1
00:00:03,656 --> 00:00:05,332
It's amazing
people keep coming
2
00:00:05,333 --> 00:00:06,732
to comic book stores
3
00:00:06,734 --> 00:00:09,867
instead of just downloading
comics digitally.
4
00:00:09,869 --> 00:00:11,367
It's probably for the best.
5
00:00:11,369 --> 00:00:13,434
For a lot of these guys,
the weekly trip here
6
00:00:13,436 --> 00:00:15,534
is the only chance
their mom has to go down
7
00:00:15,536 --> 00:00:17,501
to the basement
and change their sheets.
8
00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:22,301
Oh, that reminds me,
I get fresh sheets tonight. Yay.
9
00:00:24,403 --> 00:00:25,969
Well?
10
00:00:25,971 --> 00:00:27,869
What do you think
of New Comic Book Night?
11
00:00:27,871 --> 00:00:30,370
Magic, huh?
12
00:00:30,372 --> 00:00:32,271
Sheldon, I'm disappointed.
13
00:00:32,273 --> 00:00:33,472
As a brilliant man,
14
00:00:33,474 --> 00:00:34,606
you're entitled to a vice.
15
00:00:34,608 --> 00:00:36,274
I could understand
frequenting an opium den
16
00:00:36,276 --> 00:00:38,610
or hunting your fellow man
for sport.
17
00:00:39,712 --> 00:00:43,179
But this? Lame-o.
18
00:00:44,081 --> 00:00:46,314
Well, A) Comic books
employ storytelling
19
00:00:46,316 --> 00:00:47,582
through sequential art,
20
00:00:47,584 --> 00:00:49,717
an medium that dates back
17,000 years
21
00:00:49,719 --> 00:00:51,685
to the cave paintings
of Lascaux,
22
00:00:51,687 --> 00:00:53,987
and B) You play the harp.
23
00:00:53,989 --> 00:00:55,521
Like that's cool.
24
00:00:58,691 --> 00:01:01,058
Can I help you
find anything?
25
00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:03,159
A comic that depicts
a woman whose bosom
26
00:01:03,161 --> 00:01:05,361
can't be used
as a flotation device.
27
00:01:06,163 --> 00:01:07,663
Sorry. Most of the guys
28
00:01:07,665 --> 00:01:09,865
who come in here
like big boobs.
29
00:01:09,867 --> 00:01:12,133
Couple of them
have big boobs.
30
00:01:13,469 --> 00:01:14,669
Hey, look, the new
31
00:01:14,671 --> 00:01:16,770
Warlords of Ka'a
expansion pack is out.
32
00:01:16,772 --> 00:01:18,938
A new one?
Unbelievable.
33
00:01:18,940 --> 00:01:21,240
They just keep making up
more cheesy monsters,
34
00:01:21,242 --> 00:01:24,643
slapping them on cards and
selling them at 25 bucks a pop.
35
00:01:24,645 --> 00:01:28,378
It's like a secret tax
on guys who can't get laid.
36
00:01:29,279 --> 00:01:30,446
They're not even trying.
37
00:01:30,448 --> 00:01:32,648
Remember the Satanimals pack
with the Hellephant?
38
00:01:32,650 --> 00:01:33,982
Why, absurd.
39
00:01:33,984 --> 00:01:36,417
What was he, a bad elephant
who died and went to hell?
40
00:01:36,419 --> 00:01:37,851
What could
an elephant
41
00:01:37,853 --> 00:01:41,186
possibly do that would cause him
eternal damnation?
44
00:01:45,991 --> 00:01:49,925
between Billy the Kid and
the White Wizard of the North?
45
00:01:49,927 --> 00:01:51,427
A total loser.
46
00:01:51,429 --> 00:01:53,462
Obviously,
a guy with a six-shooter
47
00:01:53,464 --> 00:01:55,497
beats an old man
with a magic wand.
48
00:01:57,033 --> 00:01:58,766
Well, h-hold on.
49
00:01:59,835 --> 00:02:01,636
Uh, what if the wizard casts
50
00:02:01,638 --> 00:02:04,905
a Helmet of Confusion spell
on Billy the Kid's cowboy hat?
51
00:02:04,907 --> 00:02:06,306
What? Please!
52
00:02:06,308 --> 00:02:07,974
This is Billy the Kid
we're talking about.
53
00:02:07,976 --> 00:02:10,008
I mean, the wizard
would get shot between the eyes
54
00:02:10,010 --> 00:02:11,609
before he could ever
get out the words,
55
00:02:11,611 --> 00:02:13,311
"What the hell
is Billy the Kid doing
56
00:02:13,313 --> 00:02:15,679
in the mystic realm of Ka'a?"
57
00:02:15,681 --> 00:02:17,481
Leonard...
58
00:02:17,483 --> 00:02:20,550
What's the deal
with Sheldon's friend Amy?
59
00:02:20,552 --> 00:02:21,717
Are they a couple?
60
00:02:21,719 --> 00:02:24,052
Couple of weirdos. Why?
61
00:02:24,054 --> 00:02:25,887
You interested in Amy?
62
00:02:25,889 --> 00:02:28,588
Well, I mean,
she didn't look through me
63
00:02:28,590 --> 00:02:30,423
with soul-sucking,
ball-shriveling
64
00:02:30,425 --> 00:02:33,025
hatred and contempt.
65
00:02:33,027 --> 00:02:35,061
I like that in a woman.
66
00:02:36,129 --> 00:02:38,397
Could you run it by Sheldon
if I could ask her out?
67
00:02:38,399 --> 00:02:39,832
Sure. I guess.
68
00:02:39,834 --> 00:02:41,533
Stuart, settle an
argument for us.
69
00:02:41,535 --> 00:02:43,033
Who would win,
70
00:02:43,035 --> 00:02:45,369
Billy the Kid
or the White Wizard?
71
00:02:45,371 --> 00:02:47,337
If I tell you that,
72
00:02:47,339 --> 00:02:50,573
I'm robbing you of the hours
of fun you could have
73
00:02:50,575 --> 00:02:56,045
for the magical, rootin'-tootin'
low price of $24.95.
74
00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:58,380
I'll take one.
75
00:02:58,382 --> 00:02:59,815
Mm... make it two.
76
00:02:59,817 --> 00:03:02,718
I hate all of you and myself.
Three.
77
00:03:03,753 --> 00:03:05,720
I'll ring it up.
78
00:03:05,722 --> 00:03:08,490
Like shooting nerds in a barrel.
79
00:03:09,559 --> 00:03:13,161
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
80
00:03:13,163 --> 00:03:16,498
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
81
00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:18,132
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
82
00:03:18,134 --> 00:03:20,668
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
83
00:03:20,670 --> 00:03:23,337
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
84
00:03:23,339 --> 00:03:26,006
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
85
00:03:26,008 --> 00:03:27,908
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
86
00:03:27,910 --> 00:03:29,877
♪ Bang! ♪
87
00:03:29,902 --> 00:03:33,102
The Big Bang Theory 5x10
The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition
Original Air Date on November 17, 2011
88
00:03:33,103 --> 00:03:36,303
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
89
00:03:36,599 --> 00:03:38,287
Hey, can I talk to
you about something?
90
00:03:38,288 --> 00:03:40,922
It's a little
awkward.
91
00:03:40,924 --> 00:03:43,058
I know what this is about.
92
00:03:43,060 --> 00:03:45,628
Given the professional
standstill you're at,
93
00:03:45,630 --> 00:03:48,430
you're wondering
if this is the appropriate time
94
00:03:48,432 --> 00:03:51,767
to abandon your research
and focus on teaching.
95
00:03:54,471 --> 00:03:56,739
Yes.
96
00:03:58,576 --> 00:04:00,344
And if I may suggest,
97
00:04:00,346 --> 00:04:01,912
consider changing disciplines.
98
00:04:01,914 --> 00:04:04,148
Yeah, to the humanities--
perhaps history.
99
00:04:04,150 --> 00:04:06,584
One of the advantages
of teaching history
100
00:04:06,586 --> 00:04:09,354
is that you don't have
to create things.
101
00:04:09,356 --> 00:04:11,456
You know, you just
have to remember
102
00:04:11,458 --> 00:04:14,292
stuff that happened
and then parrot it back.
103
00:04:14,294 --> 00:04:16,929
You could have fun with that.
104
00:04:17,764 --> 00:04:19,531
Yeah, that's not it.
105
00:04:19,533 --> 00:04:22,000
Stuart's kind of
interested in Amy.
106
00:04:22,002 --> 00:04:24,402
Oh, of course he is.
She's very interesting.
107
00:04:24,404 --> 00:04:26,505
Did you know,
when she was 14,
108
00:04:26,507 --> 00:04:29,474
she severed the webbing
between her own toes?
109
00:04:30,877 --> 00:04:33,378
No.
110
00:04:33,380 --> 00:04:35,346
He wanted me to find out
111
00:04:35,348 --> 00:04:38,683
if you'd have a problem
with him asking her out.
112
00:04:40,286 --> 00:04:43,454
I'm not sure how to respond,
Leonard.
113
00:04:43,456 --> 00:04:45,690
I don't own Amy.
114
00:04:45,692 --> 00:04:48,326
Can't own a person.
115
00:04:48,328 --> 00:04:51,195
At least not since...
116
00:04:55,134 --> 00:04:57,503
1863.
117
00:04:59,039 --> 00:05:01,707
President Lincoln freed the...
118
00:05:02,876 --> 00:05:05,511
Slaves!
Come on, Leonard,
119
00:05:05,513 --> 00:05:06,845
if you're going
to teach history,
120
00:05:06,847 --> 00:05:09,281
these are the kind of facts
you'll have to know.
121
00:05:09,283 --> 00:05:10,916
You know what?
Never mind.
122
00:05:10,918 --> 00:05:13,452
I'm going to tell him
it's okay to ask her out.
123
00:05:13,454 --> 00:05:14,753
The question is moot.
124
00:05:14,755 --> 00:05:16,588
There is no way that Stuart,
125
00:05:16,590 --> 00:05:18,724
an impoverished peddler
of picture books,
126
00:05:18,726 --> 00:05:21,460
would be at all appealing
to Amy Farrah Fowler,
127
00:05:21,462 --> 00:05:23,528
a noted neurobiologist
128
00:05:23,530 --> 00:05:26,297
capable of performing surgery
on her own feet
129
00:05:26,299 --> 00:05:27,966
with nothing but nitrous oxide
130
00:05:27,968 --> 00:05:30,802
from cans of whipped cream
as anesthesia.
131
00:05:31,670 --> 00:05:33,805
All right,
but for the record,
132
00:05:33,807 --> 00:05:36,641
I checked in with you
to see how you'd feel about it.
133
00:05:36,643 --> 00:05:39,177
Fine.
The record shall so reflect.
134
00:05:39,179 --> 00:05:41,846
Now, getting back
to the problem at hand,
135
00:05:41,848 --> 00:05:45,350
what to do with a washed-up
experimental physicist...
136
00:05:47,252 --> 00:05:49,353
I am not washed-up.
137
00:05:49,355 --> 00:05:51,289
Oh, Leonard.
138
00:05:51,291 --> 00:05:54,625
Lots of people love you
and want to help you,
139
00:05:54,627 --> 00:05:57,929
but they can't
until you admit the problem.
140
00:06:00,532 --> 00:06:03,368
Well, ladies,
we killed the bottle.
141
00:06:03,370 --> 00:06:04,669
I had half a glass.
142
00:06:04,671 --> 00:06:06,271
I didn't have any.
143
00:06:06,273 --> 00:06:08,307
Okay, don't judge me.
144
00:06:09,610 --> 00:06:11,244
So, what do you want to do--
145
00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:14,647
go to the movies, go dancing,
lay down for a little bit?
146
00:06:16,082 --> 00:06:19,986
Or we play... Travel Twister.
147
00:06:20,854 --> 00:06:23,189
Amy, really? Twister?
148
00:06:23,191 --> 00:06:24,624
Excuse me.
I've passed many
149
00:06:24,626 --> 00:06:26,258
an enjoyable evening
playing this game.
150
00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:28,060
And I'm sure it's
a lot more exciting
151
00:06:28,062 --> 00:06:30,262
when you play with other people.
152
00:06:31,565 --> 00:06:33,866
What do you say, bestie?
We can do shirts and skins.
153
00:06:33,868 --> 00:06:35,334
I'm shirts. Called it.
154
00:06:38,771 --> 00:06:40,405
I'm too small
for Twister.
155
00:06:40,407 --> 00:06:41,706
And roller coasters.
156
00:06:41,708 --> 00:06:44,475
And sitting with my
feet on the floor.
157
00:06:45,477 --> 00:06:48,979
Hope you enjoyed the
prenatal cigarettes, Mom.
158
00:06:51,616 --> 00:06:53,183
Hey, you know, my mom smoked pot
159
00:06:53,185 --> 00:06:56,019
when she was pregnant with me,
and I turned out just fine.
160
00:06:56,021 --> 00:06:57,387
Hey, look, I have
peach schnapps.
161
00:06:57,389 --> 00:06:59,156
Thank God.
162
00:06:59,991 --> 00:07:01,758
Guys, something happened.
163
00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:02,793
What's wrong?
164
00:07:02,795 --> 00:07:05,196
I think a boy
likes me.
165
00:07:06,431 --> 00:07:07,931
"Hi. It's Stuart.
166
00:07:07,933 --> 00:07:10,034
"We met at the
comic book store.
167
00:07:10,036 --> 00:07:11,269
"I was wondering
if you'd like
168
00:07:11,271 --> 00:07:12,303
"to get coffee sometime.
169
00:07:12,305 --> 00:07:13,705
"It's okay
if you say no.
170
00:07:13,707 --> 00:07:15,907
"It might be the kick
in the pants I need
171
00:07:15,909 --> 00:07:18,176
to start taking Zoloft."
172
00:07:19,679 --> 00:07:21,347
Amy, little vixen.
173
00:07:21,349 --> 00:07:24,817
Just working it under all those
layers of wool and polyester.
174
00:07:25,686 --> 00:07:27,654
What are you going to do?
175
00:07:27,656 --> 00:07:29,189
Doesn't he know
you have a boyfriend?
176
00:07:29,191 --> 00:07:30,791
Oh, she doesn't
have a boyfriend;
177
00:07:30,793 --> 00:07:32,626
she has a Sheldon.
178
00:07:32,628 --> 00:07:34,795
So do you
like Stuart?
179
00:07:34,797 --> 00:07:36,163
I don't know.
180
00:07:36,165 --> 00:07:37,464
He's nice.
181
00:07:37,466 --> 00:07:38,565
He's funny.
182
00:07:38,567 --> 00:07:40,167
He has the sallow,
drawn countenance
183
00:07:40,169 --> 00:07:42,169
associated with an overactive
thyroid gland.
184
00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:44,037
That's kind of hot.
185
00:07:44,872 --> 00:07:46,873
Okay, look, sweetie,
we all love Sheldon,
186
00:07:46,875 --> 00:07:48,874
but you've been with him
over a year now.
187
00:07:48,876 --> 00:07:49,942
If it's not going anywhere,
188
00:07:49,944 --> 00:07:51,377
what does it hurt
to look around?
189
00:07:51,379 --> 00:07:53,145
Well, yeah, I guess
they're not engaged
190
00:07:53,147 --> 00:07:54,913
like me and Howie.
191
00:07:54,915 --> 00:07:55,981
Yeah, for what it's worth,
192
00:07:55,983 --> 00:07:57,316
engaged people
can look around, too.
193
00:07:57,318 --> 00:07:58,650
Lot of options out there.
194
00:08:08,228 --> 00:08:09,762
Where's Stuart?
195
00:08:10,964 --> 00:08:12,630
Out.
196
00:08:13,966 --> 00:08:15,266
Who are you?
197
00:08:15,268 --> 00:08:16,434
I'm Dale.
198
00:08:16,436 --> 00:08:18,636
He left me in charge.
199
00:08:20,473 --> 00:08:21,906
Really?
200
00:08:21,908 --> 00:08:23,275
Yeah.
201
00:08:23,277 --> 00:08:25,443
I don't get it, either.
202
00:08:27,547 --> 00:08:30,849
I want to return
this "Wild West and Witches"
203
00:08:30,851 --> 00:08:32,584
Ka'a expansion pack.
204
00:08:32,586 --> 00:08:34,453
Sorry. I don't do returns.
205
00:08:34,455 --> 00:08:36,656
They're hard.
206
00:08:37,524 --> 00:08:39,426
Sure, sure.
207
00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:42,062
Uh, when will
Stuart be back?
208
00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:43,931
I don't know.
He went out for coffee.
209
00:08:43,933 --> 00:08:45,233
With a girl.
210
00:08:47,971 --> 00:08:50,305
Oh, I guess I was wrong.
211
00:08:51,140 --> 00:08:52,641
You okay?
212
00:08:53,476 --> 00:08:54,943
Am I okay?
213
00:08:54,945 --> 00:08:57,212
Leonard,
I'm on a lifelong trajectory
214
00:08:57,214 --> 00:09:00,282
that includes a Nobel Prize
and cities named after me,
215
00:09:00,284 --> 00:09:01,683
all four
wisdom teeth
216
00:09:01,685 --> 00:09:03,952
fit comfortably in my mouth
without need of extraction,
217
00:09:03,954 --> 00:09:07,489
and my bowel movements run
like a German train schedule.
218
00:09:09,825 --> 00:09:12,026
Am I okay?
219
00:09:12,961 --> 00:09:14,528
I'm okay, too!
220
00:09:24,019 --> 00:09:26,988
Wild Bill Witchcock.
221
00:09:28,957 --> 00:09:31,893
A tribe of Abra-Comanches.
222
00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:39,068
Flaming Spittoon.
223
00:09:39,070 --> 00:09:40,470
And for the record,
224
00:09:40,472 --> 00:09:42,238
I'm very disappointed
in you cowpokes.
225
00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:44,207
We're playing
our inaugural round
226
00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:46,043
of "Wild West and Witches,"
227
00:09:46,045 --> 00:09:47,612
and I'm the only one
who bothered
228
00:09:47,614 --> 00:09:49,580
to dress for the occasion.
229
00:09:49,582 --> 00:09:51,349
Patooie.
230
00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:54,685
We're not wearing
cowboy hats, Sheldon.
231
00:09:54,687 --> 00:09:56,153
It looks ridiculous.
232
00:09:56,155 --> 00:10:00,423
And I suppose my boots and spurs
are ridiculous, too?
233
00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:02,859
- Yeah. - Very. - Incredibly so.
234
00:10:02,861 --> 00:10:06,496
Did it look ridiculous
when we got the Satanimals pack
235
00:10:06,498 --> 00:10:10,166
and I dressed up
as a Beelzebobcat?
236
00:10:10,168 --> 00:10:12,134
- Yeah. - Very. - Incredibly so.
237
00:10:13,670 --> 00:10:15,537
All right, fine.
Let's just play.
238
00:10:15,539 --> 00:10:17,206
We should go easy on him.
239
00:10:17,208 --> 00:10:19,008
Amy's out with Stuart tonight.
240
00:10:19,010 --> 00:10:20,276
Wait a minute.
241
00:10:20,278 --> 00:10:23,246
Are you telling me
that Sheldon's patented blend
242
00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:25,381
of condescension and no sex
243
00:10:25,383 --> 00:10:27,951
isn't enough
to hold on to a woman?
244
00:10:31,889 --> 00:10:32,922
Cluck, cluck, cluck.
245
00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:34,290
What are we,
ladies at a quilting bee?
246
00:10:34,292 --> 00:10:37,327
Or are we men
playing a fantasy card game
247
00:10:37,329 --> 00:10:40,129
set in a magical frontier town?
248
00:10:41,331 --> 00:10:43,232
Sorry.
249
00:10:43,234 --> 00:10:45,868
Creepy Tepee.
250
00:10:46,903 --> 00:10:49,437
Annie Ogly.
251
00:10:51,874 --> 00:10:54,609
Hocus Pocus Pocahontas.
252
00:10:54,611 --> 00:10:57,411
And may I point out
it is the three of you
253
00:10:57,413 --> 00:10:59,847
who are obsessed with
Stuart and Amy, not me.
254
00:10:59,849 --> 00:11:01,448
I think you need
to ask yourselves
255
00:11:01,450 --> 00:11:03,584
who's really being
ridiculous here.
256
00:11:11,959 --> 00:11:14,094
- It's you. - You are. - Totally you.
257
00:11:16,597 --> 00:11:17,830
Hey, guys, check it out.
258
00:11:17,832 --> 00:11:19,932
The deluxe limited edition
"Wild West and Witches"
259
00:11:19,934 --> 00:11:23,469
expansion pack in the signed
and numbered collector's tin.
260
00:11:23,471 --> 00:11:24,937
Come on, no!
261
00:11:24,939 --> 00:11:27,506
We just bought the regular pack.
262
00:11:27,508 --> 00:11:28,874
Ooh, a sheriff's badge.
263
00:11:30,644 --> 00:11:32,611
Yeah, it's also a wand.
264
00:11:34,415 --> 00:11:37,617
With a hologram? Nice!
265
00:11:37,619 --> 00:11:39,052
Hey, do you see this?
266
00:11:39,054 --> 00:11:41,688
I'm in the matrix, Leonard;
I see everything.
267
00:11:41,690 --> 00:11:43,623
You got to be
kidding me.
268
00:11:43,625 --> 00:11:45,725
You friended Stuart
on Facebook?
269
00:11:45,727 --> 00:11:47,594
I thought you didn't
like Facebook anymore.
270
00:11:47,596 --> 00:11:49,029
Don't be silly.
271
00:11:49,031 --> 00:11:52,299
I'm a fan of anything that tries
to replace actual human contact.
272
00:11:52,301 --> 00:11:54,768
Please.
273
00:11:54,770 --> 00:11:57,305
You're looking at Facebook
to find out how their date went.
274
00:11:57,307 --> 00:11:58,673
Really?
275
00:11:58,675 --> 00:12:00,308
You think I care if a man, what,
276
00:12:00,310 --> 00:12:04,245
"shared a pumpkin latte
with a dynamite lady"?
277
00:12:04,247 --> 00:12:05,346
You're so full of it.
278
00:12:05,348 --> 00:12:06,781
You are free to believe
279
00:12:06,783 --> 00:12:08,916
whatever you like.
280
00:12:08,918 --> 00:12:12,220
And unfriend
Rajesh Koothrappali.
281
00:12:12,222 --> 00:12:13,788
You unfriended me? Seriously?
282
00:12:13,790 --> 00:12:15,090
Oh, yeah.
283
00:12:15,092 --> 00:12:16,992
Now he's gonna miss all
those great updates like,
284
00:12:16,994 --> 00:12:18,694
"I can't believe
I waited this long
285
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:20,796
to make my own potpourri""
286
00:12:22,199 --> 00:12:23,800
Sheldon, why don't you
just acknowledge
287
00:12:23,802 --> 00:12:25,068
that you have feelings for Amy
288
00:12:25,070 --> 00:12:27,337
and you don't want her
going out with other men?
289
00:12:27,339 --> 00:12:31,107
And unfriend
Leonard Hofstadter.
290
00:12:31,109 --> 00:12:32,208
Here's a radical thought.
291
00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:34,577
Go old-school,
challenge Stuart to a fight.
292
00:12:34,579 --> 00:12:36,212
I mean, nothing makes
the ladies hotter
293
00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:38,114
than two skinny white guys
294
00:12:38,116 --> 00:12:40,516
swatting at each other
with their eyes closed.
295
00:12:42,919 --> 00:12:45,120
And unfriend Howard Wolowitz.
296
00:12:46,022 --> 00:12:46,988
That's all of us.
297
00:12:46,990 --> 00:12:48,890
- Can I use the laptop?
- Why?
298
00:12:48,892 --> 00:12:52,794
I have to buy that
stupid collector's tin.
299
00:12:53,896 --> 00:12:55,897
Who do we love?
Penny.
300
00:12:55,899 --> 00:12:57,399
Who do we love?
Penny.
301
00:12:57,401 --> 00:12:59,968
Who do we love?
Penny.
302
00:12:59,970 --> 00:13:01,703
Hello, Sheldon.
303
00:13:01,705 --> 00:13:02,938
Come on in.
304
00:13:02,940 --> 00:13:04,306
Thank you.
305
00:13:04,308 --> 00:13:06,108
What's up?
306
00:13:06,110 --> 00:13:09,911
I came to ask if you would like
to go on a date with me.
307
00:13:11,747 --> 00:13:13,815
I'm sorry, what?
308
00:13:13,817 --> 00:13:15,083
A date.
309
00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:16,251
You and me.
310
00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:17,853
Dining, dancing,
311
00:13:17,855 --> 00:13:20,890
perhaps you'd like to
take in a prizefight.
312
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:24,828
God, are you trying
to make Amy jealous?
313
00:13:24,830 --> 00:13:26,029
No.
314
00:13:26,031 --> 00:13:29,032
Why is everyone so obsessed
with Amy and Stuart?
315
00:13:29,034 --> 00:13:31,367
Whether or not they may be
having more pumpkin lattes
316
00:13:31,369 --> 00:13:33,336
or intercourse tonight.
317
00:13:33,338 --> 00:13:35,971
Okay, listen to me.
318
00:13:35,973 --> 00:13:39,042
Playing games is not
gonna help get Amy back.
319
00:13:39,044 --> 00:13:41,177
I am not trying to get her back.
320
00:13:41,179 --> 00:13:44,480
But, out of curiosity,
what is a way?
321
00:13:44,482 --> 00:13:46,549
All right, honey,
let me tell you a story.
322
00:13:46,551 --> 00:13:49,719
There was a guy I liked,
and I never told him how I felt.
323
00:13:49,721 --> 00:13:51,887
Eventually, he started
going out with someone else,
324
00:13:51,889 --> 00:13:53,823
and I always regretted it.
325
00:13:53,825 --> 00:13:56,059
Do you see
where I'm going with this?
326
00:13:56,061 --> 00:13:57,694
I believe I do.
327
00:13:57,696 --> 00:13:58,929
Mm.
328
00:13:58,931 --> 00:14:01,065
I'm the guy.
329
00:14:04,269 --> 00:14:05,769
You're not the guy.
330
00:14:05,771 --> 00:14:07,705
Are you sure?
331
00:14:07,707 --> 00:14:09,506
That would explain so much.
332
00:14:09,508 --> 00:14:12,109
Your constant presence
in my apartment,
333
00:14:12,111 --> 00:14:14,912
that baffling dalliance
with Leonard just to be near me,
334
00:14:14,914 --> 00:14:16,147
the way you call me
335
00:14:16,149 --> 00:14:18,215
"sweetie" all the time.
336
00:14:18,217 --> 00:14:19,550
I call everyone "sweetie."
337
00:14:19,552 --> 00:14:20,450
You tramp.
338
00:14:23,754 --> 00:14:25,121
Look, Sheldon,
all I'm saying is
339
00:14:25,123 --> 00:14:27,223
strap on a pair
and go talk to Amy.
340
00:14:27,225 --> 00:14:29,259
"Strap on a pair"?
341
00:14:29,261 --> 00:14:32,096
Of what, skates?
342
00:14:33,732 --> 00:14:36,600
Oh, sweetie,
you are so not the guy.
343
00:14:43,409 --> 00:14:45,277
If you're bored,
you can go.
344
00:14:45,279 --> 00:14:47,913
I understand.
345
00:14:47,915 --> 00:14:50,583
No, I'm having a nice time.
346
00:14:51,552 --> 00:14:53,886
Don't patronize me.
347
00:14:55,755 --> 00:14:57,122
Excuse me. Excuse me.
348
00:14:57,124 --> 00:14:58,290
Pardon me.
349
00:14:59,226 --> 00:15:00,792
Pardon me. Excuse me.
350
00:15:00,794 --> 00:15:01,827
Hi, Stuart.
351
00:15:01,829 --> 00:15:02,627
Hi, Sheldon.
352
00:15:02,629 --> 00:15:04,663
Pardon me... Excuse me...
353
00:15:09,568 --> 00:15:11,636
Sheldon, what are
you doing here?
354
00:15:11,638 --> 00:15:14,440
The thought of you
sitting in a darkened theater
355
00:15:14,442 --> 00:15:17,810
with a character
like Stuart is repellent.
356
00:15:19,246 --> 00:15:21,081
No offense, Stuart.
357
00:15:21,083 --> 00:15:22,516
None taken.
358
00:15:22,518 --> 00:15:25,853
Although "repellent" is kind
of a... kind of a strong word.
359
00:15:29,692 --> 00:15:32,494
I'm sorry this causes
you discomfort,
360
00:15:32,496 --> 00:15:34,896
but based on the currently
established parameters
361
00:15:34,898 --> 00:15:36,899
of our relationship,
I can put myself
362
00:15:36,901 --> 00:15:38,701
in any repellent
situation I want.
363
00:15:38,703 --> 00:15:40,536
Um, again...
364
00:15:40,538 --> 00:15:42,872
Stuart, please.
You're being rude.
365
00:15:45,009 --> 00:15:47,444
Anything else?
366
00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:51,080
I believe I would
like to alter
367
00:15:51,082 --> 00:15:53,850
the paradigm
of our relationship.
368
00:15:55,686 --> 00:15:57,553
I'm listening.
369
00:15:57,555 --> 00:16:02,391
With the understanding
that nothing changes whatsoever,
370
00:16:02,393 --> 00:16:04,260
physical or otherwise,
371
00:16:04,262 --> 00:16:06,763
I would not object to us
372
00:16:06,765 --> 00:16:12,101
no longer characterizing you
as "not my girlfriend."
373
00:16:17,708 --> 00:16:20,075
Interesting.
374
00:16:20,077 --> 00:16:23,245
Now try it without the
quadruple negative.
375
00:16:23,247 --> 00:16:26,615
You're being impossible.
376
00:16:26,617 --> 00:16:28,817
Hi, Stuart.
377
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:33,722
Fine.
378
00:16:33,724 --> 00:16:37,293
Amy...
379
00:16:37,295 --> 00:16:40,430
will you be my girlfriend?
380
00:16:46,805 --> 00:16:47,805
Yes.
381
00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:51,175
Well, that's enough
of that.
382
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,677
Sorry to interrupt.
383
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,579
You two enjoy your date.
384
00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:56,313
Here's a dollar
for your troubles.
385
00:16:56,315 --> 00:16:58,348
Get yourself
some Sour Patch Kids.
386
00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:00,217
Excuse me... Excuse me...
Pardon me...
387
00:17:00,219 --> 00:17:02,986
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
388
00:17:04,121 --> 00:17:08,024
So, other than you
taking your relationship
389
00:17:08,026 --> 00:17:12,261
to the next level with
another guy, this was nice.
390
00:17:14,031 --> 00:17:16,299
Yes, well, thanks for
seeing me to my door.
391
00:17:16,301 --> 00:17:17,667
Oh, you're welcome.
392
00:17:17,669 --> 00:17:21,504
Amy. Amy. Amy.
393
00:17:23,373 --> 00:17:26,810
Let's wrap things up out there.
394
00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:31,815
Um, good night, Stuart.
395
00:17:31,817 --> 00:17:32,815
Good night.
396
00:17:34,618 --> 00:17:36,286
Take the hint, Stuart.
397
00:17:36,288 --> 00:17:38,554
The lady said
"Good night."
398
00:17:41,959 --> 00:17:44,093
How did you get
into my apartment?
399
00:17:44,095 --> 00:17:46,729
Wow. Is that the kind
of nagging I can expect
400
00:17:46,731 --> 00:17:48,430
now that you're my girlfriend?
401
00:17:50,033 --> 00:17:52,435
Good thing I drew this up.
402
00:17:52,437 --> 00:17:53,969
What's that?
403
00:17:53,971 --> 00:17:58,039
I present to you
the relationship agreement.
404
00:18:01,610 --> 00:18:04,345
A binding covenant that,
in its 31 pages,
405
00:18:04,347 --> 00:18:06,514
enumerates, iterates
and codifies
406
00:18:06,516 --> 00:18:09,417
the rights and responsibilities
of Sheldon Lee Cooper,
407
00:18:09,419 --> 00:18:11,419
here and after known
as "the boyfriend,"
408
00:18:11,421 --> 00:18:16,958
and Amy Farrah Fowler, here and
after known as "the girlfriend""
409
00:18:18,628 --> 00:18:21,997
It's so romantic.
410
00:18:21,999 --> 00:18:24,033
Mutual indemnification
always is.
411
00:18:27,505 --> 00:18:31,874
Why don't you start perusing
while I set up my notary stamp.
412
00:18:31,876 --> 00:18:35,210
"Section 5:
Hand-holding.
413
00:18:35,212 --> 00:18:36,645
"Hand-holding
is only allowed
414
00:18:36,647 --> 00:18:38,280
"under the following
circumstances.
415
00:18:38,282 --> 00:18:41,082
"A: Either party is in danger
of falling off a cliff,
416
00:18:41,084 --> 00:18:42,784
"precipice or ledge;
417
00:18:42,786 --> 00:18:45,319
"B: Either party is deserving
of a hearty handshake
418
00:18:45,321 --> 00:18:47,922
"after winning
a Nobel Prize;
419
00:18:47,924 --> 00:18:51,192
C: Moral support
during flu shots""
420
00:18:54,196 --> 00:18:55,697
Seems a bit
restrictive.
421
00:18:55,699 --> 00:18:57,699
Feel free to retain a lawyer.
422
00:19:09,594 --> 00:19:11,728
Penny, I said "right hand red."
423
00:19:11,730 --> 00:19:12,863
Yeah, I heard you.
424
00:19:12,865 --> 00:19:15,632
I got red.
425
00:19:15,634 --> 00:19:20,337
Bernadette, left
foot yellow.
426
00:19:21,774 --> 00:19:23,908
We should play limbo next.
427
00:19:23,910 --> 00:19:26,077
No one beats me at limbo.
428
00:19:27,146 --> 00:19:30,949
Penny. Amy. Bernadette.
429
00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:34,354
That's my boyfriend.
430
00:19:34,356 --> 00:19:35,721
It's open!
431
00:19:35,723 --> 00:19:38,290
I got a splinter.
432
00:19:38,292 --> 00:19:41,293
What do you want me
to do about it?
433
00:19:41,295 --> 00:19:44,430
Relationship agreement
Section 4: Boo-boos and Ouchies.
434
00:19:44,432 --> 00:19:46,131
You have to take care of it.
435
00:19:46,133 --> 00:19:48,333
I should've gotten a lawyer.
436
00:19:51,203 --> 00:19:53,938
Looks like it's just us playing.
437
00:19:59,945 --> 00:20:02,614
Penny?
438
00:20:04,850 --> 00:20:06,118
Penny, we're out of wine!
439
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:07,420
You should probably drive.
440
00:20:07,422 --> 00:20:11,422
== sync, corrected by elderman ==