1
00:00:03,300 --> 00:00:04,467
Hey.
2
00:00:04,518 --> 00:00:05,968
(yelling)
(laughing)
3
00:00:06,475 --> 00:00:07,708
Is there any
better feeling
4
00:00:07,759 --> 00:00:10,177
than waiting for a live
Krusty show to start?
5
00:00:10,228 --> 00:00:13,013
Maybe watching your bride
coming down the aisle.
6
00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:14,048
Hmm.
7
00:00:14,116 --> 00:00:17,401
(organ plays discordant music)
8
00:00:17,469 --> 00:00:20,604
(grunting)
9
00:00:20,689 --> 00:00:22,123
(sobbing)
10
00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:24,425
Why does she get to eat
before the reception?
11
00:00:24,493 --> 00:00:25,993
(sobbing)
12
00:00:26,018 --> 00:00:29,518
♪ The Simpsons 23x07 ♪
The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants
Original Air Date on November 27, 2011
13
00:00:29,519 --> 00:00:33,019
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
14
00:00:34,569 --> 00:00:36,954
Seltzer bottle connected
and pressurized?
15
00:00:37,038 --> 00:00:38,472
Check.
16
00:00:38,540 --> 00:00:40,207
Roll-up dicky
set to six?
17
00:00:40,258 --> 00:00:41,976
Nope. 11.
(gasps)
18
00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:44,820
My comedy comes
from taking risks.
19
00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:47,110
Or avoiding them,
I can't remember.
20
00:00:47,135 --> 00:00:48,608
Krusty, we need to talk.
21
00:00:48,633 --> 00:00:51,089
Make it fast.
I got a coiled up spring
22
00:00:51,114 --> 00:00:53,038
ready to boi-oi-oi-oi-oing.
23
00:00:53,824 --> 00:00:57,144
Oh, why can't I be funny
with just my words?
24
00:00:57,154 --> 00:00:59,488
Bill Maher doesn't put dangerous
things near his crotch,
25
00:00:59,556 --> 00:01:01,557
except when
he's off work.
26
00:01:01,625 --> 00:01:02,958
(laughs)
Yeah.
27
00:01:03,026 --> 00:01:05,628
It's about your vodka,
Absolut Krusty.
28
00:01:05,695 --> 00:01:07,062
We're having trouble
persuading people
29
00:01:07,130 --> 00:01:09,665
it's hip to drink a
vodka made by a clown,
30
00:01:09,733 --> 00:01:11,367
in a bottle shaped
like a clown,
31
00:01:11,434 --> 00:01:13,035
that does this
when you open it.
32
00:01:13,103 --> 00:01:14,203
(ooga horn sounds)
33
00:01:14,271 --> 00:01:15,337
(laughs)
34
00:01:15,405 --> 00:01:16,772
Always gets me.
35
00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:18,107
Yeah, plus,
that TV special
36
00:01:18,175 --> 00:01:20,543
where you drank another brand
of vodka didn't help.
37
00:01:20,610 --> 00:01:22,845
I used up my stuff
poisoning deer.
38
00:01:22,913 --> 00:01:24,613
If we're ever gonna
sell your vodka,
39
00:01:24,681 --> 00:01:26,515
we need to do something
completely unorthodox--
40
00:01:26,583 --> 00:01:27,817
a viral marketing
campaign.
41
00:01:27,884 --> 00:01:29,018
(metallic creaking)
44
00:01:32,856 --> 00:01:34,757
People are more likely
to drink your vodka
45
00:01:34,825 --> 00:01:37,326
if they think all their
coolest friends are drinking it.
46
00:01:37,394 --> 00:01:39,061
So, we pay for
a big party
47
00:01:39,129 --> 00:01:40,863
at the home of a
Springfield trendsetter.
48
00:01:40,931 --> 00:01:43,732
Your Brockman,
your Bumblebee Man...
49
00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,635
He invites his cool friends,
we serve free cocktails,
50
00:01:46,703 --> 00:01:49,071
made with your vodka,
generating buzz.
51
00:01:49,139 --> 00:01:50,606
We got buzz.
52
00:01:50,674 --> 00:01:52,007
Positive buzz.
53
00:01:52,075 --> 00:01:54,143
That exists? Wow.
54
00:01:54,211 --> 00:01:57,246
So, all you have to do is find
one of your loyal fans
55
00:01:57,314 --> 00:01:59,448
whose house we can trash
and friends you can exploit.
56
00:01:59,516 --> 00:02:00,516
(metallic creaking)
57
00:02:00,584 --> 00:02:02,251
(gasps, grunts)
58
00:02:02,319 --> 00:02:03,752
I need a drink.
59
00:02:03,820 --> 00:02:06,522
Not that!
Never that!
60
00:02:06,590 --> 00:02:07,456
(theme music plays)
61
00:02:07,524 --> 00:02:08,891
Hey, hey, kids!
62
00:02:08,959 --> 00:02:11,293
Who wants to host
a viral marketing event?
63
00:02:11,361 --> 00:02:12,795
ALL:
Yay!
64
00:02:12,863 --> 00:02:15,130
All you have to do
is write me a letter
65
00:02:15,198 --> 00:02:17,499
about how hip and influential
your parents are.
66
00:02:17,567 --> 00:02:19,501
Milhouse, I'm gonna
win that thing.
67
00:02:19,569 --> 00:02:20,903
How do you know, Bart?
68
00:02:20,971 --> 00:02:23,138
Maybe for once I'll win.
69
00:02:23,206 --> 00:02:25,608
Children of troubled marriages
not eligible.
70
00:02:25,675 --> 00:02:27,109
Oh!
71
00:02:27,177 --> 00:02:28,410
(birds singing)
72
00:02:28,478 --> 00:02:30,512
So, uh, why
are you here?
73
00:02:30,580 --> 00:02:32,681
Is it about that unauthorized
Krusty lookalike
74
00:02:32,749 --> 00:02:34,350
I hired for Lisa's
first communion?
75
00:02:34,417 --> 00:02:35,484
What was his name?
76
00:02:35,552 --> 00:02:37,286
Krappy the Klunk. See?
77
00:02:37,354 --> 00:02:40,089
Homer, we're here
to throw the most redonkulous
78
00:02:40,156 --> 00:02:42,424
marketing outreach
this town's ever seen.
79
00:02:42,492 --> 00:02:45,127
All you have to do is invite
every cool person you know.
80
00:02:45,195 --> 00:02:46,495
Hey, I wrote the application.
81
00:02:46,563 --> 00:02:48,430
Do any of my friends get
to come?
82
00:02:48,498 --> 00:02:49,732
One friend.
83
00:02:49,799 --> 00:02:51,634
He can listen to music
with headphones on,
84
00:02:51,701 --> 00:02:53,269
he gets one slice
of cheese pizza,
85
00:02:53,336 --> 00:02:54,770
and if the party
gets slow,
86
00:02:54,838 --> 00:02:57,139
he has to pretend to let
Krusty save him from drowning.
87
00:02:57,207 --> 00:02:58,307
Redonkulous!
88
00:02:58,375 --> 00:02:59,408
Off the dilge!
89
00:03:00,543 --> 00:03:02,912
(dance music playing)
90
00:03:02,979 --> 00:03:04,446
(tires squeak)
91
00:03:04,514 --> 00:03:08,417
(crowd chatter)
92
00:03:08,485 --> 00:03:11,387
This party is so much better
than the crummy ones we plan.
93
00:03:11,454 --> 00:03:12,588
(laughs)
94
00:03:12,656 --> 00:03:14,790
I hope Bart's having fun.
95
00:03:14,858 --> 00:03:18,027
And that's why John Gielgud
is more of a father to me
96
00:03:18,094 --> 00:03:19,762
than my own father.
97
00:03:19,829 --> 00:03:21,630
Where's the nachos
you promised?
98
00:03:21,698 --> 00:03:24,300
There'll be time enough
for nachos!
99
00:03:24,367 --> 00:03:27,036
Why can't I go to
the grown-up room?
100
00:03:27,103 --> 00:03:29,571
You said the clown scared you.
101
00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:31,407
Well, he did a little.
102
00:03:31,474 --> 00:03:33,108
(crowd chatter
and laughter)
103
00:03:33,176 --> 00:03:35,477
Boy, everyone from the
nuclear plant is here.
104
00:03:35,545 --> 00:03:36,979
Except the bosses,
of course.
105
00:03:37,047 --> 00:03:39,081
Yeah, even Homer's not dumb
enough to invite...
106
00:03:39,149 --> 00:03:40,482
BURNS:
So!
107
00:03:40,550 --> 00:03:41,784
This is the famous party.
108
00:03:41,851 --> 00:03:43,352
Feh.
109
00:03:43,420 --> 00:03:44,520
Guh.
110
00:03:44,587 --> 00:03:46,221
Pffoy.
111
00:03:46,289 --> 00:03:48,023
(crowd chatter)
112
00:03:50,860 --> 00:03:53,195
He's destroying
our youthful demographic!
113
00:03:53,263 --> 00:03:55,030
Oh, God, I need a drink!
114
00:03:56,633 --> 00:03:59,768
So the car in front of us
forgot to validate his... uh...
115
00:03:59,836 --> 00:04:02,705
(laughing):
I was in an anecdote once.
116
00:04:02,772 --> 00:04:05,007
Um, I have surgery
in the morning.
117
00:04:05,075 --> 00:04:07,743
Yeah, and I'm the one
having the surgery.
118
00:04:07,811 --> 00:04:09,578
(sighs)
119
00:04:09,646 --> 00:04:10,913
Homer, you're
the nominal host.
120
00:04:10,981 --> 00:04:12,181
Do something!
121
00:04:12,248 --> 00:04:14,350
Oh! Uh! Oh!
122
00:04:14,417 --> 00:04:16,852
Mr. Burns,
123
00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:18,887
so glad you're here.
124
00:04:18,955 --> 00:04:20,889
Finally, the party
can get started.
125
00:04:20,957 --> 00:04:23,258
Your cotillion seems
to be in full promenade.
126
00:04:23,326 --> 00:04:24,693
(laughs):
Good one.
127
00:04:24,761 --> 00:04:28,330
Uh, Mr. Burns, everyone is dying
to hear you sing karaoke.
128
00:04:28,398 --> 00:04:31,000
Come on, just pick
a popular song.
129
00:04:31,067 --> 00:04:32,968
Do you have anything
by Prince...
130
00:04:33,036 --> 00:04:34,770
Wilhelm of Prussia?
131
00:04:34,838 --> 00:04:37,706
I have 16 million
songs, but, uh, no.
132
00:04:37,774 --> 00:04:42,044
Just play the oldest,
stupidest thing in your catalog.
133
00:04:42,112 --> 00:04:44,113
Uh, let me check
my beeswax cylinders.
134
00:04:44,180 --> 00:04:46,448
Uh, here we are.
135
00:04:46,516 --> 00:04:49,551
♪ Come Josephine
in my flying machine! ♪
136
00:04:49,619 --> 00:04:53,355
♪ Going up she goes,
up she goes ♪
137
00:04:53,423 --> 00:04:56,358
♪ Balance yourself
like a bird on a beam ♪
138
00:04:56,426 --> 00:05:00,162
ALL: ♪ In the air she goes,
there she goes. ♪
139
00:05:00,230 --> 00:05:01,864
(applause and cheering,
Mr. Burns chuckles)
140
00:05:01,931 --> 00:05:05,501
May you all fly
in an aeroplane someday.
141
00:05:05,568 --> 00:05:07,736
You certainly seem to be
enjoying yourself, sir.
142
00:05:07,804 --> 00:05:10,172
Indeed. That Homer Simpson
is the beating baboon heart
143
00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:11,607
of this party.
144
00:05:11,674 --> 00:05:14,810
So he says, "Bigamy is having
one too many wives."
145
00:05:14,878 --> 00:05:17,613
To which I replied,
"So's monogamy."
146
00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:19,081
(laughter)
147
00:05:19,149 --> 00:05:20,716
Oh, yeah!
148
00:05:20,784 --> 00:05:22,951
I may have a use for
this Simpson character
149
00:05:23,019 --> 00:05:24,553
higher up in the
organization.
150
00:05:24,621 --> 00:05:26,255
Really? Well,
as safety inspector,
151
00:05:26,322 --> 00:05:28,657
he hasn't exactly
set the world on fire,
152
00:05:28,725 --> 00:05:30,459
although he came close
several times.
153
00:05:30,527 --> 00:05:31,927
(crow caws)
154
00:05:31,995 --> 00:05:33,495
Simpson, you're
probably wondering
155
00:05:33,563 --> 00:05:35,197
why you're here.
156
00:05:35,265 --> 00:05:36,465
It's never good.
157
00:05:36,533 --> 00:05:38,500
I always wind up
being chased by hounds,
158
00:05:38,568 --> 00:05:40,169
or falling
through a trapdoor,
159
00:05:40,236 --> 00:05:42,938
or being a peg in your game
of human croquet.
160
00:05:43,006 --> 00:05:45,374
When I made you a hoop,
you split your pants.
161
00:05:45,442 --> 00:05:48,010
Now, here at the plant, there's
no position more important
162
00:05:48,078 --> 00:05:50,479
than our accounts man,
who's responsible
163
00:05:50,547 --> 00:05:52,848
for glad-handing our
customers and suppliers.
164
00:05:52,916 --> 00:05:55,284
I'd like you to take
over that position.
165
00:05:55,351 --> 00:05:57,820
The last thing I understood
in that was "pants."
166
00:05:57,887 --> 00:05:59,688
Just give me your answer,
and make it quick!
167
00:05:59,756 --> 00:06:01,090
Our current account man,
Robert Marlowe here,
168
00:06:01,157 --> 00:06:02,825
is retiring at the
end of the month.
169
00:06:02,892 --> 00:06:05,060
In two weeks, the only tie
I'll be wearing is
170
00:06:05,128 --> 00:06:07,096
for autoerotic pleasure.
171
00:06:07,163 --> 00:06:09,631
Yes. Simpson,
only you have the bonhomie
172
00:06:09,699 --> 00:06:11,567
and rotund charm
to replace him.
173
00:06:11,634 --> 00:06:14,937
It means a hefty expense account
and a corner office.
174
00:06:15,004 --> 00:06:17,106
Well, in that case...
175
00:06:17,173 --> 00:06:20,609
Before you say yes, Simpson,
I feel it's my duty to warn you,
176
00:06:20,677 --> 00:06:22,778
account men lose their soul.
177
00:06:22,846 --> 00:06:24,980
Woo-hoo! No
more church!
178
00:06:27,538 --> 00:06:29,873
(door squeaks open and shut)
179
00:06:29,940 --> 00:06:31,975
So long, Sector 7-G.
180
00:06:32,042 --> 00:06:34,744
Hello, Sector 22-F!
181
00:06:36,947 --> 00:06:37,914
(elevator bell dings)
182
00:06:38,916 --> 00:06:40,950
(gasps)
183
00:06:44,522 --> 00:06:46,623
(sizzling)
184
00:06:46,690 --> 00:06:48,358
(giggling)
185
00:06:48,425 --> 00:06:49,726
Uh.
186
00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:59,369
The higher they rise,
the further they fall!
187
00:06:59,436 --> 00:07:01,504
You know,
you're kind of a downer.
188
00:07:01,572 --> 00:07:02,839
I thought
you were retiring.
189
00:07:02,907 --> 00:07:04,340
Why are you still here?
190
00:07:04,408 --> 00:07:06,075
Hey, you're a
baby account man.
191
00:07:06,143 --> 00:07:07,577
Still on the bottle.
192
00:07:07,645 --> 00:07:10,413
So, for my last good
deed before I retire,
193
00:07:10,481 --> 00:07:12,415
I'm going to help you
persuade Mayor Quimby
194
00:07:12,483 --> 00:07:14,284
to sign off on a
nuclear rate hike.
195
00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:15,985
Uh-oh, a meeting
with the mayor.
196
00:07:16,053 --> 00:07:18,354
How do I prepare for that?
197
00:07:18,422 --> 00:07:19,689
(chuckles)
198
00:07:19,757 --> 00:07:21,291
I see.
199
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:24,060
Now, how do I prepare
for the meeting with the mayor?
200
00:07:25,496 --> 00:07:28,698
I am really enjoying this,
but, um...
201
00:07:28,766 --> 00:07:30,934
Hello! Meeting
with the mayor?
202
00:07:33,103 --> 00:07:34,103
(glass breaking)
203
00:07:34,171 --> 00:07:36,706
Aw. Bourbon go bye-bye.
204
00:07:36,774 --> 00:07:39,509
There ain't enough bourbon
in Kentucky for you, big guy.
205
00:07:39,577 --> 00:07:43,446
Yeah, the governor wrote me
a letter to that effect.
206
00:07:44,848 --> 00:07:46,015
Wow, I can't believe
207
00:07:46,083 --> 00:07:47,584
I'm eating steak
with the mayor.
208
00:07:47,651 --> 00:07:50,320
The next time, I vote for
you, it's gonna be on purpose.
209
00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:51,654
Much obliged.
210
00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:53,223
Now, uh, where would you like
211
00:07:53,290 --> 00:07:56,359
to discuss
your proposed tax breaks?
212
00:07:56,427 --> 00:07:58,995
(laughing)
213
00:07:59,063 --> 00:08:00,230
Mmm.
214
00:08:00,297 --> 00:08:01,431
Hey, Homer!
215
00:08:01,498 --> 00:08:02,599
Look at you, man!
216
00:08:02,666 --> 00:08:04,434
I've outgrown you!
217
00:08:04,501 --> 00:08:08,938
Oh, Mr. Mayor,
more peanut nore?
218
00:08:09,006 --> 00:08:10,373
(knocking on window)
219
00:08:12,109 --> 00:08:14,877
(glass squeaking)
220
00:08:17,781 --> 00:08:18,781
(both grunt)
221
00:08:18,849 --> 00:08:20,083
Say what you will, man.
222
00:08:20,150 --> 00:08:21,551
He's pretty resourceful.
223
00:08:21,619 --> 00:08:23,152
(cheering)
HOMER: Wow.
224
00:08:23,220 --> 00:08:24,821
These seats are amazing.
225
00:08:24,888 --> 00:08:27,190
And if you don't like the score,
you can change it yourself.
226
00:08:27,258 --> 00:08:28,524
(click)
227
00:08:28,592 --> 00:08:29,559
HOMER:
♪ Boring. ♪
228
00:08:29,627 --> 00:08:31,694
(click)
229
00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:33,162
God, what a
great game!
230
00:08:33,230 --> 00:08:35,765
And you, too, can be on the
winning team, Mr. Mayor.
231
00:08:35,833 --> 00:08:37,700
The Springfield
Nuclear Team.
232
00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:40,937
I have never heard an analogy
involving sports!
233
00:08:41,005 --> 00:08:42,538
I love it!
234
00:08:42,606 --> 00:08:44,474
I can't believe
that was work!
235
00:08:44,541 --> 00:08:45,975
Yeah, but work is over now.
236
00:08:46,043 --> 00:08:47,977
Want to drink with me
till I fall asleep?
237
00:08:48,045 --> 00:08:50,313
Oh, well...
238
00:08:50,381 --> 00:08:53,316
Mm, I really should look
at this picture a little longer.
239
00:08:53,384 --> 00:08:54,617
Hmm.
240
00:08:54,685 --> 00:08:56,219
Okay, let's go.
241
00:08:56,287 --> 00:08:58,988
Great. Now, in honor of my
last day on the hamster wheel,
242
00:08:59,056 --> 00:09:00,623
I have a little
gift for you.
243
00:09:00,691 --> 00:09:02,825
This set of bar tools
has been passed down
244
00:09:02,893 --> 00:09:05,528
from account man to account
man since the dawn of history.
245
00:09:05,596 --> 00:09:07,530
1956.
246
00:09:07,598 --> 00:09:09,766
Can you be my dad?
247
00:09:09,833 --> 00:09:12,535
If your mom was a secretary,
there's a good chance I am.
248
00:09:12,603 --> 00:09:14,537
(tires squealing)
249
00:09:14,605 --> 00:09:15,838
(sighs)
250
00:09:15,906 --> 00:09:19,442
Welcome home, handsome!
251
00:09:19,510 --> 00:09:21,277
(both moan)
252
00:09:21,345 --> 00:09:23,012
(laughs)
253
00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,748
It's a rat race, but
it looks like I won.
254
00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:28,151
Oh, to the victor
go the spoils.
255
00:09:28,218 --> 00:09:29,619
Mmm.
256
00:09:29,687 --> 00:09:32,255
Dad, you were supposed
to read me a bedtime story.
257
00:09:32,323 --> 00:09:33,790
Oh, sorry,
sweetie.
258
00:09:33,857 --> 00:09:35,091
Bart can read
it to you.
259
00:09:35,159 --> 00:09:36,459
(Homer and Marge laugh)
260
00:09:36,527 --> 00:09:39,262
Read to Lisa? Why don't you
just ask me to kiss her?
261
00:09:39,330 --> 00:09:41,431
If you kissed her,
that would be lovely.
262
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:42,465
I'll read! I'll read!
263
00:09:42,533 --> 00:09:44,000
And kiss.
264
00:09:44,068 --> 00:09:45,601
Does anyone want
my opinion?
265
00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:46,869
Please, Lisa.
266
00:09:46,937 --> 00:09:48,338
I had 18 martinis today.
267
00:09:48,405 --> 00:09:49,972
MARGE:
Hello.
268
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:54,310
All right, Lis, let's get this
stupid bedtime story over with.
269
00:09:54,378 --> 00:09:56,713
Proceed to the page with
the butterfly bookmark
270
00:09:56,780 --> 00:09:58,915
as I cuddle up
with Madam Bunny.
271
00:09:58,982 --> 00:10:00,316
(clears throat)
272
00:10:00,384 --> 00:10:04,253
"If genn-i-oos..."
273
00:10:04,321 --> 00:10:05,555
Genius.
274
00:10:05,622 --> 00:10:09,125
"...is eternal pati...
275
00:10:09,193 --> 00:10:10,660
"pat-eh...
276
00:10:10,728 --> 00:10:11,928
pa-tie..."
277
00:10:11,995 --> 00:10:12,995
Patience. Patience!
278
00:10:13,063 --> 00:10:14,430
Get on with it!
279
00:10:14,498 --> 00:10:15,665
Shut up! Shut up!
280
00:10:15,733 --> 00:10:16,966
I'm a bad reader, okay?!
281
00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:18,668
Well, I could help you.
282
00:10:18,736 --> 00:10:20,136
I don't want your help!
283
00:10:20,204 --> 00:10:23,272
I'll get one of those jobs
where you don't need to read,
284
00:10:23,340 --> 00:10:25,241
like French fry maker
or general.
285
00:10:25,309 --> 00:10:27,477
- Well, you're getting my help.
- Forget it.
286
00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:29,679
Don't you want to be
able to read the things
287
00:10:29,747 --> 00:10:31,347
people carve into
your chest in prison?
288
00:10:31,415 --> 00:10:32,648
I guess.
289
00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:34,484
♪ ♪
290
00:10:46,296 --> 00:10:48,164
Close enough.
291
00:10:56,407 --> 00:10:58,374
(sighs)
292
00:11:00,377 --> 00:11:02,512
♪ ♪
293
00:11:31,975 --> 00:11:33,910
"But when the helpful voice
was silent,
294
00:11:33,977 --> 00:11:36,446
"the daily lesson over,
the beloved presence gone,
295
00:11:36,513 --> 00:11:38,848
"and nothing remained
but loneliness and grief,
296
00:11:38,916 --> 00:11:41,851
then Jo found her promise
very hard to keep."
297
00:11:41,919 --> 00:11:43,586
We did it, Bart.
298
00:11:43,654 --> 00:11:45,955
(groans)
I'm a mentor.
299
00:11:46,023 --> 00:11:48,057
Big deal, you taught me
to read one book.
300
00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:50,860
No, Bart, you can read
other books, too.
301
00:11:50,928 --> 00:11:52,128
What?!
302
00:11:55,999 --> 00:11:58,901
Homie, what
are you doing?
303
00:11:58,969 --> 00:12:01,237
My work is
so meaningless.
304
00:12:01,305 --> 00:12:02,939
You make
electricity.
305
00:12:03,006 --> 00:12:04,941
It runs the
hospital.
306
00:12:05,008 --> 00:12:07,009
You can't touch
electricity, Marge,
307
00:12:07,077 --> 00:12:08,444
you can't feel it.
308
00:12:08,512 --> 00:12:10,746
That's because
it would kill you.
309
00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:13,049
It already
is killing me, Marge.
310
00:12:13,116 --> 00:12:14,750
You're the only one
I can talk to.
311
00:12:14,818 --> 00:12:16,853
My wife just
doesn't get it.
312
00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:18,354
I'm your wife.
313
00:12:18,422 --> 00:12:19,689
My job is my wife,
314
00:12:19,756 --> 00:12:23,893
loneliness-- my mistress,
despair-- my sex buddy.
315
00:12:23,961 --> 00:12:25,561
Angst is a chick
I met online,
316
00:12:25,629 --> 00:12:27,964
but then it turned out
it was really a guy.
317
00:12:28,031 --> 00:12:29,131
I'm going to bed.
318
00:12:29,199 --> 00:12:30,900
You don't understand me.
319
00:12:30,968 --> 00:12:32,935
Only she understands me.
320
00:12:34,438 --> 00:12:35,538
Another round, kid?
321
00:12:43,046 --> 00:12:44,981
(squeaks)
322
00:12:51,221 --> 00:12:54,557
Hey, uh...
I got here after you did.
323
00:12:57,258 --> 00:12:59,459
I'm sorry to bother you
at home, Mr. Marlowe,
324
00:12:59,527 --> 00:13:01,461
but my husband's
acting pretty odd--
325
00:13:01,529 --> 00:13:04,631
coming home late,
drinking in the morning.
326
00:13:04,699 --> 00:13:06,900
- Wake me when you get to "odd."
- Hmm.
327
00:13:06,968 --> 00:13:10,237
I don't suppose you'd consider
taking your old job back
328
00:13:10,305 --> 00:13:13,106
so Homie can go back
to his old job?
329
00:13:13,174 --> 00:13:14,875
Sorry, Marge,
that account job hollowed me out
330
00:13:14,943 --> 00:13:16,510
like a cheap chocolate bunny.
331
00:13:16,578 --> 00:13:19,246
I've been divorced three times,
I've got a cocktail addiction,
332
00:13:19,314 --> 00:13:20,714
a shrimp cocktail
addiction,
333
00:13:20,782 --> 00:13:23,283
and I can't stop bending women
to my sexual will.
334
00:13:23,351 --> 00:13:27,554
Well, you certainly
won't be bending me...
335
00:13:27,622 --> 00:13:30,123
Wait, how did I end up
in your bedroom?
336
00:13:30,191 --> 00:13:33,227
Lady, I am smoother than
an Eisenhower-era freeway.
337
00:13:33,294 --> 00:13:35,829
Look, I came to talk
about my husband, and...
338
00:13:35,897 --> 00:13:37,698
How did we get in here?
339
00:13:37,765 --> 00:13:39,199
I think better
in the shower.
340
00:13:39,267 --> 00:13:40,367
There's room in here for two.
341
00:13:40,435 --> 00:13:43,136
I'm a happily married woman.
342
00:13:43,204 --> 00:13:45,706
Wow, no woman's ever done
that to me before.
343
00:13:45,773 --> 00:13:47,507
Your husband
is a lucky man.
344
00:13:47,575 --> 00:13:50,077
I know, and I don't
want him to stray
345
00:13:50,144 --> 00:13:52,312
from anything
except his diet,
346
00:13:52,380 --> 00:13:54,715
and I don't really
want him to do that.
347
00:13:54,782 --> 00:13:55,916
Marge, I made
a big mistake
348
00:13:55,984 --> 00:13:57,217
years ago.
349
00:13:57,285 --> 00:13:58,719
I gave up on
my family.
350
00:13:58,786 --> 00:14:00,887
Then I gave up on my
secret other family.
351
00:14:00,955 --> 00:14:03,490
I missed my son's graduation,
my father's funeral,
352
00:14:03,558 --> 00:14:05,158
and my dog's
best in show.
353
00:14:05,226 --> 00:14:07,694
Don't let Homer make
the mistakes I did.
354
00:14:07,762 --> 00:14:09,263
Luann?
355
00:14:09,330 --> 00:14:10,731
It's not what you think.
356
00:14:10,798 --> 00:14:13,433
It's much weirder.
357
00:14:15,503 --> 00:14:17,804
You're reading
a chapter book.
358
00:14:17,872 --> 00:14:19,139
For fun!
359
00:14:19,207 --> 00:14:21,675
Bullies, to me.
360
00:14:21,743 --> 00:14:23,043
(both grunt)
361
00:14:23,111 --> 00:14:25,412
Let's see the name
of this wedgie ticket.
362
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:26,113
(gulps)
363
00:14:26,180 --> 00:14:27,681
Little Women?
364
00:14:27,749 --> 00:14:30,584
Are you aware that's another way
of saying "girls"?
365
00:14:30,652 --> 00:14:32,319
Look, I had to read it
to my sister.
366
00:14:32,387 --> 00:14:34,688
Well, maybe
we should hear a little.
367
00:14:34,756 --> 00:14:37,457
And then maybe you'll be
hearing from my sisters.
368
00:14:37,525 --> 00:14:39,726
Your fists
are sisters?
369
00:14:39,794 --> 00:14:42,796
Yeah, Poke-ahontas
and Sock-ajawea!
370
00:14:42,864 --> 00:14:43,797
Nice save.
371
00:14:43,865 --> 00:14:46,199
Get reading.
372
00:14:46,267 --> 00:14:49,403
"And Amy and Jo hugged
one another close,
373
00:14:49,470 --> 00:14:53,140
and everything was forgotten
in one hearty kiss."
374
00:14:53,207 --> 00:14:54,841
End of chapter eight.
375
00:14:54,909 --> 00:14:56,109
You can't stop now.
376
00:14:56,177 --> 00:14:58,078
I want to know if their
father comes home.
377
00:14:58,146 --> 00:15:00,647
Does Jo learn to handle
her hasty temper?
378
00:15:00,715 --> 00:15:02,983
Does Amy get over
her conceitedness?
379
00:15:03,051 --> 00:15:05,719
Aw, come on, guys,
it's getting dark.
380
00:15:05,787 --> 00:15:09,523
Okay, but you better be here
tomorrow after school.
381
00:15:09,590 --> 00:15:11,491
'Cause we're going to
keep making you read us
382
00:15:11,559 --> 00:15:12,993
a lame ol' girl's book.
383
00:15:13,061 --> 00:15:15,295
(laughter)
384
00:15:15,363 --> 00:15:17,230
Bart needs to work
on differentiating
385
00:15:17,298 --> 00:15:19,132
the character voices
a little better.
386
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:22,235
I know, I keep going,
"Why is Meg saying that?"
387
00:15:22,303 --> 00:15:24,338
and then I realize it's Beth.
388
00:15:24,405 --> 00:15:25,572
(all agreeing)
That's right.
389
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,175
(Homer grunting)
390
00:15:28,242 --> 00:15:30,177
(intercom buzzes)
391
00:15:30,244 --> 00:15:32,079
RECEPTIONIST:
Your wife is here, Mr. S.
392
00:15:32,146 --> 00:15:35,015
(whispering loudly): Tell her
I'm at a meeting, not drinking.
393
00:15:35,083 --> 00:15:37,818
This is
a whisper-amplifying intercom.
394
00:15:37,885 --> 00:15:39,419
- (screams)
- Homer, I want you to come
395
00:15:39,487 --> 00:15:41,955
with me and the kids
on a family vacation.
396
00:15:42,023 --> 00:15:43,056
Of course, of course.
397
00:15:43,124 --> 00:15:46,426
Family is everything
to us company men.
398
00:15:46,494 --> 00:15:49,262
Now, where shall we go
on your vacation?
399
00:15:49,330 --> 00:15:51,898
The farthest thing from
this office I know:
400
00:15:51,966 --> 00:15:52,899
rafting down Rattler
River Canyon.
401
00:15:56,237 --> 00:15:57,371
(whimpers)
402
00:15:57,438 --> 00:15:59,139
That's great--
let me run the numbers
403
00:15:59,207 --> 00:16:01,041
'cause I really want
the Simpson account.
404
00:16:01,109 --> 00:16:03,443
And give these cigars
to your children.
405
00:16:03,511 --> 00:16:06,079
Don't talk to me
like I'm a client.
406
00:16:06,147 --> 00:16:08,982
You're not a client,
you're the client.
407
00:16:09,050 --> 00:16:10,417
(groans)
408
00:16:10,485 --> 00:16:13,954
Simpson, put on your charm-
their-pants-off pants.
409
00:16:14,021 --> 00:16:15,822
The mumpish oafs
in Washington are sending
410
00:16:15,890 --> 00:16:18,291
their sternest band
of nuclear regulators,
411
00:16:18,359 --> 00:16:20,293
handpicked to resist
all blandishment.
412
00:16:20,361 --> 00:16:22,262
I'll handle it, I always do.
413
00:16:22,330 --> 00:16:23,997
Rafting, eh?
414
00:16:24,065 --> 00:16:26,032
It's a perfect way
to entertain them.
415
00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:29,169
Finally, humanity has found
a use for water.
416
00:16:29,237 --> 00:16:32,439
Mr. Burns, I can't go
rafting with you because--
417
00:16:32,507 --> 00:16:34,608
wait a minute,
could this all work?
418
00:16:39,547 --> 00:16:41,481
Oh, no, you don't.
419
00:16:41,549 --> 00:16:42,816
Coggily-doggily.
420
00:16:42,884 --> 00:16:43,817
It all fits.
421
00:16:43,885 --> 00:16:45,485
Mr. Burns, rafting it is.
422
00:16:45,553 --> 00:16:46,453
Excellent.
423
00:16:46,521 --> 00:16:48,054
But Mr. S.,
424
00:16:48,122 --> 00:16:50,457
you just promised this week
to Mrs. S., Master B.,
425
00:16:50,525 --> 00:16:51,958
and Mamselles L. and M.
426
00:16:52,026 --> 00:16:52,959
Now, relax, Dottie.
427
00:16:53,027 --> 00:16:55,595
Leave everything to me.
428
00:16:55,663 --> 00:16:56,897
(grunts)
429
00:16:59,405 --> 00:17:01,940
Oh, Marge, this is
the most romantic trip
430
00:17:02,008 --> 00:17:03,875
you ever nagged me into.
431
00:17:03,943 --> 00:17:05,977
And maybe
when we get home,
432
00:17:06,045 --> 00:17:08,747
we can ride down
something else.
433
00:17:08,814 --> 00:17:10,649
Not sure what you're
going for, but...
434
00:17:10,716 --> 00:17:11,783
(lusty growl)
435
00:17:11,851 --> 00:17:14,452
(gasps)
436
00:17:16,455 --> 00:17:18,723
Uh, Marge, why don't I
catch us some salmon?
437
00:17:18,791 --> 00:17:20,358
(grunting)
438
00:17:20,426 --> 00:17:21,860
D'oh!
439
00:17:21,928 --> 00:17:23,795
(grunting)
440
00:17:23,863 --> 00:17:25,363
It's about time.
441
00:17:25,431 --> 00:17:28,366
We've been making small talk
about Mussolini for 15 minutes.
442
00:17:28,434 --> 00:17:30,869
Well, I, uh, found
that contact lens I was missing.
443
00:17:30,937 --> 00:17:32,637
Let me just screw her back in.
444
00:17:32,705 --> 00:17:36,107
(pained grunting)
445
00:17:37,476 --> 00:17:39,411
So, everybody good?
446
00:17:39,478 --> 00:17:43,348
Why did you get us...
447
00:17:43,416 --> 00:17:45,784
It's more fun to play
with a ball of yarn
448
00:17:45,851 --> 00:17:48,286
if it has all the colors in it.
449
00:17:48,354 --> 00:17:51,122
And yarn should be allowed
to marry dental floss.
450
00:17:58,097 --> 00:17:59,764
If you've got
that, then...
451
00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:03,568
Are you sure
you're Martin Scorsese?
452
00:18:03,636 --> 00:18:04,703
(Homer grunts)
453
00:18:04,770 --> 00:18:07,205
Enjoy the outdoors,
you stupid kid.
454
00:18:07,273 --> 00:18:08,373
(worried grunting)
455
00:18:08,441 --> 00:18:09,874
This family time is so precious.
456
00:18:09,942 --> 00:18:11,509
Got to go.
457
00:18:11,577 --> 00:18:12,811
(panting)
458
00:18:12,878 --> 00:18:15,180
(murmurs suspiciously)
459
00:18:15,247 --> 00:18:16,548
(grunting)
460
00:18:16,616 --> 00:18:17,882
(unzips, hums)
461
00:18:17,950 --> 00:18:19,084
(zips up)
462
00:18:19,151 --> 00:18:20,418
(grunting)
463
00:18:20,486 --> 00:18:21,553
(grunts wearily)
464
00:18:21,621 --> 00:18:23,388
Homer, I want
a Long Island ice tea,
465
00:18:23,456 --> 00:18:25,657
America's most
complicated cocktail.
466
00:18:28,094 --> 00:18:29,461
Homer,
467
00:18:29,528 --> 00:18:32,797
are you schmoozing those men?
468
00:18:32,865 --> 00:18:34,299
(alarmed shriek)
469
00:18:34,367 --> 00:18:36,067
Huh?
470
00:18:36,135 --> 00:18:38,637
Um, I think we're supposed
to get off here.
471
00:18:38,704 --> 00:18:40,171
Take us out first.
472
00:18:40,239 --> 00:18:41,740
Anyone can start a family.
473
00:18:41,807 --> 00:18:44,109
These days
no one can find a job.
474
00:18:44,176 --> 00:18:46,778
Let's see, my family
gives me love and sex.
475
00:18:46,846 --> 00:18:48,446
My work gives me
money and sleep.
476
00:18:48,514 --> 00:18:50,482
Hurry, we're heading
for the falls!
477
00:18:52,585 --> 00:18:54,586
My coworkers are like a family,
478
00:18:54,654 --> 00:18:57,589
but in some ways
my family is like a family, too.
479
00:18:57,657 --> 00:19:00,992
For God's sakes, Homer,
I've given you three children.
480
00:19:01,060 --> 00:19:02,827
Whose side are you on?
481
00:19:02,895 --> 00:19:06,931
Yours, Homie,
I'm always on yours.
482
00:19:11,737 --> 00:19:13,438
How ironic.
483
00:19:13,506 --> 00:19:15,607
I survived the Titanic
by making a raft
484
00:19:15,675 --> 00:19:18,576
out of steerage passengers,
and now this.
485
00:19:18,644 --> 00:19:21,312
MARLOWE: Mr. Burns,
your heart will go on.
486
00:19:23,983 --> 00:19:25,350
(all screaming)
487
00:19:25,418 --> 00:19:27,819
Marlowe, I thought
you retired.
488
00:19:27,887 --> 00:19:29,587
I can't-- Treasury bills
are paying nothing.
489
00:19:29,655 --> 00:19:30,789
Nothing!
490
00:19:30,856 --> 00:19:32,490
Well, Simpson,
you were willing
491
00:19:32,558 --> 00:19:34,492
to let me go
over a waterfall,
492
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,561
but you cut operating expenses
by six percent,
493
00:19:36,629 --> 00:19:37,796
so you're forgiven.
494
00:19:37,863 --> 00:19:39,030
Thanks.
495
00:19:39,098 --> 00:19:40,432
Now if you'll
excuse me,
496
00:19:40,499 --> 00:19:42,901
I don't really like bourbon
or business talk,
497
00:19:42,968 --> 00:19:46,471
just good old
Simpson family fun.
498
00:19:46,539 --> 00:19:47,906
Hey, kids, I'm it.
499
00:19:47,973 --> 00:19:49,474
(laughter)
500
00:19:50,976 --> 00:19:53,378
(grunting)
501
00:19:53,446 --> 00:19:54,379
Aah!
502
00:19:54,447 --> 00:19:57,248
(screams)
503
00:19:59,485 --> 00:20:02,253
I'm okay, and I
found some gold!
504
00:20:02,321 --> 00:20:05,056
See, luckiest man
in the world.
505
00:20:06,225 --> 00:20:07,959
Oh, I'm so glad
506
00:20:08,027 --> 00:20:10,628
you're not an
accounts man anymore.
507
00:20:10,696 --> 00:20:12,464
Yep, your worries
are over.
508
00:20:12,531 --> 00:20:15,133
I'm back to being
a boring old safety inspector
509
00:20:15,201 --> 00:20:17,135
at a nuclear power plant.
510
00:20:17,203 --> 00:20:20,371
(both moaning)
511
00:20:22,742 --> 00:20:26,742
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
512
00:21:14,426 --> 00:21:16,294
Shh!