1
00:00:02,764 --> 00:00:04,652
So, you kids getting
pretty excited
2
00:00:04,654 --> 00:00:05,819
about the big day.
3
00:00:05,821 --> 00:00:08,072
Yeah, Molly and I both love
Super Bowl Sunday.
4
00:00:08,907 --> 00:00:10,457
Wedding. Wedding.
5
00:00:10,459 --> 00:00:11,959
Oh.
6
00:00:11,961 --> 00:00:15,412
Well, everything's all
squared away at St. Bart's.
7
00:00:15,414 --> 00:00:16,997
And if you slip
the organist 15 bucks,
8
00:00:16,999 --> 00:00:18,799
she'll play anything
you want.
9
00:00:18,801 --> 00:00:20,884
Now, I warn you, she's 85
and incontinent,
10
00:00:20,886 --> 00:00:24,271
so those low notes ain't always
coming from the organ.
11
00:00:25,390 --> 00:00:27,457
Okay, well, good to know.
12
00:00:27,459 --> 00:00:30,094
Sounds like we'll be using
the ceiling fans.
13
00:00:30,096 --> 00:00:31,562
Oh, and at some point,
14
00:00:31,564 --> 00:00:33,296
you'll have to sit down
with Father Tim.
15
00:00:33,298 --> 00:00:34,715
It's a formality,
really.
16
00:00:34,717 --> 00:00:37,467
He just has to confirm
you're a boy and you're a girl
17
00:00:37,469 --> 00:00:40,104
and both planning
on staying that way.
18
00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:42,356
Well, what if I was both?
Then I wouldn't need Mike.
19
00:00:45,309 --> 00:00:48,579
Make sure she doesn't crack wise
in front of the good Father.
20
00:00:48,581 --> 00:00:51,865
He drinks, he's got a temper,
and he's not a big fan of women.
21
00:00:53,151 --> 00:00:54,985
So where you having
the reception?
22
00:00:54,987 --> 00:00:56,954
We found this place that's
actually pretty nice
23
00:00:56,956 --> 00:00:58,655
and it's walking distance
from the church.
24
00:00:58,657 --> 00:01:00,791
Great, so I got to traipse
around the dirty streets
25
00:01:00,793 --> 00:01:03,510
of Chicago wearing high heels
and a taffeta gown?
26
00:01:03,512 --> 00:01:04,828
I'm sorry.
27
00:01:04,830 --> 00:01:06,680
You're wearing a taffeta gown?
28
00:01:06,682 --> 00:01:08,799
Not if I got to hoof it
to the reception.
29
00:01:08,801 --> 00:01:10,500
Wind comes along,
catches my skirt,
30
00:01:10,502 --> 00:01:12,519
everybody gets a freebie.
31
00:01:13,388 --> 00:01:15,189
Oh.
32
00:01:15,191 --> 00:01:17,441
Well, that's
a visual.
33
00:01:19,577 --> 00:01:21,061
I don't know why you don't have
34
00:01:21,063 --> 00:01:22,479
the reception
in the church basement.
35
00:01:22,481 --> 00:01:23,513
It's clean, it's free.
36
00:01:23,515 --> 00:01:25,532
You lay down a couple of sheets
of plywood,
37
00:01:25,534 --> 00:01:26,817
you got a dance floor.
38
00:01:26,819 --> 00:01:29,953
Well, that certainly
sounds festive,
39
00:01:29,955 --> 00:01:32,156
in a hoedown-y
kind of way,
40
00:01:32,158 --> 00:01:34,658
but Mike and I
were thinking...
41
00:01:34,660 --> 00:01:35,993
you know, uh...
44
00:01:39,665 --> 00:01:41,048
Fine, blow your money.
45
00:01:41,050 --> 00:01:43,650
Your kids can go to community
college and have crooked teeth.
46
00:01:45,420 --> 00:01:46,587
About the seating
arrangements.
47
00:01:46,589 --> 00:01:48,839
I'm at the head table
next to my boy, right?
48
00:01:48,841 --> 00:01:51,892
Actually, we were thinking
that Mike and I would sit
49
00:01:51,894 --> 00:01:53,210
at a sweetheart table
50
00:01:53,212 --> 00:01:54,812
and everybody else would
be seated around us.
51
00:01:54,814 --> 00:01:58,182
Not much space
in your spotlight, is there?
52
00:02:00,318 --> 00:02:02,385
So where's that put me,
near to the kitchen door
53
00:02:02,387 --> 00:02:03,937
with one of your
humpback uncles?
54
00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:07,741
Well, we thought, by
eliminating the head table,
55
00:02:07,743 --> 00:02:09,576
things would be a
little less awkward
56
00:02:09,578 --> 00:02:11,245
between you
and Mike's dad.
57
00:02:11,247 --> 00:02:13,080
Come again?
58
00:02:13,082 --> 00:02:15,632
Abort. Abort.
59
00:02:17,502 --> 00:02:19,670
I thought you two
already talked about this.
60
00:02:19,672 --> 00:02:22,756
You invited your deadbeat dad
and his hell-bound whore
61
00:02:22,758 --> 00:02:24,925
to come to our wedding?
62
00:02:27,729 --> 00:02:31,081
Well, it's still kind of
up in the air with the whore.
63
00:02:32,250 --> 00:02:34,918
Wait.
"Our wedding?"
64
00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:37,721
You ungrateful
little Judas.
65
00:02:37,723 --> 00:02:40,057
After all the sacrifices
I've made for you
66
00:02:40,059 --> 00:02:42,726
and you just stab me
in the back.
67
00:02:42,728 --> 00:02:47,214
Enjoy your 30 pieces
of silver, turncoat!
68
00:02:48,483 --> 00:02:49,599
That's great.
69
00:02:49,601 --> 00:02:50,600
This is just perfect.
70
00:02:50,602 --> 00:02:55,155
What did she mean
by "our wedding?"
71
00:02:55,157 --> 00:02:59,660
♪ For the first time
in my life ♪
72
00:02:59,662 --> 00:03:03,831
♪ I see love.
73
00:03:14,142 --> 00:03:16,493
What were you
thinking?!
74
00:03:16,595 --> 00:03:17,861
Everything was
going so well,
75
00:03:17,863 --> 00:03:20,064
and you had to bring up my
dad coming to the wedding?
76
00:03:20,066 --> 00:03:21,949
You told me
she was fine with it!
77
00:03:21,951 --> 00:03:24,819
She was... because she
didn't know about it!
78
00:03:24,821 --> 00:03:27,621
Well, don't blame me
because you're afraid
79
00:03:27,623 --> 00:03:28,906
to talk to your own mother.
80
00:03:28,908 --> 00:03:31,125
Ah, don't get
on your high horse.
81
00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:33,110
You're afraid of her, too.
82
00:03:33,112 --> 00:03:34,962
That's not the point.
She's your mom.
83
00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:37,498
You should be able to be honest
and open with her.
84
00:03:37,500 --> 00:03:41,719
Are you hearing yourself?
85
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:44,138
Why is there a cop car
in front of my house?
86
00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:45,622
You got me.
There's no way
87
00:03:45,624 --> 00:03:48,843
my mom could've bought
a rifle and beat us here.
88
00:03:50,145 --> 00:03:52,897
You can't cart
my baby off to jail!
89
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:55,099
Vince, do something!
90
00:03:55,101 --> 00:03:56,300
Boys, if you
let her go,
91
00:03:56,302 --> 00:03:58,135
I can fill the
trunk of your car
92
00:03:58,137 --> 00:03:59,803
with porterhouse steaks
and Mexican Rolexes.
93
00:03:59,805 --> 00:04:01,805
The meat is real.
94
00:04:01,807 --> 00:04:03,807
What is going on?
95
00:04:03,809 --> 00:04:05,326
There's my future
son-in-law,
96
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:06,443
the cop.
97
00:04:06,445 --> 00:04:07,978
Set these goons straight.
98
00:04:07,980 --> 00:04:10,281
Uh, Officer Michael Biggs.
What's the problem, fellas?
99
00:04:10,283 --> 00:04:11,448
She was driving
erratically,
100
00:04:11,450 --> 00:04:13,200
and we followed her
to this location,
101
00:04:13,202 --> 00:04:16,287
where she proceeded to park
her car on the sidewalk.
102
00:04:16,289 --> 00:04:18,255
But in front of my own house.
103
00:04:18,257 --> 00:04:19,924
That's supposed to be home base,
which means
104
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,675
I'm olly olly oxen free.
105
00:04:23,378 --> 00:04:25,796
She's also got 12
outstanding parking tickets
106
00:04:25,798 --> 00:04:27,932
and she's been driving
on a suspended license.
107
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:30,500
We have to impound the vehicle
and take her to the station.
108
00:04:30,502 --> 00:04:31,969
I'm going to jail?
109
00:04:31,971 --> 00:04:34,271
I am too young and pretty!
110
00:04:34,273 --> 00:04:37,191
Those butch chicks will be on me
like ants on a peach.
111
00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:39,109
You're gonna let
'em take her away?
112
00:04:39,111 --> 00:04:40,895
I'll follow you in my car.
Ugh!
113
00:04:40,897 --> 00:04:42,813
So the only thing we get
from having you
114
00:04:42,815 --> 00:04:44,949
in the house
is an empty refrigerator
115
00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:47,168
and a three-foot butt divot
in the couch!
116
00:04:48,353 --> 00:04:50,571
Could you please take
your mom inside?
117
00:04:50,573 --> 00:04:52,122
Vince, why don't
you arrest somebody
118
00:04:52,124 --> 00:04:53,457
who's committed
a real crime, huh?
119
00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:55,543
Like whoever gave
you that haircut!
120
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:58,012
Yeah, I'm talking
to you, thumb-head!
121
00:04:59,130 --> 00:05:00,915
Mom, in the house!
Come on, Red.
122
00:05:00,917 --> 00:05:05,035
Those mooks will just shoot you
and plant the gun on me.
123
00:05:05,037 --> 00:05:06,503
I'll post bail
and get her back
124
00:05:06,505 --> 00:05:07,838
as soon as possible.
Thanks, sweetie.
125
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:10,374
Great, now all the
neighbors are watching.
126
00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:11,926
Well, you got cops
on the lawn
127
00:05:11,928 --> 00:05:13,978
and your mom's mooning them
through the window.
128
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:16,263
Mom, pull your pants up!
129
00:05:16,265 --> 00:05:18,382
All right, show's over!
130
00:05:18,384 --> 00:05:21,652
Quit acting like you haven't
seen my mom's butt before!
131
00:05:24,823 --> 00:05:27,441
I can't believe
they put my baby in jail
132
00:05:27,443 --> 00:05:29,326
over a few parking tickets.
133
00:05:29,328 --> 00:05:31,579
This town has gone
straight to hell
134
00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:35,449
since the Colombians
pushed the Italians out.
135
00:05:35,451 --> 00:05:38,702
Sad but true.
136
00:05:39,504 --> 00:05:41,622
Oh, family.
Oh, sweetie.
137
00:05:41,624 --> 00:05:43,924
Oh, God.
138
00:05:43,926 --> 00:05:45,459
I missed you all
so much.
139
00:05:45,461 --> 00:05:46,743
Where's little Molly?
140
00:05:46,745 --> 00:05:48,462
Right here, Papillon.
141
00:05:49,848 --> 00:05:51,849
So what is the deal?
Does she have to go to court?
142
00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:54,084
Well, they impounded her car
until she pays the fines
143
00:05:54,086 --> 00:05:55,636
and gets her license reinstated.
144
00:05:55,638 --> 00:05:57,554
And you couldn't pull any strings?
I did.
145
00:05:57,556 --> 00:05:59,056
She's not spending
the night in jail,
146
00:05:59,058 --> 00:06:01,141
and they pretended to believe me
when I told them
147
00:06:01,143 --> 00:06:03,294
the smell in her car
was skunk air freshener.
148
00:06:04,696 --> 00:06:06,447
Oh, honey, you
must be starving.
149
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,482
Let Mommy make
you a sandwich.
150
00:06:08,484 --> 00:06:09,917
Oh, that's all
I've been thinking about
151
00:06:09,919 --> 00:06:11,935
since I've been away
is a home-cooked meal.
152
00:06:14,105 --> 00:06:17,107
Hey, if you're making
sandwiches, uh, I'll have one.
153
00:06:17,109 --> 00:06:18,342
Look at him.
154
00:06:18,344 --> 00:06:20,177
Can't get rid
of a couple of parking tickets,
155
00:06:20,179 --> 00:06:23,314
but he can sure make
a loaf of bread disappear.
156
00:06:28,169 --> 00:06:30,754
So am I getting
a sandwich or not?
157
00:06:33,842 --> 00:06:36,927
No, Dad, I'm not
dis-inviting you to my wedding.
158
00:06:36,929 --> 00:06:38,095
What's going on?
159
00:06:38,097 --> 00:06:39,680
Mike's dis-inviting his
dad to his wedding.
160
00:06:39,682 --> 00:06:41,565
Shh!
161
00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:43,467
No, I realize I'm your only son,
162
00:06:43,469 --> 00:06:46,120
but hey, that vasectomy
was your idea.
163
00:06:46,122 --> 00:06:48,238
He's having a bad day,
so don't bring him any pancakes,
164
00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:50,291
waffles, and put a padlock
on the pie case.
165
00:06:51,476 --> 00:06:53,527
No, Dad, I'm not choosing her
over you.
166
00:06:53,529 --> 00:06:55,829
I'm not choosing anybody.
I'm just trying to get married.
167
00:06:55,831 --> 00:06:57,247
Bring me a tall stack.
168
00:06:57,249 --> 00:06:58,499
Don't you move.
169
00:06:59,784 --> 00:07:01,952
Listen, I need one of you guys
to be reasonable,
170
00:07:01,954 --> 00:07:04,038
and we both know that's
not gonna be Mom. Pancakes!
171
00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:05,172
Carl told me not to.
172
00:07:05,174 --> 00:07:07,424
I got a situation here.
Bring me pancakes!
173
00:07:07,426 --> 00:07:08,842
No. He's not hungry.
He's just upset
174
00:07:08,844 --> 00:07:11,211
because he's caught in the
middle between Mommy and Daddy.
175
00:07:11,213 --> 00:07:12,829
I know exactly how he feels.
176
00:07:15,684 --> 00:07:19,470
What if Mom agrees that you
can come if Marlene doesn't?
177
00:07:19,472 --> 00:07:22,005
No, I'm not trying to hurt
your wife's feelings.
178
00:07:22,007 --> 00:07:23,340
I'm more worried about Mom
179
00:07:23,342 --> 00:07:25,559
stabbing her in the neck
with a cake knife!
180
00:07:26,895 --> 00:07:29,113
Hang on, Dad, Molly's
on the other line.
181
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,531
Is he bringing me pancakes?
182
00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:32,066
Now, you know damn well
the answer ain't
183
00:07:32,068 --> 00:07:34,284
at the bottom
of an Aunt Jemima bottle.
184
00:07:34,286 --> 00:07:36,737
Hey, Molly, what's up?
185
00:07:36,739 --> 00:07:38,688
I'm on duty.
186
00:07:38,690 --> 00:07:42,025
I can't use the squad car
to chauffeur your sister around.
187
00:07:42,027 --> 00:07:45,462
Hang on.
I got my dad on the other line.
188
00:07:45,464 --> 00:07:47,181
Dad, listen...
189
00:07:47,183 --> 00:07:49,333
Oh, now, don't cry. Don't cry.
190
00:07:49,335 --> 00:07:51,552
If you cry, I cry.
191
00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:54,505
How can this day get any worse?
192
00:07:57,759 --> 00:08:01,895
Would it be cool
if I blazed up back here?
193
00:08:15,679 --> 00:08:17,713
Hello, ladies.
194
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:23,269
Sloppy Joes were sublime today.
195
00:08:24,288 --> 00:08:26,356
And the bread pudding... mwa!
196
00:08:26,358 --> 00:08:28,108
Très magnifique.
197
00:08:29,059 --> 00:08:30,226
That's French for
198
00:08:30,228 --> 00:08:32,078
"damn fine bread pudding."
199
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,748
I'm gonna have a little chin wag
with my...
200
00:08:35,750 --> 00:08:37,550
future mommy-in-law.
201
00:08:39,703 --> 00:08:42,922
The hairnet club seems a
little more bubbly than usual.
202
00:08:42,924 --> 00:08:45,091
Rat trap day?
203
00:08:45,093 --> 00:08:46,459
What do you want?
204
00:08:46,461 --> 00:08:48,578
Look, I understand
that you're still upset,
205
00:08:48,580 --> 00:08:51,097
but it'll kill Mike if you don't
come to our wedding.
206
00:08:51,099 --> 00:08:53,800
He should've thought about that
before he betrayed me.
207
00:08:53,802 --> 00:08:55,468
Yes, he should have talked
to you about that,
208
00:08:55,470 --> 00:08:56,719
and he assured me he had.
209
00:08:56,721 --> 00:08:58,188
Lying to you already, is he?
210
00:08:58,190 --> 00:09:01,024
Well, the apple don't fall
too far from the tree.
211
00:09:01,026 --> 00:09:03,143
His father told me
he joined the National Guard,
212
00:09:03,145 --> 00:09:05,745
and the only truth to that story
was he was spending
213
00:09:05,747 --> 00:09:07,397
every other weekend in the bush.
214
00:09:09,450 --> 00:09:11,818
It's not like he's picking
his father over you.
215
00:09:11,820 --> 00:09:15,104
I mean, they only talk
on the phone maybe once a month,
216
00:09:15,106 --> 00:09:17,740
and he's just seen him a few
times since you guys divorced.
217
00:09:17,742 --> 00:09:19,576
What?!
Oh, my God.
218
00:09:19,578 --> 00:09:22,111
Don't you guys
tell each other anything?
219
00:09:22,113 --> 00:09:24,747
I was in labor for nine hours
220
00:09:24,749 --> 00:09:27,383
with that 13-pound
backstabber.
221
00:09:27,385 --> 00:09:30,103
Turned my uterus
into a windsock.
222
00:09:31,422 --> 00:09:34,257
And this is how he thanks me?
223
00:09:34,259 --> 00:09:36,676
See, now this is the kind
of open dialogue
224
00:09:36,678 --> 00:09:38,978
you two should be having.
225
00:09:38,980 --> 00:09:40,146
We're done here.
226
00:09:40,148 --> 00:09:42,515
Come on, if you and Mike
would just talk about this...
227
00:09:42,517 --> 00:09:44,184
Talking's over.
228
00:09:45,969 --> 00:09:47,570
Fine.
229
00:09:47,572 --> 00:09:49,272
Let you ladies get back
230
00:09:49,274 --> 00:09:51,441
to planning tomorrow's
nutritious menu.
231
00:09:51,443 --> 00:09:53,643
Who am I kidding?
We all know it's crap.
232
00:09:53,645 --> 00:09:55,195
Oh!
233
00:09:55,197 --> 00:09:57,080
Let it go, Lynette.
234
00:09:57,082 --> 00:09:59,749
Don't waste your
third strike on her.
235
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:07,657
♪ I'm your biggest fan ♪
236
00:10:07,659 --> 00:10:10,710
♪ I'll follow you
until you love me ♪
237
00:10:10,712 --> 00:10:13,846
♪ Papa, paparazzi...
238
00:10:13,848 --> 00:10:18,218
Going to add a little blush,
Mr. Whitmore.
239
00:10:18,220 --> 00:10:20,303
Just because
you're stone-cold dead
240
00:10:20,305 --> 00:10:23,223
doesn't mean you can't be
stone-cold hot.
241
00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:28,177
♪ Baby, there's no other
superstar ♪
242
00:10:28,179 --> 00:10:30,863
♪ You know
that I'll be ♪
243
00:10:30,865 --> 00:10:33,283
♪ Papa, paparazzi...
244
00:10:33,285 --> 00:10:35,184
Victoria, you ready to go?
245
00:10:42,410 --> 00:10:44,026
Mike!
246
00:10:44,028 --> 00:10:45,161
Sorry.
247
00:10:46,364 --> 00:10:47,880
What the hell, dude?
248
00:10:47,882 --> 00:10:50,866
You don't just sneak up
on somebody in a mortuary.
249
00:10:50,868 --> 00:10:52,302
I apologize.
250
00:10:52,304 --> 00:10:53,586
Can we get out of here?
251
00:10:53,588 --> 00:10:55,204
In a second.
252
00:10:55,206 --> 00:10:57,206
Need to finish up
on Mr. Whitmore.
253
00:10:57,208 --> 00:10:59,225
What happened to him?
254
00:10:59,227 --> 00:11:01,928
Poor old thing just keeled over
shoveling his front walk.
255
00:11:01,930 --> 00:11:03,229
See?
256
00:11:03,231 --> 00:11:05,481
That's why I always pay
the neighbor kid to do it.
257
00:11:05,483 --> 00:11:06,866
Let them die in the snow.
258
00:11:08,885 --> 00:11:10,987
Oh, gives me
the creeps.
259
00:11:10,989 --> 00:11:12,188
But you're a cop.
260
00:11:12,190 --> 00:11:14,157
You must see dead bodies
all the time.
261
00:11:14,159 --> 00:11:16,058
Sure, but we just tag 'em
and bag 'em.
262
00:11:16,060 --> 00:11:17,560
We don't mousse and spruce.
263
00:11:18,662 --> 00:11:20,947
Don't know how you have
the stomach for it.
264
00:11:20,949 --> 00:11:23,416
Well, everybody dies,
265
00:11:23,418 --> 00:11:25,568
and I just want to make
them look their best
266
00:11:25,570 --> 00:11:27,903
for whatever is waiting
for them on the other side.
267
00:11:27,905 --> 00:11:29,706
Sure, might as well
hedge your bets.
268
00:11:29,708 --> 00:11:30,873
If there is an afterlife,
269
00:11:30,875 --> 00:11:32,725
you don't want to be
the ugly one.
270
00:11:33,577 --> 00:11:34,844
Right?
271
00:11:34,846 --> 00:11:38,131
I mean, who knows what
the next dimension holds for us?
272
00:11:38,133 --> 00:11:41,267
We could come back as a dog
or a monkey
273
00:11:41,269 --> 00:11:43,136
or a head of cabbage.
274
00:11:43,138 --> 00:11:44,687
That would be my luck.
275
00:11:44,689 --> 00:11:46,589
After a lifetime
of choking down salads
276
00:11:46,591 --> 00:11:49,475
to come back
as a big bowl of slaw.
277
00:11:50,611 --> 00:11:51,944
Or maybe this is it
278
00:11:51,946 --> 00:11:53,846
and we should make
the most of it
279
00:11:53,848 --> 00:11:55,415
while we're here.
280
00:11:55,417 --> 00:11:57,567
That's what I'm doing.
281
00:11:57,569 --> 00:12:00,069
Living my life to the fullest.
282
00:12:00,071 --> 00:12:02,789
So, when I'm laying here
like Mr. Whitmore,
283
00:12:02,791 --> 00:12:05,625
I will have a peaceful smile
on my face,
284
00:12:05,627 --> 00:12:07,327
and it won't have to be sewn on
285
00:12:07,329 --> 00:12:09,162
with two big hooks
and fishing wire.
286
00:12:10,214 --> 00:12:12,298
Do you actually
do that?
287
00:12:12,300 --> 00:12:14,550
I had to do it
to this one.
288
00:12:14,552 --> 00:12:17,603
When they rolled him in,
he was not a happy camper.
289
00:12:18,589 --> 00:12:20,923
Well, nobody likes
to shovel their driveway.
290
00:12:24,679 --> 00:12:26,312
Ah, great.
291
00:12:26,314 --> 00:12:27,930
Hey, Mom.
292
00:12:27,932 --> 00:12:30,516
I-I can't understand
what you're saying.
293
00:12:30,518 --> 00:12:32,802
Molly told you what?
294
00:12:32,804 --> 00:12:34,520
I got to take this.
295
00:12:34,522 --> 00:12:36,689
I'll be right there.
296
00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:39,975
That about does it,
Mr. Whitmore.
297
00:12:39,977 --> 00:12:41,577
Mmm.
298
00:12:41,579 --> 00:12:43,363
You look very handsome.
299
00:12:43,365 --> 00:12:45,498
Good luck on your journey.
300
00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:49,085
And may your next life
be filled with love,
301
00:12:49,087 --> 00:12:53,189
happiness
and hopefully a snowblower.
302
00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:58,294
♪ I'm your biggest fan ♪
303
00:12:58,296 --> 00:13:01,464
♪ I'll follow you
until you love me ♪
304
00:13:01,466 --> 00:13:04,333
♪ Papa, paparazzi.
305
00:13:04,335 --> 00:13:06,168
♪ Baby, there's no other
superstar... ♪
306
00:13:06,170 --> 00:13:07,770
What do you want from me?
307
00:13:07,772 --> 00:13:08,971
He's my father.
308
00:13:08,973 --> 00:13:10,106
I can't just cut him out
309
00:13:10,108 --> 00:13:11,340
of my life completely.
Why not?
310
00:13:11,342 --> 00:13:12,775
He wrote the both of us off
311
00:13:12,777 --> 00:13:14,310
the minute he walked
out that door
312
00:13:14,312 --> 00:13:17,163
and followed his boner
all the way to Pompano Beach.
313
00:13:19,651 --> 00:13:21,667
I hate to
interrupt,
314
00:13:21,669 --> 00:13:24,237
but it's cold in the car,
and I got to tinkle.
315
00:13:24,239 --> 00:13:26,289
What the hell is she doing here?
316
00:13:26,291 --> 00:13:27,373
She needed a ride.
317
00:13:27,375 --> 00:13:29,125
Through the dining room
and to the right.
318
00:13:29,127 --> 00:13:31,244
Thanks. I was waiting
for a lull in the fight,
319
00:13:31,246 --> 00:13:32,328
but that never happened,
320
00:13:32,330 --> 00:13:33,830
and I've been pounding
Mountain Dew
321
00:13:33,832 --> 00:13:35,448
since 7:00 this morning.
322
00:13:35,450 --> 00:13:37,717
Hi, Jim! Continue.
323
00:13:37,719 --> 00:13:39,869
As far as I'm concerned,
324
00:13:39,871 --> 00:13:41,504
there's nothing else
to talk about.
325
00:13:41,506 --> 00:13:44,207
You chose your father over me,
plain and simple.
326
00:13:44,209 --> 00:13:46,058
Mom, it's my wedding day!
327
00:13:46,060 --> 00:13:47,760
Is it too much to ask for you
328
00:13:47,762 --> 00:13:50,062
to put your differences aside
for one hour?
329
00:13:50,064 --> 00:13:51,180
One hour?
330
00:13:51,182 --> 00:13:53,048
You ever been
to a Catholic wedding?
331
00:13:53,050 --> 00:13:55,718
After three hours
of stand, sit and kneel,
332
00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:57,353
you're looking
at the crucifix
333
00:13:57,355 --> 00:14:00,022
thinking he's
the lucky one!
334
00:14:00,841 --> 00:14:02,224
You know what? I give up.
335
00:14:02,226 --> 00:14:04,243
Come to my wedding,
don't come to my wedding.
336
00:14:04,245 --> 00:14:06,612
Do what you want, 'cause after
all, it's your special day.
337
00:14:06,614 --> 00:14:07,780
It was!
338
00:14:07,782 --> 00:14:10,533
Now you can spend it
with your precious daddy.
339
00:14:10,535 --> 00:14:13,536
And your step-mommy,
the prostitute!
340
00:14:13,538 --> 00:14:17,239
Hey, maybe you can book her
for the bachelor party!
341
00:14:21,628 --> 00:14:23,913
Sorry.
342
00:14:23,915 --> 00:14:26,399
I'll get out of your hair.
343
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,270
Love your house, by the way.
344
00:14:31,272 --> 00:14:33,022
Thanks.
345
00:14:33,024 --> 00:14:34,757
Is this where
Mike grew up?
346
00:14:34,759 --> 00:14:37,276
You mean, is this where
I cooked and cleaned
347
00:14:37,278 --> 00:14:39,011
and sacrificed
the flower of my youth
348
00:14:39,013 --> 00:14:40,680
to raise that
ungrateful lout?
349
00:14:40,682 --> 00:14:41,981
Yeah.
350
00:14:41,983 --> 00:14:43,616
It is.
351
00:14:43,618 --> 00:14:46,135
Bought it in '72.
352
00:14:46,137 --> 00:14:48,371
His father got it
on the GI Bill.
353
00:14:48,373 --> 00:14:51,290
Only smart thing
that son of a bitch ever did.
354
00:14:51,292 --> 00:14:54,276
Other than marrying you, right?
355
00:14:54,278 --> 00:14:58,113
I gave him a son and a home,
and how did he repay me?
356
00:14:58,115 --> 00:14:59,715
By running off with some tramp
357
00:14:59,717 --> 00:15:01,717
and leaving me
with a ninth-grader
358
00:15:01,719 --> 00:15:05,271
who could outeat
a family of beavers.
359
00:15:06,456 --> 00:15:09,809
Well, you did a wonderful job
with that little beaver.
360
00:15:09,811 --> 00:15:15,147
He's kind and thoughtful,
and that's because of you.
361
00:15:15,149 --> 00:15:17,800
Yeah, well, it wasn't easy.
362
00:15:17,802 --> 00:15:19,936
But I'm a nurturer.
363
00:15:21,605 --> 00:15:23,573
Always have been.
364
00:15:23,575 --> 00:15:25,641
Can't turn it off.
365
00:15:25,643 --> 00:15:29,946
So... why wouldn't you want
to go to the wedding
366
00:15:29,948 --> 00:15:31,864
and show that ex-husband
of yours
367
00:15:31,866 --> 00:15:33,849
what you were able to do
without him?
368
00:15:33,851 --> 00:15:36,419
Oh, I wouldn't dream
of using the kid's special day
369
00:15:36,421 --> 00:15:39,322
to grind a 20-year-old axe.
370
00:15:39,324 --> 00:15:42,625
If it was me, I would be
371
00:15:42,627 --> 00:15:44,343
rolling up to
that wedding
372
00:15:44,345 --> 00:15:47,630
with my hair done, a
face full of makeup
373
00:15:47,632 --> 00:15:50,716
and a dress short enough
to show off those legs,
374
00:15:50,718 --> 00:15:53,135
which have held up very nicely.
375
00:15:54,004 --> 00:15:57,473
Well, I square-dance
and do water aerobics.
376
00:15:58,542 --> 00:16:00,610
It shows.
377
00:16:00,612 --> 00:16:03,345
I'd kill for those things.
378
00:16:03,347 --> 00:16:06,899
But I did get lucky
in the boob department.
379
00:16:06,901 --> 00:16:08,517
Yes, you did.
380
00:16:08,519 --> 00:16:10,503
They are high and ample.
381
00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:16,792
Hey, if you
change your mind
382
00:16:16,794 --> 00:16:18,461
and end up going
to the wedding,
383
00:16:18,463 --> 00:16:20,880
I would be happy to do
your makeup for you.
384
00:16:21,765 --> 00:16:23,583
Ah, I don't think so.
385
00:16:23,585 --> 00:16:24,834
I have great new lipstick.
386
00:16:24,836 --> 00:16:27,369
If it can give a dead person
kissable lips,
387
00:16:27,371 --> 00:16:30,089
imagine what it cado for you.
388
00:16:30,091 --> 00:16:32,091
Later, Jimbo.
389
00:16:34,478 --> 00:16:36,512
She's not wrong about my sticks.
390
00:16:36,514 --> 00:16:38,180
At the public pool,
391
00:16:38,182 --> 00:16:40,683
people used to mistake me
for Ann-Margret.
392
00:16:46,940 --> 00:16:48,524
Great. Now, because
she won't budge,
393
00:16:48,526 --> 00:16:51,027
I got to call my dad
and break his heart.
394
00:16:51,029 --> 00:16:52,778
Sorry, Mike.
395
00:16:54,949 --> 00:16:57,900
What now?
396
00:16:57,902 --> 00:17:00,086
Mom, what a nice surprise.
397
00:17:00,088 --> 00:17:02,738
Long time, no harp.
398
00:17:02,740 --> 00:17:04,674
What?
399
00:17:04,676 --> 00:17:06,792
Really?
400
00:17:06,794 --> 00:17:08,461
That's great.
401
00:17:08,463 --> 00:17:10,746
My mom and my dad are
coming to my wedding.
402
00:17:10,748 --> 00:17:12,448
Oh, that's nice.
403
00:17:12,450 --> 00:17:13,916
Maybe they'll bury the hatchet.
404
00:17:13,918 --> 00:17:15,134
Oh, no, I'm going
to pat her down
405
00:17:15,136 --> 00:17:16,418
before I let her in the church.
406
00:17:17,521 --> 00:17:19,889
Okay, Mom, I'll
talk to you later.
407
00:17:19,891 --> 00:17:22,091
And thanks.
408
00:17:22,093 --> 00:17:24,093
Boy, that's weird.
409
00:17:24,095 --> 00:17:26,479
I wonder what made
her change her mind.
410
00:17:26,481 --> 00:17:29,115
Well, I'm guessing
it's not easy
411
00:17:29,117 --> 00:17:31,701
to stay mad at a guy
like you forever.
412
00:17:31,703 --> 00:17:32,818
I don't know, she's been doing
413
00:17:32,820 --> 00:17:35,437
a pretty good job of it
for the last 35 years.
414
00:17:36,239 --> 00:17:38,991
Who knows
what brought her around?
415
00:17:38,993 --> 00:17:42,044
Life is filled with mystery.
416
00:17:43,413 --> 00:17:45,414
And just think,
if I was a monkey
417
00:17:45,416 --> 00:17:46,582
and you were a bowl
of coleslaw,
418
00:17:46,584 --> 00:17:49,085
we wouldn't even be
having this conversation.
419
00:17:57,502 --> 00:17:59,052
All right, kids,
I'm out of here.
420
00:17:59,054 --> 00:18:00,687
Where are you going?
I'm celebrating.
421
00:18:00,689 --> 00:18:02,589
I got my driver's license back.
422
00:18:02,591 --> 00:18:03,757
Just be careful
tonight.
423
00:18:03,759 --> 00:18:05,442
And if you're not
okay to drive home,
424
00:18:05,444 --> 00:18:06,977
please take a cab.
No, no, no.
425
00:18:06,979 --> 00:18:08,779
If you need
a ride home, call me.
426
00:18:08,781 --> 00:18:10,313
I appreciate
your offer, Mike,
427
00:18:10,315 --> 00:18:12,265
but I'm not
driving tonight.
428
00:18:12,267 --> 00:18:14,484
I'm going out
with a very responsible friend.
429
00:18:14,486 --> 00:18:17,187
All right, well,
have a good time.
430
00:18:17,189 --> 00:18:18,955
She'll be fine.
431
00:18:18,957 --> 00:18:20,273
Are you kidding?
Have you seen
432
00:18:20,275 --> 00:18:22,426
the kind of people
she hangs out with?
433
00:18:23,277 --> 00:18:25,579
So where we headed, Legs?
434
00:18:26,914 --> 00:18:29,115
It's ladies night
at the VFW.
435
00:18:29,117 --> 00:18:30,750
Two dollar gin Rickeys
436
00:18:30,752 --> 00:18:33,253
and all-you-can-eat
pepper poppers.
437
00:18:33,255 --> 00:18:35,455
Sounds like a plan.
438
00:18:35,457 --> 00:18:37,140
Do you mind?
439
00:18:37,142 --> 00:18:39,426
I... guess it's okay.
440
00:18:39,428 --> 00:18:40,760
But blow it out
the window.
441
00:18:40,762 --> 00:18:41,845
My son's a cop.
442
00:18:41,847 --> 00:18:47,934
Sync and corrected by Rafael UPD
www.Addic7ed.Com/