1 00:00:03,300 --> 00:00:04,467 Hey. 2 00:00:06,475 --> 00:00:07,708 Is there any better feeling 3 00:00:07,759 --> 00:00:10,177 than waiting for a live Krusty show to start? 4 00:00:10,228 --> 00:00:13,013 Maybe watching your bride coming down the aisle. 5 00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:14,048 Hmm. 6 00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:24,425 Why does she get to eat before the reception? 7 00:00:26,018 --> 00:00:29,518 ♪ The Simpsons 23x07 ♪ The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants Original Air Date on November 27, 2011 8 00:00:29,519 --> 00:00:33,019 == sync, corrected by elderman == 9 00:00:34,569 --> 00:00:36,954 Seltzer bottle connected and pressurized? 10 00:00:37,038 --> 00:00:38,472 Check. 11 00:00:38,540 --> 00:00:40,207 Roll-up dicky set to six? 12 00:00:40,258 --> 00:00:41,976 Nope. 11. 13 00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:44,820 My comedy comes from taking risks. 14 00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:47,110 Or avoiding them, I can't remember. 15 00:00:47,135 --> 00:00:48,608 Krusty, we need to talk. 16 00:00:48,633 --> 00:00:51,089 Make it fast. I got a coiled up spring 17 00:00:51,114 --> 00:00:53,038 ready to boi-oi-oi-oi-oing. 18 00:00:53,824 --> 00:00:57,144 Oh, why can't I be funny with just my words? 19 00:00:57,154 --> 00:00:59,488 Bill Maher doesn't put dangerous things near his crotch, 20 00:00:59,556 --> 00:01:01,557 except when he's off work. 21 00:01:01,625 --> 00:01:02,958 Yeah. 22 00:01:03,026 --> 00:01:05,628 It's about your vodka, Absolut Krusty. 23 00:01:05,695 --> 00:01:07,062 We're having trouble persuading people 24 00:01:07,130 --> 00:01:09,665 it's hip to drink a vodka made by a clown, 25 00:01:09,733 --> 00:01:11,367 in a bottle shaped like a clown, 26 00:01:11,434 --> 00:01:13,035 that does this when you open it. 27 00:01:15,405 --> 00:01:16,772 Always gets me. 28 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:18,107 Yeah, plus, that TV special 29 00:01:18,175 --> 00:01:20,543 where you drank another brand of vodka didn't help. 30 00:01:20,610 --> 00:01:22,845 I used up my stuff poisoning deer. 31 00:01:22,913 --> 00:01:24,613 If we're ever gonna sell your vodka, 32 00:01:24,681 --> 00:01:26,515 we need to do something completely unorthodox-- 33 00:01:26,583 --> 00:01:27,817 a viral marketing campaign. 34 00:01:29,085 --> 00:01:30,352 Get to the point! 35 00:01:30,420 --> 00:01:32,788 Unless you want a face full of clown chunks! 36 00:01:32,856 --> 00:01:34,757 People are more likely to drink your vodka 37 00:01:34,825 --> 00:01:37,326 if they think all their coolest friends are drinking it. 38 00:01:37,394 --> 00:01:39,061 So, we pay for a big party 39 00:01:39,129 --> 00:01:40,863 at the home of a Springfield trendsetter. 40 00:01:40,931 --> 00:01:43,732 Your Brockman, your Bumblebee Man... 41 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,635 He invites his cool friends, we serve free cocktails, 44 00:01:50,674 --> 00:01:52,007 Positive buzz. 45 00:01:52,075 --> 00:01:54,143 That exists? Wow. 46 00:01:54,211 --> 00:01:57,246 So, all you have to do is find one of your loyal fans 47 00:01:57,314 --> 00:01:59,448 whose house we can trash and friends you can exploit. 48 00:02:02,319 --> 00:02:03,752 I need a drink. 49 00:02:03,820 --> 00:02:06,522 Not that! Never that! 50 00:02:07,524 --> 00:02:08,891 Hey, hey, kids! 51 00:02:08,959 --> 00:02:11,293 Who wants to host a viral marketing event? 52 00:02:11,361 --> 00:02:12,795 Yay! 53 00:02:12,863 --> 00:02:15,130 All you have to do is write me a letter 54 00:02:15,198 --> 00:02:17,499 about how hip and influential your parents are. 55 00:02:17,567 --> 00:02:19,501 Milhouse, I'm gonna win that thing. 56 00:02:19,569 --> 00:02:20,903 How do you know, Bart? 57 00:02:20,971 --> 00:02:23,138 Maybe for once I'll win. 58 00:02:23,206 --> 00:02:25,608 Children of troubled marriages not eligible. 59 00:02:25,675 --> 00:02:27,109 Oh! 60 00:02:28,478 --> 00:02:30,512 So, uh, why are you here? 61 00:02:30,580 --> 00:02:32,681 Is it about that unauthorized Krusty lookalike 62 00:02:32,749 --> 00:02:34,350 I hired for Lisa's first communion? 63 00:02:34,417 --> 00:02:35,484 What was his name? 64 00:02:35,552 --> 00:02:37,286 Krappy the Klunk. See? 65 00:02:37,354 --> 00:02:40,089 Homer, we're here to throw the most redonkulous 66 00:02:40,156 --> 00:02:42,424 marketing outreach this town's ever seen. 67 00:02:42,492 --> 00:02:45,127 All you have to do is invite every cool person you know. 68 00:02:45,195 --> 00:02:46,495 Hey, I wrote the application. 69 00:02:46,563 --> 00:02:48,430 Do any of my friends get to come? 70 00:02:48,498 --> 00:02:49,732 One friend. 71 00:02:49,799 --> 00:02:51,634 He can listen to music with headphones on, 72 00:02:51,701 --> 00:02:53,269 he gets one slice of cheese pizza, 73 00:02:53,336 --> 00:02:54,770 and if the party gets slow, 74 00:02:54,838 --> 00:02:57,139 he has to pretend to let Krusty save him from drowning. 75 00:02:57,207 --> 00:02:58,307 Redonkulous! 76 00:02:58,375 --> 00:02:59,408 Off the dilge! 77 00:03:08,485 --> 00:03:11,387 This party is so much better than the crummy ones we plan. 78 00:03:12,656 --> 00:03:14,790 I hope Bart's having fun. 79 00:03:14,858 --> 00:03:18,027 And that's why John Gielgud is more of a father to me 80 00:03:18,094 --> 00:03:19,762 than my own father. 81 00:03:19,829 --> 00:03:21,630 Where's the nachos you promised? 82 00:03:21,698 --> 00:03:24,300 There'll be time enough for nachos! 83 00:03:24,367 --> 00:03:27,036 Why can't I go to the grown-up room? 84 00:03:27,103 --> 00:03:29,571 You said the clown scared you. 85 00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:31,407 Well, he did a little. 86 00:03:33,176 --> 00:03:35,477 Boy, everyone from the nuclear plant is here. 87 00:03:35,545 --> 00:03:36,979 Except the bosses, of course. 88 00:03:37,047 --> 00:03:39,081 Yeah, even Homer's not dumb enough to invite... 89 00:03:39,149 --> 00:03:40,482 So! 90 00:03:40,550 --> 00:03:41,784 This is the famous party. 91 00:03:41,851 --> 00:03:43,352 Feh. 92 00:03:43,420 --> 00:03:44,520 Guh. 93 00:03:44,587 --> 00:03:46,221 Pffoy. 94 00:03:50,860 --> 00:03:53,195 He's destroying our youthful demographic! 95 00:03:53,263 --> 00:03:55,030 Oh, God, I need a drink! 96 00:03:56,633 --> 00:03:59,768 So the car in front of us forgot to validate his... uh... 97 00:03:59,836 --> 00:04:02,705 I was in an anecdote once. 98 00:04:02,772 --> 00:04:05,007 Um, I have surgery in the morning. 99 00:04:05,075 --> 00:04:07,743 Yeah, and I'm the one having the surgery. 100 00:04:09,646 --> 00:04:10,913 Homer, you're the nominal host. 101 00:04:10,981 --> 00:04:12,181 Do something! 102 00:04:12,248 --> 00:04:14,350 Oh! Uh! Oh! 103 00:04:14,417 --> 00:04:16,852 Mr. Burns, 104 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:18,887 so glad you're here. 105 00:04:18,955 --> 00:04:20,889 Finally, the party can get started. 106 00:04:20,957 --> 00:04:23,258 Your cotillion seems to be in full promenade. 107 00:04:23,326 --> 00:04:24,693 Good one. 108 00:04:24,761 --> 00:04:28,330 Uh, Mr. Burns, everyone is dying to hear you sing karaoke. 109 00:04:28,398 --> 00:04:31,000 Come on, just pick a popular song. 110 00:04:31,067 --> 00:04:32,968 Do you have anything by Prince... 111 00:04:33,036 --> 00:04:34,770 Wilhelm of Prussia? 112 00:04:34,838 --> 00:04:37,706 I have 16 million songs, but, uh, no. 113 00:04:37,774 --> 00:04:42,044 Just play the oldest, stupidest thing in your catalog. 114 00:04:42,112 --> 00:04:44,113 Uh, let me check my beeswax cylinders. 115 00:04:44,180 --> 00:04:46,448 Uh, here we are. 116 00:04:46,516 --> 00:04:49,551 ♪ Come Josephine in my flying machine! ♪ 117 00:04:49,619 --> 00:04:53,355 ♪ Going up she goes, up she goes ♪ 118 00:04:53,423 --> 00:04:56,358 ♪ Balance yourself like a bird on a beam ♪ 119 00:04:56,426 --> 00:05:00,162 ♪ In the air she goes, there she goes. ♪ 120 00:05:01,931 --> 00:05:05,501 May you all fly in an aeroplane someday. 121 00:05:05,568 --> 00:05:07,736 You certainly seem to be enjoying yourself, sir. 122 00:05:07,804 --> 00:05:10,172 Indeed. That Homer Simpson is the beating baboon heart 123 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:11,607 of this party. 124 00:05:11,674 --> 00:05:14,810 So he says, "Bigamy is having one too many wives." 125 00:05:14,878 --> 00:05:17,613 To which I replied, "So's monogamy." 126 00:05:19,149 --> 00:05:20,716 Oh, yeah! 127 00:05:20,784 --> 00:05:22,951 I may have a use for this Simpson character 128 00:05:23,019 --> 00:05:24,553 higher up in the organization. 129 00:05:24,621 --> 00:05:26,255 Really? Well, as safety inspector, 130 00:05:26,322 --> 00:05:28,657 he hasn't exactly set the world on fire, 131 00:05:28,725 --> 00:05:30,459 although he came close several times. 132 00:05:31,995 --> 00:05:33,495 Simpson, you're probably wondering 133 00:05:33,563 --> 00:05:35,197 why you're here. 134 00:05:35,265 --> 00:05:36,465 It's never good. 135 00:05:36,533 --> 00:05:38,500 I always wind up being chased by hounds, 136 00:05:38,568 --> 00:05:40,169 or falling through a trapdoor, 137 00:05:40,236 --> 00:05:42,938 or being a peg in your game of human croquet. 138 00:05:43,006 --> 00:05:45,374 When I made you a hoop, you split your pants. 139 00:05:45,442 --> 00:05:48,010 Now, here at the plant, there's no position more important 140 00:05:48,078 --> 00:05:50,479 than our accounts man, who's responsible 141 00:05:50,547 --> 00:05:52,848 for glad-handing our customers and suppliers. 142 00:05:52,916 --> 00:05:55,284 I'd like you to take over that position. 143 00:05:55,351 --> 00:05:57,820 The last thing I understood in that was "pants." 144 00:05:57,887 --> 00:05:59,688 Just give me your answer, and make it quick! 145 00:05:59,756 --> 00:06:01,090 Our current account man, Robert Marlowe here, 146 00:06:01,157 --> 00:06:02,825 is retiring at the end of the month. 147 00:06:02,892 --> 00:06:05,060 In two weeks, the only tie I'll be wearing is 148 00:06:05,128 --> 00:06:07,096 for autoerotic pleasure. 149 00:06:07,163 --> 00:06:09,631 Yes. Simpson, only you have the bonhomie 150 00:06:09,699 --> 00:06:11,567 and rotund charm to replace him. 151 00:06:11,634 --> 00:06:14,937 It means a hefty expense account and a corner office. 152 00:06:15,004 --> 00:06:17,106 Well, in that case... 153 00:06:17,173 --> 00:06:20,609 Before you say yes, Simpson, I feel it's my duty to warn you, 154 00:06:20,677 --> 00:06:22,778 account men lose their soul. 155 00:06:22,846 --> 00:06:24,980 Woo-hoo! No more church! 156 00:06:29,940 --> 00:06:31,975 So long, Sector 7-G. 157 00:06:32,042 --> 00:06:34,744 Hello, Sector 22-F! 158 00:06:48,425 --> 00:06:49,726 Uh. 159 00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:59,369 The higher they rise, the further they fall! 160 00:06:59,436 --> 00:07:01,504 You know, you're kind of a downer. 161 00:07:01,572 --> 00:07:02,839 I thought you were retiring. 162 00:07:02,907 --> 00:07:04,340 Why are you still here? 163 00:07:04,408 --> 00:07:06,075 Hey, you're a baby account man. 164 00:07:06,143 --> 00:07:07,577 Still on the bottle. 165 00:07:07,645 --> 00:07:10,413 So, for my last good deed before I retire, 166 00:07:10,481 --> 00:07:12,415 I'm going to help you persuade Mayor Quimby 167 00:07:12,483 --> 00:07:14,284 to sign off on a nuclear rate hike. 168 00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:15,985 Uh-oh, a meeting with the mayor. 169 00:07:16,053 --> 00:07:18,354 How do I prepare for that? 170 00:07:19,757 --> 00:07:21,291 I see. 171 00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:24,060 Now, how do I prepare for the meeting with the mayor? 172 00:07:25,496 --> 00:07:28,698 I am really enjoying this, but, um... 173 00:07:28,766 --> 00:07:30,934 Hello! Meeting with the mayor? 174 00:07:34,171 --> 00:07:36,706 Aw. Bourbon go bye-bye. 175 00:07:36,774 --> 00:07:39,509 There ain't enough bourbon in Kentucky for you, big guy. 176 00:07:39,577 --> 00:07:43,446 Yeah, the governor wrote me a letter to that effect. 177 00:07:44,848 --> 00:07:46,015 Wow, I can't believe 178 00:07:46,083 --> 00:07:47,584 I'm eating steak with the mayor. 179 00:07:47,651 --> 00:07:50,320 The next time, I vote for you, it's gonna be on purpose. 180 00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:51,654 Much obliged. 181 00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:53,223 Now, uh, where would you like 182 00:07:53,290 --> 00:07:56,359 to discuss your proposed tax breaks? 183 00:07:59,063 --> 00:08:00,230 Mmm. 184 00:08:00,297 --> 00:08:01,431 Hey, Homer! 185 00:08:01,498 --> 00:08:02,599 Look at you, man! 186 00:08:02,666 --> 00:08:04,434 I've outgrown you! 187 00:08:04,501 --> 00:08:08,938 Oh, Mr. Mayor, more peanut nore? 188 00:08:18,849 --> 00:08:20,083 Say what you will, man. 189 00:08:20,150 --> 00:08:21,551 He's pretty resourceful. 190 00:08:21,619 --> 00:08:23,152 Wow. 191 00:08:23,220 --> 00:08:24,821 These seats are amazing. 192 00:08:24,888 --> 00:08:27,190 And if you don't like the score, you can change it yourself. 193 00:08:28,592 --> 00:08:29,559 ♪ Boring. ♪ 194 00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:33,162 God, what a great game! 195 00:08:33,230 --> 00:08:35,765 And you, too, can be on the winning team, Mr. Mayor. 196 00:08:35,833 --> 00:08:37,700 The Springfield Nuclear Team. 197 00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:40,937 I have never heard an analogy involving sports! 198 00:08:41,005 --> 00:08:42,538 I love it! 199 00:08:42,606 --> 00:08:44,474 I can't believe that was work! 200 00:08:44,541 --> 00:08:45,975 Yeah, but work is over now. 201 00:08:46,043 --> 00:08:47,977 Want to drink with me till I fall asleep? 202 00:08:48,045 --> 00:08:50,313 Oh, well... 203 00:08:50,381 --> 00:08:53,316 Mm, I really should look at this picture a little longer. 204 00:08:53,384 --> 00:08:54,617 Hmm. 205 00:08:54,685 --> 00:08:56,219 Okay, let's go. 206 00:08:56,287 --> 00:08:58,988 Great. Now, in honor of my last day on the hamster wheel, 207 00:08:59,056 --> 00:09:00,623 I have a little gift for you. 208 00:09:00,691 --> 00:09:02,825 This set of bar tools has been passed down 209 00:09:02,893 --> 00:09:05,528 from account man to account man since the dawn of history. 210 00:09:05,596 --> 00:09:07,530 1956. 211 00:09:07,598 --> 00:09:09,766 Can you be my dad? 212 00:09:09,833 --> 00:09:12,535 If your mom was a secretary, there's a good chance I am. 213 00:09:15,906 --> 00:09:19,442 Welcome home, handsome! 214 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,748 It's a rat race, but it looks like I won. 215 00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:28,151 Oh, to the victor go the spoils. 216 00:09:28,218 --> 00:09:29,619 Mmm. 217 00:09:29,687 --> 00:09:32,255 Dad, you were supposed to read me a bedtime story. 218 00:09:32,323 --> 00:09:33,790 Oh, sorry, sweetie. 219 00:09:33,857 --> 00:09:35,091 Bart can read it to you. 220 00:09:36,527 --> 00:09:39,262 Read to Lisa? Why don't you just ask me to kiss her? 221 00:09:39,330 --> 00:09:41,431 If you kissed her, that would be lovely. 222 00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:42,465 I'll read! I'll read! 223 00:09:42,533 --> 00:09:44,000 And kiss. 224 00:09:44,068 --> 00:09:45,601 Does anyone want my opinion? 225 00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:46,869 Please, Lisa. 226 00:09:46,937 --> 00:09:48,338 I had 18 martinis today. 227 00:09:48,405 --> 00:09:49,972 Hello. 228 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:54,310 All right, Lis, let's get this stupid bedtime story over with. 229 00:09:54,378 --> 00:09:56,713 Proceed to the page with the butterfly bookmark 230 00:09:56,780 --> 00:09:58,915 as I cuddle up with Madam Bunny. 231 00:10:00,384 --> 00:10:04,253 "If genn-i-oos..." 232 00:10:04,321 --> 00:10:05,555 Genius. 233 00:10:05,622 --> 00:10:09,125 "...is eternal pati... 234 00:10:09,193 --> 00:10:10,660 "pat-eh... 235 00:10:10,728 --> 00:10:11,928 pa-tie..." 236 00:10:11,995 --> 00:10:12,995 Patience. Patience! 237 00:10:13,063 --> 00:10:14,430 Get on with it! 238 00:10:14,498 --> 00:10:15,665 Shut up! Shut up! 239 00:10:15,733 --> 00:10:16,966 I'm a bad reader, okay?! 240 00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:18,668 Well, I could help you. 241 00:10:18,736 --> 00:10:20,136 I don't want your help! 242 00:10:20,204 --> 00:10:23,272 I'll get one of those jobs where you don't need to read, 243 00:10:23,340 --> 00:10:25,241 like French fry maker or general. 244 00:10:25,309 --> 00:10:27,477 - Well, you're getting my help. - Forget it. 245 00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:29,679 Don't you want to be able to read the things 246 00:10:29,747 --> 00:10:31,347 people carve into your chest in prison? 247 00:10:31,415 --> 00:10:32,648 I guess. 248 00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:34,484 ♪ ♪ 249 00:10:46,296 --> 00:10:48,164 Close enough. 250 00:11:00,377 --> 00:11:02,512 ♪ ♪ 251 00:11:31,975 --> 00:11:33,910 "But when the helpful voice was silent, 252 00:11:33,977 --> 00:11:36,446 "the daily lesson over, the beloved presence gone, 253 00:11:36,513 --> 00:11:38,848 "and nothing remained but loneliness and grief, 254 00:11:38,916 --> 00:11:41,851 then Jo found her promise very hard to keep." 255 00:11:41,919 --> 00:11:43,586 We did it, Bart. 256 00:11:43,654 --> 00:11:45,955 I'm a mentor. 257 00:11:46,023 --> 00:11:48,057 Big deal, you taught me to read one book. 258 00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:50,860 No, Bart, you can read other books, too. 259 00:11:50,928 --> 00:11:52,128 What?! 260 00:11:55,999 --> 00:11:58,901 Homie, what are you doing? 261 00:11:58,969 --> 00:12:01,237 My work is so meaningless. 262 00:12:01,305 --> 00:12:02,939 You make electricity. 263 00:12:03,006 --> 00:12:04,941 It runs the hospital. 264 00:12:05,008 --> 00:12:07,009 You can't touch electricity, Marge, 265 00:12:07,077 --> 00:12:08,444 you can't feel it. 266 00:12:08,512 --> 00:12:10,746 That's because it would kill you. 267 00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:13,049 It already is killing me, Marge. 268 00:12:13,116 --> 00:12:14,750 You're the only one I can talk to. 269 00:12:14,818 --> 00:12:16,853 My wife just doesn't get it. 270 00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:18,354 I'm your wife. 271 00:12:18,422 --> 00:12:19,689 My job is my wife, 272 00:12:19,756 --> 00:12:23,893 loneliness-- my mistress, despair-- my sex buddy. 273 00:12:23,961 --> 00:12:25,561 Angst is a chick I met online, 274 00:12:25,629 --> 00:12:27,964 but then it turned out it was really a guy. 275 00:12:28,031 --> 00:12:29,131 I'm going to bed. 276 00:12:29,199 --> 00:12:30,900 You don't understand me. 277 00:12:30,968 --> 00:12:32,935 Only she understands me. 278 00:12:34,438 --> 00:12:35,538 Another round, kid? 279 00:12:51,221 --> 00:12:54,557 Hey, uh... I got here after you did. 280 00:12:57,258 --> 00:12:59,459 I'm sorry to bother you at home, Mr. Marlowe, 281 00:12:59,527 --> 00:13:01,461 but my husband's acting pretty odd-- 282 00:13:01,529 --> 00:13:04,631 coming home late, drinking in the morning. 283 00:13:04,699 --> 00:13:06,900 - Wake me when you get to "odd." - Hmm. 284 00:13:06,968 --> 00:13:10,237 I don't suppose you'd consider taking your old job back 285 00:13:10,305 --> 00:13:13,106 so Homie can go back to his old job? 286 00:13:13,174 --> 00:13:14,875 Sorry, Marge, that account job hollowed me out 287 00:13:14,943 --> 00:13:16,510 like a cheap chocolate bunny. 288 00:13:16,578 --> 00:13:19,246 I've been divorced three times, I've got a cocktail addiction, 289 00:13:19,314 --> 00:13:20,714 a shrimp cocktail addiction, 290 00:13:20,782 --> 00:13:23,283 and I can't stop bending women to my sexual will. 291 00:13:23,351 --> 00:13:27,554 Well, you certainly won't be bending me... 292 00:13:27,622 --> 00:13:30,123 Wait, how did I end up in your bedroom? 293 00:13:30,191 --> 00:13:33,227 Lady, I am smoother than an Eisenhower-era freeway. 294 00:13:33,294 --> 00:13:35,829 Look, I came to talk about my husband, and... 295 00:13:35,897 --> 00:13:37,698 How did we get in here? 296 00:13:37,765 --> 00:13:39,199 I think better in the shower. 297 00:13:39,267 --> 00:13:40,367 There's room in here for two. 298 00:13:40,435 --> 00:13:43,136 I'm a happily married woman. 299 00:13:43,204 --> 00:13:45,706 Wow, no woman's ever done that to me before. 300 00:13:45,773 --> 00:13:47,507 Your husband is a lucky man. 301 00:13:47,575 --> 00:13:50,077 I know, and I don't want him to stray 302 00:13:50,144 --> 00:13:52,312 from anything except his diet, 303 00:13:52,380 --> 00:13:54,715 and I don't really want him to do that. 304 00:13:54,782 --> 00:13:55,916 Marge, I made a big mistake 305 00:13:55,984 --> 00:13:57,217 years ago. 306 00:13:57,285 --> 00:13:58,719 I gave up on my family. 307 00:13:58,786 --> 00:14:00,887 Then I gave up on my secret other family. 308 00:14:00,955 --> 00:14:03,490 I missed my son's graduation, my father's funeral, 309 00:14:03,558 --> 00:14:05,158 and my dog's best in show. 310 00:14:05,226 --> 00:14:07,694 Don't let Homer make the mistakes I did. 311 00:14:07,762 --> 00:14:09,263 Luann? 312 00:14:09,330 --> 00:14:10,731 It's not what you think. 313 00:14:10,798 --> 00:14:13,433 It's much weirder. 314 00:14:15,503 --> 00:14:17,804 You're reading a chapter book. 315 00:14:17,872 --> 00:14:19,139 For fun! 316 00:14:19,207 --> 00:14:21,675 Bullies, to me. 317 00:14:23,111 --> 00:14:25,412 Let's see the name of this wedgie ticket. 318 00:14:26,180 --> 00:14:27,681 Little Women? 319 00:14:27,749 --> 00:14:30,584 Are you aware that's another way of saying "girls"? 320 00:14:30,652 --> 00:14:32,319 Look, I had to read it to my sister. 321 00:14:32,387 --> 00:14:34,688 Well, maybe we should hear a little. 322 00:14:34,756 --> 00:14:37,457 And then maybe you'll be hearing from my sisters. 323 00:14:37,525 --> 00:14:39,726 Your fists are sisters? 324 00:14:39,794 --> 00:14:42,796 Yeah, Poke-ahontas and Sock-ajawea! 325 00:14:42,864 --> 00:14:43,797 Nice save. 326 00:14:43,865 --> 00:14:46,199 Get reading. 327 00:14:46,267 --> 00:14:49,403 "And Amy and Jo hugged one another close, 328 00:14:49,470 --> 00:14:53,140 and everything was forgotten in one hearty kiss." 329 00:14:53,207 --> 00:14:54,841 End of chapter eight. 330 00:14:54,909 --> 00:14:56,109 You can't stop now. 331 00:14:56,177 --> 00:14:58,078 I want to know if their father comes home. 332 00:14:58,146 --> 00:15:00,647 Does Jo learn to handle her hasty temper? 333 00:15:00,715 --> 00:15:02,983 Does Amy get over her conceitedness? 334 00:15:03,051 --> 00:15:05,719 Aw, come on, guys, it's getting dark. 335 00:15:05,787 --> 00:15:09,523 Okay, but you better be here tomorrow after school. 336 00:15:09,590 --> 00:15:11,491 'Cause we're going to keep making you read us 337 00:15:11,559 --> 00:15:12,993 a lame ol' girl's book. 338 00:15:15,363 --> 00:15:17,230 Bart needs to work on differentiating 339 00:15:17,298 --> 00:15:19,132 the character voices a little better. 340 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:22,235 I know, I keep going, "Why is Meg saying that?" 341 00:15:22,303 --> 00:15:24,338 and then I realize it's Beth. 342 00:15:24,405 --> 00:15:25,572 That's right. 343 00:15:30,244 --> 00:15:32,079 Your wife is here, Mr. S. 344 00:15:32,146 --> 00:15:35,015 Tell her I'm at a meeting, not drinking. 345 00:15:35,083 --> 00:15:37,818 This is a whisper-amplifying intercom. 346 00:15:37,885 --> 00:15:39,419 Homer, I want you to come 347 00:15:39,487 --> 00:15:41,955 with me and the kids on a family vacation. 348 00:15:42,023 --> 00:15:43,056 Of course, of course. 349 00:15:43,124 --> 00:15:46,426 Family is everything to us company men. 350 00:15:46,494 --> 00:15:49,262 Now, where shall we go on your vacation? 351 00:15:49,330 --> 00:15:51,898 The farthest thing from this office I know: 352 00:15:51,966 --> 00:15:52,899 rafting down Rattler River Canyon. 353 00:15:57,438 --> 00:15:59,139 That's great-- let me run the numbers 354 00:15:59,207 --> 00:16:01,041 'cause I really want the Simpson account. 355 00:16:01,109 --> 00:16:03,443 And give these cigars to your children. 356 00:16:03,511 --> 00:16:06,079 Don't talk to me like I'm a client. 357 00:16:06,147 --> 00:16:08,982 You're not a client, you're the client. 358 00:16:10,485 --> 00:16:13,954 Simpson, put on your charm- their-pants-off pants. 359 00:16:14,021 --> 00:16:15,822 The mumpish oafs in Washington are sending 360 00:16:15,890 --> 00:16:18,291 their sternest band of nuclear regulators, 361 00:16:18,359 --> 00:16:20,293 handpicked to resist all blandishment. 362 00:16:20,361 --> 00:16:22,262 I'll handle it, I always do. 363 00:16:22,330 --> 00:16:23,997 Rafting, eh? 364 00:16:24,065 --> 00:16:26,032 It's a perfect way to entertain them. 365 00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:29,169 Finally, humanity has found a use for water. 366 00:16:29,237 --> 00:16:32,439 Mr. Burns, I can't go rafting with you because-- 367 00:16:32,507 --> 00:16:34,608 wait a minute, could this all work? 368 00:16:39,547 --> 00:16:41,481 Oh, no, you don't. 369 00:16:41,549 --> 00:16:42,816 Coggily-doggily. 370 00:16:42,884 --> 00:16:43,817 It all fits. 371 00:16:43,885 --> 00:16:45,485 Mr. Burns, rafting it is. 372 00:16:45,553 --> 00:16:46,453 Excellent. 373 00:16:46,521 --> 00:16:48,054 But Mr. S., 374 00:16:48,122 --> 00:16:50,457 you just promised this week to Mrs. S., Master B., 375 00:16:50,525 --> 00:16:51,958 and Mamselles L. and M. 376 00:16:52,026 --> 00:16:52,959 Now, relax, Dottie. 377 00:16:53,027 --> 00:16:55,595 Leave everything to me. 378 00:16:59,405 --> 00:17:01,940 Oh, Marge, this is the most romantic trip 379 00:17:02,008 --> 00:17:03,875 you ever nagged me into. 380 00:17:03,943 --> 00:17:05,977 And maybe when we get home, 381 00:17:06,045 --> 00:17:08,747 we can ride down something else. 382 00:17:08,814 --> 00:17:10,649 Not sure what you're going for, but... 383 00:17:16,455 --> 00:17:18,723 Uh, Marge, why don't I catch us some salmon? 384 00:17:20,426 --> 00:17:21,860 D'oh! 385 00:17:23,863 --> 00:17:25,363 It's about time. 386 00:17:25,431 --> 00:17:28,366 We've been making small talk about Mussolini for 15 minutes. 387 00:17:28,434 --> 00:17:30,869 Well, I, uh, found that contact lens I was missing. 388 00:17:30,937 --> 00:17:32,637 Let me just screw her back in. 389 00:17:37,476 --> 00:17:39,411 So, everybody good? 390 00:17:39,478 --> 00:17:43,348 Why did you get us... 391 00:17:43,416 --> 00:17:45,784 It's more fun to play with a ball of yarn 392 00:17:45,851 --> 00:17:48,286 if it has all the colors in it. 393 00:17:48,354 --> 00:17:51,122 And yarn should be allowed to marry dental floss. 394 00:17:58,097 --> 00:17:59,764 If you've got that, then... 395 00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:03,568 Are you sure you're Martin Scorsese? 396 00:18:04,770 --> 00:18:07,205 Enjoy the outdoors, you stupid kid. 397 00:18:08,441 --> 00:18:09,874 This family time is so precious. 398 00:18:09,942 --> 00:18:11,509 Got to go. 399 00:18:21,621 --> 00:18:23,388 Homer, I want a Long Island ice tea, 400 00:18:23,456 --> 00:18:25,657 America's most complicated cocktail. 401 00:18:28,094 --> 00:18:29,461 Homer, 402 00:18:29,528 --> 00:18:32,797 are you schmoozing those men? 403 00:18:34,367 --> 00:18:36,067 Huh? 404 00:18:36,135 --> 00:18:38,637 Um, I think we're supposed to get off here. 405 00:18:38,704 --> 00:18:40,171 Take us out first. 406 00:18:40,239 --> 00:18:41,740 Anyone can start a family. 407 00:18:41,807 --> 00:18:44,109 These days no one can find a job. 408 00:18:44,176 --> 00:18:46,778 Let's see, my family gives me love and sex. 409 00:18:46,846 --> 00:18:48,446 My work gives me money and sleep. 410 00:18:48,514 --> 00:18:50,482 Hurry, we're heading for the falls! 411 00:18:52,585 --> 00:18:54,586 My coworkers are like a family, 412 00:18:54,654 --> 00:18:57,589 but in some ways my family is like a family, too. 413 00:18:57,657 --> 00:19:00,992 For God's sakes, Homer, I've given you three children. 414 00:19:01,060 --> 00:19:02,827 Whose side are you on? 415 00:19:02,895 --> 00:19:06,931 Yours, Homie, I'm always on yours. 416 00:19:11,737 --> 00:19:13,438 How ironic. 417 00:19:13,506 --> 00:19:15,607 I survived the Titanic by making a raft 418 00:19:15,675 --> 00:19:18,576 out of steerage passengers, and now this. 419 00:19:18,644 --> 00:19:21,312 Mr. Burns, your heart will go on. 420 00:19:25,418 --> 00:19:27,819 Marlowe, I thought you retired. 421 00:19:27,887 --> 00:19:29,587 I can't-- Treasury bills are paying nothing. 422 00:19:29,655 --> 00:19:30,789 Nothing! 423 00:19:30,856 --> 00:19:32,490 Well, Simpson, you were willing 424 00:19:32,558 --> 00:19:34,492 to let me go over a waterfall, 425 00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,561 but you cut operating expenses by six percent, 426 00:19:36,629 --> 00:19:37,796 so you're forgiven. 427 00:19:37,863 --> 00:19:39,030 Thanks. 428 00:19:39,098 --> 00:19:40,432 Now if you'll excuse me, 429 00:19:40,499 --> 00:19:42,901 I don't really like bourbon or business talk, 430 00:19:42,968 --> 00:19:46,471 just good old Simpson family fun. 431 00:19:46,539 --> 00:19:47,906 Hey, kids, I'm it. 432 00:19:53,446 --> 00:19:54,379 Aah! 433 00:19:59,485 --> 00:20:02,253 I'm okay, and I found some gold! 434 00:20:02,321 --> 00:20:05,056 See, luckiest man in the world. 435 00:20:06,225 --> 00:20:07,959 Oh, I'm so glad 436 00:20:08,027 --> 00:20:10,628 you're not an accounts man anymore. 437 00:20:10,696 --> 00:20:12,464 Yep, your worries are over. 438 00:20:12,531 --> 00:20:15,133 I'm back to being a boring old safety inspector 439 00:20:15,201 --> 00:20:17,135 at a nuclear power plant. 440 00:20:22,742 --> 00:20:26,742 == sync, corrected by elderman == 441 00:21:14,426 --> 00:21:16,294 Shh!