1
00:00:00,694 --> 00:00:01,861
Scrambled eggs
with English muffin,
2
00:00:01,863 --> 00:00:04,180
and cottage cheese
with one sliced peach.
3
00:00:04,182 --> 00:00:05,698
No, man, the cottage
cheese is mine.
4
00:00:05,700 --> 00:00:07,317
Oh, my bad.
5
00:00:07,319 --> 00:00:09,235
I was confused because
he's usually the one
6
00:00:09,237 --> 00:00:11,354
who gets the plate
of fat man baby food.
7
00:00:13,457 --> 00:00:14,874
But I guess,
no matter who orders it,
8
00:00:14,876 --> 00:00:16,192
I'm the one
that takes crap for it.
9
00:00:16,194 --> 00:00:17,526
That appears to be the case.
10
00:00:19,246 --> 00:00:20,413
Can you please
just order pancakes,
11
00:00:20,415 --> 00:00:22,131
so I don't have
to go through this?
12
00:00:22,133 --> 00:00:23,466
Can't. I want
to keep it light
13
00:00:23,468 --> 00:00:25,385
'cause Christina's making
a special dinner for me.
14
00:00:27,221 --> 00:00:29,589
Oh, man,
how do you eat this stuff?
15
00:00:29,591 --> 00:00:31,641
It's not really milk,
it's not really cheese.
16
00:00:31,643 --> 00:00:34,710
It's like sour cream
and oatmeal had an ugly baby.
17
00:00:34,712 --> 00:00:36,596
Just pretend
it's something else.
18
00:00:36,598 --> 00:00:37,680
That's what I do.
19
00:00:37,682 --> 00:00:39,065
Right now, I'm pretending
20
00:00:39,067 --> 00:00:41,050
these plain scrambled eggs are
a delightful Denver omelet,
21
00:00:41,052 --> 00:00:43,937
this dive we're sitting in
is a quaint new Orleans bistro
22
00:00:43,939 --> 00:00:45,905
and I'm Turner and you're hooch.
23
00:00:45,907 --> 00:00:47,106
Really?
24
00:00:47,108 --> 00:00:48,658
See, I always
go to lethal weapon.
25
00:00:48,660 --> 00:00:49,725
I'm Danny glover and you're
26
00:00:49,727 --> 00:00:51,444
Mel Gibson
with a thyroid condition.
27
00:00:52,729 --> 00:00:54,664
Just eat your curds.
28
00:00:55,732 --> 00:00:58,034
So, sounds like things
are going pretty good
29
00:00:58,036 --> 00:00:59,285
with you and Christina.
30
00:00:59,287 --> 00:01:00,670
I am truly smitten.
31
00:01:00,672 --> 00:01:02,622
I mean when she talks,
I'm actually listening to her
32
00:01:02,624 --> 00:01:04,290
and not just nodding
my head and imagining
33
00:01:04,292 --> 00:01:06,242
what she looks like naked
on a see-saw.
34
00:01:07,577 --> 00:01:09,762
So, is there a chance
that tonight,
35
00:01:09,764 --> 00:01:11,764
there's gonna be more
than food on the menu?
36
00:01:11,766 --> 00:01:14,083
The sexual aspect
of our relationship is moot,
37
00:01:14,085 --> 00:01:16,686
'cause we've already connected
on a soulful, spiritual level.
38
00:01:16,688 --> 00:01:18,771
And that's why you got
a clean pair of undies
39
00:01:18,773 --> 00:01:20,523
and a toothbrush
in your glove box.
40
00:01:20,525 --> 00:01:22,775
As well as a three-pack of
flavored love jellies
41
00:01:22,777 --> 00:01:24,310
and a strip of condoms
long enough
44
00:01:34,738 --> 00:01:39,575
♪ For the first time
in my life ♪
45
00:01:39,577 --> 00:01:42,945
♪ I see love. ♪
46
00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:44,170
Sync and corrections by GeirDM
for addic7ed.com
47
00:01:54,225 --> 00:01:55,942
come on, ladies,
shake a tail-feather.
48
00:01:55,944 --> 00:01:59,329
You can "paint and pluck"
in the back of the rv.
49
00:02:00,681 --> 00:02:02,565
I thought you were getting
a room at the casino.
50
00:02:02,567 --> 00:02:05,669
Not just a room, my friend...
the presidential suite.
51
00:02:05,671 --> 00:02:09,539
That's three beds, a wet bar
and two and a half crappers.
52
00:02:10,708 --> 00:02:12,993
Then why you renting
the mobile home?
53
00:02:12,995 --> 00:02:15,578
Well, the casino is right on
the Illinois-Indiana border
54
00:02:15,580 --> 00:02:17,998
and I have some business
that requires wheels,
55
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:21,200
cargo space
and temperature control.
56
00:02:22,219 --> 00:02:24,004
You back to selling expired meat
57
00:02:24,006 --> 00:02:26,039
out of the trunk
of your car again?
58
00:02:26,041 --> 00:02:28,141
Before we continue
this conversation,
59
00:02:28,143 --> 00:02:29,476
am I talking to Mike the cop
60
00:02:29,478 --> 00:02:32,879
or Mike, the lovable lump
who can keep a secret?
61
00:02:32,881 --> 00:02:35,065
Hey, forget it.
Don't tell me.
62
00:02:35,067 --> 00:02:36,816
I don't want to make myself
an accessory.
63
00:02:36,818 --> 00:02:39,269
Don't worry,
it's not illegal.
64
00:02:39,271 --> 00:02:42,188
At least not in Indiana.
65
00:02:42,190 --> 00:02:43,723
You' bringing back fireworks?
66
00:02:43,725 --> 00:02:46,242
How are you not a detective?
67
00:02:47,578 --> 00:02:50,947
Well, the written test
really thins the herd.
68
00:02:50,949 --> 00:02:54,551
I got a connection who gets 'em
directly from Shanghai.
69
00:02:54,553 --> 00:02:57,236
And not just firecrackers
and bottle rockets.
70
00:02:57,238 --> 00:02:58,571
We're talkin'
those big mothers
71
00:02:58,573 --> 00:03:00,623
you want to light
with a six-foot punk
72
00:03:00,625 --> 00:03:03,960
and another guy's arm.
73
00:03:03,962 --> 00:03:05,428
Do the women-folk know
they're gonna be
74
00:03:05,430 --> 00:03:06,546
toodling around in a vehicle
75
00:03:06,548 --> 00:03:08,415
filled with discount
Asian explosives?
76
00:03:08,417 --> 00:03:10,433
Hey, those broads
are getting a free weekend
77
00:03:10,435 --> 00:03:12,886
of jacuzzi tubs
and pai gow poker.
78
00:03:12,888 --> 00:03:14,304
They can put up with a little
79
00:03:14,306 --> 00:03:16,940
white-knucklin'
on the ride home.
80
00:03:16,942 --> 00:03:19,943
All right,
all packed and ready to go.
81
00:03:19,945 --> 00:03:21,728
Hey, you guys
are gonna have the place
82
00:03:21,730 --> 00:03:23,697
all to yourselves
this weekend.
83
00:03:23,699 --> 00:03:24,731
Huh.
84
00:03:24,733 --> 00:03:25,732
You know, you're right.
85
00:03:25,734 --> 00:03:27,550
I hadn't even
thought about it.
86
00:03:27,552 --> 00:03:29,536
Sweetie, did you realize
that we're gonna
87
00:03:29,538 --> 00:03:31,237
have house to ourselves?
88
00:03:31,239 --> 00:03:33,039
Well, I'll be darned.
89
00:03:33,041 --> 00:03:35,325
Huh!
Gee, I hope we don't get lonely.
90
00:03:35,327 --> 00:03:38,111
You kids are welcome
to come with us.
91
00:03:38,113 --> 00:03:39,713
There's plenty of room
in the rv.
92
00:03:39,715 --> 00:03:41,114
No.
No.
93
00:03:41,116 --> 00:03:44,534
You go ahead and
enjoy yourselves.
94
00:03:44,536 --> 00:03:45,719
We'll manage.
95
00:03:45,721 --> 00:03:46,669
We better hit the road.
96
00:03:46,671 --> 00:03:47,887
The sooner we get to Indiana,
97
00:03:47,889 --> 00:03:49,806
the sooner we can get
the hell out of Indiana.
98
00:03:49,808 --> 00:03:52,225
- Have a good time.
- Drive safe.
99
00:03:52,227 --> 00:03:53,977
Especially on the way back.
100
00:04:00,067 --> 00:04:01,434
Huh!
101
00:04:01,436 --> 00:04:03,686
House all to ourselves
102
00:04:03,688 --> 00:04:05,021
you thinkin' what
I'm thinkin'?
103
00:04:05,023 --> 00:04:06,906
Order pizza and make
prank phone calls?
104
00:04:06,908 --> 00:04:10,360
Yeah, baby.
105
00:04:12,413 --> 00:04:13,913
I hope you enjoy this.
106
00:04:13,915 --> 00:04:16,116
I don't get to
cook grown-up food very often.
107
00:04:16,118 --> 00:04:17,617
Oh, I'm sure
it'll be great.
108
00:04:17,619 --> 00:04:20,486
And even if it's inedible,
109
00:04:20,488 --> 00:04:22,455
before my drive home.
110
00:04:22,457 --> 00:04:24,257
Having a six-year-old boy
in the house,
111
00:04:24,259 --> 00:04:26,159
I find myself cooking
a lot of fish sticks
112
00:04:26,161 --> 00:04:28,094
and Mac and cheese shaped
like little bunnies.
113
00:04:29,463 --> 00:04:32,498
Oh, man,
this is really good.
114
00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:33,967
And not just 'cause
I'm starving to death.
115
00:04:33,969 --> 00:04:35,168
I factored that in.
116
00:04:35,170 --> 00:04:36,853
Good to know.
117
00:04:36,855 --> 00:04:39,222
And if you like
my chicken piccata,
118
00:04:39,224 --> 00:04:42,275
you'll love my eggs Benedict.
119
00:04:42,277 --> 00:04:43,526
Oh, that sounds great.
120
00:04:43,528 --> 00:04:44,894
Maybe I'll
have breakfast here some time.
121
00:04:44,896 --> 00:04:46,146
How about tomorrow morning?
122
00:04:46,148 --> 00:04:47,480
I don't know.
123
00:04:47,482 --> 00:04:50,400
Driving over here during rush
hour might be kind of... oh.
124
00:04:57,908 --> 00:04:59,626
Jimmy's staying
at his dad's place,
125
00:04:59,628 --> 00:05:03,213
so we have the whole house
to ourselves.
126
00:05:03,215 --> 00:05:05,398
Yeah.
127
00:05:14,592 --> 00:05:15,708
Whoa!
128
00:05:15,710 --> 00:05:17,093
Don't get your hopes up.
129
00:05:17,095 --> 00:05:19,479
That's just a toothbrush wrapped
in a pair of underwear.
130
00:05:23,234 --> 00:05:25,051
You realize this
entire house is now
131
00:05:25,053 --> 00:05:27,937
our own little sexual
bouncy castle.
132
00:05:29,190 --> 00:05:32,108
I thought I was
your sexual bouncy castle.
133
00:05:33,444 --> 00:05:35,161
Seriously, we can
do it anywhere...
134
00:05:35,163 --> 00:05:37,563
the couch, the floor,
the stairway...
135
00:05:37,565 --> 00:05:40,083
Oh, no, we learned
our lesson on those stairs.
136
00:05:40,085 --> 00:05:41,835
That was like
a two-person bobsled
137
00:05:41,837 --> 00:05:43,536
down carpet burn Mountain.
138
00:05:45,005 --> 00:05:48,124
Well, from where I was
sitting, it was a fun ride.
139
00:05:50,895 --> 00:05:52,912
Don't mind me, I'm not here.
140
00:05:52,914 --> 00:05:53,847
I didn't see anything.
141
00:05:53,849 --> 00:05:55,682
Vince, what are
you doing back?
142
00:05:55,684 --> 00:05:57,800
Well, we were headed up
wacker drive
143
00:05:57,802 --> 00:05:58,935
and I realized I forgot
144
00:05:58,937 --> 00:06:01,137
my erectile encouragement
medication.
145
00:06:01,139 --> 00:06:02,438
Oh...!
146
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:05,091
Can't you lie and just say
you forgot your wallet?
147
00:06:05,093 --> 00:06:06,476
Okay, I forgot my wallet.
148
00:06:07,728 --> 00:06:09,779
And my weekend
won't be as enjoyable
149
00:06:09,781 --> 00:06:11,814
without a good, stiff wallet.
150
00:06:14,652 --> 00:06:17,570
Well, that's a mood
killer, isn't it?
151
00:06:17,572 --> 00:06:19,806
I could power through,
if I had to.
152
00:06:25,546 --> 00:06:28,114
I appreciate you being
so patient with me, Carl.
153
00:06:28,116 --> 00:06:30,583
I'm sure most women don't
make you wait this long.
154
00:06:30,585 --> 00:06:32,135
Mm. That's no problem.
155
00:06:32,137 --> 00:06:33,953
I stood in line all night
for a playstation 3,
156
00:06:33,955 --> 00:06:35,388
and six hours for the
third Harry Potter movie,
157
00:06:35,390 --> 00:06:38,057
and this is better than
both of those combined.
158
00:06:38,059 --> 00:06:39,726
Thank you.
159
00:06:45,849 --> 00:06:47,901
I like you.
160
00:06:47,903 --> 00:06:52,572
You're sweet, considerate
and you make me laugh.
161
00:06:52,574 --> 00:06:55,491
I am a funny man, aren't I?
162
00:06:55,493 --> 00:06:57,026
You know, and it
just comes naturally.
163
00:06:57,028 --> 00:06:58,912
Sometimes I don't even know
why people are laughing.
164
00:06:58,914 --> 00:07:00,747
See, like
that right there.
165
00:07:00,749 --> 00:07:03,166
I have no idea
what tickled you.
166
00:07:14,345 --> 00:07:15,511
It's my ex.
167
00:07:16,931 --> 00:07:18,965
Hey, James, what's up?
168
00:07:20,884 --> 00:07:23,019
Yeah, put him on the phone.
169
00:07:23,021 --> 00:07:24,503
My son wants
to say good night.
170
00:07:24,505 --> 00:07:25,939
Oh.
171
00:07:25,941 --> 00:07:26,940
Hey, little man.
172
00:07:26,942 --> 00:07:29,342
You're up past your bedtime.
173
00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:32,095
Well, ask daddy
to read you a story.
174
00:07:33,513 --> 00:07:35,014
Really?
175
00:07:35,016 --> 00:07:36,316
And you still can't sleep?
176
00:07:37,568 --> 00:07:39,068
You want mommy to sing to you?
177
00:07:39,070 --> 00:07:41,354
This'll just take a minute.
178
00:07:41,356 --> 00:07:43,873
Ah, that's no worries.
179
00:07:44,858 --> 00:07:49,846
♪ Ooh-oo child,
things are gonna get easier ♪
180
00:07:49,848 --> 00:07:54,717
♪ ooh-oo child,
things'll get brighter ♪
181
00:07:54,719 --> 00:07:56,719
♪ some day, yeah ♪
182
00:07:56,721 --> 00:07:59,589
♪ we'll put it together
and we'll get it all done ♪
183
00:07:59,591 --> 00:08:01,257
♪ some day ♪
184
00:08:01,259 --> 00:08:04,143
♪ when your head
is much lighter. ♪
185
00:08:04,962 --> 00:08:06,479
Okay, baby.
186
00:08:06,481 --> 00:08:08,531
Sleep well.
187
00:08:08,533 --> 00:08:09,983
Mama loves you
188
00:08:09,985 --> 00:08:12,218
she always will.
189
00:08:20,611 --> 00:08:22,362
Are you crying?
190
00:08:22,364 --> 00:08:24,063
I can't help it.
191
00:08:24,065 --> 00:08:27,033
I'm a sucker for '70s soul.
192
00:08:27,035 --> 00:08:28,734
If you started singing
"papa was a rolling stone,"
193
00:08:28,736 --> 00:08:30,620
I'd be a puddle right now.
194
00:08:32,072 --> 00:08:33,706
I'm fine. No, I'm fine.
195
00:08:44,269 --> 00:08:46,302
Big man look sexy.
196
00:08:46,304 --> 00:08:47,854
Mama like.
197
00:08:47,856 --> 00:08:49,138
You know what,
I feel kinda sexy.
198
00:08:49,140 --> 00:08:51,307
These silk pajamas are like
little butterfly kisses
199
00:08:51,309 --> 00:08:52,475
all over my body.
200
00:08:52,477 --> 00:08:54,093
You know what else is like
201
00:08:54,095 --> 00:08:55,695
little butterfly kisses
all over your body?
202
00:08:55,697 --> 00:08:59,649
What? Little butterfly
kisses all over your body.
203
00:09:05,540 --> 00:09:07,940
Oh, my God...
I can't concentrate
204
00:09:07,942 --> 00:09:08,991
with that doorbell.
205
00:09:08,993 --> 00:09:10,993
Should I put a pillow
over your head?
206
00:09:14,416 --> 00:09:16,999
Oh, my gosh... Just pretend we're
waiting in line at the deli.
207
00:09:17,001 --> 00:09:18,301
Answer the door.
208
00:09:18,303 --> 00:09:19,452
Fine.
209
00:09:19,454 --> 00:09:21,721
Order me the brisket.
210
00:09:21,723 --> 00:09:24,340
No, ma'am... you're getting
the tongue sandwich.
211
00:09:24,342 --> 00:09:26,392
I better be.
212
00:09:31,598 --> 00:09:32,648
Hey, the, partner.
213
00:09:32,650 --> 00:09:34,800
Aw, crap.
214
00:09:34,802 --> 00:09:37,153
I'm hurting and I really need
to talk to somebody right now.
215
00:09:37,155 --> 00:09:39,972
Plenty of hotlines and
chat rooms for that... adios.
216
00:09:40,991 --> 00:09:43,242
What's going on?
217
00:09:43,244 --> 00:09:45,144
Girl scout with insomnia,
we're getting thin mints.
218
00:09:45,146 --> 00:09:46,145
Is that Molly?
219
00:09:46,147 --> 00:09:47,864
Hey, Molly.
220
00:09:47,866 --> 00:09:49,332
Carl...?
221
00:09:49,334 --> 00:09:51,584
What are you
doing out here?
222
00:09:51,586 --> 00:09:52,919
I'm no good.
223
00:09:52,921 --> 00:09:54,003
And she's better off without me.
224
00:09:54,005 --> 00:09:55,588
So now you know.
Good night.
225
00:09:55,590 --> 00:09:56,655
Mike.
226
00:09:56,657 --> 00:09:58,040
Come on in, Carl.
227
00:09:58,042 --> 00:09:59,825
It's freezing out.
Okay.
228
00:09:59,827 --> 00:10:02,128
Oh, boy, if you think he's
chatty when he's sober...
229
00:10:02,130 --> 00:10:05,515
What happened?
Well...
230
00:10:05,517 --> 00:10:07,850
Christina made a
beautiful dinner for me.
231
00:10:07,852 --> 00:10:10,853
There's chicken piccata
with the little fat rice
232
00:10:10,855 --> 00:10:11,854
that's kind of like pasta.
233
00:10:11,856 --> 00:10:12,805
Risotto.
234
00:10:12,807 --> 00:10:14,223
I knew he'd know.
235
00:10:16,343 --> 00:10:17,727
And we were doing
a little kissing
236
00:10:17,729 --> 00:10:20,029
on the couch,
and it was hot.
237
00:10:20,031 --> 00:10:22,949
You know, like when you just
become one big tongue?
238
00:10:22,951 --> 00:10:24,683
Yeah, yeah,
I get the gist.
239
00:10:24,685 --> 00:10:26,319
Don't look at me.
You're the one
240
00:10:26,321 --> 00:10:28,137
that let him in.
241
00:10:28,139 --> 00:10:29,639
And then she said,
242
00:10:29,641 --> 00:10:31,541
"why don't we take this
into the bedroom?"
243
00:10:31,543 --> 00:10:34,377
And the next thing I know,
I was driving in my car
244
00:10:34,379 --> 00:10:35,828
to a liquor store and
sitting outside
245
00:10:35,830 --> 00:10:37,696
of your house
getting drunk.
246
00:10:37,698 --> 00:10:39,999
Well, you're done driving
for the night.
247
00:10:40,001 --> 00:10:41,634
Make up the couch
for him.
248
00:10:41,636 --> 00:10:44,253
I'm gonna put on a pot of coffee
and call Christina
249
00:10:44,255 --> 00:10:45,671
and tell her he's not dead.
250
00:10:45,673 --> 00:10:47,223
Don't tell her that yet.
251
00:10:47,225 --> 00:10:49,809
Oh, don't be that way!
252
00:10:49,811 --> 00:10:52,211
I love you, man.
253
00:10:52,213 --> 00:10:55,231
Whoa, is this silk?
254
00:10:55,233 --> 00:10:58,568
You're like a king-size
waterbed in a fancy hotel.
255
00:10:59,820 --> 00:11:02,405
I will never forgive
you for this.
256
00:11:10,877 --> 00:11:13,562
Remind me I got your silk
pajama top in my locker.
257
00:11:13,564 --> 00:11:15,614
And you'll be happy to
know grandma was able
258
00:11:15,616 --> 00:11:17,399
to get all my
vomit out of it.
259
00:11:17,401 --> 00:11:19,368
You know what?
Why don't you keep it?
260
00:11:19,370 --> 00:11:21,670
Oh, great, now I'm stuck
with a silk car cover
261
00:11:21,672 --> 00:11:23,205
with a puke stain on it.
262
00:11:30,130 --> 00:11:32,248
How come you're not taking
Christina's calls?
263
00:11:32,250 --> 00:11:35,417
I can't just drop everything
to talk to her. We're on duty
264
00:11:35,419 --> 00:11:37,803
I see. But you took 20 minutes
to call into sports talk
265
00:11:37,805 --> 00:11:39,305
to bitch about the bears'
throwback uniforms.
266
00:11:39,307 --> 00:11:40,839
Hey, those jersey
267
00:11:40,841 --> 00:11:42,624
and they make a mocker.
268
00:11:42,626 --> 00:11:45,261
You made that very clear,
"Bob from Waukegan."
269
00:11:45,263 --> 00:11:46,395
So what's going on?
270
00:11:46,397 --> 00:11:48,347
You never gonna talk
to her again?
271
00:11:48,349 --> 00:11:49,648
Just stay out of it, okay?
272
00:11:49,650 --> 00:11:50,816
It's none of your business.
273
00:11:50,818 --> 00:11:51,967
Hey, when you prevent me
274
00:11:51,969 --> 00:11:53,435
from having sex
with my girlfriend,
275
00:11:53,437 --> 00:11:54,904
it becomes my business.
276
00:11:54,906 --> 00:11:55,804
Now, if you're interested,
277
00:11:55,806 --> 00:11:57,273
I have a little theory
about why
278
00:11:57,275 --> 00:11:58,307
you couldn't close
the deal.
279
00:11:58,309 --> 00:11:59,775
I don't want
to hear your theory.
280
00:11:59,777 --> 00:12:01,694
Good, makes it more fun for me.
281
00:12:03,196 --> 00:12:06,081
Now, your usual go-to girl
typically has fake boobs,
282
00:12:06,083 --> 00:12:07,482
a fake name and pimp.
283
00:12:07,484 --> 00:12:08,918
Just make your point.
284
00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:10,419
In a moment.
285
00:12:10,421 --> 00:12:12,087
Then along comes
286
00:12:12,089 --> 00:12:13,822
a strong, beautiful woman
like Christina.
287
00:12:13,824 --> 00:12:15,341
She's foreign to you.
288
00:12:15,343 --> 00:12:17,593
You get little intimidated
and bing, bang, boom,
289
00:12:17,595 --> 00:12:20,346
you can't bing, bang, boom.
290
00:12:20,348 --> 00:12:22,214
Excuse me?
291
00:12:22,216 --> 00:12:23,766
Well, that had
to be be humiliating
292
00:12:23,768 --> 00:12:26,051
especially for
a big blowhard like you.
293
00:12:26,053 --> 00:12:27,720
Hey, she was willing
and I was able.
294
00:12:27,722 --> 00:12:31,523
As able as a guy can be when
he's shooting pool with a rope.
295
00:12:32,776 --> 00:12:34,360
I am done talking to you.
296
00:12:34,362 --> 00:12:36,395
Oh, don't be that way.
297
00:12:36,397 --> 00:12:38,697
Just trying to get
a rise out of you.
298
00:12:38,699 --> 00:12:41,033
Get it?
299
00:12:47,523 --> 00:12:51,243
You know, I hear those little
blue pills really work wonders.
300
00:12:51,245 --> 00:12:54,696
Hey, I can get
an erection right now
301
00:12:54,698 --> 00:12:56,465
that you could do
chin-ups on.
302
00:12:56,467 --> 00:12:59,084
Not you, but a guy
who could actually do it.
303
00:12:59,086 --> 00:13:00,586
Ah...
304
00:13:01,554 --> 00:13:03,038
Carl?
305
00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:04,306
Christina.
306
00:13:04,308 --> 00:13:05,674
Hey, Christina.
307
00:13:05,676 --> 00:13:07,309
I'm gonna order lunch.
Can I get you anything?
308
00:13:07,311 --> 00:13:08,560
Get him a spine.
309
00:13:08,562 --> 00:13:10,562
It appears he was
born without one.
310
00:13:10,564 --> 00:13:12,264
One spine coming up.
311
00:13:12,266 --> 00:13:13,882
I'm gonna have
a grilled cheese.
312
00:13:16,353 --> 00:13:18,103
So, listen...
313
00:13:18,105 --> 00:13:19,271
No, you listen.
314
00:13:19,273 --> 00:13:21,056
You run out of my house
with no explanation
315
00:13:21,058 --> 00:13:22,024
and then
don't return my calls.
316
00:13:22,026 --> 00:13:23,409
What kind of man are you?
317
00:13:23,411 --> 00:13:25,093
I was gonna call you.
I've just been a little busy.
318
00:13:25,095 --> 00:13:26,578
Oh, really?
And when you called,
319
00:13:26,580 --> 00:13:28,063
what were you gonna tell me?
320
00:13:28,065 --> 00:13:29,531
That's why I haven't called yet.
321
00:13:29,533 --> 00:13:31,617
I'm just a little blurry
on the wording.
322
00:13:33,003 --> 00:13:34,953
Yeah, well, I'm not.
323
00:13:34,955 --> 00:13:37,706
You and me, are done.
324
00:13:46,516 --> 00:13:47,933
This is tragic.
325
00:13:47,935 --> 00:13:49,284
Poor Carl.
326
00:13:49,286 --> 00:13:51,586
Yeah, it's too bad.
She was a good one.
327
00:13:51,588 --> 00:13:54,139
Yes, she was.
328
00:13:54,141 --> 00:13:56,525
So how long should I wait
before asking her out?
329
00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:06,785
Carlton, what are
you doing home?
330
00:14:06,787 --> 00:14:08,404
Just hanging out,
watching some football.
331
00:14:08,406 --> 00:14:09,455
No, you ain't.
332
00:14:09,457 --> 00:14:11,290
Brother Heywood's on
his way over here
333
00:14:11,292 --> 00:14:14,076
with a deck of cards and
a bottle of Tawny port.
334
00:14:14,078 --> 00:14:17,129
Don't worry, I won't interfere
with your card game.
335
00:14:17,131 --> 00:14:19,448
Ain't nobody
playing cards, fool.
336
00:14:21,334 --> 00:14:22,918
That's why I need
your narrow butt
337
00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:24,619
off the couch and
out of my house.
338
00:14:24,621 --> 00:14:27,039
I'll just go to my room
and put my headphones on.
339
00:14:27,041 --> 00:14:29,341
Brother Heywood's been out
of town for six weeks.
340
00:14:29,343 --> 00:14:32,627
You need to go to the garage
and turn on the leaf blower.
341
00:14:34,814 --> 00:14:37,599
Why don't you go spend some
time with Christina?
342
00:14:39,019 --> 00:14:41,019
I don't think that's
an option anymore, grandma.
343
00:14:41,021 --> 00:14:44,156
Oh, no, what kind of
nasty, freaky perversion
344
00:14:44,158 --> 00:14:47,159
you try and talk that
sweet, innocent girl into?
345
00:14:47,161 --> 00:14:48,577
It's not about that.
346
00:14:48,579 --> 00:14:50,946
She wanted me to spend the night
with her, but I couldn't do it.
347
00:14:50,948 --> 00:14:52,915
I told you if you kept playing
with yourself
348
00:14:52,917 --> 00:14:54,867
you wouldn't be able
to play with others.
349
00:14:55,835 --> 00:14:57,703
Hey, my equipment is fine.
350
00:14:57,705 --> 00:15:00,539
It's just, I don't need to be
getting involved with some woman
351
00:15:00,541 --> 00:15:01,790
who's already got a kid.
352
00:15:01,792 --> 00:15:04,510
Why? Cause you think
you can do better than her?
353
00:15:04,512 --> 00:15:05,844
No, because I think she can do
354
00:15:05,846 --> 00:15:06,879
better than me.
355
00:15:06,881 --> 00:15:09,348
Oh, baby, of course she can.
356
00:15:09,350 --> 00:15:11,583
But if she ain't saying
it out loud,
357
00:15:11,585 --> 00:15:14,470
don't you be putting it
in her head.
358
00:15:14,472 --> 00:15:16,505
I mean, what do I know about
being somebody's daddy?
359
00:15:16,507 --> 00:15:20,309
I never knew my own father
and I barely remember my mom.
360
00:15:20,311 --> 00:15:22,528
Hold on. Is she asking you
to be this boy's daddy?
361
00:15:22,530 --> 00:15:24,396
No, but...
362
00:15:25,865 --> 00:15:27,116
Stop thinking.
363
00:15:27,118 --> 00:15:29,234
You ain't good at it,
so don't even try.
364
00:15:31,621 --> 00:15:33,355
But if...
365
00:15:33,357 --> 00:15:36,027
What did I just say
to you?
366
00:15:36,052 --> 00:15:38,452
Grandma, the woman's got plenty
to deal with, raising
367
00:15:38,529 --> 00:15:40,913
a six-year-old son without me
complicating things.
368
00:15:40,915 --> 00:15:42,664
Well, I sure know
what that's like.
369
00:15:42,666 --> 00:15:44,583
You were about that age
when you came here
370
00:15:44,585 --> 00:15:45,751
to live with me.
371
00:15:45,753 --> 00:15:49,704
Lord, you were
a sullen, moody child.
372
00:15:49,706 --> 00:15:51,757
The only time
you ever smiled was on
373
00:15:51,759 --> 00:15:53,425
those rare occasions
when your mama called.
374
00:15:53,427 --> 00:15:54,977
I don't recollect any of that.
375
00:15:54,979 --> 00:15:56,812
Well, ain't for lack
of memory because, shoot,
376
00:15:56,814 --> 00:15:58,313
you used to be able
to recite
377
00:15:58,315 --> 00:16:00,149
every episode of
Dukes of Hazzard
378
00:16:00,151 --> 00:16:03,402
and Dr. king's
"I have a dream" speech.
379
00:16:03,404 --> 00:16:05,154
Oh, yeah, I remember doing that.
380
00:16:05,156 --> 00:16:06,355
I loved seeing you
381
00:16:06,357 --> 00:16:07,773
emulate the good doctor,
382
00:16:07,775 --> 00:16:10,576
but that other mess was
just hillbilly gibberish.
383
00:16:13,947 --> 00:16:16,248
Maybe some things are less
painful to remember.
384
00:16:16,250 --> 00:16:17,583
I suppose so.
385
00:16:17,585 --> 00:16:21,736
But I sure am thankful
for the way things played out.
386
00:16:21,738 --> 00:16:24,122
'Cause if you hadn't come here
to live with me,
387
00:16:24,124 --> 00:16:26,925
I'd have missed out on
some of my...
388
00:16:28,244 --> 00:16:33,432
my most
precious memories.
389
00:16:33,434 --> 00:16:35,100
Thank you, grandma.
390
00:16:36,769 --> 00:16:40,922
Now, as much as I love
having you in my life,
391
00:16:40,924 --> 00:16:43,642
I need you to get out
of my house.
392
00:16:46,312 --> 00:16:49,114
Right.
393
00:16:49,116 --> 00:16:52,267
"Five score
years ago, a great American,
394
00:16:52,269 --> 00:16:55,153
"in whose symbolic shadow
we stand today,
395
00:16:55,155 --> 00:16:57,489
signed the emancipation
proclamation."
396
00:16:57,491 --> 00:16:59,458
Time and place, boy,
time and place.
397
00:16:59,460 --> 00:17:01,743
Good night, grandma.
398
00:17:17,644 --> 00:17:19,561
What are you doing here, Carl?
399
00:17:19,563 --> 00:17:21,680
Look, I understand
if you don't want to talk,
400
00:17:21,682 --> 00:17:24,233
but I just need a chance to explain myself.
Not interested.
401
00:17:24,235 --> 00:17:26,151
Please, just give me
a minute.
402
00:17:28,821 --> 00:17:30,105
You got one minute.
403
00:17:30,107 --> 00:17:32,357
Ok, first of all,
I'm sorry I ran off.
404
00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:34,276
At was a stupid
thing to do.
405
00:17:34,278 --> 00:17:37,112
No answering
this door was stupid.
406
00:17:37,114 --> 00:17:39,698
What you did was selfish,
inconsiderate and cowardly.
407
00:17:39,700 --> 00:17:41,250
No argument.
408
00:17:41,252 --> 00:17:42,484
Quick question, when you talk,
409
00:17:42,486 --> 00:17:44,336
is that time taken out of my minute?
410
00:17:44,338 --> 00:17:47,155
30 seconds.
411
00:17:47,157 --> 00:17:50,158
When I was six years old,
my mom ran off and left me
412
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:52,177
with my grandma which may have
caused abandonment issues
413
00:17:52,179 --> 00:17:53,712
which have not been
dealt with properly...
414
00:17:53,714 --> 00:17:56,117
at all really... and then
when I saw you singing
415
00:17:56,142 --> 00:17:57,342
to your little boy, like an angel
might I add
416
00:17:58,719 --> 00:18:00,018
it brought up those
aforementioned issues
417
00:18:00,020 --> 00:18:04,306
and I'm afraid
I reacted poorly.
418
00:18:04,308 --> 00:18:05,974
You still got five seconds.
419
00:18:05,976 --> 00:18:08,560
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
420
00:18:08,562 --> 00:18:11,847
So, you're telling me
a 35-year old man,
421
00:18:12,149 --> 00:18:15,502
never been married, lives with
his grandma has issues?
422
00:18:15,527 --> 00:18:18,870
- You see right through me don't you?
- From day one.
423
00:18:18,872 --> 00:18:21,189
And I still
stuck around.
424
00:18:21,191 --> 00:18:23,825
So you're clearly
not the only one
425
00:18:23,827 --> 00:18:26,027
on this porch
with problems.
426
00:18:26,029 --> 00:18:30,248
You know, problems have been
known to go away
427
00:18:30,250 --> 00:18:33,385
yeah, I've heard that.
428
00:18:33,387 --> 00:18:36,088
But my son's here now,
so I can't ask you in.
429
00:18:36,090 --> 00:18:37,422
I understand.
430
00:18:37,424 --> 00:18:39,207
Maybe some other time?
431
00:18:39,209 --> 00:18:42,060
Maybe. I already gone
a year a half,
432
00:18:42,062 --> 00:18:43,729
so I'm in no rush.
433
00:18:43,731 --> 00:18:46,898
A year and a half? Damn.
434
00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:49,768
Damn is right.
You'd still be trying
435
00:18:49,770 --> 00:18:52,854
to put your eyeballs
back in ur head.
436
00:18:52,856 --> 00:18:55,223
Well, you're killing me, girl.
437
00:18:55,225 --> 00:18:57,492
That's the idea.
438
00:19:26,073 --> 00:19:28,575
All right, we got about
three more hours
439
00:19:28,577 --> 00:19:30,043
before they come back
from Indiana.
440
00:19:30,045 --> 00:19:32,379
God willing.
441
00:19:32,381 --> 00:19:35,165
Should we start here,
work our way up
442
00:19:35,167 --> 00:19:37,417
or start upstairs
and work our way down?
443
00:19:37,419 --> 00:19:41,087
Ooh! We could do it in
my sister's beanbag chair.
444
00:19:41,089 --> 00:19:42,972
No, it makes weird
enough noises when
445
00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:46,009
you sit on it
wearing pants.
446
00:19:46,011 --> 00:19:48,678
Got a crazy idea.
447
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:49,929
How about our bed?
448
00:19:49,931 --> 00:19:52,098
You're a dirty girl.
Hey...
449
00:19:53,402 --> 00:19:55,518
Oh!
Are you kidding?
450
00:19:57,605 --> 00:19:59,856
I know you were worried,
so I wanted to come by
451
00:19:59,858 --> 00:20:01,941
and tell you everything
is fine and we talked...
452
00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:05,278
should I wait out here
till you're done?
453
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:06,246
No!
454
00:20:06,248 --> 00:20:08,314
Sync and corrections by GeirDM
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