1
00:00:03,403 --> 00:00:04,529
Ugh.

2
00:00:04,604 --> 00:00:06,003
I didn't realize being
Lily's maid of honor

3
00:00:06,072 --> 00:00:08,768
meant getting up at 9:00
on a Saturday.

4
00:00:09,542 --> 00:00:12,010
Or wearing a bra
on a Saturday.

5
00:00:12,145 --> 00:00:15,114
Ow.
Man, you and Lily doing
wedding planning all day?

6
00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:16,739
Your eyes are going to roll
so far back in your head

7
00:00:16,816 --> 00:00:18,909
that you're going to
be able to see the crazy.

8
00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:21,415
Oh, no. I never make
eye contact with the crazy.

9
00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:23,479
That just makes it mad.

10
00:00:24,057 --> 00:00:25,524
Whit, seriously.
How are you
going to pull this off

11
00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:26,718
when you hate weddings?

12
00:00:26,793 --> 00:00:27,953
Okay, I don't
hate weddings.

13
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:29,154
I just hate those
stupid traditions

14
00:00:29,229 --> 00:00:31,322
Iike throwing the rice
or the bouquet.

15
00:00:31,398 --> 00:00:34,333
You hate a collection
of beautiful flowers?

16
00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:36,691
Okay. The whole
thing with that

17
00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:38,499
is ifyou catch
the bouquet,
you get married.

18
00:00:38,571 --> 00:00:40,198
No. You might as well
catch it with your vagina,

19
00:00:40,273 --> 00:00:42,207
because nothing else
is going in it after that.

20
00:00:43,943 --> 00:00:45,069
Hey, are you sure
it was you

21
00:00:45,145 --> 00:00:46,271
that Lily asked to help
plan this wedding?

22
00:00:46,346 --> 00:00:47,745
Like, she wasn't
on a Bluetooth or something?

23
00:00:48,481 --> 00:00:49,641
Lily is cool, okay?

24
00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:51,011
She's not going to
want all that stuff.

25
00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:52,415
We're just going
to plan, like, a fun party

26
00:00:52,485 --> 00:00:54,510
without all that
traditional nonsense.

27
00:00:54,587 --> 00:00:57,283
And don't you wish there
was a website or an app
to help you plan it?

28
00:00:57,357 --> 00:00:59,188
And if there was,
would you pay
the very reasonable

29
00:00:59,259 --> 00:01:01,056
price of $3.99
for that service?

30
00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:03,229
Is this about that
stupid list that came out?

31
00:01:03,463 --> 00:01:04,896
You didn't think that list
was stupid last year

32
00:01:04,964 --> 00:01:08,229
when they named me
one of Chicago's
50 top techies.

33
00:01:09,436 --> 00:01:11,165
Yes, I did.

34
00:01:12,172 --> 00:01:15,232
(SlGHS) Look, I'm just
trying to get back
into the game, okay?

35
00:01:15,308 --> 00:01:17,208
So, I asked Neal
to round up some investors,

36
00:01:17,277 --> 00:01:19,040
so I can pitch them
an idea that...

37
00:01:19,112 --> 00:01:20,272
I don't really have yet.

38
00:01:20,447 --> 00:01:21,937
So, this is why
you were listening

39
00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:24,779
to Lose Yourself
in the shower
this morning.

40
00:01:25,351 --> 00:01:27,512
He just came
from so little.

41
00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:29,619
You're going to come up
with something great.

44
00:01:32,392 --> 00:01:34,656
Hey. Uh, how mad
would you be
if I got into porn?

45
00:01:36,996 --> 00:01:40,022
Or, uh, what about if
I just got you into porn?

46
00:01:43,970 --> 00:01:46,734
WHlTNEY: Whitney is taped
in front of a live
studio audience.

47
00:01:46,806 --> 00:01:47,795
WHlTNEY: So...

48
00:01:48,475 --> 00:01:50,500
Okay. Roxanne,
slow down.

49
00:01:50,910 --> 00:01:52,673
You're drinking that water
like it's vodka.

50
00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:55,579
I've got to be hydrated.

51
00:01:55,648 --> 00:01:57,445
I'm giving blood
at Mark's precinct's
blood drive.

52
00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:00,581
Work is making us
all do community service.

53
00:02:00,653 --> 00:02:03,554
So it was either that
or visit deaf veterans.

54
00:02:04,757 --> 00:02:05,883
And you know what?

55
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,018
I just cannot be around
any more men
who don't listen to me.

56
00:02:08,394 --> 00:02:09,452
Hey.
Hi.

57
00:02:09,529 --> 00:02:10,621
Sorry I'm late.

58
00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:13,597
I had to swing by
my apartment to grab
my wedding inspiration book.

59
00:02:13,666 --> 00:02:14,758
Oh.
Yeah.

60
00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:16,665
I've been putting together
photos and clippings

61
00:02:16,736 --> 00:02:17,964
since I was nine.

62
00:02:19,506 --> 00:02:21,098
Wow, Lil.

63
00:02:21,174 --> 00:02:22,732
You were pretty sure
for a while there

64
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:25,141
that you were
going to marry
Brian Austin Green.

65
00:02:26,779 --> 00:02:29,179
Well, that is a whole
page of hot priests.

66
00:02:29,249 --> 00:02:31,945
Guess had a weird
ad campaign in the '90s.

67
00:02:32,051 --> 00:02:33,313
Yeah.

68
00:02:33,853 --> 00:02:35,878
You know, I kind of like
the idea of a church wedding.

69
00:02:36,289 --> 00:02:37,620
Oh.

70
00:02:37,690 --> 00:02:39,157
So you want, like, a...

71
00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:40,522
Like, a "wedding" wedding.

72
00:02:40,627 --> 00:02:41,787
Like, a...

73
00:02:41,861 --> 00:02:43,385
I just... I thought you were
going to want something

74
00:02:43,463 --> 00:02:44,862
more, like,
out of the box.

75
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:48,032
Oh. Well, for me
this is kind of
out of the box.

76
00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:50,092
Mmm.
When you grow up
with hippie parents

77
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,694
in a house
with no doors,

78
00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:54,373
sometimes you just
want to be normal.

79
00:02:55,208 --> 00:02:57,176
I mean, my parents
got married in the forest.

80
00:02:57,243 --> 00:02:59,040
Oh. Well, that doesn't
sound terrible.

81
00:02:59,479 --> 00:03:01,447
They wanted the ring bearer
to be an actual bear.

82
00:03:02,282 --> 00:03:04,477
My mom was tripping
pretty hard, though.

83
00:03:09,055 --> 00:03:10,249
All right,
you better believe it.

84
00:03:10,323 --> 00:03:11,984
Daddy's got some
good ideas, all right?

85
00:03:12,058 --> 00:03:13,457
So, I hope you're...
I hope you're
ready for this.

86
00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:14,584
Okay?
You better be ready.

87
00:03:14,661 --> 00:03:15,753
Ooh, I cannot wait.

88
00:03:15,828 --> 00:03:17,295
And now that
we are partners,

89
00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:18,728
I'm here to give you
honest feedback.

90
00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:20,590
All right, cool.
So, check this out.

91
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,691
It's a sobriety test app.
All right?

92
00:03:22,769 --> 00:03:24,566
You're drunk, you're out,
you're having a good time.

93
00:03:24,637 --> 00:03:25,899
You want to send a sexy
text message.

94
00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:28,463
But you can't answer
a few simple
math questions...

95
00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:30,008
Boom. Your phone
shuts down.

96
00:03:30,076 --> 00:03:31,236
(lMlTATES GUNSHOTS)

97
00:03:33,179 --> 00:03:35,272
That's been done.
Google Mail Goggles.

98
00:03:35,481 --> 00:03:36,675
Ah. Google Goggles.

99
00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:38,614
And it's fun to say.

100
00:03:39,285 --> 00:03:40,775
All right.
So, what about this?

101
00:03:40,853 --> 00:03:42,480
Everybody hates
talking on the phone, right?

102
00:03:42,822 --> 00:03:45,484
Not sure if that's
a thing, but go on.

103
00:03:45,758 --> 00:03:47,623
All right. So, what if
there's an app where,

104
00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:49,286
when you're calling,
instead of ringing,

105
00:03:49,362 --> 00:03:50,829
it connects you straight
to their voice mail.

106
00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:52,387
(CLlCKS TONGUE)
(lMlTATES GUNSHOTS)

107
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:55,731
I like it, I like it,
I like it.

108
00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:57,130
Right. This way,
you get credit
for a phone call,

109
00:03:57,203 --> 00:03:58,864
but you don't have
any of the awkward
chit-chat going on.

110
00:03:58,938 --> 00:03:59,927
Uh-oh.
What? What?

111
00:04:00,006 --> 00:04:01,030
It exists.

112
00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:02,131
It's called slydial.

113
00:04:02,208 --> 00:04:03,607
Ugh. Slydial.

114
00:04:03,676 --> 00:04:06,941
That's even more fun
to say than
"Google Goggles."

115
00:04:07,313 --> 00:04:08,871
(SlGHS) All right.
Check this out.

116
00:04:09,782 --> 00:04:12,114
Cereal. What's the
problem with cereal?
It's so ugly.

117
00:04:12,452 --> 00:04:13,544
Just hear me out.

118
00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:16,816
What ifyou were
eating cereal that
looked like your face?

119
00:04:16,889 --> 00:04:18,220
Okay. You take a picture
of your face,

120
00:04:18,291 --> 00:04:19,918
you send it in to us.

121
00:04:20,026 --> 00:04:21,493
One month later... Bam.

122
00:04:21,561 --> 00:04:23,756
You're eating
your face, bro.

123
00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:27,265
Should I push
this meeting?

124
00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:28,664
What? No.

125
00:04:28,801 --> 00:04:29,995
All right. Here's what
we've got to do. Okay?

126
00:04:30,069 --> 00:04:31,161
We've got to
go to Harvard,

127
00:04:31,237 --> 00:04:32,898
we've got to
kidnap some dorks...

128
00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:36,973
And we'll just
steal their idea.

129
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,908
That's been done.

130
00:04:44,550 --> 00:04:45,744
Okay.

131
00:04:45,985 --> 00:04:47,509
Just need to ask you
a few questions.

132
00:04:47,587 --> 00:04:48,713
Any health issues?

133
00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:52,020
Uh, physically, no.
Mentally, I'm broken.

134
00:04:53,593 --> 00:04:55,254
Are you
sexually active?

135
00:04:55,528 --> 00:04:57,120
Uh, she can be.

136
00:04:57,597 --> 00:04:59,588
You know what?
Can we just do this
somewhere else?

137
00:04:59,666 --> 00:05:01,361
We just need to
get a brief history.

138
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:02,798
And then,
we'll take your blood,

139
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:04,894
we'll test it for sexually
transmitted diseases...

140
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:05,995
What?
Why?

141
00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:07,839
It's standard procedure.

142
00:05:07,907 --> 00:05:10,000
We have to make sure
that your blood is clean.

143
00:05:10,109 --> 00:05:11,303
You'd be surprised
at how many people

144
00:05:11,377 --> 00:05:12,867
don't even know they've
contracted something.

145
00:05:15,615 --> 00:05:16,741
Number of partners?

146
00:05:17,183 --> 00:05:18,707
Uh... Uh... Uh...

147
00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:20,275
Let me write that down.

148
00:05:20,353 --> 00:05:21,718
(CHUCKLES) Okay.

149
00:05:31,764 --> 00:05:33,026
Way ahead of you.

150
00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:35,094
Fifty-eight
satisfied customers.

151
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,692
What do I win?

152
00:05:41,441 --> 00:05:43,204
I know the cake
in my book
was really simple.

153
00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:45,210
But now that I'm seeing
all these big ones,

154
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:46,506
maybe that's better.

155
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,809
Like, a really big one.

156
00:05:48,881 --> 00:05:51,213
Even though
it's not about size.

157
00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:52,850
It's how you eat it.

158
00:05:53,886 --> 00:05:55,148
Word.

159
00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:58,755
Mmm. That one
tastes like diabetes.

160
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:01,587
I just want to
find a cake that

161
00:06:02,061 --> 00:06:04,689
makes me happy every time
I open my freezer
for the next year.

162
00:06:04,764 --> 00:06:05,890
(CHUCKLES)
What?

163
00:06:06,332 --> 00:06:07,390
Oh, yeah.

164
00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:08,764
You freeze the top
tier of your cake

165
00:06:08,835 --> 00:06:10,666
and eat it on your
one year anniversary.

166
00:06:10,737 --> 00:06:12,034
What?

167
00:06:13,339 --> 00:06:14,601
What about this one?
Hmm.

168
00:06:14,674 --> 00:06:16,767
Vanilla
with vanilla icing.

169
00:06:16,843 --> 00:06:17,901
Mmm.

170
00:06:18,010 --> 00:06:20,478
Here's a surprise.
This one is also delicious.

171
00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:21,911
It's almost like
all of these cakes

172
00:06:21,981 --> 00:06:24,415
are made out of
sugar and butter.

173
00:06:25,084 --> 00:06:26,381
Well, it's not just
about the taste.

174
00:06:26,452 --> 00:06:27,749
It's... It's the look
of the cake, too.

175
00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:29,082
Mmm.
Do you like
this one?

176
00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:31,885
Oh. What is with
the creepy dolls
on top of the cake?

177
00:06:31,991 --> 00:06:34,551
Doesn't it look like
they're about to
jump to their deaths?

178
00:06:34,627 --> 00:06:36,993
Oh! I slept
with your brother!

179
00:06:37,764 --> 00:06:38,890
Boom.

180
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:39,989
Die.

181
00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:42,033
Okay. I... I'm not
sure I can do this.

182
00:06:42,101 --> 00:06:43,830
Oh, good. Lily, look.

183
00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:45,097
It is just
a piece of paper.

184
00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:47,105
And you guys already
live together, anyway.

185
00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:48,504
What? No. Whit.
What?

186
00:06:48,608 --> 00:06:50,838
Look, I know weddings
aren't, like, your thing.

187
00:06:50,943 --> 00:06:53,707
And I'm worried this
is going to become
a problem between us.

188
00:06:53,780 --> 00:06:55,611
Planning a wedding
is stressful enough.

189
00:06:55,715 --> 00:06:56,875
Okay, that's my point.

190
00:06:56,949 --> 00:06:58,917
This should not
have to be stressful. Okay?

191
00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:00,612
Weddings shouldn't
be about all these
stupid traditions

192
00:07:00,686 --> 00:07:01,812
that don't mean anything.

193
00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:03,719
Yes, but they mean
something to me.

194
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:04,814
You see?

195
00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:05,949
And my wedding's
in May,

196
00:07:06,025 --> 00:07:07,492
and I need to be
making decisions.

197
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,687
And clearly,
your issues are
getting in the way.

198
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:11,559
So, I just feel
like I should

199
00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:13,496
plan the wedding myself.

200
00:07:13,566 --> 00:07:16,126
Okay. Lil, I did not mean
to make fun ofyou.

201
00:07:16,302 --> 00:07:17,496
Whit. When we
visited the church,

202
00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:19,060
you told the
head of the choir
they should sing

203
00:07:19,138 --> 00:07:21,470
It's the End of the World
as We Know It.

204
00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:25,903
Well, they didn't know
99 Problems
but a bitch ain't one.

205
00:07:36,222 --> 00:07:37,348
So what's this place?

206
00:07:37,423 --> 00:07:38,685
It's the new
hipster spot.

207
00:07:38,758 --> 00:07:41,693
I... I found it on Yelp
after I pitched Yelp to Neal.

208
00:07:43,162 --> 00:07:44,720
I need to, like,
soak in the youth culture,

209
00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:46,765
so I can come up
with my next idea.

210
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:48,960
Oh, God. I can't tell
if the pit in my stomach

211
00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:50,400
is from my fight with Lily,

212
00:07:50,503 --> 00:07:53,631
the 14 pieces of cake
I just ate, or that hat.

213
00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:57,233
I'm pretty sure it's Lily,
because this hat is on point.

214
00:07:57,577 --> 00:07:59,272
I didn't mean to
criticize her wedding.

215
00:07:59,378 --> 00:08:00,777
I was just pointing
out some things

216
00:08:00,847 --> 00:08:03,042
about the wedding
industrial complex.

217
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,749
Look, Whit, you're
her maid of honor

218
00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:06,079
and you're her
best friend. All right?

219
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,177
You need to put
your feelings aside
and be there for her.

220
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:09,379
Oh, God, you're right.

221
00:08:09,455 --> 00:08:10,854
I feel terrible.

222
00:08:10,923 --> 00:08:13,187
I should apologize.
And so should you.

223
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,315
For what?

224
00:08:14,393 --> 00:08:15,724
That hat.

225
00:08:16,796 --> 00:08:18,195
The only difference
between you and Waldo

226
00:08:18,264 --> 00:08:20,630
is that nobody
wants to find you.

227
00:08:21,934 --> 00:08:23,162
All right, look.

228
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:24,601
I'm going to go talk
to that guy over there

229
00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:25,830
and figure out
what he's into.

230
00:08:25,905 --> 00:08:27,202
Okay.
Fine.

231
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:29,567
No, let me
have the hat.
No. Nope.

232
00:08:32,278 --> 00:08:33,677
(CLEARS THROAT)

233
00:08:33,746 --> 00:08:35,509
Hey, bro.
What's up?

234
00:08:35,715 --> 00:08:37,239
(SNAPPlNG FlNGERS)

235
00:08:38,951 --> 00:08:41,385
I don't... I don't know.
I'm not that...

236
00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:45,884
Anyway, do you mind
if I maybe ask you
a few questions?

237
00:08:45,958 --> 00:08:47,550
Uh, I'm... I'm doing
some market research.

238
00:08:47,627 --> 00:08:49,390
And, uh... Okay, yeah.

239
00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:51,396
I'm the guy who created
mendeavors.com.

240
00:08:51,631 --> 00:08:53,292
Are we really
doing this?
What?

241
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,834
Are we telling each other
all the websites
we've created?

242
00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:00,471
(CHUCKLES)

243
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:03,467
Plan B.

244
00:09:08,147 --> 00:09:09,478
Why haven't they called?

245
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,380
How hard is it to
test someone's blood?

246
00:09:11,817 --> 00:09:13,250
I mean,
I'm really asking.

247
00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:15,287
How do they do it?
Is there a machine?

248
00:09:15,855 --> 00:09:17,720
I knew I shouldn't
have slept with that
guy from Thailand

249
00:09:17,790 --> 00:09:19,951
to celebrate my divorce.

250
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,022
My sister always said,

251
00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:24,995
"Never sleep with a man
whose name
you can't pronounce."

252
00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:27,658
Of course,
she's kind of a whore.
(CHUCKLES)

253
00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:29,633
And kind of a racist.

254
00:09:30,102 --> 00:09:31,535
One time,
I was on a plane,

255
00:09:31,604 --> 00:09:33,071
and I thought
it was going down...

256
00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:34,731
I mean,
I thought this was it.

257
00:09:34,807 --> 00:09:37,071
So, I had sex with
a 64-year-old woman.

258
00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:41,943
You know how many partners
she must have had?

259
00:09:42,014 --> 00:09:45,040
Especially if she's doing it
on a plane at 64?

260
00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:47,912
All right.
You know what?

261
00:09:47,987 --> 00:09:50,683
Maybe... Maybe this
will jog my memory.

262
00:09:51,691 --> 00:09:54,751
Nope. I don't know who
any of these people are.

263
00:09:55,294 --> 00:09:57,489
You know, I think I saw
your number of partners.

264
00:09:58,464 --> 00:09:59,692
Did it have
a four in it?

265
00:09:59,799 --> 00:10:01,232
You know what?
Let's just say
it was less than yours.

266
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:02,597
Yeah.

267
00:10:02,702 --> 00:10:05,865
I hope you didn't
sleep with 67 people.
That would be pretty gross.

268
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:09,000
You said 58.

269
00:10:09,308 --> 00:10:10,332
What?

270
00:10:10,509 --> 00:10:11,703
Yesterday,
at the blood bank,

271
00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:13,904
you said you had
been with 58 women.

272
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:16,244
I remember it vividly
because then, you did this...

273
00:10:16,315 --> 00:10:17,304
(CLlCKS TONGUE)
...to me.

274
00:10:18,517 --> 00:10:19,677
Oh, yeah.

275
00:10:19,752 --> 00:10:23,381
I had a nine-way
last night,

276
00:10:23,756 --> 00:10:25,053
with a women's
softball team.

277
00:10:26,826 --> 00:10:28,123
It was a high-scoring affair.

278
00:10:28,227 --> 00:10:30,923
It ended in a rain delay
in their pants.

279
00:10:32,231 --> 00:10:34,096
You lied
about your number.

280
00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:35,561
All right. I did lie.

281
00:10:35,735 --> 00:10:38,727
Why would you lie about
the number of people
you've slept with?

282
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:40,897
(CHUCKLES) Did you think
I would be impressed?

283
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,672
I wasn't trying
to impress you.

284
00:10:42,742 --> 00:10:44,471
I was trying to impress
that guy with the clipboard.

285
00:10:45,544 --> 00:10:47,603
You don't know how judgmental
dudes are about their number.

286
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,375
It's a lot of pressure.

287
00:10:49,615 --> 00:10:50,775
So, what's your
real number?

288
00:10:52,918 --> 00:10:54,146
All right,
I'll give you a hint.

289
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:57,121
It rhymes with seven.
Ah. I said it.

290
00:10:58,858 --> 00:11:00,120
Wow.

291
00:11:03,362 --> 00:11:05,091
(KNOCKlNG ON DOOR)

292
00:11:09,268 --> 00:11:10,735
Can I take my
blindfold off, yet?

293
00:11:10,803 --> 00:11:13,897
Ooh, I can't wait to see
where you've taken me.
Are you naked?

294
00:11:15,374 --> 00:11:17,103
Is it that saloon-motel
where we played
cowboys and...

295
00:11:17,209 --> 00:11:18,540
Okay. Hi.

296
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:19,702
Surprise.

297
00:11:20,279 --> 00:11:21,303
Neal.

298
00:11:21,380 --> 00:11:23,177
What? Who's Neal?

299
00:11:25,484 --> 00:11:28,248
Look, l... I asked
him to kidnap you
so I could apologize.

300
00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:30,880
Look, I am so sorry
about yesterday.

301
00:11:30,956 --> 00:11:32,947
I should keep my opinions
about weddings to myself,

302
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:34,822
because all that matters
is what you want.

303
00:11:36,128 --> 00:11:38,153
Well, that sounds great,
but, I mean...

304
00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:39,219
Come on.

305
00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:42,560
Look. I'm just a girl,

306
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:45,132
standing in front
of another girl

307
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:47,331
asking her to forgive me.

308
00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:51,442
You watched
Notting Hill for me?

309
00:11:51,510 --> 00:11:52,670
Mmm-hmm.

310
00:11:52,745 --> 00:11:55,441
And I just want to be
the wedding planner
for my best friend's wedding.

311
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,277
Which is why I also watched
The Wedding Planner

312
00:11:57,349 --> 00:11:58,782
and My Best Friend's Wedding.

313
00:11:58,851 --> 00:12:00,113
Oh, my God.

314
00:12:06,592 --> 00:12:07,854
Hey.

315
00:12:07,927 --> 00:12:09,952
Hey. I've got
that pitch meeting
for my new website.

316
00:12:10,029 --> 00:12:11,053
How do I look?

317
00:12:11,931 --> 00:12:13,796
Great. I love it.

318
00:12:13,866 --> 00:12:14,855
Really?

319
00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:17,300
No. You look like
the Legend
of Douchebagger Vance.

320
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:19,629
But... But was that good?

321
00:12:19,705 --> 00:12:20,763
I'm practicing
being positive

322
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,364
because I'm going
wedding dress
shopping with Lily.

323
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:24,534
Yeah, I think you're going
to get fired again.

324
00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:25,838
Come on. This is hip.

325
00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:27,105
This is what all the kids
are wearing nowadays.

326
00:12:27,213 --> 00:12:28,544
Here. It looks better
with the scarf.
Check it out

327
00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:30,512
(CLEARS THROAT) Sup?

328
00:12:31,283 --> 00:12:32,511
Wait. Are those my tights?

329
00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:34,447
Are those my tights?

330
00:12:34,787 --> 00:12:35,845
Whit, come on.

331
00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:37,912
This is a big pitch
meeting. It's really
important to me. Argh.

332
00:12:37,990 --> 00:12:39,252
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

333
00:12:39,325 --> 00:12:41,020
You're going
to do so good.

334
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:42,488
I love you.
You're going to kill it.

335
00:12:42,561 --> 00:12:43,721
I love you, too.
Okay.

336
00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:47,626
Can you just get
a bigger scarf just to
cover the chest hair?

337
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:49,361
Get out of here.
Okay, sorry.

338
00:12:53,539 --> 00:12:54,767
I don't know
if you know it,

339
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:57,673
but this is the oldest
bridal salon in Chicago.

340
00:12:58,077 --> 00:12:59,669
And based on your
inspiration book,

341
00:12:59,745 --> 00:13:02,145
I have selected
a number of dresses

342
00:13:02,214 --> 00:13:04,409
that are perfect for
the traditional wedding

343
00:13:04,483 --> 00:13:06,178
that you and your friend,
Wendy, are planning.

344
00:13:06,252 --> 00:13:08,186
Oh. Thank you, Edith.

345
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:09,579
Okay, girls.

346
00:13:09,922 --> 00:13:11,617
Let's get started
with the bridesmaid

347
00:13:11,690 --> 00:13:13,055
and we'll save
the best for last.

348
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:14,285
Ah. Okay.

349
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,328
That is you.
You are the best.

350
00:13:16,395 --> 00:13:18,829
Edith, get these
dresses on my body.

351
00:13:18,898 --> 00:13:20,263
Can a sister
get some Spanx?

352
00:13:24,236 --> 00:13:25,897
(EXHALES) Okay. Just...

353
00:13:26,338 --> 00:13:27,862
Be positive.
This is for Lily.

354
00:13:27,940 --> 00:13:29,100
Just... Eye of the tiger.

355
00:13:29,575 --> 00:13:31,543
Your skin is not burning.

356
00:13:33,012 --> 00:13:34,775
Ha-ha. Ta-da!

357
00:13:34,947 --> 00:13:36,209
Yeah. Good, right?

358
00:13:36,282 --> 00:13:37,909
It's got flowers,
just like in your book.
Yeah.

359
00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:39,041
Envision it. Okay?

360
00:13:39,118 --> 00:13:40,779
I'm walking
down the aisle.

361
00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:42,817
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
It's good and loud.

362
00:13:42,888 --> 00:13:44,014
So they can
hear you coming.

363
00:13:44,123 --> 00:13:46,489
And there's pretty flowers
over the bosom there.

364
00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:48,187
No?
You don't love it?

365
00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:50,352
Okay. We're going
back up the aisle.

366
00:13:50,429 --> 00:13:51,657
Back up the aisle.

367
00:13:51,897 --> 00:13:53,524
Hi, Edith. Okay.

368
00:13:55,734 --> 00:13:57,793
Yes, we can. Right?

369
00:13:58,137 --> 00:14:00,002
It's got a hat. What?

370
00:14:00,072 --> 00:14:01,699
And fan. Yeah.

371
00:14:03,275 --> 00:14:04,640
No? No? Yes?

372
00:14:06,745 --> 00:14:08,303
That is quite a dress.

373
00:14:08,380 --> 00:14:09,369
Yeah?

374
00:14:10,082 --> 00:14:11,276
Can you sit in it?

375
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:13,045
(SCOFFS) Sit in it?

376
00:14:13,118 --> 00:14:14,415
Can l? Edith.

377
00:14:14,486 --> 00:14:15,680
(CHUCKLES)

378
00:14:16,655 --> 00:14:17,747
Oh.

379
00:14:31,403 --> 00:14:34,065
What's wrong?
Where have you been?

380
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:35,707
Are you wearing
my pants?

381
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,206
Well, I was trying
to look hip.

382
00:14:37,509 --> 00:14:39,875
Go find some new clothes.
I'll go stall the investors.

383
00:14:39,945 --> 00:14:41,970
Look, bra, I don't think
you can stall for that long.

384
00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:43,105
I got nothing.

385
00:14:43,515 --> 00:14:44,914
I'm sorry. What?

386
00:14:44,984 --> 00:14:46,281
Then, why did l
set up this meeting?

387
00:14:46,352 --> 00:14:48,013
You told me that you
work better under pressure.

388
00:14:48,587 --> 00:14:49,986
I was wrong.
I crumble.

389
00:14:50,222 --> 00:14:52,281
We are partners now.
You can't crumble.

390
00:14:52,358 --> 00:14:54,417
No, I know. Look, Neal,
I'm... I'm sorry. Okay?

391
00:14:54,493 --> 00:14:55,790
I really am.

392
00:14:55,861 --> 00:14:58,989
I'm just a guy standing
in front of another guy

393
00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:00,929
asking him to cancel
this meeting.

394
00:15:01,433 --> 00:15:02,730
Did you watch
Notting Hill?

395
00:15:02,801 --> 00:15:04,894
Whitney was watching it
in the bedroom.
I don't know. I just...

396
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:08,701
Look. I think I just
came up with one
good idea three years ago.

397
00:15:08,774 --> 00:15:10,708
In the tech world,
I'm, like, 100 now.

398
00:15:10,776 --> 00:15:11,902
I'm washed up.

399
00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:13,802
Come on, dude.
You can do this.

400
00:15:13,879 --> 00:15:15,369
You're, like,
the coolest guy I know.

401
00:15:16,548 --> 00:15:17,537
Really?

402
00:15:18,517 --> 00:15:20,041
I mean, not today.

403
00:15:20,119 --> 00:15:22,110
But normally, yes.

404
00:15:22,187 --> 00:15:23,654
Look. I'm your partner

405
00:15:23,722 --> 00:15:26,122
because I believe
in your creativity

406
00:15:26,191 --> 00:15:27,715
and your ability
to think of a great idea

407
00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:29,021
by the time we get
to the seventh floor.

408
00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:30,425
No. Man,
I can't do this.

409
00:15:30,796 --> 00:15:31,820
Be honest.

410
00:15:31,897 --> 00:15:33,125
Am I too old
to pull this off?

411
00:15:34,033 --> 00:15:35,295
I believe
in your creativity

412
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:36,559
and your ability...

413
00:15:36,635 --> 00:15:38,330
No. Am I too old
to pull this off?

414
00:15:38,537 --> 00:15:39,697
Yeah. Uh, I heard you
the first time.

415
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:40,864
I was just trying
to be supportive.

416
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:41,964
No, no, no. Neal.

417
00:15:42,041 --> 00:15:43,872
"Am I too old
to pull this off" dot com.

418
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,411
It's... It's a service
where you can
send in your picture

419
00:15:46,478 --> 00:15:47,809
and people can vote
yes or no on it.

420
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,508
It saves people
from looking like
a tool like me.

421
00:15:50,582 --> 00:15:52,106
Is that not the best idea
you ever heard?

422
00:15:52,384 --> 00:15:54,614
We'll give it a shot.
It's better than
canceling the meeting.

423
00:15:54,853 --> 00:15:56,878
Yeah. I'm back.

424
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,054
You know what?
At this point,

425
00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:02,684
I'm not even going to
answer if they do call.

426
00:16:03,395 --> 00:16:05,920
I've seen those commercials
with people living with STDs.

427
00:16:05,998 --> 00:16:08,091
They laugh.
They go biking
and canoeing.

428
00:16:09,368 --> 00:16:11,029
Actually,
it sounds awesome.

429
00:16:11,103 --> 00:16:12,195
I hope I have one.

430
00:16:12,871 --> 00:16:14,634
(CELL PHONE RlNGlNG)

431
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,637
Oh, my God.
This is it.

432
00:16:17,076 --> 00:16:18,805
Hello. Mark Murphy speaking.

433
00:16:18,944 --> 00:16:20,206
(CELL PHONE RlNGlNG)

434
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:22,606
Hello?
Uh-huh.

435
00:16:22,681 --> 00:16:23,807
Yes.
Uh-huh.

436
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,007
All right.

437
00:16:25,084 --> 00:16:26,073
Okay.

438
00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:27,175
Okay.
Thanks.

439
00:16:27,252 --> 00:16:28,344
Thanks.

440
00:16:28,420 --> 00:16:30,684
Whoo. I'm good.
Clean bill of health.

441
00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:33,323
My cleaning lady
is not coming Friday.

442
00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:34,858
(CELL PHONE RlNGlNG)

443
00:16:35,027 --> 00:16:36,153
Hello?

444
00:16:36,228 --> 00:16:37,388
Yes.

445
00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:38,954
Yes.

446
00:16:39,898 --> 00:16:41,559
Great. Thanks. Bye.

447
00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:43,529
I'm all good.

448
00:16:43,635 --> 00:16:45,227
Ah. Congratulations.

449
00:16:46,271 --> 00:16:47,738
(BOTH SlGH WlTH RELlEF)

450
00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:49,032
Hey.

451
00:16:49,108 --> 00:16:52,134
Don't tell the guys
my real number, okay?

452
00:16:52,244 --> 00:16:53,233
Why?

453
00:16:53,645 --> 00:16:55,579
Sixty-seven
is pretty impressive.

454
00:16:55,748 --> 00:16:57,739
(SlGHS) It is, isn't it?

455
00:16:58,250 --> 00:17:00,480
(GASPS) Let's make it
69. It's funnier.

456
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:01,914
Mmm.

457
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,613
I don't know.
That sounds fake.

458
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:04,950
Mark, it is fake.

459
00:17:07,226 --> 00:17:09,194
Anyway, why is
your real number
so low?

460
00:17:09,561 --> 00:17:10,721
It's not that low.

461
00:17:10,796 --> 00:17:13,230
Well, it is pretty low
for the dude
you pretend to be.

462
00:17:13,298 --> 00:17:15,289
I mean, you talk
a really big game, Mark.

463
00:17:16,101 --> 00:17:18,194
I don't know if it's
going to Catholic school,

464
00:17:18,270 --> 00:17:20,033
or maybe I'm just
weirdly romantic,

465
00:17:20,105 --> 00:17:22,630
but I have always
believed that...
I don't know...

466
00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:25,176
That act is, uh...
Is special.

467
00:17:26,945 --> 00:17:28,537
Wow, that's really sweet.

468
00:17:29,248 --> 00:17:31,978
But I have gotten
handies in the hundreds.

469
00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:37,949
(SlGHS)

470
00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:40,782
Would you like
some champagne?

471
00:17:41,193 --> 00:17:44,629
Ah. You know,
it's pretty dark that you
have to get people drunk

472
00:17:44,696 --> 00:17:47,028
in order to get them to
buy stuff in your store.

473
00:17:48,867 --> 00:17:50,801
So how long have
you been divorced?

474
00:17:52,304 --> 00:17:54,704
LlLY: Okay.
Prepare to be wowed.

475
00:17:56,041 --> 00:17:57,030
(GASPS)

476
00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:01,773
Wow.

477
00:18:03,449 --> 00:18:05,974
This one's very popular
with the Muslim community.

478
00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:09,149
So? Do you really like it?

479
00:18:09,555 --> 00:18:11,113
Do you?
Do you?

480
00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:12,780
Do you?
I do.

481
00:18:12,858 --> 00:18:14,689
I do. Me, too.
Okay.

482
00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:17,827
And, uh,
what about...

483
00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:20,389
With this tiara?

484
00:18:20,899 --> 00:18:23,265
Oh. Beautiful. Look.
(GASPS)

485
00:18:23,635 --> 00:18:24,966
What about this muff?

486
00:18:25,404 --> 00:18:28,805
Uh, I love me
some muff.

487
00:18:31,076 --> 00:18:34,136
So, you feel okay
with me walking down
the aisle looking like this?

488
00:18:34,213 --> 00:18:36,511
Totally.
You look so beautiful.

489
00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:37,604
I knew it.
What?

490
00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:38,741
You are lying
to my face.

491
00:18:38,817 --> 00:18:41,115
What? No, I'm not.
I can't even
see your face.

492
00:18:41,987 --> 00:18:44,581
Come on, Whit.
You've been fake
with me all day.

493
00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:47,591
You were fake about
the invitations and
the flowers. And now, this.

494
00:18:47,659 --> 00:18:49,058
Okay, Lily,
I don't know
what to do.

495
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,561
I just want to be
there for you.

496
00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:52,062
Well, then, I need you
to be you. Okay?

497
00:18:53,432 --> 00:18:57,163
Look, I think I was
being oversensitive
yesterday because...

498
00:18:57,903 --> 00:19:01,031
Sometimes, I feel
embarrassed that I like all
that stuff as much as I do.

499
00:19:01,106 --> 00:19:04,132
No. You know what?
The truth is I need to learn
to shut up sometimes.

500
00:19:04,743 --> 00:19:05,869
Yeah. But if it
weren't for you,

501
00:19:05,944 --> 00:19:10,347
I'd have an aquarium table
and a tattoo necklace
that said "Carrie."

502
00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:12,678
It would have
been confusing.

503
00:19:12,751 --> 00:19:14,582
You're just so much
more of a "Samantha."

504
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:17,314
Look, I just need you to
be straight with me. Okay?

505
00:19:17,389 --> 00:19:19,914
Because I can
feel myself getting sucked
into all this wedding stuff.

506
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:22,426
And I'm going to
need you to pull me
back from the edge.

507
00:19:22,561 --> 00:19:24,529
Okay. Well, in that case,
take off that dress.

508
00:19:24,596 --> 00:19:26,257
You look like an
uncircumcised penis.

509
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,160
I've seen a lot
of those things.

510
00:19:29,234 --> 00:19:30,496
Yeah, I know...
I know you have.

511
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,369
I'm so proud of you.

512
00:19:33,438 --> 00:19:36,032
Ah, well, they just
said they're interested.
Nothing's for sure, yet.

513
00:19:36,108 --> 00:19:37,598
It's such a good idea.
They're going to buy it.

514
00:19:37,776 --> 00:19:38,765
Oh, thanks.

515
00:19:38,911 --> 00:19:41,072
Hey, do you want to hear
something interesting
about wedding rings?

516
00:19:41,146 --> 00:19:44,479
Uh-oh. Here we go.
Uh, they're the world's
smallest prison?

517
00:19:45,217 --> 00:19:46,741
No, no, no, no.
It's a bribe.

518
00:19:47,219 --> 00:19:49,779
No. It's little tiny
handcuffs with no keys.

519
00:19:50,055 --> 00:19:52,080
No. I was
reading about it,

520
00:19:52,157 --> 00:19:56,253
and the wedding ring
symbolizes the eternal
circle of love.

521
00:19:56,328 --> 00:19:58,353
With no beginning
and no end.

522
00:20:00,232 --> 00:20:01,529
What happened to you?

523
00:20:02,334 --> 00:20:03,323
What?

524
00:20:03,802 --> 00:20:05,861
Well, I'm just waiting
for your head to explode.

525
00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:09,367
Okay, I'm evolving, biotch.

526
00:20:10,909 --> 00:20:12,809
I ain't mad at weddings.
I ain't "scurred."

527
00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:14,572
Oh, God.
Yeah, you know,

528
00:20:14,646 --> 00:20:16,637
you're definitely
too white to pull that off.

529
00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:19,373
Oh, hey, that's
my next website.

530
00:20:19,451 --> 00:20:20,611
(CHUCKLES)

531
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,027
You look so beautiful.

532
00:20:30,095 --> 00:20:31,119
Really?

533
00:20:31,196 --> 00:20:32,823
I can't believe you're
finally getting married.

534
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:34,229
I know.

535
00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:35,661
Okay, I'm going
to practice.

536
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:36,894
Okay.
Okay.

537
00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:37,958
(EXHALES)

538
00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:40,636
To have and to hold.

539
00:20:40,706 --> 00:20:43,402
To love and to cherish.

540
00:20:43,775 --> 00:20:46,243
Till death do us part.

541
00:20:46,945 --> 00:20:48,173
I do.

542
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,305
No!

543
00:20:49,514 --> 00:20:50,845
(GASPlNG)

544
00:20:54,519 --> 00:20:56,646
I knew your head
was going to explode
sooner or later.

545
00:20:56,788 --> 00:20:58,085
(GASPlNG)