1 00:00:06,065 --> 00:00:07,535 Massive haul this year. 2 00:00:11,906 --> 00:00:14,447 To candy! 3 00:00:18,300 --> 00:00:22,608 Fee-fi-fo-fum, give me all your candy and gum! 4 00:00:22,676 --> 00:00:24,610 Who are you and why do you want our candy? 5 00:00:24,678 --> 00:00:26,512 Your mother is the switch witch-- 6 00:00:26,580 --> 00:00:28,381 a sort of tooth fairy dealie. 7 00:00:28,448 --> 00:00:31,683 I take your sugary sweets and I give you healthy items. 8 00:00:31,751 --> 00:00:35,586 Plain brown toothbrushes, unflavored dental floss 9 00:00:35,654 --> 00:00:39,556 and fun-sized mouthwashes-- TSA approved. 10 00:00:39,624 --> 00:00:41,757 This is exactly why kids need a union. 11 00:00:46,732 --> 00:00:48,633 Now remember, Homie, that candy goes to... 12 00:00:48,701 --> 00:00:51,036 Our fighting men and women overseas. 13 00:00:51,104 --> 00:00:54,306 It's our way of letting them know we're having fun back here. 14 00:00:54,374 --> 00:00:57,579 No sneaking off and eating that candy yourself. 15 00:00:57,647 --> 00:00:59,715 Marge, you know I'd never do that. 16 00:00:59,783 --> 00:01:02,586 I'm too scared of the evil switch witch. 17 00:01:02,653 --> 00:01:04,722 The switch witch is me. 18 00:01:04,790 --> 00:01:07,993 You know, on some level, I've always known. 19 00:01:09,662 --> 00:01:11,832 ("Flight" from Psycho soundtrack playing) 20 00:01:12,957 --> 00:01:16,457 ♪ The Simpsons 23x03 ♪ Treehouse of Horrors XXII Original Air Date on October 30, 2011 21 00:01:18,432 --> 00:01:21,932 == sync, corrected by elderman == 22 00:01:30,289 --> 00:01:32,658 ♪ I've got candy, skip to my Lou ♪ 23 00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:34,860 ♪ My insulin will spike, that's what it's gonna do ♪ 24 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:37,230 ♪ I'm gonna buy me some diabetic shoes ♪ 25 00:01:37,298 --> 00:01:38,599 ♪ Skip to my Lou my... ♪ 26 00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:42,069 What the...?! 27 00:01:46,374 --> 00:01:48,109 D'oh! 28 00:01:48,176 --> 00:01:49,643 Hello, 911? 29 00:01:49,711 --> 00:01:51,945 I need a helicopter rescue and some cold milk. 30 00:01:52,013 --> 00:01:53,046 Copy that, sir. 31 00:01:53,114 --> 00:01:54,581 We'll be there in 20 minutes. 32 00:01:54,649 --> 00:01:56,650 What?! I can't wait that long for candy! 33 00:01:58,219 --> 00:02:02,589 The only sane thing to do is chew off my arm. 34 00:02:04,893 --> 00:02:07,194 Ow! Ow! 35 00:02:07,262 --> 00:02:10,031 I'm not gonna swallow, 'cause I want to save room for candy. 36 00:02:11,968 --> 00:02:13,836 Oops. 37 00:02:15,438 --> 00:02:16,739 D'oh! 38 00:02:17,941 --> 00:02:19,108 Mm! 39 00:02:19,176 --> 00:02:20,710 I'm really getting the hang of this. 40 00:02:23,549 --> 00:02:25,616 All worth it for candy. 41 00:02:28,988 --> 00:02:32,291 No...! 44 00:02:53,791 --> 00:02:54,724 He opened his eyes! 45 00:02:54,792 --> 00:02:55,959 Mom! 46 00:02:56,027 --> 00:02:57,894 Okay, I'm on the floor. 47 00:02:57,962 --> 00:02:59,996 I can't move. 48 00:03:00,063 --> 00:03:01,798 So far, a normal Sunday morning. 49 00:03:01,866 --> 00:03:04,434 Homie, you're paralyzed. 50 00:03:04,501 --> 00:03:07,370 But we love you and will never give up hope. 51 00:03:07,438 --> 00:03:09,372 Can his funeral be on a school day? 52 00:03:10,541 --> 00:03:11,841 This is so horrible. 53 00:03:11,909 --> 00:03:14,511 I can't speak! 54 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:17,548 How did this happen? 55 00:03:17,615 --> 00:03:19,483 Last thing I remember, 56 00:03:19,551 --> 00:03:23,053 I was decorating the house for Halloween. 57 00:03:24,856 --> 00:03:26,589 Ah, Halloween. 58 00:03:26,657 --> 00:03:28,959 The one time of year when the squalor of our home 59 00:03:29,026 --> 00:03:30,226 works to our advantage. 60 00:03:38,903 --> 00:03:41,003 Where's that spider? Ah. 61 00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:44,007 Squeeze, squeeze! 62 00:03:45,009 --> 00:03:46,442 Squeeze, squeeze! 63 00:03:46,510 --> 00:03:49,112 A real spider would get so mad if I did this. 64 00:03:49,179 --> 00:03:50,713 I wonder if this thing has batteries. 65 00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:54,184 It's alive?! 66 00:03:55,253 --> 00:03:56,453 Ow! 67 00:04:03,027 --> 00:04:05,895 Hmm. Well, at least I still look good. 68 00:04:05,963 --> 00:04:08,798 Okay, handsome, that's enough primping. 69 00:04:08,866 --> 00:04:11,101 Just because you've had a little setback 70 00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:12,669 doesn't mean you can't look your best. 71 00:04:12,737 --> 00:04:14,304 Oh, Marge. 72 00:04:14,372 --> 00:04:18,408 This is the purest love there is patient, supportive... 73 00:04:18,475 --> 00:04:19,442 Ooh, cleavage. 74 00:04:22,947 --> 00:04:24,381 Dad, I'm going to entertain you 75 00:04:24,449 --> 00:04:26,350 with the help of The Brothers Karamazov. 76 00:04:28,153 --> 00:04:31,455 "Alexey Fyodorovitch Karamazov was the third son 77 00:04:31,523 --> 00:04:33,624 "of Fyodor Pavlovitch Karamazov, 78 00:04:33,692 --> 00:04:37,094 "a landowner well known in our district in his own day, 79 00:04:37,162 --> 00:04:38,896 and still remembered among us..." 80 00:04:38,964 --> 00:04:40,398 Oh, my God. 81 00:04:40,465 --> 00:04:42,032 She's still on the first sentence! 82 00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:43,968 Must make her stop. 83 00:04:44,036 --> 00:04:46,304 How to express my... 84 00:04:47,473 --> 00:04:49,307 Dad! Ew. 85 00:04:49,375 --> 00:04:51,676 Anyway, continuing. 86 00:04:51,744 --> 00:04:53,411 "For the present, I will only say 87 00:04:53,479 --> 00:04:55,280 that this 'landowner' for so we--" 88 00:04:56,849 --> 00:04:58,850 Ew! Dad! 89 00:04:58,918 --> 00:05:00,785 Wait a minute. 90 00:05:00,853 --> 00:05:02,887 Can you pass gas at will? 91 00:05:02,955 --> 00:05:04,823 Fart once for no, twice for yes. 92 00:05:06,492 --> 00:05:07,993 Oh, my God! 93 00:05:08,060 --> 00:05:10,295 Do you realize what this means? 94 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,734 Well, it means that you can communicate. 95 00:05:17,804 --> 00:05:19,171 Exactly. 96 00:05:20,807 --> 00:05:23,609 I'll recite the alphabet, and you tell me when to stop. 97 00:05:23,677 --> 00:05:25,077 A, B, C, D... 98 00:05:25,979 --> 00:05:28,115 Okay, first letter, D. 99 00:05:28,182 --> 00:05:29,116 Next letter. 100 00:05:29,184 --> 00:05:30,484 A, B, C, D, E... 101 00:05:31,553 --> 00:05:33,120 "D, E." 102 00:05:33,188 --> 00:05:34,288 Amazing! 103 00:05:34,356 --> 00:05:35,789 Oh, but before we continue. 104 00:05:38,660 --> 00:05:40,528 Okay. 105 00:05:40,595 --> 00:05:41,595 A... 106 00:05:41,663 --> 00:05:43,431 "D, E, A." 107 00:05:43,498 --> 00:05:45,833 "Dearest Marge, though my body 108 00:05:45,901 --> 00:05:47,168 "cannot move, my heart still beats 109 00:05:47,235 --> 00:05:48,402 "and my brain still brains. 110 00:05:49,504 --> 00:05:50,838 "I miss holding you in my arms 111 00:05:50,906 --> 00:05:53,173 "more than my butt can say. 112 00:05:55,076 --> 00:05:56,743 "Perhaps someday there will be a cure. 113 00:05:56,811 --> 00:05:58,278 "Although if it requires 114 00:05:58,346 --> 00:06:01,147 "months of difficult physical therapy, I'll pass. 115 00:06:01,215 --> 00:06:02,849 "You are the shining light 116 00:06:02,916 --> 00:06:04,684 "that gets me through my darkest hours. 117 00:06:04,751 --> 00:06:08,153 "For further communication, I will require more beans. 118 00:06:08,221 --> 00:06:09,387 I love you." 119 00:06:09,455 --> 00:06:11,489 Oh, Homie. 120 00:06:12,524 --> 00:06:13,524 Shh-shh-shh. 121 00:06:13,592 --> 00:06:16,193 Don't say a word. 122 00:06:17,662 --> 00:06:19,829 I guess my life isn't so bad. 123 00:06:19,897 --> 00:06:21,131 With the help of my loving family, 124 00:06:21,198 --> 00:06:22,532 I even published my first book. 125 00:06:24,836 --> 00:06:26,670 And I've finally reached a state of serenity and-- 126 00:06:28,005 --> 00:06:30,474 Another spider! 127 00:06:35,613 --> 00:06:37,214 What's this bite gonna do? 128 00:06:38,383 --> 00:06:40,385 My wrists are tingling. 129 00:06:40,452 --> 00:06:42,954 I feel new powers surging within me! 130 00:06:51,998 --> 00:06:53,299 He's got the proportionate strength 131 00:06:53,367 --> 00:06:54,867 of a paralyzed spider! 132 00:06:56,537 --> 00:06:59,940 Forget paying for my kid's operation. I'm out of here! 133 00:07:03,010 --> 00:07:05,579 They say no two ass-webs are the same. 134 00:07:05,646 --> 00:07:07,347 Beautiful in its way. 135 00:07:09,116 --> 00:07:12,351 You want to go home and celebrate? 136 00:07:15,522 --> 00:07:16,355 Whoo! 137 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:23,029 I wish I could move like him. 138 00:07:31,211 --> 00:07:33,478 Springfield, my hometown. 139 00:07:33,546 --> 00:07:34,746 Pretty little place. 140 00:07:34,814 --> 00:07:37,015 Although, even the Garden of Eden 141 00:07:37,083 --> 00:07:39,951 could use a nice cleansing rain now and then. 142 00:07:41,020 --> 00:07:42,187 My money's on the kid. 143 00:07:46,893 --> 00:07:48,327 Hey, whiskers. 144 00:07:48,395 --> 00:07:49,729 Want to party? 145 00:07:49,796 --> 00:07:52,364 Spend less time on your back and more time on your knees. 146 00:07:52,432 --> 00:07:53,532 Hmm? 147 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:57,069 Have I lost my back-alley beauty? 148 00:07:57,137 --> 00:08:00,606 Well, those who can't do, teach. 149 00:08:05,346 --> 00:08:06,412 No more distractions. 150 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:07,813 I have work to do. 151 00:08:52,592 --> 00:08:55,093 All these years, I thought murder was a sin. 152 00:08:55,161 --> 00:08:57,429 Then I got new instructions from the good Lord Himself 153 00:08:57,497 --> 00:08:59,699 in his favorite language-- English. 154 00:08:59,766 --> 00:09:01,186 Slay Montgomery Burns 155 00:09:01,211 --> 00:09:03,266 and pee in his ashes! 156 00:09:03,370 --> 00:09:04,904 Are you sure, Lord? 157 00:09:04,972 --> 00:09:07,573 If you're having trouble with the second part, 158 00:09:07,641 --> 00:09:09,341 drink a lot of water. 159 00:09:09,409 --> 00:09:11,377 Now I've got to go. 160 00:09:11,444 --> 00:09:14,880 A hip-hop star is thanking me at the VMAs. 161 00:09:25,057 --> 00:09:27,058 And so white-bread Ned 162 00:09:27,126 --> 00:09:29,260 became the avenging sword of the Lord. 163 00:09:40,839 --> 00:09:42,841 Peter, Andrew, James the Greater, James the Lesser, 164 00:09:42,908 --> 00:09:44,108 John, Philip, Thaddeus. 165 00:09:46,279 --> 00:09:48,113 Heavenly Father, I-- 166 00:09:48,180 --> 00:09:49,548 Quiet, you! 167 00:09:49,615 --> 00:09:52,284 Your next divine whack job is a twofer. 168 00:09:52,351 --> 00:09:56,154 I command you to kill Patty and Selma Bouvier. 169 00:09:56,222 --> 00:09:57,589 Patty and Selma? 170 00:09:57,657 --> 00:10:00,325 Sure they smoke, and they don't shave much of anything, 171 00:10:00,393 --> 00:10:02,160 but do they deserve to die? 172 00:10:02,228 --> 00:10:05,796 Do not question me, the star of the Bible. 173 00:10:05,864 --> 00:10:08,900 Now, on a non-murder- related note, 174 00:10:08,968 --> 00:10:11,302 I want you to find out 175 00:10:11,370 --> 00:10:14,605 what's making that funny noise in Homer Simpson's car. 176 00:10:14,673 --> 00:10:16,474 It's, uh, it's, you know, 177 00:10:16,542 --> 00:10:18,509 it's like a chigga-chigga-chigga-chigga. 178 00:10:18,577 --> 00:10:20,912 But you only hear it when you're driving over 30. 179 00:10:20,979 --> 00:10:23,682 And you never hear it when you take it to the shop. 180 00:10:23,750 --> 00:10:26,585 Then it sounds perfect. 181 00:10:26,653 --> 00:10:28,354 Yes, Lord! 182 00:10:28,422 --> 00:10:30,389 Homer, have you noticed how many of your enemies 183 00:10:30,457 --> 00:10:31,891 have died lately? 184 00:10:31,959 --> 00:10:34,026 Mr. Burns, Sideshow Bob... 185 00:10:34,094 --> 00:10:35,595 You forgot Patty and Selma. 186 00:10:35,662 --> 00:10:37,597 Oh, wait. That hasn't happened yet. 187 00:10:37,665 --> 00:10:39,600 Patty and Selma? 188 00:10:39,667 --> 00:10:41,602 Who's next, Ned Flanders? 189 00:10:41,670 --> 00:10:43,471 Now, how would that work? 190 00:10:43,539 --> 00:10:44,372 Huh? 191 00:10:58,787 --> 00:11:00,721 Okay, stupid Flanders, 192 00:11:00,789 --> 00:11:04,425 first I want you to kill that guy at the ice cream parlor 193 00:11:04,492 --> 00:11:07,595 who gave Homer Simpson a cone that had a little air in it. 194 00:11:07,662 --> 00:11:09,029 Really? 195 00:11:09,097 --> 00:11:10,931 Come on! God does crazy things! 196 00:11:10,999 --> 00:11:12,499 Check your Old Testament. Hey, Dad. 197 00:11:12,567 --> 00:11:15,435 Hey Bart... Uh, I mean, Jesus. 198 00:11:15,503 --> 00:11:18,038 Hey son, you want Flanders to kill anybody? 199 00:11:18,105 --> 00:11:19,372 He's totally in my power. 200 00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:21,141 Well, there's a tall boy in front of me 201 00:11:21,208 --> 00:11:22,342 in class so I can't see the board. 202 00:11:22,410 --> 00:11:24,377 And I sayeth unto you, 203 00:11:24,445 --> 00:11:26,947 slay every tall boy in town! 204 00:11:27,014 --> 00:11:28,148 - Yes! - Yeah! 205 00:11:28,216 --> 00:11:30,083 Homer Simpson! 206 00:11:30,150 --> 00:11:31,951 You made a killer out of me! 207 00:11:32,019 --> 00:11:34,254 Yeah, and what are you gonna do about it? 208 00:11:34,322 --> 00:11:37,190 I'm going to kill you! 209 00:11:37,258 --> 00:11:40,126 - Because of you, I'm going to Hell! - Language. 210 00:11:40,194 --> 00:11:42,262 Hell! Damn! Backside! 211 00:11:42,329 --> 00:11:43,696 Nothing matters anymore! 212 00:11:43,764 --> 00:11:46,699 I'm goin' down and my hand-basket seats two! 213 00:11:46,767 --> 00:11:48,967 Wake up, Flanders! 214 00:11:49,035 --> 00:11:51,937 There is no Hell, and there is no God. 215 00:11:52,004 --> 00:11:54,372 If there were, would He let me do this? 216 00:11:59,578 --> 00:12:01,245 Why you little... 217 00:12:05,716 --> 00:12:07,584 What happened?! 218 00:12:07,651 --> 00:12:10,219 Uh... Flanders killed Homer. 219 00:12:10,287 --> 00:12:11,220 But, but... 220 00:12:11,288 --> 00:12:13,155 But you're God. 221 00:12:13,223 --> 00:12:15,324 Couldn't you make everything the way it was? 222 00:12:15,392 --> 00:12:17,392 Well, I could. 223 00:12:17,460 --> 00:12:20,262 But the big man downstairs wouldn't like it. 224 00:12:22,799 --> 00:12:24,767 Get me a coffee! 225 00:12:24,835 --> 00:12:26,269 Yes, sir. 226 00:12:30,974 --> 00:12:32,575 Could this get any worse? 227 00:12:34,578 --> 00:12:36,612 Honey, come back to bed. 228 00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:38,346 Oh, for cryin' out loud! 229 00:12:49,731 --> 00:12:51,265 People, you are on the most 230 00:12:51,333 --> 00:12:53,901 inhospitable planet in the galaxy. 231 00:12:53,969 --> 00:12:55,603 Extreme temperatures... 232 00:12:55,671 --> 00:12:57,672 vicious indigenous life forms... 233 00:12:57,740 --> 00:13:00,175 Are there any questions? Yes? 234 00:13:00,243 --> 00:13:02,811 - Are we in Kansas anymore? - No. 235 00:13:02,879 --> 00:13:04,446 Well, are we in Nebraska? 236 00:13:04,514 --> 00:13:06,715 No! We... we are not in any state! 237 00:13:06,783 --> 00:13:08,684 Oh, oh, is it Michigan? 238 00:13:08,751 --> 00:13:10,819 Nobody talk anymore! 239 00:13:10,887 --> 00:13:13,888 You will now direct your attention to our C.E.O., 240 00:13:13,956 --> 00:13:15,356 Mr. Krusty the clown. 241 00:13:15,424 --> 00:13:18,693 We are here on this fakakta planet for one reason... 242 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:20,460 Hilarium. 243 00:13:20,528 --> 00:13:23,496 Spray this in an audience and they'll laugh at anything. 244 00:13:23,564 --> 00:13:24,864 And I need some now. 245 00:13:24,932 --> 00:13:27,100 Gotta play a Nazi party rally. 246 00:13:27,168 --> 00:13:29,269 Oh, yeah, they're back. 247 00:13:29,337 --> 00:13:33,040 Our spies will go planet-side, locate said Hilarium 248 00:13:33,108 --> 00:13:35,810 and contact us so that we may begin extraction. 249 00:13:35,877 --> 00:13:39,314 This is a delicate mission that requires utter loyalty. 250 00:13:39,382 --> 00:13:41,183 I can think of no better candidate 251 00:13:41,251 --> 00:13:44,287 than the resentful guy in the wheelchair who has just arrived. 252 00:13:47,024 --> 00:13:50,125 Yes, I think this is gonna work out just fine. 253 00:13:52,829 --> 00:13:54,797 All strapped in? 254 00:13:54,865 --> 00:13:56,132 Yep. 255 00:13:57,968 --> 00:14:01,536 Now prepare to take an incredible journey across the room! 256 00:14:05,607 --> 00:14:07,007 Yo. 257 00:14:13,949 --> 00:14:17,419 Whoa! Check out this bitchin' bod! 258 00:14:17,487 --> 00:14:19,789 Oh, man, if I could just have 259 00:14:19,857 --> 00:14:21,992 five minutes alone with my old bullies... 260 00:14:22,059 --> 00:14:23,393 Hey, avaturd. 261 00:14:23,461 --> 00:14:24,594 Are you guys gonna beat me up? 262 00:14:24,662 --> 00:14:25,796 Naw, we can't. 263 00:14:25,864 --> 00:14:28,299 These avatars cost $80 billion each. 264 00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:31,135 But your human body costs nothing. 265 00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:50,023 Come on, let's bond, you stupid jerk. 266 00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:53,894 That's a Japanese outlet, Bart. You need an adapter. 267 00:14:57,465 --> 00:14:59,232 Oh, maybe I'll just take a taxi. 268 00:14:59,300 --> 00:15:00,534 Where you go? Where you go? 269 00:15:00,601 --> 00:15:01,835 No meter, is cheaper, yeah? 270 00:15:01,903 --> 00:15:03,036 No, thanks. 271 00:15:03,104 --> 00:15:05,338 Suit yourself, you one-eyed bastard. 272 00:15:07,141 --> 00:15:09,309 Naw, the only thing that looks good on this stupid planet 273 00:15:09,377 --> 00:15:10,243 are the bananas. 274 00:15:12,613 --> 00:15:13,580 Hmm?! 275 00:15:13,648 --> 00:15:15,716 Ay, caramba! 276 00:15:27,361 --> 00:15:28,728 Thanks, dude. 277 00:15:28,796 --> 00:15:30,463 I am a female! 278 00:15:30,531 --> 00:15:31,998 You don't have to yell! 279 00:15:32,066 --> 00:15:35,135 I am not yelling! This is my seductive voice! 280 00:15:35,203 --> 00:15:38,505 I am called Kamala. 281 00:15:38,572 --> 00:15:42,776 Oh! Even when we're monsters, he gets the girl. 282 00:15:42,844 --> 00:15:45,912 Fool! Every part of this world is alive! 283 00:15:45,980 --> 00:15:48,448 Apologize to sister rock! 284 00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:50,750 Sorry, sister rock. 285 00:15:50,818 --> 00:15:54,053 Now you've murdered our brothers, the flowers! 286 00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:56,088 Stupid! Stupid! 287 00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:58,356 Now you're having sex with Uncle Tree! 288 00:16:00,026 --> 00:16:01,959 Thank the Almighty Fungus you are wiser 289 00:16:02,027 --> 00:16:03,861 and cuter than your friend. 290 00:16:03,929 --> 00:16:06,697 Hey, what gives, man? 291 00:16:06,765 --> 00:16:09,834 And now let us touch testicles and mate for life. 292 00:16:09,901 --> 00:16:11,502 Don't you mean tentacles? 293 00:16:11,570 --> 00:16:13,103 I know what I said! 294 00:16:13,171 --> 00:16:14,972 Ay, caramba! 295 00:16:19,011 --> 00:16:22,247 Today you are a man. Mazel Tov! 296 00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:29,322 So... was it okay? 297 00:16:29,390 --> 00:16:31,124 It was serviceable! 298 00:16:31,192 --> 00:16:34,894 Ah, man, back on Earth we don't have so many moons. 299 00:16:34,962 --> 00:16:38,098 What do you mean, "back on Earth"? 300 00:16:38,166 --> 00:16:43,137 Uh... it's a place on the other side of this planet that's... 301 00:16:43,205 --> 00:16:45,740 very rainy so you can only see one moon. 302 00:16:45,808 --> 00:16:47,141 You know, like Portland. 303 00:16:47,209 --> 00:16:49,210 I never hear of this Port-land. 304 00:16:49,278 --> 00:16:53,714 But on Rigel Seven, lack of eye contact and too many details 305 00:16:53,781 --> 00:16:55,882 indicate the telling of truth. 306 00:16:55,950 --> 00:16:59,552 I love you, sugar-slime. 307 00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:03,522 Man, you are full of surprises. 308 00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:08,861 I can't believe I'm getting combat pay for this. 309 00:17:08,929 --> 00:17:12,532 Well done, young man! Our daughter is with child. 310 00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:13,766 Here. 311 00:17:13,834 --> 00:17:16,803 Feel the wonder of one million fetuses! 312 00:17:16,871 --> 00:17:19,974 You said you were using birth control! 313 00:17:20,041 --> 00:17:23,310 That only keeps me from giving birth while we are having sex. 314 00:17:24,413 --> 00:17:27,014 How do those mountains float? 315 00:17:27,082 --> 00:17:29,383 They don't. They are falling. 316 00:17:29,451 --> 00:17:33,187 Now that Kamala has a slug in the oven, 317 00:17:33,255 --> 00:17:37,257 we must make sure she gets her daily dose of Hilarium. 318 00:17:37,325 --> 00:17:41,527 Without it, her crankiness will become unbearable. 319 00:17:41,595 --> 00:17:45,264 Unfortunately our environment is too hostile to grow pickles. 320 00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:48,901 And the only flavor ice cream we have is butter brickle. 321 00:17:48,969 --> 00:17:51,871 To repeat, no pickles, butter brickle. 322 00:17:51,939 --> 00:17:54,373 It is the Rigelian way. 323 00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:56,443 So, where can I load up on this Hilarium? 324 00:17:56,510 --> 00:17:58,612 Listen closely. 325 00:17:58,679 --> 00:18:03,083 The Hilarium is found in the sacred secretions of the queen! 326 00:18:10,891 --> 00:18:12,492 We have located the Hilarium. 327 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:14,927 Lock in on my signal. 328 00:18:14,995 --> 00:18:18,764 Traitor! How dare you betray the planet I got laid on?! 329 00:18:21,133 --> 00:18:24,668 They're all in one place. Let's fry these calamari 330 00:18:24,736 --> 00:18:27,237 and dip 'em in a sauce made of their own blood! 331 00:18:27,305 --> 00:18:29,740 And wine from their own grapes. 332 00:18:29,807 --> 00:18:30,807 That's not so bad. 333 00:18:30,875 --> 00:18:32,242 It's a little bad. 334 00:18:38,016 --> 00:18:41,952 So Kamala, where do we keep all our tanks and planes and stuff? 335 00:18:42,020 --> 00:18:45,622 We have no tanks. Our planet will protect us. 336 00:18:45,690 --> 00:18:47,758 Oh, man, you sound like my art teacher. 337 00:18:47,826 --> 00:18:49,226 Look a little like her, too. 338 00:19:24,961 --> 00:19:27,196 I guess this is a good time 339 00:19:27,264 --> 00:19:29,665 to tell you I've been a double agent all this time. 340 00:19:29,733 --> 00:19:31,500 But now I am totally on your side. 341 00:19:31,568 --> 00:19:35,070 And this is a good time to tell you I have space warts. 342 00:19:35,137 --> 00:19:37,006 And I got them from Milhouse. 343 00:19:42,678 --> 00:19:45,714 Time for a good old-fashioned 344 00:19:45,782 --> 00:19:48,717 servo-suit/bulldozer-saurus fight! 345 00:19:58,261 --> 00:19:59,761 Dammit! 346 00:19:59,829 --> 00:20:02,231 Yo, Colonel! Uh, you've got some schmutz on your cheek. 347 00:20:02,298 --> 00:20:04,566 Where?... Here? 348 00:20:04,634 --> 00:20:06,869 Skinner...! 349 00:20:09,806 --> 00:20:11,941 Had they asked for the Hilarium, 350 00:20:12,008 --> 00:20:14,310 we would simply have given it to them. 351 00:20:14,377 --> 00:20:18,013 In Rigelian there is no word for "yours" or "mine." 352 00:20:18,081 --> 00:20:21,750 That's the reason we didn't enjoy the movie Yours, Mine and Ours. 353 00:20:26,488 --> 00:20:28,956 Halloween is over, which means, America, 354 00:20:29,024 --> 00:20:31,125 it's time to start your Christmas shopping. 355 00:20:31,193 --> 00:20:34,996 Infuse our stagnant economy with dollars you don't really have. 356 00:20:35,063 --> 00:20:39,099 And whatever you do, avoid the urge to make homemade gifts. 357 00:20:39,167 --> 00:20:44,304 Knitting one sweater for someone costs 27 Americans their jobs. 358 00:20:44,371 --> 00:20:45,938 And don't forget, Christmas 359 00:20:46,006 --> 00:20:48,508 is a wonderful time to take up alcoholism. 360 00:20:48,575 --> 00:20:51,110 Come on, you see your family all year round. 361 00:20:51,178 --> 00:20:54,080 The holidays are for your bartender. 362 00:21:01,256 --> 00:21:03,592 When are we doing the Black Swan? 363 00:21:06,029 --> 00:21:07,963 == sync, corrected by elderman ==