1
00:00:03,378 --> 00:00:04,670
[DOOR OPENS]

2
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:07,506
-Hey.
-Oh, hey. You work the lunch shift?

3
00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:10,426
Yeah. Got 8 pounds of salmon
that's about to go bad.

4
00:00:10,593 --> 00:00:12,678
-Do you know how to cook it?
-Not really.

5
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:16,557
PENNY: Damn it.
Should've liberated the iffy chicken.

6
00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:20,769
So, what are you
and Professor Fussyface up to tonight?

7
00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:23,397
Star Wars on Blu-ray.

8
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:25,733
Haven't you seen that movie
a thousand times?

9
00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:27,568
Not on Blu-ray.

10
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:30,279
Only twice on BIu-ray.

11
00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:32,197
Oh, Leonard. Ugh.

12
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:36,535
LEONARD:
I know. It's high-resolution sadness.

13
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:39,288
WeIl, I was gonna take myself out
to a movie tonight.

14
00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:40,581
You wanna go?

15
00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:43,208
-Really? Do we do that?
-What do you mean?

16
00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:46,795
You know, we haven't spent time aIone
together since we broke up.

17
00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:49,965
It's not a date, Leonard.
It's a man and a woman hanging out...

18
00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,843
...not having sex
at the end of the night.

19
00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:55,929
LEONARD:
Sounds like most of my dates.

20
00:00:57,807 --> 00:01:01,060
SHELDON: Oh, dear Lord.
Get away from me, you monster.

21
00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:03,312
What is that about?

22
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:07,232
He's smart and crazy enough.
He may have actually created a monster.

23
00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:09,234
Shoo, shoo.

24
00:01:09,402 --> 00:01:10,569
Be gone.

25
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,029
What the hell is going on?

26
00:01:12,197 --> 00:01:15,032
There's a bird outside the window
and he won't go away.

27
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,326
That is the hell that is going on.

28
00:01:17,994 --> 00:01:21,246
We have no worms or seeds here.
Shoo, shoo.

29
00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:25,334
Really? On top of everything else,
you're afraid of birds?

30
00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:29,880
It's caIled ornithophobia, and someday it
will be recognized as a true disabiIity...

31
00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:34,635
...and the landlord will be required by
Iaw to put a giant net over the building.

32
00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:38,180
Which is unfortunate,
because l have a fear of nets.

33
00:01:38,973 --> 00:01:40,766
So movies, yes or no?

34
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,518
-Oh, movies, yes.
PENNY: Mm.

35
00:01:42,685 --> 00:01:45,854
Great. l'll see you later.
And remember, he's more afraid of you...

36
00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:47,773
-...than you are of him.
-That doesn't help.

37
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,024
PENNY:
Oh.

38
00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:51,568
I was talking to the bird.

39
00:01:52,695 --> 00:01:53,904
[DOOR CLOSES]

40
00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:58,242
Go away, bird. Go away, bird.
Go away, bird.

41
00:01:58,409 --> 00:02:00,869
Sheldon, just ignore him.

44
00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:09,128
Much better. All right.

45
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:11,421
Now l'll just get along with my life.

46
00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:13,173
[BlRD SQUAWKS]

47
00:02:14,592 --> 00:02:17,261
Make a pot of tea, Leonard,
it's gonna be a long night.

48
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,000
[MlMlCKlNG CAT MEOWING]

49
00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,262
[MlMlCS CAT HISSING]

50
00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:03,098
Bird still there?

51
00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:06,894
-Quick, what does a hawk sound like?
-I don't know, uh....

52
00:03:07,061 --> 00:03:10,230
Scree, scree.

53
00:03:10,398 --> 00:03:13,817
PIease, that's a seaguIl.
If you're not going to help, don't help.

54
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,653
Sorry. Hey, do you think
I'm over-dressed?

55
00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:20,532
Uh, it depends on the activity.
For a prostate exam, yes.

56
00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:25,204
If you're playing Vegas,
I'd add sequins.

57
00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:27,414
I'm going to the movies with Penny.

58
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,416
I don't want her to think
I think it's a date.

59
00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:30,959
-Do you think it's a date?
-No.

60
00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:33,545
But she might think l think it's a date,
even though l don't.

61
00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:36,006
Or you think she thinks
you think it's a date.

62
00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:39,092
-Are we over-thinking this?
-Not at all.

63
00:03:39,969 --> 00:03:44,848
-You're right. l'm fine. l'm wearing this.
-Really? A blazer? All right.

64
00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:53,649
Yes, hello.
Uh, this is Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

65
00:03:53,816 --> 00:03:56,693
I'm at 231 1
North Los Robles Avenue.

66
00:03:56,861 --> 00:03:59,571
I'd like to report
a dangerous wild animal.

67
00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:01,365
A blue jay.

68
00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:07,371
I'm sorry, this is Animal Control.
I don't understand the laughter.

69
00:04:07,538 --> 00:04:09,289
No, the bird is not in my home.

70
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:13,335
If he was in my home,
I obviously would've called 91 1 .

71
00:04:14,003 --> 00:04:16,672
I have no doubt that there are things
that you're frightened of.

72
00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:19,841
Uh, being stuck in a dead-end
public service job.

73
00:04:20,009 --> 00:04:21,677
Or your wife stepping out on you...

74
00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:24,638
...because you're stuck
in a dead-end public service job.

75
00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:26,932
Or spiders.

76
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:30,644
Don't you think
I tried making cat noises?

77
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,442
Too casual?

78
00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:40,237
For an audience with the Queen, yes.

79
00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:43,490
For an evening of passing a bottIe
of fortified wine around a trash can...

80
00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:45,367
...you look great.

81
00:04:57,338 --> 00:04:59,089
[MEOwS AND HlSSES]

82
00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:03,593
What am I thinking? Whiskers.

83
00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:10,434
Oh, hey, if we hurry we can make
the Jennifer Aniston movie.

84
00:05:10,601 --> 00:05:11,685
Oh, yeah, sure.

85
00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:13,770
Yeah, uh,
there's also an amazing documentary...

86
00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:17,107
...about building a dam on a river
in South America.

87
00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:21,278
Okay, but the Jennifer Aniston movie
has Jennifer Aniston.

88
00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:23,947
And she's not building a dam.

89
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:28,493
-Can't argue with that. l'll get the tickets.
-Okay.

90
00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:32,497
Actually, you know what?

91
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:35,167
I think it's about time
I pick a movie we see.

92
00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:37,502
Wha--? You picked plenty of movies.

93
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:41,340
No, you aIways picked
and it was always the same.

94
00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:43,300
An hour and a half of beach houses...

95
00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:47,971
...until the woman turns around
and realizes love was here all along.

96
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:51,975
Come on, that is a great movie.
And it starts in ten minutes.

97
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,895
But I hate those movies.

98
00:05:55,104 --> 00:05:56,355
-No, you don't.
-Yes, I do.

99
00:05:56,522 --> 00:06:00,609
The onIy reason l went is because you
wanted to see them and l wanted sex.

100
00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:04,029
To this day l can't see
a Sandra Bullock poster...

101
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:07,115
...without getting both bored
and aroused.

102
00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:10,535
So while we were going out,
how often would you pretend...

103
00:06:10,703 --> 00:06:12,662
...to like things
just to have sex with me?

104
00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:14,831
AIl the time.

105
00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:17,876
You're kidding.

106
00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:19,378
Does this sound familiar?

107
00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:22,130
"l'd love to go
shoe shopping with you."

108
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:25,384
"Hiking, it's great."

109
00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:28,011
"lt's 2 a.m., of course,
I wanna go to Koreatown...

110
00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:31,390
...and sing karaoke with your friends.
Who wouldn't?"

111
00:06:32,141 --> 00:06:34,768
Okay. we were going out.
You were gonna get sex anyway.

112
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:39,815
Really? You would've slept with me after
a three hour documentary on dams?

113
00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:43,485
No. No woman would.

114
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:47,072
See, now, that's the great thing.
We're out as friends.

115
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,241
This is not a date. Sex is off the tabIe.

116
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,743
So let's go learn
why hydroeIectric power...

117
00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:55,330
...might not be the environmental
bargain you think it is.

118
00:06:57,041 --> 00:06:59,584
Sorry, spoiler alert.

119
00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:04,131
-Ugh. All right. Fine.
-Thanks.

120
00:07:04,298 --> 00:07:06,174
Uh, tickets are 1 1 bucks.

121
00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:12,097
Not a date.

122
00:07:16,018 --> 00:07:17,894
Come on, Sheldon. Star Wars.

123
00:07:18,062 --> 00:07:19,855
I'm pushing play. l mean it.

124
00:07:20,022 --> 00:07:23,525
Yeah, if we don't start soon,
George Lucas is gonna change it again.

125
00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:29,656
This would go a lot faster
if you put your dipIoma to work...

126
00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:32,742
...and help me set up this high-frequency
tone generator.

127
00:07:33,327 --> 00:07:36,037
I have a master's degree from MlT.

128
00:07:36,205 --> 00:07:39,791
Yeah, but you've got a can-do attitude,
and that's what's important.

129
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,587
I really don't get your problem
with birds.

130
00:07:43,754 --> 00:07:48,175
The question you should be asking is,
what is their problem with me?

131
00:07:48,342 --> 00:07:52,429
My first memory, a hummingbird
dive-bombing my stroller...

132
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:55,640
...to get at the apple juice
in my sippy cup.

133
00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:57,726
Hummingbirds are pretty.

134
00:07:57,894 --> 00:08:01,438
Hummingbirds are the vampires
of the flower world.

135
00:08:03,232 --> 00:08:05,942
StiIl my first choice
for an ankle tattoo.

136
00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:11,072
Or a dolphin. l go back and forth.

137
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:14,576
Age 7, a blood-thirsty chicken
chases me up a tree.

138
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:19,831
Age 12, a magpie tries to steal
the retainer out of my mouth.

139
00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:24,085
Age 1 6, a parrot in a pet store
calls me fat ass.

140
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:26,880
Need I go on?

141
00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:29,883
Yes, please.
This is way better than the movie, heh.

142
00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:33,011
AIl right, Sheldon.
Your bird death ray is ready.

143
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:37,474
It's not a death ray. lt's just a little
ultrasonic bIast to scare him off.

144
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:40,519
Trust me, if I had a death ray,
I wouldn't be Iiving here.

145
00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:44,064
I'd be in my lair enjoying the money
the people of Earth gave me...

146
00:08:44,273 --> 00:08:45,899
...for not using my death ray.

147
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:49,819
AIl right. And in three, two, one.

148
00:08:49,987 --> 00:08:51,613
[HIGH-PlTCH TONE]

149
00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:01,373
RAJESH:
That is one tough birdie.

150
00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:05,752
[CHUCKLlNG]
Come on, you enjoyed the movie.

151
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:09,673
I saw you tearing up when the village
flooded and everyone had to relocate.

152
00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:12,592
No, I was thinking how come
they get to leave and l can't.

153
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:13,969
[CHUCKLES]

154
00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:16,888
I'm gonna get some fries.
You want anything?

155
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:18,557
-Uh, no, thanks.
-Are you sure?

156
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:21,643
Because you always say no,
and then you eat haIf my fries.

157
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:24,145
I just eat the little crispy ones
you don't like.

158
00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:28,858
No, I love them. I save them for the end,
but they're gone because you ate them.

159
00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,528
And why did l let you eat them?

160
00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:33,321
-To get sex.
-Exactly.

161
00:09:35,032 --> 00:09:36,741
But this is not a date.

162
00:09:36,909 --> 00:09:39,119
So I ask again.
Would you like anything?

163
00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:42,998
-AIl right. l'd like an order of fries.
-Great. That'll be 5 doIlars.

164
00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:47,335
I am having the best time.

165
00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:50,213
I'm so glad you suggested we do this.

166
00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:54,217
-Oh. Sorry.
-No problem.

167
00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:57,846
-What you writing there?
-Uh, a screenplay.

168
00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:01,099
It's about a guy whose roommate is
having sex and telIs him to go...

169
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,518
...and work on his screenplay.

170
00:10:05,479 --> 00:10:08,898
"I Hope Alex Gets Crabs: The Movie."

171
00:10:09,066 --> 00:10:10,942
-It's a working title.
-Oh. Ha, ha.

172
00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:12,277
-I'm Kevin.
-Oh, Penny.

173
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,570
Nice to meet you.

174
00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:17,032
-I'll let you get back to your date.
-Oh, no, no. This isn't a date. No.

175
00:10:18,492 --> 00:10:19,993
Right?

176
00:10:21,245 --> 00:10:22,704
Uh, right.

177
00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:25,165
So have you written anything
I might have seen?

178
00:10:25,374 --> 00:10:27,876
That depends.
How much time do you spend on Yelp?

179
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,131
[LIGHTSABERS BUZZING ON TV]

180
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:34,924
[BlRD SQUAWKlNG]

181
00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:42,724
This is ridiculous.

182
00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:45,018
I'm a grown man from Texas.

183
00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:49,689
This isn't a terrifying bird
Iike a swan or a goose.

184
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,734
It's just a blue jay.

185
00:10:58,157 --> 00:11:00,533
That's a pretty big blue jay.

186
00:11:19,136 --> 00:11:22,263
One, two, three.

187
00:11:23,432 --> 00:11:24,474
Go. Shoo.

188
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:26,351
[BlRD SQUAWKlNG]

189
00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:30,522
Bird in the apartment.
Bird in the apartment.

190
00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:32,857
No!

191
00:11:37,446 --> 00:11:40,740
So it is an amazing documentary.

192
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:43,618
They need electricity from the dam...

193
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:47,497
...but at the same time,
they wanna preserve the environment.

194
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:51,084
You're kidding me.

195
00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:57,465
-Uh, can l see you for a sec over here?
-Oh, sure. Just one sec?

196
00:11:57,633 --> 00:11:59,259
No problem.

197
00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,845
-What's up?
-I know what you're doing.

198
00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:04,055
-What?
-You're going to talk to that guy...

199
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:07,475
-...because I said we weren't on a date.
-I'm taIking to him because he's cute.

200
00:12:07,643 --> 00:12:10,395
-Uh, come on. He's not that cute.
-Yes, he is...

201
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:13,898
...with his dorky T-shirt
and his little hipster gIasses.

202
00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:22,157
I wear dorky T-shirts and glasses.

203
00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:26,494
Yes, but when you're talI and have great
cheekbones, you're doing it ironicalIy.

204
00:12:29,039 --> 00:12:31,916
-So, what if I start taIking to a girl?
-You should.

205
00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:34,753
-Yeah, heh. I'm serious, I'll do it.
-Good, go.

206
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:37,547
There's some girls right over there.

207
00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:44,053
-What are you waiting for?
-They're in a group. l'm scared.

208
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:48,850
Sheldon,
what do you expect us to do?

209
00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:53,188
You're biologists.
Biology is the study of living things.

210
00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:55,523
That's a living thing. Get cracking.

211
00:12:57,651 --> 00:13:01,070
I specialize in microorganisms
and Amy studies brains.

212
00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:04,532
Yeah, neither of us minored
in bird shooing.

213
00:13:05,159 --> 00:13:07,285
Oh, come, now.
Your undergraduate work...

214
00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:10,705
...must've included
a varmints and critters class.

215
00:13:11,373 --> 00:13:14,125
Come back in, Sheldon.
He's not gonna hurt you.

216
00:13:14,835 --> 00:13:17,670
He looks friendly.
I think he might be someone's pet.

217
00:13:17,838 --> 00:13:19,756
What? No, Bernadette.
Don't be a hero.

218
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:25,094
-Aw, he's a sweetie.
-Yes. He's very sweet.

219
00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:30,058
Now slowly and carefully
flush him down the toilet.

220
00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:37,023
Sheldon, the only way to get past
this fear is to interact with it.

221
00:13:37,191 --> 00:13:39,901
Just like you did with the mailman.

222
00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:44,781
Every year, tens of people
around the world are killed by birds.

223
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,451
I'm not going to be another statistic.

224
00:13:49,286 --> 00:13:52,080
Look how sweet he is.
Come over and say hi.

225
00:13:56,418 --> 00:13:58,920
Come on, you can do it.

226
00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:00,171
Don't be scared.

227
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:04,551
[GASPS]

228
00:14:04,718 --> 00:14:06,761
Oh, just pet the bird, you big baby.

229
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:14,394
[GASPS]

230
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:15,812
I did it, heh.

231
00:14:17,147 --> 00:14:19,274
I actually did it.

232
00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:22,110
Okay, now fIush him.

233
00:14:24,905 --> 00:14:27,323
So, Leonard, what do you do for fun?

234
00:14:27,491 --> 00:14:29,409
Um, let's see.

235
00:14:29,618 --> 00:14:31,494
Hiking.

236
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,622
Karaoke in Koreatown.

237
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:38,877
Any Jennifer Anniston movie.

238
00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:42,422
-Hey, sorry I ditched you.
-No, it's fine. Ditch away.

239
00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:44,424
Oh, no.
We were gonna hang out. Let's hang out.

240
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:47,802
-It's cool. Go back to Kevin.
-No, he had to leave.

241
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:49,178
Interesting.

242
00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:51,806
So now that he's gone,
you wanna hang out with me.

243
00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:53,391
-This must be Penny.
-Yep.

244
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:55,560
I totally get it.

245
00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:01,357
-Uh, I'm sorry. Get what?
-Don't worry about it.

246
00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:03,484
There's guys over there.
Go talk to them.

247
00:15:03,652 --> 00:15:07,572
-No, no. l wanna know what you told her.
-That's kind of between me and....

248
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,532
-Laura.
-Laura.

249
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:12,410
Oh, okay, l see.
So while he was telling you things...

250
00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:16,372
...did he mention he owns not one,
but two Star Trek uniforms?

251
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,374
-Really?
-Yeah. Wears them.

252
00:15:18,542 --> 00:15:20,710
Not just for HalIoween.

253
00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:24,172
Hey, pal.

254
00:15:25,799 --> 00:15:28,718
You didn't see me telling Kevin
that you thought cold wars...

255
00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:31,387
...were only fought in winter.

256
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,598
Okay, then I'll return the favor...

257
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:36,059
-...and I won't tell--
-Laura.

258
00:15:36,226 --> 00:15:40,855
--Laura that haIf the dirty movies
you own are animated.

259
00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:47,987
When you were telling Kevin
about your acting career...

260
00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:50,823
...did you mention your long-running
role as waitress...

261
00:15:50,991 --> 00:15:54,410
...in a local production
of The Cheesecake Factory?

262
00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:57,789
Did you tell her
about your lucky asthma inhaIer?

263
00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:01,334
Oh, yeah? Spell asthma.

264
00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:06,005
A-S....

265
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:07,966
Take me home.

266
00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:09,759
Maybe I'm not done hanging out--

267
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:15,223
You're right, it's getting late.

268
00:16:20,896 --> 00:16:22,689
It's remarkable.

269
00:16:22,856 --> 00:16:26,901
AIl that time spent in fear. For what?

270
00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:29,237
He's magnificent.

271
00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:35,034
Ah! Oh, dear. I just realized
I haven't offered you a beverage.

272
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:44,752
Aw, it's just Iike my grandma
with her parrot.

273
00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:48,339
And after she lost her marbles,
with her remote control.

274
00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:54,887
My phone's on the desk over there.
Take a picture of us together.

275
00:16:55,055 --> 00:16:58,766
Make it good enough to go on a mug,
a mouse pad and a calendar.

276
00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:07,150
If you were a dove,
I'd calI you Lovey Dovey.

277
00:17:07,317 --> 00:17:11,404
Oh, who am l kidding? This isn't a moment
for strict adherence to the literal.

278
00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:14,323
You're just my little Lovey Dovey,
aren't you?

279
00:17:15,784 --> 00:17:19,579
I guess you gotta have hollow bones
to get some sugar around here.

280
00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:24,500
I still think
he looks like someone's pet.

281
00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:26,210
Maybe we should put up posters.

282
00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:29,630
Yes, it should have a big picture of him
and the words:

283
00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:33,426
"ls this your bird? Not anymore."

284
00:17:35,679 --> 00:17:37,472
We're gonna have
so much fun together.

285
00:17:37,639 --> 00:17:40,016
You can carry messages
to all my enemies.

286
00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:41,267
And, um....

287
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:45,646
I can tie a string to your leg
and fly you like a kite.

288
00:17:45,814 --> 00:17:48,399
If you're keeping him,
I've got a cage you can borrow.

289
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:52,528
One of the test monkeys slipped
on a banana peel and broke his neck.

290
00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:56,199
It was both tragic and hysterical.

291
00:17:58,619 --> 00:18:02,622
Nonsense. No, Lovey Dovey
doesn't sleep in a cage.

292
00:18:02,831 --> 00:18:06,125
No, Lovey Dovey sleeps
in his very own nest...

293
00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:09,837
...which I'm going to get off
the window sill and put in my room.

294
00:18:10,005 --> 00:18:12,507
Isn't that right, L.D.?

295
00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:17,804
No.

296
00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:19,430
Where are you going?

297
00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:23,017
Come back, Lovey Dovey.
This is your home now.

298
00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:27,271
I already ordered 20 pounds
of bird feed off of Amazon.

299
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:32,443
-He's gone.
-I'm sorry, Sheldon.

300
00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,570
How could he do this to me?

301
00:18:35,405 --> 00:18:39,158
Get back here you stupid bird
so I can Iove you!

302
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:04,892
[PENNY SIGHS]

303
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,111
[BOTH SIGH]

304
00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:18,573
Okay, so we went out, saw a movie...

305
00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:22,285
...met some nice people, said horrible
things about each other in pubIic.

306
00:19:22,452 --> 00:19:25,288
AIl in all, a pretty magical night.

307
00:19:25,455 --> 00:19:28,666
PENNY: Okay, l'm not innocent in all this,
but you basically called me stupid...

308
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:31,711
...you asthmatic dumb-ass.

309
00:19:32,588 --> 00:19:36,549
I know, uh, I crossed the line.
And l'm sorry.

310
00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:40,219
And no, no, uh, I really mean it.
It's not like when we were going out...

311
00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:43,639
...I'd just apologize for everything
so we could end up in bed.

312
00:19:44,808 --> 00:19:49,520
This is a 1 00 percent
"sex is off the table" l'm sorry.

313
00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:52,940
AIl right. Thank you. l'm sorry too.

314
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:56,819
Just to be clear,
sex is off the table, right?

315
00:19:57,738 --> 00:19:59,614
Way off.

316
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:03,701
Maybe we're not ready to hang out
as friends.

317
00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:05,745
I don't know. Up until the last part...

318
00:20:05,954 --> 00:20:09,207
...I was enjoying take-charge Leonard
with a little backbone.

319
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:13,586
Picking the movie,
knowing what he wants, a little cocky.

320
00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:15,171
-Really?
-Yeah.

321
00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:19,467
WeIl, then, l'm putting sex
back on the table.

322
00:20:21,094 --> 00:20:22,303
[LEONARD CHUCKLES]

323
00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:24,764
What do you think about that?

324
00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:26,557
Hmm, maybe l Iike it.

325
00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:30,770
If that's what you like, I can be that guy.
I'll be anything you want me to be.

326
00:20:31,813 --> 00:20:32,855
Good night, Leonard.

327
00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:34,315
[LEONARD SlGHS]

328
00:20:35,692 --> 00:20:37,193
[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]

329
00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:40,988
I am such an asthmatic dumb-ass.

330
00:20:42,866 --> 00:20:44,450
I had a weird night.

331
00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:46,577
Mine was great.

332
00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:49,580
I'm going to be a mommy.

333
00:21:18,443 --> 00:21:20,444
[English - US - SDH]