1
00:00:04,637 --> 00:00:08,232
(TV PLAYlNG)
BOTH: No! Yes. Yes!

2
00:00:09,309 --> 00:00:10,606
No!

3
00:00:13,279 --> 00:00:16,112
I told you we should have
watched this at my place.

4
00:00:16,716 --> 00:00:18,081
They always lose
when we're here.

5
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,650
We're switching it up
for the Notre Dame game.

6
00:00:21,721 --> 00:00:24,212
We should go to Sal's.
This place is bad luck.

7
00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:28,618
I can't. Whitney
is on her way home
from Trader Joe's.

8
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,856
We're cooking
paella tonight.

9
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:34,360
What's up with
you and dinner lately?

10
00:00:34,434 --> 00:00:37,062
It's been, like,
every night this week.

11
00:00:37,437 --> 00:00:39,371
Well, Whitney has been
shooting a lot
ofweddings lately,

12
00:00:39,439 --> 00:00:41,407
and I've been having
a lot of meetings
on my new website.

13
00:00:41,474 --> 00:00:42,941
And this is, like,
the only time
we can see each other.

14
00:00:43,309 --> 00:00:45,834
Oh, God.
Write a love song about it.

15
00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:48,970
Hey, man,
can you recycle that?

16
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,141
What?

17
00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:51,376
The can.

18
00:00:51,451 --> 00:00:52,748
You know
Whitney and I recycle.

19
00:00:53,420 --> 00:00:56,184
Oh. You do that
even when she's not here?

20
00:00:58,258 --> 00:01:00,283
Yeah, man. Could you
just put it in a blue bin?

21
00:01:00,860 --> 00:01:02,919
It's already in the garbage.
I'm not going to take it out.

22
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:05,258
Recycling is not my thing.

23
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,730
What is it with you lately?
Why is everything
a debate, dude?

24
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:10,133
Recycling is a scam.

25
00:01:11,137 --> 00:01:13,162
It's just another way
that the government
keeps us all distracted

26
00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:15,264
from the one real
problem in America.

27
00:01:15,341 --> 00:01:18,242
People living
under the city.
They're there.

28
00:01:26,786 --> 00:01:30,415
Uh, well, I don't want to
talk about sewer people.

29
00:01:32,625 --> 00:01:34,616
So, can you just
recycle the can?

30
00:01:36,463 --> 00:01:37,657
What if I don't?

31
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,525
"What if I don't?"
What are you, five?

32
00:01:41,067 --> 00:01:42,864
What are you, four?

33
00:01:43,536 --> 00:01:46,130
Ha! Nailed it!
One trip.

34
00:01:48,575 --> 00:01:50,873
Bad news.
I have crabs.

35
00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:55,741
You know what?
I should have known.

36
00:01:55,815 --> 00:01:57,077
Baby can't throw away
his own bottle.

37
00:01:57,484 --> 00:02:00,146
It was a can.
And since when
do you recycle?

38
00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:01,920
Since always,
Officer Murphy.

39
00:02:01,988 --> 00:02:03,819
But you would
know that if you were...

40
00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:05,687
I don't know...
A detective.

41
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,394
Wow. Okay.

44
00:02:17,403 --> 00:02:20,338
Hey. I don't think
you heard me.
I said I have crabs.

45
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:23,942
I mean, that killed
in the checkout line.
Come on.

46
00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:27,702
WHlTNEY: Whitney is taped
in front of a live
studio audience.

47
00:02:27,780 --> 00:02:29,008
You heard me.

48
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:31,283
I don't understand.
Where is all this
coming from?

49
00:02:31,351 --> 00:02:32,477
I don't know.
He's been a baby.

50
00:02:32,552 --> 00:02:34,713
He's been arguing with me
about everything for,
like, a month now.

51
00:02:34,787 --> 00:02:36,084
Best place to get subs.

52
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,851
Fastest way downtown.
Hottest Selena.

53
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,482
(SCOFFS) That's obvious.
It's Gomez.

54
00:02:41,427 --> 00:02:43,452
Yeah, I know.
He said the dead one.

55
00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:47,130
Well, have you guys
ever had a fight
like this before?

56
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,292
No.

57
00:02:48,568 --> 00:02:50,058
You guys have been
friends for six years.

58
00:02:50,136 --> 00:02:51,899
Just go down there
and see what's going on.

59
00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:54,073
No, I'm not going
to go down there.
He started it.

60
00:02:54,140 --> 00:02:55,300
Look, it's probably fine.
It will...

61
00:02:55,375 --> 00:02:57,809
You know, he's going to
come over tomorrow
and apologize

62
00:02:57,877 --> 00:02:59,708
for acting like
a little bitch because
the Blackhawks lost.

63
00:02:59,779 --> 00:03:01,144
It will all blow over.

64
00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:03,273
Okay, I'm just trying
to get inside Mark's head.

65
00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:05,579
No, no, no.
No. Don't do that.

66
00:03:06,886 --> 00:03:09,616
Was he talking about
actual Selena or...

67
00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:11,657
Jennifer Lopez
as Selena?

68
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:13,086
(KNOCKlNG AT DOOR)

69
00:03:14,961 --> 00:03:16,155
Excuse me.

70
00:03:16,229 --> 00:03:18,925
Did a little detective work
around my apartment.

71
00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:22,195
And l... I just wanted to
return a few things that
I found that belong to Alex.

72
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:26,964
Including this key.
Which I will
never use again.

73
00:03:28,308 --> 00:03:29,297
Oh, and at some point,

74
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:33,106
I would like back
my jersey, my blender,
and my protein powder.

75
00:03:33,179 --> 00:03:34,908
Not that I need it.

76
00:03:41,654 --> 00:03:43,679
He gave me back
my Xbox controller.

77
00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:47,653
I think you two
just broke up.

78
00:03:51,097 --> 00:03:53,588
So, wait. Mark and Alex
broke up over a can?

79
00:03:53,866 --> 00:03:57,825
Mark brought over a box
of Alex's stuff, and then
Alex de-friended Mark...

80
00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:00,998
Wait, back up.
I can get Mark out
of my life with a can?

81
00:04:02,542 --> 00:04:04,203
So, how is Alex
about all this?

82
00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:07,075
Ugh. Not good.
When Alex is upset,
he just tries to keep busy.

83
00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:09,313
Do you remember that time
we broke up for three days

84
00:04:09,482 --> 00:04:11,347
and he went to Vegas,
made $1,000,

85
00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:13,885
and got sawed in half
by Criss Angel?

86
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,684
But this can't just be
about a can, right?

87
00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:18,018
Oh, yeah. Guys fight.

88
00:04:18,224 --> 00:04:19,885
It's in their DNA.

89
00:04:19,959 --> 00:04:21,620
They used to
kill each other
for meat and women.

90
00:04:21,694 --> 00:04:23,025
But, you know,
they've got nothing left,

91
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,087
now that you can
get both online.

92
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,961
They do have
a few outlets.

93
00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:30,229
You know, road rage,
sports radio...

94
00:04:31,838 --> 00:04:33,237
Barbecues.

95
00:04:34,907 --> 00:04:38,240
You just don't come
to a man's house
and touch his grill.

96
00:04:38,311 --> 00:04:40,142
Don't squeeze down
my burgers.

97
00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:41,475
You don't get
that juice back.

98
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:44,077
Hello, friends.

99
00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:45,715
ROXANNE: Oh, hey.

100
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:48,113
Whitney,
I understand you already
have a dog in this fight.

101
00:04:48,187 --> 00:04:50,280
But I'd like to
address the group.
You're welcome to stay.

102
00:04:50,356 --> 00:04:51,448
That's kind of you, Mark.

103
00:04:53,192 --> 00:04:55,456
I know fallouts can be rough
on a group of friends.

104
00:04:55,528 --> 00:04:57,393
This is the time
when you've got
to choose sides.

105
00:04:58,598 --> 00:05:00,930
Well, I would like to
formally throw my hat
into the ring.

106
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:04,026
And may I remind you
it's a Chicago Police hat.

107
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:06,332
Mark, can we just
please talk...

108
00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:07,930
Whitney, technically,
when I'm in uniform,

109
00:05:08,007 --> 00:05:10,441
that's assaulting
a police officer.

110
00:05:10,677 --> 00:05:11,735
Sorry.

111
00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:13,278
MARK: Now, Roxanne...
Hmm?

112
00:05:13,613 --> 00:05:15,046
You should take my side.
Let's face it.

113
00:05:15,114 --> 00:05:16,581
You're a DUl
waiting to happen.

114
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:20,849
That is an excellent point.
Let me drink about it.

115
00:05:21,688 --> 00:05:22,985
Lily and Neal,

116
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,522
I know you both have
bachelor and bachelorette
parties coming up.

117
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:28,392
There is such a thing as
a get-out-of-jail-free card.

118
00:05:28,461 --> 00:05:32,454
So, just in case
you find yourselves
in a dead hooker situation...

119
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:36,464
You know, Mark,
we've been talking about it
in couples therapy,

120
00:05:36,536 --> 00:05:39,266
and I think Neal is done
killing hookers.

121
00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:42,764
For now.
Yeah.

122
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,937
Well, then, I made my case.
I hope you choose wisely.

123
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,502
I'm off to fight crime.

124
00:05:47,580 --> 00:05:50,913
While Alex sits at home
and does nothing
for society.

125
00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:06,924
Hi, honey.

126
00:06:07,433 --> 00:06:09,594
Hey. Just going at it.

127
00:06:09,669 --> 00:06:12,797
I ran down to the store
to pick up this jump rope.

128
00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:14,032
And I ran back.

129
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:16,473
But then, I drank
a bunch of orange juice
and threw it all up, kind of.

130
00:06:16,542 --> 00:06:18,169
And now, I'm just
kind of going at it again.

131
00:06:18,745 --> 00:06:20,440
Okay. Well, um...
Ooh.

132
00:06:20,513 --> 00:06:22,413
Sorry to interrupt
your training montage.

133
00:06:23,249 --> 00:06:25,649
Just, you know,
getting all yoked.

134
00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:27,481
Burn, burn, burn.

135
00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:29,682
Huh...

136
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:32,624
Suh...

137
00:06:33,092 --> 00:06:34,320
Okay. Honey...
Suh...

138
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,588
Watch out one second.
Watch out.

139
00:06:35,661 --> 00:06:37,288
Uh, you... Do you want
to stop? Just stop.

140
00:06:37,363 --> 00:06:38,853
Okay, just put down
the semi-gloss.

141
00:06:39,098 --> 00:06:40,224
Just...

142
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,160
Feel my lats.
Feel my lats.
Okay.

143
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,430
I don't know
what lats are.
Okay.

144
00:06:44,504 --> 00:06:47,405
Honey, you're going
through a break-up,

145
00:06:47,473 --> 00:06:50,101
and I don't think
you're handling it
particularly well.

146
00:06:50,176 --> 00:06:52,542
Oh, my God.
Stop the dips.
Oh, my God.

147
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:54,310
I have to get
to eight. There.
Eight.

148
00:06:54,380 --> 00:06:56,974
Okay. I have been through
break-ups before.

149
00:06:57,049 --> 00:06:58,277
And you've got to
get back out there.

150
00:06:58,351 --> 00:06:59,943
We've got to get
your mind off of Mark.

151
00:07:00,119 --> 00:07:01,814
My mind is not on Mark.

152
00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:05,119
My mind is on my money,
and my money is on my mind.

153
00:07:07,727 --> 00:07:09,319
I don't need Mark.

154
00:07:09,395 --> 00:07:12,387
Okay, look. I know
this is a hard day for you
because it's Wednesday,

155
00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:15,901
and you and Mark
normally go and get
your chicken fingers.

156
00:07:16,335 --> 00:07:17,768
Uh, it's chicken wings.

157
00:07:17,837 --> 00:07:20,829
It's Wings-day night.
It's Wings-day night.

158
00:07:21,307 --> 00:07:22,865
That's the joke.
Wings-day night.

159
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:24,466
(LAUGHS)

160
00:07:24,544 --> 00:07:25,806
Oh, man, that's funny.

161
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,382
Wings-day night. What?

162
00:07:31,417 --> 00:07:33,681
Okay, well,
why don't I go with you?

163
00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:38,089
What, I'm... Really?
I'm going to bring
my girlfriend to Wings-day?

164
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:39,516
Okay.

165
00:07:39,592 --> 00:07:42,254
Not as your girlfriend.
As your buddy.

166
00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:44,755
I mean, I don't know.

167
00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:46,923
It's just, like, a bunch
of guys hanging out,
watching the game. Right?

168
00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:48,557
That sounds awesome, okay?

169
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:52,695
I can be a guy.
I once peed standing up
at Lollapalooza.

170
00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:57,467
That's not really
like a guy. That's more
like a gross chick.

171
00:08:02,949 --> 00:08:04,075
Bros' night out.

172
00:08:04,283 --> 00:08:05,682
Two buddies shooting pool.

173
00:08:05,918 --> 00:08:07,818
Yeah, this is great.
Mark never wants
to play pool.

174
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:10,588
See? Life can be
fun without Mark.

175
00:08:15,261 --> 00:08:19,322
Uh, no, you actually
have to hit the white ball
into another ball.

176
00:08:19,799 --> 00:08:21,460
But, uh... It's okay.

177
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:24,158
We'll...
Here. Try again.

178
00:08:24,303 --> 00:08:25,497
Okay.

179
00:08:29,775 --> 00:08:31,072
Fire. Fire.

180
00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:32,507
Okay, you hit
the eight-ball.
You lost.

181
00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:34,273
But you're getting
the hang of it.

182
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,110
So, let's play again,
huh? I'll rack.

183
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:39,314
Oh. Speaking of racks.

184
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:44,520
Here are your nuclear wings
and extra bleu cheese.
Can I get you something else?

185
00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:46,725
Uh, I think she meant
to order mild.

186
00:08:46,926 --> 00:08:47,984
Mild?

187
00:08:48,060 --> 00:08:50,119
Are these to eat
or use instead
of tampons?

188
00:08:51,230 --> 00:08:52,561
I ordered the nuclear.

189
00:08:52,832 --> 00:08:56,199
Okay, well, yeah.
Ifyou could just
set it up at our booth...

190
00:09:03,643 --> 00:09:06,612
You know, we'll just
have them here. Thanks.

191
00:09:07,246 --> 00:09:09,441
I can't believe
he let a stranger
sit at our booth.

192
00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:12,373
Honey, that's
not a stranger.
That's Neal.

193
00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:14,578
Did he give Neal
my jersey?

194
00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:17,319
(LAUGHlNG)

195
00:09:19,158 --> 00:09:20,455
Oh. Neal.

196
00:09:22,428 --> 00:09:23,622
All right,
Neal is not that funny.

197
00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:25,330
Don't let that
get to you. Okay?

198
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,263
We are having fun. Right?
We've got our wings.

199
00:09:27,533 --> 00:09:29,000
Okay. Good.
Good point.
Right?

200
00:09:29,101 --> 00:09:30,261
Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

201
00:09:30,336 --> 00:09:31,394
(LAUGHlNG)

202
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:32,731
Oh!

203
00:09:35,975 --> 00:09:37,704
Oh... Uh... Mmm...

204
00:09:37,777 --> 00:09:39,142
Mmm.

205
00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:41,378
Oh, my God.

206
00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:44,013
This...

207
00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:45,447
This tastes like war.

208
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:49,077
Oh, my God.
My mouth is, like...

209
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:50,346
It's, like, crying.
Here. Here.

210
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,981
I've got bleu cheese
and this... And this celery.
Okay.

211
00:09:52,058 --> 00:09:54,390
Eat that.
Yeah. Ooh. Okay.

212
00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:00,064
Okay. Uh,
I'll get you some water.

213
00:10:00,132 --> 00:10:01,292
Waitress?

214
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,159
I don't have time
for that. Uh-uh.

215
00:10:03,235 --> 00:10:04,930
Whoa. Thank you.

216
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:11,004
Can I get a water, please?
And a time machine?

217
00:10:11,243 --> 00:10:12,335
Thank you.

218
00:10:12,411 --> 00:10:13,469
Hey, Whit.

219
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:15,277
Tell Alex I'm sorry.

220
00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:18,078
I ran into Mark earlier,
and he was just so sad.

221
00:10:18,150 --> 00:10:19,310
And he begged me
to come with him.

222
00:10:19,385 --> 00:10:20,875
This whole thing
is so weird.

223
00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:23,387
I'm lndian.

224
00:10:23,589 --> 00:10:24,920
This is confusing.

225
00:10:26,592 --> 00:10:27,786
MARK: Neal!

226
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:29,556
Wings are here!

227
00:10:35,668 --> 00:10:37,033
What's up?
(CLEARS THROAT)

228
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:39,861
What did Neal say?
What? Nothing.

229
00:10:41,507 --> 00:10:42,667
Mmm.

230
00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:44,901
Two more.

231
00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:47,111
Four more
over here, please.

232
00:10:49,548 --> 00:10:51,948
Actually,
make that eight more.

233
00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:55,420
You know what?
We'll take the keg.

234
00:10:56,055 --> 00:10:57,317
Thank you!

235
00:10:58,257 --> 00:10:59,281
Come on.
Ah.

236
00:10:59,358 --> 00:11:00,518
Okay. Come on.
Hey.

237
00:11:00,593 --> 00:11:03,619
Get off me, pants.
This is your last warning.

238
00:11:04,063 --> 00:11:07,260
If I've told you once,
then I've told you twice.
Get off my legs.

239
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:09,426
Okay. (EXHALES)

240
00:11:09,802 --> 00:11:12,270
Hey, I want to
touch your boobs.
No.

241
00:11:12,471 --> 00:11:13,938
Yeah. I know,
but it's okay.

242
00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:15,530
'Cause I'm not
even a boobs guy.

243
00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:18,441
Mark is a boobs guy.
I'm more of an ass guy.

244
00:11:18,544 --> 00:11:20,171
That's why we make
such a great team.

245
00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:21,838
But it's all right
'cause I don't miss Mark,

246
00:11:22,081 --> 00:11:23,514
and Mark doesn't
miss me.

247
00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:25,248
(EXCLAlMS)

248
00:11:27,953 --> 00:11:30,353
I feel like you might
miss Mark a little bit.

249
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:33,424
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I miss him a little bit.
But, you know...

250
00:11:33,492 --> 00:11:36,052
Hey. Do you even know
how we met... How we met?

251
00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:37,857
No.

252
00:11:37,930 --> 00:11:40,160
Dude, we met on
the softball team. What?

253
00:11:40,232 --> 00:11:43,292
We met on
the softball team.
When he played...

254
00:11:43,669 --> 00:11:45,694
He played... He played...
Check it out.

255
00:11:45,771 --> 00:11:47,636
He played second base.
I played short base.

256
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,436
And he and l...

257
00:11:50,409 --> 00:11:55,108
He and I were, like,
making beautiful, dope,
plays together, so shut up.

258
00:11:57,516 --> 00:12:00,280
Honey, I'm going to put
this trash can here
for you. Okay?

259
00:12:00,419 --> 00:12:02,216
Yeah. Yeah,
I love a trash can.

260
00:12:03,522 --> 00:12:05,114
I don't want to say
he completes me,

261
00:12:05,424 --> 00:12:06,618
'cause you complete me.

262
00:12:06,692 --> 00:12:09,354
But he burrows in
nooks and crannies.

263
00:12:10,529 --> 00:12:12,793
Oh, let's make
toast, dude.

264
00:12:15,201 --> 00:12:16,259
I'm going to put...

265
00:12:16,335 --> 00:12:17,802
I'm going to be
honest with you
for one quick second.

266
00:12:17,870 --> 00:12:20,532
I want to put my hand
under your shirt.

267
00:12:20,873 --> 00:12:22,306
(CHUCKLES)

268
00:12:27,713 --> 00:12:30,341
So, the jury's in.
You let me do that.

269
00:12:35,688 --> 00:12:36,950
Yeah.

270
00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:50,633
Found it.

271
00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:58,573
This is a disaster.

272
00:12:58,844 --> 00:13:00,675
Mark and Alex have to
get back together.

273
00:13:00,746 --> 00:13:02,611
Last night,
Alex got blackout drunk

274
00:13:02,681 --> 00:13:06,378
and he tried to convince me
to have a threesome
with a pillow.

275
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:09,444
And then, he wanted to
watch me with a pillow.

276
00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:12,585
And now, I have to do
so much laundry.

277
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,658
Yeah, this breakup
is hard on everyone.

278
00:13:16,762 --> 00:13:19,128
Neal hung out with Mark
last night for seven hours,

279
00:13:19,198 --> 00:13:21,564
came to my apartment
smelling like Charlie Girl,

280
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,499
and carrying
a stolen street sign.

281
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:26,403
Yeah. Ball Avenue.

282
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:30,037
I don't know.
I just really hope
this ends soon.

283
00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:32,875
Well, they're not going to
solve it on their own.

284
00:13:32,945 --> 00:13:35,812
Guys are way too proud
and stubborn to ever
admit they're wrong.

285
00:13:36,081 --> 00:13:39,448
Yeah. Neal acted
like he already had
that street sign.

286
00:13:42,354 --> 00:13:44,652
So, what do I do?
Just wait for Alex
to make a new friend?

287
00:13:44,924 --> 00:13:46,551
What? No.
Never going to happen.

288
00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:48,718
People don't
make new friends
in their 30s.

289
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:50,859
Who's got time for that?

290
00:13:50,930 --> 00:13:53,763
What? Oh, I'm just going
to go out to lunch
with some new girl

291
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,825
and hear all about
her battle with gluten?

292
00:13:58,971 --> 00:14:02,338
The craziest part is that
since Alex and Mark haven't
been seeing each other,

293
00:14:02,441 --> 00:14:05,433
I realize that Mark
and Alex are weirdly
perfect for each other.

294
00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:07,979
He's his spirit animal.

295
00:14:09,949 --> 00:14:11,746
Mine is Nicki Minaj.

296
00:14:13,986 --> 00:14:16,716
The whole situation
is just not good.

297
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:18,984
Guys need their guy friends.
You should go talk to Mark.

298
00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:20,687
LlLY: lfyou just
sit down with Mark,

299
00:14:20,826 --> 00:14:22,453
you know, like you
would with us...

300
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,428
No judgments.
He'd open up a little.

301
00:14:25,297 --> 00:14:27,595
Roxanne. I'm Kelly.
I think we met
that one time at...

302
00:14:27,666 --> 00:14:31,500
Oh. I'm sorry. I'm 33.
I'm at capacity.

303
00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:32,730
(CHUCKLES)

304
00:14:34,306 --> 00:14:35,568
Ah... (CLlCKS TONGUE)

305
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:39,408
Is she still there?

306
00:14:40,946 --> 00:14:42,675
(KNOCKlNG ON DOOR)

307
00:14:47,987 --> 00:14:49,147
Hi, Mark.

308
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:50,518
What are you doing here?
We're not talking anymore.

309
00:14:50,589 --> 00:14:52,819
What kind of
ice cream is that?

310
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,020
It's Rocky Road.
It's fat free.

311
00:14:56,095 --> 00:14:58,359
It's much better
when you eat it
straight out of the carton.

312
00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:01,031
That's my favorite,
and you know it.

313
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:04,225
I just wanted to
come over and talk.

314
00:15:05,504 --> 00:15:07,096
Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

315
00:15:07,172 --> 00:15:09,902
I am mad at Alex,
but I am not going
to sleep with you.

316
00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:15,069
You want to do
side-by-side stuff,
that's cool.

317
00:15:18,817 --> 00:15:21,047
You know what?
Maybe we'll skip the wine.

318
00:15:21,787 --> 00:15:25,245
I just wanted to see
if there's anything
you wanted to talk about.

319
00:15:25,324 --> 00:15:26,586
No judgments.

320
00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:29,451
No. I'm great.

321
00:15:29,995 --> 00:15:31,860
Okay.
Well, then, I'll start.

322
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,456
Um, I'm not
doing so great.

323
00:15:34,533 --> 00:15:36,364
(SlGHS) Me, either.

324
00:15:37,536 --> 00:15:39,629
I really miss
you and Alex
being friends.

325
00:15:40,039 --> 00:15:41,165
Me, too.

326
00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:42,705
Here.
Do you want a blanket?

327
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,470
Uh-huh.
Here.

328
00:15:45,577 --> 00:15:47,135
So, how are you feeling?

329
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:51,439
No one's ever asked me
how I'm feeling before.

330
00:15:52,584 --> 00:15:54,245
I don't know.

331
00:15:55,754 --> 00:15:58,222
It's...
It's like I feel...

332
00:15:59,191 --> 00:16:00,351
Sad.

333
00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:03,389
Okay. Yeah.
Sad how?

334
00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:06,395
Like, pushed aside.

335
00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:08,962
Left out like
a third wheel.

336
00:16:10,069 --> 00:16:13,630
Alex was my last
single friend,
and now he's gone.

337
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,874
He's just upstairs.
He's just one flight away.

338
00:16:17,009 --> 00:16:19,341
Yeah, but you guys
are so together.

339
00:16:19,411 --> 00:16:20,742
You're such
a solid couple.

340
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,972
And the closer you guys get,
the less I feel like I fit in.

341
00:16:24,049 --> 00:16:27,280
And now, you have
this inside joke
about recycling.

342
00:16:29,788 --> 00:16:32,052
Not a joke.
Not inside.

343
00:16:32,124 --> 00:16:33,113
Yeah.

344
00:16:34,293 --> 00:16:37,990
But it's so adult.
I mean, what's next?
A house in the suburbs?

345
00:16:38,063 --> 00:16:40,554
It's inevitable.
That's how life is.

346
00:16:40,632 --> 00:16:41,963
Hos tear bros apart.

347
00:16:43,602 --> 00:16:45,934
Mark, look, we're not
going anywhere. Okay?

348
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:49,566
And l... I'm sorry.
I had no idea you were
feeling this way.

349
00:16:49,641 --> 00:16:52,508
I wasn't even sure
you had feelings at all.

350
00:16:52,911 --> 00:16:54,606
I'm very sensitive.

351
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,877
I'm, like, a cluster
of...of raw nerves.

352
00:16:57,950 --> 00:17:00,646
I'm... I'm basically
a giant penis tip.

353
00:17:07,326 --> 00:17:10,420
And that is why
I assume you don't
have feelings.

354
00:17:12,331 --> 00:17:15,198
But, look. If I have
realized anything over
the past couple of days,

355
00:17:15,267 --> 00:17:18,236
it's that you are
an indispensable part
of Alex's life.

356
00:17:18,303 --> 00:17:21,329
Which makes you
an indispensable
part of my life.

357
00:17:22,107 --> 00:17:23,699
Thanks.

358
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:28,941
And you know, I totally get
how he looks at you and...
And thinks,

359
00:17:29,014 --> 00:17:31,141
"I'm in this
for the long haul."

360
00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:33,707
See? Sometimes
hos help bros.

361
00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:37,779
And sometimes, bros
should apologize to hos
for calling them a ho.

362
00:17:39,191 --> 00:17:40,886
Yeah.
Not going to happen.

363
00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:45,759
(STRAlNlNG)

364
00:17:49,935 --> 00:17:51,266
(EXHALES)

365
00:17:57,443 --> 00:17:59,172
Hey. Um...
Hey.

366
00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:02,042
Mark has something
he wants to say to you.

367
00:18:05,284 --> 00:18:07,650
You guys might
want to sit down.

368
00:18:08,554 --> 00:18:09,680
Okay.

369
00:18:14,526 --> 00:18:15,754
Hey.

370
00:18:18,864 --> 00:18:20,024
Hey.

371
00:18:23,635 --> 00:18:25,000
So, um...

372
00:18:26,805 --> 00:18:28,932
Fletch was on TV
last night.

373
00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:32,971
Yeah, I know.
I... I saw it.

374
00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:35,570
I came in at...
"Going to use
the whole fist, Doc?"

375
00:18:35,681 --> 00:18:37,114
(LAUGHS)

376
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:39,948
Okay, now that
you guys are both
in the same room...

377
00:18:40,018 --> 00:18:41,110
"Can I borrow
your towel?"

378
00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:42,847
BOTH: "My car just
hit a water buffalo."

379
00:18:42,921 --> 00:18:44,183
(BOTH LAUGHlNG)

380
00:18:44,823 --> 00:18:45,847
It's, uh...

381
00:18:45,924 --> 00:18:48,119
BOTH: "All ball
bearings nowadays."

382
00:18:48,193 --> 00:18:49,455
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

383
00:18:49,528 --> 00:18:51,894
Man, it's a classic.
It is. That is
such a classic.

384
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,556
(CHUCKLES)

385
00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:56,226
(SlGHS) I'm sorry
I was being a tool.

386
00:18:57,736 --> 00:19:01,900
Well... You kind of, like,
broke up with me.

387
00:19:03,609 --> 00:19:06,703
I don't know.
I was being really
girly or whatever.

388
00:19:06,778 --> 00:19:09,042
But I'm over it.

389
00:19:11,116 --> 00:19:12,447
Dude, it's all good,
you know?

390
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,919
Well, you know,
I was going to go
down to Sal's, and...

391
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:16,284
They've got, like,
seven games playing.

392
00:19:16,355 --> 00:19:19,051
I was just going to go
get a pizza or something.

393
00:19:19,124 --> 00:19:20,455
If you want,
my treat.

394
00:19:20,526 --> 00:19:22,118
Hey, you don't have
to pay for it. We...

395
00:19:22,194 --> 00:19:23,593
BOTH: "Can put it
on the Underhills'."

396
00:19:23,662 --> 00:19:25,254
(BOTH LAUGHlNG)

397
00:19:25,931 --> 00:19:28,024
All right, cool.
I'm going to go
get a sweater.

398
00:19:29,401 --> 00:19:30,629
(SlGHS)

399
00:19:30,702 --> 00:19:33,466
What was that? Why didn't
you say any of the stuff
we just talked about?

400
00:19:33,739 --> 00:19:34,933
We did.

401
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:46,314
(CHUCKLES)
Thanks, man.

402
00:19:46,385 --> 00:19:48,319
I'm in on the joke now.

403
00:19:56,428 --> 00:19:58,896
Hey...
Thanks, you know?

404
00:19:59,264 --> 00:20:01,232
Oh. He's your
best friend.

405
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,664
Nah, nah.
You're my best friend.

406
00:20:11,243 --> 00:20:13,211
So, Mark didn't
text you back?

407
00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:15,769
He probably just can't
find his cell phone.

408
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:18,740
What did I do?

409
00:20:18,984 --> 00:20:22,476
I mean, Alex comes back,
and l, all of a sudden,
don't exist.

410
00:20:22,554 --> 00:20:24,181
Just let it out.

411
00:20:24,356 --> 00:20:26,415
We had so much
fun together.

412
00:20:27,492 --> 00:20:30,552
I mean, he thought
I was so funny.

413
00:20:31,630 --> 00:20:34,394
You are too good for him.
You deserve better.

414
00:20:34,466 --> 00:20:35,660
Mark did you a favor.

415
00:20:36,768 --> 00:20:38,531
I mean, Ball Avenue.

416
00:20:39,805 --> 00:20:42,273
Doesn't that mean
anything anymore?

417
00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:44,269
(CELL PHONE BUZZlNG)

418
00:20:44,343 --> 00:20:45,901
(CLEARS THROAT)

419
00:20:47,112 --> 00:20:49,273
Ha! They're at
Lou Malnati's.

420
00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:52,275
I'm just going
to swing by.

421
00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:54,878
But... But, honey... I...

422
00:20:54,953 --> 00:20:56,181
No.

423
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:57,449
You just have to
let him go.

424
00:20:57,789 --> 00:20:59,757
Boys need
their girl time.