1
00:00:02,175 --> 00:00:03,578
- Oh.
- Oh, jeez!
2
00:00:04,540 --> 00:00:06,701
- Ay yi yi.
- Wow.
3
00:00:06,826 --> 00:00:09,053
Gene and Terry have really
outdone themselves this year.
4
00:00:09,178 --> 00:00:10,718
I mean, it's so tacky.
Right, honey?
5
00:00:12,052 --> 00:00:12,971
Oh, boy.
Here they come.
6
00:00:13,137 --> 00:00:16,724
Welcome to our winter
wonderland, Brinkley family!
7
00:00:16,890 --> 00:00:19,102
Yeah, look at your Christmas... house.
8
00:00:19,268 --> 00:00:21,271
Oh, it sure is... A lot.
9
00:00:21,437 --> 00:00:23,022
Amy sure seems to love it!
10
00:00:23,188 --> 00:00:25,066
Oh, yeah, well,
you can't really go by her,
11
00:00:25,232 --> 00:00:26,170
'cause she's easily impressed.
12
00:00:26,295 --> 00:00:27,405
Yeah, she's not a great barometer.
13
00:00:27,530 --> 00:00:29,904
She... she'll play
with my shoe for an hour.
14
00:00:30,070 --> 00:00:31,776
Oh, well, remember, we're
gonna come by with the kids
15
00:00:31,901 --> 00:00:33,575
to sing Carols in a few days!
16
00:00:33,741 --> 00:00:35,746
♪ bum ba ba bum, bum ba ba bum ♪
17
00:00:35,871 --> 00:00:37,287
♪ bum ba ba bum, bum ba ba bum ♪
18
00:00:37,453 --> 00:00:39,289
Oh, you're the high part?
19
00:00:39,455 --> 00:00:40,484
♪ hark! How the bells
sweet silver bells ♪
20
00:00:40,609 --> 00:00:41,749
We should get going.
21
00:00:41,915 --> 00:00:42,917
♪ All seem to say throw cares away ♪
22
00:00:43,083 --> 00:00:45,089
♪ Oh, my God it has words ♪
23
00:00:45,214 --> 00:00:47,201
♪ What do we do?
Just back away ♪
24
00:00:47,326 --> 00:00:49,799
♪ I'm really scared right now ♪
25
00:00:49,965 --> 00:00:52,802
Sync by Sp8ky and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
26
00:01:09,505 --> 00:01:12,700
Hey.
Hey, babba-Lou.
27
00:01:12,825 --> 00:01:14,324
Oh, my God!
Little Christmas tree!
28
00:01:14,490 --> 00:01:17,455
I'm not really loving the
little Christmas tree this year.
29
00:01:17,580 --> 00:01:18,703
I mean, look at it.
30
00:01:19,181 --> 00:01:20,997
And Amy's not so into it, either.
31
00:01:21,163 --> 00:01:22,460
Is this 'cause of gene
and Terry's decorations?
32
00:01:22,585 --> 00:01:25,418
Because, babe, seriously,
their house is bonkers.
33
00:01:25,584 --> 00:01:26,881
Okay, but you have to admit it.
34
00:01:27,006 --> 00:01:28,566
I mean, she loved it.
35
00:01:28,691 --> 00:01:30,601
And... and, you know,
isn't it our mission in life
36
00:01:30,726 --> 00:01:33,271
to make sure that her eyes
light up like that?
37
00:01:33,396 --> 00:01:35,506
Babe, we make her eyes
light up aplenty.
38
00:01:35,631 --> 00:01:36,596
Right, Ame?
39
00:01:36,762 --> 00:01:38,342
Come on, who's got the wiggly-walk?
40
00:01:38,467 --> 00:01:42,727
Who's got that wiggly-walk?
It's so wiggly, so... Wiggly.
41
00:01:42,893 --> 00:01:45,313
- There was a glimpse of something there.
- Yeah.
44
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,824
And every time I fall, Kevin
will be there to pick me up
45
00:01:53,949 --> 00:01:57,778
in his big, strong arms
and carry me to a bearskin rug
46
00:01:57,903 --> 00:02:00,364
by a roaring fire,
where the steam from our bodies
47
00:02:00,489 --> 00:02:02,240
will cause a freaky thaw.
48
00:02:02,788 --> 00:02:04,624
Special delivery from the North Pole.
49
00:02:04,790 --> 00:02:05,708
Hi!
50
00:02:05,874 --> 00:02:06,751
Hey, hey.
51
00:02:06,917 --> 00:02:08,336
Mwah.
What are you guys doing here?
52
00:02:08,502 --> 00:02:10,291
Well, we thought we'd come
and cute this place up a little.
53
00:02:10,416 --> 00:02:11,509
Well, you have.
54
00:02:11,634 --> 00:02:12,710
Also, somebody's got a stinky diaper.
55
00:02:12,835 --> 00:02:14,425
- If you don't mind.
- No, not at all.
56
00:02:14,591 --> 00:02:15,680
All right.
Be right back.
57
00:02:15,805 --> 00:02:17,136
- Okay.
- You are stinky.
58
00:02:17,302 --> 00:02:18,382
And, um, do you have a quick second?
59
00:02:18,507 --> 00:02:19,514
I'd like to talk you in your office.
60
00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:22,308
Christopher!
What will people say?
61
00:02:22,474 --> 00:02:24,060
I need your help.
62
00:02:24,226 --> 00:02:26,562
I'm having trouble coming up
with a gift for Reagan.
63
00:02:26,728 --> 00:02:29,143
Oh, you know, she was coveting
that tennis bracelet I wore
64
00:02:29,268 --> 00:02:30,400
to the creative arts Emmys.
65
00:02:30,566 --> 00:02:31,693
They're kind of expensive, you know?
66
00:02:31,859 --> 00:02:34,281
Yes, but you always
get something nice for Reagan.
67
00:02:34,406 --> 00:02:37,699
Why not get her a bracelet
encrusted with di-a-monds?
68
00:02:37,865 --> 00:02:39,117
Wait, what are you...?
69
00:02:39,283 --> 00:02:40,321
You know the saying,
70
00:02:40,446 --> 00:02:41,828
"di-a-monds are
a girl's best friend."
71
00:02:41,994 --> 00:02:43,407
Oh, dia... okay, yeah.
72
00:02:43,532 --> 00:02:45,076
Well, yes, I mean, nice jewelry
73
00:02:45,201 --> 00:02:47,078
was always kind of my go-to
when I was working all the time,
74
00:02:47,203 --> 00:02:48,668
but I haven't worked
in almost a year, so...
75
00:02:48,834 --> 00:02:50,981
Well, Reagan has.
She's been doing quite well.
76
00:02:51,106 --> 00:02:53,050
Did you know
that she makes 70% of what
77
00:02:53,175 --> 00:02:55,216
the male executive producer
the Ellen show makes?
78
00:02:55,382 --> 00:02:56,987
I don't know, I just
don't want to use her money
79
00:02:57,112 --> 00:02:58,305
to buy her own gift.
80
00:02:58,430 --> 00:03:00,157
I want to be able to...
81
00:03:00,282 --> 00:03:02,390
Do something special for her
on my own, you know?
82
00:03:02,556 --> 00:03:04,562
You are like a...
83
00:03:04,687 --> 00:03:07,765
A sweet, sweet onion.
84
00:03:07,890 --> 00:03:09,814
So many layers.
85
00:03:09,980 --> 00:03:11,435
Now, you need to go,
I'm about to try on
86
00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:12,900
- some ski bunny outfits.
- Okay.
87
00:03:13,066 --> 00:03:14,522
- Thanks, Ava.
- Check this out.
88
00:03:14,647 --> 00:03:16,474
Eat our heart out,
ski-pro-turned-pitchwoman
89
00:03:16,599 --> 00:03:18,159
Susie Chapstick.
90
00:03:18,284 --> 00:03:19,744
Chhh. Chhh.
91
00:03:19,869 --> 00:03:21,617
Powder.
92
00:03:25,107 --> 00:03:27,248
Welcome ho-ho-home!
93
00:03:27,414 --> 00:03:28,124
Hey. Wow.
94
00:03:28,290 --> 00:03:29,751
I know.
I'm kicking ass, right?
95
00:03:29,917 --> 00:03:31,655
Yeah, my mom's
gonna drive down tomorrow,
96
00:03:31,780 --> 00:03:33,824
so I just thought I'd get it all
done before she got here.
97
00:03:33,949 --> 00:03:35,159
Oh! Oh, my God!
Look at this!
98
00:03:35,284 --> 00:03:37,595
Look at this!
You're not gonna believe it!
99
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:39,302
I flocked these pinecones myself.
100
00:03:39,468 --> 00:03:41,262
God.
Did you do all this...
101
00:03:41,428 --> 00:03:42,299
Also, what does this smell like?
102
00:03:42,424 --> 00:03:43,634
What does this smell like?
103
00:03:43,759 --> 00:03:45,069
- Waxy cinnamon?
- Christmas.
104
00:03:45,194 --> 00:03:47,101
It smells like Christmas.
105
00:03:47,267 --> 00:03:49,073
- Oh.
- The best part?
106
00:03:49,198 --> 00:03:50,174
Look at Amy.
107
00:03:50,299 --> 00:03:51,356
I mean, you know, she's not, like,
108
00:03:51,522 --> 00:03:53,510
fully lighting up right now,
but she's...
109
00:03:53,635 --> 00:03:55,234
I mean, she is digging it.
She's digging it quietly.
110
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,737
- On the inside, quietly.
- Right.
111
00:03:57,903 --> 00:04:00,073
- And I'm not even halfway done.
- Oh, really?
112
00:04:00,239 --> 00:04:01,368
No, you know what I wanna track down?
113
00:04:01,493 --> 00:04:02,853
I wanna track down one of those, uh...
114
00:04:02,978 --> 00:04:04,855
those light-up Santa Claus
with the reindeer
115
00:04:04,980 --> 00:04:06,123
to put up on the roof.
116
00:04:06,248 --> 00:04:07,892
You know, like, those old
vintagey-looking ones
117
00:04:08,017 --> 00:04:09,460
where Santa's got his arm up
118
00:04:09,585 --> 00:04:11,028
and he's making that "ho ho ho" face?
119
00:04:11,153 --> 00:04:12,096
- Right.
- You know, like this?
120
00:04:12,221 --> 00:04:13,711
Ho ho.
121
00:04:13,877 --> 00:04:14,915
No, I... no, I got it.
122
00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:16,250
- That one.
- Yeah.
123
00:04:16,375 --> 00:04:17,751
By the way, we're not
going crazy with each other
124
00:04:17,876 --> 00:04:19,220
for gifts this year, right?
125
00:04:19,345 --> 00:04:21,260
Oh, I don't know, I just...
126
00:04:21,426 --> 00:04:24,508
I just feel like this should
really just be about Amy.
127
00:04:24,633 --> 00:04:27,595
And, honestly, your gift to me
is the fact that you are
128
00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:29,644
just an amazing husband and father.
129
00:04:29,810 --> 00:04:31,604
Thanks, babe.
130
00:04:36,395 --> 00:04:38,986
Your mommy is the best, huh?
131
00:04:41,321 --> 00:04:43,794
I agree, she deserves a bracelet.
132
00:04:43,919 --> 00:04:45,896
Made out of...
133
00:04:46,021 --> 00:04:47,328
Di-a-monds.
134
00:04:47,494 --> 00:04:50,581
So listen, uh,
I was talking to my ex-wife.
135
00:04:50,747 --> 00:04:52,870
Oh, that's great.
It really is important
136
00:04:52,995 --> 00:04:55,306
to keep the lines
of communication open.
137
00:04:55,431 --> 00:04:57,296
- Chapstick anyone?
- Sure.
138
00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:01,679
No, let's do it this way.
139
00:05:01,804 --> 00:05:03,970
- Mmm, regular flavor.
- Mm-hmm.
140
00:05:04,136 --> 00:05:06,250
Anyway, Ava, uh,
this is the first Christmas
141
00:05:06,375 --> 00:05:08,843
since my divorce,
and Claire and I, we want to
142
00:05:09,391 --> 00:05:13,924
show our daughter that we'll
always be in her life, so...
143
00:05:14,049 --> 00:05:16,694
We're gonna spend Christmas
together at my house.
144
00:05:16,819 --> 00:05:18,896
I mean, look, I-I know
you had this great
145
00:05:19,021 --> 00:05:20,820
ski-sno-vacation planned, but...
146
00:05:20,986 --> 00:05:23,000
- I'm fine.
- Really?
147
00:05:23,125 --> 00:05:24,323
- Yes.
- Okay, good.
148
00:05:24,489 --> 00:05:28,289
I've been dying
to strap on my skis and grab
149
00:05:28,414 --> 00:05:32,042
those two pole thingies,
and swish-swish-swish
150
00:05:32,167 --> 00:05:33,610
down an alpine crevasse.
151
00:05:33,735 --> 00:05:36,752
Thanks, Ava. Thank you
for being so understanding.
152
00:05:36,918 --> 00:05:39,424
I think I need more Chapstick.
153
00:05:43,178 --> 00:05:44,712
Bye now.
154
00:05:54,189 --> 00:05:55,633
I'm burning up!
155
00:05:55,758 --> 00:05:57,034
Missy!
156
00:05:57,159 --> 00:06:01,068
Come cut me out
of this ing thing!
157
00:06:01,234 --> 00:06:03,070
- Quit panicking!
- Ahh!
158
00:06:03,236 --> 00:06:04,608
What's happening?
159
00:06:04,733 --> 00:06:06,407
- You're making it worse!
- Cut it!
160
00:06:06,573 --> 00:06:10,244
I feel like I'm being raped
by a sleeping bag! Ahh!
161
00:06:16,473 --> 00:06:18,335
Ah, got another tweet from Ava.
162
00:06:18,501 --> 00:06:20,419
- Hmm.
- "Skiing in Utah, y'all.
163
00:06:20,544 --> 00:06:24,256
Get a job, snowboarders.
Hashtag, Mormons are cool."
164
00:06:24,381 --> 00:06:26,176
Poor baby girl.
There all by herself.
165
00:06:26,342 --> 00:06:27,143
Yeah.
166
00:06:27,268 --> 00:06:28,661
- Hello?
- Oh, hey, mom!
167
00:06:28,786 --> 00:06:30,972
- Merry Christmas, sweetheart.
- Merry Christmas!
168
00:06:31,138 --> 00:06:34,133
You know, with...
with all the decorations... mwah...
169
00:06:34,258 --> 00:06:36,686
outside, I wasn't sure
I had the right house.
170
00:06:36,852 --> 00:06:38,671
Yeah, well, I mean,
I know that this isn't what
171
00:06:38,796 --> 00:06:42,208
my super-intellectual parents
would do at their house,
172
00:06:42,333 --> 00:06:44,444
but we're just starting
a new tradition now for Amy.
173
00:06:44,610 --> 00:06:46,011
Chris, what are we gonna do
174
00:06:46,136 --> 00:06:48,406
with our beautiful little
obsessive-compulsive?
175
00:06:48,572 --> 00:06:51,383
Oh, well, this ADHD boy
176
00:06:51,508 --> 00:06:53,385
is not gonna touch that
with a ten-foot pole, so...
177
00:06:53,510 --> 00:06:54,871
Yeah, I wouldn't.
178
00:06:55,037 --> 00:06:59,292
Is it me, or is this snowman
sexually perverse?
179
00:06:59,458 --> 00:07:02,261
Gyrating like that.
No pants.
180
00:07:02,386 --> 00:07:04,631
I actually think he is amazing.
181
00:07:04,797 --> 00:07:06,866
And, you know what, I'm not
gonna apologize for wanting
182
00:07:06,991 --> 00:07:09,052
to give my daughter a very
special first Christmas, mom.
183
00:07:09,218 --> 00:07:11,638
Oh, goodness.
I'm not asking you to.
184
00:07:11,804 --> 00:07:12,931
Excuse me.
185
00:07:13,097 --> 00:07:16,308
Excuse me.
186
00:07:16,433 --> 00:07:17,561
Okay, all right.
187
00:07:17,727 --> 00:07:18,770
Uh, who would like
some delicious wine?
188
00:07:18,936 --> 00:07:20,703
- I would.
- Okay.
189
00:07:21,021 --> 00:07:22,548
Thank you.
190
00:07:22,673 --> 00:07:24,200
Merry Christmas.
191
00:07:24,325 --> 00:07:25,777
- Whoa, Ava.
- Hey!
192
00:07:25,943 --> 00:07:27,052
Where did you come from?
193
00:07:27,177 --> 00:07:29,121
Oh, I parked around the block
and scaled your wall.
194
00:07:29,246 --> 00:07:30,073
Angie!
195
00:07:30,581 --> 00:07:32,124
I really like that brooch.
Is that vintage?
196
00:07:32,249 --> 00:07:33,209
How are you here?
197
00:07:33,334 --> 00:07:34,995
I mean, you're supposed
to be in Utah.
198
00:07:35,161 --> 00:07:36,495
Well, the jig is up, everyone.
199
00:07:36,620 --> 00:07:37,789
I'm not in Utah!
200
00:07:37,955 --> 00:07:40,375
See, I wanted Kevin
to think that I went skiing.
201
00:07:40,541 --> 00:07:43,352
I wanted him to think
that I was fine with whatever
202
00:07:43,477 --> 00:07:46,464
was going on with his ex in that
sin shack across the street.
203
00:07:46,630 --> 00:07:50,175
Listen to me, there is nothing
going on across the street.
204
00:07:50,300 --> 00:07:51,443
All right? Claire?
205
00:07:51,568 --> 00:07:53,946
Seriously, you have nothing
to worry about with her.
206
00:07:54,071 --> 00:07:55,447
Right, honey?
207
00:07:55,572 --> 00:07:57,683
Oh, no, yeah.
Talk about "woof."
208
00:07:57,808 --> 00:08:00,069
Yeah. I mean,
she is not easy on the eyes.
209
00:08:00,194 --> 00:08:03,656
- I mean, she is mean. Rude.
- Oh, she's a compulsive liar.
210
00:08:03,781 --> 00:08:05,991
- Big ba-donka-donk.
- Yeah, she ran a Ponzi scheme.
211
00:08:06,116 --> 00:08:07,277
- I'm pretty sure.
- Just unpleasant. Bad breath.
212
00:08:07,443 --> 00:08:09,728
Aww, you guys are the best.
213
00:08:09,853 --> 00:08:12,715
- I'll just take this.
- Take that.
214
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:13,992
Oh, my God!
215
00:08:14,158 --> 00:08:15,869
Is that her pulling up
to Kevin's house?
216
00:08:16,035 --> 00:08:17,169
Oh, look at them.
217
00:08:17,294 --> 00:08:19,456
They were out together
rekindling, I knew it.
218
00:08:19,622 --> 00:08:22,424
What is that she's carrying,
a fruit bouquet?
219
00:08:22,549 --> 00:08:25,044
Oh, nobody likes those.
Good going, Claire.
220
00:08:25,169 --> 00:08:26,838
Hope they like fruit flies
for Christmas.
221
00:08:27,004 --> 00:08:27,947
Ava, they're just trying
222
00:08:28,072 --> 00:08:29,674
to give their daughter
a nice Christmas.
223
00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:32,351
That's how it starts.
But then it's,
224
00:08:32,476 --> 00:08:34,711
"McKenna, remember that time
we all went to the zoo
225
00:08:35,095 --> 00:08:36,789
and you dropped your ice cream?"
226
00:08:36,914 --> 00:08:38,190
And then, the next thing
you know, Kevin and Claire
227
00:08:38,315 --> 00:08:39,309
are making love.
228
00:08:39,583 --> 00:08:42,394
Okay, I hope there are
a bunch of steps in between.
229
00:08:42,519 --> 00:08:45,106
Hey, Ava, why don't you
just go talk to Kevin?
230
00:08:45,272 --> 00:08:47,366
Ugh, because I'm in Utah, Chris?
231
00:08:47,491 --> 00:08:51,103
And, besides, even if I did
somehow "come back," I...
232
00:08:51,228 --> 00:08:53,865
I just can't barge in
on their precious family time.
233
00:08:54,031 --> 00:08:56,175
I mean, how would that look?
234
00:08:56,300 --> 00:08:58,510
Something like this.
235
00:08:58,635 --> 00:09:02,264
Do you guys have any binoculars?
236
00:09:02,389 --> 00:09:04,417
McKenna's playing in the front yard!
237
00:09:04,583 --> 00:09:05,768
By herself!
238
00:09:05,893 --> 00:09:08,253
You do?
Oh, fantastic!
239
00:09:08,378 --> 00:09:09,673
Yeah, will you put it on hold for me?
240
00:09:09,839 --> 00:09:11,123
Yeah, I'll be right there.
I'll be right there.
241
00:09:11,248 --> 00:09:13,134
Oh, my God!
I am the awesomest!
242
00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:16,445
I found a place that has the
last Santa display for the roof.
243
00:09:16,570 --> 00:09:18,130
- That's great!
- Oh, my God, do you remember?
244
00:09:18,255 --> 00:09:19,448
When I was a kid, and our neighbors
245
00:09:19,573 --> 00:09:20,783
had that one on the roof?
246
00:09:20,908 --> 00:09:23,228
God, I used to stare
at that for hours.
247
00:09:23,394 --> 00:09:25,404
Uch, the Tardinos.
Oh, yeah.
248
00:09:25,529 --> 00:09:28,273
Well, they're still there,
depressing property values
249
00:09:28,398 --> 00:09:30,942
with their trampoline
full of pine needles.
250
00:09:31,067 --> 00:09:32,320
You know they bought a boat?
251
00:09:32,486 --> 00:09:34,296
Well, it was a beautiful Santa.
252
00:09:34,421 --> 00:09:35,573
I loved it.
253
00:09:37,199 --> 00:09:39,618
There's smoke coming out
of Kevin's chimney.
254
00:09:39,743 --> 00:09:41,136
Don't panic!
255
00:09:41,261 --> 00:09:43,088
We don't know for sure
that they've made that fire
256
00:09:43,213 --> 00:09:45,090
for romantic purposes.
257
00:09:45,215 --> 00:09:46,342
I'm just gonna
take this cookie and dip it
258
00:09:46,467 --> 00:09:48,670
in this port wine cheese ball.
259
00:09:50,379 --> 00:09:52,297
What do you mean
you sold the frickin' Santa?
260
00:09:52,422 --> 00:09:53,550
I had it on hold!
261
00:09:53,716 --> 00:09:55,534
Yeah, but then what happened was
262
00:09:55,659 --> 00:09:58,263
somebody else came in, so, yeah...
263
00:09:58,429 --> 00:10:01,507
Great. Just great.
Well, thank you.
264
00:10:01,632 --> 00:10:03,492
Thank you very much
for ruining Christmas.
265
00:10:03,617 --> 00:10:05,994
- Are you happy?
- I'm wearing antlers,
266
00:10:06,119 --> 00:10:08,997
and working in a holiday theme
store on Christmas Eve.
267
00:10:09,122 --> 00:10:12,235
- Of course I'm not happy.
- Okay, you know what, Roger?
268
00:10:12,401 --> 00:10:16,038
I need my little girl
to light up tonight, okay?
269
00:10:16,163 --> 00:10:20,744
So you need to produce
a Santa... with reindeer...
270
00:10:20,910 --> 00:10:23,079
or else that chicken nugget...
271
00:10:23,245 --> 00:10:27,083
Is not gonna enter
your body via your mouth.
272
00:10:29,919 --> 00:10:32,589
Ooh!
That's lovely!
273
00:10:32,755 --> 00:10:34,890
Well, you know, I was thinking
about getting it for Reagan,
274
00:10:35,015 --> 00:10:37,177
but I was hoping to find
a last-second sale somewhere.
275
00:10:37,343 --> 00:10:39,679
Oh, Chris, Reagan doesn't care
about things like that.
276
00:10:39,845 --> 00:10:41,179
Okay, well, maybe not, but I do.
277
00:10:41,304 --> 00:10:42,881
I care.
278
00:10:43,006 --> 00:10:45,384
It's what husbands do
when they have great wives.
279
00:10:45,509 --> 00:10:47,479
- They get them great gifts.
- Oh, my God.
280
00:10:47,645 --> 00:10:50,022
What is it about men
always having to
281
00:10:50,147 --> 00:10:51,690
Whip it out?
282
00:10:51,815 --> 00:10:53,692
I mean, look at you,
waving it around,
283
00:10:53,817 --> 00:10:57,362
slamming it down on the table
for everyone to see.
284
00:10:57,487 --> 00:10:58,656
Ga-gush!
285
00:10:58,822 --> 00:11:01,033
Ga-gush?
Oh, I'm sor... is that a...
286
00:11:01,158 --> 00:11:03,034
- that's a penis sound?
- Look, Chris.
287
00:11:03,159 --> 00:11:07,039
You made a choice to give up
your job and stay home with Amy.
288
00:11:07,164 --> 00:11:09,475
I was so proud of you.
289
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:11,310
I-I didn't think you had it in you.
290
00:11:11,435 --> 00:11:13,145
Sorry, but, uh...
291
00:11:13,270 --> 00:11:17,175
I always thought you were just
a little bit of a... Macho yahoo.
292
00:11:17,341 --> 00:11:19,084
Oh, you did?
Oh, well.
293
00:11:19,209 --> 00:11:22,013
I've been in my fair share of fights.
294
00:11:22,179 --> 00:11:25,824
That's a strong choice
that you made, not a weak one.
295
00:11:25,949 --> 00:11:28,994
So what if you don't
bring home the bacon anymore?
296
00:11:29,119 --> 00:11:32,816
You are a real man.
Ga-gush!
297
00:11:32,982 --> 00:11:36,618
- Thank you, Angie.
- I mean it.
298
00:11:36,743 --> 00:11:40,763
Okay.
Good guy.
299
00:11:44,785 --> 00:11:46,913
I gotta get me some cash.
300
00:11:50,541 --> 00:11:52,293
Good-bye, Shanny.
301
00:11:52,459 --> 00:11:55,171
Hey, Chris.
What's going on?
302
00:11:55,337 --> 00:11:57,549
Uh, I'm just gonna go sell
some of my hockey stuff.
303
00:11:57,715 --> 00:12:02,561
Wow, I guess we're both making
sacrifices this holiday season.
304
00:12:02,686 --> 00:12:05,265
Oh, boy.
305
00:12:05,431 --> 00:12:09,234
Okay, uh, did you want to talk
about your sacrifices?
306
00:12:09,359 --> 00:12:11,271
Oh, Christopher,
you are so intuitive.
307
00:12:11,437 --> 00:12:13,572
I mean, I'm not really upset
about his ex-wife being there,
308
00:12:13,697 --> 00:12:15,240
even though she
is an obsessed man-eater
309
00:12:15,365 --> 00:12:16,568
who does not know when to quit.
310
00:12:16,734 --> 00:12:17,943
- Yeah.
- It's just that I've never
311
00:12:18,068 --> 00:12:23,782
really cared about
a guy this way since...
312
00:12:23,907 --> 00:12:25,535
Since... since ever, I guess.
313
00:12:25,701 --> 00:12:29,621
Ava, I... I guess that's...
314
00:12:29,746 --> 00:12:33,960
That's just this, uh, this
love... Stuff, right?
315
00:12:34,126 --> 00:12:36,395
Wow.
316
00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:38,230
You always know what to say, Chris.
317
00:12:38,355 --> 00:12:39,632
Oh.
318
00:12:39,798 --> 00:12:42,635
I could really use a hug.
319
00:12:42,801 --> 00:12:44,304
Sure.
Yeah, of course.
320
00:12:44,470 --> 00:12:46,180
Ah, okay.
321
00:12:46,346 --> 00:12:48,683
That is so, so nice.
322
00:12:48,849 --> 00:12:50,909
Wow, this is...
323
00:12:51,034 --> 00:12:52,604
- Ava.
- What?
324
00:12:52,770 --> 00:12:54,439
That's not mine!
325
00:12:54,605 --> 00:12:56,748
- Look, I'm not...
- I was just goosing you.
326
00:12:56,873 --> 00:12:58,750
I'm not taking your money, okay?
327
00:12:58,875 --> 00:13:00,278
I'm gonna be fine.
328
00:13:00,444 --> 00:13:02,087
Is it... look.
I'm sorry, I gotta go.
329
00:13:02,212 --> 00:13:03,672
- I'm super late.
- What?
330
00:13:03,797 --> 00:13:05,950
I gotta go see
this sports memorabilia guy,
331
00:13:06,116 --> 00:13:07,159
then I gotta go
across town to the mall,
332
00:13:07,284 --> 00:13:08,510
and the mall's
gonna be totally packed,
333
00:13:08,635 --> 00:13:10,622
and I'm terrible in jam-packed
shopping situations.
334
00:13:10,788 --> 00:13:13,923
Christopher,
do you need me to slap you?
335
00:13:15,926 --> 00:13:18,087
You didn't even let me answer.
336
00:13:18,253 --> 00:13:21,189
I mean, really, what good
is putting something on hold
337
00:13:21,314 --> 00:13:22,842
if they're not gonna hold it?
338
00:13:23,008 --> 00:13:25,310
The holidays are so frustrating.
339
00:13:25,435 --> 00:13:27,345
That's why, every year,
I pay a Southern gay
340
00:13:27,470 --> 00:13:28,640
to decorate my house.
341
00:13:28,806 --> 00:13:30,415
It's just a needless decoration!
342
00:13:30,540 --> 00:13:32,435
A plastic Santa's not that important.
343
00:13:32,601 --> 00:13:35,104
Yes, a plastic Santa
is very important, mom.
344
00:13:35,270 --> 00:13:37,680
The only thing that matters
to me right now is to see
345
00:13:38,107 --> 00:13:39,258
my baby's face light up.
346
00:13:39,383 --> 00:13:41,945
God, you're just...
you are such a Grinch.
347
00:13:42,111 --> 00:13:44,930
Well, I-I don't know
this "Grinch" you speak of.
348
00:13:45,055 --> 00:13:46,783
What, is that a Dickensian character?
349
00:13:46,949 --> 00:13:48,934
Oh, please, don't pretend
that you don't know
350
00:13:49,059 --> 00:13:50,954
who the Grinch is.
God.
351
00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:54,040
You just don't get it.
352
00:13:54,206 --> 00:13:57,710
No, I think I do.
353
00:14:05,058 --> 00:14:08,437
Sweet mother.
354
00:14:08,562 --> 00:14:10,312
God...
355
00:14:13,738 --> 00:14:15,336
- Oh-oh.
- Mom, great!
356
00:14:15,502 --> 00:14:16,712
Where have you been?
357
00:14:16,878 --> 00:14:18,372
What's all this?
358
00:14:18,497 --> 00:14:20,299
Grab an antler!
Or a hoof!
359
00:14:20,465 --> 00:14:22,593
- Come on!
- Where did you find this?
360
00:14:22,718 --> 00:14:24,995
- Our neighbors' roof.
- What?
361
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:26,430
This...
362
00:14:26,555 --> 00:14:28,516
This is the stuff
from when I was a kid?
363
00:14:28,682 --> 00:14:30,918
I raced to Santa Barbara
to beg the Tardinos
364
00:14:31,043 --> 00:14:32,336
to loan it to us.
365
00:14:32,461 --> 00:14:34,571
I was dreading asking them,
because I don't relish
366
00:14:34,696 --> 00:14:37,040
coming face to face
with Rick Tardino's
367
00:14:37,165 --> 00:14:39,068
swirling chest carpet.
368
00:14:39,234 --> 00:14:43,030
Anyway, they weren't home.
So... I borrowed it.
369
00:14:43,196 --> 00:14:46,810
- You stole for me?
- No...
370
00:14:46,935 --> 00:14:49,006
Borrowed.
371
00:14:49,131 --> 00:14:50,967
Although, I think
they were at church.
372
00:14:51,092 --> 00:14:52,774
Yeah, I don't feel
so great about that,
373
00:14:52,899 --> 00:14:54,667
but I made my peace with it.
374
00:14:54,833 --> 00:14:57,253
Thank you, mom.
Thank you.
375
00:14:57,419 --> 00:14:59,680
You're not the only mommy who
wants to give her little girl
376
00:14:59,805 --> 00:15:00,798
a great Christmas.
377
00:15:00,964 --> 00:15:02,083
Maybe we should wait for Chris then,
378
00:15:02,208 --> 00:15:03,676
to get all this stuff
up on the roof, huh?
379
00:15:03,842 --> 00:15:05,887
Yeah, or I could,
uh, I could limber up
380
00:15:06,012 --> 00:15:09,306
with some clear spirits,
and you could grab a ladder.
381
00:15:09,472 --> 00:15:11,626
Ohh.
Give it up, mom.
382
00:15:11,751 --> 00:15:13,769
It's Christmas up in here!
Let's do it!
383
00:15:16,872 --> 00:15:18,749
Would you like to try
incognito for men, by Devon?
384
00:15:18,874 --> 00:15:21,469
No, thanks... oh, God, ah!
385
00:15:21,594 --> 00:15:23,704
Thank you, smells really good.
Kinda burns...
386
00:15:23,829 --> 00:15:24,972
- ow!
- I'm so sorry.
387
00:15:25,097 --> 00:15:27,308
- What's wrong with you?
- So much. Everything.
388
00:15:27,433 --> 00:15:29,760
Oh, gosh!
Merry Christmas!
389
00:15:29,885 --> 00:15:31,762
Jeez. Excuse me, ma'am,
I'm just trying to find...
390
00:15:31,887 --> 00:15:33,714
excuse me!
She's already helping me.
391
00:15:33,839 --> 00:15:35,749
I'm sorry, I did not see you there.
392
00:15:35,915 --> 00:15:36,818
- God!
- I'm just trying to find
393
00:15:36,943 --> 00:15:37,985
- something for my...
- lotion!
394
00:15:38,110 --> 00:15:40,221
No, no!
Sorry, I didn't mean to do that.
395
00:15:40,346 --> 00:15:41,405
Just a little bit nervous right now.
396
00:15:41,530 --> 00:15:44,742
A lot of stuff's going on in my...
397
00:15:44,867 --> 00:15:47,678
Bra... celet.
398
00:15:49,304 --> 00:15:51,640
Hey...
399
00:15:53,525 --> 00:15:54,477
no, no.
400
00:15:54,643 --> 00:15:56,645
No! No!
401
00:15:56,811 --> 00:15:59,714
Oh, come on.
402
00:16:06,738 --> 00:16:09,433
Get this reindeer's bottom
out of my face.
403
00:16:09,558 --> 00:16:11,135
Well, you gotta
hold the ladder steady.
404
00:16:11,260 --> 00:16:13,921
Pl... okay, mom, put down the wine.
405
00:16:14,046 --> 00:16:15,122
Put down the wine.
406
00:16:15,288 --> 00:16:17,191
Have you never been
on a ladder before?
407
00:16:17,316 --> 00:16:18,976
You know what?
Now you're shaking it, mom.
408
00:16:19,101 --> 00:16:20,278
You're shaking.
Okay, will you just...
409
00:16:20,403 --> 00:16:22,296
at least will you
take off your pumps, please?
410
00:16:22,462 --> 00:16:24,598
You don't decorate barefoot.
411
00:16:24,723 --> 00:16:26,934
We're not the Tardinos,
for God's sake.
412
00:16:27,059 --> 00:16:28,436
Okay, you know what?
I can't hold it anymore.
413
00:16:28,561 --> 00:16:29,604
It's slipping out of my hand.
It's slipping!
414
00:16:29,729 --> 00:16:31,272
I got it!
I got it! I got it!
415
00:16:31,397 --> 00:16:32,840
I got it!
416
00:16:32,965 --> 00:16:33,766
Oh.
417
00:16:34,233 --> 00:16:36,143
Why did you say you got it?
418
00:16:36,309 --> 00:16:37,228
I don't know.
419
00:16:37,394 --> 00:16:39,980
- Oh, Reagan!
- What?
420
00:16:40,146 --> 00:16:41,565
Can you see into
Kevin's backyard from there?
421
00:16:41,731 --> 00:16:43,317
I think there's steam
coming out of his jacuzzi.
422
00:16:43,483 --> 00:16:45,169
That's a sexual gateway.
423
00:16:45,294 --> 00:16:46,837
Ava, honey, if you're
so worried about what Kevin
424
00:16:46,962 --> 00:16:48,839
is doing, why don't you
just go over there
425
00:16:48,964 --> 00:16:51,242
and talk to him about it
like an adult?
426
00:16:51,408 --> 00:16:53,961
You're right.
427
00:16:55,971 --> 00:16:58,832
Or I could spy from the neighbors'.
428
00:17:00,226 --> 00:17:02,603
Surprise!
Hi, it's me!
429
00:17:02,728 --> 00:17:03,688
Ava Alexander!
430
00:17:03,813 --> 00:17:07,074
And this is, um...
A holiday home makeover!
431
00:17:07,199 --> 00:17:08,309
- Wait, what?
- Oh, my God!
432
00:17:08,434 --> 00:17:09,977
- Yep!
- Ava Alexander!
433
00:17:10,102 --> 00:17:12,813
That's right!
Dreams are coming true, kids!
434
00:17:12,938 --> 00:17:14,865
Uh, from which one of your
windows can I most clearly
435
00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:16,083
view your neighbor's backyard?
436
00:17:16,208 --> 00:17:17,651
I can't believe this is happening!
437
00:17:17,776 --> 00:17:18,920
It is!
It totally is!
438
00:17:19,045 --> 00:17:21,422
- Keep on watching and growing.
- Oh, my God!
439
00:17:21,547 --> 00:17:25,943
That's right.
Kevin doesn't have a jacuzzi.
440
00:17:26,109 --> 00:17:30,322
But you will,
after your home makeover!
441
00:17:30,488 --> 00:17:33,267
Home makeover!
442
00:17:33,392 --> 00:17:34,618
Whoo!
443
00:17:34,784 --> 00:17:36,120
All right, hit it.
444
00:17:36,495 --> 00:17:38,189
There.
445
00:17:38,314 --> 00:17:41,726
- Whoo-hoo!
- Santa's on the roof, y'all!
446
00:17:41,851 --> 00:17:43,634
All right.
All right.
447
00:17:44,377 --> 00:17:45,838
Whoa! Whoa!
448
00:17:47,773 --> 00:17:49,675
Are you okay?
449
00:17:49,841 --> 00:17:51,852
Oh! Oh, what are you
laughing at, huh?
450
00:17:51,977 --> 00:17:54,688
Oh, you think that's funny,
you little scoundrel?
451
00:17:54,813 --> 00:17:56,073
You know what?
452
00:17:56,198 --> 00:17:58,684
I'll give you something
to laugh about.
453
00:17:58,850 --> 00:18:00,060
I'm gonna...
454
00:18:00,226 --> 00:18:02,747
Tickle you!
Tickle you! Tickle you!
455
00:18:10,779 --> 00:18:12,706
False alarm.
456
00:18:12,831 --> 00:18:15,326
Kevin and his ex are not
making love in the hot tub.
457
00:18:15,492 --> 00:18:17,211
Ava?
458
00:18:17,336 --> 00:18:20,214
Kevin. Hi!
459
00:18:20,339 --> 00:18:23,217
I just got back
from Utah this second.
460
00:18:23,342 --> 00:18:25,085
Merry Christmas!
461
00:18:25,251 --> 00:18:27,129
I think we need to talk.
462
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:33,677
Guess what, daddy's home!
463
00:18:33,843 --> 00:18:35,304
Hi!
464
00:18:35,470 --> 00:18:37,615
Hey, that was, like, an elf
decoration that I hit, right?
465
00:18:37,740 --> 00:18:39,350
Not-not, like,
a little man or anything?
466
00:18:39,516 --> 00:18:41,226
Well, honey, what happened to you?
467
00:18:41,392 --> 00:18:42,403
I'm pretty sure that,
on impact, I heard,
468
00:18:42,528 --> 00:18:44,088
like, a, "oh, no!"
469
00:18:44,213 --> 00:18:46,899
I just... uh, I just had
a really bad mall experience.
470
00:18:47,065 --> 00:18:48,567
Oh, honey.
471
00:18:48,733 --> 00:18:50,319
I just wanted to get you
something really special.
472
00:18:50,485 --> 00:18:53,614
The fact that you went through
whatever you went through is...
473
00:18:53,739 --> 00:18:55,866
it's enough for me.
It's the thought that counts.
474
00:18:56,032 --> 00:18:57,818
Well...
475
00:18:57,943 --> 00:18:59,820
- Then I got you two gifts.
- Hmm?
476
00:18:59,945 --> 00:19:02,990
The thoughtful thing and...
477
00:19:03,115 --> 00:19:05,042
Well, and also, this.
478
00:19:05,208 --> 00:19:06,560
Oh, my God!
479
00:19:06,685 --> 00:19:07,728
Oh, my God!
480
00:19:07,853 --> 00:19:09,063
Look at this!
481
00:19:09,188 --> 00:19:10,398
Look at this!
Look at it!
482
00:19:10,523 --> 00:19:11,732
- Yeah, no, no.
- Look at this!
483
00:19:11,857 --> 00:19:12,967
No, I've seen it.
484
00:19:13,092 --> 00:19:15,119
I wrestled a retired police
officer to get it.
485
00:19:15,244 --> 00:19:17,672
Those dudes can really mess you up.
486
00:19:17,797 --> 00:19:20,491
Oh, my God!
Look at how hot my wrist looks!
487
00:19:20,616 --> 00:19:23,494
- Oh, You, everybody!
- My husband rocks!
488
00:19:23,619 --> 00:19:26,330
My husband rocks!
Oh, my God!
489
00:19:26,455 --> 00:19:28,649
Merry Christmas, babe.
490
00:19:28,815 --> 00:19:30,609
So, I've been here all day.
491
00:19:30,775 --> 00:19:33,362
Spying on you guys.
492
00:19:33,528 --> 00:19:35,572
A celebrity stalker
who's an actual celebrity.
493
00:19:37,016 --> 00:19:41,095
So were you just looking
at us through binoculars or...
494
00:19:41,220 --> 00:19:43,789
- With night vision.
- Night vision.
495
00:19:43,955 --> 00:19:46,625
I also ate an entire cheese ball.
496
00:19:46,791 --> 00:19:50,045
I ate the whole thing like an apple.
497
00:19:50,211 --> 00:19:52,297
Please say something.
498
00:19:56,652 --> 00:19:59,313
I love you.
499
00:19:59,438 --> 00:20:01,248
Are you just saying that
because you're afraid
500
00:20:01,373 --> 00:20:03,250
I'm about to kidnap you?
501
00:20:03,375 --> 00:20:05,019
No.
502
00:20:05,144 --> 00:20:07,688
Wait, I shouldn't be
worried about that, right?
503
00:20:07,813 --> 00:20:10,733
I love you too.
504
00:20:12,025 --> 00:20:16,697
- For you, my dear.
- Oh.
505
00:20:16,863 --> 00:20:19,517
- Huh.
- Mmm!
506
00:20:19,642 --> 00:20:21,660
- Whoa.
- Mm-hmm.
507
00:20:21,826 --> 00:20:24,329
A puck from the lake placid Olympics.
508
00:20:24,495 --> 00:20:26,741
Yeah, it's from the game
when America beat the crap
509
00:20:26,866 --> 00:20:29,251
out of those godless commie bastards.
510
00:20:29,417 --> 00:20:33,047
Do you believe in miracles?
511
00:20:33,172 --> 00:20:34,365
Yes.
512
00:20:34,490 --> 00:20:36,300
It's for your collection.
513
00:20:39,928 --> 00:20:41,180
Yeah.
514
00:20:44,016 --> 00:20:48,395
If only Shanny was here to see this.
515
00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:51,482
I still don't know who that is.
516
00:20:51,648 --> 00:20:55,235
Sync by Sp8ky and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
517
00:20:55,890 --> 00:20:57,366
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
518
00:20:57,486 --> 00:20:59,276
♪ We wish you
a merry Christmas ♪
519
00:20:59,396 --> 00:21:01,267
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
520
00:21:01,387 --> 00:21:03,114
♪ And a happy new year ♪
521
00:21:03,389 --> 00:21:06,067
How many verses does this song have?
522
00:21:06,192 --> 00:21:08,169
- A lot.
- Yep.
523
00:21:08,294 --> 00:21:09,570
♪ And a happy new year ♪
524
00:21:09,695 --> 00:21:11,272
♪ Now bring us some figgy pudding ♪
525
00:21:11,397 --> 00:21:13,157
♪ Now bring us some figgy pudding ♪
526
00:21:14,867 --> 00:21:16,277
♪ And bring it right here ♪
527
00:21:16,402 --> 00:21:18,004
♪ And we won't go until we get some ♪
528
00:21:18,170 --> 00:21:20,248
They're not gonna
go until they get some.
529
00:21:20,373 --> 00:21:22,092
- I know.
- We better go get some.
530
00:21:22,258 --> 00:21:23,952
♪ So bring it out here ♪
531
00:21:24,077 --> 00:21:25,753
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
532
00:21:25,878 --> 00:21:28,572
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪