1
00:00:00,889 --> 00:00:01,688
Tom!
2
00:00:01,689 --> 00:00:05,223
I would like you to redesign
our Parks department logo.
3
00:00:05,291 --> 00:00:06,558
Sounds cool so far.
4
00:00:07,126 --> 00:00:10,228
Rethink our visual brand,
take these words,
5
00:00:10,296 --> 00:00:12,897
and make
something amazing.
6
00:00:12,965 --> 00:00:14,599
So you're saying you want me
to choose a new font?
7
00:00:14,667 --> 00:00:16,967
Yes, essentially I'd like
you to choose a new font.
8
00:00:17,034 --> 00:00:18,535
Jerry, I am making you
my number-two guy
9
00:00:19,103 --> 00:00:20,103
on the new font project.
10
00:00:20,171 --> 00:00:22,339
Come on, that's too close.
Let's make him a number-three.
11
00:00:22,407 --> 00:00:23,707
Fair enough.
Jerry, you're number three.
12
00:00:23,775 --> 00:00:25,643
There's only two of us.
13
00:00:25,710 --> 00:00:28,879
He has been
in this department a long time.
14
00:00:28,946 --> 00:00:30,481
I think maybe you could
learn somethg from him.
15
00:00:42,359 --> 00:00:47,359
corrections by Alice, Resync by Diplomatic
www.addic7ed.com
16
00:00:59,509 --> 00:01:01,810
Our research shows
that our park
17
00:01:01,877 --> 00:01:04,212
will draw
5,000 visitors a year,
18
00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:07,348
and I want this to be
the most amazing, awe-inspiring,
19
00:01:07,416 --> 00:01:09,016
fun-filled park
ever conceived.
20
00:01:09,083 --> 00:01:10,584
Now how big
is the park, exactly?
21
00:01:10,652 --> 00:01:15,923
It is .000003
22
00:01:15,990 --> 00:01:17,291
square miles.
23
00:01:17,359 --> 00:01:19,293
Recently, the last remaining
telephone booths
24
00:01:19,361 --> 00:01:20,960
in Pawnee were torn down,
25
00:01:21,028 --> 00:01:22,329
and on that
patch of concrete,
26
00:01:22,396 --> 00:01:24,964
I am creating Pawnee's
newest tourist attraction$$$
27
00:01:25,032 --> 00:01:27,099
The smallest park
in Indiana.
28
00:01:27,167 --> 00:01:28,601
The title
is currently held
29
00:01:28,669 --> 00:01:30,537
by Martin Luther King, Jr. Park
in Terryville,
30
00:01:30,604 --> 00:01:31,938
but guess what?
31
00:01:32,005 --> 00:01:35,709
Terryville sucks old car tires,
and so does Martin Luther--
32
00:01:35,776 --> 00:01:38,677
No, he does not
suck old car tires.
33
00:01:38,745 --> 00:01:40,646
He was one of
the greatest men in history.
34
00:01:40,714 --> 00:01:44,115
I'm sorry.
Sometimes I get competitive.
35
00:01:44,183 --> 00:01:46,452
Has there been any resistance
from the community?
36
00:01:46,519 --> 00:01:47,653
No, not at all.
37
00:01:47,721 --> 00:01:48,987
It's so small
we don't even need to do
38
00:01:49,055 --> 00:01:50,756
an environmental impact report.
39
00:01:50,824 --> 00:01:53,591
It's inexpensive,
it benefits the town,
40
00:01:53,659 --> 00:01:55,059
it's a total slam dunk.
41
00:01:55,126 --> 00:01:57,161
You two, when you work
on a project together,
42
00:02:01,233 --> 00:02:02,834
Man, all these classes
look amazing.
43
00:02:03,301 --> 00:02:04,335
I can't choose.
44
00:02:04,403 --> 00:02:05,970
They do this thing
called a "shopping period,"
45
00:02:06,037 --> 00:02:07,905
where you can just sample
as many classes as you want.
46
00:02:07,973 --> 00:02:09,172
- Really?
- Yeah.
47
00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:10,640
Sports and Society.
48
00:02:10,708 --> 00:02:13,042
Physical Science.
49
00:02:13,110 --> 00:02:14,511
A crash course?
50
00:02:14,579 --> 00:02:15,979
Yeah, but it's not
what you think.
51
00:02:16,046 --> 00:02:17,881
Oh.
52
00:02:17,948 --> 00:02:20,384
I did not graduate college,
because I did not "attend" it,
53
00:02:20,451 --> 00:02:22,051
but I'm trying
to improve myself,
54
00:02:22,119 --> 00:02:24,920
so I'm gonna start
by taking just one class.
55
00:02:24,988 --> 00:02:26,288
If you're gonna
take a college course,
56
00:02:26,356 --> 00:02:28,357
Andrew, you should
explore a new subject.
57
00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:30,926
- Broaden your horizons.
- Yup.
58
00:02:30,994 --> 00:02:32,428
Horizons are dumb.
Never broaden your horizons.
59
00:02:32,496 --> 00:02:33,896
Yup.
60
00:02:33,963 --> 00:02:35,664
Just take something you're
great at and get an easy "A".
61
00:02:35,732 --> 00:02:39,769
No offense, Ron, but April's
way sounds way easier.
62
00:02:39,836 --> 00:02:42,570
Guitar for beginners.
63
00:02:42,638 --> 00:02:43,571
I value a good education,
64
00:02:43,639 --> 00:02:44,806
so I don't want
to see Andy
65
00:02:44,874 --> 00:02:47,074
waste his time in college.
66
00:02:47,142 --> 00:02:49,778
Of all my coworkers,
he is one of a small number
67
00:02:49,845 --> 00:02:51,780
whom I do not
actively root against.
68
00:02:52,847 --> 00:02:56,050
Ugh, there I go
getting all sappy.
69
00:02:58,284 --> 00:02:59,653
- Hey.
- Hey.
70
00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,988
So, I have about nine things
I need to talk to you about.
71
00:03:02,056 --> 00:03:03,590
The first is
the ribbon-cutting ceremony.
72
00:03:03,658 --> 00:03:05,325
Do you know who's
bringing scissors?
73
00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:07,828
Because I cannot tell you
how many ceremonies get derailed
74
00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,195
when people don't
bring scissors.
75
00:03:09,263 --> 00:03:10,497
- Number two--
- Right. Um, listen.
76
00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:11,698
I'm actually
glad you're here.
77
00:03:11,766 --> 00:03:12,899
Oh, yeah?
78
00:03:12,966 --> 00:03:14,266
After
this project finishes,
79
00:03:14,334 --> 00:03:15,802
I'm gonna focus
on other departments
80
00:03:15,869 --> 00:03:17,804
and cut down my time
with Parks and Rec.
81
00:03:17,871 --> 00:03:19,305
What?
82
00:03:19,872 --> 00:03:22,708
Well, look, I mean,
we tried hanging out together,
83
00:03:22,776 --> 00:03:26,646
we tried working together,
and it just...
84
00:03:26,713 --> 00:03:27,980
Bums me out.
85
00:03:28,048 --> 00:03:30,181
No, no, no. We're just
working out the kinks.
86
00:03:30,249 --> 00:03:32,016
You don't need
to decrease your time with me.
87
00:03:32,084 --> 00:03:34,018
In fact, you need
to increase your time with me.
88
00:03:34,086 --> 00:03:35,921
You need to spend
more time with me.
89
00:03:35,988 --> 00:03:37,221
That make sense?
I think it does.
90
00:03:37,289 --> 00:03:38,557
No, Leslie,
no, listen to me.
91
00:03:38,624 --> 00:03:40,759
After The Smallest Park
wraps up,
92
00:03:40,827 --> 00:03:42,060
I am going to ask Chris
93
00:03:42,127 --> 00:03:44,895
to take over
all Parks and Rec business.
94
00:03:44,963 --> 00:03:47,565
Okay?
95
00:03:48,132 --> 00:03:49,667
- Okay.
- All right.
96
00:03:49,734 --> 00:03:51,134
Well,
if you'll excuse me,
97
00:03:51,202 --> 00:03:53,136
I need to ascertain
the whereabouts
98
00:03:53,204 --> 00:03:56,440
of some oversized
ceremonial scissors.
99
00:03:56,508 --> 00:03:57,942
I--
100
00:03:58,009 --> 00:04:02,044
Those are
my pens and pencils.
101
00:04:02,112 --> 00:04:05,615
No, see, I think that
Comic Sans always screams "fun."
102
00:04:05,683 --> 00:04:06,616
Right?
103
00:04:06,684 --> 00:04:08,918
But, man,
those "r"s in Helvetica,
104
00:04:08,986 --> 00:04:10,419
they're just, you know, like,
really popping for me.
105
00:04:10,488 --> 00:04:12,689
I've never been more bored
in my entire life.
106
00:04:12,756 --> 00:04:14,156
Who cares about letters?
107
00:04:14,224 --> 00:04:16,225
The only good font
is the Sopranos one,
108
00:04:16,293 --> 00:04:17,593
where the "r" is a pistol.
109
00:04:17,660 --> 00:04:19,661
Let's think bigger,
people, come on.
110
00:04:19,729 --> 00:04:21,563
What about
a top-to-bottom makeover
111
00:04:21,631 --> 00:04:23,198
for the entire department?
112
00:04:23,265 --> 00:04:26,134
I'm talking new uniforms,
new signage, new color scheme.
113
00:04:26,202 --> 00:04:27,669
A whole, new, sexy vibe.
114
00:04:27,737 --> 00:04:28,871
I don't know.
115
00:04:28,938 --> 00:04:30,171
This really isn't what Chris
asked us to do.
116
00:04:30,239 --> 00:04:32,374
You know, maybe we should just
stick to the assignment.
117
00:04:32,441 --> 00:04:33,541
Cool, Jerry.
118
00:04:33,609 --> 00:04:34,775
I'd take your advice
if I wanted to be
119
00:04:34,843 --> 00:04:37,378
a dead-eyed government drone
with no ambition.
120
00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:39,714
Yes, technically my new job
is my old job,
121
00:04:39,781 --> 00:04:42,683
but I'm not some boring,
Jerry Gergich-type guy.
122
00:04:42,751 --> 00:04:44,284
I'm more of a Steve Harvey.
123
00:04:44,352 --> 00:04:49,155
I dream big, I shake things up,
and I always wear dope suits.
124
00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:52,626
Okay, can anyone tell me
what this is called?
125
00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:53,793
- Uh, that's a fret.
- Yeah.
126
00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:55,495
And that little thing
you got right there--
127
00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:58,532
that's called a capo.
Changes the key.
128
00:04:58,599 --> 00:05:00,333
Uh, maybe you should be
in the advanced class?
129
00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:02,068
Yeah, maybe I should.
130
00:05:02,136 --> 00:05:03,837
Dude, dumb it down.
131
00:05:03,905 --> 00:05:07,472
But I couldn't possibly,
because I'm just a beginner.
132
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:11,209
I barely haven't even
ever seen a "gortar."
133
00:05:11,277 --> 00:05:13,879
Okay.
134
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:16,248
We will be working on basic
chords for the first four weeks.
135
00:05:16,315 --> 00:05:18,551
Oh, my God.
Four weeks.
136
00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:20,485
I'm already bored.
137
00:05:20,553 --> 00:05:22,754
Of course you are.
You're not challenging yourself.
138
00:05:22,821 --> 00:05:25,256
I suggest we sample
a few more classes.
139
00:05:25,323 --> 00:05:26,724
Fine.
140
00:05:26,792 --> 00:05:28,059
Very good.
141
00:05:31,630 --> 00:05:32,931
Good-bye, everybody.
Guess what.
142
00:05:32,998 --> 00:05:35,733
I was secretly an undercover
rock star this whole time.
143
00:05:38,036 --> 00:05:39,202
For what it's worth,
144
00:05:39,270 --> 00:05:42,005
I think you would make
an incredible brunette.
145
00:05:42,073 --> 00:05:45,943
Ron Swanson.
146
00:05:46,010 --> 00:05:47,811
I mean,
he's not even attending
147
00:05:47,879 --> 00:05:50,581
the ribbon-cutting ceremony
of a park that we made together.
148
00:05:50,648 --> 00:05:52,049
I'm sorry, Leslie.
149
00:05:52,116 --> 00:05:53,683
I'm just freaking out.
150
00:05:53,750 --> 00:05:55,851
The only thing
we have left is work.
151
00:05:55,919 --> 00:05:58,220
And now he doesn't want
to work together anymore?
152
00:05:58,288 --> 00:05:59,689
What does that all mean?
153
00:06:00,256 --> 00:06:02,157
I think you know what it means.
154
00:06:02,225 --> 00:06:05,094
Yeah.
155
00:06:05,161 --> 00:06:06,829
I should just drag out
that tiny park project
156
00:06:06,897 --> 00:06:07,897
for as long as possible
157
00:06:07,965 --> 00:06:09,263
so Ben and I can
keep working together.
158
00:06:09,331 --> 00:06:11,600
That's almost exactly
the opposite of what I meant.
159
00:06:11,667 --> 00:06:13,768
No, what I'll do is I'll get
the neighborhood all riled up,
160
00:06:13,836 --> 00:06:16,738
and then maybe they'll ask for
an environmental impact report--
161
00:06:16,806 --> 00:06:18,039
and then Ben and I
will work together
162
00:06:18,107 --> 00:06:19,307
for at least another year.
163
00:06:19,374 --> 00:06:20,541
- Leslie, for God's sakes.
- Good idea, Ann.
164
00:06:20,610 --> 00:06:21,643
No, Ann, please,
I beg of you.
165
00:06:21,711 --> 00:06:23,078
Will you just shut
your beautiful pie hole?
166
00:06:23,145 --> 00:06:25,613
Just sit there,
let me stare at you
167
00:06:26,380 --> 00:06:28,315
while you silently support me
on this game plan.
168
00:06:28,316 --> 00:06:29,316
- Leslie--
- Shh--
169
00:06:29,383 --> 00:06:30,851
- Ann...
- Leslie...
170
00:06:30,919 --> 00:06:32,686
Your quiet support
means the world to me.
171
00:06:32,754 --> 00:06:36,090
As well as your tacit
endorsement of all my behaviors.
172
00:06:36,157 --> 00:06:37,791
As a mature,
reasonable adult,
173
00:06:37,859 --> 00:06:39,727
I understand that
this will be the last project
174
00:06:39,794 --> 00:06:41,761
that Ben and I
are working on together.
175
00:06:41,829 --> 00:06:44,097
So please join us
for the grand opening
176
00:06:44,164 --> 00:06:48,267
of Pawnee's Smallest Park
on November 12th, 2070.
177
00:06:51,163 --> 00:06:53,162
Thank you for coming
to this very important
178
00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:56,399
and what I suspect
will be lengthy, meeting.
179
00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:59,235
The proposed park
is very small,
180
00:06:59,303 --> 00:07:01,869
but we believe we need
to investigate every detail.
181
00:07:01,937 --> 00:07:04,339
So if anyone
has any questions for me
182
00:07:04,407 --> 00:07:08,576
or assistant city manager
Ben Wyatt, go right ahead.
183
00:07:08,644 --> 00:07:09,577
Hi, I have a question
about this project.
184
00:07:09,645 --> 00:07:10,578
Whoa, wait.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
185
00:07:10,646 --> 00:07:12,213
Where's the fire?
186
00:07:12,281 --> 00:07:14,582
Let's get to know
each other first.
187
00:07:14,650 --> 00:07:16,250
Tell me
about your childhood.
188
00:07:16,318 --> 00:07:18,352
Is there going to be
basketball there?
189
00:07:18,420 --> 00:07:22,823
Basketball courts attract
undesirables to my community.
190
00:07:22,890 --> 00:07:24,958
Well, there's barely room
for an actual basketball,
191
00:07:25,026 --> 00:07:26,293
much less a court.
192
00:07:26,361 --> 00:07:28,796
Because there's
a definite type of person
193
00:07:28,863 --> 00:07:30,764
I associate
with basketball,
194
00:07:30,832 --> 00:07:33,099
and I'd rather not have
that type of person nearby.
195
00:07:33,167 --> 00:07:34,367
Don't worry.
You don't need to worry.
196
00:07:34,435 --> 00:07:36,369
Okay, I'll just
come right out and say it.
197
00:07:36,437 --> 00:07:38,171
I'll tell you what type
of person I don't like.
198
00:07:38,239 --> 00:07:39,306
You don't have to do that.
199
00:07:39,373 --> 00:07:40,941
No, no, no, no.
I think we get it.
200
00:07:41,008 --> 00:07:42,175
Yeah, we do, Rose,
201
00:07:42,243 --> 00:07:43,844
and you bring up
a very good point.
202
00:07:43,911 --> 00:07:46,512
Intolerance.
Can we be doing more?
203
00:07:46,580 --> 00:07:48,348
I'd like to hear
from each and every one of you
204
00:07:48,415 --> 00:07:51,150
about a time when prejudice
has touched your lives.
205
00:07:51,218 --> 00:07:52,484
Hello, everyone.
206
00:07:52,552 --> 00:07:54,153
My name
is Professor Barnes.
207
00:07:54,221 --> 00:07:56,088
The class I'll be
teaching this semester
208
00:07:56,156 --> 00:07:57,656
is introduction to lasers.
209
00:07:57,724 --> 00:08:00,525
The word "laser"
stands for
210
00:08:00,593 --> 00:08:01,593
light amplification
211
00:08:01,661 --> 00:08:04,363
by stimulated emission
of radiation.
212
00:08:04,430 --> 00:08:06,130
Where are the lasers?
213
00:08:06,198 --> 00:08:09,167
This graphic here represents
the electromagnetic spectrum
214
00:08:09,235 --> 00:08:10,501
arranged
from low frequency...
215
00:08:10,569 --> 00:08:12,670
He's not even
using a laser pointer.
216
00:08:12,738 --> 00:08:14,172
He's right.
This class stinks.
217
00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,407
Stick with it.
You might learn something.
218
00:08:16,475 --> 00:08:17,475
Uh, excuse me.
219
00:08:17,542 --> 00:08:19,010
Professor?
220
00:08:19,078 --> 00:08:20,678
Hi, there.
Andy Dwyer. Curious.
221
00:08:20,746 --> 00:08:23,646
When will you be bringing out
the lasers for me to play with?
222
00:08:23,714 --> 00:08:25,615
And will we start
with the small lasers,
223
00:08:25,683 --> 00:08:27,584
or could we go
just straight to the big lasers,
224
00:08:27,651 --> 00:08:29,186
in terms of
playing with them?
225
00:08:29,254 --> 00:08:31,221
We won't be using
actual lasers in this course.
226
00:08:31,289 --> 00:08:34,758
It's about the theory
that makes them possible.
227
00:08:34,825 --> 00:08:39,395
One of the most significant
bummers of my lifetime.
228
00:08:39,462 --> 00:08:41,330
First up,
a personal favorite,
229
00:08:41,398 --> 00:08:43,332
the Sopranos option.
230
00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,734
Now, I guarantee you,
anyone that sees this logo
231
00:08:45,802 --> 00:08:48,337
is not gonna
"fugghedaboudit."
232
00:08:49,205 --> 00:08:50,906
This is our current
community center.
233
00:08:50,973 --> 00:08:51,874
Ugh.
234
00:08:51,942 --> 00:08:54,075
This is our new
community center!
235
00:08:54,143 --> 00:08:56,677
That's right,
it looks like an apple store.
236
00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:58,313
Today, I'm a Beverly hills
plastic surgeon,
237
00:08:58,381 --> 00:09:00,515
and the Parks department
is a wrinkly old housewife
238
00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:02,150
in her early 30s.
239
00:09:02,218 --> 00:09:04,119
I'm about to work
a miracle.
240
00:09:04,186 --> 00:09:05,787
Thank you, ma'am.
What a story.
241
00:09:05,854 --> 00:09:07,055
Anyone else?
242
00:09:07,123 --> 00:09:08,623
Anyone...
243
00:09:08,690 --> 00:09:10,257
Uh, this gentleman
wants to say something.
244
00:09:10,325 --> 00:09:11,758
No, I don't.
245
00:09:11,826 --> 00:09:14,061
Come on, Mel. You're always
up in arms about something.
246
00:09:14,129 --> 00:09:15,296
No, I'm not.
247
00:09:15,363 --> 00:09:17,031
I'm not always
up in arms about something.
248
00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:18,465
There we go.
That's the spirit.
249
00:09:18,533 --> 00:09:19,733
Talk to me
about what's bothering you.
250
00:09:19,801 --> 00:09:23,404
Okay, that'll do it.
Thanks, everybody.
251
00:09:23,471 --> 00:09:25,204
I once hosted a forum
about a new bike rack
252
00:09:25,272 --> 00:09:26,705
that lasted seven hours.
253
00:09:26,773 --> 00:09:29,042
Now when I need
these people to complain,
254
00:09:29,109 --> 00:09:30,944
they're done
in 45 minutes?
255
00:09:32,411 --> 00:09:33,245
Whoa, check it out.
256
00:09:33,313 --> 00:09:36,482
You can get credit for playing
intramural frisbee golf.
257
00:09:36,550 --> 00:09:38,952
Okay, you can take a class
on the Civil War.
258
00:09:39,019 --> 00:09:40,119
Why would I take a class
259
00:09:40,187 --> 00:09:41,586
on something that's
already happened?
260
00:09:41,654 --> 00:09:43,422
Look, you guys have
already had your say.
261
00:09:43,489 --> 00:09:46,391
Now I want to try
something that I want to try.
262
00:09:46,459 --> 00:09:49,127
And I'm gonna make my choice
as I always do,
263
00:09:49,195 --> 00:09:52,130
at random.
264
00:09:54,467 --> 00:09:56,468
As she was
burned at the stake,
265
00:09:56,535 --> 00:09:57,734
Joan of Arc did not cower.
266
00:09:57,802 --> 00:10:00,404
She did not
beg for mercy.
267
00:10:00,472 --> 00:10:02,639
she said, in a strong,
clear voice,
268
00:10:02,707 --> 00:10:05,576
"I am not afraid.
I was born to do this."
269
00:10:05,643 --> 00:10:07,211
I want to be
burned at the stake.
270
00:10:07,279 --> 00:10:08,812
Many societal
institutions
271
00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:11,582
were established
solely to oppress women.
272
00:10:11,649 --> 00:10:13,117
To this day,
273
00:10:13,185 --> 00:10:16,186
some feminists have even
condemned marriage
274
00:10:16,253 --> 00:10:18,655
as a glorified form
of slavery.
275
00:10:18,723 --> 00:10:20,924
Amen.
276
00:10:20,992 --> 00:10:23,126
That class was awesome.
277
00:10:23,194 --> 00:10:25,228
I wholeheartedly agree.
278
00:10:25,296 --> 00:10:27,598
If that woman weren't so
violently opposed to marriage,
279
00:10:27,665 --> 00:10:30,299
I think I would
propose to her.
280
00:10:30,367 --> 00:10:31,968
Well, then,
it's decided.
281
00:10:32,035 --> 00:10:34,737
Andy Dwyer will be taking
"women's lasers."
282
00:10:34,805 --> 00:10:36,238
"Women's studies."
283
00:10:36,306 --> 00:10:39,208
Sorry. God, I cannot
stop thinking about lasers.
284
00:10:39,275 --> 00:10:40,409
"Women's studies."
285
00:10:40,477 --> 00:10:41,477
Is there such thing
as "women's lasers"?
286
00:10:41,545 --> 00:10:42,678
That'd be
my number one pick.
287
00:10:43,246 --> 00:10:45,747
Excuse me,
what the heck is going on here?
288
00:10:45,815 --> 00:10:47,281
Just preparing
for the grand opening
289
00:10:47,349 --> 00:10:50,084
of this tiny
but very intrusIVE park.
290
00:10:50,152 --> 00:10:51,219
We were told
this would have
291
00:10:51,286 --> 00:10:52,787
very little impact
on the neighborhood.
292
00:10:52,855 --> 00:10:54,656
This flyer has
hundreds of events.
293
00:10:54,724 --> 00:10:57,091
There are fireworks
every night at midnight?
294
00:10:57,159 --> 00:10:58,192
They start at midnight.
295
00:10:58,260 --> 00:10:59,694
Who knows when
they're gonna end?
296
00:10:59,762 --> 00:11:01,496
Look, I don't even know
the impact of this park,
297
00:11:01,563 --> 00:11:04,632
because the city skipped
an environmental impact report.
298
00:11:04,699 --> 00:11:06,500
So we don't know
about traffic problems
299
00:11:06,568 --> 00:11:08,836
or sound or lights
or crime.
300
00:11:08,904 --> 00:11:10,103
I mean,
it's all a mystery.
301
00:11:10,171 --> 00:11:11,371
Don't you work
for the government?
302
00:11:11,439 --> 00:11:13,240
I do, Joe.
Yeah, that's how I know
303
00:11:13,307 --> 00:11:15,042
just how high
this conspiracy goes.
304
00:11:15,109 --> 00:11:16,844
What can we do about it?
305
00:11:16,912 --> 00:11:18,978
I'm glad you asked.
I have some ideas.
306
00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:20,847
These are
our current park rangers.
307
00:11:20,915 --> 00:11:23,082
What are they up to?
No one cares.
308
00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:24,918
They're boring,
and I hate them.
309
00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:28,120
But coming this spring
to the style network...
310
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:29,656
Ranger Reality Show.
311
00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:30,790
I'm sorry, tom,
but Chris,
312
00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:32,859
he just wanted us
to choose a new font.
313
00:11:32,927 --> 00:11:34,660
I mean, really,
you've gone way off track.
314
00:11:34,727 --> 00:11:36,361
Well, guess what, Jerry?
I'm a dreamer.
315
00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:37,863
Okay? I dream big.
Deal with it.
316
00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:40,032
Tom, weekends
are for dreaming.
317
00:11:40,099 --> 00:11:43,001
You are a government worker.
This is a government job.
318
00:11:43,069 --> 00:11:44,335
Plus isn't dreaming big
319
00:11:44,403 --> 00:11:47,338
exactly what got you in trouble
with your old company?
320
00:11:54,713 --> 00:11:56,513
- Hey, where you going, Joe?
- Bathroom break.
321
00:11:56,582 --> 00:11:57,682
No, get back
over there.
322
00:11:57,749 --> 00:11:59,316
I'll find you a bottle
or something.
323
00:11:59,384 --> 00:12:01,619
Where did
all these people come from?
324
00:12:01,687 --> 00:12:03,688
And why did they turn
so quickly on this project?
325
00:12:03,755 --> 00:12:04,922
Well,
you know how it goes.
326
00:12:04,990 --> 00:12:07,190
It only takes one nut job
to get people riled up.
327
00:12:07,257 --> 00:12:08,558
I hate to say this,
328
00:12:08,626 --> 00:12:09,726
but I think
we're gonna have to do
329
00:12:09,794 --> 00:12:11,695
that environmental
impact report.
330
00:12:11,762 --> 00:12:15,198
They are explicitly
demanding it.
331
00:12:15,265 --> 00:12:17,433
Hey, everybody,
listen up.
332
00:12:17,501 --> 00:12:20,136
Uh, in response
to your complaints,
333
00:12:20,204 --> 00:12:23,371
we are cancelling
all of these disruptive events.
334
00:12:23,439 --> 00:12:24,940
This park
is just gonna be
335
00:12:25,008 --> 00:12:27,509
a quiet patch of grass,
harming nobody.
336
00:12:27,577 --> 00:12:30,012
Everybody cool?
337
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:32,514
Great.
338
00:12:32,582 --> 00:12:34,516
Dream team.
339
00:12:34,584 --> 00:12:36,785
Actually, Chris, I know you
think that we're a dream team--
340
00:12:36,853 --> 00:12:38,119
Dream team!
341
00:12:38,186 --> 00:12:39,120
Yeah.
342
00:12:39,187 --> 00:12:41,555
But we're not.
343
00:12:41,624 --> 00:12:44,191
You see, Leslie here
is a team of one.
344
00:12:44,259 --> 00:12:46,894
And that might be
a very good team,
345
00:12:46,962 --> 00:12:49,964
but she kind of steamrolls
the rest of her team,
346
00:12:50,032 --> 00:12:52,700
me,
to do whatever she wants.
347
00:12:52,768 --> 00:12:55,268
Regardless of how the rest
of her team,
348
00:12:55,336 --> 00:12:56,304
me,
349
00:12:57,036 --> 00:12:58,204
feels.
350
00:12:58,372 --> 00:13:02,375
So I don't think we should
work together anymore.
351
00:13:03,443 --> 00:13:06,046
Wow.
That was very hard to hear.
352
00:13:06,114 --> 00:13:07,881
So many negative words.
353
00:13:08,649 --> 00:13:12,618
I just need
to process this.
354
00:13:12,686 --> 00:13:13,753
Okay,
the dream team is dead.
355
00:13:13,820 --> 00:13:15,320
But you guys
had a great run.
356
00:13:15,788 --> 00:13:17,790
Oh, and the park is open.
Yay!
357
00:13:18,858 --> 00:13:20,459
Good job with that.
358
00:13:23,858 --> 00:13:27,059
Hello ma'am,
who is just as equal as man,
359
00:13:27,419 --> 00:13:32,123
I would like one ticket
for, uh, women.
360
00:13:32,191 --> 00:13:35,593
He would like to register
for Women's studies.
361
00:13:35,660 --> 00:13:37,395
Okay.
Here's the registration form.
362
00:13:37,463 --> 00:13:38,963
Ooh!
363
00:13:39,031 --> 00:13:42,632
And we'll need a check
or money order for $940.
364
00:13:42,700 --> 00:13:43,967
Why?
365
00:13:44,035 --> 00:13:46,069
Why didn't you tell me
it was so expensive?
366
00:13:46,137 --> 00:13:47,404
I didn't know.
367
00:13:47,472 --> 00:13:48,838
My parents
pay for my classes.
368
00:13:48,906 --> 00:13:50,173
I'll just have them
pay for yours too.
369
00:13:50,241 --> 00:13:53,843
Oh, God, no!
That's embarrassing.
370
00:13:53,911 --> 00:13:55,678
I know.
371
00:13:55,746 --> 00:13:57,713
I'm gonna beg for money in
the street like a drug addict.
372
00:13:57,780 --> 00:13:59,048
- No.
- Yeah.
373
00:13:59,116 --> 00:14:00,082
Oh my God.
374
00:14:00,150 --> 00:14:01,484
Everything in my life
is going wrong right now.
375
00:14:01,752 --> 00:14:04,520
Whose fault is this?
I demand to know.
376
00:14:04,588 --> 00:14:06,455
Actually--
377
00:14:06,523 --> 00:14:07,456
Ben thinks
that I'm a steamroller?
378
00:14:07,524 --> 00:14:08,624
That's unbelievable.
379
00:14:08,692 --> 00:14:10,093
How dare he think
that I'm a steamroller?
380
00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:11,427
Leslie,
I'm just telling you this--
381
00:14:11,494 --> 00:14:13,028
I know, he's going through
a phase right now,
382
00:14:13,096 --> 00:14:14,930
and eventually we're gonna
both be friends again.
383
00:14:14,997 --> 00:14:16,932
No, what I was gonna say
is that you really are--
384
00:14:16,999 --> 00:14:18,366
Working too hard.
I know, Ann,
385
00:14:18,434 --> 00:14:20,135
you keep starting all these
sentences and not finishing--
386
00:14:20,203 --> 00:14:21,636
You're a steamroller!
387
00:14:21,704 --> 00:14:25,173
You are a massive,
enormous, runaway steamroller
388
00:14:25,241 --> 00:14:29,043
with no brakes and a cement
brick on the gas pedal.
389
00:14:29,611 --> 00:14:31,846
You made me watch all eight
Harry Potter movies.
390
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:33,214
I don't even
like Harry Potter.
391
00:14:33,281 --> 00:14:35,249
That's insane.
You love Harry Potter.
392
00:14:35,316 --> 00:14:37,017
You've seen
all eight movies!
393
00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:39,319
When we go out to a bar,
you order my drinks for me.
394
00:14:39,387 --> 00:14:41,321
Because you order white wine,
and it gives you a headache.
395
00:14:41,389 --> 00:14:42,556
Well, it's my headache!
396
00:14:42,624 --> 00:14:45,291
Leslie,
you do what you want,
397
00:14:45,359 --> 00:14:46,826
you ignore
what other people want,
398
00:14:46,894 --> 00:14:48,728
and you hear
only what you want to hear.
399
00:14:49,796 --> 00:14:53,466
Okay. I know.
I know I do this.
400
00:14:54,233 --> 00:14:55,701
I'm the worst.
401
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,603
No, you're
very passionate.
402
00:14:57,671 --> 00:14:59,172
You just push
too hard sometimes.
403
00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:00,539
Well, you should
call me a bulldozer
404
00:15:00,607 --> 00:15:02,875
rather than
a steamroller.
405
00:15:02,942 --> 00:15:04,709
I'm sorry.
406
00:15:05,078 --> 00:15:05,911
It's gonna be okay.
407
00:15:06,479 --> 00:15:10,182
Is it?
Honestly, is it?
408
00:15:10,750 --> 00:15:13,918
I mean, I guess I just
need to leave Ben alone.
409
00:15:13,986 --> 00:15:18,021
That's what
he says he wants.
410
00:15:18,089 --> 00:15:21,458
Okay.
411
00:15:21,526 --> 00:15:25,429
Well, this steamroller
is hangin' up her...
412
00:15:25,497 --> 00:15:27,598
The rolly thing
on the front of the machine.
413
00:15:27,666 --> 00:15:28,999
What do you--
what do you call that?
414
00:15:29,066 --> 00:15:31,134
- The roller?
- Probably.
415
00:15:31,202 --> 00:15:33,369
Okay.
416
00:15:33,437 --> 00:15:35,405
Got you a little
pick-me-up, Tommy.
417
00:15:35,472 --> 00:15:38,441
A triple-decker ham and cheese
from the cafeteria.
418
00:15:38,509 --> 00:15:39,709
Always makes me feel better.
419
00:15:39,777 --> 00:15:42,945
Two pathetic guys
eating pathetic sandwiches.
420
00:15:43,013 --> 00:15:43,946
Sounds terrific.
421
00:15:44,014 --> 00:15:45,047
I guess I'm Jerry now.
422
00:15:45,115 --> 00:15:46,816
After work,
I'll just go home,
423
00:15:46,883 --> 00:15:48,584
straight to my boring house,
424
00:15:48,652 --> 00:15:51,085
kiss my wife,
and have a home-cooked meal
425
00:15:51,153 --> 00:15:54,823
with my three
beautiful daughters.
426
00:15:54,890 --> 00:15:56,425
What a miserable life.
427
00:15:56,492 --> 00:15:59,461
I have been here,
well, 30-some years,
428
00:15:59,529 --> 00:16:00,995
and the best way
to cope with this job
429
00:16:01,063 --> 00:16:03,432
is to do everything
the exact same way
430
00:16:03,499 --> 00:16:05,700
every day.
431
00:16:05,767 --> 00:16:07,468
Heck, I still use
my original I.D. Card
432
00:16:07,536 --> 00:16:08,502
from my first day
on the job.
433
00:16:08,570 --> 00:16:11,339
Check this out.
434
00:16:11,406 --> 00:16:12,440
Oh, my God.
435
00:16:12,507 --> 00:16:13,607
I got to go.
436
00:16:13,675 --> 00:16:16,610
Put my sammie in the fridge.
437
00:16:19,815 --> 00:16:22,615
Mouse Rat CD, $30.
438
00:16:22,683 --> 00:16:25,952
Candy bars, $50.
$50.
439
00:16:26,019 --> 00:16:27,654
God, people here
are so cheap.
440
00:16:27,722 --> 00:16:28,822
April, where have you been?
441
00:16:28,889 --> 00:16:31,758
Over two phone calls
came in unimpeded.
442
00:16:31,826 --> 00:16:34,093
We're raising money
for my college education, Ron.
443
00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:36,896
I took a second job
back at my old job.
444
00:16:36,964 --> 00:16:38,397
Do you want a shoe shine?
445
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,198
It's $100.
446
00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:41,333
Laugh all you want, Kyle.
447
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:43,134
I already took the money
out of your wallet.
448
00:16:43,202 --> 00:16:46,405
Oh.
449
00:16:46,473 --> 00:16:48,674
Good news, son.
450
00:16:48,742 --> 00:16:53,878
You have just won
a Ron Swanson scholarship.
451
00:16:53,945 --> 00:16:56,180
I don't think so.
I don't remember applying for--
452
00:16:56,248 --> 00:16:57,181
No, An--Andy.
453
00:16:57,249 --> 00:16:59,384
Ron Swanson...
454
00:16:59,451 --> 00:17:01,318
Scholarship.
455
00:17:02,387 --> 00:17:03,889
Wait, are you serious?
456
00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:09,526
Stop this.
457
00:17:09,594 --> 00:17:10,960
No.
458
00:17:11,028 --> 00:17:13,129
Stop,
or you lose the money.
459
00:17:13,197 --> 00:17:14,664
Why not?
460
00:17:14,732 --> 00:17:16,966
I like the kid,
and I have the money.
461
00:17:17,034 --> 00:17:18,869
One thing
I promised myself
462
00:17:18,936 --> 00:17:20,604
when I buried gold
in my backyard
463
00:17:20,671 --> 00:17:23,840
was that I'd never be a hoarder
or a miser about it.
464
00:17:23,908 --> 00:17:24,941
Hey.
465
00:17:25,009 --> 00:17:27,009
Okay, is this
health department business
466
00:17:27,076 --> 00:17:28,143
or Leslie business?
467
00:17:28,211 --> 00:17:29,745
You need to go talk to her.
468
00:17:29,813 --> 00:17:30,746
Why?
So she can force me
469
00:17:30,814 --> 00:17:32,915
to spend time
with her again?
470
00:17:32,982 --> 00:17:35,150
No. No way.
I'm done talking.
471
00:17:35,218 --> 00:17:36,184
Listen,
I know she can be
472
00:17:36,252 --> 00:17:38,153
strong-willed
and difficult, okay?
473
00:17:38,221 --> 00:17:39,988
She once made me eat
an entire cheesecake
474
00:17:40,056 --> 00:17:41,723
at a potluck
so she didn't look bad.
475
00:17:41,791 --> 00:17:44,926
But I really think
she's ready to listen.
476
00:17:44,993 --> 00:17:46,994
You ate
an entire cheesecake?
477
00:17:47,062 --> 00:17:49,063
Why didn't you just
throw it away?
478
00:17:49,131 --> 00:17:50,632
Because with everything
she's done for me,
479
00:17:50,699 --> 00:17:53,000
I would eat
ten cheesecakes for her.
480
00:17:53,068 --> 00:17:55,169
Also, P.S.,
it was delicious and amazing,
481
00:17:55,237 --> 00:17:56,771
like everything she does.
482
00:17:56,839 --> 00:17:58,972
Will you please just
talk to her? For my sake?
483
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:00,206
I don't have
unlimited texting,
484
00:18:00,274 --> 00:18:02,709
and when she can't talk
to you, she texts me.
485
00:18:06,781 --> 00:18:10,417
So we take the old logo
from the 1970s,
486
00:18:10,485 --> 00:18:12,185
and we make limited-edition
hats, posters,
487
00:18:12,253 --> 00:18:13,619
t-shirts, everything.
488
00:18:13,687 --> 00:18:14,987
People love limited editions,
489
00:18:15,055 --> 00:18:17,557
plus parents will get swept up
in the nostalgia
490
00:18:17,624 --> 00:18:18,691
and want to go to the parks
491
00:18:18,759 --> 00:18:20,225
to recreate the fun
they had growing up.
492
00:18:20,293 --> 00:18:22,562
This... is amazing.
493
00:18:22,629 --> 00:18:24,964
It is possibly the best idea
anyone has had
494
00:18:25,031 --> 00:18:26,766
in this government
in 100 years.
495
00:18:26,834 --> 00:18:28,200
Tom, terrific.
496
00:18:28,268 --> 00:18:32,370
Thanks, but most of the credit
goes to my number-four, Jerry.
497
00:18:32,438 --> 00:18:34,072
He shared some words of wisdom
with me today,
498
00:18:34,139 --> 00:18:35,740
and while he was yammering on
about whatever,
499
00:18:35,808 --> 00:18:37,509
I happened to see
his old I.D. Card.
500
00:18:37,577 --> 00:18:39,277
Thanks, buddy.
501
00:18:39,345 --> 00:18:40,545
Yeah.
502
00:18:45,151 --> 00:18:46,650
- Hey.
- Hi.
503
00:18:46,651 --> 00:18:48,318
I wasn't sure
you were gonna come.
504
00:18:48,386 --> 00:18:50,488
Well, I got very curious
505
00:18:50,555 --> 00:18:52,255
when you only left me
one voicemail message,
506
00:18:52,323 --> 00:18:54,758
instead of your usual 20.
507
00:18:54,826 --> 00:18:56,460
I'm trying to be
a little less intense
508
00:18:56,528 --> 00:18:58,596
and a little more
considerate.
509
00:18:58,663 --> 00:18:59,997
Here, have a seat.
510
00:19:00,064 --> 00:19:01,598
But only if you want to.
511
00:19:01,665 --> 00:19:03,534
Okay.
I want to.
512
00:19:05,703 --> 00:19:08,104
I never listened
to what you wanted,
513
00:19:08,171 --> 00:19:11,240
or how you wanted us to be
when things...
514
00:19:11,308 --> 00:19:12,509
Ended between us.
515
00:19:12,576 --> 00:19:14,276
I just decided
what I wanted,
516
00:19:14,344 --> 00:19:16,913
and I got upset when
you didn't want the same thing.
517
00:19:16,981 --> 00:19:18,814
I know that's not fair,
518
00:19:18,882 --> 00:19:20,749
and I'm very sorry.
519
00:19:21,517 --> 00:19:23,986
Well, thank you.
I appreciate that.
520
00:19:24,053 --> 00:19:27,055
If you don't want to have
any more contact with me,
521
00:19:27,123 --> 00:19:29,157
I finally understand.
522
00:19:29,225 --> 00:19:31,159
I--I don't want that.
523
00:19:31,227 --> 00:19:32,861
Really.
524
00:19:32,929 --> 00:19:36,764
But I just think
it's for the best.
525
00:19:36,832 --> 00:19:38,766
- Okay.
- Okay.
526
00:19:42,237 --> 00:19:44,171
Okay.
527
00:19:46,742 --> 00:19:48,709
There is another option.
528
00:19:49,777 --> 00:19:51,444
We could just say "screw it"
529
00:19:51,512 --> 00:19:53,647
and do this thing
for real.
530
00:19:54,714 --> 00:19:55,515
What?
531
00:19:55,583 --> 00:19:57,017
I miss you like crazy.
532
00:19:57,084 --> 00:20:00,153
I think about you
all the time.
533
00:20:00,220 --> 00:20:02,856
I want to be with you.
534
00:20:02,924 --> 00:20:06,358
So let's just
say "screw it."
535
00:20:06,426 --> 00:20:07,926
No, we would have
to tell Chris.
536
00:20:07,994 --> 00:20:08,761
Yeah.
537
00:20:08,828 --> 00:20:09,895
It could turn
into a scandal.
538
00:20:09,963 --> 00:20:11,063
- Yeah.
- It could hurt your campaign.
539
00:20:11,130 --> 00:20:12,598
I mean, how would
you imagine we do this?
540
00:20:12,666 --> 00:20:13,699
I don't know.
541
00:20:13,767 --> 00:20:16,201
But I--I know how I feel,
542
00:20:16,269 --> 00:20:19,271
and I want to be with you.
543
00:20:19,338 --> 00:20:21,906
But I'm done
steamrolling people.
544
00:20:21,974 --> 00:20:25,043
This is how I feel.
How do you feel?
545
00:20:35,130 --> 00:20:35,930
First day.
546
00:20:36,231 --> 00:20:36,930
You ready?
547
00:20:36,931 --> 00:20:38,766
As ready as I'll ever be.
548
00:20:39,167 --> 00:20:41,467
Oh, crap, I forgot my books.
And my computer.
549
00:20:41,535 --> 00:20:43,870
Just pay attention
to the lecture and enjoy.
550
00:20:43,937 --> 00:20:46,705
My first day of college,
my father dropped me off
551
00:20:47,173 --> 00:20:48,640
at the steel mill.
552
00:20:48,708 --> 00:20:50,943
He didn't think
I should go to college.
553
00:20:51,011 --> 00:20:53,012
But I hitched a ride,
enrolled,
554
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,247
and learned a lot.
555
00:20:55,315 --> 00:20:56,582
I hope Andy does too.
556
00:20:56,650 --> 00:20:58,216
We need to start
teaching women football,
557
00:20:58,283 --> 00:20:59,985
teaching women U.F.C.,
558
00:21:00,052 --> 00:21:01,920
teaching them to drive trucks
without crashing.
559
00:21:01,988 --> 00:21:03,688
"Hey, maybe I'm only sexy.
560
00:21:03,756 --> 00:21:04,889
"Then--maybe that's
all you see,
561
00:21:04,957 --> 00:21:06,324
"but at least you can give me
extra money.
562
00:21:06,391 --> 00:21:07,659
"Tip money and stuff.
563
00:21:07,727 --> 00:21:09,460
I'll flirt with you,
write my name on a napkin."
564
00:21:09,528 --> 00:21:11,796
They're gonna do it
in a right, kind of legal way
565
00:21:11,864 --> 00:21:13,964
that empowers prostitution.
566
00:21:14,032 --> 00:21:15,232
We don't rest
until we get that.
567
00:21:15,299 --> 00:21:17,134
That will be progress.
568
00:21:17,201 --> 00:21:20,137
That is extremely incorrect.
569
00:21:20,204 --> 00:21:21,905
I thought--
I thought maybe it was
570
00:21:21,973 --> 00:21:23,173
when I was--
I, uh--
571
00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:26,510
I'll get 'em next time.
Back to you, Professor.
572
00:21:27,449 --> 00:21:34,283
Corrections by Alice, Resync by Diplomatic
www.addic7ed.com