1 00:00:04,114 --> 00:00:05,281 Hey. 2 00:00:07,289 --> 00:00:08,522 Is there any better feeling 3 00:00:08,573 --> 00:00:10,991 than waiting for a live Krusty show to start? 4 00:00:11,042 --> 00:00:13,827 Maybe watching your bride coming down the aisle. 5 00:00:13,895 --> 00:00:14,862 Hmm. 6 00:00:23,004 --> 00:00:25,239 Why does she get to eat before the reception? 7 00:00:26,832 --> 00:00:30,332 ♪ The Simpsons 23x07 ♪ The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants Original Air Date on November 27, 2011 8 00:00:30,333 --> 00:00:33,833 == sync, corrected by elderman == 9 00:00:35,383 --> 00:00:37,768 Seltzer bottle connected and pressurized? 10 00:00:37,852 --> 00:00:39,286 Check. 11 00:00:39,354 --> 00:00:41,021 Roll-up dicky set to six? 12 00:00:41,072 --> 00:00:42,790 Nope. 11. 13 00:00:42,857 --> 00:00:45,634 My comedy comes from taking risks. 14 00:00:45,659 --> 00:00:47,924 Or avoiding them, I can't remember. 15 00:00:47,949 --> 00:00:49,422 Krusty, we need to talk. 16 00:00:49,447 --> 00:00:51,903 Make it fast. I got a coiled up spring 17 00:00:51,928 --> 00:00:53,852 ready to boi-oi-oi-oi-oing. 18 00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:57,958 Oh, why can't I be funny with just my words? 19 00:00:57,968 --> 00:01:00,302 Bill Maher doesn't put dangerous things near his crotch, 20 00:01:00,370 --> 00:01:02,371 except when he's off work. 21 00:01:02,439 --> 00:01:03,772 Yeah. 22 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:06,442 It's about your vodka, Absolut Krusty. 23 00:01:06,509 --> 00:01:07,876 We're having trouble persuading people 24 00:01:07,944 --> 00:01:10,479 it's hip to drink a vodka made by a clown, 25 00:01:10,547 --> 00:01:12,181 in a bottle shaped like a clown, 26 00:01:12,248 --> 00:01:13,849 that does this when you open it. 27 00:01:16,219 --> 00:01:17,586 Always gets me. 28 00:01:17,654 --> 00:01:18,921 Yeah, plus, that TV special 29 00:01:18,989 --> 00:01:21,357 where you drank another brand of vodka didn't help. 30 00:01:21,424 --> 00:01:23,659 I used up my stuff poisoning deer. 31 00:01:23,727 --> 00:01:25,427 If we're ever gonna sell your vodka, 32 00:01:25,495 --> 00:01:27,329 we need to do something completely unorthodox-- 33 00:01:27,397 --> 00:01:28,631 a viral marketing campaign. 34 00:01:29,899 --> 00:01:31,166 Get to the point! 35 00:01:31,234 --> 00:01:33,602 Unless you want a face full of clown chunks! 36 00:01:33,670 --> 00:01:35,571 People are more likely to drink your vodka 37 00:01:35,639 --> 00:01:38,140 if they think all their coolest friends are drinking it. 38 00:01:38,208 --> 00:01:39,875 So, we pay for a big party 39 00:01:39,943 --> 00:01:41,677 at the home of a Springfield trendsetter. 40 00:01:41,745 --> 00:01:44,546 Your Brockman, your Bumblebee Man... 41 00:01:44,614 --> 00:01:47,449 He invites his cool friends, we serve free cocktails, 44 00:01:51,488 --> 00:01:52,821 Positive buzz. 45 00:01:52,889 --> 00:01:54,957 That exists? Wow. 46 00:01:55,025 --> 00:01:58,060 So, all you have to do is find one of your loyal fans 47 00:01:58,128 --> 00:02:00,262 whose house we can trash and friends you can exploit. 48 00:02:03,133 --> 00:02:04,566 I need a drink. 49 00:02:04,634 --> 00:02:07,336 Not that! Never that! 50 00:02:08,338 --> 00:02:09,705 Hey, hey, kids! 51 00:02:09,773 --> 00:02:12,107 Who wants to host a viral marketing event? 52 00:02:12,175 --> 00:02:13,609 Yay! 53 00:02:13,677 --> 00:02:15,944 All you have to do is write me a letter 54 00:02:16,012 --> 00:02:18,313 about how hip and influential your parents are. 55 00:02:18,381 --> 00:02:20,315 Milhouse, I'm gonna win that thing. 56 00:02:20,383 --> 00:02:21,717 How do you know, Bart? 57 00:02:21,785 --> 00:02:23,952 Maybe for once I'll win. 58 00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:26,422 Children of troubled marriages not eligible. 59 00:02:26,489 --> 00:02:27,923 Oh! 60 00:02:29,292 --> 00:02:31,326 So, uh, why are you here? 61 00:02:31,394 --> 00:02:33,495 Is it about that unauthorized Krusty lookalike 62 00:02:33,563 --> 00:02:35,164 I hired for Lisa's first communion? 63 00:02:35,231 --> 00:02:36,298 What was his name? 64 00:02:36,366 --> 00:02:38,100 Krappy the Klunk. See? 65 00:02:38,168 --> 00:02:40,903 Homer, we're here to throw the most redonkulous 66 00:02:40,970 --> 00:02:43,238 marketing outreach this town's ever seen. 67 00:02:43,306 --> 00:02:45,941 All you have to do is invite every cool person you know. 68 00:02:46,009 --> 00:02:47,309 Hey, I wrote the application. 69 00:02:47,377 --> 00:02:49,244 Do any of my friends get to come? 70 00:02:49,312 --> 00:02:50,546 One friend. 71 00:02:50,613 --> 00:02:52,448 He can listen to music with headphones on, 72 00:02:52,515 --> 00:02:54,083 he gets one slice of cheese pizza, 73 00:02:54,150 --> 00:02:55,584 and if the party gets slow, 74 00:02:55,652 --> 00:02:57,953 he has to pretend to let Krusty save him from drowning. 75 00:02:58,021 --> 00:02:59,121 Redonkulous! 76 00:02:59,189 --> 00:03:00,222 Off the dilge! 77 00:03:09,299 --> 00:03:12,201 This party is so much better than the crummy ones we plan. 78 00:03:13,470 --> 00:03:15,604 I hope Bart's having fun. 79 00:03:15,672 --> 00:03:18,841 And that's why John Gielgud is more of a father to me 80 00:03:18,908 --> 00:03:20,576 than my own father. 81 00:03:20,643 --> 00:03:22,444 Where's the nachos you promised? 82 00:03:22,512 --> 00:03:25,114 There'll be time enough for nachos! 83 00:03:25,181 --> 00:03:27,850 Why can't I go to the grown-up room? 84 00:03:27,917 --> 00:03:30,385 You said the clown scared you. 85 00:03:30,453 --> 00:03:32,221 Well, he did a little. 86 00:03:33,990 --> 00:03:36,291 Boy, everyone from the nuclear plant is here. 87 00:03:36,359 --> 00:03:37,793 Except the bosses, of course. 88 00:03:37,861 --> 00:03:39,895 Yeah, even Homer's not dumb enough to invite... 89 00:03:39,963 --> 00:03:41,296 So! 90 00:03:41,364 --> 00:03:42,598 This is the famous party. 91 00:03:42,665 --> 00:03:44,166 Feh. 92 00:03:44,234 --> 00:03:45,334 Guh. 93 00:03:45,401 --> 00:03:47,035 Pffoy. 94 00:03:51,674 --> 00:03:54,009 He's destroying our youthful demographic! 95 00:03:54,077 --> 00:03:55,844 Oh, God, I need a drink! 96 00:03:57,447 --> 00:04:00,582 So the car in front of us forgot to validate his... uh... 97 00:04:00,650 --> 00:04:03,519 I was in an anecdote once. 98 00:04:03,586 --> 00:04:05,821 Um, I have surgery in the morning. 99 00:04:05,889 --> 00:04:08,557 Yeah, and I'm the one having the surgery. 100 00:04:10,460 --> 00:04:11,727 Homer, you're the nominal host. 101 00:04:11,795 --> 00:04:12,995 Do something! 102 00:04:13,062 --> 00:04:15,164 Oh! Uh! Oh! 103 00:04:15,231 --> 00:04:17,666 Mr. Burns, 104 00:04:17,734 --> 00:04:19,701 so glad you're here. 105 00:04:19,769 --> 00:04:21,703 Finally, the party can get started. 106 00:04:21,771 --> 00:04:24,072 Your cotillion seems to be in full promenade. 107 00:04:24,140 --> 00:04:25,507 Good one. 108 00:04:25,575 --> 00:04:29,144 Uh, Mr. Burns, everyone is dying to hear you sing karaoke. 109 00:04:29,212 --> 00:04:31,814 Come on, just pick a popular song. 110 00:04:31,881 --> 00:04:33,782 Do you have anything by Prince... 111 00:04:33,850 --> 00:04:35,584 Wilhelm of Prussia? 112 00:04:35,652 --> 00:04:38,520 I have 16 million songs, but, uh, no. 113 00:04:38,588 --> 00:04:42,858 Just play the oldest, stupidest thing in your catalog. 114 00:04:42,926 --> 00:04:44,927 Uh, let me check my beeswax cylinders. 115 00:04:44,994 --> 00:04:47,262 Uh, here we are. 116 00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:50,365 ♪ Come Josephine in my flying machine! ♪ 117 00:04:50,433 --> 00:04:54,169 ♪ Going up she goes, up she goes ♪ 118 00:04:54,237 --> 00:04:57,172 ♪ Balance yourself like a bird on a beam ♪ 119 00:04:57,240 --> 00:05:00,976 ♪ In the air she goes, there she goes. ♪ 120 00:05:02,745 --> 00:05:06,315 May you all fly in an aeroplane someday. 121 00:05:06,382 --> 00:05:08,550 You certainly seem to be enjoying yourself, sir. 122 00:05:08,618 --> 00:05:10,986 Indeed. That Homer Simpson is the beating baboon heart 123 00:05:11,054 --> 00:05:12,421 of this party. 124 00:05:12,488 --> 00:05:15,624 So he says, "Bigamy is having one too many wives." 125 00:05:15,692 --> 00:05:18,427 To which I replied, "So's monogamy." 126 00:05:19,963 --> 00:05:21,530 Oh, yeah! 127 00:05:21,598 --> 00:05:23,765 I may have a use for this Simpson character 128 00:05:23,833 --> 00:05:25,367 higher up in the organization. 129 00:05:25,435 --> 00:05:27,069 Really? Well, as safety inspector, 130 00:05:27,136 --> 00:05:29,471 he hasn't exactly set the world on fire, 131 00:05:29,539 --> 00:05:31,273 although he came close several times. 132 00:05:32,809 --> 00:05:34,309 Simpson, you're probably wondering 133 00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:36,011 why you're here. 134 00:05:36,079 --> 00:05:37,279 It's never good. 135 00:05:37,347 --> 00:05:39,314 I always wind up being chased by hounds, 136 00:05:39,382 --> 00:05:40,983 or falling through a trapdoor, 137 00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:43,752 or being a peg in your game of human croquet. 138 00:05:43,820 --> 00:05:46,188 When I made you a hoop, you split your pants. 139 00:05:46,256 --> 00:05:48,824 Now, here at the plant, there's no position more important 140 00:05:48,892 --> 00:05:51,293 than our accounts man, who's responsible 141 00:05:51,361 --> 00:05:53,662 for glad-handing our customers and suppliers. 142 00:05:53,730 --> 00:05:56,098 I'd like you to take over that position. 143 00:05:56,165 --> 00:05:58,634 The last thing I understood in that was "pants." 144 00:05:58,701 --> 00:06:00,502 Just give me your answer, and make it quick! 145 00:06:00,570 --> 00:06:01,904 Our current account man, Robert Marlowe here, 146 00:06:01,971 --> 00:06:03,639 is retiring at the end of the month. 147 00:06:03,706 --> 00:06:05,874 In two weeks, the only tie I'll be wearing is 148 00:06:05,942 --> 00:06:07,910 for autoerotic pleasure. 149 00:06:07,977 --> 00:06:10,445 Yes. Simpson, only you have the bonhomie 150 00:06:10,513 --> 00:06:12,381 and rotund charm to replace him. 151 00:06:12,448 --> 00:06:15,751 It means a hefty expense account and a corner office. 152 00:06:15,818 --> 00:06:17,920 Well, in that case... 153 00:06:17,987 --> 00:06:21,423 Before you say yes, Simpson, I feel it's my duty to warn you, 154 00:06:21,491 --> 00:06:23,592 account men lose their soul. 155 00:06:23,660 --> 00:06:25,794 Woo-hoo! No more church! 156 00:06:33,154 --> 00:06:35,189 So long, Sector 7-G. 157 00:06:35,256 --> 00:06:37,958 Hello, Sector 22-F! 158 00:06:51,639 --> 00:06:52,940 Uh. 159 00:07:00,014 --> 00:07:02,583 The higher they rise, the further they fall! 160 00:07:02,650 --> 00:07:04,718 You know, you're kind of a downer. 161 00:07:04,786 --> 00:07:06,053 I thought you were retiring. 162 00:07:06,121 --> 00:07:07,554 Why are you still here? 163 00:07:07,622 --> 00:07:09,289 Hey, you're a baby account man. 164 00:07:09,357 --> 00:07:10,791 Still on the bottle. 165 00:07:10,859 --> 00:07:13,627 So, for my last good deed before I retire, 166 00:07:13,695 --> 00:07:15,629 I'm going to help you persuade Mayor Quimby 167 00:07:15,697 --> 00:07:17,498 to sign off on a nuclear rate hike. 168 00:07:17,565 --> 00:07:19,199 Uh-oh, a meeting with the mayor. 169 00:07:19,267 --> 00:07:21,568 How do I prepare for that? 170 00:07:22,971 --> 00:07:24,505 I see. 171 00:07:24,572 --> 00:07:27,274 Now, how do I prepare for the meeting with the mayor? 172 00:07:28,710 --> 00:07:31,912 I am really enjoying this, but, um... 173 00:07:31,980 --> 00:07:34,148 Hello! Meeting with the mayor? 174 00:07:37,385 --> 00:07:39,920 Aw. Bourbon go bye-bye. 175 00:07:39,988 --> 00:07:42,723 There ain't enough bourbon in Kentucky for you, big guy. 176 00:07:42,791 --> 00:07:46,660 Yeah, the governor wrote me a letter to that effect. 177 00:07:48,062 --> 00:07:49,229 Wow, I can't believe 178 00:07:49,297 --> 00:07:50,798 I'm eating steak with the mayor. 179 00:07:50,865 --> 00:07:53,534 The next time, I vote for you, it's gonna be on purpose. 180 00:07:53,601 --> 00:07:54,868 Much obliged. 181 00:07:54,936 --> 00:07:56,437 Now, uh, where would you like 182 00:07:56,504 --> 00:07:59,573 to discuss your proposed tax breaks? 183 00:08:02,277 --> 00:08:03,444 Mmm. 184 00:08:03,511 --> 00:08:04,645 Hey, Homer! 185 00:08:04,712 --> 00:08:05,813 Look at you, man! 186 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:07,648 I've outgrown you! 187 00:08:07,715 --> 00:08:12,152 Oh, Mr. Mayor, more peanut nore? 188 00:08:22,063 --> 00:08:23,297 Say what you will, man. 189 00:08:23,364 --> 00:08:24,765 He's pretty resourceful. 190 00:08:24,833 --> 00:08:26,366 Wow. 191 00:08:26,434 --> 00:08:28,035 These seats are amazing. 192 00:08:28,102 --> 00:08:30,404 And if you don't like the score, you can change it yourself. 193 00:08:31,806 --> 00:08:32,773 ♪ Boring. ♪ 194 00:08:34,976 --> 00:08:36,376 God, what a great game! 195 00:08:36,444 --> 00:08:38,979 And you, too, can be on the winning team, Mr. Mayor. 196 00:08:39,047 --> 00:08:40,914 The Springfield Nuclear Team. 197 00:08:40,982 --> 00:08:44,151 I have never heard an analogy involving sports! 198 00:08:44,219 --> 00:08:45,752 I love it! 199 00:08:45,820 --> 00:08:47,688 I can't believe that was work! 200 00:08:47,755 --> 00:08:49,189 Yeah, but work is over now. 201 00:08:49,257 --> 00:08:51,191 Want to drink with me till I fall asleep? 202 00:08:51,259 --> 00:08:53,527 Oh, well... 203 00:08:53,595 --> 00:08:56,530 Mm, I really should look at this picture a little longer. 204 00:08:56,598 --> 00:08:57,831 Hmm. 205 00:08:57,899 --> 00:08:59,433 Okay, let's go. 206 00:08:59,501 --> 00:09:02,202 Great. Now, in honor of my last day on the hamster wheel, 207 00:09:02,270 --> 00:09:03,837 I have a little gift for you. 208 00:09:03,905 --> 00:09:06,039 This set of bar tools has been passed down 209 00:09:06,107 --> 00:09:08,742 from account man to account man since the dawn of history. 210 00:09:08,810 --> 00:09:10,744 1956. 211 00:09:10,812 --> 00:09:12,980 Can you be my dad? 212 00:09:13,047 --> 00:09:15,749 If your mom was a secretary, there's a good chance I am. 213 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:22,656 Welcome home, handsome! 214 00:09:26,294 --> 00:09:28,962 It's a rat race, but it looks like I won. 215 00:09:29,030 --> 00:09:31,365 Oh, to the victor go the spoils. 216 00:09:31,432 --> 00:09:32,833 Mmm. 217 00:09:32,901 --> 00:09:35,469 Dad, you were supposed to read me a bedtime story. 218 00:09:35,537 --> 00:09:37,004 Oh, sorry, sweetie. 219 00:09:37,071 --> 00:09:38,305 Bart can read it to you. 220 00:09:39,741 --> 00:09:42,476 Read to Lisa? Why don't you just ask me to kiss her? 221 00:09:42,544 --> 00:09:44,645 If you kissed her, that would be lovely. 222 00:09:44,712 --> 00:09:45,679 I'll read! I'll read! 223 00:09:45,747 --> 00:09:47,214 And kiss. 224 00:09:47,282 --> 00:09:48,815 Does anyone want my opinion? 225 00:09:48,883 --> 00:09:50,083 Please, Lisa. 226 00:09:50,151 --> 00:09:51,552 I had 18 martinis today. 227 00:09:51,619 --> 00:09:53,186 Hello. 228 00:09:53,254 --> 00:09:57,524 All right, Lis, let's get this stupid bedtime story over with. 229 00:09:57,592 --> 00:09:59,927 Proceed to the page with the butterfly bookmark 230 00:09:59,994 --> 00:10:02,129 as I cuddle up with Madam Bunny. 231 00:10:03,598 --> 00:10:07,467 "If genn-i-oos..." 232 00:10:07,535 --> 00:10:08,769 Genius. 233 00:10:08,836 --> 00:10:12,339 "...is eternal pati... 234 00:10:12,407 --> 00:10:13,874 "pat-eh... 235 00:10:13,942 --> 00:10:15,142 pa-tie..." 236 00:10:15,209 --> 00:10:16,209 Patience. Patience! 237 00:10:16,277 --> 00:10:17,644 Get on with it! 238 00:10:17,712 --> 00:10:18,879 Shut up! Shut up! 239 00:10:18,947 --> 00:10:20,180 I'm a bad reader, okay?! 240 00:10:20,248 --> 00:10:21,882 Well, I could help you. 241 00:10:21,950 --> 00:10:23,350 I don't want your help! 242 00:10:23,418 --> 00:10:26,486 I'll get one of those jobs where you don't need to read, 243 00:10:26,554 --> 00:10:28,455 like French fry maker or general. 244 00:10:28,523 --> 00:10:30,691 - Well, you're getting my help. - Forget it. 245 00:10:30,758 --> 00:10:32,893 Don't you want to be able to read the things 246 00:10:32,961 --> 00:10:34,561 people carve into your chest in prison? 247 00:10:34,629 --> 00:10:35,862 I guess. 248 00:10:35,930 --> 00:10:37,698 ♪ ♪ 249 00:10:49,510 --> 00:10:51,378 Close enough. 250 00:11:03,591 --> 00:11:05,726 ♪ ♪ 251 00:11:35,189 --> 00:11:37,124 "But when the helpful voice was silent, 252 00:11:37,191 --> 00:11:39,660 "the daily lesson over, the beloved presence gone, 253 00:11:39,727 --> 00:11:42,062 "and nothing remained but loneliness and grief, 254 00:11:42,130 --> 00:11:45,065 then Jo found her promise very hard to keep." 255 00:11:45,133 --> 00:11:46,800 We did it, Bart. 256 00:11:46,868 --> 00:11:49,169 I'm a mentor. 257 00:11:49,237 --> 00:11:51,271 Big deal, you taught me to read one book. 258 00:11:51,339 --> 00:11:54,074 No, Bart, you can read other books, too. 259 00:11:54,142 --> 00:11:55,342 What?! 260 00:11:59,213 --> 00:12:02,115 Homie, what are you doing? 261 00:12:02,183 --> 00:12:04,451 My work is so meaningless. 262 00:12:04,519 --> 00:12:06,153 You make electricity. 263 00:12:06,220 --> 00:12:08,155 It runs the hospital. 264 00:12:08,222 --> 00:12:10,223 You can't touch electricity, Marge, 265 00:12:10,291 --> 00:12:11,658 you can't feel it. 266 00:12:11,726 --> 00:12:13,960 That's because it would kill you. 267 00:12:14,028 --> 00:12:16,263 It already is killing me, Marge. 268 00:12:16,330 --> 00:12:17,964 You're the only one I can talk to. 269 00:12:18,032 --> 00:12:20,067 My wife just doesn't get it. 270 00:12:20,134 --> 00:12:21,568 I'm your wife. 271 00:12:21,636 --> 00:12:22,903 My job is my wife, 272 00:12:22,970 --> 00:12:27,107 loneliness-- my mistress, despair-- my sex buddy. 273 00:12:27,175 --> 00:12:28,775 Angst is a chick I met online, 274 00:12:28,843 --> 00:12:31,178 but then it turned out it was really a guy. 275 00:12:31,245 --> 00:12:32,345 I'm going to bed. 276 00:12:32,413 --> 00:12:34,114 You don't understand me. 277 00:12:34,182 --> 00:12:36,149 Only she understands me. 278 00:12:37,652 --> 00:12:38,752 Another round, kid? 279 00:12:54,435 --> 00:12:57,771 Hey, uh... I got here after you did. 280 00:13:03,098 --> 00:13:05,299 I'm sorry to bother you at home, Mr. Marlowe, 281 00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:07,301 but my husband's acting pretty odd-- 282 00:13:07,369 --> 00:13:10,471 coming home late, drinking in the morning. 283 00:13:10,539 --> 00:13:12,740 - Wake me when you get to "odd." - Hmm. 284 00:13:12,808 --> 00:13:16,077 I don't suppose you'd consider taking your old job back 285 00:13:16,145 --> 00:13:18,946 so Homie can go back to his old job? 286 00:13:19,014 --> 00:13:20,715 Sorry, Marge, that account job hollowed me out 287 00:13:20,783 --> 00:13:22,350 like a cheap chocolate bunny. 288 00:13:22,418 --> 00:13:25,086 I've been divorced three times, I've got a cocktail addiction, 289 00:13:25,154 --> 00:13:26,554 a shrimp cocktail addiction, 290 00:13:26,622 --> 00:13:29,123 and I can't stop bending women to my sexual will. 291 00:13:29,191 --> 00:13:33,394 Well, you certainly won't be bending me... 292 00:13:33,462 --> 00:13:35,963 Wait, how did I end up in your bedroom? 293 00:13:36,031 --> 00:13:39,067 Lady, I am smoother than an Eisenhower-era freeway. 294 00:13:39,134 --> 00:13:41,669 Look, I came to talk about my husband, and... 295 00:13:41,737 --> 00:13:43,538 How did we get in here? 296 00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:45,039 I think better in the shower. 297 00:13:45,107 --> 00:13:46,207 There's room in here for two. 298 00:13:46,275 --> 00:13:48,976 I'm a happily married woman. 299 00:13:49,044 --> 00:13:51,546 Wow, no woman's ever done that to me before. 300 00:13:51,613 --> 00:13:53,347 Your husband is a lucky man. 301 00:13:53,415 --> 00:13:55,917 I know, and I don't want him to stray 302 00:13:55,984 --> 00:13:58,152 from anything except his diet, 303 00:13:58,220 --> 00:14:00,555 and I don't really want him to do that. 304 00:14:00,622 --> 00:14:01,756 Marge, I made a big mistake 305 00:14:01,824 --> 00:14:03,057 years ago. 306 00:14:03,125 --> 00:14:04,559 I gave up on my family. 307 00:14:04,626 --> 00:14:06,727 Then I gave up on my secret other family. 308 00:14:06,795 --> 00:14:09,330 I missed my son's graduation, my father's funeral, 309 00:14:09,398 --> 00:14:10,998 and my dog's best in show. 310 00:14:11,066 --> 00:14:13,534 Don't let Homer make the mistakes I did. 311 00:14:13,602 --> 00:14:15,103 Luann? 312 00:14:15,170 --> 00:14:16,571 It's not what you think. 313 00:14:16,638 --> 00:14:19,273 It's much weirder. 314 00:14:21,343 --> 00:14:23,644 You're reading a chapter book. 315 00:14:23,712 --> 00:14:24,979 For fun! 316 00:14:25,047 --> 00:14:27,515 Bullies, to me. 317 00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:31,252 Let's see the name of this wedgie ticket. 318 00:14:32,020 --> 00:14:33,521 Little Women? 319 00:14:33,589 --> 00:14:36,424 Are you aware that's another way of saying "girls"? 320 00:14:36,492 --> 00:14:38,159 Look, I had to read it to my sister. 321 00:14:38,227 --> 00:14:40,528 Well, maybe we should hear a little. 322 00:14:40,596 --> 00:14:43,297 And then maybe you'll be hearing from my sisters. 323 00:14:43,365 --> 00:14:45,566 Your fists are sisters? 324 00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:48,636 Yeah, Poke-ahontas and Sock-ajawea! 325 00:14:48,704 --> 00:14:49,637 Nice save. 326 00:14:49,705 --> 00:14:52,039 Get reading. 327 00:14:52,107 --> 00:14:55,243 "And Amy and Jo hugged one another close, 328 00:14:55,310 --> 00:14:58,980 and everything was forgotten in one hearty kiss." 329 00:14:59,047 --> 00:15:00,681 End of chapter eight. 330 00:15:00,749 --> 00:15:01,949 You can't stop now. 331 00:15:02,017 --> 00:15:03,918 I want to know if their father comes home. 332 00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:06,487 Does Jo learn to handle her hasty temper? 333 00:15:06,555 --> 00:15:08,823 Does Amy get over her conceitedness? 334 00:15:08,891 --> 00:15:11,559 Aw, come on, guys, it's getting dark. 335 00:15:11,627 --> 00:15:15,363 Okay, but you better be here tomorrow after school. 336 00:15:15,430 --> 00:15:17,331 'Cause we're going to keep making you read us 337 00:15:17,399 --> 00:15:18,833 a lame ol' girl's book. 338 00:15:21,203 --> 00:15:23,070 Bart needs to work on differentiating 339 00:15:23,138 --> 00:15:24,972 the character voices a little better. 340 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:28,075 I know, I keep going, "Why is Meg saying that?" 341 00:15:28,143 --> 00:15:30,178 and then I realize it's Beth. 342 00:15:30,245 --> 00:15:31,412 That's right. 343 00:15:36,084 --> 00:15:37,919 Your wife is here, Mr. S. 344 00:15:37,986 --> 00:15:40,855 Tell her I'm at a meeting, not drinking. 345 00:15:40,923 --> 00:15:43,658 This is a whisper-amplifying intercom. 346 00:15:43,725 --> 00:15:45,259 Homer, I want you to come 347 00:15:45,327 --> 00:15:47,795 with me and the kids on a family vacation. 348 00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:48,896 Of course, of course. 349 00:15:48,964 --> 00:15:52,266 Family is everything to us company men. 350 00:15:52,334 --> 00:15:55,102 Now, where shall we go on your vacation? 351 00:15:55,170 --> 00:15:57,738 The farthest thing from this office I know: 352 00:15:57,806 --> 00:15:58,739 rafting down Rattler River Canyon. 353 00:16:03,278 --> 00:16:04,979 That's great-- let me run the numbers 354 00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:06,881 'cause I really want the Simpson account. 355 00:16:06,949 --> 00:16:09,283 And give these cigars to your children. 356 00:16:09,351 --> 00:16:11,919 Don't talk to me like I'm a client. 357 00:16:11,987 --> 00:16:14,822 You're not a client, you're the client. 358 00:16:16,325 --> 00:16:19,794 Simpson, put on your charm- their-pants-off pants. 359 00:16:19,861 --> 00:16:21,662 The mumpish oafs in Washington are sending 360 00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:24,131 their sternest band of nuclear regulators, 361 00:16:24,199 --> 00:16:26,133 handpicked to resist all blandishment. 362 00:16:26,201 --> 00:16:28,102 I'll handle it, I always do. 363 00:16:28,170 --> 00:16:29,837 Rafting, eh? 364 00:16:29,905 --> 00:16:31,872 It's a perfect way to entertain them. 365 00:16:31,940 --> 00:16:35,009 Finally, humanity has found a use for water. 366 00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:38,279 Mr. Burns, I can't go rafting with you because-- 367 00:16:38,347 --> 00:16:40,448 wait a minute, could this all work? 368 00:16:45,387 --> 00:16:47,321 Oh, no, you don't. 369 00:16:47,389 --> 00:16:48,656 Coggily-doggily. 370 00:16:48,724 --> 00:16:49,657 It all fits. 371 00:16:49,725 --> 00:16:51,325 Mr. Burns, rafting it is. 372 00:16:51,393 --> 00:16:52,293 Excellent. 373 00:16:52,361 --> 00:16:53,894 But Mr. S., 374 00:16:53,962 --> 00:16:56,297 you just promised this week to Mrs. S., Master B., 375 00:16:56,365 --> 00:16:57,798 and Mamselles L. and M. 376 00:16:57,866 --> 00:16:58,799 Now, relax, Dottie. 377 00:16:58,867 --> 00:17:01,435 Leave everything to me. 378 00:17:07,701 --> 00:17:10,236 Oh, Marge, this is the most romantic trip 379 00:17:10,304 --> 00:17:12,171 you ever nagged me into. 380 00:17:12,239 --> 00:17:14,273 And maybe when we get home, 381 00:17:14,341 --> 00:17:17,043 we can ride down something else. 382 00:17:17,110 --> 00:17:18,945 Not sure what you're going for, but... 383 00:17:24,751 --> 00:17:27,019 Uh, Marge, why don't I catch us some salmon? 384 00:17:28,722 --> 00:17:30,156 D'oh! 385 00:17:32,159 --> 00:17:33,659 It's about time. 386 00:17:33,727 --> 00:17:36,662 We've been making small talk about Mussolini for 15 minutes. 387 00:17:36,730 --> 00:17:39,165 Well, I, uh, found that contact lens I was missing. 388 00:17:39,233 --> 00:17:40,933 Let me just screw her back in. 389 00:17:45,772 --> 00:17:47,707 So, everybody good? 390 00:17:47,774 --> 00:17:51,644 Why did you get us... 391 00:17:51,712 --> 00:17:54,080 It's more fun to play with a ball of yarn 392 00:17:54,147 --> 00:17:56,582 if it has all the colors in it. 393 00:17:56,650 --> 00:17:59,418 And yarn should be allowed to marry dental floss. 394 00:18:06,393 --> 00:18:08,060 If you've got that, then... 395 00:18:09,796 --> 00:18:11,864 Are you sure you're Martin Scorsese? 396 00:18:13,066 --> 00:18:15,501 Enjoy the outdoors, you stupid kid. 397 00:18:16,737 --> 00:18:18,170 This family time is so precious. 398 00:18:18,238 --> 00:18:19,805 Got to go. 399 00:18:29,917 --> 00:18:31,684 Homer, I want a Long Island ice tea, 400 00:18:31,752 --> 00:18:33,953 America's most complicated cocktail. 401 00:18:36,390 --> 00:18:37,757 Homer, 402 00:18:37,824 --> 00:18:41,093 are you schmoozing those men? 403 00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:44,363 Huh? 404 00:18:44,431 --> 00:18:46,933 Um, I think we're supposed to get off here. 405 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,467 Take us out first. 406 00:18:48,535 --> 00:18:50,036 Anyone can start a family. 407 00:18:50,103 --> 00:18:52,405 These days no one can find a job. 408 00:18:52,472 --> 00:18:55,074 Let's see, my family gives me love and sex. 409 00:18:55,142 --> 00:18:56,742 My work gives me money and sleep. 410 00:18:56,810 --> 00:18:58,778 Hurry, we're heading for the falls! 411 00:19:00,881 --> 00:19:02,882 My coworkers are like a family, 412 00:19:02,950 --> 00:19:05,885 but in some ways my family is like a family, too. 413 00:19:05,953 --> 00:19:09,288 For God's sakes, Homer, I've given you three children. 414 00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:11,123 Whose side are you on? 415 00:19:11,191 --> 00:19:15,227 Yours, Homie, I'm always on yours. 416 00:19:20,033 --> 00:19:21,734 How ironic. 417 00:19:21,802 --> 00:19:23,903 I survived the Titanic by making a raft 418 00:19:23,971 --> 00:19:26,872 out of steerage passengers, and now this. 419 00:19:26,940 --> 00:19:29,608 Mr. Burns, your heart will go on. 420 00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:36,115 Marlowe, I thought you retired. 421 00:19:36,183 --> 00:19:37,883 I can't-- Treasury bills are paying nothing. 422 00:19:37,951 --> 00:19:39,085 Nothing! 423 00:19:39,152 --> 00:19:40,786 Well, Simpson, you were willing 424 00:19:40,854 --> 00:19:42,788 to let me go over a waterfall, 425 00:19:42,856 --> 00:19:44,857 but you cut operating expenses by six percent, 426 00:19:44,925 --> 00:19:46,092 so you're forgiven. 427 00:19:46,159 --> 00:19:47,326 Thanks. 428 00:19:47,394 --> 00:19:48,728 Now if you'll excuse me, 429 00:19:48,795 --> 00:19:51,197 I don't really like bourbon or business talk, 430 00:19:51,264 --> 00:19:54,767 just good old Simpson family fun. 431 00:19:54,835 --> 00:19:56,202 Hey, kids, I'm it. 432 00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:02,675 Aah! 433 00:20:07,781 --> 00:20:10,549 I'm okay, and I found some gold! 434 00:20:10,617 --> 00:20:13,352 See, luckiest man in the world. 435 00:20:14,521 --> 00:20:16,255 Oh, I'm so glad 436 00:20:16,323 --> 00:20:18,924 you're not an accounts man anymore. 437 00:20:18,992 --> 00:20:20,760 Yep, your worries are over. 438 00:20:20,827 --> 00:20:23,429 I'm back to being a boring old safety inspector 439 00:20:23,497 --> 00:20:25,431 at a nuclear power plant. 440 00:20:31,038 --> 00:20:35,038 == sync, corrected by elderman == 441 00:21:22,722 --> 00:21:24,590 Shh!