1
00:00:03,944 --> 00:00:05,278
Whoa, whoa!
2
00:00:09,817 --> 00:00:11,467
(exclaiming)
3
00:00:16,073 --> 00:00:17,874
(school bell ringing)
4
00:00:20,761 --> 00:00:21,711
(Barney belches)
5
00:00:22,079 --> 00:00:24,030
(whistle blows)
6
00:00:24,097 --> 00:00:25,798
(yells)
7
00:00:30,287 --> 00:00:31,404
(beeping)
8
00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:38,711
(playing the blues)
9
00:00:39,913 --> 00:00:43,149
(playing the blues)
10
00:00:43,150 --> 00:00:44,200
(tires screeching)
11
00:00:46,253 --> 00:00:47,520
D'oh!
12
00:00:47,588 --> 00:00:48,705
(tires screeching)
13
00:00:48,772 --> 00:00:49,806
(grunts)
14
00:00:52,159 --> 00:00:53,226
(gunshot)
15
00:00:54,395 --> 00:00:55,995
Hmm.
16
00:00:57,598 --> 00:00:59,499
(grunts)
17
00:00:59,567 --> 00:01:01,500
Uh! Mom!
18
00:01:01,525 --> 00:01:05,025
♪ The Simpsons 23x10 ♪
Politically Inept With Homer
Original Air Date on January 8, 2012
19
00:01:05,050 --> 00:01:08,550
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
20
00:01:12,897 --> 00:01:14,864
(crowd grumbling)
21
00:01:15,357 --> 00:01:16,139
Next.
22
00:01:16,140 --> 00:01:19,309
Finally. The only thing
I wait in lines this long for
23
00:01:19,376 --> 00:01:20,910
are slightly better cell phones.
24
00:01:20,978 --> 00:01:23,196
Why do we even have to
go to this stupid wedding?
25
00:01:23,264 --> 00:01:26,749
Cousin Kathy invited us so
our feelings wouldn't be hurt.
26
00:01:26,817 --> 00:01:29,502
And we're going so her feelings
won't be hurt.
27
00:01:29,570 --> 00:01:32,105
I just don't understand
the world of grown-ups.
28
00:01:34,175 --> 00:01:36,960
Sorry, sir, your bag is
two pounds over the limit.
29
00:01:37,027 --> 00:01:38,828
Are you sure everything
inside is essential?
30
00:01:38,896 --> 00:01:40,113
Absolutely.
31
00:01:40,181 --> 00:01:41,798
Let me just redistribute
our thingies
32
00:01:41,882 --> 00:01:43,733
amongst our various bags.
33
00:01:45,970 --> 00:01:47,837
High school yearbooks...
34
00:01:47,905 --> 00:01:50,123
I told you not to pack them!
35
00:01:50,191 --> 00:01:53,176
(quietly): Don't argue in front of
the airport line.
36
00:01:53,244 --> 00:01:55,528
Strangers are judging
our marriage!
37
00:01:55,596 --> 00:01:58,047
Lisa, do you really need all
these Kurt Vonnegut novels?
38
00:01:58,115 --> 00:01:59,649
They self-reference each other.
39
00:01:59,717 --> 00:02:03,336
Marge, do we really need
all these feminine products?
40
00:02:03,404 --> 00:02:05,004
That's toothpaste!
41
00:02:05,072 --> 00:02:06,856
Yes, but I never use
that kind of toothpaste!
44
00:02:11,078 --> 00:02:12,779
(satisfied chuckle)
45
00:02:12,846 --> 00:02:14,197
Try to catch one
on your tongue.
46
00:02:14,265 --> 00:02:15,782
LISA:
We're not with him.
47
00:02:19,220 --> 00:02:21,838
We'll need to have a special
agent check this out.
48
00:02:24,157 --> 00:02:25,325
(belches)
49
00:02:25,392 --> 00:02:26,359
You're clear.
50
00:02:26,427 --> 00:02:28,211
Now I have to
change the nipple.
51
00:02:28,279 --> 00:02:29,913
True patriots breastfeed.
52
00:02:29,980 --> 00:02:31,180
(groans)
53
00:02:31,265 --> 00:02:32,515
Sir, you've been
selected for a pat-down.
54
00:02:32,583 --> 00:02:33,833
Whoo-hoo!
55
00:02:33,884 --> 00:02:35,835
Can you focus
on my shoulders?
56
00:02:35,886 --> 00:02:38,071
That's where I
carry my stress.
57
00:02:38,138 --> 00:02:41,307
Now, if I fart, that's
'cause I'm so relaxed.
58
00:02:41,375 --> 00:02:43,443
(humming)
59
00:02:43,510 --> 00:02:44,861
Sir, there isn't
enough room.
60
00:02:44,929 --> 00:02:47,230
Yes, there is!
61
00:02:47,298 --> 00:02:48,865
HOMER:
Whoo-hoo!
62
00:02:50,284 --> 00:02:51,784
(sighs)
63
00:02:51,852 --> 00:02:53,353
Welcome to flight 55
64
00:02:53,420 --> 00:02:55,355
to Bozeman, Montana
by way of Miami.
65
00:02:55,422 --> 00:02:58,491
Due to an unforeseen jailbreak
in New South Wales,
66
00:02:58,559 --> 00:03:01,060
our takeoff is going to be
just a little bit delayed.
67
00:03:01,128 --> 00:03:02,695
So, we're going to be
turning off the air,
68
00:03:02,763 --> 00:03:04,530
but ethnic people
are permitted to open
69
00:03:04,598 --> 00:03:05,882
and eat their home-cooked food.
70
00:03:05,950 --> 00:03:07,216
HOMER:
Huh?
71
00:03:07,284 --> 00:03:08,751
What the...?
72
00:03:08,819 --> 00:03:10,286
Crazy food indeed,
my friend.
73
00:03:10,354 --> 00:03:11,704
(chuckling)
74
00:03:11,755 --> 00:03:13,072
(slurping)
75
00:03:14,842 --> 00:03:16,843
(people coughing,
babies crying)
76
00:03:19,179 --> 00:03:20,513
CAPTAIN:
Good news, folks.
77
00:03:20,581 --> 00:03:22,465
We've been cleared to taxi
back to the terminal.
78
00:03:22,533 --> 00:03:24,601
You still can't get off,
but you will be able
79
00:03:24,668 --> 00:03:26,469
to look through the window
and see other people
80
00:03:26,537 --> 00:03:27,870
walking around
and making fun of us.
81
00:03:27,938 --> 00:03:29,372
No word on takeoff.
82
00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:30,690
(frustrated grunting)
83
00:03:30,741 --> 00:03:32,158
Sir, return
to your seat.
84
00:03:32,225 --> 00:03:34,444
But I have to go
to the bathroom.
85
00:03:34,528 --> 00:03:35,828
You should have thought of that
86
00:03:35,896 --> 00:03:37,697
before you drank the fluids
you need to live.
87
00:03:37,748 --> 00:03:39,415
(groaning)
88
00:03:43,454 --> 00:03:46,205
Don't tread on pee!
89
00:03:46,256 --> 00:03:48,124
(whooping)
90
00:03:48,192 --> 00:03:50,209
We probably
have rights!
91
00:03:50,277 --> 00:03:51,544
Yeah!
92
00:03:51,595 --> 00:03:53,630
(grunting)
93
00:03:53,714 --> 00:03:56,132
Airlines don't treat people
like people anymore.
94
00:03:56,216 --> 00:03:57,984
You make us beg
for a filthy pillow
95
00:03:58,052 --> 00:03:59,552
that a barnyard rat
96
00:03:59,620 --> 00:04:00,853
wouldn't curl up and die in.
97
00:04:00,921 --> 00:04:02,121
And watch pre-taped messages
98
00:04:02,189 --> 00:04:04,691
that make crashing
look like fun!
99
00:04:04,758 --> 00:04:08,227
Never putting me
next to a pretty girl.
100
00:04:08,295 --> 00:04:09,362
(groans)
101
00:04:09,430 --> 00:04:10,530
(passengers muttering)
102
00:04:10,597 --> 00:04:11,764
We're going to need
the air marshal.
103
00:04:13,867 --> 00:04:15,385
(clears throat)
104
00:04:16,787 --> 00:04:17,937
Now you've done it!
105
00:04:18,005 --> 00:04:19,322
(sniffs)
106
00:04:19,406 --> 00:04:21,074
(screams)
I need backup!
107
00:04:21,125 --> 00:04:22,442
Come on, ladies.
108
00:04:22,509 --> 00:04:23,943
You're all
deputies now.
109
00:04:24,011 --> 00:04:25,211
(whimpers)
110
00:04:25,279 --> 00:04:28,081
Look, all I want
is what everybody wants:
111
00:04:28,148 --> 00:04:30,249
preferential treatment.
112
00:04:30,317 --> 00:04:31,968
(grunts)
113
00:04:32,052 --> 00:04:35,538
You can check my carry-on,
but you can't check my spirit.
114
00:04:35,606 --> 00:04:38,141
And why is there moisture
between the windows?
115
00:04:38,225 --> 00:04:40,560
And don't wake me up to land.
116
00:04:40,627 --> 00:04:42,294
Just land!
117
00:04:42,346 --> 00:04:44,964
(grunting)
118
00:04:45,015 --> 00:04:46,983
(passengers screaming)
119
00:04:47,067 --> 00:04:48,368
(grunts, screams)
120
00:04:49,503 --> 00:04:51,170
I regret nothing!
121
00:04:51,238 --> 00:04:53,089
Except this part.
122
00:04:53,157 --> 00:04:54,157
(cheering)
123
00:04:54,224 --> 00:04:56,059
(groans)
124
00:04:56,126 --> 00:04:58,661
This is the last airline
that would take us.
125
00:04:58,746 --> 00:05:00,279
Looks like we're back
to traveling
126
00:05:00,347 --> 00:05:02,281
on tramp steamers
and produce trucks.
127
00:05:02,349 --> 00:05:03,649
I call shotgun!
128
00:05:03,717 --> 00:05:04,884
It's too early
to call shotgun.
129
00:05:04,952 --> 00:05:06,586
It's never too early
to call shotgun.
130
00:05:06,653 --> 00:05:07,920
No one's shotgun!
131
00:05:07,988 --> 00:05:09,605
Now, be quiet.
132
00:05:10,991 --> 00:05:12,358
(groans)
133
00:05:12,426 --> 00:05:13,860
I'm still going to make
my flight, right?
134
00:05:13,927 --> 00:05:15,762
'Cause, if not,
you have to put me up
135
00:05:15,829 --> 00:05:16,963
in a first-class hotel.
136
00:05:17,030 --> 00:05:18,564
That's how it works. I...
137
00:05:18,632 --> 00:05:19,832
(gagging)
138
00:05:21,018 --> 00:05:22,518
(Homer grunting)
139
00:05:22,586 --> 00:05:23,686
(chuckling)
140
00:05:23,771 --> 00:05:25,138
"Fatso Goes Nutso."
141
00:05:25,205 --> 00:05:27,607
And post to YouTube
with the following key words:
142
00:05:27,674 --> 00:05:30,076
"fat," "stupid,"
"classic Simpsons,"
143
00:05:30,144 --> 00:05:31,327
and just to be safe,
144
00:05:31,395 --> 00:05:32,995
"baby rides kitten
rides penguin."
145
00:05:33,063 --> 00:05:35,164
(chuckles) Perfect.
146
00:05:35,232 --> 00:05:37,483
You can check my carry-on,
147
00:05:37,551 --> 00:05:39,285
but you can't check my spirit.
148
00:05:39,352 --> 00:05:41,871
And why is there moisture
between the windows?
149
00:05:41,939 --> 00:05:44,240
And don't wake me up to land.
150
00:05:44,308 --> 00:05:46,175
Just land!
151
00:05:54,735 --> 00:05:56,369
(bell chimes)
152
00:05:56,437 --> 00:05:58,371
(muffled): A six-pack
of Duff, please.
153
00:05:58,439 --> 00:05:59,605
Oh, yes, Mr. Homer.
154
00:05:59,673 --> 00:06:00,873
(groans)
155
00:06:00,941 --> 00:06:02,275
What gave me away?
156
00:06:02,342 --> 00:06:04,227
Well, the hot dogs spin
counterclockwise in fear
157
00:06:04,294 --> 00:06:07,079
whenever you are near, sir.
158
00:06:07,147 --> 00:06:08,898
Uh, why are you in disguise?
159
00:06:08,966 --> 00:06:11,934
Because of that dumb viral video
with 150 million hits,
160
00:06:12,002 --> 00:06:13,770
I can't go out in public.
161
00:06:13,837 --> 00:06:15,037
Hey, it's the guy
from the plane.
162
00:06:15,105 --> 00:06:16,472
(sighs)
163
00:06:16,540 --> 00:06:18,274
(cheering)
Hey, way to go!
164
00:06:18,342 --> 00:06:21,310
Wha...?
You said what we all think,
165
00:06:21,378 --> 00:06:24,046
but don't have the bones to say.
166
00:06:24,114 --> 00:06:27,049
When I heard Homer speak,
I no longer felt small.
167
00:06:27,117 --> 00:06:28,751
They love me.
168
00:06:28,819 --> 00:06:30,520
The quiet Homer Simpson
that kept it all
169
00:06:30,587 --> 00:06:32,688
bottled up inside is dead.
170
00:06:32,756 --> 00:06:36,092
This is the birth
of Homer Simpson, blowhard.
171
00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:38,394
I'm on the roll of my life.
172
00:06:38,462 --> 00:06:40,413
Give me a scratcher.
173
00:06:40,481 --> 00:06:42,014
Give me another one.
174
00:06:42,082 --> 00:06:43,316
Almost a winner.
175
00:06:45,756 --> 00:06:48,137
ANNOUNCER:
Head Butt with Nash Castor.
176
00:06:48,535 --> 00:06:50,252
I'm Nash Castor.
177
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:52,788
Coming up, we butt heads
with Ron Paul, Rand Paul,
178
00:06:52,856 --> 00:06:55,024
Paul Ryan
and Mitt "the Wonder" Romney.
179
00:06:55,092 --> 00:06:56,692
But first, we're here
with this guy
180
00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:58,728
my kid said was a thing:
Homer Simpson.
181
00:06:58,795 --> 00:07:00,663
- Whoo-hoo! I'm famous again!
- Yes,
182
00:07:00,714 --> 00:07:02,048
your video has been mashed-up,
183
00:07:02,115 --> 00:07:03,516
Auto-Tuned, Jimmy Falloned,
184
00:07:03,583 --> 00:07:05,418
Philippine prisonered,
185
00:07:05,502 --> 00:07:06,969
and occasionally even watched.
186
00:07:07,036 --> 00:07:09,772
Ha! But can you save America
from its last savior?
187
00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:11,874
- Adriatica Veljohnson.
- Nash,
188
00:07:11,925 --> 00:07:13,843
in this
kicked-in-the-teeth world,
189
00:07:13,894 --> 00:07:16,846
what we don't need
is another blustering bloat bag
190
00:07:16,897 --> 00:07:19,498
who claims to speak for Bubba
and Britney Spray-Cheese.
191
00:07:19,566 --> 00:07:20,833
That's really smart.
192
00:07:20,901 --> 00:07:22,001
That's like something
I would say.
193
00:07:22,069 --> 00:07:23,369
Precisely, Nash.
194
00:07:23,437 --> 00:07:24,737
That's a great point,
Adriatica.
195
00:07:24,805 --> 00:07:26,539
Well, if I could
explain myself...
196
00:07:26,606 --> 00:07:27,640
Head butt!
(groans)
197
00:07:27,708 --> 00:07:29,175
We'll be right back after this.
198
00:07:30,427 --> 00:07:32,261
Come here, you.
199
00:07:32,329 --> 00:07:34,130
(moaning, giggling)
200
00:07:34,197 --> 00:07:36,665
Homie, you can win
this argument.
201
00:07:36,733 --> 00:07:40,252
Just rant and rave like you do
to the TV during sports.
202
00:07:45,542 --> 00:07:47,476
Yes. Yes. Got it!
203
00:07:50,247 --> 00:07:51,414
DIRECTOR:
Uh, five seconds to air.
204
00:07:51,481 --> 00:07:52,648
(clears throat)
205
00:07:52,716 --> 00:07:53,949
And we're back
with Homer Simpson,
206
00:07:54,017 --> 00:07:56,252
who's about to become
a soggy Pamper
207
00:07:56,319 --> 00:07:59,555
flung to the side of history's
freeway in three, two...
208
00:07:59,623 --> 00:08:01,123
Not so fast!
(gasps)
209
00:08:01,191 --> 00:08:04,827
Now, I may not be some
mani-pedied TV blowhard,
210
00:08:04,895 --> 00:08:06,996
but I do speak
for the common man
211
00:08:07,063 --> 00:08:10,232
who does his lousy job,
goes to church twice a year
212
00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:11,634
and watches women's tennis
213
00:08:11,701 --> 00:08:13,436
'cause he likes
to hear them grunt.
214
00:08:13,503 --> 00:08:16,238
I bet Chuck the cameraman
and Steve the sound guy
215
00:08:16,306 --> 00:08:17,907
know where I'm coming from.
216
00:08:20,243 --> 00:08:22,161
Yeah, that's what I'm
talking about.
217
00:08:22,245 --> 00:08:24,463
Those real people out there
218
00:08:24,548 --> 00:08:26,832
who buy their coffee
from the mini-mart
219
00:08:26,917 --> 00:08:29,135
and grab enough sugar packs
for a week.
220
00:08:29,219 --> 00:08:32,421
Honest, hardworking,
sugar-stealing Americans!
221
00:08:32,472 --> 00:08:33,906
(crew cheering)
DIRECTOR: Cut.
222
00:08:33,974 --> 00:08:35,374
Nash, I'm scared.
223
00:08:35,442 --> 00:08:37,393
Find me a rich
husband-- quick!
224
00:08:37,460 --> 00:08:39,945
Dad, you out-talked
the talking heads.
225
00:08:40,013 --> 00:08:41,747
From now on,
when someone asks me,
226
00:08:41,815 --> 00:08:43,649
I'm going to say
you are my father.
227
00:08:43,733 --> 00:08:45,017
Aw, son.
228
00:08:45,085 --> 00:08:48,554
Now I regret bad-mouthing you
to that girl you liked.
229
00:08:48,622 --> 00:08:50,289
Homer, the way you
just demolished
230
00:08:50,357 --> 00:08:53,359
our number-one
on-air personality was...
231
00:08:53,426 --> 00:08:55,311
fantastic!
232
00:08:55,378 --> 00:08:57,713
You are the kind
of ill-informed gasbag
233
00:08:57,781 --> 00:08:59,482
this network
cannot get enough of.
234
00:08:59,549 --> 00:09:01,050
We only have 11 now.
235
00:09:01,117 --> 00:09:02,985
Not to mention
our liberal straw man.
236
00:09:03,053 --> 00:09:05,354
♪ Oh, the plain
and simple facts is ♪
237
00:09:05,422 --> 00:09:07,156
♪ I'd love to raise your taxes
238
00:09:07,224 --> 00:09:09,675
♪ And make your
children gay... ♪
239
00:09:09,743 --> 00:09:11,577
But what we don't
have is someone
240
00:09:11,645 --> 00:09:13,045
who speaks to the
average American.
241
00:09:13,113 --> 00:09:15,948
Your flyover Franks,
your dirt-bike Daryls.
242
00:09:16,016 --> 00:09:18,501
How can you refer
to your audience that way?
243
00:09:18,568 --> 00:09:19,785
Well, what you
do is take
244
00:09:19,853 --> 00:09:21,654
a derogatory term and
think of other words
245
00:09:21,721 --> 00:09:23,222
that start with the same letter.
- Hmm.
246
00:09:23,290 --> 00:09:24,490
Homer, you're getting
your own show.
247
00:09:24,558 --> 00:09:25,825
Finally.
248
00:09:25,892 --> 00:09:27,827
But I want to do it my way:
249
00:09:27,894 --> 00:09:30,830
classy and sophisticated.
250
00:09:30,897 --> 00:09:33,315
Welcome to Gut Check
with Homer Simpson!
251
00:09:33,383 --> 00:09:37,253
Where the truth is served
with a side of... in your face.
252
00:09:42,425 --> 00:09:44,076
I am Homer Simpson.
253
00:09:44,144 --> 00:09:46,562
(chickens clucking)
254
00:09:46,630 --> 00:09:49,665
America's latest teller of truth
with a book deal on the side.
255
00:09:49,733 --> 00:09:51,400
Audio book
read by Lenny.
256
00:09:51,468 --> 00:09:53,736
I'm not just another loudmouth.
257
00:09:53,803 --> 00:09:56,906
I'm a loudmouth who says things
you're afraid to say,
258
00:09:56,973 --> 00:09:58,924
but not racist things!
259
00:10:00,594 --> 00:10:02,044
Let's go to the map.
260
00:10:02,112 --> 00:10:04,113
Zoomy, zoomy, zoomy.
261
00:10:04,180 --> 00:10:05,948
Dateline: Nebraska.
262
00:10:06,016 --> 00:10:08,083
A high school principal
has decided
263
00:10:08,151 --> 00:10:11,487
that football is too dangerous,
264
00:10:11,555 --> 00:10:14,256
so he's replacing it
with... soccer.
265
00:10:16,843 --> 00:10:18,310
Are you ready
for Irish announcers
266
00:10:18,378 --> 00:10:20,045
with lyrical accents?
267
00:10:20,113 --> 00:10:21,881
"Oh, that's a lovely touch.
268
00:10:21,948 --> 00:10:24,116
Oh, such a beautiful form."
269
00:10:24,184 --> 00:10:26,685
If we lose football,
270
00:10:26,753 --> 00:10:29,521
we lose the blitz, cheerleaders,
271
00:10:29,589 --> 00:10:32,391
Rudys, Ochocincos,
272
00:10:32,459 --> 00:10:35,394
something for fat kids to play.
273
00:10:35,462 --> 00:10:37,129
(sobbing)
274
00:10:37,197 --> 00:10:39,398
Ochocincos.
275
00:10:39,466 --> 00:10:41,367
(sobbing)
276
00:10:43,837 --> 00:10:45,504
Oh, yeah, that's right.
277
00:10:45,572 --> 00:10:47,239
It's already happening, people.
278
00:10:47,307 --> 00:10:49,041
Hoard your toilet paper.
279
00:10:49,109 --> 00:10:50,843
Shoot the mailman!
280
00:10:50,911 --> 00:10:53,879
(sobbing):
Shoot the mailman.
281
00:10:53,947 --> 00:10:56,415
Is it a little weird
how much he cries?
282
00:10:56,483 --> 00:10:59,018
No way. When a guy
who loves America cries,
283
00:10:59,085 --> 00:11:00,519
it makes him super straight.
284
00:11:02,122 --> 00:11:03,389
This is going so great.
285
00:11:03,456 --> 00:11:04,857
I'm already
a Halloween mask!
286
00:11:07,694 --> 00:11:08,661
That's not you.
287
00:11:08,728 --> 00:11:10,696
They just painted Shrek yellow.
288
00:11:11,898 --> 00:11:14,199
It's still a great honor.
289
00:11:14,267 --> 00:11:16,402
Dad, I'm glad your show
is successful,
290
00:11:16,469 --> 00:11:19,805
but I have to ask you:
what's with the crying?
291
00:11:19,873 --> 00:11:21,674
Great question.
292
00:11:21,741 --> 00:11:24,843
I know you children have never
seen your father cry before.
293
00:11:24,911 --> 00:11:26,378
Marge, do we have
any more gravy?
294
00:11:26,446 --> 00:11:27,846
No, we're out.
295
00:11:27,914 --> 00:11:29,114
(sobbing):
Why?
296
00:11:29,182 --> 00:11:30,883
Oh, why?!
297
00:11:32,919 --> 00:11:34,820
Homie, I'm glad
you're passionate,
298
00:11:34,888 --> 00:11:37,556
I just hope you're not
riling people up with your show.
299
00:11:37,624 --> 00:11:39,692
Oh, Marge, don't worry.
300
00:11:39,759 --> 00:11:41,961
People know
I'm doing a character,
301
00:11:42,028 --> 00:11:45,164
like Stephen Colbert
or Newt Gingrich.
302
00:11:46,733 --> 00:11:48,767
Welcome back to Gut Check.
303
00:11:48,835 --> 00:11:52,471
I have something very, very
pro-American to share with you.
304
00:11:52,539 --> 00:11:53,706
Come with me.
305
00:11:53,790 --> 00:11:55,524
D'oh! Death
to America!
306
00:11:55,592 --> 00:11:57,076
I mean, over here.
307
00:11:57,143 --> 00:11:59,345
You all know I'm a big fan
of American meat.
308
00:11:59,412 --> 00:12:02,965
Although, sometimes you got to
cut off some of the gristle.
309
00:12:03,016 --> 00:12:05,834
(roars)
310
00:12:05,902 --> 00:12:08,470
Take that, centers of
art and commerce!
311
00:12:08,538 --> 00:12:11,040
And this country has something
extra that makes our meat
312
00:12:11,107 --> 00:12:13,642
the juiciest,
most melt-in-your-mouth,
313
00:12:13,710 --> 00:12:15,644
stay-in-your-heart meat
in the world.
314
00:12:15,712 --> 00:12:19,481
That's right, I'm talking about
the gravy of freedom.
315
00:12:21,418 --> 00:12:25,020
When March Madness spills
into April, that's the gravy.
316
00:12:25,088 --> 00:12:26,622
When someone messes with you,
317
00:12:26,690 --> 00:12:29,491
and you invade the country
that did it plus another one,
318
00:12:29,559 --> 00:12:31,293
that's the gravy.
319
00:12:31,361 --> 00:12:33,696
When you stick your flag
in the moon
320
00:12:33,763 --> 00:12:38,367
and say "Now we're done trying,"
that's the gravy!
321
00:12:38,435 --> 00:12:40,436
So get on the boat.
322
00:12:40,503 --> 00:12:42,438
The gravy boat!
323
00:12:42,505 --> 00:12:45,574
Good night and good gravy.
324
00:12:45,642 --> 00:12:47,142
Great show, people.
325
00:12:47,210 --> 00:12:48,277
Great show.
326
00:12:48,344 --> 00:12:51,146
Um. not a big deal,
but next time,
327
00:12:51,214 --> 00:12:53,282
can we use real gravy
instead of brown paint?
328
00:12:53,349 --> 00:12:54,483
Not a big deal.
329
00:12:54,551 --> 00:12:57,519
So, what's this
with the gravy boat?
330
00:12:57,587 --> 00:12:59,788
Just an innocuous little symbol,
331
00:12:59,856 --> 00:13:02,858
like a smiley face
or like an I.O.U.
332
00:13:02,926 --> 00:13:05,894
You know, symbols can often
rile people up.
333
00:13:05,962 --> 00:13:08,864
The swastika,
the New York Yankees logo.
334
00:13:08,932 --> 00:13:09,798
(laughs):
Oh.
335
00:13:09,866 --> 00:13:11,266
Don't worry, sweetie.
336
00:13:11,334 --> 00:13:13,769
I think I know how to
whip up an audience
337
00:13:13,837 --> 00:13:14,937
just short
of a frenzy.
338
00:13:28,151 --> 00:13:31,520
(clamoring)
339
00:13:36,876 --> 00:13:38,277
Why did I make this
a loss leader?
340
00:13:38,821 --> 00:13:41,136
The gravy boat movement
is spreading across the nation
341
00:13:41,141 --> 00:13:43,872
like a rumor about
some kid and someone's mom
342
00:13:43,873 --> 00:13:45,307
hooking up at a high school.
343
00:13:45,375 --> 00:13:47,309
With the presidential primaries
coming up
344
00:13:47,377 --> 00:13:48,977
and an entrenched incumbent
in office,
345
00:13:49,045 --> 00:13:51,580
Republican leaders
have no choice but to court
346
00:13:51,648 --> 00:13:55,384
this movement's inglorious
baster, Homer Simpson.
347
00:13:56,886 --> 00:13:58,203
Marge, I'm going to meet with
348
00:13:58,288 --> 00:14:00,456
the Republican establishment
and pick their nominee.
349
00:14:00,523 --> 00:14:03,525
If there's sandwiches there,
you want me to bring some back?
350
00:14:03,593 --> 00:14:05,694
Speaking for Lisa and me,
351
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:09,431
we're not really
110% behind you anymore.
352
00:14:09,499 --> 00:14:11,734
Then what percent above 100
are you behind me?
353
00:14:11,801 --> 00:14:12,868
Um, none.
354
00:14:12,919 --> 00:14:14,486
Only 100%?!
355
00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:15,471
(groans)
356
00:14:15,538 --> 00:14:17,239
Homie, I love you,
357
00:14:17,307 --> 00:14:19,842
and I'm glad we're finally
using our wedding china,
358
00:14:19,909 --> 00:14:21,376
but when you're
helping to pick
359
00:14:21,444 --> 00:14:23,846
the next leader
of the free world...
360
00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:25,314
Dad, you shouldn't do this.
361
00:14:25,381 --> 00:14:27,616
It's not fair
how much influence you have.
362
00:14:27,684 --> 00:14:30,452
Now, Lisa, I'm
an entertainer.
363
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:33,589
And you can't entertain and
inform at the same time.
364
00:14:33,656 --> 00:14:35,424
And if you're Access
Hollywood, you do neither.
365
00:14:35,492 --> 00:14:36,725
(chuckles)
366
00:14:38,361 --> 00:14:41,013
(thunder rumbles)
367
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:43,949
Hmm. Hmm.
368
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:46,018
Now, they're all
excellent choices,
369
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:48,520
so simply pick the white
male candidate you prefer
370
00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:49,588
and we'll elect him.
371
00:14:49,656 --> 00:14:50,639
I don't know.
372
00:14:50,707 --> 00:14:52,941
Can't we get
Chris Christie to run?
373
00:14:53,009 --> 00:14:54,443
I don't think so.
374
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:58,263
(choking)
375
00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:00,833
Save me, ObamaCare!
376
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,752
Yeah, maybe I'll vote Democrat.
377
00:15:03,803 --> 00:15:05,370
The great thing is,
when they get in,
378
00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:07,239
they act like Republicans.
379
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:10,576
MAN: No one's voting Democrat
while I can still draw a bow.
380
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:11,927
(gasps)
381
00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:14,696
(gasps)
382
00:15:14,764 --> 00:15:16,965
Ted Nugent.
383
00:15:17,033 --> 00:15:20,519
I made love on my honeymoon
to your sweet music.
384
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:21,987
You're my man!
385
00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:25,374
You're endorsing Ted Nugent
for president?
386
00:15:25,441 --> 00:15:28,110
He's a right-wing rock star
who likes everything I hate!
387
00:15:28,178 --> 00:15:30,145
Could there be anyone awesomer?
388
00:15:30,213 --> 00:15:31,497
Who's hungry for elk?
389
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:34,483
(screams)
390
00:15:34,551 --> 00:15:35,934
Hmm.
391
00:15:36,002 --> 00:15:38,370
My daughter's a vegetarian.
392
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,305
That's all right,
she can munch on an antler.
393
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:42,040
Antlers ain't meat.
394
00:15:45,331 --> 00:15:46,965
I thought I smelled
death-a-diddly.
395
00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:48,333
What is that, an
eight-pointer?
396
00:15:48,401 --> 00:15:49,768
From the looks
of that moustache,
397
00:15:49,836 --> 00:15:51,403
I'm guessing you're
a tenured professor
398
00:15:51,470 --> 00:15:53,205
at the People's Republic
of Berkeley.
399
00:15:53,272 --> 00:15:56,041
Hey, the only left-wing thing
about me is the way I write.
400
00:15:56,108 --> 00:15:57,008
(grunts)
401
00:15:57,076 --> 00:15:58,376
Oh, that's just fine,
402
00:15:58,444 --> 00:16:00,779
as long as you're
not a Mormon.
403
00:16:00,847 --> 00:16:03,415
Dad, you cannot
endorse Ted Nugent.
404
00:16:03,482 --> 00:16:05,183
I mean, sure,
we all love his music...
405
00:16:05,251 --> 00:16:06,251
Oh, yeah.
No question about it.
406
00:16:06,319 --> 00:16:07,652
I love that guy.
We listen to it.
407
00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:08,753
But he's out of his mind!
408
00:16:08,821 --> 00:16:10,422
He can't run for president!
409
00:16:10,489 --> 00:16:12,641
I bagged me a fat little badger.
410
00:16:12,708 --> 00:16:15,243
Please, kind
sir, have pity.
411
00:16:15,311 --> 00:16:17,379
All I hear is
"chitter-chitter."
412
00:16:19,882 --> 00:16:21,883
(snoring)
413
00:16:24,554 --> 00:16:26,688
(snoring)
414
00:16:26,756 --> 00:16:28,557
MAN:
Arise, Homer Simpson!
415
00:16:28,624 --> 00:16:29,958
Huh? Who's there?
416
00:16:32,728 --> 00:16:34,229
(screams)
Mozart!
417
00:16:34,297 --> 00:16:36,464
I am James Madison, sir.
(screams)
418
00:16:36,532 --> 00:16:39,100
Fourth president
of these United States.
419
00:16:39,168 --> 00:16:39,901
Ooh.
420
00:16:39,969 --> 00:16:41,303
Now, come, and I shall
421
00:16:41,370 --> 00:16:42,704
teach you of democracy.
422
00:16:42,772 --> 00:16:44,005
Can we get some pizza
on the way?
423
00:16:44,073 --> 00:16:45,340
Everything's closed.
424
00:16:45,408 --> 00:16:47,042
They sell some
at the gas station.
425
00:16:47,109 --> 00:16:49,411
I don't want
gas station pizza.
426
00:16:50,663 --> 00:16:53,398
(whinnies)
427
00:16:53,449 --> 00:16:56,251
So, how come your picture's
not on money?
428
00:16:56,335 --> 00:16:58,420
Actually, I'm on
the $5,000 bill.
429
00:16:58,504 --> 00:16:59,871
Do you give them out
for fans?
430
00:16:59,922 --> 00:17:01,072
'Cause I'm a fan.
431
00:17:03,542 --> 00:17:05,710
I want to
show you something.
432
00:17:07,697 --> 00:17:08,997
What's this?
433
00:17:09,065 --> 00:17:11,566
Some kind of
bicentennial lemon party?
434
00:17:11,634 --> 00:17:14,002
These are the framers of
the Constitution, Homer.
435
00:17:14,070 --> 00:17:16,838
This great nation is built upon
the hard work of,
436
00:17:16,906 --> 00:17:19,074
well, as you would say, nerds.
437
00:17:19,141 --> 00:17:20,108
Nerds!
438
00:17:20,176 --> 00:17:21,876
You want I should mess them up?
439
00:17:21,944 --> 00:17:24,229
I want you
should not mess!
440
00:17:24,297 --> 00:17:27,015
You are an embarrassment to
the aristocratic slaveholders
441
00:17:27,083 --> 00:17:28,717
who forged this
mighty nation.
442
00:17:28,784 --> 00:17:30,685
But gravy is
the freedom where...
443
00:17:30,753 --> 00:17:31,753
Silence!
444
00:17:31,821 --> 00:17:33,154
Founding
Fathers, to me!
445
00:17:34,423 --> 00:17:35,740
(grunting)
446
00:17:35,808 --> 00:17:37,759
(gasps)
447
00:17:37,827 --> 00:17:41,496
"Congress shall have the power
to lay and collect taxes"?!
448
00:17:41,580 --> 00:17:43,381
"No new states shall be formed
449
00:17:43,449 --> 00:17:45,317
"or erected
within the jurisdiction
450
00:17:45,384 --> 00:17:48,386
of any other state"?!
451
00:17:48,454 --> 00:17:49,988
No, no, John Hancock.
452
00:17:50,056 --> 00:17:51,589
I don't need insurance.
453
00:17:51,657 --> 00:17:54,459
Sam Adams, I'm sorry
I made fun of your winter ale.
454
00:17:54,510 --> 00:17:55,627
Homie, wake up.
455
00:17:55,695 --> 00:17:57,262
(gasps)
It was all a dream.
456
00:17:57,313 --> 00:17:59,831
Oh, Marge,
Oscar Madison came to me
457
00:17:59,899 --> 00:18:03,501
and told me that politics are
serious and important!
458
00:18:03,569 --> 00:18:04,536
(yawns)
459
00:18:04,603 --> 00:18:05,971
Lisa, you were right!
460
00:18:06,038 --> 00:18:08,840
I'm not going to endorse
anybody for anything.
461
00:18:08,908 --> 00:18:11,076
(kids screaming)
462
00:18:15,681 --> 00:18:17,115
(muffled grunting)
463
00:18:17,183 --> 00:18:18,883
Oh, Dad!
464
00:18:18,951 --> 00:18:21,252
I'm so glad you've heard
the voice of reason.
465
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:24,689
Yes, the will of the people
should not be subverted
466
00:18:24,757 --> 00:18:27,025
by demagogues who--
hey, what's this?
467
00:18:27,093 --> 00:18:28,960
"Springfield Colonial Village"?
468
00:18:32,114 --> 00:18:32,881
What the...?
469
00:18:32,948 --> 00:18:34,949
You faked it!
470
00:18:35,017 --> 00:18:37,152
Lisa, how could you?
471
00:18:37,219 --> 00:18:38,970
It wasn't just
her, Homie.
472
00:18:39,038 --> 00:18:40,238
It was all of us.
473
00:18:40,306 --> 00:18:42,140
I did it just to
mess with your mind.
474
00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:44,642
That's what a play
within a play is for!
475
00:18:44,694 --> 00:18:46,311
(choking)
476
00:18:46,362 --> 00:18:48,997
No strangling
on school days!
477
00:18:49,065 --> 00:18:51,833
Well, if there's one thing
I don't like being taught,
478
00:18:51,901 --> 00:18:53,301
it's a lesson!
479
00:18:53,369 --> 00:18:55,337
I'm so mad.
480
00:18:55,404 --> 00:18:57,605
Not only will I endorse
Ted Nugent,
481
00:18:57,673 --> 00:19:01,743
but I will call for an end to
the direct election of senators!
482
00:19:01,811 --> 00:19:03,478
Dad, no!
483
00:19:03,546 --> 00:19:04,713
Really? That
made sense?
484
00:19:04,780 --> 00:19:05,947
Then I'm definitely
doing it.
485
00:19:08,818 --> 00:19:11,720
Folks, because I love
democracy so much,
486
00:19:11,804 --> 00:19:13,888
I command you to
vote for this man
487
00:19:13,956 --> 00:19:16,674
whom I alone have selected
as your next president.
488
00:19:16,742 --> 00:19:20,245
Now to baptize his candidacy
with my tears.
489
00:19:20,312 --> 00:19:24,616
The words "strutting stadium
rocker" are overused these days,
490
00:19:24,683 --> 00:19:27,619
but when I first
met Ted Nugent...
491
00:19:27,686 --> 00:19:28,753
(gasps)
492
00:19:28,821 --> 00:19:30,321
Uh, huh?
493
00:19:30,389 --> 00:19:32,157
My emotions were
so powerful.
494
00:19:32,224 --> 00:19:34,592
Come on, hurry up and cry
so I can get elected
495
00:19:34,660 --> 00:19:37,529
and open up the San Diego Zoo
for big game hunting.
496
00:19:37,596 --> 00:19:39,397
(grunting)
497
00:19:41,584 --> 00:19:43,251
It's not working. But why?
498
00:19:43,335 --> 00:19:44,669
Maybe because,
deep down,
499
00:19:44,737 --> 00:19:46,871
you know you don't believe
in what you're doing.
500
00:19:46,939 --> 00:19:48,773
Oh, my God, she's right.
501
00:19:48,841 --> 00:19:52,844
My lips will say anything,
but my eyes know the truth!
502
00:19:52,912 --> 00:19:54,646
My ears are
keeping their mouth shut.
503
00:19:57,383 --> 00:20:02,454
My fellow Americans,
I am full of crap.
504
00:20:02,521 --> 00:20:04,355
I knew you were, Dad.
505
00:20:04,423 --> 00:20:05,924
(sobbing)
506
00:20:05,991 --> 00:20:07,859
I always knew!
507
00:20:07,927 --> 00:20:09,594
(sobbing)
508
00:20:09,662 --> 00:20:13,865
Well, for one brief, glorious
moment, I was almost president,
509
00:20:13,933 --> 00:20:15,500
sort of, not really.
510
00:20:15,568 --> 00:20:17,969
Now, let me just play a sweet
song that I'll never hear.
511
00:20:18,037 --> 00:20:20,238
♪ Hail to me ♪
512
00:20:20,306 --> 00:20:22,373
♪ I'm the presidential gonzo ♪
513
00:20:22,441 --> 00:20:25,427
♪ Hunt with a bow 'cause
it's silent like the night ♪
514
00:20:25,494 --> 00:20:28,630
♪ Eat mooses raw so their souls
go into my soul ♪
515
00:20:28,714 --> 00:20:31,149
♪ I'll move the White House
to Kalamazoo. ♪
516
00:20:31,217 --> 00:20:35,217
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
517
00:20:38,290 --> 00:20:43,061
TED: ♪ There is a new national anthem
that is sweeping the land ♪
518
00:20:43,129 --> 00:20:45,897
♪ And it was written by me ♪
519
00:20:45,965 --> 00:20:49,968
♪ And it popped into my head
while I was washing my dog ♪
520
00:20:50,035 --> 00:20:52,537
♪ Suck on that,
Francis Scott Key ♪
521
00:20:52,605 --> 00:20:57,208
♪ Oh, I got a good song fever ♪
522
00:20:57,276 --> 00:20:59,077
♪ Ted Nugent fever ♪
HOMER: ♪ Something, something fever ♪
523
00:20:59,145 --> 00:21:00,278
TED: Sing it, Homer!
524
00:21:00,346 --> 00:21:03,548
HOMER: ♪ I got this song fever ♪
525
00:21:03,616 --> 00:21:07,118
TED/HOMER:
♪ We got America fever ♪
526
00:21:07,186 --> 00:21:09,721
♪ We got America fever ♪
527
00:21:09,788 --> 00:21:13,057
TED: ♪ U.S. of A! ♪
HOMER: ♪ U.S. of A. ♪
528
00:21:13,125 --> 00:21:15,760
HOMER: Great song, Ted!
529
00:21:15,828 --> 00:21:16,761
When's our next gig?
530
00:21:16,829 --> 00:21:18,329
Are we going to New York or...?
531
00:21:18,397 --> 00:21:19,797
Shh!
532
00:21:19,865 --> 00:21:21,549
HOMER: Oh...