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00:00:01,020 --> 00:00:02,770
♪ American Dad 7x08 ♪
The Unbrave One
Original Air Date on January 8, 2012
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♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
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00:00:06,231 --> 00:00:10,164
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
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♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
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♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
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♪ Good...
Good morning, USA ♪
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Aah!
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♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
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(cooing)
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Who's Mommy's little baby?
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00:00:40,464 --> 00:00:43,064
(baby talk)
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(screaming, baby laughs)
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Oh, God!
15
00:00:46,531 --> 00:00:49,164
That's how he became
Sergeant Eye-Gouger.
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00:00:49,164 --> 00:00:51,098
I love an origin story.
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00:00:51,098 --> 00:00:52,264
MAN:
Shut up over there!
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00:00:52,264 --> 00:00:53,398
You shut up!
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00:00:53,398 --> 00:00:55,131
You shut up!
20
00:00:55,131 --> 00:00:56,198
Just let it go, Dad.
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00:00:56,198 --> 00:00:57,331
You want to throw down?
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I'll throw down.
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You got my back?
24
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I'll scratch your back.
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I can do the backstroke.
26
00:01:02,198 --> 00:01:03,698
I can sing "Baby Come Back."
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♪ Baby come back ♪
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♪ Any kind of fool could see ♪
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00:01:09,398 --> 00:01:11,564
♪ There was something ♪
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♪ In everything about you, yeah ♪
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♪ Baby come back ♪
(grunting)
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♪ You can blame it all on me ♪
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♪ I was wrong ♪
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Steve, help!
♪ And I just can't ♪
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- Wrote a few checks with my mouth, bud.
- ♪ Live without you. ♪
36
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Need you to help me cash them.
37
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Aah!
I'm coming, Dad.
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Usually people come towards
whoever they say that to.
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(groans)
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(girl grunting)
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Where'd you go?
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I almost died, too... of shock.
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I accidentally ran
into a Hugh Grant movie.
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Ugh. Such a youthful haircut
on such an old face.
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(gasps)
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(grunts)
Take that!
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She didn't do anything.
50
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No turning it off now!
51
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(grunting)
52
00:02:07,464 --> 00:02:10,164
Who beat the candy out of you?
53
00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:12,131
Some guy popped off
in the movie theater,
54
00:02:12,131 --> 00:02:14,198
and I had to be totally heroic,
big-time.
55
00:02:14,198 --> 00:02:17,098
Steve had the opportunity
to help, but instead he left,
56
00:02:17,098 --> 00:02:19,364
like that little piggy
in the straw house
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who ran away from the Big Bad Dragon.
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I don't know if I have that right,
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but it's in the Bible, Steve.
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Don't worry, Dad.
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I'll be brave next time
something happens.
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You can't make a plan to be brave.
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00:02:29,498 --> 00:02:31,998
Brave is either something
you are or you're not,
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00:02:31,998 --> 00:02:33,631
and you are not.
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Hey, hey, don't be so down, buddy.
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There is something you are.
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00:02:38,698 --> 00:02:40,631
You are...
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It!
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(Stan giggling)
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00:02:45,998 --> 00:02:49,198
Francine, you were
unusually quiet this evening.
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00:02:49,198 --> 00:02:50,664
Is that going to be a new thing?
72
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I like it.
73
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Stan, I'm late for my period.
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Maybe if you jump up and down,
75
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get things started.
76
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I might be pregnant.
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What?! How is that possible?
78
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I got a vasectomy.
79
00:03:00,364 --> 00:03:04,064
You got some sort of weird
automated Japanese vasectomy,
80
00:03:04,064 --> 00:03:06,098
and you've never done anything
81
00:03:06,098 --> 00:03:08,531
about the 30 recall
postcards they sent us.
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(high-pitched voice
speaking Japanese)
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No! This is a disaster.
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I don't want another child.
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I just took the safety latches
off the toilet seats.
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ROGER:
Aah! I'm drowning!
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Listen, I don't want a baby, either.
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00:03:20,698 --> 00:03:22,564
Trading sushi and bourbon
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for hemorrhoids and swollen boobs?
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Screw that.
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00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:27,598
What are we going to...
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00:03:27,598 --> 00:03:29,564
Francine, can we move
this conversation
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to the top of the staircase?
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It's too early to push me
down the stairs, Stan.
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I'm not even sure if I'm pregnant.
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I'll take a pregnancy test.
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Well, if you're going
to take a pregnancy test,
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you're going to have to pee.
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Let me get you some water.
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I'll get my own water.
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Damn.
102
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Hey, Dad, how brave is this?
103
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I have less than ten
percent battery life,
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and I just started an e-mail.
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(groans)
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Mmm. Mmm.
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Geez, Mr. S.
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Nailing your daughter
makes me super hungry.
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Let's not talk about sex.
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I'm pissed at sex.
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Francine might be pregnant.
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- What?!
- What?!
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I can't handle another child
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chipping away
at the heroic Smith name.
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Well, you never know.
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My dad, for some reason,
thinks I'm an idiot,
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but he loves my younger brother.
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I hadn't thought of that.
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Yes.
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The new baby could be
the son I never had.
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STEVE:
Alive over here.
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He could be brave and have my back.
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I'll name him...
something strong.
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Steve.
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Already named Steve over here.
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We'll change your name.
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You can... you can call
yourself Eve, like the douche.
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HAYLEY:
Jeff, I'm ready to go again!
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Whoa. I'm tired.
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Anyone else want to tag in?
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Roger, I really need some advice.
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Always happy
to dispense sound judgment.
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It's my dad.
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He thinks I'm a coward.
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But if I do something
to show him I'm brave,
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he says it won't mean anything
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because I'm trying
to prove I'm brave.
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It's a conundrum.
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The harder I try, the
less he'll think of me.
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I thought a conundrum was a word
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that's the same forward and back.
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No. Th-that's a palin...
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Do not shame me.
144
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Anyway, there's nothing I
can do to change his mind.
145
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I'll always be a wimp in his eyes.
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This certainly is a palindrome.
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I got it.
Here's what we do.
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We dress you up in a masked
superhero costume.
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You do something brave,
and I catch it all on video.
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Then... this is good...
we get that video
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to Greg and Terry,
who show it on the news.
152
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While your dad is watching
their report, you, Steve,
153
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will walk through the room
letting the superhero outfit
154
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"accidentally" fall out
of your backpack.
155
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This way, your dad will realize
you're acting mild-mannered
156
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to hide your true brave identity.
157
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All right.
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And we get to dress you up
in a superhero outfit.
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Qui-Lo!
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Qui-Lo, cape or no cape?
161
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(shouting in Laotian)
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(speaking Laotian)
163
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Which one of you
doesn't want the cape?
164
00:06:07,064 --> 00:06:08,631
Oh, no, we both do.
165
00:06:08,631 --> 00:06:11,698
We're just arguing
about who loves them more.
166
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The night belongs to me, for I am...
167
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Greater Chimdale County Man.
168
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No! That name's terrible!
169
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Filming your bravery
is just the excuse
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I've been looking for
to buy a video camera.
171
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I broke my last one making
a short film about butts.
172
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7,000 hours of footage
down the drain.
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00:06:43,064 --> 00:06:45,231
I'm going to grab some
Neosporin from my room
174
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in case I get a boo-boo
fighting crime.
175
00:06:47,164 --> 00:06:48,731
Oh, can I borrow a tank top?
176
00:06:48,731 --> 00:06:51,464
I don't feel great
with what I'm wearing.
177
00:06:51,464 --> 00:06:53,998
Just way too much sleeve for me.
178
00:06:53,998 --> 00:06:56,431
Feel like I'm 90% sleeve over here.
179
00:06:59,264 --> 00:07:00,531
Dad, what are you doing?
180
00:07:00,531 --> 00:07:02,531
Turning your room into a nursery.
181
00:07:02,531 --> 00:07:04,998
To inspire new Steve
not to be a wuss,
182
00:07:04,998 --> 00:07:07,664
I'm painting scenes from
John McCain's life on the walls.
183
00:07:07,664 --> 00:07:10,131
Here's him getting
his legs broken by the VC.
184
00:07:10,131 --> 00:07:12,131
That wall there portrays him
185
00:07:12,131 --> 00:07:13,498
selecting Sarah Palin
as a running mate
186
00:07:13,498 --> 00:07:15,064
without knowing
the first thing about her.
187
00:07:15,064 --> 00:07:18,131
And here's him chewing off
his own cancerous mole.
188
00:07:18,131 --> 00:07:20,498
Yeah, well, I'm just
a mild-mannered kid,
189
00:07:20,498 --> 00:07:23,231
so I wouldn't relate to any of that.
190
00:07:24,731 --> 00:07:26,164
Now you hit on me?!
191
00:07:26,164 --> 00:07:28,698
After all these years
of rebuffing my advances,
192
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now I'm finally moving on,
and you have the audacity to...
193
00:07:31,598 --> 00:07:33,298
Oh, I get it now.
Never mind.
194
00:07:33,298 --> 00:07:35,631
Anyway, I invited McCain
to a heroes' brunch
195
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I'm throwing here at the house.
196
00:07:37,231 --> 00:07:38,164
A heroes' brunch?
197
00:07:38,164 --> 00:07:40,064
Yep, I'll be French toasting it up
198
00:07:40,064 --> 00:07:41,664
with a few of our nation's bravest.
199
00:07:41,664 --> 00:07:43,498
I really think McCain might come.
200
00:07:43,498 --> 00:07:45,631
I made his invitation super fancy.
201
00:07:48,098 --> 00:07:49,431
Glitter?
202
00:07:49,431 --> 00:07:51,431
Oh, come on!
It's everywhere!
203
00:07:54,164 --> 00:07:55,331
Excuse me.
What's the difference
204
00:07:55,331 --> 00:07:57,431
between digital zoom
and optical zoom?
205
00:07:57,431 --> 00:07:58,731
They're the same thing.
206
00:07:58,731 --> 00:08:00,498
But the box says they're different.
207
00:08:00,498 --> 00:08:02,498
Oh, yeah, it does.
208
00:08:02,498 --> 00:08:04,298
I guess they're different.
209
00:08:04,298 --> 00:08:06,764
Let me know if you need
any further assistance.
210
00:08:06,764 --> 00:08:08,231
Thank you.
211
00:08:08,231 --> 00:08:10,231
I thanked him.
Why did I thank him?
212
00:08:10,231 --> 00:08:11,431
Just buy it.
213
00:08:11,431 --> 00:08:13,764
I can't wait to prove
to my dad that I'm brave.
214
00:08:13,764 --> 00:08:15,764
After tonight,
he's going to love me more
215
00:08:15,764 --> 00:08:19,198
than my unborn, unconfirmed,
maybe baby brother.
216
00:08:19,198 --> 00:08:21,498
Maybe baby.
Maybe baby.
217
00:08:21,498 --> 00:08:22,764
That's fun to say.
218
00:08:22,764 --> 00:08:24,098
Maybe baby.
219
00:08:24,098 --> 00:08:25,098
Maybe baby.
220
00:08:25,098 --> 00:08:26,698
Maybe baby.
Maybe baby.
221
00:08:26,698 --> 00:08:28,164
Maybe baby.
Maybe baby.
222
00:08:28,164 --> 00:08:29,498
Maybe baby.
Maybe baby.
223
00:08:29,498 --> 00:08:30,698
Maybe baby.
Maybe baby.
224
00:08:30,698 --> 00:08:32,198
Maybe baby.
Maybe baby.
Maybe baby.
225
00:08:32,198 --> 00:08:33,598
Maybe baby.
Maybe baby.
Maybe baby.
226
00:08:33,598 --> 00:08:34,998
Maybe baby.
Maybe baby.
227
00:08:34,998 --> 00:08:37,131
Maybe baby.
Maybe baby.
Maybe baby.
228
00:08:37,131 --> 00:08:39,231
Maybe baby.
Maybe baby.
Maybe baby.
229
00:08:39,231 --> 00:08:41,164
Maybe baby.
230
00:08:44,131 --> 00:08:46,698
- So did you take the pregnancy test?
- I did.
231
00:08:46,698 --> 00:08:49,064
And? Am I going to be a father again?
232
00:08:49,064 --> 00:08:51,698
Well, I didn't have a
home pregnancy test,
233
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,331
so I had to take one online.
234
00:08:53,331 --> 00:08:55,164
I'm waiting for the doctor
235
00:08:55,164 --> 00:08:56,464
to e-mail me back with the results.
236
00:08:56,464 --> 00:08:59,064
How do you take a pregnancy test
over the computer?
237
00:08:59,064 --> 00:09:00,731
Well, per instruction,
238
00:09:00,731 --> 00:09:03,131
I first took several
pictures of my genitals.
239
00:09:03,131 --> 00:09:05,264
You what?
And then one of me peeing
240
00:09:05,264 --> 00:09:08,064
on a teddy bear,
and sent them to the doctor.
241
00:09:08,064 --> 00:09:10,031
I-I don't think, uh, that...
242
00:09:10,031 --> 00:09:11,198
that-that's...
that's real.
243
00:09:11,198 --> 00:09:13,164
He's a legitimate doctor, Stan.
244
00:09:13,164 --> 00:09:14,298
See for yourself.
245
00:09:15,664 --> 00:09:16,998
(electronic chiming)
246
00:09:16,998 --> 00:09:18,498
That must be the result.
247
00:09:18,498 --> 00:09:20,998
Oh, God, here goes.
248
00:09:22,198 --> 00:09:24,498
Oh. Dr. Vadgers says my lab work
249
00:09:24,498 --> 00:09:26,264
requires more information.
250
00:09:26,264 --> 00:09:28,198
He needs to see my boobs
251
00:09:28,198 --> 00:09:31,331
popping out of a cheerleading outfit.
252
00:09:31,331 --> 00:09:33,164
I know what you're thinking.
253
00:09:33,164 --> 00:09:35,198
What is the boob test
going to tell him
254
00:09:35,198 --> 00:09:37,198
that the butthole test didn't?
255
00:09:37,198 --> 00:09:39,998
He's just being super careful.
256
00:09:39,998 --> 00:09:42,298
(nearby gunshots, dog barking)
257
00:09:42,298 --> 00:09:45,431
Are you sure criminals will be
intimidated by my outfit?
258
00:09:45,431 --> 00:09:47,098
It's not an outfit, Steve.
259
00:09:47,098 --> 00:09:48,431
It's called a onesie.
260
00:09:48,431 --> 00:09:51,498
(man moaning softly)
261
00:09:51,498 --> 00:09:54,631
Sounds like someone
is in need of help.
262
00:09:55,664 --> 00:09:57,031
(moaning)
263
00:09:57,031 --> 00:09:59,131
Oh, my God.
This woman is repeatedly
264
00:09:59,131 --> 00:10:01,164
head-butting this man in the stomach!
265
00:10:01,164 --> 00:10:03,131
Yes, Steve, that's
exactly what's happening.
266
00:10:03,131 --> 00:10:05,198
Sir, I am here to stop this.
267
00:10:05,198 --> 00:10:08,031
Excuse me. Is that the XLR Mega-Zoom?
268
00:10:08,031 --> 00:10:09,298
I just got the same one.
269
00:10:09,298 --> 00:10:12,164
If you don't mind my asking,
what'd you pay?
270
00:10:12,164 --> 00:10:13,664
You won't be undersold?
271
00:10:13,664 --> 00:10:16,064
Try this same camcorder at Montie's
272
00:10:16,064 --> 00:10:17,164
for $20 less!
273
00:10:17,164 --> 00:10:18,631
Do you have your receipt?
274
00:10:18,631 --> 00:10:20,131
No, I don't have a receipt!
275
00:10:20,131 --> 00:10:21,731
I stole the floor model.
276
00:10:21,731 --> 00:10:24,464
I can't believe we've been
walking around all night
277
00:10:24,464 --> 00:10:25,998
and couldn't find one crime.
278
00:10:25,998 --> 00:10:27,764
This neighborhood's gotten too safe
279
00:10:27,764 --> 00:10:29,231
since the Blacks moved out.
280
00:10:29,231 --> 00:10:31,098
David and Franklin Black,
281
00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:34,331
two white brothers who killed
every Mexican in town.
282
00:10:34,331 --> 00:10:36,731
(gasps) Look what they're
doing to that monument.
283
00:10:36,731 --> 00:10:39,164
It's Langley Falls'
most sacred memorial,
284
00:10:39,164 --> 00:10:42,664
commemorating the victims
of the Great Bus Crash of 2010.
285
00:10:42,664 --> 00:10:44,164
This is your big chance.
286
00:10:44,164 --> 00:10:47,231
Go stop those hooligans,
and I'll film the whole thing.
287
00:10:49,998 --> 00:10:52,664
I demand you cease
your criminal mischief.
288
00:10:52,664 --> 00:10:54,664
(laughing)
289
00:10:54,664 --> 00:10:57,098
Look how round this kid's head is.
290
00:10:57,098 --> 00:10:59,264
Its geometrical perfection
is unnerving.
291
00:10:59,264 --> 00:11:00,531
Let's beat him up.
292
00:11:00,531 --> 00:11:02,231
Roger, the...
the plan's not working.
293
00:11:02,231 --> 00:11:03,231
(gun fires)
294
00:11:03,231 --> 00:11:05,464
Run if you want to run...
I mean live.
295
00:11:05,464 --> 00:11:06,698
(gunshot)
296
00:11:06,698 --> 00:11:09,398
(sighs)
That didn't work at all.
297
00:11:09,398 --> 00:11:10,498
Sure it did.
298
00:11:10,498 --> 00:11:12,198
I have the whole thing on film.
299
00:11:12,198 --> 00:11:13,598
But I wasn't courageous.
300
00:11:13,598 --> 00:11:15,064
No, you weren't.
301
00:11:15,064 --> 00:11:18,064
Danger reared its ugly head
and you folded faster
302
00:11:18,064 --> 00:11:19,598
than a chain of Rhea Perlman-themed
303
00:11:19,598 --> 00:11:21,431
all-you-can-eat diarrhea restaurants
304
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:23,731
named Diarrhea Perlman's.
305
00:11:23,731 --> 00:11:25,231
(chuckles)
306
00:11:25,231 --> 00:11:26,498
But you don't have to be brave,
307
00:11:26,498 --> 00:11:28,731
you just have to look
brave for your dad.
308
00:11:28,731 --> 00:11:30,198
That's the beauty of movies.
309
00:11:30,198 --> 00:11:31,631
I snip out the part where you were
310
00:11:31,631 --> 00:11:33,198
a raging nancy sissy
311
00:11:33,198 --> 00:11:35,264
and edit it to make you
out to be the hero.
312
00:11:35,264 --> 00:11:36,498
You can do that?
313
00:11:36,498 --> 00:11:38,598
Uh, yeah, Steve, I'm a
professional film editor.
314
00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:39,998
I can do anything.
315
00:11:39,998 --> 00:11:42,231
Tyler Perry's movies are
actually quite good
316
00:11:42,231 --> 00:11:44,164
before I get my hands on them.
317
00:11:44,164 --> 00:11:47,498
All right, now we drop it
at Greg and Terry's.
318
00:11:49,531 --> 00:11:52,398
(doorbell plays
"The Piña Colada Song")
319
00:11:55,364 --> 00:11:57,364
Campy.
320
00:11:57,364 --> 00:12:01,364
♪ Yes, I like piña coladas
and getting caught in the... ♪
321
00:12:02,231 --> 00:12:04,364
Not now.
Then when?
322
00:12:06,464 --> 00:12:10,731
Who rings the doorbell
at 3:00 in the morning?
323
00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:12,264
Weirdos.
324
00:12:14,764 --> 00:12:17,464
Stan, the news is on.
325
00:12:17,464 --> 00:12:19,264
Turn to channel three quick.
326
00:12:19,264 --> 00:12:21,631
We secretly acquired
this exclusive video
327
00:12:21,631 --> 00:12:23,031
late last night.
328
00:12:23,031 --> 00:12:24,564
The contents will shock you.
329
00:12:24,564 --> 00:12:26,431
But there's no need to fret,
Langley Falls.
330
00:12:26,431 --> 00:12:29,698
The masked hero...
has arrived.
331
00:12:29,698 --> 00:12:32,098
Take it easy, shouting
guy from the B-52's.
332
00:12:32,098 --> 00:12:36,064
STEVE: I demand you cease
your criminal mischief.
333
00:12:38,631 --> 00:12:41,031
That's one brave S.O.B.
334
00:12:42,164 --> 00:12:43,598
Okay, this is your moment.
335
00:12:43,598 --> 00:12:45,264
Thanks, Roger.
336
00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:47,331
(voice breaking):
You're welcome, champ.
337
00:12:47,331 --> 00:12:49,231
I do it because I care.
338
00:12:49,231 --> 00:12:51,431
You know what would
be good right now?
339
00:12:51,431 --> 00:12:52,998
Not "The Piña Colada Song."
340
00:12:52,998 --> 00:12:55,098
(disappointed sigh)
341
00:12:56,198 --> 00:12:58,164
Whoa, Steve, there's your own shadow.
342
00:12:58,164 --> 00:12:59,331
Try not to be scared.
343
00:12:59,331 --> 00:13:01,731
Oops.
344
00:13:01,731 --> 00:13:03,198
Where is it?
345
00:13:03,198 --> 00:13:04,198
It has to be here.
346
00:13:06,231 --> 00:13:08,731
Hold on there, stranger
in my living room.
347
00:13:08,731 --> 00:13:10,064
(gasps)
348
00:13:10,064 --> 00:13:13,998
(gasps)
Roger?! You?!
349
00:13:13,998 --> 00:13:16,731
You're Langley Falls' masked hero?!
350
00:13:16,731 --> 00:13:19,731
Oh, my God, I didn't realize
I was wearing this.
351
00:13:19,731 --> 00:13:21,531
You found me out.
352
00:13:21,531 --> 00:13:23,731
You discovered my true identity.
353
00:13:23,731 --> 00:13:25,398
Something I never wanted to happen.
354
00:13:25,398 --> 00:13:28,098
I now look at you
in a whole new light.
355
00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:31,198
I would be proud to shake your hand.
356
00:13:31,198 --> 00:13:32,998
Do you have a name, Roger?
357
00:13:32,998 --> 00:13:35,098
Greater Chimdale County Man.
358
00:13:35,098 --> 00:13:37,098
Awesome.
359
00:13:41,864 --> 00:13:46,198
(whimpering)
360
00:13:46,198 --> 00:13:48,964
How come I didn't see it coming?
361
00:13:48,964 --> 00:13:50,998
There, there.
(sniffling)
362
00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:52,864
I should have known better,
363
00:13:52,864 --> 00:13:55,064
but then you said you were
doing it because you care.
364
00:13:55,064 --> 00:13:56,798
I do care, kiddo.
365
00:13:56,798 --> 00:13:58,098
I care about me.
366
00:13:58,098 --> 00:13:59,931
Now shh.
367
00:13:59,931 --> 00:14:01,464
If it makes you feel any better,
368
00:14:01,464 --> 00:14:03,331
it wasn't my plan the whole time.
369
00:14:03,331 --> 00:14:05,898
As soon as I heard your dad was
having that heroes' brunch,
370
00:14:05,898 --> 00:14:07,731
I decided to throw you under the bus.
371
00:14:07,731 --> 00:14:08,931
I love brunch, Steve.
372
00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:10,731
I love everything about it.
373
00:14:10,731 --> 00:14:11,931
I love drinking too much,
374
00:14:11,931 --> 00:14:13,964
blowing off my afternoon plans,
sleeping,
375
00:14:13,964 --> 00:14:16,031
waking up disoriented...
376
00:14:16,031 --> 00:14:17,798
You are something else, Roger.
377
00:14:17,798 --> 00:14:19,898
Hey, it's not like
you were even a real hero.
378
00:14:19,898 --> 00:14:21,964
I held up a gun and the kids ran off.
379
00:14:21,964 --> 00:14:23,698
You'd be living a lie.
380
00:14:23,698 --> 00:14:25,164
Is that what you want to do, Steve?
381
00:14:25,164 --> 00:14:26,764
Live a lie?
382
00:14:26,764 --> 00:14:29,064
Now if you'll excuse me,
I have a lie to live.
383
00:14:30,831 --> 00:14:34,831
(crying)
384
00:14:35,864 --> 00:14:37,398
Now, now. We've had enough of this.
385
00:14:38,398 --> 00:14:41,798
(gibbering)
386
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:44,131
That's a little trick
I learned to quiet newborns
387
00:14:44,131 --> 00:14:45,864
when I worked in the maternity ward.
388
00:14:45,864 --> 00:14:47,131
(chuckles)
389
00:14:47,131 --> 00:14:49,898
Quite a few people are still
looking for this little lady,
390
00:14:49,898 --> 00:14:51,231
I'll tell you that much.
391
00:14:52,698 --> 00:14:55,364
STEVE:
Anyone in here?
392
00:14:55,364 --> 00:14:56,698
There you are.
393
00:14:56,698 --> 00:14:58,098
Steve, it's not a good time.
394
00:14:58,098 --> 00:14:59,431
Dad thinks I'm a coward and...
395
00:14:59,431 --> 00:15:01,164
Mommy is very stressed.
396
00:15:01,164 --> 00:15:03,864
And then I was about
to change his mind,
397
00:15:03,864 --> 00:15:04,864
but you know what Roger did?
398
00:15:04,864 --> 00:15:06,864
Put a sock in it, Steve.
399
00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:09,764
Stop worrying about what
your father thinks of you.
400
00:15:09,764 --> 00:15:12,931
For God's sake,
you're almost 15 years old.
401
00:15:12,931 --> 00:15:15,864
If you lived in Fresno
you'd be a father by now.
402
00:15:15,864 --> 00:15:19,764
Wow. Tough love.
403
00:15:19,764 --> 00:15:21,064
You're right.
404
00:15:21,064 --> 00:15:23,064
Thanks for the wake-up call.
405
00:15:23,064 --> 00:15:25,098
I'm gonna look back
on this day and...
406
00:15:25,098 --> 00:15:28,164
(timer dings) Okay, your time's up.
Get out.
407
00:15:28,164 --> 00:15:30,031
Mommy's strong.
408
00:15:35,131 --> 00:15:37,764
(glass clinking)
409
00:15:37,764 --> 00:15:39,964
There's nothing like
a heroes' brunch.
410
00:15:39,964 --> 00:15:42,298
We have Lauren, the hero
of the movie theater
411
00:15:42,298 --> 00:15:45,464
- and the masked hero of Langley Falls...
- Present.
412
00:15:45,464 --> 00:15:46,964
(airplane engine revving)
413
00:15:50,298 --> 00:15:52,198
...and the hero of the Hudson...
414
00:15:52,198 --> 00:15:53,964
Sully Sullenberger.
415
00:15:57,464 --> 00:16:01,198
Sully, you nimble Irish bastard.
416
00:16:01,198 --> 00:16:03,464
Mr. Sullenberger,
I admire what you're doing
417
00:16:03,464 --> 00:16:04,798
with the whole hero thing.
418
00:16:04,798 --> 00:16:06,031
You know how to do it right.
419
00:16:06,031 --> 00:16:07,264
I appreciate that, son.
420
00:16:07,264 --> 00:16:08,431
No, I mean it.
421
00:16:08,431 --> 00:16:10,164
You are milking the hell out of it.
422
00:16:10,164 --> 00:16:12,131
You went to the presidential
inauguration,
423
00:16:12,131 --> 00:16:13,931
you were introduced
at the World Series,
424
00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:15,364
you were on all the talk shows,
425
00:16:15,364 --> 00:16:17,231
you get the key to any city you want.
426
00:16:17,231 --> 00:16:18,864
Have you gotten to pull the switch
427
00:16:18,864 --> 00:16:19,864
on the electric chair yet?
428
00:16:19,864 --> 00:16:21,098
That's what I'm trying to get.
429
00:16:21,098 --> 00:16:22,698
I hear, during electrocutions
430
00:16:22,698 --> 00:16:25,031
bodily functions may "let go."
431
00:16:25,031 --> 00:16:26,864
That would be fun to see.
432
00:16:26,864 --> 00:16:30,898
Mom really showed me something
when she was on the toilet.
433
00:16:30,898 --> 00:16:32,064
I just want you to know
434
00:16:32,064 --> 00:16:34,398
that I'm going to stop trying
to prove myself to you.
435
00:16:34,398 --> 00:16:38,398
As of this moment, I've stopped
caring what you think of me.
436
00:16:39,131 --> 00:16:42,431
Now I'm going to get on with my life.
437
00:16:42,431 --> 00:16:43,964
Who was that?
438
00:16:43,964 --> 00:16:45,264
His name is Eve.
439
00:16:45,264 --> 00:16:47,264
Like the douche?
440
00:16:53,798 --> 00:16:56,731
Well, I don't need this anymore.
441
00:16:59,264 --> 00:17:00,864
(phone ringing)
442
00:17:00,864 --> 00:17:05,164
Oh, hey...
I'm in Old Langley...
443
00:17:05,164 --> 00:17:07,764
I think it's A...
No, uh, B...
444
00:17:07,764 --> 00:17:10,198
(chick peeping)
445
00:17:10,198 --> 00:17:13,064
Either way, it's hepatitis
and now you have it, too.
446
00:17:13,064 --> 00:17:14,231
(gasps)
My baby!
447
00:17:14,231 --> 00:17:15,864
My baby's in that car!
448
00:17:23,431 --> 00:17:25,931
♪
♪
449
00:17:47,998 --> 00:17:50,798
(tires squealing)
(screaming)
450
00:18:07,864 --> 00:18:09,864
My baby!
451
00:18:09,864 --> 00:18:12,264
Masked man, thank you
so much for saving my baby.
452
00:18:12,264 --> 00:18:15,131
It was very brave what you did.
453
00:18:15,131 --> 00:18:17,864
No, ma'am, it is you
who has helped me.
454
00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:20,831
All this time I was hoping
my dad would think I'm brave,
455
00:18:20,831 --> 00:18:24,898
but now I know I'm brave,
and that's all that counts.
456
00:18:24,898 --> 00:18:26,331
What the hell was he talking about?
457
00:18:26,331 --> 00:18:27,998
Kid's probably on drugs.
458
00:18:27,998 --> 00:18:29,798
I know I am.
459
00:18:33,064 --> 00:18:34,698
(screaming)
460
00:18:39,831 --> 00:18:42,231
Mm. This is good sorbet.
461
00:18:42,231 --> 00:18:43,464
All right, I'm saying it.
462
00:18:43,464 --> 00:18:44,798
Why is he even here?
463
00:18:44,798 --> 00:18:47,231
He's just a guy who landed
a plane in a river
464
00:18:47,231 --> 00:18:48,798
to save his own ass.
465
00:18:48,798 --> 00:18:50,864
You want to be a real hero?
466
00:18:50,864 --> 00:18:52,831
Avoid the geese like
all the other pilots do
467
00:18:52,831 --> 00:18:54,364
every single day.
468
00:18:54,364 --> 00:18:55,731
You're right.
469
00:18:55,731 --> 00:18:57,231
She's right.
470
00:18:57,231 --> 00:18:59,798
But I'm right, too.
This is good sorbet.
471
00:18:59,798 --> 00:19:02,764
TERRY: This just in.
The masked hero strikes again.
472
00:19:02,764 --> 00:19:05,831
This was submitted
by an amateur videographer.
473
00:19:05,831 --> 00:19:08,931
It was shot in what is
known as "Bajowski Alley."
474
00:19:08,931 --> 00:19:11,364
Didn't they honor you with
a star on the walk there?
475
00:19:11,364 --> 00:19:12,798
Stop it.
476
00:19:12,798 --> 00:19:13,964
Roll the footage.
477
00:19:13,964 --> 00:19:18,164
MAN:
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
478
00:19:18,164 --> 00:19:20,364
Oh, God.
479
00:19:20,364 --> 00:19:22,764
Oh, God.
480
00:19:22,764 --> 00:19:24,931
How is this possible?
481
00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:26,931
You were with me the whole day.
482
00:19:26,931 --> 00:19:28,164
That must mean...
483
00:19:28,164 --> 00:19:29,364
Maybe baby.
484
00:19:29,364 --> 00:19:31,298
You can't be the masked hero.
485
00:19:31,298 --> 00:19:33,898
I refuse to answer any questions
without my lawyer present.
486
00:19:33,898 --> 00:19:35,298
Fine.
487
00:19:35,298 --> 00:19:37,331
I'll get the truth out of you
one way or the other.
488
00:19:37,331 --> 00:19:39,764
Lauren, grab your flashlight.
489
00:19:39,764 --> 00:19:40,931
I got my shot in.
490
00:19:40,931 --> 00:19:43,898
I can hold my head up high
no matter what happens.
491
00:19:46,898 --> 00:19:49,331
We should think
about recessed lighting.
492
00:19:52,831 --> 00:19:54,831
Hey there.
493
00:19:54,831 --> 00:19:56,264
Hey.
494
00:19:56,264 --> 00:19:58,931
So, what were you up to today?
495
00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:00,064
Nothing much.
496
00:20:01,931 --> 00:20:04,231
I know you're the masked hero.
497
00:20:04,231 --> 00:20:06,798
Roger told me everything.
498
00:20:06,798 --> 00:20:09,831
I misjudged you, kiddo.
499
00:20:09,831 --> 00:20:12,764
I thought you were a wuss
and you proved me wrong.
500
00:20:12,764 --> 00:20:14,831
And you didn't even brag about it.
501
00:20:14,831 --> 00:20:16,764
That's a real hero.
502
00:20:16,764 --> 00:20:19,464
And I would be proud
to shake your hand.
503
00:20:21,898 --> 00:20:23,898
Could I keep my name then, Dad?
504
00:20:23,898 --> 00:20:25,064
Of course, buddy.
505
00:20:25,064 --> 00:20:26,764
We'll name the other kid
something else.
506
00:20:26,764 --> 00:20:28,998
You know, I really think
your mom's gonna come around
507
00:20:28,998 --> 00:20:30,898
to having another baby in the house.
508
00:20:30,898 --> 00:20:32,831
Yeah!
509
00:20:32,831 --> 00:20:35,864
(glass shattering)
510
00:20:35,864 --> 00:20:39,864
I just got the biggest,
bloodiest period of all time.
511
00:20:44,198 --> 00:20:45,831
Now, Steve?
512
00:20:45,831 --> 00:20:46,831
Sure.
513
00:20:46,831 --> 00:20:49,231
♪ Yes, I like piña coladas ♪
514
00:20:49,231 --> 00:20:51,731
♪ And getting caught in the rain ♪
515
00:20:51,731 --> 00:20:53,998
♪ And the feel of the ocean ♪
516
00:20:53,998 --> 00:20:57,031
ALL:
♪ And the taste of champagne ♪
517
00:20:57,031 --> 00:20:59,898
♪ If you like making love
at midnight ♪
518
00:20:59,898 --> 00:21:01,931
♪ In the dunes of the Cape ♪
519
00:21:01,931 --> 00:21:05,331
(deep male voice):
♪ You're the lady I've looked for ♪
520
00:21:05,331 --> 00:21:08,264
♪ Come with me and escape. ♪
521
00:21:11,205 --> 00:21:14,007
(keyboard keys clattering)
522
00:21:39,495 --> 00:21:40,198
Giggity.
523
00:21:40,864 --> 00:21:42,864
Bye! Have a beautiful time.
524
00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:44,900
Re-sync, corrected by Aiser
from Sync by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com