1
00:00:01,250 --> 00:00:03,800
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:03,925 --> 00:00:06,298
♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
3
00:00:06,523 --> 00:00:10,135
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
4
00:00:10,460 --> 00:00:13,263
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
5
00:00:13,429 --> 00:00:17,184
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
6
00:00:19,644 --> 00:00:23,064
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
7
00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:24,850
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
8
00:00:24,975 --> 00:00:26,308
Aah!
9
00:00:27,811 --> 00:00:30,813
♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
10
00:00:35,402 --> 00:00:36,845
(Slurping)
11
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:38,980
Roger, you've been mixing
that eggnog for an hour.
12
00:00:39,105 --> 00:00:40,916
Just pour it in
your pimp cup and drink it!
13
00:00:41,082 --> 00:00:42,458
(Drunkenly):
It's almost ready.
14
00:00:42,583 --> 00:00:44,476
Just need to do the final test.
15
00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:50,292
(Squeaking)
16
00:00:50,417 --> 00:00:51,418
(Growling)
17
00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:05,398
Perfect.
18
00:01:06,549 --> 00:01:08,026
Look at this!
19
00:01:08,192 --> 00:01:11,229
Father Donovan's putting on
a Christmas play at the mall!
20
00:01:11,354 --> 00:01:13,064
They're doing
the entire life of Jesus...
21
00:01:13,189 --> 00:01:15,534
From baby Jesus
to awkward teenager Jesus
22
00:01:15,659 --> 00:01:17,035
with a wispy Christache,
23
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,970
to the mature
and ready-to-suffer Jesus
24
00:01:19,095 --> 00:01:20,122
we all know and love.
25
00:01:20,288 --> 00:01:21,498
Are you going to audition?
26
00:01:21,665 --> 00:01:23,642
Audition?
(Scoffs)
27
00:01:23,767 --> 00:01:26,044
Francine, I'm the most devout
member of the church.
28
00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:28,747
Obviously, I'm doing the
most important role:
29
00:01:28,872 --> 00:01:30,132
Christ at the crucifixion.
30
00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:31,683
When it comes to Christianity,
31
00:01:31,808 --> 00:01:33,343
that's pretty much your money shot.
32
00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:34,653
(Drunkenly):
Christianity...
33
00:01:34,778 --> 00:01:37,122
My favorite deadbeat Dad story.
34
00:01:37,247 --> 00:01:40,592
Check it... God fathers this kid
and then disappears.
35
00:01:40,717 --> 00:01:42,394
And then,
when the kid becomes famous,
36
00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:44,438
God wants him to come live with him.
37
00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:46,865
Exact same thing happened to Shaq.
38
00:01:46,990 --> 00:01:48,433
He did a rap about it called,
39
00:01:48,558 --> 00:01:51,069
"my biological didn't bother."
40
00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:53,505
My religion is the very
foundation of who I am
41
00:01:53,630 --> 00:01:56,080
and I won't have you
disrespecting it!
44
00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:05,500
I would say it's got two weeks
45
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:06,935
before it reaches its apex.
46
00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:08,394
You better gear up.
47
00:02:11,839 --> 00:02:13,475
Is everything okay, Jeff?
48
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:16,244
You cried a lot more than usual
during sex this morning.
49
00:02:16,369 --> 00:02:18,880
Sorry, babe, I have a lot on my mind.
50
00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:21,049
I've been thinking a lot and...
51
00:02:21,174 --> 00:02:22,384
I think we should have a baby.
52
00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:23,685
What?
53
00:02:23,851 --> 00:02:26,438
Yeah, we have so much love to give.
54
00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:29,341
Plus, sometimes I feel broken inside
55
00:02:29,466 --> 00:02:31,109
and having a baby fixes everything.
56
00:02:31,275 --> 00:02:32,978
Jeff, I don't want to have kids.
57
00:02:33,103 --> 00:02:34,988
I have no maternal instincts.
58
00:02:35,154 --> 00:02:36,648
I only have animal instincts...
59
00:02:36,773 --> 00:02:37,882
Eating, pooping,
60
00:02:38,007 --> 00:02:39,857
lying down before it rains.
61
00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:45,097
(Thunder rumbling)
62
00:02:52,838 --> 00:02:54,232
Morning, Father.
63
00:02:54,357 --> 00:02:56,401
I know you want me to
portray Jesus on the cross,
64
00:02:56,526 --> 00:02:58,153
and I hereby officially accept.
65
00:02:58,278 --> 00:03:01,097
(Laughing): Oh, Stan,
you can't play Jesus.
66
00:03:01,263 --> 00:03:03,558
What do you mean? I'm the most
devout member of your flock.
67
00:03:03,724 --> 00:03:07,145
Portraying Jesus has nothing
to do with religious devotion.
68
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:08,546
It's all about the abs.
69
00:03:08,671 --> 00:03:09,514
What?!
70
00:03:09,639 --> 00:03:10,582
You're too fat.
71
00:03:10,707 --> 00:03:11,850
Look at any crucifix.
72
00:03:11,975 --> 00:03:13,918
Jesus is always shredded.
73
00:03:14,043 --> 00:03:15,570
I'm a perfect Jesus!
Look!
74
00:03:17,071 --> 00:03:18,306
(Grunts)
75
00:03:18,431 --> 00:03:20,275
Well, that's just great!
76
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:21,676
Now what am I supposed to burn
77
00:03:21,801 --> 00:03:23,495
on my ethnic neighbor's lawn?
78
00:03:23,661 --> 00:03:24,512
(Sighs)
79
00:03:24,637 --> 00:03:27,148
Look, you can't be Jesus.
80
00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:29,041
But I got something even better.
81
00:03:30,668 --> 00:03:31,653
Fireman Jesus?
82
00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:33,455
No. Santa Claus.
83
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:34,456
Aw...
84
00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:36,124
Come on.
85
00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:38,677
He's jolly, he employs
midgets, he's real.
86
00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:40,278
Look, these Bratz dolls...
87
00:03:40,403 --> 00:03:43,748
Last year he gave
them to me, for free.
88
00:03:43,873 --> 00:03:44,716
Okay.
89
00:03:44,841 --> 00:03:46,918
Attaboy.
90
00:03:47,043 --> 00:03:48,520
(Sighs)
91
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,213
Hard to believe this is
the suit Earl died in.
92
00:03:58,779 --> 00:04:00,824
Um... wha...
What is that?
93
00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:01,966
Don't be mad.
94
00:04:02,091 --> 00:04:04,436
It's just...
I wanted a kid so bad,
95
00:04:04,561 --> 00:04:07,706
and I saw this orphanage and...
96
00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:10,308
Hayley, meet our son.
97
00:04:10,433 --> 00:04:13,336
I named him after my favorite
character in literature, Nemo...
98
00:04:13,837 --> 00:04:16,965
From the novelization of
the film Finding Nemo.
99
00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:19,551
You adopted a child
without asking me?!
100
00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:21,619
I have grandchildren?!
101
00:04:21,744 --> 00:04:23,321
Oh, my God, I can't believe it!
102
00:04:23,446 --> 00:04:25,223
I thought my only chance was if Steve
103
00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,216
got raped by a confused lesbian!
104
00:04:29,168 --> 00:04:30,228
This is crazy!
105
00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:32,856
Jeff, take that kid back right now!
106
00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:35,617
No! I want a son to
carry on my legacy...
107
00:04:35,742 --> 00:04:37,569
My Subaru legacy.
108
00:04:37,735 --> 00:04:39,020
Adoption takes years.
109
00:04:39,145 --> 00:04:41,156
How did you get a kid so fast?
110
00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:43,525
I don't know...
End-of-month clearance?
111
00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:45,952
They seemed real happy
to get rid of him.
112
00:04:46,118 --> 00:04:48,530
Maybe there's something
wrong with him.
113
00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:49,964
Aw, look, babe.
114
00:04:50,089 --> 00:04:51,166
He's smiling at you.
115
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,459
Well, tell him to stop.
116
00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:54,493
Leave me alone, baby!
117
00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:58,173
(Sobbing)
118
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,809
You're my baby!
119
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:03,912
You're my baby,
and I love you so much!
120
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:05,714
Oh, God!
121
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:08,133
(Bawling)
122
00:05:08,258 --> 00:05:09,117
Who's that?
123
00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:10,251
We're grandparents!
124
00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:13,078
Steve was raped
by a confused lesbian?
125
00:05:15,856 --> 00:05:17,959
Okay, what do you want, little boy?
126
00:05:18,084 --> 00:05:20,195
(Deep voice):
Um, let me think about it.
127
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,629
Hey, you're not a child.
128
00:05:21,754 --> 00:05:22,697
Don't worry about it.
129
00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:23,865
You can't be here.
130
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,767
Come on, man, I waited in line.
131
00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:27,335
Let me just sit here for a minute.
132
00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:28,203
Get off me!
133
00:05:28,428 --> 00:05:30,004
No, I'm almost done, man.
134
00:05:30,129 --> 00:05:31,172
Almost done with what?
135
00:05:31,297 --> 00:05:32,531
Don't worry about it.
136
00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:37,278
The Christmas play.
137
00:05:37,403 --> 00:05:39,153
I want to see this Jesus.
138
00:05:41,465 --> 00:05:42,550
Good lord!
139
00:05:42,716 --> 00:05:44,569
♪ ♪
140
00:05:44,694 --> 00:05:45,929
Yes, my son?
141
00:05:46,095 --> 00:05:48,306
Roger!
What are you doing?!
142
00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:51,476
Well, you were talking so much
about this, it sounded like fun.
143
00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:54,521
It's not, but it was a good
excuse to work on my abs.
144
00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:57,273
And my savior bulge.
145
00:05:57,439 --> 00:05:58,900
This is sacrilege!
146
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,685
You have no respect
for this religion!
147
00:06:00,810 --> 00:06:01,953
Hey, could you take it down a notch?
148
00:06:02,078 --> 00:06:02,987
You're ruining my buzz.
149
00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:04,030
You're drunk?!
150
00:06:04,196 --> 00:06:05,949
Hell yeah, man.
151
00:06:06,115 --> 00:06:06,616
That's it!
152
00:06:09,743 --> 00:06:11,320
(Onlookers gasping, murmuring)
153
00:06:16,743 --> 00:06:18,393
(Weakly):
You're ugly.
154
00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:23,599
(Hayley bawling)
155
00:06:26,569 --> 00:06:28,546
Oh, Hayley, stop!
156
00:06:28,671 --> 00:06:30,048
Yo bitch-crying is going to be
157
00:06:30,173 --> 00:06:31,916
in the background
of this entire video.
158
00:06:32,041 --> 00:06:34,786
But I love him so much!
159
00:06:34,911 --> 00:06:36,988
Oh, my God, what happened to you?
160
00:06:37,113 --> 00:06:40,992
I sat next to Courtney love
on the bus and she sneezed.
161
00:06:41,117 --> 00:06:42,610
Uh... guys?
162
00:06:42,776 --> 00:06:44,429
Greg (On TV):
... when a deranged mall Santa
163
00:06:44,554 --> 00:06:47,323
suddenly attacked the church
volunteer portraying Jesus.
164
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:49,450
It's not what it looks like!
165
00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:50,819
I was defending Christmas!
166
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,854
I was defending Jesus!
167
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:54,055
Greg (On TV):
... Santa continued the assault
168
00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:56,124
while shouting anti-jesuslurs.
169
00:06:56,290 --> 00:06:57,959
You don't deserve
to be on that cross,
170
00:06:58,084 --> 00:07:00,254
you lazy, wine-loving bisexual!
171
00:07:07,577 --> 00:07:09,220
Are you watching this (Bleep)?
172
00:07:09,386 --> 00:07:12,182
I wasn't slurring Jesus,
I was talking about Roger!
173
00:07:12,348 --> 00:07:15,777
This just in: The assailant
has now been identified as...
174
00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:17,045
Oh, for God's sake...
175
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:19,272
Stan Smith of Langley falls.
176
00:07:19,438 --> 00:07:20,448
(Phone rings)
177
00:07:20,573 --> 00:07:21,850
Yello?
178
00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:23,468
Dad, it's Father Donovan.
179
00:07:23,593 --> 00:07:25,360
He sounds punitive.
180
00:07:28,197 --> 00:07:29,974
Look, Stan, I actually
think what you did
181
00:07:30,099 --> 00:07:32,310
was really, really funny.
182
00:07:32,435 --> 00:07:35,547
But Christian leaders around
the world saw you on TV,
183
00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:38,816
and they've been chewing
my ass off nonstop.
184
00:07:38,941 --> 00:07:42,270
I'm sorry, Stan, but I'm going
to have to kick you out.
185
00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:44,172
I can't go to your church anymore?
186
00:07:44,338 --> 00:07:47,475
No, Stan, you're kicked out
of Christianity.
187
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,677
You can't go into any church.
188
00:07:49,843 --> 00:07:51,971
No! Well, there must be some way
to get back in!
189
00:07:52,137 --> 00:07:54,883
Well, there are three,
but they're tough:
190
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:57,085
You'd have to find the holy grail
191
00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,287
or kill the antichrist
192
00:07:59,412 --> 00:08:02,056
or donate ten million
dollars to charity...
193
00:08:02,181 --> 00:08:04,282
That's how Jared from
subway got back in.
194
00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,244
I can't do any of those things!
195
00:08:06,369 --> 00:08:08,580
I'm sorry, Stan,
there's nothing I can do.
196
00:08:08,705 --> 00:08:10,848
You are officially excommunicated.
197
00:08:10,973 --> 00:08:12,541
Turn in your badge.
198
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:19,841
Uh, wait, Stan!
199
00:08:19,966 --> 00:08:21,242
Should I grow a mustache?
200
00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:24,403
What, uh... what do hookers like?
201
00:08:31,927 --> 00:08:33,186
That punch, right there.
202
00:08:33,311 --> 00:08:35,188
That's the punch where
everything went black
203
00:08:35,313 --> 00:08:38,358
and I was finally
able to achieve orgasm.
204
00:08:38,483 --> 00:08:40,217
Oh...
205
00:08:43,055 --> 00:08:44,274
I've been excommunicated.
206
00:08:44,773 --> 00:08:45,483
What?!
207
00:08:45,649 --> 00:08:47,768
A man without his religion is...
208
00:08:47,893 --> 00:08:49,362
Nothing.
209
00:08:49,528 --> 00:08:51,955
(Sobbing)
210
00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:53,840
Dad, if religion's
so important to you,
211
00:08:53,965 --> 00:08:55,118
why don't you just find another one?
212
00:08:55,284 --> 00:08:57,287
You mean change religions?
213
00:08:57,453 --> 00:09:00,097
Sure, people do it all the time.
214
00:09:00,222 --> 00:09:02,199
Muhammad Ali changed religions
215
00:09:02,324 --> 00:09:04,169
and became Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
216
00:09:04,459 --> 00:09:07,271
I don't want another
religion, I want my religion.
217
00:09:07,396 --> 00:09:10,040
I know, honey, but the thing is,
218
00:09:10,165 --> 00:09:13,344
you already kind of
screwed yourself there.
219
00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:18,148
Good-bye, amusing
religious Tchotchkes.
220
00:09:18,273 --> 00:09:20,784
I'll especially miss you,
Christ-in-the-box.
221
00:09:20,909 --> 00:09:21,818
(Playing tinny melody)
222
00:09:21,943 --> 00:09:23,003
(Startled shout)
223
00:09:23,128 --> 00:09:24,805
(Laughing)
224
00:09:24,930 --> 00:09:27,131
(Sobbing)
225
00:09:27,483 --> 00:09:29,259
(Crying)
226
00:09:29,384 --> 00:09:30,327
Hello, buddy.
227
00:09:30,452 --> 00:09:33,230
You're sad for grandpa, too.
228
00:09:33,355 --> 00:09:34,622
Come here, good boy!
229
00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:36,993
(Gasps)
230
00:09:38,376 --> 00:09:39,553
(Gasps)
231
00:09:39,678 --> 00:09:40,671
(Relieved sigh)
232
00:09:40,796 --> 00:09:41,812
(Gasps)
233
00:09:43,582 --> 00:09:45,058
He's the antichrist!
234
00:09:45,183 --> 00:09:46,910
Stan, you need to cheer up.
235
00:09:47,035 --> 00:09:48,095
Here, have some caramel corn.
236
00:09:48,220 --> 00:09:49,422
I made it just for you.
237
00:09:51,156 --> 00:09:54,001
No, Trevor, we didn't
re-gift your popcorn!
238
00:09:54,126 --> 00:09:56,370
It was just here yesterday...
I don't know where it went.
239
00:09:56,495 --> 00:09:57,537
You know what?
240
00:09:57,662 --> 00:09:59,406
You guys are worse than Connor!
241
00:09:59,531 --> 00:10:00,475
(All gasp)
242
00:10:00,641 --> 00:10:01,975
Forget the caramel corn.
243
00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:03,377
This is fantastic!
244
00:10:03,502 --> 00:10:05,045
I can become a Christian again!
245
00:10:05,170 --> 00:10:07,649
All I have to do is
murder my grandson!
246
00:10:15,330 --> 00:10:17,106
(Quietly):
It says six-six-six.
247
00:10:17,231 --> 00:10:18,493
He's the antichrist!
248
00:10:18,767 --> 00:10:20,460
You have to be absolutely positive
249
00:10:20,585 --> 00:10:23,230
the toddler is the antichrist
before you kill it.
250
00:10:23,355 --> 00:10:25,583
Boy, I have learned
that the hard way.
251
00:10:25,957 --> 00:10:28,001
We could go to the orphanage,
check his files.
252
00:10:28,126 --> 00:10:29,786
Maybe they'll tell us
where he came from.
253
00:10:29,911 --> 00:10:32,889
(Drunkenly): That was the worst
caroling I've ever done.
254
00:10:33,014 --> 00:10:34,926
But some of my best tagging.
255
00:10:37,886 --> 00:10:39,429
Jeff, I need you to
take us to the orphanage
256
00:10:39,554 --> 00:10:41,064
where you got Nemo.
257
00:10:41,189 --> 00:10:43,518
I'm trying to prove he's the
antichrist, so I can kill him.
258
00:10:43,684 --> 00:10:45,770
Okay.
259
00:10:46,061 --> 00:10:48,572
While you're there,
give the cutest one this.
260
00:10:48,697 --> 00:10:50,231
And give the ugliest one this.
261
00:10:51,716 --> 00:10:52,659
You're coming with us, Roger.
262
00:10:52,784 --> 00:10:53,894
You got me into this mess,
263
00:10:54,019 --> 00:10:55,512
you're gonna help get me out of it.
264
00:10:55,637 --> 00:10:58,283
If I'm to go anywhere, I need to...
265
00:10:58,449 --> 00:10:59,683
How do I put this?
266
00:10:59,808 --> 00:11:02,662
Wipe. Better.
267
00:11:05,447 --> 00:11:09,092
Yep, the whole place went up
in flames last Friday.
268
00:11:09,217 --> 00:11:11,962
The day after Jeff adopted Nemo.
269
00:11:12,087 --> 00:11:14,231
(Ominous music plays)
270
00:11:14,356 --> 00:11:17,134
And the day before I had
my cholesterol checked.
271
00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:18,928
My LDL was high.
272
00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:22,013
My HDL was also high,
but that's good.
273
00:11:23,465 --> 00:11:26,183
Split up. Look for anything that
can tell us more about Nemo.
274
00:11:28,203 --> 00:11:30,315
(Choir chanting)
275
00:11:43,034 --> 00:11:45,095
(Gasps)
(Phone beeps)
276
00:11:45,220 --> 00:11:47,197
Stan, meet me out front!
277
00:11:47,322 --> 00:11:49,417
I found something so important
it's crazy!
278
00:11:55,422 --> 00:11:57,300
(Ominous music plays)
279
00:12:03,171 --> 00:12:04,265
(Rumbling)
280
00:12:09,961 --> 00:12:11,378
(Shouts)
281
00:12:16,217 --> 00:12:17,644
Father Donovan!
282
00:12:17,769 --> 00:12:19,629
I can't feel my legs.
283
00:12:19,754 --> 00:12:21,655
Are they okay?
284
00:12:24,142 --> 00:12:25,385
They're fine, you're good.
285
00:12:25,510 --> 00:12:27,420
You were right, Stan.
286
00:12:27,545 --> 00:12:30,624
Nemo is the son of Satan,
born of a jackal.
287
00:12:30,749 --> 00:12:32,001
(Gasps)
288
00:12:36,254 --> 00:12:39,733
(Gasps)
Oh, my God, Nemo!
289
00:12:39,858 --> 00:12:42,068
It's "omen" spelled backwards!
290
00:12:42,193 --> 00:12:43,503
He is the antichrist!
291
00:12:43,628 --> 00:12:46,540
(Ominous music plays)
292
00:12:46,665 --> 00:12:49,276
But... you picked the name "Nemo."
293
00:12:49,401 --> 00:12:50,853
That... that doesn't make any sense.
294
00:12:51,019 --> 00:12:52,979
Nemo will find his way
295
00:12:53,104 --> 00:12:55,148
to political power and destroy
the world.
296
00:12:55,273 --> 00:12:59,119
You must get the sacred daggers
of Tel Megiddo from the Vatican.
297
00:12:59,244 --> 00:13:01,989
Only they can kill the son of Satan.
298
00:13:02,213 --> 00:13:03,256
Are you sure?
299
00:13:03,381 --> 00:13:06,409
Yes. I read it on Wikipedia.
300
00:13:06,534 --> 00:13:08,912
I also read that,
before making it big,
301
00:13:09,037 --> 00:13:11,748
Jon Bon Jovi toiled in
a women's shoe store
302
00:13:11,873 --> 00:13:16,653
and fronted a band called John
Bon Jovi and the wild ones.
303
00:13:16,778 --> 00:13:18,588
Father Donovan!
304
00:13:18,713 --> 00:13:20,557
We have to get to the Vatican
305
00:13:20,682 --> 00:13:22,893
and make sure he didn't die in vain.
306
00:13:23,018 --> 00:13:27,014
Before joining Bon Jovi in 1983,
307
00:13:27,180 --> 00:13:31,051
drummer Tico Torres toured
with a variety of performers,
308
00:13:31,176 --> 00:13:36,497
including Chuck Berry
and Kenny... Loggins.
309
00:13:40,001 --> 00:13:41,779
Come on!
310
00:13:44,531 --> 00:13:45,450
Steve!
311
00:13:45,724 --> 00:13:48,568
Hey, Dad.
So I went to Dr. Smid,
312
00:13:48,693 --> 00:13:51,304
and he confirmed that my vision
is getting worse.
313
00:13:51,429 --> 00:13:53,640
It had plateaued at seven
diopters, but now...
314
00:13:53,765 --> 00:13:56,176
Nemo is the antichrist!
315
00:13:56,301 --> 00:13:59,112
But now it looks like
it's at nine diop...
316
00:13:59,237 --> 00:14:01,948
We're flying to the Vatican to
get sacred daggers to kill him.
317
00:14:02,073 --> 00:14:05,385
Keep an eye on that kid,
and be careful.
318
00:14:05,510 --> 00:14:08,054
Nemo! Oh, I didn't know you were...
319
00:14:08,179 --> 00:14:11,725
(Ominous music plays)
(Shudders)
320
00:14:11,850 --> 00:14:16,189
I live to serve thee, oh,
Prince of the Sulphury void.
321
00:14:16,488 --> 00:14:18,932
Hey, Steve, did I
leave my swim trunks...
322
00:14:19,057 --> 00:14:21,892
(Shudders)
I'll come back later!
323
00:14:27,282 --> 00:14:30,928
We have to find the daggers of
Tel Meggido so we can kill Nemo.
324
00:14:31,053 --> 00:14:34,865
Can we go?
I'm thirsty.
325
00:14:34,990 --> 00:14:36,851
I read that most of
the ancient artifacts
326
00:14:36,976 --> 00:14:38,669
are down in the catacombs.
We have to...
327
00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:40,296
You a-no enter.
328
00:14:42,464 --> 00:14:45,242
Damn it, this is my only chance
to be a Christian again!
329
00:14:45,367 --> 00:14:47,962
Roger, you have to go in there
and get the daggers for me.
330
00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:49,797
But I don't wanna.
331
00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:51,866
Hey! You know how you like to do
different characters?
332
00:14:51,991 --> 00:14:53,601
Well, why don't you try y one
333
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:54,977
who's really excited about
helping me?
334
00:14:55,194 --> 00:14:58,272
You mean a persona that's
on board and enthusiastic?
335
00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:00,307
You want Roland Chang.
336
00:15:00,432 --> 00:15:03,010
(Mini gong strikes)
Super positive Asian.
337
00:15:03,135 --> 00:15:04,070
Let's go!
338
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:06,597
This is the most
important thing ever!
339
00:15:06,722 --> 00:15:08,890
You wait here, Jeff and
I will get the daggers!
340
00:15:10,859 --> 00:15:13,788
Enjoy-a your visit.
341
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,998
How good are meatballs?
342
00:15:16,164 --> 00:15:18,132
(Water dripping)
343
00:15:20,369 --> 00:15:22,413
Okay, these are the catacombs.
344
00:15:22,538 --> 00:15:25,416
Look for anything that could
be seven sacred daggers.
345
00:15:25,541 --> 00:15:26,901
Or any empty boxes.
346
00:15:27,026 --> 00:15:29,176
My friend Forrest is moving
and he needs boxes.
347
00:15:30,946 --> 00:15:32,306
(Squeaking)
348
00:15:33,974 --> 00:15:36,352
(Ominous music plays)
349
00:15:38,311 --> 00:15:40,856
(Choir chanting)
350
00:15:43,775 --> 00:15:46,036
Jeff, you don't do coke, do you?
351
00:15:46,161 --> 00:15:47,872
(Rumbling)
Cool. Me neither.
352
00:15:47,997 --> 00:15:50,533
Look out!
353
00:15:53,201 --> 00:15:54,295
(Gasps)
354
00:15:54,420 --> 00:15:55,871
Jeff!
355
00:15:56,037 --> 00:15:58,457
What?
356
00:16:04,546 --> 00:16:06,056
Oh, good, you're all here.
357
00:16:06,181 --> 00:16:07,725
I hate to break it to you,
358
00:16:07,850 --> 00:16:10,219
but you have a moisture
problem in your vents.
359
00:16:11,386 --> 00:16:14,974
(Ominous music plays)
360
00:16:15,207 --> 00:16:18,894
Now, I can give you an estimate
for the work based on... hiyaah!
361
00:16:19,194 --> 00:16:22,815
Come on, go, go, go, we got the daggers,
Jeff died, run, run, run!
362
00:16:23,082 --> 00:16:25,926
Mene mene tekel.
Satana satana.
363
00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:28,154
Mom, Steve's acting weird again.
364
00:16:28,387 --> 00:16:31,198
Steve, stop babbling
at your sister in Aramaic.
365
00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:33,159
It's a dead language.
366
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:36,387
(Tires squeal)
367
00:16:36,512 --> 00:16:38,998
Stan? Where have you been?
368
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:40,750
Wha... didn't you get my message?
369
00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:42,276
What message?
370
00:16:42,401 --> 00:16:43,502
Mene mene tekel.
371
00:16:43,668 --> 00:16:45,087
Steve!
372
00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:47,448
Don't bother.
He's been a pill all day.
373
00:16:47,573 --> 00:16:49,083
What's going on, Dad?
374
00:16:49,208 --> 00:16:51,919
Nemo is the antichrist.
He killed Father Donovan,
375
00:16:52,044 --> 00:16:54,188
and now we have to
stab him with sacred daggers.
376
00:16:54,313 --> 00:16:55,431
Oh, and Jeff died.
377
00:16:55,597 --> 00:16:56,641
Jeff is dead?!
378
00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:57,850
(Ominous music plays)
379
00:16:58,016 --> 00:16:59,810
(Growling)
380
00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:02,563
Nemo turned Steve into
an apostate of Satan!
381
00:17:02,729 --> 00:17:04,765
He's probably just hungry.
382
00:17:04,890 --> 00:17:07,501
Steve, I just did a big
trader Joe's run.
383
00:17:07,626 --> 00:17:09,803
Pour yourself some unsweetened
cherry juice,
384
00:17:09,928 --> 00:17:13,707
maybe have it with some
sunflower paste on a flax crisp.
385
00:17:13,832 --> 00:17:16,977
There's also a scallop Shu Mai
that tastes like nothing
386
00:17:17,102 --> 00:17:20,122
and a mushroom flatbread pizza
that smells like nut sack.
387
00:17:20,288 --> 00:17:22,165
(Ominous music plays)
388
00:17:22,290 --> 00:17:23,417
(Grunting)
389
00:17:23,583 --> 00:17:24,543
Oh, my God!
390
00:17:26,845 --> 00:17:29,356
See? Nemo's the son of Satan.
We have to destroy him!
391
00:17:29,481 --> 00:17:32,635
No! He is my child!
392
00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:34,720
(Screams)
393
00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:38,165
You're not getting past super
positive Asian Roland Chang.
394
00:17:38,290 --> 00:17:39,308
Hiyah!
395
00:17:39,474 --> 00:17:42,186
(Screams)
396
00:17:45,748 --> 00:17:47,817
Demon grab!
397
00:17:47,983 --> 00:17:50,444
Oh, honey, I forgot to tell you,
Martha invited us to...
398
00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:52,880
The hell spawn must die!
399
00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:54,448
I won't let you kill him!
400
00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:58,869
Mene mene tekel!
Mene mene satana satana!
401
00:17:59,035 --> 00:18:00,928
♪ ♪
402
00:18:05,884 --> 00:18:08,629
Now is your chance to destroy
those figurines you hate.
403
00:18:10,189 --> 00:18:13,801
Oh, no, Greg!
They broke the figurines!
404
00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:18,405
Don't touch my Satan baby!
405
00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:19,890
(Barking)
406
00:18:20,056 --> 00:18:21,684
(Growls)
407
00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:22,643
Hell hound!
408
00:18:24,352 --> 00:18:25,429
(Gunshot)
409
00:18:25,554 --> 00:18:28,165
Clancy? Clancy?
410
00:18:28,290 --> 00:18:30,134
You okay, boy?
411
00:18:30,259 --> 00:18:31,602
Hello?
412
00:18:31,727 --> 00:18:33,737
I'm looking for my service dog.
413
00:18:33,862 --> 00:18:35,939
Are there people here?
414
00:18:36,064 --> 00:18:39,510
Any help at all would be
greatly appreciated.
415
00:18:39,635 --> 00:18:42,579
I kind of feel like I can
hear people breathing.
416
00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:47,184
No? I'm just talking to myself here?
417
00:18:47,309 --> 00:18:48,910
Oh, okay.
418
00:18:49,377 --> 00:18:51,779
Well, I guess if I stick
to the sidewalk, I'll be fine.
419
00:18:56,768 --> 00:18:57,928
Mene mene!
Ah!
420
00:18:58,053 --> 00:19:00,639
Mene mene! Mene mene!
421
00:19:00,805 --> 00:19:02,141
(Choking)
422
00:19:10,023 --> 00:19:11,233
(Ominous music plays)
423
00:19:11,467 --> 00:19:15,070
Now let's kill this baby, together!
424
00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:20,493
(Grunting)
425
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:22,203
Forgive me!
426
00:19:22,478 --> 00:19:25,923
Ah! You dumb son of a...!
No, that's not who Roland is.
427
00:19:26,048 --> 00:19:28,209
Hey, you're doing great!
428
00:19:28,375 --> 00:19:32,129
Stop! I'll shoot you, Dad, I swear!
429
00:19:33,355 --> 00:19:35,356
(Yells)
(Gunshot)
430
00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:40,320
(Monitor beeping)
431
00:19:40,445 --> 00:19:42,014
Steve:
Dad, you're awake!
432
00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:46,393
Steve... you're not
an apostate of Satan anymore.
433
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:48,629
Yeah! Aside from the vivid nightmares
434
00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:51,098
steadily pushing me towards
madness, I feel great!
435
00:19:51,223 --> 00:19:53,333
Jeff?!
I thought you drowned.
436
00:19:53,458 --> 00:19:55,436
Nope.
All right.
437
00:19:55,561 --> 00:19:57,438
(Gasps)
Oh my God, where's Nemo?
438
00:19:57,563 --> 00:20:00,641
Did I kill him?
Did I kill the antichrist?
439
00:20:00,766 --> 00:20:01,659
No, Dad.
440
00:20:01,825 --> 00:20:04,111
So I failed.
441
00:20:04,236 --> 00:20:06,213
I'm not back in the church.
442
00:20:06,338 --> 00:20:07,748
No, I got you back in.
443
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:11,452
You know my pimp cup that I sip
purple drink and eggnog out of?
444
00:20:11,577 --> 00:20:13,712
- Turns out it's the holy grail.
- Nice.
445
00:20:13,929 --> 00:20:16,140
But what about Nemo?
We have to destroy him.
446
00:20:16,265 --> 00:20:19,426
I can't let you do that, Dad,
so I sent him someplace
447
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:21,554
far away, where
you'll never find him.
448
00:20:21,820 --> 00:20:23,464
Father Donovan (Echoing):
Nemo will find his way
449
00:20:23,589 --> 00:20:26,600
to political power
and destroy the world!
450
00:20:26,766 --> 00:20:29,812
Oh, good night there,
you little blessing, you.
451
00:20:29,978 --> 00:20:34,158
Pretty soon, we'll all be
sleeping in the white house.
452
00:20:34,283 --> 00:20:37,127
Mrs. Palin, your new issue of
Highlights magazine has arrived.
453
00:20:37,252 --> 00:20:38,452
Ooh!
454
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:45,843
(Choir chanting)
455
00:20:49,014 --> 00:20:51,825
I'll see you again, Stan Smith!
456
00:20:51,950 --> 00:20:54,044
When the rapture comes!
457
00:20:54,210 --> 00:20:57,431
(Laughs maniacally)
458
00:20:57,556 --> 00:21:00,841
(Speaking backwards)
459
00:21:04,896 --> 00:21:08,408
Narrator: Baby antichrist says,
"blessings to you and yours
460
00:21:08,533 --> 00:21:11,251
on this most joyous
of holiday seasons."
461
00:21:11,376 --> 00:21:13,981
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com