1
00:00:05,122 --> 00:00:07,624
Happy Friday, everybody.
What are you doing this weekend?

2
00:00:07,658 --> 00:00:11,161
The question is,
<i>who</i> am I doing this weekend?

3
00:00:11,195 --> 00:00:13,096
He's asking because
he's already forgotten.

4
00:00:13,130 --> 00:00:14,697
It's nobody.

5
00:00:14,732 --> 00:00:16,332
I'm volunteering
at the animal hospital.

6
00:00:16,367 --> 00:00:17,433
- Aw.
- Animal hospital?

7
00:00:17,468 --> 00:00:18,868
The animals are the patients.

8
00:00:18,903 --> 00:00:20,103
That makes sense.

9
00:00:20,137 --> 00:00:21,938
Yeah, Dr. Zizmor's
letting me work off

10
00:00:21,972 --> 00:00:23,639
the cost
of Daniel's eye surgery.

11
00:00:23,657 --> 00:00:25,491
Wait. You won't spend money
on a name-brand phone,

12
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,377
but you got lasik
for your geriatric cat?

13
00:00:27,411 --> 00:00:29,512
He only has the one eye, Jeff.

14
00:00:29,547 --> 00:00:32,148
I can't exactly buy him
a cat monocle, can I?

15
00:00:32,183 --> 00:00:33,383
It's pretentious.

16
00:00:33,417 --> 00:00:36,019
And for your information,
this is a totorola.

17
00:00:39,957 --> 00:00:42,192
Troy and I will be having
a very special Saturday night,

18
00:00:42,226 --> 00:00:44,160
as in <i>Dark Knight.</i>

19
00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:48,031
It came! Our limited-edition,
$299 <i>Dark Knight</i> DVD

20
00:00:48,065 --> 00:00:49,165
with bonus footage,
special commentary,

21
00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:50,666
and a Christian Bale autograph,

22
00:00:50,684 --> 00:00:53,686
including a personalized message
of up to four words!

23
00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:57,106
"Abed is Batman now,
Christian Bale."

24
00:00:57,141 --> 00:00:59,475
- It's official.
- From the man himself.

25
00:00:59,510 --> 00:01:00,894
May I have that back, Annie?
Thank you.

26
00:01:00,945 --> 00:01:02,395
And just to clarify,
if you see this lying out,

27
00:01:02,446 --> 00:01:03,780
I'm still using it,
so you don't have

28
00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:05,181
to take it to the kitchen,
dump it out, and wash the bowl.

29
00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:06,516
Is this about
your buttered noodles?

30
00:01:06,550 --> 00:01:08,568
I didn't say that.

31
00:01:08,619 --> 00:01:11,237
- Yes!
- Into your face!

32
00:01:11,288 --> 00:01:13,356
Your tears reveal
your weakness!

33
00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:15,091
What is it
with those tools and foosball?

34
00:01:15,125 --> 00:01:17,060
- They've been at it for weeks.
- I think they're European.

35
00:01:17,094 --> 00:01:18,912
It's probably a more important
game over there.

36
00:01:18,963 --> 00:01:20,129
Foosball's like the soccer
of ping-pong.

37
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,883
- I can't take it anymore.
- Oh, Jeffrey, let them be.

38
00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:26,552
Gentlemen, my name
is Clarence Thaddeus Foos.

39
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,671
My grandfather,
Fletcher Morton Foos,

40
00:01:28,706 --> 00:01:31,007
invented this game
for one purpose--

41
00:01:31,041 --> 00:01:33,309
to have the loudest,
dumbest thing happen.

44
00:01:36,580 --> 00:01:37,780
You're free to return

45
00:01:37,815 --> 00:01:39,916
to your undoubtedly
hearing-impaired families.

46
00:01:39,950 --> 00:01:43,620
Tell you what,
we'll stop playing,

47
00:01:43,654 --> 00:01:45,355
if you can score a point on us.

48
00:01:45,389 --> 00:01:48,091
Tempting, but then wouldn't
I be playing foosball?

49
00:01:48,125 --> 00:01:51,894
And, if so, how would I not
be a loud, weird knob?

50
00:01:51,929 --> 00:01:53,196
Free shot.

51
00:01:53,230 --> 00:01:55,431
I'm not even touching
the foosenschaften.

52
00:01:55,466 --> 00:01:58,918
Sorry, luftballons.
I'm above it.

53
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:01,871
Boo-yah!

54
00:02:01,905 --> 00:02:05,008
I wish there was a word
to describe the pleasure I feel

55
00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:06,309
at viewing misfortune.

56
00:02:06,343 --> 00:02:08,628
'Tis the face of a broken man.

57
00:02:08,679 --> 00:02:10,513
Jeff. Smile.

58
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,048
- Uh, uh...
- Ooh!

59
00:02:12,082 --> 00:02:14,083
They, uh, --
they come in a six-pack.

60
00:02:14,118 --> 00:02:18,087
♪ Give me some more
time in a dream ♪

61
00:02:18,105 --> 00:02:21,257
♪ give me the hope
to run out of steam ♪

62
00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:24,761
♪ somebody said
we could be here ♪

63
00:02:24,795 --> 00:02:28,764
♪ we could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year ♪

64
00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:33,703
♪ I can't count the reasons
I should stay ♪

65
00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:38,124
♪ one by one they all
just fade away ♪

66
00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:40,379
sync by Sp8ky, corrected by susanaLC
www.addic7ed.com

67
00:02:44,448 --> 00:02:46,783
Oh--

68
00:02:46,817 --> 00:02:48,334
Buttered noodles.

69
00:02:51,155 --> 00:02:54,807
I'm allowed to throw out
the dust, right?

70
00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:56,792
Yeah.

71
00:03:18,165 --> 00:03:19,782
What's wrong?

72
00:03:19,817 --> 00:03:23,152
I-I...

73
00:03:26,657 --> 00:03:27,623
Why?

74
00:03:27,658 --> 00:03:29,342
- I stepped on it.
- Why?

75
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:31,994
- I was dusting the tv.
- Why?

76
00:03:32,029 --> 00:03:33,846
I can run out and get
a new one before he gets home.

77
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:34,931
Oh, sure, Annie.

78
00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:36,766
And--and then we just have
to record

79
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,602
fake exclusive commentary
by Christian Bale.

80
00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:40,887
Go ahead, you first.

81
00:03:40,938 --> 00:03:42,772
This scene
was a special challenge

82
00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:44,040
- to all involved--
- Stop it!

83
00:03:44,074 --> 00:03:45,475
That's not a real option!

84
00:03:45,509 --> 00:03:47,510
The disc
is irreplaceably awesome!

85
00:03:47,544 --> 00:03:49,678
What if we got
a different disc, and--

86
00:03:49,696 --> 00:03:51,848
Annie, do you know
how many sitcoms

87
00:03:51,882 --> 00:03:54,867
have done the "secretly replace
a broken, priceless item" thing?

88
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:56,552
'Cause Abed does.

89
00:03:56,587 --> 00:03:58,621
Abed knows everything,

90
00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:00,573
and I know you think you
can think your way out of this

91
00:04:00,624 --> 00:04:04,860
with your "thinkiness,"
but don't think too much.

92
00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:06,729
You just have to confess.

93
00:04:06,764 --> 00:04:09,415
- Okay?
- Okay.

94
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,892
We shot this scene on location--

95
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,844
Okay, he's right. It won't work.

96
00:04:27,117 --> 00:04:29,886
Jeffrey?
What--what are you doing?

97
00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:31,070
Hmm? Oh.

98
00:04:31,105 --> 00:04:32,605
You know, I just thought...

99
00:04:32,656 --> 00:04:34,824
Next time those deutsche-bags
try to show off,

100
00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:36,392
maybe I can catch them
by surprise.

101
00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:39,028
Jeff, you don't need to worry
what foreigners think about you.

102
00:04:39,062 --> 00:04:41,431
That's your birthright
as an American.

103
00:04:41,465 --> 00:04:44,617
Okay...

104
00:04:44,668 --> 00:04:46,769
Small confession.

105
00:04:46,804 --> 00:04:48,404
I used to love foosball.

106
00:04:48,439 --> 00:04:50,540
It was a great
after-school game

107
00:04:50,574 --> 00:04:52,942
for a lonely kid
with no dad--

108
00:04:52,976 --> 00:04:54,427
you know, just masculine enough

109
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,212
without having to know
how to throw or catch.

110
00:04:56,246 --> 00:04:57,580
I have seen you throw.

111
00:04:57,614 --> 00:04:59,282
And it was fun...

112
00:04:59,316 --> 00:05:02,718
Till I started getting bullied
by people like those Germans.

113
00:05:02,753 --> 00:05:04,153
So I quit.

114
00:05:04,188 --> 00:05:06,556
Well, you did the right thing.

115
00:05:06,590 --> 00:05:10,393
Foosball is a vile game
for vile people.

116
00:05:10,427 --> 00:05:12,361
Shirley, you wouldn't get it.
It's a guy thing.

117
00:05:12,396 --> 00:05:14,564
It's not
a fresh-baked-pie thing.

118
00:05:14,598 --> 00:05:17,733
Well, I might get it a little.

119
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:35,785
You don't know me.

120
00:05:37,721 --> 00:05:42,358
Ho...Ly...Crap.

121
00:05:42,392 --> 00:05:44,293
All right, I think I figured
out the viewing order--

122
00:05:44,328 --> 00:05:46,395
original version,
director's cut,

123
00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:47,497
director's cut with commentary,

124
00:05:47,531 --> 00:05:49,565
and then original version
cool-down.

125
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:53,002
- Yeah, we'll see.
- Mm-hmm.

126
00:05:53,036 --> 00:05:55,471
Oh, my God, you guys.

127
00:05:55,489 --> 00:05:57,139
We've been robbed!

128
00:05:59,176 --> 00:06:00,943
Oh, man.

129
00:06:00,978 --> 00:06:04,080
I can't believe we got robbed.

130
00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:05,865
Shirley, Shirley.

131
00:06:05,916 --> 00:06:07,166
You have to teach me.

132
00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:09,352
Please, help me beat
those evil power krauts.

133
00:06:09,386 --> 00:06:11,087
Don't you get it, Jeff?

134
00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:14,590
They're not evil people
that are good at foosball.

135
00:06:14,625 --> 00:06:17,560
They are good at foosball
because they're evil.

136
00:06:17,594 --> 00:06:20,062
It's an evil game
that brings out the worst in us,

137
00:06:20,097 --> 00:06:22,064
like--like out-of-town weddings
where the reception's

138
00:06:22,099 --> 00:06:23,499
in the same place
as everybody's rooms?

139
00:06:23,534 --> 00:06:26,302
Great. After three years
of religious advice

140
00:06:26,336 --> 00:06:27,570
and carb-laden pastries,

141
00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:30,840
you finally have one thing
I actually need, and--

142
00:06:30,874 --> 00:06:33,409
I'm sorry.

143
00:06:33,443 --> 00:06:35,912
Um, that was rude.

144
00:06:35,946 --> 00:06:39,248
It--it shouldn't be
so important to me.

145
00:06:39,283 --> 00:06:41,367
I'll, uh...
I'll see you Monday.

146
00:06:44,121 --> 00:06:46,188
Jeff...

147
00:06:46,223 --> 00:06:48,591
Tomorrow, dawn--

148
00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:49,992
be in the student lounge.

149
00:06:50,027 --> 00:06:52,027
Shirley, you are the best.

150
00:06:57,634 --> 00:07:00,403
Dear lord, please forgive me.

151
00:07:00,437 --> 00:07:02,338
And please have mercy on him.

152
00:07:02,372 --> 00:07:04,307
The stakes
have never been higher.

153
00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:05,608
Shut up, Leonard.

154
00:07:05,642 --> 00:07:06,976
I found your YouTube page.

155
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,945
What's the point
in reviewing frozen pizza?

156
00:07:08,979 --> 00:07:10,429
You're talking about it.

157
00:07:11,647 --> 00:07:13,049
Well, that is true.

158
00:07:17,544 --> 00:07:18,552
Now, Jeffrey...

159
00:07:18,903 --> 00:07:20,099
The key to winning foosball

160
00:07:20,219 --> 00:07:21,280
is to tap into your darkness,

161
00:07:21,405 --> 00:07:22,772
so I need you to promise
you won't judge

162
00:07:22,823 --> 00:07:24,457
the side of me
that might come out.

163
00:07:24,491 --> 00:07:25,892
Shirley...

164
00:07:25,926 --> 00:07:27,727
I'm gonna be perfectly blunt
with you.

165
00:07:27,761 --> 00:07:30,129
The few times that
you've been a little bad

166
00:07:30,163 --> 00:07:31,264
are the times
I've liked you most.

167
00:07:31,298 --> 00:07:32,732
- Really?
- Remember making fun

168
00:07:32,766 --> 00:07:34,233
of Britta's boyfriend's
tiny nipples?

169
00:07:34,268 --> 00:07:35,902
Oh, yeah, they were tiny.

170
00:07:35,936 --> 00:07:37,570
Remember what you did
to Pierce's hoagie?

171
00:07:37,604 --> 00:07:39,739
That was so disturbing,
I almost proposed on the spot.

172
00:07:39,773 --> 00:07:43,426
Now, come on,
show me how to dominate.

173
00:07:43,460 --> 00:07:46,279
All right, Winger,
hands on the grips.

174
00:07:47,414 --> 00:07:49,115
I'm coming up
on your right side

175
00:07:49,149 --> 00:07:51,083
in three, two, one!

176
00:07:51,118 --> 00:07:52,301
You know why you can't stop me?

177
00:07:52,352 --> 00:07:53,619
'Cause I'm not playing a game.

178
00:07:53,654 --> 00:07:55,972
For you, it's winning
and losing.

179
00:07:56,023 --> 00:07:57,756
For me, it's life and death.

180
00:07:57,774 --> 00:07:58,941
That's how I win.

181
00:07:58,976 --> 00:08:00,393
That's where you have to go.

182
00:08:00,427 --> 00:08:03,162
No more thought,
no more feeling.

183
00:08:03,196 --> 00:08:06,065
Kill or be killed.
Kill or be killed, little man.

184
00:08:06,099 --> 00:08:07,566
Think back
to when this game mattered,

185
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,068
before you got to be too cool.

186
00:08:09,102 --> 00:08:10,670
Stop acting like you're
not ashamed right now.

187
00:08:10,704 --> 00:08:12,655
Follow that shame to the fear.

188
00:08:12,706 --> 00:08:14,790
Follow that fear to the rage.

189
00:08:14,825 --> 00:08:17,276
You put that rage--
aah!

190
00:08:17,294 --> 00:08:19,495
Up your ass, Turkey.
Ha ha!

191
00:08:19,546 --> 00:08:22,048
There's only two ways
off this table--

192
00:08:22,082 --> 00:08:23,215
kill or be killed.

193
00:08:23,250 --> 00:08:24,517
- Say it.
- Kill or be killed.

194
00:08:24,551 --> 00:08:25,518
I said say it, mumbles!

195
00:08:25,552 --> 00:08:27,153
- Kill or be killed.
- Kill!

196
00:08:27,187 --> 00:08:28,304
- Kill!
- Kill!

197
00:08:28,338 --> 00:08:30,622
Kill!

198
00:08:30,641 --> 00:08:31,641
Yeah!

199
00:08:34,261 --> 00:08:36,395
You called me Turkey.

200
00:08:36,430 --> 00:08:39,198
I love it.

201
00:08:42,135 --> 00:08:44,937
Sorry we couldn't get a car
over here until now.

202
00:08:44,972 --> 00:08:47,173
Our captain was killed
on duty last night.

203
00:08:47,207 --> 00:08:49,442
My God, I'm so sorry.

204
00:08:49,476 --> 00:08:50,609
Yeah.
Good man--

205
00:08:50,644 --> 00:08:53,179
leaves behind two kids
and a pregnant wife.

206
00:08:53,213 --> 00:08:54,697
So you're missing a Batman DVD?

207
00:08:54,748 --> 00:08:57,383
My <i>Dark Knight</i> extended
extended cut--it wasn't insured.

208
00:08:57,417 --> 00:08:58,817
Well, there's no sign
of forced entry

209
00:08:58,835 --> 00:09:00,152
on your door or windows.

210
00:09:00,187 --> 00:09:01,520
You sure it wasn't
just misplaced?

211
00:09:01,555 --> 00:09:03,005
Someone definitely broke in.

212
00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:04,457
Some of my jewelry's missing.

213
00:09:04,491 --> 00:09:05,958
You sure about that, Annie?

214
00:09:05,993 --> 00:09:08,194
Mm-hmm.
My necklace.

215
00:09:08,228 --> 00:09:09,662
It was gold--
white gold--

216
00:09:09,696 --> 00:09:10,863
with emeralds.

217
00:09:10,897 --> 00:09:12,531
And my name engraved in Hebrew.

218
00:09:12,566 --> 00:09:14,133
It was a bat mitzvah gift
from my Nana.

219
00:09:14,167 --> 00:09:16,235
She was a rockette.
She married a count.

220
00:09:16,269 --> 00:09:18,554
He was blind.
He loved her for her mind.

221
00:09:18,605 --> 00:09:20,006
That's good color
for the report,

222
00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:21,207
but I got to be honest,

223
00:09:21,241 --> 00:09:23,342
small stuff like this
almost never turns up.

224
00:09:23,377 --> 00:09:26,045
- Oh, no, Abed.
- We'll be in touch. Say...

225
00:09:26,079 --> 00:09:28,064
You look familiar.

226
00:09:28,115 --> 00:09:29,915
Did I ever pretend to shoot
a guy in front of you

227
00:09:29,950 --> 00:09:32,084
to teach you about gun safety?

228
00:09:33,887 --> 00:09:36,555
I'm really good at faces.

229
00:09:36,590 --> 00:09:38,741
Well, I guess
the only upside to this is

230
00:09:38,792 --> 00:09:40,326
it's brought us closer together
as roommates.

231
00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:42,261
Something doesn't add up.

232
00:09:42,295 --> 00:09:44,330
If there was no forced entry,
it had to be an inside job.

233
00:09:44,364 --> 00:09:45,881
- We don't know that.
- And instead of taking cash,

234
00:09:45,916 --> 00:09:48,200
pharmaceuticals, laptops,
they take what?

235
00:09:48,235 --> 00:09:50,219
My Batman DVD, and one piece

236
00:09:50,253 --> 00:09:52,471
of oddly ornate
Hebrew-themed jewelry?

237
00:09:52,506 --> 00:09:53,756
- Nana gave it.
- It's smoke.

238
00:09:53,807 --> 00:09:55,257
- It's a ruse, a lie.
- Hmm?

239
00:09:55,308 --> 00:09:58,060
I think I know
what happened here.

240
00:09:58,095 --> 00:09:59,595
Abed, I--

241
00:09:59,646 --> 00:10:01,247
The landlord did it.

242
00:10:01,281 --> 00:10:02,848
It all makes sense.

243
00:10:02,883 --> 00:10:04,417
Rick has keys
to every apartment--means.

244
00:10:04,451 --> 00:10:06,018
He knows when we're coming
and going--opportunity.

245
00:10:06,053 --> 00:10:09,789
And he was dressed as the Joker
for Halloween--motive.

246
00:10:09,823 --> 00:10:12,691
- Hmm.
- Something's got to be done.

247
00:10:12,725 --> 00:10:14,577
Oh, let's not leap
to thing-doing.

248
00:10:14,611 --> 00:10:17,029
Right, Annie?

249
00:10:21,067 --> 00:10:22,734
Double strike.

250
00:10:22,753 --> 00:10:23,753
Got it.

251
00:10:23,787 --> 00:10:25,071
Back blast.

252
00:10:25,105 --> 00:10:26,072
Boom!

253
00:10:26,106 --> 00:10:27,106
Viper shot.

254
00:10:28,508 --> 00:10:30,409
- Nailed it!
- Oh, look...

255
00:10:30,427 --> 00:10:32,611
How cute--
you do like foosball,

256
00:10:32,646 --> 00:10:34,580
you just have to practice
with your mama.

257
00:10:34,614 --> 00:10:36,382
What are you guys doing here
on a Saturday night?

258
00:10:36,416 --> 00:10:38,050
Shouldn't you be making
weird art movies

259
00:10:38,085 --> 00:10:40,152
- or well-engineered cars?
- You take that back!

260
00:10:40,187 --> 00:10:42,088
We came to play.
Get away from our table.

261
00:10:42,122 --> 00:10:43,656
- We're using it, strudel-brain.
- Nice.

262
00:10:43,690 --> 00:10:44,657
Then play us for it.

263
00:10:44,691 --> 00:10:47,026
Fine.
Monday morning--

264
00:10:47,060 --> 00:10:48,627
only let's make it interesting.

265
00:10:48,662 --> 00:10:50,529
The losers never get to use
this table again.

266
00:10:50,564 --> 00:10:53,065
Oh, you are so on
that things have now

267
00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:55,267
become very much like
<i>Donkey Kong.</i>

268
00:10:55,302 --> 00:10:56,969
We're gonna kick das butt.

269
00:10:57,003 --> 00:10:57,970
- Nice.
- Thank you.

270
00:10:58,004 --> 00:10:59,905
Enough teutonic punnery.

271
00:10:59,940 --> 00:11:03,709
Monday morning you get this...

272
00:11:05,045 --> 00:11:07,913
Were you guys walking around
with a soccer ball

273
00:11:07,948 --> 00:11:10,382
just so you could do that?

274
00:11:10,417 --> 00:11:13,419
They left the ball
and everything.

275
00:11:13,453 --> 00:11:15,488
I think they were literally
walking around with it

276
00:11:15,522 --> 00:11:17,423
like a prop to use.

277
00:11:17,457 --> 00:11:20,226
That's, like, a $25 dollar bit,
and it's not even that good.

278
00:11:22,345 --> 00:11:23,896
You have got
to come clean, okay?

279
00:11:23,930 --> 00:11:25,731
I don't know what he's doing
in there, but it feels dramatic.

280
00:11:25,765 --> 00:11:28,200
I'm sure he's already moved on
to some other obsession.

281
00:11:30,470 --> 00:11:32,271
Oh, look, fun.

282
00:11:32,305 --> 00:11:33,972
The police are powerless.

283
00:11:33,990 --> 00:11:36,475
I must take justice
into my own hands.

284
00:11:36,493 --> 00:11:39,378
Men like Rick operate
above the law.

285
00:11:39,412 --> 00:11:41,780
But there's something else
above the law...

286
00:11:41,815 --> 00:11:43,282
Bats...

287
00:11:43,316 --> 00:11:45,651
And me.

288
00:11:45,669 --> 00:11:48,003
Abed, don't do
anything drastic.

289
00:11:48,038 --> 00:11:50,489
Yeah, maybe we should
all just take a step back and--

290
00:11:50,524 --> 00:11:53,159
Aw, is that the grappling hook
I got you for Christmas?

291
00:11:53,193 --> 00:11:54,593
The night beckons.

292
00:11:54,628 --> 00:11:56,629
Its black fingers
curl and uncurl,

293
00:11:56,663 --> 00:11:59,548
going, like,
"hey, come here."

294
00:11:59,599 --> 00:12:01,534
Abed, wait!

295
00:12:01,568 --> 00:12:02,735
Wait. I did it.

296
00:12:02,769 --> 00:12:04,403
I stepped on your DVD,
and it broke,

297
00:12:04,437 --> 00:12:07,406
and I staged
a break-in to cover it up.

298
00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:08,908
If that were true,

299
00:12:08,942 --> 00:12:10,609
you would've come forward
a long time ago.

300
00:12:10,644 --> 00:12:13,913
You're lying to keep me
out of danger.

301
00:12:13,947 --> 00:12:15,531
But there can be no peace

302
00:12:15,565 --> 00:12:18,050
while crime spits and dances
on the grave of justice

303
00:12:18,084 --> 00:12:19,552
to the hot beats
of infectious rhythms

304
00:12:19,586 --> 00:12:22,188
of all that is wrong.

305
00:12:25,075 --> 00:12:26,592
- Oh!
- Just...

306
00:12:26,626 --> 00:12:28,527
- Use your foot.
- Ooh, ooh, ooh!

307
00:12:28,562 --> 00:12:30,028
You're okay--okay.

308
00:12:30,046 --> 00:12:31,263
Ooh!

309
00:12:31,298 --> 00:12:33,566
Abed...

310
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:34,884
- Oh!
- Oh!

311
00:12:34,918 --> 00:12:36,435
Troy!
What are we gonna do?

312
00:12:36,469 --> 00:12:37,970
Now you're open to input?

313
00:12:38,004 --> 00:12:39,255
I'm following him.

314
00:12:39,306 --> 00:12:43,058
You moving in here
was supposed to tone us down.

315
00:12:43,093 --> 00:12:46,045
So, Shirley, tell me--

316
00:12:46,079 --> 00:12:48,046
how does someone
with your talent for foosball

317
00:12:48,064 --> 00:12:49,214
ever stop playing?

318
00:12:49,232 --> 00:12:50,716
Oh, I don't want to talk
about that.

319
00:12:50,750 --> 00:12:53,052
Oh, come on, we're, like,
best friends now.

320
00:12:53,086 --> 00:12:55,287
Don't back away from this.
Open up to me.

321
00:12:55,322 --> 00:12:57,923
Okay, well...

322
00:12:57,958 --> 00:13:00,626
When I was a kid,
I had anger, Jeff--

323
00:13:00,660 --> 00:13:04,430
real bad anger--
and foosball was a release.

324
00:13:04,464 --> 00:13:06,165
But I didn't just--
just beat people.

325
00:13:06,199 --> 00:13:07,733
I-I broke 'em.

326
00:13:07,767 --> 00:13:09,418
One time I was running
this table

327
00:13:09,452 --> 00:13:11,036
over at this Y.M.C.A
across town,

328
00:13:11,071 --> 00:13:12,705
and I was really giving it
to this kid--

329
00:13:12,739 --> 00:13:14,740
this skinny little white boy,
no offense.

330
00:13:14,758 --> 00:13:17,576
He started crying.
They always started crying.

331
00:13:17,594 --> 00:13:19,078
But something about this boy

332
00:13:19,112 --> 00:13:20,262
made me want to take it
all the way.

333
00:13:20,297 --> 00:13:23,115
I started jabbing him
with the rods until...

334
00:13:23,149 --> 00:13:25,968
The boy peed himself.

335
00:13:26,019 --> 00:13:27,753
Everybody laughed.
I laughed.

336
00:13:27,771 --> 00:13:31,390
But after that,
the game lost its flavor.

337
00:13:31,424 --> 00:13:33,292
Once you make
a boy pee his pants,

338
00:13:33,326 --> 00:13:36,962
you start thinking
about where your life is headed.

339
00:13:36,997 --> 00:13:41,100
Jeff, what's wrong?

340
00:13:41,134 --> 00:13:42,952
Gonna kill you!

341
00:13:42,986 --> 00:13:44,620
Your ass is mine!

342
00:13:44,654 --> 00:13:46,322
You're such a punk!

343
00:13:46,373 --> 00:13:48,657
You like being beat by a girl?

344
00:13:48,708 --> 00:13:50,960
Yes!

345
00:13:50,994 --> 00:13:52,444
What are you crying for?

346
00:13:52,462 --> 00:13:53,963
Your mama cannot help you,

347
00:13:53,997 --> 00:13:55,881
and I know your daddy
ain't around,

348
00:13:55,915 --> 00:13:57,466
or you wouldn't play
like a bitch.

349
00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:59,668
Ha!

350
00:13:59,719 --> 00:14:02,921
Ooh.

351
00:14:05,892 --> 00:14:08,677
Oh, my goodness gracious.
Is that what I think?

352
00:14:08,728 --> 00:14:11,296
I just beat this kid
all the way to tinkle-town.

353
00:14:11,314 --> 00:14:16,101
Tinkle-town, tinkle-town,
tinkle-town, tinkle-town.

354
00:14:16,136 --> 00:14:19,438
Tinkle-town,
tinkle-town, tinkle-town,

355
00:14:19,472 --> 00:14:21,907
tinkle-town, tinkle-town.

356
00:14:21,941 --> 00:14:23,609
You were Big Cheddar?

357
00:14:23,643 --> 00:14:25,744
Who told you that--

358
00:14:25,779 --> 00:14:29,081
Oh, dear lord.

359
00:14:29,115 --> 00:14:30,482
You're tinkle-town?

360
00:14:30,517 --> 00:14:32,751
Don't call me that.

361
00:14:32,786 --> 00:14:35,654
All your fake sweetness
and religion

362
00:14:35,689 --> 00:14:38,540
is just a veil covering
a horrible monster.

363
00:14:41,461 --> 00:14:44,380
And I had a lot
of Mountain Dew that day!

364
00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:52,234
There's an 80 percent chance

365
00:14:52,354 --> 00:14:55,245
you can't leave Woodstock
until you bone these hippies.

366
00:14:55,365 --> 00:14:56,604
Oh, boy.

367
00:14:59,461 --> 00:15:00,494
Aah!

368
00:15:15,794 --> 00:15:17,861
You know what I came for, scum.

369
00:15:17,896 --> 00:15:18,862
Where is it?

370
00:15:18,897 --> 00:15:21,048
In the closet.
In the closet, man.

371
00:15:21,082 --> 00:15:22,983
- Abed, stop it!
- Get him!

372
00:15:23,018 --> 00:15:24,084
I mean, stop it.

373
00:15:24,119 --> 00:15:25,552
They're in the closet.

374
00:15:25,587 --> 00:15:28,422
I knew I'd get caught.
Just don't hurt me, Batman.

375
00:15:28,456 --> 00:15:30,758
Closet.

376
00:15:35,163 --> 00:15:36,630
Women's shoes?

377
00:15:36,665 --> 00:15:38,966
But Rick doesn't have a wife...

378
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,118
Or women's feet.

379
00:15:41,152 --> 00:15:43,404
Wait.
My summertime ballet flats?

380
00:15:43,438 --> 00:15:44,772
I thought I lost these
in the move.

381
00:15:44,806 --> 00:15:46,940
Is it there?
Does he have the DVD?

382
00:15:46,958 --> 00:15:48,876
- The what?
- The DVD.

383
00:15:48,910 --> 00:15:51,679
He has it, all right.

384
00:15:51,713 --> 00:15:53,914
And it looks like he broke it.

385
00:15:53,948 --> 00:15:56,450
Ah.

386
00:15:56,484 --> 00:15:58,152
Who are you?

387
00:16:02,524 --> 00:16:04,591
If you had something to say,

388
00:16:04,626 --> 00:16:06,393
why not put it
in the text message?

389
00:16:06,428 --> 00:16:08,595
I wasn't sure what to say.

390
00:16:08,630 --> 00:16:10,931
Do you understand

391
00:16:10,965 --> 00:16:12,983
what you did to me...
Big Cheddar?

392
00:16:13,018 --> 00:16:14,435
Please don't call me that.

393
00:16:14,469 --> 00:16:16,670
Why not?
It's what you are--

394
00:16:16,705 --> 00:16:18,405
a mean, nasty bully.

395
00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:20,341
I was 12 years old.

396
00:16:20,375 --> 00:16:21,608
I peed!

397
00:16:21,643 --> 00:16:23,444
I had to change schools.

398
00:16:23,478 --> 00:16:25,112
I changed everything--

399
00:16:25,146 --> 00:16:27,448
my clothes, my hair,
my personality--

400
00:16:27,482 --> 00:16:28,682
because of you.

401
00:16:28,717 --> 00:16:30,751
What a waste.

402
00:16:30,785 --> 00:16:32,619
I wish I could take a picture
of you right now

403
00:16:32,654 --> 00:16:34,254
and send it
to my ten-year-old self.

404
00:16:34,289 --> 00:16:35,706
Watch it, Winger.

405
00:16:35,757 --> 00:16:37,891
You don't have a trademark
on self-pity.

406
00:16:37,926 --> 00:16:40,044
- I will defend myself.
- Good.

407
00:16:40,078 --> 00:16:41,495
Bring the cheddar...

408
00:16:41,529 --> 00:16:43,380
Big Cheddar.

409
00:16:43,415 --> 00:16:44,898
I'm gonna put you
on the express train

410
00:16:44,933 --> 00:16:46,667
back to tinkle-town!

411
00:16:59,097 --> 00:17:00,347
- Argh!
- Uh!

412
00:17:00,382 --> 00:17:01,849
Uh!
Aah!

413
00:17:01,883 --> 00:17:03,150
- Uh!
- Aah!

414
00:17:03,184 --> 00:17:07,821
Aah!

415
00:17:09,257 --> 00:17:12,326
Aah!

416
00:17:15,630 --> 00:17:16,580
Ah!

417
00:17:16,614 --> 00:17:19,283
- Die!
- Never!

418
00:17:29,477 --> 00:17:31,545
Argh!

419
00:17:31,579 --> 00:17:34,381
Argh!

420
00:17:34,415 --> 00:17:35,632
Ah!

421
00:17:35,683 --> 00:17:37,083
- You get it.
- No, you get it.

422
00:17:37,102 --> 00:17:38,585
You're the one
that needs the advantage.

423
00:17:38,620 --> 00:17:41,054
Wrong. Wrong!

424
00:17:41,088 --> 00:17:43,524
Every game I ever won,
I won fairly.

425
00:17:43,558 --> 00:17:45,793
Foosball was how I measured
my value as a man.

426
00:17:45,827 --> 00:17:46,960
You took that away!

427
00:17:46,995 --> 00:17:48,228
Why do think I had to?

428
00:17:48,262 --> 00:17:49,480
You try sprouting three feet

429
00:17:49,531 --> 00:17:50,764
just when boys
are about to look at you.

430
00:17:50,782 --> 00:17:52,599
Everyone stopped liking me.

431
00:17:52,634 --> 00:17:54,067
This game is all I had.

432
00:17:54,101 --> 00:17:56,102
- It's all I had.
- Well, that's stupid.

433
00:17:56,121 --> 00:17:57,938
You're a perfectly fine person.

434
00:17:57,972 --> 00:18:00,073
So are you.

435
00:18:00,107 --> 00:18:02,242
Thank you.

436
00:18:02,277 --> 00:18:04,461
You're welcome.

437
00:18:07,949 --> 00:18:10,617
I'm sorry, Jeff.

438
00:18:13,154 --> 00:18:16,523
You don't have anything
to be sorry for, Shirley.

439
00:18:16,558 --> 00:18:18,759
So Rick has agreed to stay
out of your apartment

440
00:18:18,793 --> 00:18:20,327
as long as you stay out of his.

441
00:18:20,361 --> 00:18:22,129
And I'm getting tired
of saying this to people,

442
00:18:22,163 --> 00:18:23,330
but these things
wouldn't happen

443
00:18:23,364 --> 00:18:24,965
if you'd invest
in a simple shoe safe.

444
00:18:24,999 --> 00:18:26,500
That's it?

445
00:18:26,534 --> 00:18:29,469
Now we just live upstairs
from this...

446
00:18:29,487 --> 00:18:31,638
Guy that's really
into footwear?

447
00:18:31,673 --> 00:18:32,973
Sweetie, you're a renter.

448
00:18:33,007 --> 00:18:34,641
Look forward to owning a house.

449
00:18:34,676 --> 00:18:36,109
Be glad he's not into heads.

450
00:18:36,144 --> 00:18:37,478
Thanks for your help, officer,

451
00:18:37,512 --> 00:18:38,879
and if you should ever need me,

452
00:18:38,913 --> 00:18:41,415
I usually get out
of school around 4:00.

453
00:18:41,449 --> 00:18:44,017
This guys sleeps outside your
room, though, and that's okay?

454
00:18:44,052 --> 00:18:45,919
Uh...

455
00:18:45,954 --> 00:18:48,422
There's one thing
I don't understand.

456
00:18:48,456 --> 00:18:50,757
Why would Rick deny
taking my DVD?

457
00:18:50,792 --> 00:18:52,125
And why break it?

458
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:55,863
Well, maybe he stepped on it
by accident

459
00:18:55,897 --> 00:18:59,366
and felt really,
really, really bad.

460
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:00,901
All the more reason to confess.

461
00:19:00,935 --> 00:19:02,336
Well, not everybody's
perfect, Abed.

462
00:19:02,370 --> 00:19:04,304
Batman. And I am.

463
00:19:04,339 --> 00:19:06,273
Well, Batman,

464
00:19:06,307 --> 00:19:09,109
on behalf of all of us
that aren't perfect,

465
00:19:09,143 --> 00:19:12,212
can I just say
I'm sorry I broke your DVD?

466
00:19:12,247 --> 00:19:14,615
Apology accepted.

467
00:19:14,649 --> 00:19:16,116
But I wouldn't mention it
to Abed.

468
00:19:16,150 --> 00:19:17,618
That guy's pretty ruthless.

469
00:19:17,652 --> 00:19:19,987
And that's coming from Batman.

470
00:19:24,409 --> 00:19:26,359
Hey, guys.

471
00:19:26,377 --> 00:19:28,795
Abed, where have you been?

472
00:19:28,830 --> 00:19:30,063
Troy, really?

473
00:19:30,098 --> 00:19:31,064
Let it go.

474
00:19:31,099 --> 00:19:34,200
Aw, black in the house!

475
00:19:34,219 --> 00:19:36,753
- My hand is cramping.
- It's fine.

476
00:19:36,804 --> 00:19:40,641
Oh.
Hey, freudenkatzen.

477
00:19:40,675 --> 00:19:42,209
Ready for your schpankin'?

478
00:19:42,243 --> 00:19:44,645
Just like we practiced?

479
00:19:44,679 --> 00:19:47,397
Let's shut 'em down.

480
00:19:47,432 --> 00:19:50,067
Ha ha ha.
Let's dance, David Bowie.

481
00:20:05,767 --> 00:20:07,301
Get the ball, Karl.

482
00:20:07,335 --> 00:20:09,253
I'm trying,
and stop yelling at me.

483
00:20:09,287 --> 00:20:11,455
Stop being such a schvine!

484
00:20:11,506 --> 00:20:12,673
Aren't you guys
playing foosball?

485
00:20:12,707 --> 00:20:14,474
We've played enough
for one lifetime.

486
00:20:14,509 --> 00:20:16,176
We're gonna go see a movie.

487
00:20:20,441 --> 00:20:22,933
Since when are those two
so close?

488
00:20:28,344 --> 00:20:31,844
Sync by Sp8ky
corrected by susanaLC
www.addic7ed.com

489
00:20:33,191 --> 00:20:36,542
Hello. This is November 29th

490
00:20:36,662 --> 00:20:38,087
and I'm Leonard,

491
00:20:38,397 --> 00:20:40,031
and today I'm reviewing.

492
00:20:40,066 --> 00:20:43,451
<i>Eugenio's four cheese</i>
<i>frozen pizza.</i>

493
00:20:43,486 --> 00:20:45,937
That's $5.99 at Kroger's.

494
00:20:45,955 --> 00:20:49,974
I've tried it before,
and we'll see.

495
00:20:54,146 --> 00:20:56,164
Mmm!

496
00:20:56,215 --> 00:20:59,784
Mmm, the cheese is good.

497
00:20:59,819 --> 00:21:01,469
The sauce is good too.

498
00:21:01,504 --> 00:21:04,889
Mm, well,
it's definitely a buy.

499
00:21:04,924 --> 00:21:07,459
<i>Eugenio's four cheese</i>
<i>frozen pizza--</i>

500
00:21:07,493 --> 00:21:10,295
a buy.

501
00:21:10,329 --> 00:21:11,463
See you next time.

502
00:21:11,497 --> 00:21:12,931
♪ I'm as high as hell ♪

503
00:21:12,965 --> 00:21:14,466
♪ and you're about
to get shot ♪