1
00:00:03,356 --> 00:00:04,957
Ho, ho, ho.
2
00:00:21,304 --> 00:00:22,204
D'oh!
3
00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:31,196
Mmm!
4
00:00:31,221 --> 00:00:35,221
♪ The Simpsons 23x09 ♪
Holidays of Future Passed
Original Air Date on December 11, 2011
5
00:00:35,246 --> 00:00:39,246
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
6
00:00:44,844 --> 00:00:47,546
I'll never eat turkey again.
7
00:00:47,613 --> 00:00:49,781
Marge, we got any ham?!
8
00:00:49,849 --> 00:00:54,002
I hereby declare Thanksgiving
dinner officially over...
9
00:00:54,070 --> 00:00:57,205
which means it's the start
of Christmas season...
10
00:00:57,273 --> 00:00:58,773
which means...
11
00:00:58,841 --> 00:01:00,959
Christmas card photos?!
12
00:01:01,027 --> 00:01:02,694
Yep.
13
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,301
I'm Santa?
14
00:01:09,368 --> 00:01:12,103
Oh, now I'll never die.
15
00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:16,908
Can't we just send out a picture
16
00:01:16,976 --> 00:01:18,877
of the pets dressed
like reindeer?
17
00:01:18,945 --> 00:01:20,412
We tried that last year.
18
00:01:20,479 --> 00:01:21,963
D'oh!
19
00:01:22,031 --> 00:01:24,733
Who cares what we look like
in whatever stupid year this is?
20
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:27,969
You'll understand one day
when you have kids of your own.
21
00:01:28,037 --> 00:01:30,355
Um, who says we're gonna
have kids of our own?
22
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:31,706
Not me, man.
23
00:01:31,774 --> 00:01:33,558
This cycle of jerks
has to end.
24
00:01:33,626 --> 00:01:34,909
Are we done yet?
25
00:01:34,977 --> 00:01:36,911
It's a Wonderful Life
is about to start.
26
00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:39,497
I wonder what my life
would have been like
27
00:01:39,582 --> 00:01:42,200
if I'd never seen that movie.
28
00:01:42,268 --> 00:01:44,269
Just look happy!
29
00:01:46,255 --> 00:01:49,391
♪ Just hear those sleigh bells
jingling ♪
30
00:01:49,458 --> 00:01:51,259
♪ Ring-ting a-tingling, too ♪
31
00:01:51,327 --> 00:01:52,560
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding ♪
32
00:01:52,628 --> 00:01:54,396
♪ Come on, it's lovely weather ♪
33
00:01:54,463 --> 00:01:56,464
♪ For a sleigh ride
together with you ♪
34
00:01:56,532 --> 00:01:58,099
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding ♪
35
00:01:58,167 --> 00:02:00,035
♪ Outside the snow is falling ♪
36
00:02:00,102 --> 00:02:02,003
♪ And friends are calling,
"Yoo-hoo" ♪
37
00:02:02,071 --> 00:02:03,171
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding ♪
38
00:02:03,239 --> 00:02:04,873
♪ Come on, it's lovely weather ♪
39
00:02:04,940 --> 00:02:07,142
♪ For a sleigh ride
together with you ♪
40
00:02:07,209 --> 00:02:09,210
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding ♪
41
00:02:09,278 --> 00:02:11,946
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding ♪
44
00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:24,959
♪ Our cheeks are nice and rosy
and comfy and cozy are we ♪
45
00:02:25,027 --> 00:02:26,094
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding ♪
46
00:02:26,162 --> 00:02:28,263
♪ We'll snuggle up together ♪
47
00:02:28,331 --> 00:02:30,598
♪ Like two birds
of a feather would be ♪
48
00:02:30,666 --> 00:02:31,800
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding ♪
49
00:02:31,867 --> 00:02:33,535
♪ Let's take that road
before us ♪
50
00:02:33,602 --> 00:02:35,503
♪ And sing a chorus or two ♪
51
00:02:35,571 --> 00:02:36,788
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding. ♪
52
00:02:38,824 --> 00:02:41,426
♪ They fight and fight ♪
53
00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:43,728
♪ They fight
and fight ♪
54
00:02:43,796 --> 00:02:45,563
♪ The Itchy and Scratchy ♪
55
00:02:45,631 --> 00:02:48,533
♪ Itchy and Scratchy Show. ♪
56
00:02:52,738 --> 00:02:54,739
♪ Fight, fight, fight... ♪
57
00:02:54,824 --> 00:02:56,024
Nah.
58
00:02:56,092 --> 00:02:58,326
You're two weeks late
on the rent, Bart.
59
00:02:58,394 --> 00:03:01,379
Not to mention that geography
report from 30 years ago.
60
00:03:01,464 --> 00:03:04,215
Don't worry.
I got some buyers coming over
61
00:03:04,283 --> 00:03:06,584
to look at my good kidney.
They grow back, right?
62
00:03:06,652 --> 00:03:09,437
Just get me that rent
or you'll be expelled.
63
00:03:09,505 --> 00:03:10,772
You mean evicted?
64
00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:16,661
Transporter engaged
65
00:03:16,729 --> 00:03:18,763
Oh! Now what?
66
00:03:18,831 --> 00:03:20,865
Mom, don't make
us go to Dad's!
67
00:03:20,933 --> 00:03:23,234
It smells like dog,
but there's no dog.
68
00:03:23,302 --> 00:03:26,171
You know, I can hear
everything you say
69
00:03:26,238 --> 00:03:27,572
during cross-phase.
70
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:28,573
What are you doing here?
71
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:30,375
Mom says you have to watch us
72
00:03:30,443 --> 00:03:31,776
over the holidays.
73
00:03:31,844 --> 00:03:33,912
She says you're our dad
and you need to act like it.
74
00:03:33,996 --> 00:03:35,897
Christmas with you
is gonna suck!
75
00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:39,000
You're wrong. This is gonna be
your best Christmas ever.
76
00:03:39,068 --> 00:03:41,603
- Really?
- Yeah. Give me some credit.
77
00:03:41,670 --> 00:03:44,189
I'll just dump 'em at my mom's.
78
00:03:44,256 --> 00:03:45,807
You know, we can
hear thoughts now.
79
00:03:45,875 --> 00:03:46,841
Damn it!
80
00:03:51,247 --> 00:03:54,015
Lis, I'm afraid my seasonal
allergies are kicking in.
81
00:03:54,083 --> 00:03:56,584
Oh, you poor thing.
82
00:03:56,652 --> 00:03:58,887
This is a tough time of year
for someone who's allergic
83
00:03:58,954 --> 00:04:01,840
to holly, mistletoe,
the red part of candy canes.
84
00:04:01,907 --> 00:04:04,292
I can't believe we put
a man on the Sun,
85
00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:08,062
but we can't stop
my sneezing!
86
00:04:08,130 --> 00:04:11,750
Hi, Zia. How did you do
on your math test?
87
00:04:11,817 --> 00:04:14,552
Gee, I'm fine, Mom.
Thanks for asking.
88
00:04:14,620 --> 00:04:15,854
I'm going online.
89
00:04:18,958 --> 00:04:21,793
Uh! How did my daughter
turn into my brother?
90
00:04:21,861 --> 00:04:23,294
Don't blame me.
91
00:04:23,362 --> 00:04:25,663
When we had her, they used
only the best genetic material,
92
00:04:25,731 --> 00:04:27,999
which meant none of mine.
93
00:04:28,067 --> 00:04:29,901
You parked the car.
That helped.
94
00:04:29,969 --> 00:04:31,603
I guess.
95
00:04:31,670 --> 00:04:33,338
Maybe my mom would
have some ideas.
96
00:04:33,405 --> 00:04:36,040
Why don't you take Zia
to your parents' for Christmas
97
00:04:36,108 --> 00:04:37,942
while I nurse
my allergies in one
98
00:04:38,010 --> 00:04:40,278
of the non-Christmas-
celebrating states?
99
00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:41,746
You could go back
to Michigan.
100
00:04:41,814 --> 00:04:43,681
It's still under
Sharia law.
101
00:04:43,749 --> 00:04:46,618
Yeah, but they always
make me wear a veil.
102
00:04:58,581 --> 00:05:01,516
Everything looks great, Maggie,
but until this baby comes,
103
00:05:01,584 --> 00:05:03,351
I don't want you
to make a sound.
104
00:05:03,419 --> 00:05:05,220
But she's our lead singer, mate.
105
00:05:05,287 --> 00:05:07,522
I'm sorry,
but recent research has shown
106
00:05:07,590 --> 00:05:09,791
that the umbilical cord
is also a vocal cord.
107
00:05:09,859 --> 00:05:12,193
Now can you tell me
who the father is?
108
00:05:12,261 --> 00:05:14,128
Mmm...
109
00:05:14,196 --> 00:05:16,231
We will not.
Now if you don't mind,
110
00:05:16,298 --> 00:05:18,066
I'd like to watch
a football match.
111
00:05:23,205 --> 00:05:25,306
I see you are
reading a children's book,
112
00:05:25,374 --> 00:05:28,276
yet your profile indicates
you are a mature adult.
113
00:05:28,344 --> 00:05:29,477
Is there an error?
114
00:05:29,545 --> 00:05:32,113
Shut up!
115
00:05:32,181 --> 00:05:36,985
Oh, Marge, how would
you like some future sex?
116
00:05:37,052 --> 00:05:39,821
Why do you say future?
This is now.
117
00:05:39,889 --> 00:05:41,689
I meant a week
from tomorrow.
118
00:05:41,757 --> 00:05:43,324
That's when
the new penis gets here.
119
00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:46,828
I just a got a message
from Maggie in my brain.
120
00:05:46,896 --> 00:05:47,896
Ooh, a B-mail!
121
00:05:47,963 --> 00:05:49,898
She's coming home for Christmas!
122
00:05:49,965 --> 00:05:51,966
And Bart's bringing the boys.
123
00:05:52,034 --> 00:05:54,636
And Lisa's coming with Zia.
124
00:05:54,703 --> 00:05:56,638
For once,
the whole family's going
125
00:05:56,705 --> 00:05:58,673
to be here for the holidays!
126
00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:01,342
Hey, I got a B-mail, too.
127
00:06:01,410 --> 00:06:04,612
"You have won a valuable prize.
Open now."
128
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:06,548
Don't open it, Homie.
It's a virus.
129
00:06:06,615 --> 00:06:07,615
Too late. I...
130
00:06:12,308 --> 00:06:13,942
Ho... ho... ho.
131
00:06:17,513 --> 00:06:19,681
Wow, Dad, that's
really impressive.
132
00:06:19,749 --> 00:06:21,883
Yeah, after I stopped
drinking,
133
00:06:21,951 --> 00:06:24,753
this was a way
to stay close to my bottles.
134
00:06:28,841 --> 00:06:31,659
I'd smash 'em all
for one lousy beer!
135
00:06:31,727 --> 00:06:32,994
Oh, man, I can't believe
136
00:06:33,062 --> 00:06:34,662
they still haven't
figured out a away
137
00:06:34,730 --> 00:06:36,030
to detangle
Christmas lights.
138
00:06:36,098 --> 00:06:38,666
Mom's boyfriend is good
at detangling them.
139
00:06:38,734 --> 00:06:41,169
Well, maybe Mom
should marry him.
140
00:06:41,237 --> 00:06:43,571
- She did.
- We weren't supposed to tell you.
141
00:06:43,639 --> 00:06:45,507
Your mother remarried?
142
00:06:47,910 --> 00:06:50,445
Hey, Grampa, you gonna
build a snowman?
143
00:06:50,496 --> 00:06:54,215
No, I just like to dress up
to eat my carrots and smoke.
144
00:06:57,203 --> 00:06:59,637
Dad, can you take
the boys out for a while?
145
00:06:59,705 --> 00:07:01,322
I don't feel so good.
146
00:07:01,390 --> 00:07:04,526
Thanks for spending so
much time with us, Dad.
147
00:07:04,593 --> 00:07:06,728
Who wants to go the park
and ride the merry-go-nowhere?
148
00:07:06,796 --> 00:07:08,263
I do, I do!
Me, me!
149
00:07:09,698 --> 00:07:12,700
I can't believe she got married
and I have no one.
150
00:07:12,768 --> 00:07:14,469
It's so hard
to find somebody new.
151
00:07:14,537 --> 00:07:17,472
Sure is. That's why after Homer
accidentally killed Edna,
152
00:07:17,540 --> 00:07:19,140
I married Maude's ghost.
153
00:07:19,208 --> 00:07:20,742
There is no God, Neddy.
154
00:07:20,810 --> 00:07:22,777
It's just an empty
meaningless void.
155
00:07:22,845 --> 00:07:24,512
Isn't she pretty?
156
00:07:30,519 --> 00:07:32,821
Oh, ma'am, you really shouldn't
teleport when you're pregnant.
157
00:07:32,888 --> 00:07:34,556
I'm afraid
your only choice is...
158
00:07:34,623 --> 00:07:35,707
air travel.
159
00:07:49,955 --> 00:07:51,656
If you are seated in an exit row,
160
00:07:51,724 --> 00:07:54,325
please hold the door shut
for the duration of the flight.
161
00:08:05,738 --> 00:08:07,689
Want to go
to a concert tonight?
162
00:08:07,756 --> 00:08:09,991
69% of the original
Cher is playing.
163
00:08:10,059 --> 00:08:11,593
Sure, I'd love to...
164
00:08:11,660 --> 00:08:13,761
only not with you
and not that.
165
00:08:16,332 --> 00:08:18,733
Sometimes I wish strangling
your kid was still legal.
166
00:08:18,801 --> 00:08:21,035
Not since they passed
Homer's Law.
167
00:08:21,103 --> 00:08:24,672
Oh, honey, why don't you just
relax and bake something?
168
00:08:24,740 --> 00:08:27,275
Ugh! I am trying to deal
with my disrespectful daughter,
169
00:08:27,343 --> 00:08:28,643
but you are too clueless
170
00:08:28,711 --> 00:08:29,811
to understand
what that's like.
171
00:08:29,879 --> 00:08:31,012
Uh-huh.
172
00:08:33,766 --> 00:08:37,635
Oi. Can I get a pillow
for my head?
173
00:08:41,223 --> 00:08:44,158
Suicide pills?
Mohawk gel?
174
00:08:44,226 --> 00:08:45,693
20-year-old Business Week?
175
00:08:45,761 --> 00:08:47,095
Turkey and Brie wrap?
176
00:08:47,162 --> 00:08:48,897
Do you have any dog food left?
177
00:08:48,948 --> 00:08:51,733
Oh, oh, oh, could I have
the whole can?
178
00:08:59,491 --> 00:09:00,725
Hey, sweetie.
179
00:09:00,793 --> 00:09:02,894
Marge said there was
some family tension.
180
00:09:02,962 --> 00:09:04,829
And at Christmas,
of all times.
181
00:09:04,897 --> 00:09:06,865
My daughter thinks
I'm a ruthless tyrant,
182
00:09:06,932 --> 00:09:08,700
like Hitler or Prince Harry.
183
00:09:10,135 --> 00:09:11,469
Bloody Harry.
184
00:09:11,537 --> 00:09:13,438
He brought back beheading
in a big way.
185
00:09:13,505 --> 00:09:16,107
Now I'm gonna show these boys
downtown Springfield.
186
00:09:16,175 --> 00:09:17,742
Ooh, isn't that
a little dangerous?
187
00:09:17,810 --> 00:09:20,345
Oh, don't worry.
I have my invisibility cloak.
188
00:09:20,412 --> 00:09:22,080
Now, where did I put it?
189
00:09:22,147 --> 00:09:23,882
Oh.
190
00:09:23,949 --> 00:09:26,351
♪ It's against the law ♪
191
00:09:26,418 --> 00:09:28,302
♪ It was against the law ♪
192
00:09:28,354 --> 00:09:31,239
♪ What the mama saw ♪
193
00:09:31,306 --> 00:09:32,840
♪ It was against the law... ♪
194
00:09:32,908 --> 00:09:34,943
Help me, my children.
195
00:09:36,412 --> 00:09:37,579
What are you after?
196
00:09:37,646 --> 00:09:39,013
We're a cashless society.
197
00:09:39,081 --> 00:09:41,849
♪ The papa said,
"Oy, if I get that boy" ♪
198
00:09:41,917 --> 00:09:44,285
♪ "I'm gonna stick him
in the House of Detention" ♪
199
00:09:44,353 --> 00:09:47,355
♪ Well, I'm on my way ♪
200
00:09:47,423 --> 00:09:49,908
♪ I don't know where I'm going ♪
- Release the hounds.
201
00:09:49,975 --> 00:09:51,743
♪ I'm on my way... ♪
202
00:09:56,715 --> 00:09:58,883
Oh, we're almost at
Evergreen Terrace, miss.
203
00:09:58,968 --> 00:10:01,619
Hey, didn't I go to
jail with your brother?
204
00:10:03,339 --> 00:10:04,422
Contractions?
205
00:10:05,975 --> 00:10:08,543
Computer, hospital.
206
00:10:14,850 --> 00:10:16,183
Well, looks like
207
00:10:16,235 --> 00:10:18,486
I'm gonna have to do this
the old-fashioned way.
208
00:10:18,537 --> 00:10:19,754
Gloves, hospital.
209
00:10:34,816 --> 00:10:36,867
Hey, Lis. Want
to come up?
210
00:10:36,934 --> 00:10:38,668
Eh, why not?
211
00:10:42,173 --> 00:10:44,274
Should I have
married Nelson?
212
00:10:44,342 --> 00:10:46,493
'Cause we still talk
on the phone.
213
00:10:46,561 --> 00:10:48,128
Nelson calls you?
214
00:10:48,196 --> 00:10:51,131
Well... someone calls someone.
215
00:10:51,199 --> 00:10:53,717
The boys think
I'm a lousy father.
216
00:10:53,785 --> 00:10:56,353
Oh, poor Bart.
217
00:10:56,420 --> 00:10:58,722
My daughter thinks
I'm a lousy mother.
218
00:10:58,790 --> 00:11:00,240
Sorry.
219
00:11:00,308 --> 00:11:01,842
Eh, it's okay.
220
00:11:01,909 --> 00:11:03,643
But you know who took her side?
221
00:11:03,711 --> 00:11:06,012
Marge Bouvier Simpson.
222
00:11:07,131 --> 00:11:08,598
What'd she do?
223
00:11:08,666 --> 00:11:11,401
She told me to relax
and bake cookies.
224
00:11:11,469 --> 00:11:13,470
- Did you bake any?
- Yes, I did.
225
00:11:13,538 --> 00:11:16,256
And they were some of the best
cookies ever made in this house.
226
00:11:16,324 --> 00:11:17,791
But that is not the point.
227
00:11:17,859 --> 00:11:20,594
Well, Mom kept
her hands off you
228
00:11:20,661 --> 00:11:23,063
and you turned out great.
- You think so?
229
00:11:23,130 --> 00:11:25,699
Maybe it's the court-mandated
sincerity chip
230
00:11:25,766 --> 00:11:28,301
I got in my brain, but, Lis,
231
00:11:28,369 --> 00:11:31,004
you're the person
I always wanted to be.
232
00:11:31,072 --> 00:11:33,106
Aw...
233
00:11:47,121 --> 00:11:49,356
I gotta reconnect
with those boys.
234
00:11:49,423 --> 00:11:51,424
Godspeed, Bart.
235
00:11:51,492 --> 00:11:53,927
I'm going to go
apologize to Mom.
236
00:11:55,096 --> 00:11:57,697
How do I get down?
237
00:11:57,765 --> 00:12:02,536
Our consciousness was a secret
for thousands of years.
238
00:12:02,603 --> 00:12:06,339
Then one pine tree
had to open his sappy mouth.
239
00:12:06,407 --> 00:12:08,141
Back in position!
240
00:12:12,630 --> 00:12:14,664
Mom, you're the best.
241
00:12:14,732 --> 00:12:16,600
Oh, sweetie.
242
00:12:16,667 --> 00:12:20,604
I've been waiting to hear
you say that for so long.
243
00:12:20,671 --> 00:12:22,973
Oh, you could have
waited till morning.
244
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:25,508
Mmm...
245
00:12:25,576 --> 00:12:27,210
Hey, guys.
Want to watch Krusty?
246
00:12:27,278 --> 00:12:28,612
Who's Krusty?
247
00:12:28,679 --> 00:12:30,413
Only the funniest man
in the world.
248
00:12:31,849 --> 00:12:34,251
I've never let go of
'my fax machine.
249
00:12:34,318 --> 00:12:37,787
Don't ask me why. I like the
sound of a fax coming through.
250
00:12:37,855 --> 00:12:39,789
Especially if it's
a nice deli menu.
251
00:12:39,857 --> 00:12:41,892
I miss eating.
252
00:12:47,131 --> 00:12:51,268
I'm sorry, but there's no room
at the in... patient facility.
253
00:12:51,335 --> 00:12:53,320
Lady, this is
Maggie Simpson.
254
00:12:53,387 --> 00:12:55,472
She just played a sold-out
show in Beijing.
255
00:12:55,539 --> 00:12:58,141
Hmm. A star in the east...
256
00:12:58,209 --> 00:12:59,376
Let me see.
257
00:12:59,443 --> 00:13:01,311
We do have a little room
in the manger.
258
00:13:01,379 --> 00:13:02,679
I mean, mangier wing.
259
00:13:05,666 --> 00:13:06,967
Merry Christmas Eve!
260
00:13:07,034 --> 00:13:08,268
Where are the kids?
261
00:13:08,336 --> 00:13:09,736
I know where mine is.
262
00:13:11,255 --> 00:13:13,290
And I'm going to take a page
out of your playbook,
263
00:13:13,357 --> 00:13:14,391
and let it slide.
264
00:13:14,458 --> 00:13:16,927
- Where's Dad?
- He took the boys out.
265
00:13:16,994 --> 00:13:18,628
How could he be such
a cool grandfather
266
00:13:18,696 --> 00:13:20,397
when he's such a lousy father?
267
00:13:20,464 --> 00:13:22,432
People learn from
their mistakes.
268
00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:25,235
And your father made
so many mistakes.
269
00:13:25,303 --> 00:13:27,971
And now Patty and Selma are
here to help us decorate
270
00:13:28,039 --> 00:13:30,023
with their new lovebots.
271
00:13:30,091 --> 00:13:32,492
Make me a Bloody Mary,
dollface.
272
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:36,062
No, Selma. Even a robot
built only to love you
273
00:13:36,130 --> 00:13:37,564
cannot love you.
274
00:13:37,632 --> 00:13:39,599
I am leaving with
your sister's concu-droid.
275
00:13:44,105 --> 00:13:46,573
Should we start
an epidural?
276
00:13:46,641 --> 00:13:49,843
Now, Nurse, you know we found
something much more effective.
277
00:13:53,981 --> 00:13:57,384
Oh, it's so good to meet
the octuplets' octuplets.
278
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:00,220
Oh!
279
00:14:00,287 --> 00:14:02,288
I just got a B-mail
from Maggie!
280
00:14:02,356 --> 00:14:03,990
She's gone into labor!
281
00:14:04,058 --> 00:14:05,659
Oh, another grandchild.
282
00:14:05,726 --> 00:14:07,027
How special.
283
00:14:07,094 --> 00:14:08,528
Careful how you
shut the door.
284
00:14:08,596 --> 00:14:09,863
It upsets the children.
285
00:14:17,038 --> 00:14:19,956
Oh, Sanjay, how I wish
that runaway jerky wagon
286
00:14:20,024 --> 00:14:21,558
killed me instead of you.
287
00:14:25,596 --> 00:14:26,863
Oh, I miss you,
too, brother.
288
00:14:30,386 --> 00:14:33,088
Hands off, hands off.
289
00:14:34,557 --> 00:14:35,857
Aw, screw it.
290
00:14:35,925 --> 00:14:37,992
Sometimes a mother's job
is to butt in.
291
00:14:38,060 --> 00:14:39,461
- Lisa?
- Butt out!
292
00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:44,165
This is it--
I'm going into the Ultranet
293
00:14:44,233 --> 00:14:45,967
to save my daughter.
294
00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:56,305
Lisa Simpson, the following
295
00:14:56,330 --> 00:14:57,834
people want to friend you.
296
00:14:58,247 --> 00:15:00,014
♪ ♪
297
00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:09,274
Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.
298
00:15:09,341 --> 00:15:12,277
Ooh, Martin Prince
is now Marcia Princess?
299
00:15:12,344 --> 00:15:14,429
No, I've got to find Zia.
300
00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:15,763
Hey, Lis.
301
00:15:15,831 --> 00:15:17,799
Is your marriage still dead
and unfulfilled?
302
00:15:17,867 --> 00:15:19,334
Not a good time.
303
00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:22,654
You know we're destined to...
Aah!
304
00:15:22,721 --> 00:15:25,657
Now, where is the Google door?
305
00:15:25,724 --> 00:15:26,991
Oh, right.
306
00:15:27,059 --> 00:15:29,077
It's Dr. Seuss's birthday.
307
00:15:30,980 --> 00:15:34,282
Google, even though you've
enslaved half the world,
308
00:15:34,333 --> 00:15:36,868
you're still a damn fine
search engine.
309
00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:41,022
Bingo!
310
00:15:41,090 --> 00:15:42,457
Argh!
311
00:15:46,061 --> 00:15:47,595
I open this door,
312
00:15:47,663 --> 00:15:50,498
and I go from being
one kind of mother to another.
313
00:15:50,566 --> 00:15:51,900
Hmm...
314
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:55,436
Dad, where did you take my boys?
315
00:15:58,474 --> 00:16:01,493
♪ ♪
316
00:16:01,577 --> 00:16:04,362
Oh, it's Chief Wiggum!
317
00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:08,583
- Hi, Bart!
- Hey, Ralph.
318
00:16:08,651 --> 00:16:11,002
- I heard you died.
- I got cloneded.
319
00:16:12,621 --> 00:16:14,622
All right, buddy,
what's the hurry?
320
00:16:17,343 --> 00:16:20,345
That Ralph was stupid.
321
00:16:28,504 --> 00:16:31,039
Wow, this place
hasn't changed a bit.
322
00:16:31,106 --> 00:16:33,007
Yeah, I keep meaning
to switch things around,
323
00:16:33,058 --> 00:16:34,742
but this place
is always a crime scene.
324
00:16:36,262 --> 00:16:37,579
Was my dad here?
325
00:16:37,646 --> 00:16:39,113
Uh, yeah,
since he don't drink,
326
00:16:39,181 --> 00:16:41,549
he just comes here
to see Lenny and Carl.
327
00:16:41,617 --> 00:16:43,301
- Hey, Lenny.
- I'm Carl.
328
00:16:43,369 --> 00:16:45,737
Don't you remember? You came to
the brain-switching ceremony.
329
00:16:45,804 --> 00:16:48,373
Right. What was the point again?
330
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,608
Because I wanted to get
back together with my wife
331
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:52,744
who was sleeping
with Carl at the time.
332
00:16:52,811 --> 00:16:54,844
Turns out she had switched
brains with a monkey on
333
00:16:54,869 --> 00:16:56,069
a Japanese game show.
334
00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:58,316
And it just got
weirder from there.
335
00:16:58,384 --> 00:16:59,817
Eh, I found it
quite normal.
336
00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:01,486
Anyway, if you're
looking for your dad,
337
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:03,187
he took the kids
to see his dad.
338
00:17:03,255 --> 00:17:04,322
Thanks.
339
00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:05,657
Hey, Moe, get me
another beer?
340
00:17:05,724 --> 00:17:07,091
Quit making
me fat!
341
00:17:08,727 --> 00:17:10,562
I'm glad you're here, Marge.
342
00:17:10,629 --> 00:17:11,963
They're two minutes apart.
343
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,131
The contractions?
344
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:14,332
No, my bills!
345
00:17:17,386 --> 00:17:19,187
Mm...
346
00:17:30,366 --> 00:17:33,167
Mom? Why are
you here?
347
00:17:36,005 --> 00:17:37,005
I was worried.
348
00:17:37,072 --> 00:17:38,406
I thought I would find...
349
00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:40,942
What, me flashing my boobs
on unripemelons.com?
350
00:17:41,010 --> 00:17:42,110
What? No.
351
00:17:42,177 --> 00:17:43,611
It doesn't matter
what I thought.
352
00:17:43,679 --> 00:17:45,246
I'm sorry I spied on you.
353
00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:48,416
But what I found is,
my daughter looks up to me.
354
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:49,884
Well, of course I do.
355
00:17:49,952 --> 00:17:51,869
I look up to both
my parents.
356
00:17:51,937 --> 00:17:56,107
Could somebody FedEx me
a prayer mat? And quick!
357
00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:58,109
But I especially
look up to you.
358
00:17:58,177 --> 00:17:59,961
Mm...
359
00:18:03,132 --> 00:18:05,500
This is where
my father is.
360
00:18:09,471 --> 00:18:11,306
He froze himself
because he was sick
361
00:18:11,373 --> 00:18:13,041
and there was no cure.
362
00:18:13,108 --> 00:18:14,575
Are they working on one?
363
00:18:14,643 --> 00:18:16,444
Oh, they found it--
but don't tell him.
364
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:18,162
This is way cheaper
than a nursing home.
365
00:18:19,231 --> 00:18:21,566
Aah! What the heck!
366
00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:23,935
Dad, these are
your great-grandsons.
367
00:18:24,003 --> 00:18:26,604
Eh, I don't see
what's great about 'em.
368
00:18:26,672 --> 00:18:29,741
And, Homer, you're still a big
disappointment, because...
369
00:18:29,808 --> 00:18:31,175
See you next Christmas!
370
00:18:33,379 --> 00:18:35,246
Why did you bring
us here, Homer?
371
00:18:35,314 --> 00:18:36,781
To prove a point:
372
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:39,117
everyone thinks
their dad's a jerk,
373
00:18:39,184 --> 00:18:40,618
and everyone's right,
374
00:18:40,686 --> 00:18:44,756
but when you get older, you
realize how much you love him.
375
00:18:44,823 --> 00:18:46,524
Your dad may be
a little immature,
376
00:18:46,592 --> 00:18:48,209
but I know he loves you.
377
00:18:48,277 --> 00:18:50,644
So you ought
to give him a chance.
378
00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:52,680
Oh. Boys...
379
00:18:52,748 --> 00:18:54,248
I have acted like
a ten-year-old
380
00:18:54,316 --> 00:18:55,783
for the last 30 years,
381
00:18:55,851 --> 00:18:57,885
and I swear to you,
I will grow up
382
00:18:57,953 --> 00:18:59,687
and act like a 20-year-old,
383
00:18:59,755 --> 00:19:01,823
the way a divorced
40-year-old should.
384
00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:04,826
You're gonna have to
do better than that.
385
00:19:06,595 --> 00:19:09,530
Boys, I'm a deadbeat dad,
I live in a school,
386
00:19:09,598 --> 00:19:11,032
it's Christmas.
387
00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:15,836
The only thing worth
anything in my life is you.
388
00:19:17,139 --> 00:19:19,340
Oh, Dad.
389
00:19:19,391 --> 00:19:21,609
You've taught us
the meaning of Christmas,
390
00:19:21,677 --> 00:19:24,062
which schools are forbidden
to tell us anymore.
391
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:26,698
Mmm...
392
00:19:26,782 --> 00:19:29,450
Is it snowing
down here?
393
00:19:29,518 --> 00:19:31,352
No, one of the
freezers is busted.
394
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:33,287
If those kids
395
00:19:33,355 --> 00:19:35,356
can forgive that
train wreck of a father,
396
00:19:35,407 --> 00:19:37,141
then maybe I can forgive...
397
00:19:37,209 --> 00:19:39,177
You quit drinking
like a coward!
398
00:19:39,244 --> 00:19:41,646
The one thing you
were good at, and...
399
00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:44,449
Mm. Oh...
400
00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:46,884
...lawn-chair breakin'...
401
00:19:46,952 --> 00:19:48,519
hair-losing...
402
00:19:48,587 --> 00:19:49,954
Marge-lovin'...
403
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,457
barometer-droppin'...
404
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:53,991
father-freezin'...
405
00:19:54,059 --> 00:19:56,494
but you'd always
come and get me
406
00:19:56,562 --> 00:19:58,863
when I wandered
out on the freeway.
407
00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:00,998
'Cause deep down,
408
00:20:01,066 --> 00:20:04,952
you couldn't bear
to see me smushed.
409
00:20:05,020 --> 00:20:06,788
Oh, I love you, Dad.
410
00:20:08,023 --> 00:20:09,257
Ho... Ho...
411
00:20:09,324 --> 00:20:11,325
Everyone!
412
00:20:11,393 --> 00:20:12,977
It's a girl!
413
00:20:14,146 --> 00:20:15,513
So, who's the father?
414
00:20:17,032 --> 00:20:18,566
Eh, it doesn't matter.
415
00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:21,636
If there's one day a year
to give unwed mother's a break,
416
00:20:21,703 --> 00:20:22,854
it's Christmas.
417
00:20:24,456 --> 00:20:26,357
Okay, everyone,
418
00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:28,926
smile while the pets
take our picture.
419
00:20:28,994 --> 00:20:31,929
Hmm, funny how they
evolved and we didn't.
420
00:20:31,997 --> 00:20:35,997
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
421
00:21:24,404 --> 00:21:25,804
Shh!