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♪ The Simpsons 23x05 ♪
The Food Wife
Original Air Date on November 13, 2011
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00:00:04,001 --> 00:00:07,001
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:09,702
And here's a marble for Lisa
for cleaning her room,
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00:00:09,703 --> 00:00:12,405
and a marble for Bart
for not trashing Lisa's room.
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The jars are full,
so you've earned
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00:00:15,049 --> 00:00:17,517
your Saturday Surprise Dad Day!
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00:00:17,585 --> 00:00:19,019
BART and LISA:
Yay!
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00:00:19,086 --> 00:00:22,422
This Saturday, from the dad who
brought you cemetery paintball
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00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:24,324
and go-karts on real roads,
10
00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:26,476
comes the greatest
activity yet...
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BART and LISA:
Video game convention!
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(cameras clicking)
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(crowd gasps)
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(crowd cheering)
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And check these out.
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BART and LISA:
VIP passes!
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Is there any better feeling
than cutting in line
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because a plastic badge
says you're special?
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(drools)
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00:00:49,533 --> 00:00:52,786
(Bart and Lisa drool)
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(all gasp)
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BART:
GTS!
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HOMER:
So many games.
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00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:59,225
- Ah.
- Wow.
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00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:00,827
BART:
Whoa.
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00:01:00,895 --> 00:01:02,629
(gasps)
W.O.K.?!
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00:01:02,697 --> 00:01:04,998
HOMER:
Ooh, the Flying Tomato.
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00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:07,033
BART:
Ah! TMTOLO!
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00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:08,635
DL2L-to-D!
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Oh! ACSOL!
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HC1?!
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Whoa! Guts of War Two:
Entrails of Intestinox!
33
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Colon slash!
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Rectum kill!
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We've made a game that'll
reward the hardcore gamer
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00:01:24,235 --> 00:01:26,086
with hundreds and hundreds
of hours of...
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- Finished it.
- Huh?
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(fanfare plays)
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But working on this game
cost me my marriage.
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I-I have twins
I've never met!
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Well, when you meet them,
tell them your game's too easy.
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to the lame, dead-on-arrival
humor of Stanford.
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(crowd cheering over TV)
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("Stars and Stripes Forever"
playing)
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Uh-oh, I'm losing the crowd!
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(grunting)
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GAME ANNOUNCER:
Level cleared.
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Next level: study for chemistry
test on 12-hour bus ride home.
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(giggles)
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This is the funnest game ever!
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Man, how many quarters
does this game take?
54
00:02:09,647 --> 00:02:13,233
Dad! Funtendo is unveiling their
new system in three minutes,
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in Hall G!
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And we're in Hall D.
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Three halls, three minutes.
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No problem.
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HOMER:
Out of my way! Move it!
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(people screaming)
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Geeks must yield to normals!
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(grunts)
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(panting heavily)
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(cash register dings)
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(chewing, ascending beeps)
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Room's full.
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Hmm.
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Aha!
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(laughs)
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BART and LISA:
Yay!
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(fanfare plays)
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Woo-hoo!
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(humming)
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(tires screech)
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Conventions rock!
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Fun Dad rocks!
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I need a nap!
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(Bart and Lisa laugh)
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You kids have had a big day.
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Head up to the tub
while I deflate your toys.
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Save us, Fun Dad!
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(laughter)
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(Rod and Todd grunt happily)
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The kids sure had
a good time with you.
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Yeah, I was on today.
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Scary on.
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How come they never call me
Fun Mom?
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Look, honey, a
family's like a team.
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And on every team, you have
the slam-dunking megastar
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and the referee.
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It's not fair.
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Moms want to be fun, but we're
stuck with all the mom stuff.
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Okay, okay, how about this:
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next week, you take the kids
on a Saturday Surprise Dad Day.
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What if...
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we roll pennies
and go to the dollar store?
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That's good, Marge!
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Get all the terrible
ideas out of your system.
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(groans):
Oh.
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I've got it!
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Your Saturday Surprise Mom Day
is the X-Games!
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BART and LISA:
Yay! X-Games! X-Games!
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All right!
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That isn't an "X," Mom.
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Welcome to the Cross Games,
Simpsons.
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A Christian fellowship expo!
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Are there at least games here?
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00:04:16,223 --> 00:04:17,624
Oh, no, "games"
stands for
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Gathering of American Messengers
for Evangelical Sports.
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Sports?
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(chuckles)
"Sports" stands for
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Strict Parental Oversight
Rather Than Sports.
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(both groan)
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Come on, kids,
fun comes from inside.
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It isn't about
what we actually do.
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Yes, it is!
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That's all it is!
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You're right, you're right,
you're right.
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Let's go.
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Thank the Lord!
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Two children
to play debtors
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in the Parable
of the Unjust Steward.
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All the other kids are at
something called the X-Games.
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(Bart and Lisa groan)
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I'm sorry, gang.
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I blew it.
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(groans) I hate it when
grown-ups call kids "gang."
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Don't worry about it, Mom.
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Dad will take us on
a great outing next weekend.
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(sighs)
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(engine clanks, rattles)
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Why do old squirrels always
crawl into my engine to die?
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(groans):
Oh.
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Guess we'll be making an
unscheduled pit stop, gang.
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We're not a gang!
Gangs are cool!
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(tires screech)
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Uh, Mom, where are we?
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Nowhere scary.
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(engine hissing)
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Everything's fine.
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We'll just wait here
for the tow truck.
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That newborn
has earrings!
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Mom, we're hungry.
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(groans):
Oh.
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I guess we could
make a sprint
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for one of these
local establishments.
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(Marge groaning)
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They're using pancakes
as spoons.
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Ooh, let's see
what else they do wrong.
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(groaning)
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Ew!
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Ugh!
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They're selling CDs
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in the restaurant!
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Back to the car!
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What can I get you?
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Oh, I'll just have
a side salad.
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We have no side salad.
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Back to the car!
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Relax, Mom.
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Be adventurous.
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Yeah, just have fun.
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Dad would.
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(sighs)
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00:06:30,115 --> 00:06:31,950
What's the craziest thing
on the menu?
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(chuckles) She means
the most authentic.
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00:06:34,253 --> 00:06:36,487
Well, that would be
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the Zelzel Minchet
Aletcha Wat.
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Then I'll have that!
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(all gasp)
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Okay, Marge,
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you test-drove a convertible
once; you can do this.
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(lively Ethiopian music playing)
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(taste buds gasping,
murmuring excitedly)
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Holy casserole-y!
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That's good gloop!
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00:07:07,086 --> 00:07:08,920
I wish I lived in Ethiopia!
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Exotic, vegetarian,
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I can mention it
in a college essay.
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Mom, this
is amazing!
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(all chewing noisily)
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00:07:19,214 --> 00:07:21,449
Wait, wait, wait,
what is she eating?
183
00:07:21,517 --> 00:07:23,084
They've never
served me that dish,
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00:07:23,152 --> 00:07:25,253
and I wear indigenous
beaded headgear.
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00:07:25,321 --> 00:07:26,587
Oh, this?
186
00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:28,890
It's just a little
Zelzel Minchet Aletcha Wat.
187
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It's all I ever eat here.
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(gasps)
189
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They have prepared her a dish
from the non-translated page!
190
00:07:36,198 --> 00:07:37,632
(gasps)
191
00:07:37,700 --> 00:07:39,801
So grab a pancake
and slurp some slop!
192
00:07:39,868 --> 00:07:42,170
Foodies,
heed my call!
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Commence ripping and dipping!
194
00:07:45,724 --> 00:07:48,326
(all chewing noisily)
195
00:07:48,394 --> 00:07:50,762
So, did all of your cars
break down?
196
00:07:50,829 --> 00:07:52,563
Mom, they're
here on purpose.
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00:07:52,631 --> 00:07:54,032
They're foodies.
198
00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:55,366
Indeed.
199
00:07:55,434 --> 00:07:57,769
Our passion is to seek out
interesting foods,
200
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savor their exotic flavors,
then blog about them.
201
00:08:00,305 --> 00:08:02,006
Yes.
202
00:08:02,074 --> 00:08:04,308
We discovered Korean barbeque
in this town.
203
00:08:04,376 --> 00:08:06,778
Uh, before the Koreans?
204
00:08:06,845 --> 00:08:09,280
Oh, sure they cook it,
but they don't get it.
205
00:08:09,348 --> 00:08:13,484
"When you stick a pancake into a
friend's mouth, it's a goorsha."
206
00:08:13,552 --> 00:08:15,586
Everybody goorsha!
207
00:08:15,654 --> 00:08:17,388
ALL:
Goorsha!
208
00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:18,706
BART and LISA:
Goorsha! Goorsha! Goorsha! Goorsha!
209
00:08:18,791 --> 00:08:20,124
Goorsha! Goorsha!
Goorsha! Goorsha!
210
00:08:20,175 --> 00:08:21,259
Goorsha!
211
00:08:21,326 --> 00:08:23,161
Marge, the kids
are acting ethnic!
212
00:08:23,228 --> 00:08:25,029
Relax, Homie.
213
00:08:25,097 --> 00:08:27,832
Have some leftover
Galalalalalalalalah.
214
00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:30,802
(grunting)
215
00:08:30,853 --> 00:08:32,186
Oh, no.
216
00:08:32,254 --> 00:08:35,723
I don't eat anything new
unless I've eaten it before.
217
00:08:35,791 --> 00:08:37,658
Aw, come on, Dad,
be a foodie.
218
00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:39,343
You're already
a fatty and a drunkie.
219
00:08:39,411 --> 00:08:42,313
I don't want to think about
food, I want to like it.
220
00:08:42,381 --> 00:08:47,018
Why drive across town
to savor a bowl of mystery mush
221
00:08:47,086 --> 00:08:49,220
when there's four different
Krusty Burgers
222
00:08:49,288 --> 00:08:51,489
we can see from our house?
223
00:08:51,557 --> 00:08:55,259
Oh, and here's my favorite
restaurant: La Fridge.
224
00:08:55,327 --> 00:08:58,730
It's open 24 hours a day
and there's no dress code.
225
00:09:03,052 --> 00:09:04,385
What kind of American man
226
00:09:04,453 --> 00:09:06,704
doesn't want to explore
global food culture?
227
00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:08,656
And then brag about
it on the Internet.
228
00:09:08,724 --> 00:09:11,125
We should start
our own food blog.
229
00:09:11,193 --> 00:09:12,093
(gasps)
230
00:09:12,161 --> 00:09:14,962
The Three Mouthketeers.
231
00:09:15,030 --> 00:09:16,297
Three?
232
00:09:16,365 --> 00:09:19,217
You mean, one, two... me?
233
00:09:21,253 --> 00:09:22,186
(gasps)
234
00:09:22,254 --> 00:09:23,421
(grunts)
235
00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:31,946
♪ We're blogging a food blog ♪
236
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:36,667
♪ Marge and Bart and Lisa
as one now ♪
237
00:09:36,735 --> 00:09:40,237
♪ We're having fun now ♪
238
00:09:40,289 --> 00:09:41,839
(rapping): ♪ Throwing down
mad foodie game ♪
239
00:09:41,907 --> 00:09:43,708
♪ Knowing all the chefs' names ♪
240
00:09:43,776 --> 00:09:45,042
♪ Rolling into K-town ♪
241
00:09:45,110 --> 00:09:46,577
♪ Bibimbap and bulgogi ♪
242
00:09:46,645 --> 00:09:47,929
♪ The hotties
that I chill with ♪
243
00:09:47,996 --> 00:09:49,263
♪ Sriracha and kimchi ♪
244
00:09:49,331 --> 00:09:50,648
♪ Give me house-made terrines ♪
245
00:09:50,716 --> 00:09:52,216
♪ My duck is always confit ♪
246
00:09:52,284 --> 00:09:54,735
♪ I braise with a billion more
BTUs than I need ♪
247
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:57,271
♪ Cook Thanksgiving turkey
in a trash bag, sous-vide ♪
248
00:09:57,356 --> 00:10:00,458
♪ A fumatore in Brindisi
FedEx me salami ♪
249
00:10:00,526 --> 00:10:03,211
♪ Don't scoop gelato
unless it's got umami ♪
250
00:10:03,278 --> 00:10:05,980
♪ I'll be frank like Bruni,
ruthless like Reichl ♪
251
00:10:06,048 --> 00:10:08,649
♪ Wiley like Dufresne
when I take the mic out ♪
252
00:10:08,734 --> 00:10:10,017
♪ Rhyme about radicchio ♪
253
00:10:10,085 --> 00:10:11,302
♪ Criticize Colicchio ♪
254
00:10:11,370 --> 00:10:12,570
♪ Every pub is gastro ♪
255
00:10:12,638 --> 00:10:14,155
♪ All my beef carpaccio ♪
256
00:10:14,223 --> 00:10:15,523
♪ Throw it in the pho, yo ♪
257
00:10:15,591 --> 00:10:17,107
♪ And don't you
call that pho pho ♪
258
00:10:17,159 --> 00:10:19,127
♪ Talk about broth-squirting
dumplings ♪
259
00:10:19,211 --> 00:10:20,778
♪ Dumplings,
dumplings, dumplings ♪
260
00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:25,216
(singing):
♪ We're blogging a food blog ♪
261
00:10:25,284 --> 00:10:27,752
♪ Uploading pics with ♪
262
00:10:27,820 --> 00:10:31,856
♪ Our Fun Mom, Fun Mom,
Fun Mom. ♪
263
00:10:35,444 --> 00:10:37,111
People are loving
our list
264
00:10:37,179 --> 00:10:39,897
of Springfield's top 99
Afghan restaurants.
265
00:10:39,965 --> 00:10:42,834
I feel bad for all those places
that didn't make the cut.
266
00:10:42,901 --> 00:10:45,937
All right, food
nerds, reality check.
267
00:10:46,004 --> 00:10:48,940
All the food in those
pictures is poop by now.
268
00:10:49,007 --> 00:10:52,076
Minds blown,
you're welcome.
269
00:10:52,144 --> 00:10:53,644
(groans):
Oh.
270
00:10:53,712 --> 00:10:56,180
I'll remind you kids
what real fun is.
271
00:10:56,248 --> 00:10:57,682
Hey, hey, kids!
272
00:10:57,749 --> 00:10:59,016
(laughs)
273
00:10:59,084 --> 00:11:00,651
Krustyland has a new ride.
274
00:11:00,719 --> 00:11:02,353
The Eyeballs of Death.
275
00:11:02,421 --> 00:11:05,323
It only passed the safety panel
by a three-to-two vote.
276
00:11:05,390 --> 00:11:07,325
And that third vote
didn't come cheap.
277
00:11:07,392 --> 00:11:08,993
(laughs)
278
00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:10,461
And I've got tickets
279
00:11:10,529 --> 00:11:12,430
for the grand opening
Saturday night.
280
00:11:12,497 --> 00:11:14,599
Whoa!
(gasps) Cool.
281
00:11:14,666 --> 00:11:16,551
Uh, kids,
don't forget
282
00:11:16,618 --> 00:11:18,886
about our special plans
Saturday night.
283
00:11:18,954 --> 00:11:20,788
Oh, sorry, Dad.
284
00:11:20,856 --> 00:11:22,990
Our blog is so popular,
we got an invitation
285
00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:25,560
to the most exclusive
restaurant in town.
286
00:11:25,627 --> 00:11:28,095
Kent Brockman himself
could only get
287
00:11:28,163 --> 00:11:30,998
a reservation at 5:30 or 9:30.
288
00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:32,049
(giggles)
289
00:11:32,117 --> 00:11:33,601
It's called
El Chemistri,
290
00:11:33,669 --> 00:11:35,870
and they use science
to make the food.
291
00:11:38,574 --> 00:11:41,058
Behold... pine needle sorbet.
292
00:11:41,126 --> 00:11:43,895
(moaning)
293
00:11:43,962 --> 00:11:46,297
Pine needle... sorbet?
294
00:11:46,365 --> 00:11:48,966
Pine needle sorbet?
295
00:11:49,034 --> 00:11:52,603
My kids do not eat sorbet;
they eat sherbet.
296
00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:54,238
And they pronounce
it "sherbert,"
297
00:11:54,306 --> 00:11:55,973
and they wish it
was ice cream.
298
00:11:56,041 --> 00:11:58,409
Sorry, Dad, this
is our thing now.
299
00:11:58,477 --> 00:12:00,378
Fine, blow off Fun Dad
300
00:12:00,445 --> 00:12:03,814
and go eat your walrus mustaches
and deep-fried pixie wings.
301
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:09,453
Don't be so jealous, Homie,
just because the kids
302
00:12:09,521 --> 00:12:12,039
are finally having fun
doing something with me.
303
00:12:12,107 --> 00:12:14,442
Aah! Jealous? Me?
304
00:12:14,509 --> 00:12:16,077
(chortles)
305
00:12:16,144 --> 00:12:18,112
That is to laugh.
306
00:12:18,180 --> 00:12:20,014
The very idea.
307
00:12:20,082 --> 00:12:24,385
If anything... (laughs)
308
00:12:24,453 --> 00:12:26,687
you're the one who's jealous.
Of what?
309
00:12:26,755 --> 00:12:29,590
Of how much fun
I am to be around!
310
00:12:29,658 --> 00:12:32,310
(sobs)
311
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:36,213
It's always a party
with Fun Dad!
312
00:12:36,281 --> 00:12:38,349
(sobbing)
313
00:12:41,453 --> 00:12:44,188
Too sad to walk.
314
00:12:44,256 --> 00:12:48,059
Too sad and fun to walk.
315
00:12:54,684 --> 00:12:55,832
What are you doing?
316
00:12:55,833 --> 00:12:58,835
When I'm sad, I make
baseball bats.
317
00:13:00,162 --> 00:13:02,862
Homie, I don't want you
to feel excluded.
318
00:13:02,863 --> 00:13:04,548
Would you like
to come with us
319
00:13:04,632 --> 00:13:06,049
to dinner
at El Chemistri?
320
00:13:06,117 --> 00:13:07,751
Really?
321
00:13:07,819 --> 00:13:09,887
You'd let me in
on your thing?
322
00:13:09,954 --> 00:13:12,322
Even though I think
it's stupid?
323
00:13:12,390 --> 00:13:14,007
Of course.
324
00:13:14,075 --> 00:13:15,242
Hand me that
saw, Marge.
325
00:13:15,310 --> 00:13:16,543
Why?
326
00:13:16,611 --> 00:13:18,478
When I'm happy,
I make birdhouses.
327
00:13:18,546 --> 00:13:20,047
Kids, guess what.
328
00:13:20,114 --> 00:13:21,915
Mom invited me
to your fancy dinner.
329
00:13:21,983 --> 00:13:23,283
Cool.
Awesome!
330
00:13:23,351 --> 00:13:25,869
I guess Fun Dad
is a foodie now.
331
00:13:25,937 --> 00:13:28,388
BART and LISA:
Food Dad! Food Dad! Food Dad!
332
00:13:28,439 --> 00:13:29,957
(groans)
333
00:13:31,392 --> 00:13:33,226
(murmuring)
334
00:13:34,479 --> 00:13:36,713
I'm food bad boy Tony Bourdain.
335
00:13:36,781 --> 00:13:39,283
There's nowhere I won't go
and nothing I won't eat,
336
00:13:39,367 --> 00:13:41,084
as long as I'm paid in emeralds
337
00:13:41,169 --> 00:13:43,720
and my hotel room has a bidet
that shoots warm champagne.
338
00:13:43,788 --> 00:13:45,622
I'm here at a Singapore
street-food market
339
00:13:45,690 --> 00:13:48,692
with famous blogging family,
the Three Mouthketeers.
340
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:52,062
Marge, you've got to try
some of this hang hir kuay chap.
341
00:13:52,130 --> 00:13:55,198
Ooh, triple spicy
barbecued stingray
342
00:13:55,266 --> 00:13:57,367
stuffed with
pig organs.
343
00:13:57,435 --> 00:13:59,469
Fun Dad
is a foodie now!
344
00:13:59,554 --> 00:14:01,388
(munching loudly)
345
00:14:01,439 --> 00:14:02,656
(swallows)
346
00:14:02,724 --> 00:14:05,509
This is my thing
and always will be.
347
00:14:05,577 --> 00:14:08,595
(munching loudly)
348
00:14:08,663 --> 00:14:11,698
Food Dad! Food Dad!
Food Dad!
349
00:14:16,070 --> 00:14:17,571
Everything's more fun
with Homer.
350
00:14:17,639 --> 00:14:19,873
(speaking faux Swedish)
351
00:14:28,633 --> 00:14:31,001
But this was all I had.
352
00:14:31,069 --> 00:14:33,470
BRITISH MAN:
Stop your bloody whinging, Marge.
353
00:14:33,554 --> 00:14:35,389
Aah! Gordon Ramsay!
354
00:14:35,456 --> 00:14:37,524
You (bleep) it up,
big blue, didn't you?
355
00:14:37,592 --> 00:14:38,892
Why did you
invite Homer?
356
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,727
He stole your
bloody thunder.
357
00:14:40,795 --> 00:14:42,629
You're not as
(bleep) fun as him,
358
00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:44,130
and you never will be.
359
00:14:44,182 --> 00:14:45,649
(crying)
360
00:14:45,733 --> 00:14:47,167
Darling, darling,
crying's not fun.
361
00:14:47,235 --> 00:14:48,702
Homer's fun.
362
00:14:48,770 --> 00:14:49,936
Now, get out
of my dream.
363
00:14:49,988 --> 00:14:51,188
It's my dream.
364
00:14:51,255 --> 00:14:52,489
Not anymore it's not.
365
00:14:52,557 --> 00:14:53,690
Ramsay, awake.
366
00:14:53,758 --> 00:14:56,443
What in the hell was that?
367
00:14:56,511 --> 00:14:59,346
(gasps, sighs)
368
00:14:59,414 --> 00:15:02,799
Fun me. Fun me. Fun me.
369
00:15:02,867 --> 00:15:05,569
Kids, I was thinking, was
it really such a great idea
370
00:15:05,637 --> 00:15:07,371
to invite your father
to that dinner?
371
00:15:07,438 --> 00:15:09,806
Relax-- Dad will be
the life of the party.
372
00:15:09,874 --> 00:15:11,975
He'll be the fourth
Mouthketeer.
373
00:15:12,043 --> 00:15:14,645
But there weren't
four Musketeers.
374
00:15:14,712 --> 00:15:18,515
Yeah-huh. Athos, Porthos,
Aramis and D'Artagnan.
375
00:15:18,583 --> 00:15:21,151
D'Artagnan wasn't
a Musketeer.
376
00:15:21,219 --> 00:15:23,253
He only had a letter
of introduction
377
00:15:23,321 --> 00:15:26,757
to the captain of the guards--
which he lost!
378
00:15:27,959 --> 00:15:29,059
You know, I'm pretty excited
379
00:15:29,127 --> 00:15:30,160
about this far-out dinner.
380
00:15:30,228 --> 00:15:31,261
Maybe I'll like it.
381
00:15:31,329 --> 00:15:32,596
Oh, I doubt it.
382
00:15:32,664 --> 00:15:35,365
You sit at communal tables
full of hipsters.
383
00:15:35,433 --> 00:15:37,034
Well, actually,
I've come around on hipsters.
384
00:15:37,101 --> 00:15:39,569
Takes a lot of guts
to all wear the same hat.
385
00:15:39,637 --> 00:15:41,972
And the food will all
be weird foams--
386
00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,408
cooked with chemicals
or served in a test tube.
387
00:15:44,475 --> 00:15:46,109
It's too crazy for you.
388
00:15:46,177 --> 00:15:47,277
So it's weird.
389
00:15:47,345 --> 00:15:48,912
Don't worry, I'll make it fun.
390
00:15:48,980 --> 00:15:51,048
Yeah, you always do.
391
00:15:51,115 --> 00:15:53,316
Well, here's where to meet us.
392
00:15:53,384 --> 00:15:56,153
1501 W...
393
00:15:56,220 --> 00:15:58,689
East Oak Street.
394
00:15:58,756 --> 00:16:00,657
East Oak Street.
Is that it?
395
00:16:00,725 --> 00:16:02,225
Uh... yes.
396
00:16:02,293 --> 00:16:03,860
Yes, East Oak Street.
397
00:16:03,928 --> 00:16:05,328
That's where you should go.
398
00:16:05,396 --> 00:16:06,797
See you there.
399
00:16:06,864 --> 00:16:09,566
Don't you judge me.
400
00:16:09,634 --> 00:16:12,202
Ah, save it for
the sitter.
401
00:16:14,439 --> 00:16:15,906
Welcome
to El Chemistri.
402
00:16:15,973 --> 00:16:18,108
Please place these mints
in your mouth,
403
00:16:18,176 --> 00:16:20,877
and when your table is ready,
they will vibrate.
404
00:16:22,346 --> 00:16:23,947
Ooh.
405
00:16:27,285 --> 00:16:28,969
(dog howling)
406
00:16:29,036 --> 00:16:31,421
Here it is: 1501 East Oak.
407
00:16:31,489 --> 00:16:33,957
No name on the door--
very trendy.
408
00:16:35,593 --> 00:16:36,993
What do you want?
409
00:16:37,061 --> 00:16:38,628
Is this the chemical
kitchen place
410
00:16:38,696 --> 00:16:39,896
where you do the
crazy cooking?
411
00:16:39,964 --> 00:16:41,364
Quiet, man.
412
00:16:41,432 --> 00:16:43,533
The experience begins.
413
00:16:45,069 --> 00:16:46,536
Where's Dad?
414
00:16:46,604 --> 00:16:48,472
Uh...
I don't know.
415
00:16:48,539 --> 00:16:50,373
Probably
changed his mind
416
00:16:50,441 --> 00:16:52,275
and stopped off
for doughnuts.
417
00:16:52,343 --> 00:16:53,877
(chuckles)
418
00:16:55,430 --> 00:16:56,696
CHEF:
Before you
419
00:16:56,764 --> 00:16:58,899
is a deconstructed
Caesar salad:
420
00:16:58,966 --> 00:17:01,735
romaine lettuce gel,
egg yolk ice,
421
00:17:01,803 --> 00:17:04,371
crouton foam
and anchovy air.
422
00:17:04,439 --> 00:17:05,806
You eat it like this:
423
00:17:05,873 --> 00:17:08,625
gel, ice, foam, air,
foam, ice, gel, foam, air.
424
00:17:11,879 --> 00:17:14,815
Just like Marge said--
chemicals and test tubes.
425
00:17:14,882 --> 00:17:16,683
The open kitchen
is a nice touch.
426
00:17:16,751 --> 00:17:19,118
I guess I'll get started
before my family gets here.
427
00:17:19,170 --> 00:17:20,520
How much for a taste?
428
00:17:20,588 --> 00:17:21,922
You know,
just to get me going.
429
00:17:21,989 --> 00:17:23,023
50 bucks.
430
00:17:23,090 --> 00:17:26,092
Ouch. This place is fancy.
431
00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:27,961
The next course is Regret.
432
00:17:33,601 --> 00:17:34,968
(delighted moans)
433
00:17:36,354 --> 00:17:37,921
(moaning)
434
00:17:37,989 --> 00:17:39,306
(chuckling)
435
00:17:39,373 --> 00:17:40,574
Hipsters.
436
00:17:40,641 --> 00:17:42,409
Too cool for school.
437
00:17:42,477 --> 00:17:44,644
You don't look like the
kind of guy who does this.
438
00:17:44,695 --> 00:17:46,863
Well, my wife thinks
it's too crazy for me,
439
00:17:46,931 --> 00:17:48,999
but I'm going
to prove her wrong.
440
00:17:49,066 --> 00:17:50,267
(chuckles)
441
00:17:50,334 --> 00:17:51,985
I'm doing this
for my family.
442
00:18:00,357 --> 00:18:03,042
All right, Breaking Baddies,
drop the meth.
443
00:18:04,945 --> 00:18:06,529
Pick up the meth!
Pick up the meth!
444
00:18:06,597 --> 00:18:07,831
(gasping)
445
00:18:07,898 --> 00:18:09,699
This better be dinner theater!
446
00:18:09,767 --> 00:18:12,435
And now,
pork chops 100 ways.
447
00:18:12,503 --> 00:18:13,736
DINERS:
Ooh.
448
00:18:16,774 --> 00:18:18,508
100 pork chops!
449
00:18:18,576 --> 00:18:20,944
I can't believe Dad
is missing this.
450
00:18:21,011 --> 00:18:24,097
Sure, your dad's great,
but I'm fun, too.
451
00:18:24,181 --> 00:18:25,598
Look at me eat, huh?
452
00:18:25,666 --> 00:18:26,866
(munching loudly)
453
00:18:26,934 --> 00:18:28,234
D'oh. D'oh. D'oh.
454
00:18:30,037 --> 00:18:31,271
Who am I kidding?
455
00:18:31,338 --> 00:18:32,872
I'm not enjoying this.
456
00:18:32,940 --> 00:18:35,141
Even the foam
tastes like nothing.
457
00:18:35,209 --> 00:18:36,860
(sighs)
I'm calling Homer.
458
00:18:38,262 --> 00:18:39,295
HOMER:
Marge!
459
00:18:39,363 --> 00:18:40,797
This isn't a food restaurant!
460
00:18:40,865 --> 00:18:43,166
It's a meth restaurant!
(gunshots)
461
00:18:43,234 --> 00:18:45,335
A meth-taurant! Aah!
462
00:18:45,402 --> 00:18:47,871
(gasps)
Foodies, help me!
463
00:18:47,938 --> 00:18:49,305
My husband's in danger!
464
00:18:49,373 --> 00:18:50,773
Oh, we can't leave now.
465
00:18:50,841 --> 00:18:52,575
We haven't had
the root vegetables
466
00:18:52,643 --> 00:18:54,944
cooked in the perfect vacuum
of outer space.
467
00:18:55,012 --> 00:18:57,447
They say you can't even
understand parsnips
468
00:18:57,515 --> 00:18:59,682
until you had
zero-g parsnips.
469
00:18:59,750 --> 00:19:01,450
(groans)
470
00:19:01,502 --> 00:19:03,670
How dare you
walk out on me!
471
00:19:03,754 --> 00:19:06,055
Your dessert is in
this doggie bag
472
00:19:06,123 --> 00:19:09,242
woven from the silk of
a blueberry-fed spider.
473
00:19:09,310 --> 00:19:11,377
Take it and go!
474
00:19:11,445 --> 00:19:12,478
(sirens whooping)
475
00:19:13,681 --> 00:19:14,848
Ah, shucks.
476
00:19:14,915 --> 00:19:16,950
We get the family
dressed up to go
477
00:19:17,017 --> 00:19:19,419
to our favorite meth lab,
and it's all raided out.
478
00:19:19,486 --> 00:19:21,187
(children groaning)
479
00:19:21,255 --> 00:19:22,989
Oh, honey,
I always liked
480
00:19:23,057 --> 00:19:25,325
your home-cooked
better anyways.
481
00:19:25,392 --> 00:19:26,759
Aw.
482
00:19:26,827 --> 00:19:29,028
Uh, where do you
think you're going?
483
00:19:29,096 --> 00:19:31,831
A wife needs to tell her
husband she was wrong.
484
00:19:31,899 --> 00:19:34,133
And in you go.
485
00:19:34,201 --> 00:19:35,935
(whimpering)
486
00:19:36,003 --> 00:19:37,537
Sorry.
487
00:19:37,605 --> 00:19:40,290
Everything you've done
here has created problems.
488
00:19:42,209 --> 00:19:44,727
(grunting)
489
00:19:44,795 --> 00:19:46,162
(gasps)
I've got to save him.
490
00:19:46,213 --> 00:19:47,797
(gasps) Ooh.
491
00:19:47,848 --> 00:19:48,848
My dessert.
492
00:19:50,234 --> 00:19:52,602
Eat deconstructed apple pie!
493
00:19:52,669 --> 00:19:54,270
(grunts)
494
00:19:54,338 --> 00:19:55,889
(swallows)
495
00:19:55,956 --> 00:19:57,523
(sighs)
496
00:20:02,446 --> 00:20:05,882
Merci, Maman,
pour la tarte tatin à la mode.
497
00:20:10,287 --> 00:20:11,738
(sighs)
498
00:20:15,643 --> 00:20:17,944
Oh, Marge,
you saved me
499
00:20:18,012 --> 00:20:20,113
from the danger
you put me in.
500
00:20:20,180 --> 00:20:22,649
I am so happy
and angry.
501
00:20:22,716 --> 00:20:24,517
I'm sorry.
502
00:20:24,585 --> 00:20:26,019
I guess I just
wanted the kids
503
00:20:26,086 --> 00:20:27,987
to look at me the way
they look at you.
504
00:20:28,055 --> 00:20:29,188
Aw.
505
00:20:29,256 --> 00:20:31,457
Wow, Mom!
That was awesome.
506
00:20:31,525 --> 00:20:33,493
We ate
mad-scientist food
507
00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:35,929
and broke up a meth lab
in the same day.
508
00:20:35,996 --> 00:20:37,897
Fun Mom! Fun Mom!
509
00:20:37,965 --> 00:20:39,799
Fun Mom!
510
00:20:43,470 --> 00:20:45,338
Now, that's my kind
of foam.
511
00:20:45,406 --> 00:20:47,407
This is nice.
512
00:20:47,474 --> 00:20:49,442
A family fun day.
513
00:20:49,510 --> 00:20:50,677
Here's 50 bucks.
514
00:20:50,744 --> 00:20:52,078
For the next
two hours,
515
00:20:52,146 --> 00:20:53,696
I don't want
to know you exist.
516
00:20:53,764 --> 00:20:54,998
(laughing)
517
00:20:55,065 --> 00:20:57,700
Family fun day.
518
00:20:57,751 --> 00:21:01,751
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
519
00:21:12,950 --> 00:21:16,285
♪ We're bloggin' a food blog ♪
520
00:21:16,353 --> 00:21:20,223
♪ Settin' up accounts
for our users ♪
521
00:21:20,290 --> 00:21:23,226
♪ Usin' computers ♪
522
00:21:23,293 --> 00:21:25,328
♪ Post tweets every day ♪
523
00:21:25,396 --> 00:21:27,230
♪ Yo, yo,
tweets every day, y'all ♪
524
00:21:27,297 --> 00:21:29,332
♪ Never give it four stars ♪
525
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:31,234
♪ Ain't never give it
four stars ♪
526
00:21:31,301 --> 00:21:33,236
♪ Maybe two, maybe three ♪
527
00:21:33,303 --> 00:21:38,341
♪ Moderatin' the comments ♪
528
00:21:38,409 --> 00:21:43,246
♪ Checkin' the page views,
page views, page views ♪
529
00:21:43,313 --> 00:21:45,181
♪ Duck fat ♪
530
00:21:45,249 --> 00:21:47,050
♪ Truffle oil, yo, yo, yo ♪
531
00:21:47,117 --> 00:21:49,986
♪ My food is art,
my food is art ♪
532
00:21:50,054 --> 00:21:51,721
♪ It comes
right from the heart. ♪
533
00:21:52,923 --> 00:21:54,757
Shh!