1
00:00:01,654 --> 00:00:03,789
(sleigh bells jingling)
2
00:00:03,856 --> 00:00:05,457
Ho, ho, ho.
3
00:00:10,125 --> 00:00:11,809
(exclaiming)
4
00:00:16,382 --> 00:00:18,583
(school bell ringing)
5
00:00:18,667 --> 00:00:19,834
(tires screech)
6
00:00:21,804 --> 00:00:22,704
D'oh!
7
00:00:22,771 --> 00:00:23,838
(tires screech)
8
00:00:23,889 --> 00:00:25,373
(grunts)
9
00:00:30,029 --> 00:00:31,696
Mmm!
10
00:00:31,721 --> 00:00:35,721
♪ The Simpsons 23x09 ♪
Holidays of Future Passed
Original Air Date on December 11, 2011
11
00:00:35,746 --> 00:00:39,746
== sync by Sp8ky, corrected by elderman ==
12
00:00:40,189 --> 00:00:41,756
(groans)
13
00:00:41,824 --> 00:00:44,142
(sighs)
14
00:00:44,209 --> 00:00:45,276
(belches)
15
00:00:45,344 --> 00:00:48,046
I'll never eat turkey again.
16
00:00:48,113 --> 00:00:50,281
Marge, we got any ham?!
17
00:00:50,349 --> 00:00:54,502
I hereby declare Thanksgiving
dinner officially over...
18
00:00:54,570 --> 00:00:57,705
which means it's the start
of Christmas season...
19
00:00:57,773 --> 00:00:59,273
which means...
20
00:00:59,341 --> 00:01:01,459
ALL:
Christmas card photos?!
21
00:01:01,527 --> 00:01:03,194
Yep.
22
00:01:03,262 --> 00:01:05,363
(snoring)
23
00:01:05,431 --> 00:01:08,032
(gasps)
24
00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:09,801
I'm Santa?
25
00:01:09,868 --> 00:01:12,603
Oh, now I'll never die.
26
00:01:12,671 --> 00:01:14,872
(snoring)
(bells jingling)
27
00:01:14,940 --> 00:01:17,408
Can't we just send out a picture
28
00:01:17,476 --> 00:01:19,377
of the pets dressed
like reindeer?
29
00:01:19,445 --> 00:01:20,912
We tried that last year.
30
00:01:20,979 --> 00:01:22,463
HOMER:
D'oh!
31
00:01:22,531 --> 00:01:25,233
Who cares what we look like
in whatever stupid year this is?
32
00:01:25,300 --> 00:01:28,469
You'll understand one day
when you have kids of your own.
33
00:01:28,537 --> 00:01:30,855
Um, who says we're gonna
have kids of our own?
34
00:01:30,923 --> 00:01:32,206
Not me, man.
35
00:01:32,274 --> 00:01:34,058
This cycle of jerks
has to end.
36
00:01:34,126 --> 00:01:35,409
Are we done yet?
37
00:01:35,477 --> 00:01:37,411
It's a Wonderful Life
is about to start.
38
00:01:37,463 --> 00:01:39,997
I wonder what my life
would have been like
39
00:01:40,082 --> 00:01:42,700
if I'd never seen that movie.
40
00:01:42,768 --> 00:01:44,769
Just look happy!
(cat yowls)
41
00:01:46,755 --> 00:01:49,891
♪ Just hear those sleigh bells
jingling ♪
44
00:01:53,128 --> 00:01:54,896
♪ Come on, it's lovely weather ♪
45
00:01:54,963 --> 00:01:56,964
♪ For a sleigh ride
together with you ♪
46
00:01:57,032 --> 00:01:58,599
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding ♪
47
00:01:58,667 --> 00:02:00,535
♪ Outside the snow is falling ♪
48
00:02:00,602 --> 00:02:02,503
♪ And friends are calling,
"Yoo-hoo" ♪
49
00:02:02,571 --> 00:02:03,671
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding ♪
50
00:02:03,739 --> 00:02:05,373
♪ Come on, it's lovely weather ♪
51
00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:07,642
♪ For a sleigh ride
together with you ♪
52
00:02:07,709 --> 00:02:09,710
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding ♪
53
00:02:09,778 --> 00:02:12,446
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding ♪
54
00:02:12,514 --> 00:02:14,949
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding ♪
55
00:02:15,017 --> 00:02:17,218
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding ♪
56
00:02:21,557 --> 00:02:25,459
♪ Our cheeks are nice and rosy
and comfy and cozy are we ♪
57
00:02:25,527 --> 00:02:26,594
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding ♪
58
00:02:26,662 --> 00:02:28,763
♪ We'll snuggle up together ♪
59
00:02:28,831 --> 00:02:31,098
♪ Like two birds
of a feather would be ♪
60
00:02:31,166 --> 00:02:32,300
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding ♪
61
00:02:32,367 --> 00:02:34,035
♪ Let's take that road
before us ♪
62
00:02:34,102 --> 00:02:36,003
♪ And sing a chorus or two ♪
63
00:02:36,071 --> 00:02:37,288
♪ Ring-aling-aling,
ding, dong, ding. ♪
64
00:02:39,324 --> 00:02:41,926
♪ They fight and fight ♪
65
00:02:41,994 --> 00:02:44,228
♪ They fight
and fight ♪
66
00:02:44,296 --> 00:02:46,063
♪ The Itchy and Scratchy ♪
67
00:02:46,131 --> 00:02:49,033
♪ Itchy and Scratchy Show. ♪
68
00:02:51,119 --> 00:02:53,171
(static)
69
00:02:53,238 --> 00:02:55,239
♪ Fight, fight, fight... ♪
70
00:02:55,324 --> 00:02:56,524
Nah.
(knocking)
71
00:02:56,592 --> 00:02:58,826
You're two weeks late
on the rent, Bart.
72
00:02:58,894 --> 00:03:01,879
Not to mention that geography
report from 30 years ago.
73
00:03:01,964 --> 00:03:04,715
Don't worry.
I got some buyers coming over
74
00:03:04,783 --> 00:03:07,084
to look at my good kidney.
They grow back, right?
75
00:03:07,152 --> 00:03:09,937
Just get me that rent
or you'll be expelled.
76
00:03:10,005 --> 00:03:11,272
You mean evicted?
77
00:03:11,340 --> 00:03:12,673
(grunts)
78
00:03:15,060 --> 00:03:17,161
COMPUTER VOICE:
Transporter engaged
79
00:03:17,229 --> 00:03:19,263
Oh! Now what?
80
00:03:19,331 --> 00:03:21,365
BOY: Mom, don't make
us go to Dad's!
81
00:03:21,433 --> 00:03:23,734
BOY 2: It smells like dog,
but there's no dog.
82
00:03:23,802 --> 00:03:26,671
You know, I can hear
everything you say
83
00:03:26,738 --> 00:03:28,072
during cross-phase.
84
00:03:28,140 --> 00:03:29,073
What are you doing here?
85
00:03:29,141 --> 00:03:30,875
Mom says you have to watch us
86
00:03:30,943 --> 00:03:32,276
over the holidays.
87
00:03:32,344 --> 00:03:34,412
She says you're our dad
and you need to act like it.
88
00:03:34,496 --> 00:03:36,397
Christmas with you
is gonna suck!
89
00:03:36,465 --> 00:03:39,500
You're wrong. This is gonna be
your best Christmas ever.
90
00:03:39,568 --> 00:03:42,103
- Really?
- Yeah. Give me some credit.
91
00:03:42,170 --> 00:03:44,689
(chuckles, to self):
I'll just dump 'em at my mom's.
92
00:03:44,756 --> 00:03:46,307
You know, we can
hear thoughts now.
93
00:03:46,375 --> 00:03:47,341
Damn it!
94
00:03:47,409 --> 00:03:49,410
(Milhouse sneezing, coughing)
95
00:03:49,478 --> 00:03:51,679
(wheezing)
96
00:03:51,747 --> 00:03:54,515
Lis, I'm afraid my seasonal
allergies are kicking in.
97
00:03:54,583 --> 00:03:57,084
Oh, you poor thing.
98
00:03:57,152 --> 00:03:59,387
This is a tough time of year
for someone who's allergic
99
00:03:59,454 --> 00:04:02,340
to holly, mistletoe,
the red part of candy canes.
100
00:04:02,407 --> 00:04:04,792
I can't believe we put
a man on the Sun,
101
00:04:04,860 --> 00:04:08,562
but we can't stop
my sneezing! (sneezes)
102
00:04:08,630 --> 00:04:12,250
Hi, Zia. How did you do
on your math test?
103
00:04:12,317 --> 00:04:15,052
Gee, I'm fine, Mom.
Thanks for asking.
104
00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:16,354
I'm going online.
105
00:04:16,421 --> 00:04:19,390
(modem feedback, moans)
106
00:04:19,458 --> 00:04:22,293
Uh! How did my daughter
turn into my brother?
107
00:04:22,361 --> 00:04:23,794
Don't blame me.
108
00:04:23,862 --> 00:04:26,163
When we had her, they used
only the best genetic material,
109
00:04:26,231 --> 00:04:28,499
which meant none of mine.
110
00:04:28,567 --> 00:04:30,401
You parked the car.
That helped.
111
00:04:30,469 --> 00:04:32,103
I guess.
112
00:04:32,170 --> 00:04:33,838
Maybe my mom would
have some ideas.
113
00:04:33,905 --> 00:04:36,540
Why don't you take Zia
to your parents' for Christmas
114
00:04:36,608 --> 00:04:38,442
while I nurse
my allergies in one
115
00:04:38,510 --> 00:04:40,778
of the non-Christmas-
celebrating states?
116
00:04:40,846 --> 00:04:42,246
You could go back
to Michigan.
117
00:04:42,314 --> 00:04:44,181
It's still under
Sharia law.
118
00:04:44,249 --> 00:04:47,118
Yeah, but they always
make me wear a veil.
119
00:04:48,587 --> 00:04:50,921
(bell tolls)
120
00:04:52,858 --> 00:04:55,976
(The Benny Hill Show theme
plays)
121
00:04:59,081 --> 00:05:02,016
Everything looks great, Maggie,
but until this baby comes,
122
00:05:02,084 --> 00:05:03,851
I don't want you
to make a sound.
123
00:05:03,919 --> 00:05:05,720
But she's our lead singer, mate.
124
00:05:05,787 --> 00:05:08,022
I'm sorry,
but recent research has shown
125
00:05:08,090 --> 00:05:10,291
that the umbilical cord
is also a vocal cord.
126
00:05:10,359 --> 00:05:12,693
Now can you tell me
who the father is?
127
00:05:12,761 --> 00:05:14,628
ALL:
Mmm...
128
00:05:14,696 --> 00:05:16,731
We will not.
Now if you don't mind,
129
00:05:16,798 --> 00:05:18,566
I'd like to watch
a football match.
130
00:05:18,633 --> 00:05:20,267
(crowd cheering)
131
00:05:23,705 --> 00:05:25,806
COMPUTER VOICE: I see you are
reading a children's book,
132
00:05:25,874 --> 00:05:28,776
yet your profile indicates
you are a mature adult.
133
00:05:28,844 --> 00:05:29,977
Is there an error?
134
00:05:30,045 --> 00:05:32,613
Shut up! (grunts)
135
00:05:32,681 --> 00:05:37,485
Oh, Marge, how would
you like some future sex?
136
00:05:37,552 --> 00:05:40,321
Why do you say future?
This is now.
137
00:05:40,389 --> 00:05:42,189
I meant a week
from tomorrow.
138
00:05:42,257 --> 00:05:43,824
That's when
the new penis gets here.
139
00:05:43,892 --> 00:05:45,192
(text alert tone sounds)
140
00:05:45,260 --> 00:05:47,328
I just a got a message
from Maggie in my brain.
141
00:05:47,396 --> 00:05:48,396
Ooh, a B-mail!
142
00:05:48,463 --> 00:05:50,398
She's coming home for Christmas!
143
00:05:50,465 --> 00:05:52,466
(tone sounds)
And Bart's bringing the boys.
144
00:05:52,534 --> 00:05:55,136
(tone sounds)
And Lisa's coming with Zia.
145
00:05:55,203 --> 00:05:57,138
For once,
the whole family's going
146
00:05:57,205 --> 00:05:59,173
to be here for the holidays!
147
00:05:59,241 --> 00:06:00,374
(tone sounds)
148
00:06:00,442 --> 00:06:01,842
Hey, I got a B-mail, too.
149
00:06:01,910 --> 00:06:05,112
"You have won a valuable prize.
Open now."
150
00:06:05,180 --> 00:06:07,048
Don't open it, Homie.
It's a virus.
151
00:06:07,115 --> 00:06:08,115
Too late. I...
152
00:06:08,183 --> 00:06:10,717
(blubbering)
153
00:06:15,408 --> 00:06:17,042
SANTA (crackling):
Ho... ho... ho.
154
00:06:18,845 --> 00:06:20,545
(humming)
155
00:06:20,613 --> 00:06:22,781
Wow, Dad, that's
really impressive.
156
00:06:22,849 --> 00:06:24,983
Yeah, after I stopped
drinking,
157
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:27,853
this was a way
to stay close to my bottles.
158
00:06:31,941 --> 00:06:34,759
I'd smash 'em all
for one lousy beer!
159
00:06:34,827 --> 00:06:36,094
Oh, man, I can't believe
160
00:06:36,162 --> 00:06:37,762
they still haven't
figured out a away
161
00:06:37,830 --> 00:06:39,130
to detangle
Christmas lights.
162
00:06:39,198 --> 00:06:41,766
Mom's boyfriend is good
at detangling them.
163
00:06:41,834 --> 00:06:44,269
Well, maybe Mom
should marry him.
164
00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:46,671
- She did.
- We weren't supposed to tell you.
165
00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:48,607
Your mother remarried?
166
00:06:48,674 --> 00:06:50,942
(groans, grunts)
167
00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:53,545
Hey, Grampa, you gonna
build a snowman?
168
00:06:53,596 --> 00:06:57,315
No, I just like to dress up
to eat my carrots and smoke.
169
00:07:00,303 --> 00:07:02,737
Dad, can you take
the boys out for a while?
170
00:07:02,805 --> 00:07:04,422
I don't feel so good.
171
00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:07,626
Thanks for spending so
much time with us, Dad.
172
00:07:07,693 --> 00:07:09,828
Who wants to go the park
and ride the merry-go-nowhere?
173
00:07:09,896 --> 00:07:11,363
I do, I do!
Me, me!
174
00:07:11,430 --> 00:07:12,731
(door closes, Bart groans)
175
00:07:12,798 --> 00:07:15,800
I can't believe she got married
and I have no one.
176
00:07:15,868 --> 00:07:17,569
It's so hard
to find somebody new.
177
00:07:17,637 --> 00:07:20,572
Sure is. That's why after Homer
accidentally killed Edna,
178
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:22,240
I married Maude's ghost.
179
00:07:22,308 --> 00:07:23,842
There is no God, Neddy.
180
00:07:23,910 --> 00:07:25,877
It's just an empty
meaningless void.
181
00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:27,612
Isn't she pretty?
182
00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:31,049
(teleporter whooshing)
183
00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:35,921
Oh, ma'am, you really shouldn't
teleport when you're pregnant.
184
00:07:35,988 --> 00:07:37,656
I'm afraid
your only choice is...
185
00:07:37,723 --> 00:07:38,807
(whispers):
air travel.
186
00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:41,960
(laughing)
187
00:07:42,011 --> 00:07:43,862
(laughing)
188
00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:46,631
(all yelling)
189
00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:54,756
FLIGHT ATTENDANT (over P.A.):
If you are seated in an exit row,
190
00:07:54,824 --> 00:07:57,425
please hold the door shut
for the duration of the flight.
191
00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:01,279
(humming)
192
00:08:08,838 --> 00:08:10,789
Want to go
to a concert tonight?
193
00:08:10,856 --> 00:08:13,091
69% of the original
Cher is playing.
194
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,693
Sure, I'd love to...
195
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:16,861
only not with you
and not that.
196
00:08:16,929 --> 00:08:17,862
(modem feedback)
197
00:08:17,930 --> 00:08:19,364
(groans)
198
00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:21,833
Sometimes I wish strangling
your kid was still legal.
199
00:08:21,901 --> 00:08:24,135
Not since they passed
Homer's Law.
200
00:08:24,203 --> 00:08:27,772
Oh, honey, why don't you just
relax and bake something?
201
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,375
Ugh! I am trying to deal
with my disrespectful daughter,
202
00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:31,743
but you are too clueless
203
00:08:31,811 --> 00:08:32,911
to understand
what that's like.
204
00:08:32,979 --> 00:08:34,112
Uh-huh.
205
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:35,313
(whoosh, hissing)
206
00:08:36,866 --> 00:08:40,735
Oi. Can I get a pillow
for my head?
207
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:42,938
(whoops, cackling)
208
00:08:43,005 --> 00:08:44,255
(rumbling, chicken clucking)
209
00:08:44,323 --> 00:08:47,258
Suicide pills?
Mohawk gel?
210
00:08:47,326 --> 00:08:48,793
20-year-old Business Week?
211
00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:50,195
Turkey and Brie wrap?
212
00:08:50,262 --> 00:08:51,997
Do you have any dog food left?
213
00:08:52,048 --> 00:08:54,833
Oh, oh, oh, could I have
the whole can?
214
00:08:56,719 --> 00:08:58,069
(gulping)
(groaning)
215
00:08:58,137 --> 00:08:59,220
(rattling
and electrical sizzling)
216
00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:00,488
(whirring)
217
00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:03,525
Hey, sweetie.
218
00:09:03,593 --> 00:09:05,694
Marge said there was
some family tension.
219
00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:07,629
And at Christmas,
of all times.
220
00:09:07,697 --> 00:09:09,665
My daughter thinks
I'm a ruthless tyrant,
221
00:09:09,732 --> 00:09:11,500
like Hitler or Prince Harry.
222
00:09:11,567 --> 00:09:12,868
(chuckles)
223
00:09:12,935 --> 00:09:14,269
Bloody Harry.
224
00:09:14,337 --> 00:09:16,238
He brought back beheading
in a big way.
225
00:09:16,305 --> 00:09:18,907
Now I'm gonna show these boys
downtown Springfield.
226
00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:20,542
Ooh, isn't that
a little dangerous?
227
00:09:20,610 --> 00:09:23,145
Oh, don't worry.
I have my invisibility cloak.
228
00:09:23,212 --> 00:09:24,880
Now, where did I put it?
229
00:09:24,947 --> 00:09:26,682
(creaking)
Oh.
230
00:09:26,749 --> 00:09:29,151
♪ It's against the law ♪
231
00:09:29,218 --> 00:09:31,102
(thudding, glass breaking)
♪ It was against the law ♪
232
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:34,039
♪ What the mama saw ♪
233
00:09:34,106 --> 00:09:35,640
♪ It was against the law... ♪
234
00:09:35,708 --> 00:09:37,743
Help me, my children.
235
00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:40,379
What are you after?
236
00:09:40,446 --> 00:09:41,813
We're a cashless society.
237
00:09:41,881 --> 00:09:44,649
♪ The papa said,
"Oy, if I get that boy" ♪
238
00:09:44,717 --> 00:09:47,085
♪ "I'm gonna stick him
in the House of Detention" ♪
239
00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:50,155
♪ Well, I'm on my way ♪
240
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:52,708
♪ I don't know where I'm going ♪
- Release the hounds.
241
00:09:52,775 --> 00:09:54,543
♪ I'm on my way... ♪
242
00:09:59,515 --> 00:10:01,683
Oh, we're almost at
Evergreen Terrace, miss.
243
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:04,419
Hey, didn't I go to
jail with your brother?
244
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:07,222
(gasps)
Contractions?
245
00:10:07,290 --> 00:10:08,690
(tires squeak)
(loud breathing)
246
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:11,343
Computer, hospital.
247
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:14,596
(whirring, booming whoosh)
248
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,582
(sighs)
249
00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:18,983
Well, looks like
250
00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:21,286
I'm gonna have to do this
the old-fashioned way.
251
00:10:21,337 --> 00:10:22,554
Gloves, hospital.
252
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:26,591
(whirring, booming whoosh)
253
00:10:31,390 --> 00:10:33,224
(electrical hissing)
254
00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:37,678
(crickets chirping)
255
00:10:37,746 --> 00:10:39,213
(tune plays)
256
00:10:39,281 --> 00:10:40,548
(sighs)
257
00:10:40,616 --> 00:10:42,667
Hey, Lis. Want
to come up?
258
00:10:42,734 --> 00:10:44,468
Eh, why not?
259
00:10:44,536 --> 00:10:46,687
(whirring)
260
00:10:47,973 --> 00:10:50,074
Should I have
married Nelson?
261
00:10:50,142 --> 00:10:52,293
(whispering): 'Cause we still talk
on the phone.
262
00:10:52,361 --> 00:10:53,928
Nelson calls you?
263
00:10:53,996 --> 00:10:56,931
Well... someone calls someone.
264
00:10:56,999 --> 00:10:59,517
The boys think
I'm a lousy father.
265
00:10:59,585 --> 00:11:02,153
Oh, poor Bart.
266
00:11:02,220 --> 00:11:04,522
My daughter thinks
I'm a lousy mother.
267
00:11:04,590 --> 00:11:06,040
(laughs)
Sorry.
268
00:11:06,108 --> 00:11:07,642
Eh, it's okay.
269
00:11:07,709 --> 00:11:09,443
But you know who took her side?
270
00:11:09,511 --> 00:11:11,812
Marge Bouvier Simpson.
271
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:12,863
(blows raspberry)
272
00:11:12,931 --> 00:11:14,398
What'd she do?
273
00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:17,201
She told me to relax
and bake cookies.
274
00:11:17,269 --> 00:11:19,270
- Did you bake any?
- Yes, I did.
275
00:11:19,338 --> 00:11:22,056
And they were some of the best
cookies ever made in this house.
276
00:11:22,124 --> 00:11:23,591
But that is not the point.
277
00:11:23,659 --> 00:11:26,394
Well, Mom kept
her hands off you
278
00:11:26,461 --> 00:11:28,863
and you turned out great.
- You think so?
279
00:11:28,930 --> 00:11:31,499
Maybe it's the court-mandated
sincerity chip
280
00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:34,101
I got in my brain, but, Lis,
281
00:11:34,169 --> 00:11:36,804
you're the person
I always wanted to be.
282
00:11:36,872 --> 00:11:38,906
Aw...
283
00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,309
(Homer and boys laughing)
284
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:46,831
(yelling excitedly, laughing)
285
00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:52,853
(laughing)
286
00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:55,156
I gotta reconnect
with those boys.
287
00:11:55,223 --> 00:11:57,224
Godspeed, Bart.
288
00:11:57,292 --> 00:11:59,727
I'm going to go
apologize to Mom.
289
00:12:00,896 --> 00:12:03,497
How do I get down?
290
00:12:03,565 --> 00:12:08,336
Our consciousness was a secret
for thousands of years.
291
00:12:08,403 --> 00:12:12,139
Then one pine tree
had to open his sappy mouth.
292
00:12:12,207 --> 00:12:13,941
Back in position!
293
00:12:14,009 --> 00:12:16,577
(grumbling)
294
00:12:18,430 --> 00:12:20,464
Mom, you're the best.
295
00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:22,400
Oh, sweetie.
296
00:12:22,467 --> 00:12:26,404
I've been waiting to hear
you say that for so long.
297
00:12:26,471 --> 00:12:28,773
Oh, you could have
waited till morning.
298
00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:31,308
Mmm...
299
00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:33,010
Hey, guys.
Want to watch Krusty?
300
00:12:33,078 --> 00:12:34,412
Who's Krusty?
301
00:12:34,479 --> 00:12:36,213
Only the funniest man
in the world.
302
00:12:37,649 --> 00:12:40,051
I've never let go of
'my fax machine.
303
00:12:40,118 --> 00:12:43,587
Don't ask me why. I like the
sound of a fax coming through.
304
00:12:43,655 --> 00:12:45,589
Especially if it's
a nice deli menu.
305
00:12:45,657 --> 00:12:47,692
I miss eating.
306
00:12:47,759 --> 00:12:49,260
(groans)
307
00:12:50,962 --> 00:12:52,863
(labored breathing)
308
00:12:52,931 --> 00:12:57,068
I'm sorry, but there's no room
at the in... patient facility.
309
00:12:57,135 --> 00:12:59,120
Lady, this is
Maggie Simpson.
310
00:12:59,187 --> 00:13:01,272
She just played a sold-out
show in Beijing.
311
00:13:01,339 --> 00:13:03,941
Hmm. A star in the east...
312
00:13:04,009 --> 00:13:05,176
Let me see.
313
00:13:05,243 --> 00:13:07,111
We do have a little room
in the manger.
314
00:13:07,179 --> 00:13:08,479
I mean, mangier wing.
315
00:13:10,132 --> 00:13:11,399
(whirring)
316
00:13:11,466 --> 00:13:12,767
Merry Christmas Eve!
317
00:13:12,834 --> 00:13:14,068
Where are the kids?
318
00:13:14,136 --> 00:13:15,536
I know where mine is.
319
00:13:15,604 --> 00:13:16,987
(moans)
320
00:13:17,055 --> 00:13:19,090
And I'm going to take a page
out of your playbook,
321
00:13:19,157 --> 00:13:20,191
and let it slide.
322
00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:22,727
- Where's Dad?
- He took the boys out.
323
00:13:22,794 --> 00:13:24,428
How could he be such
a cool grandfather
324
00:13:24,496 --> 00:13:26,197
when he's such a lousy father?
325
00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:28,232
People learn from
their mistakes.
326
00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:31,035
And your father made
so many mistakes.
327
00:13:31,103 --> 00:13:33,771
And now Patty and Selma are
here to help us decorate
328
00:13:33,839 --> 00:13:35,823
with their new lovebots.
329
00:13:35,891 --> 00:13:38,292
Make me a Bloody Mary,
dollface.
330
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:41,862
No, Selma. Even a robot
built only to love you
331
00:13:41,930 --> 00:13:43,364
cannot love you.
332
00:13:43,432 --> 00:13:45,399
I am leaving with
your sister's concu-droid.
333
00:13:46,501 --> 00:13:47,601
(grumbles)
334
00:13:47,669 --> 00:13:49,837
(Maggie panting rapidly)
335
00:13:49,905 --> 00:13:52,373
Should we start
an epidural?
336
00:13:52,441 --> 00:13:55,643
Now, Nurse, you know we found
something much more effective.
337
00:13:58,346 --> 00:13:59,713
(vehicle whirring by)
338
00:13:59,781 --> 00:14:03,184
Oh, it's so good to meet
the octuplets' octuplets.
339
00:14:03,251 --> 00:14:04,852
(babies chattering, laughing)
340
00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:06,020
(text alert tone sounds)
Oh!
341
00:14:06,087 --> 00:14:08,088
I just got a B-mail
from Maggie!
342
00:14:08,156 --> 00:14:09,790
She's gone into labor!
343
00:14:09,858 --> 00:14:11,459
Oh, another grandchild.
344
00:14:11,526 --> 00:14:12,827
How special.
345
00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:14,328
Careful how you
shut the door.
346
00:14:14,396 --> 00:14:15,663
It upsets the children.
347
00:14:16,998 --> 00:14:17,898
(babies gasp)
348
00:14:19,034 --> 00:14:21,168
(babies bawling, screaming)
349
00:14:22,838 --> 00:14:25,756
Oh, Sanjay, how I wish
that runaway jerky wagon
350
00:14:25,824 --> 00:14:27,358
killed me instead of you.
351
00:14:27,425 --> 00:14:31,328
(bellowing)
352
00:14:31,396 --> 00:14:32,663
Oh, I miss you,
too, brother.
353
00:14:32,731 --> 00:14:33,731
(babies continue crying)
354
00:14:38,386 --> 00:14:41,088
Hands off, hands off.
355
00:14:41,155 --> 00:14:42,489
(quiet beeping)
356
00:14:42,557 --> 00:14:43,857
Aw, screw it.
357
00:14:43,925 --> 00:14:45,992
Sometimes a mother's job
is to butt in.
358
00:14:46,060 --> 00:14:47,461
- Lisa?
- Butt out!
359
00:14:47,528 --> 00:14:49,563
(grumbling)
360
00:14:49,630 --> 00:14:52,165
This is it--
I'm going into the Ultranet
361
00:14:52,233 --> 00:14:53,967
to save my daughter.
362
00:14:54,035 --> 00:14:55,902
(modem feedback, groans)
363
00:15:03,094 --> 00:15:04,305
MALE VOICE (over speaker):
Lisa Simpson, the following
364
00:15:04,330 --> 00:15:05,834
people want to friend you.
365
00:15:06,247 --> 00:15:08,014
♪ ♪
366
00:15:14,489 --> 00:15:17,274
Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.
367
00:15:17,341 --> 00:15:20,277
Ooh, Martin Prince
is now Marcia Princess?
368
00:15:20,344 --> 00:15:22,429
(giggles)
No, I've got to find Zia.
369
00:15:22,497 --> 00:15:23,763
NELSON:
Hey, Lis.
370
00:15:23,831 --> 00:15:25,799
Is your marriage still dead
and unfulfilled?
371
00:15:25,867 --> 00:15:27,334
Not a good time.
372
00:15:27,401 --> 00:15:28,952
(beeps)
373
00:15:29,020 --> 00:15:30,654
You know we're destined to...
Aah!
374
00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:33,657
Now, where is the Google door?
375
00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:34,991
Oh, right.
376
00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:37,077
It's Dr. Seuss's birthday.
377
00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:42,282
Google, even though you've
enslaved half the world,
378
00:15:42,333 --> 00:15:44,868
you're still a damn fine
search engine.
379
00:15:44,936 --> 00:15:47,454
(beeping)
380
00:15:47,522 --> 00:15:49,022
Bingo!
381
00:15:49,090 --> 00:15:50,457
Argh!
382
00:15:52,093 --> 00:15:53,994
(grunting)
383
00:15:54,061 --> 00:15:55,595
I open this door,
384
00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:58,498
and I go from being
one kind of mother to another.
385
00:15:58,566 --> 00:15:59,900
Hmm...
386
00:15:59,967 --> 00:16:01,301
(vehicle whirring)
387
00:16:01,369 --> 00:16:03,436
Dad, where did you take my boys?
388
00:16:06,474 --> 00:16:09,493
♪ ♪
389
00:16:09,577 --> 00:16:12,362
(siren wails)
Oh, it's Chief Wiggum!
390
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:14,831
(squealing, whooshing)
391
00:16:14,899 --> 00:16:16,583
(high-pitched voice): Hi, Bart!
- Hey, Ralph.
392
00:16:16,651 --> 00:16:19,002
- I heard you died.
- I got cloneded.
393
00:16:19,086 --> 00:16:20,554
(gunshot)
(gasps)
394
00:16:20,621 --> 00:16:22,622
All right, buddy,
what's the hurry?
395
00:16:23,824 --> 00:16:25,292
(horn blows)
396
00:16:25,343 --> 00:16:28,345
(thumping)
(chuckles): That Ralph was stupid.
397
00:16:28,429 --> 00:16:30,197
(tires screech)
398
00:16:30,264 --> 00:16:32,098
(panicked yelling)
399
00:16:33,935 --> 00:16:35,202
(vehicle whirring by)
400
00:16:35,269 --> 00:16:36,436
(door creaks)
401
00:16:36,504 --> 00:16:39,039
Wow, this place
hasn't changed a bit.
402
00:16:39,106 --> 00:16:41,007
Yeah, I keep meaning
to switch things around,
403
00:16:41,058 --> 00:16:42,742
but this place
is always a crime scene.
404
00:16:44,262 --> 00:16:45,579
Was my dad here?
405
00:16:45,646 --> 00:16:47,113
Uh, yeah,
since he don't drink,
406
00:16:47,181 --> 00:16:49,549
he just comes here
to see Lenny and Carl.
407
00:16:49,617 --> 00:16:51,301
- Hey, Lenny.
- I'm Carl.
408
00:16:51,369 --> 00:16:53,737
Don't you remember? You came to
the brain-switching ceremony.
409
00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:56,373
Right. What was the point again?
410
00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:58,608
Because I wanted to get
back together with my wife
411
00:16:58,676 --> 00:17:00,744
who was sleeping
with Carl at the time.
412
00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:02,844
Turns out she had switched
brains with a monkey on
413
00:17:02,869 --> 00:17:04,069
a Japanese game show.
414
00:17:04,348 --> 00:17:06,316
And it just got
weirder from there.
415
00:17:06,384 --> 00:17:07,817
Eh, I found it
quite normal.
416
00:17:07,885 --> 00:17:09,486
Anyway, if you're
looking for your dad,
417
00:17:09,554 --> 00:17:11,187
he took the kids
to see his dad.
418
00:17:11,255 --> 00:17:12,322
Thanks.
419
00:17:12,390 --> 00:17:13,657
Hey, Moe, get me
another beer?
420
00:17:13,724 --> 00:17:15,091
Quit making
me fat!
421
00:17:16,727 --> 00:17:18,562
(panting)
I'm glad you're here, Marge.
422
00:17:18,629 --> 00:17:19,963
They're two minutes apart.
423
00:17:20,031 --> 00:17:21,131
The contractions?
424
00:17:21,198 --> 00:17:22,332
No, my bills!
425
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:23,600
(chuckling)
426
00:17:25,386 --> 00:17:27,187
Mm...
427
00:17:37,064 --> 00:17:38,298
(gasps)
428
00:17:38,366 --> 00:17:41,167
Mom? Why are
you here?
429
00:17:44,005 --> 00:17:45,005
I was worried.
430
00:17:45,072 --> 00:17:46,406
I thought I would find...
431
00:17:46,474 --> 00:17:48,942
What, me flashing my boobs
on unripemelons.com?
432
00:17:49,010 --> 00:17:50,110
What? No.
433
00:17:50,177 --> 00:17:51,611
It doesn't matter
what I thought.
434
00:17:51,679 --> 00:17:53,246
I'm sorry I spied on you.
435
00:17:53,314 --> 00:17:56,416
But what I found is,
my daughter looks up to me.
436
00:17:56,484 --> 00:17:57,884
Well, of course I do.
437
00:17:57,952 --> 00:17:59,869
I look up to both
my parents.
438
00:17:59,937 --> 00:18:04,107
Could somebody FedEx me
a prayer mat? And quick!
439
00:18:04,175 --> 00:18:06,109
But I especially
look up to you.
440
00:18:06,177 --> 00:18:07,961
Mm...
441
00:18:08,029 --> 00:18:09,863
(dance music playing)
442
00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:13,500
This is where
my father is.
443
00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:19,306
He froze himself
because he was sick
444
00:18:19,373 --> 00:18:21,041
and there was no cure.
445
00:18:21,108 --> 00:18:22,575
Are they working on one?
446
00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:24,444
Oh, they found it--
but don't tell him.
447
00:18:24,512 --> 00:18:26,162
This is way cheaper
than a nursing home.
448
00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:27,163
(beep)
449
00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:29,566
Aah! What the heck!
(stammers)
450
00:18:29,634 --> 00:18:31,935
Dad, these are
your great-grandsons.
451
00:18:32,003 --> 00:18:34,604
Eh, I don't see
what's great about 'em.
452
00:18:34,672 --> 00:18:37,741
And, Homer, you're still a big
disappointment, because...
453
00:18:37,808 --> 00:18:39,175
See you next Christmas!
454
00:18:39,243 --> 00:18:40,010
(beeping)
455
00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:41,311
(yells)
(whirring)
456
00:18:41,379 --> 00:18:43,246
Why did you bring
us here, Homer?
457
00:18:43,314 --> 00:18:44,781
To prove a point:
458
00:18:44,849 --> 00:18:47,117
everyone thinks
their dad's a jerk,
459
00:18:47,184 --> 00:18:48,618
and everyone's right,
460
00:18:48,686 --> 00:18:52,756
but when you get older, you
realize how much you love him.
461
00:18:52,823 --> 00:18:54,524
Your dad may be
a little immature,
462
00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:56,209
but I know he loves you.
463
00:18:56,277 --> 00:18:58,644
So you ought
to give him a chance.
464
00:18:58,696 --> 00:19:00,680
(panting)
Oh. Boys...
465
00:19:00,748 --> 00:19:02,248
I have acted like
a ten-year-old
466
00:19:02,316 --> 00:19:03,783
for the last 30 years,
467
00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:05,885
and I swear to you,
I will grow up
468
00:19:05,953 --> 00:19:07,687
and act like a 20-year-old,
469
00:19:07,755 --> 00:19:09,823
the way a divorced
40-year-old should.
470
00:19:09,890 --> 00:19:12,826
You're gonna have to
do better than that.
471
00:19:14,595 --> 00:19:17,530
Boys, I'm a deadbeat dad,
I live in a school,
472
00:19:17,598 --> 00:19:19,032
it's Christmas.
473
00:19:19,100 --> 00:19:23,836
The only thing worth
anything in my life is you.
474
00:19:25,139 --> 00:19:27,340
(sobbing):
Oh, Dad.
475
00:19:27,391 --> 00:19:29,609
You've taught us
the meaning of Christmas,
476
00:19:29,677 --> 00:19:32,062
which schools are forbidden
to tell us anymore.
477
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:34,698
Mmm...
478
00:19:34,782 --> 00:19:37,450
Is it snowing
down here?
479
00:19:37,518 --> 00:19:39,352
No, one of the
freezers is busted.
480
00:19:39,420 --> 00:19:41,287
(electrical crackling)
If those kids
481
00:19:41,355 --> 00:19:43,356
can forgive that
train wreck of a father,
482
00:19:43,407 --> 00:19:45,141
then maybe I can forgive...
483
00:19:45,209 --> 00:19:47,177
You quit drinking
like a coward!
484
00:19:47,244 --> 00:19:49,646
The one thing you
were good at, and...
485
00:19:49,714 --> 00:19:52,449
Mm. Oh... (groans)
486
00:19:52,516 --> 00:19:54,884
...lawn-chair breakin'...
487
00:19:54,952 --> 00:19:56,519
hair-losing...
488
00:19:56,587 --> 00:19:57,954
Marge-lovin'...
489
00:19:58,022 --> 00:20:00,457
barometer-droppin'...
490
00:20:00,524 --> 00:20:01,991
father-freezin'...
491
00:20:02,059 --> 00:20:04,494
but you'd always
come and get me
492
00:20:04,562 --> 00:20:06,863
when I wandered
out on the freeway.
493
00:20:06,931 --> 00:20:08,998
(sobs)
'Cause deep down,
494
00:20:09,066 --> 00:20:12,952
you couldn't bear
to see me smushed.
495
00:20:13,020 --> 00:20:14,788
Oh, I love you, Dad.
496
00:20:16,023 --> 00:20:17,257
SANTA:
Ho... Ho...
497
00:20:17,324 --> 00:20:19,325
Everyone!
498
00:20:19,393 --> 00:20:20,977
It's a girl!
499
00:20:22,146 --> 00:20:23,513
So, who's the father?
500
00:20:25,032 --> 00:20:26,566
Eh, it doesn't matter.
501
00:20:26,634 --> 00:20:29,636
If there's one day a year
to give unwed mother's a break,
502
00:20:29,703 --> 00:20:30,854
it's Christmas.
503
00:20:32,456 --> 00:20:34,357
Okay, everyone,
504
00:20:34,425 --> 00:20:36,926
smile while the pets
take our picture.
505
00:20:36,994 --> 00:20:39,929
Hmm, funny how they
evolved and we didn't.
506
00:20:39,997 --> 00:20:43,997
== sync by Sp8ky, corrected by elderman ==
507
00:21:32,404 --> 00:21:33,804
Shh!