1
00:00:01,124 --> 00:00:02,359
Here you go, Earl.
2
00:00:02,395 --> 00:00:05,598
Table 12 throwing down
a credit card on a patty melt.
3
00:00:05,599 --> 00:00:08,934
They really need
those eight airline miles?
4
00:00:08,935 --> 00:00:11,003
Where they going... New Jersey?
5
00:00:11,004 --> 00:00:14,206
Credit cards are the downfall of America.
6
00:00:14,207 --> 00:00:18,344
Well, credit cards and Kim Kardashian.
7
00:00:18,345 --> 00:00:22,581
I like her big ass
as much as the next man,
8
00:00:22,582 --> 00:00:26,886
but don't go give
the damn butt a franchise.
9
00:00:26,887 --> 00:00:30,155
Max, I can take a lot.
10
00:00:30,156 --> 00:00:31,891
Please keep your sex life to yourself.
11
00:00:31,892 --> 00:00:34,793
I handled it
when I lost my fortune,
12
00:00:34,794 --> 00:00:36,729
and I handled it
when I lost my fortune.
13
00:00:36,730 --> 00:00:38,330
You said that twice.
14
00:00:38,331 --> 00:00:40,633
Because I think it bears repeating.
15
00:00:40,634 --> 00:00:42,167
But this is too much.
16
00:00:42,168 --> 00:00:47,773
That couple that just left...
a $50 check, a $1.47 tip.
17
00:00:47,774 --> 00:00:49,508
47 cents?
18
00:00:49,509 --> 00:00:51,944
Uh, I wasn't even aware they
were still making pennies.
19
00:00:51,945 --> 00:00:56,882
I smiled and bent over
backwards, giving them service...
20
00:00:56,883 --> 00:00:59,518
all for $1.47?
21
00:00:59,519 --> 00:01:02,788
This makes me the lowest-paid
hooker in New York.
22
00:01:02,789 --> 00:01:05,858
All right, give me that check.
I'll handle this.
23
00:01:10,797 --> 00:01:12,031
Hey!
24
00:01:12,032 --> 00:01:13,799
Was something wrong with the service
25
00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:15,234
my girl over here gave you?
26
00:01:15,235 --> 00:01:17,903
No. Tipping's an option.
27
00:01:17,904 --> 00:01:19,972
So is me spitting in your food.
28
00:01:19,973 --> 00:01:21,106
You might want to remember that
29
00:01:21,107 --> 00:01:23,609
the next time you leave
a waitress pennies.
30
00:01:23,610 --> 00:01:25,277
I'm sorry. I didn't know.
31
00:01:25,278 --> 00:01:28,547
This was our first
and last date.
32
00:01:28,548 --> 00:01:30,349
Sorry, dude.
33
00:01:30,350 --> 00:01:31,583
Looks like this little tip
34
00:01:31,584 --> 00:01:36,155
just lost you the chance
to give her your little tip.
35
00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:52,936
Max, come in, sit down.
36
00:01:53,032 --> 00:01:54,432
There's something
we have to talk about.
37
00:01:54,433 --> 00:01:55,867
This can't be about my drinking.
38
00:01:55,868 --> 00:01:58,803
I don't have the money
to be a real alcoholic.
39
00:01:58,804 --> 00:02:00,772
Can you sit in that chair, please?
40
00:02:00,773 --> 00:02:02,173
I never sit in that chair.
41
00:02:02,174 --> 00:02:04,008
Well, today we're doing things differently...
44
00:02:08,414 --> 00:02:10,315
And I went to Starbucks
45
00:02:10,316 --> 00:02:12,250
and got you a coffee
and a vanilla bear claw.
46
00:02:12,251 --> 00:02:14,619
A Bear Claw? Awesome!
I'll sit anywhere you want.
47
00:02:16,655 --> 00:02:18,456
My life is not where I want it to be.
48
00:02:18,457 --> 00:02:21,192
That $1.47 tip
was a wake-up call
49
00:02:21,193 --> 00:02:23,928
reminding me that life
will always undervalue you
50
00:02:23,929 --> 00:02:25,229
if you let it.
51
00:02:25,230 --> 00:02:26,664
Yes, I've been knocked down,
52
00:02:26,665 --> 00:02:29,500
but now it's time to fight back
and grab life by the balls.
53
00:02:29,501 --> 00:02:33,271
I don't know if life likes
having its balls grabbed.
54
00:02:33,272 --> 00:02:35,673
Some guys do, but those
are usually the ones
55
00:02:35,674 --> 00:02:38,109
who want you to spoon them.
56
00:02:38,110 --> 00:02:40,645
I'd like to explain
my vision for our future
57
00:02:40,646 --> 00:02:43,114
by walking you through...
58
00:02:43,115 --> 00:02:44,682
My vision board.
59
00:02:44,683 --> 00:02:47,051
- Oh, no.
- It's a simple tool.
60
00:02:47,052 --> 00:02:48,953
You're a simple tool.
61
00:02:48,954 --> 00:02:51,089
You start with a thin, white board...
62
00:02:51,090 --> 00:02:54,092
Your thin, white, and I'm bored.
63
00:02:54,093 --> 00:02:56,294
Keep going.
I can do this all day.
64
00:02:56,295 --> 00:02:57,995
I have a Bear Claw in me.
65
00:02:57,996 --> 00:02:59,864
I've been making
vision boards for years,
66
00:02:59,865 --> 00:03:01,666
and I always achieve my goals.
67
00:03:01,667 --> 00:03:03,167
And you think
it's that crazy little board
68
00:03:03,168 --> 00:03:04,969
and not your father's billions?
69
00:03:04,970 --> 00:03:06,270
- Max, it works.
70
00:03:06,271 --> 00:03:08,005
You put up pictures
and inspirational words
71
00:03:08,006 --> 00:03:09,173
of things you want in your life.
72
00:03:09,174 --> 00:03:11,743
See? I have success,
a cupcake business,
73
00:03:11,744 --> 00:03:14,379
and a picture
of a beautiful new bed.
74
00:03:14,380 --> 00:03:16,614
Ah, the ones at the Asylum
look different than that,
75
00:03:16,615 --> 00:03:18,349
so don't get attached.
76
00:03:18,350 --> 00:03:20,651
Sleeping on that couch
is holding me back.
77
00:03:20,652 --> 00:03:22,153
I never get
a restful night's sleep,
78
00:03:22,154 --> 00:03:23,755
and I need a good nine hours.
79
00:03:23,756 --> 00:03:26,791
What you need
is a good nine inches.
80
00:03:29,762 --> 00:03:32,497
That should be
on your vision board.
81
00:03:32,498 --> 00:03:37,101
It is... on the back.
82
00:03:37,102 --> 00:03:38,369
Nice.
83
00:03:38,370 --> 00:03:40,805
Now, unless you're willing
to switch the bedroom
84
00:03:40,806 --> 00:03:41,806
every other week...
85
00:03:41,807 --> 00:03:43,674
No, that sounds mormon.
86
00:03:43,675 --> 00:03:46,677
Then I want to install
a murphy bed in here.
87
00:03:46,678 --> 00:03:48,679
The bed folds up against
the wall during the day,
88
00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:51,015
so you'd still maintain
your signature Williamsburg
89
00:03:51,016 --> 00:03:53,584
"I don't care about anything
chic or nice" decor.
90
00:03:53,585 --> 00:03:55,820
Who's going to build it?
'Cause it's not me.
91
00:03:55,821 --> 00:03:57,321
I'm already
being taken advantage of
92
00:03:57,322 --> 00:03:58,656
at my babysitting job.
93
00:03:58,657 --> 00:04:00,458
Peach has me lugging things
back and forth
94
00:04:00,459 --> 00:04:02,326
to help with the twins'
first birthday party.
95
00:04:02,327 --> 00:04:04,996
I've been sorting through
clown resumes for a week.
96
00:04:04,997 --> 00:04:07,565
Peach is throwing a birthday party?
97
00:04:07,566 --> 00:04:09,434
Did you ask her
if we can cater the desserts?
98
00:04:09,435 --> 00:04:12,170
She hires fancy people
with real companies.
99
00:04:12,171 --> 00:04:13,337
We're not a real business.
100
00:04:13,338 --> 00:04:15,239
See? This is what I'm talking about.
101
00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:17,875
You mock the vision board, but look...
102
00:04:17,876 --> 00:04:19,277
here it is, our cupcake shop.
103
00:04:19,278 --> 00:04:21,412
I don't think we can both
fit in there.
104
00:04:21,413 --> 00:04:23,848
Max, you have to start imagining
105
00:04:23,849 --> 00:04:25,082
what our life can be.
106
00:04:25,083 --> 00:04:28,419
You deserve a cupcake shop,
and I deserve a new bed.
107
00:04:28,420 --> 00:04:30,321
All you have to do is dream it.
108
00:04:30,322 --> 00:04:33,157
No, all you have to do is do it.
109
00:04:33,158 --> 00:04:34,992
And for you to build
a Murphy bed,
110
00:04:34,993 --> 00:04:36,127
it'll take a miracle.
111
00:04:36,128 --> 00:04:39,497
So unless you have Jesus
or Jesus
112
00:04:39,498 --> 00:04:41,666
on that board...
113
00:04:41,667 --> 00:04:43,267
Not going to happen.
114
00:04:44,703 --> 00:04:45,970
Who is it?
115
00:04:45,971 --> 00:04:48,439
It's Jesus...
116
00:04:49,761 --> 00:04:52,830
From Williamsburg hardware.
117
00:04:53,947 --> 00:04:57,716
We got your do-it-yourself
Murphy bed.
118
00:04:57,739 --> 00:04:59,507
See how I made that happen?
119
00:04:59,508 --> 00:05:00,608
Vision.
120
00:05:00,609 --> 00:05:03,911
So which one of them
has the nine inches?
121
00:05:07,583 --> 00:05:09,484
Guess what I did today?
122
00:05:09,570 --> 00:05:12,038
Jesus?
123
00:05:12,099 --> 00:05:13,233
What do you think?
124
00:05:13,234 --> 00:05:15,301
I think the bed still isn't built.
125
00:05:15,302 --> 00:05:16,636
No, but it's almost finished.
126
00:05:16,637 --> 00:05:18,038
Look...
127
00:05:18,039 --> 00:05:19,673
Notice anything different
about me?
128
00:05:19,674 --> 00:05:21,441
I have answer.
129
00:05:21,442 --> 00:05:22,842
You had boob job.
130
00:05:22,843 --> 00:05:25,278
Your "b"s
have turned into "c"s,
131
00:05:25,279 --> 00:05:27,647
and for that,
I give you an "a."
132
00:05:27,648 --> 00:05:30,650
No, I had my uniform altered.
133
00:05:30,651 --> 00:05:32,819
Yes, life dealt me a bad uniform,
134
00:05:32,820 --> 00:05:34,054
but with a little vision,
135
00:05:34,055 --> 00:05:36,423
I can shape it
the way it works best for me.
136
00:05:36,424 --> 00:05:38,191
That should be a tip
in your inspirational book,
137
00:05:38,192 --> 00:05:39,192
which I'm guessing is called
138
00:05:39,193 --> 00:05:40,960
cutting pictures
out of magazines
139
00:05:40,961 --> 00:05:43,430
isn't just
for serial killers anymore.
140
00:05:43,431 --> 00:05:45,498
And this is exciting... look.
141
00:05:45,499 --> 00:05:47,400
The other really important thing
I did today...
142
00:05:47,401 --> 00:05:48,535
made us business cards.
143
00:05:48,536 --> 00:05:49,569
Now you can give one to Peach
144
00:05:49,570 --> 00:05:50,970
and throw our hat
into the party ring.
145
00:05:50,971 --> 00:05:53,073
You're her babysitter.
You already have a connection.
146
00:05:53,074 --> 00:05:56,843
Yeah, a connection
to her babies' asses.
147
00:05:56,844 --> 00:05:58,712
See? That's your limited vision.
148
00:05:58,713 --> 00:06:00,447
Plus, Peach is interviewing
this gay guy
149
00:06:00,448 --> 00:06:01,781
who used to work
for Martha Stewart.
150
00:06:01,782 --> 00:06:04,451
I mean, gay, Martha Stewart...
we can't top that.
151
00:06:04,452 --> 00:06:07,287
Just give her the cards.
We have to start somewhere.
152
00:06:07,288 --> 00:06:09,122
See?
"Max's homemade cupcakes."
153
00:06:09,123 --> 00:06:12,258
And look...
"Max Black, owner/baker."
154
00:06:12,259 --> 00:06:14,360
"Owner/baker"?
155
00:06:14,361 --> 00:06:16,229
That's pretty cool.
156
00:06:16,230 --> 00:06:17,497
See? There it is.
157
00:06:17,498 --> 00:06:18,598
It's real.
158
00:06:18,599 --> 00:06:19,933
But the name sucks a big one.
159
00:06:19,934 --> 00:06:21,968
"Homemade"...
it sounds like homeschooled,
160
00:06:21,969 --> 00:06:23,369
like we're churning out
cupcakes
161
00:06:23,370 --> 00:06:26,740
that aren't comfortable
around other people.
162
00:06:27,775 --> 00:06:29,843
Or it sounds delicious.
163
00:06:29,844 --> 00:06:32,245
And the cupcake on the card
has a cherry on it.
164
00:06:32,246 --> 00:06:34,080
My cupcakes
don't have a cherry...
165
00:06:34,081 --> 00:06:36,816
haven't since I was 13.
166
00:06:45,926 --> 00:06:48,828
If you could really get
under his shoulder blades...
167
00:06:48,829 --> 00:06:52,265
that's where he carries
all his stress.
168
00:06:52,266 --> 00:06:54,267
Don't say your real thoughts.
169
00:06:54,268 --> 00:06:55,635
Don't say your real thoughts.
170
00:06:55,636 --> 00:06:59,739
Max, we're using our spa voice today.
171
00:06:59,740 --> 00:07:01,641
Use my spa voice?
Okay.
172
00:07:01,642 --> 00:07:04,043
I can't afford this.
173
00:07:04,044 --> 00:07:06,513
I want you to make sure
174
00:07:06,514 --> 00:07:08,348
the twins drink lots of water after,
175
00:07:08,349 --> 00:07:10,183
you know, to flush out
the toxins.
176
00:07:10,184 --> 00:07:11,351
Toxins?
177
00:07:11,352 --> 00:07:12,719
All they drink is breast milk.
178
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:14,621
I can't be sure
what the woman I buy that from
179
00:07:14,622 --> 00:07:15,989
puts in her body.
180
00:07:15,990 --> 00:07:19,492
We're all so tense
about the birthday party.
181
00:07:19,493 --> 00:07:20,960
If everything isn't perfect,
182
00:07:20,961 --> 00:07:23,229
how will they live
with the shame?
183
00:07:24,231 --> 00:07:26,833
Um, Peach, um...
184
00:07:26,834 --> 00:07:28,835
Speaking of the... the party,
185
00:07:28,836 --> 00:07:32,939
uh, I-I started this,
um, thing,
186
00:07:32,940 --> 00:07:34,574
and it's probably dumb, but...
187
00:07:34,575 --> 00:07:35,842
I don't need it.
Like, I'm fine.
188
00:07:35,843 --> 00:07:37,277
I don't need it.
It's just more like...
189
00:07:37,278 --> 00:07:39,112
like a... like a...
Favor.
190
00:07:39,113 --> 00:07:41,681
Um, but, uh, the thing is,
there's the cards,
191
00:07:41,682 --> 00:07:43,283
so I was thinking may...
"maybly"...
192
00:07:43,284 --> 00:07:45,652
"maybly"? What's that?
It's not a word, right?
193
00:07:45,653 --> 00:07:47,987
- I was not saying a word.
- I'm sorry.
194
00:07:47,988 --> 00:07:51,324
I'm done with whatever this is
that you're doing.
195
00:07:51,325 --> 00:07:53,226
I have to go meet
the Martha Stewart queen
196
00:07:53,227 --> 00:07:54,394
and hear his party pitch.
197
00:07:54,395 --> 00:07:55,461
Just remember,
198
00:07:55,462 --> 00:07:58,231
at 3:00, the twins
have their spray tans.
199
00:08:01,235 --> 00:08:05,038
Well, that's exactly
how I envisioned that.
200
00:08:08,627 --> 00:08:10,628
Let me see
what you're drawing, Johnny.
201
00:08:10,629 --> 00:08:12,163
A rat with a civil war hat.
202
00:08:12,164 --> 00:08:15,467
Is that your comment on how
politicians view soldiers?
203
00:08:15,527 --> 00:08:18,829
No, it's an actual rat
I saw wearing a hat.
204
00:08:18,830 --> 00:08:21,832
See, when you tend bar
till 4:00 a.m.,
205
00:08:21,833 --> 00:08:23,567
you see a lot of weird stuff.
206
00:08:23,568 --> 00:08:25,135
And when you waitress
till 2:00,
207
00:08:25,136 --> 00:08:27,972
you see a loser
drawing a rat on a napkin.
208
00:08:28,974 --> 00:08:30,007
Now sign it, please.
209
00:08:30,008 --> 00:08:31,208
Hmm.
210
00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:33,096
You realize my art won't be
worth anything till I'm dead?
211
00:08:33,345 --> 00:08:35,045
Why do you think
I keep inviting you here to eat
212
00:08:35,046 --> 00:08:36,347
week after week?
213
00:08:41,107 --> 00:08:41,974
Question...
214
00:08:41,984 --> 00:08:43,819
how does it feel
to be the owner
215
00:08:43,820 --> 00:08:45,420
of an original piece
of napkin art
216
00:08:45,421 --> 00:08:46,855
worth roughly...
217
00:08:46,856 --> 00:08:48,957
Less than the worth
of the napkin?
218
00:08:58,534 --> 00:08:59,935
Well, I got to get
back to work.
219
00:08:59,936 --> 00:09:01,169
All right, bye.
220
00:09:02,772 --> 00:09:05,941
Pick up... table ten.
221
00:09:05,942 --> 00:09:07,275
I watch you over there.
222
00:09:07,276 --> 00:09:11,146
Much sexual tension
with deadbeat bartender.
223
00:09:11,147 --> 00:09:13,882
He's not just a bartender.
He's a street artist.
224
00:09:13,883 --> 00:09:16,585
And all I did was bite
a piece of celery.
225
00:09:16,586 --> 00:09:20,188
When I think of all the times
I asked you to bite my celery...
226
00:09:21,457 --> 00:09:24,092
And nothing.
227
00:09:26,395 --> 00:09:29,164
Okay, my side work's done,
and my tables are all caught up.
228
00:09:29,165 --> 00:09:30,966
So, tell me,
did you give Peach the card?
229
00:09:30,967 --> 00:09:31,867
No, I didn't.
230
00:09:32,007 --> 00:09:33,074
- Why?
- It was like
231
00:09:33,123 --> 00:09:34,657
my mouth wouldn't
let me do it.
232
00:09:34,658 --> 00:09:35,758
That's crazy.
233
00:09:35,759 --> 00:09:37,226
What's so hard
about going up to Peach
234
00:09:37,227 --> 00:09:38,627
and saying,
"good afternoon, Peach."
235
00:09:38,628 --> 00:09:40,529
"Exciting news...
I started a cupcake business."
236
00:09:40,530 --> 00:09:41,697
"Here's our card."
237
00:09:41,698 --> 00:09:43,065
"Please pass them out
to all your friends,
238
00:09:43,066 --> 00:09:44,333
and help us launch our exciting
new business venture."
239
00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:45,367
"Thank you."
240
00:09:45,368 --> 00:09:46,702
That sounds needy,
241
00:09:46,703 --> 00:09:50,072
like when someone asks you
to come to their one-woman show.
242
00:09:50,073 --> 00:09:51,307
"Somebody date-raped me,
243
00:09:51,308 --> 00:09:52,808
and I didn't think
I'd live through it,
244
00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:54,443
but I did,
and now I'm stronger,
245
00:09:54,444 --> 00:09:56,845
and, uh, still needy."
246
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:59,415
There is nothing needy
about having a quality product
247
00:09:59,416 --> 00:10:00,749
and wanting it out there.
248
00:10:00,750 --> 00:10:02,685
Look at Earl... he has a CD on display.
249
00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:04,119
Yeah, but he's cool about it.
250
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:05,888
He doesn't get all
late-night infomercial
251
00:10:05,889 --> 00:10:07,723
and shove them
down people's throats.
252
00:10:07,724 --> 00:10:09,458
Earl?
253
00:10:09,459 --> 00:10:12,094
How many CDs have you sold
at the diner?
254
00:10:12,095 --> 00:10:15,898
Well, in this current economy...
255
00:10:15,899 --> 00:10:18,534
It's been pretty light.
256
00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:21,003
- May I?
- Mm-hmm.
257
00:10:21,004 --> 00:10:23,272
Hi.
258
00:10:23,273 --> 00:10:25,574
You guys
look like music lovers.
259
00:10:25,575 --> 00:10:28,944
This is the best saxophone CD
you will ever hear...
260
00:10:28,945 --> 00:10:30,846
recorded by our cashier Earl Samson.
261
00:10:30,847 --> 00:10:31,981
He's played
with all the greats...
262
00:10:31,982 --> 00:10:34,016
Coltrane, Hancock,
even Bacharach.
263
00:10:34,017 --> 00:10:36,518
His music career derailed
due to a heroin addiction,
264
00:10:36,519 --> 00:10:38,620
but now he's clean and sober
265
00:10:38,621 --> 00:10:43,158
and, at 83,
still following his dream.
266
00:10:43,159 --> 00:10:45,894
Only $9.95 a copy.
Who'd like one?
267
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:48,897
Thank you!
268
00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:50,699
Earl, four CDs.
269
00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:53,135
Is any of that true?
270
00:10:53,136 --> 00:10:57,573
Nope. She even made up
my damn last name.
271
00:10:57,574 --> 00:11:03,545
That girl can sell.
272
00:11:03,546 --> 00:11:04,947
Oh! Max...
273
00:11:04,948 --> 00:11:06,815
Will you come
look at Brangelina?
274
00:11:06,816 --> 00:11:09,551
I think the spray-tan lady
went a little too far.
275
00:11:09,552 --> 00:11:14,289
I wanted them to look tan,
not foreign.
276
00:11:14,290 --> 00:11:16,058
A little lebanese,
277
00:11:16,059 --> 00:11:18,560
but that'll clear up
in a day or two.
278
00:11:18,561 --> 00:11:20,596
I'm having the worst day.
279
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:23,999
Jessica Seinfeld stole
the Martha Stewart boy.
280
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:25,734
I am so upset with her.
281
00:11:25,735 --> 00:11:27,669
I thought we were pretending
to be friends.
282
00:11:27,670 --> 00:11:30,372
And now I have no one
to do the desserts.
283
00:11:36,312 --> 00:11:38,113
- Hello, Peach, exciting news...
284
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:40,416
I have a cupcake business.
They're really good.
285
00:11:40,417 --> 00:11:42,184
Give these to your friends
and help launch
286
00:11:42,185 --> 00:11:43,352
a new business
or whatever.
287
00:11:43,353 --> 00:11:45,554
That's it. I did it.
Boom!
288
00:11:48,825 --> 00:11:50,359
Okay, the bed still isn't built.
289
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:53,228
But the mattress came,
and it's so good.
290
00:11:53,229 --> 00:11:55,397
Oh, no... this is not okay.
291
00:11:55,398 --> 00:11:58,067
We're not keeping a mattress
on the floor.
292
00:11:58,068 --> 00:12:01,503
We're poor,
not crackheads.
293
00:12:01,504 --> 00:12:02,871
And you tricked me.
294
00:12:02,872 --> 00:12:05,407
I did my part,
so you better get this bed done.
295
00:12:05,408 --> 00:12:06,909
Max, you gave Peach the cards.
296
00:12:06,910 --> 00:12:09,011
I'm so proud of you.
What did she say?
297
00:12:09,012 --> 00:12:11,447
No. Shut it. Do it.
298
00:12:11,448 --> 00:12:13,182
Relax. The bed will be assembled
299
00:12:13,183 --> 00:12:14,950
and hidden in the wall
by the end of the day,
300
00:12:14,951 --> 00:12:16,118
'cause I decided to do
301
00:12:16,119 --> 00:12:17,853
what cute girls
have been doing for centuries.
302
00:12:17,854 --> 00:12:19,455
I asked a guy for help.
303
00:12:19,456 --> 00:12:21,123
You called a guy?
304
00:12:21,124 --> 00:12:23,392
Oh, is he going to climb up
your long blonde hair
305
00:12:23,393 --> 00:12:26,929
and rescue you
from your murphy-bed tower?
306
00:12:26,930 --> 00:12:28,730
Wait.
You don't know any guys.
307
00:12:28,731 --> 00:12:29,731
Who did you invite?
308
00:12:29,732 --> 00:12:32,434
- Johnny.
- No. No, no, no, no.
309
00:12:32,435 --> 00:12:34,236
Eh, I don't want to see Johnny.
310
00:12:34,237 --> 00:12:36,438
I had a weird thing with him
at the diner last night.
311
00:12:36,439 --> 00:12:38,006
I thought you guys were friends.
312
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:39,475
I don't know what we are.
313
00:12:39,476 --> 00:12:42,177
He was fake interviewing me
with a celery stalk...
314
00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:44,379
'Cause you're both grown-ups.
315
00:12:44,380 --> 00:12:46,115
And when he put it
near my mouth,
316
00:12:46,116 --> 00:12:47,716
I thought he wanted me
to bite it, so I...
317
00:12:47,717 --> 00:12:49,651
- You bit it?
- I bit it!
318
00:12:49,652 --> 00:12:52,821
- That is weird
and humiliating and hot.
319
00:12:52,822 --> 00:12:54,756
Yes, yes, and, yes.
Call him right now!
320
00:12:54,757 --> 00:12:56,492
He can't come over here.
Look around!
321
00:12:56,493 --> 00:12:58,227
I have his napkins
hanging up everywhere.
322
00:12:58,228 --> 00:13:01,330
He'll think I'm dexter.
323
00:13:02,799 --> 00:13:04,466
Don't answer that.
324
00:13:04,467 --> 00:13:06,902
- Don't you...
- Come on in, Johnny.
325
00:13:06,903 --> 00:13:08,470
Yes, I did it.
I need a bed.
326
00:13:08,471 --> 00:13:09,638
You are so selfish!
327
00:13:09,639 --> 00:13:11,206
Yes, I'm selfish,
and you're Dexter.
328
00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:13,442
So, quick... help me take down the napkins.
329
00:13:13,443 --> 00:13:14,877
Oh, god, there are so many!
330
00:13:14,878 --> 00:13:17,679
How come I never noticed
how many there were before?
331
00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:19,114
I don't know.
Same reason you didn't notice
332
00:13:19,115 --> 00:13:21,316
your father stealing
everybody's money.
333
00:13:21,317 --> 00:13:23,819
Really? Really?
Now when I'm helping you?
334
00:13:23,820 --> 00:13:25,854
You're right.
We'll trash you later.
335
00:13:25,855 --> 00:13:28,557
Why don't you just ask him
what the celery moment meant?
336
00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:30,159
I don't want to ask him.
337
00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:31,727
You don't want to ask
anybody anything.
338
00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:33,162
It's not like the business cards.
339
00:13:33,163 --> 00:13:34,196
What am I going to say?
340
00:13:34,197 --> 00:13:35,230
"Good afternoon, Johnny."
341
00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:36,598
"Exciting news... I have started
342
00:13:36,599 --> 00:13:40,002
an oddly sexual
celery-biting business."
343
00:13:41,271 --> 00:13:43,539
Be right there, Johnny!
344
00:13:48,378 --> 00:13:51,213
Yo.
345
00:13:54,517 --> 00:13:55,784
So I brought tools...
per your request...
346
00:13:55,785 --> 00:13:58,320
and beer, I made
an executive decision on.
347
00:13:59,556 --> 00:14:01,356
So that's what you do
with my art.
348
00:14:01,357 --> 00:14:04,226
Just one, and I put it up there.
349
00:14:04,227 --> 00:14:05,694
She doesn't even like it... she's like,
350
00:14:05,695 --> 00:14:08,630
"why would anyone hang up
stupid napkin art?"
351
00:14:08,631 --> 00:14:10,465
Right off my back.
352
00:14:10,466 --> 00:14:13,235
Had a couple of these
on the subway.
353
00:14:13,236 --> 00:14:15,003
So here's the wood.
354
00:14:15,004 --> 00:14:16,471
You can't help her...
355
00:14:16,472 --> 00:14:18,740
she needs to learn a lesson
about doing things for herself.
356
00:14:18,741 --> 00:14:21,577
She thinks we're her daddy,
and we'll go back on our word,
357
00:14:21,578 --> 00:14:23,312
and she'll get a pony.
358
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:27,983
Well, you can see
why she'd think that.
359
00:14:27,984 --> 00:14:30,385
I'm going to see
if the horse wants a beer.
360
00:14:30,386 --> 00:14:33,288
Hmm, maybe put my glasses on him...
361
00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:36,592
get crazy up in this piece!
362
00:14:36,593 --> 00:14:39,695
When you're out there,
ask him what the celery meant.
363
00:14:39,696 --> 00:14:42,664
Get busy, princess.
Daddy's got company.
364
00:14:44,867 --> 00:14:48,237
Well, little lady,
I reckon a cowboy'd get used to
365
00:14:48,238 --> 00:14:50,272
a pretty sweet setup like this.
366
00:14:50,273 --> 00:14:52,307
It's a hard life
out on the trails.
367
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:54,076
Yeah, it's hard
for my people, too,
368
00:14:54,077 --> 00:14:55,444
since you stole all our land
369
00:14:55,445 --> 00:14:58,046
and gave us blankets
covered in smallpox.
370
00:14:58,047 --> 00:14:59,414
I do declare,
371
00:14:59,415 --> 00:15:01,283
I'm sorry
for the disease blankets.
372
00:15:01,284 --> 00:15:03,285
But they did
keep you warm, I bet,
373
00:15:03,286 --> 00:15:05,220
until they killed you, that is.
374
00:15:05,221 --> 00:15:07,289
"I do declare" is not cowboy.
375
00:15:07,290 --> 00:15:08,457
That's Southern Belle.
376
00:15:08,458 --> 00:15:10,559
I think you're looking
for "darn tootin'"
377
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:11,660
or "dag nab it."
378
00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:13,362
Cowboys did not say "dag nab it."
379
00:15:13,363 --> 00:15:14,596
Yeah, they did.
380
00:15:14,597 --> 00:15:17,899
"Someone done gone stole
my horse, dag nab it."
381
00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:19,735
I think you're thinking "doggone it."
382
00:15:19,736 --> 00:15:21,903
No, "dag nab it"... cowboy.
383
00:15:21,904 --> 00:15:23,805
Do you really think you know
cowboy better than me?
384
00:15:23,806 --> 00:15:25,107
Which one of us has a horse?
385
00:15:25,108 --> 00:15:27,209
Which one of us has assless chaps?
386
00:15:30,413 --> 00:15:32,314
Should I go inside
and help Caroline?
387
00:15:32,315 --> 00:15:35,217
No. I'm sure she's doing just fine.
388
00:15:37,887 --> 00:15:39,354
Can I ask you something?
389
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:40,722
Sure.
390
00:15:40,723 --> 00:15:44,192
When you put the sss...
391
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:46,695
we should get on the horse!
392
00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:48,764
- Okay.
- Yeah!
393
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:54,136
Use three-inch lag screw
394
00:15:54,137 --> 00:15:57,239
to secure ledger board
to wall studs
395
00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:59,308
"aboot" every 12 inches.
396
00:15:59,309 --> 00:16:01,710
Ooh! Your canadian voice is so dull,
397
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:03,612
I can't understand
a word you're saying.
398
00:16:03,613 --> 00:16:07,482
There's got to be a video
with a better voice.
399
00:16:07,483 --> 00:16:11,853
"How to build a Murphy bed... Morgan Freeman."
400
00:16:14,057 --> 00:16:17,459
Interesting bit of information about horses...
401
00:16:17,460 --> 00:16:18,794
they hurt your balls.
402
00:16:18,795 --> 00:16:20,762
Yeah, mine hurt, too.
403
00:16:20,763 --> 00:16:22,264
You would think after all these years
404
00:16:22,265 --> 00:16:24,266
of riding a horse,
man would have evolved
405
00:16:24,267 --> 00:16:26,601
to have his balls on top
instead of underneath.
406
00:16:26,602 --> 00:16:28,170
Life would be so much easier.
407
00:16:28,171 --> 00:16:31,006
Well, yeah, but I don't see
a lot of old-timey ladies
408
00:16:31,007 --> 00:16:34,209
wanting to get
with the top balls.
409
00:16:37,146 --> 00:16:40,015
Are you thinking
about the celery?
410
00:16:40,016 --> 00:16:42,351
No, I'm still thinking about my balls.
411
00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:48,090
Now I'm thinking about the celery.
412
00:16:48,091 --> 00:16:50,292
That was weird, right?
413
00:16:50,293 --> 00:16:54,996
Not weird, really... more, um, intense.
414
00:16:54,997 --> 00:16:58,433
Intense good or intense bad?
415
00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:01,203
Intense intense.
416
00:17:01,204 --> 00:17:02,170
Whoo.
417
00:17:02,171 --> 00:17:05,073
Whoa. Oh. Did I just grab your...
418
00:17:05,074 --> 00:17:07,075
yeah, I don't know.
"Maybly."
419
00:17:07,076 --> 00:17:10,045
"Maybly"!
That's not a word, right?
420
00:17:10,046 --> 00:17:11,947
- I should...
- I got to get down.
421
00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:13,014
Me too.
422
00:17:13,015 --> 00:17:16,218
My balls.
423
00:17:16,219 --> 00:17:18,720
So take your makeup brush,
424
00:17:18,721 --> 00:17:21,423
take your mirror,
and you want to comb
425
00:17:21,424 --> 00:17:23,525
your eyebrows upwards.
426
00:17:23,526 --> 00:17:25,327
What are you doing?
427
00:17:25,328 --> 00:17:26,428
Okay, okay.
428
00:17:26,429 --> 00:17:28,663
I thought I typed in "Morgan Freeman."
429
00:17:28,664 --> 00:17:32,901
But I'm so tired,
what came up was "more gay men""
430
00:17:34,704 --> 00:17:36,938
but this damon guy is a genius.
431
00:17:36,939 --> 00:17:39,007
If he had a video
on how to build a Murphy bed,
432
00:17:39,008 --> 00:17:40,942
it'd already be done.
433
00:17:40,943 --> 00:17:42,377
Wait. Where's Johnny?
434
00:17:42,378 --> 00:17:44,146
What happened?
Did you ask him?
435
00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:45,480
No, he left.
436
00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:46,715
Out the back?
437
00:17:46,716 --> 00:17:49,117
Yeah, it got even weirder.
438
00:17:49,118 --> 00:17:50,585
He grabbed my boob.
439
00:17:50,586 --> 00:17:52,354
Or... he didn't grab my...
440
00:17:52,355 --> 00:17:53,555
he grabbed my boob.
441
00:17:53,556 --> 00:17:54,890
I just don't know
whether it was on purpose.
442
00:17:54,891 --> 00:17:56,525
But I asked,
like you told me to,
443
00:17:56,526 --> 00:17:58,026
and now I have
a weird boob moment
444
00:17:58,027 --> 00:18:00,128
to go with my weird
celery moment.
445
00:18:01,130 --> 00:18:03,432
That is very complicated.
446
00:18:03,433 --> 00:18:05,467
But I'm great
with relationship stuff.
447
00:18:05,468 --> 00:18:07,702
So come on over here,
and we'll hammer it all out
448
00:18:07,703 --> 00:18:09,971
while we hammer this all out.
449
00:18:10,773 --> 00:18:12,207
Come on, this is
where you break down
450
00:18:12,208 --> 00:18:14,209
and finally help me
build the bed.
451
00:18:14,210 --> 00:18:16,945
No, this is where I go
to my already-built bed.
452
00:18:16,946 --> 00:18:19,047
And after Peaches today and...
453
00:18:19,048 --> 00:18:21,450
Whatever that was out there
with my boob,
454
00:18:21,451 --> 00:18:23,785
I'm not showing anyone
my cards anymore...
455
00:18:23,786 --> 00:18:25,253
business or personal.
456
00:18:30,493 --> 00:18:33,261
Go in!
457
00:18:33,262 --> 00:18:35,497
Go in! Oh!
458
00:18:42,451 --> 00:18:44,053
What is happening out here?
459
00:18:44,101 --> 00:18:46,168
That's the kind of pounding
that's supposed to happen
460
00:18:46,169 --> 00:18:48,704
after you're in the bed.
461
00:18:48,705 --> 00:18:50,840
I can't do it.
462
00:18:50,841 --> 00:18:53,976
I tried.
I really did, but I can't.
463
00:18:53,977 --> 00:18:57,013
I guess I can't do anything
without my father's money.
464
00:18:57,014 --> 00:18:58,147
You were right.
465
00:18:58,148 --> 00:18:59,749
Trying is embarrassing.
466
00:18:59,750 --> 00:19:01,317
So I'm not going to try
anymore.
467
00:19:01,318 --> 00:19:02,585
I'm sick of it.
468
00:19:02,586 --> 00:19:05,454
I'm going to sleep on that horrible couch
469
00:19:05,455 --> 00:19:07,323
and get bad tips
and cry
470
00:19:07,324 --> 00:19:10,526
every waitress day
for the rest of my life.
471
00:19:11,728 --> 00:19:14,463
Daddy, please.
472
00:19:14,464 --> 00:19:16,299
God, you're a baby.
473
00:19:16,300 --> 00:19:18,868
Okay, I'll help you...
this one time only.
474
00:19:18,869 --> 00:19:20,503
And we're not going
to bond when we do it.
475
00:19:20,504 --> 00:19:22,071
We're not going to high-five
when we finish.
476
00:19:22,072 --> 00:19:23,472
And I don't want to hear
two months from now,
477
00:19:23,473 --> 00:19:25,007
"hey, remember that night
we built the Murphy bed?
478
00:19:25,008 --> 00:19:26,809
That was awesome."
None of that. Got it?
479
00:19:27,844 --> 00:19:28,911
We need the power drill,
480
00:19:28,912 --> 00:19:31,013
1/4-inch bit,
some masonry screws,
481
00:19:31,014 --> 00:19:32,848
and a Bear Claw.
482
00:19:32,849 --> 00:19:35,084
Now delete "eyebrows,"
483
00:19:35,085 --> 00:19:37,353
type in "Murphy bed,"
and let's build this mother.
484
00:19:41,368 --> 00:19:43,035
I can't believe we did it.
485
00:19:43,036 --> 00:19:45,071
Yeah, it looks pretty good.
486
00:19:46,524 --> 00:19:47,492
Oh, Max.
487
00:19:47,515 --> 00:19:50,984
You put the bakery up
on your vision beam.
488
00:19:50,985 --> 00:19:53,920
Say anything more,
and I'll take it down.
489
00:19:55,523 --> 00:19:57,991
Do you know this number?
490
00:19:57,992 --> 00:19:59,192
That's Peach.
491
00:19:59,193 --> 00:20:00,560
- Why would she call you?
- It's about
492
00:20:00,561 --> 00:20:02,629
the cupcake business...
my number's on the card.
493
00:20:04,565 --> 00:20:06,132
Put it on speaker.
494
00:20:06,133 --> 00:20:07,367
Hello?
495
00:20:07,368 --> 00:20:09,169
I found your card
in my baby's room.
496
00:20:09,170 --> 00:20:12,072
I have no idea who you are
or how it got there,
497
00:20:12,073 --> 00:20:14,040
but I'm throwing
a birthday party in a week,
498
00:20:14,041 --> 00:20:15,575
and I thought cupcakes
might be fun.
499
00:20:15,576 --> 00:20:16,977
Oh, they are.
500
00:20:16,978 --> 00:20:18,345
People love cupcakes.
501
00:20:18,346 --> 00:20:20,213
They bring a sense
of whimsy and nostalgia.
502
00:20:20,214 --> 00:20:21,314
That's enough.
503
00:20:21,315 --> 00:20:22,949
Why don't you tell me
504
00:20:22,950 --> 00:20:24,751
some of the other events
you've done?
505
00:20:24,752 --> 00:20:27,254
Oh, well,
we're a start-up company.
506
00:20:27,255 --> 00:20:29,656
Oh, no,
I need a real business.
507
00:20:29,657 --> 00:20:31,358
Bye-bye.
508
00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:34,928
Well, there you go...
complete waste of our time.
509
00:20:34,929 --> 00:20:36,963
See?
Trying is embarrassing.
510
00:20:36,964 --> 00:20:40,433
No. That was great, incredible.
511
00:20:40,434 --> 00:20:42,836
What? She hung up on you.
512
00:20:42,837 --> 00:20:44,704
Yes. But it proves one thing.
513
00:20:44,705 --> 00:20:46,339
The cards... they worked!
514
00:20:46,340 --> 00:20:47,908
This is so inspiring.
515
00:20:47,909 --> 00:20:50,777
First we build a Murphy bed,
next a cupcake business,
516
00:20:50,778 --> 00:20:51,912
then, Max...
517
00:20:51,913 --> 00:20:53,980
Who knows what else?
518
00:20:59,186 --> 00:21:01,021
Uh, adjust the springs?
519
00:21:01,022 --> 00:21:03,723
No, that's perfect.
520
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:13,820
Sync and corrections by MemoryOnSmells
for www.addic7ed.com