1
00:00:04,644 --> 00:00:05,978
Whoa, whoa!
2
00:00:10,517 --> 00:00:12,167
(exclaiming)
3
00:00:16,773 --> 00:00:18,574
(school bell ringing)
4
00:00:21,461 --> 00:00:22,411
(Barney belches)
5
00:00:22,779 --> 00:00:24,730
(whistle blows)
6
00:00:24,797 --> 00:00:26,498
(yells)
7
00:00:30,987 --> 00:00:32,104
(beeping)
8
00:00:37,460 --> 00:00:39,411
(playing the blues)
9
00:00:40,613 --> 00:00:43,849
(playing the blues)
10
00:00:43,850 --> 00:00:44,900
(tires screeching)
11
00:00:46,953 --> 00:00:48,220
D'oh!
12
00:00:48,288 --> 00:00:49,405
(tires screeching)
13
00:00:49,472 --> 00:00:50,506
(grunts)
14
00:00:52,859 --> 00:00:53,926
(gunshot)
15
00:00:55,095 --> 00:00:56,695
Hmm.
16
00:00:58,298 --> 00:01:00,199
(grunts)
17
00:01:00,267 --> 00:01:02,200
Uh! Mom!
18
00:01:02,225 --> 00:01:05,725
♪ The Simpsons 23x10 ♪
Politically Inept With Homer
Original Air Date on January 8, 2012
19
00:01:05,750 --> 00:01:09,250
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Sync for 720p.web-dl.ctrlHD by sn655321
20
00:01:13,597 --> 00:01:15,564
(crowd grumbling)
21
00:01:16,057 --> 00:01:16,839
Next.
22
00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:20,009
Finally. The only thing
I wait in lines this long for
23
00:01:20,076 --> 00:01:21,610
are slightly better cell phones.
24
00:01:21,678 --> 00:01:23,896
Why do we even have to
go to this stupid wedding?
25
00:01:23,964 --> 00:01:27,449
Cousin Kathy invited us so
our feelings wouldn't be hurt.
26
00:01:27,517 --> 00:01:30,202
And we're going so her feelings
won't be hurt.
27
00:01:30,270 --> 00:01:32,805
I just don't understand
the world of grown-ups.
28
00:01:34,875 --> 00:01:37,660
Sorry, sir, your bag is
two pounds over the limit.
29
00:01:37,727 --> 00:01:39,528
Are you sure everything
inside is essential?
30
00:01:39,596 --> 00:01:40,813
Absolutely.
31
00:01:40,881 --> 00:01:42,498
Let me just redistribute
our thingies
32
00:01:42,582 --> 00:01:44,433
amongst our various bags.
33
00:01:46,670 --> 00:01:48,537
High school yearbooks...
34
00:01:48,605 --> 00:01:50,823
I told you not to pack them!
35
00:01:50,891 --> 00:01:53,876
(quietly): Don't argue in front of
the airport line.
36
00:01:53,944 --> 00:01:56,228
Strangers are judging
our marriage!
37
00:01:56,296 --> 00:01:58,747
Lisa, do you really need all
these Kurt Vonnegut novels?
38
00:01:58,815 --> 00:02:00,349
They self-reference each other.
39
00:02:00,417 --> 00:02:04,036
Marge, do we really need
all these feminine products?
40
00:02:04,104 --> 00:02:05,704
That's toothpaste!
41
00:02:05,772 --> 00:02:07,556
Yes, but I never use
that kind of toothpaste!
44
00:02:11,778 --> 00:02:13,479
(satisfied chuckle)
45
00:02:13,546 --> 00:02:14,897
Try to catch one
on your tongue.
46
00:02:14,965 --> 00:02:16,482
LISA:
We're not with him.
47
00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:22,538
We'll need to have a special
agent check this out.
48
00:02:24,857 --> 00:02:26,025
(belches)
49
00:02:26,092 --> 00:02:27,059
You're clear.
50
00:02:27,127 --> 00:02:28,911
Now I have to
change the nipple.
51
00:02:28,979 --> 00:02:30,613
True patriots breastfeed.
52
00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:31,880
(groans)
53
00:02:31,965 --> 00:02:33,215
Sir, you've been
selected for a pat-down.
54
00:02:33,283 --> 00:02:34,533
Whoo-hoo!
55
00:02:34,584 --> 00:02:36,535
Can you focus
on my shoulders?
56
00:02:36,586 --> 00:02:38,771
That's where I
carry my stress.
57
00:02:38,838 --> 00:02:42,007
Now, if I fart, that's
'cause I'm so relaxed.
58
00:02:42,075 --> 00:02:44,143
(humming)
59
00:02:44,210 --> 00:02:45,561
Sir, there isn't
enough room.
60
00:02:45,629 --> 00:02:47,930
Yes, there is!
61
00:02:47,998 --> 00:02:49,565
HOMER:
Whoo-hoo!
62
00:02:50,984 --> 00:02:52,484
(sighs)
63
00:02:52,552 --> 00:02:54,053
Welcome to flight 55
64
00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:56,055
to Bozeman, Montana
by way of Miami.
65
00:02:56,122 --> 00:02:59,191
Due to an unforeseen jailbreak
in New South Wales,
66
00:02:59,259 --> 00:03:01,760
our takeoff is going to be
just a little bit delayed.
67
00:03:01,828 --> 00:03:03,395
So, we're going to be
turning off the air,
68
00:03:03,463 --> 00:03:05,230
but ethnic people
are permitted to open
69
00:03:05,298 --> 00:03:06,582
and eat their home-cooked food.
70
00:03:06,650 --> 00:03:07,916
HOMER:
Huh?
71
00:03:07,984 --> 00:03:09,451
What the...?
72
00:03:09,519 --> 00:03:10,986
Crazy food indeed,
my friend.
73
00:03:11,054 --> 00:03:12,404
(chuckling)
74
00:03:12,455 --> 00:03:13,772
(slurping)
75
00:03:15,542 --> 00:03:17,543
(people coughing,
babies crying)
76
00:03:19,879 --> 00:03:21,213
CAPTAIN:
Good news, folks.
77
00:03:21,281 --> 00:03:23,165
We've been cleared to taxi
back to the terminal.
78
00:03:23,233 --> 00:03:25,301
You still can't get off,
but you will be able
79
00:03:25,368 --> 00:03:27,169
to look through the window
and see other people
80
00:03:27,237 --> 00:03:28,570
walking around
and making fun of us.
81
00:03:28,638 --> 00:03:30,072
No word on takeoff.
82
00:03:30,140 --> 00:03:31,390
(frustrated grunting)
83
00:03:31,441 --> 00:03:32,858
Sir, return
to your seat.
84
00:03:32,925 --> 00:03:35,144
But I have to go
to the bathroom.
85
00:03:35,228 --> 00:03:36,528
You should have thought of that
86
00:03:36,596 --> 00:03:38,397
before you drank the fluids
you need to live.
87
00:03:38,448 --> 00:03:40,115
(groaning)
88
00:03:44,154 --> 00:03:46,905
Don't tread on pee!
89
00:03:46,956 --> 00:03:48,824
(whooping)
90
00:03:48,892 --> 00:03:50,909
We probably
have rights!
91
00:03:50,977 --> 00:03:52,244
Yeah!
92
00:03:52,295 --> 00:03:54,330
(grunting)
93
00:03:54,414 --> 00:03:56,832
Airlines don't treat people
like people anymore.
94
00:03:56,916 --> 00:03:58,684
You make us beg
for a filthy pillow
95
00:03:58,752 --> 00:04:00,252
that a barnyard rat
96
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:01,553
wouldn't curl up and die in.
97
00:04:01,621 --> 00:04:02,821
And watch pre-taped messages
98
00:04:02,889 --> 00:04:05,391
that make crashing
look like fun!
99
00:04:05,458 --> 00:04:08,927
Never putting me
next to a pretty girl.
100
00:04:08,995 --> 00:04:10,062
(groans)
101
00:04:10,130 --> 00:04:11,230
(passengers muttering)
102
00:04:11,297 --> 00:04:12,464
We're going to need
the air marshal.
103
00:04:14,567 --> 00:04:16,085
(clears throat)
104
00:04:17,487 --> 00:04:18,637
Now you've done it!
105
00:04:18,705 --> 00:04:20,022
(sniffs)
106
00:04:20,106 --> 00:04:21,774
(screams)
I need backup!
107
00:04:21,825 --> 00:04:23,142
Come on, ladies.
108
00:04:23,209 --> 00:04:24,643
You're all
deputies now.
109
00:04:24,711 --> 00:04:25,911
(whimpers)
110
00:04:25,979 --> 00:04:28,781
Look, all I want
is what everybody wants:
111
00:04:28,848 --> 00:04:30,949
preferential treatment.
112
00:04:31,017 --> 00:04:32,668
(grunts)
113
00:04:32,752 --> 00:04:36,238
You can check my carry-on,
but you can't check my spirit.
114
00:04:36,306 --> 00:04:38,841
And why is there moisture
between the windows?
115
00:04:38,925 --> 00:04:41,260
And don't wake me up to land.
116
00:04:41,327 --> 00:04:42,994
Just land!
117
00:04:43,046 --> 00:04:45,664
(grunting)
118
00:04:45,715 --> 00:04:47,683
(passengers screaming)
119
00:04:47,767 --> 00:04:49,068
(grunts, screams)
120
00:04:50,203 --> 00:04:51,870
I regret nothing!
121
00:04:51,938 --> 00:04:53,789
Except this part.
122
00:04:53,857 --> 00:04:54,857
(cheering)
123
00:04:54,924 --> 00:04:56,759
(groans)
124
00:04:56,826 --> 00:04:59,361
This is the last airline
that would take us.
125
00:04:59,446 --> 00:05:00,979
Looks like we're back
to traveling
126
00:05:01,047 --> 00:05:02,981
on tramp steamers
and produce trucks.
127
00:05:03,049 --> 00:05:04,349
I call shotgun!
128
00:05:04,417 --> 00:05:05,584
It's too early
to call shotgun.
129
00:05:05,652 --> 00:05:07,286
It's never too early
to call shotgun.
130
00:05:07,353 --> 00:05:08,620
No one's shotgun!
131
00:05:08,688 --> 00:05:10,305
Now, be quiet.
132
00:05:11,691 --> 00:05:13,058
(groans)
133
00:05:13,126 --> 00:05:14,560
I'm still going to make
my flight, right?
134
00:05:14,627 --> 00:05:16,462
'Cause, if not,
you have to put me up
135
00:05:16,529 --> 00:05:17,663
in a first-class hotel.
136
00:05:17,730 --> 00:05:19,264
That's how it works. I...
137
00:05:19,332 --> 00:05:20,532
(gagging)
138
00:05:21,718 --> 00:05:23,218
(Homer grunting)
139
00:05:23,286 --> 00:05:24,386
(chuckling)
140
00:05:24,471 --> 00:05:25,838
"Fatso Goes Nutso."
141
00:05:25,905 --> 00:05:28,307
And post to YouTube
with the following key words:
142
00:05:28,374 --> 00:05:30,776
"fat," "stupid,"
"classic Simpsons,"
143
00:05:30,844 --> 00:05:32,027
and just to be safe,
144
00:05:32,095 --> 00:05:33,695
"baby rides kitten
rides penguin."
145
00:05:33,763 --> 00:05:35,864
(chuckles) Perfect.
146
00:05:35,932 --> 00:05:38,183
You can check my carry-on,
147
00:05:38,251 --> 00:05:39,985
but you can't check my spirit.
148
00:05:40,052 --> 00:05:42,571
And why is there moisture
between the windows?
149
00:05:42,639 --> 00:05:44,940
And don't wake me up to land.
150
00:05:45,008 --> 00:05:46,875
Just land!
151
00:05:55,435 --> 00:05:57,069
(bell chimes)
152
00:05:57,137 --> 00:05:59,071
(muffled): A six-pack
of Duff, please.
153
00:05:59,139 --> 00:06:00,305
Oh, yes, Mr. Homer.
154
00:06:00,373 --> 00:06:01,573
(groans)
155
00:06:01,641 --> 00:06:02,975
What gave me away?
156
00:06:03,042 --> 00:06:04,927
Well, the hot dogs spin
counterclockwise in fear
157
00:06:04,994 --> 00:06:07,779
whenever you are near, sir.
158
00:06:07,847 --> 00:06:09,598
Uh, why are you in disguise?
159
00:06:09,666 --> 00:06:12,634
Because of that dumb viral video
with 150 million hits,
160
00:06:12,702 --> 00:06:14,470
I can't go out in public.
161
00:06:14,537 --> 00:06:15,737
Hey, it's the guy
from the plane.
162
00:06:15,805 --> 00:06:17,172
(sighs)
163
00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:18,974
(cheering)
Hey, way to go!
164
00:06:19,042 --> 00:06:22,010
Wha...?
You said what we all think,
165
00:06:22,078 --> 00:06:24,746
but don't have the bones to say.
166
00:06:24,814 --> 00:06:27,749
When I heard Homer speak,
I no longer felt small.
167
00:06:27,817 --> 00:06:29,451
They love me.
168
00:06:29,519 --> 00:06:31,220
The quiet Homer Simpson
that kept it all
169
00:06:31,287 --> 00:06:33,388
bottled up inside is dead.
170
00:06:33,456 --> 00:06:36,792
This is the birth
of Homer Simpson, blowhard.
171
00:06:36,860 --> 00:06:39,094
I'm on the roll of my life.
172
00:06:39,162 --> 00:06:41,113
Give me a scratcher.
173
00:06:41,181 --> 00:06:42,714
Give me another one.
174
00:06:42,782 --> 00:06:44,016
Almost a winner.
175
00:06:48,256 --> 00:06:50,637
ANNOUNCER:
Head Butt with Nash Castor.
176
00:06:51,035 --> 00:06:52,752
I'm Nash Castor.
177
00:06:52,820 --> 00:06:55,288
Coming up, we butt heads
with Ron Paul, Rand Paul,
178
00:06:55,356 --> 00:06:57,524
Paul Ryan
and Mitt "the Wonder" Romney.
179
00:06:57,592 --> 00:06:59,192
But first, we're here
with this guy
180
00:06:59,260 --> 00:07:01,228
my kid said was a thing:
Homer Simpson.
181
00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:03,163
- Whoo-hoo! I'm famous again!
- Yes,
182
00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:04,548
your video has been mashed-up,
183
00:07:04,615 --> 00:07:06,016
Auto-Tuned, Jimmy Falloned,
184
00:07:06,083 --> 00:07:07,918
Philippine prisonered,
185
00:07:08,002 --> 00:07:09,469
and occasionally even watched.
186
00:07:09,536 --> 00:07:12,272
Ha! But can you save America
from its last savior?
187
00:07:12,340 --> 00:07:14,374
- Adriatica Veljohnson.
- Nash,
188
00:07:14,425 --> 00:07:16,343
in this
kicked-in-the-teeth world,
189
00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:19,346
what we don't need
is another blustering bloat bag
190
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:21,998
who claims to speak for Bubba
and Britney Spray-Cheese.
191
00:07:22,066 --> 00:07:23,333
That's really smart.
192
00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:24,501
That's like something
I would say.
193
00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:25,869
Precisely, Nash.
194
00:07:25,937 --> 00:07:27,237
That's a great point,
Adriatica.
195
00:07:27,305 --> 00:07:29,039
Well, if I could
explain myself...
196
00:07:29,106 --> 00:07:30,140
Head butt!
(groans)
197
00:07:30,208 --> 00:07:31,675
We'll be right back after this.
198
00:07:32,927 --> 00:07:34,761
Come here, you.
199
00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:36,630
(moaning, giggling)
200
00:07:36,697 --> 00:07:39,165
Homie, you can win
this argument.
201
00:07:39,233 --> 00:07:42,752
Just rant and rave like you do
to the TV during sports.
202
00:07:48,042 --> 00:07:49,976
Yes. Yes. Got it!
203
00:07:52,747 --> 00:07:53,914
DIRECTOR:
Uh, five seconds to air.
204
00:07:53,981 --> 00:07:55,148
(clears throat)
205
00:07:55,216 --> 00:07:56,449
And we're back
with Homer Simpson,
206
00:07:56,517 --> 00:07:58,752
who's about to become
a soggy Pamper
207
00:07:58,819 --> 00:08:02,055
flung to the side of history's
freeway in three, two...
208
00:08:02,123 --> 00:08:03,623
Not so fast!
(gasps)
209
00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:07,327
Now, I may not be some
mani-pedied TV blowhard,
210
00:08:07,395 --> 00:08:09,496
but I do speak
for the common man
211
00:08:09,563 --> 00:08:12,732
who does his lousy job,
goes to church twice a year
212
00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:14,134
and watches women's tennis
213
00:08:14,201 --> 00:08:15,936
'cause he likes
to hear them grunt.
214
00:08:16,003 --> 00:08:18,738
I bet Chuck the cameraman
and Steve the sound guy
215
00:08:18,806 --> 00:08:20,407
know where I'm coming from.
216
00:08:22,743 --> 00:08:24,661
Yeah, that's what I'm
talking about.
217
00:08:24,745 --> 00:08:26,963
Those real people out there
218
00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:29,332
who buy their coffee
from the mini-mart
219
00:08:29,417 --> 00:08:31,635
and grab enough sugar packs
for a week.
220
00:08:31,719 --> 00:08:34,921
Honest, hardworking,
sugar-stealing Americans!
221
00:08:34,972 --> 00:08:36,406
(crew cheering)
DIRECTOR: Cut.
222
00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:37,874
Nash, I'm scared.
223
00:08:37,942 --> 00:08:39,893
Find me a rich
husband-- quick!
224
00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:42,445
Dad, you out-talked
the talking heads.
225
00:08:42,513 --> 00:08:44,247
From now on,
when someone asks me,
226
00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:46,149
I'm going to say
you are my father.
227
00:08:46,233 --> 00:08:47,517
Aw, son.
228
00:08:47,585 --> 00:08:51,054
Now I regret bad-mouthing you
to that girl you liked.
229
00:08:51,122 --> 00:08:52,789
Homer, the way you
just demolished
230
00:08:52,857 --> 00:08:55,859
our number-one
on-air personality was...
231
00:08:55,926 --> 00:08:57,811
fantastic!
232
00:08:57,878 --> 00:09:00,213
You are the kind
of ill-informed gasbag
233
00:09:00,281 --> 00:09:01,982
this network
cannot get enough of.
234
00:09:02,049 --> 00:09:03,550
We only have 11 now.
235
00:09:03,617 --> 00:09:05,485
Not to mention
our liberal straw man.
236
00:09:05,553 --> 00:09:07,854
♪ Oh, the plain
and simple facts is ♪
237
00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:09,656
♪ I'd love to raise your taxes
238
00:09:09,724 --> 00:09:12,175
♪ And make your
children gay... ♪
239
00:09:12,243 --> 00:09:14,077
But what we don't
have is someone
240
00:09:14,145 --> 00:09:15,545
who speaks to the
average American.
241
00:09:15,613 --> 00:09:18,448
Your flyover Franks,
your dirt-bike Daryls.
242
00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:21,001
How can you refer
to your audience that way?
243
00:09:21,068 --> 00:09:22,285
Well, what you
do is take
244
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:24,154
a derogatory term and
think of other words
245
00:09:24,221 --> 00:09:25,722
that start with the same letter.
- Hmm.
246
00:09:25,790 --> 00:09:26,990
Homer, you're getting
your own show.
247
00:09:27,058 --> 00:09:28,325
Finally.
248
00:09:28,392 --> 00:09:30,327
But I want to do it my way:
249
00:09:30,394 --> 00:09:33,330
classy and sophisticated.
250
00:09:33,397 --> 00:09:35,815
Welcome to Gut Check
with Homer Simpson!
251
00:09:35,883 --> 00:09:39,753
Where the truth is served
with a side of... in your face.
252
00:09:44,925 --> 00:09:46,576
I am Homer Simpson.
253
00:09:46,644 --> 00:09:49,062
(chickens clucking)
254
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:52,165
America's latest teller of truth
with a book deal on the side.
255
00:09:52,233 --> 00:09:53,900
Audio book
read by Lenny.
256
00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:56,236
I'm not just another loudmouth.
257
00:09:56,303 --> 00:09:59,406
I'm a loudmouth who says things
you're afraid to say,
258
00:09:59,473 --> 00:10:01,424
but not racist things!
259
00:10:03,094 --> 00:10:04,544
Let's go to the map.
260
00:10:04,612 --> 00:10:06,613
Zoomy, zoomy, zoomy.
261
00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:08,448
Dateline: Nebraska.
262
00:10:08,516 --> 00:10:10,583
A high school principal
has decided
263
00:10:10,651 --> 00:10:13,987
that football is too dangerous,
264
00:10:14,055 --> 00:10:16,756
so he's replacing it
with... soccer.
265
00:10:19,343 --> 00:10:20,810
Are you ready
for Irish announcers
266
00:10:20,878 --> 00:10:22,545
with lyrical accents?
267
00:10:22,613 --> 00:10:24,381
"Oh, that's a lovely touch.
268
00:10:24,448 --> 00:10:26,616
Oh, such a beautiful form."
269
00:10:26,684 --> 00:10:29,185
If we lose football,
270
00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:32,021
we lose the blitz, cheerleaders,
271
00:10:32,089 --> 00:10:34,891
Rudys, Ochocincos,
272
00:10:34,959 --> 00:10:37,894
something for fat kids to play.
273
00:10:37,962 --> 00:10:39,629
(sobbing)
274
00:10:39,697 --> 00:10:41,898
Ochocincos.
275
00:10:41,966 --> 00:10:43,867
(sobbing)
276
00:10:46,337 --> 00:10:48,004
Oh, yeah, that's right.
277
00:10:48,072 --> 00:10:49,739
It's already happening, people.
278
00:10:49,807 --> 00:10:51,541
Hoard your toilet paper.
279
00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:53,343
Shoot the mailman!
280
00:10:53,411 --> 00:10:56,379
(sobbing):
Shoot the mailman.
281
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:58,915
Is it a little weird
how much he cries?
282
00:10:58,983 --> 00:11:01,518
No way. When a guy
who loves America cries,
283
00:11:01,585 --> 00:11:03,019
it makes him super straight.
284
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:05,889
This is going so great.
285
00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:07,357
I'm already
a Halloween mask!
286
00:11:10,194 --> 00:11:11,161
That's not you.
287
00:11:11,228 --> 00:11:13,196
They just painted Shrek yellow.
288
00:11:14,398 --> 00:11:16,699
It's still a great honor.
289
00:11:16,767 --> 00:11:18,902
Dad, I'm glad your show
is successful,
290
00:11:18,969 --> 00:11:22,305
but I have to ask you:
what's with the crying?
291
00:11:22,373 --> 00:11:24,174
Great question.
292
00:11:24,241 --> 00:11:27,343
I know you children have never
seen your father cry before.
293
00:11:27,411 --> 00:11:28,878
Marge, do we have
any more gravy?
294
00:11:28,946 --> 00:11:30,346
No, we're out.
295
00:11:30,414 --> 00:11:31,614
(sobbing):
Why?
296
00:11:31,682 --> 00:11:33,383
Oh, why?!
297
00:11:35,419 --> 00:11:37,320
Homie, I'm glad
you're passionate,
298
00:11:37,388 --> 00:11:40,056
I just hope you're not
riling people up with your show.
299
00:11:40,124 --> 00:11:42,192
Oh, Marge, don't worry.
300
00:11:42,259 --> 00:11:44,461
People know
I'm doing a character,
301
00:11:44,528 --> 00:11:47,664
like Stephen Colbert
or Newt Gingrich.
302
00:11:49,233 --> 00:11:51,267
Welcome back to Gut Check.
303
00:11:51,335 --> 00:11:54,971
I have something very, very
pro-American to share with you.
304
00:11:55,039 --> 00:11:56,206
Come with me.
305
00:11:56,290 --> 00:11:58,024
D'oh! Death
to America!
306
00:11:58,092 --> 00:11:59,576
I mean, over here.
307
00:11:59,643 --> 00:12:01,845
You all know I'm a big fan
of American meat.
308
00:12:01,912 --> 00:12:05,465
Although, sometimes you got to
cut off some of the gristle.
309
00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:08,334
(roars)
310
00:12:08,402 --> 00:12:10,970
Take that, centers of
art and commerce!
311
00:12:11,038 --> 00:12:13,540
And this country has something
extra that makes our meat
312
00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:16,142
the juiciest,
most melt-in-your-mouth,
313
00:12:16,210 --> 00:12:18,144
stay-in-your-heart meat
in the world.
314
00:12:18,212 --> 00:12:21,981
That's right, I'm talking about
the gravy of freedom.
315
00:12:23,918 --> 00:12:27,520
When March Madness spills
into April, that's the gravy.
316
00:12:27,588 --> 00:12:29,122
When someone messes with you,
317
00:12:29,190 --> 00:12:31,991
and you invade the country
that did it plus another one,
318
00:12:32,059 --> 00:12:33,793
that's the gravy.
319
00:12:33,861 --> 00:12:36,196
When you stick your flag
in the moon
320
00:12:36,263 --> 00:12:40,867
and say "Now we're done trying,"
that's the gravy!
321
00:12:40,935 --> 00:12:42,936
So get on the boat.
322
00:12:43,003 --> 00:12:44,938
The gravy boat!
323
00:12:45,005 --> 00:12:48,074
Good night and good gravy.
324
00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:49,642
Great show, people.
325
00:12:49,710 --> 00:12:50,777
Great show.
326
00:12:50,844 --> 00:12:53,646
Um. not a big deal,
but next time,
327
00:12:53,714 --> 00:12:55,782
can we use real gravy
instead of brown paint?
328
00:12:55,849 --> 00:12:56,983
Not a big deal.
329
00:12:57,051 --> 00:13:00,019
So, what's this
with the gravy boat?
330
00:13:00,087 --> 00:13:02,288
Just an innocuous little symbol,
331
00:13:02,356 --> 00:13:05,358
like a smiley face
or like an I.O.U.
332
00:13:05,426 --> 00:13:08,394
You know, symbols can often
rile people up.
333
00:13:08,462 --> 00:13:11,364
The swastika,
the New York Yankees logo.
334
00:13:11,432 --> 00:13:12,298
(laughs):
Oh.
335
00:13:12,366 --> 00:13:13,766
Don't worry, sweetie.
336
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:16,269
I think I know how to
whip up an audience
337
00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:17,437
just short
of a frenzy.
338
00:13:33,351 --> 00:13:36,720
(clamoring)
339
00:13:39,576 --> 00:13:40,977
Why did I make this
a loss leader?
340
00:13:44,221 --> 00:13:46,536
The gravy boat movement
is spreading across the nation
341
00:13:46,541 --> 00:13:49,272
like a rumor about
some kid and someone's mom
342
00:13:49,273 --> 00:13:50,707
hooking up at a high school.
343
00:13:50,775 --> 00:13:52,709
With the presidential primaries
coming up
344
00:13:52,777 --> 00:13:54,377
and an entrenched incumbent
in office,
345
00:13:54,445 --> 00:13:56,980
Republican leaders
have no choice but to court
346
00:13:57,048 --> 00:14:00,784
this movement's inglorious
baster, Homer Simpson.
347
00:14:02,486 --> 00:14:03,803
Marge, I'm going to meet with
348
00:14:03,888 --> 00:14:06,056
the Republican establishment
and pick their nominee.
349
00:14:06,123 --> 00:14:09,125
If there's sandwiches there,
you want me to bring some back?
350
00:14:09,193 --> 00:14:11,294
Speaking for Lisa and me,
351
00:14:11,362 --> 00:14:15,031
we're not really
110% behind you anymore.
352
00:14:15,099 --> 00:14:17,334
Then what percent above 100
are you behind me?
353
00:14:17,401 --> 00:14:18,468
Um, none.
354
00:14:18,519 --> 00:14:20,086
Only 100%?!
355
00:14:20,154 --> 00:14:21,071
(groans)
356
00:14:21,138 --> 00:14:22,839
Homie, I love you,
357
00:14:22,907 --> 00:14:25,442
and I'm glad we're finally
using our wedding china,
358
00:14:25,509 --> 00:14:26,976
but when you're
helping to pick
359
00:14:27,044 --> 00:14:29,446
the next leader
of the free world...
360
00:14:29,497 --> 00:14:30,914
Dad, you shouldn't do this.
361
00:14:30,981 --> 00:14:33,216
It's not fair
how much influence you have.
362
00:14:33,284 --> 00:14:36,052
Now, Lisa, I'm
an entertainer.
363
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:39,189
And you can't entertain and
inform at the same time.
364
00:14:39,256 --> 00:14:41,024
And if you're Access
Hollywood, you do neither.
365
00:14:41,092 --> 00:14:42,325
(chuckles)
366
00:14:43,961 --> 00:14:46,613
(thunder rumbles)
367
00:14:46,681 --> 00:14:49,549
Hmm. Hmm.
368
00:14:49,617 --> 00:14:51,618
Now, they're all
excellent choices,
369
00:14:51,686 --> 00:14:54,120
so simply pick the white
male candidate you prefer
370
00:14:54,188 --> 00:14:55,188
and we'll elect him.
371
00:14:55,256 --> 00:14:56,239
I don't know.
372
00:14:56,307 --> 00:14:58,541
Can't we get
Chris Christie to run?
373
00:14:58,609 --> 00:15:00,043
I don't think so.
374
00:15:01,228 --> 00:15:03,863
(choking)
375
00:15:03,931 --> 00:15:06,433
Save me, ObamaCare!
376
00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:09,352
Yeah, maybe I'll vote Democrat.
377
00:15:09,403 --> 00:15:10,970
The great thing is,
when they get in,
378
00:15:11,038 --> 00:15:12,839
they act like Republicans.
379
00:15:12,907 --> 00:15:16,176
MAN: No one's voting Democrat
while I can still draw a bow.
380
00:15:16,243 --> 00:15:17,527
(gasps)
381
00:15:18,713 --> 00:15:20,296
(gasps)
382
00:15:20,364 --> 00:15:22,565
Ted Nugent.
383
00:15:22,633 --> 00:15:26,119
I made love on my honeymoon
to your sweet music.
384
00:15:26,187 --> 00:15:27,587
You're my man!
385
00:15:27,655 --> 00:15:30,974
You're endorsing Ted Nugent
for president?
386
00:15:31,041 --> 00:15:33,710
He's a right-wing rock star
who likes everything I hate!
387
00:15:33,778 --> 00:15:35,745
Could there be anyone awesomer?
388
00:15:35,813 --> 00:15:37,097
Who's hungry for elk?
389
00:15:38,232 --> 00:15:40,083
(screams)
390
00:15:40,151 --> 00:15:41,534
Hmm.
391
00:15:41,602 --> 00:15:43,970
My daughter's a vegetarian.
392
00:15:44,038 --> 00:15:45,905
That's all right,
she can munch on an antler.
393
00:15:45,973 --> 00:15:47,640
Antlers ain't meat.
394
00:15:53,131 --> 00:15:54,765
I thought I smelled
death-a-diddly.
395
00:15:54,833 --> 00:15:56,133
What is that, an
eight-pointer?
396
00:15:56,201 --> 00:15:57,568
From the looks
of that moustache,
397
00:15:57,636 --> 00:15:59,203
I'm guessing you're
a tenured professor
398
00:15:59,270 --> 00:16:01,005
at the People's Republic
of Berkeley.
399
00:16:01,072 --> 00:16:03,841
Hey, the only left-wing thing
about me is the way I write.
400
00:16:03,908 --> 00:16:04,808
(grunts)
401
00:16:04,876 --> 00:16:06,176
Oh, that's just fine,
402
00:16:06,244 --> 00:16:08,579
as long as you're
not a Mormon.
403
00:16:08,647 --> 00:16:11,215
Dad, you cannot
endorse Ted Nugent.
404
00:16:11,282 --> 00:16:12,983
I mean, sure,
we all love his music...
405
00:16:13,051 --> 00:16:14,051
Oh, yeah.
No question about it.
406
00:16:14,119 --> 00:16:15,452
I love that guy.
We listen to it.
407
00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:16,553
But he's out of his mind!
408
00:16:16,621 --> 00:16:18,222
He can't run for president!
409
00:16:18,289 --> 00:16:20,441
I bagged me a fat little badger.
410
00:16:20,508 --> 00:16:23,043
Please, kind
sir, have pity.
411
00:16:23,111 --> 00:16:25,179
All I hear is
"chitter-chitter."
412
00:16:27,682 --> 00:16:29,683
(snoring)
413
00:16:32,354 --> 00:16:34,488
(snoring)
414
00:16:34,556 --> 00:16:36,357
MAN:
Arise, Homer Simpson!
415
00:16:36,424 --> 00:16:37,758
Huh? Who's there?
416
00:16:40,528 --> 00:16:42,029
(screams)
Mozart!
417
00:16:42,097 --> 00:16:44,264
I am James Madison, sir.
(screams)
418
00:16:44,332 --> 00:16:46,900
Fourth president
of these United States.
419
00:16:46,968 --> 00:16:47,701
Ooh.
420
00:16:47,769 --> 00:16:49,103
Now, come, and I shall
421
00:16:49,170 --> 00:16:50,504
teach you of democracy.
422
00:16:50,572 --> 00:16:51,805
Can we get some pizza
on the way?
423
00:16:51,873 --> 00:16:53,140
Everything's closed.
424
00:16:53,208 --> 00:16:54,842
They sell some
at the gas station.
425
00:16:54,909 --> 00:16:57,211
I don't want
gas station pizza.
426
00:16:58,463 --> 00:17:01,198
(whinnies)
427
00:17:01,249 --> 00:17:04,051
So, how come your picture's
not on money?
428
00:17:04,135 --> 00:17:06,220
Actually, I'm on
the $5,000 bill.
429
00:17:06,304 --> 00:17:07,671
Do you give them out
for fans?
430
00:17:07,722 --> 00:17:08,872
'Cause I'm a fan.
431
00:17:11,342 --> 00:17:13,510
I want to
show you something.
432
00:17:15,497 --> 00:17:16,797
What's this?
433
00:17:16,865 --> 00:17:19,366
Some kind of
bicentennial lemon party?
434
00:17:19,434 --> 00:17:21,802
These are the framers of
the Constitution, Homer.
435
00:17:21,870 --> 00:17:24,638
This great nation is built upon
the hard work of,
436
00:17:24,706 --> 00:17:26,874
well, as you would say, nerds.
437
00:17:26,941 --> 00:17:27,908
Nerds!
438
00:17:27,976 --> 00:17:29,676
You want I should mess them up?
439
00:17:29,744 --> 00:17:32,029
I want you
should not mess!
440
00:17:32,097 --> 00:17:34,815
You are an embarrassment to
the aristocratic slaveholders
441
00:17:34,883 --> 00:17:36,517
who forged this
mighty nation.
442
00:17:36,584 --> 00:17:38,485
But gravy is
the freedom where...
443
00:17:38,553 --> 00:17:39,553
Silence!
444
00:17:39,621 --> 00:17:40,954
Founding
Fathers, to me!
445
00:17:42,223 --> 00:17:43,540
(grunting)
446
00:17:43,608 --> 00:17:45,559
(gasps)
447
00:17:45,627 --> 00:17:49,296
"Congress shall have the power
to lay and collect taxes"?!
448
00:17:49,380 --> 00:17:51,181
"No new states shall be formed
449
00:17:51,249 --> 00:17:53,117
"or erected
within the jurisdiction
450
00:17:53,184 --> 00:17:56,186
of any other state"?!
451
00:17:56,254 --> 00:17:57,788
No, no, John Hancock.
452
00:17:57,856 --> 00:17:59,389
I don't need insurance.
453
00:17:59,457 --> 00:18:02,259
Sam Adams, I'm sorry
I made fun of your winter ale.
454
00:18:02,310 --> 00:18:03,427
Homie, wake up.
455
00:18:03,495 --> 00:18:05,062
(gasps)
It was all a dream.
456
00:18:05,113 --> 00:18:07,631
Oh, Marge,
Oscar Madison came to me
457
00:18:07,699 --> 00:18:11,301
and told me that politics are
serious and important!
458
00:18:11,369 --> 00:18:12,336
(yawns)
459
00:18:12,403 --> 00:18:13,771
Lisa, you were right!
460
00:18:13,838 --> 00:18:16,640
I'm not going to endorse
anybody for anything.
461
00:18:16,708 --> 00:18:18,876
(kids screaming)
462
00:18:23,481 --> 00:18:24,915
(muffled grunting)
463
00:18:24,983 --> 00:18:26,683
Oh, Dad!
464
00:18:26,751 --> 00:18:29,052
I'm so glad you've heard
the voice of reason.
465
00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:32,489
Yes, the will of the people
should not be subverted
466
00:18:32,557 --> 00:18:34,825
by demagogues who--
hey, what's this?
467
00:18:34,893 --> 00:18:36,760
"Springfield Colonial Village"?
468
00:18:39,914 --> 00:18:40,681
What the...?
469
00:18:40,748 --> 00:18:42,749
You faked it!
470
00:18:42,817 --> 00:18:44,952
Lisa, how could you?
471
00:18:45,019 --> 00:18:46,770
It wasn't just
her, Homie.
472
00:18:46,838 --> 00:18:48,038
It was all of us.
473
00:18:48,106 --> 00:18:49,940
I did it just to
mess with your mind.
474
00:18:50,008 --> 00:18:52,442
That's what a play
within a play is for!
475
00:18:52,494 --> 00:18:54,111
(choking)
476
00:18:54,162 --> 00:18:56,797
No strangling
on school days!
477
00:18:56,865 --> 00:18:59,633
Well, if there's one thing
I don't like being taught,
478
00:18:59,701 --> 00:19:01,101
it's a lesson!
479
00:19:01,169 --> 00:19:03,137
I'm so mad.
480
00:19:03,204 --> 00:19:05,405
Not only will I endorse
Ted Nugent,
481
00:19:05,473 --> 00:19:09,543
but I will call for an end to
the direct election of senators!
482
00:19:09,611 --> 00:19:11,278
Dad, no!
483
00:19:11,346 --> 00:19:12,513
Really? That
made sense?
484
00:19:12,580 --> 00:19:13,747
Then I'm definitely
doing it.
485
00:19:16,618 --> 00:19:19,520
Folks, because I love
democracy so much,
486
00:19:19,604 --> 00:19:21,688
I command you to
vote for this man
487
00:19:21,756 --> 00:19:24,474
whom I alone have selected
as your next president.
488
00:19:24,542 --> 00:19:28,045
Now to baptize his candidacy
with my tears.
489
00:19:28,112 --> 00:19:32,416
The words "strutting stadium
rocker" are overused these days,
490
00:19:32,483 --> 00:19:35,419
but when I first
met Ted Nugent...
491
00:19:35,486 --> 00:19:36,553
(gasps)
492
00:19:36,621 --> 00:19:38,121
Uh, huh?
493
00:19:38,189 --> 00:19:39,957
My emotions were
so powerful.
494
00:19:40,024 --> 00:19:42,392
Come on, hurry up and cry
so I can get elected
495
00:19:42,460 --> 00:19:45,329
and open up the San Diego Zoo
for big game hunting.
496
00:19:45,396 --> 00:19:47,197
(grunting)
497
00:19:49,384 --> 00:19:51,051
It's not working. But why?
498
00:19:51,135 --> 00:19:52,469
Maybe because,
deep down,
499
00:19:52,537 --> 00:19:54,671
you know you don't believe
in what you're doing.
500
00:19:54,739 --> 00:19:56,573
Oh, my God, she's right.
501
00:19:56,641 --> 00:20:00,644
My lips will say anything,
but my eyes know the truth!
502
00:20:00,712 --> 00:20:02,446
My ears are
keeping their mouth shut.
503
00:20:05,183 --> 00:20:10,254
My fellow Americans,
I am full of crap.
504
00:20:10,321 --> 00:20:12,155
I knew you were, Dad.
505
00:20:12,223 --> 00:20:13,724
(sobbing)
506
00:20:13,791 --> 00:20:15,659
I always knew!
507
00:20:15,727 --> 00:20:17,394
(sobbing)
508
00:20:17,462 --> 00:20:21,665
Well, for one brief, glorious
moment, I was almost president,
509
00:20:21,733 --> 00:20:23,300
sort of, not really.
510
00:20:23,368 --> 00:20:25,769
Now, let me just play a sweet
song that I'll never hear.
511
00:20:25,837 --> 00:20:28,038
♪ Hail to me ♪
512
00:20:28,106 --> 00:20:30,173
♪ I'm the presidential gonzo ♪
513
00:20:30,241 --> 00:20:33,227
♪ Hunt with a bow 'cause
it's silent like the night ♪
514
00:20:33,294 --> 00:20:36,430
♪ Eat mooses raw so their souls
go into my soul ♪
515
00:20:36,514 --> 00:20:38,949
♪ I'll move the White House
to Kalamazoo. ♪
516
00:20:39,017 --> 00:20:43,017
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Sync for 720p.web-dl.ctrlHD by sn655321
517
00:20:46,090 --> 00:20:50,861
TED: ♪ There is a new national anthem
that is sweeping the land ♪
518
00:20:50,929 --> 00:20:53,697
♪ And it was written by me ♪
519
00:20:53,765 --> 00:20:57,768
♪ And it popped into my head
while I was washing my dog ♪
520
00:20:57,835 --> 00:21:00,337
♪ Suck on that,
Francis Scott Key ♪
521
00:21:00,405 --> 00:21:05,008
♪ Oh, I got a good song fever ♪
522
00:21:05,076 --> 00:21:06,877
♪ Ted Nugent fever ♪
HOMER: ♪ Something, something fever ♪
523
00:21:06,945 --> 00:21:08,078
TED: Sing it, Homer!
524
00:21:08,146 --> 00:21:11,348
HOMER: ♪ I got this song fever ♪
525
00:21:11,416 --> 00:21:14,918
TED/HOMER:
♪ We got America fever ♪
526
00:21:14,986 --> 00:21:17,521
♪ We got America fever ♪
527
00:21:17,588 --> 00:21:20,857
TED: ♪ U.S. of A! ♪
HOMER: ♪ U.S. of A. ♪
528
00:21:20,925 --> 00:21:23,560
HOMER: Great song, Ted!
529
00:21:23,628 --> 00:21:24,561
When's our next gig?
530
00:21:24,629 --> 00:21:26,129
Are we going to New York or...?
531
00:21:26,197 --> 00:21:27,597
Shh!
532
00:21:27,665 --> 00:21:29,349
HOMER: Oh...