1
00:00:01,675 --> 00:00:03,078
- Oh.
- Oh, jeez!
2
00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:06,201
- Ay yi yi.
- Wow.
3
00:00:06,326 --> 00:00:08,553
Gene and Terry have really
outdone themselves this year.
4
00:00:08,678 --> 00:00:10,218
I mean, it's so tacky.
Right, honey?
5
00:00:10,384 --> 00:00:11,386
[Laughter]
6
00:00:11,552 --> 00:00:12,471
Oh, boy.
Here they come.
7
00:00:12,637 --> 00:00:16,224
Welcome to our winter
wonderland, Brinkley family!
8
00:00:16,390 --> 00:00:18,602
Yeah, look at your Christmas... house.
9
00:00:18,768 --> 00:00:20,771
Oh, it sure is... A lot.
10
00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:22,522
Amy sure seems to love it!
11
00:00:22,688 --> 00:00:24,566
Oh, yeah, well,
you can't really go by her,
12
00:00:24,732 --> 00:00:25,670
'cause she's easily impressed.
13
00:00:25,795 --> 00:00:26,905
Yeah, she's not a great barometer.
14
00:00:27,030 --> 00:00:29,404
She... she'll play
with my shoe for an hour.
15
00:00:29,570 --> 00:00:31,276
Oh, well, remember, we're
gonna come by with the kids
16
00:00:31,401 --> 00:00:33,075
to sing Carols in a few days!
17
00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:35,246
[Singing Carol of the bells]
♪ bum ba ba bum, bum ba ba bum ♪
18
00:00:35,371 --> 00:00:36,787
[Falsetto]
♪ bum ba ba bum, bum ba ba bum ♪
19
00:00:36,953 --> 00:00:38,789
- Oh, you're the high part?
- [Laughs]
20
00:00:38,955 --> 00:00:39,984
Both: ♪ hark! How the bells
sweet silver bells ♪
21
00:00:40,109 --> 00:00:41,249
We should get going.
22
00:00:41,415 --> 00:00:42,417
♪ All seem to say throw cares away ♪
23
00:00:42,583 --> 00:00:44,589
♪ Oh, my God it has words ♪
24
00:00:44,714 --> 00:00:46,701
♪ What do we do?
Just back away ♪
25
00:00:46,826 --> 00:00:49,299
♪ I'm really scared right now ♪
26
00:00:49,465 --> 00:00:52,302
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
27
00:01:09,005 --> 00:01:12,200
Hey.
Hey, babba-Lou.
28
00:01:12,325 --> 00:01:13,824
Oh, my God!
Little Christmas tree!
29
00:01:13,990 --> 00:01:16,955
I'm not really loving the
little Christmas tree this year.
30
00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:18,203
I mean, look at it.
31
00:01:18,681 --> 00:01:20,497
And Amy's not so into it, either.
32
00:01:20,663 --> 00:01:21,960
Is this 'cause of gene
and Terry's decorations?
33
00:01:22,085 --> 00:01:24,918
Because, babe, seriously,
their house is bonkers.
34
00:01:25,084 --> 00:01:26,381
Okay, but you have to admit it.
35
00:01:26,506 --> 00:01:28,066
I mean, she loved it.
36
00:01:28,191 --> 00:01:30,101
And... and, you know,
isn't it our mission in life
37
00:01:30,226 --> 00:01:32,771
to make sure that her eyes
light up like that?
38
00:01:32,896 --> 00:01:35,006
Babe, we make her eyes
light up aplenty.
39
00:01:35,131 --> 00:01:36,096
Right, Ame?
40
00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:37,842
Come on, who's got the wiggly-walk?
41
00:01:37,967 --> 00:01:42,227
Who's got that wiggly-walk?
It's so wiggly, so... Wiggly.
44
00:01:48,061 --> 00:01:50,694
Wow. You are aware of the fact
that you don't ski?
45
00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:53,324
And every time I fall, Kevin
will be there to pick me up
46
00:01:53,449 --> 00:01:57,278
in his big, strong arms
and carry me to a bearskin rug
47
00:01:57,403 --> 00:01:59,864
by a roaring fire,
where the steam from our bodies
48
00:01:59,989 --> 00:02:01,740
will cause a freaky thaw.
49
00:02:02,288 --> 00:02:04,124
Special delivery from the North Pole.
50
00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:05,208
[Fawning]
Hi!
51
00:02:05,374 --> 00:02:06,251
Hey, hey.
52
00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:07,836
Mwah.
What are you guys doing here?
53
00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:09,791
Well, we thought we'd come
and cute this place up a little.
54
00:02:09,916 --> 00:02:11,009
Well, you have.
55
00:02:11,134 --> 00:02:12,210
Also, somebody's got a stinky diaper.
56
00:02:12,335 --> 00:02:13,925
- If you don't mind.
- No, not at all.
57
00:02:14,091 --> 00:02:15,180
All right.
Be right back.
58
00:02:15,305 --> 00:02:16,636
- Okay.
- You are stinky.
59
00:02:16,802 --> 00:02:17,882
And, um, do you have a quick second?
60
00:02:18,007 --> 00:02:19,014
I'd like to talk you in your office.
61
00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:21,808
Christopher!
What will people say?
62
00:02:21,974 --> 00:02:23,560
I need your help.
63
00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:26,062
I'm having trouble coming up
with a gift for Reagan.
64
00:02:26,228 --> 00:02:28,643
Oh, you know, she was coveting
that tennis bracelet I wore
65
00:02:28,768 --> 00:02:29,900
to the creative arts Emmys.
66
00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:31,193
They're kind of expensive, you know?
67
00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:33,781
Yes, but you always
get something nice for Reagan.
68
00:02:33,906 --> 00:02:37,199
Why not get her a bracelet
encrusted with di-a-monds?
69
00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:38,617
Wait, what are you...?
70
00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:39,821
You know the saying,
71
00:02:39,946 --> 00:02:41,328
"di-a-monds are
a girl's best friend."
72
00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:42,907
Oh, dia... okay, yeah.
73
00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:44,576
Well, yes, I mean, nice jewelry
74
00:02:44,701 --> 00:02:46,578
was always kind of my go-to
when I was working all the time,
75
00:02:46,703 --> 00:02:48,168
but I haven't worked
in almost a year, so...
76
00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:50,481
Well, Reagan has.
She's been doing quite well.
77
00:02:50,606 --> 00:02:52,550
Did you know
that she makes 70% of what
78
00:02:52,675 --> 00:02:54,716
the male executive producer
the Ellen show makes?
79
00:02:54,882 --> 00:02:56,487
I don't know, I just
don't want to use her money
80
00:02:56,612 --> 00:02:57,805
to buy her own gift.
81
00:02:57,930 --> 00:02:59,657
I want to be able to...
82
00:02:59,782 --> 00:03:01,890
Do something special for her
on my own, you know?
83
00:03:02,056 --> 00:03:04,062
You are like a...
84
00:03:04,187 --> 00:03:07,265
A sweet, sweet onion.
85
00:03:07,390 --> 00:03:09,314
So many layers.
86
00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:10,935
Now, you need to go,
I'm about to try on
87
00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:12,400
- some ski bunny outfits.
- Okay.
88
00:03:12,566 --> 00:03:14,022
- Thanks, Ava.
- Check this out.
89
00:03:14,147 --> 00:03:15,974
Eat our heart out,
ski-pro-turned-pitchwoman
90
00:03:16,099 --> 00:03:17,659
Susie Chapstick.
91
00:03:17,784 --> 00:03:19,244
Chhh. Chhh.
92
00:03:19,369 --> 00:03:21,117
Powder.
93
00:03:21,283 --> 00:03:24,482
[Christmas music playing]
94
00:03:24,607 --> 00:03:26,748
Welcome ho-ho-home!
95
00:03:26,914 --> 00:03:27,624
Hey. Wow.
96
00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:29,251
I know.
I'm kicking ass, right?
97
00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:31,155
Yeah, my mom's
gonna drive down tomorrow,
98
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:33,324
so I just thought I'd get it all
done before she got here.
99
00:03:33,449 --> 00:03:34,659
Oh! Oh, my God!
Look at this!
100
00:03:34,784 --> 00:03:37,095
Look at this!
You're not gonna believe it!
101
00:03:37,220 --> 00:03:38,802
I flocked these pinecones myself.
102
00:03:38,968 --> 00:03:40,762
God.
Did you do all this...
103
00:03:40,928 --> 00:03:41,799
Also, what does this smell like?
104
00:03:41,924 --> 00:03:43,134
What does this smell like?
[Sniffs]
105
00:03:43,259 --> 00:03:44,569
- Waxy cinnamon?
- Christmas.
106
00:03:44,694 --> 00:03:46,601
[Sniffs]
It smells like Christmas.
107
00:03:46,767 --> 00:03:48,573
- Oh.
- The best part?
108
00:03:48,698 --> 00:03:49,674
Look at Amy.
109
00:03:49,799 --> 00:03:50,856
I mean, you know, she's not, like,
110
00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:53,010
fully lighting up right now,
but she's...
111
00:03:53,135 --> 00:03:54,734
I mean, she is digging it.
She's digging it quietly.
112
00:03:54,900 --> 00:03:57,237
- On the inside, quietly.
- Right.
113
00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:59,573
- And I'm not even halfway done.
- Oh, really?
114
00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:00,868
No, you know what I wanna track down?
115
00:04:00,993 --> 00:04:02,353
I wanna track down one of those, uh...
116
00:04:02,478 --> 00:04:04,355
those light-up Santa Claus
with the reindeer
117
00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:05,623
to put up on the roof.
118
00:04:05,748 --> 00:04:07,392
You know, like, those old
vintagey-looking ones
119
00:04:07,517 --> 00:04:08,960
where Santa's got his arm up
120
00:04:09,085 --> 00:04:10,528
and he's making that "ho ho ho" face?
121
00:04:10,653 --> 00:04:11,596
- Right.
- You know, like this?
122
00:04:11,721 --> 00:04:13,211
Ho ho.
123
00:04:13,377 --> 00:04:14,415
No, I... no, I got it.
124
00:04:14,540 --> 00:04:15,750
- That one.
- Yeah.
125
00:04:15,875 --> 00:04:17,251
By the way, we're not
going crazy with each other
126
00:04:17,376 --> 00:04:18,720
for gifts this year, right?
127
00:04:18,845 --> 00:04:20,760
Oh, I don't know, I just...
128
00:04:20,926 --> 00:04:24,008
I just feel like this should
really just be about Amy.
129
00:04:24,133 --> 00:04:27,095
And, honestly, your gift to me
is the fact that you are
130
00:04:27,220 --> 00:04:29,144
just an amazing husband and father.
131
00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:31,104
Thanks, babe.
132
00:04:31,270 --> 00:04:35,770
[Humming jingle bells]
133
00:04:35,895 --> 00:04:38,486
[Sighs]
Your mommy is the best, huh?
134
00:04:38,652 --> 00:04:40,655
[Gurgling]
135
00:04:40,821 --> 00:04:43,294
I agree, she deserves a bracelet.
136
00:04:43,419 --> 00:04:45,396
Made out of...
137
00:04:45,521 --> 00:04:46,828
Di-a-monds.
138
00:04:46,994 --> 00:04:50,081
So listen, uh,
I was talking to my ex-wife.
139
00:04:50,247 --> 00:04:52,370
Oh, that's great.
It really is important
140
00:04:52,495 --> 00:04:54,806
to keep the lines
of communication open.
141
00:04:54,931 --> 00:04:56,796
- Chapstick anyone?
- Sure.
142
00:04:57,300 --> 00:05:01,179
No, let's do it this way.
143
00:05:01,304 --> 00:05:03,470
- Mmm, regular flavor.
- Mm-hmm.
144
00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:05,750
Anyway, Ava, uh,
this is the first Christmas
145
00:05:05,875 --> 00:05:08,343
since my divorce,
and Claire and I, we want to
146
00:05:08,891 --> 00:05:13,424
show our daughter that we'll
always be in her life, so...
147
00:05:13,549 --> 00:05:16,194
We're gonna spend Christmas
together at my house.
148
00:05:16,319 --> 00:05:18,396
I mean, look, I-I know
you had this great
149
00:05:18,521 --> 00:05:20,320
ski-sno-vacation planned, but...
150
00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:22,500
- I'm fine.
- Really?
151
00:05:22,625 --> 00:05:23,823
- Yes.
- Okay, good.
152
00:05:23,989 --> 00:05:27,789
I've been dying
to strap on my skis and grab
153
00:05:27,914 --> 00:05:31,542
those two pole thingies,
and swish-swish-swish
154
00:05:31,667 --> 00:05:33,110
down an alpine crevasse.
155
00:05:33,235 --> 00:05:36,252
Thanks, Ava. Thank you
for being so understanding.
156
00:05:36,418 --> 00:05:38,924
I think I need more Chapstick.
157
00:05:42,678 --> 00:05:44,212
Bye now.
158
00:05:52,104 --> 00:05:53,564
[Struggling]
159
00:05:53,689 --> 00:05:55,133
I'm burning up!
160
00:05:55,258 --> 00:05:56,534
Missy!
161
00:05:56,659 --> 00:06:00,568
Come cut me out
of this [Bleep]ing thing!
162
00:06:00,734 --> 00:06:02,570
- Quit panicking!
- Ahh!
163
00:06:02,736 --> 00:06:04,108
[Screaming]
What's happening?
164
00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:05,907
- You're making it worse!
- Cut it!
165
00:06:06,073 --> 00:06:09,744
I feel like I'm being raped
by a sleeping bag! Ahh!
166
00:06:14,973 --> 00:06:16,835
Ah, got another tweet from Ava.
167
00:06:17,001 --> 00:06:18,919
- Hmm.
- "Skiing in Utah, y'all.
168
00:06:19,044 --> 00:06:22,756
Get a job, snowboarders.
Hashtag, Mormons are cool."
169
00:06:22,881 --> 00:06:24,676
Poor baby girl.
There all by herself.
170
00:06:24,842 --> 00:06:25,643
Yeah.
[Knock at door]
171
00:06:25,768 --> 00:06:27,161
- Hello?
- Oh, hey, mom!
172
00:06:27,286 --> 00:06:29,472
- Merry Christmas, sweetheart.
- Merry Christmas!
173
00:06:29,638 --> 00:06:32,633
You know, with...
with all the decorations... mwah...
174
00:06:32,758 --> 00:06:35,186
outside, I wasn't sure
I had the right house.
175
00:06:35,352 --> 00:06:37,171
Yeah, well, I mean,
I know that this isn't what
176
00:06:37,296 --> 00:06:40,708
my super-intellectual parents
would do at their house,
177
00:06:40,833 --> 00:06:42,944
but we're just starting
a new tradition now for Amy.
178
00:06:43,110 --> 00:06:44,511
Chris, what are we gonna do
179
00:06:44,636 --> 00:06:46,906
with our beautiful little
obsessive-compulsive?
180
00:06:47,072 --> 00:06:49,883
Oh, well, this ADHD boy
181
00:06:50,008 --> 00:06:51,885
is not gonna touch that
with a ten-foot pole, so...
182
00:06:52,010 --> 00:06:53,371
Yeah, I wouldn't.
183
00:06:53,537 --> 00:06:57,792
Is it me, or is this snowman
sexually perverse?
184
00:06:57,958 --> 00:07:00,761
Gyrating like that.
No pants.
185
00:07:00,886 --> 00:07:03,131
I actually think he is amazing.
186
00:07:03,297 --> 00:07:05,366
And, you know what, I'm not
gonna apologize for wanting
187
00:07:05,491 --> 00:07:07,552
to give my daughter a very
special first Christmas, mom.
188
00:07:07,718 --> 00:07:10,138
Oh, goodness.
I'm not asking you to.
189
00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:11,431
Excuse me.
190
00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:14,808
Excuse me.
191
00:07:14,933 --> 00:07:16,061
Okay, all right.
192
00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:17,270
Uh, who would like
some delicious wine?
193
00:07:17,436 --> 00:07:19,203
- I would.
- Okay.
194
00:07:19,521 --> 00:07:21,048
Thank you.
195
00:07:21,173 --> 00:07:22,700
Merry Christmas.
196
00:07:22,825 --> 00:07:24,277
- Whoa, Ava.
- Hey!
197
00:07:24,443 --> 00:07:25,552
Where did you come from?
198
00:07:25,677 --> 00:07:27,621
Oh, I parked around the block
and scaled your wall.
199
00:07:27,746 --> 00:07:28,573
Angie!
200
00:07:29,081 --> 00:07:30,624
I really like that brooch.
Is that vintage?
201
00:07:30,749 --> 00:07:31,709
How are you here?
202
00:07:31,834 --> 00:07:33,495
I mean, you're supposed
to be in Utah.
203
00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:34,995
Well, the jig is up, everyone.
204
00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:36,289
I'm not in Utah!
205
00:07:36,455 --> 00:07:38,875
See, I wanted Kevin
to think that I went skiing.
206
00:07:39,041 --> 00:07:41,852
I wanted him to think
that I was fine with whatever
207
00:07:41,977 --> 00:07:44,964
was going on with his ex in that
sin shack across the street.
208
00:07:45,130 --> 00:07:48,675
Listen to me, there is nothing
going on across the street.
209
00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:49,943
All right? Claire?
210
00:07:50,068 --> 00:07:52,446
Seriously, you have nothing
to worry about with her.
211
00:07:52,571 --> 00:07:53,947
Right, honey?
212
00:07:54,072 --> 00:07:56,183
Oh, no, yeah.
Talk about "woof."
213
00:07:56,308 --> 00:07:58,569
Yeah. I mean,
she is not easy on the eyes.
214
00:07:58,694 --> 00:08:02,156
- I mean, she is mean. Rude.
- Oh, she's a compulsive liar.
215
00:08:02,281 --> 00:08:04,491
- Big ba-donka-donk.
- Yeah, she ran a Ponzi scheme.
216
00:08:04,616 --> 00:08:05,777
- I'm pretty sure.
- Just unpleasant. Bad breath.
217
00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:08,228
Aww, you guys are the best.
218
00:08:08,353 --> 00:08:11,215
- I'll just take this.
- Take that.
219
00:08:11,340 --> 00:08:12,492
Oh, my God!
220
00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:14,369
Is that her pulling up
to Kevin's house?
221
00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:15,669
Oh, look at them.
222
00:08:15,794 --> 00:08:17,956
They were out together
rekindling, I knew it.
223
00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:20,924
What is that she's carrying,
a fruit bouquet?
224
00:08:21,049 --> 00:08:23,544
Oh, nobody likes those.
Good going, Claire.
225
00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:25,338
Hope they like fruit flies
for Christmas.
226
00:08:25,504 --> 00:08:26,447
Ava, they're just trying
227
00:08:26,572 --> 00:08:28,174
to give their daughter
a nice Christmas.
228
00:08:28,340 --> 00:08:30,851
That's how it starts.
But then it's,
229
00:08:30,976 --> 00:08:33,211
"McKenna, remember that time
we all went to the zoo
230
00:08:33,595 --> 00:08:35,289
and you dropped your ice cream?"
231
00:08:35,414 --> 00:08:36,690
And then, the next thing
you know, Kevin and Claire
232
00:08:36,815 --> 00:08:37,809
are making love.
233
00:08:38,083 --> 00:08:40,894
Okay, I hope there are
a bunch of steps in between.
234
00:08:41,019 --> 00:08:43,606
Hey, Ava, why don't you
just go talk to Kevin?
235
00:08:43,772 --> 00:08:45,866
Ugh, because I'm in Utah, Chris?
236
00:08:45,991 --> 00:08:49,603
And, besides, even if I did
somehow "come back," I...
237
00:08:49,728 --> 00:08:52,365
I just can't barge in
on their precious family time.
238
00:08:52,531 --> 00:08:54,675
I mean, how would that look?
239
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,010
- Something like this.
- [Sighs]
240
00:08:57,135 --> 00:09:00,764
Do you guys have any binoculars?
241
00:09:00,889 --> 00:09:02,917
McKenna's playing in the front yard!
242
00:09:03,083 --> 00:09:04,268
By herself!
243
00:09:04,393 --> 00:09:06,753
You do?
Oh, fantastic!
244
00:09:06,878 --> 00:09:08,173
Yeah, will you put it on hold for me?
245
00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:09,623
Yeah, I'll be right there.
I'll be right there.
246
00:09:09,748 --> 00:09:11,634
Oh, my God!
I am the awesomest!
247
00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:14,945
I found a place that has the
last Santa display for the roof.
248
00:09:15,070 --> 00:09:16,630
- That's great!
- Oh, my God, do you remember?
249
00:09:16,755 --> 00:09:17,948
When I was a kid, and our neighbors
250
00:09:18,073 --> 00:09:19,283
had that one on the roof?
251
00:09:19,408 --> 00:09:21,728
God, I used to stare
at that for hours.
252
00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:23,904
Uch, the Tardinos.
Oh, yeah.
253
00:09:24,029 --> 00:09:26,773
Well, they're still there,
depressing property values
254
00:09:26,898 --> 00:09:29,442
with their trampoline
full of pine needles.
255
00:09:29,567 --> 00:09:30,820
You know they bought a boat?
256
00:09:30,986 --> 00:09:32,796
Well, it was a beautiful Santa.
257
00:09:32,921 --> 00:09:34,073
I loved it.
258
00:09:34,239 --> 00:09:35,533
[Gasps]
259
00:09:35,699 --> 00:09:38,118
There's smoke coming out
of Kevin's chimney.
260
00:09:38,243 --> 00:09:39,636
Don't panic!
261
00:09:39,761 --> 00:09:41,588
We don't know for sure
that they've made that fire
262
00:09:41,713 --> 00:09:43,590
for romantic purposes.
263
00:09:43,715 --> 00:09:44,842
I'm just gonna
take this cookie and dip it
264
00:09:44,967 --> 00:09:47,170
in this port wine cheese ball.
265
00:09:48,879 --> 00:09:50,797
What do you mean
you sold the frickin' Santa?
266
00:09:50,922 --> 00:09:52,050
I had it on hold!
267
00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:54,034
Yeah, but then what happened was
268
00:09:54,159 --> 00:09:56,763
somebody else came in, so, yeah...
269
00:09:56,929 --> 00:10:00,007
Great. Just great.
Well, thank you.
270
00:10:00,132 --> 00:10:01,992
Thank you very much
for ruining Christmas.
271
00:10:02,117 --> 00:10:04,494
- Are you happy?
- I'm wearing antlers,
272
00:10:04,619 --> 00:10:07,497
and working in a holiday theme
store on Christmas Eve.
273
00:10:07,622 --> 00:10:10,735
- Of course I'm not happy.
- Okay, you know what, Roger?
274
00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:14,538
I need my little girl
to light up tonight, okay?
275
00:10:14,663 --> 00:10:19,244
So you need to produce
a Santa... with reindeer...
276
00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:21,579
or else that chicken nugget...
277
00:10:21,745 --> 00:10:25,583
[Whispering] Is not gonna enter
your body via your mouth.
278
00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:31,089
Ooh!
That's lovely!
279
00:10:31,255 --> 00:10:33,390
Well, you know, I was thinking
about getting it for Reagan,
280
00:10:33,515 --> 00:10:35,677
but I was hoping to find
a last-second sale somewhere.
281
00:10:35,843 --> 00:10:38,179
Oh, Chris, Reagan doesn't care
about things like that.
282
00:10:38,345 --> 00:10:39,679
Okay, well, maybe not, but I do.
283
00:10:39,804 --> 00:10:41,381
I care.
284
00:10:41,506 --> 00:10:43,884
It's what husbands do
when they have great wives.
285
00:10:44,009 --> 00:10:45,979
- They get them great gifts.
- Oh, my God.
286
00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:48,522
What is it about men
always having to [Slaps hands]
287
00:10:48,647 --> 00:10:50,190
Whip it out?
[Laughs]
288
00:10:50,315 --> 00:10:52,192
I mean, look at you,
waving it around,
289
00:10:52,317 --> 00:10:55,862
slamming it down on the table
for everyone to see.
290
00:10:55,987 --> 00:10:57,156
Ga-gush!
291
00:10:57,322 --> 00:10:59,533
Ga-gush?
Oh, I'm sor... is that a...
292
00:10:59,658 --> 00:11:01,534
- that's a penis sound?
- Look, Chris.
293
00:11:01,659 --> 00:11:05,539
You made a choice to give up
your job and stay home with Amy.
294
00:11:05,664 --> 00:11:07,975
I was so proud of you.
295
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:09,810
I-I didn't think you had it in you.
296
00:11:09,935 --> 00:11:11,645
Sorry, but, uh...
297
00:11:11,770 --> 00:11:15,675
I always thought you were just
a little bit of a... Macho yahoo.
298
00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:17,584
Oh, you did?
Oh, well.
299
00:11:17,709 --> 00:11:20,513
I've been in my fair share of fights.
300
00:11:20,679 --> 00:11:24,324
That's a strong choice
that you made, not a weak one.
301
00:11:24,449 --> 00:11:27,494
So what if you don't
bring home the bacon anymore?
302
00:11:27,619 --> 00:11:31,316
You are a real man.
Ga-gush!
303
00:11:31,482 --> 00:11:35,118
- Thank you, Angie.
- I mean it.
304
00:11:35,243 --> 00:11:39,263
Okay.
Good guy.
305
00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:45,413
I gotta get me some cash.
306
00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:50,793
Good-bye, Shanny.
307
00:11:50,959 --> 00:11:53,671
Hey, Chris.
What's going on?
308
00:11:53,837 --> 00:11:56,049
Uh, I'm just gonna go sell
some of my hockey stuff.
309
00:11:56,215 --> 00:12:01,061
Wow, I guess we're both making
sacrifices this holiday season.
310
00:12:01,186 --> 00:12:03,765
[Exaggerated sigh]
Oh, boy.
311
00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:07,734
Okay, uh, did you want to talk
about your sacrifices?
312
00:12:07,859 --> 00:12:09,771
Oh, Christopher,
you are so intuitive.
313
00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:12,072
I mean, I'm not really upset
about his ex-wife being there,
314
00:12:12,197 --> 00:12:13,740
even though she
is an obsessed man-eater
315
00:12:13,865 --> 00:12:15,068
who does not know when to quit.
316
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:16,443
- Yeah.
- It's just that I've never
317
00:12:16,568 --> 00:12:22,282
really cared about
a guy this way since...
318
00:12:22,407 --> 00:12:24,035
Since... since ever, I guess.
319
00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:28,121
Ava, I... I guess that's...
320
00:12:28,246 --> 00:12:32,460
That's just this, uh, this
love... Stuff, right?
321
00:12:32,626 --> 00:12:34,895
Wow.
322
00:12:35,020 --> 00:12:36,730
You always know what to say, Chris.
323
00:12:36,855 --> 00:12:38,132
Oh.
324
00:12:38,298 --> 00:12:41,135
I could really use a hug.
325
00:12:41,301 --> 00:12:42,804
Sure.
Yeah, of course.
326
00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:44,680
Ah, okay.
327
00:12:44,846 --> 00:12:47,183
That is so, so nice.
328
00:12:47,349 --> 00:12:49,409
Wow, this is...
329
00:12:49,534 --> 00:12:51,104
- Ava.
- What?
330
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:52,939
[Gasps]
That's not mine!
331
00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:55,248
- Look, I'm not...
- I was just goosing you.
332
00:12:55,373 --> 00:12:57,250
I'm not taking your money, okay?
333
00:12:57,375 --> 00:12:58,778
I'm gonna be fine.
334
00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:00,587
Is it... look.
I'm sorry, I gotta go.
335
00:13:00,712 --> 00:13:02,172
- I'm super late.
- What?
336
00:13:02,297 --> 00:13:04,450
I gotta go see
this sports memorabilia guy,
337
00:13:04,616 --> 00:13:05,659
then I gotta go
across town to the mall,
338
00:13:05,784 --> 00:13:07,010
and the mall's
gonna be totally packed,
339
00:13:07,135 --> 00:13:09,122
and I'm terrible in jam-packed
shopping situations.
340
00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:12,423
Christopher,
do you need me to slap you?
341
00:13:14,426 --> 00:13:16,587
You didn't even let me answer.
342
00:13:16,753 --> 00:13:19,689
I mean, really, what good
is putting something on hold
343
00:13:19,814 --> 00:13:21,342
if they're not gonna hold it?
344
00:13:21,508 --> 00:13:23,810
The holidays are so frustrating.
345
00:13:23,935 --> 00:13:25,845
That's why, every year,
I pay a Southern gay
346
00:13:25,970 --> 00:13:27,140
to decorate my house.
347
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:28,915
It's just a needless decoration!
348
00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:30,935
A plastic Santa's not that important.
349
00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:33,604
Yes, a plastic Santa
is very important, mom.
350
00:13:33,770 --> 00:13:36,180
The only thing that matters
to me right now is to see
351
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:37,758
my baby's face light up.
352
00:13:37,883 --> 00:13:40,445
God, you're just...
you are such a Grinch.
353
00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:43,430
Well, I-I don't know
this "Grinch" you speak of.
354
00:13:43,555 --> 00:13:45,283
What, is that a Dickensian character?
355
00:13:45,449 --> 00:13:47,434
Oh, please, don't pretend
that you don't know
356
00:13:47,559 --> 00:13:49,454
who the Grinch is.
God.
357
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:52,540
You just don't get it.
358
00:13:52,706 --> 00:13:56,210
No, I think I do.
359
00:13:56,376 --> 00:14:00,423
[Shopping mall commotion]
360
00:14:03,558 --> 00:14:06,937
Sweet mother.
361
00:14:07,062 --> 00:14:08,812
[Sighs]
God...
362
00:14:11,838 --> 00:14:13,436
- Oh-oh.
- Mom, great!
363
00:14:13,602 --> 00:14:14,812
Where have you been?
364
00:14:14,978 --> 00:14:16,472
- [Laughs]
- What's all this?
365
00:14:16,597 --> 00:14:18,399
Grab an antler!
Or a hoof!
366
00:14:18,565 --> 00:14:20,693
- Come on!
- Where did you find this?
367
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:23,095
- Our neighbors' roof.
- What?
368
00:14:23,220 --> 00:14:24,530
- [Laughs]
- This...
369
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:26,616
This is the stuff
from when I was a kid?
370
00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:29,018
I raced to Santa Barbara
to beg the Tardinos
371
00:14:29,143 --> 00:14:30,436
to loan it to us.
372
00:14:30,561 --> 00:14:32,671
I was dreading asking them,
because I don't relish
373
00:14:32,796 --> 00:14:35,140
coming face to face
with Rick Tardino's
374
00:14:35,265 --> 00:14:37,168
swirling chest carpet.
375
00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:41,130
Anyway, they weren't home.
So... I borrowed it.
376
00:14:41,296 --> 00:14:44,910
- You stole for me?
- No...
377
00:14:45,035 --> 00:14:47,106
Borrowed.
378
00:14:47,231 --> 00:14:49,067
Although, I think
they were at church.
379
00:14:49,192 --> 00:14:50,874
Yeah, I don't feel
so great about that,
380
00:14:50,999 --> 00:14:52,767
but I made my peace with it.
381
00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:55,353
Thank you, mom.
Thank you.
382
00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:57,780
You're not the only mommy who
wants to give her little girl
383
00:14:57,905 --> 00:14:58,898
a great Christmas.
384
00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:00,183
Maybe we should wait for Chris then,
385
00:15:00,308 --> 00:15:01,776
to get all this stuff
up on the roof, huh?
386
00:15:01,942 --> 00:15:03,987
Yeah, or I could,
uh, I could limber up
387
00:15:04,112 --> 00:15:07,406
with some clear spirits,
and you could grab a ladder.
388
00:15:07,572 --> 00:15:09,726
Ohh.
Give it up, mom.
389
00:15:09,851 --> 00:15:11,869
It's Christmas up in here!
Let's do it!
390
00:15:12,035 --> 00:15:14,847
[Overlapping chatter]
391
00:15:14,972 --> 00:15:16,849
Would you like to try
incognito for men, by Devon?
392
00:15:16,974 --> 00:15:19,569
No, thanks... oh, God, ah!
393
00:15:19,694 --> 00:15:21,804
Thank you, smells really good.
Kinda burns...
394
00:15:21,929 --> 00:15:23,072
- ow!
- I'm so sorry.
395
00:15:23,197 --> 00:15:25,408
- What's wrong with you?
- So much. Everything.
396
00:15:25,533 --> 00:15:27,860
Oh, gosh!
Merry Christmas!
397
00:15:27,985 --> 00:15:29,862
Jeez. Excuse me, ma'am,
I'm just trying to find...
398
00:15:29,987 --> 00:15:31,814
excuse me!
She's already helping me.
399
00:15:31,939 --> 00:15:33,849
I'm sorry, I did not see you there.
400
00:15:34,015 --> 00:15:34,918
- God!
- I'm just trying to find
401
00:15:35,043 --> 00:15:36,085
- something for my...
- lotion!
402
00:15:36,210 --> 00:15:38,321
No, no!
Sorry, I didn't mean to do that.
403
00:15:38,446 --> 00:15:39,505
Just a little bit nervous right now.
404
00:15:39,630 --> 00:15:42,842
A lot of stuff's going on in my...
405
00:15:42,967 --> 00:15:45,778
Bra... celet.
406
00:15:47,404 --> 00:15:49,740
Hey...
407
00:15:51,625 --> 00:15:52,577
no, no.
408
00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:54,745
No! No!
409
00:15:54,911 --> 00:15:57,814
Oh, come on.
410
00:16:02,570 --> 00:16:04,672
[Sighs]
411
00:16:04,838 --> 00:16:07,533
Get this reindeer's bottom
out of my face.
412
00:16:07,658 --> 00:16:09,235
Well, you gotta
hold the ladder steady.
413
00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:12,021
Pl... okay, mom, put down the wine.
414
00:16:12,146 --> 00:16:13,222
Put down the wine.
415
00:16:13,388 --> 00:16:15,291
Have you never been
on a ladder before?
416
00:16:15,416 --> 00:16:17,076
You know what?
Now you're shaking it, mom.
417
00:16:17,201 --> 00:16:18,378
You're shaking.
Okay, will you just...
418
00:16:18,503 --> 00:16:20,396
at least will you
take off your pumps, please?
419
00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:22,698
You don't decorate barefoot.
420
00:16:22,823 --> 00:16:25,034
We're not the Tardinos,
for God's sake.
421
00:16:25,159 --> 00:16:26,536
Okay, you know what?
I can't hold it anymore.
422
00:16:26,661 --> 00:16:27,704
It's slipping out of my hand.
It's slipping!
423
00:16:27,829 --> 00:16:29,372
I got it!
I got it! I got it!
424
00:16:29,497 --> 00:16:30,940
I got it!
[Plastic crashing]
425
00:16:31,065 --> 00:16:31,866
Oh.
426
00:16:32,333 --> 00:16:34,243
[Laughing]
Why did you say you got it?
427
00:16:34,409 --> 00:16:35,328
[Chuckling]
I don't know.
428
00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:38,080
- Oh, Reagan!
- What?
429
00:16:38,246 --> 00:16:39,665
Can you see into
Kevin's backyard from there?
430
00:16:39,831 --> 00:16:41,417
I think there's steam
coming out of his jacuzzi.
431
00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:43,269
That's a sexual gateway.
432
00:16:43,394 --> 00:16:44,937
Ava, honey, if you're
so worried about what Kevin
433
00:16:45,062 --> 00:16:46,939
is doing, why don't you
just go over there
434
00:16:47,064 --> 00:16:49,342
and talk to him about it
like an adult?
435
00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:52,061
You're right.
436
00:16:52,186 --> 00:16:53,946
[Exhales]
437
00:16:54,071 --> 00:16:56,932
Or I could spy from the neighbors'.
438
00:16:57,098 --> 00:16:58,201
[Urgent knocking]
439
00:16:58,326 --> 00:17:00,703
Surprise!
Hi, it's me!
440
00:17:00,828 --> 00:17:01,788
Ava Alexander!
441
00:17:01,913 --> 00:17:05,174
And this is, um...
A holiday home makeover!
442
00:17:05,299 --> 00:17:06,409
- Wait, what?
- Oh, my God!
443
00:17:06,534 --> 00:17:08,077
- Yep!
- Ava Alexander!
444
00:17:08,202 --> 00:17:10,913
That's right!
Dreams are coming true, kids!
445
00:17:11,038 --> 00:17:12,965
Uh, from which one of your
windows can I most clearly
446
00:17:13,090 --> 00:17:14,183
view your neighbor's backyard?
447
00:17:14,308 --> 00:17:15,751
I can't believe this is happening!
448
00:17:15,876 --> 00:17:17,020
It is!
It totally is!
449
00:17:17,145 --> 00:17:19,522
- Keep on watching and growing.
- Oh, my God!
450
00:17:19,647 --> 00:17:24,043
That's right.
Kevin doesn't have a jacuzzi.
451
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:28,422
But you will,
after your home makeover!
452
00:17:28,588 --> 00:17:31,367
- [All cheering]
- Home makeover!
453
00:17:31,492 --> 00:17:32,718
Whoo!
454
00:17:32,884 --> 00:17:34,220
All right, hit it.
455
00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:36,289
There.
[Both gasp]
456
00:17:36,414 --> 00:17:39,826
- Whoo-hoo!
- Santa's on the roof, y'all!
457
00:17:39,951 --> 00:17:41,734
All right.
All right.
458
00:17:42,477 --> 00:17:43,938
Whoa! Whoa!
459
00:17:44,104 --> 00:17:45,748
[Both laughing]
460
00:17:45,873 --> 00:17:47,775
Are you okay?
[Laughs]
461
00:17:47,941 --> 00:17:49,952
Oh! Oh, what are you
laughing at, huh?
462
00:17:50,077 --> 00:17:52,788
Oh, you think that's funny,
you little scoundrel?
463
00:17:52,913 --> 00:17:54,173
You know what?
464
00:17:54,298 --> 00:17:56,784
I'll give you something
to laugh about.
465
00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:58,160
[Squealing]
I'm gonna...
466
00:17:58,326 --> 00:18:00,847
Tickle you!
Tickle you! Tickle you!
467
00:18:00,972 --> 00:18:05,976
[Baby cooing]
468
00:18:08,879 --> 00:18:10,806
False alarm.
469
00:18:10,931 --> 00:18:13,426
Kevin and his ex are not
making love in the hot tub.
470
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:15,311
- Ava?
- [Gasps]
471
00:18:15,436 --> 00:18:18,314
Kevin. Hi!
472
00:18:18,439 --> 00:18:21,317
I just got back
from Utah this second.
473
00:18:21,442 --> 00:18:23,185
Merry Christmas!
474
00:18:23,351 --> 00:18:25,229
I think we need to talk.
475
00:18:27,665 --> 00:18:28,774
[Tires screech]
476
00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:31,777
Guess what, daddy's home!
477
00:18:31,943 --> 00:18:33,404
Hi!
478
00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:35,715
Hey, that was, like, an elf
decoration that I hit, right?
479
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:37,450
Not-not, like,
a little man or anything?
480
00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:39,326
Well, honey, what happened to you?
481
00:18:39,492 --> 00:18:40,503
I'm pretty sure that,
on impact, I heard,
482
00:18:40,628 --> 00:18:42,188
like, a, "oh, no!"
483
00:18:42,313 --> 00:18:44,999
I just... uh, I just had
a really bad mall experience.
484
00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:46,667
Oh, honey.
485
00:18:46,833 --> 00:18:48,419
I just wanted to get you
something really special.
486
00:18:48,585 --> 00:18:51,714
The fact that you went through
whatever you went through is...
487
00:18:51,839 --> 00:18:53,966
it's enough for me.
It's the thought that counts.
488
00:18:54,132 --> 00:18:55,918
Well...
489
00:18:56,043 --> 00:18:57,920
- Then I got you two gifts.
- Hmm?
490
00:18:58,045 --> 00:19:01,090
The thoughtful thing and...
491
00:19:01,215 --> 00:19:03,142
Well, and also, this.
492
00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:04,660
[Gasps]
Oh, my God!
493
00:19:04,785 --> 00:19:05,828
Oh, my God!
494
00:19:05,953 --> 00:19:07,163
Look at this!
[Gasps]
495
00:19:07,288 --> 00:19:08,498
Look at this!
Look at it!
496
00:19:08,623 --> 00:19:09,832
- Yeah, no, no.
- Look at this!
497
00:19:09,957 --> 00:19:11,067
No, I've seen it.
498
00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:13,219
I wrestled a retired police
officer to get it.
499
00:19:13,344 --> 00:19:15,772
Those dudes can really mess you up.
500
00:19:15,897 --> 00:19:18,591
Oh, my God!
Look at how hot my wrist looks!
501
00:19:18,716 --> 00:19:21,594
Oh, [Bleep] You, everybody!
My husband rocks!
502
00:19:21,719 --> 00:19:24,430
My husband rocks!
Oh, my God!
503
00:19:24,555 --> 00:19:26,749
Merry Christmas, babe.
504
00:19:26,915 --> 00:19:28,709
So, I've been here all day.
505
00:19:28,875 --> 00:19:31,462
Spying on you guys.
506
00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:33,672
A celebrity stalker
who's an actual celebrity.
507
00:19:33,838 --> 00:19:34,799
[Laughs nervously]
508
00:19:35,116 --> 00:19:39,195
So were you just looking
at us through binoculars or...
509
00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:41,889
- With night vision.
- Night vision.
510
00:19:42,055 --> 00:19:44,725
I also ate an entire cheese ball.
511
00:19:44,891 --> 00:19:48,145
I ate the whole thing like an apple.
512
00:19:48,311 --> 00:19:50,397
Please say something.
513
00:19:54,752 --> 00:19:57,413
I love you.
514
00:19:57,538 --> 00:19:59,348
Are you just saying that
because you're afraid
515
00:19:59,473 --> 00:20:01,350
I'm about to kidnap you?
516
00:20:01,475 --> 00:20:03,119
No.
517
00:20:03,244 --> 00:20:05,788
Wait, I shouldn't be
worried about that, right?
518
00:20:05,913 --> 00:20:08,833
I love you too.
519
00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:14,797
- For you, my dear.
- Oh.
520
00:20:14,963 --> 00:20:17,617
- Huh.
- Mmm!
521
00:20:17,742 --> 00:20:19,760
- Whoa.
- Mm-hmm.
522
00:20:19,926 --> 00:20:22,429
A puck from the lake placid Olympics.
523
00:20:22,595 --> 00:20:24,841
Yeah, it's from the game
when America beat the crap
524
00:20:24,966 --> 00:20:27,351
out of those godless commie bastards.
525
00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:31,147
Do you believe in miracles?
526
00:20:31,272 --> 00:20:32,465
Yes.
527
00:20:32,590 --> 00:20:34,400
It's for your collection.
528
00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:39,280
Yeah.
529
00:20:42,116 --> 00:20:46,495
If only Shanny was here to see this.
530
00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:49,582
I still don't know who that is.
531
00:20:49,748 --> 00:20:53,335
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
532
00:21:00,284 --> 00:21:01,393
Both: ♪ We wish you
a merry Christmas ♪
533
00:21:01,518 --> 00:21:02,961
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
534
00:21:03,086 --> 00:21:04,496
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
535
00:21:04,621 --> 00:21:06,348
♪ And a happy new year ♪
536
00:21:06,623 --> 00:21:09,301
How many verses does this song have?
537
00:21:09,426 --> 00:21:11,403
- A lot.
- Yep.
538
00:21:11,528 --> 00:21:12,804
Both: ♪ And a happy new year ♪
539
00:21:12,929 --> 00:21:14,506
♪ Now bring us some figgy pudding ♪
540
00:21:14,631 --> 00:21:16,391
♪ Now bring us some figgy pudding ♪
541
00:21:16,516 --> 00:21:17,976
[Beatboxing poorly]
542
00:21:18,101 --> 00:21:19,511
Both: ♪ And bring it right here ♪
543
00:21:19,636 --> 00:21:21,238
♪ And we won't go until we get some ♪
544
00:21:21,404 --> 00:21:23,482
[Low] They're not gonna
go until they get some.
545
00:21:23,607 --> 00:21:25,326
[Low] I know.
We better go get some.
546
00:21:25,492 --> 00:21:27,186
♪ So bring it out here ♪
547
00:21:27,311 --> 00:21:28,987
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
548
00:21:29,112 --> 00:21:31,806
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪