1
00:00:01,334 --> 00:00:03,920
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:04,045 --> 00:00:06,381
♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
3
00:00:07,062 --> 00:00:10,218
♪ I got a feeling
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
4
00:00:10,584 --> 00:00:13,347
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
5
00:00:13,570 --> 00:00:17,726
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
6
00:00:19,727 --> 00:00:23,171
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
7
00:00:23,296 --> 00:00:24,990
♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
8
00:00:25,115 --> 00:00:26,526
Aah!
9
00:00:27,951 --> 00:00:31,198
♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
10
00:00:33,908 --> 00:00:36,368
I wanted you guys
to be the first to know...
11
00:00:36,493 --> 00:00:37,769
I'm getting married!
12
00:00:37,894 --> 00:00:39,081
Hey!
13
00:00:40,731 --> 00:00:44,126
Stan, you were the one who
introduced me to Olivia,
14
00:00:44,251 --> 00:00:48,013
which... is why I wanted to ask you
15
00:00:48,138 --> 00:00:51,967
if you would do me the
honor of being my best...
16
00:00:52,092 --> 00:00:53,685
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Oh, God!
17
00:00:53,810 --> 00:00:55,220
Jeremy?!
Michael!
18
00:00:55,345 --> 00:00:56,738
My twin brother!
19
00:00:56,863 --> 00:00:58,307
I can't believe you've come back
20
00:00:58,432 --> 00:01:00,576
after being lost at sea for 12 years!
21
00:01:00,701 --> 00:01:02,210
Will you be my best man?!
22
00:01:02,335 --> 00:01:03,814
Yes.
23
00:01:05,147 --> 00:01:06,548
I hope you two
24
00:01:06,673 --> 00:01:07,916
will be very happy!
25
00:01:16,750 --> 00:01:19,645
Michael was my last single
guy friend, Francine.
26
00:01:19,770 --> 00:01:22,249
He was my last chance
to be a best man!
27
00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:25,836
Being a best man is something
I've dreamt of my entire life.
28
00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:28,310
♪ ♪
29
00:01:33,926 --> 00:01:36,078
My dream is over, Francine.
30
00:01:36,203 --> 00:01:37,863
They say you have a better chance
31
00:01:37,988 --> 00:01:39,531
of getting hit by a meteor
32
00:01:39,656 --> 00:01:41,767
than of being a best
man after you're 40.
33
00:01:41,892 --> 00:01:42,951
Who says that?
34
00:01:43,076 --> 00:01:44,286
Roger.
35
00:01:44,411 --> 00:01:45,887
So we know it's true, then.
36
00:01:46,012 --> 00:01:47,422
Come on, think.
37
00:01:47,547 --> 00:01:49,708
You must have one single guy friend.
38
00:01:49,833 --> 00:01:52,362
Well, there is one.
39
00:01:52,528 --> 00:01:55,564
Who wants to see me pee on this cake?
40
00:01:59,226 --> 00:02:01,037
Principal Brian Lewis.
41
00:02:01,203 --> 00:02:03,498
My last single guy friend.
44
00:02:14,425 --> 00:02:16,218
Oh, I'll never be a best man.
45
00:02:16,343 --> 00:02:17,953
Don't give up on your dream, Stan.
46
00:02:19,412 --> 00:02:21,089
All you need to do
is convince Lewis...
47
00:02:21,214 --> 00:02:22,591
Lewis! Ooh!
48
00:02:22,716 --> 00:02:25,360
...to get married and then
convince some girl to marry him.
49
00:02:25,485 --> 00:02:26,628
You're right!
50
00:02:26,753 --> 00:02:27,796
How hard can it be?
51
00:02:27,921 --> 00:02:29,164
Sweets, you killed my master.
52
00:02:29,289 --> 00:02:30,399
Now you die!
53
00:02:30,524 --> 00:02:31,867
Cake! Cake!
Pie! Brownie!
54
00:02:31,992 --> 00:02:34,042
Cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie!
55
00:02:35,988 --> 00:02:39,910
No. No. No. No.
56
00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:41,410
No. No. No. No...
57
00:02:41,535 --> 00:02:43,311
That's the dude
I was telling you about
58
00:02:43,436 --> 00:02:45,147
while we were playing army guys.
59
00:02:45,272 --> 00:02:47,182
Oh, the weird shorts guy?
60
00:02:47,307 --> 00:02:49,284
He comes in every weekend...
61
00:02:49,409 --> 00:02:51,421
...tries on all the shorts,
and never buys anything.
62
00:02:51,645 --> 00:02:54,022
Where's a mirror?
63
00:02:54,147 --> 00:02:57,109
Maybe there's one
through this odd, tiny door.
64
00:02:59,936 --> 00:03:02,814
I have been waiting for you.
65
00:03:02,939 --> 00:03:05,117
And I, you.
66
00:03:05,242 --> 00:03:07,187
What's happening? What
are we talking about?
67
00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:09,512
I made you shorts.
68
00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:12,924
I don't know.
69
00:03:13,049 --> 00:03:15,794
Like Lil' Kim, I have
a real tough body for shorts.
70
00:03:15,919 --> 00:03:17,229
How much are they?
71
00:03:17,354 --> 00:03:20,498
Like everything at Ross,
it is impossible to tell,
72
00:03:20,623 --> 00:03:23,036
because the price tag has fallen off.
73
00:03:25,913 --> 00:03:27,880
I'll try them on, but I don't...
74
00:03:29,750 --> 00:03:31,610
My God.
75
00:03:31,735 --> 00:03:33,228
They're amazing.
76
00:03:34,888 --> 00:03:37,399
I wish Mom could figure out Skype
77
00:03:37,524 --> 00:03:39,469
so I could show her these shorts.
78
00:03:42,179 --> 00:03:43,371
I want to apologize again
79
00:03:43,496 --> 00:03:45,475
for my behavior at the
school the other night.
80
00:03:45,715 --> 00:03:47,576
I take allergy medicine,
and I'm not supposed
81
00:03:47,701 --> 00:03:50,063
to drink 14 shots of tequila
when I'm on it.
82
00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:52,414
You know, you should think
about settling down.
83
00:03:52,539 --> 00:03:55,735
Find a nice woman, get married,
share your life with someone.
84
00:03:55,901 --> 00:03:57,586
When you say, "share my life,"
85
00:03:57,711 --> 00:04:00,198
I hear, "share my tequila,"
and I think, "no."
86
00:04:01,281 --> 00:04:02,991
Here, try a hot wing.
87
00:04:03,116 --> 00:04:04,776
They're 100% boneless.
88
00:04:04,901 --> 00:04:06,705
No bones. Zero.
89
00:04:06,871 --> 00:04:08,063
Boneless!
90
00:04:08,188 --> 00:04:10,849
They got some food scientists
up in here, huh?
91
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,319
Bone-full!
92
00:04:14,444 --> 00:04:16,488
They are full...
of bones!
93
00:04:25,255 --> 00:04:27,566
You almost died, bro! Alone!
94
00:04:27,691 --> 00:04:29,301
Oh, God!
Alone, bro!
95
00:04:29,426 --> 00:04:31,036
I don't want to die alone, bro!
96
00:04:31,161 --> 00:04:32,304
No one does, bro!
97
00:04:32,429 --> 00:04:34,172
You need to settle
down and get married.
98
00:04:34,297 --> 00:04:35,373
You're scaring me, bro!
99
00:04:35,498 --> 00:04:36,526
Get married, bro!
100
00:04:36,692 --> 00:04:37,876
Okay, damn it.
All right!
101
00:04:38,001 --> 00:04:39,094
Yes! Don't worry.
102
00:04:39,219 --> 00:04:41,448
I'll help you get your life
on the right path.
103
00:04:41,671 --> 00:04:43,533
Now we just have
to find someone to marry you.
104
00:04:43,773 --> 00:04:46,351
Well, I was seeing a real
classy broad recently.
105
00:04:46,476 --> 00:04:48,553
- Totally different from all the women...
- Hookers.
106
00:04:48,678 --> 00:04:51,189
...hookers-- thank you--
that I've dated in the past.
107
00:04:51,314 --> 00:04:53,058
But she dumped me
because I wouldn't commit.
108
00:04:53,183 --> 00:04:54,377
Perfect! Who is she?
109
00:04:56,504 --> 00:04:57,829
Yes, I broke up with Brian
110
00:04:57,954 --> 00:04:59,883
because I wasn't his first priority.
111
00:05:00,049 --> 00:05:03,428
It was cocaine,
which he pronounced "kyo-kayne."
112
00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:06,421
Superintendent, his brush
with death has changed him.
113
00:05:06,546 --> 00:05:08,391
He wants to get married now.
114
00:05:08,615 --> 00:05:11,102
I will marry him if he's serious.
115
00:05:11,351 --> 00:05:13,480
He is serious.
He is dead serious.
116
00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:15,597
No drugs, no drinking,
and a home-cooked meal
117
00:05:15,722 --> 00:05:17,359
with my parents two nights a week.
118
00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:18,967
Agreed on the drugs and drinking
119
00:05:19,092 --> 00:05:21,186
and parents dinner
once a week at a restaurant.
120
00:05:22,662 --> 00:05:25,033
And he'd like you
to give him a lefty cappuccino.
121
00:05:25,199 --> 00:05:25,951
What's that?
122
00:05:27,851 --> 00:05:29,544
It's not something you'd agree to
123
00:05:29,669 --> 00:05:31,206
if you knew what it was.
124
00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:32,082
Agreed.
125
00:05:35,175 --> 00:05:38,236
Now, do you have something
to ask me, Brian?
126
00:05:38,361 --> 00:05:39,905
Me, your man friend
127
00:05:40,030 --> 00:05:41,706
who has led you down this blissful
128
00:05:41,831 --> 00:05:43,635
and best life path?
129
00:05:43,801 --> 00:05:45,310
Oh, okay.
130
00:05:45,435 --> 00:05:47,347
Do you want to be my...?
131
00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:49,724
You want to maybe do this right,
or are you going to half-ass it?
132
00:05:49,890 --> 00:05:52,067
Get down on one knee.
133
00:05:54,044 --> 00:05:55,271
♪ ♪
134
00:05:55,437 --> 00:05:57,939
Okay, now. Do it now.
135
00:05:58,064 --> 00:05:59,841
Everything is perfect.
136
00:05:59,966 --> 00:06:02,460
Stan, will you be my best man?
137
00:06:02,585 --> 00:06:04,846
Oh, yes! Yes, I will!
138
00:06:04,971 --> 00:06:08,300
Up until now,
I've just been a great man.
139
00:06:08,425 --> 00:06:11,553
Now, I will be a best man.
140
00:06:11,678 --> 00:06:13,540
And I'm the Crest Man.
141
00:06:14,931 --> 00:06:17,002
I'm living in my car.
142
00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:19,268
♪ ♪
143
00:06:24,341 --> 00:06:25,718
And obviously,
144
00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:28,554
the last dance of the night
will be The Humpty Dance.
145
00:06:28,679 --> 00:06:30,556
I'm so proud of him, Stan.
146
00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:32,558
He's two weeks sober,
jogging every day,
147
00:06:32,683 --> 00:06:34,560
sleeping 14 hours a night.
148
00:06:34,685 --> 00:06:36,462
Can't get in trouble if I'm asleep!
149
00:06:36,587 --> 00:06:38,197
He's pronouncing "cocaine" properly,
150
00:06:38,322 --> 00:06:39,698
hasn't peed on any cakes,
151
00:06:39,823 --> 00:06:42,725
and hasn't challenged a dog
to a fistfight in days.
152
00:06:52,703 --> 00:06:56,332
Sorry to rush off, but I've got
a City Council meeting.
153
00:06:56,457 --> 00:06:59,935
I'm gonna listen to the CD
you made me in the car.
154
00:07:00,060 --> 00:07:01,637
I love track eight.
155
00:07:01,762 --> 00:07:03,272
Oh, if you like track eight,
156
00:07:03,397 --> 00:07:05,508
then you're gonna love track seven.
157
00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:07,243
I've already heard track seven.
158
00:07:07,368 --> 00:07:09,168
Oh, you're gonna love it!
159
00:07:12,006 --> 00:07:13,783
Okay, did you bring the old photos
160
00:07:13,908 --> 00:07:15,885
for the bachelor party slideshow?
161
00:07:16,010 --> 00:07:17,877
Right here!
162
00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:23,109
This looks like a publicity
photo for Diff'rent Strokes.
163
00:07:23,275 --> 00:07:25,077
It's actually a picture of my family,
164
00:07:25,202 --> 00:07:27,614
but my life was
the inspiration for that show.
165
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:29,265
You're kidding.
Nope.
166
00:07:29,390 --> 00:07:31,167
My older brother William, aka Willis,
167
00:07:31,292 --> 00:07:33,402
and I were adopted
by a rich white guy.
168
00:07:33,527 --> 00:07:35,337
All that stuff really happened to me.
169
00:07:35,462 --> 00:07:37,506
I smoked a pack of cigarettes
in the closet,
170
00:07:37,631 --> 00:07:40,919
a fat man tried to touch me and
my friend in a bicycle shop...
171
00:07:41,085 --> 00:07:42,411
You just left Dudley there!
172
00:07:42,536 --> 00:07:43,646
I did.
173
00:07:43,771 --> 00:07:46,424
He's real messed up now.
174
00:07:46,590 --> 00:07:48,784
That's me and Tracy Bryant,
175
00:07:48,909 --> 00:07:50,887
my prison cellmate for three years.
176
00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:52,822
We lost touch when I got out.
177
00:07:52,947 --> 00:07:56,025
I don't even know if he's still
in the joint or what.
178
00:07:56,150 --> 00:07:58,812
Man, we go way back, like car seats.
179
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,863
Yo, Tracy,
you gonna lift weights?
180
00:08:00,988 --> 00:08:03,899
Yeah, Brian. Nothing else
to do in here but get strong.
181
00:08:04,024 --> 00:08:05,601
What you lookin' at, bitch?
182
00:08:05,726 --> 00:08:07,036
Bitch,
I'm lookin' at you, bitch!
183
00:08:07,161 --> 00:08:08,537
Uh-oh!
184
00:08:11,932 --> 00:08:13,809
Well,
Lewis is obviously deep in thought.
185
00:08:13,934 --> 00:08:14,977
Guess I'll take this opportunity
186
00:08:15,102 --> 00:08:16,512
to do my own thinking.
187
00:08:16,637 --> 00:08:18,447
Hey, I should find
his old cellmate, Tracy,
188
00:08:18,572 --> 00:08:20,216
and invite him to the wedding.
189
00:08:20,341 --> 00:08:22,085
What a great best man thing to do!
190
00:08:24,979 --> 00:08:28,181
Stan, you and me is thinking buddies.
191
00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:31,760
Roger, I've seen you in shorts.
192
00:08:31,885 --> 00:08:33,262
You look terrible in them.
193
00:08:33,387 --> 00:08:36,098
Remember, I told you
not to wear short...
194
00:08:36,223 --> 00:08:39,568
I see my beauty has caused
you to be quiet mid-sentence.
195
00:08:39,693 --> 00:08:41,136
Oh, my God.
196
00:08:41,261 --> 00:08:43,055
How is that even possible?!
197
00:08:43,180 --> 00:08:44,897
I don't know!
I mean, watch.
198
00:08:47,468 --> 00:08:49,945
But much like the
appeal of the Ugg boot,
199
00:08:50,070 --> 00:08:51,914
I'm not questioning
it, just accepting it.
200
00:08:52,039 --> 00:08:54,149
Now I need to think
of a perfect venue
201
00:08:54,274 --> 00:08:56,142
to debut my new shorts.
202
00:08:57,678 --> 00:09:00,055
What if you wear them up in the club?
203
00:09:00,180 --> 00:09:01,991
In... Miami?
204
00:09:08,297 --> 00:09:10,349
Welcome to Miami.
Enjoy your stay.
205
00:09:10,474 --> 00:09:14,277
And now phase three: to enroll
at Florida State University!
206
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:19,191
How did a baby and a dog
get on a flight to Miami?
207
00:09:19,316 --> 00:09:21,510
Guess they're not as interested
in reality as we are.
208
00:09:21,635 --> 00:09:22,845
Yup, we're keepin' it real.
209
00:09:22,970 --> 00:09:25,064
Just a boy and an alien on a bus.
210
00:09:25,189 --> 00:09:28,634
A boy and an alien in a wig
and magical shorts on a bus.
211
00:09:28,759 --> 00:09:30,426
♪ Super real! ♪
212
00:09:35,232 --> 00:09:37,035
Attention, everyone!
213
00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:38,377
As the best man,
214
00:09:38,502 --> 00:09:40,538
I've got a special surprise
for the groom.
215
00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:45,684
It took some doing, but
I finally managed to find him...
216
00:09:45,809 --> 00:09:48,630
Tracy Bryant, your old cellmate!
217
00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:49,505
Tracy?!
218
00:09:49,671 --> 00:09:50,980
Been a long time, Brian.
219
00:09:52,341 --> 00:09:54,493
I can't believe
you're getting married,
220
00:09:54,618 --> 00:09:56,763
'cause you already married...
to me!
221
00:09:56,929 --> 00:09:58,764
I'm his prison wife!
222
00:09:58,889 --> 00:10:01,166
This ring is made out of love
and commitment
223
00:10:01,291 --> 00:10:03,102
and pipe cleaners and human teeth!
224
00:10:03,268 --> 00:10:04,312
You're married?!
225
00:10:04,478 --> 00:10:06,522
Mm-hmm, to this bitch!
226
00:10:06,688 --> 00:10:07,899
Ellen, I can explain...
227
00:10:08,065 --> 00:10:09,541
Yeah, explain how
you're gonna stand here
228
00:10:09,666 --> 00:10:11,210
in front of all these nice people
229
00:10:11,335 --> 00:10:12,711
and commit a sin like this.
230
00:10:12,836 --> 00:10:14,196
I (bleep) your ass!
231
00:10:14,321 --> 00:10:16,198
But how is this even possible?!
232
00:10:16,323 --> 00:10:18,124
Allow me to break it down for you.
233
00:10:22,079 --> 00:10:24,990
According to prison rules,
I became Lewis' bitch
234
00:10:25,115 --> 00:10:26,876
after he beat up my previous husband.
235
00:10:27,042 --> 00:10:29,495
After that, we had three years
of wedded bliss.
236
00:10:29,620 --> 00:10:31,547
We shared a home...
237
00:10:31,713 --> 00:10:33,424
a job...
238
00:10:33,707 --> 00:10:36,678
...and some excellent toilet wine.
239
00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:38,187
But that was years ago!
240
00:10:38,312 --> 00:10:39,521
Prison rules are serious.
241
00:10:39,646 --> 00:10:41,123
We follow them till we die!
242
00:10:41,248 --> 00:10:43,559
It took me 15 years
to find you, Big Lew,
243
00:10:43,684 --> 00:10:44,927
and I'm never leaving you again.
244
00:10:45,052 --> 00:10:46,437
Ever! Forever!
245
00:10:46,603 --> 00:10:47,680
Get out of here, Tracy!
246
00:10:47,805 --> 00:10:49,148
I don't need this now.
247
00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:50,816
I've finally got my life on track.
248
00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:52,277
I say "cocaine" now.
249
00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:54,069
This is all your fault.
250
00:10:54,194 --> 00:10:55,771
Don't let him ruin my wedding.
251
00:10:55,896 --> 00:10:57,840
Hey, it's our wedding.
252
00:10:57,965 --> 00:10:59,409
Don't worry.
I'll-I'll fix this.
253
00:10:59,575 --> 00:11:01,076
Brian, you've gotten fat on me.
254
00:11:01,201 --> 00:11:02,578
More for me to zerbert!
255
00:11:04,037 --> 00:11:06,332
Got to blow up my brown beach ball!
256
00:11:06,498 --> 00:11:10,193
♪ ♪
257
00:11:13,338 --> 00:11:14,506
This must be
258
00:11:14,631 --> 00:11:17,927
what Thomas Haden Church
feels like all the time.
259
00:11:18,093 --> 00:11:19,819
♪ ♪
260
00:11:35,602 --> 00:11:38,054
I am loving these shorts!
261
00:11:42,259 --> 00:11:44,620
You are beautiful!
262
00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:46,104
I know!
263
00:11:46,229 --> 00:11:48,807
I am legendary homosexual
Ricky Martin!
264
00:11:48,932 --> 00:11:50,766
That I did not know!
265
00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:53,545
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
266
00:11:53,670 --> 00:11:54,997
Hey. Hey. Hey, hey. Hey, hey...
267
00:11:55,122 --> 00:11:56,248
These Cubans are hassling me!
268
00:11:56,373 --> 00:11:58,134
Hey. Hey.
Hey, hey...
269
00:11:58,300 --> 00:11:59,951
I still don't understand
why I'm not riding with Lew-Lew.
270
00:12:00,076 --> 00:12:02,004
I told you. He had some
things to take care of,
271
00:12:02,129 --> 00:12:03,839
so he asked me to
drive you to his house.
272
00:12:03,964 --> 00:12:05,457
Drive faster. I want
to get to the kitchen
273
00:12:05,582 --> 00:12:06,625
and make some fish sticks.
274
00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:11,147
Ooh, which one is ours?
275
00:12:11,313 --> 00:12:12,347
First thing I'm gonna do
276
00:12:12,472 --> 00:12:13,816
is plant some heirloom tomatoes
up in here.
277
00:12:17,736 --> 00:12:19,638
You're not gonna ruin my big day.
278
00:12:19,763 --> 00:12:21,574
That wedding is happening, damn it!
279
00:12:52,729 --> 00:12:54,173
Brian, it's Stan.
280
00:12:54,298 --> 00:12:55,507
I wanted to tell you
281
00:12:55,632 --> 00:12:58,100
that Tracy won't be bothering us
anymore.
282
00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:02,031
Hello, white cheese.
283
00:13:02,197 --> 00:13:03,491
But I killed you!
284
00:13:03,657 --> 00:13:05,017
You can't kill this love.
285
00:13:05,142 --> 00:13:07,519
What we got here
is the eternal flame.
286
00:13:07,644 --> 00:13:10,906
The Bangles, bi-atch, circa '87!
287
00:13:11,031 --> 00:13:13,375
No! You're supposed
to be on the wagon,
288
00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:16,003
not drinking toilet wine
with your prison wife!
289
00:13:16,236 --> 00:13:18,280
Look, I love Ellen,
290
00:13:18,405 --> 00:13:21,049
but seeing Tracy stirred up
feelings I thought were gone.
291
00:13:21,174 --> 00:13:22,851
We had some great times together.
292
00:13:22,976 --> 00:13:24,987
He knows me so well.
293
00:13:25,112 --> 00:13:27,156
I was afraid of dying alone.
294
00:13:27,281 --> 00:13:29,324
Maybe now I don't have to.
295
00:13:29,449 --> 00:13:30,959
This isn't a real marriage!
296
00:13:31,084 --> 00:13:32,628
You are getting
real-married to Ellen,
297
00:13:32,753 --> 00:13:35,397
and I'm going to be best man!
298
00:13:35,522 --> 00:13:37,132
This is prison marriage, bitch!
299
00:13:38,892 --> 00:13:40,035
This is prison rules!
300
00:13:42,404 --> 00:13:44,907
Hmm. Prison rules.
301
00:13:45,073 --> 00:13:46,208
I love Brian Lewis.
302
00:13:46,333 --> 00:13:48,150
My heart is his forever.
303
00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:54,633
Where we goin'?
304
00:13:54,758 --> 00:13:56,168
Our house to watch movies?
305
00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:58,170
Uh, what's happening?
306
00:13:58,295 --> 00:14:01,573
Since I beat you up,
Tracy becomes my bitch now.
307
00:14:01,698 --> 00:14:03,509
You know they made four Free Willies?
308
00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:06,302
How'd that fat water fool let
himself get caught four times?
309
00:14:12,528 --> 00:14:13,605
Hey, cooking bitch.
310
00:14:13,730 --> 00:14:15,373
Hey! Cookin' bitch!
311
00:14:15,498 --> 00:14:16,941
What you cookin'?
312
00:14:17,066 --> 00:14:18,142
Egg whites?
313
00:14:18,267 --> 00:14:20,026
I'm gonna kill you!
314
00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:22,497
Um... what's going on?
315
00:14:22,622 --> 00:14:23,779
I'm super afraid!
316
00:14:24,023 --> 00:14:27,051
So, Stan, how long
is your friend going
317
00:14:27,176 --> 00:14:28,553
to be staying with us?
318
00:14:28,678 --> 00:14:30,479
Just until after Lewis gets married.
319
00:14:31,714 --> 00:14:34,309
Oh, we need salt.
320
00:14:37,959 --> 00:14:40,565
Stan, I know
321
00:14:40,690 --> 00:14:43,117
how much being a best
man means to you,
322
00:14:43,242 --> 00:14:45,553
but your friend keeps stabbing me.
323
00:14:45,678 --> 00:14:49,138
I just need my bitches to get
along for a couple more days.
324
00:14:49,304 --> 00:14:50,725
Just getting a Popsicle!
325
00:14:52,285 --> 00:14:56,103
Marmalade...
for the table?
326
00:14:59,826 --> 00:15:01,936
Last night was horrible, Steven!
327
00:15:02,061 --> 00:15:03,986
It was theorst night of my life!
328
00:15:06,099 --> 00:15:08,476
If I had known there
was someone as beautiful
329
00:15:08,601 --> 00:15:11,546
as you out there, I would have
come out so much sooner.
330
00:15:11,671 --> 00:15:14,482
Take off your shorts, mi amor.
331
00:15:14,607 --> 00:15:16,499
Uh... let's just make out some more.
332
00:15:16,665 --> 00:15:21,212
But Roger, it's clearly time
for butt play!
333
00:15:21,378 --> 00:15:22,924
The worst part is,
334
00:15:23,049 --> 00:15:25,209
I felt like Ricky Martin
and I had a connection.
335
00:15:25,334 --> 00:15:26,627
Well, Roger, if that's true,
336
00:15:26,752 --> 00:15:29,030
then you shouldn't be afraid
to take your shorts off.
337
00:15:29,155 --> 00:15:30,631
Your looks open the door,
338
00:15:30,756 --> 00:15:33,724
but your personality
takes the door off its hinges.
339
00:15:33,890 --> 00:15:35,336
Like the bathrooms at the beach?
340
00:15:35,461 --> 00:15:36,771
Mm-hmm.
341
00:15:36,896 --> 00:15:39,707
Do they do that so the bums
won't have sex in there?
342
00:15:39,832 --> 00:15:41,075
Mm-hmm.
343
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,150
That's really smart.
Mm-hmm.
344
00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:47,081
Thanks for coming.
345
00:15:47,206 --> 00:15:49,617
We four are the most important
members in the wedding:
346
00:15:49,742 --> 00:15:51,953
best man, groom,
bride and flower girl.
347
00:15:52,078 --> 00:15:54,704
I thought my niece was
going to be the flower girl.
348
00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:56,357
No, your niece was not attractive.
349
00:15:56,482 --> 00:15:59,193
But Ashley here has won
a regional beauty pageant.
350
00:15:59,318 --> 00:16:00,795
I think it's horrible
351
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,464
the way we treat marine
life in this country.
352
00:16:03,589 --> 00:16:05,333
Now I'm going to play the flute.
353
00:16:05,458 --> 00:16:07,216
♪ ♪
354
00:16:07,382 --> 00:16:08,586
Atta girl.
355
00:16:08,711 --> 00:16:10,438
Brian, you and Ashley
go practice dancing
356
00:16:10,563 --> 00:16:11,989
with her standing on your feet.
357
00:16:12,114 --> 00:16:14,664
It'll be adorable,
a real crowd pleaser.
358
00:16:16,853 --> 00:16:18,730
I'm glad we have
some alone time, Ellen.
359
00:16:18,855 --> 00:16:21,632
I'm working on my speech and
wanted to ask a few questions.
360
00:16:21,757 --> 00:16:23,067
Sure. Shoot.
361
00:16:23,192 --> 00:16:25,670
When was the moment you realized
you wanted to marry Brian?
362
00:16:25,795 --> 00:16:27,739
When I realized I wanted a baby.
363
00:16:27,864 --> 00:16:29,207
Oh. Okay.
364
00:16:29,332 --> 00:16:31,376
And what do you love most about him?
365
00:16:31,501 --> 00:16:33,611
That he has a penis full
of baby ingredients.
366
00:16:33,736 --> 00:16:34,869
Oh.
367
00:16:35,035 --> 00:16:36,230
Here's the deal.
368
00:16:36,355 --> 00:16:38,699
I want to marry Brian
and have a baby with him
369
00:16:38,824 --> 00:16:40,935
because it will help me get
to my ultimate goal...
370
00:16:41,060 --> 00:16:42,084
City Comptroller.
371
00:16:42,250 --> 00:16:42,752
What?!
372
00:16:42,918 --> 00:16:43,938
I've been accused
373
00:16:44,063 --> 00:16:45,306
of two things:
374
00:16:45,431 --> 00:16:47,358
not liking blacks
and not liking kids.
375
00:16:47,483 --> 00:16:49,394
Getting married to Brian,
an educator,
376
00:16:49,519 --> 00:16:52,163
and having a half-black baby
is exactly what I need
377
00:16:52,288 --> 00:16:54,932
to get out of this
superintendent dead end.
378
00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:57,635
There will be no limit
to how far I can go.
379
00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:59,587
The locks on a lot of doors
380
00:16:59,712 --> 00:17:04,023
in this city are
mulatto baby-shaped, Stan.
381
00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:05,483
Why are you telling me all this?!
382
00:17:05,701 --> 00:17:08,279
We're both using Brian
to get what we want.
383
00:17:08,404 --> 00:17:09,714
You won't say anything.
384
00:17:09,839 --> 00:17:12,116
This wedding is too important to us.
385
00:17:12,241 --> 00:17:15,201
Ashley's doing the splits
for a cigarette.
386
00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:17,370
Unfiltered, if you have it.
387
00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:19,872
♪ ♪
388
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:23,044
Hello, Ricky Martin.
389
00:17:23,169 --> 00:17:24,879
You're looking guapo, as usual.
390
00:17:25,004 --> 00:17:26,147
Don't say a word.
391
00:17:26,272 --> 00:17:27,949
I have to be honest with you!
392
00:17:28,074 --> 00:17:29,131
What is it, Roger?
393
00:17:29,375 --> 00:17:31,252
I didn't take my shorts off
last night
394
00:17:31,377 --> 00:17:33,621
because I didn't want you
to see the real me.
395
00:17:33,746 --> 00:17:34,789
But I'm ready now.
396
00:17:34,914 --> 00:17:36,090
I really like you,
397
00:17:36,215 --> 00:17:38,307
and I hope you'll still
really like me, too.
398
00:17:39,852 --> 00:17:41,620
Okay.
399
00:17:43,311 --> 00:17:45,366
You...
400
00:17:45,491 --> 00:17:47,418
are even more beautiful to me now
401
00:17:47,543 --> 00:17:49,318
because it is the real you.
402
00:17:49,484 --> 00:17:50,905
This is it, isn't it?
403
00:17:51,030 --> 00:17:52,373
This is the real thing.
404
00:17:52,498 --> 00:17:54,375
Yes. It is.
405
00:17:54,500 --> 00:17:57,410
Especially because
I have a secret of my own.
406
00:17:57,576 --> 00:17:59,614
I, too, found an old blind woman
407
00:17:59,739 --> 00:18:01,580
behind a small door inside a Ross.
408
00:18:01,746 --> 00:18:03,624
Oh, you shop at Ross.
409
00:18:03,843 --> 00:18:06,254
The woman made me the T-shirt
that I am wearing.
410
00:18:06,379 --> 00:18:07,722
That was nine years ago.
411
00:18:07,847 --> 00:18:09,690
I have been afraid to take it off
412
00:18:09,815 --> 00:18:11,659
in front of another person
ever since.
413
00:18:11,784 --> 00:18:15,261
But your love has finally
given me the guts to do it.
414
00:18:19,775 --> 00:18:21,851
Grab!
No!
415
00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:23,828
♪ ♪
416
00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,389
♪ ♪
417
00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:50,421
♪ ♪
418
00:18:52,758 --> 00:18:54,235
Is that the real Mrs. Garrett?
419
00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:55,820
Oh, there's the
inspiration for Kimberly!
420
00:18:55,945 --> 00:18:57,355
Mr. Drummond was a man of means,
421
00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:58,888
so this should be a nice wedding!
422
00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:00,890
This is a beautiful wedding.
423
00:19:01,056 --> 00:19:02,243
Yes, it certainly...
424
00:19:03,803 --> 00:19:07,021
Uh. Switch seats with me?
425
00:19:07,187 --> 00:19:10,351
Welcome. I'm Stan Smith,
your best man!
426
00:19:10,476 --> 00:19:12,436
First up, the bride and groom
will read
427
00:19:12,561 --> 00:19:14,789
their vows to each other,
which will be boring,
428
00:19:14,914 --> 00:19:16,798
but then, your best man
will be right back!
429
00:19:18,448 --> 00:19:19,760
Mr. Drummond, right?
430
00:19:19,885 --> 00:19:22,620
Mr. Druffold, but you
can call me Mr. D.
431
00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:24,932
Look at that.
True love, huh?
432
00:19:25,057 --> 00:19:26,500
Well, true love...
433
00:19:26,625 --> 00:19:28,292
is that really important?
434
00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:29,837
It's everything.
435
00:19:29,962 --> 00:19:31,405
After Kimberly's mother passed,
436
00:19:31,530 --> 00:19:33,241
I almost remarried the wrong woman.
437
00:19:33,366 --> 00:19:35,109
Turns out she had a secret agenda
438
00:19:35,234 --> 00:19:37,144
to ship the kids off
to a boarding school.
439
00:19:37,269 --> 00:19:38,479
Wait. I saw that episode.
440
00:19:38,604 --> 00:19:41,616
Season one, episode 12... "The Woman."
441
00:19:41,741 --> 00:19:44,558
But luckily, a good friend of
mine was looking out for me.
442
00:19:46,345 --> 00:19:49,271
It's hard to know what the right
thing is sometimes, Mr. D.
443
00:19:49,515 --> 00:19:51,142
Well, how does your heart feel?
444
00:19:51,267 --> 00:19:52,610
My heart hurts.
445
00:19:52,735 --> 00:19:54,469
Well, I think you have your answer.
446
00:19:56,611 --> 00:19:57,696
Stop!
447
00:20:00,009 --> 00:20:01,385
Brian, you can't marry that woman!
448
00:20:01,510 --> 00:20:03,020
What you talkin' 'bout, Stan?!
449
00:20:03,145 --> 00:20:04,488
- Yeah!
- All right!
450
00:20:04,613 --> 00:20:06,257
- All right, yeah.
- Oh, finally.
451
00:20:06,382 --> 00:20:08,374
She's a horrible person!
452
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:11,762
I was trying to force this union
so I could have my big day,
453
00:20:11,887 --> 00:20:14,081
but I've realized
there's something more important
454
00:20:14,206 --> 00:20:15,783
than being a best man.
455
00:20:15,908 --> 00:20:18,653
I think I have to go to the hospital.
456
00:20:18,778 --> 00:20:20,886
And that's being a better friend.
457
00:20:21,136 --> 00:20:23,457
I was wrong to try and change you.
458
00:20:23,582 --> 00:20:26,127
So go on. Do what
you were born to do.
459
00:20:26,252 --> 00:20:28,310
Go punch that dog in the face.
460
00:20:28,476 --> 00:20:29,311
Huh?
461
00:20:30,423 --> 00:20:32,290
You're a good friend.
462
00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:47,498
You ruined everything!
463
00:20:47,623 --> 00:20:49,600
Now how will I get my half-black baby
464
00:20:49,725 --> 00:20:51,218
and become City Comptroller?!
465
00:20:51,343 --> 00:20:52,887
Where we goin'?
466
00:20:53,012 --> 00:20:54,338
Our house to take a bubble bath?
467
00:20:54,463 --> 00:20:55,873
What?
Prison rules, girl.
468
00:20:55,998 --> 00:20:58,465
You beat up my husband,
so I'm your bitch now.
469
00:21:09,350 --> 00:21:14,023
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com