1 00:00:01,234 --> 00:00:03,830 If anyone knows anything about the Hudson sperm bank 2 00:00:03,909 --> 00:00:07,177 that went up in flames in fair lawn, New Jersey, in 1981, 3 00:00:07,285 --> 00:00:08,357 please help me. 4 00:00:08,482 --> 00:00:10,218 I love being a father once a week, 5 00:00:10,309 --> 00:00:11,923 but it is so draining. 6 00:00:12,021 --> 00:00:14,138 My new dad! Huh? 7 00:00:14,243 --> 00:00:15,925 That's what I liked when I was young. 8 00:00:16,036 --> 00:00:18,110 To feel a man's weight. 9 00:00:18,181 --> 00:00:20,576 A lot of women today, they don't appreciate heft. 10 00:00:20,674 --> 00:00:22,412 You're cheating on me with him?! 11 00:00:22,517 --> 00:00:23,668 Who is that?! 12 00:00:23,761 --> 00:00:26,533 Mr. Cavett! I was just trying to bring down the curtain! 13 00:00:26,652 --> 00:00:28,203 This is a monstrous place. 14 00:00:30,178 --> 00:00:34,690 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 15 00:00:39,717 --> 00:00:43,718 ♪ all the shadows in the city ♪ 16 00:00:43,753 --> 00:00:47,451 ♪ used to love you, what a pity ♪ 17 00:00:47,485 --> 00:00:51,519 ♪ I miss the questions you used to ask me ♪ 18 00:00:51,553 --> 00:00:55,621 ♪ bored to death, cut, mad and lonely ♪ 19 00:00:55,655 --> 00:00:59,391 ♪ bored to death, cut, mad and lonely... ♪ 20 00:00:59,425 --> 00:01:01,559 - ( Coughs ) - ♪ Bored to death ♪ 21 00:01:01,593 --> 00:01:04,160 ♪ cut, mad and lonely. ♪ 22 00:01:05,963 --> 00:01:07,763 ( Whistle blows ) 23 00:01:37,018 --> 00:01:39,119 I think I was aiming so well 24 00:01:39,153 --> 00:01:41,654 because Emily's making me go on a date tonight 25 00:01:41,688 --> 00:01:43,521 with Bernard and I don't want to go. 26 00:01:43,556 --> 00:01:45,923 You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, okay? 27 00:01:45,958 --> 00:01:48,458 Just wear two pairs of underwear. That'll slow him down. 28 00:01:48,493 --> 00:01:50,994 No no, I can handle Bernard. 29 00:01:51,028 --> 00:01:52,895 That's not the problem. 30 00:01:52,929 --> 00:01:55,964 It's their relationship that's eating at me. 31 00:01:55,998 --> 00:01:59,900 I need the two of you to sabotage their engagement. 32 00:01:59,934 --> 00:02:02,402 - Sabotage? - I know that's strong language, 33 00:02:02,436 --> 00:02:03,870 but things have gotten worse. 34 00:02:03,904 --> 00:02:05,871 They're talking about having children now. 35 00:02:05,906 --> 00:02:07,606 She told me that her e-- 36 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:10,141 That her eggs are like plums-- very ripe. 37 00:02:10,175 --> 00:02:11,475 Really? Plums? 38 00:02:11,510 --> 00:02:13,077 Yes, but the truth is 39 00:02:13,111 --> 00:02:15,612 she's still maturing and he's half dead. 40 00:02:15,646 --> 00:02:17,980 You know, I have to save her from herself somehow. 41 00:02:18,015 --> 00:02:20,749 We gotta get Bernard out of the picture. 44 00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:30,357 No no, look, here-- here's what we do, 45 00:02:30,391 --> 00:02:33,959 take her out tonight, show her a youthful time. 46 00:02:33,994 --> 00:02:36,328 Show her what she'll be missing by marrying some old fart. 47 00:02:36,362 --> 00:02:38,129 - We can do that. - I can't. 48 00:02:38,164 --> 00:02:40,398 I finally became unconstipated creatively. 49 00:02:40,432 --> 00:02:42,466 - Only took about a year. - Okay, all right. 50 00:02:42,500 --> 00:02:44,401 Then it's up to you, Jonathan. 51 00:02:44,435 --> 00:02:46,903 Please take her dancing, you know, have an adventure, 52 00:02:46,937 --> 00:02:49,171 go to Coney Island-- anything-- 53 00:02:49,206 --> 00:02:51,740 like a date, but platonic. 54 00:02:51,775 --> 00:02:53,542 Okay. I'm good at platonic. 55 00:02:53,576 --> 00:02:57,011 It's my default sexual setting after nervous. 56 00:02:57,046 --> 00:02:58,479 Thank you. 57 00:03:02,050 --> 00:03:04,284 What are you working on, sweetheart? 58 00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:06,886 I finally made a breakthrough on "Super Ray 2." 59 00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,921 His son super Spencer 60 00:03:08,955 --> 00:03:12,223 is kidnapped by the emasculator-- 61 00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:14,859 Kind of a half-woman, half-plant. 62 00:03:14,894 --> 00:03:17,294 She looks like a Georgia O'Keefe painting, 63 00:03:17,329 --> 00:03:19,129 except when you punch her, 64 00:03:19,164 --> 00:03:21,464 she gives you a urinary tract infection. 65 00:03:21,499 --> 00:03:24,167 Okay, you know what you're doing. 66 00:03:24,201 --> 00:03:25,902 You know, just work a few more minutes 67 00:03:25,936 --> 00:03:27,803 and then get started on your chores. 68 00:03:27,838 --> 00:03:29,805 Look, can you do them today? 69 00:03:29,839 --> 00:03:32,540 I'm feeling, like, really potent and thick. 70 00:03:32,575 --> 00:03:35,009 It's like my pencil is Ron Jeremy. 71 00:03:35,044 --> 00:03:37,478 Usually I'm like this, 72 00:03:37,512 --> 00:03:40,981 but today I'm more like just right on target, 73 00:03:41,015 --> 00:03:42,915 like just really banging it out. 74 00:03:42,950 --> 00:03:44,916 Yeah, but Ray, that's not fair. 75 00:03:44,951 --> 00:03:46,584 I work all week and today is my day 76 00:03:46,619 --> 00:03:48,519 to just be with the girls. You know that. 77 00:03:48,553 --> 00:03:50,687 But I want to draw! 78 00:03:55,992 --> 00:03:57,826 Oh God. 79 00:04:01,831 --> 00:04:03,265 Ow! God! 80 00:04:10,873 --> 00:04:13,041 Ow! God. 81 00:04:26,454 --> 00:04:28,589 Slimming. 82 00:04:40,301 --> 00:04:42,503 New York is so lit up. 83 00:04:42,537 --> 00:04:44,405 I guess everyone's afraid of the dark, 84 00:04:44,439 --> 00:04:46,340 but it's a great view. 85 00:04:46,375 --> 00:04:49,944 Yeah, it's great, but only a young person like me 86 00:04:49,978 --> 00:04:52,514 would live above a clock that makes the whole apartment shake. 87 00:04:52,548 --> 00:04:54,448 - Wait, what? - You'll see. 88 00:04:54,483 --> 00:04:57,485 In a minute this place will have a case of delirium tremens. 89 00:04:57,519 --> 00:05:00,654 - Want a glass of wine? - Oh no, thanks. Just water. 90 00:05:00,689 --> 00:05:02,890 I'm sorry I don't have anything else to offer you. 91 00:05:02,924 --> 00:05:06,426 As a youthful bachelor, I live off white wine and avocados. 92 00:05:06,461 --> 00:05:07,661 Thanks. 93 00:05:07,696 --> 00:05:11,298 - ( Gears clank ) - Whoa oh. 94 00:05:11,332 --> 00:05:13,266 You know, you look a lot like George. 95 00:05:13,300 --> 00:05:15,268 I can see him hidden in your features. 96 00:05:15,302 --> 00:05:17,203 - Really? - You know, we're very close. 97 00:05:17,237 --> 00:05:19,404 He's like a father to me, which I kind of need. 98 00:05:19,439 --> 00:05:22,608 I'm searching for my biological dad, but the trail's gone cold. 99 00:05:22,642 --> 00:05:24,376 Oh, but aren't you a private detective? 100 00:05:24,411 --> 00:05:26,312 I saw your ad on Craigslist. 101 00:05:26,346 --> 00:05:27,680 Your slogan was funny. 102 00:05:27,714 --> 00:05:29,748 - But I don't have a slogan. - Yeah, you do. 103 00:05:29,783 --> 00:05:32,051 "Need a dick?" 104 00:05:32,118 --> 00:05:34,386 ( Chuckles ) That is catchy, 105 00:05:34,421 --> 00:05:35,955 but it's not mine. 106 00:05:35,989 --> 00:05:38,857 No, look. 107 00:05:46,367 --> 00:05:48,367 Oh my God. 108 00:05:48,402 --> 00:05:50,536 I have a double. 109 00:05:52,973 --> 00:05:55,074 The girls are all tucked in. 110 00:05:55,109 --> 00:05:56,609 That's good. 111 00:05:56,644 --> 00:06:00,480 Ray, is this the wrapping from the chicken? 112 00:06:00,514 --> 00:06:02,482 Yeah. Why? 113 00:06:02,516 --> 00:06:05,350 You took the sticker off an apple. 114 00:06:05,385 --> 00:06:07,252 Well, yeah, uh, 115 00:06:07,287 --> 00:06:09,821 the apple is organic, so... 116 00:06:09,856 --> 00:06:12,690 You let the girls eat a factory-farmed chicken? 117 00:06:12,725 --> 00:06:16,127 That's in their perfect bellies right now? 118 00:06:16,161 --> 00:06:18,195 My back was spasming. I couldn't walk 119 00:06:18,230 --> 00:06:20,164 the extra block to trader Joe's. I'm sorry. 120 00:06:20,198 --> 00:06:22,633 I can't believe this. You poisoned them. 121 00:06:22,668 --> 00:06:25,903 You know I don't allow any industrial food in their bodies. 122 00:06:25,938 --> 00:06:28,005 - Leah, I-- - You put hormones into them. 123 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:29,740 And I showed you that article 124 00:06:29,774 --> 00:06:32,042 on early breast development. What were you thinking? 125 00:06:32,077 --> 00:06:35,212 I don't think one industrialized chicken is gonna set off puberty. 126 00:06:35,246 --> 00:06:37,347 I didn't start developing breasts until I was-- 127 00:06:37,382 --> 00:06:39,316 I was in my 30s. Yeah, I was in my 30s. 128 00:06:39,350 --> 00:06:41,985 Ray, the one thing you're supposed to do is shop for organic food 129 00:06:42,020 --> 00:06:43,787 and clean the house. That was our agreement. 130 00:06:43,822 --> 00:06:45,389 I do. That's all I do. 131 00:06:45,423 --> 00:06:48,525 You know, I don't even get drunk anymore. I only get stoned. 132 00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:49,893 I didn't draw super Ray today. 133 00:06:49,928 --> 00:06:52,796 I only hang out with Jonathan three times a week. 134 00:06:52,831 --> 00:06:55,165 I'm sick of being a park slope mom. 135 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:57,501 Well, that's because you're not a park slope man. 136 00:06:57,535 --> 00:07:00,404 Son of a bitch. ( Mutters ) 137 00:07:00,438 --> 00:07:03,508 Did you just call me a bitch? 138 00:07:03,542 --> 00:07:05,343 No, but I would like to. 139 00:07:05,377 --> 00:07:06,544 Get out! 140 00:07:06,579 --> 00:07:09,180 Leah, ow! My back! 141 00:07:09,215 --> 00:07:11,181 - You called me a bitch. - No, I didn't. 142 00:07:11,216 --> 00:07:13,617 I said I would like to. There's a huge difference. 143 00:07:13,652 --> 00:07:16,621 Please leave. I need some space. 144 00:07:26,298 --> 00:07:28,597 I just wanted to say that I'm sorry 145 00:07:28,632 --> 00:07:32,800 and that I'll try to be 146 00:07:32,834 --> 00:07:35,469 a better person. 147 00:07:37,572 --> 00:07:39,707 Okay? 148 00:07:41,676 --> 00:07:43,577 This restaurant isn't open yet, 149 00:07:43,612 --> 00:07:46,547 so this is sort of a preview, like a Broadway show, 150 00:07:46,581 --> 00:07:49,983 you know, like "Spider-man" or "Cats." 151 00:07:50,018 --> 00:07:52,352 You know, as a TS Eliot fan, 152 00:07:52,387 --> 00:07:55,189 I have to say I did love "Cats" when it first came out. 153 00:07:55,223 --> 00:07:57,758 Yeah, there was a lot of pussy in that show, huh? 154 00:07:57,792 --> 00:08:00,260 - ( Chuckles ) - Bernard. 155 00:08:00,294 --> 00:08:02,662 What? I thought this was gonna be a boys' night out. 156 00:08:02,697 --> 00:08:06,133 Emily told me that you like dirty jokes, so-- I don't know. 157 00:08:06,167 --> 00:08:07,634 Well, here we are. 158 00:08:07,669 --> 00:08:10,637 Yeah, do you mind if I take a quick hit of pot? 159 00:08:10,672 --> 00:08:12,239 It makes the food better. 160 00:08:12,273 --> 00:08:15,742 Well, no. Actual-- no, act-- actually I do mind. 161 00:08:15,776 --> 00:08:17,811 See, Emily loves to smell me 162 00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:19,879 and I want to respect her sobriety. 163 00:08:19,914 --> 00:08:22,616 I just-- I can't have pot smoke all over my clothing. 164 00:08:22,650 --> 00:08:24,417 She won't smell anything. Just-- 165 00:08:24,452 --> 00:08:26,420 no, George, George, George, please. 166 00:08:26,454 --> 00:08:28,822 Emily would like you to be more attuned, 167 00:08:28,856 --> 00:08:31,157 like a shaman, to her issues. 168 00:08:31,192 --> 00:08:33,593 That's why we came here-- for you to know her again. 169 00:08:33,627 --> 00:08:36,429 All right, all right. Okay okay, no pot. Just quit preaching. 170 00:08:36,463 --> 00:08:39,532 - I'm not preaching. - Let's go in. 171 00:08:39,566 --> 00:08:42,201 Funny-- This sign looks just like my sign. 172 00:08:42,236 --> 00:08:45,171 ( Jazz piano playing ) 173 00:08:51,178 --> 00:08:54,413 George, what a surprise. 174 00:08:54,447 --> 00:08:56,415 Jesus, you look gaunt. 175 00:08:56,450 --> 00:08:59,552 Is the gruel you're serving at George on Jane making you sick? 176 00:08:59,586 --> 00:09:01,487 Who's your boyfriend? 177 00:09:01,521 --> 00:09:03,756 Oh, Bernard, Antrem. 178 00:09:03,790 --> 00:09:05,724 Antrem, Bernard. What are you doing here? 179 00:09:05,759 --> 00:09:07,726 What, are you having a mini stroke or something? 180 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:10,563 I'm the Richard in Richard & sons, you addled old sissy. 181 00:09:12,433 --> 00:09:14,400 Thanks for doing this. After I confront him, 182 00:09:14,468 --> 00:09:16,402 we can go to this magic show in Williamsburg, 183 00:09:16,436 --> 00:09:17,937 which will be very youthful. 184 00:09:17,971 --> 00:09:21,440 Why do you keep emphasizing that we're gonna do youthful things? 185 00:09:21,474 --> 00:09:23,208 Oh, Jonathan Ames? 186 00:09:23,243 --> 00:09:26,245 Sometimes. How can I help you, blondie? 187 00:09:26,279 --> 00:09:28,614 Who are you? Why are you impersonating me? 188 00:09:28,648 --> 00:09:30,416 I was wondering when you might show up. 189 00:09:30,450 --> 00:09:34,219 I would love to talk to you sometime, fish bait, but I'm busy. 190 00:09:34,253 --> 00:09:36,822 Fish bait? What do you mean, you're busy? Explain yourself. 191 00:09:36,856 --> 00:09:38,990 You can't just walk away from me. You've stolen my name. 192 00:09:39,024 --> 00:09:42,325 Another time, skin tag. I'm on a case and I don't want to be late-- 193 00:09:42,359 --> 00:09:45,528 Won't be good for our reputation. 194 00:09:45,562 --> 00:09:49,632 You're on a case? But you're Wearinga Windbre. 195 00:09:49,667 --> 00:09:52,268 ♪ Nothing's too good for my baby ♪ 196 00:09:52,302 --> 00:09:53,736 ♪ for my baby ♪ 197 00:09:53,770 --> 00:09:56,572 ♪ 'cause baby is so good and kind to me... ♪ 198 00:09:56,606 --> 00:09:58,474 Hey-- 199 00:09:59,810 --> 00:10:02,077 Aren't you that good-looking kid 200 00:10:02,112 --> 00:10:05,114 who was looking for his girlfriend's dog? 201 00:10:05,149 --> 00:10:07,617 Yeah, don't rub it in. 202 00:10:07,651 --> 00:10:08,985 Why? What's the matter? 203 00:10:09,020 --> 00:10:10,921 She kicked me out of the house. 204 00:10:12,424 --> 00:10:15,727 Mind if I join you then? 205 00:10:15,761 --> 00:10:18,230 You're blue. I'm lonely. 206 00:10:18,264 --> 00:10:20,032 We could sing a duet. 207 00:10:20,066 --> 00:10:22,001 Sure. 208 00:10:22,035 --> 00:10:23,503 - There you go. - Thanks. 209 00:10:23,537 --> 00:10:25,137 Yeah. 210 00:10:25,171 --> 00:10:27,605 Another Bailey's for me, neat. And a-- 211 00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:30,909 - Whiskey. - Whiskey for handsome here. 212 00:10:32,045 --> 00:10:34,347 I can't believe I have an impersonator. 213 00:10:34,381 --> 00:10:36,249 Why isn't he trying harder to look like me? 214 00:10:36,283 --> 00:10:38,251 How do you know he isn't trying? 215 00:10:38,286 --> 00:10:40,053 We don't know what he looked like before. 216 00:10:40,088 --> 00:10:42,289 Good point. I'm sorry if we miss this magic show, 217 00:10:42,324 --> 00:10:44,292 but I gotta figure out what this nut is up to. 218 00:10:44,326 --> 00:10:46,594 Oh no, are you kidding me? This is much more exciting. 219 00:10:46,629 --> 00:10:48,730 I feel really stimulated. 220 00:10:48,765 --> 00:10:50,065 Good. I love following people. 221 00:10:50,099 --> 00:10:52,067 When I do it, I pretend like I'm a spy. 222 00:10:52,102 --> 00:10:54,737 Wait, you're a private detective who pretends that he's a spy? 223 00:10:54,772 --> 00:10:57,374 Yeah, it's like wearing layers in the winter, but with fantasy. 224 00:10:57,408 --> 00:10:59,276 - Quit following me, gumshoe! - Whoa whoa whoa! 225 00:10:59,310 --> 00:11:01,011 How did you know we were--? 226 00:11:01,045 --> 00:11:03,344 Where did you even learn to be a detective? 227 00:11:03,378 --> 00:11:06,143 - I read your book. - Really? Did you like it? 228 00:11:06,178 --> 00:11:09,308 So-so. Your endings are weak and I found a typo. 229 00:11:09,342 --> 00:11:11,308 My endings are intentionally vague. 230 00:11:11,342 --> 00:11:12,809 But one book isn't enough training. 231 00:11:12,843 --> 00:11:15,177 I read all of hammett and Chandler before I went professional. 232 00:11:15,212 --> 00:11:17,179 All right, lord it over me, ass rash, 233 00:11:17,214 --> 00:11:20,450 but you and the frail better quit trailing me. I don't like it. 234 00:11:20,484 --> 00:11:22,085 Tough shit. We're coming on the case. 235 00:11:22,119 --> 00:11:24,119 All right, but only because 236 00:11:24,154 --> 00:11:26,123 it'll be nice to have a broad on a stakeout. 237 00:11:26,157 --> 00:11:28,293 It'll help pass the time. 238 00:11:28,327 --> 00:11:30,896 We can play "spin the dame." 239 00:11:32,332 --> 00:11:35,935 I can't believe Antrem is cultivating salman rushdie. 240 00:11:35,970 --> 00:11:38,004 I mean, he's my number-one customer. 241 00:11:38,038 --> 00:11:40,606 He loves our line-caught striped bass. 242 00:11:40,641 --> 00:11:42,275 You should never have brought me here. 243 00:11:42,309 --> 00:11:43,976 Look, I'm sorry. I didn't know. 244 00:11:44,011 --> 00:11:45,645 George Christopher, welcome. 245 00:11:45,679 --> 00:11:49,315 Oh, please tell me that Jonathan hasn't infected the premises. 246 00:11:49,349 --> 00:11:51,617 - Has he? - No no, he's not here. 247 00:11:51,652 --> 00:11:54,987 But what are you doing, Louis? I don't understand the costume. 248 00:11:55,022 --> 00:11:57,590 I know it's unusual to see me in such a reduced station, 249 00:11:57,624 --> 00:12:00,626 but Richard was good enough to hire me under the work release program 250 00:12:00,661 --> 00:12:04,297 after I was arrested for vandalizing the "dick Cavett" set. 251 00:12:04,331 --> 00:12:06,298 Oh, well, I'm sorry-- sorry about that. 252 00:12:06,333 --> 00:12:08,334 But let me ask you something: 253 00:12:08,368 --> 00:12:11,103 Why is this place called Richard & sons? 254 00:12:11,138 --> 00:12:12,771 Antrem doesn't have any children. 255 00:12:12,806 --> 00:12:15,040 No, that's true, but he's always wanted male heirs 256 00:12:15,075 --> 00:12:17,042 and I think Richard and I both agree 257 00:12:17,077 --> 00:12:20,212 that I fulfill the role of son in Richard & sons. 258 00:12:20,246 --> 00:12:23,048 I'm sorry to be a fussbudget, but it's plural-- sons. 259 00:12:23,082 --> 00:12:25,050 Yes, we're also thinking about adopting 260 00:12:25,084 --> 00:12:26,752 one of the Filipino busboys, you know, 261 00:12:26,786 --> 00:12:28,387 to complete the family. And tax purposes. 262 00:12:28,421 --> 00:12:30,255 What did I say about talking to guests? 263 00:12:30,290 --> 00:12:32,558 Sorry, Richard. Excuse me, gentlemen. 264 00:12:32,592 --> 00:12:35,527 I've got to go verbally lash my coworkers. 265 00:12:35,561 --> 00:12:36,828 Out of my way! 266 00:12:36,863 --> 00:12:38,597 Excuse me! 267 00:12:38,631 --> 00:12:40,298 He's a good boy. 268 00:12:40,333 --> 00:12:43,268 I love humiliating him. You can see how deep it cuts. 269 00:12:43,302 --> 00:12:46,471 Richard, why did you open a restaurant? 270 00:12:46,506 --> 00:12:50,041 Saw what you did. Hated it. Thought I could do better. 271 00:12:50,076 --> 00:12:52,344 - That's not very pleasant. - I'll handle this. 272 00:12:52,378 --> 00:12:55,413 You know, that wasn't very pleasant. 273 00:12:55,448 --> 00:12:58,683 You know something? You're nothing but a copycat. 274 00:12:58,717 --> 00:13:00,685 That's pretty tough talk for someone 275 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:02,654 who has to go 100 miles to get his radicchio. 276 00:13:02,688 --> 00:13:03,989 What's that supposed to mean? 277 00:13:04,023 --> 00:13:06,091 All of our produce and proteins 278 00:13:06,125 --> 00:13:08,627 come from within 50 miles of New York. 279 00:13:08,661 --> 00:13:11,162 And you claim 100. Do the math. 280 00:13:11,197 --> 00:13:13,331 I'm gonna dominate the artisanal scene. 281 00:13:13,365 --> 00:13:15,900 50 miles? Well, that's not possible. 282 00:13:15,935 --> 00:13:18,303 Looks like lover boy needs a drink. 283 00:13:21,273 --> 00:13:23,207 This is bad. 284 00:13:23,242 --> 00:13:25,643 This is very bad. 285 00:13:32,718 --> 00:13:34,852 Oh my God, that's obscene. 286 00:13:34,886 --> 00:13:36,954 This is a really good case. 287 00:13:36,988 --> 00:13:39,826 - I want to look. - No, it's too upsetting. Are you a member of PETA? 288 00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:43,196 Don't protect her. She's a grown woman. What are you, a c cup? 289 00:13:43,231 --> 00:13:46,766 Oh, don't be rude. And you, don't stop me. I want to look. 290 00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:50,270 Oh yeah, mm-hmm. 291 00:13:50,304 --> 00:13:52,805 That doesn't bother me. I used to be a plushie. 292 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:56,109 - Really? - Yeah, I've had a lot of phases. 293 00:13:56,143 --> 00:13:58,011 That's good. I like troubled women-- 294 00:13:58,045 --> 00:14:00,046 Mas 'em needy. 295 00:14:00,081 --> 00:14:01,915 So what's the plan? 296 00:14:01,950 --> 00:14:04,652 I gotta get a picture of that horny tiger with his helmet off. 297 00:14:04,686 --> 00:14:06,554 That's the one I'm trying to catch in the act. 298 00:14:06,588 --> 00:14:08,622 - Who hired you? - Tiger's boyfriend. 299 00:14:08,656 --> 00:14:11,257 He's a handsome power bottom, but not a plushie. 300 00:14:11,291 --> 00:14:14,759 Tiger over there was supposed to give up his taste Tor the fur. 301 00:14:14,793 --> 00:14:18,027 - I've worked these kinds of cases. - Yeah? 302 00:14:18,062 --> 00:14:20,963 Well, the only thing to do now is wait. 303 00:14:20,964 --> 00:14:23,498 That's one way to go about it 304 00:14:23,532 --> 00:14:25,835 well, the only thing what's the other way? 305 00:14:25,869 --> 00:14:29,872 - We could-- - ( Chuckles ) 306 00:14:29,906 --> 00:14:31,974 This is how real detectives pass the time. 307 00:14:32,008 --> 00:14:34,509 Want a hit, dollface? It'll improve my looks. 308 00:14:34,543 --> 00:14:37,044 - Um, no, thank you. - I'll have some. 309 00:14:37,078 --> 00:14:39,779 I've also got pot, which is another way 310 00:14:39,814 --> 00:14:43,048 that real detectives pass the time. 311 00:14:49,454 --> 00:14:51,788 I'm on supervised visits with my son. 312 00:14:51,822 --> 00:14:54,290 I only get to play with him in front of his mother. 313 00:14:54,324 --> 00:14:58,326 ( Sighs ) I have no income and my art career is shit. 314 00:14:58,361 --> 00:15:00,495 And my girlfriend hates me. 315 00:15:00,529 --> 00:15:03,634 I feel for you, Ray. You got nothing going for you. 316 00:15:03,668 --> 00:15:06,541 - Well, I-- - It's like a bad run in cards. 317 00:15:06,575 --> 00:15:08,613 But these things pass. 318 00:15:08,648 --> 00:15:10,585 And then you get a good run. 319 00:15:10,619 --> 00:15:12,920 But I know when you're losing, 320 00:15:12,955 --> 00:15:16,057 it feels like you're gonna lose forever. 321 00:15:17,092 --> 00:15:19,193 Yeah, that's where I am right now-- 322 00:15:19,227 --> 00:15:22,396 All bad cards. Plus I have back spasms. 323 00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:24,632 I had a streak like yours in my 40s. 324 00:15:24,666 --> 00:15:26,834 My husband nat got drunk one night 325 00:15:26,869 --> 00:15:28,769 and slept with my sister. 326 00:15:28,804 --> 00:15:30,438 She was having a breakdown, 327 00:15:30,472 --> 00:15:33,173 going haywire, wasn't thinking clearly. 328 00:15:33,207 --> 00:15:37,477 And he-- he was a man. 329 00:15:37,511 --> 00:15:39,679 I understand. 330 00:15:50,692 --> 00:15:52,926 That tiger's head has a functional mouth, 331 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:54,994 so I don't think he's ever gonna remove it. 332 00:15:55,029 --> 00:15:56,429 He will. After he comes, 333 00:15:56,464 --> 00:15:58,431 he'll lose interest and take the head off. 334 00:15:58,465 --> 00:16:00,800 Underneath that costume is a man. 335 00:16:00,868 --> 00:16:02,402 What's that supposed to mean? 336 00:16:02,436 --> 00:16:04,404 After an orgasm, the male, 337 00:16:04,438 --> 00:16:07,007 even a plushofile, just wants to move on. 338 00:16:07,041 --> 00:16:10,177 Kiss me a few times and I'll prove my theory to you. 339 00:16:10,212 --> 00:16:11,645 Hey, let's keep this civil. 340 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,747 Yeah, back off, Romeo. I'm engaged. 341 00:16:13,781 --> 00:16:15,483 To this pimple of a preschooler? 342 00:16:15,517 --> 00:16:17,418 No no, to a much much older man. 343 00:16:17,453 --> 00:16:21,455 - Wha--? - I'm sorry. I'm stoned. 344 00:16:21,490 --> 00:16:23,257 That's what George told me. 345 00:16:23,291 --> 00:16:24,892 Oh my God. 346 00:16:24,926 --> 00:16:27,061 Ugh, my dad is such a jerk. 347 00:16:27,095 --> 00:16:30,063 What exactly did he say about Bernard? 348 00:16:30,098 --> 00:16:32,566 Nothing. Just that he's older 349 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,400 and that he wanted me to show you 350 00:16:34,435 --> 00:16:38,304 a youthful good time and that's it. 351 00:16:38,338 --> 00:16:39,771 Bullshit. 352 00:16:39,806 --> 00:16:42,041 As somebody with borderline personality disorder, 353 00:16:42,075 --> 00:16:44,643 I'm like a human polygraph and I can tell you're lying. 354 00:16:44,677 --> 00:16:46,945 Forget that. What else did George say? 355 00:16:46,980 --> 00:16:48,647 I really want you to tell me. 356 00:16:48,682 --> 00:16:50,449 You have to tell me. 357 00:16:50,483 --> 00:16:53,519 Otherwise I'll just make it up and it'll probably be worse. 358 00:16:53,553 --> 00:16:56,655 He's just very concerned about you having children. 359 00:16:56,690 --> 00:17:00,659 He said that you were talking about your ripe plums-- 360 00:17:00,693 --> 00:17:03,128 He talked about my plums? 361 00:17:03,162 --> 00:17:04,229 Yes, but in a loving way. 362 00:17:04,263 --> 00:17:08,734 Ugh! Grr! Fuck him! 363 00:17:08,768 --> 00:17:12,839 Sweetheart, your dad sounds like a real perv. 364 00:17:12,873 --> 00:17:16,543 But you do have gorgeous plums. I love a C cup. 365 00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:18,979 Just take a slug and relax. 366 00:17:19,014 --> 00:17:20,681 It'll be good for you. 367 00:17:22,450 --> 00:17:24,385 Ugh! 368 00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:28,055 ( Snaps fingers ) Now we're on a stakeout. 369 00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:30,391 ( Jazz piano playing ) 370 00:17:31,794 --> 00:17:34,496 We might as well be sitting in the kitchen. 371 00:17:34,530 --> 00:17:37,398 Oh, George, I'm so sorry about all this. 372 00:17:37,433 --> 00:17:40,134 I wanted us to have a good time. 373 00:17:40,168 --> 00:17:42,502 I want you to like me. I like you. 374 00:17:42,537 --> 00:17:44,705 Look, I don't care about that right now. 375 00:17:44,739 --> 00:17:46,740 I'm trying to observe the competition. 376 00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:49,076 If Antrem gets the artisanal crowd, 377 00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:50,945 it could be the end of George on Jane. 378 00:17:50,979 --> 00:17:54,547 It'd be the end of me, because stupidly I invested all my money in it. 379 00:17:54,582 --> 00:17:57,783 ( Glass clinking ) 380 00:17:57,817 --> 00:18:00,085 Can I have your attention, please? 381 00:18:00,119 --> 00:18:01,886 Thank you so much for coming 382 00:18:01,921 --> 00:18:04,220 to the opening of Richard & sons. 383 00:18:04,254 --> 00:18:06,189 - As some of you may know... - Do you mind? 384 00:18:06,223 --> 00:18:08,223 We are trying to elevate 385 00:18:08,257 --> 00:18:11,427 New York City's connection with its food. 386 00:18:11,461 --> 00:18:14,763 We promote only truly local fare 387 00:18:14,798 --> 00:18:18,602 grown by vegans and conscientious objectors. 388 00:18:22,573 --> 00:18:24,574 Some restaurants in New York City, 389 00:18:24,609 --> 00:18:27,177 like that salmonella shack geged on Jane, 390 00:18:27,211 --> 00:18:29,980 falsely claim that 100 miles is local. 391 00:18:30,014 --> 00:18:33,016 I say why travel that far 392 00:18:33,051 --> 00:18:36,520 when New York City itself is far greener than that 393 00:18:36,554 --> 00:18:39,223 and itself provides an eco-role-model-- 394 00:18:39,257 --> 00:18:42,893 Oh oh, a rat just ran up my pant leg-- 395 00:18:42,928 --> 00:18:44,328 a large rat. 396 00:18:44,362 --> 00:18:45,796 Oh my God, there it goes! 397 00:18:45,831 --> 00:18:48,499 - Ahh! I think I see it! - Antrem: Everybody calm down. 398 00:18:48,534 --> 00:18:50,635 Something just ran over my foot. 399 00:18:50,669 --> 00:18:52,303 - Fire! - Fire? 400 00:18:52,338 --> 00:18:54,606 - What? - I think the rat's on fire! 401 00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:56,608 Wait. You senile bitch! 402 00:18:56,642 --> 00:18:58,577 There's no fucking rat on fire. 403 00:18:58,611 --> 00:19:01,747 ( Clinking glass ) Assholes! 404 00:19:01,781 --> 00:19:05,083 Tiger is going to the door. 405 00:19:07,053 --> 00:19:09,588 ( Camera shutter clicks ) 406 00:19:09,622 --> 00:19:12,191 Holy shit, threesome. 407 00:19:12,226 --> 00:19:14,194 We could learn something from these dudes. 408 00:19:14,228 --> 00:19:17,130 Mm, let me see, Mr. borderline. 409 00:19:17,165 --> 00:19:18,632 ( Chuckles ) 410 00:19:18,667 --> 00:19:20,601 Here you go. 411 00:19:20,636 --> 00:19:22,537 It's hot when you're dismissive. 412 00:19:22,571 --> 00:19:24,105 - Keep it up. - Yeah. 413 00:19:24,139 --> 00:19:26,642 Nice dance. 414 00:19:26,676 --> 00:19:30,112 Okay, I'm gonna go down to the bar and take a squirt. 415 00:19:30,147 --> 00:19:32,515 Emily? 416 00:19:32,550 --> 00:19:34,585 Are you all right? 417 00:19:34,619 --> 00:19:37,520 Yeah-- yeah, I'm fine. I just have to pee. 418 00:19:37,555 --> 00:19:39,856 Be surto layer the seat with TP. 419 00:19:39,890 --> 00:19:41,857 That place looked nasty. 420 00:19:41,925 --> 00:19:44,292 Gotta keep that hot ass clean. 421 00:19:44,327 --> 00:19:46,828 She's blitzed. I like it. 422 00:19:47,930 --> 00:19:50,899 - This is getting good. - Yeah. 423 00:19:50,933 --> 00:19:53,302 So why exactly are you pretending to be me? 424 00:19:53,337 --> 00:19:56,372 - What do you care? - What do you mean? Of course I care. 425 00:19:56,407 --> 00:19:58,608 I've never had my identity stolen before. 426 00:19:58,642 --> 00:20:00,076 I've never been that popular. 427 00:20:00,111 --> 00:20:01,712 Well, I read about you in the paper 428 00:20:01,746 --> 00:20:03,246 and I figured I could do what you do. 429 00:20:03,281 --> 00:20:05,882 I watch a lot of noir films and I'm on disability. 430 00:20:05,916 --> 00:20:07,783 Jesus, that hardly qualifies you. 431 00:20:07,817 --> 00:20:10,685 - Shut up! - No, I won't shut up. 432 00:20:10,719 --> 00:20:13,455 And as my impostor, I think you should be 433 00:20:13,489 --> 00:20:15,423 a bit more respectful towards me. 434 00:20:15,458 --> 00:20:18,926 All right, all right, don't get your braids in a knot. 435 00:20:18,961 --> 00:20:21,195 Hey, tiger's going back to the door. 436 00:20:21,229 --> 00:20:22,996 This orgy's getting bigger. 437 00:20:24,565 --> 00:20:27,233 Oh my God, that's Emily. 438 00:20:29,369 --> 00:20:31,204 Good girl. W just get out of the way 439 00:20:31,238 --> 00:20:32,972 so I can see his face. 440 00:20:33,007 --> 00:20:35,709 Jonathan: Oh my God, that tiger smacked her! 441 00:20:35,744 --> 00:20:37,445 Let me see. 442 00:20:37,479 --> 00:20:39,214 Oh shit. 443 00:20:39,248 --> 00:20:40,649 Those animals are gonna eat her! 444 00:20:40,683 --> 00:20:42,718 Let's go! We gotta se her! 445 00:20:42,752 --> 00:20:45,254 A mop? 446 00:20:49,860 --> 00:20:52,496 ( Panting ) I'm right behind you. 447 00:20:55,399 --> 00:20:57,600 We didn't mean to hurt her. 448 00:20:57,634 --> 00:20:59,601 ( Panting ) 449 00:20:59,635 --> 00:21:01,334 Holy shit. 450 00:21:01,369 --> 00:21:04,400 Smells like fur and jizz in here. 451 00:21:06,002 --> 00:21:09,237 - ( Munching ) - I like the way you eat. 452 00:21:09,272 --> 00:21:12,173 - You have a nice body. - Thank you. 453 00:21:12,207 --> 00:21:14,274 It's like a fat prick. 454 00:21:14,309 --> 00:21:16,876 That's how my nat was. 455 00:21:16,911 --> 00:21:18,578 I can't eat more. 456 00:21:18,613 --> 00:21:20,547 My girdle's pinching me. 457 00:21:20,581 --> 00:21:22,582 You know what you should try for your back? 458 00:21:22,616 --> 00:21:26,385 Oxycontin. I was on it when I got my new hip. 459 00:21:26,420 --> 00:21:27,920 It's good for the whole body. 460 00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:30,723 I've heard that stuff is great, especially if you snort it. 461 00:21:30,757 --> 00:21:34,493 My girlfriend Rita told me the same thing. 462 00:21:34,527 --> 00:21:37,229 You know, I didn't take all the pills 463 00:21:37,263 --> 00:21:39,731 after the surgery. 464 00:21:39,766 --> 00:21:42,067 You could come back to my place 465 00:21:42,101 --> 00:21:44,836 and have some if you like. 466 00:21:44,871 --> 00:21:48,473 You could call Rita, make it a party? 467 00:21:51,778 --> 00:21:53,979 I'm really sorry about everything. 468 00:21:57,618 --> 00:21:59,586 See you, sugarplums. 469 00:21:59,621 --> 00:22:01,889 I'm sorry it didn't work out. 470 00:22:01,923 --> 00:22:03,992 We did it. 471 00:22:04,026 --> 00:22:06,529 We make a great team-- My brains, your name. 472 00:22:06,564 --> 00:22:10,034 Here's what's gonna happen: You're gonna take down that ad; 473 00:22:10,068 --> 00:22:12,904 You're gonna stop using my name; And I'm never gonna see you again. 474 00:22:12,938 --> 00:22:15,473 Fine! I'm getting out of this racket anyway. 475 00:22:15,508 --> 00:22:18,677 I just needed the 1,000 bucks to get certified as a massage therapist. 476 00:22:18,711 --> 00:22:21,846 You charge $1,000? 477 00:22:26,986 --> 00:22:28,954 Mm, you know, 478 00:22:28,988 --> 00:22:30,956 whenever I'm depressed, 479 00:22:30,990 --> 00:22:34,293 I'm gonna picture Antrem's face as it was tonight. 480 00:22:34,328 --> 00:22:36,863 Even if he drives me out of business, 481 00:22:36,897 --> 00:22:38,898 I will have that to hold onto. 482 00:22:38,933 --> 00:22:40,867 You should know, George, 483 00:22:40,901 --> 00:22:42,802 that if you ever do need a loan 484 00:22:42,836 --> 00:22:45,370 to keep the restaurant going, 485 00:22:45,405 --> 00:22:47,806 I'm here for you, all right? 486 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:49,474 No, I couldn't do that. 487 00:22:49,508 --> 00:22:53,644 I sold my tech company for $150 million. 488 00:22:53,678 --> 00:22:56,213 I only tell you this to reassure you 489 00:22:56,247 --> 00:22:59,382 that I can help you if you need it. 490 00:22:59,416 --> 00:23:00,683 You'd really help me? 491 00:23:00,718 --> 00:23:04,487 Well, anything for my future father-in-law. 492 00:23:06,657 --> 00:23:09,926 - ( Cell phone ringing ) - Oh hey, you know, no cell phones-- 493 00:23:09,961 --> 00:23:12,095 Oh, Emily. She's probably checking up on us. 494 00:23:12,129 --> 00:23:14,263 All right, all right, all right. 495 00:23:14,298 --> 00:23:16,766 Emily. 496 00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:18,800 What? 497 00:23:18,835 --> 00:23:21,268 I'll be right home. 498 00:23:21,302 --> 00:23:25,238 Emily was attacked by a homosexual tiger in Brooklyn. 499 00:23:32,310 --> 00:23:35,246 Emily's perfect Christopher nose is broken. 500 00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:37,181 I'm so sorry, George. 501 00:23:37,216 --> 00:23:40,219 I can't believe that you got her drunk and stoned. 502 00:23:40,253 --> 00:23:43,990 - I mean, she's in AA, Jonathan. - You didn't tell me that. 503 00:23:44,025 --> 00:23:47,693 Well, I'm in denial about her sobriety. 504 00:23:47,727 --> 00:23:49,695 You're supposed to be in denial about her using. 505 00:23:49,729 --> 00:23:52,597 No no no, you know, I trusted you with my daughter. 506 00:23:52,631 --> 00:23:54,065 I followed your instructions. 507 00:23:54,100 --> 00:23:55,967 We had an adventure. I did the best that I could. 508 00:23:56,001 --> 00:23:59,402 No, you didn't. And now she won't talk to me anymore. 509 00:23:59,437 --> 00:24:02,605 I mean, she says I'm a people, place and thing, 510 00:24:02,639 --> 00:24:06,376 which is AA speak for something that causes a relapse. 511 00:24:06,410 --> 00:24:08,745 - Oh, George-- - Don't you understand what happened? 512 00:24:08,780 --> 00:24:10,914 I was rebuilding our relationship 513 00:24:10,948 --> 00:24:13,616 and now I'm not a father anymore. 514 00:24:13,650 --> 00:24:15,083 I'm a trigger. 515 00:24:15,118 --> 00:24:17,019 I'm sorry. Things got out of control. 516 00:24:17,053 --> 00:24:20,890 But you were the one who wanted me to sabotage her engagement with Bernard. 517 00:24:20,924 --> 00:24:23,293 No, not anymore. He's a beautiful person. 518 00:24:23,327 --> 00:24:26,764 But you-- you crossed every line tonight, Jonathan. 519 00:24:26,798 --> 00:24:28,465 Now I just wanted to tell you in person 520 00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:31,402 I'm very very disappointed in you. 521 00:24:31,436 --> 00:24:33,437 That's all. 522 00:24:34,572 --> 00:24:36,206 George, please. 523 00:24:36,241 --> 00:24:37,875 You know something? 524 00:24:37,909 --> 00:24:41,844 Emily's taking a break from me, so I'm taking a break from you. 525 00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:46,115 Wait wait. 526 00:24:46,149 --> 00:24:49,084 You mean like the silent treatment? 527 00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:50,951 ( Mouths ) 528 00:24:56,926 --> 00:24:59,129 ( Snoring ) 529 00:25:09,130 --> 00:25:12,130 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 530 00:25:12,315 --> 00:25:16,150 ♪ I want to be your girlfriend ♪ 531 00:25:17,485 --> 00:25:21,588 ♪ I want to stay up all night talking ♪ 532 00:25:23,024 --> 00:25:27,160 ♪ and cook you breakfast in the morning ♪ 533 00:25:29,597 --> 00:25:33,967 ♪ we could go on missions ♪ 534 00:25:34,001 --> 00:25:38,605 ♪ missions in the falcon ♪ 535 00:25:38,639 --> 00:25:42,942 ♪ to the coast or to dunedin ♪ 536 00:25:44,879 --> 00:25:48,148 ♪ we'll just keep on cruising ♪ 537 00:25:48,182 --> 00:25:50,650 ♪ around ♪ 538 00:25:51,719 --> 00:25:55,454 ♪ why ♪ 539 00:25:55,489 --> 00:26:00,626 ♪ don't we hang out? ♪ 540 00:26:00,660 --> 00:26:05,731 ♪ can't we hang out? ♪ 541 00:26:05,765 --> 00:26:08,199 ♪ can't we hang out? ♪