1
00:00:03,987 --> 00:00:05,855
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
2
00:00:05,857 --> 00:00:07,423
You work the lunch shift?
3
00:00:07,425 --> 00:00:10,359
Yeah. I've got eight pounds of
salmon that's about to go bad.
4
00:00:10,361 --> 00:00:11,896
Do you know
how to cook it?
5
00:00:11,898 --> 00:00:13,464
- Not really.
- Damn it.
6
00:00:13,466 --> 00:00:16,201
Should have liberated
the iffy chicken.
7
00:00:16,203 --> 00:00:19,638
What are you and Professor
Fussyface up to tonight?
8
00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:22,340
Star Wars on Blu-ray.
9
00:00:22,342 --> 00:00:25,309
Haven't you seen that movie,
like, a thousand times?
10
00:00:25,311 --> 00:00:27,444
Not on Blu-ray.
11
00:00:27,446 --> 00:00:29,479
Only twice on Blu-ray.
12
00:00:29,481 --> 00:00:31,881
Oh, Leonard.
13
00:00:31,883 --> 00:00:36,184
I know, it's
high-resolution sadness.
14
00:00:36,186 --> 00:00:39,353
Well, I'm going to take myself
out to a movie tonight.
15
00:00:39,355 --> 00:00:40,554
You want to go?
16
00:00:40,556 --> 00:00:41,988
Really? Do we do that?
17
00:00:41,990 --> 00:00:43,556
What do you mean?
18
00:00:43,558 --> 00:00:45,459
You know, we haven't spent
time alone together
19
00:00:45,461 --> 00:00:46,960
since we broke up.
20
00:00:46,962 --> 00:00:48,863
Oh, it's not a date, Leonard.
21
00:00:48,865 --> 00:00:50,316
It's just a man and a woman
hanging out, not having sex
22
00:00:50,341 --> 00:00:51,734
at the end of the night.
23
00:00:53,603 --> 00:00:56,303
Sounds like
most of my dates.
24
00:00:56,305 --> 00:01:00,641
SHELDON: Oh, dear Lord, get away
from me, you monster!
25
00:01:00,643 --> 00:01:02,943
What is that about?
26
00:01:02,945 --> 00:01:04,845
Well, he's smart
and crazy enough,
27
00:01:04,847 --> 00:01:06,913
he may have actually
created a monster.
28
00:01:06,915 --> 00:01:10,317
Shoo, shoo!
Be gone!
29
00:01:10,319 --> 00:01:11,719
What the hell is going on?
30
00:01:11,721 --> 00:01:15,022
There's a bird outside the
window, and he won't go away.
31
00:01:15,024 --> 00:01:17,024
That is the hell
that is going on.
32
00:01:17,026 --> 00:01:19,494
We have no worms or seeds here.
33
00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:20,962
Shoo, shoo.
34
00:01:20,964 --> 00:01:24,899
Really? On top of everything
else, you're afraid of birds?
35
00:01:24,901 --> 00:01:27,201
It's called ornithophobia.
36
00:01:27,203 --> 00:01:28,736
And someday it will
be recognized
37
00:01:28,738 --> 00:01:31,506
as a true disability, and the
landlord will be required by law
38
00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:33,507
to put a giant net
over the building.
39
00:01:34,609 --> 00:01:37,945
Which is unfortunate, because
I have a fear of nets.
40
00:01:37,947 --> 00:01:40,447
So movies, yes or no?
41
00:01:40,449 --> 00:01:42,282
Movies, yes.
44
00:01:46,588 --> 00:01:47,520
That doesn't help.
45
00:01:47,522 --> 00:01:52,058
No, I was talking
to the bird.
46
00:01:53,026 --> 00:01:57,929
Go away, bird. Go away, bird.
Go away, bird.
47
00:01:57,931 --> 00:02:00,631
Sheldon, just ignore him.
48
00:02:00,633 --> 00:02:04,502
Good idea.
Attention is what birds want.
49
00:02:05,671 --> 00:02:08,907
Oh, much better. All right.
50
00:02:08,909 --> 00:02:11,176
Now I'll just get along
with my life.
51
00:02:11,178 --> 00:02:14,113
(bird squawks)
52
00:02:14,115 --> 00:02:17,183
Make a pot of tea, Leonard.
It's going to be a long night.
53
00:02:18,318 --> 00:02:22,021
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
54
00:02:22,023 --> 00:02:25,324
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
55
00:02:25,326 --> 00:02:26,959
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
56
00:02:26,961 --> 00:02:29,494
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
57
00:02:29,496 --> 00:02:32,163
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
58
00:02:32,165 --> 00:02:34,833
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
59
00:02:34,835 --> 00:02:36,734
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
60
00:02:36,735 --> 00:02:37,742
♪ Bang! ♪
61
00:02:37,743 --> 00:02:41,728
The Big Bang Theory 5x09
The Ornithophobia Diffusion
Original Air Date on November 10, 2011
62
00:02:41,729 --> 00:02:45,729
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
63
00:02:47,662 --> 00:02:49,529
(imitates cat meowing)
64
00:02:54,228 --> 00:02:56,696
(meowing louder)
65
00:02:59,726 --> 00:03:02,394
(imitates cat meowing
and hissing)
66
00:03:03,304 --> 00:03:04,773
The bird's still there?
67
00:03:04,774 --> 00:03:07,241
Quick, what does
a hawk sound like?
68
00:03:07,243 --> 00:03:09,009
I don't know--
69
00:03:09,011 --> 00:03:12,012
scree-scree.
70
00:03:12,014 --> 00:03:13,314
Please, that's a seagull.
71
00:03:13,316 --> 00:03:15,683
If you're not going
to help, don't help.
72
00:03:15,685 --> 00:03:18,419
Sorry. Do you think
I'm overdressed?
73
00:03:18,421 --> 00:03:20,722
It depends on the activity.
74
00:03:20,724 --> 00:03:22,323
For a prostate exam, yes.
75
00:03:22,325 --> 00:03:26,895
If you're playing Vegas,
I'd add sequins.
76
00:03:26,897 --> 00:03:28,464
I'm going to the movies
with Penny.
77
00:03:28,466 --> 00:03:31,200
I don't want her to think
that I think it's a date.
78
00:03:31,202 --> 00:03:32,835
Do you think it's a date?
79
00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:35,371
No, but she might think I think
it's a date even though I don't.
80
00:03:35,373 --> 00:03:37,773
Or you might think she thinks you think
it's a date even though she doesn't.
81
00:03:37,775 --> 00:03:40,909
- Are we overthinking this?
- Not at all.
82
00:03:40,911 --> 00:03:43,311
You're right. I'm fine.
I'm wearing this.
83
00:03:43,313 --> 00:03:46,347
Really? A blazer?
All right.
84
00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:54,087
Yes, hello.
85
00:03:54,089 --> 00:03:56,023
This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
86
00:03:56,025 --> 00:03:58,892
I'm at 2311 North Robles Avenue.
87
00:03:58,894 --> 00:04:01,662
I'd like to report
a dangerous wild animal.
88
00:04:01,664 --> 00:04:03,865
A blue jay.
89
00:04:03,867 --> 00:04:06,668
I'm sorry, this is
Animal Control.
90
00:04:06,670 --> 00:04:08,871
I don't understand the laughter.
91
00:04:08,873 --> 00:04:11,340
No, the bird is not in my home.
92
00:04:11,342 --> 00:04:15,278
If he was in my home, I
obviously would have called 911.
93
00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:17,246
Sir, I have no doubt that
there are things
94
00:04:17,248 --> 00:04:19,048
that you're frightened of.
95
00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:22,151
Being stuck in a dead-end
public service job.
96
00:04:22,153 --> 00:04:23,753
Or your wife stepping out on you
97
00:04:23,755 --> 00:04:26,522
because you're stuck in
a dead-end public service job.
98
00:04:26,524 --> 00:04:29,425
Or spiders.
99
00:04:29,427 --> 00:04:31,760
Don't you think I tried
making cat noises?
100
00:04:36,198 --> 00:04:39,167
Too casual?
101
00:04:39,169 --> 00:04:41,069
For an audience
with the queen, yes.
102
00:04:41,071 --> 00:04:43,604
For an evening of passing
a bottle of fortified wine
103
00:04:43,606 --> 00:04:46,173
around a flaming trash can,
you look great.
104
00:04:58,587 --> 00:05:01,021
(imitates cat snarling
and hissing)
105
00:05:03,024 --> 00:05:05,559
What am I thinking?
Whiskers.
106
00:05:09,416 --> 00:05:10,554
Oh, hey, if we hurry,
107
00:05:10,555 --> 00:05:12,371
we can make the new
Jennifer Aniston movie.
108
00:05:12,372 --> 00:05:13,572
Oh, yeah, sure.
109
00:05:13,666 --> 00:05:15,999
There's also
an amazing documentary
110
00:05:16,001 --> 00:05:19,336
about building a dam
on a river in South America.
111
00:05:19,338 --> 00:05:23,873
Okay, but the Jennifer Aniston
movie has Jennifer Aniston,
112
00:05:23,875 --> 00:05:26,309
and she's not
building a dam.
113
00:05:26,311 --> 00:05:28,277
Can't argue with that.
114
00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:30,579
- I'll get the tickets.
- Okay.
115
00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:34,483
Actually, you know what?
116
00:05:34,485 --> 00:05:37,386
I think it's about time
I picked a movie we see.
117
00:05:37,388 --> 00:05:39,788
You pick plenty of movies.
118
00:05:39,790 --> 00:05:41,857
No. You always picked,
119
00:05:41,859 --> 00:05:43,425
and it was always the same.
120
00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:45,660
An hour and a half of
beach houses in the rain
121
00:05:45,662 --> 00:05:47,239
until the woman turns
around and realizes love
122
00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:48,755
was here all along.
123
00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:54,269
Come on, that is a great movie,
and it starts in ten minutes.
124
00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:56,037
I hate those movies.
125
00:05:56,039 --> 00:05:58,006
- No, you don't.
- Yes, I do.
126
00:05:58,008 --> 00:06:01,776
The only reason I went is
because you wanted to see them,
127
00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:03,811
and I wanted to have sex.
128
00:06:03,813 --> 00:06:06,613
To this day, I can't see
a Sandra Bullock movie poster
129
00:06:06,615 --> 00:06:09,382
without getting both
bored and aroused.
130
00:06:09,384 --> 00:06:11,117
Okay, so while we
were going out,
131
00:06:11,119 --> 00:06:14,887
how often would you pretend to like
things just to have sex with me?
132
00:06:14,889 --> 00:06:17,156
All the time.
133
00:06:17,158 --> 00:06:20,059
You're kidding.
134
00:06:20,061 --> 00:06:21,494
Does this sound familiar?
135
00:06:21,496 --> 00:06:24,497
I'd love to go
shoe shopping with you.
136
00:06:24,499 --> 00:06:26,732
Hiking? It's great.
137
00:06:26,734 --> 00:06:30,395
It's 2:00 a.m., of course I want
to go to Korea Town and sing
138
00:06:30,420 --> 00:06:31,483
karaoke with your friends.
139
00:06:31,484 --> 00:06:33,150
Who wouldn't?
140
00:06:33,773 --> 00:06:35,239
Okay, we were going out.
141
00:06:35,241 --> 00:06:36,974
You were going
to get sex anyway.
142
00:06:36,976 --> 00:06:39,318
Really? You would have slept
with me after a three-hour
143
00:06:39,343 --> 00:06:41,202
documentary on dams?
144
00:06:42,147 --> 00:06:45,848
No. No woman would.
145
00:06:45,850 --> 00:06:48,518
See? Now, that's
the great thing.
146
00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:50,386
We're out as friends.
This is not a date.
147
00:06:50,388 --> 00:06:51,854
Sex is off the table.
148
00:06:51,856 --> 00:06:54,457
So, let's go learn how
hydroelectric power
149
00:06:54,459 --> 00:06:57,828
might not be the environmental
bargain you think it is.
150
00:06:58,363 --> 00:07:01,866
Sorry. Spoiler alert.
151
00:07:02,668 --> 00:07:05,069
All right, fine.
152
00:07:05,071 --> 00:07:06,838
Thanks.
153
00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:08,674
Tickets are 11 bucks.
154
00:07:11,445 --> 00:07:14,579
Not a date.
155
00:07:17,650 --> 00:07:20,017
Come on, Sheldon,
Star Wars.
156
00:07:20,019 --> 00:07:22,152
I'm pushing play.
I mean it.
157
00:07:22,154 --> 00:07:23,253
If we don't start soon,
158
00:07:23,255 --> 00:07:26,556
George Lucas is going
to change it again.
159
00:07:27,724 --> 00:07:29,959
This would go a lot faster
160
00:07:29,961 --> 00:07:32,094
if you put your trade school
diploma to work
161
00:07:32,096 --> 00:07:35,030
and helped me set up this
high-frequency tone generator.
162
00:07:35,032 --> 00:07:38,233
I have a Masters degree
from M.I.T.
163
00:07:38,235 --> 00:07:39,868
Yeah, but you've got
a can-do attitude
164
00:07:39,870 --> 00:07:41,537
and that's what's important.
165
00:07:43,407 --> 00:07:45,875
I really don't get
your problem with birds.
166
00:07:45,877 --> 00:07:47,811
The question you
should be asking
167
00:07:47,813 --> 00:07:50,414
is what is their problem
with me?
168
00:07:50,416 --> 00:07:54,651
My first memory: A hummingbird
dive-bombing my stroller
169
00:07:54,653 --> 00:07:57,955
to get at the apple juice
in my sippy cup.
170
00:07:57,957 --> 00:07:59,790
Hummingbirds are pretty.
171
00:07:59,792 --> 00:08:03,927
Hummingbirds are the vampires
of the flower world.
172
00:08:05,162 --> 00:08:08,430
Still my first choice
for an ankle tattoo.
173
00:08:09,699 --> 00:08:13,267
Or a dolphin--
I go back and forth.
174
00:08:13,269 --> 00:08:16,704
Age seven, a blood-thirsty
chicken chases me up a tree.
175
00:08:16,706 --> 00:08:22,042
Age 12, a magpie tries to steal
the retainer out of my mouth.
176
00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:26,481
Age 16, a parrot in a
pet store calls me fat ass.
177
00:08:27,249 --> 00:08:29,117
Need I go on?
178
00:08:29,119 --> 00:08:30,951
Yes, please. This is way better
than the movie.
179
00:08:30,953 --> 00:08:33,454
(laughing)
All right, Sheldon,
180
00:08:33,456 --> 00:08:35,189
your bird death ray is ready.
181
00:08:35,191 --> 00:08:36,724
It's not a death ray.
182
00:08:36,726 --> 00:08:39,026
It's just a little ultrasonic
blast to scare him off.
183
00:08:39,028 --> 00:08:40,962
Trust me, if I had a death ray,
184
00:08:40,964 --> 00:08:42,663
I wouldn't be living here.
185
00:08:42,665 --> 00:08:45,133
I'd be in my lair
enjoying the money
186
00:08:45,135 --> 00:08:48,169
the people of Earth gave me
for not using my death ray.
187
00:08:48,171 --> 00:08:50,204
All right, and in three,
188
00:08:50,206 --> 00:08:52,373
two, one.
189
00:08:52,375 --> 00:08:53,875
(pushes button)
190
00:09:00,916 --> 00:09:04,318
That is one
tough birdie.
191
00:09:05,554 --> 00:09:07,655
Come on, you enjoyed
the movie.
192
00:09:07,657 --> 00:09:10,158
I saw you tearing up
when the village got flooded,
193
00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:11,926
and everyone
had to relocate.
194
00:09:11,928 --> 00:09:15,062
No, I was thinking how come
they get to leave and I can't.
195
00:09:15,897 --> 00:09:17,965
I'm going to get some fries.
196
00:09:17,967 --> 00:09:19,166
You want anything?
197
00:09:19,168 --> 00:09:20,767
- Uh, no, thanks.
- Are you sure?
198
00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:23,904
You always say no, and then
you eat half my fries.
199
00:09:23,906 --> 00:09:26,406
I just eat the little crispy
ones you don't like.
200
00:09:26,408 --> 00:09:29,075
No, I love them.
I save them for the end,
201
00:09:29,077 --> 00:09:31,244
but they're gone
because you ate them.
202
00:09:31,246 --> 00:09:32,646
And why did
203
00:09:32,648 --> 00:09:33,780
I let you eat them?
204
00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:35,782
- To get sex.
- Exactly.
205
00:09:36,985 --> 00:09:38,819
But this is
not a date.
206
00:09:38,821 --> 00:09:41,188
So I ask again,
would you like anything?
207
00:09:41,190 --> 00:09:43,024
All right, I'd like
an order of fries.
208
00:09:43,026 --> 00:09:45,527
Great. That'll be five dollars.
209
00:09:47,196 --> 00:09:49,565
I am having the best time.
210
00:09:49,567 --> 00:09:52,568
I'm so glad you suggested
we do this.
211
00:09:52,570 --> 00:09:54,670
Oh, sorry.
212
00:09:54,672 --> 00:09:56,605
No problem.
213
00:09:56,607 --> 00:09:58,740
What you writing there?
214
00:09:58,742 --> 00:10:00,408
A screenplay.
215
00:10:00,410 --> 00:10:02,409
Its about a guy whose
roommate is having sex
216
00:10:02,411 --> 00:10:06,514
and tells him to go to a bar
and work on his screenplay.
217
00:10:06,516 --> 00:10:09,850
"I Hope Alex Gets Crabs:
The Movie."
218
00:10:09,852 --> 00:10:13,286
- It's a working title.
- Oh. (chuckles)
219
00:10:13,288 --> 00:10:14,454
- I'm Kevin.
- Oh. Penny.
220
00:10:14,456 --> 00:10:15,555
Nice to meet you.
221
00:10:15,557 --> 00:10:17,557
I'll let you get
back to your date.
222
00:10:17,559 --> 00:10:19,325
Oh, no, no.
This isn't a date, no.
223
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:22,461
Right?
224
00:10:23,263 --> 00:10:24,763
Uh... right.
225
00:10:24,765 --> 00:10:27,333
So have you written anything
I might have seen?
226
00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:30,370
That depends. How much time
do you spend on Yelp?
227
00:10:33,475 --> 00:10:37,211
(light sabers crackling on TV)
(bird squawks outside)
228
00:10:39,548 --> 00:10:41,449
(bird squawking)
229
00:10:43,085 --> 00:10:45,187
This is ridiculous.
230
00:10:45,189 --> 00:10:47,556
I'm a grown man from Texas.
231
00:10:47,558 --> 00:10:51,193
This isn't a terrifying bird
like a swan or a goose.
232
00:10:51,195 --> 00:10:53,095
(bird squawking)
233
00:10:53,097 --> 00:10:54,996
It's just a blue jay.
234
00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:02,670
That's a pretty big blue jay.
235
00:11:20,823 --> 00:11:22,490
One...
236
00:11:22,492 --> 00:11:23,558
two...
237
00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:24,760
three.
238
00:11:25,595 --> 00:11:28,563
Go! Shoo!
Am-scray, ird-bay!
239
00:11:28,565 --> 00:11:31,466
(gasps)
Bird in the apartment!
240
00:11:31,468 --> 00:11:32,801
Bird in the apartment!
241
00:11:32,803 --> 00:11:35,304
No!
242
00:11:41,082 --> 00:11:44,651
So it is an amazing
documentary.
243
00:11:44,653 --> 00:11:48,488
They need the electricity from
the dam, but at the same time,
244
00:11:48,490 --> 00:11:52,192
they want to preserve
the environment.
245
00:11:52,194 --> 00:11:55,161
You're kidding me.
246
00:11:57,464 --> 00:11:59,799
Uh, can I see you
for a sec over here?
247
00:11:59,801 --> 00:12:01,501
Oh, yeah. Sure.
Just one sec?
248
00:12:01,503 --> 00:12:03,536
No problem.
249
00:12:03,538 --> 00:12:04,537
What's up?
250
00:12:04,539 --> 00:12:05,738
I know what you're doing.
251
00:12:05,740 --> 00:12:07,507
- What am I doing?
- You're going out of your way
252
00:12:07,509 --> 00:12:09,843
to talk to that guy because
I said we weren't on a date.
253
00:12:09,845 --> 00:12:11,711
No, I'm talking to him
because he's cute.
254
00:12:11,713 --> 00:12:12,879
Come on, he's not that cute.
255
00:12:12,881 --> 00:12:14,247
Yes, he is.
256
00:12:14,249 --> 00:12:17,984
With his dorky T-shirt
and his little hipster glasses.
257
00:12:23,824 --> 00:12:25,991
I wear dorky T-shirts
and glasses.
258
00:12:25,993 --> 00:12:28,794
Yes, but when you're tall
and have great cheekbones,
259
00:12:28,796 --> 00:12:30,529
you're doing it ironically.
260
00:12:32,531 --> 00:12:35,233
If that's so, what if I
start talking to a girl?
261
00:12:35,235 --> 00:12:36,768
You should!
262
00:12:36,770 --> 00:12:38,035
I'm serious.
I'll do it.
263
00:12:38,037 --> 00:12:40,638
Good! Go! There are some
girls right over there.
264
00:12:44,342 --> 00:12:45,575
What are you waiting for?
265
00:12:45,577 --> 00:12:48,144
They're in a group.
I'm scared.
266
00:12:49,313 --> 00:12:51,882
Sheldon, what do you
expect us to do?
267
00:12:54,019 --> 00:12:55,453
You're biologists.
268
00:12:55,455 --> 00:12:57,288
Biology is the study
of living things.
269
00:12:57,290 --> 00:12:59,591
That's a living thing;
get cracking.
270
00:13:01,461 --> 00:13:03,729
I specialize in microorganisms,
271
00:13:03,731 --> 00:13:05,464
and Amy studies brains.
272
00:13:05,466 --> 00:13:08,401
Yeah, neither of us
minored in bird-shooing.
273
00:13:08,403 --> 00:13:10,436
Oh, come now.
274
00:13:10,438 --> 00:13:12,305
Your undergraduate work
must have included
275
00:13:12,307 --> 00:13:14,574
a varmints and critters class.
276
00:13:14,576 --> 00:13:17,477
Come back in, Sheldon,
he's not going to hurt you.
277
00:13:17,479 --> 00:13:20,113
He looks friendly.
278
00:13:20,115 --> 00:13:22,281
I think he might
be someone's pet.
279
00:13:22,283 --> 00:13:23,716
No, Bernadette, don't be a hero!
280
00:13:23,718 --> 00:13:27,086
Oh, he's a sweetie.
281
00:13:27,088 --> 00:13:28,988
Yes. It's very sweet.
282
00:13:28,990 --> 00:13:31,424
Now, slowly and carefully,
283
00:13:31,426 --> 00:13:34,261
flush him down the toilet.
284
00:13:37,433 --> 00:13:39,701
Sheldon, the only way
to get past this fear
285
00:13:39,703 --> 00:13:41,002
is to interact with it.
286
00:13:41,004 --> 00:13:43,939
Just like you did
with the mailman.
287
00:13:43,941 --> 00:13:49,044
Every year tens of people around
the world are killed by birds.
288
00:13:50,047 --> 00:13:53,082
I'm not going to be
another statistic.
289
00:13:53,084 --> 00:13:56,285
Look how sweet he is.
Come over and say hi.
290
00:14:00,289 --> 00:14:01,890
Come on.
291
00:14:01,892 --> 00:14:03,024
You can do it.
292
00:14:03,026 --> 00:14:04,292
Don't be scared.
293
00:14:04,294 --> 00:14:05,926
Come on.
294
00:14:08,530 --> 00:14:10,998
Oh, just pet the bird,
you big baby!
295
00:14:17,340 --> 00:14:18,340
(gasps)
296
00:14:18,342 --> 00:14:20,075
I did it!
297
00:14:21,845 --> 00:14:24,013
I actually did it.
298
00:14:24,015 --> 00:14:26,349
Okay, now flush him.
299
00:14:28,452 --> 00:14:31,420
So, Leonard,
what do you do for fun?
300
00:14:31,422 --> 00:14:33,488
I'm... let's see.
301
00:14:33,490 --> 00:14:35,690
Hiking.
302
00:14:36,658 --> 00:14:38,859
Karaoke in Koreatown.
303
00:14:39,927 --> 00:14:42,128
Any Jennifer Aniston movie.
304
00:14:42,963 --> 00:14:45,364
Hey. Sorry I ditched you.
305
00:14:45,366 --> 00:14:46,765
- No, it's fine. You can ditch away.
- Oh, no, no.
306
00:14:46,767 --> 00:14:48,567
We said we were going to
hang out, let's hang out.
307
00:14:48,569 --> 00:14:50,368
It's cool.
Go back to Kevin.
308
00:14:50,370 --> 00:14:52,037
Oh, he had to leave.
309
00:14:52,039 --> 00:14:53,438
Interesting.
310
00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:55,841
So now that he's gone,
you want to hang out with me.
311
00:14:55,843 --> 00:14:57,442
- This must be Penny.
- Yep.
312
00:14:57,444 --> 00:14:59,811
I totally get it.
313
00:15:02,649 --> 00:15:04,583
Huh? I'm sorry, get what?
314
00:15:04,585 --> 00:15:06,318
Don't worry about it. You know,
there's some guys over there.
315
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:07,453
You should go talk to them.
316
00:15:07,455 --> 00:15:09,389
No, no. I want to
know what you told her.
317
00:15:09,391 --> 00:15:11,591
That's kind of
between me and...
318
00:15:11,593 --> 00:15:13,593
- Laura.
- Laura.
319
00:15:13,595 --> 00:15:15,128
Oh. Okay, I see.
320
00:15:15,130 --> 00:15:17,397
So while he was telling
you things, did he mention
321
00:15:17,399 --> 00:15:20,433
he owns, not one,
but two Star Trek uniforms?
322
00:15:20,435 --> 00:15:22,569
- Really?
- Yeah. Wears them.
323
00:15:22,571 --> 00:15:24,972
Not just for Halloween.
324
00:15:26,675 --> 00:15:28,409
Hey, pal.
325
00:15:29,711 --> 00:15:32,313
You didn't see me telling
Kevin that you thought
326
00:15:32,315 --> 00:15:35,550
cold wars were only
fought in winter.
327
00:15:35,552 --> 00:15:39,386
Okay. Then I'll return the
favor, and I won't tell...
328
00:15:39,388 --> 00:15:40,755
- Laura.
- ...Laura
329
00:15:40,757 --> 00:15:45,092
that half the dirty movies
you own are animated.
330
00:15:48,997 --> 00:15:52,299
When you were telling Kevin
about your acting career,
331
00:15:52,301 --> 00:15:55,169
did you mention your
long-running role as "Waitress"
332
00:15:55,171 --> 00:15:58,438
in a local production of
The Cheesecake Factory?
333
00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:02,041
Did you tell her about
your lucky asthma inhaler?
334
00:16:02,977 --> 00:16:05,578
Oh, yeah? Spell "asthma."
335
00:16:07,647 --> 00:16:09,949
A-s...
336
00:16:09,951 --> 00:16:12,051
Take me home.
337
00:16:12,053 --> 00:16:14,020
Maybe I'm not done
hanging out with...
338
00:16:17,057 --> 00:16:18,357
You're right,
it's getting late.
339
00:16:24,898 --> 00:16:26,765
It's remarkable.
340
00:16:26,767 --> 00:16:29,101
All that time spent in fear.
341
00:16:29,103 --> 00:16:30,969
And for what?
342
00:16:30,971 --> 00:16:33,739
He's magnificent.
343
00:16:33,741 --> 00:16:34,706
(gasps)
344
00:16:34,708 --> 00:16:36,008
Oh, dear.
345
00:16:36,010 --> 00:16:38,710
I just realized I haven't
offered you a beverage.
346
00:16:44,484 --> 00:16:48,954
Oh, it's just like my grandma
with her parrot.
347
00:16:48,956 --> 00:16:52,624
And after she lost her marbles
with her remote control.
348
00:16:53,759 --> 00:16:56,995
My phone's on the desk
over there.
349
00:16:56,997 --> 00:16:58,929
Take a picture of us together.
350
00:16:58,931 --> 00:17:01,064
Make it good enough
to go on a mug,
351
00:17:01,066 --> 00:17:02,999
a mouse pad, and a calendar.
352
00:17:08,572 --> 00:17:11,206
If you were a dove,
I'd call you Lovey-Dovey.
353
00:17:11,208 --> 00:17:13,275
Oh. Who am I kidding?
354
00:17:13,277 --> 00:17:15,510
This isn't a moment for strict
adherence to the literal.
355
00:17:15,512 --> 00:17:18,614
You're just my little
Lovey-Dovey, aren't you?
356
00:17:20,049 --> 00:17:21,283
Guess you gotta
have hollow bones
357
00:17:21,285 --> 00:17:23,485
to get some sugar around here.
358
00:17:25,621 --> 00:17:28,823
I still think he looks
like someone's pet.
359
00:17:28,825 --> 00:17:30,791
Maybe we should put up posters.
360
00:17:30,793 --> 00:17:33,226
Yes. It should have
a big picture of him,
361
00:17:33,228 --> 00:17:37,696
and the words, "Is this
your bird? Not anymore."
362
00:17:39,165 --> 00:17:41,566
We're going to have
so much fun together.
363
00:17:41,568 --> 00:17:44,302
You can carry messages
to all my enemies.
364
00:17:45,604 --> 00:17:49,774
I can tie a string to your leg
and fly you like a kite.
365
00:17:49,776 --> 00:17:51,876
If you're keeping him,
I've got a cage you can borrow.
366
00:17:51,878 --> 00:17:53,944
One of the test monkeys
slipped on a banana peel
367
00:17:53,946 --> 00:17:55,179
and broke his neck.
368
00:17:56,615 --> 00:17:59,851
It was both tragic
and hysterical.
369
00:18:02,221 --> 00:18:03,522
Nonsense.
370
00:18:03,524 --> 00:18:06,625
No. Lovey-Dovey doesn't
sleep in a cage.
371
00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:10,395
No. Lovey-Dovey sleeps
in his very own nest,
372
00:18:10,397 --> 00:18:12,497
which I'm going to get
off the windowsill
373
00:18:12,499 --> 00:18:13,965
and put in my room.
374
00:18:13,967 --> 00:18:16,467
Isn't that right, LD?
375
00:18:20,605 --> 00:18:21,872
No.
376
00:18:21,874 --> 00:18:23,540
Where are you going?
377
00:18:23,542 --> 00:18:25,608
Come back, Lovey-Dovey!
378
00:18:25,610 --> 00:18:27,210
This is your home now!
379
00:18:27,212 --> 00:18:31,915
I already ordered 20 pounds
of bird feed off of Amazon!
380
00:18:33,184 --> 00:18:34,251
He's gone.
381
00:18:34,253 --> 00:18:36,520
I'm sorry, Sheldon.
382
00:18:36,522 --> 00:18:38,655
How could he do this to me?
383
00:18:38,657 --> 00:18:42,827
Get back here, you stupid bird,
so I can love you!
384
00:19:08,703 --> 00:19:10,871
(sighs)
385
00:19:18,380 --> 00:19:20,815
(sighs)
386
00:19:20,817 --> 00:19:23,317
Okay. So...
we went out,
387
00:19:23,319 --> 00:19:26,020
saw a movie,
met some nice people,
388
00:19:26,022 --> 00:19:28,356
said horrible things
about each other in public...
389
00:19:28,358 --> 00:19:30,524
all in all,
a pretty magical night.
390
00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:32,794
Okay, I'm not innocent
in all this,
391
00:19:32,796 --> 00:19:37,399
but you basically called me
stupid, you asthmatic dumbass.
392
00:19:37,401 --> 00:19:40,602
I know, I-I-I crossed a line.
393
00:19:40,604 --> 00:19:42,337
And I'm sorry.
394
00:19:42,339 --> 00:19:44,473
No, no, no, hang on.
I really mean it.
395
00:19:44,475 --> 00:19:46,976
And it's not like when we were
going out, I'd just apologize
396
00:19:46,978 --> 00:19:49,513
for everything
so we could end up in bed.
397
00:19:50,915 --> 00:19:52,416
This is a 100%
398
00:19:52,418 --> 00:19:55,219
sex-is-off-the-table
"I'm sorry."
399
00:19:55,221 --> 00:19:57,454
(sighs) All right. Thank you.
400
00:19:57,456 --> 00:19:58,555
I'm sorry, too.
401
00:19:58,557 --> 00:20:02,560
Just to be clear,
sex is off the table, right?
402
00:20:02,562 --> 00:20:05,296
Way off.
403
00:20:05,298 --> 00:20:09,366
Maybe we're not ready
to hang out as friends.
404
00:20:09,368 --> 00:20:11,702
I don't know.
Up until the last part,
405
00:20:11,704 --> 00:20:13,804
I was kind of enjoying
take-charge Leonard
406
00:20:13,806 --> 00:20:14,905
with a little backbone.
407
00:20:14,907 --> 00:20:17,508
Picking the movie,
knowing what he wants,
408
00:20:17,510 --> 00:20:19,209
a little cocky.
409
00:20:19,211 --> 00:20:20,845
- Really?
- Yeah.
410
00:20:20,847 --> 00:20:25,317
Well, then, I'm putting
sex back on the table.
411
00:20:27,153 --> 00:20:30,423
What do you think about that?
412
00:20:30,425 --> 00:20:32,191
Ooh. Maybe I like it.
413
00:20:32,193 --> 00:20:34,560
You do? Because if that's what
you like, I can be that guy.
414
00:20:34,562 --> 00:20:36,462
I swear, I'll be anything
you want me to be.
415
00:20:36,464 --> 00:20:38,631
Good night, Leonard.
416
00:20:41,435 --> 00:20:43,302
(door slams)
417
00:20:43,304 --> 00:20:46,806
I am such an asthmatic dumbass.
418
00:20:48,308 --> 00:20:50,109
I had a weird night.
419
00:20:50,297 --> 00:20:52,304
Mine was great.
420
00:20:52,305 --> 00:20:54,873
I'm going to be a mommy.
421
00:20:54,875 --> 00:20:58,875
== sync, corrected by elderman ==