1
00:00:03,787 --> 00:00:05,130
I didn't realize
being Lily's maid of honor
2
00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:08,583
meant getting up at 9:00
on a Saturday...
3
00:00:08,749 --> 00:00:11,545
Or wearing a bra on a Saturday.
4
00:00:11,894 --> 00:00:14,072
Man, you and Lily doing
wedding planning all day?
5
00:00:14,197 --> 00:00:15,924
Your eyes are going
to roll so far back in your head
6
00:00:16,090 --> 00:00:17,475
that you're going
to be able to see the crazy.
7
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:18,910
Oh, no.
8
00:00:19,035 --> 00:00:20,544
I never make eye contact
with the crazy.
9
00:00:20,669 --> 00:00:23,181
That just makes it mad.
10
00:00:23,347 --> 00:00:24,615
Whit, seriously,
11
00:00:24,740 --> 00:00:25,851
how are you going to pull this
off when you hate weddings?
12
00:00:26,017 --> 00:00:26,850
I don't hate weddings.
13
00:00:26,975 --> 00:00:28,218
I just hate those stupid traditions
14
00:00:28,343 --> 00:00:30,856
like throwing the rice
or the bouquet...
15
00:00:31,022 --> 00:00:33,817
You hate a collection
of beautiful flowers?
16
00:00:33,983 --> 00:00:35,626
Okay, the whole thing with that
17
00:00:35,751 --> 00:00:37,494
is that if you catch
the bouquet, you get married.
18
00:00:37,619 --> 00:00:39,228
No, you might as well
catch it with your vagina
19
00:00:39,353 --> 00:00:41,797
because nothing else
is going in after that.
20
00:00:43,117 --> 00:00:44,066
Hey, are you sure it was you
21
00:00:44,191 --> 00:00:45,334
that Lily asked
to help plan this wedding?
22
00:00:45,459 --> 00:00:47,289
Like, she wasn't on her
Bluetooth or something?
23
00:00:47,455 --> 00:00:48,999
Lily is cool, okay?
24
00:00:49,165 --> 00:00:50,239
She's not going
to want all that stuff.
25
00:00:50,364 --> 00:00:51,473
We're just going to plan,
like, a fun party
26
00:00:51,598 --> 00:00:53,962
without all
that traditional nonsense.
27
00:00:54,128 --> 00:00:55,110
And don't you wish
there was a website
28
00:00:55,235 --> 00:00:56,477
or an app to help you plan it,
29
00:00:56,602 --> 00:00:58,613
and if there was, would you pay
the very reasonable price
30
00:00:58,738 --> 00:01:00,385
of $3.99 for that service?
31
00:01:00,551 --> 00:01:02,429
Is this about
that stupid list that came out?
32
00:01:02,595 --> 00:01:04,019
You didn't think
that list was stupid last year
33
00:01:04,144 --> 00:01:08,101
when they named me
one of Chicago's 50 top techies.
34
00:01:08,267 --> 00:01:11,563
Yes, I did.
35
00:01:11,729 --> 00:01:14,094
Look, I'm just trying
to get back into the game, okay?
36
00:01:14,219 --> 00:01:16,130
So I asked Neal
to round up some investors,
37
00:01:16,255 --> 00:01:18,098
so I could pitch them an idea that...
38
00:01:18,223 --> 00:01:19,571
I don't really have yet.
39
00:01:19,737 --> 00:01:21,702
So this is why
you were listening to Lose Yourself
40
00:01:21,827 --> 00:01:24,159
in the shower this morning.
41
00:01:24,325 --> 00:01:27,704
He just came from so little.
44
00:01:30,247 --> 00:01:31,277
Oh, no.
I know, tons, yeah.
45
00:01:31,402 --> 00:01:33,877
Hey, how mad would you be
if I got into porn?
46
00:01:35,773 --> 00:01:39,841
Or what about
if I just got you into porn?
47
00:01:42,259 --> 00:01:45,190
Whitney is taped in front
of a live studio audience.
48
00:01:45,315 --> 00:01:47,057
You heard me.
49
00:01:47,223 --> 00:01:50,143
Hey, Roxanne.
Slow down.
50
00:01:50,309 --> 00:01:53,065
You're drinking
that water like it's vodka.
51
00:01:53,190 --> 00:01:54,632
I got to be hydrated.
52
00:01:54,757 --> 00:01:57,869
I'm giving blood at
mark's precinct's blood drive.
53
00:01:58,150 --> 00:01:59,636
Work is making us
all do community service,
54
00:01:59,761 --> 00:02:04,491
so it was either that
or visit deaf veterans.
55
00:02:04,657 --> 00:02:05,542
You know what,
I just cannot be around
56
00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:07,535
any more men who don't listen to me.
57
00:02:07,701 --> 00:02:08,478
- Hey.
- Hello.
58
00:02:08,603 --> 00:02:09,479
- Hi.
- Sorry I'm late.
59
00:02:09,604 --> 00:02:10,480
Had to swing by my apartment
60
00:02:10,605 --> 00:02:12,549
to grab my wedding inspiration book.
61
00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:15,351
Yeah, I've been putting
together photos
62
00:02:15,476 --> 00:02:18,221
and clippings since I was nine.
63
00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:21,290
Wow, Lil, you were pretty sure
64
00:02:21,415 --> 00:02:22,726
for a while there
that you were going to marry
65
00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:25,661
Brian Austin green.
66
00:02:25,786 --> 00:02:27,764
Well, that is a whole page
of hot priests.
67
00:02:27,889 --> 00:02:31,066
Guess had a weird ad campaign
in the '90s.
68
00:02:31,191 --> 00:02:32,727
Yeah.
69
00:02:32,893 --> 00:02:35,188
You know, I kind of like
the idea of a church wedding.
70
00:02:35,354 --> 00:02:39,407
Oh, so... you want,
like, a "wedding" wedding.
71
00:02:39,532 --> 00:02:42,044
Like a... I just thought you
were going to want
72
00:02:42,169 --> 00:02:44,239
something more like out of the box.
73
00:02:44,405 --> 00:02:47,381
Oh, well, for me,
this is kind of out of the box.
74
00:02:47,506 --> 00:02:48,950
When you grow up with hippie parents
75
00:02:49,075 --> 00:02:50,651
in a house with no doors,
76
00:02:50,776 --> 00:02:53,707
sometimes you just want to be normal.
77
00:02:53,873 --> 00:02:56,257
I mean, my parents
got married in the forest.
78
00:02:56,542 --> 00:02:58,295
Oh, that doesn't sound terrible.
79
00:02:58,461 --> 00:03:01,528
They wanted the ring bearer
to be an actual bear.
80
00:03:01,653 --> 00:03:05,844
My mom was tripping
pretty hard, though.
81
00:03:08,471 --> 00:03:09,402
All right, you better believe it.
82
00:03:09,527 --> 00:03:10,636
Daddy's got some good ideas,
all right?
83
00:03:10,761 --> 00:03:12,105
So I hope... I hope you're ready
for this, okay?
84
00:03:12,230 --> 00:03:13,476
You better be ready.
85
00:03:13,642 --> 00:03:16,109
Oh, I cannot wait,
and now that we're partners,
86
00:03:16,234 --> 00:03:18,106
I'm here to give you honest feedback.
87
00:03:18,272 --> 00:03:20,025
All right, cool.
So check this out.
88
00:03:20,191 --> 00:03:21,680
It's a sobriety test app, all right?
89
00:03:21,805 --> 00:03:23,182
You're drunk, you're out,
you're having a good time.
90
00:03:23,307 --> 00:03:24,716
You want to send a sexy text message,
91
00:03:24,841 --> 00:03:27,519
but if you can't answer
a few simple math questions,
92
00:03:27,644 --> 00:03:29,088
boom... your phone shuts down.
93
00:03:32,082 --> 00:03:33,058
That's been done.
94
00:03:33,183 --> 00:03:34,539
Google Mail goggles.
95
00:03:34,705 --> 00:03:35,832
Ugh, Google goggles.
96
00:03:35,998 --> 00:03:38,543
And it's fun to say.
97
00:03:38,709 --> 00:03:39,697
All right, so what about this?
98
00:03:39,822 --> 00:03:41,755
Everybody hates
talking on the phone, right?
99
00:03:41,921 --> 00:03:44,135
Not sure if that's a thing,
but go on.
100
00:03:44,260 --> 00:03:46,170
All right, so what if there's an app
101
00:03:46,295 --> 00:03:48,655
where when you're calling,
instead of ringing,
102
00:03:48,780 --> 00:03:50,550
it connects you straight
to their voice mail.
103
00:03:53,168 --> 00:03:55,143
I like it, I like it, I like it.
104
00:03:55,309 --> 00:03:56,313
Right, this way you get credit
for a phone call,
105
00:03:56,438 --> 00:03:57,680
but you don't have any of that
awkward chitchat going on.
106
00:03:57,805 --> 00:03:58,681
- Uh-oh.
- What, what?
107
00:03:58,806 --> 00:03:59,939
It exists.
108
00:04:00,105 --> 00:04:01,149
It's called slydial.
109
00:04:01,315 --> 00:04:02,432
Slydial.
110
00:04:02,557 --> 00:04:05,969
That's even more fun to say
than Google goggles.
111
00:04:06,094 --> 00:04:08,031
All right, check this out.
112
00:04:08,295 --> 00:04:10,506
Cereal... what's the problem
with cereal?
113
00:04:10,631 --> 00:04:12,255
It's so ugly.
Just hear me out.
114
00:04:12,380 --> 00:04:16,164
What if you were eating cereal
that looked like your face.
115
00:04:16,330 --> 00:04:17,540
Okay, you take
a picture of your face,
116
00:04:17,706 --> 00:04:19,615
you send it in to us,
one month later,
117
00:04:19,740 --> 00:04:24,172
bam... you're eating your face, bro.
118
00:04:25,391 --> 00:04:26,508
Should I push this meeting?
119
00:04:26,674 --> 00:04:28,990
What? No.
Here's what we got to do, okay?
120
00:04:29,115 --> 00:04:33,389
We got to go to Harvard,
we got to kidnap some dorks,
121
00:04:33,555 --> 00:04:36,684
and we'll just steal their idea.
122
00:04:36,850 --> 00:04:39,854
That's been done.
123
00:04:43,729 --> 00:04:44,671
Okay.
124
00:04:44,796 --> 00:04:46,706
Just need to ask you a few questions.
125
00:04:46,831 --> 00:04:47,987
Any health issues?
126
00:04:48,153 --> 00:04:52,946
Uh, physically, no,
mentally, I'm broken.
127
00:04:53,071 --> 00:04:54,536
Are you sexually active?
128
00:04:54,702 --> 00:04:57,216
She can be.
129
00:04:57,341 --> 00:04:58,790
You know what, can we
just do this somewhere else?
130
00:04:58,956 --> 00:05:00,319
We just need to get a brief history.
131
00:05:00,444 --> 00:05:01,754
And then we'll take your blood,
132
00:05:01,879 --> 00:05:02,752
we'll test it
133
00:05:02,918 --> 00:05:04,223
for sexually transmitted diseases...
134
00:05:04,348 --> 00:05:05,296
- What?
- Why?
135
00:05:05,462 --> 00:05:06,759
It's standard procedure.
136
00:05:06,884 --> 00:05:08,761
We have to make sure that
your blood is clean.
137
00:05:08,886 --> 00:05:10,763
You'll be surprised at
how many people don't even know
138
00:05:10,888 --> 00:05:14,764
they've contracted something.
139
00:05:14,930 --> 00:05:15,974
Number of partners?
140
00:05:16,140 --> 00:05:17,669
Uh, uh, uh...
141
00:05:17,794 --> 00:05:20,996
Let me write that down, okay?
142
00:05:30,806 --> 00:05:32,365
Way ahead of you.
143
00:05:32,531 --> 00:05:35,152
58 satisfied customers.
What do I win?
144
00:05:40,282 --> 00:05:42,359
I know the cake in my book
was really simple,
145
00:05:42,484 --> 00:05:44,460
but now that I'm seeing
all these big ones,
146
00:05:44,585 --> 00:05:45,628
maybe that's better.
147
00:05:45,794 --> 00:05:47,530
Like a really big one.
148
00:05:47,655 --> 00:05:50,433
Even though it's not about size.
149
00:05:50,558 --> 00:05:52,218
It's how you eat it.
150
00:05:52,384 --> 00:05:54,637
Word.
151
00:05:54,762 --> 00:05:55,638
Mm.
152
00:05:55,763 --> 00:05:58,725
That one tastes like diabetes.
153
00:05:59,166 --> 00:06:00,768
I just want to find a cake
154
00:06:00,934 --> 00:06:02,877
that makes me happy
every time I open my freezer
155
00:06:03,002 --> 00:06:03,980
for the next year.
156
00:06:04,146 --> 00:06:05,190
What?
157
00:06:05,605 --> 00:06:07,583
Oh, yeah, you freeze
the top tier of your cake,
158
00:06:07,708 --> 00:06:09,319
and eat it
on your one-year anniversary.
159
00:06:09,772 --> 00:06:10,773
What?
160
00:06:12,821 --> 00:06:13,759
What about this one?
161
00:06:13,884 --> 00:06:15,556
Vanilla with vanilla icing.
162
00:06:15,681 --> 00:06:16,826
Hmm.
163
00:06:17,049 --> 00:06:19,560
Here's a surprise.
This one is also delicious.
164
00:06:19,828 --> 00:06:20,928
It's almost like all of these cakes
165
00:06:21,053 --> 00:06:23,917
are made out of sugar and butter.
166
00:06:24,083 --> 00:06:25,065
Well, it's not just about the taste.
167
00:06:25,190 --> 00:06:26,669
It's... it's the look of the cake, too.
168
00:06:26,835 --> 00:06:28,001
- Hmm.
- You like this one?
169
00:06:29,428 --> 00:06:30,904
What is with the creepy dolls
on top of the cake?
170
00:06:31,029 --> 00:06:33,306
Doesn't it look like they're
about to jump to their deaths?
171
00:06:33,431 --> 00:06:37,110
I slept with your brother.
172
00:06:37,235 --> 00:06:39,349
Die, die, die.
173
00:06:39,515 --> 00:06:41,081
Yeah, I-I'm not sure I can do this.
174
00:06:41,206 --> 00:06:42,685
Oh, good.
175
00:06:42,851 --> 00:06:44,363
Lily, look,
it is just a piece of paper,
176
00:06:44,488 --> 00:06:46,286
and you guys
already live together anyway.
177
00:06:46,563 --> 00:06:47,853
What, no?
Whit, look.
178
00:06:47,978 --> 00:06:49,755
I know weddings aren't,
like, your thing,
179
00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:51,523
and I'm worried this is
going to become a problem
180
00:06:51,648 --> 00:06:52,658
between us.
181
00:06:52,783 --> 00:06:54,826
Planning a wedding
is stressful enough.
182
00:06:55,114 --> 00:06:55,961
Okay, that's my point.
183
00:06:56,086 --> 00:06:57,696
This should not
have to be stressful, okay?
184
00:06:57,821 --> 00:06:59,598
Weddings shouldn't be about
all these stupid traditions
185
00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:00,912
that don't mean anything.
186
00:07:01,078 --> 00:07:03,601
Yes, but they mean something
to me, you see?
187
00:07:03,726 --> 00:07:04,602
My wedding's in May,
188
00:07:04,727 --> 00:07:06,203
and I need to be making decisions,
189
00:07:06,328 --> 00:07:08,606
and clearly, your issues
are getting in the way,
190
00:07:08,731 --> 00:07:12,109
so I just feel like I should
plan the wedding myself.
191
00:07:12,234 --> 00:07:13,210
Okay, Lil.
192
00:07:13,335 --> 00:07:15,760
I did not mean to make fun of you.
193
00:07:15,926 --> 00:07:16,781
Whit, when we visited the church,
194
00:07:16,906 --> 00:07:18,048
you told the head of the choir
they should sing
195
00:07:18,173 --> 00:07:20,741
It's the end of the world
as we know it.
196
00:07:21,777 --> 00:07:23,268
Well, they didn't know
197
00:07:23,434 --> 00:07:26,145
99 problems, but a bitch ain't 1.
198
00:07:35,105 --> 00:07:36,255
So what's this place?
199
00:07:36,421 --> 00:07:37,582
It's the new hipster spot.
200
00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:42,021
I found it on yelp
after I pitched yelp to Neal.
201
00:07:42,146 --> 00:07:43,488
I need to, like,
soak in youth culture,
202
00:07:43,613 --> 00:07:45,290
so I can come up with my next idea.
203
00:07:45,415 --> 00:07:46,223
Oh, God.
204
00:07:46,516 --> 00:07:47,858
I can't tell if the pit in my stomach
205
00:07:47,983 --> 00:07:49,160
is from my fight with Lily,
206
00:07:49,285 --> 00:07:50,828
the 14 pieces of cake just I ate,
207
00:07:50,953 --> 00:07:53,031
or that hat.
208
00:07:53,156 --> 00:07:56,108
I'm pretty sure it's Lily
because this hat is on point.
209
00:07:56,274 --> 00:07:58,036
Okay, I didn't mean
to criticize her wedding,
210
00:07:58,161 --> 00:07:59,670
I was just pointing out some things
211
00:07:59,795 --> 00:08:02,156
about the wedding industrial complex.
212
00:08:02,322 --> 00:08:03,407
Look, whit, you're her maid of honor,
213
00:08:03,532 --> 00:08:04,841
and you're her best friend, right?
214
00:08:04,966 --> 00:08:07,203
You need to put your feelings
aside and be there for her.
215
00:08:07,369 --> 00:08:08,211
Oh, God, you're right.
216
00:08:08,336 --> 00:08:09,512
I feel terrible.
217
00:08:09,637 --> 00:08:12,249
I should apologize.
And so should you.
218
00:08:12,415 --> 00:08:15,285
- For what?
- That hat.
219
00:08:15,410 --> 00:08:16,986
The only difference
between you and Waldo
220
00:08:17,111 --> 00:08:20,883
is that nobody wants to find you.
221
00:08:21,049 --> 00:08:22,124
All right, look.
222
00:08:22,249 --> 00:08:23,125
I'm going to go talk
to that guy over there
223
00:08:23,250 --> 00:08:24,345
and figure out what he's into.
224
00:08:24,511 --> 00:08:26,728
- Okay.
- All right.
225
00:08:26,853 --> 00:08:28,515
- No, let me have the hat.
- No, nope.
226
00:08:31,559 --> 00:08:34,226
Hey, bro. What's up?
227
00:08:37,597 --> 00:08:42,043
Uh, I don't know.
Not that.
228
00:08:42,168 --> 00:08:44,712
Anyway, do mind if I
maybe ask you a few questions?
229
00:08:44,837 --> 00:08:46,281
I'm... I'm doing some market research,
230
00:08:46,406 --> 00:08:48,082
and, uh, okay, yeah,
231
00:08:48,207 --> 00:08:50,371
I'm the guy who created
mendeavors.com.
232
00:08:50,537 --> 00:08:52,186
- Are we really doing this?
- What?
233
00:08:52,311 --> 00:08:56,991
Are we telling each other
all the websites we've created?
234
00:09:01,464 --> 00:09:04,551
Plan "B."
235
00:09:07,258 --> 00:09:08,267
Why haven't they called?
236
00:09:08,392 --> 00:09:10,391
How hard is it
to test someone's blood?
237
00:09:10,557 --> 00:09:12,705
I mean, I'm really asking.
How do they do it?
238
00:09:12,830 --> 00:09:14,270
Is there a machine?
239
00:09:14,436 --> 00:09:16,476
I know I shouldn't have slept
with that guy from Thailand
240
00:09:16,601 --> 00:09:19,512
to celebrate my divorce.
241
00:09:19,637 --> 00:09:20,819
My sister always said,
242
00:09:20,944 --> 00:09:23,581
"Never sleep with a man
whose name you can't pronounce."
243
00:09:23,706 --> 00:09:25,250
Course, she's kind of a whore.
244
00:09:26,676 --> 00:09:28,951
And kind of a racist.
245
00:09:29,117 --> 00:09:31,390
One time I was on a plane,
and I thought it was going down.
246
00:09:31,515 --> 00:09:33,558
I mean, I thought this was it,
247
00:09:33,683 --> 00:09:38,627
so I had sex
with a 64-year-old woman.
248
00:09:38,793 --> 00:09:40,564
You know how many partners
she must have had,
249
00:09:40,689 --> 00:09:44,300
especially if she's doing it
on a plane at 64?
250
00:09:45,861 --> 00:09:49,972
All right, you know what,
maybe this will jog my memory.
251
00:09:50,138 --> 00:09:54,018
Nope, I don't know who
any of these people are.
252
00:09:54,184 --> 00:09:57,271
You know, I think
I saw your number of partners.
253
00:09:57,437 --> 00:09:59,064
Did it have a four in it?
254
00:09:59,230 --> 00:10:00,232
You know what, let's just
say it was less than yours.
255
00:10:00,398 --> 00:10:01,784
Yeah.
256
00:10:01,909 --> 00:10:03,619
I hope you didn't sleep
with 67 people.
257
00:10:03,744 --> 00:10:06,423
That'd be pretty gross.
258
00:10:06,548 --> 00:10:07,990
You said 58.
259
00:10:08,382 --> 00:10:09,325
What?
260
00:10:09,491 --> 00:10:10,492
Yesterday at the Bloodanank,
261
00:10:10,617 --> 00:10:12,561
you said you've been with 58 women.
262
00:10:12,686 --> 00:10:15,097
I remember it vividly
because then you did this...
263
00:10:15,222 --> 00:10:17,122
To me.
264
00:10:17,566 --> 00:10:22,406
Oh, yeah, I had a nine-way last night
265
00:10:22,531 --> 00:10:24,214
with a women's softball team.
266
00:10:25,798 --> 00:10:26,974
It was h high-scoring affair.
267
00:10:27,099 --> 00:10:31,055
It ended in a rain delay
in their pants.
268
00:10:31,221 --> 00:10:33,081
You lied about your number.
269
00:10:33,348 --> 00:10:34,558
All right, I did lie.
270
00:10:34,724 --> 00:10:37,552
Why would you lie about the
number of people you slept with?
271
00:10:37,677 --> 00:10:39,753
Did you think
I would be impressed?
272
00:10:40,021 --> 00:10:41,221
I wasn't trying to impress you.
273
00:10:41,346 --> 00:10:43,442
I was trying to impress
that guy with the clipboard.
274
00:10:43,608 --> 00:10:44,443
Wh...
275
00:10:44,609 --> 00:10:46,426
You don't know how judgmental
dudes are about their numbers.
276
00:10:46,551 --> 00:10:48,447
It's a lot of pressure.
277
00:10:48,613 --> 00:10:51,498
So what's your real number?
278
00:10:51,623 --> 00:10:52,599
I'll give you a hint.
279
00:10:52,724 --> 00:10:54,734
It rhymes with seven.
280
00:10:54,859 --> 00:10:57,503
Ah!
I said it.
281
00:10:57,628 --> 00:11:00,417
Wow.
282
00:11:07,871 --> 00:11:09,982
Can I take my blindfold off yet?
283
00:11:10,260 --> 00:11:11,584
Ooh, I can't wait to see
where you've taken me.
284
00:11:11,709 --> 00:11:12,818
Are you naked?
285
00:11:14,430 --> 00:11:16,183
Is it that saloon motel
where we played cowboy...
286
00:11:16,349 --> 00:11:17,726
Okay, hi.
287
00:11:17,892 --> 00:11:19,958
- Surprise.
- Neal.
288
00:11:20,083 --> 00:11:23,962
What?
Who's Neal?
289
00:11:24,232 --> 00:11:26,131
Look, I-I asked him to kidnap you
290
00:11:26,256 --> 00:11:27,319
so I could apologize.
291
00:11:27,485 --> 00:11:29,905
Look, I am so sorry about yesterday.
292
00:11:30,071 --> 00:11:31,602
I should keep my opinions
about weddings to myself
293
00:11:31,727 --> 00:11:33,704
because all that matters
is what you want.
294
00:11:33,992 --> 00:11:38,205
Well, that sounds great,
but I mean, come on.
295
00:11:38,371 --> 00:11:40,077
Look...
296
00:11:40,202 --> 00:11:43,614
I'm just a girl standing
in front of another girl
297
00:11:43,739 --> 00:11:47,784
asking her to forgive me.
298
00:11:47,909 --> 00:11:50,509
You watched Notting Hill for me?
299
00:11:50,845 --> 00:11:52,656
And I just want
to be the wedding planner
300
00:11:52,781 --> 00:11:54,090
for my best friend's wedding,
301
00:11:54,215 --> 00:11:55,992
which is why I also watched
The Wedding Planner
302
00:11:56,117 --> 00:11:57,933
and My Best Friend's Wedding.
303
00:11:58,099 --> 00:11:59,518
- Oh, my God.
- Come here.
304
00:12:05,566 --> 00:12:06,591
Hey.
305
00:12:06,757 --> 00:12:08,544
Got that pitch meeting
for my new website.
306
00:12:08,669 --> 00:12:09,677
How do I look?
307
00:12:09,843 --> 00:12:11,446
Great.
308
00:12:11,571 --> 00:12:12,847
I love it.
309
00:12:13,013 --> 00:12:13,815
- Really?
- No.
310
00:12:13,940 --> 00:12:17,351
You look like
The Legend of Douche Bagger Vance.
311
00:12:17,517 --> 00:12:18,352
But was that good?
312
00:12:18,477 --> 00:12:19,687
I'm practicing being positive
313
00:12:19,812 --> 00:12:20,897
because I'm going wedding dress
shopping with Lily.
314
00:12:21,063 --> 00:12:22,440
Yeah, I think
you're going to get fired again.
315
00:12:22,606 --> 00:12:23,691
Come on, this is hip.
316
00:12:23,857 --> 00:12:25,292
This is what all the kids
are wearing nowadays.
317
00:12:25,417 --> 00:12:26,292
Here, it looks better with the scarf.
318
00:12:26,417 --> 00:12:28,094
Check it out.
319
00:12:28,219 --> 00:12:29,489
'sup.
320
00:12:29,655 --> 00:12:31,115
Wait, are those my tights?
321
00:12:31,281 --> 00:12:33,242
Are those my tights?
322
00:12:33,408 --> 00:12:35,168
Whit, come on.
This is a big pitch meeting.
323
00:12:35,293 --> 00:12:36,579
It's really important to me.
324
00:12:36,745 --> 00:12:38,873
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
You're going to do so good.
325
00:12:39,564 --> 00:12:41,209
I love you.
You're going to kill it.
326
00:12:41,375 --> 00:12:43,342
- Love you, too.
- Okay.
327
00:12:43,467 --> 00:12:44,712
Can you just get a bigger scarf
328
00:12:44,878 --> 00:12:46,211
just to cover the chest hair?
329
00:12:46,336 --> 00:12:48,504
- Get out of here.
- Okay, sor...
330
00:12:50,908 --> 00:12:51,784
Hmm.
331
00:12:51,909 --> 00:12:53,218
I don't know if you know it,
332
00:12:53,343 --> 00:12:56,522
but this is the oldest
bridal salon in Chicago.
333
00:12:56,807 --> 00:12:58,309
And based on your inspiration book,
334
00:12:58,475 --> 00:13:00,692
I have selected a number of dresses
335
00:13:00,978 --> 00:13:02,560
that are perfect
for the traditional wedding
336
00:13:02,685 --> 00:13:04,462
that you and your friend,
Wendy, are planning.
337
00:13:04,587 --> 00:13:06,865
Oh, thank you, Edith.
338
00:13:07,150 --> 00:13:08,199
Okay, girls.
339
00:13:08,485 --> 00:13:09,968
Let's get started
with the bridesmaid,
340
00:13:10,093 --> 00:13:11,697
and we'll save the best for last.
341
00:13:11,863 --> 00:13:13,637
Ah, okay.
That is you.
342
00:13:13,762 --> 00:13:14,838
You are the best.
343
00:13:14,963 --> 00:13:17,374
Edith, get these dresses on my body.
344
00:13:17,661 --> 00:13:19,776
Can a sister get some Spanx?
345
00:13:19,901 --> 00:13:22,679
Okay.
346
00:13:22,804 --> 00:13:23,847
Okay.
347
00:13:23,972 --> 00:13:25,949
Just be positive, this is for Lily.
348
00:13:26,074 --> 00:13:27,755
Just eye of the tiger.
349
00:13:27,921 --> 00:13:31,342
Your skin is not burning.
Okay.
350
00:13:31,508 --> 00:13:33,427
Ha, ha.
Ta-dah.
351
00:13:33,593 --> 00:13:35,992
Yeah, good.
Got flowers, just like in your book.
352
00:13:36,117 --> 00:13:37,557
Envision it, okay?
353
00:13:37,723 --> 00:13:40,329
I'm walking down the aisle.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
354
00:13:40,454 --> 00:13:42,164
Good and loud.
People can hear you coming.
355
00:13:42,289 --> 00:13:45,273
There's pretty flowers
over the bosom there.
356
00:13:45,439 --> 00:13:46,941
No?
You don't love it?
357
00:13:47,107 --> 00:13:49,277
Okay, we're going back up the aisle,
358
00:13:49,443 --> 00:13:50,319
back up the aisle.
359
00:13:50,485 --> 00:13:53,808
Hi, Edith.
Okay.
360
00:13:54,220 --> 00:13:56,576
Yes, we can.
Right?
361
00:13:56,742 --> 00:13:58,446
It's got a hat.
What?
362
00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:00,538
And fan.
Yeah.
363
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,606
No, no?
Yes?
364
00:14:05,210 --> 00:14:08,087
That is quite a dress.
365
00:14:08,253 --> 00:14:09,839
Can you sit in it?
366
00:14:10,005 --> 00:14:11,224
Sit in it?
367
00:14:11,349 --> 00:14:14,895
Can I?
Edith?
368
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:18,021
Oh.
369
00:14:29,232 --> 00:14:32,711
What's wrong?
Where've you been?
370
00:14:32,836 --> 00:14:34,489
Are you wearing my pants?
371
00:14:34,655 --> 00:14:35,948
Well, I was trying to look hip.
372
00:14:36,114 --> 00:14:37,082
Go find some new clothes.
373
00:14:37,207 --> 00:14:38,701
I'll go stall the investors.
374
00:14:38,867 --> 00:14:40,685
No, I don't think
you can stall for that long.
375
00:14:40,810 --> 00:14:41,829
I got nothing.
376
00:14:41,995 --> 00:14:43,121
Wh... I'm sorry, what?
377
00:14:43,246 --> 00:14:44,555
Then why did I set up this meeting?
378
00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:46,751
You told me that
you work better under pressure.
379
00:14:46,917 --> 00:14:48,753
I was wrong.
I crumbled.
380
00:14:48,919 --> 00:14:51,061
We are partners now.
You can't crumble.
381
00:14:51,338 --> 00:14:52,596
No, I know.
Look, Neal, I'm... I s sorry.
382
00:14:52,721 --> 00:14:53,964
Okay?
I really am.
383
00:14:54,089 --> 00:14:57,234
I'm just a guy standing
in front of another guy
384
00:14:57,359 --> 00:14:59,680
asking him to cancel this meeting.
385
00:14:59,846 --> 00:15:01,432
Did you watch Notting Hill?
386
00:15:01,598 --> 00:15:02,639
Whitney was watching it
in the bedroom.
387
00:15:02,764 --> 00:15:03,640
I don't know, I just...
388
00:15:03,765 --> 00:15:04,875
Look, I think I just came up
389
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,110
with one good idea three years ago.
390
00:15:07,235 --> 00:15:09,012
In the tech world,
I'm like a 100 now.
391
00:15:09,137 --> 00:15:10,566
I'm washed up.
392
00:15:10,732 --> 00:15:12,182
Come, dude.
You can do this.
393
00:15:12,307 --> 00:15:15,018
You're like the coolest guy I know.
394
00:15:15,143 --> 00:15:16,239
Really?
395
00:15:16,405 --> 00:15:20,290
I mean, not today, but normally, yes.
396
00:15:20,415 --> 00:15:23,792
Look, I'm your partner because
I believe in your creativity
397
00:15:23,917 --> 00:15:26,207
and your ability
to think of a great idea
398
00:15:26,373 --> 00:15:27,595
by the time we get
to the seventh floor.
399
00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:29,126
No, man.
I can't do this.
400
00:15:29,292 --> 00:15:31,796
Be honest.
Am I too old to pull this off?
401
00:15:31,962 --> 00:15:34,736
I believe in your creativity
and your ability...
402
00:15:34,861 --> 00:15:37,301
No, am I too old to pull this off?
403
00:15:37,467 --> 00:15:38,372
Yeah, I heard you the first time.
404
00:15:38,497 --> 00:15:39,595
I was just trying to be supportive.
405
00:15:39,761 --> 00:15:40,574
No, no, no, Neal.
406
00:15:40,699 --> 00:15:42,143
Am-I-too-old to-pull-this-off.Com.
407
00:15:42,268 --> 00:15:44,778
It's... it's a service where
you can send in your picture,
408
00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:46,080
and people can vote
"yes" or "no" on it.
409
00:15:46,205 --> 00:15:48,615
It saves people from looking
like a tool, like me.
410
00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,731
Is that not the best idea
you've ever heard?
411
00:15:50,897 --> 00:15:51,819
We'll give it a shot.
412
00:15:51,944 --> 00:15:53,276
It's better than
canceling the meeting.
413
00:15:53,442 --> 00:15:56,737
Yeah, I'm back.
414
00:15:58,447 --> 00:15:59,459
You know what, at this point,
415
00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:01,325
I'm not even going to answer
if they do call.
416
00:16:01,491 --> 00:16:04,464
I've seen those commercials
with people living with STDs.
417
00:16:04,589 --> 00:16:07,567
They laugh, they go biking,
and canoeing.
418
00:16:07,692 --> 00:16:09,635
Actually, it sounds...
Awesome.
419
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:10,876
I hope I have one.
420
00:16:13,163 --> 00:16:15,673
Oh, my God.
This is it.
421
00:16:15,839 --> 00:16:17,341
Hello, mark Murphy speaking.
422
00:16:19,869 --> 00:16:20,745
- Hello?
- Uh-huh.
423
00:16:20,870 --> 00:16:22,555
- Yes.
- Uh-huh.
424
00:16:22,721 --> 00:16:23,556
All right.
425
00:16:23,722 --> 00:16:24,483
Okay.
426
00:16:24,608 --> 00:16:25,725
- Okay.
- Thanks.
427
00:16:25,891 --> 00:16:26,684
Thanks.
428
00:16:26,850 --> 00:16:27,718
Whoo.
I'm good.
429
00:16:27,843 --> 00:16:29,253
Clean bill of health.
430
00:16:29,519 --> 00:16:32,106
My cleaning lady
is not coming Friday.
431
00:16:32,272 --> 00:16:34,025
Hello?
432
00:16:34,617 --> 00:16:37,996
Yes?
Yes?
433
00:16:38,121 --> 00:16:40,131
Great.
Thanks, bye.
434
00:16:40,405 --> 00:16:42,616
- I'm all good.
- Ah
435
00:16:44,159 --> 00:16:46,536
Ah.
436
00:16:46,661 --> 00:16:50,598
Hey, don't tell the guys
my real number, okay?
437
00:16:52,530 --> 00:16:54,337
67 is pretty impressive.
438
00:16:54,636 --> 00:16:56,672
It is, isn't it?
439
00:16:56,838 --> 00:16:58,014
Let's make it 69.
440
00:16:58,139 --> 00:16:59,258
It's funnier.
441
00:16:59,424 --> 00:17:01,117
Hmm.
I don't know.
442
00:17:01,242 --> 00:17:02,386
It sounds fake.
443
00:17:02,552 --> 00:17:03,596
Mark, it is fake.
444
00:17:05,513 --> 00:17:07,933
Anyway, why is
your real number so low?
445
00:17:08,099 --> 00:17:09,435
It's not that low.
446
00:17:09,601 --> 00:17:11,494
Well, it is pretty low
for the dude you pretend to be.
447
00:17:11,619 --> 00:17:13,981
I mean, you talk
a really big game, mark.
448
00:17:14,147 --> 00:17:16,464
I don't know if
it's going to catholic school,
449
00:17:16,589 --> 00:17:18,500
or maybe I'm just weirdly romantic,
450
00:17:18,625 --> 00:17:20,868
but I've always believed that,
you know,
451
00:17:20,993 --> 00:17:25,006
that act is, uh... is special.
452
00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:27,244
Wow, that's really sweet.
453
00:17:27,798 --> 00:17:30,706
But I have gotten handies
in the hundreds.
454
00:17:37,643 --> 00:17:39,507
Would you like some champagne?
455
00:17:39,673 --> 00:17:40,920
Uh...
456
00:17:41,045 --> 00:17:41,955
You know, it's pretty dark
457
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:43,223
that you have to get people drunk
458
00:17:43,348 --> 00:17:47,160
in order to get them
to buy stuff in your store.
459
00:17:47,430 --> 00:17:51,497
So how long have you been divorced?
460
00:17:51,768 --> 00:17:55,034
Okay, prepare to be wowed.
461
00:17:59,401 --> 00:18:00,861
Wow.
462
00:18:01,027 --> 00:18:05,574
This one's very popular
with the Muslim community.
463
00:18:05,740 --> 00:18:07,868
So do you really like it?
464
00:18:08,034 --> 00:18:09,681
- Do you?
- Do you?
465
00:18:09,953 --> 00:18:11,497
- Do you?
- I do.
466
00:18:11,663 --> 00:18:12,684
I do?
Me, too.
467
00:18:12,956 --> 00:18:13,851
Okay.
468
00:18:13,976 --> 00:18:16,388
And, uh, what about...
469
00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:19,547
With this tiara?
470
00:18:19,713 --> 00:18:22,059
Oh, beautiful.
471
00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:24,051
What about this muff?
472
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:29,640
I love me some muff.
473
00:18:29,806 --> 00:18:31,602
So you feel okay with me
walking down the aisle
474
00:18:31,727 --> 00:18:32,810
looking like this?
475
00:18:32,976 --> 00:18:35,104
Totally.
You look so beautiful.
476
00:18:35,395 --> 00:18:37,240
I knew it.
You are lying to my face.
477
00:18:37,522 --> 00:18:39,859
No, I'm not.
I can't even see your face.
478
00:18:40,435 --> 00:18:41,678
Come on, whit.
479
00:18:41,803 --> 00:18:42,978
You've been fake with me all day.
480
00:18:43,103 --> 00:18:44,547
You were fake about the invitations,
481
00:18:44,672 --> 00:18:46,282
and the flowers, and now this.
482
00:18:46,448 --> 00:18:47,450
Okay, Lily.
I don't know what to do.
483
00:18:47,575 --> 00:18:49,085
I just want to be there for you.
484
00:18:49,367 --> 00:18:52,079
Well, I need you to be you, okay?
485
00:18:52,245 --> 00:18:54,989
Look, I think I was being
oversensitive yesterday
486
00:18:55,114 --> 00:18:57,559
because sometimes I feel embarrassed
487
00:18:57,684 --> 00:18:59,754
that I like all that stuff
as much as I do.
488
00:18:59,920 --> 00:19:02,764
No, you know what, the truth is
I need to learn to shut up sometimes.
489
00:19:03,048 --> 00:19:04,333
Yeah, but if it weren't for you,
490
00:19:04,458 --> 00:19:06,300
I'd have an aquarium table
491
00:19:06,425 --> 00:19:09,555
and a tattoo necklace
that said, "Carrie."
492
00:19:09,895 --> 00:19:11,138
It would have been confusing.
493
00:19:11,263 --> 00:19:13,107
You're just so much
more of a Samantha.
494
00:19:13,391 --> 00:19:15,443
Look, I just need you
to be straight with me, okay?
495
00:19:15,568 --> 00:19:16,677
Because I can feel myself
496
00:19:16,802 --> 00:19:18,606
getting sucked
into all this wedding stuff,
497
00:19:18,772 --> 00:19:20,948
and I'm going to need you
to pull me back from the edge.
498
00:19:21,232 --> 00:19:22,982
Okay, well, in that case,
take off that dress.
499
00:19:23,107 --> 00:19:26,655
You look like an uncircumcised penis.
500
00:19:26,821 --> 00:19:27,865
I've seen a lot of those.
501
00:19:28,031 --> 00:19:28,866
Yeah, I know.
I know you have.
502
00:19:30,367 --> 00:19:32,091
I'm so proud of you.
503
00:19:32,216 --> 00:19:33,260
Well, they just said
they're interested.
504
00:19:33,385 --> 00:19:34,628
Nothing's for sure yet.
505
00:19:34,913 --> 00:19:36,248
It's such a good idea.
They're going to buy it.
506
00:19:36,414 --> 00:19:37,541
Oh, thanks.
507
00:19:37,707 --> 00:19:39,627
Hey, do you want to hear something
interesting about wedding rings?
508
00:19:39,793 --> 00:19:40,882
Uh-oh.
Here we go.
509
00:19:41,007 --> 00:19:43,172
Uh, they're
the world's smallest prison?
510
00:19:43,827 --> 00:19:45,371
No, no, no, no.
It's a bribe.
511
00:19:45,496 --> 00:19:48,474
No, it's a little,
tiny handcuff with no keys.
512
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,542
No, I was reading about it,
513
00:19:50,667 --> 00:19:54,513
and the wedding ring symbolizes
the eternal circle of love
514
00:19:54,638 --> 00:19:58,316
with no beginning and no end.
515
00:19:58,441 --> 00:20:00,147
What happened to you?
516
00:20:00,710 --> 00:20:02,024
What?
517
00:20:02,190 --> 00:20:04,652
Well, I'm waiting
for your head to explode.
518
00:20:05,348 --> 00:20:08,057
Okay, I'm evolving, biatch.
519
00:20:09,152 --> 00:20:11,492
I ain't mad at weddings,
I ain't scoured.
520
00:20:11,658 --> 00:20:12,930
Oh, God, yeah, you know,
521
00:20:13,055 --> 00:20:15,299
you're definitely
too white to pull that off.
522
00:20:15,424 --> 00:20:18,082
Oh, wait.
That's my next website.
523
00:20:27,151 --> 00:20:28,193
You look so beautiful.
524
00:20:28,318 --> 00:20:29,609
Really?
525
00:20:29,775 --> 00:20:31,262
I can't believe
you're finally getting married.
526
00:20:31,387 --> 00:20:32,904
I know.
527
00:20:33,070 --> 00:20:35,266
- Okay, I'm going to practice.
- Okay.
528
00:20:36,989 --> 00:20:41,906
To have and to hold,
to love and to cherish,
529
00:20:42,031 --> 00:20:45,042
till death do us part,
530
00:20:45,167 --> 00:20:46,751
I do.
531
00:20:46,917 --> 00:20:47,711
No!
532
00:20:52,941 --> 00:20:55,209
I knew your head was going
to explode sooner or later.
533
00:20:55,334 --> 00:21:01,720
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