1 00:00:01,632 --> 00:00:02,586 It is weird. 2 00:00:02,752 --> 00:00:04,004 My lifetime subscription 3 00:00:04,227 --> 00:00:07,549 for Sports Illustrated expires in 2032. 4 00:00:07,715 --> 00:00:10,177 Is that your expiration date or the magazine's? 5 00:00:12,024 --> 00:00:12,867 Oh, God. 6 00:00:12,992 --> 00:00:14,685 Oh, no, babe. No, no, no, don't do that. 7 00:00:14,810 --> 00:00:16,854 Come on, it's not a sign, not a sign. 8 00:00:17,141 --> 00:00:18,226 That's 21 years from now. 9 00:00:18,392 --> 00:00:19,991 - That's, like... - Hm, that's weird. 10 00:00:20,116 --> 00:00:22,314 That's only five more Olympics. 11 00:00:24,153 --> 00:00:25,029 Oh, hey, you know what? 12 00:00:25,154 --> 00:00:26,318 That's my parents, hit "decline." 13 00:00:27,723 --> 00:00:28,666 - No, no, we should answer it. - Hit decline, no! 14 00:00:28,791 --> 00:00:29,750 - Hey, come on. - No, no! 15 00:00:29,875 --> 00:00:31,490 Look, life is so short! Especially mine. 16 00:00:31,656 --> 00:00:32,837 I don't wanna, I don't wanna! 17 00:00:32,962 --> 00:00:34,906 God, you're like my mother, so annoying...Aah! 18 00:00:35,031 --> 00:00:37,082 Wow, you sound like a 14 year old girl. 19 00:00:37,495 --> 00:00:38,876 I know I do, you know why? 20 00:00:39,163 --> 00:00:41,512 'Cause no matter how old I get, I am still that 14 year old girl 21 00:00:41,637 --> 00:00:43,914 with braces and green doc martens 22 00:00:44,039 --> 00:00:47,255 and she's just the fabulous Dr. Chafin, so... 23 00:00:47,421 --> 00:00:49,132 - We should answer it. - Hit "decline." 24 00:00:49,298 --> 00:00:50,388 I feel like your dad can read my mind. 25 00:00:50,513 --> 00:00:52,135 Okay, no, he's a psychiatrist, not a psychic. 26 00:00:52,301 --> 00:00:53,558 I bet you they can tell that we're standing here 27 00:00:53,683 --> 00:00:54,592 not answering it, all right? 28 00:00:54,717 --> 00:00:55,693 You can't! No, don't do it! 29 00:00:55,818 --> 00:00:57,474 Don't accept it! Oh, ugh! 30 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,602 - Chris! - Angie, Dean, how are ya? 31 00:01:00,768 --> 00:01:02,967 I had the most intense experience today 32 00:01:03,092 --> 00:01:04,035 when a woman walked up to me 33 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:05,703 and said that I changed her life. 34 00:01:05,828 --> 00:01:06,837 How are you? 35 00:01:07,108 --> 00:01:09,840 Oh, um, well, first let me just congratulate you 36 00:01:09,965 --> 00:01:11,029 on the new book. 37 00:01:11,195 --> 00:01:13,865 That's really great and I'm doing great. 38 00:01:14,103 --> 00:01:15,046 Living the dream. 39 00:01:15,171 --> 00:01:16,618 Tell me about this dream. 40 00:01:16,784 --> 00:01:19,183 No, no, no, no, I meant...Do you guys 41 00:01:19,308 --> 00:01:21,886 wanna say hi to your granddaughter? 44 00:01:24,947 --> 00:01:26,461 Amy, my light... 45 00:01:26,627 --> 00:01:29,172 Chris? What is she wearing? 46 00:01:29,338 --> 00:01:30,094 What? 47 00:01:30,219 --> 00:01:32,217 Oh, it's just a... 48 00:01:32,383 --> 00:01:35,804 It's just a little princess shirt-type thing. 49 00:01:35,970 --> 00:01:38,102 To quote my book, we can't teach our little girls 50 00:01:38,227 --> 00:01:40,517 the only way to succeed is through beauty. 51 00:01:40,683 --> 00:01:43,103 Hand of God, I thought it said "priceless." 52 00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:44,875 Hey, we have some really good news. 53 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,995 We are coming down to Los Angeles tomorrow. 54 00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:51,916 The UCLA psych department is throwing me a book party. 55 00:01:53,242 --> 00:01:55,824 I tried to stop them, it was so embarrassing. 56 00:01:56,045 --> 00:01:57,075 She was very modest. 57 00:01:57,241 --> 00:02:00,036 - So cute. - So convenient. 58 00:02:00,202 --> 00:02:01,747 And we're dying to see you. 59 00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:04,795 - So... - Hey, guys! Hi! 60 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:06,877 - Hi, mom, pop. - Hi, sweetheart. 61 00:02:07,123 --> 00:02:09,800 Hey, we're not gonna be able to see you tomorrow. 62 00:02:10,087 --> 00:02:11,802 Because... gonna be going to the... 63 00:02:12,089 --> 00:02:13,971 Uh-oh, there's an Internet... 64 00:02:14,096 --> 00:02:15,135 Connection pro... 65 00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:17,971 Uh...Problem... 66 00:02:19,485 --> 00:02:21,812 God, that was a nightmare. 67 00:02:21,937 --> 00:02:22,913 - Hello? - Hello? 68 00:02:23,038 --> 00:02:24,561 Sunshine, are you still there? 69 00:02:36,864 --> 00:02:42,662 Sync by Sp8ky and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com 70 00:02:49,963 --> 00:02:53,338 Come, gather 'round ye people of my office. 71 00:02:53,463 --> 00:02:55,136 - What's going on? - Dale died. 72 00:02:55,302 --> 00:02:56,858 What? 73 00:02:56,983 --> 00:02:58,055 The microphone guy? 74 00:02:58,221 --> 00:02:59,544 Attention... 75 00:02:59,669 --> 00:03:01,308 My co-working family. 76 00:03:01,474 --> 00:03:02,480 She doesn't know who Dale is. 77 00:03:02,605 --> 00:03:03,615 There are no words... 78 00:03:03,740 --> 00:03:04,899 She doesn't know who anyone is. 79 00:03:05,024 --> 00:03:06,856 - To describe this... - I've gotta stop her. 80 00:03:07,022 --> 00:03:09,150 Wonderful sound man. 81 00:03:09,316 --> 00:03:13,458 But if there were words, those words would be... 82 00:03:13,583 --> 00:03:17,095 Passionate. 83 00:03:17,220 --> 00:03:19,664 Prompt. 84 00:03:19,789 --> 00:03:21,912 Sound-obsessed. 85 00:03:22,078 --> 00:03:23,998 And above all else, 86 00:03:24,164 --> 00:03:27,251 passionate about sound. 87 00:03:27,417 --> 00:03:29,253 If he were here right now... 88 00:03:31,734 --> 00:03:36,981 He'd be saying, "hey, Ava, did you hear that?" 89 00:03:37,106 --> 00:03:38,550 And I'd say, "yup." 90 00:03:38,675 --> 00:03:39,763 He did your mic. 91 00:03:39,929 --> 00:03:41,974 - Rest in peace, Mike. - Ugh! 92 00:03:42,140 --> 00:03:43,434 His name was Dale. 93 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:44,555 Yup. 94 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:45,657 You don't even know who Dale was. 95 00:03:45,782 --> 00:03:50,528 Does anyone really know Dale? 96 00:03:50,653 --> 00:03:54,111 Does anyone really know anyone, guys? 97 00:03:55,737 --> 00:03:56,701 Hey, babe... 98 00:03:56,826 --> 00:04:00,138 Before I get back to work, um, we need to make sure 99 00:04:00,263 --> 00:04:01,702 that we don't have to see my parents this weekend. 100 00:04:01,868 --> 00:04:03,537 So I'm gonna call my mom's voice mail 101 00:04:03,703 --> 00:04:07,708 and on my cue, pretend we're in Vegas, okay? 102 00:04:07,874 --> 00:04:09,264 What? Come on, babe. I'm terrible at... 103 00:04:09,389 --> 00:04:11,086 Hey, mom, dad. 104 00:04:11,252 --> 00:04:12,617 We're in Vegas! 105 00:04:12,742 --> 00:04:15,453 Uh, on a trip and the whole family's here. 106 00:04:15,578 --> 00:04:19,157 Slot machines! Blackjack! 107 00:04:19,282 --> 00:04:20,592 So love you, bye, okay. 108 00:04:20,717 --> 00:04:22,494 That was great, honey, thanks. What is this? 109 00:04:22,619 --> 00:04:23,849 I'm just checking out my death clock. 110 00:04:24,015 --> 00:04:25,780 You know, you put in your lifestyle information 111 00:04:25,905 --> 00:04:28,199 and it spits out the date of your death. 112 00:04:28,324 --> 00:04:30,105 And the date of my death is... 113 00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:32,603 So silly. 114 00:04:32,728 --> 00:04:33,505 Oh, God. 115 00:04:33,630 --> 00:04:35,277 May 9th, 2032. 116 00:04:35,443 --> 00:04:38,326 That's the exact same year that sports illustrated predicted. 117 00:04:38,451 --> 00:04:42,117 Yeah, but come on. Come on, it's a coincidence. 118 00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:44,411 This is a sign, babe. Are you kidding me? 119 00:04:44,577 --> 00:04:46,651 21 years is all I got! 120 00:04:46,776 --> 00:04:47,618 It's confirmed. 121 00:04:47,743 --> 00:04:48,787 Oh, my God, I'm in a spiral. 122 00:04:48,912 --> 00:04:50,155 Oh, honey. 123 00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:53,691 I gotta hear some good news. What happened today? 124 00:04:54,116 --> 00:04:56,427 Um, actually I'm kind of 125 00:04:56,552 --> 00:04:58,559 a little hesitant to tell you this, 126 00:04:58,725 --> 00:05:02,366 but you know Dale, our sound guy? 127 00:05:02,491 --> 00:05:05,482 He died. 128 00:05:05,648 --> 00:05:07,734 He just...He just dropped dead out of the blue. 129 00:05:07,997 --> 00:05:10,374 Actually found him in his condo common room. 130 00:05:10,499 --> 00:05:12,243 Collapsed on his ping pong table. 131 00:05:12,368 --> 00:05:14,128 Oh, big d. 132 00:05:14,253 --> 00:05:16,814 You fat bastard. 133 00:05:16,939 --> 00:05:18,662 He's never gonna get to see iPhone 5. 134 00:05:19,008 --> 00:05:21,586 Listen, you gotta start to think positively about this. 135 00:05:21,711 --> 00:05:23,788 The worst case scenario... 136 00:05:23,913 --> 00:05:27,759 You have 21 great years left, right? 137 00:05:27,884 --> 00:05:29,631 So just treasure every one of them. 138 00:05:29,852 --> 00:05:32,134 You're right, 21 years is pretty good I guess. 139 00:05:32,300 --> 00:05:34,465 Ugh, it's my mom. 140 00:05:34,590 --> 00:05:36,651 Gotta ruin my trip to Vegas, huh? 141 00:05:36,776 --> 00:05:38,515 - Well, we're not... - Ignore. 142 00:05:38,681 --> 00:05:39,821 All right, babe, you know what? 143 00:05:39,946 --> 00:05:42,060 I'm gonna get really real with you for a second here. 144 00:05:42,226 --> 00:05:43,937 You need to start treasuring your parents. 145 00:05:44,103 --> 00:05:45,981 Okay, no, I came up with the treasure thing. 146 00:05:46,147 --> 00:05:47,316 Your mom loves you. 147 00:05:47,482 --> 00:05:49,814 No, I am source material, okay? 148 00:05:49,939 --> 00:05:51,982 I mean, can you imagine? 149 00:05:52,107 --> 00:05:56,320 This woman writes a book about mothers and daughters, okay? 150 00:05:56,445 --> 00:05:57,659 - I mean it's... - Outrageous? 151 00:05:57,825 --> 00:05:58,994 It's outrageous. 152 00:05:59,448 --> 00:06:01,676 It's like you writing a book on 153 00:06:01,801 --> 00:06:04,295 how not to fart in your sleep, you know? 154 00:06:04,420 --> 00:06:06,335 Oh, I'm sorry. 155 00:06:06,501 --> 00:06:09,671 It's actually kind of cute. 156 00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:12,633 - Okay. - Thanks, guys, ooh. 157 00:06:12,799 --> 00:06:13,771 You know what? 158 00:06:13,896 --> 00:06:15,636 I think the crew might be a little miffed 159 00:06:15,865 --> 00:06:17,262 from your eulogy today. 160 00:06:17,428 --> 00:06:18,805 So you might wanna try to make it up to them. 161 00:06:18,971 --> 00:06:20,228 Well, I have hundreds of employees, 162 00:06:20,353 --> 00:06:21,779 and you know I am terrible with names. 163 00:06:21,904 --> 00:06:22,864 This is the second time 164 00:06:22,989 --> 00:06:24,269 I'm going to ask this today, sir. 165 00:06:24,435 --> 00:06:25,783 Why is your hand up my shirt? 166 00:06:25,908 --> 00:06:28,052 Ava, that's your new sound man, Chuck. 167 00:06:28,177 --> 00:06:30,859 - Thank you, Chuck. - Keep on growing. 168 00:06:35,238 --> 00:06:39,660 I am registering a mild degree of worker people grumpiness. 169 00:06:39,826 --> 00:06:41,666 But I have a lot of management experience. 170 00:06:41,791 --> 00:06:43,121 I know how to win them back. 171 00:06:43,287 --> 00:06:45,457 - Don't get them a coffee cart. - I have another idea. 172 00:06:45,623 --> 00:06:46,838 Don't get a crepe cart. 173 00:06:47,125 --> 00:06:47,839 Well, they'll love it. 174 00:06:47,964 --> 00:06:48,890 Don't worry, we'll tell them 175 00:06:49,015 --> 00:06:51,559 they're French pancakes. 176 00:06:51,684 --> 00:06:53,215 Hey, hey, hey, did I make it? 177 00:06:53,381 --> 00:06:55,062 No, no, no, she just went down. 178 00:06:55,187 --> 00:06:56,063 Oh, no. 179 00:06:56,188 --> 00:06:57,732 I have had the worst day. 180 00:06:57,857 --> 00:06:59,851 All I wanna do is kick off my shoes, 181 00:06:59,976 --> 00:07:02,069 sit on the couch and watch some garbagey TV. 182 00:07:02,194 --> 00:07:03,237 Okay? 183 00:07:03,362 --> 00:07:06,269 But I have done something kinda great. 184 00:07:06,435 --> 00:07:07,775 What? 185 00:07:08,062 --> 00:07:08,860 - Ha! - Hey! 186 00:07:08,985 --> 00:07:10,440 Oh! Aah! 187 00:07:10,606 --> 00:07:12,280 - Hello. - Did she trip? 188 00:07:12,405 --> 00:07:13,781 Uh, I think she dropped something. 189 00:07:13,906 --> 00:07:17,201 Babe, your folks are here. 190 00:07:17,326 --> 00:07:18,860 Mom, dad! 191 00:07:20,176 --> 00:07:23,088 - No, this is just... - Such a surprise. 192 00:07:23,213 --> 00:07:24,756 Yeah, well, I called them 193 00:07:24,881 --> 00:07:26,517 because life is short. 194 00:07:26,683 --> 00:07:28,810 - Isn't she beautiful? - Mm. 195 00:07:28,935 --> 00:07:30,028 Muah. 196 00:07:30,153 --> 00:07:31,188 Gee...God, mom. 197 00:07:31,437 --> 00:07:32,648 Gross. 198 00:07:32,814 --> 00:07:35,483 It is a little weird, right? 199 00:07:35,608 --> 00:07:38,570 Why, does mother-daughter affection bother you? 200 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:42,783 I don't know. 201 00:07:42,949 --> 00:07:45,343 I'm sure you haven't planned dinner but rather than have that 202 00:07:45,468 --> 00:07:48,713 domino brand pizza pie, I thought we could have 203 00:07:48,838 --> 00:07:50,532 an Indian feast, huh? 204 00:07:50,657 --> 00:07:51,792 I brought the cumin! 205 00:07:51,958 --> 00:07:54,486 Where do you keep your ghee? 206 00:07:54,611 --> 00:07:56,154 You know I don't have ghee, mom. 207 00:07:56,279 --> 00:08:00,801 Nobody has ghee. 208 00:08:00,967 --> 00:08:02,727 Um, it is me... 209 00:08:02,852 --> 00:08:05,264 Or did Angie nail this Saag Paneer? 210 00:08:05,521 --> 00:08:07,266 Well, I do make my own cheese, you know. 211 00:08:07,523 --> 00:08:08,767 Heh! Wink. 212 00:08:10,018 --> 00:08:11,636 Oh, come on, how often do you 213 00:08:11,761 --> 00:08:13,004 get to have Saag Paneer? 214 00:08:14,597 --> 00:08:16,692 Ooh, somebody's got a ripe diaper. 215 00:08:16,858 --> 00:08:19,361 And it is "front relevant," Reagan, you're up. 216 00:08:19,635 --> 00:08:20,612 I got it. 217 00:08:20,737 --> 00:08:23,240 "Front relevant?" 218 00:08:23,539 --> 00:08:25,784 You haven't named your daughter's genitals? 219 00:08:25,950 --> 00:08:27,286 We're not talking about this. 220 00:08:27,527 --> 00:08:30,664 Your discomfort now, darling, will only lead to a lifetime 221 00:08:30,830 --> 00:08:32,490 of shame for Amy. 222 00:08:32,615 --> 00:08:34,459 You've gotta...You've gotta make her feel confident 223 00:08:34,584 --> 00:08:36,128 about her womanhood. 224 00:08:36,386 --> 00:08:38,596 Why don't we call it... I don't know, 225 00:08:38,721 --> 00:08:40,331 um, a vagina? 226 00:08:40,456 --> 00:08:43,343 Oh, ew, no...Good God, that's far too clinical. 227 00:08:43,626 --> 00:08:45,537 You know, based on my research, 228 00:08:45,662 --> 00:08:49,683 the name offers daughters a sense of ownership. 229 00:08:49,849 --> 00:08:51,518 Slash whimsy. 230 00:08:51,684 --> 00:08:53,478 Yeah, I mean, we put a lot of time 231 00:08:53,644 --> 00:08:54,979 and effort into naming yours. 232 00:08:55,104 --> 00:08:56,231 Abobo? 233 00:08:56,506 --> 00:08:59,384 All my parents argue about is football and Regis. 234 00:08:59,650 --> 00:09:00,552 It's, uh... You know, um, honey? 235 00:09:00,677 --> 00:09:02,070 Can you actually help me with this? 236 00:09:02,236 --> 00:09:04,555 Uh, just come with me to just help with the... 237 00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:05,573 - Yes. - Just come with me. 238 00:09:05,698 --> 00:09:06,941 Just come with me. Did you see her? 239 00:09:07,066 --> 00:09:09,620 With her ghee and her special cheese. 240 00:09:09,786 --> 00:09:10,895 And did you see the way that she was 241 00:09:11,020 --> 00:09:12,130 ignoring Amy? 242 00:09:12,255 --> 00:09:13,498 I mean... 243 00:09:13,664 --> 00:09:15,967 Reagan, I'm sorry, but you've gotta have 244 00:09:16,092 --> 00:09:16,951 a better relationship with your mom. 245 00:09:17,076 --> 00:09:18,462 Starting now. 246 00:09:18,628 --> 00:09:19,570 It's impossible, honey. 247 00:09:19,695 --> 00:09:21,405 It's impossible because she is just... 248 00:09:21,530 --> 00:09:22,907 She is... 249 00:09:23,032 --> 00:09:24,475 Aarrgghh! 250 00:09:27,537 --> 00:09:28,613 Did you hear that? 251 00:09:28,738 --> 00:09:29,547 Oh, my God, she just made the same 252 00:09:29,672 --> 00:09:31,016 "I hate my mom" noise that I just made. 253 00:09:31,182 --> 00:09:32,935 Oh, God, am I teaching her to hate her mom? 254 00:09:33,101 --> 00:09:34,586 Okay, relax, come on. 255 00:09:34,711 --> 00:09:37,589 Amy, you are not annoyed by your mommy, are you? 256 00:09:40,775 --> 00:09:42,093 No, this isn't good. 257 00:09:42,218 --> 00:09:44,362 No, I don't wanna have the same relationship with her 258 00:09:44,487 --> 00:09:45,763 that I have with my mother. 259 00:09:45,888 --> 00:09:47,765 I can't. I gotta break the cycle. 260 00:09:47,890 --> 00:09:48,766 Right now. 261 00:09:48,891 --> 00:09:50,802 Amy, my darling, 262 00:09:50,927 --> 00:09:54,957 I am gonna show you how to treasure a mom. 263 00:09:55,123 --> 00:09:56,991 - Mom? - Hmm? 264 00:09:57,116 --> 00:09:58,085 I treasure you. 265 00:09:58,301 --> 00:10:01,255 Oh, thank you, sweetheart. 266 00:10:01,504 --> 00:10:04,282 Yeah, and I... I think that you and I 267 00:10:04,407 --> 00:10:05,683 need to have a girls' night out. 268 00:10:05,808 --> 00:10:06,969 Just the two of us. 269 00:10:07,135 --> 00:10:09,846 You could be my plus one at the book signing. 270 00:10:10,013 --> 00:10:13,007 Oh, yes, it would be so nice to have somebody in the room 271 00:10:13,132 --> 00:10:15,811 who's not trying to blow smoke up my bottom. 272 00:10:15,977 --> 00:10:17,062 Yeah, she didn't wanna do it. 273 00:10:17,286 --> 00:10:19,130 I didn't, I didn't. 274 00:10:19,255 --> 00:10:20,481 Hey. 275 00:10:20,606 --> 00:10:21,650 Amy, honey. 276 00:10:22,158 --> 00:10:25,653 Your mommy is gonna have a girls' night with her mommy. 277 00:10:25,778 --> 00:10:27,205 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. 278 00:10:27,330 --> 00:10:29,866 And then you and...You and dad can have a boys' night. 279 00:10:30,033 --> 00:10:33,144 That sounds fun, doesn't that sound fun, Dean? 280 00:10:33,269 --> 00:10:35,330 - Hmm. - Hmm? 281 00:10:35,605 --> 00:10:38,666 You take Angie for granted, she's an amazing person. 282 00:10:38,791 --> 00:10:39,817 It's true. 283 00:10:39,942 --> 00:10:41,519 My mother lives in a houseboat with a jazz drummer 284 00:10:41,644 --> 00:10:42,837 she makes me call "captain." 285 00:10:42,962 --> 00:10:44,923 Yeah, well my mom is obsessed with 286 00:10:45,048 --> 00:10:46,507 naming Amy's genitals. 287 00:10:46,632 --> 00:10:48,192 Oh, I read about that in her book. 288 00:10:48,317 --> 00:10:50,595 I call my lady garden "Janine." 289 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:52,496 What about something cute for Amy 290 00:10:52,621 --> 00:10:53,998 like "bunny" or... 291 00:10:54,123 --> 00:10:55,516 - Agh! - Something glamorous. 292 00:10:55,641 --> 00:10:57,302 You know, like "Ibiza." 293 00:10:57,427 --> 00:10:58,669 Yeah, I'm not naming her privates 294 00:10:58,794 --> 00:11:00,355 after a Spanish sex island. 295 00:11:00,521 --> 00:11:02,774 Let's get you onstage. 296 00:11:08,071 --> 00:11:09,781 We're here with Dr. Deon, 297 00:11:09,947 --> 00:11:13,368 author of the new book, "cardio ka-razy." 298 00:11:13,643 --> 00:11:15,370 Uh, yeah, I can see her hair. 299 00:11:15,645 --> 00:11:17,322 So tell us, Dr. Deon. 300 00:11:17,447 --> 00:11:20,124 How can I be more cardio healthy? 301 00:11:20,249 --> 00:11:22,085 Well, you'd be amazed at how much exercise 302 00:11:22,318 --> 00:11:23,561 you can pack into your normal work day. 303 00:11:23,686 --> 00:11:25,029 I left for two seconds and they sabotaged her. 304 00:11:25,154 --> 00:11:26,298 Reggie, she's out of focus. 305 00:11:26,589 --> 00:11:29,676 Oops. 306 00:11:29,842 --> 00:11:32,471 Reggie, cut! Cut! 307 00:11:32,795 --> 00:11:34,672 So if I were to, uh, take the stairs 308 00:11:34,797 --> 00:11:36,641 instead of the elevator... 309 00:11:36,807 --> 00:11:38,643 Yes, that would also be cardio ka-razy. 310 00:11:38,768 --> 00:11:40,078 Yes, it would. 311 00:11:40,203 --> 00:11:41,021 Hey! 312 00:11:41,187 --> 00:11:43,774 I bought you bastards crepes! 313 00:11:43,940 --> 00:11:45,850 That show was a disaster! 314 00:11:45,975 --> 00:11:47,568 Did you see what hair did to my hair? 315 00:11:47,693 --> 00:11:49,571 I am seriously gonna kill hair. 316 00:11:49,737 --> 00:11:52,824 First of all, you cannot call Carlos "hair," honey. 317 00:11:52,990 --> 00:11:55,077 How did this turn into such a big deal? 318 00:11:55,243 --> 00:11:58,205 Ava, these people are very close to you. 319 00:11:58,454 --> 00:11:59,206 They care about you. 320 00:11:59,455 --> 00:12:02,100 Let me show you something. 321 00:12:02,225 --> 00:12:03,451 Now, tell me. 322 00:12:03,576 --> 00:12:06,254 What is my job title? 323 00:12:06,379 --> 00:12:07,964 - Executive producer. - Okay, look at that. 324 00:12:08,130 --> 00:12:10,175 You see that? You popped your P's. 325 00:12:10,399 --> 00:12:12,052 I popped my P's? 326 00:12:12,268 --> 00:12:14,212 But no one ever knew it because Dale knew 327 00:12:14,337 --> 00:12:16,180 exactly where to put your microphone 328 00:12:16,305 --> 00:12:18,016 so that you would sound awesome. 329 00:12:18,141 --> 00:12:20,351 Honey, he took care of you. 330 00:12:20,476 --> 00:12:22,479 I hope he knows how much I appreciate him. 331 00:12:22,645 --> 00:12:24,606 Well, he's dead, so no. 332 00:12:24,772 --> 00:12:27,692 Reagan, I really need to try harder. 333 00:12:27,817 --> 00:12:29,027 Okay. 334 00:12:29,252 --> 00:12:30,461 All right, I'm gonna go. 335 00:12:30,586 --> 00:12:32,280 I have a girls' night with my mother. 336 00:12:32,405 --> 00:12:36,401 I'm getting my treasure on. 337 00:12:36,526 --> 00:12:39,579 Oh, you know, motherhood is a journey. 338 00:12:39,745 --> 00:12:43,625 And I'm very proud to say that I helped 339 00:12:43,791 --> 00:12:47,712 turn this pupae into this butterfly. 340 00:12:47,837 --> 00:12:50,248 Stridex deserves some credit for that. 341 00:12:50,373 --> 00:12:52,092 And of course, "contempo casuals" 342 00:12:52,258 --> 00:12:53,802 Going out of business. 343 00:12:54,076 --> 00:12:55,554 You have no idea what I'm talking about. 344 00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:57,588 I was particularly fascinated by the chapter 345 00:12:57,713 --> 00:12:59,558 on the summer Reagan lost her innocence. 346 00:12:59,724 --> 00:13:02,626 Oh, this is such a challenging time for a mother. 347 00:13:02,751 --> 00:13:04,020 And you'll have to sit your daughter down 348 00:13:04,253 --> 00:13:05,272 and say, 349 00:13:05,588 --> 00:13:07,932 "what really happened in the back of that Pontiac Fiero?" 350 00:13:09,058 --> 00:13:10,402 It was a Subaru Justy. 351 00:13:10,726 --> 00:13:13,604 - Anyone need a refresher? - Oh, me. 352 00:13:13,729 --> 00:13:15,574 - I'll join you. - Oh, no, mom...Mom? 353 00:13:15,740 --> 00:13:18,827 Hey, let's hang out. We haven't talked all night. 354 00:13:18,993 --> 00:13:20,162 All right. 355 00:13:21,604 --> 00:13:24,499 Yeah. 356 00:13:24,624 --> 00:13:27,502 That picture brings back some memories now, doesn't it? 357 00:13:27,627 --> 00:13:30,130 Wonderful times, huh? 358 00:13:30,346 --> 00:13:32,707 No, actually, mom, that was a period of my life 359 00:13:32,832 --> 00:13:34,325 where my only friend was 360 00:13:34,450 --> 00:13:36,219 a gay 7th grader with a Mohawk who... 361 00:13:36,469 --> 00:13:38,563 Hold that thought, darling. I really should mingle. 362 00:13:38,688 --> 00:13:40,298 Who invited all these people? 363 00:13:40,423 --> 00:13:41,632 It's so embarrassing. 364 00:13:41,757 --> 00:13:44,759 - Yeah, I'm sure it is. - I'll be right back. 365 00:13:47,763 --> 00:13:48,639 Ten! 366 00:13:48,764 --> 00:13:49,841 Bang it! 367 00:13:49,966 --> 00:13:51,242 Unh! 368 00:13:51,367 --> 00:13:52,510 Aah! 369 00:13:52,635 --> 00:13:55,739 - Hey, there. - Hey. 370 00:13:55,905 --> 00:13:56,865 Hey, uh, do you need a, um...? 371 00:13:57,031 --> 00:13:58,406 - Spot. - Spot? 372 00:13:58,741 --> 00:13:59,659 Yeah. 373 00:13:59,825 --> 00:14:01,252 Just grab it, grab the bar. 374 00:14:01,377 --> 00:14:02,787 - Unh! - Wow. 375 00:14:04,813 --> 00:14:06,257 All right. 376 00:14:06,382 --> 00:14:08,459 Just thought I'd blast out a couple... 377 00:14:08,584 --> 00:14:11,596 Sets, you know, to release some endorphins. 378 00:14:11,721 --> 00:14:13,924 It's a good de-stresser. 379 00:14:14,090 --> 00:14:17,385 Which, in terms of life expectancy is... 380 00:14:17,660 --> 00:14:18,553 What? 381 00:14:18,719 --> 00:14:21,806 - I'm afraid of dying. - Oh. 382 00:14:21,931 --> 00:14:23,474 I know it's irrational. 383 00:14:23,599 --> 00:14:25,343 But there's this whole... 384 00:14:25,468 --> 00:14:27,229 Death clock and sports illustrated. 385 00:14:27,470 --> 00:14:29,313 It's... 386 00:14:29,438 --> 00:14:31,733 It's all pretty much just not good news. 387 00:14:31,899 --> 00:14:33,401 And? 388 00:14:33,676 --> 00:14:35,269 And...Look, Dean, I know that 389 00:14:35,394 --> 00:14:38,114 you're a great psychiatrist. 390 00:14:42,351 --> 00:14:44,162 Could you tell me how a rational person 391 00:14:44,287 --> 00:14:45,747 deals with all this? 392 00:14:45,913 --> 00:14:51,169 Well, Chris, the thing about death is... 393 00:14:51,294 --> 00:14:52,754 I have no Idea. 394 00:14:54,397 --> 00:14:56,474 It scares the hell out of me. 395 00:14:56,599 --> 00:15:01,629 You know what I do, I try not to think about it. 396 00:15:01,754 --> 00:15:02,837 Here, uh... 397 00:15:03,139 --> 00:15:05,016 Oh, uh, this helps a lot. 398 00:15:07,393 --> 00:15:09,420 Let's just fix this up. 399 00:15:09,545 --> 00:15:11,815 There we go, such a pretty girl. 400 00:15:13,482 --> 00:15:17,195 Well, I wanna toast you all and thank you for coming. 401 00:15:17,436 --> 00:15:20,931 "Raising daughter, the journey of motherhood" 402 00:15:21,056 --> 00:15:23,201 took me two years to write. 403 00:15:23,326 --> 00:15:25,603 But...Oh, if I may be indiscreet, 404 00:15:25,728 --> 00:15:29,124 Reagan, 36 to research. 405 00:15:30,666 --> 00:15:31,626 And I would like to announce 406 00:15:31,792 --> 00:15:33,444 that I have found the inspiration 407 00:15:33,569 --> 00:15:34,612 for my next book. 408 00:15:34,737 --> 00:15:36,923 My beautiful granddaughter, Amy. 409 00:15:39,308 --> 00:15:40,093 Excuse me, excuse me. 410 00:15:40,343 --> 00:15:42,429 Dr. Chafin... excuse me, mom-genius? 411 00:15:42,745 --> 00:15:43,763 Can I just talk to you privately 412 00:15:44,013 --> 00:15:47,058 over by the worst picture ever taken of a human being ever? 413 00:15:47,283 --> 00:15:48,159 - Oh. - Listen. 414 00:15:48,284 --> 00:15:49,260 Ah! 415 00:15:49,385 --> 00:15:50,979 Why did you deface that? 416 00:15:51,145 --> 00:15:53,464 If you think that you are gonna write a book 417 00:15:53,589 --> 00:15:55,466 about being this amazing grandmother, 418 00:15:55,591 --> 00:15:57,235 you are out of your mind! 419 00:15:57,526 --> 00:15:58,560 Shh! 420 00:15:59,111 --> 00:16:00,655 - Are you drunk? - Yes! Are you drunk? 421 00:16:00,821 --> 00:16:03,241 - Yes! - You know what? 422 00:16:03,366 --> 00:16:05,493 I came here tonight because I wanted to connect with you. 423 00:16:05,618 --> 00:16:09,280 But you are un-connect-with-able. 424 00:16:09,405 --> 00:16:10,831 Okay? 425 00:16:10,956 --> 00:16:12,083 Excuse me. 426 00:16:12,249 --> 00:16:13,484 Ugh! 427 00:16:13,609 --> 00:16:15,586 Get out of my way, nerds! 428 00:16:15,711 --> 00:16:19,090 You're all nerds! 429 00:16:19,315 --> 00:16:21,049 Nerds! 430 00:16:21,989 --> 00:16:25,170 Ok, Putch's real name. 431 00:16:25,748 --> 00:16:27,871 Is Ronald Putch. 432 00:16:28,037 --> 00:16:29,831 Ron Putch. 433 00:16:29,997 --> 00:16:31,329 And he has two twin babies. 434 00:16:31,454 --> 00:16:32,292 Adrian and Dadrian. 435 00:16:32,458 --> 00:16:35,390 Adorable and dadorable. 436 00:16:37,171 --> 00:16:39,170 Great, and, uh, missy, 437 00:16:39,295 --> 00:16:41,740 how is that tribute video to Dale coming along? 438 00:16:41,865 --> 00:16:45,597 There's very little information on Dale. 439 00:16:45,763 --> 00:16:49,350 All we have is a group photo and his W-4. 440 00:16:49,516 --> 00:16:51,766 Missy, you have got to make this work. 441 00:16:51,891 --> 00:16:55,270 The importance of this 442 00:16:55,395 --> 00:16:59,235 cannot be measured. 443 00:16:59,401 --> 00:17:02,864 ♪ I don't want to start any blasphemous rumors... ♪ 444 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:06,664 Go away! 445 00:17:06,789 --> 00:17:08,661 Nobody understands me! 446 00:17:09,826 --> 00:17:12,003 Well, babe, that's probably because 447 00:17:12,128 --> 00:17:13,583 your face is in a pillow. 448 00:17:15,732 --> 00:17:17,308 Look, Reagan, I'm sorry. 449 00:17:17,433 --> 00:17:19,923 I made a mistake inviting your parents. 450 00:17:20,089 --> 00:17:23,715 I can't force a treasuring moment between you and your mom. 451 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:27,352 It just has to happen organically. 452 00:17:27,477 --> 00:17:28,653 Like it did with me and your dad. 453 00:17:28,778 --> 00:17:30,388 That guy is amazing. 454 00:17:30,513 --> 00:17:32,727 He's... 455 00:17:34,784 --> 00:17:35,777 Chris... 456 00:17:35,902 --> 00:17:38,399 May I please have a second with your wife? 457 00:17:38,565 --> 00:17:39,481 Yes. 458 00:17:39,606 --> 00:17:43,029 God, yeah, totally. 459 00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:45,823 I'm sorry I freaked out at your book signing. 460 00:17:45,989 --> 00:17:47,672 How bad a mother am I? 461 00:17:47,797 --> 00:17:49,741 - Mom... - No, seriously. 462 00:17:49,866 --> 00:17:50,870 On a scale of 1 to 10. 463 00:17:51,036 --> 00:17:53,578 10 being Jackie Kennedy and one being 464 00:17:53,703 --> 00:17:56,584 a confused gerbil mom who eats her babies? 465 00:17:56,873 --> 00:18:00,685 I studied gerbil infanticide in graduate school. 466 00:18:00,810 --> 00:18:03,883 I worked under a renowned Professor... 467 00:18:04,049 --> 00:18:05,990 Oh, good God. 468 00:18:06,115 --> 00:18:07,258 I'm so sorry, darling. 469 00:18:07,383 --> 00:18:08,493 You don't wanna hear all that. 470 00:18:08,618 --> 00:18:10,829 I'm sorry. 471 00:18:10,954 --> 00:18:12,684 I wanna be better. 472 00:18:12,850 --> 00:18:15,561 Please tell me how to do that. 473 00:18:15,825 --> 00:18:18,837 Do you remember that outdoor aerobics class 474 00:18:18,962 --> 00:18:20,305 that I taught at the y 475 00:18:20,430 --> 00:18:24,487 when I was really tan and my body was really bangin'? 476 00:18:24,734 --> 00:18:25,571 Yeah. 477 00:18:25,802 --> 00:18:28,379 Write a book about that and use that picture. 478 00:18:28,504 --> 00:18:29,480 Heh. 479 00:18:29,605 --> 00:18:31,783 - Oh. - Oh, mommy. 480 00:18:31,908 --> 00:18:34,122 Aw. 481 00:18:35,979 --> 00:18:37,655 - It is your turn. - It's your turn. 482 00:18:37,780 --> 00:18:38,751 No, it's your turn. 483 00:18:38,917 --> 00:18:40,625 - It's your turn. - It's your turn! 484 00:18:40,750 --> 00:18:41,893 It's your turn! 485 00:18:42,018 --> 00:18:44,546 - It's your tu... - Aw, baby. 486 00:18:44,671 --> 00:18:47,549 What's wrong with my baby girl? 487 00:18:47,674 --> 00:18:51,431 Aw, sweetie, I love you. 488 00:18:51,694 --> 00:18:54,556 Yeah, you feel better? 489 00:18:54,681 --> 00:18:57,270 Yeah, we're gonna let mommy sleep, okay? 490 00:18:57,436 --> 00:18:58,393 Aw. 491 00:18:58,518 --> 00:19:00,106 She wants to sleep, yeah. 492 00:19:00,272 --> 00:19:02,817 You got a great mommy. 493 00:19:02,983 --> 00:19:05,907 She wants to let me sleep. 494 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:12,073 - Women... - Are wonderful. 495 00:19:12,198 --> 00:19:14,075 Are nuts. 496 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:15,330 Dude. 497 00:19:15,618 --> 00:19:19,542 Just when I think I'm getting you. 498 00:19:20,923 --> 00:19:23,629 Thank you to every single one of my crew members. 499 00:19:23,926 --> 00:19:27,091 And last, but most... 500 00:19:27,257 --> 00:19:29,974 I would be remiss if I didn't mention 501 00:19:30,099 --> 00:19:31,309 someone we've lost here recently. 502 00:19:31,434 --> 00:19:32,844 Missy? 503 00:19:32,969 --> 00:19:34,879 - Please, cue the video tribute... - Cue the video. 504 00:19:35,004 --> 00:19:36,948 That you made for our great sound technician, 505 00:19:37,073 --> 00:19:39,317 Mr. Dale Salvert. 506 00:19:47,183 --> 00:19:50,819 ♪ hmm-hmm-hmm ♪ 507 00:19:53,589 --> 00:19:54,699 ♪ hmm-hmm-hmm ♪ 508 00:19:54,824 --> 00:19:58,026 ♪ hmm-hmm-ya-hoo ♪ 509 00:19:59,796 --> 00:20:03,698 ♪ mm-mm-mm ♪ 510 00:20:07,303 --> 00:20:10,371 ♪ zero dependents ♪ 511 00:20:13,476 --> 00:20:16,478 ♪ single ♪ 512 00:20:20,716 --> 00:20:24,095 ♪ one allowance ♪ 513 00:20:24,220 --> 00:20:28,733 ♪ 2210 Denslow Avenue ♪ 514 00:20:28,858 --> 00:20:32,698 ♪ hey-hoo-hey-hoo ♪ 515 00:20:34,730 --> 00:20:36,374 ♪ Dale Salvert ♪ 516 00:20:36,499 --> 00:20:37,508 ♪ you gave us ♪ 517 00:20:37,633 --> 00:20:39,455 ♪ s-o-o-o-o... ♪ 518 00:20:40,069 --> 00:20:42,380 Oh, was that it? 519 00:20:42,505 --> 00:20:43,648 Right. 520 00:20:43,773 --> 00:20:45,169 We're gonna miss you, Dale, we love you. 521 00:20:45,335 --> 00:20:51,008 Sync by Sp8ky and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com 522 00:20:51,210 --> 00:20:53,445 All right, so let's do your death clock. 523 00:20:53,570 --> 00:20:55,947 Now you're criteria's almost identical to mine. 524 00:20:56,072 --> 00:20:57,315 Yeah, pretty much. 525 00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,651 How often do you brush slash floss your teeth? 526 00:20:59,776 --> 00:21:01,586 I brush my teeth every day, but... 527 00:21:01,711 --> 00:21:02,754 - Okay. - Flossing... 528 00:21:02,879 --> 00:21:04,170 I never floss. I put nothing, let's see. 529 00:21:04,336 --> 00:21:05,690 I don't like to, it takes up so much more time... 530 00:21:05,815 --> 00:21:07,892 Let's just say if you floss maybe this will help. 531 00:21:08,017 --> 00:21:09,094 You can't lie to it. 532 00:21:09,219 --> 00:21:10,128 Oh, my God. 533 00:21:11,354 --> 00:21:13,431 - May 11, 2032. - That's two more days. 534 00:21:13,556 --> 00:21:15,100 That's two more days with flossing. 535 00:21:15,225 --> 00:21:16,682 - That's two whole days. - We gotta start flossing. 536 00:21:16,848 --> 00:21:19,848 Let's go floss right now, we're saving our lives.