1
00:00:03,406 --> 00:00:05,574
(Ned whimpering)
2
00:00:09,462 --> 00:00:11,163
(exclaiming)
3
00:00:15,769 --> 00:00:17,586
(school bell ringing)
4
00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:21,423
(Barney belches)
5
00:00:21,491 --> 00:00:23,392
(whistle blows)
6
00:00:23,443 --> 00:00:25,144
(yells)
7
00:00:29,666 --> 00:00:30,749
(beeping)
8
00:00:36,122 --> 00:00:38,073
(playing the blues)
9
00:00:39,276 --> 00:00:42,795
(playing the blues)
10
00:00:45,415 --> 00:00:46,982
D'oh!
11
00:00:47,050 --> 00:00:48,150
(tires screeching)
12
00:00:48,218 --> 00:00:49,869
(grunts)
13
00:00:49,936 --> 00:00:52,171
♪
14
00:00:52,196 --> 00:00:55,696
♪ The Simpsons 23x11 ♪
The D'oh-cial Network
Original Air Date on January 15, 2012
15
00:00:55,721 --> 00:00:59,221
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
16
00:01:07,370 --> 00:01:09,138
D'oh!
17
00:01:26,439 --> 00:01:27,940
So what are we doing here?
18
00:01:28,008 --> 00:01:30,976
What, is it the thing where the
family runs in and sits down?
19
00:01:32,862 --> 00:01:34,096
That's it?
20
00:01:34,164 --> 00:01:37,366
We flew you in and
put you up for that?
21
00:01:37,434 --> 00:01:38,734
I, I think
we're done here.
22
00:01:38,802 --> 00:01:40,002
Paul.
23
00:01:40,070 --> 00:01:42,171
(playing The Simpsons
theme song)
24
00:01:45,141 --> 00:01:46,175
(song ends)
25
00:01:54,901 --> 00:01:57,636
Lisa Simpson, your actions
have brought devastation
26
00:01:57,704 --> 00:01:59,004
upon this town,
27
00:01:59,072 --> 00:02:01,523
and all because
of your selfish desire
28
00:02:01,574 --> 00:02:03,575
to be accepted
by others.
29
00:02:03,643 --> 00:02:04,576
(gallery murmuring hostilely)
30
00:02:04,661 --> 00:02:06,278
Leave her alone.
31
00:02:06,346 --> 00:02:08,113
That's my only
talking daughter.
32
00:02:11,184 --> 00:02:13,018
Lethal inject her
on the electric chair.
33
00:02:13,086 --> 00:02:16,555
Bart, it's okay to say that
at home but not in court.
34
00:02:16,623 --> 00:02:17,556
Take it back.
35
00:02:17,624 --> 00:02:19,058
Withdrawn.
36
00:02:19,125 --> 00:02:23,896
Now, Lisa, tell your side of the
story, and use your big voice.
37
00:02:23,964 --> 00:02:25,998
Well, it all started
a couple of months ago.
38
00:02:26,066 --> 00:02:27,266
Your Honor,
I'd like to request
39
00:02:27,334 --> 00:02:29,969
that everyone in the court
picture in their minds
40
00:02:30,036 --> 00:02:31,920
what the witness
is describing.
41
00:02:31,988 --> 00:02:34,023
I'll allow it,
but no flights of fancy.
44
00:02:39,863 --> 00:02:41,647
Well, McBain,
you certainly picked
45
00:02:41,715 --> 00:02:43,916
a bad time to come
out of retirement.
46
00:02:43,984 --> 00:02:46,285
I hope you have
a COBRA plan.
47
00:02:46,353 --> 00:02:48,203
(hisses)
48
00:02:48,254 --> 00:02:52,524
You are suffering from
a reptile dysfunction.
49
00:02:52,592 --> 00:02:55,243
HOMER (groaning):
Down in front.
50
00:02:55,295 --> 00:02:57,913
Damn it,
why do kids have heads?
51
00:02:57,964 --> 00:03:01,266
Homie, stop watching the movie
in the other people's car.
52
00:03:01,351 --> 00:03:04,219
Oh, but I'm invested
in the characters.
53
00:03:04,287 --> 00:03:07,189
You'll miss the turnoff
to the fancy new mall.
54
00:03:07,256 --> 00:03:08,674
I make my own
turnoffs.
55
00:03:08,742 --> 00:03:11,610
(tires screeching)
56
00:03:11,678 --> 00:03:14,096
And that, kids, is
how you stick it
57
00:03:14,147 --> 00:03:17,232
to the Towne Centre Real
Estate Investment Trust.
58
00:03:17,283 --> 00:03:19,068
No, no, no.
59
00:03:19,119 --> 00:03:20,102
Whoo-hoo!
60
00:03:20,170 --> 00:03:21,036
(tires screech)
61
00:03:21,104 --> 00:03:22,671
Someone thinks
we're leaving.
62
00:03:22,739 --> 00:03:24,406
I'll wave them off.
63
00:03:24,474 --> 00:03:26,892
No, no, no, no, let's see how
long we can keep 'em waiting.
64
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:28,527
Everyone act like
we're buckling up to go home.
65
00:03:28,595 --> 00:03:29,444
(laughs)
66
00:03:29,496 --> 00:03:30,913
Homie.
67
00:03:30,964 --> 00:03:32,247
Marge, if you were
married to Da Vinci,
68
00:03:32,315 --> 00:03:33,816
you wouldn't tell
him not to Da Vinch.
69
00:03:33,883 --> 00:03:35,134
(groans)
70
00:03:53,570 --> 00:03:55,571
Damn it, are you
leaving or not?!
71
00:03:55,638 --> 00:03:56,955
Leaving?
72
00:03:57,023 --> 00:03:59,124
Why on earth
would you think that?
73
00:03:59,192 --> 00:04:00,476
(roars)
74
00:04:00,543 --> 00:04:03,011
(all laughing)
75
00:04:03,079 --> 00:04:05,781
We totally
wasted his time.
76
00:04:05,849 --> 00:04:06,815
And ours.
77
00:04:06,866 --> 00:04:07,950
(laughs)
78
00:04:12,021 --> 00:04:13,822
This place
is so great.
79
00:04:13,890 --> 00:04:15,657
When the trolley hits you,
it doesn't even hurt.
80
00:04:15,725 --> 00:04:17,626
(bell ringing, Homer giggling)
81
00:04:21,798 --> 00:04:23,265
You try it, Maggie.
82
00:04:23,333 --> 00:04:25,601
(bell ringing, Maggie giggling)
83
00:04:25,668 --> 00:04:30,089
Ooh, condos.
84
00:04:30,156 --> 00:04:31,723
Lenny, do you live here?
85
00:04:31,791 --> 00:04:33,092
Yeah, I just
moved in.
86
00:04:33,159 --> 00:04:35,260
I have a Drippin' Dots
for breakfast every morning;
87
00:04:35,328 --> 00:04:37,479
at lunch, I get a massage
in front of strangers;
88
00:04:37,547 --> 00:04:40,182
and then I spend the afternoon
browsing cell phone skins.
89
00:04:40,250 --> 00:04:41,817
Ever get tired
of those dancing waters?
90
00:04:41,885 --> 00:04:44,620
(Strauss' "The Blue Danube"
playing)
91
00:04:46,456 --> 00:04:47,923
The day I moved in.
92
00:04:47,991 --> 00:04:49,591
So what are we all going
to do together?
93
00:04:49,659 --> 00:04:54,363
Actually, we just came to do
some shopping as a family.
94
00:04:54,431 --> 00:04:55,798
Oh, no worries.
95
00:04:55,865 --> 00:04:58,684
Mr. Mall can make
his own excitement.
96
00:04:59,936 --> 00:05:02,237
Give me one doll
from every time period,
97
00:05:02,305 --> 00:05:04,473
and set me up for a tea party
in a private room.
98
00:05:04,541 --> 00:05:07,576
Lenny, you asked me to stop you
from coming back in here.
99
00:05:07,644 --> 00:05:09,261
Let me help you.
100
00:05:09,329 --> 00:05:12,831
You can help me by giving
me Ellis Island Emily.
101
00:05:12,899 --> 00:05:15,434
Hi, dear, I'm your Uncle Lenny.
102
00:05:15,502 --> 00:05:17,169
I'm going to buy you
an all-new wardrobe,
103
00:05:17,237 --> 00:05:19,321
fix your teeth,
send you to the best schools,
104
00:05:19,389 --> 00:05:21,356
and you're going to hate
and resent me for it
105
00:05:21,424 --> 00:05:23,625
'cause you're an American now.
106
00:05:25,094 --> 00:05:28,063
I was hanging on to these
gift cards as investments,
107
00:05:28,131 --> 00:05:30,399
but then half the companies
went out of business.
108
00:05:30,467 --> 00:05:32,317
Better sort those out.
109
00:05:34,170 --> 00:05:36,738
(applause)
110
00:05:36,789 --> 00:05:39,124
CROWD:
Aw...
111
00:05:44,681 --> 00:05:47,516
(loud applause)
112
00:05:47,583 --> 00:05:49,468
CROWD:
Aw...
113
00:05:50,670 --> 00:05:52,521
(grunts nervously)
114
00:05:52,588 --> 00:05:53,539
D'oh!
115
00:05:53,606 --> 00:05:54,490
Do-over.
116
00:05:54,557 --> 00:05:56,058
Hmm.
117
00:05:56,109 --> 00:05:57,075
Whoo-hoo!
118
00:05:59,712 --> 00:06:02,197
Unspool it
into my mouth
119
00:06:02,265 --> 00:06:04,967
till that card
is at zero.
120
00:06:05,034 --> 00:06:06,869
Draw the curtain.
121
00:06:13,309 --> 00:06:15,944
(Bart humming)
122
00:06:16,012 --> 00:06:17,846
Sir, as a complexion
scientist,
123
00:06:17,914 --> 00:06:20,182
I must advise you
against using any more.
124
00:06:20,250 --> 00:06:22,701
This is the most powerful
hydrator we sell.
125
00:06:22,769 --> 00:06:24,887
Less blathering,
more slathering.
126
00:06:24,954 --> 00:06:25,954
(grunts happily)
127
00:06:26,005 --> 00:06:27,122
(laughs)
128
00:06:28,575 --> 00:06:30,392
(laughing)
Hey!
129
00:06:30,460 --> 00:06:31,343
Watch it!
130
00:06:31,427 --> 00:06:33,028
Yo, Bart dude.
131
00:06:33,096 --> 00:06:34,346
Can I get a ride
to the food court?
132
00:06:34,414 --> 00:06:36,064
Hop on.
133
00:06:36,132 --> 00:06:38,400
(laughing):
Ho-ho!
134
00:06:38,468 --> 00:06:40,135
(grunts)
135
00:06:47,176 --> 00:06:48,327
Hmm.
136
00:06:48,394 --> 00:06:50,462
I kind of want to
create my own thing.
137
00:06:50,530 --> 00:06:52,397
Do you sell any
just plain sets?
138
00:06:52,465 --> 00:06:54,566
No. We do
all the imagining for you.
139
00:06:54,634 --> 00:06:56,435
(sighs) Well, I'll
just buy one of these
140
00:06:56,502 --> 00:06:57,703
and build something
different.
141
00:06:57,770 --> 00:07:00,339
You do and you'd better
build yourself a lawyer.
142
00:07:00,406 --> 00:07:03,508
LAWYER: Miss Simpson, does
the court really need to hear
143
00:07:03,576 --> 00:07:04,910
everything that happened
144
00:07:04,978 --> 00:07:07,813
in every store
your family visited?
145
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:11,567
Trust me, I've left a lot out
and cleaned up the swears.
146
00:07:11,634 --> 00:07:13,552
Anyway, I ran into
some schoolmates
147
00:07:13,636 --> 00:07:15,053
and thought they
might be friendly.
148
00:07:15,138 --> 00:07:17,973
That's what kids do, right,
hang out at the mall together?
149
00:07:18,041 --> 00:07:19,508
But when I went over...
150
00:07:19,576 --> 00:07:22,010
Hi, guys, what
are you doing?
151
00:07:22,078 --> 00:07:25,414
Duh, having feathers
woven into our hair.
152
00:07:25,481 --> 00:07:27,399
LISA'S BRAIN: Those girls are
snotty and shallow.
153
00:07:27,467 --> 00:07:28,567
Tell them off.
154
00:07:28,635 --> 00:07:30,552
Can I join you?
155
00:07:30,620 --> 00:07:32,521
(Lisa's brain groans)
156
00:07:32,589 --> 00:07:35,557
Lisa, how can
we put this?
157
00:07:35,625 --> 00:07:38,961
You're the reason no one wears
Silly Bandz anymore.
158
00:07:39,028 --> 00:07:41,730
Wha...?
They, they don't?
159
00:07:41,798 --> 00:07:42,931
(gasps)
160
00:07:42,999 --> 00:07:43,832
(grunts)
161
00:07:43,900 --> 00:07:45,100
What the...?
162
00:07:45,168 --> 00:07:46,468
(sighs sadly)
163
00:07:46,536 --> 00:07:48,070
(moans)
164
00:07:48,137 --> 00:07:49,137
Enough.
165
00:07:52,842 --> 00:07:54,343
I don't trust this place.
166
00:07:54,410 --> 00:07:56,011
Where are the cashiers?
167
00:07:56,062 --> 00:07:57,012
Huh?
168
00:07:57,080 --> 00:07:58,380
Oh.
169
00:07:58,448 --> 00:07:59,448
Huh?
170
00:07:59,515 --> 00:08:00,682
Oh.
171
00:08:00,750 --> 00:08:03,201
Yeah, the lightest,
most desirable computer
172
00:08:03,269 --> 00:08:06,972
in the world for the next
three weeks: the Mapple Void.
173
00:08:10,009 --> 00:08:13,362
I'll take it,
provided you charge me
174
00:08:13,429 --> 00:08:16,231
for services
that Google offers for free.
175
00:08:16,299 --> 00:08:17,265
I already have.
176
00:08:17,333 --> 00:08:18,634
Sweet.
177
00:08:20,269 --> 00:08:22,170
This computer
is so great.
178
00:08:22,238 --> 00:08:24,239
I'm watching the latest
Sofia Coppola movie
179
00:08:24,307 --> 00:08:27,643
at 20x speed to make it seem
like a normal movie.
180
00:08:27,710 --> 00:08:29,111
I think it
just froze.
181
00:08:29,178 --> 00:08:32,414
Oh, no, no, that
bird just moved.
182
00:08:32,482 --> 00:08:35,684
Uh-oh, a draggy backpack.
183
00:08:35,751 --> 00:08:38,153
I have no friends.
184
00:08:38,221 --> 00:08:41,423
Aw, sweetie, hey,
why don't you make friends
185
00:08:41,491 --> 00:08:43,158
with my new computer?
186
00:08:43,226 --> 00:08:44,826
- Okay.
- Let me just finish downloading
187
00:08:44,894 --> 00:08:46,561
the complete works
of Shakespeare.
188
00:08:46,629 --> 00:08:50,632
(humming)
189
00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:51,967
(sneaky chuckle)
190
00:08:52,035 --> 00:08:54,536
Now who's the greatest writer
of all time?
191
00:08:58,474 --> 00:09:00,809
I'd have more friends
if I knew what people liked,
192
00:09:00,877 --> 00:09:03,378
but I won't know what people
like unless I'm their friend.
193
00:09:03,446 --> 00:09:04,780
It's a conundrum.
194
00:09:04,847 --> 00:09:06,248
Helpful hint: If
you want friends,
195
00:09:06,315 --> 00:09:08,050
don't use words
like "conundrum."
196
00:09:08,117 --> 00:09:09,117
(phone rings)
197
00:09:09,185 --> 00:09:10,185
JIMBO:
Co-what-drum?
198
00:09:10,253 --> 00:09:11,353
Jimbo heard me say it.
199
00:09:11,421 --> 00:09:12,087
I'm dead.
200
00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:22,681
Hmm.
201
00:09:29,072 --> 00:09:31,807
It's easier to be friends
with lots of people online
202
00:09:31,874 --> 00:09:34,076
than one person in person.
203
00:09:34,143 --> 00:09:36,378
What if I started
an online meeting place
204
00:09:36,446 --> 00:09:40,415
where all are equal
and I am the undisputed center?
205
00:09:41,984 --> 00:09:43,201
(both grunting)
206
00:09:43,286 --> 00:09:45,921
How's this
for a conundrum?
207
00:09:45,988 --> 00:09:47,706
It's not really
a conundrum.
208
00:09:47,774 --> 00:09:50,442
Sit at my feet
and I will elaborate.
209
00:09:52,752 --> 00:09:56,609
So, to summarize, Your Honor,
Lisa Simpson created
210
00:09:56,610 --> 00:09:59,279
this "social network"
211
00:09:59,346 --> 00:10:02,482
because she had
no friends.
212
00:10:02,550 --> 00:10:04,451
No, that is
not true.
213
00:10:04,518 --> 00:10:06,386
I...
May I remind you you're under oath?
214
00:10:06,454 --> 00:10:07,954
All right
already.
215
00:10:08,022 --> 00:10:09,289
I had no
friends.
216
00:10:09,356 --> 00:10:12,959
With a attitude like that,
I wouldn't be her friend.
217
00:10:13,027 --> 00:10:15,862
Life is
too dang short.
218
00:10:15,930 --> 00:10:19,099
So, since I had no friends,
I assembled a motley crew
219
00:10:19,166 --> 00:10:22,001
of the friendless to help me
construct my social network.
220
00:10:22,069 --> 00:10:23,269
Did we become friends?
221
00:10:23,337 --> 00:10:24,270
No.
222
00:10:24,338 --> 00:10:26,005
(overlapping chatter)
223
00:10:29,410 --> 00:10:32,195
As the CEO of SpringFace,
I want you all to have fun
224
00:10:32,263 --> 00:10:33,496
as you write source code
225
00:10:33,564 --> 00:10:35,698
until you fall asleep
at your consoles.
226
00:10:35,766 --> 00:10:37,066
(all agreeing)
Delightful.
227
00:10:37,134 --> 00:10:40,403
Here's my favorite
computer game: Angry Nerds.
228
00:10:40,471 --> 00:10:42,705
(squawks)
229
00:10:42,773 --> 00:10:44,040
(all snorting
like pigs)
230
00:10:44,108 --> 00:10:48,211
Nelson, is there any way
I could be your friend?
231
00:10:48,279 --> 00:10:50,780
The only way
I would be your friend
232
00:10:50,848 --> 00:10:53,466
is if I could click a box
under your picture saying
233
00:10:53,534 --> 00:10:55,835
"Accept friendship request
from."
234
00:10:55,903 --> 00:10:59,305
Nelson, you've just given us
the template for our site.
235
00:10:59,373 --> 00:11:01,374
I don't care.
236
00:11:01,442 --> 00:11:02,709
(grunts)
237
00:11:02,776 --> 00:11:04,611
(clatter like bowling pins)
238
00:11:04,678 --> 00:11:06,412
(groans)
239
00:11:07,781 --> 00:11:10,150
If we don't move, his
odds of getting us both
240
00:11:10,234 --> 00:11:12,569
are 374 to one.
241
00:11:13,904 --> 00:11:15,655
Ooh-oo-ooh, ooh.
242
00:11:15,723 --> 00:11:17,874
(grunts)
Bye.
243
00:11:17,942 --> 00:11:20,443
(keyboards clatter)
244
00:11:20,511 --> 00:11:22,078
Now, to skip ahead,
245
00:11:22,146 --> 00:11:25,331
your diabolical plan
was an instant success.
246
00:11:25,399 --> 00:11:27,650
I never said it was diabolical.
247
00:11:27,718 --> 00:11:29,018
Withdrawn.
248
00:11:31,088 --> 00:11:33,122
This social network
quickly unified
249
00:11:33,190 --> 00:11:36,759
the disparate children
of Springfield Unified.
250
00:11:36,827 --> 00:11:39,812
Oh, I just got invited
to make out with Shauna.
251
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:40,980
See?
252
00:11:41,048 --> 00:11:43,416
That went out to 200 guys.
253
00:11:43,484 --> 00:11:44,817
(groans)
254
00:11:44,885 --> 00:11:46,419
And seven girls.
255
00:11:46,487 --> 00:11:47,620
(brightly):
Oh...
256
00:11:47,688 --> 00:11:49,389
Santa's Little Helper's friends
257
00:11:49,456 --> 00:11:51,124
with Snowball Two?
258
00:11:51,192 --> 00:11:53,092
Now I've seen everything.
259
00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:56,329
Ha, all my friends
have birthdays this year.
260
00:11:56,397 --> 00:11:57,363
(typing)
261
00:11:57,431 --> 00:11:58,965
(click)
262
00:11:59,033 --> 00:12:01,234
(chuckles)
I just un-friended Skinner
263
00:12:01,302 --> 00:12:02,402
Doggone it.
264
00:12:02,469 --> 00:12:03,570
I'm less popular
265
00:12:03,637 --> 00:12:05,171
than the hornet's nest
in the gym.
266
00:12:05,239 --> 00:12:07,507
You said you were
getting rid of that nest.
267
00:12:07,575 --> 00:12:09,509
We trade the honey
for chalk and yardsticks.
268
00:12:09,577 --> 00:12:10,910
Hornets make honey?
269
00:12:10,978 --> 00:12:13,313
Better than wasp honey,
not as good as bee.
270
00:12:13,380 --> 00:12:14,948
Is this how you
talk on dates?
271
00:12:15,015 --> 00:12:16,616
I wish my dates
were this interesting.
272
00:12:18,219 --> 00:12:19,219
Hit refresh.
273
00:12:19,286 --> 00:12:20,587
(click)
Hit refresh.
274
00:12:20,654 --> 00:12:22,522
(gasps)
I have a thousand friends.
275
00:12:22,590 --> 00:12:24,457
And only eight
of them are Milhouse.
276
00:12:24,525 --> 00:12:25,892
A thousand kids?
277
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,094
If you could get each of
them to send you a dollar,
278
00:12:28,162 --> 00:12:29,596
you'd be a millionaire.
279
00:12:29,663 --> 00:12:31,965
Well, it's not just
kids using SpringFace,
280
00:12:32,032 --> 00:12:34,767
it's moms
like me, Marge.
281
00:12:34,835 --> 00:12:36,970
Wait a minute,
grownups are on this?
282
00:12:37,037 --> 00:12:38,805
Yeah, look.
283
00:12:45,362 --> 00:12:47,213
We've got to thank you, kiddo.
284
00:12:47,298 --> 00:12:49,766
We've gotten so much more
action since we signed up
285
00:12:49,833 --> 00:12:51,568
and used this picture
of ourselves.
286
00:12:51,635 --> 00:12:52,869
(raspy chuckling)
287
00:12:52,937 --> 00:12:54,237
That's not you.
You can see
288
00:12:54,305 --> 00:12:57,490
our reflection
in the sunglasses.
289
00:12:57,558 --> 00:12:59,492
(chuckling)
290
00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:02,595
Wow, I've created something
incredibly popular.
291
00:13:02,663 --> 00:13:03,997
And I've created something
292
00:13:04,064 --> 00:13:06,566
that created something
incredibly popular.
293
00:13:06,634 --> 00:13:08,534
And I created
an alcoholic hippo.
294
00:13:08,602 --> 00:13:10,136
You never showed it to me.
295
00:13:10,204 --> 00:13:12,238
A stupid alcoholic hippo.
296
00:13:12,306 --> 00:13:13,273
I still want to see it.
297
00:13:13,340 --> 00:13:14,907
There is no hippo.
298
00:13:14,975 --> 00:13:16,142
Then why did you say it?
299
00:13:16,210 --> 00:13:17,644
'Cause you're the hippo.
300
00:13:17,711 --> 00:13:19,078
Are you just saying that
301
00:13:19,146 --> 00:13:20,847
'cause you don't want
me to see the hippo?
302
00:13:20,914 --> 00:13:22,448
I don't have a hippo!
303
00:13:23,294 --> 00:13:26,703
And so, this so-called
"SpringFace"
304
00:13:26,704 --> 00:13:29,505
spread from the world
of children to adults.
305
00:13:29,573 --> 00:13:32,342
Man, this Web site
makes talking drunk
306
00:13:32,409 --> 00:13:34,477
to my wife so much safer.
307
00:13:34,545 --> 00:13:36,846
I am sitting here...
308
00:13:36,914 --> 00:13:39,682
zero sheets to the wind...
309
00:13:39,750 --> 00:13:41,551
(sneaky chuckle)
310
00:13:41,619 --> 00:13:43,620
HOMER: ...counting the moments
to closing time
311
00:13:43,687 --> 00:13:45,822
when I can stumble home to you.
312
00:13:45,890 --> 00:13:47,490
Another round, Moe.
313
00:13:47,558 --> 00:13:49,192
Uh-oh, did I type that?
314
00:13:49,260 --> 00:13:50,994
Delete! Delete!
315
00:13:51,061 --> 00:13:53,429
Hm, typing "delete"
does not delete.
316
00:13:53,497 --> 00:13:54,831
(puzzled groan)
317
00:13:54,899 --> 00:13:58,768
It is gratifying to see
all of you bowing in prayer,
318
00:13:58,836 --> 00:14:02,472
the light of God
shining on your faces.
319
00:14:02,539 --> 00:14:06,376
Uh-oh, Bernice Hibbert keeps
"liking" Bumblebee Man'sos.
320
00:14:06,443 --> 00:14:08,278
That's how it starts.
321
00:14:08,345 --> 00:14:09,579
Tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk.
322
00:14:09,647 --> 00:14:12,682
Why did I make this church
a Wi-Fi hotspot?
323
00:14:12,750 --> 00:14:15,385
(groans)
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
324
00:14:15,452 --> 00:14:18,454
Let's see, which Muppet am I?
325
00:14:18,522 --> 00:14:19,789
Beaker?
326
00:14:19,857 --> 00:14:21,524
Hm, I guess that's fair.
327
00:14:21,592 --> 00:14:23,359
Friend, friend,
328
00:14:23,427 --> 00:14:25,528
awaiting reply, friend...
329
00:14:25,596 --> 00:14:26,896
Sherri? Terri?
330
00:14:26,947 --> 00:14:27,997
Hopscotch?
331
00:14:28,065 --> 00:14:29,032
Double Dutch?
332
00:14:29,083 --> 00:14:30,116
Ringolivio?
333
00:14:30,184 --> 00:14:32,068
Anyone?
334
00:14:35,172 --> 00:14:37,473
Oh, I have a thousand friends,
335
00:14:37,541 --> 00:14:39,309
and I feel more alone than ever.
336
00:14:39,376 --> 00:14:40,777
Whee!
337
00:14:40,844 --> 00:14:42,779
I am trying to
set a mood here.
338
00:14:42,846 --> 00:14:44,213
(somberly):
Whee.
339
00:14:44,281 --> 00:14:46,182
So, to sum up,
340
00:14:46,250 --> 00:14:47,750
Lisa's social network
341
00:14:47,818 --> 00:14:50,637
turned into the biggest
Internet failure since...
342
00:14:50,704 --> 00:14:52,705
(chuckles)
Well, there've been so many.
343
00:14:52,773 --> 00:14:54,524
"Ask Jeeves," anyone?
344
00:14:54,591 --> 00:14:58,094
(raucous laughter)
345
00:15:07,187 --> 00:15:09,072
(horse neighs)
346
00:15:13,958 --> 00:15:17,627
And so SpringFace became
too big to control,
347
00:15:17,695 --> 00:15:20,831
just like the 60-foot baby
in my self-published novel,
348
00:15:20,898 --> 00:15:22,399
The 60 Ft. Baby.
349
00:15:22,467 --> 00:15:23,400
Order it online now,
350
00:15:23,468 --> 00:15:24,568
while you can still cheat
351
00:15:24,635 --> 00:15:25,836
the government on sales tax.
352
00:15:25,903 --> 00:15:29,006
(clears throat)
As I was saying,
353
00:15:29,073 --> 00:15:32,075
SpringFace was used
in ways I never expected.
354
00:15:32,143 --> 00:15:33,710
(typing)
355
00:15:33,778 --> 00:15:36,413
(video game gunfire)
356
00:15:36,481 --> 00:15:39,332
Thanks for SpringFacing me
your head cleaver, Bart.
357
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:41,334
(screaming)
358
00:15:41,402 --> 00:15:42,886
(magazine reloading)
359
00:15:42,937 --> 00:15:43,854
(gunfire)
360
00:15:43,921 --> 00:15:45,772
(screaming)
361
00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:48,375
Check this out: I'm hiding a
bomb in this pile of corpses,
362
00:15:48,443 --> 00:15:50,043
so when Kearney
loots their ammo,
363
00:15:50,111 --> 00:15:52,129
he gets a face full
of ass shrapnel.
364
00:15:52,196 --> 00:15:53,497
(explosion)
365
00:15:53,564 --> 00:15:55,399
Damn, I got ass-shrapped!
366
00:15:55,466 --> 00:15:56,616
(groans)
367
00:15:58,703 --> 00:16:00,270
(tires squealing)
368
00:16:00,321 --> 00:16:01,538
What the...?!
369
00:16:01,605 --> 00:16:03,156
That idiot cut me off.
370
00:16:03,241 --> 00:16:05,108
(camera clicks)
I'm gonna run his plates,
371
00:16:05,159 --> 00:16:08,578
find out who he is, then change
his SpringFace profile picture
372
00:16:08,629 --> 00:16:09,963
to a shot of a monkey.
373
00:16:10,048 --> 00:16:11,498
(chuckle
Get that, Marge?
374
00:16:11,582 --> 00:16:12,949
A monkey!
375
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,285
Homer, watch the road.
Right.
376
00:16:15,336 --> 00:16:18,388
Status update: Homer...
is... watching... the...
377
00:16:18,456 --> 00:16:19,389
(shrieks)
378
00:16:19,457 --> 00:16:20,824
(tires screeching, thud)
379
00:16:20,892 --> 00:16:22,509
(tires squealing, crashing)
380
00:16:22,593 --> 00:16:23,810
(metal crunching)
381
00:16:26,681 --> 00:16:28,198
Dislike! Dislike!
382
00:16:28,266 --> 00:16:29,583
(thud)
383
00:16:29,650 --> 00:16:30,650
(sirens wail)
384
00:16:35,173 --> 00:16:36,790
(sirens wailing,
tires squealing)
385
00:16:36,858 --> 00:16:38,825
(tires screeching,
cars crashing, glass shattering)
386
00:16:40,011 --> 00:16:41,578
Somebody call 911!
387
00:16:41,645 --> 00:16:43,797
I don't know how to use
the phone on my phone.
388
00:16:45,566 --> 00:16:47,551
Hey, did you guys get
my picture of the fire?
389
00:16:47,618 --> 00:16:48,702
Yeah, I did;
nice grab.
390
00:16:48,770 --> 00:16:50,153
I didn't get it yet.
391
00:16:50,204 --> 00:16:51,388
Yeah, funny
how that works.
392
00:16:51,456 --> 00:16:54,424
Lisa Simpson, can you
give us any reason
393
00:16:54,492 --> 00:16:58,011
why the city should not force
you to shut down your site?
394
00:16:58,079 --> 00:17:01,181
I know it's awful and insular
395
00:17:01,249 --> 00:17:04,651
and caused 35 deaths,
but I had friends.
396
00:17:04,719 --> 00:17:07,053
Four digits of friends!
397
00:17:07,121 --> 00:17:09,689
I had a friend in common
with Malcolm Gladwell.
398
00:17:09,757 --> 00:17:11,625
He friends everybody.
399
00:17:11,692 --> 00:17:12,559
(quietly):
Fine.
400
00:17:12,627 --> 00:17:13,944
I'll shut down the site.
401
00:17:14,011 --> 00:17:20,917
♪ When you were here before
402
00:17:20,985 --> 00:17:23,053
♪ Couldn't look you in the eye
403
00:17:23,121 --> 00:17:26,590
Time to get a life.
404
00:17:26,657 --> 00:17:32,729
♪ You're just like an angel
405
00:17:32,797 --> 00:17:35,966
♪ Your skin makes me cry
406
00:17:36,033 --> 00:17:38,535
(mimic guns firing)
407
00:17:38,603 --> 00:17:40,170
We don't need your
crummy Web site.
408
00:17:40,238 --> 00:17:42,005
We can make
anything into guns.
409
00:17:42,073 --> 00:17:43,356
(mimic guns shooting)
410
00:17:44,592 --> 00:17:45,792
JANEY:
Lisa.
411
00:17:45,860 --> 00:17:47,594
Lisa!
412
00:17:47,662 --> 00:17:49,796
Want to play Marco
Polo with us?
413
00:17:49,864 --> 00:17:52,182
We just realized you don't
have to play in a pool.
414
00:17:52,250 --> 00:17:53,617
You really want me?
415
00:17:53,684 --> 00:17:54,551
(sarcastically):
No.
416
00:17:54,619 --> 00:17:56,019
We want your Dad.
417
00:17:56,087 --> 00:17:57,320
Marco.
418
00:17:57,388 --> 00:17:58,622
Come on, Lisa.
419
00:18:00,491 --> 00:18:02,459
Polo!
420
00:18:02,527 --> 00:18:04,077
Fish out of water.
421
00:18:04,162 --> 00:18:05,996
(laughter)
422
00:18:07,982 --> 00:18:14,521
♪ When you were here before
423
00:18:14,589 --> 00:18:20,076
♪ Couldn't look you in the eye
424
00:18:21,712 --> 00:18:25,465
♪ You're just like an angel
425
00:18:29,587 --> 00:18:31,755
Hey, Winklevosses.
426
00:18:31,822 --> 00:18:34,157
You're gonna lose yet again.
427
00:18:34,225 --> 00:18:36,259
You should see
the expression on your faces.
428
00:18:36,327 --> 00:18:37,727
Oh, wait, you can.
429
00:18:37,795 --> 00:18:39,696
They're fat, they smoke,
430
00:18:39,764 --> 00:18:41,114
they started
training a week ago.
431
00:18:41,182 --> 00:18:42,699
Why can't we pull away?
432
00:18:42,767 --> 00:18:44,100
Because we can't
stop concentrating
433
00:18:44,168 --> 00:18:46,469
on that $65 million
Facebook settlement,
434
00:18:46,537 --> 00:18:48,104
which somehow wasn't
enough for us.
435
00:18:48,172 --> 00:18:49,940
Even though we were rich
in the first place.
436
00:18:50,007 --> 00:18:53,009
(grunts)
So long, you big babies!
437
00:18:53,077 --> 00:18:54,644
Hope you like
the taste of silver!
438
00:18:54,712 --> 00:18:57,047
Help us, Larry Summers!
439
00:18:57,114 --> 00:18:59,716
Come on, Wonder twin!
440
00:18:59,784 --> 00:19:01,618
Pull!
441
00:19:10,411 --> 00:19:14,664
NARRATOR: And now, for a Simpsons
"Show's Too Short" story.
442
00:19:14,732 --> 00:19:17,467
(thunderclap, bat screeching)
443
00:19:17,535 --> 00:19:20,770
Once there was
a young rascal named Bart.
444
00:19:20,838 --> 00:19:24,958
This lad was trouble
from the very start.
445
00:19:27,461 --> 00:19:30,964
When it came to mischief,
he had a black thumb.
446
00:19:31,032 --> 00:19:34,851
It didn't hurt
that his daddy was dumb.
447
00:19:34,919 --> 00:19:36,886
And when it came
to best friends,
448
00:19:36,954 --> 00:19:39,322
it was Milhouse who picked him.
449
00:19:39,390 --> 00:19:45,111
Sometimes the sidekick,
sometimes the victim.
450
00:19:45,179 --> 00:19:49,215
Then one day
at school engulfed in ennui,
451
00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:53,186
Bart dreamed of wrapping
the place in T.P.
452
00:19:53,254 --> 00:19:56,323
So off to the discount store
they did skulk.
453
00:19:56,390 --> 00:20:00,377
With the evil intent
of buying in bulk.
454
00:20:00,444 --> 00:20:03,747
They went to the school
and put up a ladder.
455
00:20:03,814 --> 00:20:08,802
Only to wait
for Milhouse's bladder.
456
00:20:08,869 --> 00:20:13,123
All that evening
they unfurled with delight.
457
00:20:13,190 --> 00:20:16,393
And soon the school
was covered in white.
458
00:20:16,460 --> 00:20:19,713
The mischievous boys
had done their best.
459
00:20:19,797 --> 00:20:24,234
When an eagle approached,
needing a nest.
460
00:20:24,302 --> 00:20:27,671
They tried to escape
with struggles and squirms.
461
00:20:27,722 --> 00:20:32,058
But all they got
was a diet of worms.
462
00:20:32,143 --> 00:20:35,178
There they remained
to this very day.
463
00:20:35,246 --> 00:20:38,181
So now you know,
pranks do not pay.
464
00:20:38,249 --> 00:20:40,550
Simpson!
465
00:20:40,618 --> 00:20:44,618
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
466
00:20:47,224 --> 00:20:49,959
(The Simpsons theme
performed by The Tiger Lillies)
467
00:21:24,095 --> 00:21:24,972
(song ends)
468
00:21:24,973 --> 00:21:25,840
Shh!