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Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
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♪ Good morning, USA ♪
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♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
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♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
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♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
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♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
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Aah!
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♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
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Read 'em and weep, ladies.
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Just a second there, Dick.
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I don't think you've met
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DJ, Michelle, Stephanie, Comet
and Uncle Jesse!
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Full house!
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Race riots!
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Take it easy, Smith.
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Dick's just blowing off steam.
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Man, I'm always losing at poker!
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I need a beer.
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That's his avatar, Black Dick.
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I realize that name
is a rich joke area,
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but curb yourself people;
this isn't junior high.
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Although Black Dick
is huge and veiny.
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What up, girl?
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Stan, where are you?
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It's Steve's birthday!
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- Uh...
- Get home before you miss it,
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like you have all
his other birthdays.
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Uhp, Black Dick, you're spewing foam.
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♪ And many more. ♪
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Got held up looking
all over town for that
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pink novelty-sized rabbit my
boy's been hassling me for.
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No, you forgot to get Steve
a present and grabbed
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the first thing you saw
out of the CIA evidence room.
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Stan, we just finally
got Steve off the heroin
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from the last birthd present
you gave him.
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I got so high.
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Okay, it's ready!
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What, uh, what-what exactly
is going on?
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Every year
on Steve's birthday,
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we watch home movies.
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Oh, my God,
I'm not in a single one of these.
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Oh, wait, I'm probably
the one filming everything.
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Who the hell is that?
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That's Fernando,
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the family cinematographer.
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Do you like my new Arizona jeans?
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I... I haven't been there
for anything in Steve's life.
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Yes, Stan, you neglected your son.
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Everyone neglects things.
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I've neglected these puppies.
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They're shy around new people.
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Good morning, kiddo.
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Sorry again about
missing your birthday.
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What do you say
I take you to a ballgame?
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Sorry, man, got other plans.
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What's the problem?
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I'm trying to bond with him.
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Well, you're too late.
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Steve's at the age
where he doesn't care about
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going to a ballgame with his dad.
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All he's interested in is girls.
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He doesn't want ballgames,
he just wants to ball dames.
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Huh? Huh?
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Ah! Ah!
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Aw.
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A little help, dude.
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My guns are juicing.
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Don't think I can finish this set.
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Carlos, I need a spot!
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Oh, Roger, it's magnificent.
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Where did you get it?
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00:04:00,499 --> 00:04:02,859
Oh, I got a great deal.
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This limo company went out of bus...
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Ah, you know damn well I stole it.
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00:04:06,871 --> 00:04:08,165
Let's go for a ride.
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No, no, no, I'm gonna
start a business.
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It's always been
a dream of mine to drive people
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slightly more privileged than
myself to various locations.
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And it is my dream
to accompany people
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with slightly
more specific dreams than mine.
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Happy birthday, friendo.
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Two tickets
to the Ice Capades on Land?
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They twirl around with shoes on!
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Oh, that sounds like fun, Steve.
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I'm free whatever night that is.
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Oh, great.
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You can have these,
'cause I don't want to go.
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Hey.
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Class, this is Phyllis.
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She just moved here from Hoboken.
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I'd like you all to give her
a warm welcome.
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Now, I'm not referring to
the sexual position,
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the warm welcome,
of which I am the inventor.
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The basic nature of the move is...
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Oh, never mind.
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Y'all ain't long enough.
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♪ ♪
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You want to go out?
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W-What?
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00:05:14,146 --> 00:05:15,949
Yeah. I like your face.
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We should go out tomorrow,
get to know each other.
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Tomorrow? Sure!
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I mean,
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just let me check my schedule.
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You know what?
I can move some stuff around.
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Perfect.
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Wow, I-I don't believe it.
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This is too good to be real.
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Of course this is real.
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And this is really happening.
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Because this is real.
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Really, really real.
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Smith, what did I say about
fooling around with the avatars?
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I wasn't fooling around, sir.
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This is serious.
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My son wants nothing to do with me,
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and the only way to get close
to him is to be
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an incredibly stacked teenage girl.
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I totally understand.
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Now, if you'll excuse me,
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I have some important
business to attend to.
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Another feeding?
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My, you have quite the appetite.
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♪ ♪
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Okay, the bars are emptying out.
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Time to get our first client ever.
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Yeah!
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Ah, yeah!
Yeah, yeah!
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Looks like you fine gentlemen
are making memories tonight.
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20 bucks, anywhere you want to go.
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(Bleep) you!
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Aha, the jester.
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Every group has one.
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Come on, get in, you rascals.
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Oh, my God!
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That was such a hot burp!
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Suck it up, Klaus.
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This is a service industry.
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Just be professional.
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You guys are so crazy.
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Oh, man, is that your bottom?
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Oh, you put it right next to my face.
146
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That's so funny...
Oh, you farted, too.
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You guys are so much fun.
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♪ ♪
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Okay, guys, here we are.
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And here's a memento for you
at no extra charge.
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So, will you be paying
your $20 in cash or... Hey!
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Can't catch me!
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Thanks for the ride, sucker!
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I can't believe it.
155
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I treated them with nothing
but respect and civility,
156
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and they want to stiff me?
157
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Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?
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You don't mess with a man's dream.
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Whoa!
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Dude, you killed him!
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One down, four to go.
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00:08:02,307 --> 00:08:05,051
You're really gonna
kill five people over $20?
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Are you really asking that to the guy
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who just last week killed
six people over $19?
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Oh, yeah.
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This is a lot of fun, right?
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I'm so glad we got to hang today.
168
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Me, too.
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Souvenir.
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Aw, thanks!
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Oh, uh, hey, you hungry?
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Oh, there was a paper
doily under that,
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but I'm sure you'll
figure that out later.
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I had such an awesome time, Steve.
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I can't believe
how close we're getting.
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I know one way we cod get closer.
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Good night, kiddo.
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It's been a blast.
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Yeah, it was great.
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Good night.
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Hello?
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00:09:21,820 --> 00:09:22,662
Finally you answer!
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00:09:22,787 --> 00:09:24,331
I've been calling and calling.
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I told you,
Steve had a big date tonight
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and you should've been here
to see him off!
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Oh, we were there.
187
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Hello?
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00:09:34,382 --> 00:09:35,491
Bitch, did you just hang up on...
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00:09:42,924 --> 00:09:44,050
You coming, Steve?
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00:09:44,175 --> 00:09:46,786
Barry swallowed
a whole roll of quarters.
191
00:09:46,911 --> 00:09:49,723
We're gonna wait for them to
pass and then hit up the arcade.
192
00:09:49,848 --> 00:09:51,674
I don't trust the banks!
193
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:52,976
You guys go without me.
194
00:09:53,101 --> 00:09:54,886
I got some girl stuff
I got to figure out.
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Oh, women.
196
00:09:56,888 --> 00:09:59,299
Let me tell you what I know
about women, Steve.
197
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If you buy a woman's shoe, in
your size, it will not fit you.
198
00:10:06,831 --> 00:10:10,894
So, Steve, uh, how are
things going with Phyllis?
199
00:10:11,019 --> 00:10:12,662
You know, she's beautiful,
200
00:10:12,787 --> 00:10:15,131
but I think she just
wants to be my buddy.
201
00:10:15,256 --> 00:10:17,300
Maybe she's not the one for me.
202
00:10:17,425 --> 00:10:20,403
Well, maybe the one for you has been
203
00:10:20,528 --> 00:10:23,240
right in front of your
face this entire time.
204
00:10:23,365 --> 00:10:25,291
Yeah? Who?
205
00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:33,850
There's a lot about me you don't ow.
206
00:10:33,975 --> 00:10:37,470
♪ ♪
207
00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:43,476
I can't believe Tad's dead.
208
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:45,779
I can't believe I already
banged his girlfriend.
209
00:10:45,904 --> 00:10:47,814
I can't believe I watched.
210
00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:50,136
Oh, you did a little more than watch.
211
00:10:50,261 --> 00:10:52,093
- Yeah, man.
- Yeah.
212
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:03,129
Oh, no!
213
00:11:03,254 --> 00:11:04,497
Oh, my God, is that
214
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:06,032
on the inside or the outside?
215
00:11:06,157 --> 00:11:07,758
Oh, it's on the outside.
216
00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:23,808
What's gotten into you, Steve?
217
00:11:23,974 --> 00:11:26,152
Oh, Mother, it's the love bug,
218
00:11:26,277 --> 00:11:27,979
and I want to be sick forever.
219
00:11:28,145 --> 00:11:29,756
This must be some girl.
220
00:11:29,881 --> 00:11:32,192
Oh, she is. I'm gonna ask her
221
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:33,192
to the homecoming dance.
222
00:11:33,358 --> 00:11:35,486
Homecoming! Oh, Steve!
223
00:11:35,770 --> 00:11:38,381
Does this little minx have a name?
224
00:11:38,506 --> 00:11:40,150
It's Chelsea.
225
00:11:40,275 --> 00:11:41,985
Chelsea?! What happened
to that other girl
226
00:11:42,110 --> 00:11:43,153
you were seeing, Phyllis?
227
00:11:43,278 --> 00:11:44,854
She was really enjoying
her time with you.
228
00:11:44,979 --> 00:11:46,122
Sure didn't seem like it.
229
00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:47,390
She wouldn't even kiss me.
230
00:11:47,515 --> 00:11:49,659
Nice girls don't kiss
on the first date, Steve.
231
00:11:49,784 --> 00:11:52,662
Your mom wouldn't kiss me
until our third date.
232
00:11:52,787 --> 00:11:55,965
It made the sex on the first
two dates very impersonal.
233
00:11:59,961 --> 00:12:01,738
Whoa, Kanye!
234
00:12:01,863 --> 00:12:04,007
What's with the big-time entrance?
235
00:12:04,132 --> 00:12:05,909
I'm about to ask Chelsea
to the dance.
236
00:12:06,034 --> 00:12:08,244
Thought I should arrive in style.
237
00:12:08,369 --> 00:12:10,571
If you boys'll excuse me.
238
00:12:12,157 --> 00:12:13,733
Hey, Steve.
Want to hang out?
239
00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:16,069
I got your favorite, meatball subs.
240
00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:18,613
Look, Phyllis,
I don't think it's gonna work out.
241
00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,365
Don't say that!
Why are you...
242
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:21,574
... saying that?
243
00:12:21,699 --> 00:12:23,043
I'm sorry, I'm just...
244
00:12:23,168 --> 00:12:25,478
I'm looking for something
more than friendship.
245
00:12:25,603 --> 00:12:27,914
Uh, if you go to the dance with me,
246
00:12:28,039 --> 00:12:29,416
I'll have sex with you.
247
00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:31,041
Okay!
248
00:12:45,855 --> 00:12:47,256
This is sick, man!
249
00:12:47,381 --> 00:12:49,308
Are you really going to
go through with this?
250
00:12:49,433 --> 00:12:51,743
I've already missed so
much of Steve's life.
251
00:12:51,868 --> 00:12:54,012
This way,
I get to keep hanging out with him.
252
00:12:54,137 --> 00:12:56,131
Plus, I get to be there for his
253
00:12:56,256 --> 00:12:57,735
biggest milestone ever:
losing his virginity.
254
00:12:57,991 --> 00:12:59,701
To you, you idiot!
255
00:12:59,826 --> 00:13:01,614
Have you even thought this through?
256
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:03,305
Look, fathers take their sons
to whorehouses
257
00:13:03,430 --> 00:13:05,324
to lose their virginity all the time.
258
00:13:05,449 --> 00:13:07,120
This is almost just like that.
259
00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:10,162
Except I will be locked
in eye contact with my son
260
00:13:10,287 --> 00:13:12,455
while he plows my cyber soil.
261
00:13:15,392 --> 00:13:17,469
Hey, Mom,
can you teach me how to shave?
262
00:13:17,594 --> 00:13:20,889
Aah! I can't believe
your father's not here.
263
00:13:21,014 --> 00:13:22,541
I'm going down to the CIA
264
00:13:22,666 --> 00:13:25,067
to give him a piece of my mind.
265
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:30,382
They got run over, man!
266
00:13:30,507 --> 00:13:31,600
They're dead!
267
00:13:31,725 --> 00:13:32,601
We're next, I know it.
268
00:13:32,726 --> 00:13:35,304
Bro, relax!
Go splash some water
269
00:13:35,429 --> 00:13:37,406
on your face and pull
yourself together, man.
270
00:13:37,531 --> 00:13:38,841
We're gonna be fine.
271
00:13:38,966 --> 00:13:41,033
Remember, we're Lanes AdAddiction.
272
00:14:03,106 --> 00:14:05,007
Oh, thank God.
273
00:14:25,072 --> 00:14:27,897
Oh, this is my ish!
274
00:14:56,676 --> 00:14:59,412
♪ ♪
275
00:15:03,568 --> 00:15:05,677
Come on, let's go get some privacy.
276
00:15:05,802 --> 00:15:07,279
Uh, right now?
277
00:15:07,404 --> 00:15:08,533
What's the hurry?
278
00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:11,233
I'm sorry, I'm just excited.
279
00:15:11,358 --> 00:15:12,818
I mean, this is gonna be
280
00:15:12,943 --> 00:15:14,705
the biggest moment of my life.
281
00:15:17,064 --> 00:15:21,504
And I'm gonna finally
be there for it.
282
00:15:25,422 --> 00:15:26,632
Stan, this is the last time
283
00:15:26,757 --> 00:15:28,834
you put work before Steve!
284
00:15:28,959 --> 00:15:31,389
He's actually with Steve right now.
285
00:15:31,555 --> 00:15:33,972
What? So Stan's at the dance?
286
00:15:34,097 --> 00:15:36,975
No, he's here, but he's
remotely controlling
287
00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:38,844
a teen girl at the dance
288
00:15:38,969 --> 00:15:41,279
who's about to get
sex-pummeled by your son.
289
00:15:41,404 --> 00:15:42,400
What?!
290
00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:44,277
It's a lot like Avatar.
291
00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:45,350
Like what?
292
00:15:45,475 --> 00:15:48,920
Avatar.
It's a movie?
293
00:15:49,045 --> 00:15:53,925
Okay, okay, so there's
this guy in a wheelchair,
294
00:15:54,050 --> 00:15:55,594
and he goes to this alien planet
295
00:15:55,719 --> 00:15:57,179
to join a program...
296
00:15:57,304 --> 00:16:01,500
So you pick a dragon and get
to keep it forever?
297
00:16:01,625 --> 00:16:03,735
No, it picks you.
298
00:16:03,860 --> 00:16:06,738
Wait! Stan's about
to use an avatar's body
299
00:16:06,863 --> 00:16:08,924
to take Steve's virginity?
300
00:16:09,049 --> 00:16:11,510
Stan, get out of there!
301
00:16:11,635 --> 00:16:13,462
He can't hear you in there.
302
00:16:13,587 --> 00:16:15,998
That's impenetrable glass.
You'll never get in.
303
00:16:16,123 --> 00:16:18,667
Fine, I'll just go to the dance
and kick the crap
304
00:16:18,792 --> 00:16:20,185
out of that girl he's controlling!
305
00:16:20,310 --> 00:16:21,420
Careful, Francine!
306
00:16:21,545 --> 00:16:24,046
These avatars have
superhuman strength.
307
00:16:33,306 --> 00:16:35,751
Let's make a baby.
308
00:16:35,876 --> 00:16:37,877
Yeah, sexy talk.
309
00:16:40,457 --> 00:16:41,773
Let me just go to the washroom,
310
00:16:41,898 --> 00:16:43,108
cut a couple anxiety farts
311
00:16:43,233 --> 00:16:45,711
and then come back
here and go to town
312
00:16:45,836 --> 00:16:47,796
on your continental divide.
313
00:16:55,263 --> 00:16:57,622
Okay, okay, stop freaking out.
314
00:16:57,747 --> 00:16:59,141
You can do this.
315
00:16:59,266 --> 00:17:01,009
Pictured it a million times
in your head.
316
00:17:01,134 --> 00:17:02,594
Oh! Oh, God!
317
00:17:02,719 --> 00:17:04,329
I just pictured it again!
318
00:17:04,454 --> 00:17:07,857
Oh, oh...
319
00:17:20,705 --> 00:17:22,955
Get away from him, you bitch!
320
00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:32,507
I can't believe you'd do this, Stan!
321
00:17:32,632 --> 00:17:33,732
This stops now!
322
00:17:44,794 --> 00:17:46,816
Get out of here, Francine.
323
00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:49,982
This is the only way I can
remain close to Steve.
324
00:17:58,258 --> 00:18:01,372
We were finally spending
quality time together.
325
00:18:01,538 --> 00:18:03,405
And then he was gonna dump me
for that nerd,
326
00:18:03,530 --> 00:18:05,948
and I just won't lose him again!
327
00:18:08,795 --> 00:18:12,297
Must... get plowed...
328
00:18:12,422 --> 00:18:14,093
by son.
329
00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:17,419
No, Stan, this isn't the way!
330
00:18:17,544 --> 00:18:20,021
You might've missed
his first 14 years,
331
00:18:20,146 --> 00:18:23,269
but you can still be there
for his next 14.
332
00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:25,855
He's gonna die at 28?
333
00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:27,696
Maybe.
Maybe sooner.
334
00:18:27,821 --> 00:18:31,483
Look, I know you want
to be closer to Steve,
335
00:18:31,608 --> 00:18:34,476
but all you can do is be there
for him.
336
00:18:40,285 --> 00:18:42,747
Wha... what happened?
337
00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:46,865
Steve, you're a terrific kid,
338
00:18:46,990 --> 00:18:50,379
but I'm not right for you.
339
00:18:50,545 --> 00:18:54,406
Besides, there's a homely,
kinky-haired beauty out there
340
00:18:54,531 --> 00:18:57,428
who'd just love to dance
with you right now.
341
00:18:57,594 --> 00:18:59,244
Snot wants to dance with me?
342
00:18:59,369 --> 00:19:02,981
Oh, wait, Chelsea, got it,
got it, got it.
343
00:19:03,106 --> 00:19:04,310
I'm gonna go get her back!
344
00:19:04,476 --> 00:19:06,551
Hey, Steve.
Yeah?
345
00:19:06,676 --> 00:19:08,253
Your dad, he loves you.
346
00:19:08,378 --> 00:19:10,455
I'm sorry, are you...?
347
00:19:10,580 --> 00:19:12,257
Have you been spending
time with my dad?
348
00:19:12,382 --> 00:19:13,291
No!
349
00:19:13,416 --> 00:19:15,026
Is that where he's been?
350
00:19:15,151 --> 00:19:16,822
Is that why he's gone all the time?
351
00:19:17,053 --> 00:19:18,296
What?
352
00:19:18,421 --> 00:19:21,032
Are you... are you banging my dad?!
353
00:19:21,157 --> 00:19:23,568
Hey! Whoa!
Come on!
354
00:19:23,693 --> 00:19:25,370
Okay, good.
355
00:19:25,495 --> 00:19:27,339
'Cause you could do better.
356
00:19:27,464 --> 00:19:28,473
A lot better.
357
00:19:28,598 --> 00:19:29,999
See ya!
358
00:19:31,251 --> 00:19:33,085
(Bleep) you, Steve.
359
00:20:02,742 --> 00:20:04,475
Roger, you got your revenge.
360
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:06,285
Can we go home now?
361
00:20:08,621 --> 00:20:09,583
Roger!
362
00:20:09,749 --> 00:20:11,649
I'm sorry, I got the blood lust!
363
00:20:11,774 --> 00:20:13,087
Eventually I'll get bored with it.
364
00:20:13,253 --> 00:20:14,986
Remember when I was
super into Jiffy Pop?
365
00:20:15,111 --> 00:20:17,672
Had it all the time
for a snack? Overdid it.
366
00:20:17,797 --> 00:20:19,507
Then I started having
a little Greek yogurt
367
00:20:19,632 --> 00:20:21,960
and berries at night.
That's all I need.
368
00:20:22,085 --> 00:20:23,878
Hey, so what's happening
with that girl?
369
00:20:24,003 --> 00:20:25,599
You still e-mailing with...?
370
00:20:29,436 --> 00:20:31,586
You did the right thing, Stan.
371
00:20:31,711 --> 00:20:35,040
I know, I'm just gonna miss
being close with him.
372
00:20:35,165 --> 00:20:36,908
Hey, honey, how'd the dance go?
373
00:20:37,033 --> 00:20:39,044
Ah, turns out Chelsea didn't like
374
00:20:39,169 --> 00:20:40,946
that I went to the
dance with Phyllis.
375
00:20:41,071 --> 00:20:42,447
She's got way more pride
376
00:20:42,572 --> 00:20:44,076
than her physical appearance
would suggest.
377
00:20:45,158 --> 00:20:47,335
Th-There.
There, there.
378
00:20:47,460 --> 00:20:50,755
Anyway, I'm gonna go hit the sack.
379
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:53,191
Then probably go to bed.
380
00:20:53,316 --> 00:20:54,149
Good night.
381
00:20:56,219 --> 00:20:59,047
Thanks for listening, Dad.
382
00:20:59,172 --> 00:21:00,815
Did you see that?
383
00:21:00,940 --> 00:21:02,417
I was there for him!
384
00:21:02,542 --> 00:21:04,319
I was there to help him through
385
00:21:04,444 --> 00:21:06,187
this terrible moment in his life.
386
00:21:06,312 --> 00:21:08,490
But you caused that terrible moment!
387
00:21:08,615 --> 00:21:12,084
Yup. Everything worked out
for everybody in the end.
388
00:21:15,398 --> 00:21:21,614
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
389
00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:35,102
Is this your smallest condom?
390
00:21:35,227 --> 00:21:36,386
Nothing tinier?
391
00:21:36,511 --> 00:21:38,922
Would they shrink
if I put them in the dryer?
392
00:21:39,047 --> 00:21:40,524
I don't know, man.
393
00:21:40,649 --> 00:21:42,635
Ah, this is tough.
394
00:21:42,851 --> 00:21:45,304
All right, I'll try 'em.