1
00:00:04,378 --> 00:00:06,344
- No...
- No...
2
00:00:06,469 --> 00:00:08,913
- Yes...
- Yes!
3
00:00:09,038 --> 00:00:12,174
- No!
- Oh!
4
00:00:13,434 --> 00:00:16,391
I told you we should have
watched this at my place.
5
00:00:16,557 --> 00:00:19,357
They always lose when we're here.
6
00:00:19,482 --> 00:00:21,359
We're switching it up
for the Notre dame game.
7
00:00:21,484 --> 00:00:24,608
We should go to Sal's.
This place is bad luck.
8
00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:26,397
I can't.
9
00:00:26,522 --> 00:00:28,265
Whitney's on her way home
from Trader Joe's.
10
00:00:28,390 --> 00:00:32,407
We're cooking Paia tonight.
11
00:00:32,573 --> 00:00:34,238
What's up with you and dinner lately?
12
00:00:34,363 --> 00:00:37,537
It's been like every night this week.
13
00:00:37,703 --> 00:00:39,911
Well, Whitney's been shooting
a lot of weddings lately,
14
00:00:40,036 --> 00:00:42,113
and I've been having a lot
of meetings on my new website,
15
00:00:42,238 --> 00:00:43,168
and this is the only time
we can see each other.
16
00:00:43,334 --> 00:00:46,171
Oh, God.
Write a love song about it.
17
00:00:47,543 --> 00:00:49,383
Hey, man, can you recycle that?
18
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:51,656
- What?
- The can.
19
00:00:51,781 --> 00:00:53,095
You know Whitney and I recycle.
20
00:00:53,261 --> 00:00:56,598
Oh! You do that even
when she's not here?
21
00:00:56,764 --> 00:01:00,519
Yeah, man. Can you just
put it in the blue bin?
22
00:01:00,685 --> 00:01:03,271
It's already in the garbage.
I'm not gonna take it out.
23
00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:06,704
- Recycling's not my thing.
- What is it with you lately?
24
00:01:06,829 --> 00:01:08,026
Why's everything a debate, dude?
25
00:01:08,192 --> 00:01:10,445
Recycling's a scam!
26
00:01:10,611 --> 00:01:12,410
It's just another way
that the government
27
00:01:12,535 --> 00:01:15,613
keeps us all distracted from the
one real problem in America...
28
00:01:15,738 --> 00:01:18,870
People living under the city.
They're there.
29
00:01:27,049 --> 00:01:32,397
Uh, well, I don't want
to talk about sewer people.
30
00:01:32,522 --> 00:01:34,886
So can you just recycle the can?
31
00:01:36,492 --> 00:01:37,973
What if I don't?
32
00:01:38,261 --> 00:01:40,809
"What if I don't?"
What are you, five?
33
00:01:41,030 --> 00:01:43,270
What are you... four?
34
00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:45,810
Oh! Nailed it!
35
00:01:45,935 --> 00:01:47,612
One trip.
36
00:01:47,737 --> 00:01:49,276
Bad news.
37
00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:51,695
I have crabs.
38
00:01:54,243 --> 00:01:55,881
You know what?
I should have known.
39
00:01:56,006 --> 00:01:57,367
Baby can't throw away his own bottle.
40
00:01:57,533 --> 00:02:00,537
It was a can.
And since when do you recycle?
41
00:02:00,703 --> 00:02:02,205
Since always, officer Murphy.
44
00:02:08,124 --> 00:02:09,366
Wow. Okay.
45
00:02:09,491 --> 00:02:11,202
You know that test
was at 7:00 in the morning.
46
00:02:11,327 --> 00:02:13,461
And standardized tests are racist!
47
00:02:17,333 --> 00:02:19,060
Honey, I don't think you heard me.
48
00:02:19,185 --> 00:02:20,724
I said, uh, I have crabs.
49
00:02:20,970 --> 00:02:22,780
I mean, that killed
in the checkout line.
50
00:02:22,905 --> 00:02:24,394
Come on.
51
00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:27,885
Whitney is taped in front of
a live studio audience.
52
00:02:28,010 --> 00:02:29,357
You heard me.
53
00:02:29,523 --> 00:02:31,526
I don't understand.
Where is all this coming from?
54
00:02:31,692 --> 00:02:32,890
I don't know.
He's been a baby.
55
00:02:33,015 --> 00:02:34,525
He's been arguing with me
about everything
56
00:02:34,650 --> 00:02:35,793
for like a month now.
57
00:02:35,918 --> 00:02:37,562
Best place to get subs.
Fastest way downtown.
58
00:02:37,687 --> 00:02:39,247
- Hottest Selena.
- That's obvious.
59
00:02:39,372 --> 00:02:41,578
It's Gomez.
60
00:02:41,744 --> 00:02:43,872
Yeah, I know.
He said the dead one.
61
00:02:45,328 --> 00:02:47,375
Well, have you guys ever had
a fight like this before?
62
00:02:47,541 --> 00:02:49,474
- No.
- You guys have been friends
63
00:02:49,599 --> 00:02:50,758
for six years.
64
00:02:50,883 --> 00:02:52,172
Just go down there
and see what's going on.
65
00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:53,428
No, I'm not gonna go down there.
66
00:02:53,553 --> 00:02:55,296
He started it.
Look, it's probably fine.
67
00:02:55,421 --> 00:02:57,115
He's gonna come over tomorrow
and apologize
68
00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,317
for acting like a little bitch
because the Black Hawks lost.
69
00:02:59,442 --> 00:03:00,889
It'll all blow over.
70
00:03:01,177 --> 00:03:03,642
Okay, I'm just trying
to get inside Mark's head...
71
00:03:03,808 --> 00:03:06,853
No, no, no, no.
Don't do that.
72
00:03:07,019 --> 00:03:09,827
Was he talking about actual Selena
73
00:03:09,952 --> 00:03:12,150
or Jennifer Lopez as Selena?
74
00:03:12,455 --> 00:03:13,443
[Knock at door]
75
00:03:14,774 --> 00:03:16,267
'Scuse me.
76
00:03:16,392 --> 00:03:18,402
Did a little detective work
around my apartment,
77
00:03:18,527 --> 00:03:20,321
and I just want to return
a few things
78
00:03:20,446 --> 00:03:22,577
that I found that belong to Alex...
79
00:03:22,743 --> 00:03:24,621
Including this key
80
00:03:24,787 --> 00:03:27,374
which I will never use again.
81
00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:29,292
Oh, and at some point,
82
00:03:29,458 --> 00:03:31,332
I would like back my Jersey,
my blender,
83
00:03:31,457 --> 00:03:32,750
and my protein powder.
84
00:03:32,875 --> 00:03:35,627
Not that I need it.
85
00:03:41,762 --> 00:03:43,974
He gave me back my Xbox controller.
86
00:03:46,088 --> 00:03:48,061
Think you two just broke up.
87
00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:53,984
So wait, Mark and Alex
broke up over a can?
88
00:03:54,263 --> 00:03:56,190
Mark brought over a box
of Alex's stuff
89
00:03:56,315 --> 00:03:58,113
and then Alex de-friended Mark...
90
00:03:58,434 --> 00:03:59,443
Wait, back up.
91
00:03:59,568 --> 00:04:02,742
I can get Mark out of my life
with a can?
92
00:04:02,972 --> 00:04:04,369
So how is Alex about all this?
93
00:04:04,535 --> 00:04:05,750
Oh, not good.
94
00:04:05,875 --> 00:04:07,455
When Alex is upset,
he just tries to keep busy.
95
00:04:07,621 --> 00:04:09,624
Do you remember that time
we broke up for three hours,
96
00:04:09,790 --> 00:04:11,589
and he went to Vegas, made $1,000,
97
00:04:11,714 --> 00:04:14,421
and got sawed in half by criss angel?
98
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:17,028
But this can't just be
about a can, right?
99
00:04:17,153 --> 00:04:18,383
Oh, yeah.
Guys fight.
100
00:04:18,549 --> 00:04:20,364
It's in their DNA.
101
00:04:20,489 --> 00:04:22,366
They used to kill each other
for meat and women
102
00:04:22,491 --> 00:04:23,601
but, you know, they got nothing left
103
00:04:23,726 --> 00:04:25,432
now that you can get both online.
104
00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:28,372
They do have
a few outlets, you know...
105
00:04:28,497 --> 00:04:30,520
Road rage, sports radio.
106
00:04:32,068 --> 00:04:34,983
Barbecues.
107
00:04:35,237 --> 00:04:36,614
You just don't come to a man's house
108
00:04:36,739 --> 00:04:38,649
and touch his grill.
109
00:04:38,774 --> 00:04:40,251
Don't squeeze down my burgers.
110
00:04:40,376 --> 00:04:43,120
You don't get that juice back.
111
00:04:43,245 --> 00:04:44,367
Hello, friends.
112
00:04:44,533 --> 00:04:46,161
- Oh, hi.
- Whitney, uh,
113
00:04:46,499 --> 00:04:48,259
I understand you already
have a dog in this fight,
114
00:04:48,384 --> 00:04:50,206
but I'd like to address the group.
115
00:04:50,372 --> 00:04:52,797
- You're welcome to stay.
- That's kind of you, Mark.
116
00:04:52,922 --> 00:04:55,967
I know fallouts can be rough
on a group of friends.
117
00:04:56,092 --> 00:04:57,714
This is the time when
you gotta choose sides.
118
00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:59,203
- Oh.
- Well, I would like to
119
00:04:59,328 --> 00:05:01,255
formally throw my hat into the ring,
120
00:05:01,380 --> 00:05:05,176
and may I remind you
it's a, uh, Chicago police hat.
121
00:05:05,301 --> 00:05:06,723
- Mark, can we just...
- Whitney.
122
00:05:06,969 --> 00:05:08,229
Technically, when I'm in my uniform,
123
00:05:08,354 --> 00:05:11,148
that's assaulting a police office.
124
00:05:11,273 --> 00:05:12,270
[Mouthing]
Sorry.
125
00:05:12,436 --> 00:05:13,563
Now, Roxanne.
126
00:05:13,729 --> 00:05:15,219
You should take my side.
Let's face it...
127
00:05:15,344 --> 00:05:18,022
You're a DUI waiting to happen.
128
00:05:18,147 --> 00:05:19,390
That is an excellent point.
129
00:05:19,515 --> 00:05:21,279
Let me drink about it.
130
00:05:21,445 --> 00:05:23,828
Lily and Neal, I know you both have
131
00:05:23,953 --> 00:05:25,784
bachelor and bachelorette
parties coming up.
132
00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:28,399
There is such a thing as
a "get out of jail free" card,
133
00:05:28,524 --> 00:05:30,334
so just in case you find yourselves
134
00:05:30,459 --> 00:05:33,500
in a dead hooker situation...
135
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:35,706
You know, Mark,
we've been talking about it
136
00:05:35,831 --> 00:05:37,041
in couples therapy,
137
00:05:37,166 --> 00:05:40,711
and I think Neal is done
killing hookers.
138
00:05:40,836 --> 00:05:43,218
- For now.
- Yeah.
139
00:05:43,384 --> 00:05:46,217
Well, then, I made my case.
I hope you choose wisely.
140
00:05:46,342 --> 00:05:47,685
I'm off to fight crime.
141
00:05:47,810 --> 00:05:51,977
While Alex sits at home
and does nothing for society.
142
00:06:04,403 --> 00:06:05,782
{pub}Hi, honey.
143
00:06:05,948 --> 00:06:08,216
Hey. Just, uh, going at it.
144
00:06:08,341 --> 00:06:10,702
I ran down to the store
to pick up this jump rope
145
00:06:10,827 --> 00:06:12,320
and I ran back,
146
00:06:12,445 --> 00:06:13,705
then I drank a bunch of orange juice
147
00:06:13,830 --> 00:06:15,573
and threw it all up kinda.
148
00:06:15,698 --> 00:06:16,991
Now I'm just kinda going at it again.
149
00:06:17,116 --> 00:06:19,295
Okay, well, um,
150
00:06:19,461 --> 00:06:21,256
sorry to interrupt
your training montage.
151
00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:24,165
Just, you know, getting all yoked.
152
00:06:24,290 --> 00:06:26,718
Burn, burn, burn.
153
00:06:26,843 --> 00:06:29,270
[Groans]
154
00:06:29,395 --> 00:06:31,506
Psss-ah!
155
00:06:31,631 --> 00:06:32,724
- Okay, honey...
- Psss-ah!
156
00:06:32,849 --> 00:06:34,644
Watch out one second.
Watch out.
157
00:06:34,810 --> 00:06:35,727
Do you wanna stop?
Just stop.
158
00:06:35,852 --> 00:06:39,607
Okay.
Just put down the semi-gloss.
159
00:06:39,773 --> 00:06:40,900
Feel my lats.
Feel my lats.
160
00:06:41,066 --> 00:06:42,360
Okay. I don't know what lats are.
161
00:06:42,526 --> 00:06:44,402
Um... Honey,
162
00:06:44,527 --> 00:06:46,254
you're going trough a breakup,
163
00:06:46,379 --> 00:06:48,906
and I don't think you're
handling it particularly well.
164
00:06:49,031 --> 00:06:50,892
Oh, my God, stop the dips.
Stop...
165
00:06:51,017 --> 00:06:52,443
Let me get to eight.
Get to eight.
166
00:06:52,568 --> 00:06:53,894
- Eight. There.
- Eight. Okay.
167
00:06:54,019 --> 00:06:55,897
I have been through breakups before,
168
00:06:56,022 --> 00:06:57,031
and you gotta get back out there.
169
00:06:57,156 --> 00:06:58,752
We gotta get your mind off of Mark.
170
00:06:58,991 --> 00:07:00,234
My mind is not on Mark.
171
00:07:00,359 --> 00:07:04,090
My mind is on my money,
and my money is on my mind.
172
00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:07,469
I don't need Mark.
173
00:07:07,635 --> 00:07:09,910
Okay, look, I know
this is a hard day for you,
174
00:07:10,035 --> 00:07:11,879
because it's Wednesday
and you and Mark
175
00:07:12,004 --> 00:07:14,282
normally
go and get your chicken fingers.
176
00:07:14,407 --> 00:07:17,285
Oh! It's chicken wings.
It's wings day night.
177
00:07:17,410 --> 00:07:19,787
It's wings day night.
178
00:07:19,912 --> 00:07:21,723
That's the joke...
Wings day night.
179
00:07:21,848 --> 00:07:23,401
[Laughing]
180
00:07:23,567 --> 00:07:24,694
Oh, man, that's funny.
181
00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:29,330
Wings day night.
What?
182
00:07:29,455 --> 00:07:33,995
Okay, well...
Why don't I go with you?
183
00:07:34,161 --> 00:07:36,998
Well, um, real... I'm gonna
bring my girlfriend to wings day?
184
00:07:37,164 --> 00:07:41,795
Okay. Not as your girlfriend.
As your buddy.
185
00:07:42,034 --> 00:07:43,010
I mean, I don't know.
186
00:07:43,135 --> 00:07:44,912
It's just like a bunch of guys
hanging out,
187
00:07:45,037 --> 00:07:46,914
- watching the game, right?
- That sounds awesome, okay?
188
00:07:47,039 --> 00:07:48,316
I can be a guy.
189
00:07:48,441 --> 00:07:52,847
I once peed standing up
at Lollapalooza.
190
00:07:53,013 --> 00:07:54,388
That's not really like a guy.
191
00:07:54,513 --> 00:07:57,382
That's more like a gross chick.
192
00:08:01,053 --> 00:08:02,982
Bros night out.
193
00:08:03,148 --> 00:08:04,484
Two buddies shooting pool.
194
00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,694
Yeah, this is great.
Mark never wants to play pool.
195
00:08:06,926 --> 00:08:09,694
See? I can be fun without Mark.
196
00:08:13,367 --> 00:08:14,709
Uh, no...
197
00:08:14,834 --> 00:08:17,979
You actually have to hit the
white ball into another ball.
198
00:08:18,247 --> 00:08:20,548
But, uh... It's okay.
199
00:08:20,673 --> 00:08:22,416
Uh, we'll... here.
Try again.
200
00:08:22,541 --> 00:08:24,709
Okay.
201
00:08:27,914 --> 00:08:29,968
Fire!
Fire!
202
00:08:30,134 --> 00:08:31,344
You hit the 8-ball.
You lost.
203
00:08:31,510 --> 00:08:33,094
But you're getting the hang of it,
204
00:08:33,219 --> 00:08:34,879
so let's play again, huh?
I'll rack.
205
00:08:35,004 --> 00:08:38,957
Oh!
Speaking of racks...
206
00:08:39,959 --> 00:08:41,335
Here are your nuclear wings
207
00:08:41,460 --> 00:08:43,314
and extra blue cheese.
Can I get you something else?
208
00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:45,483
I think she meant to order mild.
209
00:08:45,649 --> 00:08:46,841
Mild?
Are these to eat
210
00:08:46,966 --> 00:08:49,028
or use instead of tampons?
211
00:08:49,301 --> 00:08:51,114
I ordered the nuclear.
212
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:55,034
Okay, yeah, if you could
just set it up at our booth...
213
00:09:01,864 --> 00:09:03,543
You know, we'll just have 'em here.
214
00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:05,893
Thanks.
215
00:09:06,170 --> 00:09:08,339
I can't believe he let
a stranger sit in our booth.
216
00:09:08,505 --> 00:09:11,301
Honey, that's not a stranger.
That's Neal.
217
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:13,470
Did he give Neal my Jersey?
218
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:17,438
[Loudly]
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
219
00:09:17,563 --> 00:09:19,267
Oh... Neal!
220
00:09:19,433 --> 00:09:20,758
Ha ha!
221
00:09:20,883 --> 00:09:22,426
All right, Neal's not that funny.
222
00:09:22,551 --> 00:09:24,105
Don't let that get to you, okay?
223
00:09:24,271 --> 00:09:26,232
We are having fun, right?
We got our wings...
224
00:09:26,398 --> 00:09:28,048
Okay. Good.
Good point. Yeah.
225
00:09:28,173 --> 00:09:30,195
Okay.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
226
00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:31,613
Oh!
227
00:09:31,779 --> 00:09:34,073
[Both laughing]
228
00:09:34,239 --> 00:09:35,723
Oh!
229
00:09:35,848 --> 00:09:37,452
Mmm!
230
00:09:38,684 --> 00:09:40,661
- Oh, my God.
- What are you doing?
231
00:09:40,786 --> 00:09:42,663
You're...
232
00:09:42,788 --> 00:09:44,250
These taste like war!
233
00:09:44,416 --> 00:09:47,401
Oh, my God, my mouth's like...
234
00:09:47,526 --> 00:09:48,836
It's like crying.
235
00:09:48,961 --> 00:09:51,049
Here, here, have the blue
cheese and the celery.
236
00:09:51,215 --> 00:09:53,457
Eat that.
Yeah... ooh. Okay.
237
00:09:53,582 --> 00:09:56,077
Muuah!
238
00:09:56,202 --> 00:09:57,180
Ah!
239
00:09:57,346 --> 00:09:58,796
Okay. Uh, I'll get you some water.
240
00:09:58,921 --> 00:10:00,081
Uh, waitress?
241
00:10:00,206 --> 00:10:01,933
I don't have time for that.
Uh-uh.
242
00:10:02,058 --> 00:10:04,020
Whoa. Thank you!
243
00:10:06,479 --> 00:10:08,105
Can I get a water, please?
244
00:10:08,230 --> 00:10:10,942
And a time machine?
Thank you.
245
00:10:11,067 --> 00:10:12,610
Hey, Whit.
246
00:10:12,735 --> 00:10:13,861
Tell Alex I'm sorry.
247
00:10:13,986 --> 00:10:16,797
I ran into Mark earlier,
and he was just so sad.
248
00:10:16,922 --> 00:10:18,034
And he begged me to come with him.
249
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,702
This whole thing is so weird.
250
00:10:19,868 --> 00:10:21,819
I'm Indian.
251
00:10:21,944 --> 00:10:23,748
This is confusing.
252
00:10:25,498 --> 00:10:26,709
Neal!
253
00:10:26,932 --> 00:10:28,378
Wings here!
254
00:10:33,756 --> 00:10:35,783
What's up?
255
00:10:35,908 --> 00:10:37,804
- Ah.
- What did Neal say?
256
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:40,056
What? Nothing.
257
00:10:40,222 --> 00:10:43,768
Hmm.
Two more.
258
00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:45,937
Four more over here, please.
259
00:10:48,270 --> 00:10:51,399
Actually, make that eight more.
260
00:10:51,524 --> 00:10:54,237
You know what?
We'll take the keg.
261
00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:56,781
Thank you!
262
00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:58,739
Come on. Okay.
Come on.
263
00:10:58,864 --> 00:11:01,976
Get off me, pants.
This is your last warning.
264
00:11:02,101 --> 00:11:04,662
If I told you once,
I told you twice...
265
00:11:04,787 --> 00:11:07,999
Get off my legs!
266
00:11:08,124 --> 00:11:10,484
Hey, I wanna touch your boobs.
267
00:11:10,609 --> 00:11:12,920
- No.
- Yeah. I know, but it's okay.
268
00:11:13,045 --> 00:11:14,188
'Cause I'm not even a boobs guy.
269
00:11:14,313 --> 00:11:17,091
Mark is a boobs guy.
I'm more of an ass guy.
270
00:11:17,216 --> 00:11:18,826
That why we make such a great team.
271
00:11:18,951 --> 00:11:20,638
But that's all rig,
'cause I don't miss Mark,
272
00:11:20,804 --> 00:11:22,697
and Mark misses me.
273
00:11:22,822 --> 00:11:25,184
Rraaww.
274
00:11:26,492 --> 00:11:29,188
I feel like you might
miss Mark a little bit.
275
00:11:29,354 --> 00:11:31,172
Yeah, yeah.
I miss him a little bit.
276
00:11:31,297 --> 00:11:32,609
But you know... Hey.
277
00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:34,842
Do you even know how we m...
How we met?
278
00:11:34,967 --> 00:11:36,310
No.
279
00:11:36,435 --> 00:11:38,312
Dude, we met on the softball team.
280
00:11:38,437 --> 00:11:39,780
What?
We met on the softball team
281
00:11:39,905 --> 00:11:42,149
when he played...
282
00:11:42,274 --> 00:11:44,318
He played...
He played... check it out...
283
00:11:44,443 --> 00:11:46,354
He played second base,
I played short base,
284
00:11:46,479 --> 00:11:48,990
and he and I...
285
00:11:49,115 --> 00:11:52,545
He and I were like making
beautiful double plays together,
286
00:11:53,018 --> 00:11:55,963
so shut up.
287
00:11:56,088 --> 00:11:58,933
Honey, I'm gonna put
this trash can here for you.
288
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:01,262
Yeah.
I love a trash can.
289
00:12:02,711 --> 00:12:04,015
I don't wanna say he completes me,
290
00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:05,272
'cause you complete me,
291
00:12:05,397 --> 00:12:08,394
but he butters
the nooks and crannies.
292
00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:12,190
Oh, let's make toast, dude.
293
00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:13,566
No.
294
00:12:13,732 --> 00:12:16,350
I wanna be honest with you
for one quick second.
295
00:12:16,475 --> 00:12:19,614
I wanna put my hand under your shirt.
296
00:12:25,951 --> 00:12:30,792
So... The jury's in.
You'll let me do that.
297
00:12:34,326 --> 00:12:36,878
Yeah...
298
00:12:47,940 --> 00:12:49,727
Found it.
299
00:12:55,183 --> 00:12:56,401
{pub}This is a disaster.
300
00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,444
Mark and Alex
have to get back together.
301
00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:00,046
Last night Alex got blackout drunk,
302
00:13:00,171 --> 00:13:01,330
and he tried to convince me
303
00:13:01,455 --> 00:13:03,949
to have a threesome with a pillow...
304
00:13:04,074 --> 00:13:06,369
And then he wanted to watch me
with the pillow,
305
00:13:06,944 --> 00:13:11,332
and now I have to do so much laundry.
306
00:13:11,498 --> 00:13:13,025
- Right.
- Yeah, this breakup is hard
307
00:13:13,150 --> 00:13:14,627
on everyone.
308
00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:16,462
Neal hung out with Mark
last night for seven hours,
309
00:13:16,587 --> 00:13:19,065
came to my apartment
smelling like Charlie girl
310
00:13:19,190 --> 00:13:21,067
and carrying a stolen street sign.
311
00:13:21,341 --> 00:13:22,510
Yeah.
312
00:13:22,676 --> 00:13:24,429
"Ball Avenue."
313
00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:26,138
I don't know.
314
00:13:26,263 --> 00:13:27,723
I just really hope this ends soon.
315
00:13:27,889 --> 00:13:30,209
Well, they're not gonna
solve it on their own.
316
00:13:30,334 --> 00:13:31,977
Guys are way too proud and stubborn
317
00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:33,479
to ever admit they're wrong.
318
00:13:33,645 --> 00:13:39,152
Yeah. Neal acted like
he already had that street sign.
319
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:40,453
So what do I do,
320
00:13:40,578 --> 00:13:42,405
just wait for Alex
to make a new friend?
321
00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:44,323
What? No.
Never gonna happen.
322
00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:46,451
People don't make new friends
in their 30s.
323
00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:48,294
Who's got time for that?
324
00:13:48,419 --> 00:13:51,464
What, oh, I'm just gonna go
out to lunch with some new girl
325
00:13:51,589 --> 00:13:54,800
and hear all about
her battle with gluten?
326
00:13:54,925 --> 00:13:56,127
Mm-mm.
327
00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:57,586
The craziest part is that
328
00:13:57,711 --> 00:14:00,005
since Alex and Mark
haven't been seeing each other,
329
00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:01,423
I realize that Mark and Alex
330
00:14:01,548 --> 00:14:03,217
are weirdly perfect for each other.
331
00:14:03,383 --> 00:14:05,887
He's his spirit animal.
332
00:14:07,262 --> 00:14:10,308
Mine is Nicki Minaj.
333
00:14:11,725 --> 00:14:13,986
The whole situation is just not good.
334
00:14:14,111 --> 00:14:15,488
Guys need their guy friends.
335
00:14:15,613 --> 00:14:16,731
You should go talk to Mark.
336
00:14:16,897 --> 00:14:18,357
If you just sit down with Mark,
337
00:14:18,523 --> 00:14:19,725
you know, like you would with us...
338
00:14:19,850 --> 00:14:22,195
No judgments...
He'd open up a little.
339
00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:24,029
Roxanne!
I'm Kelly.
340
00:14:24,154 --> 00:14:26,115
- I think we met that one time...
- Oh, I'm sorry.
341
00:14:26,281 --> 00:14:29,792
I'm 33.
I'm... At capacity.
342
00:14:31,870 --> 00:14:33,796
Oh...
343
00:14:35,123 --> 00:14:37,376
Is she still there?
344
00:14:38,543 --> 00:14:40,720
[Knock at door]
345
00:14:45,937 --> 00:14:46,803
Hi, Mark.
346
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,687
What are you doing here?
We're not talking anymore.
347
00:14:48,812 --> 00:14:50,956
What kind of ice cream is that?
348
00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:53,425
It's rocky road.
[Singsong] It's fat-free.
349
00:14:53,550 --> 00:14:56,020
It's much better when you eat it
straight out of the carton.
350
00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:58,814
That's my favorite, and you know it.
351
00:14:58,980 --> 00:15:01,984
I just wanted to come over and talk.
352
00:15:02,150 --> 00:15:04,003
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
353
00:15:04,128 --> 00:15:05,638
I am mad at Alex,
354
00:15:05,763 --> 00:15:09,325
but I am not gonna sleep with you.
355
00:15:09,491 --> 00:15:12,912
You wanna do side-by-side stuff,
that's cool.
356
00:15:15,973 --> 00:15:18,624
You know what?
Maybe we'll skip the wine...
357
00:15:18,917 --> 00:15:21,119
I just wanted to see
if there's anything
358
00:15:21,244 --> 00:15:24,423
you wanted to talk about,
no... Judgments.
359
00:15:24,589 --> 00:15:25,791
No.
360
00:15:25,916 --> 00:15:27,059
I'm great.
361
00:15:27,342 --> 00:15:29,361
Okay, well, then I'll start.
362
00:15:29,486 --> 00:15:32,223
Um... I'm not doing so great.
363
00:15:32,389 --> 00:15:35,000
[Sighs]
Me either.
364
00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:37,395
I really miss you
and Alex being friends.
365
00:15:37,561 --> 00:15:38,813
Me too.
366
00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:40,106
Here.
Do you want a blanket?
367
00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:42,491
- Uh-huh.
- Here.
368
00:15:42,616 --> 00:15:44,861
So... How are you feeling?
369
00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:49,824
No one's ever asked me
how I'm feeling before.
370
00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:52,651
I don't know!
371
00:15:52,776 --> 00:15:55,921
It's... It's like I feel...
372
00:15:56,204 --> 00:15:58,023
Sad.
373
00:15:58,290 --> 00:16:00,125
Okay. Yeah.
374
00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:02,294
- Sad how?
- Like...
375
00:16:02,419 --> 00:16:05,214
Pushed aside, left out,
376
00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:07,132
like a third wheel.
377
00:16:07,257 --> 00:16:09,768
Alex was my last
single friend, and...
378
00:16:09,893 --> 00:16:11,345
Now he's gone.
379
00:16:11,511 --> 00:16:14,599
He's just upstairs.
He's just one flight away.
380
00:16:14,765 --> 00:16:16,692
Yeah, but you guys are so together.
381
00:16:16,817 --> 00:16:18,436
You're such a solid couple.
382
00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:21,480
And the closer you guys get,
the less I feel like I fit in.
383
00:16:21,605 --> 00:16:24,774
And now you have this
inside joke about recycling.
384
00:16:27,177 --> 00:16:30,613
Not a joke.
Not inside.
385
00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:32,691
Yeah.
But it's so adult.
386
00:16:32,816 --> 00:16:35,461
I mean, what's next,
a house in the suburbs?
387
00:16:35,586 --> 00:16:37,896
It's inevitable.
That's how life is.
388
00:16:38,021 --> 00:16:41,000
Hos tear bros apart.
389
00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:43,502
Mark, look, we're not
going anywhere, okay?
390
00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:44,470
And I... I'm sorry.
391
00:16:44,595 --> 00:16:47,239
I had no idea you were
feeling this way.
392
00:16:47,364 --> 00:16:50,551
I wasn't even sure
you had feelings at all.
393
00:16:50,717 --> 00:16:52,061
I'm very sensitive.
394
00:16:52,186 --> 00:16:55,080
I'm like a cluster of raw nerves.
395
00:16:55,205 --> 00:16:58,775
I'm basically a giant penis tip.
396
00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:08,194
That is why I assume
you don't have feelings.
397
00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:10,321
Um... Look,
398
00:17:10,487 --> 00:17:12,698
if I have realized anything
over the past couple of days,
399
00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:14,533
it's that you are
an indispensable part
400
00:17:14,658 --> 00:17:16,535
of Alex's life, which...
401
00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:18,996
Makes you an indispensable
part of my life.
402
00:17:19,162 --> 00:17:21,006
Thanks.
403
00:17:21,131 --> 00:17:22,308
And you know...
404
00:17:22,433 --> 00:17:24,510
I totally get how he looks at you
405
00:17:24,635 --> 00:17:26,612
and thinks, uh,
406
00:17:26,737 --> 00:17:28,480
"I'm in this for the long haul."
407
00:17:28,605 --> 00:17:31,517
See? Sometimes hos help bros
408
00:17:31,642 --> 00:17:33,552
and sometimes bros
should apologize to hos
409
00:17:33,677 --> 00:17:36,555
for calling them a ho.
410
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,599
Yeah.
Not gonna happen.
411
00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:47,166
[Rhythmic breathing]
412
00:17:47,291 --> 00:17:50,026
Ah...
413
00:17:54,531 --> 00:17:56,158
- Hey, um...
- Hey.
414
00:17:56,992 --> 00:18:00,369
Mark has something
he wants to say to you.
415
00:18:01,997 --> 00:18:05,450
You guys might wanna sit down.
416
00:18:05,575 --> 00:18:07,243
Okay.
417
00:18:12,048 --> 00:18:13,749
Hey.
418
00:18:16,153 --> 00:18:17,553
Hey.
419
00:18:20,657 --> 00:18:23,702
So, um...
420
00:18:23,827 --> 00:18:27,473
Fletch was on TV last night.
421
00:18:27,598 --> 00:18:30,609
Yeah, I know.
I-I saw it, uh...
422
00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:35,047
I came in at, "gonna use
the whole fist, doc?"
423
00:18:35,322 --> 00:18:37,616
Okay, now that you guys
are both in the same room...
424
00:18:37,782 --> 00:18:38,951
"Can I borrow your towel?"
425
00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:40,494
Together: "My car just hit
a water buffalo."
426
00:18:40,660 --> 00:18:41,912
[Both laughing]
427
00:18:42,078 --> 00:18:43,422
"It's, uh..."
428
00:18:43,547 --> 00:18:45,541
Together:
"All ball bearings nowadays."
429
00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:47,760
- Yeah.
- Man, it's a classic.
430
00:18:47,885 --> 00:18:50,462
Yeah, it is.
That is such a classic.
431
00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:53,924
[Sighs]
I'm sorry I was being a tool.
432
00:18:55,550 --> 00:18:57,002
[Stammers, huffs]
433
00:18:57,127 --> 00:19:00,181
You kinda like...
Broke up with me.
434
00:19:00,347 --> 00:19:01,940
I don't know.
435
00:19:02,065 --> 00:19:05,436
I was being really girly
or whatever, but...
436
00:19:05,602 --> 00:19:07,646
I'm over it.
437
00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:10,149
Dude, it's all good, you know?
438
00:19:10,315 --> 00:19:12,251
Well, I was gonna go down to Sal's.
439
00:19:12,376 --> 00:19:14,253
They got like seven games playing.
440
00:19:14,378 --> 00:19:16,288
I was just gonna go
get a pizza or something
441
00:19:16,413 --> 00:19:17,656
if, uh, you want.
My treat.
442
00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:19,291
Hey, you don't have to pay for it.
443
00:19:19,416 --> 00:19:20,459
We can...
444
00:19:20,584 --> 00:19:22,194
Together: Put it on the underhill's.
445
00:19:22,319 --> 00:19:25,790
All right, cool.
I'm gonna go get a sweater.
446
00:19:27,624 --> 00:19:29,251
What was that?
Why didn't you say
447
00:19:29,417 --> 00:19:31,212
any of the stuff
we just talked about?
448
00:19:31,378 --> 00:19:32,588
We did.
449
00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:43,474
Thanks, man.
450
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:46,185
I'm in on the joke now.
451
00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:55,027
Hey, uh...
452
00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:56,654
Thanks, you know?
453
00:19:56,820 --> 00:19:58,948
Oh, he's your best friend.
454
00:19:59,114 --> 00:20:01,408
Nah, nah.
You're my best friend.
455
00:20:07,712 --> 00:20:09,834
{pub}So Mark didn't text you back?
456
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,372
He probably just can't
find his cell phone.
457
00:20:12,497 --> 00:20:14,625
What did I do?
458
00:20:14,750 --> 00:20:15,959
I mean, Alex comes back,
459
00:20:16,084 --> 00:20:18,478
and I all of a sudden don't exist.
460
00:20:18,603 --> 00:20:20,547
Just let it out.
461
00:20:20,672 --> 00:20:23,350
We had so much fun together.
462
00:20:23,475 --> 00:20:25,302
I mean...
463
00:20:25,427 --> 00:20:27,654
He thought I was so funny.
464
00:20:27,779 --> 00:20:30,924
You are too good for him.
You deserve better.
465
00:20:31,049 --> 00:20:32,192
Mark did you a favor.
466
00:20:32,317 --> 00:20:36,163
I mean, ball Avenue...
467
00:20:36,288 --> 00:20:39,066
Doesn't that mean anything anymore?
468
00:20:39,191 --> 00:20:41,325
[Buzzing]
469
00:20:43,829 --> 00:20:46,707
Ha.
They're at Lou Malnati's.
470
00:20:46,832 --> 00:20:49,567
I'm just gonna swing by.
471
00:20:49,873 --> 00:20:51,395
But... but honey...
472
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:52,879
No.
473
00:20:53,004 --> 00:20:54,086
You just have to let him go.
474
00:20:54,252 --> 00:20:56,338
Boys need their girl time.
475
00:20:56,504 --> 00:21:02,344
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com