1
00:00:03,587 --> 00:00:04,930
I didn't realize
being Lily's maid of honor
2
00:00:05,055 --> 00:00:08,383
meant getting up at 9:00
on a Saturday...
3
00:00:08,549 --> 00:00:11,345
Or wearing a bra on a Saturday.
4
00:00:11,694 --> 00:00:13,872
Man, you and Lily doing
wedding planning all day?
5
00:00:13,997 --> 00:00:15,724
Your eyes are going
to roll so far back in your head
6
00:00:15,890 --> 00:00:17,275
that you're going
to be able to see the crazy.
7
00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:18,710
Oh, no.
8
00:00:18,835 --> 00:00:20,344
I never make eye contact
with the crazy.
9
00:00:20,469 --> 00:00:22,981
That just makes it mad.
10
00:00:23,147 --> 00:00:24,415
Whit, seriously,
11
00:00:24,540 --> 00:00:25,651
how are you going to pull this
off when you hate weddings?
12
00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:26,650
I don't hate weddings.
13
00:00:26,775 --> 00:00:28,018
I just hate those stupid traditions
14
00:00:28,143 --> 00:00:30,656
like throwing the rice
or the bouquet...
15
00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:33,617
You hate a collection
of beautiful flowers?
16
00:00:33,783 --> 00:00:35,426
Okay, the whole thing with that
17
00:00:35,551 --> 00:00:37,294
is that if you catch
the bouquet, you get married.
18
00:00:37,419 --> 00:00:39,028
No, you might as well
catch it with your vagina
19
00:00:39,153 --> 00:00:41,597
because nothing else
is going in after that.
20
00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:43,866
Hey, are you sure it was you
21
00:00:43,991 --> 00:00:45,134
that Lily asked
to help plan this wedding?
22
00:00:45,259 --> 00:00:47,089
Like, she wasn't on her
Bluetooth or something?
23
00:00:47,255 --> 00:00:48,799
Lily is cool, okay?
24
00:00:48,965 --> 00:00:50,039
She's not going
to want all that stuff.
25
00:00:50,164 --> 00:00:51,273
We're just going to plan,
like, a fun party
26
00:00:51,398 --> 00:00:53,762
without all
that traditional nonsense.
27
00:00:53,928 --> 00:00:54,910
And don't you wish
there was a website
28
00:00:55,035 --> 00:00:56,277
or an app to help you plan it,
29
00:00:56,402 --> 00:00:58,413
and if there was, would you pay
the very reasonable price
30
00:00:58,538 --> 00:01:00,185
of $3.99 for that service?
31
00:01:00,351 --> 00:01:02,229
Is this about
that stupid list that came out?
32
00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:03,819
You didn't think
that list was stupid last year
33
00:01:03,944 --> 00:01:07,901
when they named me
one of Chicago's 50 top techies.
34
00:01:08,067 --> 00:01:11,363
Yes, I did.
35
00:01:11,529 --> 00:01:13,894
Look, I'm just trying
to get back into the game, okay?
36
00:01:14,019 --> 00:01:15,930
So I asked Neal
to round up some investors,
37
00:01:16,055 --> 00:01:17,898
so I could pitch them an idea that...
38
00:01:18,023 --> 00:01:19,371
I don't really have yet.
39
00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:21,502
So this is why
you were listening to Lose Yourself
40
00:01:21,627 --> 00:01:23,959
in the shower this morning.
41
00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:27,504
He just came from so little.
44
00:01:30,047 --> 00:01:31,077
Oh, no.
I know, tons, yeah.
45
00:01:31,202 --> 00:01:33,677
Hey, how mad would you be
if I got into porn?
46
00:01:35,573 --> 00:01:39,641
Or what about
if I just got you into porn?
47
00:01:42,059 --> 00:01:44,990
Whitney is taped in front
of a live studio audience.
48
00:01:45,115 --> 00:01:46,857
You heard me.
49
00:01:47,023 --> 00:01:49,943
Hey, Roxanne.
Slow down.
50
00:01:50,109 --> 00:01:52,865
You're drinking
that water like it's vodka.
51
00:01:52,990 --> 00:01:54,432
I got to be hydrated.
52
00:01:54,557 --> 00:01:57,669
I'm giving blood at
mark's precinct's blood drive.
53
00:01:57,950 --> 00:01:59,436
Work is making us
all do community service,
54
00:01:59,561 --> 00:02:04,291
so it was either that
or visit deaf veterans.
55
00:02:04,457 --> 00:02:05,342
You know what,
I just cannot be around
56
00:02:05,467 --> 00:02:07,335
any more men who don't listen to me.
57
00:02:07,501 --> 00:02:08,278
- Hey.
- Hello.
58
00:02:08,403 --> 00:02:09,279
- Hi.
- Sorry I'm late.
59
00:02:09,404 --> 00:02:10,280
Had to swing by my apartment
60
00:02:10,405 --> 00:02:12,349
to grab my wedding inspiration book.
61
00:02:12,474 --> 00:02:15,151
Yeah, I've been putting
together photos
62
00:02:15,276 --> 00:02:18,021
and clippings since I was nine.
63
00:02:18,146 --> 00:02:21,090
Wow, Lil, you were pretty sure
64
00:02:21,215 --> 00:02:22,526
for a while there
that you were going to marry
65
00:02:22,651 --> 00:02:25,461
Brian Austin green.
66
00:02:25,586 --> 00:02:27,564
Well, that is a whole page
of hot priests.
67
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:30,866
Guess had a weird ad campaign
in the '90s.
68
00:02:30,991 --> 00:02:32,527
Yeah.
69
00:02:32,693 --> 00:02:34,988
You know, I kind of like
the idea of a church wedding.
70
00:02:35,154 --> 00:02:39,207
Oh, so... you want,
like, a "wedding" wedding.
71
00:02:39,332 --> 00:02:41,844
Like a... I just thought you
were going to want
72
00:02:41,969 --> 00:02:44,039
something more like out of the box.
73
00:02:44,205 --> 00:02:47,181
Oh, well, for me,
this is kind of out of the box.
74
00:02:47,306 --> 00:02:48,750
When you grow up with hippie parents
75
00:02:48,875 --> 00:02:50,451
in a house with no doors,
76
00:02:50,576 --> 00:02:53,507
sometimes you just want to be normal.
77
00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:56,057
I mean, my parents
got married in the forest.
78
00:02:56,342 --> 00:02:58,095
Oh, that doesn't sound terrible.
79
00:02:58,261 --> 00:03:01,328
They wanted the ring bearer
to be an actual bear.
80
00:03:01,453 --> 00:03:05,644
My mom was tripping
pretty hard, though.
81
00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:09,202
All right, you better believe it.
82
00:03:09,327 --> 00:03:10,436
Daddy's got some good ideas,
all right?
83
00:03:10,561 --> 00:03:11,905
So I hope... I hope you're ready
for this, okay?
84
00:03:12,030 --> 00:03:13,276
You better be ready.
85
00:03:13,442 --> 00:03:15,909
Oh, I cannot wait,
and now that we're partners,
86
00:03:16,034 --> 00:03:17,906
I'm here to give you honest feedback.
87
00:03:18,072 --> 00:03:19,825
All right, cool.
So check this out.
88
00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:21,480
It's a sobriety test app, all right?
89
00:03:21,605 --> 00:03:22,982
You're drunk, you're out,
you're having a good time.
90
00:03:23,107 --> 00:03:24,516
You want to send a sexy text message,
91
00:03:24,641 --> 00:03:27,319
but if you can't answer
a few simple math questions,
92
00:03:27,444 --> 00:03:28,888
boom... your phone shuts down.
93
00:03:31,882 --> 00:03:32,858
That's been done.
94
00:03:32,983 --> 00:03:34,339
Google Mail goggles.
95
00:03:34,505 --> 00:03:35,632
Ugh, Google goggles.
96
00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:38,343
And it's fun to say.
97
00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:39,497
All right, so what about this?
98
00:03:39,622 --> 00:03:41,555
Everybody hates
talking on the phone, right?
99
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:43,935
Not sure if that's a thing,
but go on.
100
00:03:44,060 --> 00:03:45,970
All right, so what if there's an app
101
00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:48,455
where when you're calling,
instead of ringing,
102
00:03:48,580 --> 00:03:50,350
it connects you straight
to their voice mail.
103
00:03:52,968 --> 00:03:54,943
I like it, I like it, I like it.
104
00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:56,113
Right, this way you get credit
for a phone call,
105
00:03:56,238 --> 00:03:57,480
but you don't have any of that
awkward chitchat going on.
106
00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:58,481
- Uh-oh.
- What, what?
107
00:03:58,606 --> 00:03:59,739
It exists.
108
00:03:59,905 --> 00:04:00,949
It's called slydial.
109
00:04:01,115 --> 00:04:02,232
Slydial.
110
00:04:02,357 --> 00:04:05,769
That's even more fun to say
than Google goggles.
111
00:04:05,894 --> 00:04:07,831
All right, check this out.
112
00:04:08,095 --> 00:04:10,306
Cereal... what's the problem
with cereal?
113
00:04:10,431 --> 00:04:12,055
It's so ugly.
Just hear me out.
114
00:04:12,180 --> 00:04:15,964
What if you were eating cereal
that looked like your face.
115
00:04:16,130 --> 00:04:17,340
Okay, you take
a picture of your face,
116
00:04:17,506 --> 00:04:19,415
you send it in to us,
one month later,
117
00:04:19,540 --> 00:04:23,972
bam... you're eating your face, bro.
118
00:04:25,191 --> 00:04:26,308
Should I push this meeting?
119
00:04:26,474 --> 00:04:28,790
What? No.
Here's what we got to do, okay?
120
00:04:28,915 --> 00:04:33,189
We got to go to Harvard,
we got to kidnap some dorks,
121
00:04:33,355 --> 00:04:36,484
and we'll just steal their idea.
122
00:04:36,650 --> 00:04:39,654
That's been done.
123
00:04:43,529 --> 00:04:44,471
Okay.
124
00:04:44,596 --> 00:04:46,506
Just need to ask you a few questions.
125
00:04:46,631 --> 00:04:47,787
Any health issues?
126
00:04:47,953 --> 00:04:52,746
Uh, physically, no,
mentally, I'm broken.
127
00:04:52,871 --> 00:04:54,336
Are you sexually active?
128
00:04:54,502 --> 00:04:57,016
She can be.
129
00:04:57,141 --> 00:04:58,590
You know what, can we
just do this somewhere else?
130
00:04:58,756 --> 00:05:00,119
We just need to get a brief history.
131
00:05:00,244 --> 00:05:01,554
And then we'll take your blood,
132
00:05:01,679 --> 00:05:02,552
we'll test it
133
00:05:02,718 --> 00:05:04,023
for sexually transmitted diseases...
134
00:05:04,148 --> 00:05:05,096
- What?
- Why?
135
00:05:05,262 --> 00:05:06,559
It's standard procedure.
136
00:05:06,684 --> 00:05:08,561
We have to make sure that
your blood is clean.
137
00:05:08,686 --> 00:05:10,563
You'll be surprised at
how many people don't even know
138
00:05:10,688 --> 00:05:14,564
they've contracted something.
139
00:05:14,730 --> 00:05:15,774
Number of partners?
140
00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:17,469
Uh, uh, uh...
141
00:05:17,594 --> 00:05:20,796
Let me write that down, okay?
142
00:05:30,606 --> 00:05:32,165
Way ahead of you.
143
00:05:32,331 --> 00:05:34,952
58 satisfied customers.
What do I win?
144
00:05:40,082 --> 00:05:42,159
I know the cake in my book
was really simple,
145
00:05:42,284 --> 00:05:44,260
but now that I'm seeing
all these big ones,
146
00:05:44,385 --> 00:05:45,428
maybe that's better.
147
00:05:45,594 --> 00:05:47,330
Like a really big one.
148
00:05:47,455 --> 00:05:50,233
Even though it's not about size.
149
00:05:50,358 --> 00:05:52,018
It's how you eat it.
150
00:05:52,184 --> 00:05:54,437
Word.
151
00:05:54,562 --> 00:05:55,438
Mm.
152
00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:58,525
That one tastes like diabetes.
153
00:05:58,966 --> 00:06:00,568
I just want to find a cake
154
00:06:00,734 --> 00:06:02,677
that makes me happy
every time I open my freezer
155
00:06:02,802 --> 00:06:03,780
for the next year.
156
00:06:03,946 --> 00:06:04,990
What?
157
00:06:05,405 --> 00:06:07,383
Oh, yeah, you freeze
the top tier of your cake,
158
00:06:07,508 --> 00:06:09,119
and eat it
on your one-year anniversary.
159
00:06:09,572 --> 00:06:10,573
What?
160
00:06:12,621 --> 00:06:13,559
What about this one?
161
00:06:13,684 --> 00:06:15,356
Vanilla with vanilla icing.
162
00:06:15,481 --> 00:06:16,626
Hmm.
163
00:06:16,849 --> 00:06:19,360
Here's a surprise.
This one is also delicious.
164
00:06:19,628 --> 00:06:20,728
It's almost like all of these cakes
165
00:06:20,853 --> 00:06:23,717
are made out of sugar and butter.
166
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:24,865
Well, it's not just about the taste.
167
00:06:24,990 --> 00:06:26,469
It's... it's the look of the cake, too.
168
00:06:26,635 --> 00:06:27,801
- Hmm.
- You like this one?
169
00:06:29,228 --> 00:06:30,704
What is with the creepy dolls
on top of the cake?
170
00:06:30,829 --> 00:06:33,106
Doesn't it look like they're
about to jump to their deaths?
171
00:06:33,231 --> 00:06:36,910
I slept with your brother.
172
00:06:37,035 --> 00:06:39,149
Die, die, die.
173
00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:40,881
Yeah, I-I'm not sure I can do this.
174
00:06:41,006 --> 00:06:42,485
Oh, good.
175
00:06:42,651 --> 00:06:44,163
Lily, look,
it is just a piece of paper,
176
00:06:44,288 --> 00:06:46,086
and you guys
already live together anyway.
177
00:06:46,363 --> 00:06:47,653
What, no?
Whit, look.
178
00:06:47,778 --> 00:06:49,555
I know weddings aren't,
like, your thing,
179
00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:51,323
and I'm worried this is
going to become a problem
180
00:06:51,448 --> 00:06:52,458
between us.
181
00:06:52,583 --> 00:06:54,626
Planning a wedding
is stressful enough.
182
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:55,761
Okay, that's my point.
183
00:06:55,886 --> 00:06:57,496
This should not
have to be stressful, okay?
184
00:06:57,621 --> 00:06:59,398
Weddings shouldn't be about
all these stupid traditions
185
00:06:59,523 --> 00:07:00,712
that don't mean anything.
186
00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:03,401
Yes, but they mean something
to me, you see?
187
00:07:03,526 --> 00:07:04,402
My wedding's in May,
188
00:07:04,527 --> 00:07:06,003
and I need to be making decisions,
189
00:07:06,128 --> 00:07:08,406
and clearly, your issues
are getting in the way,
190
00:07:08,531 --> 00:07:11,909
so I just feel like I should
plan the wedding myself.
191
00:07:12,034 --> 00:07:13,010
Okay, Lil.
192
00:07:13,135 --> 00:07:15,560
I did not mean to make fun of you.
193
00:07:15,726 --> 00:07:16,581
Whit, when we visited the church,
194
00:07:16,706 --> 00:07:17,848
you told the head of the choir
they should sing
195
00:07:17,973 --> 00:07:20,541
It's the end of the world
as we know it.
196
00:07:21,577 --> 00:07:23,068
Well, they didn't know
197
00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:25,945
99 problems, but a bitch ain't 1.
198
00:07:34,305 --> 00:07:35,455
So what's this place?
199
00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:36,782
It's the new hipster spot.
200
00:07:36,907 --> 00:07:41,221
I found it on yelp
after I pitched yelp to Neal.
201
00:07:41,346 --> 00:07:42,688
I need to, like,
soak in youth culture,
202
00:07:42,813 --> 00:07:44,490
so I can come up with my next idea.
203
00:07:44,615 --> 00:07:45,423
Oh, God.
204
00:07:45,716 --> 00:07:47,058
I can't tell if the pit in my stomach
205
00:07:47,183 --> 00:07:48,360
is from my fight with Lily,
206
00:07:48,485 --> 00:07:50,028
the 14 pieces of cake just I ate,
207
00:07:50,153 --> 00:07:52,231
or that hat.
208
00:07:52,356 --> 00:07:55,308
I'm pretty sure it's Lily
because this hat is on point.
209
00:07:55,474 --> 00:07:57,236
Okay, I didn't mean
to criticize her wedding,
210
00:07:57,361 --> 00:07:58,870
I was just pointing out some things
211
00:07:58,995 --> 00:08:01,356
about the wedding industrial complex.
212
00:08:01,522 --> 00:08:02,607
Look, whit, you're her maid of honor,
213
00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,041
and you're her best friend, right?
214
00:08:04,166 --> 00:08:06,403
You need to put your feelings
aside and be there for her.
215
00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:07,411
Oh, God, you're right.
216
00:08:07,536 --> 00:08:08,712
I feel terrible.
217
00:08:08,837 --> 00:08:11,449
I should apologize.
And so should you.
218
00:08:11,615 --> 00:08:14,485
- For what?
- That hat.
219
00:08:14,610 --> 00:08:16,186
The only difference
between you and Waldo
220
00:08:16,311 --> 00:08:20,083
is that nobody wants to find you.
221
00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:21,324
All right, look.
222
00:08:21,449 --> 00:08:22,325
I'm going to go talk
to that guy over there
223
00:08:22,450 --> 00:08:23,545
and figure out what he's into.
224
00:08:23,711 --> 00:08:25,928
- Okay.
- All right.
225
00:08:26,053 --> 00:08:27,715
- No, let me have the hat.
- No, nope.
226
00:08:30,759 --> 00:08:33,426
Hey, bro. What's up?
227
00:08:36,797 --> 00:08:41,243
Uh, I don't know.
Not that.
228
00:08:41,368 --> 00:08:43,912
Anyway, do mind if I
maybe ask you a few questions?
229
00:08:44,037 --> 00:08:45,481
I'm... I'm doing some market research,
230
00:08:45,606 --> 00:08:47,282
and, uh, okay, yeah,
231
00:08:47,407 --> 00:08:49,571
I'm the guy who created
mendeavors.com.
232
00:08:49,737 --> 00:08:51,386
- Are we really doing this?
- What?
233
00:08:51,511 --> 00:08:56,191
Are we telling each other
all the websites we've created?
234
00:09:00,664 --> 00:09:03,751
Plan "B."
235
00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:07,467
Why haven't they called?
236
00:09:07,592 --> 00:09:09,591
How hard is it
to test someone's blood?
237
00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:11,905
I mean, I'm really asking.
How do they do it?
238
00:09:12,030 --> 00:09:13,470
Is there a machine?
239
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:15,676
I know I shouldn't have slept
with that guy from Thailand
240
00:09:15,801 --> 00:09:18,712
to celebrate my divorce.
241
00:09:18,837 --> 00:09:20,019
My sister always said,
242
00:09:20,144 --> 00:09:22,781
"Never sleep with a man
whose name you can't pronounce."
243
00:09:22,906 --> 00:09:24,450
Course, she's kind of a whore.
244
00:09:25,876 --> 00:09:28,151
And kind of a racist.
245
00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:30,590
One time I was on a plane,
and I thought it was going down.
246
00:09:30,715 --> 00:09:32,758
I mean, I thought this was it,
247
00:09:32,883 --> 00:09:37,827
so I had sex
with a 64-year-old woman.
248
00:09:37,993 --> 00:09:39,764
You know how many partners
she must have had,
249
00:09:39,889 --> 00:09:43,500
especially if she's doing it
on a plane at 64?
250
00:09:45,061 --> 00:09:49,172
All right, you know what,
maybe this will jog my memory.
251
00:09:49,338 --> 00:09:53,218
Nope, I don't know who
any of these people are.
252
00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:56,471
You know, I think
I saw your number of partners.
253
00:09:56,637 --> 00:09:58,264
Did it have a four in it?
254
00:09:58,430 --> 00:09:59,432
You know what, let's just
say it was less than yours.
255
00:09:59,598 --> 00:10:00,984
Yeah.
256
00:10:01,109 --> 00:10:02,819
I hope you didn't sleep
with 67 people.
257
00:10:02,944 --> 00:10:05,623
That'd be pretty gross.
258
00:10:05,748 --> 00:10:07,190
You said 58.
259
00:10:07,582 --> 00:10:08,525
What?
260
00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:09,692
Yesterday at the Bloodanank,
261
00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:11,761
you said you've been with 58 women.
262
00:10:11,886 --> 00:10:14,297
I remember it vividly
because then you did this...
263
00:10:14,422 --> 00:10:16,322
To me.
264
00:10:16,766 --> 00:10:21,606
Oh, yeah, I had a nine-way last night
265
00:10:21,731 --> 00:10:23,414
with a women's softball team.
266
00:10:24,998 --> 00:10:26,174
It was h high-scoring affair.
267
00:10:26,299 --> 00:10:30,255
It ended in a rain delay
in their pants.
268
00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:32,281
You lied about your number.
269
00:10:32,548 --> 00:10:33,758
All right, I did lie.
270
00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:36,752
Why would you lie about the
number of people you slept with?
271
00:10:36,877 --> 00:10:38,953
Did you think
I would be impressed?
272
00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:40,421
I wasn't trying to impress you.
273
00:10:40,546 --> 00:10:42,642
I was trying to impress
that guy with the clipboard.
274
00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:43,643
Wh...
275
00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:45,626
You don't know how judgmental
dudes are about their numbers.
276
00:10:45,751 --> 00:10:47,647
It's a lot of pressure.
277
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:50,698
So what's your real number?
278
00:10:50,823 --> 00:10:51,799
I'll give you a hint.
279
00:10:51,924 --> 00:10:53,934
It rhymes with seven.
280
00:10:54,059 --> 00:10:56,703
Ah!
I said it.
281
00:10:56,828 --> 00:10:59,617
Wow.
282
00:11:07,071 --> 00:11:09,182
Can I take my blindfold off yet?
283
00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:10,784
Ooh, I can't wait to see
where you've taken me.
284
00:11:10,909 --> 00:11:12,018
Are you naked?
285
00:11:13,630 --> 00:11:15,383
Is it that saloon motel
where we played cowboy...
286
00:11:15,549 --> 00:11:16,926
Okay, hi.
287
00:11:17,092 --> 00:11:19,158
- Surprise.
- Neal.
288
00:11:19,283 --> 00:11:23,162
What?
Who's Neal?
289
00:11:23,432 --> 00:11:25,331
Look, I-I asked him to kidnap you
290
00:11:25,456 --> 00:11:26,519
so I could apologize.
291
00:11:26,685 --> 00:11:29,105
Look, I am so sorry about yesterday.
292
00:11:29,271 --> 00:11:30,802
I should keep my opinions
about weddings to myself
293
00:11:30,927 --> 00:11:32,904
because all that matters
is what you want.
294
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:37,405
Well, that sounds great,
but I mean, come on.
295
00:11:37,571 --> 00:11:39,277
Look...
296
00:11:39,402 --> 00:11:42,814
I'm just a girl standing
in front of another girl
297
00:11:42,939 --> 00:11:46,984
asking her to forgive me.
298
00:11:47,109 --> 00:11:49,709
You watched Notting Hill for me?
299
00:11:50,045 --> 00:11:51,856
And I just want
to be the wedding planner
300
00:11:51,981 --> 00:11:53,290
for my best friend's wedding,
301
00:11:53,415 --> 00:11:55,192
which is why I also watched
The Wedding Planner
302
00:11:55,317 --> 00:11:57,133
and My Best Friend's Wedding.
303
00:11:57,299 --> 00:11:58,718
- Oh, my God.
- Come here.
304
00:12:03,866 --> 00:12:04,891
Hey.
305
00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:06,844
Got that pitch meeting
for my new website.
306
00:12:06,969 --> 00:12:07,977
How do I look?
307
00:12:08,143 --> 00:12:09,746
Great.
308
00:12:09,871 --> 00:12:11,147
I love it.
309
00:12:11,313 --> 00:12:12,115
- Really?
- No.
310
00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:15,651
You look like
The Legend of Douche Bagger Vance.
311
00:12:15,817 --> 00:12:16,652
But was that good?
312
00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:17,987
I'm practicing being positive
313
00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:19,197
because I'm going wedding dress
shopping with Lily.
314
00:12:19,363 --> 00:12:20,740
Yeah, I think
you're going to get fired again.
315
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:21,991
Come on, this is hip.
316
00:12:22,157 --> 00:12:23,592
This is what all the kids
are wearing nowadays.
317
00:12:23,717 --> 00:12:24,592
Here, it looks better with the scarf.
318
00:12:24,717 --> 00:12:26,394
Check it out.
319
00:12:26,519 --> 00:12:27,789
'sup.
320
00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:29,415
Wait, are those my tights?
321
00:12:29,581 --> 00:12:31,542
Are those my tights?
322
00:12:31,708 --> 00:12:33,468
Whit, come on.
This is a big pitch meeting.
323
00:12:33,593 --> 00:12:34,879
It's really important to me.
324
00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:37,173
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
You're going to do so good.
325
00:12:37,864 --> 00:12:39,509
I love you.
You're going to kill it.
326
00:12:39,675 --> 00:12:41,642
- Love you, too.
- Okay.
327
00:12:41,767 --> 00:12:43,012
Can you just get a bigger scarf
328
00:12:43,178 --> 00:12:44,511
just to cover the chest hair?
329
00:12:44,636 --> 00:12:46,804
- Get out of here.
- Okay, sor...
330
00:12:49,208 --> 00:12:50,084
Hmm.
331
00:12:50,209 --> 00:12:51,518
I don't know if you know it,
332
00:12:51,643 --> 00:12:54,822
but this is the oldest
bridal salon in Chicago.
333
00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:56,609
And based on your inspiration book,
334
00:12:56,775 --> 00:12:58,992
I have selected a number of dresses
335
00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:00,860
that are perfect
for the traditional wedding
336
00:13:00,985 --> 00:13:02,762
that you and your friend,
Wendy, are planning.
337
00:13:02,887 --> 00:13:05,165
Oh, thank you, Edith.
338
00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:06,499
Okay, girls.
339
00:13:06,785 --> 00:13:08,268
Let's get started
with the bridesmaid,
340
00:13:08,393 --> 00:13:09,997
and we'll save the best for last.
341
00:13:10,163 --> 00:13:11,937
Ah, okay.
That is you.
342
00:13:12,062 --> 00:13:13,138
You are the best.
343
00:13:13,263 --> 00:13:15,674
Edith, get these dresses on my body.
344
00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:18,076
Can a sister get some Spanx?
345
00:13:18,201 --> 00:13:20,979
Okay.
346
00:13:21,104 --> 00:13:22,147
Okay.
347
00:13:22,272 --> 00:13:24,249
Just be positive, this is for Lily.
348
00:13:24,374 --> 00:13:26,055
Just eye of the tiger.
349
00:13:26,221 --> 00:13:29,642
Your skin is not burning.
Okay.
350
00:13:29,808 --> 00:13:31,727
Ha, ha.
Ta-dah.
351
00:13:31,893 --> 00:13:34,292
Yeah, good.
Got flowers, just like in your book.
352
00:13:34,417 --> 00:13:35,857
Envision it, okay?
353
00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:38,629
I'm walking down the aisle.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
354
00:13:38,754 --> 00:13:40,464
Good and loud.
People can hear you coming.
355
00:13:40,589 --> 00:13:43,573
There's pretty flowers
over the bosom there.
356
00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:45,241
No?
You don't love it?
357
00:13:45,407 --> 00:13:47,577
Okay, we're going back up the aisle,
358
00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:48,619
back up the aisle.
359
00:13:48,785 --> 00:13:52,108
Hi, Edith.
Okay.
360
00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:54,876
Yes, we can.
Right?
361
00:13:55,042 --> 00:13:56,746
It's got a hat.
What?
362
00:13:56,871 --> 00:13:58,838
And fan.
Yeah.
363
00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:01,906
No, no?
Yes?
364
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:06,387
That is quite a dress.
365
00:14:06,553 --> 00:14:08,139
Can you sit in it?
366
00:14:08,305 --> 00:14:09,524
Sit in it?
367
00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:13,195
Can I?
Edith?
368
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:16,321
Oh.
369
00:14:27,532 --> 00:14:31,011
What's wrong?
Where've you been?
370
00:14:31,136 --> 00:14:32,789
Are you wearing my pants?
371
00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:34,248
Well, I was trying to look hip.
372
00:14:34,414 --> 00:14:35,382
Go find some new clothes.
373
00:14:35,507 --> 00:14:37,001
I'll go stall the investors.
374
00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:38,985
No, I don't think
you can stall for that long.
375
00:14:39,110 --> 00:14:40,129
I got nothing.
376
00:14:40,295 --> 00:14:41,421
Wh... I'm sorry, what?
377
00:14:41,546 --> 00:14:42,855
Then why did I set up this meeting?
378
00:14:42,980 --> 00:14:45,051
You told me that
you work better under pressure.
379
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:47,053
I was wrong.
I crumbled.
380
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:49,361
We are partners now.
You can't crumble.
381
00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:50,896
No, I know.
Look, Neal, I'm... I s sorry.
382
00:14:51,021 --> 00:14:52,264
Okay?
I really am.
383
00:14:52,389 --> 00:14:55,534
I'm just a guy standing
in front of another guy
384
00:14:55,659 --> 00:14:57,980
asking him to cancel this meeting.
385
00:14:58,146 --> 00:14:59,732
Did you watch Notting Hill?
386
00:14:59,898 --> 00:15:00,939
Whitney was watching it
in the bedroom.
387
00:15:01,064 --> 00:15:01,940
I don't know, I just...
388
00:15:02,065 --> 00:15:03,175
Look, I think I just came up
389
00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:05,410
with one good idea three years ago.
390
00:15:05,535 --> 00:15:07,312
In the tech world,
I'm like a 100 now.
391
00:15:07,437 --> 00:15:08,866
I'm washed up.
392
00:15:09,032 --> 00:15:10,482
Come, dude.
You can do this.
393
00:15:10,607 --> 00:15:13,318
You're like the coolest guy I know.
394
00:15:13,443 --> 00:15:14,539
Really?
395
00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:18,590
I mean, not today, but normally, yes.
396
00:15:18,715 --> 00:15:22,092
Look, I'm your partner because
I believe in your creativity
397
00:15:22,217 --> 00:15:24,507
and your ability
to think of a great idea
398
00:15:24,673 --> 00:15:25,895
by the time we get
to the seventh floor.
399
00:15:26,020 --> 00:15:27,426
No, man.
I can't do this.
400
00:15:27,592 --> 00:15:30,096
Be honest.
Am I too old to pull this off?
401
00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:33,036
I believe in your creativity
and your ability...
402
00:15:33,161 --> 00:15:35,601
No, am I too old to pull this off?
403
00:15:35,767 --> 00:15:36,672
Yeah, I heard you the first time.
404
00:15:36,797 --> 00:15:37,895
I was just trying to be supportive.
405
00:15:38,061 --> 00:15:38,874
No, no, no, Neal.
406
00:15:38,999 --> 00:15:40,443
Am-I-too-old to-pull-this-off.Com.
407
00:15:40,568 --> 00:15:43,078
It's... it's a service where
you can send in your picture,
408
00:15:43,203 --> 00:15:44,380
and people can vote
"yes" or "no" on it.
409
00:15:44,505 --> 00:15:46,915
It saves people from looking
like a tool, like me.
410
00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:49,031
Is that not the best idea
you've ever heard?
411
00:15:49,197 --> 00:15:50,119
We'll give it a shot.
412
00:15:50,244 --> 00:15:51,576
It's better than
canceling the meeting.
413
00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:55,037
Yeah, I'm back.
414
00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:57,759
You know what, at this point,
415
00:15:57,884 --> 00:15:59,625
I'm not even going to answer
if they do call.
416
00:15:59,791 --> 00:16:02,764
I've seen those commercials
with people living with STDs.
417
00:16:02,889 --> 00:16:05,867
They laugh, they go biking,
and canoeing.
418
00:16:05,992 --> 00:16:07,935
Actually, it sounds...
Awesome.
419
00:16:08,060 --> 00:16:09,176
I hope I have one.
420
00:16:11,463 --> 00:16:13,973
Oh, my God.
This is it.
421
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:15,641
Hello, mark Murphy speaking.
422
00:16:18,169 --> 00:16:19,045
- Hello?
- Uh-huh.
423
00:16:19,170 --> 00:16:20,855
- Yes.
- Uh-huh.
424
00:16:21,021 --> 00:16:21,856
All right.
425
00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:22,783
Okay.
426
00:16:22,908 --> 00:16:24,025
- Okay.
- Thanks.
427
00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:24,984
Thanks.
428
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:26,018
Whoo.
I'm good.
429
00:16:26,143 --> 00:16:27,553
Clean bill of health.
430
00:16:27,819 --> 00:16:30,406
My cleaning lady
is not coming Friday.
431
00:16:30,572 --> 00:16:32,325
Hello?
432
00:16:32,917 --> 00:16:36,296
Yes?
Yes?
433
00:16:36,421 --> 00:16:38,431
Great.
Thanks, bye.
434
00:16:38,705 --> 00:16:40,916
- I'm all good.
- Ah
435
00:16:42,459 --> 00:16:44,836
Ah.
436
00:16:44,961 --> 00:16:48,898
Hey, don't tell the guys
my real number, okay?
437
00:16:50,830 --> 00:16:52,637
67 is pretty impressive.
438
00:16:52,936 --> 00:16:54,972
It is, isn't it?
439
00:16:55,138 --> 00:16:56,314
Let's make it 69.
440
00:16:56,439 --> 00:16:57,558
It's funnier.
441
00:16:57,724 --> 00:16:59,417
Hmm.
I don't know.
442
00:16:59,542 --> 00:17:00,686
It sounds fake.
443
00:17:00,852 --> 00:17:01,896
Mark, it is fake.
444
00:17:03,813 --> 00:17:06,233
Anyway, why is
your real number so low?
445
00:17:06,399 --> 00:17:07,735
It's not that low.
446
00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:09,794
Well, it is pretty low
for the dude you pretend to be.
447
00:17:09,919 --> 00:17:12,281
I mean, you talk
a really big game, mark.
448
00:17:12,447 --> 00:17:14,764
I don't know if
it's going to catholic school,
449
00:17:14,889 --> 00:17:16,800
or maybe I'm just weirdly romantic,
450
00:17:16,925 --> 00:17:19,168
but I've always believed that,
you know,
451
00:17:19,293 --> 00:17:23,306
that act is, uh... is special.
452
00:17:23,431 --> 00:17:25,544
Wow, that's really sweet.
453
00:17:26,098 --> 00:17:29,006
But I have gotten handies
in the hundreds.
454
00:17:35,943 --> 00:17:37,807
Would you like some champagne?
455
00:17:37,973 --> 00:17:39,220
Uh...
456
00:17:39,345 --> 00:17:40,255
You know, it's pretty dark
457
00:17:40,380 --> 00:17:41,523
that you have to get people drunk
458
00:17:41,648 --> 00:17:45,460
in order to get them
to buy stuff in your store.
459
00:17:45,730 --> 00:17:49,797
So how long have you been divorced?
460
00:17:50,068 --> 00:17:53,334
Okay, prepare to be wowed.
461
00:17:57,701 --> 00:17:59,161
Wow.
462
00:17:59,327 --> 00:18:03,874
This one's very popular
with the Muslim community.
463
00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:06,168
So do you really like it?
464
00:18:06,334 --> 00:18:07,981
- Do you?
- Do you?
465
00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:09,797
- Do you?
- I do.
466
00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:10,984
I do?
Me, too.
467
00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:12,151
Okay.
468
00:18:12,276 --> 00:18:14,688
And, uh, what about...
469
00:18:14,813 --> 00:18:17,847
With this tiara?
470
00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:20,359
Oh, beautiful.
471
00:18:20,484 --> 00:18:22,351
What about this muff?
472
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:27,940
I love me some muff.
473
00:18:28,106 --> 00:18:29,902
So you feel okay with me
walking down the aisle
474
00:18:30,027 --> 00:18:31,110
looking like this?
475
00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:33,404
Totally.
You look so beautiful.
476
00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:35,540
I knew it.
You are lying to my face.
477
00:18:35,822 --> 00:18:38,159
No, I'm not.
I can't even see your face.
478
00:18:38,735 --> 00:18:39,978
Come on, whit.
479
00:18:40,103 --> 00:18:41,278
You've been fake with me all day.
480
00:18:41,403 --> 00:18:42,847
You were fake about the invitations,
481
00:18:42,972 --> 00:18:44,582
and the flowers, and now this.
482
00:18:44,748 --> 00:18:45,750
Okay, Lily.
I don't know what to do.
483
00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:47,385
I just want to be there for you.
484
00:18:47,667 --> 00:18:50,379
Well, I need you to be you, okay?
485
00:18:50,545 --> 00:18:53,289
Look, I think I was being
oversensitive yesterday
486
00:18:53,414 --> 00:18:55,859
because sometimes I feel embarrassed
487
00:18:55,984 --> 00:18:58,054
that I like all that stuff
as much as I do.
488
00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:01,064
No, you know what, the truth is
I need to learn to shut up sometimes.
489
00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:02,633
Yeah, but if it weren't for you,
490
00:19:02,758 --> 00:19:04,600
I'd have an aquarium table
491
00:19:04,725 --> 00:19:07,855
and a tattoo necklace
that said, "Carrie."
492
00:19:08,195 --> 00:19:09,438
It would have been confusing.
493
00:19:09,563 --> 00:19:11,407
You're just so much
more of a Samantha.
494
00:19:11,691 --> 00:19:13,743
Look, I just need you
to be straight with me, okay?
495
00:19:13,868 --> 00:19:14,977
Because I can feel myself
496
00:19:15,102 --> 00:19:16,906
getting sucked
into all this wedding stuff,
497
00:19:17,072 --> 00:19:19,248
and I'm going to need you
to pull me back from the edge.
498
00:19:19,532 --> 00:19:21,282
Okay, well, in that case,
take off that dress.
499
00:19:21,407 --> 00:19:24,955
You look like an uncircumcised penis.
500
00:19:25,121 --> 00:19:26,165
I've seen a lot of those.
501
00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:27,166
Yeah, I know.
I know you have.
502
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:30,391
I'm so proud of you.
503
00:19:30,516 --> 00:19:31,560
Well, they just said
they're interested.
504
00:19:31,685 --> 00:19:32,928
Nothing's for sure yet.
505
00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:34,548
It's such a good idea.
They're going to buy it.
506
00:19:34,714 --> 00:19:35,841
Oh, thanks.
507
00:19:36,007 --> 00:19:37,927
Hey, do you want to hear something
interesting about wedding rings?
508
00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:39,182
Uh-oh.
Here we go.
509
00:19:39,307 --> 00:19:41,472
Uh, they're
the world's smallest prison?
510
00:19:42,127 --> 00:19:43,671
No, no, no, no.
It's a bribe.
511
00:19:43,796 --> 00:19:46,774
No, it's a little,
tiny handcuff with no keys.
512
00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:48,842
No, I was reading about it,
513
00:19:48,967 --> 00:19:52,813
and the wedding ring symbolizes
the eternal circle of love
514
00:19:52,938 --> 00:19:56,616
with no beginning and no end.
515
00:19:56,741 --> 00:19:58,447
What happened to you?
516
00:19:59,010 --> 00:20:00,324
What?
517
00:20:00,490 --> 00:20:02,952
Well, I'm waiting
for your head to explode.
518
00:20:03,648 --> 00:20:06,357
Okay, I'm evolving, biatch.
519
00:20:07,452 --> 00:20:09,792
I ain't mad at weddings,
I ain't scoured.
520
00:20:09,958 --> 00:20:11,230
Oh, God, yeah, you know,
521
00:20:11,355 --> 00:20:13,599
you're definitely
too white to pull that off.
522
00:20:13,724 --> 00:20:16,382
Oh, wait.
That's my next website.
523
00:20:24,351 --> 00:20:25,393
You look so beautiful.
524
00:20:25,518 --> 00:20:26,809
Really?
525
00:20:26,975 --> 00:20:28,462
I can't believe
you're finally getting married.
526
00:20:28,587 --> 00:20:30,104
I know.
527
00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:32,466
- Okay, I'm going to practice.
- Okay.
528
00:20:34,189 --> 00:20:39,106
To have and to hold,
to love and to cherish,
529
00:20:39,231 --> 00:20:42,242
till death do us part,
530
00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:43,951
I do.
531
00:20:44,117 --> 00:20:44,911
No!
532
00:20:50,141 --> 00:20:52,409
I knew your head was going
to explode sooner or later.
533
00:20:52,534 --> 00:20:54,920
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com