1
00:00:03,489 --> 00:00:04,989
Ay-yi-yi!
2
00:00:09,664 --> 00:00:11,381
(exclaiming)
3
00:00:15,937 --> 00:00:17,588
(school bell ringing)
4
00:00:19,190 --> 00:00:20,757
D'oh!
5
00:00:20,825 --> 00:00:21,792
(tires screeching)
6
00:00:21,843 --> 00:00:23,393
(grunts)
7
00:00:24,662 --> 00:00:27,431
(grunting)
8
00:00:27,499 --> 00:00:28,999
(panting)
9
00:00:29,067 --> 00:00:30,834
(humming)
10
00:00:30,902 --> 00:00:33,136
(fanfare plays)
11
00:00:35,874 --> 00:00:36,907
(groans)
12
00:00:43,915 --> 00:00:44,915
♪ ...Show. ♪
13
00:00:46,818 --> 00:00:52,756
In these
d-d-dark t-times...
14
00:00:57,245 --> 00:00:58,128
(screams)
15
00:01:00,231 --> 00:01:01,164
(screaming)
16
00:01:01,216 --> 00:01:02,716
(screaming continues over radio)
17
00:01:06,821 --> 00:01:08,655
(laughter)
18
00:01:12,110 --> 00:01:13,777
(laughs)
19
00:01:13,845 --> 00:01:15,913
Can't get enough
Itchy and Scratchy!
20
00:01:15,980 --> 00:01:18,048
And now it's time for...
21
00:01:18,116 --> 00:01:19,867
another Itchy and Scratchy?
22
00:01:19,934 --> 00:01:23,086
Who's the star of this show,
me or...?!
23
00:01:23,130 --> 00:01:27,130
♪ The Simpsons 23x08 ♪
The Ten-Per-Cent Solution
Original Air Date on December 4, 2011
24
00:01:27,155 --> 00:01:31,155
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
25
00:01:38,002 --> 00:01:43,457
♪ When you were here before ♪
26
00:01:43,524 --> 00:01:49,429
♪ Couldn't look you in the eye ♪
27
00:01:49,497 --> 00:01:52,399
Why is my show all cartoons?!
28
00:01:52,467 --> 00:01:54,017
And all the movies
they're making fun of
29
00:01:54,085 --> 00:01:55,485
are over a year old.
30
00:01:55,553 --> 00:01:57,054
It's like those parodies
were written
31
00:01:57,121 --> 00:01:59,990
when the movies came out, but
it took so long to animate them
32
00:02:00,058 --> 00:02:01,458
that we look dated and hacky.
33
00:02:01,526 --> 00:02:02,459
Why can't we...?!
34
00:02:02,527 --> 00:02:03,994
(groans)
35
00:02:04,062 --> 00:02:06,363
(light orchestral music playing)
36
00:02:14,872 --> 00:02:16,506
(laughter)
37
00:02:16,574 --> 00:02:17,941
Kids, that's
enough TV.
38
00:02:18,009 --> 00:02:19,743
Maggie's eye is
starting to wander.
39
00:02:21,362 --> 00:02:22,462
(turns off TV)
40
00:02:22,530 --> 00:02:24,364
- Mom, what are you doing?!
- What a rip!
41
00:02:24,432 --> 00:02:25,866
No more TV.
44
00:02:30,638 --> 00:02:32,372
Why can't we visit
a real museum?
45
00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:33,874
One that doesn't
have the skeletons
46
00:02:33,942 --> 00:02:35,609
of the Three Stooges
in the lobby.
47
00:02:35,677 --> 00:02:38,879
We have to see the Museum of TV
before next Wednesday
48
00:02:38,947 --> 00:02:40,614
when it closes forever.
49
00:02:40,682 --> 00:02:42,099
It's closing?!
50
00:02:42,166 --> 00:02:44,668
But where will people
find clips of old TV shows
51
00:02:44,736 --> 00:02:46,837
if they're not housed
in a giant building?
52
00:02:46,904 --> 00:02:48,155
Where? Where?!
53
00:02:50,892 --> 00:02:51,925
(chuckles)
54
00:02:54,829 --> 00:02:55,729
Ay, caramba!
55
00:03:02,370 --> 00:03:04,037
(King of the Hill theme
playing)
56
00:03:08,776 --> 00:03:09,710
(wheels creaking)
57
00:03:09,777 --> 00:03:11,678
(grunting)
58
00:03:11,746 --> 00:03:13,313
(shouts)
59
00:03:13,381 --> 00:03:16,149
Hmm, they're selling off
all the old TV relics.
60
00:03:16,217 --> 00:03:18,318
(register dings)
61
00:03:18,386 --> 00:03:19,653
Whoa!
62
00:03:19,721 --> 00:03:21,288
The gun Sheriff Baby wore!
63
00:03:21,356 --> 00:03:22,706
Hmm.
64
00:03:23,858 --> 00:03:24,725
(gunshot)
65
00:03:24,792 --> 00:03:26,326
Bart!
66
00:03:26,394 --> 00:03:29,229
Thank God I had this
in my pocket.
67
00:03:29,297 --> 00:03:30,230
(gunshot)
68
00:03:36,204 --> 00:03:39,072
Oh, my pants are
splitting wide open.
69
00:03:39,140 --> 00:03:43,176
And people will see my tattoo
of Donald Duck smoking a doob!
70
00:03:43,244 --> 00:03:45,145
That was for
Marge's eyes only.
71
00:03:47,682 --> 00:03:49,116
Oh, my God!
72
00:03:49,183 --> 00:03:50,767
Fatso Flanagan!
73
00:03:50,835 --> 00:03:52,936
Who's Fatso Flanagan?
74
00:03:53,004 --> 00:03:56,006
Only the funniest
black-and-white man ever.
75
00:03:56,074 --> 00:03:58,642
Isn't that just a rip-off
of The Honeymooners?
76
00:03:58,710 --> 00:04:01,011
Everything's a rip-off
of The Honeymooners.
77
00:04:01,079 --> 00:04:03,747
Margie, you're the greatest.
78
00:04:03,815 --> 00:04:07,551
Oh, Ralph, Fred,
Archie, King of Queens,
79
00:04:07,618 --> 00:04:08,935
I mean Homer.
80
00:04:09,020 --> 00:04:10,437
(applause,
music playing over TV)
81
00:04:10,505 --> 00:04:11,671
You'll see, Eunice.
82
00:04:11,739 --> 00:04:13,840
I'm gonna win
the Irish Sweepstakes,
83
00:04:13,908 --> 00:04:16,243
and then I'm buying you
a mink coat.
84
00:04:16,310 --> 00:04:17,944
(panting)
85
00:04:18,012 --> 00:04:19,146
Are you getting excited?
86
00:04:19,213 --> 00:04:20,180
No.
87
00:04:20,248 --> 00:04:22,416
That's me not holding my breath.
88
00:04:22,483 --> 00:04:23,583
(canned laughter)
89
00:04:23,651 --> 00:04:25,052
Just you wait, Eunice.
90
00:04:25,119 --> 00:04:26,053
Just you wait.
91
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:28,522
Ka-chik, kaboom, ka-splatter!
92
00:04:28,589 --> 00:04:30,657
See your grave there?
93
00:04:30,725 --> 00:04:33,176
(laughter, applause)
94
00:04:33,244 --> 00:04:34,878
(laughs)
95
00:04:34,946 --> 00:04:38,665
They were so childless
and miserable.
96
00:04:38,733 --> 00:04:40,534
WOMAN:
The size 48s.
97
00:04:40,601 --> 00:04:42,269
That's when he was the funniest.
98
00:04:42,336 --> 00:04:43,503
How would you know?
99
00:04:43,571 --> 00:04:45,472
I was Fatso's agent.
100
00:04:45,540 --> 00:04:47,040
Annie Dubinsky.
101
00:04:47,108 --> 00:04:50,210
If you ever hear a star's name
and wonder, is he dead?
102
00:04:50,278 --> 00:04:52,946
The answer is either
I represent him or yes.
103
00:04:53,014 --> 00:04:55,365
Now, let me ask you something:
is there a place for
104
00:04:55,433 --> 00:04:58,568
an old-fashioned lard-ass
like me on today's television?
105
00:04:58,636 --> 00:05:02,322
Um, would you play a
bloated corpse on CSI?
106
00:05:02,390 --> 00:05:03,640
Would I?!
107
00:05:05,660 --> 00:05:08,061
Wow, that's good
bloat work!
108
00:05:08,129 --> 00:05:10,347
He always comes back
really religious.
109
00:05:11,949 --> 00:05:14,651
You're killing me here
with this Catchy and Patchy.
110
00:05:14,719 --> 00:05:16,453
I'm barely on my own show.
111
00:05:16,521 --> 00:05:18,922
Today's kids are uncomfortable
with a clown
112
00:05:18,990 --> 00:05:21,792
whose every reference they have
to look up on Wikipedia.
113
00:05:21,859 --> 00:05:24,494
Wikipedia, Twitter--
who names these things?
114
00:05:24,562 --> 00:05:26,062
Percy Dovetonsils?
115
00:05:26,130 --> 00:05:28,131
(laughs)
116
00:05:28,199 --> 00:05:29,599
Get it?
117
00:05:29,667 --> 00:05:34,037
Come on, he was on Ernie Kovacs
with a smoking jacket...
118
00:05:35,239 --> 00:05:36,139
Krusty,
119
00:05:36,207 --> 00:05:38,241
we want to make some changes.
120
00:05:38,309 --> 00:05:39,976
What kind of changes?
121
00:05:40,044 --> 00:05:43,713
Krusty, um, this is never easy,
122
00:05:43,781 --> 00:05:45,382
but you're fired.
123
00:05:45,449 --> 00:05:47,050
Oh, that was easy.
124
00:05:47,118 --> 00:05:48,418
Oh, no!
125
00:05:48,486 --> 00:05:50,720
My contract states
there's only one way
126
00:05:50,788 --> 00:05:52,322
you're allowed to fire me!
127
00:05:52,390 --> 00:05:54,875
(drumroll)
128
00:05:54,942 --> 00:05:57,077
Yep, everything's
nice and legal!
129
00:06:00,264 --> 00:06:01,298
(groans)
130
00:06:01,365 --> 00:06:02,899
Could this be
more awkward?
131
00:06:05,269 --> 00:06:09,039
They took my dressing room, my
parking space, even my writer,
132
00:06:09,106 --> 00:06:11,007
so I don't have a
funny third item.
133
00:06:11,075 --> 00:06:15,178
But at least I got you,
my agent and best friend.
134
00:06:15,246 --> 00:06:16,813
(sighs)
135
00:06:16,881 --> 00:06:18,782
Krustila, I'm gonna
drop you as a friend first,
136
00:06:18,850 --> 00:06:20,684
so that when I drop you
as a client,
137
00:06:20,751 --> 00:06:22,052
you'll know it's only business.
138
00:06:22,119 --> 00:06:23,887
But we shared everything!
139
00:06:23,955 --> 00:06:26,156
Boats, girlfriends, condos.
140
00:06:26,224 --> 00:06:29,593
And when I finished, every one
of them was spic and span.
141
00:06:29,660 --> 00:06:31,895
Krusty, I'm gonna prove
that it's over.
142
00:06:31,963 --> 00:06:33,997
What? I'm on
your garage door opener?
143
00:06:34,065 --> 00:06:35,932
It's a smartphone,
you out-of-it hack.
144
00:06:37,802 --> 00:06:39,669
(groans)
145
00:06:42,356 --> 00:06:43,890
Little help?
146
00:06:43,958 --> 00:06:46,943
This only shuts the door.
147
00:06:48,746 --> 00:06:52,249
So, what was everyone's
favorite moment at the museum?
148
00:06:52,316 --> 00:06:54,484
I liked the
knowledgeable docents.
149
00:06:54,552 --> 00:06:56,820
I liked the early
closing time.
150
00:06:56,888 --> 00:06:58,188
(sobbing)
151
00:06:58,256 --> 00:06:59,256
Krusty?
152
00:06:59,323 --> 00:07:01,992
Fate is so cruel.
153
00:07:02,059 --> 00:07:05,779
This morning I was a star,
with a top agent.
154
00:07:05,846 --> 00:07:08,548
Now I'm strung out
in a ball pit!
155
00:07:08,616 --> 00:07:10,550
(sobbing)
156
00:07:10,618 --> 00:07:11,952
Go away.
157
00:07:12,019 --> 00:07:14,988
No kid should see
his hero sunk so low.
158
00:07:15,056 --> 00:07:16,790
Well, you're not
exactly my hero.
159
00:07:16,857 --> 00:07:18,625
I see you more as
a cautionary tale.
160
00:07:18,693 --> 00:07:20,060
What?!
161
00:07:20,127 --> 00:07:21,761
I'll show you
who's a cautionary tale.
162
00:07:21,829 --> 00:07:23,129
(grunting)
163
00:07:23,197 --> 00:07:25,332
I'll show everybody!
164
00:07:29,537 --> 00:07:30,470
You're not licked,
Krusty.
165
00:07:30,538 --> 00:07:31,938
People love a comeback.
166
00:07:32,006 --> 00:07:34,608
Look at Robert Downey Jr.,
Mickey Rourke.
167
00:07:34,675 --> 00:07:37,010
I don't know if
I got it in me.
168
00:07:37,078 --> 00:07:38,845
Well, people also
love a quitter--
169
00:07:38,913 --> 00:07:40,747
Sarah Palin, The Beatles...
170
00:07:40,815 --> 00:07:42,916
Eh, it's hopeless
without an agent.
171
00:07:42,984 --> 00:07:44,117
You need an agent?
172
00:07:44,185 --> 00:07:45,785
We met a ten percenter today.
173
00:07:45,853 --> 00:07:47,587
She'll get you meetings
with the eye,
174
00:07:47,655 --> 00:07:49,189
the peacock,
the alphabet web.
175
00:07:49,257 --> 00:07:51,658
You'll have a skein on the sked
before you can say
176
00:07:51,726 --> 00:07:54,861
"Krusty's wardrobe furnished by
Ha-Has of Beverly Hills."
177
00:07:54,929 --> 00:07:56,496
A new agent?!
178
00:07:56,564 --> 00:07:57,647
I better freshen up.
179
00:07:58,849 --> 00:08:01,618
(humming)
180
00:08:01,686 --> 00:08:04,821
Also better get back on
those anti-psychotic meds.
181
00:08:04,889 --> 00:08:06,823
(dog howling)
182
00:08:06,891 --> 00:08:09,926
Oh, this is a bad sign.
183
00:08:09,994 --> 00:08:11,962
I've been to classier
gas stations.
184
00:08:12,029 --> 00:08:13,630
(laughs)
185
00:08:13,698 --> 00:08:15,432
I know that laugh!
186
00:08:15,499 --> 00:08:17,534
It's the laugh of
the most ungrateful,
187
00:08:17,601 --> 00:08:19,035
credit-grabbing,
188
00:08:19,103 --> 00:08:21,938
other-people's-room-service-
eating man that I ever met.
189
00:08:22,006 --> 00:08:25,675
I will never forgive you
for what you did to me.
190
00:08:25,743 --> 00:08:28,211
Krusty, you know her?
191
00:08:30,851 --> 00:08:32,926
Ms. Dubinsky,
can you please just tell us
192
00:08:32,927 --> 00:08:33,961
why you hate Krusty?
193
00:08:34,028 --> 00:08:36,079
Come on in.
194
00:08:36,147 --> 00:08:38,031
It's a long story.
195
00:08:38,116 --> 00:08:40,117
(groans): Oh, now
I hate him, too.
196
00:08:40,168 --> 00:08:42,035
It was the mid '60s.
197
00:08:42,103 --> 00:08:44,471
I was a virgin agent,
198
00:08:44,539 --> 00:08:46,940
looking for a first client
or a fourth husband.
199
00:08:47,008 --> 00:08:48,325
And then I saw him.
200
00:08:48,376 --> 00:08:49,593
Hey-hey.
201
00:08:49,660 --> 00:08:51,094
Scary world.
202
00:08:51,162 --> 00:08:53,931
They start with the A-bomb,
then skip right to the H-bomb.
203
00:08:53,998 --> 00:08:56,133
These geniuses can
blow up the planet,
204
00:08:56,184 --> 00:08:57,551
but they don't know
the alphabet.
205
00:08:57,635 --> 00:08:59,469
(laughter)
206
00:09:01,773 --> 00:09:03,473
I knew he could be big.
207
00:09:03,525 --> 00:09:05,142
He just needed
some savvy fingers
208
00:09:05,193 --> 00:09:07,995
to mold his clay into an Ali.
209
00:09:09,214 --> 00:09:11,782
Herschel, you killed
them tonight!
210
00:09:11,850 --> 00:09:14,985
(chuckles) There wasn't a
dry turtleneck in the house.
211
00:09:15,053 --> 00:09:16,553
But mark my words:
212
00:09:16,621 --> 00:09:18,555
the bohemian crowd
is small potatoes.
213
00:09:18,623 --> 00:09:20,457
You're gonna have to
broaden your act
214
00:09:20,525 --> 00:09:22,226
if you want to play in Peoria.
215
00:09:22,293 --> 00:09:23,760
I don't want
to play in Peoria.
216
00:09:23,828 --> 00:09:26,430
They're always doing
construction on Highway 74.
217
00:09:26,497 --> 00:09:29,499
I mean, if you want to hit it
big, you got to lose this...
218
00:09:32,103 --> 00:09:34,004
stick this on...
219
00:09:35,607 --> 00:09:38,041
and make your comedy
a touch more physical.
220
00:09:38,109 --> 00:09:39,343
How do I do that?
221
00:09:39,410 --> 00:09:40,827
Like so.
222
00:09:40,895 --> 00:09:42,729
(screaming)
223
00:09:44,899 --> 00:09:47,267
(laughter)
224
00:09:47,335 --> 00:09:48,402
(chuckles)
225
00:09:48,469 --> 00:09:49,770
Wow.
226
00:09:49,837 --> 00:09:52,656
This is the best kind of
comedy of all: cheap!
227
00:09:52,724 --> 00:09:55,976
Herschel, you are gonna get
everything you want:
228
00:09:56,044 --> 00:09:57,494
money and women...
229
00:09:57,561 --> 00:09:59,162
There's only one
thing I want:
230
00:09:59,230 --> 00:10:01,181
ice for my ding-dong!
231
00:10:01,249 --> 00:10:02,749
And you.
232
00:10:02,817 --> 00:10:05,252
Every night, he had them
rolling in the aisles,
233
00:10:05,336 --> 00:10:07,521
followed by a roll
in the hey-hey with me.
234
00:10:14,245 --> 00:10:16,980
This is the part where I get
the kids out of the room.
235
00:10:17,048 --> 00:10:18,382
Oh, grow up.
236
00:10:18,449 --> 00:10:21,351
Today's kids are less sensitive
than an army condom.
237
00:10:21,419 --> 00:10:24,621
They see more on TV than my
mother did on her wedding night.
238
00:10:24,689 --> 00:10:27,357
And they don't complain about it
for the next 50 years.
239
00:10:27,425 --> 00:10:30,694
I got big plans
for us, Krusty.
240
00:10:30,762 --> 00:10:32,296
This is just
the beginning.
241
00:10:32,363 --> 00:10:34,564
Actually, sweetheart,
it's the end.
242
00:10:34,632 --> 00:10:37,668
I'm leaving you for Ron
Rabinowitz at United Parasites.
243
00:10:37,735 --> 00:10:40,070
You waited until now
to tell me that?!
244
00:10:40,138 --> 00:10:42,606
I can only tell the truth
right after sex.
245
00:10:42,674 --> 00:10:44,875
But all during sex
I was thinking it.
246
00:10:44,943 --> 00:10:45,976
Get out!
247
00:10:46,044 --> 00:10:47,844
(groans)
248
00:10:47,912 --> 00:10:49,947
You ungrateful pig!
249
00:10:50,014 --> 00:10:51,815
I made you!
250
00:10:51,883 --> 00:10:54,818
Deep down, I'm doing this
to get back at my father.
251
00:10:54,886 --> 00:10:56,186
Don't blame
this on me.
252
00:10:56,254 --> 00:10:57,921
Your childhood
was heaven.
253
00:10:57,972 --> 00:10:59,373
(groans)
254
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:01,108
I was so mad at him
255
00:11:01,175 --> 00:11:03,710
I didn't have sex with a clown
for five months.
256
00:11:03,778 --> 00:11:04,878
What about mimes?
257
00:11:04,946 --> 00:11:06,847
Come on.
I'm not made of stone.
258
00:11:06,914 --> 00:11:11,118
Annie, would you ever consider
taking Krusty back as a client?
259
00:11:11,185 --> 00:11:14,121
No! Absolutely not!
260
00:11:14,188 --> 00:11:16,590
Trust with me is
like a candle.
261
00:11:16,658 --> 00:11:19,259
When you blow it out,
it's gone for good.
262
00:11:19,327 --> 00:11:20,894
What about a comedy candle?
263
00:11:20,962 --> 00:11:23,263
You know, that relights itself?
264
00:11:23,331 --> 00:11:25,098
I don't find those funny,
just frustrating.
265
00:11:25,166 --> 00:11:26,300
They're pretty funny.
266
00:11:26,367 --> 00:11:27,801
Once, I used one on Milhouse.
267
00:11:27,869 --> 00:11:30,103
He was wishing for his parents
to get back together,
268
00:11:30,171 --> 00:11:31,505
but the flame never went out.
269
00:11:31,572 --> 00:11:32,673
(blows raspberry, laughs)
270
00:11:32,740 --> 00:11:34,391
(chuckles)
Good one, boy.
271
00:11:34,459 --> 00:11:37,394
Annie, I'm down on
my rebuilt knee.
272
00:11:37,462 --> 00:11:40,030
Can't you forgive me?
Please?
273
00:11:40,098 --> 00:11:42,566
For the sake of me
getting what I want?
274
00:11:45,636 --> 00:11:48,305
(chuckles) Fine.
But no nonsense.
275
00:11:48,373 --> 00:11:49,740
Except, of course,
during working hours,
276
00:11:49,807 --> 00:11:51,408
then it's all nonsense.
277
00:11:52,210 --> 00:11:53,810
Great. So we're booked
278
00:11:53,878 --> 00:11:57,014
for three weeks in June
at the Springfield Playhouse.
279
00:11:57,081 --> 00:12:00,717
I promise you Krusty will show
up on time or sober.
280
00:12:00,785 --> 00:12:03,020
Yeah, that's right, I said "or."
281
00:12:03,087 --> 00:12:05,105
Let me get this straight:
282
00:12:05,173 --> 00:12:07,474
you want me
to do my kids' show for adults?
283
00:12:07,542 --> 00:12:10,043
They're gonna want F-bombs and
all I can give 'em is
284
00:12:10,111 --> 00:12:11,845
"ca-ca" and "ta-tas."
285
00:12:11,913 --> 00:12:15,248
Krusty, there is nothing people
love more than the things
286
00:12:15,316 --> 00:12:16,483
they loved when they were kids.
287
00:12:16,551 --> 00:12:19,252
So you re-create
your show for adults!
288
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:21,488
It worked like magic
for Pee-Wee Herman
289
00:12:21,556 --> 00:12:23,023
after his setback.
290
00:12:23,091 --> 00:12:24,758
What did he get in trouble for?
291
00:12:24,826 --> 00:12:26,727
(whispering)
292
00:12:26,794 --> 00:12:27,961
That's all?!
293
00:12:28,029 --> 00:12:30,430
I did that while
you were on the phone!
294
00:12:35,136 --> 00:12:37,037
You know, I'm
a little nervous
295
00:12:37,105 --> 00:12:39,039
about doing
live theater again.
296
00:12:39,107 --> 00:12:41,341
Come on. Didn't you do
your TV show in front
297
00:12:41,409 --> 00:12:42,876
of an audience
for years?
298
00:12:42,944 --> 00:12:45,679
Yeah, but they were kids and we
gave 'em candy if they laughed.
299
00:12:45,747 --> 00:12:46,847
And if they didn't,
300
00:12:46,914 --> 00:12:49,483
until the '70s,
I hit 'em with a stick.
301
00:12:49,550 --> 00:12:51,918
Some jerk tracked down the kids
and made a documentary.
302
00:12:51,986 --> 00:12:54,254
It's called Circus of Shame
or something.
303
00:12:54,322 --> 00:12:55,956
(drum roll)
304
00:12:56,023 --> 00:12:58,325
And now, let's welcome a man
305
00:12:58,393 --> 00:13:03,730
the Spanish call "Señor No-Fun":
Krusty the Clown!
306
00:13:03,798 --> 00:13:05,866
(cheers)
Hey-hey, kids!
307
00:13:05,933 --> 00:13:07,768
ALL:
Hey-hey, Krusty!
308
00:13:07,835 --> 00:13:09,936
Who here likes nostalgia?
309
00:13:10,004 --> 00:13:11,238
(all cheer)
310
00:13:11,305 --> 00:13:13,340
Everything's perfect
about the past
311
00:13:13,408 --> 00:13:15,041
except how it led
to the present.
312
00:13:15,109 --> 00:13:18,995
Then welcome back the original
Tick-Tock the Clock!
313
00:13:19,063 --> 00:13:21,481
Would that I could
turn back time
314
00:13:21,566 --> 00:13:23,784
and never play this
career-killing role.
315
00:13:23,851 --> 00:13:29,122
Ooh, looks like Tick-Tock is
telling us it's time for...
316
00:13:29,190 --> 00:13:31,925
ALL:
What's In Krusty's Pocket?!
317
00:13:31,993 --> 00:13:34,361
Mmm. Ah!
318
00:13:34,429 --> 00:13:36,396
(chuckles)
319
00:13:39,767 --> 00:13:41,001
(cheering)
320
00:13:44,872 --> 00:13:47,374
I've pulled out everything
but my Little Krusty.
321
00:13:47,442 --> 00:13:50,377
Aw, what the heck?
322
00:13:50,445 --> 00:13:51,812
(audience laughs)
323
00:13:54,515 --> 00:13:56,183
Oh, that was great, man!
324
00:13:56,267 --> 00:13:58,468
I feel like I'm
ten again!
325
00:13:58,536 --> 00:14:00,287
Everything I loved
as a kid
326
00:14:00,354 --> 00:14:03,089
and hated as a teenager
I love as an adult!
327
00:14:03,157 --> 00:14:05,008
No one knows better
than me
328
00:14:05,076 --> 00:14:07,644
that it's "Here today,
gone tomorrow."
329
00:14:07,712 --> 00:14:10,380
But I'm here today!
330
00:14:10,448 --> 00:14:12,282
Thanks to you, honey!
331
00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:14,251
BOTH:
Mmm... mwa!
332
00:14:14,318 --> 00:14:15,919
Uh, um, sorry...
333
00:14:15,987 --> 00:14:17,721
This one, I think,
is mine.
334
00:14:17,788 --> 00:14:19,089
Yeah, I'll take that...
335
00:14:19,157 --> 00:14:20,190
I'll, give me
that one.
336
00:14:20,258 --> 00:14:21,691
Well, that looks
better on you, honey.
337
00:14:21,759 --> 00:14:23,393
Yeah.
No, no, no, it screams you.
338
00:14:23,461 --> 00:14:24,427
Let's just keep smooching
339
00:14:24,495 --> 00:14:26,396
till everything sorts
itself out.
340
00:14:26,464 --> 00:14:27,430
Mmm... I'm done.
341
00:14:29,014 --> 00:14:32,066
Krusty, you're getting
the best reviews of your career!
342
00:14:32,595 --> 00:14:34,696
Yep! I'm back on top!
343
00:14:34,763 --> 00:14:38,600
And this time I'm not blowing it
on cocaine for my horses.
344
00:14:38,667 --> 00:14:41,736
They start well, then they get
paranoid around the third turn.
345
00:14:41,804 --> 00:14:43,872
And you'll have plenty
to invest.
346
00:14:43,939 --> 00:14:46,140
The networks have
come crawling.
347
00:14:46,208 --> 00:14:47,709
Which ones? Telebozo?
348
00:14:47,776 --> 00:14:50,311
Shtick at Nite? E.S.P.U.?
349
00:14:50,379 --> 00:14:51,980
Better, baby.
350
00:14:52,047 --> 00:14:54,048
Our premium cable network is
a little different
351
00:14:54,116 --> 00:14:55,617
from what you're used to.
352
00:14:55,684 --> 00:14:57,752
Our brand is classy
and upscale.
353
00:14:57,820 --> 00:15:00,855
And we pay for everything
with soft porno and boxing.
354
00:15:00,923 --> 00:15:03,858
Wait a minute.
There's soft porno?
355
00:15:03,926 --> 00:15:05,827
And here you don't have
to worry about budgets,
356
00:15:05,895 --> 00:15:07,362
and the critics are
in our pocket.
357
00:15:07,429 --> 00:15:08,963
en the Boston Phoenix?
358
00:15:09,031 --> 00:15:11,482
If not, we'll burn it
to the ground!
359
00:15:11,550 --> 00:15:13,635
And that will be the end
of that phoenix.
360
00:15:13,702 --> 00:15:17,689
All good. I just have one
non-negotiable demand:
361
00:15:17,756 --> 00:15:21,726
This brass begonia here is
my producer now
362
00:15:21,794 --> 00:15:24,012
until the end of time.
363
00:15:24,079 --> 00:15:25,613
Really?
Yep.
364
00:15:25,681 --> 00:15:28,082
And you know
that anything said
365
00:15:28,150 --> 00:15:31,452
at a network pitch meeting
can be taken to the bank.
366
00:15:35,925 --> 00:15:37,692
♪ ♪
367
00:15:44,383 --> 00:15:46,417
Krusty, my man,
you finally hit it big.
368
00:15:46,502 --> 00:15:47,802
You said it!
369
00:15:47,870 --> 00:15:50,538
The Entourage actors are
now my interns!
370
00:15:50,606 --> 00:15:51,789
I got your coffees,
Mr. K.!
371
00:15:51,857 --> 00:15:53,374
Too hot!
372
00:15:53,442 --> 00:15:54,425
Too cold!
373
00:15:57,129 --> 00:15:58,229
Genius!
374
00:15:58,297 --> 00:15:59,497
No, no, no!
375
00:15:59,565 --> 00:16:01,115
What, are you crazy?!
376
00:16:01,183 --> 00:16:02,934
You can't put
a green wall behind
377
00:16:03,018 --> 00:16:04,736
a clown with green hair!
378
00:16:04,803 --> 00:16:06,070
Beloved entertainer...
379
00:16:06,155 --> 00:16:07,138
sad old man!
380
00:16:07,206 --> 00:16:08,606
Beloved entertainer...
381
00:16:08,691 --> 00:16:10,191
sad old man!
382
00:16:10,259 --> 00:16:14,145
He ain't changing, so everything
else in the world has to!
383
00:16:14,213 --> 00:16:15,947
(hushed): Annie, it's your
first day on the set.
384
00:16:16,015 --> 00:16:18,199
Scream something nice.
385
00:16:18,267 --> 00:16:21,068
Krusty, I am here to serve
you and no one else.
386
00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:24,322
"Nice" gets booked
at birthday parties!
387
00:16:24,390 --> 00:16:26,991
Hey, birthday parties got me
through some tough times.
388
00:16:27,059 --> 00:16:29,794
For years I lived on
piñata candy!
389
00:16:29,862 --> 00:16:32,964
Yeah? Well, from now on
the only birthday parties
390
00:16:33,032 --> 00:16:34,966
you are gonna do are
for the insane sons
391
00:16:35,034 --> 00:16:37,001
of rich Middle Eastern
dictators.
392
00:16:37,069 --> 00:16:38,903
Your going rate is 100
barrels of oil.
393
00:16:38,971 --> 00:16:41,272
Whoa, that's Beyoncé volume.
394
00:16:41,340 --> 00:16:42,490
(chimp grunts)
395
00:16:46,061 --> 00:16:48,529
(chatters)
396
00:16:51,951 --> 00:16:54,202
(laughs)
397
00:16:54,269 --> 00:16:56,938
Wait one hairy, banana-peeling,
scene-stealing minute here!
398
00:16:57,006 --> 00:16:58,039
Wha...?
What'd I do?
399
00:16:58,107 --> 00:16:59,741
Whose show is this?
Huh? Huh?!
400
00:16:59,808 --> 00:17:01,209
Whose name is on
that sign?!
401
00:17:01,276 --> 00:17:02,844
(chatters)
402
00:17:02,911 --> 00:17:05,046
Yeah, that's right,
little buddy boy!
403
00:17:05,114 --> 00:17:06,180
Krusty! Krusty!
404
00:17:06,248 --> 00:17:08,583
And don't you ever
upstage him
405
00:17:08,651 --> 00:17:10,852
or craft service will be
serving chimp tacos!
406
00:17:10,919 --> 00:17:12,070
(drooling)
407
00:17:12,137 --> 00:17:14,372
Yeah, I'd like to squeeze
a lime on that!
408
00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:15,323
(chuckles)
409
00:17:15,391 --> 00:17:18,626
(whimpering)
410
00:17:18,694 --> 00:17:20,862
Now apologize to Krusty!
411
00:17:20,929 --> 00:17:23,164
(chatters)
412
00:17:24,667 --> 00:17:25,767
(hushed):
Not so hard.
413
00:17:25,834 --> 00:17:27,835
She'll know
we have a past.
414
00:17:27,903 --> 00:17:29,988
What's going on,
yanking me out of my schvitz?!
415
00:17:30,055 --> 00:17:31,973
I look like an unwrapped mummy.
416
00:17:32,041 --> 00:17:34,375
Ooh! Idea for sketch:
rapping mummy.
417
00:17:34,443 --> 00:17:36,511
Notorious T-U-T.
It writes itself.
418
00:17:36,578 --> 00:17:37,945
Find someone to write it.
419
00:17:38,013 --> 00:17:39,080
Where's Annie?
420
00:17:39,148 --> 00:17:40,832
Annie is what we need
to discuss.
421
00:17:40,899 --> 00:17:42,400
She's out of control.
422
00:17:42,468 --> 00:17:44,969
She called a network
vice president "unhip."
423
00:17:45,037 --> 00:17:47,488
And he reads GQ
and he's straight.
424
00:17:47,556 --> 00:17:49,590
And recently
we had this incident.
425
00:17:49,658 --> 00:17:52,593
(gasping) Wait!
What are you doing?!
426
00:17:52,661 --> 00:17:53,978
She claimed this intern
427
00:17:54,046 --> 00:17:55,813
sharpened her pencil
"too pointy."
428
00:17:55,881 --> 00:17:59,250
Oh, I see what's
going on here:
429
00:17:59,318 --> 00:18:01,719
if a woman does it,
she's a bitch.
430
00:18:01,787 --> 00:18:04,455
But in a man, those traits would
be considered...
431
00:18:04,523 --> 00:18:05,306
Uh-oh!
432
00:18:05,357 --> 00:18:06,557
(gasping)
433
00:18:06,642 --> 00:18:08,743
(tires squeal)
434
00:18:08,811 --> 00:18:11,763
That hallway looks
familiar.
435
00:18:11,830 --> 00:18:13,548
I'm only getting
college credit for this!
436
00:18:13,615 --> 00:18:14,632
(crash)
My legs!
437
00:18:14,700 --> 00:18:15,533
(groans)
438
00:18:17,465 --> 00:18:19,749
Wow, I can't believe
we're in the audience
439
00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:21,218
of a pay-cable show!
440
00:18:21,653 --> 00:18:25,456
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
Krusty's favorite part
441
00:18:25,524 --> 00:18:28,426
of the taping: talking to the
audience before the show.
442
00:18:28,493 --> 00:18:31,345
Hey-how-are-ya-don't-talk-to-me
-the-show's-starting.
443
00:18:31,413 --> 00:18:32,914
(all muttering)
444
00:18:32,998 --> 00:18:37,885
And now... the clown
that never lets you down...
445
00:18:37,953 --> 00:18:42,456
Krusty the... Clown!
446
00:18:44,676 --> 00:18:47,712
Hey, hey, premium cable
subscribers! (applause)
447
00:18:47,779 --> 00:18:52,083
Tonight we've got the cast of
the hit Boardwalk Vampire!
448
00:18:52,150 --> 00:18:54,785
We've also got Janeane Garofolo.
449
00:18:54,853 --> 00:18:56,153
Wait a minute!
450
00:18:56,221 --> 00:18:58,723
We have very specific
language in our contract
451
00:18:58,790 --> 00:19:02,360
saying "No guests who are
funnier than Krusty."
452
00:19:02,427 --> 00:19:05,229
Janeane has promised to be
strictly angry and polemical.
453
00:19:05,297 --> 00:19:07,698
And I'll keep my promise,
like Obama did with Guantanamo.
454
00:19:07,766 --> 00:19:09,166
(cheers, applause)
455
00:19:09,234 --> 00:19:12,370
Oh! That's funnier
than I can ever hope to be!
456
00:19:12,437 --> 00:19:15,206
Sorry, Janeane.
Grab some shrimp and go.
457
00:19:15,274 --> 00:19:17,708
You can fill
your stupid beret once.
458
00:19:17,776 --> 00:19:21,195
Burn on you! I brought
my expandable beret!
459
00:19:21,263 --> 00:19:22,647
(audience cheers)
460
00:19:22,714 --> 00:19:24,665
Krusty, this is
exactly the kind of meddling
461
00:19:24,733 --> 00:19:26,667
that only we're allowed to do.
462
00:19:26,752 --> 00:19:28,286
Fire her as we discussed!
463
00:19:28,353 --> 00:19:29,754
Don't make us
threaten you.
464
00:19:29,821 --> 00:19:31,489
Krusty?!
465
00:19:31,556 --> 00:19:32,757
What did you tell them?
466
00:19:32,824 --> 00:19:35,126
Oh, I, I did that laugh
that people interpret
467
00:19:35,193 --> 00:19:36,160
any way they want.
468
00:19:36,228 --> 00:19:38,562
(laughs nervously)
469
00:19:38,630 --> 00:19:40,831
I thought that laugh meant
"I love you."
470
00:19:40,899 --> 00:19:43,067
It can...
471
00:19:43,135 --> 00:19:44,669
Well, there's no room
for waffling anymore.
472
00:19:44,736 --> 00:19:46,604
You're with me
forever or never.
473
00:19:46,672 --> 00:19:47,622
Which is it?
474
00:19:47,689 --> 00:19:49,790
What, uh, when you said...
475
00:19:49,858 --> 00:19:51,292
(laughs nervously)
476
00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:52,960
I'm paying extra
for this channel?
477
00:19:53,028 --> 00:19:55,429
Hasn't been good since
The Wire. Ah, who am I kidding?
478
00:19:55,497 --> 00:19:56,897
I never watched The Wire.
479
00:19:56,965 --> 00:19:59,500
Had to bluff my way through
so many conversations.
480
00:19:59,568 --> 00:20:00,801
Well, Annie,
481
00:20:00,869 --> 00:20:04,588
I think you know my answer.
482
00:20:04,656 --> 00:20:09,477
Wow, Krusty, adjusting
for age, that was amazing!
483
00:20:09,544 --> 00:20:12,079
Hey, hey.
And the best thing is
484
00:20:12,147 --> 00:20:16,133
I kept my word
and I got a new show.
485
00:20:16,201 --> 00:20:19,203
Sex over 60: The Mechanics
of the Impossible. Take two!
486
00:20:24,907 --> 00:20:27,041
Is it over?
Can I open my eyes?
487
00:20:27,109 --> 00:20:31,303
(chuckle)
Hey, come on, wake up.
488
00:20:31,304 --> 00:20:35,304
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
489
00:21:14,545 --> 00:21:16,445
- Shh!
- Oh, grow up!