1
00:00:02,014 --> 00:00:04,313
Hello my name is Harry
and I'm an overeater.
2
00:00:04,814 --> 00:00:06,013
Hi Harry.
3
00:00:06,114 --> 00:00:08,113
Well I had an extraordinary week
4
00:00:08,114 --> 00:00:09,713
and shed yet another pound,
5
00:00:09,714 --> 00:00:12,113
which brings a grand total
for the year
6
00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:14,738
to a hard-fought
and well-earned seven.
7
00:00:16,914 --> 00:00:18,113
Thank you.
8
00:00:18,186 --> 00:00:20,685
One lousy pound and he's acting
like he won an Oscar.
9
00:00:21,486 --> 00:00:23,585
Well buckle up buddy,
cause I've lost three
10
00:00:23,586 --> 00:00:26,671
and I'm going full-on
Sally Field.
11
00:00:26,673 --> 00:00:28,206
Anyway, Thanksgiving is
upon us,
12
00:00:28,208 --> 00:00:31,176
and with my newfound strength,
I do not fear it.
13
00:00:31,178 --> 00:00:34,296
Bring on your Turkey and
stuffing, your mashed potatoes
14
00:00:34,298 --> 00:00:35,680
and mouth-watering gravy,
15
00:00:35,682 --> 00:00:38,066
your buttery Crescent rolls
and pumpkin pie slathered
16
00:00:38,068 --> 00:00:39,551
in pillowy
clouds of whipped cream.
17
00:00:39,553 --> 00:00:42,687
Wrap it up, Harry.
18
00:00:42,689 --> 00:00:44,973
Course that won't be a problem
for me this year
19
00:00:44,975 --> 00:00:47,108
because my mother's going
to my brother's house,
20
00:00:47,110 --> 00:00:50,195
so my Thanksgiving
will be a holiday lean cuisine
21
00:00:50,197 --> 00:00:52,447
flavored by my salty tears.
22
00:00:53,249 --> 00:00:55,700
We should invite him
to our house.
23
00:00:55,702 --> 00:00:59,037
You heard him,
he's already got plans.
24
00:00:59,039 --> 00:01:01,406
Thank you, Harry.
25
00:01:01,408 --> 00:01:03,291
I have the in-laws
at my place. Otherwise...
26
00:01:03,293 --> 00:01:04,859
Save it!
27
00:01:04,861 --> 00:01:07,579
All right. Well, we have time
for one more.
28
00:01:07,581 --> 00:01:09,297
Oh, that's me.
29
00:01:10,416 --> 00:01:13,501
So, you probably got a full
house at your place, huh?
30
00:01:13,503 --> 00:01:15,804
Uh, unfortunately.
Molly's family, my mother.
31
00:01:15,806 --> 00:01:18,039
Boy, I'd trade places
with you in a heartbeat.
32
00:01:18,041 --> 00:01:22,310
Well, if you think it'd be
okay with Molly, I'm game.
33
00:01:22,312 --> 00:01:24,429
Hi, my name is Molly
and I'm an overeater.
34
00:01:24,431 --> 00:01:26,047
All:
Hi, Molly.
35
00:01:26,049 --> 00:01:28,549
Don't you hate it when people
come up here and they, you know,
36
00:01:28,551 --> 00:01:30,151
tell you they've lost
a bunch of weight
37
00:01:30,153 --> 00:01:31,403
and they had an amazing week?
38
00:01:31,405 --> 00:01:34,906
Well, let the hating begin
because this gal has lost
39
00:01:34,908 --> 00:01:37,943
not one, not two,
but three pounds.
40
00:01:37,945 --> 00:01:40,111
(Chuckles)
41
00:01:40,113 --> 00:01:44,582
If you wanna throw something at
me, fruit and vegetables only.
44
00:01:54,094 --> 00:01:55,710
and the wisdom to know
the difference.
45
00:01:55,712 --> 00:01:57,379
Mike, what are you doing?
46
00:01:57,381 --> 00:01:59,881
Nothing.
47
00:01:59,883 --> 00:02:03,301
I smell nougat.
48
00:02:03,303 --> 00:02:04,419
Keep your voice down.
49
00:02:04,421 --> 00:02:06,021
No big deal.
It's just one candy bar.
50
00:02:06,023 --> 00:02:08,756
Well, there's no such thing as
just "one" candy bar.
51
00:02:08,758 --> 00:02:10,859
One is too many and a thousand
is not enough.
52
00:02:10,861 --> 00:02:14,279
Come on. A thousand could last a
guy at least a couple of weeks.
53
00:02:14,281 --> 00:02:16,197
Listen, you've got a problem,
54
00:02:16,199 --> 00:02:18,766
and I'm volunteering
to be your sponsor.
55
00:02:18,768 --> 00:02:21,953
Hitch your wagon of weakness
to my tow truck of willpower.
56
00:02:21,955 --> 00:02:23,371
Right.
57
00:02:23,373 --> 00:02:24,823
Nobody needs to
know about this,
58
00:02:24,825 --> 00:02:26,791
especially Molly.
Besides, I'll be fine.
59
00:02:26,793 --> 00:02:27,659
No, you won't.
60
00:02:27,661 --> 00:02:29,044
Thanksgiving is coming up
61
00:02:29,046 --> 00:02:31,162
and you need somebody
right by your side.
62
00:02:31,164 --> 00:02:34,115
Or across the table
or boy-girl, boy-girl.
63
00:02:34,117 --> 00:02:36,134
Whatever your seating plan is.
64
00:02:39,472 --> 00:02:41,556
Hey, why'd
you guys sneak out?
65
00:02:41,558 --> 00:02:42,557
I got this.
66
00:02:42,559 --> 00:02:45,293
Molly, your boyfriend has
a problem.
67
00:02:45,295 --> 00:02:47,178
Harry...
68
00:02:47,180 --> 00:02:51,299
He asked me to spend
Thanksgiving with you and yours,
69
00:02:51,301 --> 00:02:54,736
and he didn't
clear it with you.
70
00:02:54,738 --> 00:02:56,237
Oh. Of course,
you're more than welcome.
71
00:02:56,239 --> 00:02:57,439
Will it just be you?
72
00:02:57,441 --> 00:02:59,607
I don't know.
The bulimic in the front row was
73
00:02:59,609 --> 00:03:02,477
kinda giving daddy
the sweet knees.
74
00:03:05,414 --> 00:03:07,665
Just put him down for one.
75
00:03:08,617 --> 00:03:12,987
♪ For the first time
in my life ♪
76
00:03:12,989 --> 00:03:17,008
♪ I see love. ♪
77
00:03:17,033 --> 00:03:18,233
Sync and corrections by GeirDM
www. addic7ed. com
78
00:03:27,187 --> 00:03:28,855
One Denver omelet
with buttered toast
79
00:03:28,857 --> 00:03:30,207
and hash browns, extra crispy
80
00:03:30,209 --> 00:03:33,493
and one cup of herbal tea,
no honey, extra lemon.
81
00:03:33,495 --> 00:03:35,545
Thank you.
82
00:03:38,182 --> 00:03:39,666
What? I'm not hungry.
83
00:03:39,668 --> 00:03:41,751
Yeah, and I'm not black, virile
and handsome.
84
00:03:43,054 --> 00:03:44,421
Ditto.
85
00:03:45,723 --> 00:03:47,641
I had a piece of toast
at the house.
86
00:03:47,643 --> 00:03:50,376
Was it being used as a coaster
for a honeybaked ham?
87
00:03:51,712 --> 00:03:53,513
And you can't tell me
you're not hungry.
88
00:03:53,515 --> 00:03:54,764
Your stomach's been growling all
morning.
89
00:03:54,766 --> 00:03:56,049
It sounded like a grizzly bear
90
00:03:56,051 --> 00:03:57,550
opening the door
to a haunted house.
91
00:03:57,552 --> 00:04:00,553
I'll keep a short stack
at the ready
92
00:04:00,555 --> 00:04:02,722
in case gentle Ben
comes out of hibernation.
93
00:04:02,724 --> 00:04:05,075
Hey, I'm
just eating light
94
00:04:05,077 --> 00:04:07,694
so that on Thanksgiving I can
have a little extra stuffing
95
00:04:07,696 --> 00:04:09,029
and maybe some dessert.
96
00:04:09,031 --> 00:04:11,448
And there it is, the first lie
of the holiday season.
97
00:04:11,450 --> 00:04:12,999
God bless us everyone.
98
00:04:13,001 --> 00:04:15,252
Let it go, okay?
99
00:04:15,254 --> 00:04:16,670
Fine, I'm not
gonna push it.
100
00:04:16,672 --> 00:04:18,237
Oh, by the way,
I'm bringing Christina
101
00:04:18,239 --> 00:04:19,673
with me and grandma
this year.
102
00:04:19,675 --> 00:04:21,241
A date at Thanksgiving?
103
00:04:21,243 --> 00:04:22,676
I thought you didn't like
104
00:04:22,678 --> 00:04:24,761
to be "hamstrung
by the holiday hoochie. "
105
00:04:24,763 --> 00:04:28,109
Well, I'm bending a lot of
rules for Christina.
106
00:04:28,144 --> 00:04:30,100
This is the woman I'm planning
on ringing in the new year with.
107
00:04:30,102 --> 00:04:32,585
Does she know that you wear the
sash and the diaper
108
00:04:32,587 --> 00:04:34,437
even when no one asks you to?
109
00:04:34,439 --> 00:04:37,941
She will when the clock
strikes midnight.
110
00:04:37,943 --> 00:04:39,693
Geez, I'm starving to death.
111
00:04:39,695 --> 00:04:41,778
I need more lemons.
Samuel!
112
00:04:45,449 --> 00:04:46,449
What the hell was that?
113
00:04:46,451 --> 00:04:48,535
Sorry, I think
I had a loose button.
114
00:04:48,537 --> 00:04:50,320
Loose? It would've fallen into
your lap.
115
00:04:50,322 --> 00:04:53,873
That thing hit me in the head
like a Chinese throwing star.
116
00:04:53,875 --> 00:04:55,875
My shirt must have
shrunk in the dryer.
117
00:04:55,877 --> 00:04:58,044
Yeah, well, next time you might
wanna climb in with it.
118
00:05:10,224 --> 00:05:11,641
It's for your own good, Jim.
119
00:05:11,643 --> 00:05:13,410
You need to quit chewing
your ding-dong
120
00:05:13,412 --> 00:05:16,413
like it's got
peanut butter in it.
121
00:05:19,183 --> 00:05:21,467
Thanks for holding onto
these clothes, mom.
122
00:05:21,469 --> 00:05:23,653
Saves me from having
to buy new ones.
123
00:05:23,655 --> 00:05:25,805
Well, it didn't take
a magic eight ball
124
00:05:25,807 --> 00:05:27,941
to know you were gonna put those
pounds back on
125
00:05:27,943 --> 00:05:30,660
and come a-knocking
for your "chubby duds. "
126
00:05:30,662 --> 00:05:32,278
It's just temporary.
127
00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:35,148
I'll drop this weight before
Molly finds out about it.
128
00:05:35,150 --> 00:05:37,167
Is that why
you're starving yourself?
129
00:05:37,169 --> 00:05:41,171
So she can parade you around
in tank tops and skinny jeans?
130
00:05:41,173 --> 00:05:44,424
Mom, my "skinny jeans" have
12 belt loops
131
00:05:44,426 --> 00:05:48,378
and my tank tops are
"tank tops. "
132
00:05:48,380 --> 00:05:51,214
I, for one, love you
for who you are.
133
00:05:51,216 --> 00:05:54,333
Unlike your fiancée who seems
hell-bent
134
00:05:54,335 --> 00:05:57,520
on turning you into
a Chippendale dancer.
135
00:05:57,522 --> 00:05:59,556
Mom, people have
actually offered me money
136
00:05:59,558 --> 00:06:01,775
to keep my clothes on.
137
00:06:01,777 --> 00:06:03,676
And don't talk
about Molly that way.
138
00:06:03,678 --> 00:06:05,845
She only wants
what's best for me.
139
00:06:05,847 --> 00:06:07,731
All right,
don't bite my head off.
140
00:06:07,733 --> 00:06:09,532
Sounds to me like somebody's got
141
00:06:09,534 --> 00:06:12,786
a bad case of the
"hungry-grumblies. "
142
00:06:12,788 --> 00:06:14,120
You'd be grumbly, too,
143
00:06:14,122 --> 00:06:16,373
if you were living on dry toast
and lemon wedges.
144
00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:18,742
Oh, my God, that awful woman is
killing you.
145
00:06:18,744 --> 00:06:21,077
How 'bout mommy makes you
a nice bowl
146
00:06:21,079 --> 00:06:25,949
of macaroni and cheese while you
put on your big boy britches?
147
00:06:27,802 --> 00:06:31,370
Probably wouldn't hurt for me
to have a little something.
148
00:06:31,372 --> 00:06:33,473
I'll slice up
a few wienies in it.
149
00:06:33,475 --> 00:06:36,092
That way you're getting
your protein.
150
00:06:36,094 --> 00:06:38,094
Thanks, mom.
151
00:06:41,048 --> 00:06:43,983
Don't judge me.
I've seen you eat cat poop.
152
00:06:43,985 --> 00:06:44,934
(Barks)
153
00:06:49,757 --> 00:06:51,741
You guys are gonna love
these mashed potatoes.
154
00:06:51,743 --> 00:06:53,276
It's a new recipe
155
00:06:53,278 --> 00:06:56,062
that I found in
my healthy living cookbook.
156
00:06:56,064 --> 00:06:58,531
Mmm.
All right? Oop.
157
00:06:58,533 --> 00:06:59,449
Amazing.
158
00:06:59,451 --> 00:07:01,835
Mmm! Sweetie,
these are delicious.
159
00:07:01,837 --> 00:07:04,337
And here's the kicker, they're
not really mashed potatoes.
160
00:07:04,339 --> 00:07:05,755
They're pureed cauliflower.
161
00:07:05,757 --> 00:07:07,674
Yech.
Blech.
162
00:07:07,676 --> 00:07:09,759
Oh, come on!
A second ago you loved it.
163
00:07:09,761 --> 00:07:11,928
A second ago
it was potatoes.
164
00:07:12,913 --> 00:07:14,013
You tricked us.
165
00:07:14,015 --> 00:07:16,132
I don't like that.
166
00:07:18,135 --> 00:07:20,970
Sorry I'm late. My mom needed me
to unclog her disposal,
167
00:07:20,972 --> 00:07:23,189
and the thing blew coffee
grounds all over me,
168
00:07:23,191 --> 00:07:26,025
which is why I'm wearing this
shirt you've never seen before.
169
00:07:26,027 --> 00:07:27,894
Well, dinner's almost ready.
170
00:07:27,896 --> 00:07:30,280
Actually, I'm not hungry.
I had a late lunch.
171
00:07:30,282 --> 00:07:31,948
A late, light, sensible lunch.
172
00:07:32,950 --> 00:07:34,868
Not hungry? I've heard
him say "not"
173
00:07:34,870 --> 00:07:36,286
and I've heard him
say "hungry,"
174
00:07:36,288 --> 00:07:38,371
never the two together.
175
00:07:38,373 --> 00:07:40,623
You don't think
he's getting "fed"
176
00:07:40,625 --> 00:07:42,709
somewhere else, do you?
Stop it.
177
00:07:42,711 --> 00:07:45,611
Like that big ol' Maine coon
cat we used to have. Buster!
178
00:07:45,613 --> 00:07:49,382
He'd come home late and walk
right past his food dish.
179
00:07:49,384 --> 00:07:52,285
That's right. The divorcée
up the street was
180
00:07:52,287 --> 00:07:54,420
giving him fancy feast,
rubbing his belly
181
00:07:54,422 --> 00:07:56,005
and calling him "Rodney. "
Mm-hmm.
182
00:07:56,007 --> 00:07:57,724
I don't think...
183
00:07:57,726 --> 00:07:58,842
And she wasn't the only one.
184
00:07:58,844 --> 00:08:02,178
We had to tie a little bell
around his neck
185
00:08:02,180 --> 00:08:03,629
so we'd know
where he was.
186
00:08:03,631 --> 00:08:06,632
And he'd always come home
just to sleep and go potty.
187
00:08:06,634 --> 00:08:07,633
That's how I knew
188
00:08:07,635 --> 00:08:09,519
he was eating
three dinners a day.
189
00:08:09,521 --> 00:08:12,638
His litter box started
looking like an ashtray
190
00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:14,307
at a Cuban card game.
191
00:08:18,946 --> 00:08:20,230
Harry, you gotta help me.
192
00:08:20,232 --> 00:08:22,415
I just ate two bowls of Mac
and cheese at my mom's.
193
00:08:22,417 --> 00:08:24,334
What does it matter if
it's the packaged kind?
194
00:08:24,336 --> 00:08:25,535
What matters is I ate it
195
00:08:25,537 --> 00:08:27,537
right out of the pot
with my bare hands.
196
00:08:27,539 --> 00:08:29,506
Mike? Oh.
197
00:08:30,541 --> 00:08:31,925
Who you talking to?
198
00:08:31,927 --> 00:08:34,761
Nobody. Just, uh, checking
my voicemail,
199
00:08:34,763 --> 00:08:36,129
seeing if anybody called.
200
00:08:36,131 --> 00:08:37,547
How are you?
201
00:08:37,549 --> 00:08:39,883
I'm good. Everything okay?
202
00:08:39,885 --> 00:08:41,518
Yep. Never better.
203
00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:45,638
(Phone ringing)
204
00:08:51,445 --> 00:08:53,713
Are ya gonna answer that?
205
00:08:53,715 --> 00:08:57,817
Yes, I am. I just didn't
want to be rude.
206
00:08:57,819 --> 00:08:59,518
(Cheery):
Hello.
207
00:09:01,405 --> 00:09:03,489
Hey, Harry, what's up, my man?
208
00:09:03,491 --> 00:09:05,158
Oh, no! That's horrible.
209
00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:06,359
I'll be right over.
210
00:09:06,361 --> 00:09:08,494
Apparently, he's crawled
into a bag of Oreos
211
00:09:08,496 --> 00:09:11,364
and he's trying
to eat his way out.
212
00:09:11,366 --> 00:09:13,666
I'm surprised he got
reception in there.
213
00:09:13,668 --> 00:09:18,037
Oreos: The double-stuffed
train to hell.
214
00:09:21,008 --> 00:09:24,761
I may actually have to put
a bell around his neck.
215
00:09:27,881 --> 00:09:29,983
Listen, you don't have to worry
about Molly finding out.
216
00:09:29,985 --> 00:09:31,517
This is a men's-
only group.
217
00:09:31,519 --> 00:09:33,069
Harry, I'm not ready
to share.
218
00:09:33,071 --> 00:09:34,687
I'm still burping up
wienies and cheese.
219
00:09:34,689 --> 00:09:39,058
Oh, man, do I miss
those burps.
220
00:09:39,060 --> 00:09:41,744
But we've got to get you back
on the road to recovery.
221
00:09:41,746 --> 00:09:43,396
All right, let's do this thing.
222
00:09:43,398 --> 00:09:44,664
Just remember,
the first step is
223
00:09:44,666 --> 00:09:46,032
to be honest
with yourself
224
00:09:46,034 --> 00:09:47,917
so you can be honest
with everybody else.
225
00:09:47,919 --> 00:09:50,069
And it's even
more challenging
226
00:09:50,071 --> 00:09:51,570
being a gay man
with weight issues.
227
00:09:51,572 --> 00:09:53,957
By the way, my name is Kevin,
you're Ronaldo,
228
00:09:53,959 --> 00:09:55,758
and we're very much in love.
229
00:10:05,429 --> 00:10:06,596
Our primary purpose is
230
00:10:06,598 --> 00:10:08,548
to abstain from
compulsive overeating
231
00:10:08,550 --> 00:10:10,467
and to carry this
message of recovery
232
00:10:10,469 --> 00:10:11,901
to those who
still suffer.
233
00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:14,104
Harry, I'm gonna be fine.
Let's just get out of here.
234
00:10:14,106 --> 00:10:16,556
All you have to do
is stand up,
235
00:10:16,558 --> 00:10:19,859
pretend to be gay and admit that
you're powerless over food...
236
00:10:19,861 --> 00:10:23,613
And my beautiful
brown eyes.
237
00:10:23,615 --> 00:10:24,948
Fine, I'll go first.
238
00:10:27,234 --> 00:10:30,286
You have
a very commanding presence.
239
00:10:31,839 --> 00:10:34,591
Hello, my name is Kevin
and I'm an overeater.
240
00:10:34,593 --> 00:10:36,426
All:
Hi, Kevin.
241
00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:39,045
Well, things are going
really super for me.
242
00:10:39,047 --> 00:10:41,514
Ronaldo and I are very happy...
243
00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:42,582
And gay.
244
00:10:42,584 --> 00:10:44,617
We both have
weight issues
245
00:10:44,619 --> 00:10:46,586
and occasionally
we stumble,
246
00:10:46,588 --> 00:10:47,987
but there is
no judgment.
247
00:10:47,989 --> 00:10:51,090
Our relationship
is based on honesty.
248
00:10:51,092 --> 00:10:53,726
It is the glue that
holds us together.
249
00:10:53,728 --> 00:10:56,362
That and our
adopted African son, Chadwick.
250
00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:59,232
(Applause)
251
00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:02,285
I didn't want kids,
252
00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:05,371
but Kevin up there really wanted
to be a mommy.
253
00:11:10,377 --> 00:11:12,796
I apologize for
bringing up Chadwick,
254
00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:14,581
but I had to make
it believable
255
00:11:14,583 --> 00:11:17,417
because of my palpable
hetero vibe.
256
00:11:17,419 --> 00:11:18,751
Fine.
257
00:11:18,753 --> 00:11:20,253
And I'm sorry I didn't
share tonight,
258
00:11:20,255 --> 00:11:23,456
but I'll be back on my diet
first thing in the morning.
259
00:11:23,458 --> 00:11:26,759
Why are you pulling
into a drive-thru?
260
00:11:26,761 --> 00:11:28,628
I'm gonna grab a diet coke.
You want anything?
261
00:11:28,630 --> 00:11:30,263
No, I don't and
neither do you.
262
00:11:30,265 --> 00:11:32,232
I'm just getting
something to drink.
263
00:11:32,234 --> 00:11:35,351
Oh, the siren smell of fries.
It's like a salty whorehouse.
264
00:11:35,353 --> 00:11:37,770
Could I get
a diet coke, please?
265
00:11:37,772 --> 00:11:39,856
You sure you don't want anything?
No Mike,
266
00:11:39,858 --> 00:11:41,207
please get us out of this
267
00:11:41,209 --> 00:11:43,326
godforsaken island
of temptation.
268
00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:46,479
Are those chicken tenders
made with white meat?
269
00:11:46,481 --> 00:11:48,248
Slippery slope!
Slippery slope!
270
00:11:48,250 --> 00:11:49,415
You know what, strike that.
271
00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:50,783
How about a grilled
chicken sandwich
272
00:11:50,785 --> 00:11:53,086
and a small order of fries?
273
00:11:53,088 --> 00:11:56,089
Do not give this man food!
274
00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:57,123
Stop it.
275
00:11:57,125 --> 00:11:59,509
No chicken sandwich,
no coke, no fries!
276
00:11:59,511 --> 00:12:01,928
Man: One chicken sandwich,
one coke, one fries.
277
00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:02,879
No!
278
00:12:02,881 --> 00:12:05,348
It's out of my hands.
279
00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:08,768
I will not be party to this.
On second thought,
280
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:10,186
forget the chicken sandwich.
281
00:12:10,188 --> 00:12:12,838
I'll have a double
bacon cheeseburger.
282
00:12:16,227 --> 00:12:18,478
You shall not pass!
283
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:20,813
Pay at the first window, please.
284
00:12:22,849 --> 00:12:26,703
I don't think I want
to be your sponsor anymore.
285
00:12:32,008 --> 00:12:34,543
So what time did Mike
finally get home last night?
286
00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:36,095
I don't know, it was late
287
00:12:36,097 --> 00:12:39,264
and I was already asleep.
Just snuck in, huh?
288
00:12:39,266 --> 00:12:41,333
That's what
Buster would do.
289
00:12:41,335 --> 00:12:43,835
Okay, stop it.
290
00:12:43,837 --> 00:12:46,388
Mike's not a cat.
He's also not cheating on me.
291
00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:48,190
He is, however,
cheating on his diet
292
00:12:48,192 --> 00:12:50,025
and he's trying
to hide it from me.
293
00:12:50,027 --> 00:12:51,727
That explains
why I've been finding
294
00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:54,530
candy wrappers
in my bird feeder.
295
00:12:54,532 --> 00:12:57,116
Oh no, it's gotten that bad?
296
00:12:57,118 --> 00:12:58,317
Well, it's either him
297
00:12:58,319 --> 00:13:00,519
or the finches are feeding
their babies milk duds.
298
00:13:02,038 --> 00:13:04,656
And I didn't want to say
anything, but my munchie drawer
299
00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:06,492
has definitely been
compromised.
300
00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:10,245
Victoria, are you sure it was Mike?
Pretty sure.
301
00:13:10,247 --> 00:13:13,198
My cheetos were gone and
the TV remote was orange
302
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,501
and tasted like cheese.
303
00:13:20,974 --> 00:13:22,725
You know, I was
very instrumental
304
00:13:22,727 --> 00:13:24,226
in getting Mike and
Molly together.
305
00:13:24,228 --> 00:13:26,311
I didn't realize you were
such a romantic, Carl.
306
00:13:26,313 --> 00:13:28,764
Oh yes. I may have
a tough, rugged exterior,
307
00:13:28,766 --> 00:13:30,299
but inside I'm like
two baby ducks
308
00:13:30,301 --> 00:13:32,801
giving each other
butterfly kisses.
309
00:13:32,803 --> 00:13:34,903
Ring the bell, fool.
310
00:13:34,905 --> 00:13:38,023
This pie is hot and
my behind is cold.
311
00:13:38,025 --> 00:13:41,243
When he starts rambling on like that,
just sing a song in your head.
312
00:13:41,245 --> 00:13:43,112
That's what I do.
313
00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:44,346
(Doorbell ringing)
314
00:13:44,348 --> 00:13:47,065
Don't worry, Vince,
I'll get it.
315
00:13:47,067 --> 00:13:48,500
How long till we eat?
316
00:13:48,502 --> 00:13:49,952
Well, if you hopped in the oven
317
00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:52,171
with an apple in your mouth,
I'd say four hours.
318
00:13:52,173 --> 00:13:55,007
Hey, happy Thanksgiving. Hi!
Happy Thanksgiving.
319
00:13:55,009 --> 00:13:57,526
Molly, I'd like you to meet
my special lady, Christina.
320
00:13:57,528 --> 00:13:58,660
Christina, this is Molly.
321
00:13:58,662 --> 00:14:00,462
It's so nice
to finally meet you.
322
00:14:00,464 --> 00:14:01,746
Nice to meet you, too.
323
00:14:01,748 --> 00:14:03,766
Hi, Nana.
Hey, sweetie.
324
00:14:03,768 --> 00:14:05,083
Where's Mike?
325
00:14:05,085 --> 00:14:07,052
Oh, he's been upstairs
all morning.
326
00:14:07,054 --> 00:14:09,721
Oh, yeah, the diet thing.
You want me to talk to him?
327
00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:12,808
Would you? I-I don't think he's
ready to talk to me.
328
00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:15,260
Oh, yeah, it'll be fine.
I'll be right back.
329
00:14:15,262 --> 00:14:17,429
And if that old woman starts
to tell Christina the story
330
00:14:17,431 --> 00:14:19,481
about me and the blind girl
at Bible camp,
331
00:14:19,483 --> 00:14:22,785
knock the drink out her hand
and come get me. Will do.
332
00:14:22,787 --> 00:14:25,537
Right after
I hear the story.
333
00:14:26,539 --> 00:14:28,290
Come on in.
334
00:14:31,444 --> 00:14:34,296
Oh, no. Hawaiian shirt
and sweatpants.
335
00:14:34,298 --> 00:14:37,332
Why don't you just put on
a muumuu and be done with it?
336
00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:40,452
It's not a big deal.
It's supposed to be a casual gathering.
337
00:14:40,454 --> 00:14:43,788
Yeah, but we ain't playing
ukuleles and juggling fire sticks.
338
00:14:43,790 --> 00:14:45,841
All right, I may have put
on a couple of pounds,
339
00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:48,177
but trust me, Friday morning
I'm back in the saddle.
340
00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:49,794
The way you're going,
by Friday morning
341
00:14:49,796 --> 00:14:51,430
you're gonna be
wearing a saddle.
342
00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:53,182
Carl, please don't tell Molly.
343
00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:55,184
She lost three pounds
last week and all I lost
344
00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:58,520
was a nutter butter
I dropped in the shower.
345
00:14:58,522 --> 00:15:00,155
Eating in the shower again?
346
00:15:00,157 --> 00:15:01,806
But I thought things
were going so good.
347
00:15:01,808 --> 00:15:03,442
I've never been
happier in my life.
348
00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:04,776
And because of that
349
00:15:04,778 --> 00:15:07,246
I think I may have let
my guard down a little.
350
00:15:07,248 --> 00:15:09,649
So you put on a few pounds
and that made you feel guilty,
351
00:15:09,674 --> 00:15:11,074
which caused you to eat more.
352
00:15:11,151 --> 00:15:14,419
Exactly. Next thing you know,
I'm hiding snack cakes
353
00:15:14,421 --> 00:15:17,739
in my gym shoes and
dressing like Don Ho-Bo.
354
00:15:17,741 --> 00:15:20,776
Wait, you actually went out
and bought gym shoes?
355
00:15:20,778 --> 00:15:23,679
Hey, that's good cardio
in and of itself.
356
00:15:23,681 --> 00:15:26,315
Carl, Bible camp.
357
00:15:26,317 --> 00:15:28,433
Gotta go.
358
00:15:29,269 --> 00:15:30,769
Hey, nice outfit.
359
00:15:30,771 --> 00:15:32,771
You want to
borrow my coconut bra?
360
00:15:32,773 --> 00:15:35,474
There's something
I need to tell you.
361
00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:37,059
Have a seat.
362
00:15:39,779 --> 00:15:41,280
Hope you're not seeing
another woman
363
00:15:41,282 --> 00:15:44,816
because we don't have
any more chairs downstairs.
364
00:15:44,818 --> 00:15:46,318
I'm not having an affair.
365
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:51,940
But I have been sneaking around
and hiding something from you.
366
00:15:51,942 --> 00:15:53,442
You've fallen off your diet.
367
00:15:53,444 --> 00:15:55,327
You know?
368
00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:56,695
Of course I know.
369
00:15:56,697 --> 00:15:59,548
I spend every day with you.
I sleep with you.
370
00:15:59,550 --> 00:16:01,300
I put my
arms around you.
371
00:16:01,302 --> 00:16:03,569
And you figured out your arms
aren't getting any shorter?
372
00:16:03,571 --> 00:16:05,337
No.
373
00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:07,222
I'm sorry
to disappoint you.
374
00:16:07,224 --> 00:16:08,807
Mike, the only thing
that disappointed me
375
00:16:08,809 --> 00:16:11,876
was that you didn't feel that you
could come talk to me about it.
376
00:16:11,878 --> 00:16:14,396
I didn't want you
to think I was weak.
377
00:16:14,398 --> 00:16:16,315
And especially since
you're doing so good.
378
00:16:16,317 --> 00:16:18,083
Yeah, for now.
379
00:16:18,085 --> 00:16:20,719
But just last month I ate a
whole bag of my sister's cheetos
380
00:16:20,721 --> 00:16:23,438
while I was watching
the Chicago marathon.
381
00:16:25,792 --> 00:16:28,527
She really needs to put
a lock on that munchie drawer.
382
00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:32,247
She really needs
to quit smoking pot.
383
00:16:33,833 --> 00:16:38,253
You know, one of the perks of
this whole relationship thing
384
00:16:38,255 --> 00:16:41,707
is that you get to tell the
other person everything.
385
00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:43,675
You want to hear
the best part?
386
00:16:43,677 --> 00:16:44,960
What?
387
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:47,613
They never stop
loving you.
388
00:16:56,589 --> 00:16:59,608
Listen, everyone, Mike and I are
going to go out for a little while.
389
00:16:59,610 --> 00:17:01,193
Just enjoy yourselves.
390
00:17:01,195 --> 00:17:03,478
When the oven dings,
take the Turkey out.
391
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,097
Based on this group, that's
probably gonna fall on you.
392
00:17:06,099 --> 00:17:07,849
Got it.
393
00:17:07,851 --> 00:17:09,701
And don't worry about
saving anything for me.
394
00:17:09,703 --> 00:17:11,570
I've been a little
remiss in my diet.
395
00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:12,771
Oh, and Harry,
396
00:17:12,773 --> 00:17:14,773
the secret's out.
I told her everything.
397
00:17:14,775 --> 00:17:16,775
Did you tell her about
our baby Chadwick
398
00:17:16,777 --> 00:17:18,877
and the room full of gay men?
399
00:17:21,164 --> 00:17:23,882
I'll explain it in the car.
Oh...
400
00:17:25,101 --> 00:17:26,385
Where are you two going?
401
00:17:26,387 --> 00:17:28,470
We're going
to an O.A meeting.
402
00:17:28,472 --> 00:17:30,055
It's Thanksgiving.
403
00:17:30,057 --> 00:17:32,908
Yeah, well, I've been celebrating
the holiday for a while now.
404
00:17:32,910 --> 00:17:34,726
Hey, you want to take
some banana pudding
405
00:17:34,728 --> 00:17:36,678
for the drive over?
406
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,963
Wow. Really?
407
00:17:39,932 --> 00:17:41,767
No thanks, mom.
You're gonna have to
408
00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:44,770
figure out a different way
to show me your love.
409
00:17:45,772 --> 00:17:49,374
How the hell am I
supposed to do that?
410
00:17:51,310 --> 00:17:55,280
All right, I took the cone off.
No chewing your ass.
411
00:18:01,473 --> 00:18:03,958
You okay?
412
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:05,409
A little shaky.
413
00:18:05,411 --> 00:18:08,062
Right here with you, pal.
414
00:18:08,064 --> 00:18:10,247
All right, does anyone
else want to share?
415
00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:25,729
Hi, my name's Mike
and I'm an overeater.
416
00:18:25,731 --> 00:18:26,947
All:
Hi, Mike.
417
00:18:29,018 --> 00:18:32,286
Sync and corrections by GeirDM
www. addic7ed. com