1
00:00:02,796 --> 00:00:04,664
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
2
00:00:04,666 --> 00:00:06,232
You work the lunch shift?
3
00:00:06,234 --> 00:00:09,168
Yeah. I've got eight pounds of
salmon that's about to go bad.
4
00:00:09,170 --> 00:00:10,705
Do you know
how to cook it?
5
00:00:10,707 --> 00:00:12,273
- Not really.
- Damn it.
6
00:00:12,275 --> 00:00:15,010
Should have liberated
the iffy chicken.
7
00:00:15,012 --> 00:00:18,447
What are you and Professor
Fussyface up to tonight?
8
00:00:18,449 --> 00:00:21,149
Star Wars on Blu-ray.
9
00:00:21,151 --> 00:00:24,118
Haven't you seen that movie,
like, a thousand times?
10
00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:26,253
Not on Blu-ray.
11
00:00:26,255 --> 00:00:28,288
Only twice on Blu-ray.
12
00:00:28,290 --> 00:00:30,690
Oh, Leonard.
13
00:00:30,692 --> 00:00:34,993
I know, it's
high-resolution sadness.
14
00:00:34,995 --> 00:00:38,162
Well, I'm going to take myself
out to a movie tonight.
15
00:00:38,164 --> 00:00:39,363
You want to go?
16
00:00:39,365 --> 00:00:40,797
Really? Do we do that?
17
00:00:40,799 --> 00:00:42,365
What do you mean?
18
00:00:42,367 --> 00:00:44,268
You know, we haven't spent
time alone together
19
00:00:44,270 --> 00:00:45,769
since we broke up.
20
00:00:45,771 --> 00:00:47,672
Oh, it's not a date, Leonard.
21
00:00:47,674 --> 00:00:49,125
It's just a man and a woman
hanging out, not having sex
22
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:50,543
at the end of the night.
23
00:00:52,412 --> 00:00:55,112
Sounds like
most of my dates.
24
00:00:55,114 --> 00:00:59,450
Oh, dear Lord, get away
from me, you monster!
25
00:00:59,452 --> 00:01:01,752
What is that about?
26
00:01:01,754 --> 00:01:03,654
Well, he's smart
and crazy enough,
27
00:01:03,656 --> 00:01:05,722
he may have actually
created a monster.
28
00:01:05,724 --> 00:01:09,126
Shoo, shoo!
Be gone!
29
00:01:09,128 --> 00:01:10,528
What the hell is going on?
30
00:01:10,530 --> 00:01:13,831
There's a bird outside the
window, and he won't go away.
31
00:01:13,833 --> 00:01:15,833
That is the hell
that is going on.
32
00:01:15,835 --> 00:01:18,303
We have no worms or seeds here.
33
00:01:18,305 --> 00:01:19,771
Shoo, shoo.
34
00:01:19,773 --> 00:01:23,708
Really? On top of everything
else, you're afraid of birds?
35
00:01:23,710 --> 00:01:26,010
It's called ornithophobia.
36
00:01:26,012 --> 00:01:27,545
And someday it will
be recognized
37
00:01:27,547 --> 00:01:30,315
as a true disability, and the
landlord will be required by law
38
00:01:30,317 --> 00:01:32,316
to put a giant net
over the building.
39
00:01:33,418 --> 00:01:36,754
Which is unfortunate, because
I have a fear of nets.
40
00:01:36,756 --> 00:01:39,256
So movies, yes or no?
41
00:01:39,258 --> 00:01:41,091
Movies, yes.
44
00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:46,329
That doesn't help.
45
00:01:46,331 --> 00:01:50,867
No, I was talking
to the bird.
46
00:01:51,835 --> 00:01:56,738
Go away, bird. Go away, bird.
Go away, bird.
47
00:01:56,740 --> 00:01:59,440
Sheldon, just ignore him.
48
00:01:59,442 --> 00:02:03,311
Good idea.
Attention is what birds want.
49
00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:07,716
Oh, much better. All right.
50
00:02:07,718 --> 00:02:09,985
Now I'll just get along
with my life.
51
00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:15,992
Make a pot of tea, Leonard.
It's going to be a long night.
52
00:02:17,127 --> 00:02:20,830
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
53
00:02:20,832 --> 00:02:24,133
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
54
00:02:24,135 --> 00:02:25,768
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
55
00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:28,303
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
56
00:02:28,305 --> 00:02:30,972
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
57
00:02:30,974 --> 00:02:33,642
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
58
00:02:33,644 --> 00:02:35,543
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
59
00:02:35,544 --> 00:02:36,551
♪ Bang! ♪
60
00:02:36,552 --> 00:02:40,537
The Big Bang Theory 5x09
The Ornithophobia Diffusion
Original Air Date on November 10, 2011
61
00:02:40,538 --> 00:02:44,538
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
62
00:03:02,313 --> 00:03:04,246
The bird's still there?
63
00:03:04,248 --> 00:03:06,715
Quick, what does
a hawk sound like?
64
00:03:06,717 --> 00:03:08,483
I don't know--
65
00:03:08,485 --> 00:03:11,486
scree-scree.
66
00:03:11,488 --> 00:03:12,788
Please, that's a seagull.
67
00:03:12,790 --> 00:03:15,157
If you're not going
to help, don't help.
68
00:03:15,159 --> 00:03:17,893
Sorry. Do you think
I'm overdressed?
69
00:03:17,895 --> 00:03:20,196
It depends on the activity.
70
00:03:20,198 --> 00:03:21,797
For a prostate exam, yes.
71
00:03:21,799 --> 00:03:26,369
If you're playing Vegas,
I'd add sequins.
72
00:03:26,371 --> 00:03:27,938
I'm going to the movies
with Penny.
73
00:03:27,940 --> 00:03:30,674
I don't want her to think
that I think it's a date.
74
00:03:30,676 --> 00:03:32,309
Do you think it's a date?
75
00:03:32,311 --> 00:03:34,845
No, but she might think I think
it's a date even though I don't.
76
00:03:34,847 --> 00:03:37,247
Or you might think she thinks you think
it's a date even though she doesn't.
77
00:03:37,249 --> 00:03:40,383
- Are we overthinking this?
- Not at all.
78
00:03:40,385 --> 00:03:42,785
You're right. I'm fine.
I'm wearing this.
79
00:03:42,787 --> 00:03:45,821
Really? A blazer?
All right.
80
00:03:51,994 --> 00:03:53,561
Yes, hello.
81
00:03:53,563 --> 00:03:55,497
This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
82
00:03:55,499 --> 00:03:58,366
I'm at 2311 North Robles Avenue.
83
00:03:58,368 --> 00:04:01,136
I'd like to report
a dangerous wild animal.
84
00:04:01,138 --> 00:04:03,339
A blue jay.
85
00:04:03,341 --> 00:04:06,142
I'm sorry, this is
Animal Control.
86
00:04:06,144 --> 00:04:08,345
I don't understand the laughter.
87
00:04:08,347 --> 00:04:10,814
No, the bird is not in my home.
88
00:04:10,816 --> 00:04:14,752
If he was in my home, I
obviously would have called 911.
89
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:16,720
Sir, I have no doubt that
there are things
90
00:04:16,722 --> 00:04:18,522
that you're frightened of.
91
00:04:18,524 --> 00:04:21,625
Being stuck in a dead-end
public service job.
92
00:04:21,627 --> 00:04:23,227
Or your wife stepping out on you
93
00:04:23,229 --> 00:04:25,996
because you're stuck in
a dead-end public service job.
94
00:04:25,998 --> 00:04:28,899
Or spiders.
95
00:04:28,901 --> 00:04:31,234
Don't you think I tried
making cat noises?
96
00:04:35,672 --> 00:04:38,641
Too casual?
97
00:04:38,643 --> 00:04:40,543
For an audience
with the queen, yes.
98
00:04:40,545 --> 00:04:43,078
For an evening of passing
a bottle of fortified wine
99
00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:45,647
around a flaming trash can,
you look great.
100
00:05:02,498 --> 00:05:05,033
What am I thinking?
Whiskers.
101
00:05:08,890 --> 00:05:10,028
Oh, hey, if we hurry,
102
00:05:10,029 --> 00:05:11,845
we can make the new
Jennifer Aniston movie.
103
00:05:11,846 --> 00:05:13,046
Oh, yeah, sure.
104
00:05:13,140 --> 00:05:15,473
There's also
an amazing documentary
105
00:05:15,475 --> 00:05:18,810
about building a dam
on a river in South America.
106
00:05:18,812 --> 00:05:23,347
Okay, but the Jennifer Aniston
movie has Jennifer Aniston,
107
00:05:23,349 --> 00:05:25,783
and she's not
building a dam.
108
00:05:25,785 --> 00:05:27,751
Can't argue with that.
109
00:05:27,753 --> 00:05:30,053
- I'll get the tickets.
- Okay.
110
00:05:31,022 --> 00:05:33,957
Actually, you know what?
111
00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:36,860
I think it's about time
I picked a movie we see.
112
00:05:36,862 --> 00:05:39,262
You pick plenty of movies.
113
00:05:39,264 --> 00:05:41,331
No. You always picked,
114
00:05:41,333 --> 00:05:42,899
and it was always the same.
115
00:05:42,901 --> 00:05:45,134
An hour and a half of
beach houses in the rain
116
00:05:45,136 --> 00:05:46,713
until the woman turns
around and realizes love
117
00:05:46,738 --> 00:05:48,229
was here all along.
118
00:05:49,674 --> 00:05:53,743
Come on, that is a great movie,
and it starts in ten minutes.
119
00:05:53,745 --> 00:05:55,511
I hate those movies.
120
00:05:55,513 --> 00:05:57,480
- No, you don't.
- Yes, I do.
121
00:05:57,482 --> 00:06:01,250
The only reason I went is
because you wanted to see them,
122
00:06:01,252 --> 00:06:03,285
and I wanted to have sex.
123
00:06:03,287 --> 00:06:06,087
To this day, I can't see
a Sandra Bullock movie poster
124
00:06:06,089 --> 00:06:08,856
without getting both
bored and aroused.
125
00:06:08,858 --> 00:06:10,591
Okay, so while we
were going out,
126
00:06:10,593 --> 00:06:14,361
how often would you pretend to like
things just to have sex with me?
127
00:06:14,363 --> 00:06:16,630
All the time.
128
00:06:16,632 --> 00:06:19,533
You're kidding.
129
00:06:19,535 --> 00:06:20,968
Does this sound familiar?
130
00:06:20,970 --> 00:06:23,971
I'd love to go
shoe shopping with you.
131
00:06:23,973 --> 00:06:26,206
Hiking? It's great.
132
00:06:26,208 --> 00:06:29,869
It's 2:00 a.m., of course I want
to go to Korea Town and sing
133
00:06:29,894 --> 00:06:30,957
karaoke with your friends.
134
00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:32,624
Who wouldn't?
135
00:06:33,247 --> 00:06:34,713
Okay, we were going out.
136
00:06:34,715 --> 00:06:36,448
You were going
to get sex anyway.
137
00:06:36,450 --> 00:06:38,792
Really? You would have slept
with me after a three-hour
138
00:06:38,817 --> 00:06:40,676
documentary on dams?
139
00:06:41,621 --> 00:06:45,322
No. No woman would.
140
00:06:45,324 --> 00:06:47,992
See? Now, that's
the great thing.
141
00:06:47,994 --> 00:06:49,860
We're out as friends.
This is not a date.
142
00:06:49,862 --> 00:06:51,328
Sex is off the table.
143
00:06:51,330 --> 00:06:53,931
So, let's go learn how
hydroelectric power
144
00:06:53,933 --> 00:06:57,302
might not be the environmental
bargain you think it is.
145
00:06:57,837 --> 00:07:01,340
Sorry. Spoiler alert.
146
00:07:02,142 --> 00:07:04,543
All right, fine.
147
00:07:04,545 --> 00:07:06,312
Thanks.
148
00:07:06,314 --> 00:07:08,148
Tickets are 11 bucks.
149
00:07:10,919 --> 00:07:14,053
Not a date.
150
00:07:17,124 --> 00:07:19,491
Come on, Sheldon,
Star Wars.
151
00:07:19,493 --> 00:07:21,626
I'm pushing play.
I mean it.
152
00:07:21,628 --> 00:07:22,727
If we don't start soon,
153
00:07:22,729 --> 00:07:26,030
George Lucas is going
to change it again.
154
00:07:27,198 --> 00:07:29,433
This would go a lot faster
155
00:07:29,435 --> 00:07:31,568
if you put your trade school
diploma to work
156
00:07:31,570 --> 00:07:34,504
and helped me set up this
high-frequency tone generator.
157
00:07:34,506 --> 00:07:37,707
I have a Masters degree
from M.I.T.
158
00:07:37,709 --> 00:07:39,342
Yeah, but you've got
a can-do attitude
159
00:07:39,344 --> 00:07:41,011
and that's what's important.
160
00:07:42,881 --> 00:07:45,349
I really don't get
your problem with birds.
161
00:07:45,351 --> 00:07:47,285
The question you
should be asking
162
00:07:47,287 --> 00:07:49,888
is what is their problem
with me?
163
00:07:49,890 --> 00:07:54,125
My first memory: A hummingbird
dive-bombing my stroller
164
00:07:54,127 --> 00:07:57,429
to get at the apple juice
in my sippy cup.
165
00:07:57,431 --> 00:07:59,264
Hummingbirds are pretty.
166
00:07:59,266 --> 00:08:03,401
Hummingbirds are the vampires
of the flower world.
167
00:08:04,636 --> 00:08:07,904
Still my first choice
for an ankle tattoo.
168
00:08:09,173 --> 00:08:12,741
Or a dolphin--
I go back and forth.
169
00:08:12,743 --> 00:08:16,178
Age seven, a blood-thirsty
chicken chases me up a tree.
170
00:08:16,180 --> 00:08:21,516
Age 12, a magpie tries to steal
the retainer out of my mouth.
171
00:08:21,518 --> 00:08:25,955
Age 16, a parrot in a
pet store calls me fat ass.
172
00:08:26,723 --> 00:08:28,591
Need I go on?
173
00:08:28,593 --> 00:08:30,425
Yes, please. This is way better
than the movie.
174
00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:32,928
All right, Sheldon,
175
00:08:32,930 --> 00:08:34,663
your bird death ray is ready.
176
00:08:34,665 --> 00:08:36,198
It's not a death ray.
177
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:38,500
It's just a little ultrasonic
blast to scare him off.
178
00:08:38,502 --> 00:08:40,436
Trust me, if I had a death ray,
179
00:08:40,438 --> 00:08:42,137
I wouldn't be living here.
180
00:08:42,139 --> 00:08:44,607
I'd be in my lair
enjoying the money
181
00:08:44,609 --> 00:08:47,643
the people of Earth gave me
for not using my death ray.
182
00:08:47,645 --> 00:08:49,678
All right, and in three,
183
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:51,847
two, one.
184
00:09:00,390 --> 00:09:03,792
That is one
tough birdie.
185
00:09:05,028 --> 00:09:07,129
Come on, you enjoyed
the movie.
186
00:09:07,131 --> 00:09:09,632
I saw you tearing up
when the village got flooded,
187
00:09:09,634 --> 00:09:11,400
and everyone
had to relocate.
188
00:09:11,402 --> 00:09:14,536
No, I was thinking how come
they get to leave and I can't.
189
00:09:15,371 --> 00:09:17,439
I'm going to get some fries.
190
00:09:17,441 --> 00:09:18,640
You want anything?
191
00:09:18,642 --> 00:09:20,241
- Uh, no, thanks.
- Are you sure?
192
00:09:20,243 --> 00:09:23,378
You always say no, and then
you eat half my fries.
193
00:09:23,380 --> 00:09:25,880
I just eat the little crispy
ones you don't like.
194
00:09:25,882 --> 00:09:28,549
No, I love them.
I save them for the end,
195
00:09:28,551 --> 00:09:30,718
but they're gone
because you ate them.
196
00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:32,120
And why did
197
00:09:32,122 --> 00:09:33,254
I let you eat them?
198
00:09:33,256 --> 00:09:35,256
- To get sex.
- Exactly.
199
00:09:36,459 --> 00:09:38,293
But this is
not a date.
200
00:09:38,295 --> 00:09:40,662
So I ask again,
would you like anything?
201
00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:42,498
All right, I'd like
an order of fries.
202
00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:45,001
Great. That'll be five dollars.
203
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:49,039
I am having the best time.
204
00:09:49,041 --> 00:09:52,042
I'm so glad you suggested
we do this.
205
00:09:52,044 --> 00:09:54,144
Oh, sorry.
206
00:09:54,146 --> 00:09:56,079
No problem.
207
00:09:56,081 --> 00:09:58,214
What you writing there?
208
00:09:58,216 --> 00:09:59,882
A screenplay.
209
00:09:59,884 --> 00:10:01,883
Its about a guy whose
roommate is having sex
210
00:10:01,885 --> 00:10:05,988
and tells him to go to a bar
and work on his screenplay.
211
00:10:05,990 --> 00:10:09,324
"I Hope Alex Gets Crabs:
The Movie."
212
00:10:09,326 --> 00:10:12,760
- It's a working title.
- Oh.
213
00:10:12,762 --> 00:10:13,928
- I'm Kevin.
- Oh. Penny.
214
00:10:13,930 --> 00:10:15,029
Nice to meet you.
215
00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:17,031
I'll let you get
back to your date.
216
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:18,799
Oh, no, no.
This isn't a date, no.
217
00:10:18,801 --> 00:10:21,935
Right?
218
00:10:22,737 --> 00:10:24,237
Uh... right.
219
00:10:24,239 --> 00:10:26,807
So have you written anything
I might have seen?
220
00:10:26,809 --> 00:10:29,844
That depends. How much time
do you spend on Yelp?
221
00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:44,661
This is ridiculous.
222
00:10:44,663 --> 00:10:47,030
I'm a grown man from Texas.
223
00:10:47,032 --> 00:10:50,667
This isn't a terrifying bird
like a swan or a goose.
224
00:10:52,571 --> 00:10:54,470
It's just a blue jay.
225
00:11:00,009 --> 00:11:02,144
That's a pretty big blue jay.
226
00:11:20,297 --> 00:11:21,964
One...
227
00:11:21,966 --> 00:11:23,032
two...
228
00:11:23,034 --> 00:11:24,234
three.
229
00:11:25,069 --> 00:11:28,037
Go! Shoo!
Am-scray, ird-bay!
230
00:11:28,039 --> 00:11:30,940
Bird in the apartment!
231
00:11:30,942 --> 00:11:32,275
Bird in the apartment!
232
00:11:32,277 --> 00:11:34,778
No!
233
00:11:40,098 --> 00:11:43,667
So it is an amazing
documentary.
234
00:11:43,669 --> 00:11:47,504
They need the electricity from
the dam, but at the same time,
235
00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:51,208
they want to preserve
the environment.
236
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:54,177
You're kidding me.
237
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,815
Uh, can I see you
for a sec over here?
238
00:11:58,817 --> 00:12:00,517
Oh, yeah. Sure.
Just one sec?
239
00:12:00,519 --> 00:12:02,552
No problem.
240
00:12:02,554 --> 00:12:03,553
What's up?
241
00:12:03,555 --> 00:12:04,754
I know what you're doing.
242
00:12:04,756 --> 00:12:06,523
- What am I doing?
- You're going out of your way
243
00:12:06,525 --> 00:12:08,859
to talk to that guy because
I said we weren't on a date.
244
00:12:08,861 --> 00:12:10,727
No, I'm talking to him
because he's cute.
245
00:12:10,729 --> 00:12:11,895
Come on, he's not that cute.
246
00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:13,263
Yes, he is.
247
00:12:13,265 --> 00:12:17,000
With his dorky T-shirt
and his little hipster glasses.
248
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:25,007
I wear dorky T-shirts
and glasses.
249
00:12:25,009 --> 00:12:27,810
Yes, but when you're tall
and have great cheekbones,
250
00:12:27,812 --> 00:12:29,545
you're doing it ironically.
251
00:12:31,547 --> 00:12:34,249
If that's so, what if I
start talking to a girl?
252
00:12:34,251 --> 00:12:35,784
You should!
253
00:12:35,786 --> 00:12:37,051
I'm serious.
I'll do it.
254
00:12:37,053 --> 00:12:39,654
Good! Go! There are some
girls right over there.
255
00:12:43,358 --> 00:12:44,591
What are you waiting for?
256
00:12:44,593 --> 00:12:47,160
They're in a group.
I'm scared.
257
00:12:48,329 --> 00:12:50,898
Sheldon, what do you
expect us to do?
258
00:12:53,035 --> 00:12:54,469
You're biologists.
259
00:12:54,471 --> 00:12:56,304
Biology is the study
of living things.
260
00:12:56,306 --> 00:12:58,607
That's a living thing;
get cracking.
261
00:13:00,477 --> 00:13:02,745
I specialize in microorganisms,
262
00:13:02,747 --> 00:13:04,480
and Amy studies brains.
263
00:13:04,482 --> 00:13:07,417
Yeah, neither of us
minored in bird-shooing.
264
00:13:07,419 --> 00:13:09,452
Oh, come now.
265
00:13:09,454 --> 00:13:11,321
Your undergraduate work
must have included
266
00:13:11,323 --> 00:13:13,590
a varmints and critters class.
267
00:13:13,592 --> 00:13:16,493
Come back in, Sheldon,
he's not going to hurt you.
268
00:13:16,495 --> 00:13:19,129
He looks friendly.
269
00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:21,297
I think he might
be someone's pet.
270
00:13:21,299 --> 00:13:22,732
No, Bernadette, don't be a hero!
271
00:13:22,734 --> 00:13:26,102
Oh, he's a sweetie.
272
00:13:26,104 --> 00:13:28,004
Yes. It's very sweet.
273
00:13:28,006 --> 00:13:30,440
Now, slowly and carefully,
274
00:13:30,442 --> 00:13:33,277
flush him down the toilet.
275
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:38,717
Sheldon, the only way
to get past this fear
276
00:13:38,719 --> 00:13:40,018
is to interact with it.
277
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:42,955
Just like you did
with the mailman.
278
00:13:42,957 --> 00:13:48,060
Every year tens of people around
the world are killed by birds.
279
00:13:49,063 --> 00:13:52,098
I'm not going to be
another statistic.
280
00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:55,301
Look how sweet he is.
Come over and say hi.
281
00:13:59,305 --> 00:14:00,906
Come on.
282
00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:02,040
You can do it.
283
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:03,308
Don't be scared.
284
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:04,942
Come on.
285
00:14:07,546 --> 00:14:10,014
Oh, just pet the bird,
you big baby!
286
00:14:17,358 --> 00:14:19,091
I did it!
287
00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:23,029
I actually did it.
288
00:14:23,031 --> 00:14:25,365
Okay, now flush him.
289
00:14:27,468 --> 00:14:30,436
So, Leonard,
what do you do for fun?
290
00:14:30,438 --> 00:14:32,504
I'm... let's see.
291
00:14:32,506 --> 00:14:34,706
Hiking.
292
00:14:35,674 --> 00:14:37,875
Karaoke in Koreatown.
293
00:14:38,943 --> 00:14:41,144
Any Jennifer Aniston movie.
294
00:14:41,979 --> 00:14:44,380
Hey. Sorry I ditched you.
295
00:14:44,382 --> 00:14:45,781
- No, it's fine. You can ditch away.
- Oh, no, no.
296
00:14:45,783 --> 00:14:47,583
We said we were going to
hang out, let's hang out.
297
00:14:47,585 --> 00:14:49,384
It's cool.
Go back to Kevin.
298
00:14:49,386 --> 00:14:51,053
Oh, he had to leave.
299
00:14:51,055 --> 00:14:52,454
Interesting.
300
00:14:52,456 --> 00:14:54,857
So now that he's gone,
you want to hang out with me.
301
00:14:54,859 --> 00:14:56,458
- This must be Penny.
- Yep.
302
00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:58,827
I totally get it.
303
00:15:01,665 --> 00:15:03,599
Huh? I'm sorry, get what?
304
00:15:03,601 --> 00:15:05,334
Don't worry about it. You know,
there's some guys over there.
305
00:15:05,336 --> 00:15:06,469
You should go talk to them.
306
00:15:06,471 --> 00:15:08,405
No, no. I want to
know what you told her.
307
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:10,607
That's kind of
between me and...
308
00:15:10,609 --> 00:15:12,609
- Laura.
- Laura.
309
00:15:12,611 --> 00:15:14,144
Oh. Okay, I see.
310
00:15:14,146 --> 00:15:16,413
So while he was telling
you things, did he mention
311
00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:19,449
he owns, not one,
but two Star Trek uniforms?
312
00:15:19,451 --> 00:15:21,585
- Really?
- Yeah. Wears them.
313
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,988
Not just for Halloween.
314
00:15:25,691 --> 00:15:27,425
Hey, pal.
315
00:15:28,727 --> 00:15:31,329
You didn't see me telling
Kevin that you thought
316
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:34,566
cold wars were only
fought in winter.
317
00:15:34,568 --> 00:15:38,402
Okay. Then I'll return the
favor, and I won't tell...
318
00:15:38,404 --> 00:15:39,771
- Laura.
- ...Laura
319
00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:44,108
that half the dirty movies
you own are animated.
320
00:15:48,013 --> 00:15:51,315
When you were telling Kevin
about your acting career,
321
00:15:51,317 --> 00:15:54,185
did you mention your
long-running role as "Waitress"
322
00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:57,454
in a local production of
The Cheesecake Factory?
323
00:15:57,456 --> 00:16:01,057
Did you tell her about
your lucky asthma inhaler?
324
00:16:01,993 --> 00:16:04,594
Oh, yeah? Spell "asthma."
325
00:16:06,663 --> 00:16:08,965
A-s...
326
00:16:08,967 --> 00:16:11,067
Take me home.
327
00:16:11,069 --> 00:16:13,036
Maybe I'm not done
hanging out with...
328
00:16:16,073 --> 00:16:17,373
You're right,
it's getting late.
329
00:16:23,914 --> 00:16:25,781
It's remarkable.
330
00:16:25,783 --> 00:16:28,117
All that time spent in fear.
331
00:16:28,119 --> 00:16:29,985
And for what?
332
00:16:29,987 --> 00:16:32,755
He's magnificent.
333
00:16:33,724 --> 00:16:35,024
Oh, dear.
334
00:16:35,026 --> 00:16:37,726
I just realized I haven't
offered you a beverage.
335
00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:47,970
Oh, it's just like my grandma
with her parrot.
336
00:16:47,972 --> 00:16:51,640
And after she lost her marbles
with her remote control.
337
00:16:52,775 --> 00:16:56,011
My phone's on the desk
over there.
338
00:16:56,013 --> 00:16:57,945
Take a picture of us together.
339
00:16:57,947 --> 00:17:00,080
Make it good enough
to go on a mug,
340
00:17:00,082 --> 00:17:02,015
a mouse pad, and a calendar.
341
00:17:07,588 --> 00:17:10,222
If you were a dove,
I'd call you Lovey-Dovey.
342
00:17:10,224 --> 00:17:12,291
Oh. Who am I kidding?
343
00:17:12,293 --> 00:17:14,526
This isn't a moment for strict
adherence to the literal.
344
00:17:14,528 --> 00:17:17,630
You're just my little
Lovey-Dovey, aren't you?
345
00:17:19,065 --> 00:17:20,299
Guess you gotta
have hollow bones
346
00:17:20,301 --> 00:17:22,501
to get some sugar around here.
347
00:17:24,637 --> 00:17:27,839
I still think he looks
like someone's pet.
348
00:17:27,841 --> 00:17:29,807
Maybe we should put up posters.
349
00:17:29,809 --> 00:17:32,242
Yes. It should have
a big picture of him,
350
00:17:32,244 --> 00:17:36,712
and the words, "Is this
your bird? Not anymore."
351
00:17:38,181 --> 00:17:40,582
We're going to have
so much fun together.
352
00:17:40,584 --> 00:17:43,318
You can carry messages
to all my enemies.
353
00:17:44,620 --> 00:17:48,790
I can tie a string to your leg
and fly you like a kite.
354
00:17:48,792 --> 00:17:50,892
If you're keeping him,
I've got a cage you can borrow.
355
00:17:50,894 --> 00:17:52,960
One of the test monkeys
slipped on a banana peel
356
00:17:52,962 --> 00:17:54,195
and broke his neck.
357
00:17:55,631 --> 00:17:58,867
It was both tragic
and hysterical.
358
00:18:01,237 --> 00:18:02,538
Nonsense.
359
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:05,641
No. Lovey-Dovey doesn't
sleep in a cage.
360
00:18:05,643 --> 00:18:09,411
No. Lovey-Dovey sleeps
in his very own nest,
361
00:18:09,413 --> 00:18:11,513
which I'm going to get
off the windowsill
362
00:18:11,515 --> 00:18:12,981
and put in my room.
363
00:18:12,983 --> 00:18:15,483
Isn't that right, LD?
364
00:18:19,621 --> 00:18:20,888
No.
365
00:18:20,890 --> 00:18:22,556
Where are you going?
366
00:18:22,558 --> 00:18:24,624
Come back, Lovey-Dovey!
367
00:18:24,626 --> 00:18:26,226
This is your home now!
368
00:18:26,228 --> 00:18:30,931
I already ordered 20 pounds
of bird feed off of Amazon!
369
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:33,267
He's gone.
370
00:18:33,269 --> 00:18:35,536
I'm sorry, Sheldon.
371
00:18:35,538 --> 00:18:37,671
How could he do this to me?
372
00:18:37,673 --> 00:18:41,843
Get back here, you stupid bird,
so I can love you!
373
00:19:20,733 --> 00:19:23,233
Okay. So...
we went out,
374
00:19:23,235 --> 00:19:25,936
saw a movie,
met some nice people,
375
00:19:25,938 --> 00:19:28,272
said horrible things
about each other in public...
376
00:19:28,274 --> 00:19:30,440
all in all,
a pretty magical night.
377
00:19:31,276 --> 00:19:32,710
Okay, I'm not innocent
in all this,
378
00:19:32,712 --> 00:19:37,315
but you basically called me
stupid, you asthmatic dumbass.
379
00:19:37,317 --> 00:19:40,518
I know, I-I-I crossed a line.
380
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:42,253
And I'm sorry.
381
00:19:42,255 --> 00:19:44,389
No, no, no, hang on.
I really mean it.
382
00:19:44,391 --> 00:19:46,892
And it's not like when we were
going out, I'd just apologize
383
00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:49,429
for everything
so we could end up in bed.
384
00:19:50,831 --> 00:19:52,332
This is a 100%
385
00:19:52,334 --> 00:19:55,135
sex-is-off-the-table
"I'm sorry."
386
00:19:55,137 --> 00:19:57,370
All right. Thank you.
387
00:19:57,372 --> 00:19:58,471
I'm sorry, too.
388
00:19:58,473 --> 00:20:02,476
Just to be clear,
sex is off the table, right?
389
00:20:02,478 --> 00:20:05,212
Way off.
390
00:20:05,214 --> 00:20:09,282
Maybe we're not ready
to hang out as friends.
391
00:20:09,284 --> 00:20:11,618
I don't know.
Up until the last part,
392
00:20:11,620 --> 00:20:13,720
I was kind of enjoying
take-charge Leonard
393
00:20:13,722 --> 00:20:14,821
with a little backbone.
394
00:20:14,823 --> 00:20:17,424
Picking the movie,
knowing what he wants,
395
00:20:17,426 --> 00:20:19,125
a little cocky.
396
00:20:19,127 --> 00:20:20,761
- Really?
- Yeah.
397
00:20:20,763 --> 00:20:25,233
Well, then, I'm putting
sex back on the table.
398
00:20:27,069 --> 00:20:30,339
What do you think about that?
399
00:20:30,341 --> 00:20:32,107
Ooh. Maybe I like it.
400
00:20:32,109 --> 00:20:34,476
You do? Because if that's what
you like, I can be that guy.
401
00:20:34,478 --> 00:20:36,378
I swear, I'll be anything
you want me to be.
402
00:20:36,380 --> 00:20:38,547
Good night, Leonard.
403
00:20:43,220 --> 00:20:46,722
I am such an asthmatic dumbass.
404
00:20:48,224 --> 00:20:50,025
I had a weird night.
405
00:20:50,213 --> 00:20:52,220
Mine was great.
406
00:20:52,221 --> 00:20:54,789
I'm going to be a mommy.
407
00:20:54,791 --> 00:20:58,791
== sync, corrected by elderman ==