1
00:00:03,370 --> 00:00:06,032
I can't believe Jess got me
roller skates for Christmas.
2
00:00:06,206 --> 00:00:07,730
I feel so free.
3
00:00:08,141 --> 00:00:09,574
- Don't.
- Let's see this.
4
00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:12,906
"Merry Christmas, Brendan.
Don't swallow these. Love, Uncle Nick."
5
00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:15,240
He's a 12-year-old kid,
it's a bunch of tacks.
6
00:00:15,415 --> 00:00:17,975
- He's gonna love them. Give it to me.
- I hate Christmas.
7
00:00:18,151 --> 00:00:20,278
First of all,
it means that Hanukkah is over.
8
00:00:20,453 --> 00:00:22,421
I hate it when you guys leave
and go home.
9
00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:24,352
- When are you leaving?
- I think 4 a.m.
10
00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:25,752
- Three p.m.
- Is that it?
11
00:00:25,925 --> 00:00:28,393
Schmidt, don't worry.
We'll hang at your office party.
12
00:00:28,561 --> 00:00:30,995
Please tell me you're not
dressing up like Santa.
13
00:00:31,164 --> 00:00:33,632
I'm the only man in the office.
Of course I will.
14
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:36,496
Look, I like it.
I get all this dirt on my coworkers.
15
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:39,399
They get drunk and whisper
what they want for Christmas...
16
00:00:39,572 --> 00:00:41,938
and I use that information
to undermine them...
17
00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:43,837
and control them
for the rest of the year.
18
00:00:44,010 --> 00:00:45,602
Ah, true spirit of Christmas.
19
00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:48,714
Winston, you'd better watch it
because I will take you down.
20
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:51,851
You want to go? You want to go?
You're gonna take me down?
21
00:00:52,018 --> 00:00:53,212
I skated until I was 13...
22
00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:56,514
then my mom sobered up
and realized I was a boy. Let's do this.
23
00:00:56,689 --> 00:00:58,589
You should not have said that.
- Don't.
24
00:00:58,758 --> 00:01:01,522
- You're wearing roller skates.
- I'm telling you, man.
25
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:04,526
Both of you. Nothing's smart
about what you guys are doing.
26
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:07,825
Why don't you both act like grown-ups?
No, no.
27
00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:09,866
I need your help now. Get in my car...
28
00:01:10,036 --> 00:01:14,268
and come to the mall because I need
to figure out what to buy Paul for...
29
00:01:14,874 --> 00:01:17,468
You guys are all wearing
the holiday gifts I gave you.
30
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:20,379
That is so sweet. I need to take a picture.
31
00:01:20,547 --> 00:01:22,481
- Jess, don't take a photo now.
- So cute.
32
00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:25,117
Don't do the photo. No pictures.
- So cute.
33
00:01:25,285 --> 00:01:27,753
- Who's that girl?
- Who's that girl?
34
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:30,116
- Who's that girl?
- Who's that girl?
35
00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:31,450
It's Jess
36
00:01:32,125 --> 00:01:34,855
Why can't you figure out
what to get Paul?
37
00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:36,188
I don't know.
38
00:01:36,362 --> 00:01:38,626
We've only been going out for,
like, a month...
39
00:01:38,798 --> 00:01:40,129
so not something fancy.
40
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:43,531
Do I get him a gag gift or do I get him
something sweet? I don't know.
41
00:01:43,703 --> 00:01:45,898
You gotta figure out
what you feel about him...
44
00:01:53,646 --> 00:01:54,704
You're being serious?
45
00:01:54,881 --> 00:01:57,213
I don't want him to think
I'm using him for his body.
46
00:01:57,383 --> 00:01:59,044
I'm sure he'd be okay with that.
47
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:02,579
"Nerdy weird sex
that works for both of us."
48
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:03,847
- Give it back.
- Amazing.
49
00:02:04,023 --> 00:02:07,720
I'm gonna keep this. Cash this in one night
and get some weird nerd sex with it.
50
00:02:07,894 --> 00:02:09,156
Oh, my God, thank you.
51
00:02:09,329 --> 00:02:11,456
- I know what I'm getting my mom.
- Oh, my God, Nick.
52
00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:12,893
This goes right to my mom.
53
00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:15,193
Why do we have to go to this
office party tonight?
54
00:02:15,368 --> 00:02:18,166
It's the last night before you guys
go home to your families.
55
00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:19,999
We gotta blow this thing out.
56
00:02:20,173 --> 00:02:22,733
It'll be a good opportunity
for you to do networking.
57
00:02:22,909 --> 00:02:24,308
Help with the job search.
58
00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:27,674
Everybody's hitting the nog,
having a good time, letting loose.
59
00:02:27,847 --> 00:02:30,839
You swoop in there
and then boom, new job, man.
60
00:02:31,017 --> 00:02:32,382
That's how things work.
61
00:02:32,552 --> 00:02:35,214
Benjamins in your pocket,
la pensione...
62
00:02:35,388 --> 00:02:37,720
little four-to-the-oh-
to-the-one-to-the-kay.
63
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:39,882
You're making me want to stay broke.
64
00:02:40,059 --> 00:02:41,583
So, what'd you get Paul?
65
00:02:41,761 --> 00:02:45,595
I'm not telling you
but, um, I'll give you a hint. It's fuzzy.
66
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,991
I hope you didn't listen to Nick.
He's the worst gift giver ever.
67
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,340
You're welcome.
68
00:02:57,443 --> 00:03:00,344
- Where are we, Jess?
- We are on Candy Cane Lane.
69
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:04,643
At night, the whole block lights up with
Christmas decorations. It's so beautiful.
70
00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:09,782
- Oh, my God, it's so beautiful.
- What fun, what wonderful fun.
71
00:03:09,956 --> 00:03:11,514
Okay, whatever.
72
00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:14,592
We have to come back later.
You'll see what I'm talking about.
73
00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:17,491
Oh, no, we have to go straight
from the party to the airport.
74
00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:18,995
- Oh.
- Yes, I've missed my flight...
75
00:03:19,165 --> 00:03:20,189
four years in a row.
76
00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:22,391
If I miss it this year,
my mom's gonna kill me.
77
00:03:22,569 --> 00:03:25,094
- Schmidt, it's a menorah for you.
- Menorah.
78
00:03:25,271 --> 00:03:29,401
Oh, a menorah. Judaism, son.
79
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:36,410
Hey, hi.
80
00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:37,641
You look awesome.
81
00:03:37,817 --> 00:03:40,149
It's a before and after
for a Bolivian diet pill.
82
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:41,912
El Glatrax? I've taken that.
83
00:03:42,088 --> 00:03:44,750
- I'm "before."
- Sure, you are, look at that.
84
00:03:44,924 --> 00:03:47,085
So you said you wanted
to see me for something?
85
00:03:47,260 --> 00:03:49,820
Yes, I brought you a gift.
86
00:03:49,996 --> 00:03:53,124
I hope you appreciate I have kept
eye contact with you whole time...
87
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:55,290
and made no reference
that you are naked.
88
00:03:55,468 --> 00:03:57,527
- Very proud of you, Schmidt.
- Hey.
89
00:03:57,704 --> 00:03:59,501
Hey.
90
00:04:01,674 --> 00:04:03,608
- Lot of tongue.
- You done with her hair?
91
00:04:03,776 --> 00:04:05,209
No, I'm not the hair guy.
92
00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:07,709
Oh, no, no, this is my
very good friend Schmidt...
93
00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:10,440
and he just came by
to bring me a gift, so...
94
00:04:11,484 --> 00:04:12,951
It's perfume.
95
00:04:13,453 --> 00:04:15,648
Why does it say "Cecilia Number 5"?
96
00:04:15,822 --> 00:04:20,122
Actually, it says that because, you know,
heh, I made it specifically for you.
97
00:04:20,293 --> 00:04:22,989
Found a place on 3rd Street
where you design your perfume.
98
00:04:23,162 --> 00:04:27,724
Base notes of cocoa
because of your brown-ness.
99
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:30,266
Sea salt
because it kind of sounds like Cece.
100
00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:35,669
Uh, and sandalwood. Sandalwood,
always up to no good.
101
00:04:36,542 --> 00:04:38,635
- That's, um...
- Ha, ha.
102
00:04:39,679 --> 00:04:41,010
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
103
00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:42,841
- Thanks.
- Neat.
104
00:04:43,016 --> 00:04:44,643
Let's get back to work.
105
00:04:44,817 --> 00:04:46,876
Yeah, okay. Um...
106
00:04:48,087 --> 00:04:49,452
- I'll see you tonight.
- Yeah.
107
00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:52,318
- Yeah, I'll see you there.
- We'll do that.
108
00:04:53,526 --> 00:04:56,359
- Three, two, one.
- Three, two, one. Go.
109
00:04:56,529 --> 00:04:58,520
- Envelope.
- Festive bag.
110
00:04:58,698 --> 00:05:01,394
I was afraid you were gonna
get me jewelry, so...
111
00:05:01,567 --> 00:05:04,661
- Oh, no.
- What is it? Oh, my God.
112
00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:11,241
Oh, my God, two tickets to Vienna and
passes to the Salzburg Music Festival?
113
00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:13,072
That's, like, incredible.
114
00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:14,736
- You're gonna love it.
- I'm speechless.
115
00:05:14,914 --> 00:05:18,077
And, um, all I got you was...
116
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:22,620
"Anatomically correct heart
of a 50-year-old nonsmoker."
117
00:05:27,126 --> 00:05:28,457
- Ha-ha-ha.
- You know what? Normally I'm like...
118
00:05:28,628 --> 00:05:30,118
really good at giving gifts...
119
00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:34,096
and I thought that was romantic
but it's just so creepy.
120
00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:36,565
I'm sorry,
I have to get you something better.
121
00:05:36,736 --> 00:05:38,499
No, it's great, I love it.
122
00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:44,041
It's funny and quirky and so sweet.
123
00:05:44,377 --> 00:05:47,278
It's like you. That's why I love it.
124
00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:51,611
I love it. Thank you, I love it. I...
125
00:05:52,051 --> 00:05:53,848
I love you.
126
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:04,029
Thank you.
127
00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:09,898
- You're very welcome.
- You're welcome.
128
00:06:17,777 --> 00:06:19,972
All dressed up. What, are you
in The Temptations tonight?
129
00:06:20,146 --> 00:06:21,943
Heh.
- That's so cute, Nick...
130
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:23,844
you're intimidated by my style.
131
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:26,610
But one of us is walking out of here
with a job.
132
00:06:27,086 --> 00:06:28,849
- Where you going?
- You wore my present.
133
00:06:29,021 --> 00:06:32,252
- I did. Thank you, I love it.
- Yay!
134
00:06:32,425 --> 00:06:34,586
She's seen it now
so maybe you can take it off.
135
00:06:34,761 --> 00:06:36,922
- You look like a man.
- I know, right?
136
00:06:37,096 --> 00:06:39,064
Good humor and fun, God forbid.
137
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:42,525
- Is that Schmidt?
- Oh.
138
00:06:43,669 --> 00:06:45,728
- What the?
- Hey, guys.
139
00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:49,272
Whoa, whoa. Schmidt, Santa voice.
This isn't temple.
140
00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:51,634
Ho, ho, ho.
141
00:06:52,645 --> 00:06:55,113
Are those my shorts?
142
00:07:00,787 --> 00:07:02,982
Hey, what's wrong, Jess?
- Hey, Nick.
143
00:07:04,957 --> 00:07:06,948
- Paul told me he loved me.
- Hm.
144
00:07:07,126 --> 00:07:11,586
And I couldn't say it back
so I, um, said thank you...
145
00:07:12,131 --> 00:07:13,860
which was horrible.
146
00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:18,333
I don't know what to do because
I am always the one who loves more.
147
00:07:18,504 --> 00:07:20,165
That's my thing.
148
00:07:20,339 --> 00:07:22,899
One time I went on a date
and by 11 p. M...
149
00:07:23,075 --> 00:07:24,804
I gave the guy my ATM code.
150
00:07:24,977 --> 00:07:27,070
- What is your ATM code?
- Four-two...
151
00:07:27,246 --> 00:07:30,181
Very funny. Very good try but no.
152
00:07:30,349 --> 00:07:31,577
Not a try, I got it.
153
00:07:32,051 --> 00:07:34,315
If you don't have feelings for Paul,
you tell him.
154
00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:36,352
I can't do that
to someone on Christmas.
155
00:07:36,522 --> 00:07:37,853
And then it's New Year's.
156
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:41,892
Then it's gonna be Valentine's Day
and then, whoa, it's Presidents' Day.
157
00:07:42,061 --> 00:07:44,689
Hard to argue with that logic,
but just tell him.
158
00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:47,355
Don't lead him on,
you'll just hurt him more.
159
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:51,401
Okay. I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna tell him.
160
00:07:51,571 --> 00:07:53,664
You are?
- Yeah.
161
00:07:56,909 --> 00:07:58,900
Hey, what are you doing in here?
162
00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:01,874
Kyle's being ajerk.
163
00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:05,677
- What are you doing in here?
- Eating cookies, avoiding confrontation.
164
00:08:05,852 --> 00:08:09,549
Remember when Christmas was fun and all
I had to worry about was my drunk uncle?
165
00:08:09,722 --> 00:08:11,519
- Yes, Uncle Pardeep.
- Heh.
166
00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:14,626
- He thought I was a boy.
- Such a weirdo.
167
00:08:20,366 --> 00:08:22,266
Okay.
168
00:08:26,973 --> 00:08:28,770
- Hey, man.
- Hey.
169
00:08:28,941 --> 00:08:30,909
- How you doing, Paul?
- Good.
170
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:34,102
- Has Jess not talked to you?
- Oh, yeah, no, we talked.
171
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:35,577
- She did, okay.
- Yeah, no...
172
00:08:35,748 --> 00:08:38,216
Yeah, it's hard, you know,
it's really tricky.
173
00:08:38,384 --> 00:08:40,852
It's like she doesn't love you
right now, Paul.
174
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:43,682
But that's not to say she might not
fall in love later.
175
00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:48,190
That's the positive way of looking at it
but it's hard, man, believe me.
176
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:52,821
We talked about how we might have to
drive you to the airport...
177
00:08:52,999 --> 00:08:55,024
because you're gonna miss
your flight.
178
00:08:56,602 --> 00:09:00,265
Yeah. That was probably all
you guys talked about, so I'm joking.
179
00:09:00,439 --> 00:09:01,770
- Wait a minute.
- Because she...
180
00:09:01,941 --> 00:09:06,139
Yeah, I know, guess what, Paul.
Don't even think right now. I'm drunk.
181
00:09:06,312 --> 00:09:09,042
- Did Jess tell you that she doesn't love me?
- I'm so drunk.
182
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:13,379
No, shut up, you goofball.
I'm... This conversation didn't happen.
183
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:16,147
Did Jess tell you she doesn't love me?
184
00:09:18,791 --> 00:09:20,850
Joke.
185
00:09:22,361 --> 00:09:25,819
But he's the best guy, Cece.
Maybe I should just make it work.
186
00:09:25,998 --> 00:09:30,332
Yeah, no, Jess, you can't just
dive into something like this right now.
187
00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:33,961
Yeah, I just wish I could stay
in this bathroom all night.
188
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:35,164
Me too.
189
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:41,005
Whew, that eggnog is deadly.
190
00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:46,845
- We gotta get out of here.
- Yeah, we do.
191
00:09:47,019 --> 00:09:50,147
I should just put it off till later,
after the holidays.
192
00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:53,451
- You coming?
- Yeah, I'll be out in a sec.
193
00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:57,562
- Kyle wants to go to this party.
- Ugh, Kyle is the living worst.
194
00:09:57,763 --> 00:10:01,494
Yeah, I know.
- Did he even get you a gift?
195
00:10:02,702 --> 00:10:04,363
No.
196
00:10:05,371 --> 00:10:07,965
Four calling birds
Three French hens
197
00:10:08,140 --> 00:10:12,042
Two turtledoves
And a partridge in a pear tree
198
00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:19,540
Who wants to sit at a desk all day?
Not me, I don't wanna have to do that.
199
00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:21,778
I don't want to call Wednesday
"hump day."
200
00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:24,218
I don't even know how to network.
201
00:10:25,057 --> 00:10:27,992
So, what's your deal, man?
Why are you sitting here by yourself?
202
00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:33,154
- Mommy won't let me sit in Santa's lap.
- Heh. You have a smart mommy.
203
00:10:33,332 --> 00:10:35,926
I'm the genius who brought my kid
to a Christmas party.
204
00:10:36,102 --> 00:10:38,969
Looking forward to years of therapy
over Dirty Santa.
205
00:10:39,538 --> 00:10:42,098
I can't believe he's talking.
He doesn't like anyone.
206
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:45,106
- I don't like anyone.
- But we're really working on that.
207
00:10:45,277 --> 00:10:46,471
No, she's working on that.
208
00:10:48,681 --> 00:10:49,909
My man.
209
00:10:50,082 --> 00:10:51,344
You think it's fun? Do it.
210
00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:54,577
- I do think it's fun.
- Do it then. Do it.
211
00:10:56,188 --> 00:10:57,655
Okay.
212
00:10:58,090 --> 00:11:01,753
- What are you doing, Santa?
- I have a really bad case of Santa lap.
213
00:11:01,927 --> 00:11:03,451
- Mm.
- The entire marketing department...
214
00:11:03,629 --> 00:11:06,496
is wearing wool.
It's not good down there.
215
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:10,397
- Well, get back to work soon. Boom!
- Ow. Why would you?
216
00:11:10,569 --> 00:11:13,470
There are so many bobby pins up there.
Everything's attached.
217
00:11:13,639 --> 00:11:16,073
- Does she always talk to you like that?
- Kind of.
218
00:11:16,742 --> 00:11:19,575
- You like dressing up like Santa?
- Sexy Santa.
219
00:11:19,745 --> 00:11:21,736
No. The truth is, no, I don't.
220
00:11:21,914 --> 00:11:25,077
You don't deserve to be treated like that.
You gotta tell her no.
221
00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:28,982
Otherwise, all she'll do is see you
as a pretty face and a hot body.
222
00:11:29,155 --> 00:11:31,988
- I'm sorry, what was that?
- You have a pretty face.
223
00:11:32,158 --> 00:11:34,251
No, the second part.
I'd like you to say it...
224
00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:36,725
in an accent
but make direct eye contact.
225
00:11:36,896 --> 00:11:38,659
Schmidt, do not push your luck with me.
226
00:11:40,099 --> 00:11:42,659
- What's that smell?
- That's your perfume.
227
00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:45,632
- You wore it?
- Yeah, and it smells terrible.
228
00:11:45,805 --> 00:11:46,829
Ha.
229
00:11:47,006 --> 00:11:49,668
It does smell terrible.
It's like a dirty dish towel.
230
00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:51,809
Santa voice!
231
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:56,314
- Please just tell me what she said.
- She said the sex is really great.
232
00:11:56,482 --> 00:11:58,450
But she doesn't want to
jump into anything.
233
00:11:58,617 --> 00:12:02,314
- Why am I talking about this?
- My God, the sex is great, it's amazing.
234
00:12:02,755 --> 00:12:06,452
We had amazing sex this morning
and then we ate taro chips.
235
00:12:07,126 --> 00:12:09,253
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, God. I...
236
00:12:09,428 --> 00:12:12,693
I feel like such a terrible guy
for saying that to you, man.
237
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,729
- Oh, my God.
- You're a good guy, Genzlinger.
238
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:17,334
Hey, man, just let it go.
You know what I mean?
239
00:12:17,503 --> 00:12:19,767
- Just let it brush off your shoulders, dude.
- Oh.
240
00:12:19,939 --> 00:12:21,566
What has happened to my life?
- Hey.
241
00:12:23,109 --> 00:12:25,703
- Why are you guys hugging?
- Just guy-talking.
242
00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:26,969
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
243
00:12:27,146 --> 00:12:29,979
Everything's fine. Just talking.
- We're just talking.
244
00:12:30,149 --> 00:12:35,746
About, uh, how moved we are
by jazz music.
245
00:12:36,188 --> 00:12:37,815
That's a lie.
246
00:12:37,990 --> 00:12:40,151
- I told him you didn't love him, Jess.
- What?
247
00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:41,816
- Because...
- He said it nicely.
248
00:12:41,994 --> 00:12:44,690
Are you kidding me?
It's not your information to share.
249
00:12:44,864 --> 00:12:46,491
I regret it.
- Not your information.
250
00:12:46,665 --> 00:12:50,897
- Why would you do that?
- You guys have a lot to do. I'm sorry.
251
00:12:51,070 --> 00:12:54,562
Oh, my God.
- Please, this is my nightmare!
252
00:12:55,007 --> 00:12:59,410
Winston! Schmidt! Help me!
253
00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:05,341
Paul, I really care about you.
254
00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:09,010
I think I just feel really overwhelmed.
255
00:13:09,188 --> 00:13:10,382
Yeah.
256
00:13:10,556 --> 00:13:13,184
- Yeah, I know, Nicholas told me.
- Damn it.
257
00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:16,817
Hey, guys, just pretend I'm not here
and do whatever you guys are doing.
258
00:13:16,996 --> 00:13:20,625
I'm not here. I'm not even listening.
This is my nightmare.
259
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,200
I knew you were getting out
of a long relationship.
260
00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:27,698
You told me all about Spencer. I thought
we were feeling the same things.
261
00:13:27,873 --> 00:13:31,240
- You seemed like you were.
- I was. I just...
262
00:13:31,877 --> 00:13:34,812
I feel like maybe you were feeling them
a little bit more than me.
263
00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:39,015
Nick! You started this.
Sit down and be quiet!
264
00:13:41,887 --> 00:13:45,015
I just, I got really hurt...
265
00:13:45,191 --> 00:13:48,354
and I'm trying really hard
not to get hurt again.
266
00:13:48,527 --> 00:13:49,619
I'm not gonna hurt you.
267
00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:52,361
Oh.
268
00:13:53,365 --> 00:13:54,627
Oh.
269
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:59,134
I am so sorry. This is as rude as it gets.
270
00:13:59,305 --> 00:14:02,103
It is my mom, though.
271
00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:05,570
Hey, Ma. How you doing?
I can't talk right now.
272
00:14:05,744 --> 00:14:07,507
I'm in a real weird situation.
273
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,911
No, Ma, I'm not high,
I'm done with that phase.
274
00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:15,481
I promise you I won't miss my flight.
Okay. I love you, Mama. Bye.
275
00:14:15,654 --> 00:14:17,315
- You done?
- Mm-hm.
276
00:14:19,058 --> 00:14:20,923
Can we just...
277
00:14:21,093 --> 00:14:24,221
Can we just keep going
but take it a little bit slow?
278
00:14:24,396 --> 00:14:29,129
I don't know if I can do that.
I don't know how with you.
279
00:14:29,301 --> 00:14:32,498
- It's just not how I feel.
- All she's asking is slow it down a bit.
280
00:14:32,671 --> 00:14:34,662
- Nick.
- Yeah.
281
00:14:36,075 --> 00:14:39,044
All right, everybody leave the room.
I need to talk to Kim.
282
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:43,238
Okay, you know what? Actually, stay,
this'll be good for you guys to hear too.
283
00:14:43,415 --> 00:14:47,579
- Why... Don't... I just told you to stay.
- There are two hours left in this party.
284
00:14:47,753 --> 00:14:51,211
- What are you doing, Santa?
- I'm not gonna be Sexy Santa anymore.
285
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:54,587
It's over. Santa's dead. I killed him.
286
00:14:56,128 --> 00:14:59,154
Oh, my God. No, don't worry,
that's just Gina's cowardly son.
287
00:14:59,331 --> 00:15:03,131
- He is a scream machine.
- Kim, I'm not a sex object, all right?
288
00:15:03,302 --> 00:15:05,998
I'm your employee.
And I work harder than anyone.
289
00:15:06,171 --> 00:15:09,265
- I'm the first one to show up every morning.
- No, you're not.
290
00:15:09,441 --> 00:15:11,932
- There's never a parking space.
- Because everyone's already here.
291
00:15:12,111 --> 00:15:14,204
You're so off topic.
You're missing the point.
292
00:15:14,380 --> 00:15:19,784
- You need to take me seriously, Kim.
- That mean no more Sexy Easter Bunny?
293
00:15:19,952 --> 00:15:23,319
- No Sexy Easter Bunny.
- What about, uh, Cinco de Sexy?
294
00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:26,083
- No Cinco de Sexy.
- And no Sexy Martin Luther King?
295
00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:29,193
I can never get the voice,
Never felt like I had the authority...
296
00:15:29,361 --> 00:15:31,989
I can't believe it took you
five years to say that.
297
00:15:32,164 --> 00:15:35,600
Well, I guess I'm gonna have to be
Sexy Santa next year.
298
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,703
Think I just got ajingle bell rock.
You know what I mean?
299
00:15:38,871 --> 00:15:41,863
- That is so inappropriate.
- I get it, so you can dish it out...
300
00:15:42,041 --> 00:15:43,565
but you can't take it.
301
00:15:43,742 --> 00:15:45,676
Yeah, how's that feel, Kim?
302
00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:47,469
I like it.
303
00:15:48,747 --> 00:15:50,806
Both these machines need toner.
304
00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:55,309
They need... I'm gonna
put the toner in the machine.
305
00:15:55,487 --> 00:15:59,890
Mrs. Miller, I told you, I will get Nick
to his flight on time. No worries.
306
00:16:00,059 --> 00:16:02,892
I can't find Elvin.
I looked everywhere. I have no idea.
307
00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:06,259
Uh, you know what? I gotta go. Um,
he's around somewhere. We'll find him.
308
00:16:06,432 --> 00:16:09,993
Elvin!
- You go that way, I'll go that way.
309
00:16:10,169 --> 00:16:11,431
This is Schmidt's fault.
310
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:12,934
Elvin?
311
00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:17,268
I'm sorry, Jess, I just,
I don't wanna slow down with you.
312
00:16:17,443 --> 00:16:22,142
It's just not natural. So if you need to,
then I don't think I can do this anymore.
313
00:16:25,517 --> 00:16:27,212
Okay.
314
00:16:27,386 --> 00:16:29,377
Come on, Paul!
315
00:16:29,555 --> 00:16:32,388
- It's Christmas. Don't break up with her.
- It's okay, Nick.
316
00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:34,355
It's okay.
317
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:39,392
Hey, have you guys seen a little kid
running around here?
318
00:16:43,102 --> 00:16:44,763
Thank you.
319
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:50,501
O come all ye faithful
320
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:53,144
Joyful and triumphant
321
00:16:53,312 --> 00:16:57,874
Aha. I see you found Santa's house.
I was looking for it.
322
00:16:58,050 --> 00:17:02,077
- The man with no shirt killed Santa.
- Oh, heh, you mean Schmidt.
323
00:17:02,254 --> 00:17:05,690
- He was just dressing up like Santa.
- Then why didn't he have a shirt?
324
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,349
We ask ourselves that question
every single day.
325
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:11,223
Is it because he's a D-bag?
Mommy says he's a D-bag.
326
00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:15,260
You know something?
You're a really smart kid.
327
00:17:15,434 --> 00:17:18,562
And for that, Santa's gonna bring you
extra presents this year.
328
00:17:18,737 --> 00:17:20,261
- Really?
- Yeah.
329
00:17:20,439 --> 00:17:21,667
Thank you, LeBron.
330
00:17:23,575 --> 00:17:25,873
- Okay, cool, I'll be LeBron.
- You found him!
331
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,411
Yeah.
- Hi!
332
00:17:28,580 --> 00:17:32,573
- Extra gifts this year.
- You're really good at this. Seriously.
333
00:17:32,751 --> 00:17:35,219
If you ever want to hang out
with Elvin again...
334
00:17:36,088 --> 00:17:39,023
I will pay you a lot of money. Let's go.
335
00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:41,490
- A lot.
- Thank you.
336
00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:44,595
Like, whatever you're thinking,
add money to that...
337
00:17:44,763 --> 00:17:47,391
because that's what I... Like, a lot.
338
00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:49,124
- Bye, Elvin.
- Bye, LeBron.
339
00:17:50,436 --> 00:17:51,562
Yep.
340
00:17:56,308 --> 00:17:57,639
What up, Mrs. Miller?
341
00:17:58,177 --> 00:18:01,237
Yes. We're on our way right now
so just go back to sleep.
342
00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:03,005
We're getting Nick to the airport.
343
00:18:03,182 --> 00:18:05,412
What airline has flights
that leave at 4 a. M?
344
00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:07,552
Oh, the kind that I can afford.
345
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:09,380
- What's that smell?
- It's nothing.
346
00:18:09,555 --> 00:18:13,616
- That's my perfume.
- Oh, God, that is bad.
347
00:18:13,792 --> 00:18:17,250
But the weird kind of bad
that makes you want to smell it again.
348
00:18:22,067 --> 00:18:25,594
- There's something we gotta do. Sorry.
- What are you doing, man?
349
00:18:27,739 --> 00:18:28,899
You're going in the wrong direction!
350
00:18:29,074 --> 00:18:31,907
You do this every single year, man!
351
00:18:33,412 --> 00:18:37,508
- I think we're too late, Nick.
- This was supposed to be your gift, Jess.
352
00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:40,584
I screwed it up. I'm sorry.
353
00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:47,284
Candy Cane Lane is shut down.
354
00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:49,620
Should've got her perfume, man.
355
00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:51,626
Nice, Schmidt.
356
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:57,859
- Man.
- Yeah.
357
00:18:59,004 --> 00:19:02,462
I have the worst timing.
358
00:19:03,542 --> 00:19:06,670
I'm always in the wrong place
at the wrong time.
359
00:19:08,547 --> 00:19:11,539
- Let's go. We should go.
- No, we don't...
360
00:19:12,618 --> 00:19:15,109
Jess, no. It's Christmas.
It's our Christmas.
361
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:17,379
We came here to see the lights.
362
00:19:17,556 --> 00:19:19,888
Well, what are we gonna do?
363
00:19:20,526 --> 00:19:22,960
- Yeah, what are you doing?
- What are you doing?
364
00:19:23,128 --> 00:19:24,959
Come on.
- Why would they turn them off?
365
00:19:25,130 --> 00:19:28,429
- It doesn't make sense to me.
- Nick, we don't got time for this.
366
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:30,727
- Excuse me, guys?
- Oh, hell, no.
367
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:33,599
We got a girl out here
who'd really like to see the lights!
368
00:19:33,772 --> 00:19:35,467
Sorry to wake you up! This is rude!
369
00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:38,075
Make it the Candy Cane Lane
or whatever!
370
00:19:38,577 --> 00:19:42,411
You spend all this time to show off and
do it, so show off, you got an audience!
371
00:19:42,581 --> 00:19:44,242
- This whole neighborhood is ridiculous!
- Heh, heh.
372
00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:46,845
You all show off so turn on the lights!
373
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:50,887
Just go in the shed or whatever and turn
your damn lights on, you show-offs!
374
00:19:51,056 --> 00:19:54,150
- Turn on your lights!
- Turn on the lights! Flip the switch!
375
00:19:54,326 --> 00:19:56,089
- Turn on your lights!
- Turn them on!
376
00:19:56,261 --> 00:19:57,922
- Hey!
- Turn on your lights!
377
00:19:58,096 --> 00:20:00,155
- Turn on your lights!
- Turn on your lights!
378
00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:02,833
- Turn on your lights!
- Turn on your lights!
379
00:20:03,001 --> 00:20:05,799
- Turn on the lights, everybody!
- Turn on the lights!
380
00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:09,372
Turn on your lights.
That snowman is dead.
381
00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:13,602
- Turn on the lights, everybody!
- You got too much time on your hands.
382
00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:22,645
Oh, my God!
383
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:26,380
And mistletoe
384
00:20:26,858 --> 00:20:29,622
And presents on the tree
385
00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:35,097
Oh, my God! Yes! Yes!
386
00:20:35,267 --> 00:20:36,928
Yes!
387
00:20:37,102 --> 00:20:41,061
Christmas Eve will find me
388
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,935
It's good!
389
00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:49,179
- Merry Christmas.
- Ha, ha. Merry Christmas, boys.
390
00:20:49,348 --> 00:20:52,784
- Merry Christmas, everyone!
- Merry Hanukkah!
391
00:20:53,352 --> 00:20:54,614
Merry Christmas.
392
00:20:55,854 --> 00:20:58,049
Merry Christmas.
393
00:20:58,223 --> 00:21:00,851
Now stop yelling before I call the cops!
394
00:21:01,026 --> 00:21:02,823
Oh, my God.
395
00:21:03,795 --> 00:21:06,696
- Appreciate it.
- Merry Christmas, buddy.
396
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:12,995
Candy Cane Lane is the crème de
la crème of decorated streets.
397
00:21:13,171 --> 00:21:17,073
Amazing.
- Hey, Ma! How are you? Yeah.
398
00:21:17,242 --> 00:21:20,541
No, I'm gonna miss my flight.
Yeah, I'm sorry. No.
399
00:21:20,712 --> 00:21:23,306
Ma, stop yelling at me,
please stop yelling.
400
00:21:23,482 --> 00:21:26,747
Ma, I'm not high! Stop yelling!
I'm driving a car. I can't talk.
401
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:29,716
Hey, remember Winston?
Winston, it's my ma. Talk to her.
402
00:21:29,888 --> 00:21:31,753
Hey, what up, Mrs. Miller?
403
00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:35,688
You know, I wrote a poem about you.
You wanna hear it?