1 00:00:07,060 --> 00:00:12,100 Morning, Bertram. I could use a banana, sunscreen, and some peanuts. 2 00:00:12,140 --> 00:00:14,770 And I could use a rich girlfriend named Lola. 3 00:00:14,810 --> 00:00:16,800 I guess we're both a couple of dreamers. 4 00:00:19,780 --> 00:00:22,920 I'm going to spend my day off all by myself in Central Park. 5 00:00:22,950 --> 00:00:24,820 The banana's if I get hungry, 6 00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:25,850 the sunscreen's in case it's hot, 7 00:00:25,890 --> 00:00:30,030 and the peanuts are in case I meet a squirrel. 8 00:00:31,620 --> 00:00:33,830 They're so cute with their little chubby cheeks! 9 00:00:36,030 --> 00:00:38,000 You really are adorable. 10 00:00:38,030 --> 00:00:41,810 Aw... Central Park chews up "adorable" and poops it out. 11 00:00:44,510 --> 00:00:48,180 I heard the word adorable, so here I am! 12 00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:51,980 Could I go to the park with you? 13 00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:54,880 Oh, sweetie, I would love that, but I need a little time to be alone. 14 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:58,090 Like I was on prom night, 15 00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:00,890 when my date dumped me for the entire drill team. 16 00:01:02,890 --> 00:01:04,090 But why share my bitterness with you? 17 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:07,900 Please let me come! I need sunlight. 18 00:01:08,830 --> 00:01:11,130 Must have vitamin D. 19 00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:14,770 Okay. I'll be alone with you. 20 00:01:14,810 --> 00:01:16,110 All better! 21 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:21,040 Hey, I hear you're going to the park. 22 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,910 And yet, when I call you to do your homework, you don't hear a thing. 23 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:28,150 So, I hear we are going to the park. 24 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,120 Yep. Think fast! 25 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,890 I think... Ouch! 26 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:40,130 Emma, are you coming to the park with us? 27 00:01:40,170 --> 00:01:43,000 Sorry, I'm updating my status. 28 00:01:43,030 --> 00:01:45,170 "Just invited to the park. Now sitting on the couch." 29 00:01:47,810 --> 00:01:49,040 Good job, Emma. Keep living life to the fullest. 30 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:53,010 Bertram? I'm going to the park alone. 31 00:01:53,050 --> 00:01:55,910 With Zuri, Ravi, and Luke. 32 00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:58,950 And anyone else we happen to meet along the way. 33 00:01:58,990 --> 00:02:00,920 Now you know why I always sneak out down the back stairs. 34 00:02:02,820 --> 00:02:04,760 (HISSING) 35 00:02:04,790 --> 00:02:06,060 They're never coming back for you. 36 00:02:06,090 --> 00:02:08,030 Let's go search their rooms for loose change. 37 00:02:14,900 --> 00:02:17,900 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh 38 00:02:17,940 --> 00:02:21,740 ♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 39 00:02:21,780 --> 00:02:24,950 ♪ It feels like a party every day 40 00:02:24,980 --> 00:02:28,820 ♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 41 00:02:28,850 --> 00:02:32,020 ♪ But they keep on pulling me every which way 44 00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:42,900 ♪ They got me going crazy the ground're shaking 45 00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:46,100 ♪ But they took a chance on the new girl in town 46 00:02:46,140 --> 00:02:50,010 ♪ And I don't want to let them down, down, down 47 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:51,810 ♪ Hey Jessie 48 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:54,980 ♪ Hey Jessie 49 00:02:57,120 --> 00:03:00,990 ♪ It feels like a party every day 50 00:03:01,020 --> 00:03:04,760 ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey Jessie ♪ 51 00:03:07,850 --> 00:03:09,590 Hey, guys, you want to hear a song? 52 00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:10,880 What's it about? 53 00:03:10,950 --> 00:03:13,560 Oh, a little life lesson I learned. 54 00:03:13,700 --> 00:03:14,700 See ya. 55 00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:20,500 Jessie, I would love to hear your musical stylings. 56 00:03:20,540 --> 00:03:22,670 Aw. Thanks, Ravi! 57 00:03:22,710 --> 00:03:24,710 (PLAYING OUT OF TUNE) 58 00:03:24,740 --> 00:03:28,450 Oh, look. I'm just...sual tree! 59 00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:33,350 You're losing them. 60 00:03:33,390 --> 00:03:35,390 People left the Titanic slower. 61 00:03:39,490 --> 00:03:42,490 Bertram, can I ask you a question? 62 00:03:42,530 --> 00:03:43,760 I'm real busy cleaning right now. 63 00:03:46,730 --> 00:03:49,400 But this is super important! 64 00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:50,670 I'm updating my profile picture. 65 00:03:52,540 --> 00:03:54,540 Do these make me look smarter? 66 00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,470 You want to look smarter, stand next to Luke. 67 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:02,440 Say cheese, Emma! Cheese! 68 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:07,520 (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING) 69 00:04:07,550 --> 00:04:09,450 Hey, Bertram, do you want a new profile picture? 70 00:04:09,490 --> 00:04:11,450 No, thank you. I don't live my life on the computer. 71 00:04:13,660 --> 00:04:14,460 What life? 72 00:04:17,530 --> 00:04:19,590 Don't you want to know what your high school friends are doing? 73 00:04:19,630 --> 00:04:20,660 I know what they're doing. 74 00:04:20,700 --> 00:04:21,660 Time in prison. 75 00:04:23,700 --> 00:04:26,530 Although, I have always wondered how 76 00:04:26,570 --> 00:04:28,400 Karen Holtzhauer turned out. 77 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:31,470 I kind of liked her. 78 00:04:31,510 --> 00:04:32,540 (WHISPERING) Karen Holtzhauer. 79 00:04:32,580 --> 00:04:36,480 (GASPS) More like Karen Hotzhauer! 80 00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:42,650 Looks like she lives in New York, she's single, and she's not in prison! 81 00:04:42,690 --> 00:04:44,760 Wow, she looks even prettier without the mullet. 82 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:51,730 ♪ Had it up to here with these Texas guys ♪ 83 00:04:54,430 --> 00:04:55,730 It's coming along. 84 00:04:57,770 --> 00:04:59,640 (WHIMPERING) 85 00:05:03,410 --> 00:05:04,470 Oh, Ravi. 86 00:05:04,510 --> 00:05:06,310 (EXCLAIMS) 87 00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:08,510 Are you all right? 88 00:05:08,540 --> 00:05:09,580 I was watching the ducks in the pond 89 00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:13,580 when I saw a mob of people running towards me. 90 00:05:13,620 --> 00:05:15,450 My instinct was to flee. 91 00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:20,390 Ravi, it's just a 5k run. 92 00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:22,490 Didn't you have runs back in India? 93 00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:25,630 Only when I ate bad chicken tikka. 94 00:05:25,660 --> 00:05:28,500 Come on, Ravi, let's leave Jessie alone. 95 00:05:28,530 --> 00:05:30,430 She needs to work on her song. 96 00:05:30,470 --> 00:05:31,470 A lot. 97 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:36,640 Okay... 98 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,610 (DRUM MACHINE PLAYING) 99 00:05:42,900 --> 00:05:46,160 ♪ A cowboy hat he put a rope around my heart 100 00:05:47,330 --> 00:05:51,650 ♪ And everything was awesome at the start 101 00:05:51,690 --> 00:05:53,620 ♪ Then he kissed a bleach blonde waitress 102 00:05:53,660 --> 00:05:56,530 ♪ and I saw through his disguise 103 00:05:56,560 --> 00:06:00,600 ♪ Oh, I've had it up to here with these Texas guys ♪ 104 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:04,440 (ALL CHEERING) 105 00:06:04,470 --> 00:06:07,340 Oh! Thank you! 106 00:06:07,370 --> 00:06:08,440 New Yorkers, always littering! 107 00:06:10,540 --> 00:06:11,510 I'll take care of that. 108 00:06:11,540 --> 00:06:14,510 Where did you come from? 109 00:06:14,550 --> 00:06:16,510 Oh, my parents say the stork brought me. 110 00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:20,450 But the seventh graders have a more interesting theory. 111 00:06:20,490 --> 00:06:22,450 New rule. No talking to seventh graders. 112 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:26,320 And I thought you didn't like my music. 113 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:29,690 Well, that was before George Washington joined the act. 114 00:06:29,730 --> 00:06:31,730 Now, I think we should be a trio. 115 00:06:32,730 --> 00:06:34,630 (DRUM MACHINE PLAYING) 116 00:06:48,710 --> 00:06:50,610 Five bucks! 117 00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:55,490 Hello, Abe Lincoln! Keep dancing, partner. 118 00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:56,590 (DRUM MACHINE PLAYING) 119 00:07:03,460 --> 00:07:06,330 Okay, I've washed my face and buttoned my vest. 120 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,370 Let's take my profile picture. 121 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,600 You can't take a picture looking like... You. 122 00:07:13,340 --> 00:07:14,400 No offense taken. 123 00:07:16,710 --> 00:07:17,610 We totally need to youthinize you. 124 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:21,310 What? 125 00:07:21,350 --> 00:07:22,380 You know, make you look younger. 126 00:07:24,650 --> 00:07:25,420 Oh, thank goodness. 127 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:30,390 Here, try this on. 128 00:07:33,660 --> 00:07:35,490 All right, I'm trusting you. 129 00:07:39,670 --> 00:07:41,470 Well, this was a mistake. 130 00:07:42,740 --> 00:07:46,610 You look fabulous! 131 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:47,470 Positively Bieberific. 132 00:07:50,410 --> 00:07:52,450 I can't breathe. Take the picture. Take the picture! 133 00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:55,520 (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) 134 00:07:55,550 --> 00:07:56,450 Got it! 135 00:07:56,650 --> 00:07:57,650 (GROANS) 136 00:08:01,590 --> 00:08:02,690 Oh... 137 00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:04,390 I feel better. 138 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:07,400 I don't. I just swallowed a button! 139 00:08:10,570 --> 00:08:11,470 (GAGGING) 140 00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:15,400 And here it is. 141 00:08:16,670 --> 00:08:19,540 Fairfield. Please hold. 142 00:08:19,570 --> 00:08:21,310 Congressman, here's your prescription. 143 00:08:21,340 --> 00:08:23,410 Hope that rash clears up. 144 00:08:25,610 --> 00:08:27,680 Thanks. 145 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:32,590 My goodness, this looks like the Calcutta train station during rush hour. 146 00:08:32,620 --> 00:08:33,620 Which is every hour. 147 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:35,490 It's Doormageddon! 148 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:39,630 Can we help you, Tony? 149 00:08:39,660 --> 00:08:41,560 Thanks, but you could never handle it. 150 00:08:44,430 --> 00:08:45,630 (WHISTLES) 151 00:08:45,670 --> 00:08:48,640 Okay, people, two groups! 152 00:08:48,670 --> 00:08:52,410 Those who live here and those who wish they did! 153 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:56,580 Group one, kindly follow me to the elevator. 154 00:08:56,610 --> 00:09:00,680 Group two, don't let the door hit you where Mother Nature split you. 155 00:09:03,550 --> 00:09:04,690 Oh, heck to the no! 156 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:07,490 This building is my turf! 157 00:09:10,430 --> 00:09:12,430 Oh, okay, peddle your cookies. 158 00:09:14,430 --> 00:09:16,670 But I will need a two-box kickback. 159 00:09:17,570 --> 00:09:18,470 Go. 160 00:09:20,470 --> 00:09:22,670 Okay, maybe you can handle it... 161 00:09:22,710 --> 00:09:23,920 You want a cookie? 162 00:09:25,850 --> 00:09:26,550 Thanks. 163 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:28,610 That will be five bucks. 164 00:09:30,220 --> 00:09:33,670 ♪ The next year I got stuck on a football jock 165 00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:38,560 ♪ He tackled me with swagger and his twangy Texas talk 166 00:09:38,590 --> 00:09:41,660 ♪ Then he made a pass at the whole drill team 167 00:09:41,690 --> 00:09:44,330 ♪ and I saw through all his lies 168 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:47,470 ♪ Oh, I've had it up to here with these Texas guys ♪ 169 00:09:54,710 --> 00:09:57,380 Yeah! Poppin'! Tight! 170 00:09:57,410 --> 00:09:59,410 So far off the chain you can't even see it anymore. 171 00:09:59,450 --> 00:10:00,650 "Where is it?" I dunno, you tell me. 172 00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:01,480 That's how good that was. 173 00:10:03,580 --> 00:10:04,480 J.J. Mayfield, music producer. 174 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,420 My card, my brochure, my profile. 175 00:10:08,390 --> 00:10:10,660 You make music videos? 176 00:10:10,690 --> 00:10:12,590 I make stars, kid. 177 00:10:12,630 --> 00:10:13,530 I make kids stars. 178 00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:16,500 You discovered T-Jam? 179 00:10:16,530 --> 00:10:18,500 I just downloaded his latest ringtone. 180 00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:19,500 I always wanted to be my own ringtone! 181 00:10:19,530 --> 00:10:20,600 You think we're that good? 182 00:10:20,630 --> 00:10:23,600 I think spicy Italian sausage is good. 183 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:27,510 I think world peace is good, but you guys are great. 184 00:10:27,540 --> 00:10:29,740 Let's make a demo. I'll kick open some doors, book some clubs. 185 00:10:29,780 --> 00:10:31,610 Next stop, "Hello, I'm famous. Who are you?" 186 00:10:32,780 --> 00:10:34,410 Call me. We'll call you... 187 00:10:37,450 --> 00:10:38,690 I think we just got discovered! 188 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:41,520 I knew I was good, but I didn't know I was sausage good! 189 00:10:45,730 --> 00:10:50,600 Oh. It says here it costs $1,200 to produce a demo video. 190 00:10:50,630 --> 00:10:51,560 How much do we have in the guitar case? 191 00:10:53,470 --> 00:10:58,570 42 dollars, 10 cents, three arcade tokens... Ooh! Some raisins. 192 00:11:03,990 --> 00:11:05,680 Definitely not raisins. 193 00:11:06,950 --> 00:11:08,020 Stupid squirrels! 194 00:11:13,390 --> 00:11:15,520 And here's the new you! 195 00:11:17,460 --> 00:11:18,360 Ugh. 196 00:11:20,630 --> 00:11:23,600 I guess the camera does add a few pounds. 197 00:11:23,630 --> 00:11:28,270 So does a steady diet of bacon and donuts. 198 00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:31,560 Hey. Before you kids came along, I was a swimsuit model. 199 00:11:31,690 --> 00:11:32,750 Really? 200 00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:35,310 No, but I didn't break a sweat putting on my socks. 201 00:11:37,290 --> 00:11:40,280 Don't worry, I'll just work a little computer magic. 202 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:41,320 First, let's add some highlights to your wig. 203 00:11:43,450 --> 00:11:44,490 EMMA: Oops. 204 00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:47,420 I look like America's most wanted leprechaun. 205 00:11:51,630 --> 00:11:53,630 Now, let's shave off a few pounds. 206 00:11:53,660 --> 00:11:55,530 You'll go from chunky... 207 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:57,670 To hunky! 208 00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:01,640 Wow. 209 00:12:01,670 --> 00:12:03,500 Can I borrow that for a second? 210 00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:06,240 (CHUCKLES) 211 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:10,580 Okay, now you've gone too far. 212 00:12:10,610 --> 00:12:13,280 You look like a Bertram bobblehead. 213 00:12:13,450 --> 00:12:16,420 Who cares? I'm thin with hair. Press send. 214 00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:20,560 Okay, how are we gonna come up with $1,200? 215 00:12:20,590 --> 00:12:23,390 Ooh! 216 00:12:23,430 --> 00:12:26,560 This has gotta be worth at least $1,250. 217 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:29,500 We'll have money left over for sushi. 218 00:12:29,530 --> 00:12:30,370 I can't steal from your parents. 219 00:12:32,370 --> 00:12:34,400 It's not stealing. It's just... 220 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:37,240 Taking without permission. 221 00:12:37,270 --> 00:12:39,370 I can hear the judge laughing now. 222 00:12:39,410 --> 00:12:41,580 Okay, I have about $800 in savings. 223 00:12:41,610 --> 00:12:44,310 Great! I've got $100 in birthday money. 224 00:12:44,350 --> 00:12:47,280 That equals the $1,200 we need! 225 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:49,350 What we need is to get you a math tutor! 226 00:12:51,350 --> 00:12:53,390 ZURI: (ON INTERCOM) Maybe I can help you out. 227 00:12:54,290 --> 00:12:55,290 Zuri? 228 00:12:57,330 --> 00:12:58,590 It's not polite to eavesdrop. 229 00:12:58,630 --> 00:13:02,400 I can let you have a hundred bucks. 230 00:13:03,330 --> 00:13:04,300 Keep talking. 231 00:13:04,330 --> 00:13:07,240 And I can give you the rest in rupees. 232 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:11,570 I will be a silent partner. I will stay in the background. 233 00:13:11,610 --> 00:13:14,310 I will support and strategize. I will... 234 00:13:14,340 --> 00:13:18,350 For a silent partner, you sure run your mouth. 235 00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,280 Thanks, guys. We'll pay you back every penny. 236 00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:22,020 So? 237 00:13:22,050 --> 00:13:24,490 Let's give Mr. Mayfield a call and tell him the JessieLuke Project is ready to roll. 238 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:27,520 (CHUCKLES) You mean the LukeJessie Project. 239 00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:29,460 Oh, no, no, no, the JessieLuke Project. 240 00:13:29,490 --> 00:13:31,260 LUKE: LukeJessie. JESSIReally? 241 00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:35,520 When this thing goes south, I get my money back before you. 242 00:13:41,950 --> 00:13:44,480 This is it. Your launch pad. 243 00:13:44,510 --> 00:13:45,680 (MIMICS EXPLOSION) Into orbit. 244 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:46,720 (LAUGHS) 245 00:13:47,750 --> 00:13:50,750 Houston, we have a problem! Too much talent! 246 00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:57,600 Well, I did place second in my middle school talent show. 247 00:13:57,630 --> 00:14:02,730 I would have won, but Tiffany Haskell's flaming baton set my sock puppets on fire. 248 00:14:03,570 --> 00:14:05,440 Great story. Save it for the talk shows. 249 00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:07,670 We're gonna be on talk shows? 250 00:14:07,710 --> 00:14:09,570 I call the seat closest to Conan! 251 00:14:09,610 --> 00:14:12,510 What? Why do you get to sit next to Conan? 252 00:14:12,550 --> 00:14:14,650 Oh, because I have charm, talent and the freckles. 253 00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:16,680 Wow... 254 00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:17,480 Let's shoot this thing. 255 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:19,580 Here? Just in front of the wall? 256 00:14:19,620 --> 00:14:20,650 We'll put the background in later. 257 00:14:20,690 --> 00:14:21,450 You make your magic, I'll make mine. 258 00:14:24,490 --> 00:14:26,560 Forget that. 259 00:14:26,590 --> 00:14:28,660 We need to zazz up the act. Here. 260 00:14:31,730 --> 00:14:35,670 How am I supposed to play a sensitive song of love and loss on this? 261 00:14:36,700 --> 00:14:38,470 Easy, like this. 262 00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:40,570 (DISTORTED CHORD RINGING) 263 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,380 My teeth are actually vibrating. 264 00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:46,710 Cool, huh? 265 00:14:46,750 --> 00:14:49,480 Now, go pour yourself into this. 266 00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:55,490 Lovely. Where's the rest of it? 267 00:14:57,520 --> 00:14:59,660 Look, if we're making changes, 268 00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:03,400 it would be nice if your look matched the theme of my song. 269 00:15:03,430 --> 00:15:05,660 What, you want me to dress like a cowboy? 270 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:08,430 (CHUCKLES) 271 00:15:08,470 --> 00:15:09,440 Howdy, partner. 272 00:15:14,670 --> 00:15:17,580 Hey, where you been, door munchkins? 273 00:15:17,610 --> 00:15:21,550 We gave Jessie and Luke money for their music video. 274 00:15:21,580 --> 00:15:24,520 They have been discovered by a big-time producer. 275 00:15:24,550 --> 00:15:25,590 Woot, woot! 276 00:15:26,450 --> 00:15:26,850 See? 277 00:15:26,890 --> 00:15:29,390 J.J. Mayfield? 278 00:15:29,420 --> 00:15:30,660 The guy's a scam artist! 279 00:15:30,690 --> 00:15:34,330 He takes advantage of suckers with big dreams and small IQs. 280 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:35,500 How do you know? 281 00:15:35,530 --> 00:15:37,700 Because I was one of those suckers! 282 00:15:37,730 --> 00:15:40,700 Last year, J.J. told me he could open doors, 283 00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:43,540 but 12 hundred bucks later, the only one opening doors is me! 284 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:47,640 See? 285 00:15:49,410 --> 00:15:51,610 Jessie better not lose my money. 286 00:15:51,650 --> 00:15:54,480 I get paid back or things get ugly. 287 00:15:57,650 --> 00:15:58,650 How's it going? 288 00:16:02,620 --> 00:16:03,520 Thor? 289 00:16:06,330 --> 00:16:08,360 I've been checking out the profiles of my high school classmates, 290 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,330 and I look so much better. 291 00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:14,540 They all got fat and bald! 292 00:16:14,570 --> 00:16:15,470 And the guys don't look so great either. 293 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:19,610 (TABLET CHIMES) 294 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:23,310 Look, Karen Holtzhauer accepted your buddy request! 295 00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:24,580 (GASPS) Oh! 296 00:16:24,620 --> 00:16:26,620 I can't wait to get in touch with her! 297 00:16:26,650 --> 00:16:29,650 If things work out, you're gonna be watching my tiny new butt 298 00:16:29,690 --> 00:16:31,390 strut off into the sunset. 299 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:34,490 Right. 300 00:16:34,530 --> 00:16:37,460 So, let's check out Karen's pics! 301 00:16:41,530 --> 00:16:45,500 EMMA: Wow, that's a lot of kids! 302 00:16:45,540 --> 00:16:48,610 Please tell me she's a school teacher or she operates a pickpocket ring. 303 00:16:49,740 --> 00:16:50,570 Nope. 304 00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:53,380 They're tagged with the same last name. 305 00:16:53,410 --> 00:16:54,650 They're all hers. 306 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:55,680 (CRYING) 307 00:16:57,750 --> 00:17:00,450 And look! It says she wants to have more. 308 00:17:05,460 --> 00:17:06,630 What a waste. 309 00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:11,630 I can't believe I worked so hard to get into shape. 310 00:17:11,660 --> 00:17:13,500 I'm gonna go get a bacon-wrapped donut. 311 00:17:15,470 --> 00:17:17,440 You sure don't look like Dr. Chang, 312 00:17:18,670 --> 00:17:20,670 but okay. 313 00:17:20,710 --> 00:17:21,710 Here's your key. 314 00:17:28,580 --> 00:17:31,520 Tony's job is tougher than it looks. 315 00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:33,680 Yeah. And I ate too many kickback cookies. 316 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,720 I feel sick. 317 00:17:37,460 --> 00:17:44,630 (RETCHING) 318 00:17:44,660 --> 00:17:47,530 Here are your groceries, madam. 319 00:17:47,570 --> 00:17:49,700 Oh, looks like your macaroni salad spilled. 320 00:17:55,510 --> 00:17:58,610 That wasn't macaroni salad. That was tossed cookies. 321 00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:03,650 Uh-oh. Now I feel terrible for taking her tip. 322 00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:04,680 And I will get over it. 323 00:18:13,330 --> 00:18:17,390 I look so stupid. If I saw me, I'd beat myself up. 324 00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:21,530 Well, I'm wearing a dress that, in my hometown, would get me arrested. 325 00:18:21,570 --> 00:18:25,370 What's your hometown? Lamesville, USA? 326 00:18:25,410 --> 00:18:27,470 No! That's our sister city. 327 00:18:29,340 --> 00:18:30,540 Hey, hey. You both look great. 328 00:18:30,580 --> 00:18:32,480 Let's show the video camera how great you look! 329 00:18:32,510 --> 00:18:34,650 First, she has to change her song. 330 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:35,880 It's just a backup for my dancing anyways! 331 00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:39,590 (GASPS) No, you are the backup dancer for my singing. 332 00:18:39,620 --> 00:18:43,420 (GASPS) 333 00:18:43,460 --> 00:18:46,360 The only reason people will watch this video is because I'm starring in it! 334 00:18:46,390 --> 00:18:48,530 You little egomaniac. 335 00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:51,460 People want to watch me. Do, re, mi. Me. Not you, me! 336 00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:54,670 Who cares? I got a Lady Gaga wannabe coming in half an hour, 337 00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:57,570 and if I keep her waiting, her meat dress is gonna spoil. 338 00:18:59,540 --> 00:19:00,710 So let's make with the music and the dancing! 339 00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:04,440 (DRUM MACHINE PLAYING) 340 00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:12,450 ♪ The next year I got stuck on a football jock 341 00:19:12,490 --> 00:19:16,660 ♪ He tackled me with swagger and his twangy Texas talk 342 00:19:16,690 --> 00:19:18,430 ♪ Then he made a pass at the... ♪ 343 00:19:18,660 --> 00:19:21,430 (GLASS SHATTERING) 344 00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:22,660 Hey! That's an expensive camera! 345 00:19:22,700 --> 00:19:25,470 Not anymore. 346 00:19:26,430 --> 00:19:27,600 It was her fault. 347 00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:28,670 No, nuh-uh. He started it. 348 00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:30,400 Did not! Did, too! 349 00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:34,540 Hey, stop! Stop. Stop. 350 00:19:34,580 --> 00:19:37,540 I am going to get the other camera, and you better not break it. 351 00:19:37,580 --> 00:19:38,610 I got it for my bar mitzvah. 352 00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:43,580 Stop! 353 00:19:43,620 --> 00:19:45,490 Don't sing! Don't dance! Don't entertain in any way! 354 00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:48,590 Not much chance of that. 355 00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:50,560 What are you doing here? 356 00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:52,630 J.J.'s trying to rip you off! 357 00:19:52,660 --> 00:19:54,600 What? No. He's gonna make me into a ringtone! 358 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:57,470 Yeah, he's T-Jam's manager. 359 00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:58,700 He was T-Jam's dog walker. 360 00:19:58,730 --> 00:20:00,470 And he got fired 'cause he lost the dog! 361 00:20:02,540 --> 00:20:04,440 He can't make you famous. 362 00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:06,610 He's just gonna sell you a cheap video that I could make with a cell phone. 363 00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:07,480 Hey... 364 00:20:10,450 --> 00:20:11,780 Tony, right? 365 00:20:11,810 --> 00:20:14,420 I'm still waiting to hear back from the label about your demo. 366 00:20:17,390 --> 00:20:19,660 This young man? Like an angel on kazoo! 367 00:20:19,690 --> 00:20:20,690 I mean, I get shivers! 368 00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:25,530 I can't believe we were gonna give this guy $1,200. 369 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:27,400 Were gonna? Are gonna! 370 00:20:27,430 --> 00:20:28,600 Not gonna! 371 00:20:28,630 --> 00:20:31,440 So you haven't paid him anything yet? 372 00:20:31,470 --> 00:20:33,500 Nope. We were supposed to pay him after we shot the video, 373 00:20:33,540 --> 00:20:36,440 but we were too self-centered and childish to get anything done. 374 00:20:37,780 --> 00:20:40,510 So, ha-ha! 375 00:20:40,550 --> 00:20:42,650 Props for this! Boom! Right! What's up? 376 00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:44,650 Who needs you? 377 00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:46,620 I still got Tony here. 378 00:20:46,650 --> 00:20:49,450 All he needs is a new demo, and look out. 379 00:20:49,490 --> 00:20:53,760 Who's the most famous kazoo player in the history of everything? 380 00:20:53,790 --> 00:20:54,790 Tony! 381 00:20:57,700 --> 00:20:59,630 You really think so? 'Cause I've been working on some new tunes... 382 00:20:59,660 --> 00:21:01,600 Great, I'll take a debit card. 383 00:21:02,430 --> 00:21:04,430 Come on, kazoo boy. 384 00:21:04,470 --> 00:21:05,470 Hey! It doesn't even have to be yours! 385 00:21:09,170 --> 00:21:12,620 ♪ A cowboy hat he put a rope around my heart 386 00:21:13,410 --> 00:21:17,250 ♪ And everything was awesome at the start 387 00:21:17,930 --> 00:21:20,280 ♪ Then he kissed a bleach blonde waitress 388 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,410 ♪ And I saw through his disguise 389 00:21:22,410 --> 00:21:26,860 ♪ Oh, I've had it up to here with these Texas guys ♪ 390 00:21:27,330 --> 00:21:31,510 ♪ So now I'm here in NYC ♪ 391 00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:36,130 ♪ Gota find the guy who's only into me ♪ 392 00:21:36,940 --> 00:21:38,760 ♪ The Lone Star State is great ♪ 393 00:21:38,790 --> 00:21:41,250 ♪ But I said my good-bye's ♪ 394 00:21:41,250 --> 00:21:50,170 ♪ I've had it up to here with those Texas guys ♪ 395 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:54,880 Yeah. 396 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,880 Tony, that was awesome. 397 00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:59,380 Wow.. you are really yearning when you're on the cazzo. 398 00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:01,700 It's a gift. 399 00:22:02,220 --> 00:22:05,520 Well I'm still wiped out for my day off. 400 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:07,230 So... I'm gonna go up to my room. 401 00:22:07,230 --> 00:22:09,410 - I go too. - And good night. 402 00:22:09,410 --> 00:22:10,700 - Wait for me. - I'm in. 403 00:22:10,700 --> 00:22:12,290 I wanna come. 404 00:22:12,290 --> 00:22:14,290 I meant alone. 405 00:22:15,940 --> 00:22:17,650 Can't blame a guy for trying. 406 00:22:17,650 --> 00:22:18,790 I know, right?