1
00:00:02,202 --> 00:00:03,878
It's amazing
people keep coming
2
00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:05,278
to comic book stores
3
00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:08,413
instead of just downloading
comics digitally.
4
00:00:08,415 --> 00:00:09,913
It's probably for the best.
5
00:00:09,915 --> 00:00:11,980
For a lot of these guys,
the weekly trip here
6
00:00:11,982 --> 00:00:14,080
is the only chance
their mom has to go down
7
00:00:14,082 --> 00:00:16,047
to the basement
and change their sheets.
8
00:00:17,148 --> 00:00:20,847
Oh, that reminds me,
I get fresh sheets tonight. Yay.
9
00:00:22,949 --> 00:00:24,515
Well?
10
00:00:24,517 --> 00:00:26,415
What do you think
of New Comic Book Night?
11
00:00:26,417 --> 00:00:28,916
Magic, huh?
12
00:00:28,918 --> 00:00:30,817
Sheldon, I'm disappointed.
13
00:00:30,819 --> 00:00:32,018
As a brilliant man,
14
00:00:32,020 --> 00:00:33,152
you're entitled to a vice.
15
00:00:33,154 --> 00:00:34,820
I could understand
frequenting an opium den
16
00:00:34,822 --> 00:00:37,156
or hunting your fellow man
for sport.
17
00:00:38,258 --> 00:00:41,725
But this? Lame-o.
18
00:00:42,627 --> 00:00:44,860
Well, A) Comic books
employ storytelling
19
00:00:44,862 --> 00:00:46,128
through sequential art,
20
00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,263
an medium that dates back
17,000 years
21
00:00:48,265 --> 00:00:50,231
to the cave paintings
of Lascaux,
22
00:00:50,233 --> 00:00:52,533
and B) You play the harp.
23
00:00:52,535 --> 00:00:54,067
Like that's cool.
24
00:00:57,237 --> 00:00:59,604
Can I help you
find anything?
25
00:00:59,606 --> 00:01:01,705
A comic that depicts
a woman whose bosom
26
00:01:01,707 --> 00:01:03,907
can't be used
as a flotation device.
27
00:01:04,709 --> 00:01:06,209
Sorry. Most of the guys
28
00:01:06,211 --> 00:01:08,411
who come in here
like big boobs.
29
00:01:08,413 --> 00:01:10,679
Couple of them
have big boobs.
30
00:01:12,015 --> 00:01:13,215
Hey, look, the new
31
00:01:13,217 --> 00:01:15,316
Warlords of Ka'a
expansion pack is out.
32
00:01:15,318 --> 00:01:17,484
A new one?
Unbelievable.
33
00:01:17,486 --> 00:01:19,786
They just keep making up
more cheesy monsters,
34
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:23,189
slapping them on cards and
selling them at 25 bucks a pop.
35
00:01:23,191 --> 00:01:26,924
It's like a secret tax
on guys who can't get laid.
36
00:01:27,825 --> 00:01:28,992
They're not even trying.
37
00:01:28,994 --> 00:01:31,194
Remember the Satanimals pack
with the Hellephant?
38
00:01:31,196 --> 00:01:32,528
Why, absurd.
39
00:01:32,530 --> 00:01:34,963
What was he, a bad elephant
who died and went to hell?
40
00:01:34,965 --> 00:01:36,397
What could
an elephant
41
00:01:36,399 --> 00:01:39,732
possibly do that would cause him
eternal damnation?
44
00:01:44,537 --> 00:01:48,471
between Billy the Kid and
the White Wizard of the North?
45
00:01:48,473 --> 00:01:49,973
A total loser.
46
00:01:49,975 --> 00:01:52,008
Obviously,
a guy with a six-shooter
47
00:01:52,010 --> 00:01:54,043
beats an old man
with a magic wand.
48
00:01:55,579 --> 00:01:57,312
Well, h-hold on.
49
00:01:58,381 --> 00:02:00,182
Uh, what if the wizard casts
50
00:02:00,184 --> 00:02:03,451
a Helmet of Confusion spell
on Billy the Kid's cowboy hat?
51
00:02:03,453 --> 00:02:04,852
What? Please!
52
00:02:04,854 --> 00:02:06,520
This is Billy the Kid
we're talking about.
53
00:02:06,522 --> 00:02:08,554
I mean, the wizard
would get shot between the eyes
54
00:02:08,556 --> 00:02:10,155
before he could ever
get out the words,
55
00:02:10,157 --> 00:02:11,857
"What the hell
is Billy the Kid doing
56
00:02:11,859 --> 00:02:14,225
in the mystic realm of Ka'a?"
57
00:02:14,227 --> 00:02:16,027
Leonard...
(clears throat)
58
00:02:16,029 --> 00:02:19,096
What's the deal
with Sheldon's friend Amy?
59
00:02:19,098 --> 00:02:20,263
Are they a couple?
60
00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:22,598
Couple of weirdos. Why?
61
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,433
You interested in Amy?
62
00:02:24,435 --> 00:02:27,134
Well, I mean,
she didn't look through me
63
00:02:27,136 --> 00:02:28,969
with soul-sucking,
ball-shriveling
64
00:02:28,971 --> 00:02:31,571
hatred and contempt.
65
00:02:31,573 --> 00:02:33,607
I like that in a woman.
66
00:02:34,675 --> 00:02:36,943
Could you run it by Sheldon
if I could ask her out?
67
00:02:36,945 --> 00:02:38,378
Sure. I guess.
68
00:02:38,380 --> 00:02:40,079
KOOTHRAPPALI: Stuart, settle an
argument for us.
69
00:02:40,081 --> 00:02:41,579
Who would win,
70
00:02:41,581 --> 00:02:43,915
Billy the Kid
or the White Wizard?
71
00:02:43,917 --> 00:02:45,883
(chuckles)
If I tell you that,
72
00:02:45,885 --> 00:02:49,119
I'm robbing you of the hours
of fun you could have
73
00:02:49,121 --> 00:02:54,591
for the magical, rootin'-tootin'
low price of $24.95.
74
00:02:55,426 --> 00:02:56,926
I'll take one.
75
00:02:56,928 --> 00:02:58,361
Mm... make it two.
76
00:02:58,363 --> 00:03:01,264
I hate all of you and myself.
Three.
77
00:03:02,299 --> 00:03:04,266
I'll ring it up.
78
00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:07,036
(muttering):
Like shooting nerds in a barrel.
79
00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:11,707
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
80
00:03:11,709 --> 00:03:15,044
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
81
00:03:15,046 --> 00:03:16,678
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
82
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,214
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
83
00:03:19,216 --> 00:03:21,883
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
84
00:03:21,885 --> 00:03:24,552
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
85
00:03:24,554 --> 00:03:26,454
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
86
00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:28,423
♪ Bang! ♪
87
00:03:28,448 --> 00:03:31,648
The Big Bang Theory 5x10
The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition
Original Air Date on November 17, 2011
88
00:03:31,649 --> 00:03:34,849
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
89
00:03:35,284 --> 00:03:36,972
Hey, can I talk to
you about something?
90
00:03:36,973 --> 00:03:39,607
It's a little
awkward.
91
00:03:39,609 --> 00:03:41,743
I know what this is about.
92
00:03:41,745 --> 00:03:44,313
Given the professional
standstill you're at,
93
00:03:44,315 --> 00:03:47,115
you're wondering
if this is the appropriate time
94
00:03:47,117 --> 00:03:50,452
to abandon your research
and focus on teaching.
95
00:03:53,156 --> 00:03:55,424
Yes.
96
00:03:57,261 --> 00:03:59,029
And if I may suggest,
97
00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:00,597
consider changing disciplines.
98
00:04:00,599 --> 00:04:02,833
Yeah, to the humanities--
perhaps history.
99
00:04:02,835 --> 00:04:05,269
One of the advantages
of teaching history
100
00:04:05,271 --> 00:04:08,039
is that you don't have
to create things.
101
00:04:08,041 --> 00:04:10,141
You know, you just
have to remember
102
00:04:10,143 --> 00:04:12,977
stuff that happened
and then parrot it back.
103
00:04:12,979 --> 00:04:15,614
You could have fun with that.
104
00:04:16,449 --> 00:04:18,216
Yeah, that's not it.
105
00:04:18,218 --> 00:04:20,685
Stuart's kind of
interested in Amy.
106
00:04:20,687 --> 00:04:23,087
Oh, of course he is.
She's very interesting.
107
00:04:23,089 --> 00:04:25,190
Did you know,
when she was 14,
108
00:04:25,192 --> 00:04:28,159
she severed the webbing
between her own toes?
109
00:04:29,562 --> 00:04:32,063
No.
110
00:04:32,065 --> 00:04:34,031
He wanted me to find out
111
00:04:34,033 --> 00:04:37,368
if you'd have a problem
with him asking her out.
112
00:04:38,971 --> 00:04:42,139
I'm not sure how to respond,
Leonard.
113
00:04:42,141 --> 00:04:44,375
I don't own Amy.
114
00:04:44,377 --> 00:04:47,011
Can't own a person.
115
00:04:47,013 --> 00:04:49,880
At least not since...
116
00:04:53,819 --> 00:04:56,188
1863.
117
00:04:57,724 --> 00:05:00,392
President Lincoln freed the...
118
00:05:01,561 --> 00:05:04,196
Slaves!
Come on, Leonard,
119
00:05:04,198 --> 00:05:05,530
if you're going
to teach history,
120
00:05:05,532 --> 00:05:07,966
these are the kind of facts
you'll have to know.
121
00:05:07,968 --> 00:05:09,601
You know what?
Never mind.
122
00:05:09,603 --> 00:05:12,137
I'm going to tell him
it's okay to ask her out.
123
00:05:12,139 --> 00:05:13,438
The question is moot.
124
00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,273
There is no way that Stuart,
125
00:05:15,275 --> 00:05:17,409
an impoverished peddler
of picture books,
126
00:05:17,411 --> 00:05:20,145
would be at all appealing
to Amy Farrah Fowler,
127
00:05:20,147 --> 00:05:22,213
a noted neurobiologist
128
00:05:22,215 --> 00:05:24,982
capable of performing surgery
on her own feet
129
00:05:24,984 --> 00:05:26,651
with nothing but nitrous oxide
130
00:05:26,653 --> 00:05:29,487
from cans of whipped cream
as anesthesia.
131
00:05:30,355 --> 00:05:32,490
All right,
but for the record,
132
00:05:32,492 --> 00:05:35,326
I checked in with you
to see how you'd feel about it.
133
00:05:35,328 --> 00:05:37,862
Fine.
The record shall so reflect.
134
00:05:37,864 --> 00:05:40,531
Now, getting back
to the problem at hand,
135
00:05:40,533 --> 00:05:44,035
what to do with a washed-up
experimental physicist...
136
00:05:45,937 --> 00:05:48,038
I am not washed-up.
137
00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:49,974
Oh, Leonard.
138
00:05:49,976 --> 00:05:53,310
Lots of people love you
and want to help you,
139
00:05:53,312 --> 00:05:56,614
but they can't
until you admit the problem.
140
00:05:59,217 --> 00:06:02,053
Well, ladies,
we killed the bottle.
141
00:06:02,055 --> 00:06:03,354
I had half a glass.
142
00:06:03,356 --> 00:06:04,956
I didn't have any.
143
00:06:04,958 --> 00:06:06,992
Okay, don't judge me.
144
00:06:08,295 --> 00:06:09,929
So, what do you want to do--
145
00:06:09,931 --> 00:06:13,332
go to the movies, go dancing,
lay down for a little bit?
146
00:06:14,767 --> 00:06:18,671
Or we play... Travel Twister.
147
00:06:19,539 --> 00:06:21,874
Amy, really? Twister?
148
00:06:21,876 --> 00:06:23,309
Excuse me.
I've passed many
149
00:06:23,311 --> 00:06:24,943
an enjoyable evening
playing this game.
150
00:06:24,945 --> 00:06:26,745
And I'm sure it's
a lot more exciting
151
00:06:26,747 --> 00:06:28,947
when you play with other people.
152
00:06:30,250 --> 00:06:32,551
What do you say, bestie?
We can do shirts and skins.
153
00:06:32,553 --> 00:06:34,019
I'm shirts. Called it.
154
00:06:34,021 --> 00:06:36,088
(cell phone buzzing)
155
00:06:37,456 --> 00:06:39,090
I'm too small
for Twister.
156
00:06:39,092 --> 00:06:40,391
And roller coasters.
157
00:06:40,393 --> 00:06:43,160
And sitting with my
feet on the floor.
158
00:06:44,162 --> 00:06:47,664
Hope you enjoyed the
prenatal cigarettes, Mom.
159
00:06:50,301 --> 00:06:51,868
Hey, you know, my mom smoked pot
160
00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:54,704
when she was pregnant with me,
and I turned out just fine.
161
00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:56,072
Hey, look, I have
peach schnapps.
162
00:06:56,074 --> 00:06:57,841
Thank God.
163
00:06:58,676 --> 00:07:00,443
Guys, something happened.
164
00:07:00,445 --> 00:07:01,478
What's wrong?
165
00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:03,881
I think a boy
likes me.
166
00:07:05,116 --> 00:07:06,616
"Hi. It's Stuart.
167
00:07:06,618 --> 00:07:08,719
"We met at the
comic book store.
168
00:07:08,721 --> 00:07:09,954
"I was wondering
if you'd like
169
00:07:09,956 --> 00:07:10,988
"to get coffee sometime.
170
00:07:10,990 --> 00:07:12,390
"It's okay
if you say no.
171
00:07:12,392 --> 00:07:14,592
"It might be the kick
in the pants I need
172
00:07:14,594 --> 00:07:16,861
to start taking Zoloft."
173
00:07:18,364 --> 00:07:20,032
Amy, little vixen.
174
00:07:20,034 --> 00:07:23,502
Just working it under all those
layers of wool and polyester.
175
00:07:24,371 --> 00:07:26,339
What are you going to do?
176
00:07:26,341 --> 00:07:27,874
Doesn't he know
you have a boyfriend?
177
00:07:27,876 --> 00:07:29,476
Oh, she doesn't
have a boyfriend;
178
00:07:29,478 --> 00:07:31,311
she has a Sheldon.
179
00:07:31,313 --> 00:07:33,480
So do you
like Stuart?
180
00:07:33,482 --> 00:07:34,848
I don't know.
181
00:07:34,850 --> 00:07:36,149
He's nice.
182
00:07:36,151 --> 00:07:37,250
He's funny.
183
00:07:37,252 --> 00:07:38,852
He has the sallow,
drawn countenance
184
00:07:38,854 --> 00:07:40,854
associated with an overactive
thyroid gland.
185
00:07:40,856 --> 00:07:42,722
That's kind of hot.
186
00:07:43,557 --> 00:07:45,558
Okay, look, sweetie,
we all love Sheldon,
187
00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:47,559
but you've been with him
over a year now.
188
00:07:47,561 --> 00:07:48,627
If it's not going anywhere,
189
00:07:48,629 --> 00:07:50,062
what does it hurt
to look around?
190
00:07:50,064 --> 00:07:51,830
Well, yeah, I guess
they're not engaged
191
00:07:51,832 --> 00:07:53,598
like me and Howie.
192
00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:54,666
Yeah, for what it's worth,
193
00:07:54,668 --> 00:07:56,001
engaged people
can look around, too.
194
00:07:56,003 --> 00:07:57,335
Lot of options out there.
195
00:08:06,913 --> 00:08:08,447
Where's Stuart?
196
00:08:08,449 --> 00:08:09,647
(giggles)
197
00:08:09,649 --> 00:08:11,315
Out.
198
00:08:12,651 --> 00:08:13,951
Who are you?
199
00:08:13,953 --> 00:08:15,119
I'm Dale.
200
00:08:15,121 --> 00:08:17,321
He left me in charge.
201
00:08:19,158 --> 00:08:20,591
Really?
202
00:08:20,593 --> 00:08:21,960
Yeah.
203
00:08:21,962 --> 00:08:24,128
I don't get it, either.
204
00:08:26,232 --> 00:08:29,534
I want to return
this "Wild West and Witches"
205
00:08:29,536 --> 00:08:31,269
Ka'a expansion pack.
206
00:08:31,271 --> 00:08:33,138
Sorry. I don't do returns.
207
00:08:33,140 --> 00:08:35,341
They're hard.
208
00:08:36,209 --> 00:08:38,111
Sure, sure.
209
00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:40,747
Uh, when will
Stuart be back?
210
00:08:40,749 --> 00:08:42,616
I don't know.
He went out for coffee.
211
00:08:42,618 --> 00:08:43,918
With a girl.
212
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:46,654
(high-pitched giggling)
213
00:08:46,656 --> 00:08:48,990
Oh, I guess I was wrong.
214
00:08:49,825 --> 00:08:51,326
You okay?
215
00:08:52,161 --> 00:08:53,628
Am I okay?
216
00:08:53,630 --> 00:08:55,897
Leonard,
I'm on a lifelong trajectory
217
00:08:55,899 --> 00:08:58,967
that includes a Nobel Prize
and cities named after me,
218
00:08:58,969 --> 00:09:00,368
all four
wisdom teeth
219
00:09:00,370 --> 00:09:02,637
fit comfortably in my mouth
without need of extraction,
220
00:09:02,639 --> 00:09:06,174
and my bowel movements run
like a German train schedule.
221
00:09:08,510 --> 00:09:10,711
Am I okay?
222
00:09:11,646 --> 00:09:13,213
I'm okay, too!
223
00:09:22,445 --> 00:09:25,414
Wild Bill Witchcock.
224
00:09:27,383 --> 00:09:30,319
A tribe of Abra-Comanches.
225
00:09:35,126 --> 00:09:37,494
Flaming Spittoon.
226
00:09:37,496 --> 00:09:38,896
And for the record,
227
00:09:38,898 --> 00:09:40,664
I'm very disappointed
in you cowpokes.
228
00:09:40,666 --> 00:09:42,633
We're playing
our inaugural round
229
00:09:42,635 --> 00:09:44,469
of "Wild West and Witches,"
230
00:09:44,471 --> 00:09:46,038
and I'm the only one
who bothered
231
00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:48,006
to dress for the occasion.
232
00:09:48,008 --> 00:09:49,775
(spits) Patooie.
233
00:09:50,810 --> 00:09:53,111
We're not wearing
cowboy hats, Sheldon.
234
00:09:53,113 --> 00:09:54,579
It looks ridiculous.
235
00:09:54,581 --> 00:09:58,849
And I suppose my boots and spurs
are ridiculous, too?
236
00:09:58,851 --> 00:10:01,285
- Yeah. - Very. - Incredibly so.
237
00:10:01,287 --> 00:10:04,922
Did it look ridiculous
when we got the Satanimals pack
238
00:10:04,924 --> 00:10:08,592
and I dressed up
as a Beelzebobcat?
239
00:10:08,594 --> 00:10:10,560
- Yeah. - Very. - Incredibly so.
240
00:10:12,096 --> 00:10:13,963
All right, fine.
Let's just play.
241
00:10:13,965 --> 00:10:15,632
We should go easy on him.
242
00:10:15,634 --> 00:10:17,434
Amy's out with Stuart tonight.
243
00:10:17,436 --> 00:10:18,702
Wait a minute.
244
00:10:18,704 --> 00:10:21,672
Are you telling me
that Sheldon's patented blend
245
00:10:21,674 --> 00:10:23,807
of condescension and no sex
246
00:10:23,809 --> 00:10:26,377
isn't enough
to hold on to a woman?
247
00:10:30,315 --> 00:10:31,348
Cluck, cluck, cluck.
248
00:10:31,350 --> 00:10:32,716
What are we,
ladies at a quilting bee?
249
00:10:32,718 --> 00:10:35,753
Or are we men
playing a fantasy card game
250
00:10:35,755 --> 00:10:38,555
set in a magical frontier town?
251
00:10:39,757 --> 00:10:41,658
Sorry.
252
00:10:41,660 --> 00:10:44,294
Creepy Tepee.
253
00:10:45,329 --> 00:10:47,863
Annie Ogly.
254
00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:53,035
Hocus Pocus Pocahontas.
255
00:10:53,037 --> 00:10:55,837
And may I point out
it is the three of you
256
00:10:55,839 --> 00:10:58,273
who are obsessed with
Stuart and Amy, not me.
257
00:10:58,275 --> 00:10:59,874
I think you need
to ask yourselves
258
00:10:59,876 --> 00:11:02,010
who's really being
ridiculous here.
259
00:11:02,845 --> 00:11:05,046
(spurs jingling & jangling)
260
00:11:10,385 --> 00:11:12,520
- It's you. - You are. - Totally you.
261
00:11:15,023 --> 00:11:16,256
Hey, guys, check it out.
262
00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:18,358
The deluxe limited edition
"Wild West and Witches"
263
00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:21,895
expansion pack in the signed
and numbered collector's tin.
264
00:11:21,897 --> 00:11:23,363
LEONARD:
Come on, no!
265
00:11:23,365 --> 00:11:25,932
We just bought the regular pack.
266
00:11:25,934 --> 00:11:27,300
Ooh, a sheriff's badge.
267
00:11:27,302 --> 00:11:29,068
(chuckles)
268
00:11:29,070 --> 00:11:31,037
Yeah, it's also a wand.
269
00:11:32,841 --> 00:11:36,043
With a hologram? Nice!
270
00:11:36,045 --> 00:11:37,478
Hey, do you see this?
271
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:40,114
I'm in the matrix, Leonard;
I see everything.
272
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:42,049
You got to be
kidding me.
273
00:11:42,051 --> 00:11:44,151
You friended Stuart
on Facebook?
274
00:11:44,153 --> 00:11:46,020
I thought you didn't
like Facebook anymore.
275
00:11:46,022 --> 00:11:47,455
Don't be silly.
276
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:50,725
I'm a fan of anything that tries
to replace actual human contact.
277
00:11:50,727 --> 00:11:53,194
KOOTHRAPPALI:
Please.
278
00:11:53,196 --> 00:11:55,731
You're looking at Facebook
to find out how their date went.
279
00:11:55,733 --> 00:11:57,099
Really?
280
00:11:57,101 --> 00:11:58,734
You think I care if a man, what,
281
00:11:58,736 --> 00:12:02,671
"shared a pumpkin latte
with a dynamite lady"?
282
00:12:02,673 --> 00:12:03,772
You're so full of it.
283
00:12:03,774 --> 00:12:05,207
You are free to believe
284
00:12:05,209 --> 00:12:07,342
whatever you like.
285
00:12:07,344 --> 00:12:10,646
And unfriend
Rajesh Koothrappali.
286
00:12:10,648 --> 00:12:12,214
You unfriended me? Seriously?
287
00:12:12,216 --> 00:12:13,516
Oh, yeah.
288
00:12:13,518 --> 00:12:15,418
Now he's gonna miss all
those great updates like,
289
00:12:15,420 --> 00:12:17,120
"I can't believe
I waited this long
290
00:12:17,122 --> 00:12:19,222
(Indian accent):
to make my own potpourri""
291
00:12:20,625 --> 00:12:22,226
Sheldon, why don't you
just acknowledge
292
00:12:22,228 --> 00:12:23,494
that you have feelings for Amy
293
00:12:23,496 --> 00:12:25,763
and you don't want her
going out with other men?
294
00:12:25,765 --> 00:12:29,533
And unfriend
Leonard Hofstadter.
295
00:12:29,535 --> 00:12:30,634
Here's a radical thought.
296
00:12:30,636 --> 00:12:33,003
Go old-school,
challenge Stuart to a fight.
297
00:12:33,005 --> 00:12:34,638
I mean, nothing makes
the ladies hotter
298
00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:36,540
than two skinny white guys
299
00:12:36,542 --> 00:12:38,942
swatting at each other
with their eyes closed.
300
00:12:41,345 --> 00:12:43,546
And unfriend Howard Wolowitz.
301
00:12:44,448 --> 00:12:45,414
That's all of us.
302
00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:47,316
- Can I use the laptop?
- Why?
303
00:12:47,318 --> 00:12:51,220
I have to buy that
stupid collector's tin.
304
00:12:52,322 --> 00:12:54,323
PENNY: Who do we love?
Penny.
305
00:12:54,325 --> 00:12:55,825
Who do we love?
Penny.
306
00:12:55,827 --> 00:12:58,394
Who do we love?
Penny.
307
00:12:58,396 --> 00:13:00,129
Hello, Sheldon.
308
00:13:00,131 --> 00:13:01,364
Come on in.
309
00:13:01,366 --> 00:13:02,732
Thank you.
310
00:13:02,734 --> 00:13:04,534
What's up?
311
00:13:04,536 --> 00:13:08,337
I came to ask if you would like
to go on a date with me.
312
00:13:10,173 --> 00:13:12,241
I'm sorry, what?
313
00:13:12,243 --> 00:13:13,509
A date.
314
00:13:13,511 --> 00:13:14,677
You and me.
315
00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:16,279
Dining, dancing,
316
00:13:16,281 --> 00:13:19,316
perhaps you'd like to
take in a prizefight.
317
00:13:19,318 --> 00:13:20,384
(microwave beeps)
318
00:13:20,386 --> 00:13:23,254
God, are you trying
to make Amy jealous?
319
00:13:23,256 --> 00:13:24,455
No.
320
00:13:24,457 --> 00:13:27,458
Why is everyone so obsessed
with Amy and Stuart?
321
00:13:27,460 --> 00:13:29,793
Whether or not they may be
having more pumpkin lattes
322
00:13:29,795 --> 00:13:31,762
or intercourse tonight.
323
00:13:31,764 --> 00:13:34,397
Okay, listen to me.
324
00:13:34,399 --> 00:13:37,468
Playing games is not
gonna help get Amy back.
325
00:13:37,470 --> 00:13:39,603
I am not trying to get her back.
326
00:13:39,605 --> 00:13:42,906
But, out of curiosity,
what is a way?
327
00:13:42,908 --> 00:13:44,975
All right, honey,
let me tell you a story.
328
00:13:44,977 --> 00:13:48,145
There was a guy I liked,
and I never told him how I felt.
329
00:13:48,147 --> 00:13:50,313
Eventually, he started
going out with someone else,
330
00:13:50,315 --> 00:13:52,249
and I always regretted it.
331
00:13:52,251 --> 00:13:54,485
Do you see
where I'm going with this?
332
00:13:54,487 --> 00:13:56,120
I believe I do.
333
00:13:56,122 --> 00:13:57,355
Mm.
334
00:13:57,357 --> 00:13:59,491
I'm the guy.
335
00:14:02,695 --> 00:14:04,195
You're not the guy.
336
00:14:04,197 --> 00:14:06,131
Are you sure?
337
00:14:06,133 --> 00:14:07,932
That would explain so much.
338
00:14:07,934 --> 00:14:10,535
Your constant presence
in my apartment,
339
00:14:10,537 --> 00:14:13,338
that baffling dalliance
with Leonard just to be near me,
340
00:14:13,340 --> 00:14:14,573
the way you call me
341
00:14:14,575 --> 00:14:16,641
"sweetie" all the time.
342
00:14:16,643 --> 00:14:17,976
I call everyone "sweetie."
343
00:14:17,978 --> 00:14:18,876
You tramp.
344
00:14:18,878 --> 00:14:20,545
(sighs)
345
00:14:22,180 --> 00:14:23,547
Look, Sheldon,
all I'm saying is
346
00:14:23,549 --> 00:14:25,649
strap on a pair
and go talk to Amy.
347
00:14:25,651 --> 00:14:27,685
"Strap on a pair"?
348
00:14:27,687 --> 00:14:30,522
Of what, skates?
349
00:14:32,158 --> 00:14:35,026
Oh, sweetie,
you are so not the guy.
350
00:14:37,497 --> 00:14:40,032
(quiet, dramatic musical score
playing in movie)
351
00:14:41,835 --> 00:14:43,703
If you're bored,
you can go.
352
00:14:43,705 --> 00:14:46,339
I understand.
353
00:14:46,341 --> 00:14:49,009
No, I'm having a nice time.
354
00:14:49,011 --> 00:14:49,976
(scoffs)
355
00:14:49,978 --> 00:14:52,312
Don't patronize me.
356
00:14:54,181 --> 00:14:55,548
Excuse me. Excuse me.
357
00:14:55,550 --> 00:14:56,716
Pardon me.
358
00:14:57,652 --> 00:14:59,218
Pardon me. Excuse me.
359
00:14:59,220 --> 00:15:00,253
Hi, Stuart.
360
00:15:00,255 --> 00:15:01,053
Hi, Sheldon.
361
00:15:01,055 --> 00:15:03,089
Pardon me... Excuse me...
362
00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:10,062
Sheldon, what are
you doing here?
363
00:15:10,064 --> 00:15:12,866
The thought of you
sitting in a darkened theater
364
00:15:12,868 --> 00:15:16,236
with a character
like Stuart is repellent.
365
00:15:17,672 --> 00:15:19,507
No offense, Stuart.
366
00:15:19,509 --> 00:15:20,942
None taken.
367
00:15:20,944 --> 00:15:24,279
Although "repellent" is kind
of a... kind of a strong word.
368
00:15:28,118 --> 00:15:30,920
I'm sorry this causes
you discomfort,
369
00:15:30,922 --> 00:15:33,322
but based on the currently
established parameters
370
00:15:33,324 --> 00:15:35,325
of our relationship,
I can put myself
371
00:15:35,327 --> 00:15:37,127
in any repellent
situation I want.
372
00:15:37,129 --> 00:15:38,962
Um, again...
373
00:15:38,964 --> 00:15:41,298
Stuart, please.
You're being rude.
374
00:15:43,435 --> 00:15:45,870
Anything else?
375
00:15:45,872 --> 00:15:49,506
I believe I would
like to alter
376
00:15:49,508 --> 00:15:52,276
the paradigm
of our relationship.
377
00:15:54,112 --> 00:15:55,979
I'm listening.
378
00:15:55,981 --> 00:16:00,817
With the understanding
that nothing changes whatsoever,
379
00:16:00,819 --> 00:16:02,686
physical or otherwise,
380
00:16:02,688 --> 00:16:05,189
I would not object to us
381
00:16:05,191 --> 00:16:10,527
no longer characterizing you
as "not my girlfriend."
382
00:16:16,134 --> 00:16:18,501
Interesting.
383
00:16:18,503 --> 00:16:21,671
Now try it without the
quadruple negative.
384
00:16:21,673 --> 00:16:25,041
You're being impossible.
385
00:16:25,043 --> 00:16:27,243
Hi, Stuart.
386
00:16:29,146 --> 00:16:32,148
Fine.
387
00:16:32,150 --> 00:16:35,719
Amy...
388
00:16:35,721 --> 00:16:38,856
will you be my girlfriend?
389
00:16:45,231 --> 00:16:46,231
Yes.
390
00:16:46,233 --> 00:16:49,601
Well, that's enough
of that.
391
00:16:49,603 --> 00:16:51,103
Sorry to interrupt.
392
00:16:51,105 --> 00:16:53,005
You two enjoy your date.
393
00:16:53,007 --> 00:16:54,739
Here's a dollar
for your troubles.
394
00:16:54,741 --> 00:16:56,774
Get yourself
some Sour Patch Kids.
395
00:16:56,776 --> 00:16:58,643
Excuse me... Excuse me...
Pardon me...
396
00:16:58,645 --> 00:17:01,412
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
397
00:17:02,547 --> 00:17:06,450
So, other than you
taking your relationship
398
00:17:06,452 --> 00:17:10,687
to the next level with
another guy, this was nice.
399
00:17:12,457 --> 00:17:14,725
Yes, well, thanks for
seeing me to my door.
400
00:17:14,727 --> 00:17:16,093
Oh, you're welcome.
401
00:17:16,095 --> 00:17:19,930
(knocking)
SHELDON: Amy. Amy. Amy.
402
00:17:21,799 --> 00:17:25,236
Let's wrap things up out there.
403
00:17:28,306 --> 00:17:30,241
Um, good night, Stuart.
404
00:17:30,243 --> 00:17:31,241
Good night.
405
00:17:33,044 --> 00:17:34,712
SHELDON:
Take the hint, Stuart.
406
00:17:34,714 --> 00:17:36,980
The lady said
"Good night."
407
00:17:40,385 --> 00:17:42,519
How did you get
into my apartment?
408
00:17:42,521 --> 00:17:45,155
Wow. Is that the kind
of nagging I can expect
409
00:17:45,157 --> 00:17:46,856
now that you're my girlfriend?
410
00:17:48,459 --> 00:17:50,861
Good thing I drew this up.
411
00:17:50,863 --> 00:17:52,395
What's that?
412
00:17:52,397 --> 00:17:56,465
I present to you
the relationship agreement.
413
00:18:00,036 --> 00:18:02,771
A binding covenant that,
in its 31 pages,
414
00:18:02,773 --> 00:18:04,940
enumerates, iterates
and codifies
415
00:18:04,942 --> 00:18:07,843
the rights and responsibilities
of Sheldon Lee Cooper,
416
00:18:07,845 --> 00:18:09,845
here and after known
as "the boyfriend,"
417
00:18:09,847 --> 00:18:15,384
and Amy Farrah Fowler, here and
after known as "the girlfriend""
418
00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:20,423
It's so romantic.
419
00:18:20,425 --> 00:18:22,459
Mutual indemnification
always is.
420
00:18:25,931 --> 00:18:30,300
Why don't you start perusing
while I set up my notary stamp.
421
00:18:30,302 --> 00:18:33,636
"Section 5:
Hand-holding.
422
00:18:33,638 --> 00:18:35,071
"Hand-holding
is only allowed
423
00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:36,706
"under the following
circumstances.
424
00:18:36,708 --> 00:18:39,508
"A: Either party is in danger
of falling off a cliff,
425
00:18:39,510 --> 00:18:41,210
"precipice or ledge;
426
00:18:41,212 --> 00:18:43,745
"B: Either party is deserving
of a hearty handshake
427
00:18:43,747 --> 00:18:46,348
"after winning
a Nobel Prize;
428
00:18:46,350 --> 00:18:49,618
C: Moral support
during flu shots""
429
00:18:52,622 --> 00:18:54,123
Seems a bit
restrictive.
430
00:18:54,125 --> 00:18:56,125
Feel free to retain a lawyer.
431
00:19:08,578 --> 00:19:10,712
Penny, I said "right hand red."
432
00:19:10,714 --> 00:19:11,847
Yeah, I heard you.
433
00:19:11,849 --> 00:19:14,616
I got red.
434
00:19:14,618 --> 00:19:19,321
Bernadette, left
foot yellow.
435
00:19:19,323 --> 00:19:20,756
(groans)
436
00:19:20,758 --> 00:19:22,892
We should play limbo next.
437
00:19:22,894 --> 00:19:25,061
No one beats me at limbo.
438
00:19:26,130 --> 00:19:29,933
(knocking)
SHELDON: Penny. Amy. Bernadette.
439
00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:33,338
That's my boyfriend.
440
00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:34,705
It's open!
441
00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:37,274
I got a splinter.
442
00:19:37,276 --> 00:19:40,277
What do you want me
to do about it?
443
00:19:40,279 --> 00:19:43,414
Relationship agreement
Section 4: Boo-boos and Ouchies.
444
00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:45,115
You have to take care of it.
445
00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:47,317
I should've gotten a lawyer.
446
00:19:50,187 --> 00:19:52,922
Looks like it's just us playing.
447
00:19:52,924 --> 00:19:55,091
(snoring)
448
00:19:58,929 --> 00:20:01,598
Penny?
449
00:20:03,834 --> 00:20:05,102
Penny, we're out of wine!
450
00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:06,404
You should probably drive.
451
00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:10,406
== sync, corrected by elderman ==