1
00:00:01,938 --> 00:00:03,520
Why did I come to Greendale?
2
00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:07,563
So I can keep my job
and get busy with my education.
3
00:00:08,961 --> 00:00:10,466
To meet different people.
4
00:00:10,500 --> 00:00:15,070
Because Greendale's
a slam dunk.
5
00:00:15,105 --> 00:00:16,438
- So why should you--
- Why should you--
6
00:00:16,473 --> 00:00:17,806
Why should you go Greendale?
7
00:00:17,841 --> 00:00:19,241
That's easy.
8
00:00:19,276 --> 00:00:21,410
Greendale has
the most advanced typing class
9
00:00:21,444 --> 00:00:22,978
in the southwestern
Greendale area.
10
00:00:23,013 --> 00:00:25,114
And now you can register
by fax.
11
00:00:25,148 --> 00:00:27,583
All: Go Greendale,
go Greendale, go!
12
00:00:27,617 --> 00:00:29,919
That, as you probably know,
13
00:00:29,953 --> 00:00:31,971
is the currently-running
commercial for our school.
14
00:00:32,005 --> 00:00:34,056
Yeah, I always see it
during late-night marathons
15
00:00:34,090 --> 00:00:35,090
of Fantasy Island.
16
00:00:35,124 --> 00:00:36,425
That's not an accident.
17
00:00:36,459 --> 00:00:38,427
It's the result
of intensive targeting.
18
00:00:38,461 --> 00:00:40,646
But now,
Greendale's School board
19
00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:45,133
has given me a budget of
$2,000 to update our little ad.
20
00:00:45,151 --> 00:00:46,685
Are you sure it should change?
21
00:00:46,736 --> 00:00:48,136
I chose Greendale
over city college
22
00:00:48,154 --> 00:00:49,905
because of the way
that one dude goes...
23
00:00:50,443 --> 00:00:52,093
- [Both giggling]
- Ah, okay, okay.
24
00:00:52,101 --> 00:00:54,453
You know I love to be seen
agreeing with you, Troy.
25
00:00:55,462 --> 00:00:57,145
But this is our chance to make
26
00:00:57,163 --> 00:00:59,548
Greendale's most reasonable
dreams come true.
27
00:00:59,583 --> 00:01:01,700
And I need your help--
All of you.
28
00:01:01,751 --> 00:01:04,036
That's okay, Jeffrey.
29
00:01:04,087 --> 00:01:05,354
You can say no.
30
00:01:05,388 --> 00:01:07,606
This school asks
very little of its students.
31
00:01:07,641 --> 00:01:08,958
It mainly gives.
32
00:01:08,992 --> 00:01:12,094
I feel like you guys might know
what I'm talking about.
33
00:01:12,128 --> 00:01:13,362
[Sighs]
34
00:01:13,396 --> 00:01:15,397
[Stiffly]
How can we help?
35
00:01:15,432 --> 00:01:17,016
Oh, thanks for asking.
36
00:01:17,050 --> 00:01:19,718
I've chosen you,
Greendale's brightest,
37
00:01:19,769 --> 00:01:21,854
most coincidentally diverse,
hispanics not withstanding,
38
00:01:21,888 --> 00:01:24,907
study group to star
in our commercial.
39
00:01:24,941 --> 00:01:26,442
- Ooh.
- Pick a character.
40
00:01:26,476 --> 00:01:27,943
We start this weekend.
41
00:01:27,978 --> 00:01:29,411
Oh, we get to be on tv!
44
00:01:32,115 --> 00:01:35,234
Abed, true to form, has
decided to do the weird thing
45
00:01:35,285 --> 00:01:38,037
and film a documentary
instead of helping.
46
00:01:38,071 --> 00:01:39,521
As a student of character,
I have a feeling
47
00:01:39,556 --> 00:01:40,522
that trying to make
this commercial
48
00:01:40,557 --> 00:01:42,091
may cost the dean his sanity.
49
00:01:42,125 --> 00:01:44,460
And my camera follows
the fire, not the smoke.
50
00:01:44,494 --> 00:01:45,661
Ever seen Hearts of Darkness?
51
00:01:45,695 --> 00:01:47,129
Way better than Apocalypse Now.
52
00:01:47,163 --> 00:01:49,331
What's the catering sitch
going to be on this picture?
53
00:01:49,366 --> 00:01:50,432
This isn't Hollywood, Pierce.
54
00:01:50,467 --> 00:01:52,501
If it was, these glasses
would be tinted,
55
00:01:52,535 --> 00:01:53,535
and I'd be friends
with Stevie Nicks.
56
00:01:53,553 --> 00:01:54,920
No catering.
57
00:01:54,971 --> 00:01:56,305
This is outrageous.
58
00:01:56,339 --> 00:01:57,723
I'm not leaving my trailer
till there's food.
59
00:01:57,757 --> 00:01:59,308
You don't have a trailer.
60
00:01:59,342 --> 00:02:00,926
Well, then,
I'll rent a trailer.
61
00:02:00,977 --> 00:02:03,379
And I won't leave it till
I have the one I don't have.
62
00:02:03,413 --> 00:02:04,680
I'm an actor,
not a circus freak.
63
00:02:04,714 --> 00:02:06,148
Oh, no.
64
00:02:06,182 --> 00:02:08,233
I needed to go that way.
65
00:02:08,268 --> 00:02:10,386
Eh, I'll loop around.
66
00:02:10,420 --> 00:02:14,256
♪ Give me some rope,
time in a tree ♪
67
00:02:14,291 --> 00:02:17,326
♪ give me the hope
to run out of steam ♪
68
00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:20,462
♪ somebody said
we could be here ♪
69
00:02:20,497 --> 00:02:24,750
♪ we could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year ♪
70
00:02:24,784 --> 00:02:29,805
♪ I can't count the reasons
I should stay ♪
71
00:02:29,839 --> 00:02:34,317
♪ one by one they all
just fade away ♪
72
00:02:34,318 --> 00:02:37,218
sync by Sp8ky
corrected by susanaLC
www.addic7ed.com
73
00:02:37,247 --> 00:02:40,582
All right, let's rehearse
this mamajama.
74
00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:42,935
Does everyone know
who they are?
75
00:02:42,969 --> 00:02:44,320
Where's my script girl?
76
00:02:44,354 --> 00:02:45,771
It's supervisor,
and I'm right behind you.
77
00:02:45,805 --> 00:02:47,940
Thank you, supervisor girl.
78
00:02:47,974 --> 00:02:49,775
Faster than a locomotive.
79
00:02:49,809 --> 00:02:51,477
A script supervisor
is the person
80
00:02:51,528 --> 00:02:53,095
that tells everyone
to stay on script
81
00:02:53,113 --> 00:02:56,565
and keeps careful notes to
prevent logical inconsistencies.
82
00:02:56,599 --> 00:02:58,934
So... basically the star.
83
00:02:58,952 --> 00:03:01,203
We open on
a typical day at Greendale,
84
00:03:01,237 --> 00:03:02,671
only the students
all look happy
85
00:03:02,706 --> 00:03:04,373
and you can't smell that smell.
86
00:03:04,407 --> 00:03:05,657
Troy?
87
00:03:05,709 --> 00:03:07,276
"Why do I go Greendale?"
88
00:03:07,310 --> 00:03:08,794
"With three kids at home,
89
00:03:08,828 --> 00:03:10,462
you better believe
every penny counts."
90
00:03:10,497 --> 00:03:12,414
"To meet different people."
91
00:03:12,448 --> 00:03:14,116
And then, you and Troy hug--
92
00:03:14,134 --> 00:03:16,001
if you're comfortable with that.
93
00:03:16,052 --> 00:03:17,452
- Of course.
- Yeah, Troy and I are buds.
94
00:03:17,470 --> 00:03:19,471
Best buds. Air buds, even.
95
00:03:22,008 --> 00:03:23,225
[Nervous laughter]
96
00:03:23,259 --> 00:03:25,144
[Muttering]
Feeling stupid.
97
00:03:25,178 --> 00:03:28,147
And then, the camera pans,
and enter Dean Pelton.
98
00:03:28,181 --> 00:03:30,516
I got stuck with
the role of the dean.
99
00:03:30,567 --> 00:03:33,235
So I'm going to show him
how much of a dean I can be.
100
00:03:33,269 --> 00:03:36,572
And I've got a feeling
I won't make the cut.
101
00:03:36,606 --> 00:03:37,973
[As Dean Pelton]
Welcome to Dean-Dale
102
00:03:37,991 --> 00:03:39,024
community colle-dean.
103
00:03:39,075 --> 00:03:40,859
I'm a silly goose.
104
00:03:40,910 --> 00:03:43,645
Honk, honk.
Dean-a-Lee-doo.
105
00:03:43,663 --> 00:03:44,663
- Look at me.
- Stop.
106
00:03:44,697 --> 00:03:46,481
This is my sister's outfit.
107
00:03:46,499 --> 00:03:48,751
Jeffrey, stop.
108
00:03:48,785 --> 00:03:51,003
You've hit gold.
Save some for the screen.
109
00:03:51,037 --> 00:03:52,654
All right, people,
scene six is up first.
110
00:03:52,672 --> 00:03:54,390
Oh, and I don't think
Pierce is coming back.
111
00:03:54,424 --> 00:03:56,008
Can someone fill in
as the pencil?
112
00:03:56,042 --> 00:03:58,660
Pierce Hawthorne,
screen of stage and star,
113
00:03:58,695 --> 00:04:01,547
will not leave this trailer
until he gets a trailer.
114
00:04:01,598 --> 00:04:05,033
And then I'm not leaving that
trailer until there's catering.
115
00:04:05,068 --> 00:04:06,902
And I'm not eating
the food until--
116
00:04:06,936 --> 00:04:08,570
And action.
117
00:04:08,605 --> 00:04:10,439
[As Dean Pelton]
Why go Greendale?
118
00:04:10,473 --> 00:04:14,543
Just because, just dean it!
Dean machine.
119
00:04:14,577 --> 00:04:15,694
Got dean, got much,
much got--
120
00:04:15,728 --> 00:04:17,446
And cut.
121
00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:19,047
Oh, a star is born.
122
00:04:19,082 --> 00:04:21,383
I suggested to the dean
that we shoot my scenes
123
00:04:21,418 --> 00:04:23,419
in front of
the Luis Guzman statue
124
00:04:23,453 --> 00:04:25,070
because the dean
has no legal right
125
00:04:25,121 --> 00:04:27,122
to broadcast Guzman's image,
126
00:04:27,157 --> 00:04:29,525
which means every shot
will be unusable.
127
00:04:29,559 --> 00:04:31,827
I even put a call in to
Guzman's lawyers to alert them.
128
00:04:31,861 --> 00:04:33,829
I'm always willing
to go the extra mile
129
00:04:33,863 --> 00:04:35,197
to avoid doing something.
130
00:04:35,215 --> 00:04:36,632
Like sex with women.
131
00:04:36,666 --> 00:04:38,217
Shut up, Leonard,
you smell like mentholyptus.
132
00:04:38,251 --> 00:04:39,968
What are you even doing here?
133
00:04:40,003 --> 00:04:42,554
I'm thinking about
breaking into the tv game.
134
00:04:42,589 --> 00:04:45,224
Since it's apparently
sticking around.
135
00:04:45,258 --> 00:04:46,925
I don't want to wake up
in 30 years
136
00:04:46,976 --> 00:04:49,745
and wonder "what if?"
137
00:04:49,779 --> 00:04:52,514
"Because this full-time mama
ain't breaking the bank
138
00:04:52,549 --> 00:04:54,349
with your expensive tuition."
139
00:04:54,384 --> 00:04:55,451
Okay, cut.
140
00:04:55,485 --> 00:04:57,152
Shirley, the voice.
141
00:04:57,187 --> 00:05:00,439
Can you make it, um--
I thought it would be more s--
142
00:05:00,490 --> 00:05:04,760
What's another word that means
happy/threatening?
143
00:05:04,794 --> 00:05:06,829
The worde's looking for
is "sassy."
144
00:05:06,863 --> 00:05:08,831
He better pray
he don't find it.
145
00:05:09,899 --> 00:05:11,333
As soon as we get this shot,
146
00:05:11,367 --> 00:05:12,501
we are done.
[Phone vibrating]
147
00:05:12,535 --> 00:05:14,503
- Your phone is ringing.
- Oh.
148
00:05:14,537 --> 00:05:16,839
- Dean deaning.
- Dean Pelton?
149
00:05:16,873 --> 00:05:18,974
Hey, man, how you doing?
It's Luis Guzman.
150
00:05:19,008 --> 00:05:20,926
I hear you're making
a commercial for Greendale,
151
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,095
and you need permission
to use my face or something?
152
00:05:23,129 --> 00:05:26,798
Well, I, um...
Uh...
153
00:05:26,850 --> 00:05:28,467
Well, why not
use the real thing?
154
00:05:28,518 --> 00:05:29,885
I'm sorry?
155
00:05:29,919 --> 00:05:31,854
I'm saying, I'd love
to be in your commercial.
156
00:05:31,888 --> 00:05:34,356
[Gasps]
Wowee!
157
00:05:34,390 --> 00:05:38,260
A real big-time celebrity
wants to be in my commercial.
158
00:05:38,278 --> 00:05:40,262
[Deeper voice]
Wowee.
159
00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:42,631
A real big time celebrity
wants to be in my commercial.
160
00:05:42,665 --> 00:05:43,866
- Come on down.
- Yeah, that's cool.
161
00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:45,534
But listen, I've got
to finish this movie,
162
00:05:45,568 --> 00:05:48,637
so, you know, I can't come for
a couple of weeks, all right?
163
00:05:48,671 --> 00:05:50,289
Mr. Guzman, Luis,
thank you.
164
00:05:50,323 --> 00:05:51,740
And can I just say,
165
00:05:51,774 --> 00:05:54,459
I loved you in--
[Snaps fingers urgently]
166
00:05:54,494 --> 00:05:59,498
Innnnnnnn...
167
00:05:59,549 --> 00:06:00,799
[Continues holding on "n"]
168
00:06:00,833 --> 00:06:02,834
IMDb.
169
00:06:02,886 --> 00:06:04,953
See you soon, man.
170
00:06:04,971 --> 00:06:07,455
[Beep] That was tragic.
171
00:06:07,473 --> 00:06:10,225
The students here mean well,
they really do.
172
00:06:10,260 --> 00:06:13,061
But what Greendale has
always needed is a miracle.
173
00:06:13,096 --> 00:06:15,180
This is it.
174
00:06:15,231 --> 00:06:17,266
This is how I get
to put Greendale on the map.
175
00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:19,902
You know, I thought this
commercial was going to be okay.
176
00:06:19,936 --> 00:06:20,903
Well, guess what?
177
00:06:20,937 --> 00:06:22,854
It just officially
became great.
178
00:06:22,906 --> 00:06:24,523
Let me give you
a little rundown
179
00:06:24,574 --> 00:06:26,474
of this commercial's
great elements.
180
00:06:26,492 --> 00:06:30,512
Luis Guzman is in it.
181
00:06:33,049 --> 00:06:34,499
I'm sorry, will you excuse me?
182
00:06:34,534 --> 00:06:37,669
Everyone gather 'round,
quick announcement.
183
00:06:37,704 --> 00:06:39,388
Come on around.
184
00:06:39,422 --> 00:06:42,541
Everything that we shot so far
is worthless.
185
00:06:42,592 --> 00:06:43,825
I've thrown it out,
186
00:06:43,860 --> 00:06:45,327
and we're starting over
tomorrow morning.
187
00:06:45,361 --> 00:06:47,062
- Why?
- Because...
188
00:06:47,096 --> 00:06:51,049
Luis Guzman
is in the commercial now, so...
189
00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:52,834
[Vaguely enthusiastic murmurs]
Yeah. For realsies.
190
00:06:52,852 --> 00:06:57,272
Everyone, go home.
I'm rewriting all of your parts.
191
00:06:57,307 --> 00:06:59,274
Except for you, Jeffrey.
192
00:06:59,309 --> 00:07:01,676
You have locked
into something here.
193
00:07:01,694 --> 00:07:05,080
And the only thing
your character needs
194
00:07:05,114 --> 00:07:07,382
is more screen time.
195
00:07:07,417 --> 00:07:09,401
It's great that
he got a celebrity,
196
00:07:09,452 --> 00:07:11,486
- but why reshoot everything?
- Perfectionism.
197
00:07:11,521 --> 00:07:13,021
The dean's first step
down a road
198
00:07:13,056 --> 00:07:14,656
that ends
in self-destruction.
199
00:07:14,691 --> 00:07:16,910
That sounds...
Horrible.
200
00:07:17,030 --> 00:07:19,661
Actually, I might end up
taking this to some festivals.
201
00:07:27,210 --> 00:07:29,801
The dean's production has
taken over the entire school.
202
00:07:29,835 --> 00:07:30,899
Classes are shut down.
203
00:07:31,019 --> 00:07:32,708
The quilting club is being
forced to sew costumes.
204
00:07:32,828 --> 00:07:34,789
[Dean over P.A.]
Two females, both 5'10",
205
00:07:34,823 --> 00:07:36,736
one brunette, one with asthma.
206
00:07:37,345 --> 00:07:39,513
He's also using the P.A.
system for casting calls.
207
00:07:39,620 --> 00:07:40,954
Okay, everyone--
208
00:07:40,988 --> 00:07:42,756
Does everyone have
their new script?
209
00:07:42,790 --> 00:07:45,892
Uh, it says I'm supposed to be
a book reading a book.
210
00:07:45,926 --> 00:07:47,060
That--that doesn't
make sense.
211
00:07:47,094 --> 00:07:48,244
[Clearing throat]
212
00:07:51,799 --> 00:07:53,550
What's this?
213
00:07:53,584 --> 00:07:55,535
[Gravelly voice]
Scene four.
214
00:07:55,553 --> 00:07:57,420
Last night, I had an epiphany.
215
00:07:57,471 --> 00:08:00,090
I'm ready to step
this mother up a notch.
216
00:08:00,141 --> 00:08:01,758
This commercial is going
to push every button,
217
00:08:01,809 --> 00:08:03,510
starting with the one
that is so hot,
218
00:08:03,544 --> 00:08:05,145
it will sizzle
your finger--
219
00:08:05,179 --> 00:08:07,230
racccccce.
220
00:08:07,264 --> 00:08:08,948
And action.
221
00:08:08,983 --> 00:08:11,384
"To meet
different people."
222
00:08:11,402 --> 00:08:13,770
Cut!
I'm coming in.
223
00:08:18,092 --> 00:08:21,945
I am trying to pull
a 400-year-old dagger
224
00:08:21,996 --> 00:08:27,233
out of this nation's heart,
and you two are hugging.
225
00:08:27,251 --> 00:08:29,285
Her, I understand, but you?
226
00:08:29,336 --> 00:08:30,453
What did I do?
227
00:08:30,504 --> 00:08:32,572
You didn't.
Let's take it again!
228
00:08:32,590 --> 00:08:35,742
"To meet
different people."
229
00:08:35,776 --> 00:08:37,410
Again.
230
00:08:37,428 --> 00:08:39,596
"To meet
different people."
231
00:08:39,630 --> 00:08:41,264
I need more!
232
00:08:41,298 --> 00:08:42,515
More!
233
00:08:42,550 --> 00:08:44,100
Wrong!
Fight the power!
234
00:08:44,135 --> 00:08:45,635
Fight it with your hugs.
235
00:08:45,686 --> 00:08:48,021
Tear down those walls.
236
00:08:48,055 --> 00:08:49,355
[Clapboard clacking]
237
00:08:49,390 --> 00:08:50,957
Okay, you get this wrong
one more time,
238
00:08:50,991 --> 00:08:53,426
I'm segregating the school.
239
00:08:53,444 --> 00:08:55,261
"To meet different people."
240
00:08:55,279 --> 00:08:57,597
You can't even do it
when we're helping you!
241
00:08:57,615 --> 00:08:59,265
[Both sobbing]
242
00:08:59,300 --> 00:09:00,300
Somebody help her!
243
00:09:00,334 --> 00:09:01,767
To meet different people!
244
00:09:01,785 --> 00:09:03,486
Stop saying I'm different!
245
00:09:03,537 --> 00:09:06,372
Dean, we've spent
12 hours on this scene.
246
00:09:06,407 --> 00:09:08,875
Maybe it's time
to move on to something else.
247
00:09:08,909 --> 00:09:11,661
I'm in Psych 101, and even I
don't know what's happening.
248
00:09:11,712 --> 00:09:14,447
The dean is going insane
and taking all of you with him.
249
00:09:14,482 --> 00:09:17,450
If you know that,
then do something!
250
00:09:17,485 --> 00:09:20,186
I'm doing everything I can.
I only have so many cameras.
251
00:09:23,174 --> 00:09:24,624
- Oh!
- Aah!
252
00:09:24,642 --> 00:09:27,793
I've spent an entire day
in this thing for no reason.
253
00:09:27,811 --> 00:09:30,146
What if the shoot drags on
for another day?
254
00:09:30,181 --> 00:09:31,931
Or, God forbid, two.
255
00:09:34,635 --> 00:09:36,169
And action, and move.
256
00:09:36,203 --> 00:09:37,871
"This full-time mama
ain't breaking the bank--"
257
00:09:37,905 --> 00:09:39,439
Cut, cut, cut,
cut, cut, cut--Garrett,
258
00:09:39,473 --> 00:09:42,158
you're not taking advantage of
the motion capture technology.
259
00:09:42,193 --> 00:09:43,877
You have to move.
260
00:09:43,911 --> 00:09:45,178
I forgot what I am again.
261
00:09:45,212 --> 00:09:48,047
Oh, for crying out--
you are a microscope!
262
00:09:48,082 --> 00:09:50,016
No, that's a toilet.
263
00:09:50,050 --> 00:09:52,318
No, that's clearly a frog
who can't get out of a box.
264
00:09:52,336 --> 00:09:54,504
Jeff thinks he has it bad?
265
00:09:54,538 --> 00:09:56,923
As Jeff's understudy,
I have to wear my Jeff wig
266
00:09:56,957 --> 00:10:00,026
on top of my Chang hair and
then my bald cap on top of that.
267
00:10:00,060 --> 00:10:01,711
There's no air
getting through here.
268
00:10:01,762 --> 00:10:03,513
I'm literally dying.
269
00:10:03,547 --> 00:10:06,015
But you'll never hear my story.
270
00:10:06,050 --> 00:10:08,434
I mean, now you heard it,
but... That was close.
271
00:10:08,469 --> 00:10:10,803
Are you sure you can't
work a little faster?
272
00:10:10,837 --> 00:10:12,171
Nobody asked for perfection.
273
00:10:12,189 --> 00:10:14,173
Well, perfection
is what you're getting.
274
00:10:14,191 --> 00:10:15,841
And if you don't like it,
you can fire me.
275
00:10:15,859 --> 00:10:17,510
Yeah, if we don't like it,
276
00:10:17,528 --> 00:10:20,146
at this point,
we definitely will fire you.
277
00:10:20,180 --> 00:10:23,683
Good.
That's how I like it. Ha!
278
00:10:23,701 --> 00:10:25,485
I'm surrounded by assassins.
279
00:10:25,519 --> 00:10:27,854
By own school's paper
has turned on me.
280
00:10:27,888 --> 00:10:29,355
But when this is all over,
281
00:10:29,390 --> 00:10:31,691
I'll have a commercial
with Luis Guzman in it,
282
00:10:31,709 --> 00:10:35,128
and all they'll have are
their words and their fears
283
00:10:35,162 --> 00:10:36,546
and whatever
embarrassing photos
284
00:10:36,580 --> 00:10:38,865
they can get from
my two-faced mother.
285
00:10:40,434 --> 00:10:41,868
Garrett, I've got
two men in diapers here.
286
00:10:41,902 --> 00:10:42,919
I know one of them is playing
287
00:10:42,970 --> 00:10:44,470
the dawn of a new era
in education,
288
00:10:44,505 --> 00:10:45,722
but I've got nothing
on the other one.
289
00:10:45,756 --> 00:10:47,740
Oh, um,
just a guest of the dean's.
290
00:10:47,775 --> 00:10:50,376
Well, both of you
go that way, then.
291
00:10:50,411 --> 00:10:52,395
The dean had
his seventh epiphany today,
292
00:10:52,429 --> 00:10:54,180
which has given me
an epiphany of my own.
293
00:10:54,214 --> 00:10:56,049
The dean is a genius.
294
00:10:56,083 --> 00:10:57,600
He has to be.
295
00:10:57,651 --> 00:10:59,619
If he isn't, I've given
almost two weeks of my life
296
00:10:59,653 --> 00:11:01,571
to an idiot.
That is unacceptable.
297
00:11:01,605 --> 00:11:04,424
Therefore the dean is a genius.
298
00:11:04,458 --> 00:11:06,893
And I will die
protecting his vision.
299
00:11:06,927 --> 00:11:09,829
Are you by any chance familiar
with Stockholm Syndrome?
300
00:11:09,863 --> 00:11:11,614
Is it something
that the dean created?
301
00:11:11,665 --> 00:11:13,082
Because if not, I don't care.
302
00:11:13,117 --> 00:11:15,702
We all wanna go,
but the dean won't let us.
303
00:11:15,736 --> 00:11:17,737
I think Pierce played this
the smartest from the beginning.
304
00:11:17,755 --> 00:11:19,505
He's probably at home
watching Forensic Files
305
00:11:19,540 --> 00:11:20,940
and eating cheesy popcorn.
306
00:11:25,980 --> 00:11:28,131
Well, about time.
307
00:11:28,182 --> 00:11:30,466
Hey, that's for Luis Guzman.
308
00:11:30,517 --> 00:11:34,804
Well, when you get me
my trailer, he can have it back.
309
00:11:34,855 --> 00:11:36,806
And make it
as nice as this one.
310
00:11:36,857 --> 00:11:39,225
Hey, Dean.
Dean? Hey, Dean!
311
00:11:39,259 --> 00:11:41,394
Pierce mistook me
for the dean today.
312
00:11:41,428 --> 00:11:44,964
- I want windows.
- How did that make you feel?
313
00:11:44,999 --> 00:11:46,966
[Whispering] I've become
a stranger to myself.
314
00:11:47,001 --> 00:11:50,620
I'm bald now.
I've always been bald.
315
00:11:50,654 --> 00:11:52,905
I merely dreamt of having hair.
316
00:11:52,940 --> 00:11:55,241
And now the bald man is awake.
317
00:11:55,275 --> 00:11:56,409
Jeff?
318
00:11:56,443 --> 00:11:58,328
It's time.
319
00:12:01,682 --> 00:12:05,418
Lights, camera, Dean.
320
00:12:05,452 --> 00:12:07,654
Action.
321
00:12:07,688 --> 00:12:11,090
Why go Greendale?
Just because!
322
00:12:11,124 --> 00:12:12,959
Cut.
Cut.
323
00:12:15,128 --> 00:12:16,596
Lose the bald cap.
324
00:12:16,630 --> 00:12:18,965
- What?
- I don't like it.
325
00:12:18,999 --> 00:12:20,466
It's hokey, it's fake.
326
00:12:20,484 --> 00:12:23,135
Take it off.
327
00:12:25,272 --> 00:12:27,006
No.
328
00:12:28,709 --> 00:12:31,977
I beg your pardon, actor?
329
00:12:31,995 --> 00:12:36,282
I have worn this stupid thing
for 12 days.
330
00:12:36,316 --> 00:12:37,700
I have made bald friends.
331
00:12:37,751 --> 00:12:39,585
Well, that's your mistake.
332
00:12:39,620 --> 00:12:41,788
Because it's a lie.
It's Hollywood crap.
333
00:12:41,822 --> 00:12:44,173
And I won't allow it
in my commercial.
334
00:12:44,208 --> 00:12:46,959
You're not bald.
335
00:12:46,994 --> 00:12:49,161
Yes, I am.
336
00:12:49,179 --> 00:12:52,398
Well, then, you're wrong
for the part!
337
00:12:52,433 --> 00:12:55,351
Understudy!
338
00:12:57,938 --> 00:12:59,505
[Gasps]
339
00:12:59,523 --> 00:13:01,808
That's it.
340
00:13:01,842 --> 00:13:05,044
That's reality.
341
00:13:05,079 --> 00:13:06,479
Winger, you're done.
Go home.
342
00:13:06,513 --> 00:13:08,281
- [Sniffling]
- Go home.
343
00:13:10,567 --> 00:13:12,585
Okay, I don't know why,
but this is the last straw.
344
00:13:12,619 --> 00:13:14,237
As a licensed psychology major,
345
00:13:14,288 --> 00:13:17,990
I am declaring this production
a violation of human rights.
346
00:13:18,024 --> 00:13:21,260
You have made us prisoners
of your insanity.
347
00:13:21,295 --> 00:13:22,562
Shut your face, Britta.
348
00:13:22,596 --> 00:13:24,414
If the dean wants his role
349
00:13:24,465 --> 00:13:27,383
to be played by a Chinese man
in a blond wig--
350
00:13:27,418 --> 00:13:29,535
Oh, my God, you are insane.
351
00:13:29,553 --> 00:13:31,203
All right, I'm sick and tired
352
00:13:31,221 --> 00:13:32,388
of hearing complaints
353
00:13:32,423 --> 00:13:34,507
that I'm forcing people
to be here.
354
00:13:34,541 --> 00:13:39,112
Anyone who doesn't want
to help me can leave!
355
00:13:51,291 --> 00:13:54,076
- Abed, stop!
- Okay.
356
00:13:54,111 --> 00:13:55,941
Keep rolling.
357
00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:09,466
Hello?
Hello.
358
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,851
Hello?
359
00:14:18,659 --> 00:14:22,779
Hello, it's me.
Luis Guzman.
360
00:14:22,813 --> 00:14:24,647
- Hello!
- Hi.
361
00:14:24,682 --> 00:14:29,002
Hi, Mr. Guzman,
Dean/Director Craig Pelton.
362
00:14:29,036 --> 00:14:31,454
Sorry, I've been editing.
363
00:14:31,488 --> 00:14:32,705
It's a ltle bit of a mess.
364
00:14:32,757 --> 00:14:34,824
[Bottles clanking]
365
00:14:34,842 --> 00:14:36,492
What the [Bleep] is that?
366
00:14:36,510 --> 00:14:38,161
Oh, that's a possum.
367
00:14:38,179 --> 00:14:39,495
Once you spend
some time with them,
368
00:14:39,513 --> 00:14:44,267
you see they're just like
big, gentle rats.
369
00:14:44,301 --> 00:14:46,603
- Who's the guy?
- I'm no one.
370
00:14:46,637 --> 00:14:48,721
That's Abed.
He's a little bit odd.
371
00:14:48,773 --> 00:14:51,174
Now, without further ado,
372
00:14:51,208 --> 00:14:54,894
here is the commercial
you will be staring in.
373
00:14:54,945 --> 00:14:57,847
[Indistinct Celtic music]
374
00:14:57,882 --> 00:14:59,065
Why do I go Greendale?
375
00:14:59,116 --> 00:15:02,285
[Disco music,
voices chattering]
376
00:15:02,319 --> 00:15:04,704
[Heavy metal music,
singer screaming]
377
00:15:04,738 --> 00:15:07,157
- Aah!
- What's in the box?
378
00:15:07,191 --> 00:15:09,225
[Classical music]
Ohh...Oh...
379
00:15:09,260 --> 00:15:12,228
[Overlapping sound effects]
[Dance music]
380
00:15:12,263 --> 00:15:14,164
I've got to make a phone call.
381
00:15:14,198 --> 00:15:17,250
I had to tell this dean
I couldn't do his commercial.
382
00:15:17,301 --> 00:15:19,302
He didn't take that
too well either.
383
00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:20,870
Y'all gotta help this dude.
384
00:15:20,905 --> 00:15:22,222
I mean, aren't you his friends?
385
00:15:22,256 --> 00:15:24,340
I'm more of a fly on the wall.
386
00:15:24,374 --> 00:15:26,226
What is go--
387
00:15:26,260 --> 00:15:27,760
what?
388
00:15:27,812 --> 00:15:29,979
You won't be in my commercial,
389
00:15:30,014 --> 00:15:32,232
but you'll be in
his stupid documentary?
390
00:15:32,266 --> 00:15:34,050
All he does
is follow people around.
391
00:15:34,068 --> 00:15:36,019
Yeah, but haven't you seen
Hearts of Darkness?
392
00:15:36,053 --> 00:15:37,437
- Way better than--
- I want you
393
00:15:37,488 --> 00:15:39,823
the hell off of my campus,
you ungrateful backstabber.
394
00:15:39,857 --> 00:15:41,274
I already got rid
of your trailer.
395
00:15:41,325 --> 00:15:42,525
I had a trailer?
396
00:15:42,559 --> 00:15:44,444
Can anyone hear me?
397
00:15:44,495 --> 00:15:46,779
I will walk off
this production.
398
00:15:46,831 --> 00:15:49,415
I will quit!
Hello?
399
00:15:49,450 --> 00:15:51,417
I come here to shoot
this commercial for Greendale.
400
00:15:51,452 --> 00:15:53,236
That's what you had
written on the script.
401
00:15:53,254 --> 00:15:54,737
Ugh, that script was terrible.
402
00:15:54,755 --> 00:15:55,788
I thought it was pretty good.
403
00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:57,073
Of course you'd think that.
404
00:15:57,091 --> 00:15:58,675
You went here.
405
00:16:01,846 --> 00:16:04,631
Oh, I get it.
406
00:16:04,682 --> 00:16:07,416
You're worse than crazy.
407
00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:09,085
You're ashamed of your school.
408
00:16:09,119 --> 00:16:11,587
And that--that statue
of me out there,
409
00:16:11,605 --> 00:16:12,588
that's just wrong, man.
410
00:16:12,606 --> 00:16:14,023
Well, the bronze
adds ten pounds.
411
00:16:14,058 --> 00:16:15,758
- Nah, man--
- It's not going to be perfect.
412
00:16:15,776 --> 00:16:17,426
Screw you.
413
00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:20,363
I'm just saying, don't worship
the people leaving Greendale.
414
00:16:20,397 --> 00:16:22,398
Worship the people
that are here.
415
00:16:22,432 --> 00:16:25,985
Worship this place.
It changes people's life.
416
00:16:26,036 --> 00:16:29,072
Look, I loved my time here.
I got laid like crazy.
417
00:16:29,106 --> 00:16:31,207
That's way before
Boogie Nights too.
418
00:16:31,242 --> 00:16:35,311
Look, this is a special school.
419
00:16:38,549 --> 00:16:40,783
You don't deserve to be here.
420
00:16:40,801 --> 00:16:42,451
[Scoffs]
421
00:16:47,457 --> 00:16:48,925
Are you still filming, Abed?
422
00:16:48,959 --> 00:16:50,476
Yeah, but try not
to address me.
423
00:16:50,511 --> 00:16:53,513
I'm not really here.
424
00:16:53,564 --> 00:16:55,982
Neither am I.
425
00:16:56,016 --> 00:17:00,136
I don't think I can finish
my commercial.
426
00:17:00,154 --> 00:17:02,805
But I think I know
how your documentary ends.
427
00:17:06,911 --> 00:17:08,444
Hi, I'm Craig Pelton,
428
00:17:08,478 --> 00:17:10,697
Dean of Greendale
Community College.
429
00:17:12,750 --> 00:17:14,951
I have failed this school.
430
00:17:14,985 --> 00:17:16,703
I have failed it
because I thought
431
00:17:16,754 --> 00:17:19,122
I was better than Greendale.
432
00:17:19,156 --> 00:17:21,507
See, I went to a university,
433
00:17:21,542 --> 00:17:24,711
so I thought it was my job
to improve this place.
434
00:17:24,762 --> 00:17:27,046
But it turns out that the only
thing wrong with Greendale
435
00:17:27,097 --> 00:17:29,299
is that it's run by
an insecure wreck
436
00:17:29,333 --> 00:17:32,368
who holds five dances
and two talent shows a year
437
00:17:32,403 --> 00:17:34,604
because he's afraid that
the school isn't good enough.
438
00:17:36,557 --> 00:17:38,007
But Greendale is good enough
439
00:17:38,042 --> 00:17:40,176
because it accepts me
for what I'm not.
440
00:17:40,194 --> 00:17:43,379
Greendale is the best school
in the entire world,
441
00:17:43,414 --> 00:17:47,917
and I'm so sorry
what I've done to it.
442
00:17:47,952 --> 00:17:50,186
And I'm sorry what I've done
to the ice cream machine.
443
00:17:50,204 --> 00:17:52,872
Aah!
444
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:57,727
Please, no one eat out of it
until you clean the nozzles.
445
00:17:57,761 --> 00:18:00,229
The janitor knows how.
446
00:18:01,732 --> 00:18:03,032
I'm horrible.
447
00:18:04,134 --> 00:18:05,535
[Whispers] I'm horrible.
448
00:18:07,705 --> 00:18:09,672
Gentlemen, what I'm about
to show you
449
00:18:09,707 --> 00:18:12,175
is not the commercial
you paid me to create.
450
00:18:12,209 --> 00:18:13,426
What I am about to show you
451
00:18:13,477 --> 00:18:15,178
is a glimpse into
my mind and soul.
452
00:18:15,212 --> 00:18:17,180
Please hold your questions
until the end.
453
00:18:17,214 --> 00:18:18,881
I know you will have
a lot of them,
454
00:18:18,916 --> 00:18:22,218
but I'll understand
if you'd rather I just leave.
455
00:18:24,605 --> 00:18:26,555
[Upbeat cheesy pop music]
456
00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:28,191
Why do I go Greendale?
457
00:18:28,225 --> 00:18:30,109
The dean is a genius.
458
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:31,694
To meet different people.
459
00:18:31,728 --> 00:18:33,112
With three kids at home,
460
00:18:33,163 --> 00:18:35,231
you better believe
every penny counts.
461
00:18:35,249 --> 00:18:38,034
I loved my time here.
I got laid like crazy.
462
00:18:38,068 --> 00:18:39,285
So why should you--
463
00:18:39,336 --> 00:18:40,453
Why should you--
464
00:18:40,504 --> 00:18:42,905
Why should you
go to Greendale?
465
00:18:42,940 --> 00:18:46,459
Greendale is the best school
in the entire world.
466
00:18:47,611 --> 00:18:50,146
All: Go Greendale,
go Greendale, go!
467
00:18:52,282 --> 00:18:53,299
It's good.
468
00:18:53,350 --> 00:18:54,384
Y-you know what,
better than good.
469
00:18:54,418 --> 00:18:55,601
Good enough.
470
00:18:55,636 --> 00:18:58,221
Is there any more
of the crazy Chinese guy?
471
00:18:58,255 --> 00:18:59,722
He pops.
472
00:18:59,756 --> 00:19:01,607
I'm confused.
That's not my commercial.
473
00:19:01,642 --> 00:19:03,142
I-I didn't make that.
474
00:19:03,193 --> 00:19:05,428
Yeah, yeah, okay, Zemeckis,
it moved through you.
475
00:19:05,462 --> 00:19:07,597
Anyway, congratulations.
476
00:19:07,631 --> 00:19:09,949
That should last us
another 16 years.
477
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:11,901
So, uh, what's next?
478
00:19:11,935 --> 00:19:14,871
- Chump's rusty bucket?
- Quarter taps.
479
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,744
- Did you do this?
- You did mostly.
480
00:19:21,778 --> 00:19:23,579
You got the footage
you needed on the first day.
481
00:19:23,613 --> 00:19:28,251
I added a little bit of
my footage to fill in the gaps.
482
00:19:28,285 --> 00:19:30,820
I thought you were
a fly on the wall.
483
00:19:30,854 --> 00:19:32,822
Some flies are too awesome
for the wall.
484
00:19:32,856 --> 00:19:34,824
Documentarians are supposed
to be objective,
485
00:19:34,858 --> 00:19:36,826
to avoid having
any effect on the story.
486
00:19:36,860 --> 00:19:38,761
And yet we have more effect
than anyone.
487
00:19:38,796 --> 00:19:40,129
Because we decide to tell it.
488
00:19:40,164 --> 00:19:41,514
And we decide how it ends.
489
00:19:41,565 --> 00:19:43,066
Will your story be
yet another sad one
490
00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:45,101
of yet another man
who just wanted to be happy?
491
00:19:45,135 --> 00:19:48,071
Or will your story acknowledge
the very nature of stories
492
00:19:48,105 --> 00:19:50,106
and embrace the fact
that sharing the sad ones
493
00:19:50,140 --> 00:19:51,474
can sometimes make them happy?
494
00:19:51,492 --> 00:19:52,992
Ugh.
495
00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:56,279
Before you say anything...
496
00:19:56,313 --> 00:19:57,663
Nope, I've got nothing.
497
00:19:57,698 --> 00:19:59,582
Can you just forgive me?
498
00:20:04,321 --> 00:20:05,838
Yep.
499
00:20:05,873 --> 00:20:08,157
[Relieved sigh] Why?
500
00:20:08,175 --> 00:20:11,043
Because we've all been there.
501
00:20:11,095 --> 00:20:13,179
Which is why we're all here.
502
00:20:17,768 --> 00:20:21,504
Aww!
503
00:20:21,522 --> 00:20:22,889
I'm a good Dean?
504
00:20:22,940 --> 00:20:25,358
Yeah.
505
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:29,479
Can someone help me get
a live possum out of my office?
506
00:20:29,513 --> 00:20:30,646
We could do that.
507
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,699
It just keeps jumping
and skittering.
508
00:20:33,734 --> 00:20:36,519
And you think you're prepared,
and then it skitters again.
509
00:20:38,355 --> 00:20:39,522
Okay, scene's over.
510
00:20:39,540 --> 00:20:41,157
Hmm?
511
00:20:41,191 --> 00:20:43,126
[Laughter]
512
00:20:44,978 --> 00:20:48,478
sync by Sp8ky , corrected by susanaLC
www.addic7ed.com
513
00:20:51,669 --> 00:20:54,177
They'll be ready for you
in 20 minutes, Mr. Garlin.
514
00:20:55,425 --> 00:20:56,395
Great.
515
00:20:56,515 --> 00:20:58,338
I'm a star!
516
00:20:58,372 --> 00:20:59,773
Give me that.
517
00:20:59,807 --> 00:21:02,642
I will not be mitigated.
518
00:21:07,654 --> 00:21:08,748
Okay, you know what?
519
00:21:08,783 --> 00:21:10,500
I'm not coming out of
this trailer
520
00:21:10,535 --> 00:21:12,819
until I get a new trailer.
521
00:21:15,533 --> 00:21:17,549
[Shouting] And get me
a granola bar!