

356
00:14:16,114 --> 00:14:19,216
Hel-lo!

357
00:14:19,251 --> 00:14:20,384
Devil here.

358
00:14:20,419 --> 00:14:22,853
Just popping by with a little
damnation orientation.

359
00:14:22,888 --> 00:14:24,755
Here's the sched.

360
00:14:24,790 --> 00:14:27,258
At 10:00, you'll be buried
neck-deep in scorpions.

361
00:14:27,292 --> 00:14:29,644
11:15, lava enemas,
followed by pilates.

362
00:14:29,678 --> 00:14:31,329
- Oh. That's good.
- I like pilates.

363
00:14:31,363 --> 00:14:33,397
Pilates is a demon
that eats your genitals.

364
00:14:34,433 --> 00:14:35,933
But first,

365
00:14:35,968 --> 00:14:37,985
stabby-stabby.

366
00:14:38,020 --> 00:14:39,236
Ah!

367
00:14:39,271 --> 00:14:41,689
For whom do ye cry out?

368
00:14:41,740 --> 00:14:43,858
All the good people are gone!

369
00:14:46,811 --> 00:14:48,362
Aah!

370
00:14:48,413 --> 00:14:49,580
Whoa! Look!

371
00:14:49,615 --> 00:14:52,016
It's our friend we used
to pick on for being Christian.

372
00:14:52,050 --> 00:14:54,652
Oh, she looks great.

373
00:14:56,821 --> 00:15:00,157
A righteous wind blows!

374
00:15:00,192 --> 00:15:03,294
Off to pilates!

375
00:15:03,328 --> 00:15:05,546
Thank you
for saving us, Shirley.

376
00:15:05,597 --> 00:15:07,682
I mean, your name's
not Shirley,

377
00:15:07,716 --> 00:15:09,166
this is a story about strangers.

378
00:15:09,201 --> 00:15:11,969
Anyhoo, can you take us
to heaven now, please?

379
00:15:12,003 --> 00:15:14,739
Ooh, I cannot.

380
00:15:14,773 --> 00:15:18,643
I just came to say good-bye
on my way to Abraham's bosom.

381
00:15:18,677 --> 00:15:20,244
Bye.

382
00:15:20,278 --> 00:15:23,748
I forgive you.

383
00:15:26,451 --> 00:15:29,737
Gay marriage!

384
00:15:29,788 --> 00:15:32,657
And he chainsawed them to bits!

385
00:15:32,691 --> 00:15:33,691
Then he put 'em back together.

386
00:15:33,709 --> 00:15:36,160
And then he chainsawed
them again!

387
00:15:36,194 --> 00:15:38,095
Forever.

388
00:15:38,130 --> 00:15:39,330
Where was Jeff in that story?

389
00:15:39,364 --> 00:15:41,298
And why was my name Jango?

390
00:15:45,906 --> 00:15:48,367
Shirley, that wasn't a horror story.

391
00:15:48,607 --> 00:15:49,573
That was a sermon.

392
00:15:49,607 --> 00:15:51,321
You ruined a Britta party.

393
00:15:51,441 --> 00:15:52,774
That's like letting poop spoil.

394
00:15:56,464 --> 00:15:58,382
No! Wait!

395
00:15:58,416 --> 00:15:59,591
No!

396
00:16:00,218 --> 00:16:01,852
No one can leave
until we figure this out.

397
00:16:01,886 --> 00:16:02,886
Figure what out?

398
00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:04,121
Long story short,

399
00:16:04,139 --> 00:16:06,023
those psych tests
I made you take came back.

400
00:16:06,057 --> 00:16:09,093
Turns out one of you
is probably a homicidal maniac.

401
00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:12,396
That's stupid.

402
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:13,564
I have a responsibility,

403
00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:14,932
as a practitioner
of the mental arts,

404
00:16:14,966 --> 00:16:16,767
to figure out
which one of you is sick,

405
00:16:16,801 --> 00:16:18,135
and get you the treatment
you need.

406
00:16:18,153 --> 00:16:20,854
You're a danger to yourself and
others in your current state.

407
00:16:20,905 --> 00:16:22,239
We've known each other
for two years.

408
00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:23,407
None of us are murderers.

409
00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:26,110
No, but one of you
has the potential.

410
00:16:26,144 --> 00:16:28,545
If we leave here now,
do you know what might happen?

411
00:16:56,608 --> 00:16:58,058
Britta,
what are you describing?

412
00:16:58,109 --> 00:16:59,443
What?

413
00:16:59,477 --> 00:17:01,879
Who has those images
like that in their head?

414
00:17:01,913 --> 00:17:03,380
Probably the same kind
of person that would make us

415
00:17:03,415 --> 00:17:05,015
tell ghost stories in order
to secretly study our minds.

416
00:17:05,050 --> 00:17:06,400
I'm just worried
that one of you--

417
00:17:06,451 --> 00:17:10,020
One of us? You took
that test too, right?

418
00:17:10,055 --> 00:17:12,423
What? What are you saying?

419
00:17:16,327 --> 00:17:17,694
Oh, my God!

420
00:17:17,712 --> 00:17:18,695
What if it is me?

421
00:17:20,965 --> 00:17:23,033
Wait. This is crazy!

422
00:17:23,051 --> 00:17:24,718
We're getting freaked out
because it's Halloween,

423
00:17:24,753 --> 00:17:26,470
we just need to settle down.

424
00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:32,059
I'll kill you!

425
00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:34,061
You don't want
to be barium sulfated!

426
00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:36,563
- Whoa!
- Stay back, psychos!

427
00:17:36,598 --> 00:17:38,565
Or I'll slit your throats
and bathe in your blood.

428
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,951
Whoa!
What has happened to all of you?

429
00:17:40,985 --> 00:17:42,552
You heard all the stories.

430
00:17:42,570 --> 00:17:44,221
Anyone here could be
a...Psycho!

431
00:17:44,239 --> 00:17:47,057
Thinking that is what's psycho.

432
00:17:47,075 --> 00:17:49,893
Here, I have a story
that I think might help.

433
00:17:49,928 --> 00:17:53,497
- Whee!
- Cheers.

434
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:58,919
Whoa, whoa. Wait!

435
00:17:58,953 --> 00:18:00,671
Before you do anything,

436
00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:03,574
tell us why you kill people.

437
00:18:03,608 --> 00:18:05,876
Fear.

438
00:18:05,910 --> 00:18:09,213
I kill because I'm afraid.

439
00:18:09,247 --> 00:18:10,914
Somebody, please, give me a hug.

440
00:18:10,949 --> 00:18:11,915
Aww!

441
00:18:11,950 --> 00:18:14,284
Get in here.

442
00:18:14,319 --> 00:18:16,854
Love hugs. Love hugs.

443
00:18:16,888 --> 00:18:19,056
Let it out.
It's okay?

444
00:18:20,759 --> 00:18:22,025
You're welcome.

445
00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:23,227
That was the gayest crap

446
00:18:23,261 --> 00:18:24,394
I've ever heard in my life.

447
00:18:24,429 --> 00:18:25,729
Yeah, Jeff.
What the hell?

448
00:18:25,764 --> 00:18:27,297
Why are you always
so determined to have us relax

449
00:18:27,332 --> 00:18:28,766
and put down our weapons?

450
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:31,235
Maybe he's a remorseless
madman with no empathy,

451
00:18:31,269 --> 00:18:33,120
who eludes detection
by manipulating others.

452
00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:35,105
Yeah, Jeff.

453
00:18:35,123 --> 00:18:36,907
Maybe we should go through
your test answers one by one.

454
00:18:36,941 --> 00:18:38,442
It doesn't matter.
I filled mine out randomly.

455
00:18:38,476 --> 00:18:41,044
- Oh, come on.
- What?

456
00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:42,746
You idiot!

457
00:18:42,781 --> 00:18:46,166
That was probably the test that
returned the psychotic result!

458
00:18:46,217 --> 00:18:47,835
Hmm. Maybe.

459
00:18:47,886 --> 00:18:49,820
Well, what kind of sociopath
doesn't offer that information,

460
00:18:49,854 --> 00:18:50,921
like, an hour ago?

461
00:18:50,955 --> 00:18:52,723
No, no.
I'm no sociopath.

462
00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:55,425
I always know
what I'm doing is wrong.

463
00:18:55,460 --> 00:18:57,494
I'm just a guy that doesn't
like taking tests, doing work,

464
00:18:57,529 --> 00:18:58,846
or getting yelled at.

465
00:18:58,897 --> 00:19:00,097
So if you think about it,

466
00:19:00,131 --> 00:19:01,565
that makes me
the sanest person here.

467
00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:02,833
Boo!

468
00:19:04,635 --> 00:19:06,019
Is this your test or what?

469
00:19:06,070 --> 00:19:07,371
How should I know?
It's just a bunch of bubbles.

470
00:19:07,405 --> 00:19:08,989
Wait!

471
00:19:09,023 --> 00:19:10,674
Give me those.

472
00:19:10,708 --> 00:19:12,693
Why are the scores
on the bottoms of the sheets?

473
00:19:12,744 --> 00:19:14,945
They should--

474
00:19:14,979 --> 00:19:17,831
Britta, look at the arrow.

475
00:19:17,866 --> 00:19:19,249
You ran these through
the machine upside-down.

476
00:19:19,284 --> 00:19:21,051
She Britta'd it.

477
00:19:21,085 --> 00:19:24,621
Whatever.
I'll run them through again.

478
00:19:24,655 --> 00:19:26,957
And you guys
are gonna stop using my name

479
00:19:26,991 --> 00:19:31,228
to mean "making a tiny
and understandable mistake."

480
00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:39,303
So we're all insane.

481
00:19:39,337 --> 00:19:42,539
Well, except for this person.

482
00:19:42,574 --> 00:19:43,907
Is that one mine?

483
00:19:43,942 --> 00:19:45,876
We should probably
figure it out, right?

484
00:19:45,910 --> 00:19:47,311
If one of us
isn't crazy, it's only fair

485
00:19:47,345 --> 00:19:48,779
that the rest of us
know who they are.

486
00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:50,581
Or we could hold on
to the comforting notion

487
00:19:50,615 --> 00:19:53,283
t-that any one of us
m-might be sane.

488
00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:55,219
Yeah. Okay.

489
00:19:55,253 --> 00:19:57,721
We learned
an important lesson tonight.

490
00:19:57,755 --> 00:19:59,656
We should never make the Britta

491
00:19:59,691 --> 00:20:02,893
of Britta-ing
each other's feelings.

492
00:20:02,927 --> 00:20:03,961
You're using it wrong.

493
00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:05,963
Wow.
You Britta'd "Britta'd."

494
00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:07,581
- Yeah, way to pull an Abed.
- I don't get it.

495
00:20:07,632 --> 00:20:08,599
Shirley, don't Pierce.

496
00:20:08,633 --> 00:20:10,634
I don't get it.

497
00:20:12,871 --> 00:20:14,872
Do not get it.

498
00:20:25,972 --> 00:20:28,559
Guys, it's been three days!

499
00:20:28,679 --> 00:20:30,766
When are you gonna let me go?

500
00:20:31,308 --> 00:20:33,059
At least say something!

501
00:20:33,093 --> 00:20:34,060
Guys?

502
00:20:34,094 --> 00:20:35,795
Guys!

503
00:20:35,830 --> 00:20:36,929
Should we let him go?

504
00:20:36,947 --> 00:20:39,299
Hmm...Let me think.

505
00:20:39,333 --> 00:20:41,368
Nah.
More Brandy?

506
00:20:41,402 --> 00:20:44,154
Don't mind if I do.

507
00:20:44,205 --> 00:20:46,473
Mmm...That's terrible.

508
00:20:46,507 --> 00:20:48,108
Should we get back
in our F-15 that we repaired

509
00:20:48,142 --> 00:20:49,108
with our mind power?

510
00:20:49,126 --> 00:20:50,610
I was thinking the same thing!

511
00:20:50,644 --> 00:20:51,745
I know!

512
00:20:51,779 --> 00:20:52,879
Jinx!
Double jinx!

513
00:20:52,913 --> 00:20:53,880
Triple jinx!

514
00:20:54,915 --> 00:20:56,800
♪ Troy and Abed sewn together ♪

515
00:20:59,210 --> 00:21:07,436
Sync by honeybunny
corrected by susanalc
www.Addic7ed.Com